12-15-25 - BR - MON - w/Frank Caliendo - Lawyer Suing IRS To Have Dogs Listed As Dependents - John Discovers There's An Aria Jail - Poll Asks Is A Donation In Your Name A Good Gift

Summary

---

Podcast Summary: Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – Arizona

Episode: 12-15-25 - Monday – w/Frank Caliendo
Air date: December 15, 2025
Main Cast: John Holmberg (Host), Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo, Guest: Frank Caliendo

---

Episode Overview

This episode delivers the off-beat, candid, and often absurd wit that is Holmberg’s Morning Sickness trademark. With comedian and impressionist Frank Caliendo joining the banter, the crew dives into everything from the costly reality of pet ownership, legal oddities, Las Vegas adventures, the “proper” value of donation gifts, and some uniquely Holmberg-run tangents. The mood stays irreverent and zany, blending genuine conversation with segues into media, pop culture, and a hefty bit of dark or slapstick humor.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Green Day Ticket Promo & General Banter

• [01:09–02:56] Contest to win tickets by using the app during Green Day songs.
• The hosts joke about whether they’d actually attend every free show or sell the tickets, poking fun at each other's concert-going habits.
  • John: “Would you want to go to every show ever? … I don’t think I could do it. I’d sell most of those.” [01:49]

---

2. NBA Cup Weekend & Suite Experiences

• [02:17–06:00] Byron recounts flying to the NBA Cup, sitting in a luxury suite, and running into comedian Andrew Santino.
  • Discussion on how high up some arena suites are—“almost like watching foosball happen.”
  • Amusingly failed attempt to distinguish between “event” and “tournament,” with Frank and John ribbing Byron for his storytelling tangents (and post-leg-day exhaustion).
• Frank: “I gotta be honest with you. I went and did a leg workout with a trainer this morning.” [05:14]
• John: “You got up at 4 in the morning to go work out? ... Oh, that’s dumb.” [05:27]

---

3. Frank Caliendo’s Upcoming New Year’s Eve Shows

• [06:09–06:46] Brief plug for Frank’s comedy sets at the Tempe Improv on New Year’s Eve.

---

4. The Brady Report: Fun Facts & “Cupcake Day”

• [07:11–10:07]
  • Start with “Happy National Cupcake Day” and some trivia.
  • Riff on the size and flexibility of John’s broken nose, segueing into multiple jokes about detachable noses, impressions of Artie Lange, and “Mr. Potato” comparisons.
  • John: “You ever seen me take my nose off? ... It is literally just this mush ball that sits on top of a bone.” [08:22]

---

5. Hollywood News Tangent: Rob Reiner Rumor

• [10:07–11:37]
  • Rumors swirl about Rob Reiner (“murdered in Brentwood” joke), with conversations about how shocking news sometimes lacks context or warning signs.
  • Discussion transitions to Reiner’s directorial legacy—“The greatest career… Misery, A Few Good Men, When Harry Met Sally, Stand By Me are enough to be like, that’s enough.” [11:42]

---

6. NEWS: Lawyer Sues IRS for Pet Dependents

• [12:03–16:21]
  • Main Story: A lawyer is suing the IRS to allow people to claim pets as dependents.
  • The group admits spending staggering sums on specialized dog food that rivals fine dining.
    • John: “I have a freezer for special dog food... It’s insane.” [12:41]
    • Byron: “A friend was over and he talked about his $80 bag of dog food like it was expensive. I’m like, that's a day.” [13:05]
  • Jokes about whether these expenses should qualify as tax write-offs.
  • Frank notes the broader financial burden of pet ownership and wonders if policy change would help shelters—Frank: “If it wasn’t so expensive, the shelters wouldn’t be as full... I totally think that’s true.” [16:34]
  • Legal note: You typically can't challenge the tax code in court, making this lawsuit a long shot.

---

7. Weird News: Thief Calls Police for Forgotten Property

• [16:52–17:43]
  • Story: A car thief calls police for help retrieving personal items left in a stolen vehicle.
  • Quick punchline from John about “Rob Reiner in Brentwood” (a play on the O.J. Simpson case). [17:31]

---

8. Vegas Oddity: The Aria “Jail” & Casino Surveillance

• [17:52–20:37]
  • Discussion about a regular casino player/lawyer, Michael Duke Thompson, who claims he was drugged, ran up $75k gambling debt, and awoke “cuffed in the Aria jail.”
  • Reveal: The Aria has its own jail—John: “They have an Aria jail? … I need to know where that is.” [18:54]
  • Emphasis on how comprehensive casino surveillance is—John: “Not only did they have it on camera … they’re coded to you.” [19:33]

---

9. Poll: Is a “Donation Gift” Actually a Good Gift?

• [20:39–22:28]
  • Frank shares a poll asking if a donation in your name is a good present.
  • The panel cynically agrees most people fake enthusiasm—John: “Nobody thinks that's … nobody.” [21:07]
  • They joke about the awkwardness of receiving charity gifts for causes the recipient may not support.
  • Running gag about Shriners’ Kids commercials—how child spokespeople get replaced when they "age out" or aren't as adorable as new recruits.

---

10. Punchlines & Classic Slapstick

• [22:28–24:56]
  • Extended roast of Shriners’ fundraising campaigns, comparing the “aging out” shift to TV character swaps.
  • Seemingly never-ending cycle of sick kids/personalities (“Caleb, you’re being replaced by cuter George!”).

---

11. Classic Stunts, Oddities & Viral Videos

• [27:12–33:55]
  • Frank presents “Brady videos”: a man getting punched through a glass door, “Cannonball Frank Richards” (the man who took literal cannonball shots to the stomach), and a series of gruesome workplace and surveillance accidents.
  • Standout moment: Watching the historical footage of Frank “Cannonball” Richards and lampooning old-timey stunts—John: “I love olden times when there were no rules and no barriers... I want to stand in front of your cannon!” [33:55]
  • Failed flying suit off the Eiffel Tower—classic “Wile E. Coyote” trope.

---

12. Oddest Moment Competition

• [38:07–40:08]
  • Fart contest on Spanish TV—hosts marvel at “core strength” and laugh at the cultural gap.
  • Surveillance clip: Sleepy wife bites down on husband’s advances—John: “She made blood. Well, that'll happen when you...You're not supposed to put that in traps." [40:08]

---

13. More Gruesome Videos & Dark Humor

• [40:08–42:28]
  • Disturbing industrial accident video. Panel is alternately horrified and riffing with off-the-wall jokes.
  • Musings on inventiveness (“I want to shoot an 8th grader at me...put a midget in there and smash him into me.”) [42:03]
  • Return to “Cannonball Frank” jokes.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Unlikely Pet Write-Offs:

  • “I knew it had gotten out of hand when I came home about two weeks ago and I heard in the kitchen, ‘All right, order up, get it to the dogs’…we’ve hired Gordon Ramsay to cook for us. Now if there’s chefs, there’s people involved.” — John Holmberg [15:57]

• On Casino Surveillance:

  • “Not only did they have it on the camera where it fell out of my pocket, they’re coded to you…It’s pretty remarkable.” — John Holmberg [19:33]

• On “Donation” Gifts:

  • “If Frank said, John, I donated in your honor to the Humane Society, I’d be like, that’s nice... prove it.” — John Holmberg [21:19]

• On Shriners Commercials:

  • “Can you imagine that meeting—talk about getting fired—Caleb, we’re gonna let you go. You’re no longer the spokesperson. Have you found a cuter kid? Boy, have we.” — John Holmberg [23:40]

• Old-School Stuntmen:

  • “I love olden times when there were no rules and no barriers. I want to stand in front of your cannon!” — John Holmberg [33:55]

---

Important Timestamps

• Green Day/App Ticket Bit: 01:09–01:50
• NBA Vegas Suite Story: 02:17–06:00
• Nose Detachment Banter: 07:42–09:48
• Rob Reiner Rumor: 10:07–11:37
• Pet Dependents Lawsuit: 12:03–16:21
• Casino Aria Jail Story: 17:52–20:37
• Donation Gift Poll: 20:39–22:28
• Shriners Kids Segment: 22:28–24:56
• Cannonball Frank, Viral Videos: 27:12–33:55
• Fart Contest (Spain): 38:07–38:55
• Industrial Accident Clip: 40:08–42:28

---

Tone & Style

The crew’s tone is relentlessly sardonic, sharp, and rooted in observational (often “too real”) humor, swinging from personal anecdotes to pointed pop culture takedowns and anything for a punchline. Frank Caliendo’s appearances amp up the impression gags, adding extra chaos to the usual formula. Nothing is sacred: donors, dog owners, celebrity tragedies, or charity kids.

---

For Listeners Who Missed the Episode

You’ll walk away with:

• Hysterical but honest insights on "modern" dog parenting and pet economics.
• Glimpses into the strangeness of Vegas, both dazzling and dark.
• Ongoing bits deconstructing the sincerity (and hypocrisy) behind "charity gift" giving.
• Classic radio show slapstick between news, bizarre real-life videos, and group one-upmanship.
• A reminder that anything, post-leg day, is difficult to accomplish—especially telling a straight story.

Warning: Strong language, gallows humor, and adult themes pervade in the trademark style of HMS.

---

Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. Hey, it's Brett Vesely, and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[Byron]

Brett, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone.

[Frank]

Who can't legally own one. Tell him not to put himself at.

[Byron]

Risk and come into M and P.

[Frank]

Guns where he'll get a fair offer.

[Byron]

And he can rest easy knowing it's not getting into the wrong hands.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay, but what if he lives out of state?

[Byron]

Easy. Legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it online. It really that simple?

[Brett Vesely]

There you have it. MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms. It's Brett Vesely from Homewards. Morning sickness Now. I've always been the kind of guy that takes care of my own lawn. That's until I found Divine Design Landscaping. These guys aren't your typical mow and blow landscaping company. They do amazing work, and it's just what I needed to finally throw in the towel and let the experts take over. If you've been unhappy with your landscaping or sick of trying to do it yourself, well, it's time to get a hold of Divine Design Landscaping. These guys handle everything. Lawn care, irrigation, tree work, low voltage lighting, 3D designs. Get free quote@divinedesign lawn care.com that's divinedesignlawncare.com.

[John Holmberg]

Still streaming Homberg's Morning Sickness online at 98kupd.com Here we go. It's time now. Oh, Green Day. Yeah, that's the artist of the week for if you want to tap that app. If you tap it while Green Day plays, you can win tickets to every concert in 2026 that KUPD tells you about that it's not a bad idea. So whenever you Green Day this week, be sure to click on it. If you're listening online or on your phone, gosh darn it all, then you can qualify yourself. It's that simple. Tap that track and get yourself loaded up for Green Day. Would you want to go to every show ever? I. I don't think I could do it. I'd sell most of those.

[Byron]

Oh, no.

[John Holmberg]

I love going.

[Byron]

You know how I love going out.

[John Holmberg]

I know you love leaving the house so much. I just. I can't imagine you're getting all those Free tickets and not being at all the shows.

[Byron]

I'd be everywhere.

[John Holmberg]

Do you ever go to concerts? You never. You don't care about that stuff?

[Byron]

No, not really.

[John Holmberg]

Does Michelle drag you to any of them.

[Frank]

Juju?

[Byron]

Probably, yeah. I would see Harry Styles.

[John Holmberg]

Did you go to Harry Styles? He's fantastic. Yeah, he's actually a really good performer. All right, I'll give you that. But you didn't want to go. You just went.

[Byron]

Yeah, I will do stuff for my kids. My whole life is just stuff for my kids. We went to the NBA cup this weekend, kind of in and out.

[John Holmberg]

And you just went on Saturday and.

[Byron]

Came back Saturday morning. I mean, got done with the show with you and John. Love it. And Joey and I took the 8:30 flight in the morning. Yeah. And I got out there, rested for a little bit at the hotel and then went for six hours of games. I had the, you know, the NBA experiences. So we were in. We had a kind of a giant suite that we could go to in between games and stuff like that at halftime. And food.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, the one up at T Mobile?

[Byron]

Yeah. Yeah, it was awesome.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's incredible. Oh, the ones up high.

[Byron]

We're way up high.

[John Holmberg]

Those are really cool.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, it's.

[Byron]

To watch the game is pretty cool, but it's almost like watching foosball happen. You're just looking down.

[John Holmberg]

You don't realize how tall that place is.

[Byron]

Massive.

[John Holmberg]

Because I was up there once for a. What was that? Oh, the beginning of a boxing thing. So I watched some of the undercard. I can't see anything. Everybody's tiny. You don't realize how high up you are. There's like a dance club thing.

[Byron]

Yeah, it's crazy big. I don't even understand. If I said to one of the NBA guys that runs it, I go, what do you do to watch a comedian? Here I go, that just seems horrific. I mean, why would you spend $100?

[John Holmberg]

And he said, don't worry about it, Frank.

[Byron]

Yeah, you'll never have to worry.

[John Holmberg]

You don't have to worry about that. No one's gonna see you.

[Byron]

I'll tell you what, though. Afterward, we went to this NBA gathering, and that was pretty cool. That's where I ran into Andrew Santino, who Joey was way more excited to meet than anything his father's done for him in the last 21 years. And I. You said you'd had Santino.

[John Holmberg]

It's been years. We haven't had him on for a long. He popped so fast. We had him once and he Exploded. He doesn't have to do radio ever again, so. He's great, though. Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to see you here.

[Byron]

We were at the Palms in the NBA suite, or in the basketball suite. They had a full basketball court and all sorts of stuff.

[John Holmberg]

Really?

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Byron]

And it was. It was pretty great.

[Frank]

He was.

[Byron]

They'd asked me to play in the golf tournament, and I was like, I can't be away that long right now. And my. I'm so horrific at golfing that I just don't want to do it. But Santino was golfing in the tournament and. Or in the.

[Frank]

You know.

[John Holmberg]

In the golf tournament.

[Byron]

The event.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Byron]

I guess.

[John Holmberg]

That's a tournament.

[Byron]

It's a tournament because it's a golf event.

[Frank]

Event.

[John Holmberg]

Right. It's semantics, Frank. We get it. He was golfing.

[Byron]

He was golf. Golfing. Right, so. But that was pretty cool.

[John Holmberg]

That was your story. No, no, I can't remember.

[Byron]

I made a mistake this morning by one coming in. The other one was telling that story.

[John Holmberg]

Then the other one was the Brady Report. Jesus Christ. Brady seems like an orator. It's like Maya Angelou compared to that.

[Byron]

I gotta be honest with you. I went and did a leg workout with a trainer this morning.

[John Holmberg]

Today?

[Byron]

Yeah, at 5.

[John Holmberg]

Why?

[Byron]

Yeah. After I went to pee just now, I thought, why am I still here?

[John Holmberg]

How in the world you got up? That's worked out.

[Byron]

What was that?

[John Holmberg]

You got up at 4 in the morning to go work out?

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's dumb. There's a whole day ahead of you.

[Byron]

No, I've got. I gotta go. I gotta fly to LA today.

[Frank]

For what?

[Byron]

Rich Eisen. Tomorrow. Oh, Rich Eisen. Yeah, Rich Eisen.

[Frank]

He saw Santino's calves and, like. Enough of this.

[John Holmberg]

I gotta get clean these out. All right.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

There you go.

[Byron]

I got more of that story, but it just gets better and better.

[John Holmberg]

I hope so. I forgot the first one.

[Byron]

I had a.

[John Holmberg]

You're like Ted Striker. The first time I almost lit myself on fire.

[Byron]

You gotta stop it early, you know? You can do that with me.

[John Holmberg]

I did. I think. Oh, did you? Right when you confused what a golf tournament was and started to spin. I'm like this. I gotta get on that.

[Byron]

I gotta. I just get warmed up. Maybe try some jokes. You did. And fail.

[John Holmberg]

Frank Caleando is going to be at the 10pm Prov. Very. They get time to actually get prepared, get a little rest. But he's going to be there 6 and 8:30 on New Year's Eve, if you want to go. It's a great show. New Year's Eve to get that going and then you can do your New Year's Eve stuff after.

[Byron]

Yeah, I mean, it's like a tournament.

[John Holmberg]

It is. It's like a comedy tournament. Only one day and there's no competition or wagering.

[Byron]

And Bubba Watson isn't playing.

[John Holmberg]

Is he going to go?

[Byron]

No. Bubble. He was in that tournament. Just promise Tournament.

[John Holmberg]

Bubble. Bubble will be there.

[Frank]

He was in that event.

[John Holmberg]

His legs hurt. You have to give him a break. It's time now for Brady to give us all the news that only Brady knows. We call this the Brady report and it's barati by our [e-mail] All Pro Shade. They got the motorized shades. They got the blinds. They got anything you want in your backyard. If you got a space that's got too much sun or glare on a TV screen or whatever else, they'll make it look great and like it's supposed to be there. Unlike some umbrellas or weird sails or anything else, people are trying to just block that sun. They'll do it right. Right. Now, if you get a motorized shade, you get yourself a free heater that goes with it. That's pretty awesome. All Prochay.com Brady reported.

[Frank]

Good Monday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello, world.

[John Holmberg]

Hi.

[Frank]

Happy National Cupcake Day.

[John Holmberg]

Hey. Frank just breaks cupcakes.

[Byron]

Oh, I have them.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you're in the car.

[Byron]

Yeah, they're in the.

[John Holmberg]

The. Your trainer gives them to you. That's a good workout. Here you go. He's a lunchbox.

[Byron]

You want to buy another package?

[Frank]

A couple of basis fun facts. The human nose is capable of detecting approximately 1 trillion cents.

[John Holmberg]

That's my nose.

[Frank]

Yours is 1.5. Damn it.

[John Holmberg]

I knew it. A huge nose.

[Frank]

Movie previews are called turn siders.

[Byron]

It's not that big. It's big, is it?

[John Holmberg]

It's big. You ever see it?

[Brett Vesely]

I'm looking at it.

[John Holmberg]

Then I turned to Brady.

[Byron]

That right there is frosty.

[John Holmberg]

Ever see me take it off?

[Byron]

Oh, to the side.

[John Holmberg]

Comes all the way. When you go.

[Byron]

Bruno San Martino.

[John Holmberg]

I can do Artie language. My impression of Artie laying, my nose comes off.

[Byron]

That's a lot of cartilage.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it's not connected to anything. I've broken it three, four times and.

[Frank]

That nose is a poser.

[John Holmberg]

It just. It's not even connected. You never seen that?

[Byron]

No, and I don't want to stop watching.

[John Holmberg]

It's Mr.

[Byron]

Potato.

[John Holmberg]

It is literally just this mush ball that sits on top of a bone.

[Frank]

Like the groucho marks. It's just missing glasses.

[John Holmberg]

I get punched a little in boxing and it flattens and then pops back and just gushes blood. And it's like there's nothing I can do about it. But, yeah, this thing is. It's. You've never seen me do that. You've never seen me take my nose off. Isn't it gross?

[Byron]

I remember the bubble on your head that you got rid of.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah. I can't fix this.

[Frank]

And your eyes don't water when you do that.

[John Holmberg]

It does. I don't feel anything. I just know it's happening. I didn't take it off.

[Byron]

I mean, I. I wish I could. I wish people had the visual.

[Frank]

Visualization.

[John Holmberg]

Have I ever done that video of my nose coming off? Yeah, it's just. I can just detach it.

[Byron]

You can detach? What do you mean?

[John Holmberg]

The middle thing is connected to the bone and I can feel it just go slide down the side of the bone so I can push my nose all the way down to the face.

[Byron]

Every time you do it.

[John Holmberg]

I just. And if I squish my face? Worse. Yeah.

[Byron]

Oh, I like it when you have no facial expression other than the nose being smashed.

[John Holmberg]

You know what it is?

[Byron]

It's like when Bert and Ernie take their noses off.

[Frank]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Remember when they switched them? All right, Ernie.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You just take it off and just move it down. I'm surprised I haven't shown you that. I do this all the time. Really weird. In the convertible, when I have the top off the car, my ears flap and my nose moves to the right. That's true. The wind gets going, it'll come right off.

[Byron]

Bert, let's switch noses.

[John Holmberg]

How big it is. Oh, my God.

[Byron]

Okay, baby.

[Frank]

So movie previews are called trailers. Do you know why?

[John Holmberg]

I don't remember.

[Frank]

I've heard they originally were shown at the end of movies.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[Frank]

The name stuck even once they started showing them first.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I knew that. I forgot about that. Did you ever meet Rob Reiner, by the way?

[Byron]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Isn't that the weirdest story? Oh, no, no. Frank, I gotta tell you something. What? What? He can cancel that lunch. Yeah. Yeah. It's not good. It's not good at all. It's a weird. Like, we haven't had a Hollywood oh, my God. For a while.

[Byron]

Oh, yeah, this. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

This one's a. What? Say again?

[Frank]

People were saying Hackman was the last.

[John Holmberg]

Hackman was weird, but he was 90 something and. I know, I know.

[Byron]

He just died. This is a murder. This is his.

[John Holmberg]

His Wife kept him alive, slit his throat like. Like, nobody know. Like, nobody was like, warning signs or anything. It was just what it is. It was.

[Byron]

It wasn't one of the kids one like his son on drugs?

[John Holmberg]

I think so. But he was the one that did the Andre the Giant documentary with him, and then he had another. His kid was writing for him and helping. I don't know if it was the same one, but, I mean, there's. That was the. Huh. When I heard it, I'm like, what the hell? But yeah, to have your 32 years old. Nick, I think that's the one that they were talking about. He used to write with him. Is that the one they've got?

[Frank]

That's who they have. I don't know.

[Byron]

There's got to be more to it, though.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, there's tons more. Well, yeah. It wasn't just over, like, Thanksgiving dinner.

[Byron]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

But it was. Yeah. I mean, to cut people's throats, that you'd think that there would have been some sort of. You know, usually there's stories that lead to this. Like, oh, no, his son was really screwed up, and then he went to jail for a little bit. And then they've got. They're estranged. And no, it's like, Rob Reiner was never in the news for like, ah, this is a problem. And then that happens. It's crazy.

[Byron]

You have to realize the movies that he directed, going through the list, I mean, it's insane.

[John Holmberg]

It's incredible. Like, just Misery, A Few Good Men, When Harry Met Sally, and Stand By Me are enough to be like, that's Princess Bride. Princess Bride. But I mean, you can add on to it the greatest career. Sleepless in Seattle, which I wasn't a huge fan of. Monster movie. But, I mean, there's one after a spinal tap, there's one after another. You're like, jesus, this guy was brilliantly great.

[Frank]

A lawyer is in the news because she's suing the irs, demanding that people's pets count as legal dependence.

[John Holmberg]

I with the way they're like human family members insurance.

[Frank]

Yep. And that's her point. She was saying annual expenses exceeding $5,000 on some pets. Her golden retriever in particular.

[John Holmberg]

You and me both are past five grand in the first month of every year.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Currently, pets broke down.

[Byron]

We're spending on food and on dog food.

[John Holmberg]

Oh.

[Byron]

And like, we need to make some.

[John Holmberg]

How much?

[Byron]

I don't even want to.

[John Holmberg]

You don't want to say how much?

[Byron]

Was it embarrassing?

[John Holmberg]

Is it specialized dog food?

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I have a freezer. For special dog food. We don't have regular people dog food. We have, like, it comes in boxes.

[Byron]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Yes.

[John Holmberg]

It's insane.

[Byron]

Just food for dogs.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I've specialized for each one.

[Byron]

Oh, we don't have that. Yeah, we're not that insane.

[John Holmberg]

It's each. Each package has the dogs.

[Byron]

Or maybe we are, and I just haven't been told.

[John Holmberg]

It's not written on it. It's a special print for that dog.

[Frank]

Frank.

[Byron]

Yeah. A friend was over and he talked about his $80 bag of dog food like it was expensive. I'm like, that's a day.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, minimum.

[Byron]

We could go to Morton's. The dogs could eat at steak 44 daily and it would probably be less.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And if they don't eat, there's a vet visit.

[Frank]

Uh.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Gordon didn't have breakfast. All right. He'll be all right. Maybe he's got a stomachache. Got a vet appointment at 10.

[Frank]

Why?

[John Holmberg]

We're just waiting to see if he eats dinner. No, just in case you go to.

[Byron]

The vet and didn't spend the money on the food. Let's spend it on an appointment.

[John Holmberg]

$3,000 later, he's fine. We ran all the tests. Your dog's fine. Just wasn't hungry this morning.

[Byron]

I have that same argument about he just didn't. Rocco the wonder dog. 150 pounds. He doesn't eat one morning and she's. The world is ending. Like, no, no. He ate five boxes of gourmet food last night.

[Frank]

That's.

[Byron]

Someone brings a point for that size of a dog.

[John Holmberg]

Mary effing Holidays from the Big Red Radio, it's John Holmberg from the morning sickness. And football season is in full swing, and underdog is the best place to get in on all the action. Playing on underdog is easy. Just pick whether your favorite player is going to go higher or lower on stats like rushing yards, receptions, touchdowns. This week I'm looking at my Steelers and I am selecting Darnell Washington to higher than one touchdown and hoping that Lamar Jackson goes lower on rushing yards. Download the app today. Sign up with promo code HMS to score a hundred dollars in bonus entries. When you play your first $5 underdog make picks win money must be 18 plus, 19 plus in Alabama and Nebraska, 19 plus in Colorado for some games, 21 plus in Arizona, Massachusetts and Virginia and present in a state where underdog fantasy operates terms. Apply the assets.underdog fantasy.com web play and getterms. Underscore DFS,_html for details. Offer not valid in Maryland Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Ohio and Pennsylv. Concerned with your play? Call 1-800- gambler or visit www.ncpgambling.org In New York, call the 24.7hope line at 1-87-7-8-HOPE NY or text hopeny 467-369. It's John Holmberg here and it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of my home group and dough hopkins.com I got a call from Doug the other day thanking me for leading so many of you guys his direction. He told me a story of a listener who had been through quite an ordeal and had a house they absolutely had to sell to feel like they were getting back to a normal place in life. You just never know when simple business transactions can actually change someone's life. So you want to deal with somebody great. TV's Doug Hopkins. That's your. So if you want to sell your house, start the process right now online@doug hopkins.com or grab that phone and sing Hopkins. One, eight hundred, now. Homeburg's morning sickness.

[Byron]

The other three dogs. Yeah, the dog. The other three dogs eat about a little bit more than half a box.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Byron]

He devours two boxes immediately and then needs his patties.

[John Holmberg]

I knew it had gotten out of hand when I came home about two weeks ago and I heard in the kitchen, all right, order up, get it to the dogs. I'm like, oh my God, we've hired Gordon Ramsay to cook for us. Now if there's chefs, there's people involved. It's.

[Byron]

Oh, I would, yeah, that's.

[John Holmberg]

That, that, it's a lot. It's too much.

[Byron]

That would, there'd be another.

[John Holmberg]

No, that should be a write off.

[Byron]

That'd be a murder.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, well, I'm not gonna go that far.

[Frank]

Yeah, that'd be nice. Because more and more money is being spent on pets as far as the, the money for families and it would incredibly expensive. Could maybe help. You know, I was looking at the side that that helped with people adopting pets.

[John Holmberg]

Now you get if it wasn't so expensive, the shelters wouldn't be as full. Yeah, I totally think that's true.

[Frank]

But here's the challenge. You're, you're not allowed to challenge the tax code in court. So I don't. But she's still continuing the lawsuit.

[John Holmberg]

Try something.

[Frank]

We got a 21 year old kid in Wilmington, Delaware, got arrested last week after he called the cops, told him that he stole a car. The owner reported it missing a day earlier. They told the police they were letting their Hyundai Sonata warm up in front of their place Tuesday morning. And when they came back out, it was gone. Cops didn't know who did it until they got a call the next day from 21 year old Kayoni Baxter, who freely admitted he took the car. And he called because he left some of his personal belongings in the car. Could I get him back?

[John Holmberg]

He wanted his stuff back from the theft. That makes sense. Somebody. Somebody just pointed out Rob Reiner was murdered in Brentwood. What time did Cato leave? That's a good point. Was he close? Did he ever live in his backyard?

[Byron]

And how do we not piece that together?

[John Holmberg]

That's a good point.

[Frank]

There's Kayoni.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I thought he'd be Asian.

[Frank]

Should have done the challenge.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, should have. I would have guessed Asian. Kony.

[Frank]

I don't know if you saw this over the weekend, but this guy who's a regular player at the Aria Resort and Casino is suing.

[John Holmberg]

It's not me.

[Frank]

Because he woke up.

[Byron]

That's the first I've ever seen you panic.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no, no.

[Byron]

I love everything.

[John Holmberg]

I love the Aria. I'd never sue them.

[Frank]

He owed the casino $75,000. Basically. This guy's name is Michael Duke Thompson.

[John Holmberg]

He's got a Michael Duke, Tom Thompson, Michael Duke Caucus.

[Byron]

Michael Tom Thompson.

[Frank]

He's a licensed attorney, longtime Aria player. Said he, he last. Well, his Last memory on January 23, 2024. Blacked out for four hours. Woke up the casinos like you ran up 75 grand. He goes, I took a $10,000 marker at this time.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Frank]

And then from basically from 2 to.

[John Holmberg]

5Am they keep pretty good records.

[Frank]

He woke up cuffed in the Aria jail, basically. They have.

[John Holmberg]

They have an Aria jail? Oh, gosh. Oh, no. But I need to know where that is. Oh, boy.

[Frank]

So he's saying he got Mickeyed. And then someone ran up the marker.

[John Holmberg]

They'd know they got. You think they might have a camera or two in the casino, like you standing there going, another 10,000. It's gonna really be bad in court when they break out the cameras. And if they don't have cameras where he wasn't at the Aria.

[Frank]

Here's the thing that they're gonna have to do is go down the line and say, all right, then who took out the markers? Because they do have signatures of someone hanging out. But of course, it doesn't really like he's saying cameras.

[John Holmberg]

I lost one of those gaming tickets. $8,000 fell out of my pocket. I reached and I'm like, where's my ticket? Not only did they have it on the camera where it fell out of my pocket, they're coded to you. So I took it out of the machine. Well, because you use your card. Yeah, it's coded to you. And it knew me. And so. And I don't know who, but somebody turned it in. And I went to the guy, I'm like, look, I lost an eight thousand dollar ticket. I just. We could find the person that picked it up. I mean, it's my ass. So I understand if they picked it up and played it. And he goes, let's see. Immediately found it. And then said, somebody turned it in. And I'm like, really? And they just ran the barcode and said, that's yours. They. It's pretty remarkable how on time, look, when I sit down at a machine, my casino hostess finds me immediately. Yeah.

[Byron]

They don't know anything involved there.

[Frank]

No.

[John Holmberg]

She knows where I am at all times. And she's great. I would hate it if I hated her. But she's like, hey, I thought you were over here. Like, don't act like you just found me because you know where I am. Yeah, but if you run up 75 grand on the Aria. You did it.

[Frank]

Yeah, that's gonna be interesting.

[Brett Vesely]

You did it.

[Frank]

Case. Finally, someone pulled 20,000Americans and asked if a donation in your name is actually a good gift or a bad one.

[John Holmberg]

That's from Seinfeld. From the People's Fund.

[Frank]

They didn't ask about specific non profits, just any charity the person might pick because it's important to them. It turns out Americans hate it, think it's a good gift.

[John Holmberg]

Well, they're lying. Nobody thinks that's nobody.

[Frank]

56% said yes, 38% said it's not good or bad. We're like, oh, cool, whatever. Six percent hate.

[John Holmberg]

But you can't. Like, if Frank said, john, I donated in your honor to the humane side. Be like, that's nice.

[Frank]

Merry Christmas.

[John Holmberg]

Prove it. Yeah, like, I want the receipt now. If they're sending the receipt. And like, okay, I guess that's okay because.

[Byron]

And you can't complain about it.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Byron]

You did what?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, where's my present? So you have to act like it's nice, but deep down, what if it's a charity you're not for?

[Byron]

Well, you were saying that, right. Some. Isn't it something that they are for?

[Frank]

I was wondering when they met, you know, it's a charity that. That was important to them.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Does that mean speak?

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah, just like a charity. I hate, like, you know, kids stuff. Yuck. And you start donating to, like, orphanages. And I'm like, well, I don't want that. Get my name off.

[Byron]

Why don't you like orphan?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, if you met them, they're the worst. That's why their parents left. Have you got Brett? Have you seen the new Shriners commercials?

[Byron]

No.

[John Holmberg]

With George was the new one. And he's adorable. He's adorable. So Caleb, you know, are you familiar with this new pizza? So Caleb is a kid who's had 219 operations. Got bird bones. He's adorable.

[Byron]

Mr. Glass.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he's sitting. I just want everybody to get it. Granted, I've had over 213 operations. And he sits and he has his legs crossed, but he can't do it. So before they film, somebody has to cross his leg form. Yeah. If the wind blows too hard, he loses like four ribs. And they used to have Alec, but then Alec aged out and got ugly. Oh. So then Caleb showed up in his wheelchair at like age five. He's like, that's right, Alec. And you could see Alec going, thanked a lot, Caleb. And he's not happy with Caleb at all because it's. They just taken his word. Yeah. They rolled in a new kid because Caleb is now 20 and he's just not good looking anymore. And they had to have. There's Caleb. Look at how cute Caleb is. Oh, he's. He's adorable. This is him years ago.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And then if you look at him now, side part, he looks like Kurt Cobain now in a wheelchair. Yeah. Look at him. It's no good. It's no good. You can't. And so they had to roll Caleb into a meeting and say, all right, Caleb. Well, we've seen the donations dip since you went through puberty. And we'd like you to meet George. And there's Alec. There's Alec. He aged out. He was Alex. Strangers.

[Byron]

Caleb. It's a demagogue.

[Frank]

It's like the one that got us right there. The one where he's on the mic.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. And then, yeah, Alec was a great spokesperson. He's adorable. Then he got old and he's just. They're not curing anything. They're just raising money.

[Frank]

The last one that he did was chairman of the board.

[John Holmberg]

Well, no, no, no, that was. Alec is still there. It's just. They can't cut him. But can you imagine that meeting with. Talk about getting fired. Caleb, we're gonna let you go. You're no longer the spokesperson. Have you found a cuter kid? Boy, have We. His name is George, and he's as sick as you, if not worse. He's gonna be great for money. Like, they. They haven't cured anything. And you realize this is the third generation of sick kids.

[Byron]

Why is Baxter on there?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that is Baxter. What is it?

[Brett Vesely]

I just put George from Shriners.

[John Holmberg]

George Shriners kid. I think that's him right there. Little blonde.

[Byron]

No, that's George Washington.

[John Holmberg]

Flat adorable, that guy.

[Byron]

What is the. What's the name of that Stranger Things character?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. I don't watch. But he looks just like the Stranger Things kid. Now I can't see anything but that. Oh, wait until you see George's new commercials. They got rid of. They fired Caleb for not being cute enough to raise money. They milked him for all he's worth.

[Brett Vesely]

Those kids made money.

[John Holmberg]

Those little bird bones have to roll off somewhere else and find something else to do. He's been usurped by cuter and younger. It's just like TV when. When, you know, when the kids get to it. Like when they brought in Danny Cooksey on Different Strokes, just not getting it done anymore. If they're ugly and older and they had to bring in a cute kid, it's awesome. They had to search through all the sick kids now. Too sick. No, not sick enough. Now that one limps too hard. Ah, she's got a fake arm. This kid's got all his parts, Cousin Oliver. And they're. Exactly. And they're still raising that adorable blanket. George is still. And you could get an adorable blanket. Like, oh, this little guy is just sick enough to make me think about it. But where's the money going? Because Caleb's not better, Alec's not better.

[Byron]

It's going for those hats.

[John Holmberg]

Going to the hats. Let's go into the blankets, some equipment. It's the sticks. It's like what I always said about Jerry Lewis. $60 million every Labor Day. Still, everybody clicking around with those hand. Those hand cards. Have we cured anything anyway? Come on. Tiffany ad. What do we got? $60 million. Can we fix one kid next year? He's here.

[Frank]

Click, click, click.

[John Holmberg]

Thanks for doing it, Mr. Lewis. Will they ever cure any of them? I don't think they will. You'll never walk alone.

[Frank]

Did you ever do the mda, Frank?

[John Holmberg]

Yes. You did? Yeah. Did you meet Jerry? Or was it Norm Crosby?

[Byron]

I did not. I didn't satellite via satellite, but I did end up meeting Jerry at the roast for Terry Bradshaw.

[John Holmberg]

Really? Yeah. I think you're great, Frank. I really do. I Enjoy you. You have fun. Who was that? You know, I just realized their trip comes from the same one.

[Byron]

It's not as dd. Trip is Jerry.

[John Holmberg]

No. And he does. He pops up every once in a while. Every once in a while, I start talking. Then he drops back down in the Jerry world. But when he talks, when he talks to you, it's very serious. But sometimes he would do the face.

[Byron]

He would do the face. He'd cross the eyes.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but also, we have to be very serious. These kids are very ill. They're very ill.

[Byron]

They're very ill. Say what you will, but nobody circles the wagon.

[John Holmberg]

Enough with the clicking. Could we get. All we do is buy these kids sticks every year. $60 million worth of sticks. I think it's too many sticks. I used to love that, but they never fix them. You start to wonder, how many Georges will I go through before I die?

[Byron]

I think they're making more of them.

[John Holmberg]

I think they root for it. Like the birth comes out. He goes, he's really messed up. And I think he's cute. His parents are blonde. This one's gonna go. Five years later, they rol. Ah, he's really messed up. That's too much. People won't like that. It has to almost look like he might get out of the chair.

[Frank]

Look. What?

[John Holmberg]

Just kidding.

[Frank]

Got a couple of radio videos. First one's a guy getting knocked out. But watch how quick it's. First time his head goes through the door.

[John Holmberg]

Brady's videos are G rated. You can watch it.

[Byron]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Brady's are fun.

[Byron]

Michelle said, oh, I don't know the difference between the Brady videos and the terrible videos.

[John Holmberg]

Well, Brett is the terrible video videos. There's a huge difference. Here's the Brady videos. And there's usually just somebody punching somebody. Let's see. Oh, guy's got a bat.

[Byron]

Oh.

[Frank]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

He punched him through a glass door. He knocks a guy out, and he falls through a glass door. His head goes through. Is he okay?

[Frank]

Nope.

[John Holmberg]

How did that happen?

[Byron]

Nope.

[Brett Vesely]

Careful with the audio. There was a couple.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I heard. I. I got it down. I didn't hear it, but my goodness. All right.

[Byron]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

What algorithm were you looking at? That. There's a P. Diddy documentary ledger to this. That dude's head is the only thing that went through the glass. Like a perfect hole.

[Frank]

It did it just like.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, geez. This can't be real.

[Frank]

This is Frank Cannonball Richards.

[John Holmberg]

He's taking a cannonball.

[Frank]

I remember this from the Guinness.

[Byron]

When you see the rituals.

[Frank]

His training regiment.

[John Holmberg]

He would stand in front of a real life Civil War cannon and take the shot.

[Byron]

Now watch how strong.

[John Holmberg]

Then Frank Richards took a 100 foot pound cannonball to the stomach, one of.

[Brett Vesely]

The Van Halen album covers.

[John Holmberg]

This is how he trammer to his fat two of them there, starting with a thousand hits a day. Then slowly, this is real. Tens of thousands. Several men took turns swinging heavy hammers at his stomach. Then he let people jump. People leaping off picnic tables onto this guy's guts. Merry effing holidays from the Big Red radio. It's John Holberg here from the morning sickness. And it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of my home group and Doug hopkins.com have you ever thought you I'm gonna sell my house? Of course you have. And one reason or another, you just didn't do it. Probably because it's a hassle when you try to make a real estate deal. What if I could say you can sell that house the day after you say the words I want to sell my house. Doug's been at this for over 25 years and that's why he's still on top of the Hill. TVs Doug Hopkins can handle everything. Won't move the price or you get $5,000. What do you do? Start the process right now@doug hopkins.com or grab the phone and sing.

[Frank]

Wealth has made retirement planning simple. It's Brady from HMS and it's one of the many reasons that I' a client with Trajan Wealth. Call Trajan wealth, schedule a complimentary consultation at 480-378-0700 or check out trajanwealth.com T R A J A N wealth.com it's time to put your retirement plan together. Give Trades and Wealth a call to ensure you're making the right financial moves for your future. Trades and wealth, your local trusted financial fiduciary advisory services through trades and Wealth LLC. SEC registered investment advisor. Client paid advertisement additional [e-mail] Holmberg's morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

He stepped up and hit Frank's stom full power, but it still seemed to have no effect. In 1953, champ in the world decided to take a shot from a cannon. This is how crazy he got 10ft from the barrel. The fuse was lit. The cannon. He's like, I think I can take a hell of a shot to the stomach. Anybody got a cannon available? He gets right up.

[Byron]

Look at that sailor hat.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, of course it is more than twice a day. He passed away in 1916 at the age of 81. He lived to be 81.

[Frank]

I mean, you take that shot. He cannot.

[John Holmberg]

He got right back up.

[Frank]

Cannonball is 104 pounds.

[John Holmberg]

It says, what's the speed that's coming out of that cannon?

[Frank]

That's a good question.

[Byron]

You know, it'd be funny if he drowned from doing a cannonball.

[John Holmberg]

He won a contest and he never came back.

[Frank]

That's what got him.

[John Holmberg]

Cannonball. He's dead. Frank never surfaced. How about that? All right. That was neat.

[Frank]

Last one is a construction.

[John Holmberg]

I like that one.

[Frank]

Construction accident.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Oh, we got a surveillance film over some sort of industrial place.

[Frank]

Guy secured the cables to lift the cables.

[John Holmberg]

Lifting up another thing. It looks like a pulley system, and it's lifting all the cables. It's a big room. It's all the way down. It's lifting up a bunch of what looks like steel pipes, some sort of rebar. It's a heavy, heavy thing. And it's. The whole room's now being lifted up. Thousands of pounds of steel. Oh, now it's gone crazy. Oh, everybody. Oh. It lifted a huge piece of steel in the air, and then clearly too fast. And the guys ran because they realized they were in trouble. And it dropped it on the head of one of the workers.

[Byron]

That guy's head. That's flat, Stanley.

[John Holmberg]

How did that happen?

[Byron]

How did. How did he just happen to be in the exact wrong spot?

[Frank]

It must have pushed forward.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. There. Well, yeah, it threw him because he's. He's tied as a counterbalance to the thing getting lifted.

[Byron]

Oh, I see.

[John Holmberg]

There's another set of rebar on the other side.

[Frank]

That's why it's pulling it down.

[John Holmberg]

And it's forcing him forward, and he's running. And then it comes back.

[Byron]

Oh, man, that's just nailed right on. You gotta get a different leaf headache.

[John Holmberg]

You gotta try that a hundred times.

[Byron]

To make it happen once.

[John Holmberg]

All right, I'll do it. My stomach. Frank will do it. I'm Cannonball Frank. I can do that.

[Byron]

That's how Cannonball Frank Richards died.

[John Holmberg]

He just laid there and said, drop it on my tummy. Put that on my tummy. But it landed on his head.

[Frank]

Oops.

[John Holmberg]

You missed. I think I can take a shot from a cannonball in my stomach. I don't think that's a good idea, Frank. I never listened to women. Just wandered over in front of the cannon and did it anyway. Everybody had to be surprised. How about the dude who had the job of lighting the fuse? Sure you want to do this? Go ahead. Light that fuse. I think it's a terrible idea, Frank. I think it's a pretty bad idea.

[Frank]

I'm closing the door.

[John Holmberg]

Light the goddamn fuse. I can take a sledgehammer to the tubby. I can certainly take a cannonball.

[Frank]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Byron]

I think the first time you do it, there's lots of questions.

[John Holmberg]

Lots of questions. Frank wants me to light a fuse, and he wants to stand on the other end of my cannon.

[Byron]

And even the second time, you're like, ah, you know, we got through this once, Frank.

[John Holmberg]

Just. Just count your blessings. Yeah. I'm Frank Cannonball Johnson. Not Frank. One Cannonball Johnson. Keep him coming. Load that thing up like a PEZ dispenser and knock me down.

[Frank]

Go ahead, champ.

[John Holmberg]

But the dude who owned the cannon had to be like, I've always wanted to do this.

[Frank]

I'm not gonna get in trouble, right?

[John Holmberg]

The whole reason I bought this thing, nobody's been, I'm up for it. I'm not doing it.

[Frank]

Can.

[Byron]

This don't kill people.

[John Holmberg]

I do. I have an iron stomach. Well, I can eat anything I want. Watch this. I love olden times when there were no rules and no barriers. I want to stand in front of your cannon. Do you. Do you fire that ever? Yeah, but never at someone. Well, your days are changing. Your luck is new. I'm gonna stay in front of that thing.

[Frank]

Just set up some canvas and back of me. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Make sure I don't go flying into the freeway or anything. All right. I'm ready. That's right. Ouch. A little bit. A little bit. I gotta admit, I shouldn't have eaten.

[Frank]

They never talked about that.

[John Holmberg]

All right, let me write that down on my. My. What is this? Parchment. Don't eat before next cannon shot. All right, try again. I've got an empty belly. Oh, no, no. Better. It's just as bad empty as it is full.

[Byron]

Unfortunately, the pen is out of ink. Don't worry.

[John Holmberg]

I have blood coming from my. My nostrils and my ears. Oh, my goodness. All right, notes then. Brace yourself. Next time, count to three. He fired that when I wasn't ready. No, that one was too high. That was a rib. That was a ribbon. Three, two. We gotta get at the angle. Just right. It comes out a little high. Hit me in the sternum. You see? I wasn't ready. Gotta do it again. They're setting up cameras. There were like nine people in that operation. Then the dude walks in with it. Why is this shirt off? I gotta prove that I don't have any metal under me.

[Frank]

He's coming right from work.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Byron]

And this was the day YouTube was invented.

[John Holmberg]

That's the first viral video. Yeah, it really is that. And the dude who tried to fly off the Eiffel Tower, you ever seen him?

[Frank]

It was just posted.

[John Holmberg]

Last Eiffel Tower, he built a flying suit. He was a tailor, and he put. He said, I can build a suit and fly. He's like Wile E. Coyote.

[Frank]

So he made the parachute out of wool.

[John Holmberg]

And then everybody said, yeah, everybody in France was like, you cannot fly. Prove it. And he's like, I'll climb that tower over there and I'll show you. And he gets up there, and you can see that he's like, oh, boy. I stepped into the air. He's like, doing that right before you. I committed.

[Byron]

He made it out of wool because of all the woolly flying.

[John Holmberg]

And the hat is humongous. Wait till you see this. Toledo will pull it up. I got it. Oh.

[Frank]

So he packs it up.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's his flying suit. And he'd bragged about it so much that people like, go ahead, fly. I don't think you can do it. I will show you. And you see it right when he gets on the edge of the. Of the Eiffel Tower and he's like. And they televised. The apparatus is big. Wait till he spreads his wings or whatever.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

He thought for sure this would work. But you can see that he has no confidence in the flying suit. When he gets to the edge.

[Frank]

I think his original thought was an umbrella.

[John Holmberg]

And watch how fast.

[Frank]

Look how heavy that thing.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it doesn't. It offers no resistance, by the way. It's just. It is a plummet to. It's a rock. He put it.

[Frank]

Here's one other thing that happens, too.

[John Holmberg]

After look right there, you can see him going, I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't do that. And then he's standing on the ledge of the Eiffel Tower to make a huge statement. There's people. There's people down below. Don't be a. You said you can fly. Do it.

[Frank]

You think we should do this over water?

[John Holmberg]

I can do it. He's still not ready. It's pretty high, guys. Still pretty high. He's dressed as a tree. And then he does it. Watch how fast he falls. Like, zero resistance. Oh, crap. It's not working. It's not working. It's not working.

[Byron]

It's not working.

[John Holmberg]

It's not working.

[Frank]

Now watch this. And they're measuring the impact.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he's a crater now. And all of France went over and went. Told you. We told you.

[Frank]

Went in six inches.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they told you. You are no Frank Tank Cannonball Johnson. You are nothing to me.

[Byron]

What were they measuring there?

[John Holmberg]

They were the hole he had. Because the. The secondary part of that story, they're.

[Frank]

Saying they found out what cannonball.

[John Holmberg]

Commander McBride, I would tell you about the time I jumped into the Chimera Pass. I was wearing a flying suit I'd made of wool and different sheep.

[Frank]

What?

[John Holmberg]

All right, Brett, give it to us.

[Brett Vesely]

All right, we're mild today because we used them we exerted over the weekend. But this one, this one they sent over for Brady Timeout.

[John Holmberg]

Before we play it, a guy just emailed, said that cannon was spring operated. First off, why do you know that? Second, he even actually said, not that it makes it better, but why do you know about cannonball spring off? There's a spring operated one like a.

[Frank]

Kind of like what they're shooting people out.

[John Holmberg]

Kids, when you put those plunger guns. Dark gun.

[Byron]

Yeah, I do like plunger gun.

[Frank]

It's 104 pound cannonball.

[John Holmberg]

I don't even want that thing to accidentally bump into my.

[Frank]

Knocked him back five feet.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. All right, here we go.

[Brett Vesely]

This one was for Brady because they know how much he loves farts.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's a fart contest. People are farting into a microphone.

[Frank]

Is this agt?

[John Holmberg]

No, it's on. Was that bro television? It looks like it. Oh, it's some French show or whatever. They're speaking Crazy talk. 22nd. That's some control. You know what's really impressive? He's done this on one leg and he's not even wobbly. Well, look at the core strength. Gonna start running down his leg.

[Frank]

Brett, don't you have those shoes?

[John Holmberg]

Those are vans fans. I mean 38 second fart. And that's television in Spain, by the way.

[Brett Vesely]

Let's start with some TSI from one of. One of those countries that Toledo likes going to. Hey, TSA video.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's a TSA in one of Toledo's destinations for summer.

[Frank]

Is this your gun?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he's got his gun out. He's checking. Oh, he just shot a guy for no reason at the TSA accidentally. He was cleaning the gun up and the guy dressed as a commander making.

[Frank]

Sure it was clear.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he got that military outfit. That's one way to take care of your wife. Oh, yeah, he shot it. Well, then it's no big deal in that country.

[Frank]

Oh, it's a headshot.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's okay. He probably had it Coming over in that nation.

[Frank]

The other guy beeps over. Interesting.

[John Holmberg]

You killed a useless woman. Okay, don't ever clean that up. Don't get any woman blood on me.

[Brett Vesely]

Don't ever try this when your wife's sleeping.

[John Holmberg]

All right? Lady's asleep, and the guy's trying to put his pee pee in places in her. Oh, she bit down. Oh, she bit down on it. How did she not feel A fat man sitting. What is she, Frank Cannonball's daughter? Okay, there's a fat man sitting on your stomach while you sleep.

[Frank]

She's tua. Look at. He knocked her out.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, she's doing. She's doing gang sign when it first opened up. I believe that's sexual assault. Oh, she bit down on it. There's the. Oof. All right, that's enough of that. Oh, she made blood. She made blood.

[Frank]

There's a wound.

[John Holmberg]

She made blood. Well, that'll happen when you. You're not supposed to put that in traps. We'll just. Another surveillance. We're at a. This guy's loading up a dumpster of some sort in some Laundromat and he's going into a. He's climbing in the machine. Will anyone ever learn? Now he's gonna. And this thing's gonna eat him. It's some. It's some weird industrial thing. He's getting all the way in the machine to clear it up, and it's going to turn on his coworkers. Oh, no, this is just too much. Okay. He's trying to get. Oh, it's gonna. It's a smashing machine. It's a smashing machine.

[Frank]

He's screaming.

[Byron]

Oh, he's still screaming.

[John Holmberg]

And that's already smashed him once.

[Frank]

Did it just take his legs? I think it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I think it just broke his legs.

[Byron]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, they're all wobbly. And he's trying to climb out.

[Frank]

You're not gonna be able to support.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, don't get out. Don't stand on those things. They're useless. Oh, my God. You're worse than Caleb. Just stay in the machine and finish yourself. Oh, look at his legs. Oh, they've been mushed into nothingness.

[Byron]

At least tons of people are coming to help him.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he was the least favored employer.

[Frank]

He decided to come in early and get ahead of there.

[Byron]

You never get in the machine.

[John Holmberg]

No, you don't ever. Look at him curling away. His legs are just washing blood. He's been. Does he work with another machine? He curled right into another. A faster, bigger machine. That's it. And Frank climbing the Machine Johnson didn't make it through. Stunt failed. Wow. All right. I believe I'm ready. Spring Loaded. I don't want that crap. Give me the heavy stuff. It's gotta take it. Maybe we go back to the Spring Loaded after all.

[Byron]

They don't respect me, all right?

[John Holmberg]

I want to shoot an 8th grader at me. What do they weigh? 115. Put an 8th grade, but put a midget in there and smash him into me.

[Frank]

We found an eighth grader. He's not cooperating.

[John Holmberg]

I love thinking about the people who look at stuff and go, I can do that. That.

[Frank]

And he thinks, I'll have I make this machine that punches me a thousand times.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Convince something to get stronger. And he stayed fat like his diet never changed. Like just, I'm going to be fat with strong muscles underneath. Well, I understand that, but I mean, not fat though. You think if you load it up with stomach.

[Frank]

Stomach was like a giant bicep. That was all muscle, John.

[John Holmberg]

No, it wasn't. You keep telling yourself that.

[Brett Vesely]

Don't forget the Van Halen 3 album cover.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's him. Yep. Taking.

[Byron]

That's what I was picking. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. How about that? Was that the Gary Sharon one, though? Yeah. So nobody remembers.

[Brett Vesely]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Anyway, Frank Calientos with us this morning. Sort of surprise, at least to me, not to Toledo so much, you know. Everybody knew but me. What a gift. Frank's over at the 10pm Prom. New Year's Eve. 6 and 8:30, if you want to head on over there and see Frankie do his work. It's 8:28. There you go, everybody. That's your Brady Report. Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect. It's John Holmer here from the morning Sickness to talk to you about my friends at Trajan Wealth. I don't know about you guys, but knowing in my heart and head how uncertain the future is is daunting. Get smart, be less exposed, and go to Trajan Wealth. The team over there will make sure your future is at least certain. As far as it comes to an estate plan in case life throws you a curveball. I wandered around until I49 without a will and trust. And once I did it, man, oh man, a weight left my shoulders. If you're saying in your head, boy, I need to do this, then do it. Call Trajan Wealth. 480-990-3300. Legal services are offered through Trajan Estate Law Firm, LLC. Feed a family, make a kid happy, and win a new car. It's the 25th anniversary of Operation Santa Claus Presented by Sanders and Ford, Sanders and Lincoln U haul and ABC50 team make a donation of food, new toys, child size clothing or money and you could win a new Ford F150 truck or Lincoln Corsair SUV. For more info go to givetotheclock.com Lincoln and ABC15.