Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – Episode Summary

Episode date: December 8, 2025
Title: Football Monday Talk Has John Happy At Another Sad Lamar Press Conference - Woman Has A Disease Where Her Head Isn't Attached To Her Spine
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo

Episode Overview

This lively Monday morning episode has John Holmberg in a buoyant mood as he recaps a satisfying weekend for his football fandom, fueled mostly by witnessing Lamar Jackson’s latest emotional press conference after a Ravens loss. The show jumps between comedic sports talk—mainly centered around NFL and college football controversies—and a bizarre, darkly funny medical oddity about a woman who lived for decades with her head barely attached to her spine. The familiar crew banters about holiday parties, Arizona suburban sprawl, the changing meaning of college football, NFL rivalries, and finds ample material for over-the-top jabs at both local and national characters. The blend of improv rants, storytelling, and relentless ribbing stays true to the show’s irreverent, boundary-pushing brand.

Key Topics & Insights

The Perils of Suburban Holiday Parties

• [01:19–05:53]
• John relives the ordeal of attending a Christmas party in distant Queen Creek, Arizona, joking that people should have to live centrally if they want to host parties.
• Quote:
  “You live too far away from people to ever have gatherings was exactly what I wrote in the Christmas card.” – John, [03:01]
• He describes enjoying the party (and its golf simulator/golden tee live), but reiterates his affection "has boundaries"—namely, long commutes.
• Everybody jokes about irrational real estate decisions and the pain of enduring long drives for otherwise enjoyable gatherings.

Ranting Against Modern College Football

• [05:53–12:09]
• John and the crew bemoan how the new playoff system "ruined" the high-stakes nature of rivalry and championship games in college football.
• They criticize starters playing in meaningless games before playoffs and reminisce about when every game was do-or-die.
• Quote:
  “Nothing means anything... The college football has screwed up everything.” – John, [07:16]
• They lampoon “loser teams” finding joy in minor bowls, especially poking fun at Rutgers and those still excited by the “Independence Bowl.”
• Quote:
  “If your goal was, ‘Golly, we got to go to the Independence bowl,’ you’re on a loser team. Enjoy Rutgers.” – John, [11:31]
• Discussion turns to how blueblood programs (e.g., Notre Dame) now opt out of lesser bowls, recognizing their lack of significance.

NFL Roundup and Lamar Jackson/Baltimore Ravens Meltdown

• [12:23–23:59]
• Holmberg revels in another disappointing post-game press conference by Lamar Jackson, calling his press appearances both comedic and pathetic.
• Quote:
  “He’s the ugliest man in the history of sports. I’m gonna go ahead and say... name an uglier man in sports than Lamar.” – John, [14:39]
• Extended riff on Lamar’s signature “sperm hat” and how it intensifies his unappealing look.
• Quote:
  “Who told him that was a good idea? You should wear a hat that makes you look like a sperm with a little face cozy.” – John, [16:00]
• Multiple callbacks to wishing for Lamar’s sadness and finding immense joy in it.
• Discussion of Cardinals’ woes, team ownership incompetence, and the ongoing futility under the Bidwell family.
• Quote:
  “At a certain point you have to recognize, I don’t think I’m good at this... it’s you, asshole. You’re the problem.” – John, [24:32]
• Audience is encouraged to give up on the Cardinals and return when the ownership changes.

Football Rivalries and Schadenfreude

• [23:06–26:52]
• John and others enjoy wallowing in their divisional rivals’ pain. Happy to see Packers/Bears misery, Chiefs out of the playoffs, and, above all, Ravens fans’ heartbreak.
• Deliver biting takes about Ravens fans’ employability and stereotypes, claiming they’re all "on government help" and “never your boss.”
• Quote:
  “No one knows a Raven fan. Like, no, there’s no decent person with... you don’t work with a Raven fan because they’re all on government help.” – John, [26:52]

Bizarre Medical Story: The Woman Whose Head Wasn't Attached

• [27:48–34:50]
• John shares a jaw-dropping article about Caitlin Brooks, a young woman who lived 20+ years with undiagnosed hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (HEDS), meaning her head was not structurally attached to her spine.
• Details her symptoms (chronic illness, dizziness, vomiting, etc.), the long path to diagnosis, and how close she was to “internally decapitating” herself from minor trauma.
• Quote:
  “Her jugular vein is one of the things that's holding her head on... all the stuff... it's like everything I fix at my house. Don't touch it. It looks right, but it isn't. It's gonna fall apart.” – John, [29:25]
• The segment is peppered with gallows humor, imagining sexual scenarios, Dateline murders, and joking about “mouth hugs” gone awry.
• Quote:
  “Don't grab that ponytail. You'll have a head in your hands like... ah!” – John, [32:22]
• Ends with Holmberg wryly praying to “Brady’s God” to grant Lamar Jackson the same malady for maximum comedic effect.
• Quote:
  “Dear Brady’s God, I know you hate Baltimore... Could you please maybe throw some heads at Lamar, if you don’t mind, and just put that on him... his little sperm hat stays on his head, and that’s how we last see him.” – John, [33:55]

Final Bits, Callbacks, and Show Close

• [34:50–37:19]
• Rapid-fire jokes about if the syndrome is contagious, flying sufferers to Baltimore, and musing about gently keeping affected fans off stage at Holmberg After Dark.
• Jokes about the joy of a “Lamar-crying Monday,” prepping for the week’s final push before holidays, and crowd-sourced wake-up song requests.

Notable Quotes

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |-----------|---------|-------| | 03:01 | John | “You live too far away from people to ever have gatherings was exactly what I wrote in the Christmas card.” | | 07:16 | John | “Nothing means anything... The college football has screwed up everything.” | | 11:31 | John | “If your goal was, ‘Golly, we got to go to the Independence bowl,’ you’re on a loser team. Enjoy Rutgers.” | | 14:39 | John | “He’s the ugliest man in the history of sports. I’m gonna go ahead and say... name an uglier man in sports than Lamar.” | | 16:00 | John | “Who told him that was a good idea? You should wear a hat that makes you look like a sperm with a little face cozy.” | | 24:32 | John | “At a certain point you have to recognize, I don’t think I’m good at this... it’s you, asshole. You’re the problem.” | | 26:52 | John | “No one knows a Raven fan. Like, no, there’s no decent person with... you don’t work with a Raven fan because they’re all on government help.” | | 29:25 | John | “Her jugular vein is one of the things that's holding her head on... it's like everything I fix at my house. Don't touch it. It looks right, but it isn't. It's gonna fall apart.” | | 32:22 | John | “Don't grab that ponytail. You'll have a head in your hands like... ah!” | | 33:55 | John | “Dear Brady’s God, I know you hate Baltimore... Could you please maybe throw some heads at Lamar, if you don’t mind, and just put that on him... his little sperm hat stays on his head, and that’s how we last see him.” |

Segment Timestamps

• [01:19–05:53] – Queen Creek party struggles; suburban complaints, holiday rants
• [05:53–12:09] – College football playoffs, tradition vs. meaninglessness
• [12:23–23:59] – NFL weekend, Lamar Jackson mockery, Cardinals dysfunction
• [23:06–26:52] – Rival fan schadenfreude, Ravens fans stereotyping
• [27:48–34:50] – The woman whose head wasn’t attached: dark humor meets medical oddity
• [34:50–37:19] – Closing jokes, upcoming week, show wrap-up

Tone and Style

Irreverent, fast-paced, and audaciously unfiltered—Holmberg and crew maintain their signature blend of locker-room banter, topical jabs, and black comedy. The episode is packed with local sports references, recurring bits, and outright absurdity, all meant to "entertain, question, and disturb," as promised in the show’s mission.

For listeners who missed the episode:
Expect classic HMS: heavy football banter, hilarious takedowns of rivals, brutally honest takes on Arizona culture, and a distinctly wild riff on very strange medical news. The balance of outrageous humor with offbeat storytelling makes this a memorable Monday show, offering laughs even if you didn’t catch every sports score or medical term.