12-12-25 - FULL SHOW - FRIDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Holmberg’s Morning Sickness (98 KUPD, Arizona)

Episode: 12-12-25 – FULL SHOW – FRIDAY
Date: December 12, 2025
Main Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogan, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo

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Episode Overview

This lively Friday edition of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness is filled with the show’s signature blend of offbeat stories, irreverent banter, pop culture observations, sports rants, and plenty of adult humor. As the team gears up for their annual year-end “Holmberg After Dark” show, they dive into an eclectic mix of topics: top viral videos, wild conspiracy theories, fruit-flavored cocaine, sports ageism, absurd death stories, and a local comedian guest. The atmosphere is relaxed and festive, with a heavy dose of sarcastic energy and sharp-edged jokes.

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Key Discussion Points and Segments

1. The 12 Days of Christmas: Year-End Show Prep

[01:52–04:07]

• The team celebrates being 12 days from Christmas Eve and the start of their annual “12 Days of Christmas” countdown.
• Preps for their year-end "Holmberg After Dark" show with highlights of best and worst videos from the year's “gotta watch” game.
• John assigns Bret the thankless task of combing through hundreds of morbid and explicit videos, joking:

  “This is the worst homework assignment ever.” (John, 02:16)

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2. Dale & The Dumbbell Podcast: Conspiracy Craziness

[04:08–16:27]

• John recounts a recent "John Holmberg Podcast" episode with his friends Dale and Dave Nash, notorious for outlandish conspiracy theories.
• Dale claims that after playing an All-Star game in Japan, he landed in Phoenix and watched himself live on TV—thus “proving” time travel.
• Nash chimes in that it "can't be explained," reinforcing the madness.
• John pokes fun at this logic, marveling at the “dumbbells” around him:

  “Imagine being in a room with two people when someone says they think they saw themselves live in Japan when they landed in Philly.” (John, 12:03)

• Brady and John reflect on conspiracy logic: diet soda and alcohol are “okay” for the body, but a vaccine is a bridge too far for some.

Memorable Quotes:

• “That Pentagon one is very confusing.” (John on 9/11, 05:02)
• “So someone invented time travel strictly for the gambling?” (John, 09:07)
• “He thinks that if he goes back to New York, he can make bets on games that he saw earlier today because it hasn’t aired there yet because he’s back in time now.” (John, 13:10)

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3. Fruit-Flavored Cocaine & Media Influence

[21:34–27:43]

• The hosts riff on Arizona’s Attorney General’s media crusade against the new “fruit-flavored cocaine”—ironically making it more enticing.
• They joke about candy-flavored drugs, how news reports act as free advertising, and how adults would even be curious.
• The conversation spins off into food, candy, and the irresistibility of Fruity Pebbles in any context.
• Brady mentions the Diddy documentary and its coverage of the drug “2C” (pink cocaine), sparking more satire.

• “Fruit flavored cocaine is a very real thing that I only know about because of the news. That’s it. You are a commercial.”
  (John, 23:23)

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4. Sports: Stop Idolizing "Old Men" Comebacks

[41:56–47:19]

• John goes on a rant about the obsession with aging athletes (Philip Rivers, Tom Brady, George Foreman, etc.) making comebacks.
• Argues that these comebacks show a weakness in the current talent pool, not inspiration.
• Jokes about the potential for NFL tragedies if this continues:

  “He’s going to go out there and you’re going to watch an old man die. And that’s what’s going to have to stop this. And maybe I’m… I’m rooting for that this weekend.” (John, 42:56)

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5. FIFA World Cup & Gender Pay Gap

[47:19–50:29]

• John highlights FIFA’s staggering $80 billion revenue, comparing it to countries’ GDP.
• He uses the disparity between men’s and women’s World Cup earnings as an example of economic, not gendered, inequality.

• “If you made $80 at a lemonade stand and I made $6, why would we split that evenly?” (John, 48:48)

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6. Alpine Manslaughter? The Ethics of Leaving Someone on the Mountain

[50:00–56:33]

• The hosts debate the case of a man in Austria facing jail time for leaving his girlfriend behind on a mountain climb because her gear wasn’t good enough.
• Satirical discussion of “the climbing code”—Brady humorously bluffs his expertise.
• John’s take:

  “If you say yes to climbing a Swiss Alp, you’re in on it. You’re not my responsibility.” (John, 62:04)

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7. Death News: Unusual Demises Through History

[98:01–104:49]

• New segment alert—Brady shares odd, occasionally ancient, death stories, including hot spring accidents and a “flying lawnmower” at a 1979 football halftime show.
• The guys debate the details, poke holes in Brady’s sources (literally: a drawing of a lawnmower hovering over trees).

• “This is definitely not a moment of clarity for Pop Pop.” (John, 106:15)

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8. Comedian Jesse ‘Jet Ski’ Johnson Guest Segment

[117:11–139:41]

• Guest: Jesse ‘Jet Ski’ Johnson, local Dobson High grad, now a successful standup comic.
• Discussion of her background, origin of her nickname, journey through sobriety and wild days of cocaine/psychedelics.
• Trivia: She worked production in L.A. on ‘Carpool Karaoke’ and MasterChef.
• Nostalgic shoutouts to high school teachers and encouragement to younger comics, with self-deprecating Dobson High pride.

• “When you get lonely, you do a podcast.” (John, 128:21)

  "Obama made coke better." (Jesse, 130:06)

• Jesse’s words of wisdom:

  "Many opportunities are coming to you if you look for them." (Jesse, 139:11)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On conspiracy friends:
  “I’ve got to get away from these people. It’s worth listening to, because that moment, you hear the dumb bells start to ring.” (John, 09:01)

• On news about drugs:
  "Now, fruit flavored cocaine—attorney general here in Arizona is starting to talk about a lot on TV. And if you just shut up about it, no kids would be... Now suddenly, ‘Oh, it tastes like Fruity Pebbles!’" (John, 21:47)

• On gender pay in sports:
  “If you made $80 at a lemonade stand and I made $6, you wouldn't even consider splitting it.” (John, 48:48)

• On death news:
  "Brady’s basically—this new segment is called, and now this: New Ways to Die. Well, no, they're really old ways to die." (John, 100:32)

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TIMESTAMPS FOR IMPORTANT SEGMENTS

| Time | Segment | |--------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:51–04:07 | Year-end show prep, top 10 videos setup | | 04:08–16:27 | Dale & the dumbbell time travel & conspiracy theories | | 21:34–27:43 | Fruit-flavored cocaine and media coverage satire | | 41:56–47:19 | Anti-old-man-comeback-in-sports rant | | 47:19–50:29 | FIFA, sports economics, gender pay gap | | 50:00–56:33 | Alpine “manslaughter” debate, outdoor adventure ethics | | 98:01–104:49 | “Death news” – wild historical death stories segment | | 117:11–139:41| Comedian Jesse ‘Jet Ski’ Johnson interview |

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Tone & Style

Holmberg’s Morning Sickness thrives on raucous, unfiltered banter, heavy sarcasm, pop culture references, and a willingness to take every topic to its irreverent limit. The crew moves rapidly between subjects with quick improvisations, running jokes, and callbacks to previous bits. This episode leans hard into absurdity (conspiracy talk, satire of drug coverage), sports culture lampooning, and cheerful self-mockery.

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Additional Highlights

• Multiple callbacks to regular features ("Identify the Perp", “Gotta Watch” videos).
• Ongoing meta-jokes about Brady’s taste for bizarre news—especially anything with death, deformities, or food.
• The hosts skewer media, government, and trends like candy-flavored drugs, flavored Gatorade, and the news’ “moral panic” effect.
• Anecdotes about childhood, school reunions, and failed attempts at being athletic or adventurous.
• Playful rivalry between the Dobson High grads, with Jesse ‘Jet Ski’ Johnson and John Holmberg engaging in mutual boosting and lighthearted trash talk.
• Heavy use of hypothetical “what if?” logic, leading to often ridiculous conclusions.

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In Summary

This show delivers the fast-paced, uncensored, Arizona-accented humor that has made HMS a fixture. From skewering conspiracies and media hysteria to exploring weird internet deaths and reliving high school memories, the cast keeps the conversation wild, unpredictable, and riotously self-aware. The Jesse ‘Jet Ski’ Johnson guest spot adds a refreshing, honest glimpse into the life of a young comedian on the climb, blending nostalgia, inspiration, and laughs.

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Best for fans of: irreverent morning radio, local sports satire, and those who enjoy dark humor with a dash of pop culture cynicism.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP guns.com your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. It's Brett Vesley from Homebridge. Morning sickness Now. I've always been the kind of guy that takes care of my own lawn. That's until I found Divine Design Landscaping. These guys aren't your typical mow and blow landscaping company. They do amazing work, and it's just what I needed to finally throw in the towel and let the experts take over. If you've been unhappy with your landscaping or sick of trying to do it yourself, well, it's time to get a hold of Divine Design Landscaping. These guys handle everything. Lawn care, irrigation, tree work, low volt vintage lighting, 3D designs. Get a free quote at DivineDesign Lawn Care.com that's DivineDesignLawnCare.com It's John Holmberg here. Shilling away from my friends at New Vision Auto Glass, I recently took one of my cars to a dealership for maintenance, and the guy said, oh, you got a chip in the back window. I never even noticed it. Then he told me, they can fix it. I said, oh, great. He said, 1300 bucks. And I started laughing. I said, no, thanks. You haven't heard of New Vision Auto Glass? New Vision Autoglass wants to make it easy on you, too. You set up the time and the place, get the work done, and it is done. So whatever Glass needs you have with your car, New Vision Auto Glass is the only place to go. Give them a call. 480-210-9090. New Vision Auto Glass, proud sponsor of the Arizona Diamondbacks. Hey, this is Sarah. Look, I'm standing out front of a.m. p.m. Right now and, well, you're sweet and.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

All, but I found something more fulfilling.

[John Holmberg]

Even kind of cheesy.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

But I like it.

[John Holmberg]

Sure, you met some of my dietary.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Needs, but they've just got it all.

[John Holmberg]

So farewell, Oatmeal. So long, you strange soggy. Break up with bland breakfast and taste AM PM's bacon, egg and cheese biscuit made with K tree egg, smoked bacon and melty cheese on a buttery biscuit. AM P M. Too much good stuff. Holmberg's morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. Good morning, everybody.

[Brady Bogan]

Hello there.

[John Holmberg]

Welcome to Friday, exactly 12 days away. This is 12 days of Christmas to Christmas Eve. 12 more days, it'll be the 24th, and then you start cracking it open. Fat man shows up. The 12 Days of Christmas begins. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Here we are on the day of the. No, this is where we shut her down, too. We're going to be here for a couple days next week, but tonight, happy endings. It's amazing. My name's John. There's Freddie. Brett Fesley's around here somewhere. He's getting coffee. I think I talked him into that. Toledo's around. And off we go for yet another glorious edition of the morning sickness. Yeah. Tonight. I'm excited about tonight. Brett and I were going through the videos for tonight a little bit yesterday. You had to. You had to go through. I. I gave Brett a homework assignment. I'm like, all right, comb through all of them. See if we missed any gems. And he's like, this is the worst homework assignment ever. I'm like, it sucks. So I sent him home yesterday with that. And he's like, all right. Because we got down to. I know we had 12 or 13 before. I'm like, I can't look at this anymore. You know, when we do it on. On our day to day two or three is all right. And we don't realize that all year all we're doing is auditioning the 10 for this very show.

[Brady Bogan]

It's like Clockwork Orange.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's. It is. It's pride, open eyes. There was a couple of them we forgot about. That cannot be. We can't use them. They're just horrific. Like, just a lot of stuff with box cutters and it's just drills. Stilettos through. Yes. Stilettos in urethras. Stilettos in your wreath is not even a good band. No.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

It is, but you wouldn't want to hear them. I mean, it just. If, you know, if you've had the image ever presented to you, you don't want to do it. Yeah, it's a. It's a thing. But Tonight, the top 10 videos of 2025 will be got to watch my game unveiled. We're going to close. We're going to secondary close the show. It'll be the penultimate moment of tonight's show. And then yesterday we had Chris come in here and he. He's. He does those impromptu raps and so he said he'd come by and we'll knock the show down at the end. We'll have him close it with one of those and. And put a bow on 2025 for this silly show. Do a couple shows half ass next week and get the hell out of here. What do you say, boys? Sounds great.

[Brady Bogan]

And.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's great. And then I, I, I, I'm. Two weird things happened yesterday. I did the podcast with Dale the sports thing. A John Holmberg podcast is available all over the place now. And you need to listen to this one. Not so much even if you don't like sports. And I'm not trying. A, it's a good little tease to boost numbers for the podcast, which is doing pretty well. B, there's a moment in it where I realized how stupid the people I hang out with are. You just realizing Dave Nash is on the show an awful lot. Every, every week. He's, he's known as end the rest. So Dave's there and he's got theories and conspiracies. And sometimes he's, sometimes conspiracy theorists are like, hey, you know what? I'm kind of with you on that. He calls the COVID shot the death jab. We tease him all the time. Cause he had, he had, he was sick for three or four weeks. We couldn't, we convinced it was Covid. He's got all these theories about did.

[Brady Bogan]

It start then when did he start diving in?

[John Holmberg]

He started diving into 9, 11 stuff. There is a lot to that that you're like, all right, that Pentagon one is very confusing. There's a lot of things about buildings falling. We've this. He dove in and then he's like, well, if they can pull that off, what else is going on? You got a lot of things like that. My argument back to conspiracy theorists about, especially now, today is the best day to argue back about it. I don't care about the COVID vaccine, although I do think there is a possibility that there's a large population of people who took what he calls the death jab, whose bodies aren't reacting well. There's a lot of young people who are having clotting problems. It's gone. Like, the numbers don't lie. There's been a lot of, a lot of weird things for health for healthy young people that have happened since that Covid shot. But they did say it was only 70% effective. That means 30% of the population. We're going to have the wrong effect. Possibly. Doesn't mean it's happening for sure. But there is a spike in one thing. And then it just so happened. Like what Science always does go, all right, there's a spike. What's different than was there before that? So it goes into that thing. But my argument back to them, as always, and today's the best one. People who scream out, I'd never put that in my body. I'd never do something like that. And I'm like, well, they drink, you know, tequila or like me with diet soda. And I'm like, I, I don't pay attention. There's tons of. Yeah. Pot of coffee, which I don't think is as bad, but it's there. You don't know. And you're pouring poison in your body. You're eating poison constantly. And then you're saying, I treat this thing like a temple. It's a bad argument. And now, especially with those epic running all over. It's running wild. It's wildfire. Everybody's doing that stuff. And I'm like, you'll do that. That's a brand new thing. And, oh, it's convenient for me and it makes me look good. So long as it's a visual changer and you look good, you'll, you'll, you'll risk the side effects if it's going to help you lose weight or make you feel better about yourself. And I don't, I don't have any problem with that either. So he goes on and on about that. So we talked about that. Not in the podcast a lot, but he brings it up a little bit. And then he said something about time travel and he said something about space and time. Dale then starts to talk about how. Yeah, when you fly. That's weird that you know, because if you, you know, if you. It is a deep hole to get into. It's Neil DeGrasse Tyson stuff that when you go through space, you don't age the same. If you went to Mars or whatever, you'd come back a couple years younger than everybody else's age. You just age differently. That because time's a man made construct and here on the planet with gravity, it's different than outside. It just gets into this weird thing. You can actually. So Dave took that as time travel, which is essentially a definition of you going back in time, but not necessarily reversing events. Dale then says, that's weird because I had an All Star game I played in, in Japan when I was younger. And then when game was over, we got on the plane right away and when we landed a direct flight from wherever he was to Phoenix, direct flight. He said, we got out and the game was on tv. And he goes, it was still playing. And he just shrugs his shoulders and I'm like, wait a minute, that's tape delay. And he goes, I don't think we had it then. Like, so you think a game you were playing in was broadcast live while you landed in A different city. And you saw yourself playing in a game that was actually happening at that time. And he goes, can't be explained. Like, it's tape delay. And then I looked over at Nash, like, you know, obviously, you'd have somebody in the room going, this guy's out of his mind. And Nash goes, can't be explained. And I'm like, you guys both think that you can. That when you go from Tokyo to Phoenix, you're traveling back in time and broadcast television is not affected. They taped the moon landing. I think that was a little bit after Dale's playing or before Dale's playing days reruns in the 80s. There was tapes of stuff. And he's just looking at me like, no, it was on live. It said live. And I'm like, you were in the game. You honestly think you turned back and looked at the TV and saw yourself playing live because of a flight back? You went backwards in the. Because. And what confused him.

[Brady Bogan]

That's awesome. I'm going there.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Gonna watch baseball games, play some.

[John Holmberg]

That's what. That's what we got down to. Because Dave's theory is that there's somebody going into space and traveling back and then coming back with sports information. I'm like, so someone invented time travel strictly for the gambling? And he goes, can't be explained. And he had an argument that the Raiders and Broncos game last week, which was, you know, a point, was a glitch. It was a complete glitch in the Matrix. And why would you kick a field goal with three seconds left if you're down 10? It just doesn't make sense. Just down the ball. And he. You know, I'm like, okay. For a second there, my brain was like, yeah, no, that makes sense. And I. Stop it, John. Stop it. He thinks that when you go back in time zones and it's about 16 hours, I don't know, 15 hours from Japan to here, maybe a little less than that. That he actually thought, oh, I'm leaving that time and getting to this time. And that still exists in my time. So that's why I'm seeing myself play live on TV while I land in Phoenix. And there was no explaining them out of it. And I thought to myself, I've got to get away from these people. This is. It's worth listening to, because that moment, you hear the dumb bells start to ring, you know, like, oh, that's a dumbbell. And he's actually ringing it proudly.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't know how you continued on.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I didn't I didn't. We kept going with that for a while, and then I'm like, all right, let's just talk about what they know, which is football in the current state. But worst part is, my phone was like, they're onto something. Every algorithm after that I had was the stupidest thing I've ever read in my life. And I'm like, mental asylums, Stuff like that. Yes, it was. Well, I'll tell you, the first. The first couple. Where is it? I got one that says, a man headline. I'd never gotten this before as a headline. Man claims he teleported into stolen car. I go, no, no, no, no. This can't be a first story. I see after that. And then the next story underneath that. And this was a reputable news source. Swedish musician teaches highly intelligent octopus to play piano. And I'm like, all right, I got to get off the planet. Like, the phone's like, you're into this. It just heard these two morons for a second and said, oh, these guys are into the conversation. Went on long enough. Phone went, he's going crazy. Start sending him stuff. And it did it. Now I'm. And then, of course, I'm clicking on the. The octopus planet piano. Who doesn't want to see that? Oh, it can pound out some things, but it's not playing the piano. So for everybody who's going to go looking for the podcast, the sports thing.

[Brady Bogan]

A John Holmberg podcast, it's available everywhere. You're going to look about 43 minutes in.

[John Holmberg]

Is it 43 in? It's about 43 in.

[Brady Bogan]

Where the conversation kind of starts and then it veers.

[John Holmberg]

Did you. Did you listen to it?

[Brady Bogan]

I'm just listening to it right now.

[John Holmberg]

As you. And you hear the dumbbell. I actually hear you. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Kind of go, wait.

[John Holmberg]

Wait a second. I stopped.

[Brady Bogan]

We're not talking about anything else until we saw.

[John Holmberg]

Could you imagine being like, this is just an audio podcast. You and your car will make the face I made, which is just you close your eyes and go, hold on a second. Am I hearing this right?

[Brady Bogan]

And.

[John Holmberg]

But imagine being in a room with two people when someone says they think they saw themselves live in Japan when they landed in Philly. Think about how off your brain you're outnumbered. And then I look over at the other guy, and he's nodding like, yeah, that's a thing.

[Brady Bogan]

Told you.

[John Holmberg]

And I'm like, have. I've walked into a room of pod people. So if you want to hear. It's a good podcast up to that 43 minutes like, we're doing great work with talking about live in about 20 minutes.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, we gotta tighten it up.

[John Holmberg]

Talking about Michigan. We're talking about what went on in the ncaa, the, you know, the playoffs, all this other. It's good sports talk, quality information, some laughs, whatever. And then that happens. And it's been living with me for the entirety of the night and day. And then my phone's like, yeah, you're. You're basically a lunatic. Here, let me help you out. Deep sea virtuoso learns to play using crab incentives. So they. They throw. They starve the octopus until he starts playing the ivories that they kept underwater. Why? And then they throw crab at him when he plays it. So now he's like, I'm hungry. Seems like crabs show up when I play the organ. So he's the Phantom of the Ocean now. I'm just kidding.

[Brady Bogan]

They're amazing creatures, those octopus.

[John Holmberg]

Well, don't you start, because I'm going to get it more. Yeah, it's a thing. I'm going to continue to go out on Thursday mornings while Dale's here, because I just. But you have to marvel at the fact that the man's 60 years old. He made it. And he's been thinking that that's happened to him for the last 40 some years. Times that guy get hit. Well, this was Brett. This was when he was young. He didn't have the CTE yet. So since probably 1983, he's believed that he saw himself live on TV in Japan after his plane landed and teleported him back in time on a United flight. It's in his head. I know, but somebody much else up there, walk amongst us. Room for it. They walk amongst us. Brett, he's there with us. He thinks that if he goes back to New York, he can make bets on G games that he saw earlier today because it hasn't aired there yet because he's back in time now. What is he, Biff with the sports atlas or something? And that was brought up. They thought that was actually kind of a reasonable, you know, so him, Marty, Steven Spielberg and Doc Brown jumped in Dale's Lincoln. But here's what. Here's what I know didn't happen. Christopher Lloyd, Michael J. Fox and Steven Spielberg didn't sit in a room and read that script and go, yeah, this is probably real. No, they were probably laughing like, that's hilarious. How creative is that.

[Brady Bogan]

Could happen?

[John Holmberg]

Dale actually said, I saw myself on tv. It was airing when I got out. And I'm like, that's weird. That's crazy. Cuz that's live. Like you believed the game you were in was still going on because you were in on a 16 hour flight.

[Brady Bogan]

They've been teleporting this whole time.

[John Holmberg]

Who knew? They run all over. It's so weird. Nuts. So that. That I had to deal with for I don't know, 10 or 11. I mean I was laughing hysterically. Those dudes were. They meant it. That that's why isn't that possible? They kept asking like why? Like are you crazy?

[Brady Bogan]

There's.

[John Holmberg]

They taped it. You were watching. It was probably one in the morning when the game played in Japan on when I got here. Like, oh my God, he's not good looking enough to be that dumb. No, you gotta be much more. You imagine abroad saying that to you. Like wait a minute, like on the phone you'd be like, I'm gonna start beating off now. This girl must be gorgeous. Yeah. And then you show up and she's six four, 300 pounds, looks like Frankenstein and she's got scars on her neck and bolts hanging out of her head. And you're like wait a second, you can't be this dumb. Funk. You can't have a driver's license. If he starts, he's like don't worry, we'll get there on time. And he just speeds. He's like, I can reverse time with speed. Speechless. And that's when I said when did you meet up with other you? When did he get back? When did the guy you were watching. No, it's like when did.

[Brady Bogan]

Doesn't work.

[John Holmberg]

Like when did Japanese Dale meet. Landed from Japan? Dale, when did you guys. Can't be explained. And I'm like, oh my God. So yeah, that was what I had to deal with yesterday. And then you know, that was right up right before I met you to watch the videos that I had just gone through that if I had known you waited around. I did. If I had known, I would have put it all together myself and wouldn't have.

[Brady Bogan]

I was telling Brett, he's like, I gotta wait until I think I go just bust in there.

[John Holmberg]

I almost did. See. And this was not the intent. Although it is going to be a. A fall off an ancillary thing. It's like people are now begging like how do I find this podcast? Trust me, if you like sports, you're gonna like it. But if you don't, just fast Forward to the 43 minute mark. It's called the sports thing. A John Holmberg podcast. Just Google it. It's everywhere now and you can find it. And then this is nice because it'll promote. Numbers will go up and money will start flowing in. But it's eventually called John talks to retards because that this can't continue. And how come he's so bad at FanDuel if he's TR. If he's capable of traveling through time, fly to New York, get the answers and then come back. But I think when you fly back, it reverses you back to your. It's like inception. Every morning you wake up and forget where you've been. It's. It's not telling me on this. Oh, he's not telling anybody, Brad. It doesn't exist. But can you imagine a man with a driver's license in control of a 5,000 pound piece of steel every day next to you on the freeway thinking there's another plane going over. Those folks are going back in time.

[Brady Bogan]

It's kind of like one story that you're told when you're a kid.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, you remember when he came in, he said, you guys know where pickles come from? And we're like, yeah, cucumbers.

[Brady Bogan]

It's.

[John Holmberg]

They're pickled. You guys knew that, like. Yeah, Dale. That's why they call them pickles.

[Brady Bogan]

He thought he had.

[John Holmberg]

He thought he had a. He got to college. Yeah. Oh, well, he went to smu, so not really. But.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

But the worrying part is, is how my phone just collapsed underneath me and said, you're hanging out with these guys. So here's the information you're going to need for the rest of your life. Octopus playing piano. Really? That's where I live now. So what kind of drugs is Dale on, John? I want some. I would love it if he was right. I did like that. And again, I'm the idiot who. After all this. And I just checked my phone for stuff, my top two stories are that a man who got arrested for stealing a car told the cops, hey, I don't know how it happened. I've been teleported into this car. And then you think, then you get into Dale's brain for a second.

[Brady Bogan]

Did you look at the dude? I was gonna. That was tonight's Identify the Perp.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, was it? Yeah, I did look at him. Yeah, he looks a little like Willie.

[Brady Bogan]

His name's Calvin Johnson.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man, I didn't see that.

[Brady Bogan]

It would have been a winner.

[John Holmberg]

We're going to play Identify the perp tonight. Okay. Awesome. You got Toledo on the pictures.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Identify the purple. Be fun tonight. That's I enjoy that. Identify the perp. Yeah, he looks like Willy Wonka. I would never have guessed Calvin Johnson looks like Willy Wonka. But yeah, he's Megatron. But, but what if he's telling the truth and then your brain starts going what if that's. What if Dale and Dave are right and I don't want to go down that road. I, I always ask that question to try to remain open minded on certain things. Like what if they're right and I'm just part of the sheeple that will immediately dismiss this because when you do travel through space you age differently. It is a time doesn't exist. Holmberg's morning sickness. Disgusting. They say things that are horrible. It's John Holmberg here shailing away from my friends at New Vision Auto Glass. I'm telling you, I'm windshield curse. So this holiday season I'm going to add new windshield to my wish list. New vision Auto glass will take my call, deal with the insurance and then we're going to discuss what the most convenient time and place is so they can come get the work done on my ride. Then I'm going to get up to $375 back you go to new vision autoglass.com see what you qualify for. And don't forget that dinner at the world famous Brazilian steakhouse Rhodesia Grill. Get that new windshield right now and hope it lasts through 2020-648021-09090 New Vision Auto Glass. Proud sponsor of the Arizona Diamondbacks. Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Brady Bogan]

In fact, they still do experiments on it. I mean like whenever those astronauts come back.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah, well, they do. And they try to figure well, they have to sit differently. There's been no gravity. There's a, there's an aging thing. There's. It's some depth that you can't even get into. But there is also, you know, reality to the idea that time being again you want to get into E equals MC squared. You staring at a star and me walking by and looking up at that same thing will see things in hundreds of years apart and not because it's changed. Because your perspective and my moving perspective. We see totally different things. We don't know that, but we do. And that's in the space. And it's because it's. And that'll screw up. What? Because time doesn't actually exist. Oh boy, here we go. Thanks a lot, Dale. If they are right, I don't want to be on this planet. I kind of do. I'm Going to start flying. Nope. Hey, John, what was the name of your podcast again? I just Google searched two downs and a Jew, but nothing comes up. Yeah, well, you know what? It kind of almost has a football text to it. Just two downs and a Jew. Two downs and a punting Jew. Because I punted yesterday. Punt. And I also have to say that the news is a guilty machine of anything bad. I would have never known about fruit flavored cocaine if it wasn't like, the top story all over Phoenix right now. It's on tv, it's on radio news, it's on your Internet.

[Brady Bogan]

It's on the Diddy documentary.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, they have fruit. Oh, they have that pink stuff. They're not sure. Yeah, that. Yeah, that's got that.

[Brady Bogan]

So what's 2C? I'm like, I'm not sure because they were talking about. He had all the desired drugs. Pink, but cocaine, Fruits, basically strawberry.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Fruit flavored cocaine is now something that our. Our attorney General here in Arizona is starting to talk about a lot on tv. And if you just shut up about it, no kids would be. No kids would be interested. Now suddenly, oh, it tastes like Fruity Pebbles even. I was like, wonder what that's like. I don't want to do cocaine. But I started thinking, is that good? Is that a good flavor? I like flavors. I don't. I had coffee this morning. I can't drink coffee. But you add a flavor to it. Yeah. You get some hazelnut sugar bombs, Right? Yeah. You make it a milkshake and suddenly coffee's pretty fantastic. But so now, fruit flavored cocaine, they're a warning. And did you ever. You hear the attorney general speeches? And we got a problem. It's aimed at women and teens. It's delicious and exciting. Fruit flavored cocaine, it's like, well, I'm in. Where do I get that? No, no, no. You're not supposed to want it. Was this a commercial for fruit flavored cocaine? I didn't know because I don't think.

[Brady Bogan]

They come in the old Lick Em stick pack.

[John Holmberg]

They've been training us, so it's fun dip. Yeah, they've been training us exactly. Since we were kids to do delicious flavored, powdery substances. Don't do it. It's Dewey Cox. Don't you dare do this fruit flavored, delicious treat that'll make you feel inf. Incredible.

[Brady Bogan]

You pound up the smarties. Better.

[John Holmberg]

It is better. Ask Dale and the rest about this. They'll probably try to figure out what tree it's grown on. Dale can go back Dale can go back in time and see its origins. Just hops on the Southwest and goes to Dallas. He'll be fine.

[Brady Bogan]

You knew.

[John Holmberg]

I heard back there. I found fruit flavored cocaine in the 80s.

[Brady Bogan]

That's why he doesn't drink Coca Cola. He's always believed.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's got coke in it still. Yeah. The fruit flavored cocaine is a very real thing that I only know. I only know about it because of the news. That's it. You are a commercial. A walking. You know who else found out about it through you? The women you're talking about. Because that's who watches local news the most. And then their kids are going to find out about it because it's all over every algorithm ever. I want some now. Just after hearing this story about Dale and the rest, I'm.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, the ditty parties, they love the toosie. Sure.

[John Holmberg]

Joy Ackerman, who made all those cookies and baked treats for us. The best one in there, and I hammered it yesterday, was a white chocolate fruity pebble bar. Fruity Pebbles in anything is phenomenal. So you start adding that to cocaine and suddenly I want cocaine. And I've never wanted it in my life, ever.

[Brady Bogan]

When we talk about it. Chiba Hut.

[John Holmberg]

Chiba Hut. And those pebble marshmallow squares those Wheaties got going on with that. It's the least healthy thing in the world for you outside of maybe fruity coke. And you're like, I think I want that. They start making candy out of weed and I started doing. I'm like, this might not. This might be the. I don't like smoking at all. So maybe this is the route I go for that. I didn't like how it felt. But those were delicious treats.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, it'll definitely help you stay up. You don't like to sleep.

[John Holmberg]

Sure. Well, I don't. Yeah. But I don't need it to stay up. The last thing I need is something to keep me away. I sleep three hours a day. There's.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't think you're saying I can't. You know, I hear these stories these celebrities talk about when they go on these benders.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm up for five, six days.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Now, imagine, Brady, if they have, because this ain't. This is not where it ends. You saw what happened to Gatorade. It used to be yellow and orange. They didn't even have names for it. Yellow and orange, Gatorade. And then fruit Arctic Super Blast. Fierce wind storm. I'm like, windstorm, That's a flavor now.

[Brady Bogan]

I'll take the Frost.

[John Holmberg]

And you're curious about it, but you know, it doesn't end here. They're going to start looking at you and then they'll start selling it as, oh, you know, you'll knock off a bunch of weight like Ozempic. Except for now, at least. It's a delicious fruity treat. It's going to be all over, Gilbert. Oh, yeah. Go home, Gilbert. Moms are going to crush this stuff to drop. Dale talking about his wife putting on three pounds over the last 35 years. Get her some fruity Pebbles. Coke that comes off in a day. It's the fault of government and TV to act like, oh, my Lord, go down the morale. Have you heard about fruit flavored, delicious, awesome cocaine? It's terrifying. And your kids now know about it. Yeah, because of you, jackass. Shut up.

[Brady Bogan]

Fruit flavors.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Now they're gonna have flavor. They're gonna have barbecue before it's all over. Oh, Brady's. Once they do a thing where it's like tastes just like a steak you get at Durant's. No weight gain, none of things but a delicious steak flavor that you can't get enough of. There'll be overdoses like crazy. Fruit flavored coat. If they make like. Yeah, exactly. Ranch flavor. America will drop dead. We'll powder everything with it. Next thing you know, Brady will be doing stories like you did yesterday about crushed turkey leg cocaine flavor. We're not even using Cheez Its anymore as a breading. It's just that delicious cocaine.

[Brady Bogan]

It wasn't a typo.

[John Holmberg]

Can you imagine if as delicious as cheat Cheez Its are, if they made Cheez it cocaine, they can start infusing it in an attic right now. I'd be an addict for sure. Especially the low fat ones that don't stick to your teeth as bad. Of course. You love those. Shayzits are delicious. I got that song in my this one.

[Brady Bogan]

Ooh, fruit.

[John Holmberg]

You know that little Trix rabbit going by? Want some coke? Like, yes, I do. I've never wanted it more in my life. Follow my nose. See, now it makes sense. Fruit loops. It always knows for flavors of fruit. Just follow my snoot. Just a Colombian parrot, please. Might have to be the wake up sound. Anyway. If you have fruit flavored cocaine, please, by all means transport that tonight to stand up live. And let's do that for the end of the year show. Oh, yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Peace.

[John Holmberg]

I thought I was gonna make out with Christy Greenway in 8th grade when this came out. Really? Cause I knew all the words and I was sitting Next to her, I'm dancing, looking at her, and she's laughing. What are you doing? She was so cute. And I'm like, White love vision Dreams of passion Running through my and all the while I think of you White love She's like. And then she found me in the hallway later at Rhodes. She goes, do it. Do it. Do you remember Christy? Oh, yeah. Oh, y. Everybody. How could you not? If you went to Rhodes at that time, found me in the hallway with Robin Monroe and Stacy north, and said, do it on command. I was like, all right, I'll do it. You girls are into it. I'm totally fine with that. Prepare yourselves, lady. Ticket to ride the white line highway Tell all your friends they can go my way Take your toll Sell your soul Pound for pound it costs more than gold the longer you stay I don't need the backup. I was gonna nail her alone. I can't help it. Sea blocker. I got flavor. Flavor Flavor Saver Flav.

[Brady Bogan]

Vanilla Chunk. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Whatever it was, it's like, let's go. What was going on? I had a satellite around. God damn it, Brady. They wanted to hear us do that. No, they didn't. She asked me. Although we did sound pretty good. I will admit that was pretty sweet. And if you imagine doing that in eighth grade and I'm doing Ticket to Ride the White Line highway, telling I look behind me, I'm like, what the hell's he doing here? God damn it. Now it's not. Now it's not special. Will you please go away while we're doing this together? Damn it. Come on. Pure is the driven snow and now we're having fun, baby. Go away, Brady. It's getting kind of low. You're doing it the in. It's fun when you do it, but your friend is making it so it's not special. I know. Now everyone can do it. I know. And the six black guys that we had at Rhodes at that time was like, what is this? Amwa? Grant and Keith Walls looking at me going, this cracker right here is going to try to bang Robin Monroe, Stacy north, and Christy Greenway. But take this is cultural appropriation. We don't even know what that is yet. Hey, Keith. A multi million dollars. I think that and this is only for you and I, that Ahmad Grant actually grew up and became Smith. I'm pretty sure it's the same guy. He was skinny, Looks just like him. Now I see him, I'm like, I knew back in 8th grade. Anyway. Are you now doing Stephen A. Smith impressions, too? What is wrong with you? Do you know your role? Stay in your lane. It's a little Stephen A. Anyway, fruit flavored cocaine will do that to you. It's a fact. But if you've got fruit flavored cocaine, at the very least want to smell it. I'm not gonna get too close, but I. I might put it on my tongue. I have to know, is it good? Is it pears? Is it like a starburst? I mean, what is it? Is it the strawberry one? I mean, if you make it strawberry, I'll avoid it, but I mean, I definitely want to taste that. And it's because of the Attorney General.

[Brady Bogan]

It's baby aspirin.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, don't do that. That's delicious. It tastes like orange. Tastes like Flintstone vitamins. Oh, I eat those by the handful. Had another bottle yesterday. Whole bottle.

[Brady Bogan]

I think there was a case where they're bringing it in, shaped like Little Vet.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, like little Flintstones. And they smash it up. But flavored cocaine was something I knew probably existed. This guy says, John, about 12 years ago, I came across some strawberry flavored cocaine. And you're right, it's amazing. You just took me back. Good times. Thanks, Jose. Endorser of Strawberry Coke. It's like Nestle Quick now. Strawberry, vanilla chocol job. What's your game, mate? I don't know. Just give it to me.

[Brady Bogan]

Strawberry rabbit shows up.

[John Holmberg]

You can't even be mad at your kid. It tasted just like fruity pebbles. Jesus, I can't blame you for that. I've been feeding you that since you were five. In all the while, I think of you. A very strange reaction. This song was so great. All about Dude. Dude. Just trying to convince you that coke is terrible. And it was fun. He sold me on it. Yeah, don't do it. It was in my head a lot. And mainly because I thought well. And then again, cocaine was about to get me laid. Well, at least the closer you can get in the eighth grade. And I want to hear from all those people, you pussy. You didn't get laid in the eighth grade? Nope. Not many people did. Don't email me that, Scott. Oh, so good. And they were laughing. I wasn't dancing or anything. I was just doing the hand thing because I don't dance. Knocked out. He knows the whole thing. Let's have sex with everybody but him. Yeah, that's a good idea.

[Brady Bogan]

So you're in middle school. Imagine the Friday and Saturday night, the Beta House at the fraternity.

[John Holmberg]

That song was £ you were in college when that was going on you and Brennaman. Getting higher, baby. Get higher, baby. There's a deep drive by Nick. Someday that'll make sense. Guys, why does he always say that? You'll see Tom Brannaman for flavored coke. Kind of makes me want to do stuff. Brady, are you into gay things? Because I'm seeing stuff and I want to tear into that ass of yours. What? It's getting kind of low. Anyway, I don't want to do flavored cocaine. I. I do want to taste it. This guy. Apparently we have a lot of connoisseurs out there. Yeah, no, we've got some players. Flavored coke's been around forever. It's basically coke. They mix it in a Kool Aid type powder. It's not anything special. When you smoke it, it's like menthol. So just smoke a pack of cools. You know, one of my cop friends says, fruity flavored cocaine. What's it taste like? Dick? No, no, you're confusing fruity. Look, the degenerate that just emailed and said, oh, it's been around forever. Yeah, I know, but I didn't know that till this week. And now us normals are in on it. Now us, you know, functioning members of society that aren't all coked out of our heads constantly and sharing the dream. Now you got me. Now it's flavored. It wasn't because it was poorly flavored before. It just looked bad. But now it's got a nice little. It's fun. It tastes like candy. You make it taste like candy. You take a children's brain like mine and you say, hey, it sounds. And now I'm interested. And with my Juno's, I'm the die the first day. You can't do that. What'd you suck it all up for? I didn't mean to. It just happened. Anyway, that's what Marshall just says. Let's be honest, you go anywhere near fruit flavored cocaine, there's no smelling of that giant June nose. You basically snort the entire stash accidentally. Don't smell my coke. John says. And here's how you know you're in a new group of friends. Manuel says, I know a guy that knows a guy. Had some blueberry snow once. Let me tell you, white girls love blueberry snow. I don't even know what that means. Leave me alone, druggies. Flavored cocaine is called levada. All right? I don't want to wash. Washed with flavor, thank you. Ivan, stop it.

[Brady Bogan]

And then I heard that term, you know, again. Throw out a couple Days ago, watching that Diddy documentary.

[John Holmberg]

I've never, ever heard flavored cocaine. Even in the Diddy thing, which I watched all of, too. I didn't pay attention to, like, the new brands I knew he had. I figured that was just for super celebrities that got.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

But no, the Attorney General's like, no, your kids have some. It's great. Check the. The. It's lick made. It's liquor sticks. Those were phenomenal. I used to love that. And we'd always, like, joke. Remember when you used to make erasers have. And every kid has done that, where you made the erasers and you made the little. Oh, yeah. And then you put it on the paper, and then you put it in a little line and they dare DJ Lisicki to snort it, and he does, and then you do it, too, and it hurts. I think that's one of the reasons why I'm like, why would anybody do that? If you've ever snorted anything as a kid, like wood chips or eraser dust, it. It hurts. But thanks a lot, Attorney General Mays. Nice job.

[Brady Bogan]

Evidently, that's a little different for 2C. It's called pink. Cocaine is another name for it, but it's.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know if it's flav.

[Brady Bogan]

Just pink. You're seemingly very interested in MDA and meth.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's right. That was the Molly and Ed. Yeah, that was the. The. That was his ecstasy stuff. The pink stuff.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And they call it pink cocaine, but it's not. It's got all that stuff in there. Yeah. Follow the bouncing ball here, because this is about your kid. She's going to find it. Anyway, enjoy life. You got kids today, and they seem to be putting some extra energy into their yard work this weekend. I might want to toss the cells. Time to toss the cells.

[Brady Bogan]

Check those Pixie stick.

[John Holmberg]

The idiots in our government are telling the kids your kid was like, I was a good kid. What did they say? Tastes like fruity Pebbles. It's fantastic. Make you feel better than you've ever felt in your life. Don't do it.

[Brady Bogan]

Finals are coming up next week. She's up for three days.

[John Holmberg]

Asu. It's like, wait, they made flavored stuff? Yeah, it's kind of inexpensive. It's really good. Don't do it. They want Brennaman and Brady coke. College buddies in the squares. Well, probably going to have that. I tell you what, Brady. I got some of this fruity pebble cocaine, and we are gonna be all weekend long. I'm gonna eat your bottom and you're gonna eat mine and we're gonna snort this fruity stuff off each other's wangs. Okay? Go Bobcats. And speaking of bob, I'm gonna be bobbing up and down on you like a two dollar. You say that word a lot Tom, and it will never ever get me in trouble. Promises. Don't be a about it, Brady. Tom says the homo F word every day at least 30 times and there'll be zero repercussions from that. No one will ever care.

[Brady Bogan]

Proba. Probably.

[John Holmberg]

Anyway, that's how we start today's show. Time travel and flavored coke. I live in a simulation and it is shattered. Let's get a wake up song. 5859 8, hundred a good one. We'll scream it together. Peace. It's 98. Wake up. It's not weird. It's pretty cool actually.

[Brady Bogan]

No membership fees.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard enough of this. Morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. Good. Screw them, I say. Britt and I are talking about the Mets. We don't care about them. It is 6:46. Thanks. Miles to nowhere. Only three more of those to go. And then we put them to bed and start 2026. Great theme song there. Excellent job ladies and gen. It is. And then we're talking about sports and I'm so sick of. And I have to put it out there. I hate it. I hate it with a passion that all this Philip Rivers attention's being paid to this old 44 year old quarterback. And then yesterday they started asking Tom Brady, you think you Colin coward jackass. Do you think you would play like you could still make a team? Like do some drives and like on an offense you're familiar with you. Oh Tom Brady's like absolutely. I could get right back in there there and lead teams to. I'm like stop. I can't because I own the Raiders and you're not allowed to unretire if you've had ownership stake. And I'm like the last thing we need to do is start asking 48 year olds to come back into sports. That's not extraordinary. Anyone who believes that when people who are old do well in a sport that it's good for the age person. It isn't. It means the sport's broken. It doesn't mean suddenly you can do more. You can't. I like my sports to be extraordinary with the best possible talent and when a 48 year old is the best option, something's broken in the game. Everybody remember old guys sell it with all those T shirts at Walgreens, all those little things on Instagram said old dudes do it better. 53 and still awesome. It's like, no, not like you used to. Quit it. And when Phil Mickelson won the PGA Championship and everybody. It's great. So score one for the old fellas. I'm like, no, your game's broken. Your game is broke. And if Steve Carlton just all of a sudden came back and threw like a two hit shutout, you'd be like, what's wrong with baseball? It doesn't mean it's good. So Philip Rivers, I hope he gets his head knocked off Sunday and just teaches everybody. Teaches everybody the lesson. Stop it, old guys. And there's 205 schools in college. There's three quarterbacks per pro team on average, including the practice squad. That makes 90 in the pros and what, 600 college quarterbacks. The best option you've got is five years retired 44 year old. There isn't anybody who just barely got cut that you could know. I hope he gets. I hope his spleen falls out. I hope. I hope instead of cte he gets Alzheimer's knocked into him on the field. That's the NFL's goal, is to. To get older guys to go. We love it because you're watching. Anyway. I hate when old people do well in sports and I'm nine years older than this guy. I'm like, put it up. Knock it off. Leave it to them. I do not want to watch old men struggle. And you know what's going to happen one of these days? These rah rah stories. That's great. George Foreman was a world champion. He was 48 years old. Remember Phil Mickelson won his at 51. He's going to go out there and you're going to watch an old man die. And that's what's going to have to stop this. And maybe I'm. I'm rooting for that this weekend. Is it Colt Have a tough game too, which is even better. So if they just. If we finally just put this to rest. Dip, dip, dip, dip. Let's just roll out an old man. Just have him just halved. Just. He gets hit in the hips and his hold and it blows up and he gets an infection. He's in a. And he has to go. We have to put him down. Totally fine with that because then you stop asking Tom Brady. I'm not. Steelers have Aaron Rogers crowd around him.

[Brady Bogan]

That's his family.

[John Holmberg]

I'm fine with Aaron Rodgers getting plastered. I, I. Aaron Rodgers is 42. He's too old to be in the game. But he's in there is what we've. So you root for him, but you know, this is not the best option in the world to have an old quarterback like that. Brutal. Just stop it. And please, for God's sakes, don't start bringing Tom Brady back into the mix. He's 48. He's magic. No. And if you do, put him out there, because I remember his last couple seasons weren't good. Won the Super bowl in 2020 and then hung around a year or two, and it's like. And they're like, oh, the team around him wasn't very. Go. Stop it. He was 45. Make it end. Might as well bring Jordan back, too. Right? He tried at the end there with the Wizards, and no one remembers it because it was sad. Yeah. I think I'm omega. Come back. There's nothing worse than those words from in boxing especially. I'm thinking about a comeback. I'm like, oh, no, he's out of money. Manny Pacquiao is 45, and he wants his belts back. He's not getting them back. He's going to get his ass kicked. And you. And we're all going to watch him get punched and then wonder what happened to him in five years. And I can tell you when it happened. Mike Tyson's gonna fight Jake Paul. He's 60. He's going to lose the fight. It's not even going to be close. I don't know. Have you seen him training? I have. No one's punching back. That bag has no arms. And also the bag is pretty consistently in the same spot. You can. You don't have to go to. It's on a. It's on a rope and it's hanging around. It's kind of easy to hit a pinata without a blindfold. He looked pretty good to me. I wouldn't want to get punched by him. Yeah, nobody does want to get punched at all by anyone. Now go in there with another trained guy who's 30 and watch the wheels fall off the old man, who, by the way, on his walk up to the ring, almost fell down. Stop putting old people in positions that are going to get him killed and acting like we want to see it. We don't. And also, I had to hanker in there just because I like sports. Sports. I looked into FIFA and to see, you know, because they have the World cup coming. I just wanted the World cup it's an event, right? So I don't care about the sport. I just want to see what it's like to be inside. I've been to WNBA games. I've been to rising games. I don't just hate. I hate with experience. I go and make sure I experience the thing. And then I go, this is why I don't like it. Or it won me over. Had it not been for my attitude like that, Brett, I'd have never gone to see one of the most magnificent things I've ever seen, which is the river dance. Sure, I hated it going in, but midway through that fishing session of those Irish dancers jigging around on the. Stop. Jigging around on the. On the. On the stage. I was on the edge of my seat. I was the first one standing at the end this. It was magnificent. And I learned right then and there, you can judge a book by its cover. But sometimes you're wrong. Most time you're not. Sometimes you're wrong. So I want to go to the World cup to see what this whole. You know, it's worldwide insanity. And for perspective, if you try to buy tickets to a Super bowl, face value, most of the time, the upper deck tickets are 7 or $800. Sometimes a thousand. Depends on like this year, San Francisco, I think it's going to probably be thousand bucks. Then down low, the lower bowl has a limit of like five to eight. You go on secondary markets, it gets into the five figures, sometimes six. You start getting into that big money. FIFA is charging $8,000 a ticket, face value for just lower bowl, not sweets, not anything else. Lower bull seats are $8,000. Upper is like, you can get seven, but they're way in the back. And that's. But they're. They're going to be the first one sold, and then the secondary market's going to go crazy, crazy. They're saying that there's a chance that lower bowl seats on secondary markets could go for 50 to $75,000 a seat just to get a chair. You're not getting in a suite. You're not getting food, you're not getting anything. You're not getting any special treatment. And that's when I go back to Brett's way. I ain't going to that for any. That's crazy talk. What is it soccer? That I'm gonna go watch soccer. And they're mad at people and they're like, well, that's just not. What is FIFA doing? And like, if they sell out, you gotta shut up. You just didn't have enough to buy it. Nobody ever stands outside the Lamborghini dealership going, this is out of control. You're charging too much, like, well, then don't buy it if you can't afford it, it's not their fault. Then I looked, and FIFA's World cup generates ready $80 billion in revenue. 80 billion billion. 109 countries don't make that much money. Afghanistan's GDP is 11 billion a year. This is eight times bigger than full functioning countries with millions of people in them. Not like little, like, you know, dots. Real countries. $80 billion. And to me, I thought, wow.

[Brady Bogan]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

There's the argument for why they should have never paid the female soccer players the exact same amount of money. Perfect example. Women's World cup does pretty well. I believe Its peak was $6 billion.

[Brady Bogan]

A lot of money.

[John Holmberg]

It's a ton of money. 80 billion, and I'm not a mathematician. Is more, is a little more, is a lot more by at least half. I don't know numbers. I'm not Asian. I need an abacus and a guy named Kim. That's the biggest things that go back and say, my God, they're charging eight grand a ticket for a family of four to go pays for one person's annual salary on the field. There are going to be a hundred thousand people at the finals. Not to mention all the games leading up will be sold out for a third of those prices. $80 billion will be put into the world through just soccer. Man, that is incredible. And ladies are like, we need to be paid the same as the men. No, you don't. You need to be paid. 6 goes into 81. 20. Holy cow. 14 times less than the men. Is that right? Something like that.

[Brady Bogan]

What?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. What? We're doing the exact same thing. And the manager's getting so much more, like, yup.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

It's not fair.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's a matter of economics. 80 and 6. Let me just take the billion off. If I made $80 at the lemonade stand and you made six, why would we split that evenly? Let me put it in perspective. A lady will finally understand. If you made 80 at a lemonade stand and I made six, you wouldn't even consider splitting it. It's not that you want to be equal. You want more. Because if a lady. If suddenly a guy said, we're gonna pay the ladies more than the men, they would never go, no, no, no, no. We just want what's equal. They'd be like, all right, we won.

[Brady Bogan]

It was never a partnership.

[John Holmberg]

Never. No, no. We never asked for you to be part of it. You begged and begged and begged and begged. Like, make a league for us. Make a league. Make your own league, bitch. We can't. All right, fine. You can glom onto this, but don't go barking about the cash, because we're still pulling it all in. We won't. We just want to play. Hey, we won the World cup last time. Yeah, but you played a country that had a soccer team for the last six weeks. It was not like the competition's all caught up. You guys made 35,000 a game, and we need four. Yeah, that seems about right. We want 35.

[Brady Bogan]

Also.

[John Holmberg]

First off, most of you are lesbian, so you don't have leverage like the other girls. Wish in one hand and s in the other. Second, zip it on equality. And I have a story about that, too. A dude might go to jail because they were mountain climbing together in Austria, and it was a pretty hefty hike, right? It was one of them Austrian mountains. If you've seen pictures of that, they're almost always freezing. Yeah, you've been there, but you never climbed a mountain. You know about it.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, I went up.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you went up a hill. Let's not go crazy feet on the mountain.

[Brady Bogan]

But you can't.

[John Holmberg]

Not climbable, so you're not climbing a mountain. You. You were in high elevation. You went.

[Brady Bogan]

I took a tram, John.

[John Holmberg]

All right, good. Well, stop talking, because this has nothing to do with your terrible hill climbing skills. But if a very experienced hiker said, hey, Brady, want to come with me up the mountain? And you said, okay. And he's like, all right, read up on it. Grab some gear. I'll take you up. And then you guys get to 135ft of the peak, and it starts blustering and winding, and he looks back and he goes, freddy.

[Brady Bogan]

What?

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna keep going. I'm freezing to death. You bought a bad coat. I know that now. I'll see you later.

[Brady Bogan]

Bye.

[John Holmberg]

A guy finishes the hike, leaves, leaves you there, and you freeze up. He didn't die. He almost died. You go back. Do you think he's guilty of attempted murder? Yes, you do. Yeah, that's attempted murder.

[Brady Bogan]

You signed up for a guide.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, he's not a guide. Oh, just a buddy that'll take you up there.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, in the climbing code.

[John Holmberg]

It's no climbing code. First off, you don't know the climbing code. First off, stop saying things you don't understand. Desk. You don't have a climbing code. You don't know the climbing code. Go on.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, it's based on that movie in Everest.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, here we go.

[Brady Bogan]

The people with a. But they were hired. Hired Sherpas.

[John Holmberg]

Right. Their guides left.

[Brady Bogan]

A couple of people got down there.

[John Holmberg]

They tell you on Everest, hey, if it starts getting sideways, we're not taking you with. That's the climbing code. You're not going to risk my life being dead weight. So there's your climbing.

[Brady Bogan]

Unless you're. Unless you're the guy.

[John Holmberg]

So the 36 year old man is facing manslaughter charges because he left his girlfriend 130ft behind him. She didn't make it. So now a guy can go to jail for being better at something. That's essentially all he was. I know that's not fair. If she did it, you'd be like, well. And then you're like, well, she didn't have the proper equipment. It's like, I thought we were all about equality. She bought a bad coat. Women are always cold. They're cold in movie theaters, for God's sakes. He could have bought her the best coat available. It wasn't going to be old an enough.

[Brady Bogan]

What's 10 minutes?

[John Holmberg]

Prosecutors allege I got 135ft. Look that. But you think that's manslaughter? You think you can get a.

[Brady Bogan]

No, I don't.

[John Holmberg]

Of course you don't. That's part of the. The climbing code that Brady's so well versed in.

[Brady Bogan]

There is a code?

[John Holmberg]

Come on. From a movie you watched. And the code we just discussed was the opposite of the point you're trying to make. Which is you're dead weight. We leave you here. That's the code.

[Brady Bogan]

No, it's not.

[John Holmberg]

Well, what is the code then? Why are there so many?

[Brady Bogan]

Do not leave them.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, you do.

[Brady Bogan]

They have hunker down with them.

[John Holmberg]

14 bodies on ever stay. You leave them there, they don't even go to recover your dead body. That's part of the code. Mr. Green Jeans is something I know about because people hike past him to this day. We're not taking that back. No dead weight. It's too hard. So the code is like, no, you're in trouble. Then I'm gonna die too. Every man captain of the ship, every man from AI says we're talking about Everest. Because that's what Brady brought up. If you're hiking camelback. Yeah. You don't leave people behind. Behind. Yeah, but we're. We're hiking Everest. They tell you right off the bat, hey, if things start going Sideways, you're staying. We'll try to get you back, but if it's too hard, you're gonna die. And you're gonna. Your body's gonna live here forever. There's tons of bodies on Everest because they don't have the code of like, I'll stay with you until we both go. And that's all this dude did. I can't go on. I don't want to. My coat. It's too cold. All right. I'll be right back.

[Brady Bogan]

Back.

[John Holmberg]

135Ft from here is the peak. The whole purpose of this climb. There isn't one single code for Everest climbers, but rather established ethics. Yeah, Unspoken rules. Official regulations. Which are, you start dragging ass, you become an icicle. Unspoken rules. Because if they were rules that were to help you, they'd be more than happy to print those out. But unspoken rules. Basically they're like, we're gonna leave you for dead. It's like Fight Club. It's Fight Club. That's right. But now this dude's going to go to court for manslaughter because he was a better hiker than his girlfriend. He's 36. They say he's an experienced mountaineer. Abandoned his 33 year old partner for over six hours and deadly cold while he sought help. He was actually hiking some more. After he got the top. He came back as. I'm going to go grab some help. You stay put. I can't move. He's supposed to stay.

[Brady Bogan]

No. Yeah. It's not like he can and put our over his back.

[John Holmberg]

And by the way, don't start in with the adverbs. Deadly cold either. Because she knew when she looked at that big white mountain. It's probably kind of chilly up there. She knew what she was getting into. I want to be this guy's lawyer. The first thing I'd say is, look, the earth's better off. This bitch is an icicle night. Right. She was just causing nothing but trouble. You agree to go hiking up Austrian Mountain. You don't, I need your help. Is not an option. Option.

[Brady Bogan]

He didn't say you bad, you bought a bad jacket, did he?

[John Holmberg]

Well, he. No. Well, no. But they were saying she had her equipment. Wasn't good enough.

[Brady Bogan]

That's your fault.

[John Holmberg]

That's her fault. It is. Because he didn't know that she was going to complain the whole time. I don't have enough experience. Do you want to go up the mountain or not? Yes. All right, well then you said yes. It's not his fault, is it gonna be hard. Can you see it, dumbass? It's. Look at. It's the big one. The big white one in the middle. That's what we're gonna climb. Are you cool with that? If you can do it, I can do it. No, no. We'll see. We'll see.

[Brady Bogan]

Experienced climber wouldn't have taken her up there.

[John Holmberg]

Should know he wasn't that experienced. But he made it. We're not talking about Everest. It's a big mountain. He's being accused of ignoring his partner's inexperience and failing to call him call emergency services before nightfall when a police helicopter that he went and got went over. Officials eventually reached him at 12:35am he faces three years in prison. Prison. Manslaughter by gross negligence. They can get us to go to jail now just for being better than them.

[Brady Bogan]

He's trying to offer.

[John Holmberg]

I'm a better hiker than you. If you're climbing Camelback. I never climbed this before. I've climbed a few times. Just follow me. And she falls and bonks her head. Just because you didn't, you can go to jail for it now.

[Brady Bogan]

You dodged a bullet taking Josh Blue up the.

[John Holmberg]

But you. Yeah, I. No, I didn't. He agreed to it. It's like all of Diddy's party. John, all those women that dated Diddy for 10 years and said this was just tragic. Like it was a decade of you going back to the party. I have trouble feeling sorry for you at a certain point. Josh Blue saying, I want to hike Camelback Mountain. Okay. You're a grown up and it worked out barely. You should have seen him. I almost left him. Like I can't be part of this. But that wouldn't have been my fault. If you and Ronnie go hiking and you fall and hit your head, they're not even gonna consider manslaughter charges for her.

[Brady Bogan]

They know it's murder.

[John Holmberg]

Cause you're a man. Well, she probably. If you fell off the mountain, we'd know for sure it was murder. In fact, if she said, let's go hiking, it's murder. It was murder. Her mere suggest parking at Echo Canyon and looking at the mountain with you going, we're gonna climb this, right? That's where the murder begins. I can do it. Oh boy. She's gonna kill him. And it's gonna be.

[Brady Bogan]

It's been a few years. No problem.

[John Holmberg]

Not assault. If a woman, experienced woman hiker goes up a hill and a dude dies, nobody's ever gonna know she killed him. He just Wasn't as good as her. We accept it. It's 80 million versus 6 million. Knock off the equality talk. Quit it. If you're gonna put us in jail for being better at stuff than you. Knock off the equality talk and just say we're not as good. Until then we can have our way. 80 versus 6. She would never get charged if that dude died and she made it. She's like, I left him behind. I was looking for help. She'd be a hero. He left her. He was supposed to die with her. What the kind of Romeo and Juliet nonsense is this? Fairy tale? Fairy tale. No man's doing it.

[Brady Bogan]

The issue is he went. Had to summit 135ft. That's not.

[John Holmberg]

When she was dying. Just because she quit that means he's better than her. The whole point of the climb was to get to the top of the mountain. You're 130ft away from here to Katie KB. If you're dying right now. And our only goal was to go down.

[Brady Bogan]

Sandbag is not gonna make it.

[John Holmberg]

You just. That's sandbagging.

[Brady Bogan]

You gotta go get help.

[John Holmberg]

No, you don't. She made the climb too. I wouldn't do that. Be like, I'm gonna go to the top, I'll touch the tip and then I'm coming back. You know what I mean by that? I'm gonna jerk off on top of this mountain. That's what I mean. And I'll be back. And he was back. And she was still alive because. All right. I'm gonna go get help. And he did. It was too late. You went on. Why didn't you just lay on top of her and die with her? Because I'm not an effing moron. That's why. Why would I do that? Holmberg's morning sickness. Disgusting. They say things that are horrible. Holmberg's morning. You know who didn't leave the plane when that soccer team crashed? Ever watch that story? The dudes that hiked for a month to go help the rest of them? Three guys. Not one woman said, I'll do it. Not one.

[Brady Bogan]

They were eating.

[John Holmberg]

They were probably eating. Well. They were eating but they were still alive. All those ladies were getting eaten on that hill for sure. Pack snow in there. Make them sometimes. It had strawberry flavors. River. All right. We feel the sustenance. We're gonna go hike down there and find somebody. And then a man in a helicopter came up at heights. Helicopters don't fly because there's no air. And picked up all the ladies first. This Whole thing has been bull from the beginning. A man ran a boat into an iceberg after a bunch of men built this giant awesome boat. Who got off first? First the women. Both you guys know you're not. You ever go golfing? Brady goes golfing. One of those red dots up there, 100 yards away from these where we hit. Oh, that's the ladies teeth. Never once have I heard a woman go, I'm not using those. You know, you're taking advantage of us. And it's high time us men said, you say you're gonna climb the mountain, you climb it. Because if it was Brady and I, you'd tell me. I'm so cold.

[Brady Bogan]

But we're so close. Go on ahead.

[John Holmberg]

Go on ahead. Yeah. And no one would ever accuse me of killing you. What they do is look at a picture of us at base camp, my arm around you and smiles and thumbs up, going, why'd that dude take that fat guy up there? He's gonna kill him. What was he thinking? And since when do bald Jews climb like that? Yeah, they judge us by the look. Yeah, that's not real. But if you want. Brady's written a book about climbing coast. He knows them up and down. Because when you used to be a huge mountaineer, I mean, I remember that years ago. You're like, he's dressed up like Daniel Boone. I'm a mountaineer now. And you just start climbing stuff. We called him parkour for about four years because he just couldn't stop climbing things. He's a climber on belay. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You go. You know a few of the words.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Good. Yeah, yeah. You know what else? I'm a bullfighter. Because I can say olay.

[Brady Bogan]

There's a code. El toro.

[John Holmberg]

Look at me. I basically know the whole sport. A code for climbing. He shoots out of his butt.

[Brady Bogan]

You know the code.

[John Holmberg]

You don't know the code. Neither do you. I am. You're right. I don't know the code. But I do know this. If you say yes to climbing a Swiss Alp, you're in on it. You're com. You're not my responsibility. If you freeze to death in the freezer and you got in it, your fault.

[Brady Bogan]

I think he should go to jail to begin with. Taking his girlfriend.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, there's. There is that. There is. That's like taking a woman golfing.

[Brady Bogan]

It's.

[John Holmberg]

We saw that last week in that Tran tournament when the guy tried to get laid. Took a girl. She's never golfed before. I'm like, this is a nightmare for the other players. This is just a disaster.

[Brady Bogan]

Hazardous.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Dangerous.

[John Holmberg]

If you want to climb the Alps. I mean, there is that argument. If you want to go devil's advocate and you want to climb the Alps and you take your girl, it is probably to kill her. I've not climbed a lot. Well, this is a good place to start, the Alps.

[Brady Bogan]

So you told her that shorts and a T shirt will be fun? Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It should be good. We're not even gonna get that. Plus, the sun's up, right?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

We're gonna get closer to it the more we climb. That's right. We'll get closer to the sun the higher we get. It's gonna get warmer up there. That's why there's so much snow. Weird. I know. Follow me.

[Brady Bogan]

Then the straps on my sandal broke.

[John Holmberg]

I was gonna start you out at Echo Canyon, but there's. Plus, there's tons of people. We'll be alone. Maybe we'll do it in the snow. You're so randy. Yeah, know it. Anyway, it's gonna take three days. What? Just put your Columbia on. Let's go. You got your cocoa? I have whole thermos of it. Oh, your Stanley is pink and adore. We put stickers on there. That's cute. You think it'll last the whole time? Oh, sure. Stanley's are real reliable. Stay warm.

[Brady Bogan]

Go.

[John Holmberg]

Let's go. I have to pee. I bet you do. How many times did she say that? I have to pee again. This mother. Zip, peel, zip. Take the little straps off your shoulder. Get that whole suit off. She pees, you gotta dress her back up. Thanks. It gets real cold. Next time, just piss your pants. Please, no. I'm turning to slushy. How much longer? I told you.

[Brady Bogan]

You.

[John Holmberg]

Three days. We're 100ft away. So cold. Keep it up. It's not going to be that long. Don't worry about it. You're going to start. You're going to start feeling a lot less the longer you're out here. Yeah. I'm just mad because the dude's up for manslaughter charges. Some. Where's her agency in this? Where's her personal responsibility? He should have gotten you a better coat. Really? The gift giving is the issue? She got a job when she buy her own coat? Should she ask somebody at rei? Hey, I'm going to climb the Alps. Is this good enough? And the guy's like, no, neither are you. What are you doing? I love him. The woman was reportedly left unprotected, exhausted and hypothermic was wearing gear considered unsuitable for high altitude climbing. What was he wearing? Was he wearing similar stuff?

[Brady Bogan]

Because correct clothes, no murder.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe not. Not maybe it was, but it's a perfect murder break.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. So, yeah, it sounds like, or may sound like he was an experienced client right now.

[John Holmberg]

If he had her at gunpoint, he's like, you're going to climb the goddamn else with me and you're going to do it in this windbreaker.

[Brady Bogan]

That's different.

[John Holmberg]

But she agreed to it.

[Brady Bogan]

According to that. Doesn't sound like if you're experienced, you'd know.

[John Holmberg]

Please. She bought a coat. She had what he thought was fine. Now, now, in hindsight, her lawyers are saying, not enough. You should have bought her a ring, too. What was this? Is getting the milk for free. They're getting him on gift giving. You climb the Alps, it's every man for himself. Agree. There's two skydivers that are in the news, too. And one jumped out of the plane and his emergency shoot accidentally went off. The second he jumped out and he floated right back to the tail wing and it caught and he hung there. You know what the other skydivers did? Got out.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

They went on with their day.

[Brady Bogan]

Had to go.

[John Holmberg]

They had to tell the pilot later. Somebody inside goes, there's a. The pilot's like. It's like, what's wrong with the plane? He didn't know. Somebody goes, man, one of the parachuters is stuck to the back of the plane. Oh, that makes sense. And then he adjusted for it and.

[Brady Bogan]

Then at least he was able to release.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah, he cut 11 cords and then did his real shoot because his emergency one's the one that caused the problem. He cut him off. He figured it out. He didn't sue anybody for having a faulty pass.

[Brady Bogan]

There's not much help you could do when he's on the tail.

[John Holmberg]

Sure there is. Those guys are like, sure there is. You find a couple plungers, get out of here, jump. Much like your argument.

[Brady Bogan]

No, he's still on the tail.

[John Holmberg]

Much like your argument of I saw in a movie once, you go get a couple plungers and you walk along the side of the plane and you go on and you walk back in. I saw Tom Cruise do it. A Mission Impossible same as Usain. Everest is a movie of fact. This guy just sent me a thing said homebrew. You're right. Mount Everest is a graveyard. 300 bodies of fallen climbers will remain on its slide slope, exposed as glaciers melt due to climate change becoming grim Landmarks like you said. Green, Mr. Green Boots. Sleeping beauty. Climbers navigate prompting costly recovery missions. They won't go get them because it costs too much. And you knew what you were doing. There's that whole situation there. You can't go to jail for saying, brett, let's go climb camelback. Unless I push you. If you just fall. It's not my. What'd you take Brett up there for? He doesn't know what he's doing. Doing. Well, I thought he was a grown up. I thought he knew. He knew what he was capable of. Why am I aware of that on.

[Brady Bogan]

That, that the, that documentary of that climb, it was tragic. The Everest climb. It was. Probably came out, I don't know, 10 years ago.

[John Holmberg]

But the guy, the guide, the avalanche one that killed all those people.

[Brady Bogan]

No, this is the one where he made. Made the decision, okay, we're gonna sell Summit.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

But then a storm came.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, the. Oh, the movie they made about that. Yeah, yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

And that guy, that he had to go to trial to the.

[John Holmberg]

The guy for making bad decisions.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. I'm not sure.

[John Holmberg]

But he's a guide. You paid him to make sure everything was going to go right. Because you don't know the. You and your wife proper.

[Brady Bogan]

Did you do the proper procedures as the guide? It was, look, you were like a little, you know, you felt for the guy. You're like, I can't blame the guy.

[John Holmberg]

I didn't do anything. Anything except for said you guys want to make a bad call. But if everybody's like, thumbs up, if you say so. But if you're paying a guy and he's like, no, it's not a good idea, you're relying on his knowledge. If it's just the two of you knobs climbing camelback and somebody falls, it's nobody's fault. Drives me nuts. Drives me nuts. Now everybody's like, what mountain was that? My wife and I aren't getting along. Right. It's not a bad idea. Idea. Silly. Yeah. I go back to the argument. If you climb in the walk in under your own volition and it's freezing in there and you die inside of there a freezing. You can't blame the waiter that took you in there to get the bj. It's not his fault. I'll go in there and blow you. How many times of Tony Romas that. That walk in freezer was used for blow jobs. And we used to lock people in it as jokes when we'd see them go in and put a broom in the handle so they Couldn't pump it out. Brilliantly funny. And they'd come out freezing.

[Brady Bogan]

You're such dicks.

[John Holmberg]

Well, don't go in there and blow each other during the like. We're all suffering cuz the place is packed and you two can't get enough. You can't keep your hands off each other. We're going to lock you in there. But if she drops dead of hypothermia while she's blowing you, it's not the dude getting blown's fault. She said yes. It's getting more and more of those Japanese robots are making a lot more sense. Sense?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

She's not going to get you for manslaughter if you leave her on the side of a mountain. In fact, you can just chuck her out of the car, get a new one. You're a misogynist. You're an idiot. You shouldn't climb the mountain. Should have knew that. He should have bought me a better coat. You got a job? Well, yeah, but I mean, come on. No. Buy your own coat. Ask a couple questions. Is this coat good enough? That's an easy one. That's the first one I'd have asked. Is this good enough for clients in the Alps? And if you're going to rei, it's not good enough. You got to go to like sherpavillage.com or something. You have to have someone with an accent tell you, I wouldn't do that. That's what you're looking for. One of those sing Songy guys. Also, I found out that if they ever have free ice cream giveaways on a Royal Caribbean cruise, that means they're using the freezer for a body. You want to talk about code?

[Brady Bogan]

They're making space.

[John Holmberg]

They got a little morgue on all cruise ships. And because they're talking about that guy that died a few days ago, and they're saying, maybe not. He was drunk off 33 drinks. And then. He's a big boy too. Yeah, he's huge. And they pinned him, and they're saying he was asphyxiated from the drinking plus the pinning. So they were like, really, like, bad. This, that, and the other. So they. Their family's like. And then you stuffed them in a freezer. And they're like, well, the morgue was full. The morgue has like two or three boxes per cruise. How many people died on this cruise? People say, like that. So that's what I found out is like, they have that morgue. Well, they're. They're all 90. Like there's a whole section of nine year olds. They have people dropping dead on cruises like crazy. It wasn't Carnival Cruise, right? No. Royal Caribbean. I was gonna say Carnival doesn't know. They just overboard. Yeah, they just have Boys to men. That's how you know as a death. On a Carnival cruise, you hear boys to men over the speakers and everybody just kind of bows their head, pours some 40 out, and then gets back to dancing. But no, in Royal Caribbean, they have more. All of them have little morgues. And then old people die and then they get the family off the boat and everybody just kind of disappears and they'll fill it. But if the lady said, there's one thing you need to know, she used to work on cruise ships. If we ever do a free ice cream giveaway, we're using the freezer for a body. Oh, my God. Foreign. It's weird because there's 4, 000 people that only know three or four people per. Like, every group only knows, like, either two or six or seven. Like, you had your whole family on there, right?

[Brady Bogan]

14.

[John Holmberg]

There were 14 here. That's huge. That's not normal. The most old people go on cruises to get away from there. That's two at a time, right? One of them dies to take the other one on a helicopter. They get her out of Dodge at the next stop the stuff. The body in the morgue, they have that. But if they're ever like, hey, Alaska, you want some ice cream? No, no, it's freezing out here. We got a bunch of ice cream for free. Well, it's free. I'm gonna eat that. Or did they just forget to clear. Clear out the morgue at the last stop? Oh, yeah. They're kind of like, hey, Mr. Johnson's still in the hole. Kind of like when you're getting off the plane, the guy's out there vacuuming and reloading the chips and everything else and. Right. I forgot to check the drawers. Yeah, yeah. Ain't nobody died in that last. Say goodbye. We at Carnival would like to say goodbye to Mr. Blaze. Tip that Hennessy. That's how you know Carnival Cruiser. We're gonna pull over for a second. Say goodbye to Rallo. What happened? It's not important what happened, but he goes, it would be rough. It would be amazing to be on that cruise line. There it is. Hey, y'. All, we all saw it by the pool yesterday. What was that man thinking? Getting in that pool is dangerous. We got signs up everywhere. It's just for show. Let's not get in there. Without your floaties. Now this from my homie Rallo. Carnival would like to say goodbye the only way we know how, y'. All. By the way, the rock wall is open during the morning period climb for rallo begins at 5:00'. Clock.

[Brady Bogan]

We're going to raise some money, enjoy.

[John Holmberg]

The pink, the video. They're even pouring. When I look, they're pulling it out for Ralo. Didn't make it on that water slide. God knows what he was thinking. Daredevil Tennessee on the house for the next five minutes. Next five minutes, it's the Ralo special going out car would like to give you one free sip of hemis from the same bottle. But we're not going to give you all cups. That's a lot of washing. That's true. Anyway, so if you want to take your wife hiking, just know you're risking your freedom.

[Brady Bogan]

Just visit one of the Tims at the bar. Everyone named Tim.

[John Holmberg]

That was John. All of them were Chris on mine. They were all from the Philippines. Philippines? Oh, we got a Philippine. My name Chris. Chris? Yeah, Chris. Chris Fernandez. Chris Fernandez. Oh, we got conquered by the Spanish. They took over everything. Bring us Catholicism. Oh, he had crosses all over his body. I love Jesus. I'm like, okay, you want to do shot like? Yes, I do. Chris. Chris wasn't your real name. Oh, no. Yeah, Chris Fernandez. You get raped into that. There's no way you're. You guys were Fernandez's the whole time. No, no. See, Spanish conquistador come over, take over the whole place. Give us Jesus. Jesus. I'm not kidding. If I. If that was. If that wasn't a real conversation, it was pretty damn close to what he was saying. Oh, he give us Jesus. The best thing ever happened to our country. Jesus. Yeah. And then all the Spanish let me. We're all in Fernandez now. What they are, every one of them was named Fernandez. Chris Fernandez. What type of cleaning is needed on a freezer with a body in it? Not that Brett would know or anything. Yeah, why would you. Freezers are good, Joe. I don't know. You just. You heat, you defrost, you bleach, and you freeze again. Kind of does the work by itself. Yeah, well, I'm only saying that because I know when the, like when the freezer melted and we had all that beef broth and chicken juice leaked down onto the floor, we had to like hazmat that thing. And then we got the freezer fixed and everything froze again. We had to redo everything, restock. That was actually an insurance claim because we lost a lot of dough that day when all that meat went, you know, had to technically go bad because you can't risk the chicken and water unfreezing. Yeah. We didn't know it was an overnight thing in it summer. And we came in the next day and it stunk. Opened it up, and there's water all over the floor. And it was kind of warm. And they're like, oh, no. All the meat had to go. All of it.

[Brady Bogan]

It was terrible.

[John Holmberg]

There was one girl in the back. I was blowing air in the chef, and he left me in here. I'm gonna sue him for. Oh, come on. You went in on your own? Of course I did. I wanted to blow him, but I didn't know he was gonna leave. When he was done, I thought we were gonna hold each other and stay. Stay warm. Well, you were wrong. That's your fault. He's gonna go to jail. Sure, I'll climb the mountain. Immediately dismisses all murder charges. Period. End of story. 80 million. 6 million. Stop getting mad at us for being better at stuff. Brett, what do you got on the big board of musicals? Treats. All right. Wake Up Song brought to you by, of course, our buddies over at Action Ride Shop. And I keep telling you this, but if you're looking for that. Looking for that gift, that Christmas gift for the lady or even for yourself, well, they got 20% off, all in stock beach cruisers at both locations right there on power Road and McDowell. And of course, the OG on Gilbert Road and Southern. And you can go to that one and get a nice warm coat for Flagstaff for you and that lady. Yes. Josh will make sure that you have the proper gear for your. For your up north. Visit it so actionrideshop.com and check them out on all the socials. All right. What do you got on the list? We got Black Sabbath, Snow Blind for the Cane Talk earlier, Papa Roach, Even a Kills Me. Metallica, Grandmaster Flash making an appearance. Buck Cherry, Jane's Addiction. Mountain Song for this broad, Slayer, south of Heaven, Primus, John the Fisherman, GNR Dope. Die Mother Effort for the broad that was Hiking Ramstein and sabotage. That's necessary but hilarious. Maybe he requested it. I don't know. The guy said, john, the movie Brady's talking about. No one died from the cold. They died from a lack of oxygen. Had nothing to do with their coats. You got to take oxygen tanks with you. There's no air up there. I'm obsessed with that kind of stuff.

[Brady Bogan]

They leave all those tanks.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, cuz can't Pick them up. Dead weight stays on the mountain. That's the code. The real code. The unspoken code. Code. You got that code again. Radial time code red, subsection B, line 130, colon, 2. Thou shalt not. No, you're just making stuff up.

[Brady Bogan]

Here's a code you follow.

[John Holmberg]

No, you're goddamn right. We live in a world. Brady knows hiking codes and all sorts of incredibly exhausting physical activity codes that he does on the radio rig. He's the commissioner of climbing. Who's gonna do the codes? You. You, Lieutenant Weinberg, stand in there. I can't say the word homo. F word. Uniform. Extend me a little code courtesy. Whatever you want to do today, White lines is so good, we might have to do it. Okay, let's pump it out there for those. For all your kids are going to be that delicious fruity cocaine everybody's talking about. Starting with the Attorney General, right on down to every news channel. Fruity cocaine and news. Stop it. Andre, text me. And he said he had the news on in his house yesterday and the kids are running around and he had it up kind of loud so he could hear it in the other room. And they're like disturbing new images of some underage teenage girls showing way too much skin on TikTok. He said, well, damn it. And he put everything down to go watch. And I'm cooking. You can't go throwing that out there. Way too much skin on these incredibly hot underage women. If you look, you're a weirdo. Well, you made me stop doing that. News. Delicious fruity cocaine is available now for your kids. That's bad. We didn't know about that till you said so. Did somebody say fruity? Ooh, fruity cocaine makes you fruity or just for us? Anyway, I think this is the way to do it. Keep your kids off the fruity cocaine. Who sang this? Grandmaster fl. That's right. Sing it. If Christy Greenway. If you're a listening. How you doing? Get higher, baby. It's 98.

[Brady Bogan]

It's not weird.

[John Holmberg]

It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees. I have heard enough of this. Hberg's morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Matchers.

[John Holmberg]

Tap that app right now and you might win your stuff. Myself Tickets to every concert KUPD's got next year. How about that? Is the KUPD Concert Pass. Simple as punch. Super Nintendo. Shelly Boggs text over and said, oh, my God. I still remember every word to white lines. But I don't know, like the names of the three people I met yesterday. Yeah, it's white lines is it's like a drug I I ironically don't do it. Don't do it. You're indoctrinated in once you start going. I got an email from guys at best wake up song in the last 20 years years that that there was something in that song that if you were a kid when that was going on because it was kind of funny. The message was sort of hilarious. The video was great. Anyway, don't do any more of that. It's a one and done. We might not ever do that again. At 7:48, it's time for Brady to give you all the news that only Brady knows. We call this the Brady Report and it's brought to you by allprochades.com. you got a TV on that back patio or you want to want one. But you think, ah, the glare is going to make it useless. I've got one on my back patio up top that does get a ton of glare. We can't watch it in the daytime. I want to come up with a little plan there to shade that. I think I've got one. All Pro shade's going to come by, make sure that this whole deal is taken care of. Why not make some of your outdoor space livable space? We live in a perfect society. It is great outside all day long. This weekend, this Christmas season is going to be in the 80s. Sitting out in the patio, it's like having having more square footage on your house. It's glorious. Cover it up, make it shady so you can have activities back there, including tv. And if you get a motorized shade From All Pro Shade.com right now and get yourself free heater thrown in there from the good people at all pro shade. Allprochade.com Brady reported.

[Brady Bogan]

Good Friday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello, world.

[John Holmberg]

We've made it. Hi.

[Brady Bogan]

Happy Gingerbread house day.

[John Holmberg]

I always used to hate that because all the stuff on a gingerbread house is so delicious and you're not allowed to eat it.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And then you let it not just get hard and gross. We made them in fourth grade in Albuquerque. Abby Louise made us do it. And like thinking back, you're like, this was just killing time. She's not teaching us anything. We made gingerbread houses glue. You put glue on it, you're ruining good food. Take that, Africa.

[Brady Bogan]

Couple of basis fun facts. Dallas Cowboys linebacker Chuck Howley is the only player from a losing team to be named a Super Bowl MVP.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Happened at Super Bowl 5. 1971, it was such a mess. They call it the Blunder bowl. Eleven turnovers.

[John Holmberg]

Chuck Holly had a day, though. It was. That's. That's legendary.

[Brady Bogan]

In the fourth quarter, Chuck made two interceptions.

[John Holmberg]

It was huge. And they lost the game.

[Brady Bogan]

Yep. 16 to 13 to the Colts.

[John Holmberg]

A mess. Don Shula championship there with the Colts. It's cold in here. Toledo just walked in and shivered. Yeah, that's what I said. If you were a woman, you could sue us for manslaughter.

[Brady Bogan]

Orthorexia is an eating disorder where people only want to eat organic or pure foods. Chocolate milk was invented in jamaica in the 1400s. An Irish botanist visiting Jamaica in the 1700s took the idea back to Europe, started selling it. But he stepped it up a notch. The Jamaicans were doing water and cocoa. This guy, Sir Hans Sloan, he brought it back to Scotland and put milk.

[John Holmberg]

In with the Sir Han or Sir oh, Sir Hans Loan. Okay. Not like Sir Han Sloan. Like, it was a Middle Easterner that was poisoning the cocoa.

[Brady Bogan]

So he came up with the chocolate milk and he sold it as a medical elixir.

[John Holmberg]

Her. Was he knighted before this? Was. He just had to be united afterwards. Had to be knighted after the whole cocoa thing.

[Brady Bogan]

Although he went to Jamaica, so maybe he did have the juice and could travel.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Sound like he had some money.

[Brady Bogan]

People online are predicting the American traditions that they believe will fade away in the coming decade. Next 10 years.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Brady Bogan]

Class reunions.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I think that's good. I've got Facebook and everything. Although I don't need to go social media. Absolutely don't. If you want to stay in contact with somebody, it's easier.

[Brady Bogan]

Someone made the point. Yeah, it's easier than ever. But you can now contact that person. Then it makes it more a white. Let's meet up.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah, that's what contacting someone is.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, I'm saying the. They're saying the class reunions will go away, but the person's making the point of the now that you contact even more. Sometimes that helps you to want to meet more face to face. Like actually having a. No, you're saying because you can contact people, it prevents the reunion.

[John Holmberg]

No, no. Yeah. It prevents a reunion in Mass.

[Brady Bogan]

They're saying.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, you're. You're saying you're. You're. You were saying a class reunion.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Is over. Reuniting with an individual is easier than ever.

[Brady Bogan]

Right?

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[Brady Bogan]

But. But what I'm saying is there's an argument of the context and that now you can get a hold of that person that you'll want to meet actually get together.

[John Holmberg]

Didn't he just say that same four day work week. I've been in that example weeks, I guess. No, it's saying the exact same thing. That if. Yeah, you don't.

[Brady Bogan]

The class reunions will not go away. That's the point, Mickey.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, they would. I would not go back to a mass class reunion if I can just individually pick the people I want to reunite with.

[Brady Bogan]

There's the difference.

[John Holmberg]

Huh?

[Brady Bogan]

They're saying that contacting him online.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Makes you more and likely to get together with that person.

[John Holmberg]

What I just said I don't go to the massive reunion. I reunite with an individual reunion.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, that everyone starts talking like, hey, let's have a get together.

[John Holmberg]

No, that. That's in lieu of the reunion. Everyone can talk. So you. I can reunite with people from high school that I choose to reunite with without having a reunion. Before the Internet, before social media. If you wanted to reunite with classmates, you were hoping they'd be at the reunion. You don't need that anymore. So it's going to go away because now I can pick and choose who I want to reunite with and have that mini reunion.

[Brady Bogan]

You're the one who hankers to get together.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You want to do the big reunion.

[Brady Bogan]

And that's what the point was. Also saying some may be more likely to go because of that. Of contacting people online.

[John Holmberg]

Well, those people are idiots because you don't have to go anywhere to contact someone online. That's like going to the mall to order something online.

[Brady Bogan]

You're talking to 10 or 12 people on commenting on stuff. Hey, let's have a happy hour something. Or let's.

[John Holmberg]

That's not a class reunion.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, it turns into one. I mean it turns into.

[John Holmberg]

It doesn't turn into a class. Like if all of a sudden everybody shows up, like how did that happen? We're supposed to be 12 of us and the whole class is here now. You're right. That's not going to happen. Like if I'm hanging with Brett and like seven or eight people from Rhodes Junior High because we contacted each other and then Amwa Grant shows up to mention him again. Like, how'd you find out about like I don't know. When people talk, class reunions just happen. It's like a hive. It's a hive mentality.

[Brady Bogan]

They had Ronnie's happen that way.

[John Holmberg]

A reunion, Not a class reunion.

[Brady Bogan]

It was. It was people in her class.

[John Holmberg]

That is not a class reunion.

[Brady Bogan]

That is people reuniting a Unsanctioned.

[John Holmberg]

Right. Which means that there are no class reunions. It's just a reunion. It's just a reunion. A class reunion is a very organized by the school reunion. Those are going to go away way. Because it's so easy to do what you're saying, which is just get whoever you want.

[Brady Bogan]

They got together separately on that night and then saying the same thing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

And then went to the class reunion. So they had another party.

[John Holmberg]

A reason. Nobody's saying that doesn't happen because class reunions are still in existence. The. The whole crux of the story is, boy, we got to do this again tonight. The future. There won't be a need for any class reunions because you can do what they did in the beginning.

[Brady Bogan]

Did you come back from Japan and you're watching yourself? You.

[John Holmberg]

Are you listening to you somewhere else in the future.

[Brady Bogan]

Trick or treating is another one.

[John Holmberg]

No way.

[Brady Bogan]

Someone said that ever since Trunk Trunk retreating took off. No, really.

[John Holmberg]

Just new forms of it.

[Brady Bogan]

And people are only finding select neighborhoods. The good neighborhoods to go to.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah. A lot of neighborhoods they've hacked down. They've completely hacked it.

[Brady Bogan]

Massive gender reveal events.

[John Holmberg]

Good, good, good.

[Brady Bogan]

Black Friday.

[John Holmberg]

It's going on for months now. Start in October.

[Brady Bogan]

The Miss America pageant.

[John Holmberg]

It's still a thing.

[Brady Bogan]

Guess so. Private fireworks.

[John Holmberg]

Thank God.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. Brady. You make me want to listen to Ladonna Harvey.

[John Holmberg]

Tough one. No, don't tell them that. No, you calm down. You'll be back. You know what? We have a reunion with that person when they come back. How would it get bigger? Well, we can't. We just. We have to have a sanction one and then.

[Brady Bogan]

No, it wouldn't. But it wouldn't work. It'd only be the four of us. That's not.

[John Holmberg]

You are trying so hard to make sense of your own nonsense. You're the one who said class reunions won't be a thing. We all agreed. Because social media makes it so easy to do it. Now you can have a reunion with the people you choose. Not all of them. Which does. Which means we no longer have a need for a class reunion. But you think I'll leave it.

[Brady Bogan]

No, I'm just making the point that they said at the end of the comment someone said the social media has rendered them irrelevant. Yeah, but social media also keeps people connected with classmates more. And some may be more likely to go because of it.

[John Holmberg]

To write. That doesn't mean that it won't. That it will still be necessary in the future. If some people still want to go. That's probably true, but it doesn't mean they're necessary anymore because they're not.

[Brady Bogan]

So you're refuting the headline of the story that said class reunion. I'm not. I'm just making that. I'm just making the comment that the other person said in it. They're saying.

[John Holmberg]

No, I think they're saying some people still say, oh, I've met up with these people. I want to see more. I'll go to the reunion.

[Brady Bogan]

I've been talking to them online.

[John Holmberg]

But in the future, there'll be less and less of a need for class reunions. Jesus Christ.

[Brady Bogan]

That scar on your head is not where they removed your kidney. They gave you a lobotomy.

[John Holmberg]

You know, friend, in the. The Old Testament, they thought kidneys were brains. And I'm starting to believe they might have been right.

[Brady Bogan]

Is that true?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I thought it was your thought center.

[Brady Bogan]

Last one's Christmas cards.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Christmas cards should go. All cards should go away.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Cards should be blank and just say something. It's plagiarism. It's just legal plagiarism. You pay $3.79 to plagiarize someone else's words. 379. That's cheap. Maybe the last time I bought a card was like four bucks. And I'm like, why do I. I do this.

[Brady Bogan]

Birthday cards too. With Facebook, you don't need it. Facebook tells you who has a birthday. Christmas cards will differ. Depends on when you're making the card. Like you're making a picture of yourself, your family. Oh, that's. And you get the cards produced. I think that's what they're.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, about Good. Yeah. Get that out there too.

[Brady Bogan]

Cuz that you buy.

[John Holmberg]

They can both go away. And that's just stupid social media. Just John Burns. Him. Yeah. You put one picture on social media. Why are you buying in bulk? What are you doing that for? Just put it up there. The people you care about will see it.

[Brady Bogan]

And now it's time for some science news.

[John Holmberg]

All right, knock it down. Oh, come on, Richard.

[Brady Bogan]

Hello, my friends, Professor Brady Bogan here with your science news. The science is on wearing socks. Some people believe that can wear socks. Take them off. Off. Wear them again the next day. Science has proven. Do not do that. Your feet are microscopic rainforests of bacteria.

[John Holmberg]

That's true.

[Brady Bogan]

Fungi, typically containing about a thousand different species. Foot skin also contains some of the highest amounts of sweat glands in the human body. Take them off. Off.

[John Holmberg]

If you've had a big day in socks, they're done. That's essentially what science did. Yeah. Take the big out of there.

[Brady Bogan]

If you've had a day. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

If you've had shoes on over the socks and did some walking around, your feet are like, I mean capture any part of your body in two different layers of something. You should probably scrub up and not use that thing anymore.

[Brady Bogan]

He said if you can't, you know, if, if you're gonna wear socks for more than a day.

[John Holmberg]

If you're gonna. You're a pig. If you plan on. No, if you stop it, that's bad. If you are a human being who plans on wearing socks for a few days, change your mindset, then change your socks. This one said, hey Brady, I got some fruit flavored white lines. I think you need to jump start that brain this morning. Cody. Hey, let's get some of those. I want to see Brady. Smell that.

[Brady Bogan]

A study rank different animals according how monogamous they are. And humans rank pretty high. We're more monogamous than meerkats, but less so than beavers. Dolphins and chimps, they're the biggest cheaters.

[John Holmberg]

But do they have commitments? Are they. If, if the spouse isn't angry, is it cheating? Aren't they kind of like like in open relationships in the sea?

[Brady Bogan]

I don't know about. That's the first time I've heard about beavers. Really?

[John Holmberg]

Because usually probably true of almost all of us. I think most of us are hearing. Yeah, most of us are hearing about. As far as being beaver, monogamy is the first time for me too. We're in the same boat there. And you know what changed all that? Social media.

[Brady Bogan]

But here's how they ranked them. They ranked them by looking at how common half siblings are in the sea. In the species that they're talking about.

[John Holmberg]

Put down with beavers and dolphins and.

[Brady Bogan]

Stuff, they have a lot of half siblings.

[John Holmberg]

Huh. Because of. So you're basically saying that it's all. Basically it's the ocean is Maryvale. A lot of dolphins like gonna get milk and then they just bail out chimps. That's right.

[Brady Bogan]

Same.

[John Holmberg]

So you got that beavers, you got all sorts of. I don't think monogamy. I think that's a man made thing. They say there's some animals that mate for life but we're the only ones that fight our natural instinct to remain monogamous. We're not a monogamous species. We're not.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It's an. It's a. It's nurture, not nature. Because back in the olden days you didn't mate for life. Cavemen did not mate for life. We forced it on a. And it was mainly through religion, population control and control of the people to keep them in one place at one.

[Brady Bogan]

Time was multiple wives.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah, back then before. Because it's. That's immediately proof right there that we're not built for it. We force ourselves into it because it's cleaner and nicer and it's more emotionally stable. But it is not.

[Brady Bogan]

That's if you can afford it too.

[John Holmberg]

That's true too. But it is one of those deals when you're looking, you're like. It's. You're fighting the instinct. That's why it's a sin. It wouldn't have had to been if it was natural for us to not do it. We had to make rules against it because we're not built that way. People don't like hearing that, but that's true. If it was just innate in us, we wouldn't do it. It's like making a thing saying we breathe. We already know that. It's just something we do.

[Brady Bogan]

Viagra for the ladies is now available in the US. It's a cream, not a pill.

[John Holmberg]

Same stuff, too. That's the same ingredient or whatever that's called. Yeah. And why it took 30 years for it to start working on them. It's just because they're stubborn.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Did they not just take it? Yeah. Can't they just take the same one?

[Brady Bogan]

Guess they made it in a cream form. Maybe not. I wonder why.

[John Holmberg]

So they're rubbing it out before they rub it out. Cream stuff for men too. Not just the pill. But still. It's just because they couldn't figure out the dosage to try to nail it so their lady bits get more sensitive.

[Brady Bogan]

Ozempic for pets could be right. Around the corner, a drug company is testing a new GLP1 device on cats that's on the owners and it's an implant, so no shots are required.

[John Holmberg]

Terrible.

[Brady Bogan]

Still in the early stages.

[John Holmberg]

Stop feeding your cats themselves much. They don't have grocery stores. They rely on what you give them. Cut them down. They're on a diet. If you say so. And it's not like they're finding midnight snacks on their own. That's your s. That is frustratingly bad. That's terrible. Morning sickness. Disgusting. They say things that are horrible. Hol's morning sickness.

[Brady Bogan]

I was in a wormhole of death stories.

[John Holmberg]

Cool.

[Brady Bogan]

Yesterday. And I came across four that I thought I would share.

[John Holmberg]

Death news. You got death news?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

We have a song for that death march. Oh, he's got this again. All right. Good work, guys. Nice work.

[Brady Bogan]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

Excellent.

[Brady Bogan]

David Allen Kerwin is 24 years old. He attempted to rescue a friend's dog after he fell into the Celestine pool, the hot spring in Yellowstone national park. This happened July 20, 1981. Despite numerous shouts by bystanders telling Kerwin not to go in, he dove in head first, was unable to save the dog. Right after making managing to swim back to shore, he was helped out of the pool where the injuries became apparent. The exposure to 200 Fahrenheit. 200°F water, it burns 3rd° burns 100 of his body. He gets out of the the pool and says, wow, that was stupid. How bad am I?

[John Holmberg]

He had to like the dog wasn't going to make it. He didn't jump in and start swimming towards the dog the second he was.

[Brady Bogan]

Trying to to go after the dog.

[John Holmberg]

Until he hit the water. Then it was just trying to get out.

[Brady Bogan]

Then he got out.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. He didn't spend time in the water working on the dog. After he felt that water, he just went right to the side.

[Brady Bogan]

He might have looked a second. But obviously because one thing is, not only did he burn. How bad am I is he's blind.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's just people not caring.

[Brady Bogan]

Burned his eyes. He gets out and his friend says, you know, sitting down on the floor, and they knew it was real trouble when they took his shoe out off and all the skin came.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, how, how was the dog doing that? He had enough time to notice that. I need to help him take it.

[Brady Bogan]

You'd think so. Just take a few seconds. That's not gonna help them.

[John Holmberg]

He had to realize, oh, that dog's gonna die in a second.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm thinking of all the possibilities right now. If we're bringing up Death Stories from 1981, this show's gonna go on forever.

[John Holmberg]

Forever, Forever. If he just now discovered that. Oh, Brady doesn't do much. 1981. Yeah, he doesn't do much yet. Did you hear him say that? No. 45 years ago.

[Brady Bogan]

That's a relatively new one.

[John Holmberg]

He's got a couple of older ones. But keep in mind this. This is Brady who doesn't do research on today's stories, but he fell into this. This ain't going away. No, he's gonna like this for a while. That's him.

[Brady Bogan]

I like death news.

[John Holmberg]

Getting to know him and knowing he likes cripples, he likes breastfeeding, and now this.

[Brady Bogan]

So would it be back in the day Death news.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, this over time. People have been dying since the beginning.

[Brady Bogan]

That's. That's true.

[John Holmberg]

Brady's. Basically. This new segment is called and now this New Ways to Die. Well, no, they're really old ways to die.

[Brady Bogan]

This one's two years older. 1979.

[John Holmberg]

We're gonna get back to office.

[Brady Bogan]

John Bowen, 20 years old from Nashua, New Hampshire, was attending a halftime show at a football game in Shea Stadium.

[John Holmberg]

Used to play football in Chase stadium. That was 50 years ago.

[Brady Bogan]

During the event, it featured a novelty in custom made remote control flying machines.

[John Holmberg]

Basically because they call them drones now, but those used to be.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, well, this drone was in the shape of a lawnmower. Accidentally dived into the stage hands and the sharp blade striking bow and another spectator.

[John Holmberg]

Hold on. It wasn't the head shaped like a lawnmower. It was a running lawnmower.

[Brady Bogan]

It was basically. They have a little picture of it.

[John Holmberg]

That's a drawing. That is not an actual picture. It's not an actual photograph. Somebody help me out with that.

[Brady Bogan]

That's not it.

[John Holmberg]

It's just a lawnmower superimposed over trees.

[Brady Bogan]

It's just a blanket.

[John Holmberg]

Stratton up there or what?

[Brady Bogan]

That's not the one.

[John Holmberg]

It's not.

[Brady Bogan]

That's not the one.

[John Holmberg]

Are you okay? You thought that was the actual shot. That's not even a halftime show. It might have been a picture of.

[Brady Bogan]

How it looked like or. I mean, well, if you just take.

[John Holmberg]

A lawnmower and put it hovering above in a picture, it's going to be. Why would they fly a lawnmower at a halftime show?

[Brady Bogan]

They're flying all sorts of objects at this halftime show. Did you listen to the story?

[John Holmberg]

We have to do that. Yeah, I did. But did you? It's crazy. Like, you're believing that this is a possibility and then you show us this drawing as evidence. Would you just hand me a tapestry?

[Brady Bogan]

This one's a little older. Brent.

[John Holmberg]

How far back are we going? You are killing it today.

[Brady Bogan]

Sigurd the Mighty.

[John Holmberg]

Who?

[Brady Bogan]

Sigurd the Mighty. 892 AD.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, great. This just in.

[Brady Bogan]

He beheaded in a rival village. He was a Viking. He was the second Viking Earl of Orkney, which is northern Scotland. And he basically beheaded a guy that was in a rival tribe. And he tied the guy's head to his horse. And as he was riding the horse, the guy's the beheaded the head. Basically the teeth scraped his legs, infected his leg. He died of the affection.

[John Holmberg]

Oh. The head fell off onto a guy.

[Brady Bogan]

The head was strapped Onto the horse. Horse. And he was riding around displaying the dude's head jugger up. And he scraped his legs.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody died of infection back then, by the way. Kyle said, didn't Brady call this death news or ways to die? And then his first story was a dude who didn't die.

[Brady Bogan]

The one guy did die. The other guy survived.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, the one in the pool.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh yeah, he died.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he did die. Well, eventually, cuz it was 50 years ago. Did he die?

[Brady Bogan]

I mean, it was alive enough to say how bad am I?

[John Holmberg]

And then he got it took off.

[Brady Bogan]

His shirt and then they got him to the hospital. He died right when he got the hospital.

[John Holmberg]

You sure of that?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah, we might.

[Brady Bogan]

We might.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Brady, an apology. All right. No, the lawnmower thing is real, but that wasn't the pick. Well, that's.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, that's it.

[John Holmberg]

But that is not it. That's not a halftime show. Dumb dumb. Yeah, dumb dumb. Yeah, dumb dumb. I don't see where there are any people there getting killed by that flying lawnmower. I didn't say flying lawnmowers weren't a thing. But that picture was not where you thought it was.

[Brady Bogan]

That. That's the example of what the one was used.

[John Holmberg]

But you held that up to me like. Well, that's not it.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, I think that was it.

[John Holmberg]

The lawnmower in the air look like a cruddy picture.

[Brady Bogan]

No, that picture.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Cuz that was a halftime show. You know, it was a football game for trees. There's all the crowd were pines. We got trouble brewing.

[Brady Bogan]

That's your death news.

[John Holmberg]

Jackasses on fire, I tell you. On fire. Yeah, there you go. There's some real stuff. Toledo did a little research and found that they were flying some remote control planes. Now I'm struggling with the idea that it was a lawnmower that was on. I'm guessing it was a propeller.

[Brady Bogan]

It was a propelled. Yeah, it was a lawnmower that could fly.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but the lawnmower wasn't what killed it. The guy. They didn't fire up the lawnmower.

[Brady Bogan]

It was the blades, right?

[John Holmberg]

The propellers. Yeah, yeah, but not the lawn. Not. It wasn't a flying functional lawnmower that they just said fire it up and fly it over people.

[Brady Bogan]

I mean, and the. The flying lawnmower that he showed had a propeller in the front.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's what killed the guy. Right? Could have been a pig.

[Brady Bogan]

This one. The propeller's in the front.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, it could have been.

[Brady Bogan]

Would you say it's a Flying lawnmower.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, but. Yeah, but we were under the impression because I said to you, no, not the lawn. Lawnmower plates. That's where we get confused. Because that's where I asked. I said, they turned the lawnmower on. And he said, yeah, like, no, but there was a propeller. Could have been an underdog. Right? The propeller would have killed someone. But the fact that it was a lawnmower is the iron. Very strange.

[Brady Bogan]

There you have. It.

[John Holmberg]

Isn't. Geez, they're very confusing today. It's fun. It's more fun. Fun.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Just because you struggle to make sense sometimes. And we're the. We're responding as the audience would, going, what the is he talking about? Am I wrong? We have death news tonight. Oh, we're doing an hour and a half of death news. I just called Frank and John and told them not to come.

[Brady Bogan]

Let me do some research. Said, why now?

[John Holmberg]

Why start now? See, it's not just us. What the f is Brady talking about? This is definitely not a moment of clarity for pop up signed Maxwell. We're just speaking for the audience. You weren't making a lot of sense, so we had to clear it up.

[Brady Bogan]

Gotcha.

[John Holmberg]

And that's what makes.

[Brady Bogan]

Believe it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Thank you for clearing that.

[John Holmberg]

Well, we have to, Brady. That's the thing. Don't get mad at us. Don't get grumpy with us for having questions and you don't have. Then we have more questions. We don't just accept it at face value. Like that drawing you showed us of that thing flying through the forest. You mean this drawing?

[Brady Bogan]

Flying lawnmower.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's a drawing. Some sort of super on the front of it. Yeah, but that's a picture of the lawnmower. And they've superimposed it. Yeah, they've superimposed it over a force. That's not the actual thing you were telling us happened. You said it was at a halftime show.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm sorry, it was inaccurate.

[John Holmberg]

No, I knew immediately that wasn't what you were talking about. About. That's all. It's questions. You held it up as if this was proof. I said, they flew that over people. And you went, yep. And you showed me a picture of a lawnmower over trees.

[Brady Bogan]

Picture a court of law.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

And you present that.

[John Holmberg]

The jury's gonna be like, this guy's all over the place. All over the road. It's more fun this way. Don't get caught.

[Brady Bogan]

Don't follow along with the sketches.

[John Holmberg]

The sketches are fun. Don't get Mad. Get even. All right. Go ahead now. Here's your crippled stuff.

[Brady Bogan]

Go to.

[John Holmberg]

He's flying.

[Brady Bogan]

It might be AI. I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

I care. Don't be grouchy. I don't think it is.

[Brady Bogan]

It's a lot.

[John Holmberg]

It's more fun this way. Play along. She's got no. No nose at all. Literally has no nose at all. She's my dream face. No holes where the nose should be either.

[Brady Bogan]

Does she? Don't you need the nasal passages to sing, John?

[John Holmberg]

Is it way up there by her?

[Brady Bogan]

I don't see.

[John Holmberg]

By her brow.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't see any holes.

[John Holmberg]

This noseless lady's got a great tongue.

[Brady Bogan]

Brett's gonna look.

[John Holmberg]

Peek under there. Look at her hands.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Whoa.

[John Holmberg]

Those are long ET Fingers. Nope. No holes where that is either. Just a.

[Brady Bogan]

Could be in the roof of her mouth.

[John Holmberg]

Could be.

[Brady Bogan]

Or she's breathing through her cloud.

[John Holmberg]

She's got a beautiful voice for somebody.

[Brady Bogan]

Get her together with DJ Bathsheba.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

We might have seen this guy before. But he eats ramen noodles through his. He puts out more. Multiple videos. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh. This guy. That's a critical guy with a big hole in his face. He's just shoving noodles in it. This is a restaurant Toledo's gonna eat in on his next family vacation.

[Brady Bogan]

His tongue works it through there.

[John Holmberg]

He's got a hole in his cheek next to his nose. And he can shove food in there because that's where his tongue lives.

[Brady Bogan]

What does he bite down too? It doesn't look like he has an upper palate.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know.

[Brady Bogan]

Maybe the tongue kind of.

[John Holmberg]

It probably drops down a little bit. It's supposed to be. The roof of his mouth is supposed to be there. So probably falls down into his mouth from the hole. And that's why his tongue can get out there. Nothing's stopping it. And he's in some lab of some sort. He's got a full HAZMAT gear on from the. Just. Just to eat noodles. He's got gloves and taking a break from his job as what?

[Brady Bogan]

For lunch?

[John Holmberg]

A janitor? All right, Guy.

[Brady Bogan]

The next one. Shooting a drone. It's not a lawnmower.

[John Holmberg]

Okay? Just firing at a drone. Is this, like somewhere in Idaho and he's just getting an Amazon delivery? Oh, it is. It's a wardrobe. Neat. Nice. It took 20 shots. Nice job.

[Brady Bogan]

That's why you get to take that thing out. It's loaded.

[John Holmberg]

Sure. It's got explosives. Here it comes. Who's gonna win this fight? Should not be a bird hunter. That thing's not going very fast. That dude shot 30 times. So you have to go to MMP Guns. Buy some more ammo at this rate. Jesus. No wonder this war is costing so much money. They're just wasting in it. All right, Brett, get us ready. All right. We actually may have one or two here that could be added from today. Not sure. I don't know. We'll make the top 10. All right, let's see. That's so many. I like this one. God, Brett and I saw so many buttholes yesterday. Like this. This is. Here's one.

[Brady Bogan]

This is.

[John Holmberg]

Some sort of weird sex toys falling out of this lady's body. Down, straight down. Let's just wait. There's more. Oh, there's gonna be. This is huge. Two hours later, still coming up out. It's huge. And. Oh, my gosh. But wait, there's more. Is it two? Holy cow. We're at about three feet right now. Four feet. And then it finally falls out. That was all the way from butt to neck. Oh, yeah, that thing was way in there. Twisting and turning her small intestine way up there. That was a lot of dildo. Hello. Okay. All right. Oh, Jesus. Here's a. There you go.

[Brady Bogan]

Jesus. 2. Oh.

[John Holmberg]

Arms in one B hole. At least it's a female, but. Yeah, at least they're keeping it biblical. Thanks for that. Yeah. At least the female. None of that twink behavior. I won't tolerate that degenerative nonsense.

[Brady Bogan]

Jeez.

[John Holmberg]

He pulled his hands out. Hey, that one could possibly make it. Pull his hands out. Look like somebody.

[Brady Bogan]

You're not allowed to put that one on.

[John Holmberg]

Somebody squashed a bunch of strawberries. More food news for Brady.

[Brady Bogan]

Six is pretty good.

[John Holmberg]

Like, that's. She's having sex with about nine hot dogs. The big ones, too.

[Brady Bogan]

Those are bangers.

[John Holmberg]

Those are big bangers. She's pregnant as well. Yeah, I just noticed that with you. She's pregnant and having sex with cooked hot dogs. Just break them up. She's got eight glizzies in there, and her boyfriend's filming. By the way, it's in the back of a car, too, so, like. Like soft eggs, and I like them all. Oh, my gosh. Okay. 14 years.

[Brady Bogan]

When you're.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that baby's gonna tumble out of there. Oh, that tweaker's not gonna make 14 years. That's a good point. That's a good point. Brad makes a strong point. And then Homer comes on and says, uncle. And then we'll just finish with this one, okay? It just shows you the fetishes. That people find on the Internet. All right, here we go. Somebody dressed as a ninja Turtle with the breasts out eating a pizza. Another ninja Turtle at the couch. They've gone to great lengths to be in costume.

[Brady Bogan]

True.

[John Holmberg]

Pretty good. No. Well, they're all fat. No, fat women dressed as spray painted as ninja Turtles. Okay. And they've edited it. I appreciate that. Oh, now the ninja Turtles are all masturbating and eating pizza as ninja Turtles tend to do and enjoying both. This is how Brady eats Brady's pizza. Like this. This is how Brady loves to pie. Oh, just wait. All right. They're going for a couple more slices because they are fat. Like I said, no one's bent over one of the turtles. They're just slapping a fat ass with some pizza piece. Fat turtle ass right behind the shell. Just hitting her with some cheese pizza. And this is. This is abuse for the pizza. For the pizza. This is terrible. All right. And he's singing the ninja song from Ninja rap Vanilla. They wanted me to play that for Brady. Oh, now they're eating.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Secret of the ooze, dude.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, she does impressions. Okay, that was. There you go. Just destroyed a lot of childhoods. Just when you thought you'd seen it all. We're gonna wreck some childhoods. Maybe that one goes up there tonight just for fun. All right. I think Lovetts and Caliano can handle that anyway. What a treat. That was fun. I enjoyed that. Yeah. Is that breaking death news going to be new for 2026? If so, I'm going to need a schedule the show from Toledo so I can check out during that. I didn't do well. It's tough. Oh, I like that. Here. This guy came up with a logo for Brady's new segment called Biblical time machine.

[Brady Bogan]

Nice.

[John Holmberg]

I like that. Go back, work it out. It's good. We liked it. The flying lawnmower is interesting again. The propeller. Cool. And don't do that. Don't have prop planes. Remember? Was it 1970 something? The bills. The guy crashed a plane. I think it was the Steelers Bills game. Crashed a plane into Rich stadium right after the game ended into a section. If it was 20 minutes earlier would have been packed.

[Brady Bogan]

Taking out a bunch of people.

[John Holmberg]

It would have killed tons of people. But a plane crashed into the stadium. There's also a Monday night football game in Buffalo in the early 80s, late 70s where a guy is. Has decided he's going to just start to shimmy across one of the guy wires that goes from side to side where the camera ran. And they didn't stop the game. He hovers above the game and Howard Cosell just keeps going. Eventually Helly the faller get back and they're like don't stop. Nobody cared that he was above the crowd at one point. A 200 pound man could have dropped way he was on the second level. Climbed right over the lower bowl. Could have killed everybody. Gets over the players. Game keeps going. They'd look up every once in a while. Don Meredith's like, he's still up there. Like I know. What a tragedy. It's great.

[Brady Bogan]

Dangerous, disgraceful.

[John Holmberg]

Absurd.

[Brady Bogan]

Was Co sell's quote apparently.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. And. But they didn't stop a thing nowadays. They'd have cleared out the stadium. They'd have probably. Probably droned him down the second half. There it is.

[Brady Bogan]

Happened to that football game.

[John Holmberg]

It was drone. It's the beginning of the game too. They're still introducing the offensive line and like they got all this OJ's there. The second worst thing that's about to happen to his life just short. Oh could be tragic. Unless that's exactly what he's doing because the line is strung completely across the stadium now. They got hovering, we don't know, 80ft above the crowd.

[Brady Bogan]

How.

[John Holmberg]

How will they get him down? Gift. That's the more important question. Second down. Let's just get on with it. Second down. A little later in the game. Who are they playing? The Giants. A little later in the game he's like over the field and then he shimmies back to the thing. It's the most amazing. And back in. Back in that time they didn't care about people. They didn't even clear the section underneath. If you. He falls, he falls. Keep your. Keep your eyes up is basically what they told us on the back of your ticket.

[Brady Bogan]

And there is a gentleman in a.

[John Holmberg]

Bit of trouble here at Buffalo where we'll return in just a moment. We got to get those commercials in. There you go everybody. That is your Brady report. It's 98.

[Brady Bogan]

It's not weird.

[John Holmberg]

It's pretty cool actually. No membership fees. I have heard enough of this. Homburg's morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

This is great.

[John Holmberg]

This was off the album named after the year your sister was born. Jesse. It's a 1984. That's Van Halen. Jesse Jet Ski Johnson. A Valley native who is just exploding on kill. Tony, you're running around doing stand up all over the place. And we just found out or at least I did. You are a Dobson High graduate.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah. Go Mustang.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So we'll talk real slow so you can follow along. This is great. And you grew up here in the area. You're the only person in our 25 years on the air that has been a guest who graduated from Dobson also. It's just us.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

I know. It feels good, doesn't it?

[John Holmberg]

You and me. And you're going to go way past my. Any sort of silly notoriety I've gained. You're going to be nationwide fun.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

I'm bringing you with me.

[John Holmberg]

Let's do it. I'm in radio around the nation.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Let's.

[John Holmberg]

You were. So you went to Dobson and. And then suddenly like somebody just said start calling you Jet Ski and you said, okay. And now everyone calls you Jet Ski.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And yet you've never ridden one.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

I've never been on a Jet Ski in your life.

[John Holmberg]

So the nickname just came from a story someone else was telling?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah, this actually the guy hosting my show at the 10pm Pro on Sunday at 6pm Good. See, I squeezed in the marketing. Yeah. Pretty flawless. Jason Hill, he's hosting the show. And we go way back. We were doing an open mic and this guy did a 10 minute story about a Jet ski and he used the word, the word Jet Ski probably a million times. And so we were getting bored of it and he said, you know, you should just change your name to Jet.

[John Holmberg]

Ski because you were getting bored of it and pointed out the flaw in his act. Yeah, you earned a nickname.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

And then I ran with it. I've changed my name on Facebook as a joke, tried to change it back and Facebook says you got 30 days. You got to stick with it. You can't change your name for 30 days.

[John Holmberg]

And it stayed.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

And so that's why it like stayed.

[John Holmberg]

Do you hate it?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

No, I love, I think it's cool. A cool nickname. Jesse Johnson is a very common name. It's like a lot of. There's like a few famous guitar player named Jesse Johnson. I think Jet Ski separates it keeps you apart.

[John Holmberg]

And you said when you're growing up here, your dad used to listen to this show and force you to listen to it too, because you were born in like 2014.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Oh, thank you. Still got it.

[John Holmberg]

I didn't say it looked good. I just said you. All right, let's not start inflating the ego. Right. I'll, I'll knock you down. No. So you, you, your dad, you guys listen to this stupid show?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

And so this is probably why you became funny and you owe us some sort of role. Royalty.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah. I remember there was one joke about a lady in a canoe or something, and I just. He was cracking up, like, crying, and I didn't get it.

[John Holmberg]

A bald man in a canoe?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah, something like that. I was like, I don't get. Why is it funny? And he's like, I can't tell you.

[John Holmberg]

How old were you?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Oh, I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

What, five or six?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

12.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, so you're about to discover the bald man in the canoe. Yeah, he's probably like, you'll see. Give it a couple weeks. All right. Well. And is your dad.

[Brady Bogan]

So.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Thanks, guys.

[Brady Bogan]

Sure.

[John Holmberg]

You're very welcome. Is your dad a cool. Cool guy?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

My dad's very cool. He plays drums. He's a rocket scientist. He's retired now, but, yeah, he's. He's a cool guy.

[John Holmberg]

He's a rocket scientist and a drummer.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah. Very unique.

[John Holmberg]

What? He's a rocket scientist, and the best he could do is the Dobson school district.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

He didn't go to Dobson.

[John Holmberg]

No, I know, but he made you go there, or did he leave and then your stepdad and mom made you go to Dobson?

[Brady Bogan]

That's why.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah, my. My mom made me go.

[John Holmberg]

Where did your dad live?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

He. He lived in Phoenix area. I mean, we were close.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. He had a nicer house.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

He saw him every other weekend.

[John Holmberg]

He had a beautiful home.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Oh. I mean, it was smaller.

[John Holmberg]

It was.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

It was an apartment. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

He built up, though, your mom.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Good house now.

[John Holmberg]

Did mom take him for everything?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

No, no, no, no, no.

[John Holmberg]

He's a rocket scientist.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

He built up. He started at Honeywell.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

He's an engineer DEI Shout out. Devi went to de.

[John Holmberg]

Rocket scientist. If he graduated from Devi.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah. Dude, I'm telling you, from Casa Grande.

[John Holmberg]

Nope. All of this is wrong.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

In Cassie grand, when it was nothing, like, just nothing out there. No, it's a little. They got a Kohl's.

[John Holmberg]

No, they do have a Kohl's. That's true. And if that's your bar for awesome, then still they've made it.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

But before, there weren't even, like, roads out there.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. He was selling strong carriages.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

A long time ago.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

So he went to devry, got his degree, worked at Honeywell in the aerospace, worked up to the faa, and then he got a job at North Runner or North Carolina Grummet.

[John Holmberg]

And then your mom left him.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

No, it was way before that. I was six. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you were six. Like, I can't take this. I'm gonna build a rocket.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

That's what he said. It's like, I just gotta learn how to build rockets and get away from her. Yeah.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

I think he was tired of working for the faa.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Screw them.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah. It's like, I'm gonna go build some wires for rocket.

[John Holmberg]

When did you start becoming a comedian? When were you like, I'm gonna do this? Were you at Dobson when you're like, you know what? I'm pretty damn funny?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yes. Because. And a few years before I got to Dobson, they started a sketch comedy group there called Friday Night Live. And the drama teacher there, Simon N. I know Simon.

[John Holmberg]

I went to school with Simon.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

He's going to my show. We still talk to. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Simon Navarro and I were a year apart and did.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

You're kidding me. Oh, my God, that's so cool. He's one of the best teachers in the world. So supportive. He really. Did he get fat when his kid was pregnant? He's not. I don't think he is now, but when. When he had the baby? Yeah. He gained a lot.

[John Holmberg]

He had a baby?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Oh, yeah. She's full grown. She went to my. Sheila is in Boston now studying music and she went to my show. Show in Boston.

[John Holmberg]

No, I'm not saying. You said he got fat when he got pregnant.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Oh, well, yeah. I mean, not like in the physical sense.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I don't know. It's a new world.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

He gained the weight that he. He also gained the weight.

[John Holmberg]

He and his wife both got fat. So. He got fat, you said.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

And we roasted him a lot.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well. Yeah.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Smell better.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So there's Simon. I haven't talked to Simon in forever. So he was the drama teacher.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Took over for a guy named Mr. Olson.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Okay. I never met Mr. Olson.

[John Holmberg]

Probably talks about Mel Olsen quite a bit because it's Mel Olsen's drama center.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

I won the most Mel Olsen art award.

[John Holmberg]

Did you really?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

How about pretty cool? That's pretty awesome. Still listening. How about no, nobody cares. It's just you and me. Who gives a crap? We're Dobson High graduates. Never happens. Yeah, it's good. Yeah. And you know it's gonna happen. More and more people are gonna start showing up. That's the thing. So when you go. When you do your shows, does it. Is it mostly idiots you went to school with?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

No, I mean this. This show is like, exciting and also nerve wracking because I think a lot of people from high school are going, but normally, no. It's my first time headlining a club in town.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. How awesome is that, though?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Great.

[John Holmberg]

It's a revenge tour.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

I wouldn't call it that.

[John Holmberg]

It could be. Yeah. You could get some people that hated you. They're gonna show them. Go, yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

What's up, Jesse?

[John Holmberg]

You went to school together.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Oh, I'm gonna kick them out. I have, like, a little bit of power now, and I'm excited to use it.

[John Holmberg]

Swing the dick, Jesse.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Go up on stage and go, I never liked you at all. Why are you. That's awesome. And it's Sunday night. You can go see Jesse Jet Ski Johnson. How much are you. Do you live here still? Are you in Austin now or.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

I live in Los Angeles now. I drive down all the time. Yeah. I've been touring for the past, like three years. Years headlining. And I've just.

[John Holmberg]

Nice.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Really wanted to come back and do this. Right?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Do tempe improv.

[John Holmberg]

It's the first time you've played Phoenix as a headliner.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

I did a show at. For asu. They hired me to do more of like a private event that I headlined at the stadium. And it was cool. That was two years ago at the football stadium.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

And one of the suites, like, oh, okay.

[John Holmberg]

I was gonna say Jesus, that's a step up.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

I went through this.

[Brady Bogan]

It was amazing. It was 12 people, 80,000 standing over elevation.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

When they go, you want to play the stadium? I was like, you guys know I'm not gonna sell that out.

[John Holmberg]

You're gonna have to hump it to do that. You're gonna really work. Yeah. That's amazing. So you're back here. I want that. Is there any, like, people from your past that you want to shout out now to say, you told you suck it, that I'm. I'm more famous than any of you?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

No, no, no, no. I don't even think I deleted, blacked out.

[John Holmberg]

But that Friday light night thing, Friday.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Night Live is so amazing. Like, I'm so glad it's still going on. Not to get like again, you guys, but it's so co. Navarro, like, did.

[John Holmberg]

You say you're gonna get gay on.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah. You guys are waiting to make it gay.

[John Holmberg]

Go ahead. It's way gay.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

But I'm so. I'm. It's. It's cool to be like part of a legacy if you ever get to experience that in your life. And so, like, being part of that and now being a full time standup comedian, it's. I hope the, you know, younger kids who want to get into comedy, they have that opportunity.

[John Holmberg]

Did it help you out of there? Yeah. Did it help you feel like you should do this.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah. I mean, I remember Navarro sitting me down because I was. I'm a trumpet player and I had a full ride scholarship.

[John Holmberg]

You were huge nerd.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Oh, I still am.

[John Holmberg]

My God.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Oh, yeah. Speech and debate.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Video games.

[John Holmberg]

Lord.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

But I. But I would. I had a full ride scholarship to Northern Arizona University on trumpet playing. So it was like, okay, I have a free ride to a university. I should probably keep playing music. And Navarro sat me down. He was like, you know, you have a future in comics comedy. And that was when Tina Fey and Amy Poehler were, like, really popping off. And so he's like, women in comedy especially are doing well. Like you. If you want to do this, you have a future in it. And I was still like, I don't know if I could actually make a career out of it.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. Where do I go?

[John Holmberg]

Very odd because Simon sat me down a long time ago and he tried to talk me into something exactly opposite. You don't have a future in comedy. You have to blow stuff to make money. So we told you the exact opposite. No future and blowing for you.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

He was like, you should play Trump.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

He said, you should blow stuff for money. And I'm like, what is that? And he goes, here, I'll show you. And I put a blindfold on. And then I passed out. I woke up at Mountain View two weeks later.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Oh, my God.

[John Holmberg]

Crazy. Simon's a good guy, though.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Shout out, Simon.

[Brady Bogan]

How about thanks for the instruction.

[John Holmberg]

That is so crazy. That. Yeah. A guy I went to high school with, too, and Simon was a great, like, performer.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Oh, I bet. I know.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

I've never seen him, but he was.

[John Holmberg]

He was awesome. He was like. He was one of my favorite people at that school. I thought he was great. I didn't know he was. I knew kind of. I. Years ago, I knew he was doing the drama department. Not anymore.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

That's so cool. Wow. What a small world. Yeah. Shout out good teachers. That makes a big difference.

[John Holmberg]

What would you do if you weren't doing this? And don't say trumpet.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

I probably would be a music teacher.

[John Holmberg]

Really?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, what a waste of time.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

I know.

[John Holmberg]

No money.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Kids, as we're talking about how. Good teachers.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, good teachers. But you don't want to be one.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

No, I was. Well, because I was 18, I'm like, I have no life experience. How am I going to teach?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Gotten on a late night band. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You could have done that.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

I. I know. I thought. I thought I might do, like, something with music like that. And I kind of did. When I was on that Kill Tony show, I was in the band. I, I. Yeah, it was me and Jeremiah Watkins and Joel Jimenez. We were comedians in the band. This was back in the day. And we dress up as characters and go out and perform comedy in the band.

[John Holmberg]

Now Tony's been here a bunch of times, and we feel like he stole Kill Tony's whole premise from this show. Because we used to do a segment, it was a whole day of everybody had a minute to do stand up.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

On a big box, really?

[John Holmberg]

And we just tore them to bits unless they were good.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

That's awesome.

[John Holmberg]

And then next thing you know, he's making millions of dollars, he's at Madison Square Garden, and I'm still sitting here talking to you about Simon. Oh, Navarro.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

That's hilarious.

[John Holmberg]

Is it?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah. Tony is a smart guy.

[John Holmberg]

Tony is a smart. He's a smart plagiarist. Whereas I just decided this is nothing. I just didn't see that this could be a thing.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah, you got to do it once a week for.

[John Holmberg]

You got to do it constantly. And then. Yeah. And then people be like, I'm going to start listening to that. Are you going to do it? Do you do a podcast?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

I do. Thanks for asking. I just started it. It was in August. We're almost at 20 episodes. It's doing well. It's called Jet Fuel.

[John Holmberg]

Jet Fuel. And what's it like? What do you focus on?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

It's me. And right now, a comedic guest. I think I'm going to branch out eventually once I. I get better at hosting, because it is a great skill.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's an incredible skill.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

You have to know where to go.

[John Holmberg]

You're right.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

So bad at it. But yeah, we just kind of have a conversation. I feel like I put on a lot of media in the background. If I'm, like, lonely, I just want people talking in the background while I'm doing stuff. So that's what I'm just putting out there once a week.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. When you get lonely, you do a podcast.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

No, like, I put on podcasts.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I see.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Hear people talking.

[John Holmberg]

You know, there's a thing called going outside.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah. Well, I'm out every single night, so.

[John Holmberg]

Why are you lonely?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

I'm not.

[John Holmberg]

You just said you were.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

I got.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. She's good. She's a promotion machine.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Vote for me.

[John Holmberg]

Jet Ski Johnson's at the 10pm Prof. Sunday night only. And you're going to be out there just doing the local thing. What about you? Do we need to Know that we don't. What? What is something that is Jet Ski Johnson only.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Oh, gosh, Dan, I wish this wasn't live. I'd say let's pause for a second so I can think of a great answer.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's what you got to do.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Because my whole life is like, I go on stage and talk about myself.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

So it's like I don't have a lot, like, hidden.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You're an open book.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah, I'm pretty much open.

[Brady Bogan]

Along with your sister.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Your sister's here filming you?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah. No, I'm kidding. I love my sister.

[John Holmberg]

You hate your stepsister.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

No, I don't hate her. I just don't know her no more.

[John Holmberg]

Ain't got no time for hate. Stop knowing her, she moved.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And she moved away. Was that tough? Like, the family broke up and then you had to split up. Who's blood related? And she disappeared.

[Brady Bogan]

She doesn't reach out.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

I'm sober now, but at that time I was so messed up on drugs, I don't really remember. I was doing. Can we say I'm on here?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

YouTube will censor everything. You know that. We gotta get back on radio.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

I just say the N word. No. No, I'm not going.

[John Holmberg]

Is that a drug?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

No, I did a. I was doing a lot of coke and.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

And I was doing a lot of. A lot of psychedelics.

[John Holmberg]

They got fruit flavored coke now.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Did you ever hear about that? That's the fentanyl, I think.

[John Holmberg]

No, it isn't. They're like, making it flavored like fruity Pebbles. And it's the first time I've ever, like. I think I'm gonna try that.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Don't do it. The coke was different when I did it. It wasn't laced with fentanyl and Obama was in office. The vibes were different. It was like.

[John Holmberg]

Obama made coke better.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah. I think it was like a better vibe in the country.

[John Holmberg]

Wait a minute. Did you just threaten to say the N word and then say everything was better when Obama was president?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Why is that a correlation?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. It just sort of is.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah. No, I think. I think it was safer then.

[John Holmberg]

You do? Yeah, because cocaine was much more regulated and safe when you were doing it.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

I mean. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

What made you stop this safe product?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

It was such a. I was just bottom out. Yeah. To bottom out.

[John Holmberg]

What happened?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Just like. Because I had that full ride and then I dropped out of school and then I.

[John Holmberg]

You were a cocaine snort Acid. Cocaine acid, drama, dmt.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

I was like I would. I wanted to be good at jazz at Dobson.

[Brady Bogan]

Did you go to Coachella and all those events?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

No, no, mostly in my apartment.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So this was after Dobson you discovered.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah, after Dobson.

[John Holmberg]

Cocaine.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And you liked it. Do you remember the first time?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

I mean, I didn't like it actually. I thought it was a really dumb, stupid drug, but I liked it. Yeah, that makes sense. It's stupid, but was fun, like, cuz you're so addictive.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

It smelled so good.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah. Do you remember the first time you did it?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah. I was at a party and everyone was like on the ground and had like these mirrors and I was like, what's going on over there?

[Brady Bogan]

Mirror Jitski.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You didn't even know that was your.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

You're like, you don't want this stuff.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Did you. Was it here in Arizona?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah, yeah, of course it was.

[John Holmberg]

No. Where was it? I don't know.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Oh, I don't remember at the exact place because this was a residential 2009 or something.

[John Holmberg]

It was just some.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah, just some house party.

[John Holmberg]

Some apartment party.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah. Shout out house party.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, exactly. And then. So the first time you did it, you're like, that was dumb. And then you're like knocking on that guy's door the next day. Let's do that dumb thing again.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah. You just kind of like, just keep doing it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

And then. Yeah. It was like. Part of me was like, I want to expand my mind. And you know. And you know, it. It's weird to say it because I don't like advocating for that.

[John Holmberg]

Sure.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

But I. I am glad I did it, like during the time that I.

[John Holmberg]

Thanks, Jet Ski kids.

[Brady Bogan]

You heard it here.

[John Holmberg]

Jet Ski Johnson. Happy and happy. Yeah. That's all the time. Time we've got. And we'll leave it there. She really enjoyed doing it, but time.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Darkest time of my life. Hated that time of my life, terrible time. But now in hindsight, I have that perspective and I've got a bit and made something of myself and I.

[John Holmberg]

How long did you do it?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Oh, gosh, maybe like five. I don't know the timeline, but I remember being pretty clean when I started standup. And I was 21, so it was like between that, like 18 and 19 years. I was like just trying every drug.

[John Holmberg]

Did your sister know this at the time? Was she doing it with you?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Not to the extreme.

[Brady Bogan]

Was there an intervention?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Kind of. My mom, I think she saw at my. When I was 21, I was living in Mesa at this apartment and I. The only thing in My fridge was like cocaine beers.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's a lot. Was it Garden Place Apartments on Longmore and Baseline or the Haystacks? That's where everybody ended up living?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

No, but the way you asked, that really freaked me out for a second. All the cocaine in my past has made me pretty. Pretty paranoid. I was like, how do you know that?

[John Holmberg]

Wait, you didn't know that I was the one supplying the coke?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Oh, yeah, that's right.

[John Holmberg]

You remember me. I had hair and it was fun. Stops and 90s. Johnny Waverunner. Yeah, it's nuts. No, we gotta get you on a Jet Ski. That's the first thing that's got to happen someday.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah, somebody messaged me. They're like, jet Ski, you should do Tempe Town Lake for your first.

[Brady Bogan]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Why not?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

It's like, that's not a bad idea.

[John Holmberg]

We can arrange that. And you can be out there by two o' clock clock this afternoon.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Now. It's like too much pressure. I don't even want to do it.

[John Holmberg]

But you don't even want to be. You want to change your nickname. Firm Ground Johnson.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah. Walking only Johnson.

[John Holmberg]

Regular bipedal Johnson. I say. Yeah. So what is the goal for Jesse Jet Ski Johnson?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Well, it's funny talking about all the drugs because I'm. I am sober now. I have been since December. I don't even smoke cigarettes. Like I'm. I don't even drink coffee right now. And what I'm.

[Brady Bogan]

Really.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah, I'm trying to take all these filters off of myself to forget, figure out my voice and who I am and. And just as a performer. And then when I. When I do, then I'll start drinking again.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You gotta get back on the horse eventually. But. Yeah, when you're comfortable with yourself.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

The last thing you wanna do is start doing drugs when you're not sure who you are.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Exactly.

[John Holmberg]

Right. Get that solidified. And then heroin, Crack.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah, I haven't done those. So that'll be.

[John Holmberg]

There you go. You got.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

I might have done crack. I'm not sure.

[John Holmberg]

Really.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

No, I'm kidding.

[John Holmberg]

You don't know.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

I think you'd know.

[John Holmberg]

You'd know. I think you'd know. You're the one telling me it was an all star. You smoked crack?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

We did a little. Sprinkle it on the weed. We shouldn't be talking. I feel like I'm gonna relapse tonight, Keith.

[John Holmberg]

Crack on the weed?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah. You know what I'm talking.

[John Holmberg]

I know what you're talking about. I've never done it. I've left those parties like she's gonna die.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

I got out.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, I just learned about Toosie this week.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah, what's that?

[John Holmberg]

Well, he watched the Puff Daddy.

[Brady Bogan]

That's what you mentioned. It was a fentanyl and it's pink.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Oh, no, I never did fentanyl.

[John Holmberg]

No, it was, it was mgi. He loved that stuff.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

No, I never got to the Diddy parties.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, maybe you can have your own jet ski parties and you'll be in a documentary. Wouldn't that be. Was that a goal of yours? If, if I told you right now, I can make you super duper famous, but in 35 years, there's gonna be a documentary about how horrible you were to everybody. But you're incredibly wealthy. You might get out on.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Ellen is one of my favorite comedians.

[John Holmberg]

Owen Benjamin, Ellen degener.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Like, oh, and Benjamin the Nazi.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Okay, that's so funny. No, Ellen.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Ellen didn't. I mean, she might have been at the Diddy parties, but hers is. It's funny that she got, like, the same. She left the country.

[Brady Bogan]

Country.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

And get the same rep as Diddy almost. And she was just mean.

[John Holmberg]

She was just mean.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

It's so crazy. It's unfair.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I don't see you ever being mean to the staff.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

No, I, I, I try to tip well and, and be nice to everybody because I want a good reputation and.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

You know, if I feel too, like, especially like, Friday, Saturday shows, most people working at a comedy club like comedy, but some people, it's just their job.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

It's Friday night. They want to go home. Yeah, I get that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I understand that.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Makes sense. And you're gonna, like. Do you want to go Saturday night live? Acting, singing? What. What is the end goal here or all of it?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

I just love standup so much. I want to do my best to be, like, a master at it. So that's why I'm working so hard at getting myself right. And you find it, you know, being a performer. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Well, good for you. A Dobson High School graduate that is going to just take off and be famous and put Dobson on the map. Yeah, that's right.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

And shout out Scottsdale Community College.

[John Holmberg]

You were an artichoke, too.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

I was a lumberjack. I was an artichok. I even went to Mesa Community College.

[Brady Bogan]

Me too.

[John Holmberg]

We had the same lives. I was a Thunderbird. I was an artichoke. I went to Phoenix College for a minute. I went to ASU for a little while.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

That's awesome.

[John Holmberg]

I went to Chandler Gilbert Community College, for God's sakes. That's how bad my schooling was.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

You got a lay of the land?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I just drove all over the place. I should have been a driver. I was driving to school. That's where I was learning everything.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Why did you go to so many colleges?

[John Holmberg]

Because I hated them and I didn't know what I was doing. So I just busy time made it seem like I was actually at a school school. And no one even knew where the other one was. So I didn't have to go. No one was looking for me. Yeah, it was perfect. You didn't graduate.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

I did graduate from sec.

[John Holmberg]

That's not graduating.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

I have my degree taped up on the wall of my podcast.

[John Holmberg]

Your two year thing?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Nice.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Did you focus on anything at sec?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Film.

[John Holmberg]

Film, yeah. You know, so many have come from. That's such a wise move.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

It's. It is. It actually helped me out when I moved to la. I did. I had a. My. My grandfather had passed and he left me a thousand dollars and it was the most money I'd ever had. And I thought, I'm moving to la.

[John Holmberg]

You moved to Los Angeles?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

I was like, I'm rich. And then it was gone so fast.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

And I was struggling, like hard and scrambling to find work. And a friend from film school said, hey, it's Sam. I'm at a late, late show. Do you want a job?

[John Holmberg]

No kidding?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah. I said, are you kidding me? I know that show. And he's like, you know, like, it's not just a job, but it's a big job. And yeah. He goes, the only thing is, do you know how to drive a 15 passenger Drew van?

[John Holmberg]

Yep.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

And I said yes. And then I looked up videos on YouTube about it.

[John Holmberg]

Huge. And that was when James Corden was hosting it.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

How about that?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

So that was my first, like legit job out there.

[John Holmberg]

And I was a Scottsdale artichoke. Called you and said, you want to work with me? And you just drove celebrities and guests around?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah, I was. If you watch carpool, karaoke, I was the van behind them, like driving.

[John Holmberg]

Because people don't realize that he was not actually driving. They were towing him.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

No, some of them were towed, but he was driving.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah, we had a whole police caravan. We were going like 10 miles an hour. I mean, like really slow.

[John Holmberg]

That's. And you got to drive the van behind to get the crew back.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Perfect job. When you first moved to la, because you're going so slow around town, you just start like, okay, so this is the city.

[John Holmberg]

You learn it.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That's amazing.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

It was like this. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And then Cordon quits.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

And then Cordon quit. I mean, I was doing. Once you got in there, it's kind of like how Standard works. Once you do one mic, you start meeting everyone and learning all the other mics. That's how the production assistant.

[John Holmberg]

Awesome.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

So I started working MasterChef and talking dead and like just all these shows, you know.

[John Holmberg]

Outstanding.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

What a gig. Nice job. Well, we're proud of you. I'm proud of you.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Thank you guys so much for having me here.

[John Holmberg]

Are you kidding? Thanks for coming in. Jet Ski Johnson. Leave us with words of wisdom. Change the world from your perspective. If you were in charge today, what would you make different?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

I'll give you some words of wisdom.

[Brady Bogan]

All right.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Many opportunities are coming to you if you look for them.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

That was Fortune Cookie. My fortune cookie.

[John Holmberg]

You had a morning fortune cookie? Cookie. You're going to. You should go back on cocaine, cuz that's healthier than eating Chinese food.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Right? We had Panda FR last night. And I had to fortune cookie this morning.

[John Holmberg]

Panda Express. You're still living off that thousand bucks? Go get yourself a decent meal. God's sakes. Jesse. Jet Sky Johnson. Thank you.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Thank you. See you at the show.

[John Holmberg]

No, probably not.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Mustang pride, everybody. I don't want to talk to Simon ever again.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

Oh, my God. He'll be out my merchand.

[John Holmberg]

That's hilarious. Thank you, Jesse. It's 98. It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.

[Brady Bogan]

No membership fee.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard enough of this. Morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. Thank you. God damn it. Brady just sent me. Oh, man. I was just about to have a normal moment and then Brady just showed me a place picture of a credibly deformed human being he's been looking at. You've got a problem, man. He just flipped his phone around right as I turned the mics on and showed me a deformed woman's head. Is that progeria? What did she have? That was a lot.

[Brady Bogan]

Take a look.

[John Holmberg]

That's a lot. That's. These flashcards are no fun.

[Brady Bogan]

It's her 19th birthday.

[John Holmberg]

She's 19.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Geez Louise. Like 119. That's progeria. Show me the that again.

[Brady Bogan]

Ford is zootopia too.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Jesus. That's severe progeria. Like Christ melted candle face. What's the matter with you? Your. Your algorithms. You're going to Jail. You know, these are those moments. I talk about it all the time. Social media is a viper in your pocket. Ten years from now, when none of this is okay, they're just going to search your thing. This guy was the king of looking at weird stuff.

[Brady Bogan]

And he hit it.

[John Holmberg]

He had. No, it isn't. You don't. Pictures for this show. I want to let everybody know, while Brady's looking at all these horrible things and making stuff worse, we are still in the middle, actually the tail end of Operation Holiday. Giving homework helps. We're helping out the military assistance mission, ma'. Am. You know that learner and Rowan Amco helped us out. So thanks to Wayne and Kevin and Glenn.

[Brady Bogan]

Margie Popeyes.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Margie was here. She's in charge of the whole ma' am thing. She's great. So we're tied up with them and helping military parents provide gifts for their kids this holiday season. And the deal is, again, I've told you this. My cynicism kicked in when we first started this a few years ago. Why are we getting military people Christmas presents? I know we want to support the troops, but then you see it in action. Like, wow, a lot of these military families can't make ends meet. Considering the Guard or something else, they. They run into some trouble. And this year, especially when they had the government shutdown and they're trying to. They're two checks behind and they're trying to get their money right and everything else. And it's just. It is unbelievable how many people show up and say, without this, my kids wouldn't have Christmas. And they're military people. It's not like they're rolling in dough. It's an amazing thing. And it's not because they're terrible with money. I'm sure in some cases that's true, but for the most part, it is a need. And I was quickly washed of my cynicism with this and said, oh, my God, this is definitely something we should do. If you want to help out, this is the way we do it. You text the word gift to. The number is 97936. Text GIFT. And an info link will go right to your phone. And then you can do whatever you need to do. Drop some money, do some shopping on that thing, help out a little bit. And then the parents, these military parents will pick out gifts for their kids December 20th at the Franciscan Renewal Center. And that's courtesy of our friends at Lerner and Row and Amco as well for helping us out with this and kicking in and putting Some on top. I'm going to go there right now. You can go to k98kupd.com for all information. I'm going to go there now and drop off my donation because I've been lacking. I've been saying I'm going to do it, saying I'm going to do it. I've been procrastinating. Today's the day I do it. Today's a big push because next week they start to really arrange all the stuff they got. So if you can help out, that would be fantastic. Gift text that to 979-369-7936 the word gift and help out if you can. We say we support our troops and we don't think about it unless there's a war or something terrible happening. But a lot of the times there's a lot of deployment we don't even know about and it makes the families back home struggle. So help out where you can. And this is a good one. The military assistance mission is awesome. So gift 97936 do it right now. We'll do the entertainment drill next. Morning sickness. Disgusting. They say things that are horrible. Holmberg's morning sickness. Got a nice email there from a guy named Hector. Says John. I'd usually don't catch myself being drawn to a lot of the comedians when they are on the air with you. It's the exception of Caliendo and Lovetts. Well, after listening to Jet Ski Johnson, I really enjoyed listening to her because she came across as a kind and fun loving person. Geez, she was real seaward off here. I personally think that someone, some people feel obligated to be nice but she, she seemed like a very nice and genuine person. Thanks for having her on. I'll be sure to follow her and hopefully make one of her shows soon. Hector. There you go. See, she won over and that's the whole goal of this. You get one extra fan. That's one more than you didn't have before. People who didn't like you before, if they just don't like you now, nothing changed. But you got one guy who's following you now. So nice job. Jet Ski. She was super sweet, very nice person and all my Dobson buddies are texting going mustang. I tie nothing back. This would happen no matter what school she went to. That's awesome. She was very sweet. It's time now for the entertainment drill that is brought to you by our [e-mail] as we creep ever so close to tonight's glorious show. You're going to be in public and react. Defense would be something you want to do because there's going to be a lot of drunks and goofy people at the end of this. It's late at night, Holmberg after dark. If you head downtown and you're part of it and then things go sideways, do you know what to do? Hopefully. And if you don't, well, you can. They've got a place for that. ReactDefense.com is a place for tactical black. You get out there, you learn some skills, you learn about yourself. You just get better at being you. And you're wandering around the mean streets at night after a couple of pops. Darn it all. It's good to have some preparation in your pocket because you just never know what kind of lunatics looking at you. The wolves are out there. There's no reason to be a sheep. You can be a sheepdog and can do it for $89 for a month of training right now. And all you have to do is go to reactdefense.com, check their schedule, see all they have to offer, and go. That's only 89. And then jump on board. Reactdefense.com has gift certificates and stuff for Christmas too. So hop on that. There you go. Reactdefense.com it's the home of tactical Black Brady Entertainment.

[Brady Bogan]

Chloe Kardashian says she has cobwebs in her lady tunnel.

[John Holmberg]

Great.

[Brady Bogan]

Because she's been celibate for four years. She adds, I don't think a man or a date or anything is going to happen anytime soon, and I don't want it to. Which is interesting because she wants to.

[John Holmberg]

Grow it back together.

[Brady Bogan]

Just made headlines by responding to a high school. A hot high school teacher from Santa Cruz who put himself out there on Instagram looking for a lady, saying, he's.

[John Holmberg]

Got cobwebs on his wang, too.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he's like the broomstick to her cobwebs. And knock him out of that attic.

[Brady Bogan]

Maybe you already know this list, but.

[John Holmberg]

And what's the. Hold on, what's the timeline for you to visit a Kardashian vagina? How long do they have to be celibate before you're confident you won't be banging around in the hollows?

[Brady Bogan]

It's restored. It's original.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, it's like a. You know, it's like a 64 Chevelle, but you got to get a new interior. You know, I think four years. Pretty good. I'm gonna go minimum of five not your warranty decade. Yeah, yeah. It's like when people throw rocks to see how deep a well is. Yeah, yeah. Because you never hear anything for the longest time like, geez, that rock is still going. There we go. I'm not getting in that.

[Brady Bogan]

90 days.

[John Holmberg]

You got a three. That's pretty confident with your dork.

[Brady Bogan]

You might know this list already, but according to Grindr, here's the.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I know it.

[Brady Bogan]

2025 Highlights of Grindr Mother of the year was Lady Gaga.

[John Holmberg]

Grindr has a Mother of the year award.

[Brady Bogan]

Daddy of the Year.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah, all of them.

[Brady Bogan]

Pedro Pascal, Mother in training.

[John Holmberg]

See with Grinder's idea of Daddy of the year is the guy with a kid they want to the hardest. Has nothing to do with his skills. As a apparent.

[Brady Bogan]

Lady Gaga's on there numerous times. Album of the Year, Mayhem. Lady Gaga song of the Year.

[John Holmberg]

The Bruno Mars one.

[Brady Bogan]

Abra Caden.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, they like that. One more gay dictionary.

[Brady Bogan]

The phrase everyone, that's on everyone's lips.

[John Holmberg]

Ew, the Lulu. Go on.

[Brady Bogan]

Which is basically short for delusional.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, oh, oh. The gays only say that.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. Hottest man of the year might be.

[John Holmberg]

Pedro Pascal John Holly. Thank you. Now you're going to say love it.

[Brady Bogan]

Jonathan Bailey.

[John Holmberg]

Who's that? Oh, he's. He's from the Wicked movies. Yeah, the Wicked. He's the guy in Wick. He is good looking Flo. I don't know what that means. I haven't seen Wicked. I'm a straight male.

[Brady Bogan]

Movie of the year on Grinder. Wicked, K Pop Demon Hunters.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, or that. Yeah, so of course on Wicked it's K Pop. Semen Hunters.

[Brady Bogan]

Bulge of the Year. Bad Bunny.

[John Holmberg]

The Bony Bulge of the Year and Mother of the Year. The same award group Gayest fashion trend.

[Brady Bogan]

Bloody little glasses.

[John Holmberg]

How do you have floody glasses?

[Brady Bogan]

Not sure.

[John Holmberg]

What are slutty glasses?

[Brady Bogan]

Best beef. Cardi B versus Nicki Minaj.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that beef. I thought that was different for you too.

[Brady Bogan]

Most bears.

[John Holmberg]

Most bears.

[Brady Bogan]

Most bears according to 2025 where they're located place.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, okay. Most bears got to be like Northern California, Ireland. Oh, we went worldwide.

[Brady Bogan]

Highest percentage of twinks.

[John Holmberg]

Brett down hall Palm Spring Springs.

[Brady Bogan]

Worldwide.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, worldwide. Barcelona, Ibiza. No, I just like saying those words, man. France. France. Yeah, close, close.

[Brady Bogan]

Switzerland.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, okay. The gay French. That's who the Swiss are.

[Brady Bogan]

There's the French part of it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, even the French are like, what a bunch of queers.

[Brady Bogan]

The German part of Switzerland.

[John Holmberg]

No, not gay. Not gay. Not gay. Very stout. Non gay. Look at the twinkie French Reese.

[Brady Bogan]

Liam Neeson swears he's pro vaccine despite narrating a new controversial anti vax documentary.

[John Holmberg]

I don't think anyone should get it after the documentary, but I do like vaccines. I haven't had shingles yet. Shingles is scary, but don't do it. What's the. How would you do it?

[Brady Bogan]

Plague of corruption. 80 years of pharmaceutical corruption. Except exposed. It's this journalist, Walker Bragman.

[John Holmberg]

All right, so he did a documentary.

[Brady Bogan]

Interviews with Robert F. Kennedy, but it's.

[John Holmberg]

An incredibly recognizable voice. Yes, did a documentary, but now I don't believe any of this. I don't believe a word of it.

[Brady Bogan]

Don't get on me.

[John Holmberg]

Don't do it. Vaccine. Imagine getting a dex jab. I'm Liam Neeson for Don't do it. But you can if you want to. I did.

[Brady Bogan]

I guess Hugh Jackman was joking about how he peed his pants while performing on stage. And Beauty and the Beast. Okay, he wasn't on that Grinder list, but he's.

[John Holmberg]

How did I not win Father of the year, huh? Wolverine. Biggest bulge. I should be the champion of all the Grinder categories, including Best Mum.

[Brady Bogan]

We have sad news in the music business. Striper frontman Michael Sweet has been diagnosed with cancer.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it sucks.

[Brady Bogan]

62 years old.

[John Holmberg]

You can pray it away. Striper proving all the happy worship didn't matter.

[Brady Bogan]

Roger Daltrey got knighted by Prince William.

[John Holmberg]

Sir Roger.

[Brady Bogan]

Roger.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Did they scream there?

[Brady Bogan]

He's holding the metal.

[John Holmberg]

He looks horrible, but the man can sing like he's 25. He can still pull that screen off too. Oh, I watched it online. I'm like, that has to be a tape. And then he breaks it out again. And I'm like, that one didn't sound great. That was real. But it's still good. Like, it was flawed. So you knew it wasn't taped because they wouldn't put a. It was awesome. He looked horrible. I seen him 10 or 15 years ago when he was here and just nailed it up. Yeah. And then. Yeah, I saw him online. I'm like, there's no way this old man's gonna. And pop that. That huge screen. It was pretty cool. Anyway, well, there you go. It's 9:30. We're late. We gotta hurry up. It's time for your Guadalupe Squares. If you'd like to play 585-9800. You got tickets to something. Lamb of God. Lamb of God. Dennis Huff's face. Favorite Lamb of God. Dennis. We'll give you those Lamb of God tickets if you win the Squares. We need a girl. We need a guy. 585-9800 is the number. We'll get Thriller in his chair and we'll play those squares next. It's 98.

[Brady Bogan]

Hey, it's not weird.

[John Holmberg]

It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fee. I have heard enough of this. Morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to go throw him in jail late. It's your fault, Corey. What did I do? I don't know. Just putting it on. You all right? You've got broad shoulders. No, I don't. Foundation of strength. So I'm gonna leave a little weight on you. You can't gain weight, can you? It would mess up everything. I mean, not muscle. Well, no, I'm not talking about. You could. Yeah, but you just choose not to. But you couldn't have, like, a lot of. You couldn't be fat. Your legs would just. Yeah, exactly. There's a limit. Yeah. 20, 26. Prepare yourselves. Are we doing the Goliath Challenge with Cory Cardio next year? Looks like. Yeah. And we're going to see it. And if. And if you beat a number on your way to Circle K, okay, it's over. But if you don't, you're going to march off to, like, the fashion square. And then eventually you're going to Mesa, who's going to set the bar for.

[Brady Bogan]

The number that he has.

[John Holmberg]

But we're going to have to over under that. We're going to have to do a little, you know, you some bouts. Little underdog.

[Brady Bogan]

Are you going to try and limp your way there and see how long it takes?

[John Holmberg]

Why would I do that?

[Brady Bogan]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

That's stupid. No, we're just going to throw him on the wall and see if he sticks. You're going to test this out first? What am I, Brady with all the research? What's wrong with you?

[Brady Bogan]

I know they say.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, there we go. That's the code of hiking. Anyway, it's time now for us to do our Guadalupe. Maybe the last one. If we have time Wednesday next week we'll do it. But if we don't. This. This could be.

[Brady Bogan]

No, this is the last one.

[John Holmberg]

Is it?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, I'm done.

[John Holmberg]

No, next week we'll do another. He called the shots. Now we're going to do three next week. Screw you. It's time for your Guadalupe Squares. The prize is Lamb of God. And here's your host, Mr. Corey Thriller.

[Brady Bogan]

Wal.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you, Chancellor.

[Brady Bogan]

Let's begin.

[John Holmberg]

In Topgov Square, Tracy Morgan Star. How you doing, Corey? I was named square of the year. And you did very good this year. I was great this year. Your mother said I was square of the Year. And she said it was because I was always trying to stuff this giant thing inside of us. Like putting a round thing in the square hole. And I did it all the time to your mom. It was great. Did she at least enjoy herself? You know what's crazy? Every time I'm done with your mom, I walk like you. I can barely get my feet under me. She's crazy. Oh, man, it's fun. I'm gonna put a little pre baby inside her. Brady calls him future babies.

[Brady Bogan]

Your mom still listen to the show?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, every time.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, God. She'll get 250 bucks.

[John Holmberg]

Tracy, I get $250. The best part about future babies is your mother likes them all over. Over the tummy. Oh, look, I made a bunch of future babies. It's up to you to put them in water and feed them regularly like sea monkeys. All right, now at the top, middle square. And Jack Nicholson of that. That's right. Corey, I'm back. How you doing, Brady?

[Brady Bogan]

Really good.

[John Holmberg]

Brady told a story about me earlier this week.

[Brady Bogan]

Is that true?

[John Holmberg]

I believe it is. Brady. I had a stalker at the door, banging away on the door. And I had to answer to see what the hell she. She wanted. She wanted to blow me. I was no longer afraid of that stalker. She said she wanted to live in a world with walls. And I said, how about these bedroom walls? Then we put her to the test. Not bad. Everybody runs from a stalker. I tried the opposite approach and ended up making future babies. He probably put them all over mouth fro got pregnant. Stalkers are like.

[Brady Bogan]

Like that.

[John Holmberg]

They're upside down people like at the Stranger Things. It's not an Adam's apple, is it? That's right. And we had her in the upside down as well. Anyway, Corey, move on. Okay, over now. Top right square. President Trump. How you doing, sir? I'm doing great. I just looked at some pictures from the party at Epstein's. They released this morning. They're better than ever. I forgot about my condoms. I had condoms. I used to have condoms on. I used them. They were a Trump line of condoms. One of the most lucky, luxurious condoms of all time. You think I'm kidding? This is a real thing. It had my face on them and it said, I'm huge. I can't make this kind of stuff up. And they just brought him back. And I remember having me and Woody Allen and remember who Else, come on in here. He was with me. Just go through all the Polaroids. We had a party that day. It was great. We were out there. The Hillary wasn't around. So it was me and Don and Woody and Jeff trying on those condoms with your face. That's right. I had my face on Bill Clinton's wang. It was hilarious. Was Big Mike there? Big Mike was there. Too big for my condom. I tried to put one of my huge condoms on Big Mike and it did not slide over. It was like a full water balloon. It was very. It was. It busted every time. Baby arm or a fully grown arm? It was not a baby. No baby. It was a fully. Like an 8th grader's arm holding a football.

[Brady Bogan]

Terry Crews.

[John Holmberg]

It was Terry Crews. It wasn't like it. An eighth grader who hits the. The gym and a little football in his hand at the end. And a tattoo of Obama. Oh, on him. It was bad. Poor Barry. Poor Barry. Poor Barry. Big Mike. You remember Big Mike from COVID Remember Covid? I fixed that. Oh, remember Big Mike?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It was Operation Light Speed.

[Brady Bogan]

I did that.

[John Holmberg]

But also Big Mike. Everybody had memes of Big Mike during COVID Leaning on the end of the bed with his dick. It was huge.

[Brady Bogan]

Fauci have one of those condoms?

[John Holmberg]

Fauci had one of them. We put it over him. It was a body condom. In fact, Fouchy and Big Mike, about the same size. Really? Dick. The person, though different. Fouchy stood on Big Mike's tummy and tried to climb the pole like a stripper. Big Mike was the stage. We had a lot of fun there. I miss Jeffrey. He was so much fun. And now he's well hung. We all still love that joke. Oh, all good. All right, now over to the middle left square. John Love is getting ready for tonight. That's right. I'll be here tonight. Wonderful. At the show. And in a couple more squares, you'll see almost the exact same thing. I don't like to do that all the time. Hi, Brady. How are you?

[Brady Bogan]

Good.

[John Holmberg]

Brady's going to get there. I didn't expect him to be alive this Christmas, but I made it and you did. There's going to be a lot to talk about tonight. Jealous? Oh, I'm sure of it. We'll talk about Brady dying. And like Frank, there's going to be a lot of hands on your shoulders. Rady, I have a question for Frank. I didn't ask him. I said, when is he going to get back in the business? I haven't seen him For a while. Anyway, I can see you tonight at the. He just. Thanks for making me guest of the year. It was great. Yeah, me and Jerry will be there. It'll be fun. My dog.

[Brady Bogan]

All right, now. Oh, over to Fruity Pebbles.

[John Holmberg]

Coke Brain Brady and Tom Brennaman's roommate in the center Square. That's right, Mrs. Found out cocaine's got a fruity flavor. My friend Tom Brennaman. And I remember that back in the day. Now we're doing cocaine that tastes like Fruity Pebbles. And that's the best stuff ever. I gotta tell you, this is the best reunion I've ever been a part of. And I can't wait for all the rest of the people to find out about it. Make this reunion even better. That's right. It's coked up. Tom Brennaman with his college roommate Brady. Oh, my God. We call him Brady Montoya. Say hello to my little friend. Oh, man. Brady. That was. Was kind of. I'm not gonna lie to you. That's a word I use all the time. I'm a man of faith, and the faith I have is in the word. And that's what I do. Nick Castellano says nothing on me. Who wants some fruity cocaine? Doesn't turn you into a fruit, does it? The last thing I want to do is get all coked up, start turning into a. You know what I'm saying? Boy, oh, boy, would that be rough. If it does, let us know. I loved every second of the Bolivian Marching Power Powder. Now has the delicious flavor of Flintstone vitamins in it. And I'm gonna eat it all. Not if I get you a first there, Vernon. Oh, do I love the cocaine. I can't see my heart. I can watch my heart. I want your heart for you from the inside. I'll feel it. I'll pull it out and show it to you before you drop dead, you little son of a. Cocaine makes me a little. Time for a little Brady party. I think Brady's gonna have one of those parties we'd be interested in. I'll bring one of those giant. Whoa. What's he doing? Right up. Big Mike Schlong. How about that? Give me some of that. There's still a foot left.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, round two.

[John Holmberg]

We're coming back for more. And just because I'm snorting coke off of a black woman's penis doesn't make me a. That's for sure. That's an album name right there. That's exactly right, my man of faith. This man of faith believes Very deeply. That cocaine off a black woman's penis is straight as an arrow. Says so in the Bible. Sure, sure. All right, now over to the middle right square. Liam Neeson. That's right. I have a very specialized set of skills, and one of them is narration of things I don't believe in, apparently. Such as? Well, I just did a documentary about Hitler. Oh, all the great things he did.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, no, you don't believe it.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. But it's called Joyous Days of Adolf, and I'm the narrator because I'm so good at it.

[Brady Bogan]

John's podcast mates need somebody to talk about time travel.

[John Holmberg]

Time travel back to aids, but I don't believe in it. I also do a new one called this Flat World of Ours. I like that one, but I know believe it. And many of them I don't believe. 9 11. Totally feasible. When I don't believe in it.

[Brady Bogan]

Totally feasible.

[John Holmberg]

That's a narration I do. Called 911 feasible. Another one I do. Michelle Obama, Woman of the Year, but I don't believe it. Chemtrails safe. Everyone else thinks so. I don't believe it. Here's one I absolutely don't believe. Oh, okay. Liam Neeson and narrates Tom Hanks recipes for baby.

[Brady Bogan]

How many pages is that?

[John Holmberg]

600. He's very prolific with his baby recipes, but I don't believe he eats them. He just tells other people how to prepare them. Just prepare his babies. Prepare the babies for Oprah. I did that documentary too. Oprah. Weight loss Queen. But I don't believe it. All right, now over to the bottom left square. Brady's secret square. Give us a hand.

[Brady Bogan]

Good morning, you great American warriors. I'm 77 years a musician. I play guitar. I shred it. Why don't you take your Fred Bear compound bow?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, here we go.

[Brady Bogan]

Screw yourself a white tail deal. And while you're gutting it, while you're.

[John Holmberg]

Gutting that white, screw yourself yourself a white tail skewer.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, I was kind. Why don't you shut your mouth, you lib cuck? Join some of these great American brothers of mine.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[Brady Bogan]

Gut your deer and listen to some of my music.

[John Holmberg]

It's Hulk Nugent. Free for all.

[Brady Bogan]

Stranglehold.

[John Holmberg]

That's a good fusion. All right, now, bottom of the square. I believe we have Frank Sinatra up next. Tell them why I'm here, baby. Anniversary of your death? No, try again. Birthday. Birthday. Come on, get it together, baby. You got a song for me over there? Where's the tune? I want to sing a tune to you guys. You twinks would love something like that, I think, don't you?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not gonna complain. I think it's time I got a nice tune.

[Brady Bogan]

You're 110.

[John Holmberg]

110 years old. And I'm still. Still scoring more ass than Larry. Even from the grave.

[Brady Bogan]

It's the holidays.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's right. And you still can't get laid by some Jew broad who wants eight presents. You got a commercial first, Frank. I don't want a commercial. Of course I do. I'll tell you exactly why that is, kid. Old Navy news is, when they know I'm singing, there's commerce involved, baby. Money changes hands. I'm gonna do a little my way for you guys, because that's what I do. Big intro. Huge. I've got those. He couldn't fit into my condoms either. He's bigger than Big Mike, that's for sure. 110 years old. Brett summoned me up with his Italian horn Made it all come back and now the end is near and so I face the final curtain did that 30 years ago, baby, my friend Hate those beef curtains. I'll say it clear. Cory's mom drops them before they're working his legs. One don't touch the ground. That's if he stays upright and doesn't fall down. Open more. Much more than this I Cory's mom my way anyway. You do that. Take it with what you want there, Cory. I don't know why your mom's a target. Maybe it's the tattoos.

[Brady Bogan]

Tattoo?

[John Holmberg]

Actually, she does. She's got one on her back. Oh, no. Landing zone.

[Brady Bogan]

All right, now, bottom right square.

[John Holmberg]

Our Lord and Savior, Tripp Reap. Hello, sir. How are you? Busy. Morning.

[Brady Bogan]

Bye.

[John Holmberg]

Well, then, there you go. Let's get right into it, shall we? I guess so. Who's on the line? We got Amy and Zach Savage. Zach Savage is a guy's name. Zach Savage, are you there? I'm here. Zach Savage Nights on kdkb. I didn't ask you. Amy, I'll get to you in a second. Amy. You date a blind guy?

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

I date you.

[John Holmberg]

Why?

[Brady Bogan]

What base are you guys on?

[John Holmberg]

She's got. She's Sean Rockefeller's gal.

[Brady Bogan]

I know.

[John Holmberg]

And I know he's a fun, loving and caring individual, but you don't even do your hair, do you? I don't shave my legs. Well, he can feel. Still. Jeans, hands work. Geez, that's rude. All right, let's go to it. Amy, you're a girl. Pick a square. Go.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

I want Brady I want to.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Fruit flavored cocaine. You ever do any fruit flavored cocaine there, Amy? It's good stuff. Your boyfriend can't even see you doing it. No, I'm not. You could have a drug habit. No one would even know it because the guy's in your house, he just hears you sniffing, you tell him you got a cold. Next thing you know, you're flying around on sunshine with fruity pebble cocaine. Well, I tell you what. We'd like to come over to the Rockefeller household sometime, do all that cocaine and the witness. Oh, yeah. Brady and I love doing cocaine. We'll clean your house, we'll do all sorts of stuff. We can't wait to get over there. But all I ask is no stuff from Rockefeller because I know he and his brother love that.

[Jesse 'Jet Ski' Johnson]

I know for sure.

[John Holmberg]

Absolutely true. All right, let's get to the question. Before you know it, we're going to be out of cocaine and we're going to be sleepy. So let's do this, Cory. All right, question for you here. The oldest yo mama joke dates back to 1500s Germany. True or false? I think Sinatra just nailed you with a whole bunch of yo mama jokes. That's for sure. You got any booger sugar? I'd like some of those fruit flavored. That would be incredible. Not here. No. This stuff count chocolate flavored. Oh, boy, oh, boy. Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. That makes me consider being a. That's for sure fruity fruit. I'll say. That's probably false. I'm gonna go with Brady. All right, you're saying false now, Amy, do you agree or disagree with false? I'm gonna agree. Correct. Ice, it's the square. Center is yours. Over now to Zack Savage. Zack Savage, make your selection. Oh, let's go with the bottom left. Bottom left. Secret square. Yes, sir. You a real American? I'm a real American. Ted Nugent. It's Ted Nugent.

[Brady Bogan]

I see.

[John Holmberg]

I nailed it. Zach Savage and Ted Nugent should tour together.

[Brady Bogan]

Real American.

[John Holmberg]

Just looking at art and stuff. Well done. All right, back to Amy here. Make your choice. I'll do Frank Sinatra. All right. Great choice, broad. Excellent work. I love it. I love a chick who's willing to date a blind guy. That means she's not real confident in how she looks. So she picked out of the blind pool. Not bad. I love it. But if you ever laid eyes on me, you'd definitely leave old blinds a lot. There. The three blind mice. And one of them is missing his two friends, that's for sure. Fly me to the moon. Let me play among the stars. Let me see what Corey's mom looks like. Like with a chinload of balls. Chin load. That's a word I just made up. Yeah, chin load. Corey's mom's in a cup. That cue ball Jew, Holmberg, he runs a show like nobody else. Let's that crippled kin flip in here. Brady's missing stuff. In other words, hospitals are healthier places to hang out. In other words, I'm gonna be in Cory's mom's mouth. Thank you. It's a gift. It's a gift I give. I was scared when you said chin load. Chin Load. Like, how often is there a load on the chin? I banged a Chinese chick with that name once. Her name was Chin Load. Gave it to her good. I tell you, that one made me a little sick and laugh at the same time. Not sure why. All right, question here for yourself. Bad news was they're just the same as us. I gave her a chin load. An hour later, she was begging for another one. Oh, those people. They're insatiable.

[Brady Bogan]

You can't say those people.

[John Holmberg]

The Chinese. Why? From a different time, the Chinaman don't care. All right, here he goes, Sir. Ferrari denies 99% of people who apply to buy one of their cars. You know how Chinese people name their kids? Throw a bunch of silverware down a stairway, and the noise it makes is the kid's name. Ching, ching, bang, ding, bang. I knew that one for going up myself. Wait a second. I got the Oriental fever, baby. I want to lay one like a rug. What'd you ask me? I asked, Does Ferrari deny 99% of people who applied to buy one of their vehicles? I don't know about denial. I don't know if you get a Ferrari. He's a good man from Ferrari. They gave me one I do that for. I'll say that's probably true and deny all the cheap pricks that come rolling in those places. You know Sicilians, we don't need those driving around. Okay, so you are Sammy's people. You're saying true? I'll say that's true. Now, Amy, do you agree or disagree with true? I agree. Correct. X is the square. All right, now, Zach Savage should go.

[Brady Bogan]

For the block here with Jack Harrison.

[John Holmberg]

Let's do it exactly right. Amy, have you ever stalked him in before? If you stalk your husband, he'd never know. You can stand in his window and have him wide open, fiddle your bean for hours, and he'd just keep listening to the radio on High speed. That's how the kid operates. I know him. It's all right. Speaking of chin load, I've been with her. She's not bad. I got her back in the day when it was all right to talk about Chinload people. Chin load. Go on Cory, or I'll say it again. All right, question here for yes, Steven Spielberg is second only to God. I remember there was another one I nailed a long time ago. Jack and I tag teamed her called Seawoo Goop. Is that what it was?

[Brady Bogan]

Sculp.

[John Holmberg]

See what? Gulp. Sorry, I was trying to figure out where you were going with that. Spielberg is C1. Gulp. That was a name. I never had that one. Oh, so Spielberg is second only to God in mentions during Oscar acceptance speeches. True or false? I was with one the other day called Lou. Say noose. Oh, don't say it quickly, you'll end up. You got it. It's one of them grenades. Takes nine seconds for your brain to grasp what happened. All right, what was it? What is Spielberg second place only to God in mentions during Oscar acceptance speeches? True or false? I would probably say as many atheists and satanists that wander around Hollywood, Spielberg the Jew is before God. At least that's where I'd put him. They control Hollywood. God doesn't. Spielberg's first. All right, so you were saying false then. Now Zach for the block, do you agree? Then Weinstein. What about Weinberg? You? Lieutenant Weinberg. Lieutenant Weinberg, me, Weinberg. No. Jessup Streep, Peter Fonda, La Donna, Harvey. Then God. Yes. Jim Sharp and I do a morning show. Anyway, I'll say that Spielberg beats God. All right, so you are saying false then. Now Zach with the block. Agree or disagree with false. I am going to disagree. Incorrect. Spielberg is higher than God. Yes. Oh man. All right. Well, there you go. That's it. That was easy. Hold on. Savage and Amy Rockefeller. Hold on. We got you. Hold on. Nice job. Everybody gets something. There you go. Well, that was fun. I enjoyed. I'm gonna be chinlog.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm gonna get canceled the whole weekend.

[John Holmberg]

Keep hanging on those old men. No, the other one. What was the. The bomb loose? Oh, Lou say news. He's still laughing, stupid. But that sometimes is the funnest. Tonight you can't go, it's sold out. But if you've got tickets already, we'll see you tonight at Homebrew after dark. 9:45 is when we're gonna get going out there goofing around. We got a heck of a heck of a group of people out there. Brett's video are being curated for the artistic viewing of all members.

[Brady Bogan]

Is Rockefeller coming tonight?

[John Holmberg]

I think he is, actually. I think he's in town for that. I don't know. He was last year's listener of the year. This year it's a deaf guy. A mostly deaf guy.

[Brady Bogan]

Right?

[John Holmberg]

He's a deaf listener.

[Brady Bogan]

Him and Brady can communicate together.

[John Holmberg]

His name is.

[Brady Bogan]

What?

[John Holmberg]

Oxymoron. They'll just stand in the loud room and nod. It's going to be fun, though, tonight. If you want to try to go down there, and I don't roll somebody for tickets, they're going to be walking in, doors open about 9:15, and we'll do that there. Outside of that, we're all done, I think. Yeah. No, you got football games that nobody cares about. No. Basketball. Girls basketball, Is it Girls? Yeah. Girls on Sunday, men's NAU on Saturday. And try to tell us what you were telling us off here. Well, the AC women are undefeated. Still, man, they're great. 11 and 0. That's impressive. Who against? The biggest one was Penn State. So far. Penn State is girls basketball?

[Brady Bogan]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

It's like 2 degrees there. Why do they even wear tank tops? And they're Pennsylvania girls. Yeah, tank tops are the enemy, flabby grandma at the State College. Anyway, that's it. We're done. We will see you tonight at After Dark and then again Monday right here in the morning Sickness solo.

[Brady Bogan]

Hey, it's not weird.

[John Holmberg]

It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fee. I have heard enough of this.