12-10-25 - Emailer Says Her BF Loves To Sniff Her Panties And Asks If All Guys Do - We Wonder If John's Vagina Journal Girl Liked His Smell And If Our Exs Remember Ours

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – 12-10-25

Episode Title: Emailer Says Her BF Loves To Sniff Her Panties And Asks If All Guys Do – We Wonder If John's Vagina Journal Girl Liked His Smell And If Our Exes Remember Ours
Date: December 10, 2025
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo, Chris (occasional guest)

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Episode Overview

This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness is a classic blend of crude humor, offbeat honesty, and uncomfortable truths. The central theme revolves around an email from a listener, Natalie, whose boyfriend has a strong fetish for smelling her used underwear. She wonders if this is normal male behavior, prompting the hosts to discuss panty sniffing, male and female kinks, and some hilariously awkward personal anecdotes about exes, memories attached to scents, and youthful indiscretions. The conversation quickly sprawls into side topics about relationships, odd frat rituals, plagiarism in love letters, and the sometimes ugly reality of underwear.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Panty Sniffing Email From Natalie (03:03–13:20)

• Natalie’s Dilemma:
  Natalie writes in, sharing that her boyfriend insists on sniffing her panties after work every night and even requests she avoid perfumed soaps. She asks, “Is this normal?”

  • “He asked me not to use any fragrant soaps down there. Just water. And I'm grossed out by it. But he gets off on it, so I let him. He says it's normal that all guys do it. And I just can't believe that's true.” (03:14, Natalie email, read by Brett)

• The Crew’s Response:
  None of the hosts own up to that particular kink, and they quickly label it as odd to outright creepy, especially with the demand for “all natural musk.”

  • “No. Out.” (03:53, John Holmberg)—unanimous rejection.
  • “Natalie's gonna be single later today.” (06:37, John Holmberg)
  • The consensus is that while some kinks are normal within boundaries, this persistent fixation is a red flag.

• Humor About Underwear:
  The guys gleefully riff on the ‘ick’ aspects of underwear, joking about the gross realities that neither gender wants to admit and painting vivid pictures:

  • “Like underwear is grow. I peel those off like they're nuclear. You got the big gloves on and everything.” (06:47, Brett)
  • “It's a P catch all. Yeah. And for a lady, it's a God knows what catch all.” (07:20, Don & Brett)

2. Kinks, Fetishes, and Uncomfortable Anecdotes (13:20–19:56)

• Comparison to Male Underwear:
  The guys note that men's underwear is no better, often equally (or more) disgusting, and question the appeal from the other side.

• Audience Contributions:

  • A listener claims, "I sniff panties, but it's unintentional because they're right at my eye level," referencing his own short stature (09:04, Scott Haynes).
  • Another listener, Bailey, shares his love of natural scent—“I prefer it off my hand or straight from the tap. Not necessarily off of panties.”* (13:24, Bailey email).

• The Line Between Kink and Creepy:
  The crew asserts that most otherwise “healthy” people don't obsess over underwear, and the behavior signals something amiss.

  • “If you're a constant sniffer, then you've got something really wrong.” (14:28, Brett)

3. College Stories & Panty Raids (14:40–16:51; 20:46–21:12)

• Fraternity Tales:
  The hosts recall frat traditions around collecting and displaying panties, awarding members for sleeping with “the biggest girl,” and even stealing IDs for proof (14:48–15:41).

  • “Panty raids were also... That was for dudes who couldn't get laid.” (21:03, Brett)

• Distinction:
  They distinguish between “panty raiding” (mostly as a juvenile prank) and actively sniffing, which they find much more disturbing.

4. Smell, Memory, and Exes (25:49–33:59)

• Scents and Sentimentality:
  John and the group discuss how certain scents, especially on clothing (like ex-girlfriends’ coats), can trigger powerful memories.

  • “I was pretty into that coat. I was going through a lot, though. She broke up. I had no job. Right. I had just gotten fired. I had no job. I was going to radio school. Oh, I was not in a good place.” (31:04, John)

• Tales of Relationship Regret:
  Discussions about plagiarized love letters (Bryan Adams lyrics being passed off as original), “vagina journals,” and cringe-inducing breakups bring levity and pathos.

  • “She wrote the whole [Bryan Adams] song. She skipped double chorus. Like she didn’t double down on them.” (27:30, Brett)
  • “I did some damage to that thing [her coat]. And then I’d hang it back up in the closet and, oh, yeah, there were tears. It was a devastated mess for no reason.” (25:49, Brett)

5. The Darker Side – When to Break Up (22:19–23:52)

• Advice for Natalie:
  The hosts urge her not to ignore her “gut feeling,” emphasizing that she wrote to them because she knows something is wrong.
  • “Natalie needs to break up with this guy completely and tell her boyfriend as she's breaking off with him, that she believes, to quote Carl Atkinson, he's looking for a little Punjabi punani.” (22:19, Brett reads listener)
  • “Natalie knew what she was emailing wasn't right. That's why she emailed. Her brain's been screaming. Ah, but she can't face it.” (23:40, Brett)

6. Side Stories, Humor, and Gross-Outs (Throughout)

• Panty Sniffing and Cultural Stereotypes (12:40, Brett):
  • “Maybe this guy's from India and he's just homesick. Yeah, that's true. Is your boyfriend a homesick Indian? Don't ever wash that thing down there. I don't like when the shower water touches and knocks off all of the delicious stinks.”
• Outrageous listener anecdotes—e.g., “my ex-wife's underwear looked like a Jackson Pollock after an innocent weekend” (17:41, listener email read by Brett).
• “Panty Raiders” referenced in old TV/college tropes, pointing out it's mostly a TV-myth with low maturity (21:02, Brett and group).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “No. Out.” (03:53, John Holmberg) – The crew’s unequivocal verdict on panty-sniffing.
• “If you're a constant sniffer, then you've got something really wrong. But thanks for sharing. I'm going to throw up now.” (14:28, Brett)
• “Like underwear is grow. I peel those off like they're nuclear.” (06:47, Brett)
• “Most fetishes come with an uncle's thumb attached.” (10:48, Brett) – Dark but characteristic HMS humor.
• “Natalie knew what she was emailing wasn't right. That's why she emailed. Her brain's been screaming. Ah, but she can't face it.” (23:40, Brett)
• “She wrote the whole song. She skipped double chorus. Like she didn't double down on them.” (27:30, Brett, about his ex’s plagiarized Bryan Adams letter)
• “Do you think that people are looking at the same sky?” (33:57, Brett recalls ex’s deep — and plagiarized — ponderings)
• “I wish I had that notebook.” (27:24, John & Brett; on the lost ‘vagina journal’ poetry)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Natalie’s Email and Panty Discussion: 03:03–13:13
• Listener Emails/Kinks: 13:24–14:28
• Fraternity Panty Stories & Raids: 14:48–16:51
• Exes and Scents, Plagiarized Letters: 25:49–33:59
• Why Natalie Needs to Break Up: 22:19–23:52
• Gross/Comic Listener Emails: Scattered throughout (09:04, 17:41, others)

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Tone & Style

As usual, the podcast is irreverent, direct, and filled with over-the-top analogies and gallows humor. The conversation is a mix of open-mindedness about sexuality, a healthy dose of "that's not for me," and comedic exaggeration. No topic is off-limit, but the hosts make clear distinctions between personal boundaries and outright red flags.

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Final Thoughts

The episode leans hard into the humor and gross-out factor, but also dishes out practical advice: Natalie, and anyone in her shoes, is urged to listen to their gut when something feels off. While kinks are normal, persistent, specific fixations—especially when they intrude on comfort and hygiene—are best addressed honestly or avoided altogether.

The hosts use this awkward question as a springboard for jokes, brutal honesty, and revisiting their own embarrassing relationship histories — all while maintaining the signature snark and camaraderie that defines Holmberg’s Morning Sickness.

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Transcript

[John Holmberg]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP guns.com your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[Brett]

Homberg's morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail.

I'm gonna miss him. That's miles to nowhere right there. Hoping that the Thomas James Band has a good theme song for us next year, because that one kicked off every show this year in a good way. Nice job.

My email says, just put it in perspective. Say what it is, John. If four dudes walked into your parking lot dressed in Taliban clothes, is anybody going to say, oh, they must be going to a theme party? Nope, the cops are coming. That's what the Taliban sees when Peaky Blinders walks around their streets. Very true.

Four dudes dressed up in Taliban rags came walking through our parking lot. I don't think any of us are like, oh, where's the. This is fun.

I would hate that.

You just don't do.

Would be horrifying. I also got this email from a girl and where'd that go? Oh, and this is another one here. It's Christmas season. Ben, he's a guy who listens all the time, says he just got back from Norway and he said, here's something fun. And I think some people knew. I didn't Caribou and reindeer are the same. The only difference is that a reindeer is domesticated caribou. During the winter months, the male caribou reindeer shed their antlers and the females keep theirs. That being said, you can't explain Rudolph. It's not possible for Rudolph to be a male reindeer since he would not have antlers. Thus Rudolph is actually Rudolpha. And with all the LGBTQ nonsense and non hetero folks getting all this attention the last few years, how in the world have they not jumped on this? Who knew that Rudolph has been a transvestite reindeer the whole time? I didn't know that. He went to Norway to find out.

[John Holmberg]

I say he was a twink.

[Brett]

Rudolph is a twink.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I am.

[Brett]

Well, he liked Clarice according to the well story.

[John Holmberg]

Probably like where she was.

[Brett]

Clarice was good looking fawn. But.

Rudolph had antlers. That means he's a girl. He had a lady button down there. He's a was a trans masculine, non binary reindeer. And yeah, how have the Alphabet people not jumped all over that?

How many? And people are now saying does Fanduel have a an over under on how many plays Philip Rivers has before his knees explode? I Like the one I just got, which was Joe Biden in a cold shirt saying, new quarterback for the Colts. That is a weird thing that's going on. Doesn't make any sense.

[John Holmberg]

There was nobody else available.

[Brett]

I mean, well, they called Derek Carr and he's like, no thanks. I don't want to get killed. I haven't played football all year. Philip Rivers is like, get me out of this house. There's kids everywhere.

[John Holmberg]

Blame him.

[Brett]

You Ranick?

[Chris]

No answer.

[Brett]

Yeah, Yeah. I couldn't reach the phone. It's down on his knee and the phone's way up on the wall.

And then I got this one. This is weird. This is an interesting thing. It says it's a girl named Natalie. Says my boyfriend is being. Being very pushy about smelling my panties after I get home from work.

Says it's every night he likes. He says he likes the musky smell. He asked me not to use any fragrant soaps down there. Just water. And I'm grossed out by it. But he gets off on it, so I let him. He says it's normal that all guys do it. And I just can't believe that's true. You guys represent pretty much all the dudes out there in one way or another. Which one of you is into it? I'm breaking up with him if it's Brady, because I think that would mean he's a repressed serial killer. No one's that into nothing sexually but sniffs panties to sign. Natalie. That's probably true. If you've got somebody who's like, yeah, that's a. No fetishes. No.

[John Holmberg]

We take him surveying here.

[Brett]

Yeah. No. Out.

[John Holmberg]

Out.

[Brett]

Disgusting Toledo. I bet you he'd be a sniffer.

[John Holmberg]

Think so?

[Brett]

He probably did some time sniffing. I think he'd have been forced to sniff. Like just a girlfriend that just rubs in his face. Eat it.

[John Holmberg]

Don would make.

[Brett]

Don would make him sniff it.

Smell my dick. Spill my dick. No, no, no. You. No, not a sniffer. Not at any time in your life. If. If I put money on it, it would be you. No, no, never. No, like, none of those weird moments. See, I. But I picture.

[Don]

I've had plenty of weird moments, but no, that's not one of them.

[Brett]

I picture. This is not fair, but I picture your house in Montana to like have an upstairs that you can see through the slats of the wood from downstairs. And like. Well, like.

[Don]

You'Re giving me too much credit for having an upstairs at our.

[Brett]

First house that blew.

[Don]

It was a hundred year old homesteader house and yes. You could see through the wall.

[Brett]

Okay, so yeah, I'm not wrong then. And so I pictured like sometime when you were like 13. You got hold of like Alicia Stemples panties somehow at school and okay. Mary Richards from Mary Tyler Moore show. And you just gave a few whiffs and kept him in a drawer for like a year. No, no, no.

Like just a year till the smell is completely like you blue velveted that.

[Don]

I did tell you though that I. I found.

This goes back to his high school. I found a pair of girls panties in Alex's closet.

[Brett]

He's a sniffer.

[Don]

I don't know if he's a sniffer. If he just took trophy. So he scalped one from his. From his girlfriend at the time.

[Brett]

He's. He's a sniffer. You got a sniffer boy. At least. At least it's the girlfriend and it's not like bacon strips.

[Don]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Brett]

We were heading down one road with the whole fashion BBC porn. No, it's interesting.

[Chris]

Not a pair of boxes.

[Brett]

You never asked him, what do you do with these? Oh, I did.

[Don]

I'm like, what are you doing?

[Brett]

And he just said it's a scout.

[Don]

He just kind of smiled.

[Brett]

He kept them there. Interesting.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Don]

I don't know if he still has them.

[Brett]

How long ago was that?

[Don]

Well, they were dating at the time, so junior year.

[Chris]

You still have those panties.

[Brett]

How did you find them?

[Don]

They were on the floor of his closet.

[Brett]

Oh, God. He's a sniffer and a masturbator. Otherwise you keep him in a drawer. Not you that they were in there.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Brett]

No, she didn't just take her panties off and leave them on the floor.

[Don]

That was the whole thing.

[Brett]

He's moving them around.

[Don]

That was the argument we had at the time.

[Brett]

Open the door. The kid whacked it in the closet with his. Oh, no. You. You bred a sniffer. No, Natalie, to answer your question, it's creepy. Yes, it is creepy. What you guys do in that underwear is not normal. There's.

[John Holmberg]

Natalie's gonna be single later today.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Four of us are out.

[Brett]

There's. I don't know any. I don't know that. If I could stay friends with anybody who's a sniffer, let alone that.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Brett]

And that guy's like totally normal. And I get like having a little kink. But ladies sneeze in those things. Yeah, they do. They get it even worse. I know. That's why I don't want anything to do with it. Like underwear is grow. I peel those off like they're nuclear. You got the big gloves on and everything. It could be like a snot. You know, like when kid pulls his finger out of his nose, he's got a cold and it's stuck to the tip of his finger. I think some of that could be attached still.

[Don]

Flip it around. What if Natalie was sniffing his box?

[Brett]

Exactly.

It's a P catch all. Yeah. And for a lady, it's a God knows what catch all.

[Don]

It's a fecal mist catch all for Brady.

[Brett]

Oh, Lord, the filter. Oh.

Disgusting. Yeah, you've got a. You've got a. You got an Ed Gein type there. You're gonna find dead rabbits and stuff in your backyard.

[Chris]

And something's odd.

[Brett]

Sick cats that just show up in your house.

There.

[Don]

What's ink with you?

[Brett]

Well, if he's, like, adamant about, like, don't wash it. What did his mother do to him?

[John Holmberg]

Don't wear the fragrance soap.

[Brett]

Yeah. Don't use it. Just. Just generic soaps. I like your natural musk. Here's some great value.

[Chris]

Is that mando?

[Brett]

I told you, great value is a poor person. So. Yes, it is. Yeah. And it smells like. You smell it. She didn't have a job. There's a girl at Tony Romans. That was a generic soap haver. Oh, you go down on that the first time, you're like, this is. This is great value.

[Don]

Smells industrial.

[Brett]

I don't know what that. That's not a flavor or a smell. It's just a.

[John Holmberg]

That's not dial.

[Brett]

It's just a coating. Some sort of Irish spring. Oh, I like Scottish spring. Walk out of there whistling it.

What is that? She washes with Irish spring. We got lucky. Is that lava? Yeah. Lava is better than great value. Oh, yeah. You got to get the edges, get those. Get the warts off.

[Don]

Yeah, I know.

[Brett]

Yeah. Lava soap. And she's like, you know, my warts can't handle that kind of torque. What are you doing with that?

And she'll like it, too. Scrubber up. Natalie, your.

Your boyfriend is gross. Now. Scott Haynes, our shortest, funniest listener, says, I sniff panties, but it's unintentional because they're right at my eye level. That's true. He' so short, he can't help it.

Dudes and frats think that's funny. And they'll do it for, like, they'll smell panties. But if you don't get out of that, something's wrong with you. That's like. That's a.

[Don]

Every fraternity has about five of those guys.

[John Holmberg]

Another reason not to Join a fraternity.

[Brett]

Well, it's that whole weird kind of somebody did something to me when I was young and this is a funny place. I can test it. And if anybody else laughs, it's like, oh, he's with me.

[Don]

And if they're grossed out, it's even better. Yeah, it's grandstand.

[Brett]

Yeah. If you're gross, like, dude, put it down.

Women's panties are. They look good on. You don't want to look at them in the laundry room. There's like a lot of times and not all the time. A lot of times there's stuff going on there. Men's underwear is no better. Again, like you said, if you had a wife, that was. If you had a girlfriend, she's like, oh, I remember there was a girl that I didn't do anything with it, but she had spoken about she liked her boyfriend after he had like, worked out at the gym or is that the pit sniffer? No, no, that was. That was just a goof. That was back when I was 17. No, this wasn't me. She was just talking to another guy about how she liked basketball and football. Like after a game she wanted him like that way. Like dirty and butt crack sweat and all that goo. And she was like, that's what I like being part of. That's just manly.

[Don]

And she did laugh.

[Brett]

And then. And then later. Yeah, and then later you find out like her uncle was just doing all sorts of dirty stuff to her and she associated affection with a guy who just came out of the the mill and attacked his niece.

It's gross. Yeah, there's something wrong. Most fetishes come with an uncle's thumb attached.

[Don]

You know, I would say all. Well, no, I won't say no.

[Brett]

There's some are. But most fetishes are most of the real twisted ones. Uncle born. We'll say morning sickness. They say things that are horrible.

It's John Holmberg from the morning sickness. And football season is in full swing and underdog is the best place to get in on all the action. Playing on underdog is easy. Just pick whether your favorite player is going to go higher or lower on stats like rushing yards, receptions, touchdowns. This week I'm looking at my Steelers and I am selecting Darnell Washington to go higher than one touchdown and hoping that Lamar Jackson goes lower on rushing yards. Download the app today. Sign up with promo code HMS to score a hundred dollars in bonus entries when you play your first $5 underdog make picks win money must be 18 plus, 19 plus in Alabama and Nebraska. 19 plus in Colorado for some games, 21 plus in Arizona, Massachusetts and Virginia and present in a state where underdog Fantasy operates terms. Apply the assets.underdogfantasy.com web play and getterms. Underscore dfs underscore.HTML for details. Offer not valid in Maryland, Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Ohio and Pennsylvania. Concerned with your play, call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit www.ncpgambling.org. in New York, call the 24.7Hope line at 1-877-8-HOPE NY or text Hope NY 467-369. Holmberg's morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

Said.

[Brett]

How hot is she then? Definitely. It's okay. No, it's not.

[John Holmberg]

It's not.

[Brett]

Because it can wreck a hot girl.

[Don]

Yes.

[Brett]

If Margot Robbie had, you know, smelled like an old bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios is sitting out in the sun, it'd crush me. It would kill you.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Deal break.

[Brett]

Maybe this guy's from India and he's just homesick. Yeah, that's true.

Is your boyfriend a homesick Indian? Don't ever watch that thing down there. I don't like when the shower water touches and knocks off all of the delicious stinks. Oh, delicious, delicious stinks. The delicious stinks. That's right. That's not a bad band name. No, I like when they like going down there and filtering through all of the toilet paper balls and such.

Wow.

[Don]

Toilet paper.

[Brett]

Just wad it up. Wad it up and put it inside the hole and leave it. I'll pull it out later.

It's a fragrant candle where I come from.

[Don]

That's not a wick.

[Brett]

No, it's gross. So no, Natalie, not normal. And thanks for the email. And then when your boyfriend starts laughing.

Oh God. And then. All right, this is proof. Bailey, who sends you all those videos, says I live for that smell. Front and back door give me a long day of work in the summer. You're surprised, but I prefer it. I prefer it off my hand or straight from the tap. Not necessarily off of panties.

[Don]

Straight from the tap.

[Brett]

But only.

[John Holmberg]

You've seen the videos he sends. I mean, this isn't surprising.

[Brett]

And the one he was in it. Yeah, that's true, but I only had that with my ex girlfriend. And I don't want one night stands smelling like that. It activates the caveman in me. No, but see, we advanced from caveman. We don't want to be Neanderthals anymore. There's a reason we don't do that. So tell that chick to dump the panty sniffer. John no regular guy does that. Any major dude will tell you, according to Steely, and that's just creepy. This guy has some metaphorical skeletons in the closet. That's what I think. I think that if you're. If you're a constant sniffer.

Then you've got something really wrong. But thanks for sharing. I'm going to throw up now.

[Chris]

Every day.

[Brett]

I do it all the time, bro. I do it all.

[John Holmberg]

Did you guys have anybody like that in the frat?

[Chris]

Robert Brady. Not that I.

[John Holmberg]

No panties.

[Brett]

Yeah, but you guys had, like. Because I was at a frat thing once with. Well, they were playing.

[Chris]

You talked about. I mean, it's like any group of friends.

[Brett]

Oh, you talk about kills. Yeah, but they had panty night at the pike house that I. When I hung out with that guy, I was friends with him, and then he. Like, I'd go over to the house on, like, a Monday, and they had a meeting where they would hold up the panties of the girls they got that week. And the guy with the biggest pair of panties, they put him on the wall, and he got, like, free drinks all week. So the bigger girl you banged during.

[John Holmberg]

I do.

[Chris]

There was. I know a fraternity house that did. They. They gave the award every week. The Sea Captain, which was the C level girl.

[Brett]

Yeah. And. Yeah. The guy that banged the grossest or biggest girl and got hold of her underwear. Oh, one guy, I told you he'd start stealing purses and stuff like that of the big girls he banged and get their ID and like, to prove weight and stuff. But they said panties had to be part of it because you can just always steal a wallet. The only frats.

[Chris]

Probably most disturbing was Mom's weekend.

[Brett]

Yeah. Getting mom panties.

[Chris]

Hey, I want to thank Mike Thomas mom for a great weekend.

[Brett]

Yeah. And if you got Mike Thomas's mom's panties, it's. It's classless.

[Chris]

But a couple of freshly divorced moms would come in for mom's weekend.

It happened. Wow.

[Brett]

Yeah, I. They go back to college just as depressed, and again, probably uncle born problems there. But if you get a freshly divorced mom and she goes back to a college campus, you forget she's human. She's not going back. See my little boy and make him some orange juice and French. No, she's going out there going, hey, I'm having fun. And then you party with them, and you. Stifler's mom, college crank, you make them. My friend Mark went back to his son's parents weekend, and he's like, look how the girls are dressed. For parents weekend. And they were all whores in their purple little TCU outfits. He goes, I can't believe what I'm looking at. And he goes, some of the single dads here. I'm like, that's all you had to say. It's going to be nothing but trouble.

Because they're going to get drunk. They can't handle their drunk. They're all 21, 22. Unless they go to Tempe Tavern. Then they're 19 and even worse, Sibs weekend. Oh, oh, and brothers, sisters.

[Chris]

Yeah, they come.

[Brett]

That's a thing.

[Chris]

From high school. They're juniors or seniors in high school. They visit the college.

[Brett]

That's dumb.

[John Holmberg]

That's Tempe Town.

[Brett]

Yeah, that's bad. You shouldn't want your brothers and sisters up there. It's your college experience. Unless you're the same age.

[Chris]

Hey, this is my fraternity house. Meet some of my fraternity brothers.

[Brett]

This is my sister. Hands off. Which is like, green light. Start boning that.

[John Holmberg]

Hold my beer, bro.

[Brett]

Yeah, I'll be right back. Man, this is awesome. When you go, Bone Bogan's little sister. She's my friend, too. Remember that.

Nah, she's gonna be tainted, buddy. Don't worry about it.

I said, F that panty sniffer. My soon to be ex wife's underwear looked like a Jackson Pollock after an innocent weekend.

Somehow that was my fault. It's too soon for me to talk about this. Yeah, I don't. Women shouldn't look in men's. You shouldn't look at anybody's underwear. You shouldn't look in somebody's underwear. You shouldn't ever examine it if you are examine your brain and vice versa. A man. I had a friend of mine who called me out of the blue. It's probably 15 years ago, dude, I think I'm gonna get divorced. I'm like, what happened? I don't know. It's doing the laundry, and it picked up her underwear, and there was, like, all sorts of stuff in it. And I'm like, okay, why are you telling me this? And he goes, it was another dude. And I'm like, what? And he just assumed it, but she had something going on. And she showed him, like, she didn't want to talk about it. And then he went and confronted her, like, who are you doing? Like, you. There's this dude in your underwear. Like, she had gunk.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Brett]

And she had to break out, like, medical receipts to show that she'd been going to the doctor for some sort of a thing she had going on. So she was just sneezing at him. Ah.

[John Holmberg]

And he's like.

[Brett]

And he's going through it.

Stop going through her underwear. I can't help it. She leaves him laying around. I'm like, if she left him laying around and she had been with Thor that day, she's gonna pick that particular pair up. You don't want to find out what's going on in that area. We're not doctors. And you don't want to be that doctor. It's gross. What's the matter with you? And this is. There's a woman who emailed us this. What's wrong with her?

Don't do that.

Now this guy said, I had a girlfriend that kept her parts extra clean and she actually smelled good at the end of the day. She mailed me a pair of underwear when I was on business once and they smelled great. But I've had other girlfriends and my wife that after an hour of wearing them, I don't even want to look at them. I don't want anything to do with their panties. The whole thing. We've sexualized their underwear. It's a catch all. It's designed to not get on the clothes.

[John Holmberg]

It's like the drop cloth when you're painting and stuff like that. It's dripping. No.

[Brett]

I'm out, Brett. Why? It's true. You're right. Come on.

[Chris]

Years ago. It a pair scent.

[Brett]

Oh yeah. People send underwear, but they'll usually a girl do it. She'll cover it in perfume or something.

[Chris]

Yeah. Still.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Doesn't battle it.

[Brett]

Well. No. If they had it on there.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, on that or something.

[Brett]

Yeah. If you can't even Febreze it or poof it off. Poof. I can eat it.

And no girl would like that. You got a spray bottle of poof on the nightstand and get a hit her a couple times with her right before action. What was that? It's poof. Don't worry about it. The guy in the commercial eats it.

Yeah. This guy says, we've been watching old TV shows and they love to talk about Panty Raids. Was that real or a TV thing? I think it was real. I think it. And it was more just like.

[John Holmberg]

But they weren't sniffing them either. They were just.

[Brett]

I think. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah, man. Panty raids were also.

[Chris]

I'm sure there's.

[Brett]

That was for dudes who couldn't get laid.

[Chris]

Well.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Don]

Well.

[Brett]

Revenge of the nerds, right? Panty Raids.

That's pretty.

[Chris]

That's innocent fun.

[Brett]

No, that's pretty low Ball Lame. Terribly desperate. Sad stuff, but yeah. Pandy rates? No, not interested in that.

Are you saying I have to wait for my kid to go to college for parents weekend so I can upgrade from my high mileage sweatpants wife to a newer bikini wife? Yeah, I'm afraid so. Burner. That's the. You're gonna have to wait for. I don't know how long you have to wait, but if she's in sweatpants and wondering how come you look at younger girls and you can't tell her, it's because you. You dress like this, you don't try.

Men are pigs. They only like young girls. Oh, your sweatpants are falling off. There's a big hole in the ass.

Oh, you're just. I want to be comfortable. Like, I get it. So do I. I don't dress well anymore either.

I wouldn't blame you if you were looking at Chris Hemsworth. I am, too.

Oh.

Carl Atkinson is right. What I'm about to read from Carl is exactly right.

Natalie needs to break up with this guy completely and tell her boyfriend as she's breaking off with him, that she believes, to quote Carl Atkinson, he's looking for a little Punjabi punani.

[John Holmberg]

Now, there's a band named He.

[Brett]

Yeah, that's good. He wants the stinky stuff, and nobody delivers that.

Quite like that. The. The people of India.

The memes tell me so. It's very true.

Oh, this guy says, I agree with Bailey. When you love a woman, you love everything about her, including her underwear. I was addicted to the smell of my girl and her underwear, and she never washed them. I did. In fact, she had to wear diapers for me. Sun Christian rapper Nathan Sutherland. Well, damn it all.

[Chris]

Guy listens a lot.

[Brett]

He's a. You know, he's a regular. We'll take them all. Spongebob did a panty raid. Remember that? That was that episode they weren't allowed to show for a while, and then they did every once in a while. Then they pull it again.

Panty raid. Morning sickness. Disgusting. They say things that are horrible.

Holmberg's morning sickness.

Oh, this is true, too. Natalie knew what she was emailing wasn't right. That's why she emailed. Her brain's been screaming. Ah, but she can't face it.

Get the dick and fart guy to clean your mental wounds. That's me. I guess I'm the dick and far. Yeah. If you're emailing me and the guys and saying, hey, help me out here, is this normal? You know, it's not. When you Hit send. You knew. All right, well, they'll straighten this out. And if we.

[Chris]

It's the final vote, right?

[Brett]

You know me, listeners. We'd lose if all four of us are like, oh, man, can't get enough of that pungent stuff.

[John Holmberg]

John, can we get a safe word prior to these type of conversations? Some of us are eating breakfast.

[Brett]

It's a good point. It's a good point. Especially if you're eating a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios. Been sitting in the sun like I brought up earlier.

[John Holmberg]

And then somebody sent me the video again of the trout lady.

[Brett]

Oh, remember that?

[John Holmberg]

Can you imagine her panties?

[Brett]

She's on that boat and that guy's putting a trout in her. They got arrested for that and should have.

[Chris]

I heard a story about this guy. I think he was going to Harvard, but he decided to do a diet. Sardine diet. Ate over a thousand sardines. See if he would. How it would do with his health and lose weight. Ends up he lost six pounds, but.

[Brett]

His girlfriend said he stinks.

[Chris]

Oh, yeah.

The sweat was sardines. And.

[Brett]

Ugh. Andrew says, do you think a gay guy sends his underwear to his gay friend with the marks and stuff? And says, what's on my underwear? Could be on you later tonight, big boy. Oh, yeah, I do. I definitely think that they do gross stuff I can't explain, so I don't know what they're into, but I bet you they smell underpants.

They have to, like. You'd have to be into that. Right?

That's the. Like a. You know, everybody thinks that a fart would be hot.

[John Holmberg]

Ask Troy, Michael.

[Brett]

I will. I'll ask him this weekend.

I'm going to dinner with them tonight. I forgot. Yeah, okay.

Going to dinner with them tonight.

[Chris]

In the movies, it's usually like a shirt. Yeah.

[Brett]

You'll suppose their perfume or something. At the very least, I had with the. The Brian Adams. When we broke up, she had left a winter coat at my house, and it had her perfume in the pocket and it already smelled like her. And then every once in a while, I'd give it a. When the smell cut. And then I'd go back to. I think I made love to that coat a couple of times. I'm not gonna lie. I did some damage to that thing. And then I'd hang it back up in the closet and, oh, yeah, there were tears. It was a devastated mess for no reason. And, yeah, I'd smell that coat every once in a while and kind of go, oh. Cause I was. There was something really wrong with Me at the time, I was not normal. Damn you. F you, Brett. And you know what's funny? After she plagiarized that letter to me with this. With this in it, pretending that these were her words, I gave her her coat back. You left this in my house last year.

[Chris]

Baby Jesus, please find that me notebook.

[Brett]

Oh, my. Ode to vagina. Or the poetry to her. This happened way after the poetry book. And the smell on the coat. This was like a year and a half of her realizing she'd made the biggest mistake of her life by breaking up with me.

And I gave her a coat back. After I read the cause, I was really almost there. I was like, you know what? Maybe I give this another run. I did spend a lot of time being depressed over our breakup.

[Chris]

And then I was wondering where my North Face down jacket was.

[Brett]

But then she plagiarized Bryan Adams, and I was like, I gotta give her a coat back.

I wish I had that notebook.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Oh, it's beautiful, though. And it was the whole song.

[John Holmberg]

She wrote the whole song.

[Brett]

She wrote the whole song. She skipped double chorus. Like she didn't double down on them.

[John Holmberg]

First bridge.

[Brett]

Yeah. She even wrote, like in Paris. These bridge. Guitar solo. What? I wanted a guitar solo if I.

[Chris]

Could play guitar right now.

[Brett]

But you know what? I give her credit. It was handwritten, so it took time to plagiarize that rather than just copy and paste, which would have been modern.

[John Holmberg]

The Internet wasn't as prevalent then, so.

[Brett]

It'S like it was 97. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You couldn't go to lyrics.com and pull them up.

[Brett]

She had to go back and probably rewind the tape or a dv. A cd. Yeah. That's a lot of effort. I should have given her a little more credit.

[John Holmberg]

There you go.

[Brett]

Look at that.

[Chris]

Every time I wrote a letter to a girl, the police came over and interviewed me.

[Brett]

Yeah, yeah. They'll say, well, you had a few moments. I did go back to it because of this letter. And we had some activities. And I remember throwing a couple digits in there going, bitch, are you hollow? What happened here? When did. This is different. Yeah. Did somebody hole you?

Banging off side. What is going on? It's like a bounce house in there.

[Chris]

And that's where he came up with a game. Digging Holes.

[Brett]

Yeah, a game called digging a hole.

Up the sides and top, bottom, top and bottom. How'd he do that? This is different than it was a year and a half ago. I was really upset. Would you have sex with a light post?

I still finished. I got it done Got to. Then I got that Bryan Adams letter and I'm like, I gotta give this girl her coat back. Yeah, this was the part that said solo. So I would masturbate thinking, oh, this is the time when I can go.

It took me two or three times through that read to go, why do I know this? And then I started to sing it. Like if somebody wrote the Alphabet down, you wouldn't just go, a, B. You go A, B, C, D. When you get through the third of a plagiarized song, you start going, oh, I can't tell you. It's not worth fighting. Like I'm singing her letter. I know this song. Anyway, lovely girl.

Last time I checked, she had a. A condo down in Tucson that was Zillowing around $111,000 I rent for Tucson. I win. Oh, I win. So many different directions.

She's poor now she's born, I'm not. It's great.

Break up with me. You did?

Oh, I should buy a condo and become her landlord. Kick her up for plagiarism.

[Chris]

It's a new owner.

[Brett]

Yeah, it's a new owner here. His name's John. Oh, no. We don't tolerate two things. Loud parties and plagiarism. What?

[Chris]

You'll get another letter.

[Brett]

I want a five page letter to explain to me exactly why you want me to be your landlord and why you think you should be my tenant. Chorus bridge. Ah, plagiarism.

[Chris]

There goes the neighborhood.

[Brett]

It should change. You know it's true. I should live with you. What? You're sort of a plagiarist. But yeah.

See the guy said. Did she include the liner notes? Like, ah. Yeah, she did. Thank yous to like Geffen Records, produced by Mutt Lang. Letters produced by a guy. That happened. But I did smell her coat for probably.

Loose estimate about, pardon the pun, about nine months. I was pretty into that coat. I was going through a lot, though. She broke up. I had no job. Right. I had just gotten fired. I had no job. I was going to radio school. Oh, I was not in a good place. And then I had to start a new job right after that at the Zone where I worked as a public affairs guy and kiss. 12:30.

[Chris]

Go fat.

[Don]

Was.

[Brett]

I was a. I was. I was. I was less. The gopher wouldn't get me anything. I was under the gopher. I was a dude at 4am on Sundays that came in and read tapes about religion for public affairs programs for four stations. It was brutal. I just kind of worked my way back in. And then once I Started actually getting regular money again. She came back. Although the one time she came back, I didn't have a job. And that's when I got in trouble at Sears for buying something on one side of the store and returning it on another for cash. And that one, the gay before, it was cool. Dude behind the counter recognized me and I pretended to be my own twin brother.

[Chris]

I didn't realize it was that fresh.

[Brett]

He just bought that on the other side of the. He can't return it. Give him credit. I'm like, hey, what are you talking about? It's my birthday. And I just got these. As you can see on my id, it's my birthday. It's his. Same guy, like, no, my twin brother's in here with me. He bought it for me. I don't want it. I'm bringing it back. He's lying. You twink bastard. Give me my money. I got a date with a plagiarist and I need 30 bucks.

The lady behind the counter was kind enough to give me that. So I would charge stuff on a Sears card and then return it back to Sears for the cash and pay interest on a date. It was dumb, but it got me through a couple of nights and then it got me back into the cavern for a second.

And then it got me into this.

How long is this song for me? 31 years.

It's a 31 year old song. It's brutal. And, you know, I should have had a clue when we broke up. She came over the house a few. This is a really good moment. I haven't told this part. We. She came over and I'm like, oh, she's back. But she had kind of started talking to a guy in the military, and he was stationed, like way far away. I don't even know, like Somalia or something. And we're laying in the back of her turn. We're just talking, you know, we, we. You know, it was. It wasn't constantly like, I need you back. It was like, we're having a talk as friends talk. And we're. She said the words to me. Do you think that people are looking at the same sky? And I looked at her like, doesn't know about hemispheres. And she goes like, do you think that when I look at a star, someone else could be looking at that same star?

[John Holmberg]

American tail now? Or was it.

[Brett]

She said words from the American Tail song. And that dawned on me way later. It's like, wait, we're sleeping underneath the same big sky. What? Somewhere out there. She started to kind of quote, that all birds. Morning sickness. Disgusting. They say things that are horrible.

Holmberg's morning sickness.

Somewhere out there.

[Chris]

There's In a couple of movies where they looked up.

[Brett]

Yeah, but, I mean, she was saying words from that song. Do you think that someone. Somewhere far away, the same star. She. Oh, it was American Tail. Well, now, especially after the Bryan Adams thing. And you picked it. You picked it up immediately.

[Chris]

She was talking about the Simoleon squeeze.

[Brett]

Yeah, but we're in the. Yeah, but I didn't know that guy existed. She ended up marrying him, and then he came back. Or she divorced him because he tried to kill her once and told her, I'm a Marine. I could kill you in seven seconds. Then he pissed on her laundry and he walked out.

Somewhere out there. And they were looking at the same big sky. Yeah. Oh, man.

Yeah. And I'm in the back of the car with her, and she's talking about whether or not he sees the same sky as her. And I thought she was talking about me. And I'm like, well, know. I don't. We could be looking at the same stars. She's like, not you. James Ingram right now. And I just looked at him. Somewhere out there.

Someone saying a prayer. That's what I was thinking. You weren't thinking this. Somebody else wrote it.

Yeah. And that's what she said. She was like, basically trying to say if someone. And I told. Well, I was. I looked at it, like. Kind of like it depends on where they're living. What do you mean? I don't know. They have. In the Southern hemisphere, they see. Don't you know the eagle song? Like, there are stars in the southern sky. They have little different constellations. They see a different thing than us. You ruined it. The Southern Cross. We don't see. They do. Because it's called the Southern Cross. The. Did you have school? Did you go. Did you go to school? No. Something.

So you don't think someone in. I don't know, let's say Mogadishu is looking at the same big skies. Like, you're good. Are you Fievel? What is going on?

But I was following.

[Chris]

You're like, we're. We're looking at the same sky.

[Brett]

Yeah, that's what I was trying. I just.

[Chris]

Then you went and did the move.

[Brett]

I was.

[Chris]

No. Denied.

[Brett]

I was done. Oh. I didn't make any moves. I was. Ducky. I knew that was off. But I was the. I'm looking at a star. Which one are you looking at? Not you. I'm saying, like, if someone on the other side of the planet, I'm like, I don't know what she. She's out of her mind maybe. I don't know. Take off your shirt.

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You got nothing that night.

[Brett]

Oh, no. That was me trying to get it back. So I was. I was pretty much just falling for everything she said. I was like, that's great.

[Chris]

Over and talk.

[Brett]

Yeah. I said she wanted to come over and talk about the new guy. And then he threatened to shove her bone into her brain a year later.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Brett]

Now she lives in a place.

Goodbye. With petty cash.

It's great. She lost, I won.

And then I have to reset that for the ex wife because, you know, you win, lose relationships. I think she won that one. But she still has to deal with the tragedy of 911 every day. So I kind of have that over her because she was in the tower. So.

Her husband is a ton of money. They did very well. Or he did. And then she did too. She kind of won that one. Like, she got rid of me and got this guy. She clearly upgraded. That's a big upgrade. You want them all to fail. No matter what you do, you consider an upgrade, but you want them to. You don't want to see your ex, like, thriving. Not like that. Not like. Because I remember somebody sent me an article. It was very funny that when she bought a house in Texas, it was in the newspaper.

That's pretty good. That's getting it done. Like, very rarely do they go. You know, they. Only when you buy a house. That's extraordinary. Does the media follow it. And it was at this house. And also, if your house has a name and people know the name.

[Chris]

The Camelot man.

[Brett]

Yeah. The Heckland mansion has been sold.

[John Holmberg]

Like South Fork or something or what.

[Brett]

Yeah, they got one of those. It's not that big. It's not like Dallas's South Fork. But it was. It had a name. If your house has a name and not by you. Yeah, by the society and the people around. Like, oh, that's the old blah, blah, blah Manor. Like, oh, then you. I lost that one.

But he still has to deal with the night terrors. I don't have that.

You know, I can come out of the shower with a towel wrapped around my head, not have her faint.

You have to do cpr. Every time I put something on my head. What? Every time I'm wearing a robe, she goes into a spasm.

I don't have to, you know, tranquilize her. To fly to New York.

Nah.

[John Holmberg]

So.

[Brett]

But she's still One that's, you know, I want to. Someday I want to buy a house that everybody goes, oh, he bought the old Wolf's Winkle Lodge. Like, oh, yeah, that's mine. Pretty neat. Brett, what do you got on the big board of musical treats?

[John Holmberg]

All right. Wake Up Song brought to you by Action Ride Shop. Of course, Josh and the boys taking care of you guys this Christmas with 20 off, all in stock beach cruiser. So if you just want to cruise around the neighborhood, right around the kids or whatever, if you have them, that's the place to go. Action Ride Shop. And don't forget to get in on the winter stuff. At the OG right there on Gilbert Road and Southern, they got all the skis, boards, bindings, anything you need, they're going to get you up on the mountain and up north.

[Brett]

So there is no place. No place to go for skiing other than the action rides?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, absolutely.

[Brett]

I mean, because I was. You and I were talking about yesterday. I got a little wild hair on it, went to the website and started looking. I'm like, maybe I'm gonna load up on, you know, snowboarding again.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Because I went once and broke both my. I want to go.

[John Holmberg]

I've never been so.

[Brett]

It's tough, but it's been a long time. But I buried that snowboard in the first half hour and broke both ankles. It was a bad weekend. Well, I actually drove back. I didn't know they were broken until I got home. Once the boots came off, it was over. They were, like, holding in the swelling. Boots came off, and they just always. My heart fell down into them. They were pulsating for days. They were purple. But I did have a good time. It did seem fun. But the guy I went with was like, you're not gonna learn anything on a bunny hill. It's not steep enough. You won't go fast enough. You just keep falling down. Get up here with me. And we went to the. I guess it's a black diamond. And I just went straight down that thing and fell down a thousand times and then. But I did pretty good. But the only thing I couldn't do is left. Oh, yeah. This was the theme of the day.

Doing great, man. I feel pretty good about it. I'm feeling okay. Whoop. Sorry. And then the front end of that board dug into the soft snow, and I spun, and it stayed. My ankles went click, click, both of them.

So I want to try again. It's been long enough that I think I get up there a little smarter. I know what to avoid.

[John Holmberg]

Let's Go.

[Brett]

But yeah, I was on actionrideshop.com yesterday looking at that, and I'm like, some of these things are pretty good, and they can get you a bunch of stuff. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And they know what they're talking about too. It's not. It's not Trevor over. You know, one of these big sporting goods stores. These guys actually do it.

[Brett]

No, I find I don't think I'm a. They call it goofy foot, where you lead with your right foot. But the dude at the store back when I got my board just pushed me. You lead with your left, right when you're goofy? It depends.

[John Holmberg]

I'm goofy footed. Like, when I skateboard, I'm.

[Brett]

It's right before. Yeah, yeah, that's goofy. Right foot. Left foot is normal. Left foot. Left foot going down is normal. Right foot is goofy.

[Chris]

Okay. Skateboard.

[Brett]

Is that the same thing?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's. That's how I was. I was goofy foot.

[Brett]

But the guy just pushed me, and whatever foot I went forward with was to go, your goofy foot. Like, what? So you just pushed me? I didn't know.

[Don]

You're gonna do it.

[Brett]

Yeah, that's how we test. I'm like, that's the test. Okay. So we put the board on goofy and I was riding. It felt weird. It didn't feel right. I felt like I was facing the wrong way the whole time. And every time I looked at other people going normal, I was like, that's how I want to be. And this dude just pushed me, and my right foot went forward. He goes, your goofy foot.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you never skateboarded then.

[Brett]

Or. Okay. I didn't know I couldn't skateboard. The. I still can't do it. I don't understand how you don't stop. And each one of the. The cuts in the cement on a sidewalk, it used to stop me every time.

[John Holmberg]

Really?

[Brett]

Oh, yeah. No matter how fast I was going, the wheels would just stop and I'd fall off. Terrible at it, and I'm afraid of it. I got on a skateboard about a year ago, and I'm like, oh, it's too high.

[Chris]

What happened to my balance?

[Brett]

I have great balance. I just don't know how to. To get it going fast enough to not have the cuts in the sidewalk stop the board.

[Chris]

One pebble.

[Brett]

That's it. One thing stops me cold, and I can go fast. It just. I'm bad at it. Maybe I shouldn't go. I'll go watch you snowboard and we'll see how it goes. But, yeah, I think I Think that's the reason why I was bad is because he put me on the wrong way? We'll try. We'll go over to Josh. They know what they're doing. That's a good thing. But this Aaron guy says, by the way, John, you should have started quoting We've Got Tonight to that girl, since she plagiarizes songs and you would have had her in the back of that truck. That's true. I don't know if anybody sees the same stars underneath this same big sky but we've got tonight who needs tomorrow? Let's make this last let's find a way My God, are you just thinking of that right now? Turn out the light we're outside. Sorry. Come take my hand now Chorus we got tonight, babe why don't you stay? We're in my truck I can't go to. I know you're weak I know you're weary I'm fine.

[John Holmberg]

On the list got Coffin Cats, Avenge Sevenfold, Ozzy, Buck Cherry, Slayer, Raining Blood for Panty Sniffer Guy. Kiss Stone Sour, STP Ministry, Chili Peppers, Blood Sugar, Sex Magic for Panty Sniffer Guy. Summer Breeze from Typo Negative for Panty Sniffer Guy. And Skinner, Death Smell for Panty Sniffer Guy.

[Brett]

Oh, my God. Summer Breeze gets me when type. I find that to hysterical. The COVID of Summer Breeze. I don't want to hear it this morning because it's just so slow. But when they did Summer Breeze and I heard it the first time, I laughed the whole time. They're serious about it?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Should we do it?

[John Holmberg]

Sure.

[Brett]

All right. Little typo negative Summer Breeze for that dude smelling what's her name, Natalie's panties.

Oh, and Peter Steele starts in with this one.

[John Holmberg]

Hang on, let me get it.

[Brett]

This is just hilarious. I thought they were kidding.

Blowing like the jasmine in my kid.

I should have started quoting Summer Breeze. Yeah. Give it to me, man. Typo negative Summer Breeze. It's weird, but it's perfect for Panty Sniffers. It's their theme song. And I bet you Peter Steel smelled some underwear.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Brett]

Oh, yeah. All right. There you go. It's your wake up song. Good call. It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fee. I have heard enough of this.