12-09-25 - Entertainment Drill - TUE - Touch Tune Jukebox Released Annual Most Played Lists

Summary

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Podcast Summary

Holmberg’s Morning Sickness - Arizona

Episode: 12-09-25 – Entertainment Drill - TUE - Touch Tune Jukebox Released Annual Most Played Lists
Date: December 9, 2025
Hosts: John Holmberg ("Dick Laser Guy" / Main Host), Brett Vesely, Brady Bogen, Dick Toledo

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Episode Overview

This segment of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness is an irreverent, fast-paced “Entertainment Drill,” blending pop culture news, irreverent banter, and music industry updates. The main focus is on Touch Tunes’ annual music play statistics, along with playful discussion about entertainment memorabilia auctions, Time magazine’s "Entertainer of the Year," and plenty of the show's signature sarcasm.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Dick Laser Gag Gifts & Studio Banter

• The crew riff on the “Dick Laser” novelty pen, received as a promotional Christmas gift from fans.

• Each host jokes about stocking stuffers and wonders what upgrades the "Dick Laser guys" could possibly provide next.

  • Memorable Moment:
    “You can get yourself one laser, five dicks, a black light and a flashlight. I love it because it's a little light pen... the other side is an actually really bright flashlight and a black light and a normal laser pointer.”
    —John Holmberg, 02:37

• Side chatter includes fictional scenarios of teens receiving these as Christmas gifts and teasing among the crew.

2. Copper Blues Pre-Party Cancelled

• The anticipated Copper Blues pre-party for “Homburg After Dark” is canceled due to the venue being privately rented out, reportedly for $60,000.

  • “The pre party thing's pointless at this deal because evidently somebody rented out Copper Blues next door. And you're not allowed in there. So you just go straight.”
    —John Holmberg, 03:50

• The crew assure listeners "Homburg After Dark" will still happen, with doors opening at 9:15pm.

3. Self-Defense Tangent and Show Sponsor Shoutout

• Discussion veers into the show's sponsor, ReactDefense.com, which offers tactical training for real-world attacks—ranging from Canadian snowblower incidents to machete attacks.
  • “Your initial feeling with a machete attack is to put your hands up and block the machete. Terrible, terrible idea. You gotta attack the…destroy the operator. You get inside that thing and you start throwing elbows into noses.”
    —John Holmberg, 05:29

4. Entertainment News Highlights

• Auction Madness:
  • Will Ferrell’s “Elf” costume auctioned for $319,000
  • Harrison Ford’s Indiana Jones fedora: $437,000
  • Boba Fett’s blaster from Star Wars: $613,000
    • “Boba Fett's blaster from Empire Strikes Back netted $613,000.”
      —Entertainment News Host, 06:36
• Time Magazine Honors Leonardo DiCaprio
  • DiCaprio named “Entertainer of the Year,” prompting jokes about his lifestyle and yacht named after Greta Thunberg.
    • “He’s been entertaining a lot of ladies on that yacht. The environmental yacht. I believe it's called the Thunberg."
      —John Holmberg, 07:51

5. Touch Tunes Jukebox Annual Charts Discussion

• Top Artists and Albums of the Year:

  • Artist of the Year: Chapel Roan (general confusion/derision from Holmberg)
  • Album of the Year: Morgan Wallen’s "I’m the Problem"

• Genre Breakdown (Most Played in 2025):

  • Country: 38%
  • Rock: 24%
  • Rap/Hip-Hop: 14%
  • Pop: 11%
    • “Country rock. Is it rock? Good.”
      —John Holmberg, 08:30

• Top Rock Bands on Jukeboxes:

  • AC/DC, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Nickelback, Rolling Stones
  • Commentary on Nickelback’s enduring popularity and Fleetwood Mac fashion in the studio.

• Most Played Rock Songs:

  • “Simple Man” (Lynyrd Skynyrd)
  • “Fat Bottom Girls” (Queen)
  • “Rockstar” (Nickelback)
  • “Brown Eyed Girl” (Van Morrison)
  • “Higher” (Creed)
    • “Nickelback snuck in there. And John's wearing a Fleetwood Mac shirt today. Not me, the other John Gordon.”
      —John Holmberg, 08:53

• Spotify Recaps and Generational Listening

  • Hosts share their personal Spotify Wrapped stats

    • John Holmberg's account estimates his musical age to be 24.
    • “My Spotify end of the year thing came out and I’m very young. They said my age, if they were guessing by what I listened to, is 24.”
      —John Holmberg, 09:16

  • Top artist for Holmberg: Royal Blood; Brady’s top song: "Celebrate Me Home" (Kenny Loggins)

    • “Spotify profile came back and said, you are Kenny Loggins. You're 68.”
      —John Holmberg (re: Brady), 10:15

• Top Rap/Hip-Hop Jukebox Songs:

  • Notable: Eminem & Nate Dogg, “Bartender” (T-Pain & Akon), “In Da Club” (50 Cent), “Broadway Girls” (Lil Durk feat. Morgan Wallen), Sexy Red
    • Discussion on crossover tracks and newer artists breaking into traditional jukebox play cycles.
    • “Sexy Red has got a big ass and bright red…If Ronald McDonald had a fat ass. That's Sexy Red.”
      —John Holmberg, 11:19

6. Listener Interaction and Jokes

• Teasing listeners who demand to know whether contest tickets are for pit or lawn seats, calling them “ungrateful.”

  • “What a jerk. I know. You're giving me tickets to, like, 30 or 40 or 50 shows for next year. Pit or lawn? What am I doing here?”
    —John Holmberg, 11:59

• Premature end as the segment wraps up with signature irreverence and quick goodbyes.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "What can I need from you that I don't? When you've given me the dick laser pen for free?"
  —John Holmberg, 02:14

• "Copper Blues pre party was evidently just a horrible lie. ... Somebody rented it out. ... So our pre parties can't sold. There isn't one at all."
  —John Holmberg, 03:34

• "You gotta attack the ... destroy the operator. You get inside that thing and you start throwing elbows into noses. And they teach you how to do it and you're smiling while you do. It's a blast."
  —John Holmberg, 05:29

• "Leonardo DiCaprio has been named Entertainer of the Year by Time magazine... He's been entertaining a lot of ladies on that yacht. The environmental yacht. I believe it's called the Thunberg."
  —John Holmberg, 07:44 & 07:51

• "Nickelback snuck in there. And John's wearing a Fleetwood Max shirt today. Not me, the other John Gordon."
  —John Holmberg, 08:53

• "My Spotify end of the year thing came out and I'm very young. According to Spotify. ... They said my age, if they were guessing by what I listened to, is 24."
  —John Holmberg, 09:16

• "Sexy Red has got a big ass and bright red... If Ronald McDonald had a fat ass. That's Sexy Red."
  —John Holmberg, 11:19

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [02:09] – “Dick Laser” gag gift segment
• [03:34] – Copper Blues pre-party cancellation explanation
• [05:29] – Self-defense (machete) tangent
• [06:07] – Entertainment news: auctions of iconic movie props
• [07:37] – Time magazine’s “Entertainer of the Year”
• [08:06] – Touch Tunes Jukebox lists, artist and album of the year
• [09:16] – Spotify Wrapped stats for the crew
• [10:16] – Top Jukebox Rap/Hip-Hop songs and crew reactions
• [11:19] – Sexy Red description/joke and “jukebox song” reactions

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Tone & Style

True to Holmberg’s Morning Sickness, the segment is raucous, sarcastic, and provocatively playful. The hosts riff freely off one another, blending pop culture news with personal anecdotes, all while poking fun at both themselves and the broader entertainment industry.

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This summary covers all major topics, memorable jokes, and running commentary, capturing the spirited, edgy humor Holmberg’s Morning Sickness fans expect.

Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. Hey, it's Brett Vesely, and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[Byron]

Brett, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one. Tell him not to put himself at risk and come into M and P Guns where he'll get a fair offer and he can rest easy knowing it's not getting into the wrong hands.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay, but what if he lives out of state?

[Byron]

Easy. Legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it online. It really that simple?

[Brett Vesely]

There you have it. MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms.

[Mo]

Hey, what's up? It's Mo and my friends at the University of Advancing Technology has been ranked the number one best college for computer science for not one, but two years in a row. Which makes total sense because UAT are always on the lookout for those who don't just embrace technology, they live it. From advancing computer science and robotics to cybersecurity, gaming, and artificial intelligence, UAT is where innovation thrives. So if you're ready to lead the next tech revolution, visit uat.edu.mo. and don't just study tech. Live it.

[Dick Laser Guy / Main Host]

Homber's morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a.

[Byron]

Person in this condition was to throw him in jail.

[Dick Laser Guy / Main Host]

What happened here? We got dick lasers and we're broken now.

[Brett Vesely]

He said, Kirby's gonna love this one.

[Dick Laser Guy / Main Host]

Oh, Kirby is gonna. That's a stocking stuffer for your teen girl if I've ever seen one. Hey, man, my dad got me a dick laser. Why?

Here you go. Curb it, Herbs.

[Entertainment News Host]

From Pop Pop to his little angel.

[Dick Laser Guy / Main Host]

Hey, man, thanks. A dick laser. I appreciate it, man.

This one says, hey, Rich and John. You two can screw yourselves, evidently. Yeah, apparently. Thanks for the shout out. We really appreciate it. Wanted to send you over our limited Release Dick Laser 2.0s as well as some OGs as a Christmas gift and a token of our appreciation. Let us know if you need anything. The Dick Laser dudes. Let me ask this question to you guys as Brett fires dicks into the ceiling.

You're 50 years old.

Thanks, Case Brunton. But when guys who sign papers that say the Dick Laser guys. And the penultimate sentence in that is, let us know if you need Anything. What can I need from you that I don't? When you've given me the dick laser pen for free? Yeah, well. Yeah, well, no. I mean, if you're. If you've got upgrades, I'll take them, but otherwise. Hey, you know who could help us with this is the dick laser guys. Never is said.

But thank you, Dick laser guys. That's awesome. Dick laser. You can get yourself one laser, five dicks, a black light and a flashlight. I love it because it's a little light pen. Sure, it's got the dick lasers on it. That's a plus. But the other side is an actual really bright flashlight and a black light and a normal laser pointer.

[Entertainment News Host]

I wonder if. What I look like a scorpion?

[Dick Laser Guy / Main Host]

That's right.

[Entertainment News Host]

Black light. But the dicks.

[Dick Laser Guy / Main Host]

Putting dicks on scorpions before you kill them. That's just sadistic, man. I like it. You and Kirby are gonna have fun. Put a dick on a dad. You got curviders, man. I'm eyes a kite, man. Anyway, kind of cool. Thank you dick laser guys. And a little housekeeping before we move on. Copper Blues pre party was evidently just a horrible lie. We told you guys for the last couple weeks. They have a private party there that's paying them like 60 grand. So our pre parties can't sold. There isn't one at all. So you can get to Copper Blues for the homburg after dark. 9:45 is when the show should start. Probably closer to 10 because that never goes right. But they're going to open the doors to the club at 9:15 and then go in the club. The pre party thing's pointless at this deal because evidently somebody read it out. Copper Blues next door. And you're not allowed in there. So you just go straight. Yeah, they stay. Basically said, how much is Homeburg paying? And like nothing. I thought it was a freebie that we were adding in. He goes, no, we got people that'll do that and they'll charge like 40 grand for a Christmas party. So we got booted. That's fine by me.

[Brett Vesely]

Beth rented it out. Oh, right.

[Dick Laser Guy / Main Host]

Hey, tip of the cap. She's got nothing to do. It's not like she's got work in the morning. She's another one that tapes her show like the chat GPT game. Brutal. Anyway, what are you gonna do? So there's that, but we'll still see a Friday. Homework after dark. Still gonna happen. Videos, all the fun. The guests that we have are amazing this year. God knows what's gonna happen that night. I Don't as we'll wing it and get through it. It's 10:08. It's time for Brady to give you all the entertaining news he knows. It's brought to you by our [e-mail] the home of tactical Black. We talked earlier today about defending yourself from a Canadian with a snowblower. They'd come up with a plan for that. I'm pretty sure that would be kind of easy. Although snowblowers are heavy, they're cumbersome as an attacker. So I would imagine that there's just a, an inertia situation there. That's what I would think. But you know who would know better than me? The gang up [e-mail] they take everything that they see in the news, actual events that have occurred, and they plan for it as if it's going to happen today to you. And then you go through it. Some of the stuff is weird again. I always go back to the first day. They're like, grab the machete and let's train with that. And I'm like, what are the odds someone comes at you with a machete? I don't even think they still made those. Then I started to notice in the news there's like a machete attack once every couple months on the, on the light rail just for no reason. A dude goes nuts in machete attacks. Well, now I have some training in my head for what happens with a machete. Your initial feeling with a machete attack is to put your hands up and block the machete. Terrible, terrible idea. You gotta attack the. What they always say destroy the operator. You get inside that thing and you start throwing elbows into noses. And they teach you how to do it and you're smiling while you do. It's a blast. Reactdefense.com has the price you can't beat right now. $89 for a month of training. And that's to celebrate their 25 years of doing this at the top level in the world. React def.com Be a sheepdog. Stop being a sheep. It's the home attack of Black Brady Entertainment.

[Entertainment News Host]

One of Will Ferrell's elf costumes sold for $319,000 at an auction that took place in the UK last Friday.

[Dick Laser Guy / Main Host]

That's pretty.

[Entertainment News Host]

That was the most Christmassy movie memorabilia thing that sold. A couple other items, though. One of Harrison Ford's fedoras from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.

[Brett Vesely]

Many of those hats did he have. It seems like every, every couple years there's another fedora going $437,000.

[Entertainment News Host]

Boba Fett's blaster from the Empire Strikes Back netted $613,000.

[Dick Laser Guy / Main Host]

Jesus, that's pretty good.

Melissa's mad at me, and she listens all the time, and I love her. So she can be mad all she wants about my littering program. And she's not seeing the bigger picture here, which is I'm starting a littering program. So we all talk about the recycling program being incredibly broken. I don't want you to litter for the sake of littering. I want it to be an attention grabber. She's like, recycling is a sham. So you just want to throw your trash on the ground. It's ugly and unsanitary. Stop it. Recycling is a business, and it helps a lot of people. I agree. And my plan is to make littering a business, and it'll help a lot of people, too. And we just shift the jobs over to the cleanup, and then they can take it where it goes. It's better than the recycling thing because nobody's sorting it now anyway. But if we have a litter pickup team that isn't prisoners, this goes a different direction. See, I'm four steps ahead of you there, Melissa.

[Entertainment News Host]

Leonardo DiCaprio has been named Entertainer of the Year by Time magazine.

He says it's important to disappear and get out of people's faces so they'll get sick of him.

[Brett Vesely]

He's got all that young squish around. He's probably very proud.

[Dick Laser Guy / Main Host]

He has been entertaining a lot of ladies on that yacht. The environmental yacht. I believe it's called the Thunberg. Is this yacht's name?

[Brett Vesely]

Yes, it's Thur.

[Dick Laser Guy / Main Host]

Yes, that's Thurnberg. Wouldn't that be the ultimate? He still loves her, but he wants that yacht.

[Entertainment News Host]

The digital jukebox company Touch Tones or Touch Tunes released their end of the year charts and crowned Chapel Roan is the artist of the Year.

[Dick Laser Guy / Main Host]

Yuck. I don't get it.

[Entertainment News Host]

Album of the year goes to Morgan Wallen's I'm the Problem.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't get that.

[Dick Laser Guy / Main Host]

Well, see, there's the Cinnamon Girls. Got a future because he said the N word, too, and he's fine.

[Entertainment News Host]

The most played genre.

[Dick Laser Guy / Main Host]

Country rock. Is it rock? Good.

[Entertainment News Host]

38 countries at 24.

[Dick Laser Guy / Main Host]

No kidding.

[Entertainment News Host]

Rap, hip hop is 14, pop 11.

[Dick Laser Guy / Main Host]

But rock falls into the category of the last 70 years, too. I mean, you got the Beatles are rock.

[Entertainment News Host]

And top five bands in the rock.

[Dick Laser Guy / Main Host]

It's going to be old ones.

[Entertainment News Host]

Ac, dc, Leonard, Skynyrd, Nickelback, Rolling Stones.

[Dick Laser Guy / Main Host]

Nickelback snuck in there. And John's wearing a Fleetwood Max shirt today. Not me, the other John Gordon.

[Entertainment News Host]

Second place playdio of the top five rock catalog songs.

Simple Man, Leonard Skinner, Fat Bottom Girls, Queen Rock Star Nickelback, Brown Eyed Girl, Van Morrison, and Higher Creed.

[Dick Laser Guy / Main Host]

My Spotify end of the year thing came out and I'm very young. According to Spotify. They said my average, my age, if they were guessing by what I listened to is 24. I don't know how I did that because I listened to the Struts. Royal Blood a ton Dua Lipa sneaks in there now and again. I also got some Doja Cat and I liked Gunna for about. I listen to a ton of that. But almost all the stuff I listened to on Spotify was within the last 15 years. So they think I'm 24.

[Brett Vesely]

Do you remember what your number one played song was?

[Dick Laser Guy / Main Host]

It was Royal Blood's Typhoons and it was tied with how did we get so Dark? Both Royal Blood. Because. Because again, Spotify is sometimes what I use when I'm biking. Oh, okay. And Bruno Mars was in there a lot too, because I went through a Bruno phase for a little bit. But the Royal Blood stuff is on a loop on my bike.

[Entertainment News Host]

Mine was Celebrate Me Home.

[Dick Laser Guy / Main Host]

That was the only one, actually. Brady's Brady. Spotify sp. Spotify profile came back and said, you are Kenny Loggins.

You're 68.

[Entertainment News Host]

Brett. Top five rap hip hop catalog songs in jukebox.

[Dick Laser Guy / Main Host]

Huh?

[Entertainment News Host]

According to this.

[Dick Laser Guy / Main Host]

What does that mean?

[Brett Vesely]

So probably the top Top 5 most.

[Entertainment News Host]

Popular songs played.

[Dick Laser Guy / Main Host]

In a jukebox.

[Entertainment News Host]

Yeah, the top. And I gave you the rock songs.

[Brett Vesely]

Nothing but a G thing.

[Dick Laser Guy / Main Host]

Yeah.

Wait, this is a timeouts before. You keep going before In a real jukebox. Yeah, like, okay. That's what they are. Okay. I didn't know, man.

[Brett Vesely]

Thing isn't in there.

[Dick Laser Guy / Main Host]

And it's rat.

[Entertainment News Host]

That surprised me too. I thought it would be Hypnotized.

[Dick Laser Guy / Main Host]

Oh, Gin and Juice has to be on there.

[Entertainment News Host]

Not what.

I'll give you stuff. Eminem and Nate Dog. Oh, Bartender T. Pain and Akon into Club Fitty. Broadway Girls.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't know that one.

[Entertainment News Host]

Lil Durk featuring Morgan Wall.

[Dick Laser Guy / Main Host]

Oh, that's that new one.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, but that's got the country to flare to it too. With Morgan.

[Dick Laser Guy / Main Host]

Get it?

[Entertainment News Host]

Sexy. Sexy Red.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Entertainment News Host]

I don't know.

[Dick Laser Guy / Main Host]

Sexy Red has got a big ass and bright red. She looks like Ronald McDonald if you'd nail her. If Ronald McDonald had a fat ass. That's Sexy Red.

Weird. Because you're looking, like, in every direction, and for some reason, you just kind of want to throw around and drink a McFlurry off her back.

All right, we're done. Wow, that was a long one. Larry's coming up next, and he's got all the info on the KUPD concert pass. And I swear to God, Brett's gonna drive to your house, knock on your door, and punch you in the nose if you email again and ask, are those pit tickets or lawn tickets that I'd be winning 60,000 of?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. What a prick.

[Dick Laser Guy / Main Host]

What a jerk. I know. You're giving me tickets to, like, 30 or 40 or 50 shows for next year. Pit or lawn? What am I doing here?

[Entertainment News Host]

Not worth it.

[Dick Laser Guy / Main Host]

Yeah, well, then buy your tickets yourself to all those shows, and you can sell the other ones. Ungrateful prick, that is. That's terrible. You don't have to go. It's free. Didn't cost you a penny. Uh, Larry's coming up next. He'll give info to all you nice people while we go out and litter all day long. Enjoy your day, everyone. We'll talk to you guys tomorrow. Right here in the morning sickness.

[Byron]

It's not weird.

[Dick Laser Guy / Main Host]

It's pretty cool, actually.

[Entertainment News Host]

No membership fee.

[Dick Laser Guy / Main Host]

I have heard enough of this.