Holmberg's Morning Sickness (98 KUPD)

Episode: 12-11-25 – FULL SHOW – THURSDAY
Date: December 11, 2025
Host: John Holmberg (with Brady Bogan, Brett Vesely, Dick Toledo, and guest Chris Turner)

Episode Overview

This episode captures the quintessential tone and humor of Holmberg's Morning Sickness, as John Holmberg and his crew riff on Arizona life, local icons, sports scandals, and cultural quirks. Alongside regulars Brady, Brett, and Toledo, the show is also joined by improv rap comic Chris Turner. The morning’s primary themes revolve around the reopening of an iconic Phoenix steakhouse, the cultural identity of the city, fierce sports rivalries, and absurd debates about future alien baby apocalypses.

Key Discussion Points

1. Celebrating the Rebirth of Durant’s Steakhouse

(00:19 – 10:33)

• Durant’s Grand Reopening: John kicks off by raving about Durant’s soft reopening, describing its mobster-vibe and nostalgic red velvet interiors.
  • “After like, a whole year of them redoing it... boy, not anymore. It was awesome, and I’m happy for that.” (John, 02:10)
• Phoenix Lacks Landmarks: John reflects on how Phoenix tears down its history, with Durant’s standing alone as a key local institution.
  • “Phoenix doesn’t have, like, landmark places... We have Durant’s. That’s pretty much it.” (John, 01:46)
• Iconic Decor & Atmosphere Restored: Special attention is paid to Durant’s historic wallpaper, re-created by the original family.
• The Price of Nostalgia: Attending a charity event, John estimates the bill would have been “around two grand.” The table jokes about what kind of person can afford that.
  • “...two grand for dinner is a lot of money. Way too much. But it is...Phoenix history.” (John, 04:37)

2. "Staple" Phoenix Restaurants, Local Pride, & Urban Legend

(10:33 – 16:27)

• Musings on Phoenix’s Food Scene: The hosts reminisce about now-defunct spots like Monty's and legendary places like Organ Stop Pizza and Makayo’s.
  • “Ponchos was awesome...two things: kids ditching school and people having affairs. They could go to Ponchos and...nobody’s ever gonna—” (John, 11:37)
• Wacky Urban Discoveries: John confesses to only recently discovering a decades-old art project (“Tree of Life”).
  • “A mile from here. Never even noticed.” (John, 07:32)
• Anti-Chain Sentiments: The group rails against cloning beloved institutions in new, suburban developments.
  • “You start chaining it out and it’s like, ‘oh, there’s another one,’ it...takes away from the fact that it’s unique.” (John, 16:10)

3. Restaurant Experiences: Service, Pricing, Ambiance

(16:27 – 20:08)

• Paying for History & Ambiance: The hosts note that old restaurants often "got away with" mediocre food, simply due to their legacy status, with Durant’s now delivering on service and sustenance.
• Gross-Out Tales: John recounts a bad steak at Stockyards and rumors of rat infestations at Monty’s, poking fun at old Phoenix standards.

4. Performative Themed Bars in Phoenix

(16:27 – 21:32)

• Immersive Experiences: A discussion of new "theme bars" like Carry On (airplane experience) and Century Grand (train), with John joking about outlandish scenarios—such as a bar that recreates famous doomed flights (Payne Stewart, Buddy Holly).
  • “How many dark-minded, weirdo, gallows humor people like me would love the 9/11...?” (John, 17:51)

5. Sports Rivalries – Michigan Scandal & The Joy of Rival Suffering

(21:32 – 38:43)

• Ongoing Ohio State–Michigan Drama: The show delves into Michigan's coach Sharon Moore’s firing and arrest for a workplace affair and subsequent home incident.
  • “It’s got to feel so good...if Lamar Jackson was let go and then the next day arrested. I wouldn’t be here. I’d be too drained from masturbating all day.” (John, 23:53)
• Petty Rivalry Is the Best Rivalry: John implores Brady—an Ohio State fan—to embrace ruthless schadenfreude: “You’re not an Ohio State fan if you don’t root for him to get, like, face herpes...” (John, 29:22)
• Classic Quotes:
  • “You need some lessons on pettiness. 50 cent’s got it. He waited for a dude to go to jail...then made a documentary about murdering.” (John, 30:04)
• Sports Versus Culture: The gang laments why Phoenix sports can’t provide the shared cultural glue that iconic restaurants can.

6. Blunt, Dark Humor—Alien Babies & Rogue Orphan/Puppy Comparison

(60:36 – 92:39; 77:03 – 92:39)

• Absurd Debates: A running, darkly comic hypothetical—If an alien ship dumped indestructible “future babies” on Earth, could you "do what needed to be done?" The conversation veers into fierce, absurdist logic about the cuteness hierarchy between puppies and babies.
  • “If a spaceship showed up and...future babies just came toddling out...And we have to go to war against babies—could you do it?” (John, 77:03)
• Puppies vs. Babies: The team agrees: puppies at work bring joy, babies bring lawsuits and stress.
  • “You bring your kid to work, it’s like, oh, it’s gonna get in the way all day. Nobody wants kids at work.” (John, 90:05)
• **Sharply irreverent, the segment threads a recurring analogy with adoption, orphanages, workplace dogs and kids, and even baby caskets.

7. Guest Segment: Chris Turner’s Improv Rap Talent

(119:14 – 140:50 and scattered references throughout)

• Meet Chris Turner: The British comic/rapper showcases live, off-the-cuff raps from audience prompts and participates in an impromptu rap about the hosts.
  • “Wait, you really want that? Yes. Okay, I’m gonna take you back to 2002...” (Chris rapping, 121:04)
  • “Not many rappers saying ‘bereft’ in a rap.” (Chris, 138:47)
• Discussion: He talks about America’s love of audience participation, how British crowds are “politer but less fun,” and the complexity of doing TV like AGT or Colbert with live improv.
• Meta-Jokes: Hosts playfully accuse Turner of “faking” the improv and demand proof.

8. Local Charity & Community Drive Shout-outs

(45:00, 97:02, scattered)

• Operation Santa Claus: Ongoing reminders to support local children’s charities and food banks; Brett Vesely handles remote broadcasts from Local Legends for donations.

9. News Oddities, Entertainment Bits, and Torqued Observations

(99:56 – End)

• Quirky News Updates: Giraffes have the highest blood pressure of any mammal, Pumbaa was the first farting Disney character, and December 11th is the statistical “breakup day”.
  • “Ben Franklin once published a book called the drinker’s dictionary...ranging from ‘he’s seen the devil’ to ‘juicy’.” (Brady, 101:02)
• Insane Videos & Social Media: The team reviews wild/brutal videos (e.g. Spider-Man clocking a child at a birthday party; grotesque AI-generated ‘crippled’ comedy; and stomach-turning traffic accidents).
• Charlie Brown’s Christmas Celebrates 60 Years: Brief fascinating facts about the cartoon’s origin, production, and jazz soundtrack.
• Jack Nicholson’s Stalker: Nicholson once pacified a stalker with oral sex; the crew laughs and groans at this bizarre celebrity encounter.

Notable Quotes & Moments

• [02:10] John: “You’re living off of the idea that this was once a great place to be. Boy, not anymore. It was awesome, and I’m happy for that.”
• [17:51] John: “How many dark-minded weirdos like me would love the 9/11 [flight bar]...”
• [23:53] John: “If Lamar Jackson was, like, let go and then the next day arrested—I wouldn’t be here. I’d be too drained from masturbating all day.”
• [30:04] John: “You need some lessons on pettiness. 50 cent’s got it. He waited for a dude to go to jail...and made a documentary about murdering.”
• [60:56] John: “If you’ve got a vaginal emergency, and that—I consider childbirth a vaginal emergency—you need to call an ambulance.”
• [90:05] John: “Somebody brings their pup to work, we’re all like, ‘oh, cool!’ Somebody brings their kid to work, it’s like, ‘oh, it’s gonna get in the way all day.’ Nobody wants kids at work.”
• [121:04] Chris Turner’s Rap: “While we’re flowing off the dome...Every opportunity to take a break from the meal, ducking in the kitchen like, oh, I feel like my head’s slightly hurting...”
• [138:28] Chris Turner’s Rap (about the hosts): "...You had one kidney, now you’ve got one left. Literally. Yeah. I’ll be asking this. Golf on the thing, then you head into dialysis. That’s the handicap...Baby casket. Ever so small...This is not funny..."

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Durant’s Steakhouse & local culture: [00:19 – 10:33]
• Phoenix food scene debates & landmarks: [10:33 – 16:27]
• Theme bars/faux experiences: [16:27 – 21:32]
• Michigan football coach scandal/rivalry joy: [21:32 – 38:43]
• Alien baby apocalypse hypothetical: [77:03 – 92:39]
• Chris Turner improv rap showcase: [119:14 – 140:50]
• Local charity drive (Operation Santa Claus): [45:00, 97:02+]
• Entertainment/news bits: [99:56 – episode end]
• Jack Nicholson’s stalker story: [183:51]
• Country music “worst” list and complaints: [185:27]
• Football picks & sports betting group: [174:13 – 176:56]

Tone & Language

High-energy, irreverent, and relentlessly unfiltered, the episode slides from heartfelt local pride to purposely offensive hypotheticals and enthusiastic sports pettiness. The crew's banter is quick, sharp, and full of inside jokes and regional asides.

Summary Takeaways

• Cultural Identity: Durant’s reopening headlines the city’s struggle for “true” local character.
• Petty Sports Rivalries: The hosts argue, both humorously and seriously, about how far to root for rivals’ misfortune.
• Humor on the Edge: Absurd dilemmas about aliens and baby-orphan-puppy comparisons drive home the show's brand of dark, zany comedy.
• Guest Highlight: Chris Turner’s rapid-fire rap improvisation astounds and weaves in details about the crew, leaving the hosts and listeners in stitches.
• Seasonal & Local Involvement: Multiple reminders to give back during the holidays, supporting local charity efforts.
• Classic KUPD: The episode blends deep local references, sports fanaticism, and unapologetic comedy—a perfect snapshot of why Holmberg’s Morning Sickness remains a Phoenix morning staple.

For listeners: This summary covers all major segments and standout moments, condensing hours of outrageous, hilarious, and sometimes touching radio into a guide for both fans and newcomers to the show.