12-11-25 - FULL SHOW - THURSDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness (98 KUPD)

Episode: 12-11-25 – FULL SHOW – THURSDAY
Date: December 11, 2025
Host: John Holmberg (with Brady Bogan, Brett Vesely, Dick Toledo, and guest Chris Turner)

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Episode Overview

This episode captures the quintessential tone and humor of Holmberg's Morning Sickness, as John Holmberg and his crew riff on Arizona life, local icons, sports scandals, and cultural quirks. Alongside regulars Brady, Brett, and Toledo, the show is also joined by improv rap comic Chris Turner. The morning’s primary themes revolve around the reopening of an iconic Phoenix steakhouse, the cultural identity of the city, fierce sports rivalries, and absurd debates about future alien baby apocalypses.

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Key Discussion Points

1. Celebrating the Rebirth of Durant’s Steakhouse

(00:19 – 10:33)

• Durant’s Grand Reopening: John kicks off by raving about Durant’s soft reopening, describing its mobster-vibe and nostalgic red velvet interiors.
  • “After like, a whole year of them redoing it... boy, not anymore. It was awesome, and I’m happy for that.” (John, 02:10)
• Phoenix Lacks Landmarks: John reflects on how Phoenix tears down its history, with Durant’s standing alone as a key local institution.
  • “Phoenix doesn’t have, like, landmark places... We have Durant’s. That’s pretty much it.” (John, 01:46)
• Iconic Decor & Atmosphere Restored: Special attention is paid to Durant’s historic wallpaper, re-created by the original family.
• The Price of Nostalgia: Attending a charity event, John estimates the bill would have been “around two grand.” The table jokes about what kind of person can afford that.
  • “...two grand for dinner is a lot of money. Way too much. But it is...Phoenix history.” (John, 04:37)

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2. "Staple" Phoenix Restaurants, Local Pride, & Urban Legend

(10:33 – 16:27)

• Musings on Phoenix’s Food Scene: The hosts reminisce about now-defunct spots like Monty's and legendary places like Organ Stop Pizza and Makayo’s.
  • “Ponchos was awesome...two things: kids ditching school and people having affairs. They could go to Ponchos and...nobody’s ever gonna—” (John, 11:37)
• Wacky Urban Discoveries: John confesses to only recently discovering a decades-old art project (“Tree of Life”).
  • “A mile from here. Never even noticed.” (John, 07:32)
• Anti-Chain Sentiments: The group rails against cloning beloved institutions in new, suburban developments.
  • “You start chaining it out and it’s like, ‘oh, there’s another one,’ it...takes away from the fact that it’s unique.” (John, 16:10)

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3. Restaurant Experiences: Service, Pricing, Ambiance

(16:27 – 20:08)

• Paying for History & Ambiance: The hosts note that old restaurants often "got away with" mediocre food, simply due to their legacy status, with Durant’s now delivering on service and sustenance.
• Gross-Out Tales: John recounts a bad steak at Stockyards and rumors of rat infestations at Monty’s, poking fun at old Phoenix standards.

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4. Performative Themed Bars in Phoenix

(16:27 – 21:32)

• Immersive Experiences: A discussion of new "theme bars" like Carry On (airplane experience) and Century Grand (train), with John joking about outlandish scenarios—such as a bar that recreates famous doomed flights (Payne Stewart, Buddy Holly).
  • “How many dark-minded, weirdo, gallows humor people like me would love the 9/11...?” (John, 17:51)

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5. Sports Rivalries – Michigan Scandal & The Joy of Rival Suffering

(21:32 – 38:43)

• Ongoing Ohio State–Michigan Drama: The show delves into Michigan's coach Sharon Moore’s firing and arrest for a workplace affair and subsequent home incident.
  • “It’s got to feel so good...if Lamar Jackson was let go and then the next day arrested. I wouldn’t be here. I’d be too drained from masturbating all day.” (John, 23:53)
• Petty Rivalry Is the Best Rivalry: John implores Brady—an Ohio State fan—to embrace ruthless schadenfreude: “You’re not an Ohio State fan if you don’t root for him to get, like, face herpes...” (John, 29:22)
• Classic Quotes:
  • “You need some lessons on pettiness. 50 cent’s got it. He waited for a dude to go to jail...then made a documentary about murdering.” (John, 30:04)
• Sports Versus Culture: The gang laments why Phoenix sports can’t provide the shared cultural glue that iconic restaurants can.

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6. Blunt, Dark Humor—Alien Babies & Rogue Orphan/Puppy Comparison

(60:36 – 92:39; 77:03 – 92:39)

• Absurd Debates: A running, darkly comic hypothetical—If an alien ship dumped indestructible “future babies” on Earth, could you "do what needed to be done?" The conversation veers into fierce, absurdist logic about the cuteness hierarchy between puppies and babies.
  • “If a spaceship showed up and...future babies just came toddling out...And we have to go to war against babies—could you do it?” (John, 77:03)
• Puppies vs. Babies: The team agrees: puppies at work bring joy, babies bring lawsuits and stress.
  • “You bring your kid to work, it’s like, oh, it’s gonna get in the way all day. Nobody wants kids at work.” (John, 90:05)
• **Sharply irreverent, the segment threads a recurring analogy with adoption, orphanages, workplace dogs and kids, and even baby caskets.

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7. Guest Segment: Chris Turner’s Improv Rap Talent

(119:14 – 140:50 and scattered references throughout)

• Meet Chris Turner: The British comic/rapper showcases live, off-the-cuff raps from audience prompts and participates in an impromptu rap about the hosts.
  • “Wait, you really want that? Yes. Okay, I’m gonna take you back to 2002...” (Chris rapping, 121:04)
  • “Not many rappers saying ‘bereft’ in a rap.” (Chris, 138:47)
• Discussion: He talks about America’s love of audience participation, how British crowds are “politer but less fun,” and the complexity of doing TV like AGT or Colbert with live improv.
• Meta-Jokes: Hosts playfully accuse Turner of “faking” the improv and demand proof.

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8. Local Charity & Community Drive Shout-outs

(45:00, 97:02, scattered)

• Operation Santa Claus: Ongoing reminders to support local children’s charities and food banks; Brett Vesely handles remote broadcasts from Local Legends for donations.

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9. News Oddities, Entertainment Bits, and Torqued Observations

(99:56 – End)

• Quirky News Updates: Giraffes have the highest blood pressure of any mammal, Pumbaa was the first farting Disney character, and December 11th is the statistical “breakup day”.
  • “Ben Franklin once published a book called the drinker’s dictionary...ranging from ‘he’s seen the devil’ to ‘juicy’.” (Brady, 101:02)
• Insane Videos & Social Media: The team reviews wild/brutal videos (e.g. Spider-Man clocking a child at a birthday party; grotesque AI-generated ‘crippled’ comedy; and stomach-turning traffic accidents).
• Charlie Brown’s Christmas Celebrates 60 Years: Brief fascinating facts about the cartoon’s origin, production, and jazz soundtrack.
• Jack Nicholson’s Stalker: Nicholson once pacified a stalker with oral sex; the crew laughs and groans at this bizarre celebrity encounter.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• [02:10] John: “You’re living off of the idea that this was once a great place to be. Boy, not anymore. It was awesome, and I’m happy for that.”
• [17:51] John: “How many dark-minded weirdos like me would love the 9/11 [flight bar]...”
• [23:53] John: “If Lamar Jackson was, like, let go and then the next day arrested—I wouldn’t be here. I’d be too drained from masturbating all day.”
• [30:04] John: “You need some lessons on pettiness. 50 cent’s got it. He waited for a dude to go to jail...and made a documentary about murdering.”
• [60:56] John: “If you’ve got a vaginal emergency, and that—I consider childbirth a vaginal emergency—you need to call an ambulance.”
• [90:05] John: “Somebody brings their pup to work, we’re all like, ‘oh, cool!’ Somebody brings their kid to work, it’s like, ‘oh, it’s gonna get in the way all day.’ Nobody wants kids at work.”
• [121:04] Chris Turner’s Rap: “While we’re flowing off the dome...Every opportunity to take a break from the meal, ducking in the kitchen like, oh, I feel like my head’s slightly hurting...”
• [138:28] Chris Turner’s Rap (about the hosts): "...You had one kidney, now you’ve got one left. Literally. Yeah. I’ll be asking this. Golf on the thing, then you head into dialysis. That’s the handicap...Baby casket. Ever so small...This is not funny..."

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Durant’s Steakhouse & local culture: [00:19 – 10:33]
• Phoenix food scene debates & landmarks: [10:33 – 16:27]
• Theme bars/faux experiences: [16:27 – 21:32]
• Michigan football coach scandal/rivalry joy: [21:32 – 38:43]
• Alien baby apocalypse hypothetical: [77:03 – 92:39]
• Chris Turner improv rap showcase: [119:14 – 140:50]
• Local charity drive (Operation Santa Claus): [45:00, 97:02+]
• Entertainment/news bits: [99:56 – episode end]
• Jack Nicholson’s stalker story: [183:51]
• Country music “worst” list and complaints: [185:27]
• Football picks & sports betting group: [174:13 – 176:56]

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Tone & Language

High-energy, irreverent, and relentlessly unfiltered, the episode slides from heartfelt local pride to purposely offensive hypotheticals and enthusiastic sports pettiness. The crew's banter is quick, sharp, and full of inside jokes and regional asides.

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Summary Takeaways

• Cultural Identity: Durant’s reopening headlines the city’s struggle for “true” local character.
• Petty Sports Rivalries: The hosts argue, both humorously and seriously, about how far to root for rivals’ misfortune.
• Humor on the Edge: Absurd dilemmas about aliens and baby-orphan-puppy comparisons drive home the show's brand of dark, zany comedy.
• Guest Highlight: Chris Turner’s rapid-fire rap improvisation astounds and weaves in details about the crew, leaving the hosts and listeners in stitches.
• Seasonal & Local Involvement: Multiple reminders to give back during the holidays, supporting local charity efforts.
• Classic KUPD: The episode blends deep local references, sports fanaticism, and unapologetic comedy—a perfect snapshot of why Holmberg’s Morning Sickness remains a Phoenix morning staple.

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For listeners: This summary covers all major segments and standout moments, condensing hours of outrageous, hilarious, and sometimes touching radio into a guide for both fans and newcomers to the show.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition, and accessories.

[Brady Bogan]

Homberg's morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail.

Good morning, everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Thursday. It's 5:45 this, the morning sickness. My name's John Holmberg. How are you? There's Brady Bogan. There's Brett Vessel. There's Big Dick Toledo. Let's get this thing going, shall we? And I have to say, I. I feel fantastic this morning. After last night's visit to a Phoenix classic, the doors are reopened. I got to go to the soft opening of Durant's, and I'm telling you, man, awesome. You especially. You've been to Durant's, obviously. Yeah, I loved it. Unbelievable interior of, like, the old mobster vibe, New York steakhouse, red velvet walls. It was just absolutely incredible. And after, like, a whole year of them redoing it. My neighbors Michael and Troy are part of the Phoenix Theater board or something like that, and they had a big charity event there last night and to help the staff get everything going for next week's official open. It was ridiculous. And we don't. Phoenix doesn't have, like, landmark places. You know, you go to Chicago and there's always that place you go, the redheaded step sister, whatever that bar is down there. And they have the Smith and Wolinsky started there, and they have all their bars and restaurants that are synonymous with the city. New York's got countless amounts of things you can't. You know, we have Durans. That's pretty much it. Stake 44 is the same owners, but they basically come on and said, here's where people go.

[Brett Vessel]

Take it over.

[John Holmberg]

This will be the thing that tourists and everybody else says, if you. Yeah, if you're gonna eat anywhere, that's the one. It's. It's mind blowingly good. Like, just as a steakhouse, it makes Durant's great again. Because the last time I was at Durant's was about three years ago. Wasn't that good.

[Brett Vessel]

It was the decor and, you know, the ambiance was. It got away with it because it'd been there forever.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but it was old and the service was not good and the food wasn't good. And, like, you're just kind of like, oh, you're living off of the idea that this was once a great place to be. Boy, not anymore. It was awesome, and I'm happy for that. Like I, you know, the city is mine. I love it here. And you want it to have like the things, you know, you got. Sports ain't gonna cut it. Ain't gonna have people coming out here. First sporting events. Suns lost by 50 last night. They were shorthanded against a team that is absolutely, unbelievably great. But so you're not really one of those things where the, the, you know, the eyeballs are on you for that. Mainly it's just the natural resources, you know, the beauty of Sedona and, you know, the weather. We don't have a thing. This is the thing. This is a huge thing. Now I will tell you this.

What we ended up leaving at midnight or so. We ate at 11. Like the food we were that we had a late reservation just to get it and we got it. It was pretty awesome. But I think we start. We sat down at 10 or so, started eating at 11, got done it. So I'm feeling a whole bunch of steak still in my belly then. Because it was a charity event. It was it for donations and stuff like that. The bill, as far as we could tell from what the four of us had, would have been around two grand. It ain't. It's no joke. So it's went up in price from. I think they. Yeah, I think it's that we've got some great stuff in this city. You don't spend $2,000, but this thing is going to be like, oh, the legend of. Does it still got the vibe that it had, though? And then they did such a good job keeping. They went back and found the guy whose family originally put that wallpaper up, that red velvety wallpaper. That was that. So that like Durant's is so famous for. And the family's like, oh, yeah, that's ours. I'll recreate that. And they put it up and it. The. The place looks unbelievable. It's just. It's perfect. Or mine. It makes you feel like you're in a different time, different city. Like it doesn't have that Phoenix, brand new vibe. It feels like it's got some heart. There's some ghosts in those walls and heritage. Yeah, it's got a thing. It's got a still enter through the kitchen. Everything through the kitchen. Kitchen's clean as can be. It's amazing. Yeah, they've done. It was just outstanding. But, you know, not for people. It's not for people who are faint of heart when the bill comes. If you look at the bill and wonder who had the bloomin Onion. Because I don't remember getting a blooming. If you look at a bill and ever say that this is not the place for you. And I'm look.

[Chris Turner]

I'm one of them.

[John Holmberg]

Like, two grand for dinner is a lot of money. Way too much. But it is a. It's going to be one of those things that if you get a chance to go or someone takes, you run to it, because it's awesome in there. It's Phoenix history. We don't have a ton of that. We tear down everything and put something brand new up. And they didn't do that with Durants, which they could have. It wouldn't have been anybody complaining about that if they just built a new place. But they didn't.

[Brett Vessel]

They.

[John Holmberg]

And they kept.

[Brett Vessel]

For Larry, it was stockyards.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, God, Terrible mistakes. Stockyards is the Larry equivalent to. No, it's not.

[Chris Turner]

It's.

[John Holmberg]

It's right down the road here. It's a. I'd rather eat at the post office, but that's a different story. But, yeah, stockyards is old, but it doesn't have any history. It's just been there for a long time. I just was recently in stockyards because a friend of mine's like, have we tried that for steak? I'm like, sure, we'll go, eh. When my buddy Wilson was chewing a steak and then went, oh. And then spit most of it into a napkin and then ran to the bathroom to throw the napkin. I'm like, we might not be in a good spot. And the waiter said, oh, sometimes they get a little tough. And then walked away. The hell could have went to Longhorn for this, right? It was. It was. It's all right, though. You know, it's kind of a cool place. But, yeah, man, I'm telling you, it was awesome. It was such a cool thing. And to have. It's like a little source of pride, you know, we have Durant. That's ours. It's like, no other cities got it. It's ours. And hopefully they don't wreck it with.

[Brett Vessel]

You know, there's only a handful of restaurants. Phoenix set.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. That are. That.

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You know, I can only think of one. I mean, Stockyards has the old school been around for a long time, but it's not like a. Oh, you gotta get. You got a legendary stockyards thing. Durant's is the one that you're like, oh, that's. Yeah, that's the one closed a couple.

[Brett Vessel]

Years ago in Tempe.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Brett Vessel]

Montes Cassavia I had there for a long time.

[John Holmberg]

I personally had a problem with Montes because I knew people who worked there, and they told me that the rat infestation at Monty's was enough to make you never, ever want to go in. I'm like, really? Like, it is loaded with them. I don't know how true it was, but it kept me from going in there. Monty's okay. Richardson's used to have. But it burned down and stuff. They built a new one, and they get some cool stuff, but. And I thought Monty's was, like. It was okay.

[Brett Vessel]

It was just.

[John Holmberg]

It was the name.

[Brett Vessel]

It'd been there forever.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that was what Phoenix got away with. I've grown. I've grown up here. Phoenix got away with not having anything. So the things it had didn't have to be great. They just had to be. And Monty's was one of them. It's like, it exists. So it. And it was. Look, it's only been 15 years in this city. When we had restaurants like we grew up in. The last 15, 20 years have been like, okay, we should start with, like, cultural restaurant. Like, have nice stuff. We had Durant's. We had Monty's. There was.

[Brett Vessel]

There's another reboot going on in central Phoenix. I don't know if it's opened or reopened yet.

[John Holmberg]

The clever man, the cheese and stuff. Oh, what's that? Oh, that place?

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

See, that's a foodie place.

[Brett Vessel]

Deli.

[John Holmberg]

For years, only foodies knew about that. Yeah, you were the one who told me. Because I always drove by Cheese World and cheese and stuff, and I'm like, who needs that much cheese? And I told you, and you're like, that place is amazing. Like, oh, right. That's right. People who are foodies liked it. I never would have. I never went in. But I don't know that. That's like a. Like, that's not a, you know, a landmark or pillar of the city. If it went away, most of us wouldn't know. It's like the Tree of Life. Nobody knows about it. It's right down the street here. It's a huge art project on Galvin Parkway in McDowell. I just drove by. I'm like, what's with all the rocks? So I Googled, hell's that? Yeah, exactly. It's huge. It's a big art project. It's been there for 35, 40 years. I never knew about it. And it's this. It looks like a giant tree has fallen down and rocks. They built it, and then they Put these branches right up on Galvin Parkway in McDowell. Never knew anything about it. A mile from here. Yeah. I was driving by the other day and I looked and I'm like, what's with all those stacked rocks? I'm like, I've never even noticed. Like, why is that there? Because my brain was sitting there saying, man, all this development over here in this area. Because that area is blown up like this big field here. Nobody's touching it. Can't. It's a big art exhibit. Don't even know it. Would never know. Got a whole bunch of that stuff. But it's. Yeah. Durant is definitely one of those moments, like, if you're, you know, if you have an event or somebody. Somebody gets you to drag your ass in there, do it. It's still got the old sign out front and everything else. They kept it even. That. Even the. In. As you come through the kitchen and it says, you know, the. It's got their slogan about steaks being some sort. I don't know. I don't remember what it says, but it's the same exact sign. It's all of it. Looks if you were to drop yourself in there and go, I don't remember the old one. You weren't. I don't think you'd be sure that they did anything new. Okay. But they. But everything is new. And it's awesome. It was awesome. Except for we had that late reservation. And Michael, my neighbor's, like, I went to the bathroom, came back, and he goes, I've ordered all the desserts. There's four of them. Like, what? Say it's 1140. I know. Oh, man. And then they showed up and you're like, I gotta eat all the desserts except for that miserable strawberry thing, because I hate strawberries. And it is strawberries. On strawberries. The waitress dropped it and she goes, is this for you? And I said, no, that looks like Nicole Brown Simpson's porch. Get it over. It was just a blood based. I called it the rogue tampon. It had a big white blob in the center and there's blood everywhere. And I'm like, she was laughing. I'm like, thank God you're laughing at that. But I don't want anything to do with that one. But I did eat the other stuff. It was amazing. And the good thing was last night's bill didn't have to pay it because the Phoenix Theater did the charity event. You know, everything was for charitable donation, so we kicked in a nice amount. But the. Like. I don't know how they did it with all that food last night. The place was packed. 5, 6 servings over from 5 o' clock until we left around midnight.

[Brett Vessel]

And that's a soft opening.

[John Holmberg]

It was a soft opening. Here's the other thing about a soft opening. They didn't miss a beat. And normally soft opening, like, you get somebody's. You know, somebody just hands you pears and like. I didn't order pears. And like, what's this? Oh, sorry. Some idiot. Not one hiccup. Our waitress name was Jeannie. She was amazing. It was awesome. Highly recommend you get a wealthy friend and start leaning into a little on durance. Get there. I still got the prime rib that they used to have and the spinach. I didn't try, but I know that everybody lose their mind over that. Somebody says, Durant's.

[Brady Bogan]

Screw that.

[John Holmberg]

When are they bringing ponchos back? Now you're talking my language. Ponchos was my ditch day. We used to ditch Dobson and go to ponchos, which had an all you can eat lunch Mexican. Terrible, but so good. So bad. Yeah, it was so terrible, but so good. We clobbered. And you know why? Sopa pillas. They had piles of them. Is that the one where you put the little flag up and everything else? I think it was when we had lunch. Yeah, it was the flag. Sopias would show up when you were ready.

[Chris Turner]

That's right.

[John Holmberg]

But yeah, ponchos was awesome. And we used to ditch school and go to ponchos because you could sit there for three hours and nobody in ponchos would rat you out. It was like, I think two things. Kids ditching school and people having affairs. They could go to ponchos and, like, nobody's ever gonna. They just want you there for three, four hours. It was so good, so amazing. Well, we really don't have. Phoenix doesn't have, like, those staple things. This one said Bianco's Pizza downtown. She waited four hours. But if I ever wait four hours for pizza, it better give me an orgasm. We went down to that time. Four hours. We ate dinner. While we were waiting. Yeah, we went to another restaurant. It isn't. It's good, but it's nothing. There's so many other, like, pizza places, but that's all we do.

[Brett Vessel]

Is there a place that you would wait four hours for?

[John Holmberg]

I. I don't wait to go to the bathroom. I hate waiting. If there's a wait, I leave.

No, I mean, Durant's is an experience. So I would say if. Just if You're a Phoenician, Especially because it's just part of us. I still wouldn't wait four hours for.

[Brett Vessel]

Food, and I only went there for lunch.

[John Holmberg]

Durant.

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vessel]

Because you're working downtown.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vessel]

And every now and then you'd have a lunch down there.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. This one says Oregon Stop Pizza.

[Brett Vessel]

It's been around for a long time.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

But that's in a different building now, too.

[Brett Vessel]

Surprised me. I went by the other. Oh, it's still open. Duck and decanter.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Ducking decanter. But again, hasn't that moved, too? Or is that the same spot? Town and country. It's all right. Just a sandwich place. I know, but we have amazing. Nothing that flags us. Don and Charlie's. Somebody's asking. Used to be Don and Charlie's was kind of a When you're in Phoenix kind of thing. I don't know if we have. Durant would be the one. This one says, you want Organ Stop Pizza back. Not the pizza so much. Just Brady wants Organ Stop. He wants kidneys in there. Just never been going to Organ Stop.

[Brett Vessel]

I was going to give away a certificate for someone that donates.

[John Holmberg]

I have the kidney. We'll go to Oregon Stop. Is it still there?

[Brett Vessel]

I think so.

[John Holmberg]

It used to be on Price and Longmore.

[Brett Vessel]

It's moved.

[John Holmberg]

It's now it's on Southern and Stapley.

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, really? Yeah. The original one was down there by Price, but. Yeah, Price and Southern or. Yeah, something like that. Yeah.

[Brett Vessel]

Never went a furniture store.

[John Holmberg]

I remember.

[Brett Vessel]

Doctor's office.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. We didn't live too far from the one on Southern and around Price. And when I was a kid, everybody's like, oh, we're gonna Stop Pizza. Organ Stop Pizza. And for some reason, my dad didn't want to go there because he thought it was gay.

I remember him saying, ah. He thought it was just. He thought it was gonna be like when you walk through the mall in the 80s and those organs were playing.

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

He hated the sound of organs because his mother had an organ and she would play it a lot. And I think it just made him feel uncomfortable. And he thought it was just gonna be organ music the whole time. So we've never. We weren't allowed to go to Organ Stop Pizza because that's for twinks. It's gay. Like, he thought it was a gay pizza place. And he told us as kids, it's like a gay bar. And so we would laugh. And I remember saying that to friends at Roosevelt elementary, like, Organ Stop. What Gay like what? Like I was crazy, but my dad had convinced me that it was just for gay people. And so we never asked him again, which again is him being super cheap and super smart. You tell a fifth grader that's for gay kids. So you want to be one of the gay kids? Like, oh, dad, what are you crazy? No. I'll get teased forever. Well, then we're not going to Oregon. Stop. So I think it was just to get us off his back.

[Brett Vessel]

Makayo's been around a long time.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's probably unique. Terrorists use a revamp, too. The one downtown, they tore it down about Bill Johnson. The original Makayla's is gone. Like, so how much? You know the one on Central? Yeah, it tore it up. Yeah. Then they moved it, right? Yeah, they put another one like across the street. That's what we do here. We don't let anything live and age and, you know, spruce it up. We tear it down. We start over. Mr. Ranch thinks awesome. Head on over there. We've had a few, but.

You know, I used to like a place called Appetitos. I thought that was going to be a monster, like a great sandwich place. And it was like, unreal. Oh yeah, there was.

A Lupe loved Appetitos. Oh, so good. Eh, Just disappeared with the rest of them. So we need more of that. We need more Arizona stuff. And Durant's is it. But I don't know, maybe they'll start open. They're supposed to open another one a second Durant's. And I don't know if that makes things better or worse, but they're supposed to open another one.

[Brett Vessel]

Well, if it's anything like the one they've done there.

[John Holmberg]

No, you don't do that. See, that's the Gilbert move.

[Brett Vessel]

I know, but where would you put it?

[John Holmberg]

You leave the only one. Gilbert. Yeah, they'd stuff it in Gilbert and wreck the whole thing.

[Brett Vessel]

We got some old buildings we can put it.

[John Holmberg]

No, you don't have any good old buildings. Gilbert sucks. And it's one of those things that's just constantly just stamping cool things and making it. We get it. We don't want to drive to you, you don't want to drive to us. But when you start chaining it out and it's like, oh, there's another one, it kind of takes away from the fact that it's unique.

[Brett Vessel]

You leave more steak place opening soon to cold Perry's and Gilbert. Yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Let it be theirs. If you get a place called Paris. If Gilbert opens its Own thing. Good on them, but quick, you know, cutting and pasting all the good spots and making it so you just have your own. It's gross and it wrecks stuff. There's something unspecial about, like, we can go to one here. We can go to the one there. It's like there's only one when it's the only one and it's hard again, it's great. This guy says, have you been to Century Grand? Oh, yeah, that's the train. And it's got. It's also got undertow in it. Century Grand's got the platform 18, which is the coolest bar in Phoenix, without question. I love that thing. And then the one downtown. I actually had a talk with Matt Komen yesterday, who runs Stand Up Live and the comedy clubs and stuff. There's a place called Carry on downtown that's an airplane and they take you on a flight. It's a bar and the windows are like a plane. So for. For a while, the trip was San Francisco to Mazatlan or something like that. And you get on the plane, you got 90 minutes in there, and then you have an experience and you actually. All the windows are as if you're on the plane. They have little turbulent moments and stuff. It's really cool. And we were talking about, like, they switched the flight. And I'm like, how much? How many dark minded weirdo, gallows humor people like me would love the 9 11.

Like the one where you're. Because you see many. No, are you kidding me? That place would pack up if in the middle of the service, some guy just gets up and goes and he loses his mind for like, oh, no, they're hijacking the bar. And then all the fight gets really crazy and then it's just over and everybody has to leave and they reset for the next group. It would be legendary. And people would pay top dollar for that. Top dollar, Sure. I mean, I can get on a flight from San Francisco to Mazatlan. What's the uniqueness there? But if you get on, Carry on, it's like, all right, we're going to recreate some crazy flights here. What do you want to do? I'm like, Payne Stewart. Like, you got it. And then there's fighter jets next to the thing for a second. If you could recreate all sorts of famous flights, the Buddy Holly flight and all that, nobody remembers flights that make it like, what was the name of.

[Brett Vessel]

The flying by Ozzy's tour bus and that. What happened to, oh, Ozzy's Tour bus.

[John Holmberg]

Oh. Oh, yeah. You have a tour bus bar. What was the flight number of your last flight? Yeah. Of course not. It made it. But I'll tell you what. You'll remember a lot of flight numbers. The ones that went into the dirt.

Recreate those and like. That's crazy. Want the airplane flight from LA to Chicago with auto flying and everything else, and that'd be great. It'll be pretty good. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm all on it. Oh, stewardess. I speak giant. Yes. Yeah. Come on. On the airplane. Yes. The little kid in the back who's dying. I have to play guitar.

[Brett Vessel]

Inflatable pilot.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. Some boring guy comes and sits at your table and tells story about Macho Grande.

That's a great idea. They need to have theme nights over at the Carry On. I don't know if you have a. You don't really want to dabble with the train one.

[Brett Vessel]

No.

[John Holmberg]

They say things that are horrible.

[Brady Bogan]

Morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

But Undertow is a one where he feels like you're in the hull of an old pirate ship. Running rumors. We got some neat spots. We're starting to. Starting to become a thing. And it's pretty awesome. This guy says, remember Cork and Cleaver? I ate cork and cleaver once and I almost threw up on the floor. That play got my. That was one time. And Cork and Cleaver was another one.

[Brett Vessel]

That was like hands in the salad bar.

[John Holmberg]

And then people line. I. That's one thing I won't do. Ever get in line with a plate and eat at a salad bar. The only thing protecting you from the booger hands of the rest of America is that weird plastic guard. And you know, they used to not have the guard salad bars. If you watch an old 50s thing, salad bars didn't have a big shield over them. You know why they needed the shield? Too many people were honking on it or. Gross. Yeah. And this guy says, feenies. Feenies. I haven't been to, but I hear it's pretty great. It's kind of a neat spot.

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah, it's neat.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Had a murder at Feeny's a couple years ago, which I think adds to it.

[Brett Vessel]

Get the baseball cut.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I've heard. Yeah. The baseball's good.

[Brett Vessel]

Oh, man.

[John Holmberg]

Have a DB Cooper flight, too. Yes. Yes. Right. Dude just leaps out the door. There's so many different, like, performative things you can do with these. Instead of just a cool flight. It is really neat. Carry on is really. It's like a week. You can't get in. You have to get reservations, like, a week or two in advance.

[Brett Vessel]

And that's that Hawaiian Airlines one where the side peeled off.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, the top fell off. Yeah. And the stewardess got sucked out. Yes, that stuff. You put a little harness on her, we'll be flying in a. Whoa. And she goes up to the second floor. But it just feels.

You can have so much fun with that. But now they're just doing basic flights. There's an undertow in Gilbert, too. They ruined it. Of course, there is the copy paste pod people of Gilbert.

[Brett Vessel]

I'm not sure how they're doing.

[John Holmberg]

Hopefully failing miserably so the pod people don't have another thing that they think they did. Oh, they're plagiarists. They're food and restaurant plagiarists. Oh, everybody seems to be enjoying that. Let's wreck it by adding another one on here. It's just too many. You make it a Starbucks at a certain point. It's just on every corner. But Durant's has to stay Durant, I think. One and only. If they do another one, it'll be like. It has no in the name. Yeah. Then it's just that. Yeah. You're just slutting the name up. That's right. Brady, you've got to be thrilled. This happens to very few of us. And all my prayers that I use. Try to use you as a conduit to your God, if he's real or not have not been answered. But yours did. Because Sharon Moore of Michigan not only was fired, but shortly after arrested for something stupid. Awesome stuff. You hate Michigan. Whatever.

[Brett Vessel]

But. And the reason for firing.

[John Holmberg]

Because he was banging somebody at work. He was having an inappropriate relationship with another Michigan staffer.

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Who knows? And you will probably now pray that that. That m. That Michigan staffer is like one of the students and a boy. And then they showed that a couple.

[Brett Vessel]

There's been a couple of pictures of who it might be.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, who we might be. It's a girl.

[Brett Vessel]

Shine. Holding up a little sign after the victory. When last year won a game. Yeah. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Or this year. Like, not Ohio State.

[Brett Vessel]

It wasn't a high state.

[John Holmberg]

Just they won a game and she had signed. What the sign say?

[Brett Vessel]

It just said Michigan wins again.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, they just had a picture. I thought there was something telling in that. Oh, well. The former. Now former coach of Michigan and Ohio State fans rejoicing in Michigan's embarrassment. And I know that has to be. Come on. You got.

[Brett Vessel]

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Don't get me wrong. I'M just saying the firing, I mean, that just made it easier.

[John Holmberg]

Come on. You have to love. You have to like that. Maybe they were going to fire him anyway. But now there's some sort of a weird controversy. And I will hand it to Michigan. They fire people that do inappropriate relationships, unlike their nemesis, Ohio State, who has thousands of sexual assaults with one of their employees. And they. They didn't do anything about it. Still haven't paid for any of that.

[Brett Vessel]

They just had to cleanse the rest of the cheating scandal that happened.

[John Holmberg]

Who, Michigan? Yeah, they were on top of the way.

[Brett Vessel]

They win.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, they had a. They had it. I like it. I like this. It'd be like if Lamar Jackson was, like, let go and then the next day arrested. I wouldn't be here. I'd be too. I'd be too drained from masturbating all day. Got to feel so good. Yeah, it's got to feel so good. Like, deep down even you are like, God, I hope he goes to jail for the rest of his life for something dumb because of this. You'd love every second if it just gets worse and worse for him. And it turns out that the inappropriate relationship was two years ago with Jim Harbaugh. And then they've got video of it and the embarrassment just continues and continues. This would be a dream come true for an Ohio State fan. And you, you just seem. What do you do in that fan store?

[Brett Vessel]

Well, because actually, I would like him to stay.

[John Holmberg]

You would rather have him stay and just be a coach than have Michigan suffering?

[Brett Vessel]

It's not going to take him to the next level.

[John Holmberg]

But suffering embarrassment is. Is better.

[Brett Vessel]

No, he can have that.

[John Holmberg]

But you know, maybe, you know what?

[Brett Vessel]

We forgive you. Come back and coach.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, forgive him. But then you're going to have the signs and everybody's going to make fun of it. This is. This is a dream come true for rivals. If you know U of A had a coaching scandal, even ASU would be like, great about it. This is the dream. This is where colleges traditions can't die. When 1. When your rival school has an embarrassing nightmare. I was upset at Michigan this year after the big documentary came out about Ohio State this summer and just tore them to bits and made that school look horrible. They remain horrible. They're monsters. And Michigan didn't have any signs at the game. It's in the big house about rape or sexual assault. Well, anything.

[Brett Vessel]

They had their own little thing.

[John Holmberg]

No, they didn't have that, Brady. There's no comping their little cheating scandal and Then a minor little thing compared to what? Ohio State. One, Not a thousand.

[Brett Vessel]

Well, he had thousands of videos.

[John Holmberg]

Thousands of videos of him doing what?

[Brett Vessel]

Recording students.

[John Holmberg]

Raping them.

[Brett Vessel]

Not raping.

[John Holmberg]

That's different.

[Brett Vessel]

Video set up.

[John Holmberg]

That's different. That's a totally different thing.

[Brett Vessel]

Hacked into their computers.

[John Holmberg]

Ohio State was raping people by the thousands. And Michigan had no signs. I was so disappointed. First quarter of that game, we're like, all right. You know, even at the pre game, when they were outside the big house for espn, I'm like, where are the signs? Nothing. Cowards.

Then you got.

[Brett Vessel]

I was just thorough on his physicals.

[John Holmberg]

Especially that guy. He drugged and had sex with that guy. He knew every nook and cranny. Yeah, that's right. His side was laying face down. That was. It was great. But you've got to be more, you know, into the idea of the entire collapse of Michigan. Not just, oh, keep him around. We can beat him again next year. He's one and one against you. Actually, two and one technically, but one and one against you. So you can sit back and say, oh, he'll never beat us. He already has. You just now. You got to root for him to be a complete failure in life. That's the glory of sport, is the collapse of your rival. Oh, it's nothing better. When Ray Lewis killed those people, I thought, this is fantastic. Like, this is great. He's good. And then he got away with it. And you're like, ooh, not that. Then. Now he gets to walk free all the time. He's a murderer. He's a murderer. And when Ravens fans talk about the Steelers, Ben Rapeless Burger is constant, even though, you know, facts state different things. I understand why they did it. They were rooting for him to be in jail forever. That's how you handle a rivalry. Unlike here in Phoenix, when Brock Purdy plays for your main rival and just because he went to high school. Nearby, we put up billboards saying, good luck, Brockers. Go get him, Purdy. Like, no, go get him, kiddo. He's a 49er now. That's over.

Do you think San Francisco area was putting up Tom Brady billboards because he was from there? Do you think they. When the packers played the 49ers in the playoffs, they're like, go get him, Aaron Rodgers, because he used to live up in that area?

No, we do it well.

[Brett Vessel]

If he heals up and everything goes well, we'll be rooting for the Scatter Boo.

[John Holmberg]

The Boo is great, but if he has a Giant, the Giants Come to Arizona with the Cardinals are. They're just basically like, yeah, root for whoever you want. It's just bad. But as a giant. If he. If they were dominant and the Cardinals were there putting up billboards going, we're rooting for you, Cam. Stupid.

You got to root for your. For your rivals to get stuck in pits and live there forever, like, just Sharon Moore. You have to sit and hope that he wakes up and just puddles of his own feces, crying that every day is worse than the day before, and his life gets. Slowly decreases every single day, every day. And you're like, whatever happened to Sharon Moore? Oh, he sweeps up at night at the Circle K, like, oh, I'm gonna go visit that. They just stand there in Ohio State thing, sucking on what, the remnants of a Slurpee. I'm almost out. Oops, I dropped it. Clean up on aisle. Oh.

[Brett Vessel]

Oh, I guess we'll call this aisle.

[John Holmberg]

That's right, sir. Excuse me. I've got to clean that up. Nice job, coach. Way to go. You're not boning any of the other Circle K employees?

[Brett Vessel]

You got a problem with that?

[John Holmberg]

I'd like to ask you to leave, please. Nope.

You don't. See, you don't seem excited about it. We should be excited.

[Brett Vessel]

Well, I don't have that kind of.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, there's something wrong with you. You're not an Ohio State fan. If you don't root for him to get, like, face herpes and, like, you know, incur, like, a disease named after him. Like, if they came out and said, lamar Jackson can't move his fingers anymore, and it looks like it's gonna spread through. I mean, you wouldn't stop hearing the. The sounds of. Of me. Just. Absolutely. Just.

We have no name for it. We're gonna call it Lamar Jackson disease. You think there are people in Boston who aren't thrilled that Lou Gehrig got a disease named after him and it took him out? Guaranteed.

Real fans love that.

Every second of it. You should be.

He said, hey, John, can you use your Jew powers? And you and 50 Cent can teach Brady some pettiness lessons. Yeah, you need some petty lessons. You need some lessons on pettiness. 50 cents. Got it. He waited for a dude to go to jail, and he couldn't fight back and made a documentary about murdering. It's awesome. It's great stuff. Yeah, you need to throw them in on this.

[Brett Vessel]

Throw them in on that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you need. You need to have some. I don't want to hear, like, gosh, I hope his Life works out, gee golly ways.

[Chris Turner]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That kind of garbage. I want you to say something like, would be great if, like, he got gangrene or something. I didn't have his leg removed. Like that kind of stuff because he's a Michigan guy. He hates you.

And you're just sitting there going, I sure hope he keeps his job. It's nice to beat him. And then next year he beats you. It's like, oh, no, I don't think he hates me. He hates you.

[Brett Vessel]

He called me. He said, can you help me out?

[John Holmberg]

He never called. He never called you. None of that happened. Keep it real. Just keep it all real. He hates you every time you wander around in your chubby little Buckeye O shirts. That's everything. He hates you guys act like you're tough, crossing out all the M's, screaming and yelling, muck fish again. And then when it comes down to it, you don't even celebrate the demise of their head coach in the best possible way. Please.

It's great stuff. You love that stuff. I love when rivals fall apart.

If the Bears and Packers. If the packers had, like, if Jordan Love was in some sort of a bone in a coach relationship and he had to fire Matt LaFleur, and I'd be doing exactly what you were doing to the Lamar thing. Exactly like what? Jordan Love is having sex and they're getting fired for.

[Brady Bogan]

You couldn't.

[John Holmberg]

Not enough. Even still, at this point, Even though he's 50, if you found out Aaron Rodgers, you know, oh, he's got that thing that Lamar's got with it. They're gonna name it after, like, you know, Rogers Jackson. Does he. Yeah, we're doing it again. Aaron Rodgers can't move his fingers ever again.

Oh, yeah, that's me and Brett together. I'd cross streams with you on a couple of them. Oh, man. If Lamar and Aaron both had that fingers disease I just made up. Oh, my God, Brett, give me. I'm gonna put yours in my hand. We're gon.

That's for sure. Guaranteed. In fact, I'd try to rosebud with it. Let's see how far we can take this. The joy would be. I've never approached such joy. Brett and I would be sitting in a room going, brad, did you hear? Lamar and Aaron Jackson have. Lamar's got. They've got diseases. They can't.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, God.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God.

[Brett Vessel]

Jordan Love.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I don't care. No, Aaron Rodgers. He wants Aaron Rodgers to have it more than Jordan Love. Jordan Love hasn't destroyed the Bears yet. He's on the list. Yeah, he's getting there. Yeah, but Aaron Rodgers. If you had Aaron Rodgers and Busted Fingers and Lamar Jackson had. And if they're thinking about naming diseases after him, the prolapsing and masturbating would be just like. Oh, we'd like to be. We'd be like those two bald guys in the videos. Any motel parking lot, like, get in the back of my truck and bend over.

Brady's. Like, I just hope they have a happy family and maybe get back on the horse because they can't beat me. That's. You need some petty lessons?

[Brett Vessel]

No, I take it like, you know, you go to the house and you don't like what they did to the house. You don't say anything at the house.

[John Holmberg]

What the hell does that have to do with that?

[Brett Vessel]

You go home and you talk about it.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no, no, no. That's stupid if you root for it. In fact, when it's not happening, you start praying for, like I do. Lamar Jackson. Get one of them diseases to get named after him. Every night I sit in the dearest Brady's. Lord Jesus God, you've given so many people tragic diseases. Why not Lamar Jackson? Why?

I mean, think about all the people who are innocent. And children. You've given babies cancer. You son of a. Babies. Why can't we just give Lamar Jackson one terrible thing and name it after him? Could we just. Thank you, baby. Lord Jesus, please consider this while you hand baby cancer out, let's give some to Lamar.

Lamb of God. Cheese crackers and grape juice.

Yeah, please.

[Brett Vessel]

Man, if they threw cheese into the.

[John Holmberg]

Kitchen, you need to. Yeah, that's what it takes. Come on. That's what gets you back in the doors. We are now serving cheese with Jesus. We call it cheesus. Enjoy.

I don't know what they're singing. They sing crazy stuff.

[Brett Vessel]

You turn that communion to a charcuterie board.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, forget it. You get choices.

Make it turn into Durant and then Gilbert will copy it and wreck the director. They did. They did that. I went by that Gilbert church for the first time. It's been built for a while, but coming back Saturday night from that thing I had to do in Queen Creek, went down a road and went by. That new temple.

Mother God thing is huge and it's gorgeous and unnecessary. Say hi to Moroni. When you walk now, it's like, my God, I should have started a scam like this years ago. I mean, it's all a scam. You guys know that, right? And none of it's real. And yet they have a billion dollar building that people just go into and do. It's. I can't believe how gullible construction workers.

[Brett Vessel]

Called it the Temple of Doom.

[John Holmberg]

Whatever it is. I don't know what, I don't know what anybody calls it. I call it a gorgeous. I mean it is a full out trophy of hahaha.

Homes around it.

[Brett Vessel]

I don't know, 40 grand more for temple.

[John Holmberg]

You got the temple view, it's beautiful, but it's all based in life and like if Scientology built it, people would be upset. It's the exact same thing. Is that like the fountain view at the Bellagio and stuff like that. You gotta pay extra. You gotta see Morona in case he comes to the golf course view starts honking.

[Brett Vessel]

It all works.

[John Holmberg]

But I'll tell you what. Somebody said, if Lamar got a disease sometime very soon, would it make you believe in Jesus? Yeah. If he got a disease and it was like unnamed and they had to name it eight or whatever, like Ravens eight and that's what they called it. Yeah. I'd be at church every day. Unfortunately, I'd be kicked out of church every day because the reason I'm there is because of Lamar Jackson's disease. Please stop that.

[Mathias]

Stop.

[John Holmberg]

I mean. Oh, it's a rosebud too. Oh, oh, Lord Jesus. No. But I'd be like, I believe, I'm a believer.

And then they'd start saying stupid stuff. We're praying for Lamar Jackson. Like, I'm getting out of here and I might try to fix it. I want doctors to be like, we got no idea. We're not even going to treat it. I want everybody to be stymied by whatever disease he's got. And you should feel that way about Michigan. This Shamar Moore getting fired was nice because he had a scandal with it. And then right after he gets arrested, this has to like, Come on, you should be whipping. Go post, pants down. Brett, start him off. Help him out. It's ridiculous.

[Brett Vessel]

I enjoyed it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, not enough Brady.

Says Lifetime Michigan fan here. Brady is the reason we hate Ohio State. Indulge, you idiot.

[Brett Vessel]

Classy winner.

[John Holmberg]

We would if the shoe was. The shoe was on the other foot. It's not classy. It's lame. You're not classy. Muck Fishigan. Ann Arbor's a whore. You're not classy. Okay, you pointed it out to me.

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Muck Fishigan. They walk around with signs that say Muck Fishigan during the game all the time. Have some balls for. Yeah, they Have. No. They're, they're. They're. They're.

[Brett Vessel]

You don't see preschoolers now. Now just straight up.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Because they're finally like, we're not in preschool anymore. And Ann Arbor is a. Which I thought, all right, that's not bad. Nice job. But no. Then around for years and now they claim classiness. Who's the one that planted the flag and who's that? Was Michigan last Michigan. But Ohio State had a chance to beat him on the field and didn't. And then they tried to fist fight him afterwards. Oh, okay. It's like after the referee lifts a boxer's arm and says, and Brett fastly is the champ. And the other guy goes and he starts fighting you then like, you just had 12 rounds to try to beat.

[Brett Vessel]

Me and to break out pepper spray.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Chris Turner]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

It's pretty great. Classy. Stop it. Nothing classy about Ohio State. Michigan's not.

[Brett Vessel]

No me.

[John Holmberg]

You either.

[Brady Bogan]

You're not.

[John Holmberg]

Because you put. You put the rape shirt on every time they play and you ignore all the stuff that went on there and you cheer for the team like a real fan should. So when your rival goes down, Michigan.

[Brett Vessel]

Fans, John, they love me.

[John Holmberg]

They don't love you. No, they don't. No, they don't. You're a Somalian at a Cinnabon in Wisconsin. Nobody likes you. Let's get a Wake up song. 585-9800. A good one. We'll scream it together. It's 98 KUPD.

[Brett Vessel]

Wake Up.

[Chris Turner]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.

[John Holmberg]

No membership fee. I have heard enough of.

[Brady Bogan]

Morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail.

Thank you very much. Miles to nowhere. That is Katie and the Hobbs getting it done. One more time. Only a few short. What is that one? Four. Four times more with Katie and the Hobbs Four. We have our new theme song for next year from the Thomas James fan. We'll see if it's any good. Everybody's emailing over their Phoenix favorites and their things from the city that's, you know, doesn't have a lot of that stuff. This guy says. Chicago Burger Co. Said. I asked that guy how come he never opened another one. He said, because it won't be the same. The food's not going to taste the same as it does here. And I'm going to manage two restaurants, try to make it exactly the same. You expand like that, you lose your originality. And it's hard. I worked hard for this. He's right. It's a hard thing to do.

[Brett Vessel]

36 in Indian school. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that place. Yeah. White Sox fans, though.

[Brett Vessel]

No, there's some Cubby stuff.

[John Holmberg]

They have Cub stuff, but they're White Sox fans. I talk to them. They're White Sox fans. At least the guy I talk.

[Brett Vessel]

Been there.

[John Holmberg]

That's enough of that. Your dirty, dirty White Sox burgers somewhere else. Again, there's that pettiness. You got to get what we got. And now we're getting more news about the coach from Michigan. Toledo just came and said they just broke more. Not his. Not only did he. He got fired for banging somebody on the staff. He gave her a 100 pay raise, evidently. And then after he got fired, he went over to this woman's house and he tried to bust into it, and that's when he got arrested. He was trying to break in, distraught. Yeah. And she's evidently. Probably got a thick ass and she got blonde hair. Hasn't he seen Undercover Brother? That's the white devil. So take everything.

The white devil. Coach Moore didn't know that.

Pettiness Brady, sports, politics, the tribal nature of. I watched a thing last night where Democrats were happy that J.D. vance and his wife were having an argument in a restaurant. They're like, oh, looks like they're probably going to. They went right to it. They're getting divorced. Like, it was over. You can't have. They're married. Of course. They're bickering in public. They're. They don't want to be together. They're so many other people you'd rather be in a restaurant with.

[Brett Vessel]

He doesn't like curry.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he constantly wants. Maybe that was it. We went and had curry last night. I'm constantly doing what you want to do. Who knows what they were arguing about? But the one person on the panel's like, she's liberal.

[Brett Vessel]

It's over.

[John Holmberg]

She's a liberal. She was mad at him because of politics. I'm like, no, they don't talk about politics at that house. Guarantee it. If they got married and he's J.D. vance and she's a liberal. They're past that. They're arguing about his T shirt, they're arguing about his shoes, his smell, his beard, his hair, whatever. She's. She's just nitpicking him, and he's angry about it, so he's saying stupid stuff back. He probably wasn't paying attention to her. You're always at work. I'm the vice president. Oh, is that. That's your new excuse?

[Brett Vessel]

I Guess it opened up with, how's your day today?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And then. But other people saw that they got tribal and they were celebrating it. They were happy that JD Vance might be in a marriage that's just kind of cruddy.

People do that. They look around, they don't know who's keeping up appearances. They don't know who's pretending to be happy. And then they go home and they just hate each other. You don't know that. Maybe JD and Usha had a little leak over and they don't like each other, but they've got to keep it together. Or maybe it was just a typical marriage. Art. No. And they just. I'm so sick of your crap.

[Brett Vessel]

She's probably like, I liked Sharon more.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Maybe it was about, yeah, the coach of Michigan. And JD's like, no. Was the white devil.

[Brett Vessel]

We are Buckeyes.

[John Holmberg]

You don't understand white devil. Maybe they were celebrating and JD got a little too crazy about, like, a new liver disease that this guy could catch. That's not very nice. Hey, I'm a Buckeye fan. He's an Ohio guy.

Anyway, pettiness party. You got to get on. They were very up. Like, they were like the Ms. Oh, it's not MSNBC anymore. It's Ms. Now. Ms. Now. Ms. Now. Ms. Now. They were thrilled. They were thrilled that there could be trouble in that marriage. That's how petty politics gets. It has nothing to do with anything. They just assumed, oh, she thinks jd, she's one of us. She hates JD Vance, too. And they were smiling.

That's gonna be great when he dumps her. Cause then he gets rid of all that. I married to a diverse lady. They were angry. I also saw last night, speaking of diversity, some of those people that gave that Cinnabon girl some money just saw that she's got mixed raced children.

Comments were not too favorable. They want their money back. They want. They want some of that money back. I think you have to cancel that donation. Because they thought she's one of them.

She's not.

[Brett Vessel]

But she's more of a Rachel Delazal.

[John Holmberg]

No, she's more of a. I think she's more of just like a lunatic. I think, yes.

[Brett Vessel]

Mixed race. And she's in a relationship that I.

[John Holmberg]

Don'T know what she's in. But I think that the politics of it. Immediately, they assumed. When she started to scream horrible words at those Somali people at the Cinnabon, one side was like, finally, us whites can start standing up to them. Somalis, like President Trump said And all she was was just some lunatic they sided with without doing any looking into it. Because their pettiness got there first. And then when they found out she's a liberal and she's got half kids. Yep. With afros. She's got half rows. Yes, she does. Oh, I want my money back. I thought she was wearing a red hat. It's glorious.

[Brett Vessel]

They're not gonna like this. They just hired Cinnabon. Just hired Sharon Moore.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man, that's not gonna be good. They're not gonna work well together, those two. They did have an opening. And he does need a job.

More pettiness, Brady. And no pettiness in this. See, this is what good people. We're good people. We root for bad things to people we don't like. And that's nice. That's the holiday spirit. But for people we love, we try to help. And Brett's going out right now. He's going to Local Legends. He's going to that bar, his main street in Saucerman is heading over there. And that wife Mathias cracked those doors. And they're going to have some nice stuff going on, mainly Operation Santa Claus stuff. If you want to go down there before work this morning or just anytime, really. They are collecting non perishable food, children's clothing, new toys. If you want to drop off some money. Brett likes an envelope now and again. Supporting the local Arizona charities. That includes St. Mary's Food bank, the Sark center, this research, and our Autism Research Center. Military assistance mission. Margie's gonna come in here in a little while this morning, drop some stuff off, say hi to us. She's great. They give another one called Sleep in Heavenly Peace. A new life center. All these charities benefit from this amazing Operation Santa Claus thing they got going on. And Local Legends is helping. So Brett's heading over there, you know, get some morning people, third shifters, get off. You go over there, you drop off a couple bucks, whatever. If you've got a toy, tip one to his pup. Yeah. And tip one. That's a great idea. Tip one to dirty and say hi to Brett. Lost his dog this week. And Matthias, who lost hers with their dog, tip a. Tip a pint back and do a nice thing for this. Cause Brett's gonna have some stuff for you too. Three Days Grace tickets. Have some KUPD swag, like the bandanas and the hats and things like that. Bad flower tickets. He's got all that. If you just go over to Local Legends this morning, seven to nine o', clock, we'll talk to Brett in a little while. See what he's up to and make sure that's all good. I think it's great. Gotta watch that white devil.

This one says J.D. vance was upset because she wanted a table and J.D. wanted to a booth because he likes couches. He bangs couches. See? See, that's what I like. I like that tribalism. I like that. That comes from Europe. And their soccer match. They're tribal. They're. We did it with politics in the last 25 years. We've always been a little bit tribal, but it used to be quiet. Now we're loud about it. You watch people like they. You root for the suffering of your opponent. Like they. They rejoice in the madness so long as nobody gets killed. They rejoice in the madness of someone's life unfurling in front of them. If they are on the other side.

They love it. Both sides.

And that's what I want with Brady, with this Michigan situation. I just don't like how cool you are.

[Brett Vessel]

I thought you meant with me in general.

[John Holmberg]

And I do kind of want. No, no, I don't want. I don't want you to unfurl in front of me. I don't want that to happen. But I want you to be. You say you're an Ohio State fan now be one.

I also saw a story that a lady gave birth in a Waymo. Yeah, don't call Waymo if you're having. Call an ambulance. She was in San Francisco, I think, right?

[Brett Vessel]

Single mom, maybe?

[John Holmberg]

Okay. They have ambulances, they have taxis. You don't get into a car that goes no higher than the speed limit.

[Brett Vessel]

I just don't know, John. You thought you had enough time to get there. I don't need to call the ambulance.

[John Holmberg]

If you're thinking I better get to the hospital. I think this is it. Waymo is not your option. And mainly because I might be the next guy riding in that Waymo.

[Brett Vessel]

I didn't see the. The Waymo, you know, computer. The guy watching. Did he help?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know.

[Brett Vessel]

Verbal commands.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it looks to be someone in the car is not belted. Well, I just had him. I got into the Waymo. I told you that a couple weeks ago with Mark, and there were. It's. It's. They're not big enough for four people. You can cram three in the back seat, but it's uncomfortable. So we'd been goofing around. I opened the hatch in the back and climbed in there, and the hatch shuts. And the car starts Driving off. And then it says. And then it pulled over. And Mark goes, oh boy. And then here a guy go. We believe there is a human being at the back of the car. Like, oh my God. How did you do that? There is a weight sensor in the back that we believe that is a human being and is moving around. Is that a human being in the back of the car? Well, yeah, that's me. I'll get out.

[Brett Vessel]

Boop.

[John Holmberg]

They open the back end. I get out. I go sit in the thing. Please buckle your seatbelt for the ride to continue. Like, oh my God. But if you're giving birth in a Waymo.

[Mathias]

So she, she did call a cab and she did try and get an.

[John Holmberg]

Uber, but they were, they were shouldn't have a friend. They were booked or whatever.

[Mathias]

Waymo is the one that she could get there quicker.

[John Holmberg]

Not one friend. She went to. Rob said, no, man, no. Yeah, where's the dude, Where's Toledo's dad in this one?

[Brett Vessel]

That's true with most people in San Francisco. They don't have friends.

[John Holmberg]

You don't think so?

[Brett Vessel]

I'm just kidding.

[John Holmberg]

They don't have heterosexual relationships to make.

[Mathias]

Guilt.

[Brett Vessel]

You got guilt about doing that for San Francisco.

[John Holmberg]

Why did you get sad about that?

[Mathias]

I'm just kidding.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, don't pull back on your cruddy joke.

[Brady Bogan]

Live with it.

[John Holmberg]

Run.

Why would you do that? It was very Jim Sharp. If you tell a joke and then apologize immediately after.

All I'm hearing is.

[Brett Vessel]

Bad stories on Waymo and San Francisco.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, well, look, you're gonna hear. That's all you're gonna hear. They didn't cause anything. There was a three way standoff where they didn't know what to do, which is very funny. And look, Waymos are cruising around these towns and all we do is. Now there's your pettiness as you fade. No, stop it, you. Because I take Waymo everywhere. I will just. I know you're making a terrible point and I'm smashing it into the earth.

[Brett Vessel]

You think I buy into that?

[John Holmberg]

Yes, you brought it up. You brought it up.

[Brett Vessel]

I'm telling you what I'm hearing.

[John Holmberg]

You heard one story. Don't you dare disparage Waymo, my friend. Now you're gonna get petty with me. Don't you dare.

[Mathias]

What you're hearing. Yeah, kind of invalidates your point that.

[Brett Vessel]

You don't leave time because blah, blah.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. Glad blab got on you because you said make a statement and your statement was stupid. I'm hearing they cause a lot of Traffic jams. Direct quote.

[Brett Vessel]

All I'm hearing.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. All I'm hearing.

[Brett Vessel]

They've opened up in San Francisco.

[John Holmberg]

Totality of your statement is. The only news I hear is they cause traffic jams.

[Mathias]

That's like saying, you know, it was.

[Brett Vessel]

Total clickbait you fell for.

[John Holmberg]

No, I didn't. You're not smart enough to clickbait me.

[Mathias]

Portland's a firestorm.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Mathias]

Friends in Portland, they're, like, every day. What are you saying?

[John Holmberg]

Waymos are a gift from God. You son of a. And you take them down one more time with comments like that, I'll have you take a lapse.

One story. Every time it does something silly, it's like, look, they've gone mad.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Seven million trips today on Waymo and not one problem. It's all gold. All I'm hearing is, oh, shut your mouth. That's a gift from your Lord. Waymo's the greatest invention of all time. Better than the printing press. Have to deal with any driver getting weird or losing his. But people always say this, like, what if they go nuts? What if the Uber driver goes nuts? Half of them have names that look like the Alphabet. I don't even know if they're mad at the United States. If they're here. I don't know what's going on. I'm judgmental. I admit it. Off the bat, I see that. I'm like, this dude might be nuts, and today might be the day. Waymo. I never have to worry.

[Mathias]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I love Waymo.

[Mathias]

When you have that. When you have that little window of time between. Uber has accepted your request.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, everybody looks.

[Mathias]

And then. And then it pops up. Your driver, Kevin, will be there.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody looks at the name in the picture and goes, oh, boy. I don't know if I want to ride with that guy. That's a fact.

[Mathias]

It's got five stars, though. He's got five stars.

[John Holmberg]

If Kim Lee Chun. And the picture was, like, a crazy Asian lady with a huge smile, he'd be like, cancel trip. Cancel trip.

[Mathias]

On a five star.

[John Holmberg]

She got five stars. Charged my ass. Canceled trip.

[Mathias]

That's everybody just fearing her.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not. I'm not getting it. Because she's only had one ride.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And it was probably a relative.

And 4,000 cancellations, but, yeah. All I'm hearing is Waymo causes traffic jam. You be quiet. All I'm hearing, Waymo is the future.

[Mathias]

All you heard in this room is that it's awesome.

[John Holmberg]

All I'm hearing is, get out of there. If you're pregnant and by the way, get a better life. If you're pregnant and you have to call three rideshares in a cab before anybody will take you to the hospital, if you're feeling the pains and you're like, I think this might be it, and you're in San Francisco and it's not quite that time yet, well, why don't you go out and get a bus then? Bugging me with a Waymo. She squirts her baby juice all over that Waymo seat. The Waymo doesn't know you get out at the hospital. The Waymo goes to the next ride. And you know who's. I've been in the ride of a Waymo when the last guy was a dick and it smells like weed and there's trash in there and you put it on the thing, it says, hey, this one needs to go back in and get certain. I'm not getting in there with after birth and baby juice and whatever. Because the Waymo won't know that happened back there. And it just goes on to the next ride. That could be me. No births in the Waymo.

[Brett Vessel]

Well, they left an important detail out of that story, too. Sharon Moore is the father.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. Exactly. The Michigan coach fathered that baby. That's right.

That's exactly right.

[Mathias]

John, I think it's been your view on the show for a while, but it's been mine for a long time. That you can call me a bigot if you want, but being judgmental has kept me.

[John Holmberg]

Kept me alive 53 for a reason. I judge situations to sink or swim. And it's not just one color of person. There's a lot of white situations I get into and go, I don't want any part of that guy.

I see a messy dude. Dustin is your driver. And that picture, he's like, I happen up. I'm not doing this. I judge the car. If you get the Uber basics, you're like, I'm just going like a couple miles. I get that. And Dustin will be there. And he's got a, you know, a 79 Civic. Cancel trip. Cancel trip. I'm not getting in there. I'm gonna end up helping him push it somewhere. No, thanks. No births in the Waymo. If you're pregnant right now, make a friend that will take you. You don't have one person in your life.

[Brett Vessel]

You can't.

[John Holmberg]

Like, even me. I mean, I probably wouldn't answer the door because I don't answer the door, but if you were pregnant knocking on my door, My first thought is, oh, this is a home invasion and she's a. She's a plant. Probably just gonna answer the door. But if a pregnant lady's going, oh, I'm gonna have a baby, then you're gonna have it on my porch.

[Mathias]

I'll film it from my ring camera.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, and if a Waymo shows up, I'll just take the Waymo to the hospital.

[Brett Vessel]

Like.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no. You're not doing that. I'd take her phone away, I'd cancel the trip. I'd send the Waymo on its way and maybe I'd help her. Bertha. But you made a good point. Is the dude who knew I was in the back of the thing, there's a human being in the background. Did he know? Okay, all you need to do is breathe. Breathe with Waymo.

[Mathias]

Cuz I think the news story said that she was well into the ride and starting to give birth before crowning. Before Kevin popped on.

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

What are you doing? What are you doing? Put your seatbelt on. I will pull the car over. I'm having a baby. You need to remove yourself from way more immediately.

[Mathias]

Spill a drink in the backseat.

[John Holmberg]

What have you done? Is that a placenta? Put a belt on it.

[Brett Vessel]

We detect extra weight.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, there is more people in here than had to begin the ride initially. Please bed the baby. We do not have it. I don't. You know what I love about Waymo? No car seats. There's no baby seats available. You can't crack the back open and stick your baby in backwards. And no, they're not like. No, no, no, no. You're not dragging a baby in the Waymo. It'll throw up, it'll poop, and then the next guy's got a call. Hey, I'm sitting in a poop filled Waymo. If you're pregnant and you don't have any friends to take you to the hospital, you're. You need to self analyze because I think you might be a C word.

Where's the dad?

[Brett Vessel]

Where's anyone that Waymo could have done the artificial.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, maybe. Okay. Where's the doctor that turkey basted you? Someone has to be involved in this. No, her third option was Waymo. Her third option was Wayma. You keep wanting to put roadblocks on this. You're just wrong.

[Brett Vessel]

She's lonely.

[John Holmberg]

Okay? That's my point. She's not that lonely. She took a punch.

Call the service that sent the man over and see if they'll take it. You don't take Waymo.

It says you've never seen the Red Wings option on the app. That's right. I don't even want women on their periods in there. I want to get biblical with my Waymo. I don't know what I'm sitting in, but if it's a little moist, I'm like, hey, I wore khakis, and now I've got this red dot on my thigh.

[Brett Vessel]

Ah.

[John Holmberg]

The last lady was sponge painting in the seat.

Brutal. Don't you dare take Waymo to any sort of medical emergencies like that, especially vaginal ones. If you got a broken arm or something, that's fine. But if you're. If your mesh broke and it's tumbling out of you, walk it off. Or call a friend. That's what my dad would say. Oh, my fell out. Walk it off.

She's on the way to the University of California San Francisco Medical Center. When she delivered inside the robo taxi, the company said its rider support team was detected unusual activity inside the vehicle. I don't know how they do that, but they do it fast.

[Mathias]

Rider support team. So they're watching her.

[John Holmberg]

Well, give birth. Unusual activity if there's moving going on. No, no, no. They're not allowed to watch legally. Oh, okay. But they do know when something's wrong quickly. And I think that's because they have sensors all over the thing that know when there's a mouth hug going on because they don't got microphones. Spillage. They're not into spillage. They can't, because the driver can't. Hey, knock it off. You. You're gonna finish. And then there's spillage. Birth. Some sort of weird satanic ritual. Something strange is going on in the car.

[Mathias]

Is there way more porn? Have you seen that?

[John Holmberg]

Not yet, no. Because I think they put a stop to it. But the. I've seen Tesla porn.

[Mathias]

Oh, Tesla porn.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's everywhere. Everywhere. And it looks dangerous.

[Mathias]

Super dangerous.

[John Holmberg]

There's a couple of guy. Well, he's driving. He's leans the car back. All you have to do is have something touching the steering wheel, like.

[Chris Turner]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Every. Every once in a while.

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. A lot of times it's a girl's ass cheeks. And the ones I've watched.

[Brett Vessel]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

But yeah, we've got. We've got an absolute. A vaginal emergency. Which also, Kyle points out, is a good band name. Not allowed inside a Waymo. If you've got a vaginal emergency and that. I consider childbirth a vaginal emergency, you need to call an ambulance. Does that not make sense? She didn't Want to pay for that? That's the problem. She's cheap. That's why she's got no friends.

I don't have health care.

Well, don't they pay for all that in San Francisco? Aren't you guys, like, all in some sort of island of just getting an ambulance and then don't pay for it like everybody else? Go into debt? No. Waymos. You've got a Waymo app. You're not doing that bad. You're living in San Francisco. You're going to the University of California San Francisco Medical Center. It's not like you're going to the clinic. You need a pal. Childbirth in a Waymo. That's disgusting. You're a pig. And that's why the dad wasn't with you when you went into pain. Oh, man. That's exactly right.

Yeah.

That's why people. I got an email about this about you. Toledo. But people will wish her Felice Navi, because they removed the dad from the end of that, too.

[Mathias]

Felice not a dad.

[John Holmberg]

Navi. No dad. Dad removed.

Yeah. And the poor Waymo. People have to act like, oh, isn't it beautiful? They're miserable. Oh, don't start this crap. Because viral moments will start happening.

[Mathias]

They have to have a cleaning team, right?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but the car has to drive back. And you know how they know the cleaning team needs to be summoned is the next rider. Because Waymo just goes and does its job. It doesn't know there's birth juice all over the back seat.

[Brett Vessel]

They're actually installing stirrups.

[John Holmberg]

Viral people will now try to have babies in Waymos to see if they can get Kevin over at dispatch to chime in.

[Mathias]

That can't be right. It can't show up to get you and Larry with a puddle in the back.

[John Holmberg]

It might. It doesn't know if the lady bursts it. No one knows. There's birth juice everywhere. Had Kevin not been so diligent. We have detecting weird activity. Is there a. Are you making a baby? I didn't have any friends. Take me to hospital. Oh, you're a. I see. Well, way more cannot help you. Please make your baby and make your way out of the Waymo.

[Brett Vessel]

Five years from now, you'll be here. Waymo. Lee, get off that.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, you don't hurt yourself. Really? Awesome. Is that. Well, the trick to Waymo is when it comes to your house, you click the back door open so it waits longer. So if you just open the hatch, there's a little button. Gardener said not all the time. Sometimes that's that option's there, but it's like, oh, it says, Waymo's gonna leave in five minutes. Like, I got here a little early. I'm still not ready. You crack the back hatch. It opens up and it waits until you're there. But when you close, like, you get out of the car and it goes. Forgetting something? The car says that to you as you're leaving. It's like you've forgotten some items because you didn't open the back hatch to get whatever. It assumes you put it up again. But it's got weight sensors, so yesterday it did that. My. My neighbor Michael got out of the Waymo. We believe you've left some items in the vehicle. Michael's like, michael took his water bottle and put it in the door, and he shut the door. Littering, kind of. He just forgot. He's like, oh, my God, it knows my water bottles in the side door.

[Mathias]

Well, I knew you were in the back.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I knew I'm in the back. Well, that's.

[Mathias]

You've forgotten your friend.

[John Holmberg]

That's £200 rolling around like I was moving. It's like, all right, the Waymo's shaking. There's something going on back there. If the luggage is moving, no waymoburst. Do it the old fashioned way. And get in a cab with some dude who's screaming at you the whole time in Arabic and have a baby that away.

[Mathias]

Gee, seems to me, as Durant maybe wasn't that great last night. John's pissy this morning.

[John Holmberg]

I'm pissy for Brady telling me all I hear is Waymo stink. No, they're. They're amazing. Yeah, that'll piss me off.

[Mathias]

I gotta say, even with insurance, I wouldn't want to pay an ambulance bill. I'd be walking my ass.

[John Holmberg]

Right? And I. You know what? Some tough women I've read have driven themselves to the hospital.

[Brett Vessel]

Mm.

[John Holmberg]

If you've got time for a Waymo, you're not that berthy yet. You're maybe at, like. I don't know how dilation works, but you're at the beginning.

You can drive your ass to the. And then get out of the car and start giving birth on the baby.

[Brett Vessel]

Jumps right out.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Sometimes it tumbles out of the. You know, the sluttier broads.

The hollow ones, just. Just drop a bomb.

And she wasn't that tight because she was alone in a Waymo. Which also says. And I know that people are like, oh, the insurance. It also tells me.

Childbirth isn't that hard if you can have it In a robo taxi. What's with all the doctor's visits? I think it's because women like going to the doctor so much. I've been on the cutting edge of that, though, that we make a big deal out of pregnancy and childbirth as, like, such a hard thing. I got 8 billion examples that it's not that tough.

But we have to, because it's more of an emotional thing and a discomfort. And so we have to act like it's just a huge burden. But I thought, like, they loved it, so they should be happy.

[Brett Vessel]

Every.

[John Holmberg]

Every pound they gain and every stretch mark they earn I thought should bring great joy. But it doesn't at all.

Not even a little bit. You're not allowed to have babies in waymos anyway.

Also, if anybody else concerned that Kelly Osborne and Ariana Grande are going for the race to birth weight. Have you seen pictures of Kelly?

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Horrifying.

[Brett Vessel]

I didn't know that was.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, no. She looks like Sharon Osborne's corpse.

[Brett Vessel]

She was on a podcast or something. They showed a picture of her.

[John Holmberg]

She's horrifying, and. And she's, like, yelling at people, going, my dad died in July. I haven't eaten since July. Brett's dad died a couple weeks ago. I've had lunches with him.

[Mathias]

Whoa.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. She does not look good. And people who, like, you have to. You have to care about someone to say, hey, you're screwing this up. And people are too sensitive to the idea of, like, hey, you look horrible.

[Mathias]

Something's got, like, meth mouth.

[John Holmberg]

That's a good picture. There's a couple of them.

[Brett Vessel]

I thought that was, like, the older sister when I saw that.

[John Holmberg]

That's the one.

[Brady Bogan]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

That's the one. Everybody's going, she looks like she's about 94 years old. And she got to a point where she looked pretty good. People who care about her need to say something because this isn't good. Ariana Grande is another one that. I don't know what's going on with her. She's gone crazy and she doesn't eat. But Kelly Osborne has gone way beyond. And a lot of those Ozempic people don't know when to stop.

It is bad. That's bad. Like, that's gonna die bad.

[Brett Vessel]

The other Michael Dell's wife, I don't.

[John Holmberg]

Know who that is.

[Brett Vessel]

The computer guy. They donated 6.2 billion to Cherry. They started that fund for future kids. You can start an account for future kids. What? Couples that have babies.

[John Holmberg]

Right. We are future kids.

[Brett Vessel]

If you're planning on having Babies. You can sign up to get this account. Future babies.

[John Holmberg]

Well, no, they're just babies. All babies are future babies.

I mean, I can't be a future baby. But I said, what are you talking about?

[Brett Vessel]

She is the wife. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That was a long way to get to. His wife's too skinny, but, yeah, this.

[Brett Vessel]

Kelly, I'm surprised you haven't seen that.

[John Holmberg]

No.

Look, I see an article with the word future babies, and I'm no longer interested in Ozempic. I want to see these little silver babies. We are babies of the future. We have not yet arrived.

We are coming, coming to your planet soon. We are future babies. What about the current babies? No, those are current difference. Future babies have not been delivered yet.

Yeah, the weird thing about the Ozempic is what it does to people's faces when they. You know, the second it's one month too many because their eyes turn into, like, these weird pie plates, and then their. Their necks start shrinking. If you're losing neck weight and it's like meat.

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah.

[Mathias]

If you've got the waddle.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, not. It's like your neck starts to go away.

[Mathias]

Yeah, the waddle shrinks everything.

[John Holmberg]

I'm talking about the sides of your neck. Not the waddle, not the skin. Like, your neck starts becoming a pencil like you used to have a human neck. And like, Ariana Grande's neck looks like her head's going to tip her over. It's a skull. It's crazy. And people should say something. And then, so Kelly Osborne went on, and they're like, you look a little thin. And people on the comments were a little bit rude, little tactless.

[Brady Bogan]

You're gonna.

[John Holmberg]

You're gonna die. This isn't good. And then she's like, f you. I haven't eaten since July because of my dad. It's like, that's not good either. You need somebody in your camp saying, hey, it's. By the way, Ozzy's not coming back. You should probably try some protein bars.

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Have a snack. I know it's rough on you, but. And then her mom went on and said, leave her alone. She's still struggling with her dad's death. I'm like, I get it. Eat, though. You got to care about your daughter enough to say, yeah, she's. This is not good. Have you seen Andy Dick on TV in the last couple days? He needs friends more than ever. He needs somebody to say, hey, you're being a idiot. And then I see an interview with him after he's passed out on crack. On the side of the road. And his two friends are like, yeah, it's bad. We got our eyes on him. He's like, I'm not going to rehab.

[Brett Vessel]

Narcan. I'm fine.

[John Holmberg]

Well, they tried the Narcan. He said it was crack cocaine, so he was going away.

They say things that are horrible.

Holmberg's morning sickness and everything's terrible.

[Mathias]

And then he had him on the street.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And then they had an interview with him and his friends where he's screaming, you will. I'm not going to rehab. I like crack. And his friends sat there. Somebody needs to punch him square in the face and say, this is what a real friend would do. You're an idiot.

[Brett Vessel]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

You want to die, do it on your own time. But I'm not going to sit.

[Mathias]

Don't take us down with you.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not going to sit and listen to you tell me how you're not going to get any help.

Sean says Ozzie had one foot in the grave and another on a banana peel for 20 years. Kelly didn't expect him to go anytime soon. Did she think Ozzie would live forever?

[Mathias]

I think we all did for a time.

[John Holmberg]

There's another example of why women shouldn't be able to vote. Now, I don't know if that's. That may be taking it, too, but she's British. I don't think she can vote.

[Mathias]

Suffragette.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't think she. She's allowed to vote.

Which is good for Sean. I think that's if we keep her out of our elections. That's smart, because she's not making good choices. Terrible. So, yeah, somebody needs to tell Kelly Osborne, and maybe not through the comments of her paper. Don't post a picture and then the comments make you mad. That's what they're for.

But, yeah, she looks unhealthy. Let's say that. And anyone who cares about her would say so, like, hey, Kelly, I'm worried about you. And they would absorb her. Effuse, you don't know what you're talking about. I don't want to hear it. I say, okay, are you done? Because you still look unhealthy, no matter how much you're yelling at me and everything else. Let's deal in reality now. This ain't right. Yeah, that last. The Ozemp. I'm worried about Scott Taylor downstairs. He's lost a lot of weight. He says it's not Ozempic, but I can't stop. And pretty soon his neck's gonna go away. And we're gonna have to Ariana Grande him. Scott, are you doing the Ozempic? No, I haven't touched it. You're down to birth weight, Scott. You're nine pounds. You're nine pounds seven ounces. I don't know what's going on. I'm fine.

You just pick them up and take them to a doctor and feed him. Get them on a tube.

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

There's nothing wrong with little tough love that way.

I don't know what this means, but it goes back to the white devil, I believe with Shamir Moore, whatever his name is, former coach of Michigan who broke into a house to.

[Brett Vessel]

I just got another report.

[Brady Bogan]

What is it?

[Brett Vessel]

It wasn't the girl that he went over the house, it was his wife and held her at knife point, had a little.

[John Holmberg]

They had a dive, had a knife point examination.

[Brett Vessel]

He held her at knife.

[John Holmberg]

How happy are you? And all while, why? Because the white devil the wife was. It's all going away. He lost his Michigan job.

[Mathias]

You looked down and you had a half smile.

[John Holmberg]

This is happening, right? I don't know your time. Yes, it is happening right, Cuz the white devil made him have to go home and try to save his marriage with a knife. That ain't going to work. And then. But that's why Winston just text me and says, that's why I don't let wind play in the snow.

It's the powder of the white devil. I'm with you on that win. I'd be with you. Next thing you know, you lose your house, your wife, your job. Don't play in the snow. He says, yeah, I know what you mean.

By snow. He means white women. Informa. You know, say, daddy, I go blame. He's not wrong. Teach your kids wisely.

White devil.

If I was, I was an African American parent, I would teach that those blonde fat ass ones are the devil.

[Mathias]

None of you seen. Maybe more lately. She's joined the transformation pod. Skinny people, they're pod people people.

[John Holmberg]

And acting like it's not happening is not going to help. And we're gonna have what's gonna have to happen. And unfortunately this is true. One of these stars is gonna have to drop dead from like a Karen Carpenter thing. And then everybody's gonna be like, ooh, what was she doing? It's like, I get it. The Ozempic works. But in moderation. It's no different than bulimia. Bulimia works too, but the somehow.

[Brett Vessel]

I mean, the body image problem, they see themselves, it's.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, body dysmorphia. The disease and bulimia works. Anorexia works, but it goes too far.

[Brett Vessel]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

And so does Ozempic sometimes.

[Mathias]

I'm starting to think the aliens are here and they've just replaced certain people.

[John Holmberg]

What's that?

[Mathias]

That's Mandy Moore.

[John Holmberg]

It is. What the hell happened?

[Mathias]

That was.

[John Holmberg]

Yikes.

[Mathias]

That is.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my goodness. Yeah, I didn't see that one. Well, that's like.

[Brett Vessel]

Like she looks like.

[Mathias]

Like somebody came down and just hatched her and said that she's Mandy Moore.

[John Holmberg]

I am Mandy Moore. I am a future baby. The future baby. What?

[Mathias]

Have you talked to Michael Dell?

[John Holmberg]

I heard Bernie talking about future babies. We are the future babies. We are on our way on the Three Eye Atlas.

[Brett Vessel]

You've got 250 bucks.

[John Holmberg]

We have to abort the future baby. It's coming. Going around the sun right now. It'll be here any moment. How horrible would that be? Oh, there's a dilemma. What's that? If the Three Eye Atlas was just a big giant spaceship filled with future babies.

[Brett Vessel]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

And they came out like little human babies. But we'd have to destroy them. Would you be in the army? You'd need me at that point. I'd be Colonel Jessup because it'd be like, I can't kill those babies. I'm like, step out of the way. I'm going to be a hero. You're goddamn right I did watch this die. Babies of the future.

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I would be like. But I don't know if we could do it. Could we? I mean, what if it was just I. Then you'd lose me. If it was like. Like evil puppies got off of that. Oh. If a spaceship showed up and it was like Brady said, future babies, and they just came toddling out.

[Brett Vessel]

Real trouble.

[Mathias]

You're on to something, boys. What about the Olsen twins and Miley Cyrus? They're not who they were.

[John Holmberg]

No. Something going on there. Maybe that's. The Three Eye Atlas is coming to power them. And then once that. Once it gets close enough, they get in contact with the mothership and then they turn into the Robots of Killing and we all get killed by Ariana Grande and Kelly Osborne.

[Mathias]

John, do you think it's a sexism thing? Because how do you feel about Jelly Roll to me? He lost so much weight so fast, but he said he did it naturally.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know.

[Mathias]

He looks good, though.

[John Holmberg]

For now. Again.

[Brett Vessel]

Right?

[John Holmberg]

Bulimia works.

[Mathias]

I look at him and it stops working. What Ralphie would look like if he were.

[John Holmberg]

Well, Ralphie and him are the same guy. Right. But again, after you're at your weight, that's good. You gotta stop. But that's what eating disorders are. They make you keep going. And this Ozempic things got hold of a few of these people, and nobody's saying anything. The commenters online are. Then everybody yells at them like they're doing something wrong. They're the only ones who actually care. I remember when Aries Spears said that about Lizzo. It's like, somebody's got to say Howard Stern said it. Somebody's got to say something about Precious, because if you care about her, she's going to die. From what we're all saying, oh, she's so brave. You can't be £400 and healthy still. We can't. You got to say something like, you're a great person. I don't want to lose you. You're killing yourself. Some of these people. The Jelly Roll looks great. If he stops now, he's perfect. Right?

[Mathias]

That's what I was kind of thinking, too, but. Because he's got years of bad habits.

[Brett Vessel]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

But if Jelly. Yeah. And he likes shooting things into his body. So if Jelly Roll starts getting bug eyes. Pie plate eyes and no neck. And you can start to see his clavicle through his shirts.

And we gotta say something about him. Kelly Osborne can't get mad at the commenters. The commenters care about it.

You're right.

[Mathias]

It's. It's an odd way. It's an odd form of care, but it is a way of paying attention.

[John Holmberg]

Remember when Tom Hanks had AIDS in Philadelphia and everybody's like, oh, that looks terrible. He lost a bunch of weight to look bad. It doesn't look good.

You got to have a decent.

[Brady Bogan]

You got to.

[John Holmberg]

You know, you can't be. I can't see your bones, your chest.

[Mathias]

Christian Bale in that prison movie.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And the Dallas movie with Leto and McConaughey. Oh, they got down to birth weight. It's crazy. Anyway, somebody say something to him.

Nobody could. Like, I watched Sharon Osborne. She's mourning the loss of her dead. You have to leave her alone. Like, no, you're. Nobody's saying anything. You're clearly on her side of why she disappears. And for. She looks worse than you.

[Mathias]

You're enabling her.

[Brett Vessel]

Thanks to Castaway, too.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. He lost a ton of weight, and it was. You know. And he still looked all right. A few more pounds, it would have been like, oh, we're losing. Tom Hanks has done that a couple of times.

Gotta say something. But I'm more back on that dilemma of that Three Eye Atlas. Coming around the sun, landing here and dropping off a bunch of future babies. And they're war babies. What if our enemy in space war babies are. Yeah. Are beautiful, cute babies and we have to go to war against babies?

Yeah. Could you do it? The baby slaughter?

[Mathias]

Knowing they're aliens?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. How do you know? Yeah, they're the ones running around with guns. That's how you.

[Mathias]

Yeah, exactly. If they've got.

[John Holmberg]

You could do it. Think good.

[Brett Vessel]

You know, it came from the right.

[Mathias]

Source and it was if they were wearing Michigan shirts.

[Brett Vessel]

Makes it easier.

[John Holmberg]

You think so you could stand in your front rock.

And just watch. Babies.

Yeah, they're crawling with a knife in their mouth.

[Brett Vessel]

Well, they got a knife, but they're lethal.

[John Holmberg]

They got a knife in their mouth and they're crawling through your yard, on the beach, hundreds of thousands of them everywhere. The place is lousy with angry babies.

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah, I could do it.

[John Holmberg]

You could stomp out some infants. If I had to, man.

I think I'd try to fist.

[Brett Vessel]

They had knives in their mouth.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I'd fist fight them first. I don't think I could watch babies blowing up like that. Come on. Fist fight the babies.

[Mathias]

You'd take a first couple?

[John Holmberg]

No, no future baby would fist fight. And then if they kind of started to pile on me, like, you know, Mr. Anderson and. And Neil.

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah. That's what would happen.

[John Holmberg]

I have to break out the gun.

[Brett Vessel]

That's what I'm saying. Too late.

[John Holmberg]

Start killing all those you're skewered. You think?

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You think if they got close enough with the knife and then they're super. They're not super skilled. They're still babies.

[Brett Vessel]

You don't know that.

[John Holmberg]

But. No, no, I'm giving you the rules, okay? I'm saying they're not super skilled. They're not. Like, they don't have any special speedy powers. They're just babies. But they're hard to kill.

[Mathias]

You could shake off a pile of babies.

[John Holmberg]

How about this? The only way. Timeout. My future baby scenario is the only way to get rid of the future baby babies. And they're just riddled with disease. That's how they're going to get us. You have to cut their heads off.

[Brett Vessel]

Or headshots. Like.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no headshots. They survive decapitation. That's hands. Hand to hand combat. Decapitation by hand.

[Brett Vessel]

What are you using your paws?

[John Holmberg]

Just your fingers and your hands.

[Brett Vessel]

You got to rip it.

[John Holmberg]

You can't cut through something about Them, they just rip open real easy. But they can't. You can't cut them and you can't shoot them.

[Brett Vessel]

Then they're not saying, can you do that?

[John Holmberg]

Could you do that?

[Mathias]

He's on to something. Because they're not formed yet. It's not like it's. It's still cartilage.

[John Holmberg]

The only way they die through the skull. I was just gonna say the only way to die is to punch him in the soft spot.

But otherwise they're just millions and millions of getting off that alien ship. And we gotta just punch them in the soft spot one after another. And just in your front yard. Run.

[Brett Vessel]

There's no escape.

[John Holmberg]

They're everywhere. They're just like three. Three Eye Atlas just rain down babies that are impervious to everything except for like they got one Achilles and it's the soft spot on their head. You got to punch them there.

[Brett Vessel]

Well, I'm going to lose that fight. There's that many.

[John Holmberg]

No, you just.

[Brett Vessel]

You can only take so many out.

[John Holmberg]

No, that's what I'm saying. Until you get tired. Then you lock yourself in your house and you wait.

[Brett Vessel]

It's about a two minute.

[John Holmberg]

Tomorrow, maybe you go out tomorrow and you punch more babies in the head as they just continue to fall from the sky. And then no punch as long as I can. Yeah, they can take every shot. Like an. Like those fat people on AI can fall off motorcycles and just roll. That's what they are. But they've got one. A Death Blow, baby. Death Blow. Great band name.

[Mathias]

Do they each have a different Death Blow?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's never in the same spot. You gotta feel for it. And then.

[Brett Vessel]

They'D end you with a knife though.

[John Holmberg]

But they've got a knife and they just start whipping it around with their baby hands. And they're like, you got. You just got a risk getting slashed up.

[Mathias]

What kind of weapon could I have?

[John Holmberg]

Like, you can't. It doesn't matter. You don't. Don't you listen. There's no weapons. Just a punch to the head. That's the only way they go. Not even a kick. You have to hit it dead center.

[Mathias]

Baby head.

[John Holmberg]

And yeah, we gotta find the sauce button.

[Brett Vessel]

Just give it a shot. It's like a button. It's like an on button.

[John Holmberg]

It's an on and off button.

[Mathias]

You'd have to do like a nut.

[John Holmberg]

No, you're thinking. You're overthinking it. All I'm saying is, could you do it?

[Brett Vessel]

I. I don't think you'd succeed.

[John Holmberg]

But you you know, what if too many of them. Let me ask you this. What if there's one, like, super baby.

[Brett Vessel]

And take out the alpha baby. The alpha baby and the rest die.

[Mathias]

And he's in your yard like those Chinese fat babies.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, let me just ask you this. You got rumors.

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Of the baby invasion.

[Brett Vessel]

It's coming, right?

[John Holmberg]

It's on. Future babies.

[Mathias]

I got time to prep.

[John Holmberg]

So you're thinking about. Geez, I better keep my eyes open for, like, rogue babies. And you look out on your yard, and there's just one.

And there you are.

[Brett Vessel]

Take that baby.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no. Could you just slaughter that? And you don't know if it's just a neighbor baby gone, Right?

[Mathias]

And how long do you wait?

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah. I'm not taking that chance.

[John Holmberg]

You're just gonna kill the baby.

[Brett Vessel]

No. What? Letting it go.

[John Holmberg]

First off, parents don't care enough about it to care that you killed.

[Brett Vessel]

Because if I know there's millions of babies.

[John Holmberg]

You don't know.

[Mathias]

No, because it's rumors.

[Brett Vessel]

We know their future babies are coming.

[John Holmberg]

Future babies are a rumor. But they're like, the news is warning you.

[Brett Vessel]

Let that one go.

[John Holmberg]

No, you're gonna let it go.

[Brett Vessel]

And then it gets close because it never happens.

[John Holmberg]

Future baby.

[Chris Turner]

Shut up.

[Mathias]

Like you in the neighbor in his neighborhood that just let us.

[John Holmberg]

This is my scenario. I'm writing this movie. Be quiet. Future babies are definitely coming, but we're not sure when.

[Brett Vessel]

Okay?

[John Holmberg]

And you wake up one morning, and there's, like, three babies in your yard. So you know they're here.

[Brett Vessel]

What are these babies doing?

[John Holmberg]

And you live on a ranch, and it's, like, 400 acres, so there's nobody closed.

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It has begun. Do you go out and slaughter those babies?

[Brett Vessel]

That scenario. I gotta take those babies out.

[John Holmberg]

Babies down.

[Mathias]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

I'm proud of you. They're wearing Ohio State beanies.

[Brett Vessel]

Can the punch still work through the baby?

[John Holmberg]

They've got stickers on their chest that say, hi, my name is Kirby. And they have Ohio State babies.

[Brett Vessel]

That's obvious. That's a punch to the head.

[John Holmberg]

That's a punchable baby. Yeah. He's trying too hard.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Fallout Babies are awesome. This is great.

And then I go to tactical black for baby defense classes. It's a weird scenario, I grant you, but Brady brought it up with future babies. And the only way future babies are an actual thing is if they're on the way.

They're not babies yet, but they are future babies, and they are aimed at us. If it was puppies, I'd struggle. I Would struggle with the.

[Brett Vessel]

Come on.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, struggle deep. Puppies.

[Brett Vessel]

But you know, their future. Puppies coming to destroy you.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. I guess. I don't know. Because puppies sometimes can run through your yard. A rogue baby in your yard is usually bad. A puppy in your yard is usually great.

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah. But if you woke up and there's three puppies out in your yard and.

[John Holmberg]

Steeler beanie, so adorable, I go play with them. I would die from that. I can't. No. Brady, right now tell me this. You look out your window and you got three babies in your front yard, or three puppies, which one brings joy.

If we see close.

[Brady Bogan]

No.

[Mathias]

One over the other to you.

[John Holmberg]

You would not look in your yard and think everything's kosher and fun. If three babies unattended were in your yard, but three unattended puppies, that'd be a little. Yeah, that's what I'm asking.

[Brett Vessel]

You know, I'm trying to find homes.

[John Holmberg]

For either scenario, but you're gonna. You're looking out front going, what the hell's going on with the three rogue babies? But puppies are like, oh, I gotta go help them.

[Brett Vessel]

They're so cute.

[Mathias]

Yeah, he's talking. The immediate. Your immediate reaction is, go play with your immediate reaction.

[Brett Vessel]

There's a breakout. If the baby.

[John Holmberg]

You're not going, oh, let's go play with that baby. Or you're weird.

[Brett Vessel]

Where did this come from?

[John Holmberg]

Right. But you see three puppies and you're like, oh, that's adorable. Who lost their puppies? And you go and play with them.

[Brett Vessel]

But in the scenario that you said. Yeah, I'd be. I mean.

If there's three babies in the yard. But when you said they had the beanies on.

[John Holmberg]

No, no.

[Brett Vessel]

But if there were three babies in the yard.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That's not a joyful thing.

[Brett Vessel]

Calling the authorities first, because you're not.

[John Holmberg]

You're not getting joy out of that. That's scary.

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah. But the puppies, you'll go out and.

[John Holmberg]

Right. You go play and. Because they'll get sued if you touch a baby, you go out and start playing with rogue babies. Then the parents come and go, hey, what the hell? And they're going to get accused of taking them in the first place. I'm kicking them off into the road.

[Brett Vessel]

You take them out there in your yards.

[John Holmberg]

That's trespassing.

All three of them are going out.

[Mathias]

John, I'd like to thank you this morning for giving me hope. I've done kendo training for years. I don't know what kendo is. It's a completely useless skill. Except for the exact scenario you're describing.

[John Holmberg]

Soft spot punch on the babies. Alien babies that are adorable. Like all of them are. Gerber baby adorable too. They're all cute.

They're looking at you like. And then one looks at you when you rear your fist back and goes.

[Brett Vessel]

Jumps up and bites your head off.

[Mathias]

You've described the one scenario where you regret getting rid of the wire hangers in your closet.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's the way you have to kill them. Wire hangers.

You couldn't do it. I think I could. The puppies. I'd lose that fight all day. But rogue alien babies.

[Brett Vessel]

I could.

[John Holmberg]

Everything I could use. The hangers would be great.

[Mathias]

John. You need to go to Netflix. There's a show called Love Death Robots and the episode is called Giant Babies. It's exactly what you're talking about.

[Brett Vessel]

How about this scenario?

[John Holmberg]

Giant babies. I'd kill a giant baby with or without the alien invasion. If I saw a giant baby in my yard. That thing's going down. Like giant. Like six foot three puppies.

[Brett Vessel]

Rabies.

[John Holmberg]

They got rabies. But that's curable.

[Mathias]

John, I'm on to you. You've often talked about being a baby casket maker. I know what you're doing. You're setting up your future business.

[John Holmberg]

We wouldn't bury them with services. We'd burn them in piles. Piles of alien baby burnings would then happen. This is the weirdest awesome conversation I've ever been in.

[Mathias]

Do these poison babies infect by suckling?

[Brett Vessel]

John?

[Mathias]

Because we don't have to protect my.

[John Holmberg]

Don't know. Some people just get sick around them. Some people have to get bit. We don't know. Yeah. Your nipple. Suckling. Oh my God. They try to suckle and by doing so they transfer that alien baby disease. This is great.

[Mathias]

Man Bogan. You are telling my man you will kill killer invader babies from. From space. But you can't say Hitler was a bad guy.

[Chris Turner]

Hitler.

[John Holmberg]

I hate Hitler. I would slaughter the alien baby invasion. Alien puppies. I think I just bow down to their leader and join them.

[Brett Vessel]

There's no choice.

[John Holmberg]

Awesome. I'm. I'm right about this. Look again. I've been right about this the entire time. And you can say no and whatever, but if we had a baby adoption in our lobby, there'd be 12 babies adoptable in the start of it and 12 at the end. If we had a puppy adoption in our lobby, there might be one or two puppies left at the end. Nobody.

[Brett Vessel]

I wish that were true.

[John Holmberg]

That's fact.

[Brett Vessel]

If it is fact, then it's not working on all the other.

[John Holmberg]

I'll tell you right now. Oh, no, no. Because we're bad about the breeding. Brady orphanages don't tour buildings and say we brought three or four of them and the whole building stops working to go play with them.

[Brett Vessel]

It would work.

[John Holmberg]

No, it wouldn't. People, I dodged that like the plague. This is David. He's 13. His mother was a crack addict. Father's God knows where. You want to take him home? Like, no, this is Rufus. He's a two month old rottweiler.

[Brady Bogan]

Where'd you go, Rufus? Who's my boy?

[John Holmberg]

Like, I'm taking this one. There'd be eight orphans left and no puppies.

I'm right about.

[Brett Vessel]

Oh, yeah. I mean, if you brought in.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vessel]

Orphans to pets.

[John Holmberg]

Right. It's easier because one is joyous and the other one is sad and miserable work.

[Brett Vessel]

And there's, you know, you gotta.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no. One doesn't bring joy. One does. Fact, truth. There's nothing you can.

[Brett Vessel]

Kirby brings me joy every day.

[John Holmberg]

That's your kid. Kirby brings me no joy.

[Brett Vessel]

Keep. Keep.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You've got one kid you like. If all the other ones just started coming to the house, you'd be like, what's going on with this place? There's too many kids. Get them out. You don't want hundreds of kids in your house.

[Brett Vessel]

Trials and tribulations with some of my.

[John Holmberg]

I'll tell you this.

[Brett Vessel]

Adopted brothers and sisters.

[John Holmberg]

You got three dogs and one kid.

[Mathias]

That's something I noticed you haven't done in your. In your home, bring in the adopted kids.

[John Holmberg]

You didn't follow through with that.

[Brett Vessel]

Well, if Ronnie said, let's adopt a.

[John Holmberg]

Kid, okay, you would do that.

[Mathias]

But I'm saying is your passion of being exposed to it as a kid.

[John Holmberg]

Never made you go, yeah, you don't want.

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah, well, you don't. 1. I don't feel like I'm set up for it.

[John Holmberg]

What do you mean?

[Brett Vessel]

I just don't. I know, but you just. As a parent, you think, oh, you don't want I bring another one. Am I a good parent?

[John Holmberg]

You don't want to think you are.

[Brett Vessel]

But you never feel like I could always be a better parent.

[John Holmberg]

You don't want one. And the safest thing you've ever said is, Ronnie says once we adopt a.

[Brett Vessel]

Kid, we'll do it.

[John Holmberg]

And I know Ronnie doesn't want to adopt a kid, so that's an easy out for you.

[Brett Vessel]

And maybe we've made up for it on having, you know, three dogs and two cats.

[John Holmberg]

Right. Three dogs, two cats, and one kid. Tell me, which one brings joy.

[Brett Vessel]

All of them.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. But you went for three and two of the other species, one was not attention.

[Brett Vessel]

Because I was like, I'm good with the. The one, but.

[John Holmberg]

Right, right. She kept bringing them in. She didn't want more babies, though. Just saying you love your own kids. Kirby brings me no joy. I like her. She's nice, but she's not bringing anybody but you Joy. It's parents. That's you guys. That's all parents. You think Alex is bringing anybody else joy? Barely brings him any.

[Mathias]

He might bring the people at Zona Cantina some joy when he's brings them food.

[Brady Bogan]

He brings them food.

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody. Other kids don't bring you joy. Other puppies do. Somebody brings their puppies, and we all go pet them. Somebody brings their dog to work, we're all like, oh, cool. Somebody brings their kid to work, it's like, oh, it's gonna get in the way all day. Nobody wants kids at work.

[Mathias]

Not at work. No. But like, if, Like. Like, you've seen it with. When human babies come around. Yeah. Even when it's not in a work scenario.

[John Holmberg]

That's different.

[Mathias]

If you're in a situation where you can give it back, that's joy.

[John Holmberg]

Bottom line, I brought bus here for about a month.

[Mathias]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And it was the. Everybody loved bus. Everybody but Susan.

[Mathias]

Susan times. I brought Kiki here.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody loved bus. You brought Alex here for a while, and I had to tell you to stop. Well, and then the one more.

With.

[Mathias]

Him here, we caused him trauma.

[John Holmberg]

Well, look, he brought your kid. Yeah. Because they're. They're easily. Dogs are just like, all right, whatever kids have, like, you get sued, you know, it's terrible. Don't bring your kids to work, but a puppy to work. Brilliant.

[Brett Vessel]

Alex didn't poop on the floor either. That was good.

[John Holmberg]

You can pick it up and nobody cares. If Alex pooped on the floor, there'd be hazmat teams cleaning that up. Toledo would probably get fired. Your dog poops on the floor. Poopy on the floor made the poopy. Nobody cares.

Yeah. This is because you can't lock up orphans in cages. It's weird to walk them on leashes, but you can do it to dogs. Yeah, I rest my case on that one. Try it. Call Sunnyside Adoption Agency and have them drop off a few orphans in the lobby of your work and see how well that goes. Everyone put them in a pen. You put them out. You put them in our lobby right now. And not a single person leaves their desk to look at them. They look and like, what the hell's going on? They go back to their desk. Are we. Are we supposed to take one of.

[Brett Vessel]

Those in the orphan pen down there? Six of them.

[John Holmberg]

How you doing? Hey, kid. What are you doing here?

[Brady Bogan]

I got no family.

[John Holmberg]

Kind of hoping maybe one of you guys would stick.

Okay, I'm gonna avoid the lobby like the plague today. David, the orphans in there. And they dirtied him up, too.

[Mathias]

Who you kidding? Brady would never adopt another kid because that's food taken from his own mouth. Hey, besides, the adoption agencies don't trade in Brady sauce.

[John Holmberg]

That's true. And any of our. Any of our birthdays, has the adoption agency brought down kids for us to play with? Nope. Nope. But the Humane Society is brought. Yeah. Hey, I'll tell you, this. Sunshine Acres isn't kidding because they know better. Humane Society, however, has come by with puppies and dogs on birthdays, and it's been a yay. It's the greatest thing ever. I'm right about this. I don't know what's on the big board of musical treats, but it's like if there's a song called Future Babies, I want Brady.

[Mathias]

How are you not adopting kids as potential donors?

[John Holmberg]

That's a good point. Never thought about harvest people. Kirby's a harvest baby, but she won't use it like she's doing well. Yeah, you won't let her.

[Brett Vessel]

It's going good.

[Mathias]

What does that mean?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know.

[Brett Vessel]

Shut your mouth.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh. Oh. You think you're still going to get a kidney from her? Wasn't even talked about. You told me yourself. Never even brought it up. Huh? She's ready to run.

Or for your passing. Which. Which. Is she ready? Yeah.

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

She's ready for you.

[Brett Vessel]

All of the above.

[Mathias]

If you guys, the only joy brought by kids is by one named joy.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's right. A joy has to give it to you. I need Toledo's dad. That activity. Anyway, the Wake Up Sonic's brought to you by Action Ride Shop. Get your bikes all tuned up and ready to go. This weather's perfect for outdoor activities and riding on these trails. If you're new to it, that's the place to get started. I talked to somebody online the other day that said they just got to action and got a new bike and road Hawes Trail for the first time, right across the street from their location up there. On McDowell, was it McDowell and Power? That's right. Yeah. And, man, the Hoss Trail is a blast. If you have never ridden mountain bikes, that's a good one to play on trail 100. There's tons of them. Hop on that. And also ski seasons here. You can hop on there and get all your ski stuff at the OG location on Gilbert, just north of the 60 Action Ride shop. Helping you out with that. What do you got on the list there to let us, though?

[Mathias]

It's refreshing.

[Brett Vessel]

It's David Gates birthday. He's 85. Today.

It's lead singer of Bread.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, geez.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man. Is this the scene of Brady's first rape?

[Mathias]

I don't know if this is a real song. Is Guar Kill all the Babies a song?

[John Holmberg]

If it is, we need to play it.

[Mathias]

Come on.

[John Holmberg]

No, I don't think so. Nikki. Six is 67. All right.

[Brett Vessel]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

Let's do. Well, no, 6:00am yeah, let's do a little 6:00am okay. Throw a little 6:00aman.

[Brett Vessel]

In there.

[John Holmberg]

That's a good one. Yeah. This is the highest I've been without being high. I think I've got a Durant's belly full of.

[Brett Vessel]

It's still in there.

[John Holmberg]

It's in there making me all.

[Brett Vessel]

What'd you have?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I had the butcher's cut.

[Brett Vessel]

Oh, and sides.

[John Holmberg]

Give me some potato. We got all of them. Asparagus. The potatoes were amazing. The macaroni is incredible. Durant's is back, man. It is back and better than ever. And their desserts. Brady, the dessert, there's a chocolate cake.

[Brett Vessel]

Chocolate, like, lava cake or something.

[John Holmberg]

Calm down. I was explaining it to you. I'll get to it. But it's like. It's like 11 layers. It's. It's. It's like a size of a foot.

[Brady Bogan]

That's huge.

[John Holmberg]

And their whipped cream has pop rocks in it.

[Brett Vessel]

Oh, clever. Oh.

[John Holmberg]

Tarantz is back.

[Brett Vessel]

The strawberry explosion that you talked about, was that on a cheesecake or. I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

I couldn't look at it. It was just a big. Was a heavy flow is what I called it.

[Brett Vessel]

It's gross.

[John Holmberg]

Strawberries with strawberry juice.

There may not be a coconut's worse, but strawberry is a close second to absolute. And again, I'll wreck it for everybody. Close your blindfold yourself. And somebody says, take a bite of this. And you can't use your hands. Just have to bite it. And then they say, okay, now take a bite of this. Take a bite. And then they say, guess which one is a homeless man's Nose, you wouldn't know. Strawberry and a homeless man's nose are the exact same texture and flavor and blackhead popping experience. Fruit with seeds on the outside, that's just zits.

So I won't eat strawberries. And then the juice from a strawberry doesn't make any sense to me because you can squeeze it and they don't make juice. So where does that come from? Strawberries are disgusting. And it's a. I mean, go ahead. An alcoholic snows versus a strawberry. You wouldn't know. And it would make the same noise when you bit into it.

I guarantee.

[Brett Vessel]

Sounds delicious.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's awful. It would. I think I have the sound effect that's perfect. This is exactly what it sound like to eat both.

It's a homeless man's nose at 6:00am Happy birthday, Nikki. Six. It's 98.

[Chris Turner]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.

[John Holmberg]

No membership. I have heard enough of this.

[Brady Bogan]

Morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail.

If you're supposed to be there at 8, you're late. You better get on it. But right now, our friend Brett is out and about. He is doing what he's supposed to be doing at Local Legends, that's on Main street and Sauceman in Mesa. And if you want to head over there, Operation Santa Claus is going on and Brett's doing nice things there. And tip a pint for dirty this morning with Brett while he's out. Brett, are you there? Yes, yes, I'm here. Yeah, let's get you out there and have one for the pup. You and Mathia doing nice things for this charity. And tip back one the third shifters can come by, get a delicious breakfast and a drink. What else you got going on over at Local Legends this morning?

[Brett Vessel]

Well, yeah, we are collecting for Operation Santa Claus.

[John Holmberg]

So we're taking those toy donations. And you know, if you're just waking up and didn't have time to grab a toy or anything, we will take cash donations as well.

[Brett Vessel]

Slip a little envelope over.

[John Holmberg]

We've had a couple people already do that, signing you guys up for all kinds of concert tickets. We got the normal KUPD swag. And if you donate Mathias giving you guys 10% off your tab. So come on out here, have a couple drinks, have a shot and grab some breakfast while you're out here. Easy peasy. And of course, go ahead. And of course, we gotta thank our friends over at Sanderson Ford for putting all this together. So. So local Legends out here in Mesa Maine, Just east of Sauceman. West of Sauceman.

[Brady Bogan]

We'll go there.

[John Holmberg]

You go. He'll find it. It's the one that says local legends on the building. Yeah, yeah.

Look for the building with a sign that says local legends. You found it. Main street in Sauceman. That's where Brett is. He's only there every day. You might as. I mean, how are you supposed to know exactly where it is? Local legends from 7 to 9 this morning and doing nice things for operation Santa Claus, which is great, a great organization with Sanderson Ford and putting that on for all the charities that they help. So nice job, Bert. We'll talk to you in a little bit.

[Brett Vessel]

Thanks, man.

[John Holmberg]

All right. He's out at the bar this morning. He's living life. He's having a better morning than anybody.

And go help him out. If you want to drop off little cash donation, Brett takes those envelopes and do a nice thing for the folks at Sanderson Ford operators. And you can do that this morning. Just say hi to Brett and goof around with Brett. But you can do that at local legends anytime you want. Needs to drop it off. Actually, you can do it here at our building too, if you're closer to us. We've got a box in the front lobby that they empty out every day. So let's dump that off. Nice job. In advance. I'll give you credit for all the work you're doing over there in the east valley for helping us out. Nice job. It's time now for all the news that only Brady knows, brought to you by our [e-mail] you heard Brady talking about he's got that TV on the back patio. He gets to watch it glare free. It's a beautiful thing because of all pro shade putting up that glorious patio shade motorized and everything else. When the weather gets a little sideways, it'll suck itself back in, make himself part of the house because that's what it looks like it's supposed to be. There it is. Not some weird clunky thing attached to your place or dumb umbrella that's gonna blow and get in the pool. Trust me on that one. You don't want to try to pull an umbrella out of your pool. Allprochade.com They've got you covered. Been doing it for over 20 years for a reason. They're the best. Allproche.com Brady reported good Thursday morning to Phoenix.

[Brett Vessel]

Hello, world.

[John Holmberg]

Hi.

[Brett Vessel]

Right. Happy national app day.

[John Holmberg]

Apple day app.

[Brett Vessel]

I was hoping it was appy Pappy's appetizer. But it's apps on your phone.

[John Holmberg]

Adorable grandfather chicken strips and cheese fingers.

[Mathias]

You do you, Brady. It's appetizers today.

[Brett Vessel]

You're right. Happy pappy.

About to head over to Tendies.

[John Holmberg]

What's that? Oh, you're giving a plug. You get free food there. What's going on?

[Mathias]

Who's giving you.

[Brett Vessel]

That's Wendy's now they're saying they got new chicken.

[John Holmberg]

We're not following all of the.

[Brett Vessel]

Oh, come on.

[John Holmberg]

Latest advertising lingo. Yeah, that's your algorithm, friend. I don't get a lot of Wendy's hits on my phone.

[Brett Vessel]

College football.

[John Holmberg]

They pound it okay on your tv.

[Mathias]

Oh, so blame it on college football.

[John Holmberg]

Because you have YouTube TV and Apple TV, right?

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You get different commercials than me.

[Brett Vessel]

A couple of bases.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Your commercials are different than mine.

[Brett Vessel]

Giraffes have the highest blood pressure of any mammal. I begged it.

[John Holmberg]

You're going for the record, though.

[Brett Vessel]

Take.

[John Holmberg]

Take that, giraffes.

[Brett Vessel]

Ben Franklin once published a book called the drinker's dictionary with 200 different terms to describe being drunk. Include things like ranging from he's seen the devil to juicy.

[John Holmberg]

Juicy. I like that. Back to your other story. Do giraffes have strokes? Because I'd like to see that.

[Brett Vessel]

They have tears.

[John Holmberg]

They just have little tears. They don't have the big. So occasionally their aisle twitch, but they don't ever. They don't lose like the fool like that. Because that neck drooping is a big move.

[Brady Bogan]

I can't use my left side.

[John Holmberg]

I know. You're shaped like a melted gummy.

[Brett Vessel]

Pumbaa from the Lion King was the first character to be to break wind in a Disney movie.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's fun. That we know about.

[Brett Vessel]

Right?

[John Holmberg]

One of those dwarfs probably did it. Farty the eighth dwarf.

[Brett Vessel]

Boardwalks didn't get their name because they're wooden boards you walk on. They're named after the guy who came up with the idea to set up the first one in Atlantic City, New Jersey. It happened in 1870. His name? Alexander Boardman.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, interesting.

[Brett Vessel]

Today, December 11th is the most popular day of the year to break up with your partner.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, because you got to get out before the holidays.

[Brett Vessel]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Last shopping day. Otherwise, you're tied to a gift. Somebody you hate.

[Brett Vessel]

Around 15 years ago, researchers used Facebook statistics to study when people are most likely to change their status from a relationship to single. And December 11th was.

[John Holmberg]

Today's the day.

It's easy if you're dating somebody in, like, Europe or something. Make that call. But you got to go face to Face with them. Today's the day to break up with anyone in Europe. How about that?

[Brett Vessel]

Another study ranked the most dangerous states to be in for Christmas. They based it on 10 different metrics. Like fires, crime rates, injury rates.

[John Holmberg]

I thought you meant like state of mind. You're literally talking about like geography.

[Brett Vessel]

How slick the roads are during the time of the year.

[John Holmberg]

By the way, back to Brady's pettiness, that coach for Michigan evidently was threatening to kill himself for a little while. Look at the smile on his face.

[Brett Vessel]

It's too bad.

[John Holmberg]

I just bring it up every once in a while though just to see if Too bad he didn't do it.

[Brett Vessel]

He went now I'd say it went to his house, told his wife I'm gonna kill myself and then left. So she called the police. They got up, he was at an assistant coach's place, said he was gonna. Then he held a knife.

[John Holmberg]

I always thought he was a little off when he beat Michigan. When he filled in for Harbaugh a couple years ago and they interviewed him and he started cussing and crying like that dude's unstable. But I didn't realize that. I didn't see this. I just thought wow, he's just a little too crazy.

[Mathias]

What have his practices been like?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, because he's that emotional.

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah.

[Mathias]

To snapping.

[John Holmberg]

And then. And then the picture of the girl he was hosing that white devil is legitimately. And she's a Succubus 20 something college student. He knew that when he got the job in college they'd be around. Right.

[Brett Vessel]

And then it finds out that her they're doing the whole thing. They're digging up all the stuff on her. Her dad was a scout for the.

[John Holmberg]

Bears around it the whole time.

[Brett Vessel]

She's got a rare disease.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vessel]

What's saying that she's been battling.

[John Holmberg]

She has a rare disease.

[Mathias]

Oh that's.

[Brett Vessel]

They're just.

[John Holmberg]

Is it sickle cell and contagious? Because then she is the white devil.

Oh, this is terrible.

[Brett Vessel]

As to go in for weekly treatment.

[John Holmberg]

Well if he ends up getting sickle cell from her, she's like the source of it. Oh my. She's a hive of horrible white devil behavior.

[Brett Vessel]

So the top five most dangerous states. North Dakota number five ranked high in fires, crime and drinking. Number four. Colorado roads.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, there's nothing to do.

[Brett Vessel]

One of the metrics was injury related Google searches what it ranked high in that one.

Oregon number three. Just a lot of serious car crashes in general. Number two, Wisconsin. Top risk factors, drinking rates or being Somalian. More injuries and More drunk drivers. Number one.

Vermont deer. It ranks for a few reasons, but driving conditions are a big one. The chances of a white Christmas are basically 100%.

[John Holmberg]

And also deer.

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah, that's got to be a factor.

[John Holmberg]

They got to be a huge factor.

[Brett Vessel]

Montana was seven.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. All the states that have snow and deer together. The wintertime is.

[Brett Vessel]

Maine is in there.

[Mathias]

And Moose.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, you got.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Giant animals just wandering around and blizzards you can't see.

[Brett Vessel]

Maine was number eight. Structure fires.

[Brady Bogan]

Really?

[Mathias]

Are they not good at putting them out or are they just prone to them?

[John Holmberg]

That's a good question.

[Brett Vessel]

Or they're, you know. I don't know. Christmas trees are popular.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe they use old fashioned candles on their trees.

[Mathias]

Did you see that video that they still do that in Switzerland.

[John Holmberg]

They still do it in a lot of places, man.

[Mathias]

And. Or do your people do that?

[John Holmberg]

My people, the Jews, we don't have Christmas trees.

[Brett Vessel]

Swedes. Jesus.

[John Holmberg]

We like candles. I pretend to be Jewish, by the way. I'm not really Jewish. But no, no, my Christmas tree. My grandparents would have candles for a day.

[Mathias]

Oh, on the tree.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It was weird.

[Brett Vessel]

We got a Dallas woman that was arrested for starting a house fire in Maine. Dallas woman? Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Follow along. Don't stop trying to make jokes. Who is this? He's Shecky Green.

[Brett Vessel]

All of a sudden, Jameisha Murphy admitted to starting the fire. Must have been upset at someone. But the fire department showed up, started putting up the fire. Jamisha pulled out a knife and started stabbing the fire hose.

[John Holmberg]

She wanted the fire.

[Brett Vessel]

She didn't want him to put the fire out.

[John Holmberg]

She liked the fire there.

[Brett Vessel]

They're able to get the bl. She only got to one hose.

[John Holmberg]

We're not guessing that.

[Brett Vessel]

No, no need to.

[John Holmberg]

Shemisha is.

Yeah, she's not German. Germisha.

[Mathias]

Not sure.

[Brett Vessel]

Misa.

[John Holmberg]

When you name a kid Germisha, you know, people are. Her name's going to be Germ.

[Brett Vessel]

They spell it with a J. Jeremy. J, E, R, M. That's Germ.

[John Holmberg]

Isha. I S H A, E, C I, A. Oh, Jesus. Jameisha.

[Brett Vessel]

Jamesia.

[John Holmberg]

That's just insanity.

[Mathias]

Germesia.

[John Holmberg]

It could be Germania. She's Spanish. We didn't get a picture. She might.

[Brett Vessel]

No, there, I saw a picture.

[John Holmberg]

Messiah.

[Brett Vessel]

I don't think maybe her name.

[John Holmberg]

Her name may be her messiah.

[Mathias]

Jeremy. Female.

[John Holmberg]

But you called her Jermisha.

[Brett Vessel]

I don't think Jamesia Murphy.

[John Holmberg]

Hermosia Murphy is a thing. She's Irish.

[Brett Vessel]

Murphy.

[John Holmberg]

Carlos o' Brien's can exist. Arimisia.

[Brett Vessel]

Full name Jamisha. Denise Murphy.

[John Holmberg]

Man, that's a. We might want to play. What?

[Brett Vessel]

Well, I saw a picture.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, she's a black lady.

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Murphy. Well, that's. That makes sense. But the Denise part doesn't. What would that screw you up for again? We need to cut his mic off today. He's just spewing nonsense because you planted.

[Mathias]

The iris seed in my head.

[John Holmberg]

Well, right. That can happen.

Germicia. Turmicia. I like Brady's Jeremias.

[Brett Vessel]

I'll end it with this one because it doesn't get much better.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brett Vessel]

Cheez it just created the Cheez It Crushed turkey legs. They'll debut at the Citrus Pole later this month.

[John Holmberg]

Just a flavor, not actually crushed turkey leg legs.

[Brett Vessel]

No, they'll crush the Cheez Its and coat the turkey.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I see what you're saying. Crushed cheeses on turkey legs. Crushed turkey legs.

[Brett Vessel]

I said Cheez Its.

[John Holmberg]

Crushed turkey legs. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. What I was saying was what I heard, and it's wildly inaccurate.

[Brett Vessel]

Which would still be. I'd go for that.

[John Holmberg]

You would eat crushed turkey legs?

[Brett Vessel]

Tendered meat. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Tenderized bones. You don't crush meat.

[Brett Vessel]

I take the bones out.

[John Holmberg]

Out.

[Brett Vessel]

You. How? It's crushed.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but then they're just mushing meat.

[Brett Vessel]

If you go to the Citrus bowl home, Orlando, you can order them at the game.

[John Holmberg]

God, you talk pornographic.

[Brett Vessel]

Starting in the second quarter, for 25 bucks each.

You can get the recipe right [e-mail].

[John Holmberg]

Isn'T it the same, Brady, as just taking a bite of turkey and then putting in Cheez Its at the same time?

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah. No, not the same. No, no.

[John Holmberg]

What's different?

[Brett Vessel]

Well, would you eat fried chicken with the. Just the crumbles first and then eat the chicken?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know what the crumbles are. What are the crumbles?

[Mathias]

The crumbles come from frying it.

[Brett Vessel]

It's from flour and the. The breading that goes on the chicken.

[John Holmberg]

But you're just putting Cheez Its on top of turkey.

[Brett Vessel]

Well, they're putting a little thing so it bonds. Like. Like you're eating fried chicken. Fried chicken with cheese.

[John Holmberg]

I'm just asking. Wouldn't it just be the same thing if I took a bite and then ate the cheese? It.

[Chris Turner]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

What's the difference, then?

[Mathias]

Is there a picture?

[Brett Vessel]

There's more ingredients involved. It's not just Cheez it probably gets some.

[John Holmberg]

You're making that up and you're doing it angry flour. That's too much work. Just take a bite of a Cheez It. Have it stuck to your teeth when you eat the turkey and you get the sensation of crushed turkey legs.

That's dumb.

[Brett Vessel]

If you want the recipe again. She's a duck.

[John Holmberg]

I'll tell you. If you want the recipe again, you're going to burn your trailer down. You're a hillbilly. There's nothing about you that's socially acceptable. If you're preparing your turkey with cheese.

[Mathias]

It'S crusted, not crushed.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's crusted, not crushed.

[Brett Vessel]

It is.

[John Holmberg]

Crusted.

In fairness.

[Brett Vessel]

One letter dip, you crumble up the cheez its.

[John Holmberg]

Well, we understand that, but it's the same thing as what I said.

That chew it up and cheez its get all gummed up in your mouth like dough. And then you take a bite of the turkey. You've made it in your mouth.

[Brett Vessel]

Ooh. That kind of looks like a tough turkey leg. It looks more like a chicken drumstick. Turkey legs are.

[Mathias]

It's the size of the helmet, Brady.

[Brett Vessel]

What helmet are you looking at?

[John Holmberg]

Great phrase. The one in the picture. Yeah, it's a pretty big turkey leg. You're not satisfied with the size of that giant thing?

[Brett Vessel]

Big enough turkey.

[John Holmberg]

He's been hungry since August. You got to give him a break. All right, go ahead. Got a couple radio videos and people are. They're eight seconds behind. They're like, what Fatty is trying to say is crusted.

Brady, you'll be eating crushed meat soon enough in hospice. You're kind of right. Crushed. When they gotta crush my meat.

[Brett Vessel]

Crush turkey legs, Please crush my meat.

[John Holmberg]

What does that mean? Pervert. No, no. My turkey and eat it.

[Brett Vessel]

Crushed.

[John Holmberg]

I can't eat it unless it's pre crushed turkey leg. Crusted, crushed. Who cares? Alphabetically, we're pretty close. Tomato, tomato, crushed.

[Brett Vessel]

I'll crush it. Delicious either way.

[John Holmberg]

All right, go ahead.

[Brett Vessel]

Speaking of slippery roads.

[John Holmberg]

Whoa. Got a snow pile.

[Brett Vessel]

Pile up.

[Mathias]

There's a lot going on in this.

[Brett Vessel]

There is.

[John Holmberg]

Look at the.

[Mathias]

Look at the two sides of the road, beyond the traffic.

[John Holmberg]

This is an icy road on a snowy day. There's about seven or eight cars piled up. But I don't like that. The video hasn't started yet. And there's people walking around. This is not right. People are outside. There we go. Hit play. Here comes another speed. And thank people. There's like nine or ten.

Another car goes over. Why are you walking around down on this? This might be AI. There's too much going on.

[Brett Vessel]

I don't know. Yeah, this is.

[John Holmberg]

AI. Yeah, there's too much because look at.

[Mathias]

The other roadway there's there's like four cars in the median just.

[John Holmberg]

And people are just running red lights for no reason. And yeah, this is AI but boy, it looked terrible to start.

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah. Because this guy running right here and.

[John Holmberg]

Then it falls down, I think pretty.

[Brett Vessel]

I can see him wiping out.

[John Holmberg]

But because he hears his age, I don't know where the Zoli is.

[Mathias]

All AI because look, they're coming from an angle. It's like a T. Well, it doesn't.

[John Holmberg]

Even matter about that. What matters is that nobody. There's cars on the wrong side of the road. The red lights are not being in. Everybody's speeding. It's a free for all. Brady fell for that one. It was an AI man.

[Brett Vessel]

The traffic light was. Was broken.

[John Holmberg]

That's real broken on red. And nobody and everybody knew that everyone had been given a heads up. Just run it.

[Mathias]

So all red lights are broken.

[John Holmberg]

Just run it. Okay, there's a Brady. Maybe not this one. A crippled kid.

[Brett Vessel]

This is AI.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. This person has a head.

[Brett Vessel]

He's got special designed leg shoes.

[John Holmberg]

What am I looking. This is my job to describe what I'm seeing. I can't.

[Mathias]

If you're interested, it's Claudio Palestrante on Instagram.

[John Holmberg]

How.

That's him dancing this thing.

[Brady Bogan]

If.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, here's how I. The only way I can describe this to you is imagine if a baby was born chest first.

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And it stayed in that shape forever.

[Mathias]

I swear to God, I thought he was going to climb those stairs.

[John Holmberg]

Hold on. Its head is folded back onto its back. If you took your head and just.

[Brett Vessel]

His. His head, John.

[John Holmberg]

I said his.

[Brett Vessel]

I thought you said it's.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it's is probably more accurate. That's not a human being. That's a football that needs punk.

[Brett Vessel]

Claudio.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, and its legs are folded up underneath him.

[Mathias]

How do his sunglasses stay on his head?

[John Holmberg]

John, he's upside down. He's upside down head.

[Brett Vessel]

He's got croakies.

[John Holmberg]

Come on, put it down. That thing's not living a good life yet. Come on, put Claudio down. Do him a favor.

[Brett Vessel]

He and Kenny Loggins.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. Kenny Loggins is in better shape. That Kenny Loggins lump that you show us every once in a while is in better shape than that. Thing.

[Mathias]

About that.

[John Holmberg]

What disease is that?

[Brett Vessel]

He posted again. And this is. They just. The guy just threw him out onto the towel.

[John Holmberg]

You wanna.

[Mathias]

All right, well, let's see what Claudio's page.

[John Holmberg]

What's his name? Claudio What?

[Mathias]

Pellistrante.

[John Holmberg]

Pelestrante.

[Brett Vessel]

But it was like this armless. Well, Jello Kenny Loggins.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, he had a.

[Brett Vessel]

He posted one.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, there's Claudio Palestrante.

[Brett Vessel]

He goes Og.

[John Holmberg]

He's backwards.

[Mathias]

Where is he? On side. He's on his side.

[John Holmberg]

Who's feeding him, like, chocolate milk? He's got a juicer of chocolate milk.

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah.

[Mathias]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

I guess you give him whatever he wants. Oh, I can't. Look at this thing.

[Brett Vessel]

By the beach. Getting ready to go in the water.

[Mathias]

Oh, you went.

[John Holmberg]

Why did you take it to the beach? Oh, this is.

[Brett Vessel]

Well.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, and he's religious.

[Brady Bogan]

How dare you?

[John Holmberg]

How dare you.

You cannot. You know why? Because I'd want to meet God, too.

Oh, he's cool.

[Brady Bogan]

Brady.

[Brett Vessel]

That's one. There's one. He's in the. In the beach. Starts getting to the water.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, this. I can't look at this guy anymore. That's enough. There he is hanging out with a bunch of goats.

Oh, and he's funny, too. Okay, that's enough. He's chasing goats. And the goats are even like, what the hell is that? When a goat recognizes a deformity.

[Brett Vessel]

We might have seen this one before, but a superhero visits a kid's birthday party.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Mathias]

At Zona Kids. Is that here?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. Zona Kids, the lady's about to introduce a superhero. The kids are all seated. Here's Spider man comes in the room. Captain America. Captain America's already.

And he stays in character. He does a somersault while the kids run towards him. Or a cartwheel. And then takes one out, foot to face. And stays in Spidey mode completely. That's a great move by Spider.

[Mathias]

He took a young tua out.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he did. He get the kid making gang signs. Yeah, he's in the protocol. The boys in the protocol. And Spidey gives him a little bit of a suck it kind of move right after.

[Brett Vessel]

All right, last one was kind of for Brett. And.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's bro.

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah, they're getting spratchy.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Oh, she's spotting a woman in a weight room. There's an Asian girl lifting just the bar and. Oh, come on, Freddie. Keep it real.

[Mathias]

Jesus, Brady.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody's gonna love that but you and Kirby.

No one but you two will love that. It's a Daddy Daughter Day experience. She puts her. She goes to spot the lady on the bench, and when her vagina gets over her face, it grips her like a little hand. And look at him giggling away. Wouldn't it be fun? I've never seen one.

[Brett Vessel]

Can they do that?

[John Holmberg]

Right?

[Mathias]

Listener sent this one in for you.

[Brett Vessel]

For your.

[Mathias]

What is it? Trans masculine.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, your trans masculine non binary.

[Mathias]

But this is a trans Brazilian deaf singer.

[John Holmberg]

I've seen this. I don't think this is real either. This is a beauty pageant. They let this trans Brazilian deaf person sing. It's not real. There's no way. Well, here's her talking. I know she's real, but.

Who'S interviewing her and why?

[Chris Turner]

Dumb.

[Brett Vessel]

Spotter was better.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, they're both bad. Both of you ashamed yourselves. We'll talk to Brad again real quick. He's out at Local Legends. He's on Main Street. And Sassamon and the man will be helping out Operation Santa Claus all morning long. And then you can do it yourselves over there at Local Legends and anywhere else. Sanderson, Ford has this glorious operation going, including our lobby. But head on over to Local Legends this morning. Say hi to Brett. Maybe he'll give you some stuff. He's got things to give away. We'll talk to Brett next. There goes your Brady Report.

[Chris Turner]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.

[John Holmberg]

No membership fees. I have heard enough of this.

[Brady Bogan]

Morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail.

Chris Turner is here at Desert Ridge Improv tonight, tomorrow, and Saturday. And Chris Turner is someone you may remember from America's Got Talent. Of course, the accent's gonna give you away.

[Chris Turner]

Yes. They hear the accent, they go, oh, yeah, it's that British chap who made up raps on the spot.

[John Holmberg]

And it's amazing what you do. I've seen you on. On Instagram and stuff like that. And I'm like, oh, my God. I have to say, I think you're faking it.

[Chris Turner]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Everything is planned.

[Chris Turner]

I pay people in the audience to shout out the things. I've done that for 25 years, and I'm still somehow coming, making a profit, making it work.

[John Holmberg]

And no one's, I'm gonna be the one that unveils the secret. No, I like the words you gave me because it's so good. It literally is. Yeah, yeah. The list that we got before we get here. Prepare for these words.

[Chris Turner]

I always get so confused. People are like, it must be planned. I'm like, if I'd written it, wouldn't it be better? Wouldn't I make it funnier? Wouldn't I have bits where I don't repeat the same word twice?

[John Holmberg]

Or go, yeah, you have a moment where you stumble. But I think that's part of the game. That's part of your trick.

[Chris Turner]

Oh, I forgo.

Well, thank you for the.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's. Then that is a compliment, because it's so good that you're like, this can't be something he's making up. And it. And it's beyond improv. It's beyond. Yes. And it's just like, wow, this guy.

[Brett Vessel]

Kind of a skill that you learn that all sudden you can now broaden it and plug things in.

[Chris Turner]

Yeah, it's a skill. It's a skill that you learn accidentally. I was 10. I was just rapping, and I did that for nine years before I ever did on stage. Because who would think that this is a career? Oh, yeah, I make up rhymes. It was just a thing you did with your mates. Be like, hey, Chris, rap about how Mike's mom is on pain meds. And then you do that. And it was like, ha, ha ha. And now I can do that for hundreds and thousands of people. It's.

[John Holmberg]

Wait, you can rap about Mike's mom being on pain meds?

[Chris Turner]

Not anymore, since she passed.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, can you rap about that for us? How the pain meds killed Mike's mom?

[Chris Turner]

Wait, you really want that? Yes. Okay, I'm gonna take you back to 2002.

I can't believe we're doing this back in Manchester. That's my home. While we're flowing off the dome Take me back Like a time machine mightily busting. I was roasting Mike over there. Friends should be trusting, but we visited House one Tuesday evening. I saw his mother. She was clearly seizing every opportunity to take a break from the meal. Ducking in the kitchen like, oh, I feel like my head's slightly hurting. My ankles are slightly swollen. We're like, hey, Mike.

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah.

[Chris Turner]

You know your mom's chosen to pick up all of that she wanted. This is in the uk, so it wasn't oxycontin, but she's going. She goes for it, taking all the opiates, probably a set of minute. And that's the chosen it. And that's the thing. That's the goal. Mike's brother was born autistic because his mother consumed so much Tylenol.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God.

[Brady Bogan]

That's amazing. That is outstanding.

[Chris Turner]

People aren't going to come. Come to the shows. They're like, I've heard it all for.

[John Holmberg]

Free on the radio. Now they're gonna run to the show. The bad thing is you're gonna get the drunk ones that'll scream out, do me.

[Chris Turner]

Yeah. The shows are at 7, 7, and 6. Yeah. They're gonna be drunk. Gonna be drunk at that time.

[John Holmberg]

There's a good chance that they may be drunk at that time. That was amazing. And that's it, though. So did you want to be a rapper before a comedian?

[Chris Turner]

I wanted to be a lawyer.

[John Holmberg]

Stop it.

[Chris Turner]

I wanted to be a lawyer.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding.

[Chris Turner]

I did. I wanted to be. I was in a rock band from the age of 14 to 18. Then I started doing comedy when I was at university and realized that we do comedy, there'd be a hundred people, fifty of them girls. Whereas my rock band would play to four people, all of them guys.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Chris Turner]

And no one cared. So I was like, I just. I just want attention.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Chris Turner]

Started doing comedy. But, yeah, the rap was definitely a thing. But I think when I was like 15, I'd kind of go to, like, these hip hop ciphers and everyone sucked. Everyone was nerdy. Everyone was just so rubbish. I was like, I don't want to be involved with this.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Chris Turner]

Because I remember the first time freestyling, like, with a group. Someone's like, okay, everyone, we're gonna make up some raps about a zoo. And something naughty is going on with the lions. And someone steps on, it's like, well, I'm not lying. Oh, the zookeeper's molesting the lion. I was like, I'm out. This is so bad.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, wait a minute.

[John Holmberg]

I'd pay for that too. I'd pay that so bad. I would actually pay top dollar. Wow.

[Chris Turner]

You should come to the UK hip hop scene.

[John Holmberg]

Rhyming lion with lion is enough for me to just go, that's my money going out the door.

[Brett Vessel]

But instead, you wanted to go down the route of Monty Python humor, being a barrister.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vessel]

And then getting into comedy.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Chris Turner]

Well, I mean, I graduated from university. My parents are very proud. I was the first one to go to uni. You know, that sacrificed a lot. And then I'm like, okay, I've got my degree. I'm going to do comedy.

[John Holmberg]

So you could be a lawyer.

[Chris Turner]

I just. I could. I could have gone that route. Yeah. I did not.

[John Holmberg]

You were that close.

[Chris Turner]

Thankfully. I look at all my friends who did and miserable. They're just so sad.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Chris Turner]

Because they are rich. They've got a lot of money, but they just spend it on expensive wine.

[John Holmberg]

And they go home and look at people that don't want them there.

[Chris Turner]

Yeah, exactly.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Chris Turner]

My family want me home all the time. But now I'm here.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And it's great. And how do you find the States? Do you enjoy it?

[Chris Turner]

I love it. We moved here 2016. We did LA we did Vegas, we did Colorado. Now we. Now we're in New York. But yeah, I mean, I took my citizenship this year.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, really?

[Chris Turner]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's right.

[Chris Turner]

I'm. Yeah, got my 8 million bucks.

[John Holmberg]

You have a Waffle House.

[Chris Turner]

A Waffle House camo hat.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's right.

[Chris Turner]

The most American thing.

[John Holmberg]

You're not worried about Ice?

[Chris Turner]

No, no, no, no. They come at me, I'm gonna start rapping at them and they'll be like, this guy has to be American. No, no Brit could do this. You know, I, I really, really like America. I really like the audiences here. Like, they get comedy and they get hip hop more than a British audience do. When you rap for a British audience, they're like, very good. But would you prefer to play something on the cello? American performance. Yeah. American audiences, this is the difference, right? They lean forward. They're like, we've paid 25 bucks for a ticket.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brett Vessel]

Right.

[Chris Turner]

Let's have a great time. Yeah. Whereas British people are like, we paid £25 for a ticket. This better not be bad.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Chris Turner]

And that's not how you want to go and absorb entertainment. Like, if you go and see your favorite band, you're not like, oh, maybe they'll suck. You're like, this will be incredible. Whereas Brits are like, they better play that one song, otherwise it's been a waste of money.

[John Holmberg]

Simple pessimism versus optimism for the evening. Yeah. But it works out great.

[Brett Vessel]

Asking that last week about a heckler.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, with heckler. Go to a comedy show to ruin it.

[Chris Turner]

I don't think they realize they are. Every heckler I've had afterwards has said, well, it helped, didn't it? Because you made the show. Yeah, you may. It made the show better. Like, only because I had to work harder. I don't want you to. Like, my shows are interactive. So, like the shows I do, you know, it's. I'm on stage for over an hour and I'm. I'm not writing anything. It's all improvised. The crowd work. I bring like a little thing on stage where I can choose whatever beats I want. Sound effects, I can just go off whenever.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Chris Turner]

So like example, you say, do that rap, and it just happens.

[John Holmberg]

It's amazing.

[Chris Turner]

That can happen something in the crowd. Like the other week in Syracuse, this Gen Z couple in the front row, they're like, oh, we're celebrating our six month anniversary, which, you know, in like boomer years. Yeah, 30 years. So I was like, oh, how'd you guys meet? They go, well, I took her home and gave her an std. I was like, okay, let's do this.

[John Holmberg]

And then it starts. When this has to happen, immediately just hit the button and start the music. So that's crazy.

[Chris Turner]

That's what the shows are. They kind of go in a different direction.

[John Holmberg]

But I mean, what a gift that is. I mean, not the std. Oh, but the. What a gift.

[Chris Turner]

You have to sit down and actually.

[Brett Vessel]

Write gift in a way.

[John Holmberg]

Well, no, that the person has said, oh, I gave her an std. Yeah. At your show, you're like, well, Jesus, I don't have to do anything ever again if they're gonna be this open.

[Chris Turner]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And that's the fun part. And I don't know, are British audiences as an open book, like, American. Americans want to be part of the party.

[Chris Turner]

They really do. Well, Americans in the spotlight all the time. Whereas the Brits were brought up to be like, self efface.

[John Holmberg]

Don't.

[Chris Turner]

Don't show off. Right. Like in the. In the uk, you'd never say what school you went to. Whereas here people walk around with their hoodies on that are like, you know, baby.

I. I just. I prefer that openness from the Americans. I. There's more of a culture of supporting entertainment, I think.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Chris Turner]

We talking about Scotland before we went on air. Like in Scotland, actually, they behave like Americans. Yeah. If they like the show, they'll buy the merch. They'll come and see you. They'll be like, that's the fourth time I've seen.

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah.

[Chris Turner]

Whereas. I don't know, there's just this lack of fun in England.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. No kidding. That's weird.

[Brett Vessel]

The weather has something to do with it, I think.

[Chris Turner]

It definitely does.

[John Holmberg]

Definitely.

[Chris Turner]

We're all. We're all seasonally depressed. Yeah.

[Brett Vessel]

About Seattle.

[Chris Turner]

Yes, exactly. That's why their music was so good. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Because they were depressed and miserable. And that's what makes great music.

[Chris Turner]

Yeah. You're gonna get three great albums and then unfortunately the singer's gonna go, but yeah.

[John Holmberg]

When's the last great singer that was happy the whole time?

[Chris Turner]

Yeah. Can you imagine? Happy Morrissey. I was looking for a job and then I found a job. And actually it's got incredible benefits.

[John Holmberg]

Everyone I work with is a friend. I don't want to hear this. Anyway, you're right. Has to be sadness in your music. That's why when they get rich, a lot of their albums get terrible.

[Chris Turner]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Because they can't relate to the sadness anymore. They're thrilled. And thrilled does not make good music.

[Chris Turner]

Yeah. To be as Basic as possible. Basic. To reference French poetry. Rambo said, you can't write poetry after you turn 17 because you don't feel emotion anymore. And I like the most angst you felt in your life was when you were 14, 15. It's like first love. Yeah. When I see someone, like, you know, rocking out to rage against the machine, I'm like, you are 50. No, no, that's music for when you're 20 and you're all teed up and.

[John Holmberg]

You'Re just like, yeah, you are now the machine.

[Chris Turner]

Yes.

[Brady Bogan]

You're 50.

[John Holmberg]

You are raging against yourself. This is rage, masturbation. Nobody likes that. Occasionally, maybe.

[Chris Turner]

I was gonna say, that sounds like an incredible band name.

[John Holmberg]

We've got loads of those. We do that daily. If you were in your own audience, what would you spill to Chris Turner to have him rap about? What's your open book moment?

[Chris Turner]

Oh, what would I say?

[John Holmberg]

I mean, have you given an STD to anyone?

[Chris Turner]

No, I was very, very, always very responsible, by which I mean I was never getting any women, you know, it was that kind of voluntary celibacy.

[John Holmberg]

So incredible responsibility in that. Yeah. Can't even give it to them because the sex was off the limit. Yeah.

[Chris Turner]

I. I think that I. I like getting the audience to shout out crazy things to rap about. Not just like the STDs, but saying, oh, try and trip me up. So, like, the other day, someone was like, tintinnabulation. I was like. I was so annoyed because I knew I knew the word, but then it took me too long, so he had to show it. That's the sound of ringing bells.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Chris Turner]

Like, that's fun. Yeah. Like to try. And a German guy once goes rap about a day in the life of an Aztec high priest.

So what I would want is for someone to shout something that I know a bit about that I can then expand on. So if someone was like, you know, oral rap about the CEO of the White Star Lines, who was the last guy to get off the Titanic.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Chris Turner]

And it ruined his life because the press were like, you should be ashamed. You should have gone down with that shit.

[John Holmberg]

You should survive.

[Chris Turner]

And he lived his life in shame.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Chris Turner]

Like, rap about Bruce Ismay. That was his name. And you're like, cool, you did it. I'd love to. No one. I would love to. You loved.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you want someone to scratch. I see what you say. I thought those were moments of headband.

[Chris Turner]

Yeah, yeah. No, no, no.

[John Holmberg]

I mean kind of historic stuff.

[Chris Turner]

Stuff I like. Weird because, like, when I'm bored, if you're on their phone, they're scrolling Instagram. I just go to Wikipedia and I just click around and I'm just like. I learned like, you guys are doing facts earlier today.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Chris Turner]

About boardwalk. I was like, that's great. That's a great fact.

[John Holmberg]

It's a weird. That's a really strange thing. Who knew? But the guy's name was Board. Boardman. Boardman. Yeah. That's. Yeah.

[Chris Turner]

Well, he probably. He probably want to call it a Boardman walk.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. No, no, it's too you. He might have been British. Don't put my whole name on. That's.

[Brady Bogan]

That's. That's showing.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not doing that.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Chris Turner]

I mean, I love. I love that vibe of my shows. The fact that anything can happen, you know, like, like on agt, I go into the crowd or wrap up random objects. Do that on my shows. You do.

[John Holmberg]

You just sell Thomas Crapper. Yeah. And you said.

[Chris Turner]

There you go.

[John Holmberg]

You said that AGT was a pleasure. Front to back. Like every. Because every comedian that's come in said, man, I started getting close to winning it and I didn't want to because then I'm tied to them for so long.

[Chris Turner]

Well, you def. You definitely don't want to win.

[John Holmberg]

You don't.

[Chris Turner]

Advice that I was given was get in the final, try and hit top three. Try hard not to win.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Chris Turner]

I was like, I think my whole life I've never won anything. I've always been the runner up. So I'm like, this is just gonna track. Right. But I didn't expect to get anywhere near the final.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I mean, that's an incredible skill. And you said earlier is like, I never expected this to be a career. It's not. You're the only one. Yeah.

[Chris Turner]

No one is combining stand up comedy and freestyle rap. Like, there's freestyle rap and there's comedy, musical comedy. No one does this. And that was.

[Brett Vessel]

Met any of the freestyle rap guys.

[John Holmberg]

Like, well, Little Dick.

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I always think about that guy.

[Chris Turner]

Not. Not man. No.

[John Holmberg]

Dave. He is ridiculously good.

[Chris Turner]

I was so funny.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And so funny. And that's like. I mean, you've got the same exact skill and it's so. But he's. I don't know that. He's just like, deliveries are different.

[Chris Turner]

I think traditionally, Lil Dickies is. Is written. It's written. It's writing comedy rats. Yeah. Really, really funny comedy.

[John Holmberg]

The stuff you're doing is like off. Like, when I saw. I honestly. And I mean this as a compliment. I saw that on tv and I'M like a. There's NBC wouldn't have risked having that air.

[Chris Turner]

Well, they didn't have a freestyle rapper on for 20 seasons. That was the first freestyle rapper. And I asked, I was like, oh, so I'm the first one to apply? They go, no, you're the first one we've trusted that we've allowed. Because I, I, when I, in 2021, I did Stephen Colbert, I did the Late show, and I had to push so hard to be allowed to freestyle. I had to be like, no, please, if it doesn't go well, don't air it. Yeah, just cut it now with agt. It's live. So that's the hard thing. And what was even harder than just rapping on the spot was in my head, I constantly had to remember, don't mention this, don't mention this. There's rules. Things like, they're sponsored by Ikea and Lavazza, so they're like, oh, by the way, you can't mention home goods or other drinks.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, like what?

[Chris Turner]

I can't be like, sipping on Lean. Lean's a drink. Come on.

[John Holmberg]

That's a crutch of mine.

[Chris Turner]

Yeah, yeah. In my Chevy. No.

[John Holmberg]

You know, how often do you do something because this is like, human nature to be in a situation and you say something and then later you think of, oh, I should have done this.

[Chris Turner]

Oh, all the time. As soon as the beat finishes in my head, I'm like, I should have said this, this, and this all the time.

[John Holmberg]

So you're never satisfied?

[Chris Turner]

Never.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. The worst part of having a skill like this that everybody loves is that you're cursed with the weight of never really thinking you got it right.

[Chris Turner]

It is a curse.

[John Holmberg]

It is.

[Chris Turner]

I, I truly. Every night. No, I, I do like, though, that you can have the worst. You could have a bad rap. Like, the suggestions could be bad and I could not be on form. Right. That's rarely happens now because I've done it for so long, but. But someone will come up to you and be like, dude, that was amazing. You crushed it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Chris Turner]

And I'm, I'm like, that was one of the worst things I've ever done on stage. But they. Because they've never seen it before. I also love that. That's the American approach, isn't it? Like, dude, you crushed it.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, you destroyed.

[Brett Vessel]

I'm like, so the one that you open, that we opened up with, can you recall that word for word?

[Chris Turner]

Or fell out of here and it's over. I don't have, I don't have Memory beyond. About six months. Months ago.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Chris Turner]

Like, I've done radio shows where they're like, great to have you back. I'm like, you're gonna have to provide me photo evidence. I do not remember coming here. It's like.

[Brett Vessel]

Because that's gotta be hard to do, because sometimes, like, when they. If it's live or, like, a TV thing, just do the one that we heard or that's on the.

[Chris Turner]

Yeah.

[Brett Vessel]

On your Instagram.

[Chris Turner]

Can you do that again? Yeah. Play the hits. No, I. I can. I can rap about the same suggestion.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Chris Turner]

Like, multiple times. Sometimes. Sometimes I'll start a rap, and I go, I don't like that beat. And then I'll start it again. But I'm rapping about, you know, Marianne Twinner, Toilet habits. Sweet. And I'll cut it and start again. They're like, wait, you're doing it again? Like, yeah. I've got to figure out more rhymes for Marianne.

[John Holmberg]

Who was, like, an influence of yours when you were listening to rap?

[Chris Turner]

Oh, when I was growing up, I. I. The first three albums I had were, you know, Eminem, Dr. Dre, and Outkast. So you have that thing. And I thought because I was this little white boy growing up in Manchester, all my friends liked heavy metal, which, I mean, I do.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Chris Turner]

But no one would talk about, like, hip hop. And the guy who would burn me, the albums from, like, Limewire or Kazar, like, he would. I'd be like, hey, Galid, can I get the album? He's a Somalian kid. He was like. He was like, yeah. And he gave him. I'd be like, hey, like, this album's amazing. I don't talk to you like, my family. My family think it's weird that you're my friend. And I'm like, oh, but I want to talk about Dr. Dre. He's like. He's like, please get away. Everyone thinks I'm weird.

[John Holmberg]

You can't say that. The way you look and sound, you can't be the Dr. Dre aficionado.

[Chris Turner]

Yeah. Just in case anyone was listening, didn't realize I am a white man, man. So I got emails.

[John Holmberg]

People were.

[Chris Turner]

I'm. I just. I thought they were all making it up. So I thought Eminem was freestyling. I thought Dr. Dre. I thought, you know, outcasts were freestyling. And so if you think that you can improvise songs as funny or as, like, smart or as brilliant as those, then you aim for that.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Chris Turner]

So.

[Brett Vessel]

But let alone Eminem, you know, concert or whatever, Just recalling all the words, lyrics and the pace.

[Chris Turner]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

But you're right. If you have the confidence to just say, I can. Like, this is something I can achieve.

[Chris Turner]

I'll just practice.

[John Holmberg]

It just happens.

[Chris Turner]

Like the guy who broke the world hot dog eating record, Joey Chestnut. Yeah. When he like, he smashed. Well, I'm not even thinking of Joey. It was Takeru Kobayashi.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris Turner]

Who came along and they're like, hey, you broke the record. And he was like, oh, I didn't know that was the record. You didn't know what the record was? Like the record at that time was like 24. And he did 42 or something.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. He crushed it because he just did.

[Chris Turner]

It a different way. Yeah, yeah. And then that's the same. Roger Bannister ran the four minute mile. Everyone's like, that's impossible. He ran it and then that next.

[Brett Vessel]

It'll never happen.

[Chris Turner]

So many people ran a four minute mile because he proved that it was actually doable. And as soon as. You know.

[John Holmberg]

So that's it. Can you do another one for us?

[Chris Turner]

Yeah. I mean, can I? I can. I'd love to.

[John Holmberg]

About us.

[Chris Turner]

Yeah. But if you each give me some info to put in Brady.

[John Holmberg]

Brady has one kidney.

[Chris Turner]

Okay, brilliant.

[John Holmberg]

Brady's got one kidney.

[Chris Turner]

Which one?

[John Holmberg]

I'm.

[Chris Turner]

Which one?

[Brett Vessel]

I got the left kidney.

[John Holmberg]

So which right was taken out?

[Chris Turner]

Your left or my left?

[John Holmberg]

Right was removed.

I don't know if you've noticed, I am a bald man.

[Chris Turner]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

With a rather large nose.

[Chris Turner]

You're both bold.

[Brett Vessel]

What? I have a large nose?

[John Holmberg]

Well, it's large. Proportionately. No, but still, he's assuming. Yeah. What else? There's nothing else.

[Brett Vessel]

Like golf.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Got.

[Chris Turner]

You play golf?

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah.

[Chris Turner]

What's your handicap? Apart from having one kidney?

[John Holmberg]

That's a long list.

[Chris Turner]

10 and then something.

[John Holmberg]

One of my hobbies is I make a baby casket.

[Chris Turner]

Baby cast.

[John Holmberg]

I'm just throwing it in.

[Chris Turner]

Why are you lying? Okay. Okay, let's do this. Are we doing the same beat?

[John Holmberg]

I think so. I don't have another one prepped.

[Brett Vessel]

He likes to box.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Chris Turner]

Okay. I. Yeah. I didn't look at those ears and say that. You know, that's a perfectly straight nose there. Okay, still.

[John Holmberg]

Silver Tongued Devil.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Chris Turner]

Silver Tongued Devil.

[John Holmberg]

Here we go.

[Chris Turner]

The Silver Tongue Devil. Yeri steps into the ring. Bell goes ding. And he's acting like the king. That's the sport you chose. Explaining the nose slide to the fight. To the side it goes. Of course, a mustache. Got the mustache there. Got the hair on the chin. But not upon the hair where it should be. Yeah. We're hurtling. We freestyle. Maybe go to Turkey. John take a small while and get the transplant. Yeah. That be bitten for free. You could get the hair, he could get the kid a knee. Brody's like, yes. What am I? Like waking up in the bath of ice. That's nice. And we talk about the ice earlier. That's bereft. You had one kidney, now you've got one left. Literally. Yeah. I'll be asking this. Golf on the thing, then you head into dialysis. That's the handicap man in the Waffle House cap. Get it teeing off, everybody. Fancy chap. That's the flow going crazy. Moving back to John. Now we're doing all the Brady last little thing. I'm so glad that. Yeah. Asked it crazy. Maybe you're talking about the baby casket. Ever so small, fitting, like a tiny one. If it's like 10 months old, then it's sadly gone. This is not funny.

[John Holmberg]

Not.

[Chris Turner]

High and mighty baby shoes for sale. It's like rip. There we go. That's a little wrap that we serve for Brady and John. And baby's not crawling on this earth.

[John Holmberg]

Turner, that was outstanding. That's amazing. Yeah. To mix in the baby caskets and make it great and then bereft in a wrap. You are British.

[Chris Turner]

Yeah. Not many. Not many rappers saying bereft. Yeah.

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah.

[Chris Turner]

It's like nine in your dome till your family bereft.

[Brett Vessel]

It was proper rap.

[John Holmberg]

That was outstanding. That is a talent like I haven't seen a long time. Brilliant.

[Brett Vessel]

How many times a day do you think you do it?

[Chris Turner]

Just how many times a rap? Well, I do cameos where people, like, you know, they ask you to record a rap for them.

[Brett Vessel]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris Turner]

And so I might. People say, do you practice? Like, no. Literally, like, every day I'm doing two or three little personalized raps. And so that warms you up for it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. That's amazing. That's outstanding.

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah, but, like, does something catcher. Like, if someone says a phrase or that would be a good band name.

[John Holmberg]

Or something, and you start rapping in your head.

[Chris Turner]

I mean, yeah, look, the gentleman who drove me over here was here the whole car. After about 20 minutes, he was like, shut up. Stop rapping. Yeah. I'm like, we're in the HOV Lane with B.

[John Holmberg]

Red behind the wheel. Yeah. Chris Turner. Impressive. Incredible desert. And you have not been here before. If you have, I don't remember it either.

[Chris Turner]

No, I haven't.

[John Holmberg]

I think I'd remember you. Chris Turner. Is this your first time in Phoenix?

[Chris Turner]

No, no, I've been. I've been here a few times just to hang out. Yeah, I've never, never done shows.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding. Well, you are gonna have a packed house this weekend. Thursday, Friday and Saturday and you know what?

[Brett Vessel]

Just good topics.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You know, we should. Chris should come by our show Friday night if you want to.

[Chris Turner]

You got a late show?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we got a late show. 9:45 Downtown at Stand Up Live.

[Chris Turner]

That's fantastic. I would love to.

[John Holmberg]

All right, let's arrange it because that would be spectacular. We'll close it out with you rapping about ourselves.

[Brett Vessel]

Rapping over the videos.

[John Holmberg]

Unbelievable. Chris Turner. That is amazing. Amazing. Go be famous.

[Chris Turner]

I'm gonna try my best. Yeah. I've got a four year old daughter.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. You got to do stuff for her.

[Chris Turner]

Yeah. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You like pay for it and stuff?

[Chris Turner]

Yeah. Well, New York child care and she's talking about the price of eggs. Yeah. Yeah. Have you tried having a child?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Plus she's four, so I don't feel so bad. She's.

[Brett Vessel]

I don't hear a goodnight moon.

[John Holmberg]

I don't make. I don't make caskets for four years. I stop at two and a half.

[Chris Turner]

We'll buy two and just, you know.

Wood for that.

[Brady Bogan]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It starts getting. And it's not, you know, I can't make any money on those. Thank you so much for coming down Desert Ridge. Improv.com.

[Chris Turner]

Hey, it's not weird. It's pretty cool actually.

[John Holmberg]

No membership fees. I have heard enough of this.

[Brady Bogan]

Homberg's morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail.

Look at us guys. This day is flying by. Brett is still out there at Local Legends. Or maybe he's leaving. But Local Legends still exists. And you can go out there and hang with the gang at Local Legends and drop some stuff off for Operation Santa Claus. Oh, Dale, we're being so philanthropic it's ridiculous.

[Brady Bogan]

Look at us go, John. That's your middle name.

[John Holmberg]

That is the giver. There's a thing I'm going to tell you, Brady, about Dale and I in our exchange this week that will shine a bright light on a budding friendship. Johnny G. The way we speak to each other isn't healthy. Dale Hellas Trey here. Three time world champion and permanent guest of a sports podcast that's just exploding. Exploding all over the place. The numbers. Oh, just keep eating. I'll cover that sports thing.

[Brett Vessel]

What's it called?

[John Holmberg]

The Sports thing. Yeah. A John Holberg podcast or.

[Brady Bogan]

It's a sports thing.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, a sport, God damn it. The sports thing.

[Brett Vessel]

Crushed sports.

[John Holmberg]

A John Holmberg podcast with permanent guest Dale Hellestre and the rest. And it will be recorded again later today. And also.

Yeah, it's on. You're on the other show. The main event.

[Brady Bogan]

The main event.

[John Holmberg]

Steve McCullough. I know his name now. McCollum. Former Dobson High School graduate. And you can find that at tme.

[Brady Bogan]

The main sports. The main event.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I know tme. The website though has a. The.

[Brady Bogan]

The main event dot com.

[John Holmberg]

That's not it. We talked about it last week.

[Brett Vessel]

They'll just say Google it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Google the main event with Dale Helis. Dale's brought to you by our friends at diamond coatings.az.com. if you want that floor done, garage floor pavers. You want the basketball court like I had specially done and designed for you. It's. They're outstanding people doing outstanding stuff. Diamond Coatings A.

[Brett Vessel]

Check it out on Instagram. They just. They've done a couple of new floors.

[John Holmberg]

Oh my God. And they're. They'll make you change your whole house. It's incredible. And they paint house. They do all sorts of great stuff. Dale, let's get right to this. I'm excited about today's sports.

[Brady Bogan]

Are you?

[John Holmberg]

Yes. I've got a couple of things I wanted to talk about, but once that thing happened in Michigan.

[Brett Vessel]

We'll get it, Dale.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, don't worry about that.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, okay.

[John Holmberg]

Once that happened in Michigan with Shamir Stewart.

[Brady Bogan]

Sharon Moore was Brady happy.

[John Holmberg]

And there's the problem. He's an Ohio State fan. He's like, I wish he'd have stayed on. He sure was an easy coach to whip. Like. No, he wasn't. He beat you twice. You're one and two against this guy. He's lucky. It doesn't matter. Lucky beat you six and six.

[Brady Bogan]

Does the victim at all come into your mind, Brady? Yes, that's the victim.

[John Holmberg]

Who's the victim? He's the victim.

[Brady Bogan]

No, the girl's the victim.

[John Holmberg]

He fell for the white devil. It's the white devil.

[Brett Vessel]

His wife and three kids.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So let's. Let's recap. The coach of Michigan was fired.

[Brett Vessel]

I smiled when I saw a little bit. I'm not gonna lie.

[John Holmberg]

The coach of Michigan was fired for having an extra marital affair with a college co ed.

[Chris Turner]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

She was an employee of Michigan football, Michigan University. A staffer. She'd been given a hundred percent raise at one point. That's one of the things that's Thrown out there.

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Stop it.

[John Holmberg]

You're an Ohio State fan. Throw out more things that aren't true. What is wrong with you? When did you become the. Well, I better be the blockade defense.

[Brett Vessel]

She's one of the girls that was on the Shriners commercial.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, okay. Yeah, she was crippled. Yeah. She was a cripple and he took advantage of it.

[Brady Bogan]

It's amazing what Michigan, Ohio State will do to Brady. I mean, you don't recognize him.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's all.

[Brady Bogan]

He's got both kidneys back.

[John Holmberg]

He dumped. He dumped her out of her wheelchair and had at her anus. That's what you should be saying.

[Brady Bogan]

Cuz if he did, then he wouldn't have had to have her have an abortion. Is that. Was that.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's real.

[Chris Turner]

Come on.

[John Holmberg]

Did you see the smile go on his face? Yeah. Is that true, though?

[Brady Bogan]

That's what I heard.

[John Holmberg]

Oh my God, it gets better.

Look at him.

[Brady Bogan]

Wipe it off your face there.

[John Holmberg]

Jesus lover. Cuz it ain't real right now. You're. You're the devil like me.

[Brett Vessel]

I'm laughing at the situation, you guys.

[Brady Bogan]

I think this thing is going to be so deep and dark and sinister, it's. It's ridiculous.

[John Holmberg]

So then he goes home, breaks into his own house.

[Brett Vessel]

Save it for the documentary.

[John Holmberg]

Holds his wife hostage with a knife, saying this is, you know, so.

[Brady Bogan]

So.

[John Holmberg]

And then himself, I already put on himself.

[Brett Vessel]

He's going to kill himself. And then he went to the. Another coach's house and took the knife against him. And the coach.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he's. He's brandishing a knife that. He's going to jail.

[Brett Vessel]

Suicidal.

[John Holmberg]

He's, he's emotionally crazy.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, he's. I, I think he is. As he's driving, he's like, how. What's the possibility of me getting out of this thing? Yeah, well, maybe if I threaten to kill myself, I'll go on suicide watch.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that would be it. Insane.

[Brady Bogan]

You're sitting here going, you just, you know, you're a long time.

[Brett Vessel]

There's 5 million reasons why not to do some of that.

[Brady Bogan]

No, there, there like 2013, 12. 12, 13.

[Brett Vessel]

But he's guaranteed. He was guaranteed.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's so great. Yes, it's so great. And I don't care. I hate Ohio State. I think they're annoying. I don't like Michigan that much more, but I like them more because of what San Antonio Holmes did in a game with the Steelers once and it made me hate Ohio State forever. Tie game. Atlanta Steelers playing state players win him championships. Yeah, that's Fine, I'll finish what I'm saying. There's a reason why that drug addict is no longer in the league and not it. Anyway, so he goes down the field in a tie game and Atlanta goes, I think they went ahead by three towards the end of the year, something like that. And Michael Jenkins, former Ohio State receiver, catches a third and long and on the sideline catches it and it wraps the game up. It's first down.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And he falls into the Steelers sidelines on the catch. Starts jogging and San Antonio Holmes went over to him. Steelers are going to lose this game now. And does a little chest pound on himself and then gives Michael Jenkins a big hug. Ohio State, baby. Buckeye.

[Brady Bogan]

Really?

[John Holmberg]

Yes. And I immediately that day, oh, I went out and bought Michigan hats, Michigan shirts. I was a Michigan fan from there on because I, I just can't believe.

[Brady Bogan]

Wasn'T Santonio Homes the guy who caught the ball still wasn't enough.

[Brett Vessel]

That's over. That's how lawyer is.

[John Holmberg]

And, and then even for the team.

[Brett Vessel]

They'Re like congratulates a guy in a regular game.

[John Holmberg]

Trade him for a 5th rounder and get him out of here. And that's exactly what they did.

[Brady Bogan]

I thought you were loyal.

[John Holmberg]

I am loyal. He's not. There's the problem. I was the loyal one. He's, he's still in college and he's standing on the sidelines collecting $20 million a year and hugging former players in college. And then the Steelers are like one more time with the weed dumbass. And he goes, what? And they just traded his ass away and he became nothing. And I love it.

[Brady Bogan]

You know, John, I, I, I do games every year. People ask me on Sunday how the game went on Friday or the college game we did on Saturday. I'm like, I, I don't know the score.

[John Holmberg]

I remember playing. I'm like Sean mcvan.

[Brady Bogan]

Not as good looking.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, he's a handsome man. He works harder than I do. But still I, I will always remember that. So my hatred for Ohio State was just birthed that day and it and the fires.

[Brady Bogan]

But here's the thing about Michigan again, I have no dog in the fight. I buddies who are Ohio State fans. Not as many that are Michigan fans. But you start looking at the long line of infractions that they've done. From stealing signals to cheating with plays and getting caught. Unlucky State cheating.

[John Holmberg]

Well, they got caught. They got caught.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

They just somehow or another got away with it.

[Brady Bogan]

For some reason their doctor come along.

[John Holmberg]

Thousands people, thousands Dale And I, I.

[Brady Bogan]

Don'T hear about it.

[John Holmberg]

There's a documentary that Michigan's better at it.

[Brett Vessel]

They don't get caught.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, that's. Well, Ohio State got caught and didn't do anything about it. That's more impressive.

[Brett Vessel]

They've tried them.

[John Holmberg]

Michigan State sitting there looking at both of them going, how you guys do this? We're out like $480 million cuz our guy wouldn't stop fingering everybody. It's crazy what goes on up there.

[Brady Bogan]

John, I gotta ask you because did we. Did anybody just miss on their own this past weekend or did it. We all miss.

[John Holmberg]

I got mine. Steelers beat the Ravens.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

You lost Thursday night. You were done with the Lions and I lost. Brady lost. Did you take the Bengals?

[Brett Vessel]

I took the. No, you took the. I took the Ravens.

[John Holmberg]

Huh. Why would you take the Ravens?

[Brett Vessel]

I didn't pick the Bengals.

[John Holmberg]

You picked the Bills then. So you won yours. Yeah, yeah. And then you lost yours and he had the Bears. So we were two and two. Nobody pays anybody.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay?

[John Holmberg]

We got screwed on that.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, we did.

[John Holmberg]

I get a.

[Chris Turner]

By the way.

[John Holmberg]

And this again I want to get. I'm gonna, I go to the next thing. Do you feel that petty rivalry behavior is good or bad? Don't you think Brady should be more petty and, and, and like louder about that? Because him saying. Well, okay, I, I would. Like I said this morning, I would root for this guy to have a disease named after him next. Like I want. If I was an Ohio State fan, I would root for Tom Brady to get like diabetes of each toe and they have to individually cut them off and like. And for some reason, some reason his body is understand. Quiet. I'm talking for you. And, and his body is immune to like any anesthesia. So they have to do the cuts live like while he's awake, like all of that. Yes, if you were real like Lamar Jackson can't get a disease named after him fast enough.

[Brady Bogan]

No, see me the way. I. I don't want human lies. The person involved in rivalry. Fine. Yeah. But I don't like the ancillary stuff. I don't like that this girl's caught up in this. I don't like the wife and kids.

[John Holmberg]

If you're an Ohio State guy, she's just another Michigan.

[Brady Bogan]

I'll tell you what I like is like the Alabama Auburn deal where the one guy was slowly poisoning all the.

[John Holmberg]

Trees and called a radio station to say I killed the trees in Hur's corner. Like what?

[Brady Bogan]

Now that I like. And I can get behind.

[John Holmberg]

And he did. He killed 200 year old trees.

[Brady Bogan]

They'll grow again.

[John Holmberg]

Cooper's Holler.

[Brady Bogan]

They'll grow again.

[John Holmberg]

And they died like. And people were sobbing like that was their whole world.

[Brady Bogan]

That's perfect.

[John Holmberg]

You like that?

[Brady Bogan]

Yes, I like that. I like like Peyton over the A. You know when you're. I. I don't like when human life suffers. It has nothing to do.

[John Holmberg]

See, I like all you're talking about. And add in that there's some diseases going around and they're incurable. In Raven's locker rooms.

[Brady Bogan]

That would be the best. The Ravens are done. John, you need to find a new rival.

[John Holmberg]

Not enough.

[Brady Bogan]

You need to find another rival.

That more of that.

[John Holmberg]

Like beating them is great.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And then beating them and having that press conference like, wow. Lamar Jackson's called an odd press conference at Thursday at 9:30am I believe I have something worse than the AIDS. Like, oh my God. And I got it. It was airborne. And I'm the only one in the world who can get it. I'm like.

Victory. I would scream at the top. I would get up on top of my house.

[Brady Bogan]

Do you hate Lamar Jackson more than you hate Harbor Harbaugh?

[John Holmberg]

No, I hate them equally often. Lamar Jackson's up there because he's currently the only one that can hurt the team.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Harbaugh is not. But I would. I wouldn't told him.

[Brett Vessel]

There is a rumor that John Harbaugh.

[John Holmberg]

Could candidate for Michigan could coach Michigan. I think if John Harbaugh got a. Like John Harbaugh's disease or the JHD as I call it and I even share the initials and it doesn't bother me. I. I would. I'd be like, that's okay. That'll be a good day for me. I might order a pizza.

But I'm a real petty rival.

[Brady Bogan]

You are. You are.

[Brett Vessel]

But again, that's beyond petty.

[John Holmberg]

But it gives me so much joy. I think you're missing out on so much and you just get. You're holding it back. Your parents taught you that. It was bad. It's so good.

[Brady Bogan]

You're not just walking around on cloud nine this week.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Brady Bogan]

You beat Baltimore.

[John Holmberg]

It's great.

[Brady Bogan]

You took first place over again. It's fine whether you end up finishing it off or not.

[John Holmberg]

Who knows?

[Brady Bogan]

Cincinnati loss, don't care.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. They're just. Lamar's out.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

He dressed up like a sperm and did a press conference afterwards. I don't want to get.

Nobody knows what you're saying. And then I just pray. Oh, oh. I Got some coins. Two gold from Larry just interrupts the show and brings us Hanukkah candies. Thank you, Larry.

[Brady Bogan]

Hanukkah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Anyway, thank you, Larry back.

[Brady Bogan]

Does this count as much as real. Real money?

[John Holmberg]

To him it does.

[Brett Vessel]

Gold tastes like.

[John Holmberg]

Anyway, I want to get back to kill it. Killing some ravens, I don't want. And I never want it to be. Be like an egregious. Like the guy who killed the trees.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I want it to be a natural happenstance.

[Brady Bogan]

No, but how many people did that affect Emotionally, not physically. I don't like the physical pain to innocent bystander.

[John Holmberg]

Right, right. Inflicted on by another person. But if God does it, I'm thrilled.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Morning sickness.

[Chris Turner]

Disgusting.

[John Holmberg]

They say things that are horrible way.

[Brady Bogan]

Up Holg's morning sickness.

[Chris Turner]

Or.

[Brady Bogan]

Or it's just a little poison every year.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that was. See to me.

[Brett Vessel]

Poisoning Dale, I'm. I'm surprised. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

To me that was one of the worst things that's happened in sports because like, look, you can. Yes, cuz you can root for someone to get a disease, but you can't prove that I gave it to them. If I killed the trees at Tumor's Corner or whatever that place is what it is, then I'm guilty of a crime. Rooting for someone to get something is not bad.

[Brady Bogan]

Rooting for. But then when it happens, oh, so great. Like you see about what happened in Michigan.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, thrill. Well for Brady. And I thought he'd be happier and he was just kind of like, well, I just thought maybe, golly gosh, I'm like, knock it off. Because your stupid smile. Because it's not authentic like that. It's not authentic.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, here's the thing, and I understand a little bit where he's coming from because this Moore guy ain't the top notch.

They might find a better coach because of this.

[John Holmberg]

Well, then. Then Ohio State's playing.

[Brady Bogan]

You know, like, what happens if. If you. If you wish Lamar Jackson out of the Baltimore Raiders because he's losing his toes to some venereal disease, they get a new quarterback.

All of a sudden, Tom Brady the second comes back.

[John Holmberg]

Get back to that M thing again. What. What did you say?

[Brett Vessel]

Tommy Vito takes a helmet and wins the Super Bowl.

[John Holmberg]

Look, all I care about right now is that Lamar's toes fall off. We'll deal with the next guy, and then I'll have some new guy to hate and it'll bring me joy there.

[Brady Bogan]

But what happens? The next guy's Tom Brady, and he had to deal with him for 20.

[John Holmberg]

Years we made sure that Lamar wasn't with disease from the Lord. That's all we could pestilence some sort of horrible thing.

[Brett Vessel]

He's got a pretty good candidate back in the mix. Philip Rivers.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, boy. Yeah, but he's.

[Brady Bogan]

You don't like him.

[John Holmberg]

I've never liked Philip Rivers.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, I love him. Oh, I love him.

[John Holmberg]

He's intolerable.

[Brady Bogan]

No, he's not.

[John Holmberg]

If you played with Philip Rivers, you would hate.

[Brady Bogan]

He was played with him. You love him. No way.

[John Holmberg]

Every offensive lineman hated Philip Rivers. All he does is blame and bark.

[Brady Bogan]

No, he does not blame anything. John, John, how many times have you lined up in front of a £300.

[John Holmberg]

Man tried to block Dear, dear Brady and Dale's Jesus, please. I didn't have. I didn't have any anger till now. Please let one of the linemen who doesn't know Philip Rivers very well this weekend turn and decapitate him for yelling at him. Practice. All Philip Rivers did was blame the line, man.

[Brady Bogan]

He never blamed the line. He's competitive, Johnny.

[John Holmberg]

Amen. Lamb of God. Cheez its cheese and crackers and juice.

That's what you guys do. I don't know what you guys do.

[Brett Vessel]

I did like the idea of adding cheese to the.

[Brady Bogan]

How do you. Especially when he was in his prime.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, shuck shoot. I got 25,000 children, Chuck.

[Brady Bogan]

Shoot sh. What's the matter with that? They're all the same.

[John Holmberg]

One man, he's shuck shoot guy. And then he's like you. You didn't block good enough. You piece. It's like he's just a garbage man on the field.

[Brett Vessel]

Looks like he's going to be a decent quarterback.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I've never once seen Philip Rivers go, sorry, guys, that was my fault.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, he's done that a lot.

[John Holmberg]

Never. Oh, never.

[Brady Bogan]

Johnny, you're a selective seer.

[John Holmberg]

He's. He's speaking of Sears, like C words. Did you say C word? Philip Rivers.

[Chris Turner]

Horrible.

[John Holmberg]

Hate him. I, I love. Like the hate is so great. We, we push it down like, oh, it's so bad for you. It's so joyous. Of course it is good at SMU at Dallas when you're playing, it's like that guy across me wants to kill you. If you don't hate him. If you don't have a proper amount of the. Of an ability to absolutely conjure up hatred.

[Brady Bogan]

John, let me tell you a story.

[John Holmberg]

Go.

[Brady Bogan]

So I used to. The way I used to get myself ready for a game was I would get the media guide picture of the guy I'm going against. And I would. I would make it into like an effect. Whatever is five by seven. And I put in my locker and every day I'd walk in, I. I'd find something. He's just. He's just sitting there smiling. Yeah. And I could look at him and I could look into his eye.

[John Holmberg]

You find it and I can see.

[Brady Bogan]

That is an arrogant sob.

[John Holmberg]

You had to do that.

[Brady Bogan]

And by the time either Saturday, especially in college.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

In. In Satter on Saturday came. I hated that guy.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

I never talked to him.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

I played a guy, I guess a guy named Ray Childress for three years. He went to Great line. He went to Texas A and M. Was the third pick in the driver draft. Never said a word. We hit. We. We knocked heads probably 70 times a game for three years. Never shared a word, really. Just hit. Hit each other. Go back to the huddle. Hit each other. But I hated him. He had this long neck like a. An arrogant peacock. He'd walk around and I just couldn't stand.

[John Holmberg]

Smug piece of garbage.

[Brady Bogan]

And it's really the only time I've ever done anything.

Really dirty on the football field.

[John Holmberg]

Sweet.

[Brady Bogan]

All right. Well, we're at the bottom of a pile. I had somehow gotten him on his back. Back. Everybody falls on top of his ma. Mass of humanity. I. And I. And I realized my. My left hand is like entangled in a face mask. And through all the legs and arms I can look down and it's Ray children.

[Brett Vessel]

Oh.

[Brady Bogan]

And I said watch this and twist. And so I grabbed his face mask and I literally tried to corkscrew Dale Albert.

[Brett Vessel]

Hell.

[John Holmberg]

Finish this. Finish him.

[Brady Bogan]

And yeah. Now everybody's getting up. I'm still getting. Trying one more wrench.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

We all get up and he comes up swinging.

[Chris Turner]

Yes.

[Brady Bogan]

Now he's looking through. His nose is sticking out of his ear hole.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you twisted the whole thing.

[Brady Bogan]

Twisted a face back so it's facing sideways. And he starts. He doesn't know what he's.

[Brett Vessel]

Who did it?

[John Holmberg]

Who did it.

[Brady Bogan]

He's trying to swing and hit somebody. So not only. Only that, I probably broke his nose. But he got a 15 yard penalty. Front sports like Honda. Yes.

[John Holmberg]

For throwing him.

[Brady Bogan]

And I walked back the whole big smile on my face. That's. You piece of crap.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vessel]

Who won the game?

[Brady Bogan]

We don't.

[John Holmberg]

We didn't. Doesn't matter. He won the battle.

[Brady Bogan]

We didn't lose much of that.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. That's true.

[Brady Bogan]

We were the Ohio State.

[Brett Vessel]

That's right.

[John Holmberg]

Except for all the Championships.

[Brady Bogan]

You couldn't.

[John Holmberg]

You couldn't get over Arkansas, so we couldn't.

[Brady Bogan]

You couldn't beat Arkansas. We finished number two, number four, number six, first.

[John Holmberg]

Loser. First. Second place is first. Last place.

[Brady Bogan]

Wait, what? Way to bring the mood down.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no, I'm just saying. Oh, the mood. The guy just emailed me, said, oh, my God, it's so nice to hear someone hate Lamar Jackson the way I hate him. It makes me feel normal. I want him to get VD of the mouth. Yes, me too.

[Brady Bogan]

Why don't you two me for lunch?

[John Holmberg]

I would. Yeah, Tyson, I'll take you to lunch. We'll talk about VD of the mouth. And I don't want to have anything to do. Do with it. And I don't want another person to do it. I just want it to happen.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

You know, I don't want other people.

[Brady Bogan]

Like, why don't be one of God's miracles and.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yes. One of God's Jesus. Oh, like the bread and the fish walking on water and giving.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't. I just don't know what he's ever done to you other than beat your foot.

[John Holmberg]

No, he hasn't beat us. It's just his face. I just hate him. He wears that.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't hate you because of your face.

[John Holmberg]

But I don't wear. I don't wear, like, a Texas helmet around and, like, just march around, like. And he's. He's got no championships. He's nothing. He's nothing. And he's just. Oh, you're the. You're the greatest mvp.

[Brady Bogan]

That's something.

[John Holmberg]

I swear to God, if Chris Collins were. Lamar Jackson thrown four interceptions tonight. That's one of the most incredible plays I'd ever seen. Like, he's down four picks in this game and you're still praising him. Anyone else gets blasted for this performance, but some reason Lamar is the sacred cow. You can't. Oh, I hate him so much.

[Brady Bogan]

I did. I never really paid attention to Chris Collinsworth, but this. This last Sunday during the Kansas City game, and he does have a man.

[John Holmberg]

Patrick Mahomes might have 31 yards passing late in the third quarter, but it's the best 31 yards. I mean, I've never seen anything like it. Blackout. And he's. He is. He won't stop. Travis Kelsey. That was a misread on Kevin Mahomes. Put that right on the dot. Even though it was intercepted.

[Brady Bogan]

Even though it was intercepted, it's thrown two yards behind him.

[John Holmberg]

Terrible throw. Terrible throw. Like, Kelsey usually comes down with that. I'm like, what the hell? Yeah, he loves Patrick Mahomes in a very gay way, but he kind of has a thing for Lamar, too. It's like the. He's got a little fever on that side.

[Brady Bogan]

I've not paid that close.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Now, do you think that the Shemar Moore story is Sharon Moore? Shouldn't you know. I don't know why you're correcting me. Who cares? He's a nobody. Shouldn't. Shouldn't. Coaches who have the. Like, they should know. It's like a fisherman being dropped in a boat and saying, don't fish. If you're, like, susceptible to the college gal, you can't. You can't go.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, but maybe he wasn't until he became a head coach.

[John Holmberg]

Man, once you recognize it, though, you know, I'm fishing. I'm in a boat and I'm fishing.

[Brady Bogan]

Here's the thing that's amazing, John, is obviously that's a horrendous situation. And I. I do feel for.

[John Holmberg]

Weren't they, like, dating, though? He wasn't, like, molesting her.

[Brady Bogan]

No, no, no. But. But he held power over her and.

Oh, look at that.

[John Holmberg]

She was. She was a participant.

[Brady Bogan]

You don't know, Johnny.

[John Holmberg]

She was a participant.

[Brady Bogan]

But there's also stuff that's happened here locally at my former high school. So we're high school. There's a ad that got hired six months ago, and he just got fired for sending inappropriate texts to a middle school.

[John Holmberg]

Really?

[Brady Bogan]

Middle schooler.

[John Holmberg]

That's just.

[Brady Bogan]

It's like, come on.

[John Holmberg]

That's insanely illegal.

[Brady Bogan]

Yes. Well, so is.

[John Holmberg]

What he's doing is just frowned upon.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, you force her getting abortions.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I don't know about that. Yeah, well, forced. And that's. Yeah, that's. We start getting into some touchy subjects there.

[Brady Bogan]

I'll fire you if you don't.

[John Holmberg]

That's dangerous.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

There's jail time now. There's jail time. Right, but just having the affair and around and doing stupid stuff, it's not illegal. It's just immoral. It's just. It's. It's a bad. It's a bad thing to do.

[Brady Bogan]

It's. It's a way for Michigan to get out from $13 million.

[John Holmberg]

They didn't want to get out that way way. They don't want embarrassment.

[Brett Vessel]

I don't think they orchestrated.

[John Holmberg]

You know, they weren't sitting there going.

[Brady Bogan]

They think that girl went to Ohio State undergrad.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, she's a double agent.

[Brett Vessel]

She was a Purdue.

[John Holmberg]

And also, she's really Hot. Which means that black guys are right careful of the white devil.

[Brady Bogan]

Is that what they call?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. My friend Winston text this morning said I'm teaching my son never play in the snow, if you know what I mean.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Take it all. You lose your job up your marriage, your house.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, I did say something on social media where somebody said, hey, last year I sent this picture into the athletic.

[Brett Vessel]

Department of Michigan saying, something's going on.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

So is that long? How.

[Brady Bogan]

How stupid are you if you're the head coach at Michigan and you're walking along sorority row or whatever?

[John Holmberg]

Just don't go there.

[Brady Bogan]

No, no, we get some pictures.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vessel]

Come on over here, ladies.

[John Holmberg]

Damn right. White devil. How you doing?

[Brett Vessel]

Wasn't at the party the one coach.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, there's been tons of them. Tons of them are over there. You get. You get sucked in. You're a fisherman in a lake full of fish, and you're like, I better not. So. So who's worse?

[Brady Bogan]

This more cat or. Or. The former O day coach, Urban Meyer doesn't fly back with his team. Similar goes to Columbus and is photographed.

[John Holmberg]

Trying to hose up.

[Brady Bogan]

Just. Again, you're Urban Meyer in Columbus, and you don't think people are to going.

[John Holmberg]

Take pictures in a restaurant called Urban Myers?

It was his own restaurant. I didn't even know that. It's his own steakhouse.

[Brett Vessel]

You're talking about the College Football hall of Fame.

[Brady Bogan]

Urban Meyer.

[Brett Vessel]

That's what happens.

[John Holmberg]

That's what happens. Yeah. You go back and say you're a great children's coach. What about the NFL? We don't talk about it. He's a horrible coach.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, he was horrible.

[John Holmberg]

He was a horrible coach of real football.

[Brett Vessel]

Football.

[John Holmberg]

He was a horrible coach.

[Brady Bogan]

What, and you're saying NFL?

[John Holmberg]

Yes. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

The other college football is real.

[John Holmberg]

Nah. You get two years with a guy, you're like, rah, rah, rah. Go get him. Rah, rah. And then you just do base packages, and that's it. That's all you have to do. Here we run the wishbone 300 times a game. That's. It's stupid. You got 12 plays in your. And you got to remember five of them.

[Brady Bogan]

Hey, is this the last year for Mike Tomlin?

[John Holmberg]

Maybe. We'll. We'll talk about that. Talk about that. I got to take a break. Toledo's not coming in, but I'm. I'm managing this very.

[Brady Bogan]

You are. Well, your buddy came back.

[John Holmberg]

Came back. Well, I'm busy talking to you, dummy. Here we go. We'll talk to Dale. Hell name call.

[Brett Vessel]

He's.

[John Holmberg]

He's brought to you by Diamond Coatings. AC.com. get that? You got a surface. You need resurfacing. That's the only place to go. Diamond Coatings. A dot com.

[Chris Turner]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.

[John Holmberg]

No membership fees. I have heard enough of this.

Morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail.

Did you know, Brett, that the Italian American club charges extra for drinks if you're not Italian? That's what it should be. That is not the way. How are they getting away?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You didn't know that? I just found that. Hey, you don't like it? Don't gonna. Why?

[Brady Bogan]

Really? If you're not Italian, why would you go?

[John Holmberg]

Well, they. They like you can be a member and not be Italian.

[Brady Bogan]

You want that? That'd be.

Why do I want to be a member of Augusta? No.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know.

[Brady Bogan]

They don't want you.

[John Holmberg]

I've never understood that.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm not Italian. I don't want an hour, a bird, a week.

[John Holmberg]

So now that's plenty.

[Brady Bogan]

Yes.

[Chris Turner]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

By joining, if you can become a member, but you still have to pay a little extra than an Italian.

[Brett Vessel]

It's just like a country club members get a discount on the.

[John Holmberg]

But it's not like a country club, because a country. Well, country clubs do base things on race, but this is actually on your heritage saying, you are not born Italian. You do not have a chance to be part the of. Of this.

[Brett Vessel]

I don't know. I think they're flexible over there.

[John Holmberg]

It's five bucks for a drink for me and a dollar for an Italian.

[Brett Vessel]

No, but if you.

[John Holmberg]

You could join Brady. Try it with a black guy.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Tell me how. It's right there.

[Brett Vessel]

No, I will try it.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, try. Try charging. Well, cuz you're black. And then throw that at him and see how it goes.

Yeah, you can't argue this. It's just. It shouldn't be legal. You guys are getting away with murder over there. Hey, don't like I should get 70% off at IKEA if that's the case. There you go. It's not fair.

[Brady Bogan]

So off the air while you're playing that miserable music. We were talking about myriad different things and I did want to get this out there because we're talking about wives. Yeah. Your. Your wife texted this morning.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, nonsense. How amazing my gaze.

[Brady Bogan]

How amazing your neighbors are. How on earth. Thank you.

[John Holmberg]

How. How are they functioning after that late dinner? Michael got up at 8. He's amazing. I don't know how he's doing.

[Brady Bogan]

Her stomach feels kind of yucky.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, she's in trouble. I got up at four no matter what. Now I'm entertaining America for five hours.

[Brady Bogan]

But my wife went for a yearly physical yesterday. Perfectly healthy, everything's great, that's good. And she's happy about that. But. And here's why I need your guys input.

[John Holmberg]

Uh oh.

[Brady Bogan]

We've been married 37 years.

She's three pounds heavier than the day we got married.

[John Holmberg]

Three pounds.

[Brady Bogan]

Now what are we gonna do about that? Johnny, what are we gonna do about that?

[John Holmberg]

Get the papers. Ozempic, I think, is the only answer.

[Brady Bogan]

Really?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

I mean, what are we gonna do about.

[John Holmberg]

Man, three pounds heavier than the day you married. Do you even recognize her?

[Brady Bogan]

It's like, who's that wobbling away?

[John Holmberg]

Who is that? When did a sea otter get in my home? Three pounds.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, that's.

[John Holmberg]

It's. It's unacceptable.

[Brady Bogan]

Her and I together.

[John Holmberg]

And where are you?

[Brady Bogan]

What are you.

[John Holmberg]

You're probably a lot lighter than when you met.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, when I. We met in college, I was probably about 270. 270. Probably about 280 now. So, you know, everybody's just put together a little.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. Yours is more muscle. Back then you had to carry a lot more fat.

[Brady Bogan]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Three pads. It's showing. Is it? In all the right places.

[Brady Bogan]

No, no, that's the thing.

[John Holmberg]

We got each. Was it a pound on each hip? Oh, man.

[Brady Bogan]

How do you deal with. Give me some advice, John.

[John Holmberg]

How would you take her for? Walk spire? A treadmill? Christmas is coming. Maybe a thigh master. I'm not sure.

[Brady Bogan]

Gym membership.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, a couple of gym memberships. They make it so east and west.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

She's covered at mountainside and at the Barney gym, a cell phone with Cordell and Cordell's number.

[Brett Vessel]

Program.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. Introducing Cordell and Cordell.

[Brett Vessel]

Chardonnay.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Is she distraught or can you even understand it with all that food?

[Brady Bogan]

I mean, she is pretty depressed.

[John Holmberg]

My God, that's brutal. And I'll tell you before we get to our football picks in the entertainment drill. Dale called this week and I literally. I was playing basketball when you called. Called?

[Brady Bogan]

I thought you said you're having dinner.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, that was when we finally talked.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

But you called me earlier and I was playing basketball. My phone was buzzing, but I had the timer on and I didn't want to stop, so I picked it up after. I'm like. Dale called me.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And I put the Phone back in my pocket and I finished playing ball and I went back inside. Dinner had just arrived and I looked at my. Looked at my voice messages and Dale left me a very tender voice message. He called me me at about 6:30 and the voice message just says call me Wad, which is I think very similar to the first line of Moby Dick, which is call me Ishmael. So now I will, by your request, call you Wad by what you said. So it says call me F Wad. And I call him and I'm thinking, all right, what's he mad about? And then you were very generously offering me tickets to a Raider.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, you, you, you say, I don't want to talk on the phone. I'd rather other text. If I'm going to have a one minute conversation, we can come to a conclusion versus eight text.

[John Holmberg]

Just text me and say I'm calling you or call me.

[Brady Bogan]

That's what I did.

[John Holmberg]

No, you called me first.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, I just let them get it over with.

[John Holmberg]

And you didn't. It just said who's going to call back? Call me bod. But I did.

Because I recognized he might be right. And I called back and he said, do you want to go to the Chiefs and Raiders?

[Brady Bogan]

And I figured it's a Sunday and your Steelers are playing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, there's a possibility that that's a thing. And that's the only thing kind of holding me back right now is I don't know if the Steelers Ravens game is going to be on Saturday or Sunday.

[Brady Bogan]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

It was very nice of you.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

But maybe change your tenor on the message leaving. Call me F1. Probably not going to go over too well with your overweight wife.

[Brett Vessel]

Do you know where the seats are?

[John Holmberg]

Wow. No, I didn't ask him that. But I didn't want to say I didn't want to ask where the seats were until I found out if I could go and then I would. Then my next move, Brady, was going to be to call them and do a hell of straight say, I think I can make it, but where are the seats? Yeah. Otherwise I'm going to go ahead and plan something else. But thank you. That was very nice of you to offer that.

[Brady Bogan]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

And I'm still, still thinking on how I can arrange that. And I won't wait too long.

[Brady Bogan]

If in fact the only thing that would stay. Who do the Steelers have left?

[John Holmberg]

Ravens. So it could very well be for the division. It's a big weekend.

[Chris Turner]

It is.

[Brett Vessel]

They don't.

[Brady Bogan]

I wonder if they would if there's any possible way that they be at the same time?

[John Holmberg]

Well, it's a TBD game. They haven't even announced the times yet.

[Brady Bogan]

So it could be a different day.

[John Holmberg]

Could be.

[Brady Bogan]

And you also have the 4 o' clock window.

[John Holmberg]

The 1 o' clock could be a Saturday, could be the late Sunday. If it's for the division, they'll make it the Sunday night game. And then. Then I can do it for sure. Well, maybe.

[Brady Bogan]

I have a feeling the Chiefs lose this week.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

That.

[John Holmberg]

That game become a Saturday game. Which would be perfect if the Steelers get flexed to Sunday night and the Chiefs are Saturday. I. I'm in. Right. Things fly back Sunday and hit the game here at the house.

[Brady Bogan]

And I was even gonna offer you.

[John Holmberg]

A hundred dollar room at 100 room.

[Brady Bogan]

At the whatchamacallit Cortez World. No.

[John Holmberg]

Where do you stand at the Aria?

[Brady Bogan]

The Aria? The Raiders give you a hundred dollar room. But it's only a room I know you like. Oh, he's not staying in.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I don't have to pay for the rooms at Aria. Why would I give anyone a hundred dollars?

[Brady Bogan]

I'm just saying that that's also.

[John Holmberg]

It's very nice of you.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. For somebody who. Who doesn't have your connection.

[John Holmberg]

It's very nice. Yes. I'll give. I'll get you a room without the hundred dollars.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

For. For that if I go. Otherwise I can't. That was nice though. Dale's. Dale's trying to take me across state lines like Brady did That Caitlin girl.

[Brett Vessel]

It's awesome.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it is. All right, let's get right to the picks real quick. Boy, it's all over. This NFL season is so hard to predict. You don't know Philip Rivers is back. He's 88 years old. I hate when old people do well in professional sports. I absolutely hate, hate it. It means something's wrong with the game.

[Brady Bogan]

I bet you he's not playing this week. Yes, he is starting.

[John Holmberg]

They just announced that he's starting.

[Brady Bogan]

It's either him or a rookie.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that kid.

[Brady Bogan]

That's terrible.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he's going to play for sure this weekend.

[Brady Bogan]

And for some reason I believe that he will have one game in him and.

[John Holmberg]

And he might not be able to.

[Brady Bogan]

Get up on Monday.

[John Holmberg]

Not. Not the first one though. You can't knock the rust off in a pro football game and just.

[Brady Bogan]

He's throwing the ball. He's a coach. He's throwing ball long.

[John Holmberg]

He just wants out of that house full of kids. Look, I'd be playing till I'm 90. You think you got problems with that? Lady of yours is just a cake machine.

[Brett Vessel]

This guy's opening up on the Seahawks.

[John Holmberg]

Got a burrito eating baby factory for a wife. She won't stop popping them out like a vending machine. All right, let's get right to it. I believe the Bears are playing. Who do they have this?

[Brett Vessel]

The Brownies.

[John Holmberg]

The Brownies. The Bears and Browns. You're gonna go with the Bears. All right, Bears for you.

[Brady Bogan]

Who?

[John Holmberg]

The Cowboys have Dale.

[Brady Bogan]

They have Minnesota.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, in Dallas.

[Brady Bogan]

In Dallas. I believe so.

[John Holmberg]

What do you got?

[Brady Bogan]

I will take the Cowboys.

[John Holmberg]

Going with the Cowboys over our Brady. The Bungles are kind of a confusing team. Maybe they can, maybe they can't. They got Baltimore, who's reeling but absolutely need this win in Cincy. Who's got.

[Brett Vessel]

I haven't been picking the Bangles. Been doing pretty well with that.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brett Vessel]

But I'm going to go with the Bengals.

[John Holmberg]

Get the Bengals to go two. And oh. Against the Ravens in three wins.

[Chris Turner]

Weeks.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Brady Bogan]

I have a feeling that we're going to lose one.

[Brett Vessel]

Going with the Ravens.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I got to pull him back. I talked to him. He is so committed.

[Brady Bogan]

That's like changing your answer on a.

[John Holmberg]

Committed to his. Committed to his craft. All right. Steelers are at home against Miami on Monday night. Miami's. We. We had them dead to rights in the podcast. We had. Well, they're five wins in a row. You're getting a hell of a team. And their secondary is great.

[Brady Bogan]

Matter if they play in cold weather anymore.

[John Holmberg]

No, they're f. They're a physical team. They got the number three rusher in football. Football and a chain. This is a miraculous turnaround because that dude was fired.

[Brady Bogan]

McDaniel was gone.

[John Holmberg]

It was gone. I will. I will give the Steelers the win because it's at home, but I don't know who Miami is and I don't know what to expect. And they can run the ball and the Steelers can't stop it, but I think that's it. Right now our bet is worth $328 because we're all favorites.

[Brady Bogan]

Taking favorites.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I'm fine with that. We got to get our money somehow. That's finally. Let's do a safe.

[Brady Bogan]

We can't get $300.

[John Holmberg]

Look, if somebody screwed this up. If the Brady's Bungles. Yeah. The good news is. The good news is if dipstick changer over here misses and he's the only one, we'll still make almost as much as we would have had we won the bet.

[Brady Bogan]

That is true.

[John Holmberg]

So that's how.

[Brett Vessel]

That's.

[John Holmberg]

That's awesome right there. All right, we'll get that done and make that a thing. Yeah, it's pretty good.

[Brady Bogan]

When.

[John Holmberg]

At what time in your career, like, you went back, you came off the couch and played for the Ravens for half an hour and do you feel like your brain said, we got this.

[Brady Bogan]

This the first time I remembered it because obviously a practice for the week.

[John Holmberg]

And you were 40.

[Brady Bogan]

I was 40, yeah. Not 45. No, but the first time I really realized that after I wobbled a snap back there and I went to try and cover the punt and I started running and I was like. My legs were like jello.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

It's like I'm running in quicksand. I was never the fastest guy to begin with, but I'm like, I can't.

[John Holmberg]

I can't run.

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Eric Hill told me that when he played for. He went to the Rams and he said in a practice, once he diagnosed the play before the snap, he knew exactly what was going to happen. He ran to his spot and he said, the running back went right by me. He was. I was a step behind. He's like, but I know where I was supposed to be. So next play he's like, same exact thing. Like, I got this a gap thing. He goes, running back is behind me. He's like, how? He goes, oh, it's me because I can't do it anymore. Because these guys have like three steps fast. Not you lost a step, you lost your step. And they're three steps faster.

[Brady Bogan]

The one thing I'll say about Philip Rivers, kind of like Flacco, quarterback. And then here's the thing. Indianapolis has a pretty good offensive line.

[John Holmberg]

Stop it. No, they don't. Or their quarterback wouldn't be dead. They've got nobody left.

[Brady Bogan]

He tore his Achilles right.

[John Holmberg]

Because he's been running for his life all year.

[Brady Bogan]

Shut up.

Screw that.

[John Holmberg]

Wild eyed murderer Daniel Jones looks like every Netflix killer ever. Horror. He takes his helmet off. It gets worse. Most of the time in the helmet, you're like, jeez, in that helmet, that guy looks like a serial killer. He takes his office like, no, he is a serial killer. Somebody put. Amazing. Yeah. Anyway, he does. He's got like those nocturnal. Those bush baby monkey eyes. Crazy.

[Brady Bogan]

This guy like that Sam Darnold has the most punchable face.

[John Holmberg]

He does have a very. Well, you know, it's hard when you've got Sean Payton on a field, even though he's a coach, to say he's the most punchable But Sam Darnold, J.J. mcCarthy's very punchable face. Very punchable face.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, okay, I'll. I'll go with that. But John Payton, why don't you like him?

[John Holmberg]

Because he's a rat face and he doesn't have anything to do with Steelers.

Yuck. I hate them all. Here we go. Oh, Brady and Dale's baby.

[Chris Turner]

Jesus.

[John Holmberg]

Jesus Lord, please let Sean Payton's toes fall off in a weird boating accident.

[Brady Bogan]

What is it with toes?

[Brett Vessel]

He loves the toes.

[John Holmberg]

Because you can't stand up without your toes. You have to have toes to stand up.

[Brady Bogan]

Then just take away the big toe.

[Brett Vessel]

He wants him on a.

[John Holmberg]

That's a hover. That's your balance. Yeah, yeah. So if you. I'll take them all the way, though, just in case he learns one.

[Brady Bogan]

So he kind of figured.

[John Holmberg]

I've seen those old shows where people learn to play guitar and stuff if they have like a.

[Brett Vessel]

To like take them off, hover out on the side.

[John Holmberg]

I want him to be fully capable of everything if he had toes. But he's got. He's got to march around with like crutches and sticks for the rest of his life, just for the lack of.

[Brady Bogan]

It's amazing when you think of these. Your big toes obviously is super important.

[John Holmberg]

Super.

[Brady Bogan]

The other thing. Are your thumbs Huge.

[John Holmberg]

You can lose your thumbs though. You won't tip over.

[Brady Bogan]

No, but what I'm saying is like, I've broken my right thumb a couple times. Broke my left thumb once. Right. If you're right handed, you break your thumb, you're screwed. Yeah, you're screwed.

[John Holmberg]

Can't do anything.

[Brady Bogan]

You can't open a door. Hard to start a car back in the day when you actually had a key. Start a car, Crank. Wipe yourself after you're done. You have to become ambidextrous.

[John Holmberg]

You learn that after surgery. They asked me what my dominant hand was. I said, my right hand. And they said, okay. And what they were asking was, which. Which hand do you wipe your ass with? And I didn't get that. And I'm a left handed wiper. Oh, I didn't know that. So they cut my left shoulder first. Put me up in the sling. That first turd. I was. I was like, I was sponge painting. I just. I wasn't making clear swipes. I was just hitting it and then like mashing it against my leg. I'm like, why is my arm doing this?

[Brady Bogan]

This.

[Brett Vessel]

It's.

[Brady Bogan]

It's weird.

[John Holmberg]

You can't. You're. You cannot function.

[Brady Bogan]

Wiping.

[John Holmberg]

Try it today. You're going to make a mess.

[Brady Bogan]

Tape your thumb to your hand and use your opposite hand.

[John Holmberg]

Use your other hand to wipe your ass.

[Brady Bogan]

You.

[John Holmberg]

It is amazing how bad you are at Bert.

[Brady Bogan]

That's your homework.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody listening. That's what you got to do.

[Chris Turner]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool actually.

[John Holmberg]

No membership fee. I have heard enough of this.

Morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail.

And on that note, let's get right to the entertainment drill, shall we? It is time now for the entertainment drill brought to you by our [e-mail] the home of tactical Black. You want to talk about a place that keeps you in great shape? They keep you in a shape because Joy, the matriarch of the beautiful React defense made this gigantic. She's amazing baker and this cook. This would have kept your cookie business in business.

[Brady Bogan]

I was gonna say that. That's home.

[John Holmberg]

This is all her work at home and she's a baker and she made this cookie tray for everybody and they are unreal. So thank you to the gang up there and happy holidays to everybody at react defense. And again, reminder. They'll. They'll get you. They'll get the cookie weight off. That's for sure. Although they're putting it on me right now. The cookie weight comes off. If you are feeling those holiday pounds and they're sneaking up on you and you want to start getting in shape, 89 bucks for a month of training there will keep you in shape and you'll be able to eat sort of whatever you want. That's the way it works. And the price is unbeatable. Reactdefense.com Great people and doing great things. It's the home of Tactical Black, Brady and Dale Entertainment.

[Brett Vessel]

It's officially been 60 years since a Charlie Brown Christmas debuted.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vessel]

Here's a couple of fun facts. Had a budget of 76,000 from CBS and Coca Cola to get made.

[John Holmberg]

Jesus.

[Brett Vessel]

It took about six months to make. There were almost. There was almost a laugh track added. But Charles M. Schultz wouldn't let it happen. Fought for that. Got it. Snoopy's voice is just a sped up nonsense.

[John Holmberg]

That's all he does.

[Brett Vessel]

And shorts.

[John Holmberg]

He only yells.

[Brett Vessel]

Thought jazz music was awful but he.

[John Holmberg]

But he kept stuff in there. How about that?

[Brett Vessel]

Charlie Brown's head was difficult to animate because. Because it's round shape. Snoopy's was the easiest.

[John Holmberg]

Charlie's was hardest because it had to be symmetrical all the time.

[Brady Bogan]

Kind of like yours.

[John Holmberg]

Ryan Lock Mine's pretty round. I'm square my jaw.

[Brady Bogan]

You could be Charlie Brown if you're better looking.

[John Holmberg]

Square jaw. I am better looking than Charlie if I had that little wisp of hair.

[Brett Vessel]

Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte is selling three of his gold medals. The ones from, I think, the Rio Games?

[John Holmberg]

No, the ones where he.

[Brett Vessel]

Addiction?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vessel]

He's sober.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vessel]

Said he went through some addiction problems which caused the. You know, didn't help his marriage. They're divorcing.

[John Holmberg]

Sure.

[Brett Vessel]

I think he needs some dough.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I know a girl who's not dating anyone in Michigan right now.

[Brett Vessel]

Jack Nicholson had a stalker at one time.

[John Holmberg]

I was proud of that one.

[Brett Vessel]

Ben Dreyfus is the son of Richard Dreyfus and a woman named Jeremy Rain. Jeremy dated Nicholson in the early 80s, and Ben told this story that happened when they're.

[John Holmberg]

Wait. Jeremy dated Jack Nicholson?

[Brett Vessel]

Jeremy Dreyfus, the daughter.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, her name is Jeremy?

[Brett Vessel]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

A girl?

[Brett Vessel]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

This was very confusing for a second.

[Brett Vessel]

She started. Jack started getting disturbing phone calls from a woman. Weird him out so much, he told everyone in the house to ignore one. One day, Jeremy was at Jack's house when the woman showed up and knocked on his door. Jeremy and Jack were kind of freaked out.

[John Holmberg]

Wait a minute. Jeremy's not the girl.

[Brett Vessel]

Jeremy is a girl.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. This is hard. Getting confused. I think Brady's trying to tell everybody I'm a twink.

I won't have it. Bogan.

[Brett Vessel]

Jeremy, he's. Jack told her to go get. Call for help.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vessel]

She left the room to do so, and then she came back in a couple minutes later.

[John Holmberg]

Later.

[Brett Vessel]

Jack was not there. She goes around the house, goes. Opens up the bedroom door, and there's Jack being orally pleased by the stalker.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I mean. I mean, she was there to perform. Brady. I don't know why I wouldn't.

[Brett Vessel]

She's like, what's the. What the f. Is wrong with you?

[John Holmberg]

I was afraid of her until I saw that she had no teeth. I thought I put that to use.

[Brett Vessel]

She offered me a blowjob.

[John Holmberg]

Crackheads are the best at it.

[Brett Vessel]

Who am I to say no, Dale.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Brady Bogan]

Jack's a pleaser.

[John Holmberg]

That's exactly right. Thank you, Dale.

[Brett Vessel]

Brett, get ready to look some of these up. Dale's got a great story.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Brett Vessel]

Country music.

[John Holmberg]

Make it fast. Don't, don't.

[Brady Bogan]

Hurry up.

[John Holmberg]

We gotta go. We gotta go.

[Brady Bogan]

The worst country songs of 2025.

[John Holmberg]

The lot. All of them.

[Brady Bogan]

Your name came up yesterday, John. While I was golfing out at Moon Valley.

[John Holmberg]

Of course.

[Brady Bogan]

And that same happen House that has the country music playing with that giant ugly lady. It's converted, but no, just blowing out country music.

[John Holmberg]

Loud, proud.

[Brady Bogan]

And I go, damn it, I wish Johnny was here. Come on, is there a better way?

[John Holmberg]

I remember, wait, the lady that was playing all that country music. I'm like, she's either. But this was the fun part, Brad. I'm like, oh, Castell. Like there you.

[Brady Bogan]

There you go, Johnny.

[John Holmberg]

There's some good music. And I'm like, oh, I bet if we roll by there, she's are like mentally challenged or like rolling around. We go by some lady in one of those backwards wheelchairs tending to some.

[Brett Vessel]

Roses in the still.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, she was a mess.

[Brady Bogan]

Is there a better way to celebrate the Christmas season than trashing some music? To be fair, they put country in quotes. So this really is just a list of songs they wish for in another genre. Boy, that's good.

[John Holmberg]

I mean that was really good.

[Brady Bogan]

Oil Money by Graham Barham. Ham, two pair by King Brown and Cowgirl by Parmalee.

[John Holmberg]

This one of them. This is oil money. This here. Oh my. Listen to that.

[Brady Bogan]

Come on, Johnny. Little two step of music.

[John Holmberg]

It's from the show Landman. All right. I put it in there myself. Says she went to smu. Tattoo of a crescent. Smu. I said I was only headed through.

[Brady Bogan]

Come on, tell me you don't like this.

[John Holmberg]

I hate the nice.

[Brady Bogan]

What's one thing they all have in common? They all have a trap beat.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know what that beat. That's what that drum beat and everything was just playing. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh yeah. I said yeah. It says it's in that land.

Landman.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, whatever. From the show Landman Dale. It's just a simple word. With land and man together.

[Brady Bogan]

Billy Joe. Or not Billy Joe.

[John Holmberg]

Billy Bob Ford. Billy Bob, we'll help you out. It's getting late. Jim Billy. Jim Bob.

[Brett Vessel]

Billy Joe.

[John Holmberg]

So was Jeremy Dreyfus Richard Dreyus daughter. Yeah, that's what you said.

[Brett Vessel]

Ben is her son. Yeah, Ben Drey and everybody.

[John Holmberg]

He told the story, okay, that his mom used to blow Jack Nicholson and then she caught him with a. With a crack.

[Brett Vessel]

Well, his mom never touched Jack, according to him.

[John Holmberg]

It was just that you're at Jack Nicholson's house. I'm kidding, okay?

[Brett Vessel]

She's not gonna talk about that to Ben.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, all I wanted to do is have you over for a chat.

[Brett Vessel]

It sounds like it quelled the stalker.

[John Holmberg]

Let's watch movies. Never said. Anyway, it's 10:13. Let's get the hell out of here, shall we let's be all done. We got to do our podcast. The sports thing will be a John Holmberg podcast will be up and running later today.

[Brady Bogan]

How do they find that? Johnny?

[John Holmberg]

That's everywhere now. I think everywhere but Spotify. And I think Spotify. We're on this this week. So you can find it at HMS on our podcast page. You can Google the sports thing and John Holberg podcast. Find it right away. It's everywhere. Dale Apple.

[Brady Bogan]

If they type in Dale Holster, what's coming up?

[John Holmberg]

Probably like mental health institutions and cures.

[Brady Bogan]

For vd super bowl champs, maybe.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Where are they now? Is he still alive? Those kind of things. Larry's coming up next. You guys have a good Thursday. We'll see you tomorrow on the morning segment. Solo. It's not weird.

[Chris Turner]

It's pretty cool. Cool, actually.

[John Holmberg]

No membership fees. I have heard enough of this.

[Brady Bogan]

The world's best are chasing gold.

[Brett Vessel]

Get inside the action and support the team.

[Chris Turner]

Join Insider, the official US Ski and snowboard fan loyalty program.

[John Holmberg]

For exclusive perks, visit insider.usski and snowboard.org to join today. With stays under $250 a night, Vrbo makes it easy to celebrate sweater weather. You could book a cabin stay with leaf views for days. Or a brownstone in a city where festivals are just a walk away. Or a lakeside home with a fire pit for cozy nights with friends. Or if you're not a sweater person, we can call it corduroy weather. More flexible. And with stays under $250 a night, you can book a home that suits your exact needs. Book [e-mail].