12-16-25 - Emailer Asks For Advice In Switching His Wiping Hand As He Preps For Surgery - Megan Noticed A Saddam Was Their Uber Eats Driver And It Brings Up A Nervous Names Discussion

Summary

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Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona

Episode Summary - December 16, 2025
Main Theme:
This episode is a classic blend of irreverent humor, social taboo-busting, and the crew's take on oddball life scenarios — ranging from an unexpectedly practical discussion on switching your “wiping hand” ahead of surgery, to a wild, unfiltered riff on nervousness around names with notorious historical baggage after an Uber Eats delivery by someone named Saddam.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Great Wiping Hand Debate: Preparing for Surgery

• Listener Email:
  A listener, Steve, wrote in, inspired by a previous discussion, to thank the show for preparing him for post-surgery challenges — specifically, the need to use the non-dominant hand to wipe after bathroom trips post-shoulder surgery.

  • “Listening to you guys makes my life better. ...I’m having my right shoulder fixed next week… Reminded me to start practicing to clean my ass with my offhand. It took some time, but I’m getting pretty good at it.” (04:27)

• Hosts’ Experiences:
  The gang shares both sympathy and comedic commiseration:

  • “Go try practice that today just for fun. In case you get your arm lopped off. Try it!” – John (05:18)
  • “It’s like I’m cheating on my ass.” – Brett (05:38)
  • They describe the initial clumsiness, accidental messes, and why becoming “ambidextrous” in bathroom matters is underrated.
  • “Your hand is like a blind man in the dark trying to clean a room he’s never been in before.” – Byron (06:34)

• Cultural Twist:
  The crew dives into how left vs right hand usage is significant in other cultures, especially in the Middle East, where:

  • Punishment for theft traditionally involves chopping off the left ("wiping") hand, adding social humiliation to physical loss.
  • Anecdotes about students from the Middle East keeping the “no left-hand handshake” tradition alive, and the unique bathroom logistics (like “the kettle”).

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2. Nervous Names: Saddam Delivers Your Pizza

• The Story:
  During a Steelers game gathering, a pizza delivery arrived with a notification that “Saddam” was bringing their order, sparking anxiety and gallows humor all around.

  • “The third pizza’s being delivered by someone named Saddam. I don’t want it. I don’t think I… My brain immediately went bigot.” – Megan (11:27)
  • Two Saddams arrived, which only amplified the group’s nervous jokes.

• Social Reactions to Notorious Names:
  The group riffs on the discomfort and morbid comedy of encountering names like Saddam, Adolf, or Osama in everyday life.

  • “If someone named bin Laden was delivering your pizza, you’d be like—like, you just—you held on to the name Saddam. Adolf can’t deliver my pizza either.” – Byron (12:34)
  • “Saddam, the name… It’s over. That’s over. You can’t be named Saddam anymore.” – Byron (14:38)
  • The hosts discuss how names are “ruined” by history—citing Adolf post-Hitler, and OJ or Orenthal post-Simpson.
  • “You just can’t. Like, those are standout names… That’s dead in America forever and should be.” – Byron (26:57)

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3. Comedic Sidebars & Memorable Moments

• Frankenstein Shadow Story:
  Byron recounts the hilarious image of party guest Dale’s silhouette on his frosted glass door:

  • “It’s Frankenstein. His head is completely square. He’s taking up from the top of the door down. It’s horrifying.” (09:13)

• Imagined “Saddam’s Pizza Palace”:
  The hosts riff on what would happen if Saddam opened a pizza place.

  • “Welcome to Saddam’s Pizza Palace! Can I help you? Our pizzas are the bomb.” – Byron (28:10)
  • Details like cave tables, only goat toppings, and all the cultural stereotypes get the satirical treatment.

• “Muhammad Pie”:
  The running joke continues about opening a Middle Eastern pizza shop, riffing on stereotypes and dietary restrictions.

  • “What toppings do you have?” — “Goat. You have goat? Goat and pineapple.” (31:33)

• Parodying Media Gimmicks:
  Poking fun at radio contests that try to “boost numbers” by appealing to certain demographics, joking about magic carpet giveaways and targeting the show to "Saddams".

  • “How about we give away magic carpets?” – Brett (18:05)
  • “Morning, Saddams! Anybody? Saddam out there? You just got yourself some Korn tickets.” – Byron (18:45)

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Notable Quotes & Standout Moments

• On practicing non-dominant wiping:

  • “It’s like baseball. You’ll be more valuable if you can switch hit.” – Brett (06:08)
  • “Your hand is like a blind man in the dark trying to clean a room he’s never been in before.” – Byron (06:34)

• On Saddam as a pizza driver:

  • “Saddam, your pizza’s being delivered by Saddam. …And I’m looking for tape on the pizza box. It’s not there.” – Byron (12:34)
  • “You can’t be named Saddam anymore. I don’t care what it means in Arabic. …Just switch over to John or just Muhammad like everybody else!” – Byron (14:36)

• On ruined names:

  • “Hitler ruined the mustache from the second he had it. Charlie Chaplin started it… the second Hitler did it, it stopped being a thing forever.” – Byron (14:08)
  • “You just can’t. Like, those are standout names… That’s dead in America forever and should be.” – Byron (26:57)

• On name-driven nervousness:

  • “So are you more scared of Saddam coming to the door or Dale? 100 percent—Saddam.” (34:33)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• The Wiping Hand and Surgery Advice: 04:27 – 08:51
• Frankenstein Shadow Party Story: 09:01 – 10:22
• Saddam the Pizza Driver & Nervous Names: 11:21 – 18:50
• Riffs on Other Taboo Names & Social Commentary: 20:08 – 28:08
• Imagined “Saddam’s Pizza Palace,” Muhammad Pie Jokes: 28:10 – 34:46

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Final Thoughts

The episode swings from the genuinely practical — prepping for post-surgery hygiene — to biting, irreverent humor about cultural taboos and the legacy of infamous names, all with the HMS crew’s signature, unfiltered banter. They leave listeners with equal doses of laughter, discomfort, and a strangely useful reminder: Practice with your non-dominant hand because you never know. Also, maybe think twice about your baby name list.

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Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition, and accessories. Hey, it's Brett Vesely, and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[Byron]

Brett, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one. Tell him not to put himself at risk and come into M and P Guns where he'll get a fair offer and he can rest easy knowing it's not getting into the wrong hands.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay, but what if he lives out of state?

[Byron]

Easy. Legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it. Really? That simple?

[Brett Vesely]

There you have it. MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms.

[Byron]

This season, let your shoes do the talking. Designer shoe warehouse is packed with fresh styles that speak to your whole vibe without saying a word from cool sneakers that look good with everything. The easy sandals you'll want to wear on repeat. DSW has you covered. Find a shoe for every heel from the brands you love, like Birkenstock, Nike, Adidas, New Balance, and more. Head to your DSW store or visit DSW.com today. Still streaming Homberg's morning sickness [e-mail] There you go. Miles to nowhere. That is the second to last time we'll be hitting miles to nowhere on this show. Ouch. I guess maybe. No, we're going right in on it because these guys are done. They already sent it over. It's in the can, bro. That's right. It's in the can, Brady. That's right. Just like when you go to wiz.com eventually you say, it's in the can, bro. Oh, I still love the idea of them wrestling around in that bush together and then they. It's like the pina colada song for. For. Yeah, they're here to meet somebody else and turns out, oh, it was you all along. Why can't pedophiles just each other and talk about the things they like? I think they talk about the things they like a lot. I'm sure. But why can't they ever just be like, well, you shave and then I'll do it. Like next month I'll shave and then you can treat me like a tall twink and I'll treat you like a tall role play. Is it worth the risk of jail time to be that Deranged. When you could just have like, let's. Evidently, let's. I know. That's the thing that I don't get. It's like, let's have a pedophile convention, and I'll go up and I'll speak at it. I'll be like, all right, you sick, Listen up. I got an idea. I'm gonna get. Well, I'm gonna get you guys free razors for the rest of your life. And, like, we'll shave you, and then we'll narrow it and it'll be so smooth. You're gonna love this. And then you two can. You guys can all each other. And we'll dress up like, you know, Angus Young from AC DC and have you walking around like, all cutesy kid. And then you do that and leave the kids out of. Seems like an easy fix. I don't understand. And then wiz.com comes along, and moms are like, finally, my homeschooled boy's gonna have friends and a social life. Here's your AI Baby. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's just ridiculous. I was at a Walgreens a week or so ago, and I saw one of them homeschooled kids. And you can. You can spot them because they're like little Nosferatus. They haven't seen the sun in, like, ages. Or everything that moves is like, hey, what was that? You're all right. System just grabbing a heat spark. You're too close. Yeah, mom, you're too close to him. You're in his personal space. This kid needs someone in his personal space. Trust me, he's. Every second, he just shouts out a math 7 times 5 is 35. He's way too young to know anything, but he knows everything. He's like 5, and his mom's already teaching him calculus and stuff because they just won't stop. But he has got no social skills. Those are the ones that are moms. Like, he had a pizza party and we're gonna put it online and Nobody showed up. Wiz.com send them to Wiz. We are a show that helps people. I think we're inadvertently almost sometimes we just say things that help. And I think warning you about the dangers of whiz, the app for 12 year olds to meet other 12 year olds, the grinder for sixth graders. We all know the pitfalls of that, and we've taught you that. This morning, I get an email from a guy named Steve. And it says, as I have said in the past, listening to you guys makes my life better. You talked about cleaning your ass after surgery, John, which made me think. I'm having my right shoulder fixed next week. And based on what you said, reminded me to start practicing to clean my ass with my offhand. It took some time, but I'm getting pretty good at it going left and I have another week to practice. But you're right. A few rough days to start. It would have sucked trying to do this, not realizing how hard it is after the surgery. So thank you for the good information. It is imperative if you have an injury to your. And know which. I'm left hand dominant. I didn't even. I. I don't even. Most people don't even know. You have to think about how do I wipe my ass. I'm a lefty when it comes to that. I don't know why that is, but I am. And it's not easy. Go try practice that today just for fun. In case you get your arm lopped off. Try it. When you were you injured your wrist, were you southpaw? Did you go? Were you okay?

[Brett Vesely]

I had to. But it was. It was off.

[Byron]

Yeah, it was.

[Brett Vesely]

That's just a proper crazy at first. You're like, wait a minute. It's like I'm cheating on my ass.

[Byron]

Yeah. Yeah. It's like. Yeah, it's.

[Brett Vesely]

Strange back there.

[Byron]

It's like a blind guy. Yeah, it's pin the tail on the disgusting donkey. Because you are trying to get your. Your fist ends up involved like the back of your hand. It's like when a kid eats chicken wings. There's food all over the back of their hand. So if you just for fun today, when you take a dump, wipe with your offhand. It's tragic. It's tragic.

[Brett Vesely]

It's like baseball. You'll be more valuable if you can switch it.

[Byron]

You'll get a better contract later if you can. And then you'll have no fe.

[Brett Vesely]

Wiping, jerking, you know, everything. Switch it.

[Byron]

Oh, that was important too because the lefty tug was nearly impossible. But yeah. And you got to go over the top with it. It's like some weird person standing next. It's a stranger. It's called that for a reason. But you will make a bigger mess than you will clean anything the first three or four times. You'll understand my shower after method. It's. It's tragic. And I don't want to hear from all you ambidextrous types. Look at wife with both hands. Good for you. You're rare. Look, unicorn, knock it off. But try it later today. Brad. You're gonna. It's gonna be on your stomach. You won't even know why or how. It's just gonna. How did I get it up here? Your hand is like a blind man in the dark trying to clean an entire room he's never been in before. I just want to know what the left hand's thinking. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Where are we going here? What do we do? What are you doing? Hazy there starts batting it around like, no, I want out. And you're holding him hostage back there. So, Steve, good luck to you. I hope your shoulder surgery goes fantastic. You got a smart time to do it over the holidays. A couple weeks of no working. Nothing really to get lost on, but it's genius to start. They should do that at the Core Institute. They should say, all right, you're going to operate on your. They. They ask you, what's your dominant hand? I thought writing and throwing and like, my right. Like, all right, you'll be all right. We'll start by chopping up your left hand. I'm like, okay. My right hand going back there is a catastrophe. But I learned, and now I'm good with both. It's a mess. Yeah. That's the punishment in the Middle east, isn't it? I mean, if you get caught stealing, they cut your left hand off your left hand, your wife in hand. Yeah. Yeah. And I. I went. So you see that the right hand. It's humiliation on top of. Yeah, because then you. You're just a pariah socially. If you don't have a left hand, you're. And everybody knows. We. We used to know which one not to touch. There was a kid who came from the Middle east that went to Dobson High, and he. And he would laugh at people when we would. Because he didn't. I think he still did it. I think they made. They made way all the way over the US and he still had that kettle. They have a kettle that sit next to a hole in the ground. This is true. And they poured down the crack of their ass. And then the left hand just starts to scrubbing and then supposedly go out. Sure. But it is crucial in the Middle east to never touch a man's left hand. That's just a. It's just their way of going, this is the way it is. We all accept it from Middle East. Well, what? And then there's that. That's right, Brett. What? Or there's that. I'm not even gonna risk touching their right now.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm not now.

[Byron]

Either way, anyway, it's been. You know, I felt really bad last night. There was a. For the Steeler game, people came over. And we'll put a picture of Dale walking through my side door as soon.

[Brett Vesely]

As I get to the wake up.

[Byron]

So I will do that. It's a. It's a glass side door that goes into a little crash room before you get into the Steeler bar. And. And it's frosted glass, so just see an image of a human being on the other side of it. Dale took. Dale Hellstraight took a phone call on the other side of that. And behind it was my Merry Christmas light in the yard. And it was green, so it kind of glows back a little green. And then Dale's shadow in the window. I swear to God, if you had a child that would see that shadow and scream, Remember when Peewee Herman was walking down the street and Pee Wee's big adventure in a shadow like he saw? And it was just a. It was a tiny little mouse or whatever, but the shadow hit it, made it look Frankenstein. It's Frankenstein. His head is completely square. He's taking up from the top of the door down. It's seven feet. It's giant, squared off head. It's Frankenstein. It is absolutely Frankenstein. It's horrifying. And I saw it. And he stood there for, like, four minutes. And I said, guys, we stopped watching the game. Like, you gotta come see this. Like, Frankenstein's trying to break into my house. And everyone took pictures and we were laughing. And so we got that great one there. That one's courtesy of Nick, I believe. Got hold of the one that I'm putting online because it's the best one. It.

[Brett Vesely]

It looks like one of those Halloween images you throw in the window.

[Byron]

Yeah. Yes. If it's a screen or if you just had, like, a shadow cut out and you put. You. You decaled your window with it.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm gonna post it on Instagram right now.

[Byron]

Nick, Surjourner. I don't know how to say your name. Nick. He's the one who got the picture. It's a good one. And it was at the moment he was alive. He. Yeah, yeah. There's a guy across the street. Yeah. And he's just standing in the thing, and it is Frankenstein. And we laugh for half an hour. Horrifying. But after Dale came in, pizzas arrived from delicious Pat's Pizza. Plus, great food this week, Nick. Okay, Nick took the picture and paid this week, man. Or yeah, Nick paid this week. Or maybe Chris not Katero. Knock that Not a different guy. Yeah, different guy. Katero. And you'd have to reach in and get it. And Katero not paying for pizza. It's just like, hey, the pizzas are here. It's like, where'd Chris go? And he's in the back hiding in a den. He made alligator arms. Yeah. And then he comes back and gets it all.

[Brett Vesely]

But.

[Byron]

Yeah. So the pizza. Pizza got covered. No worries. But they. We ordered three, and they only brought two. So we got back on the horn there and said, I gotta bring a pie. And then Megan comes over and goes like, what's wrong? The third pizza's being delivered by someone named Saddam. I don't want it. I don't think I. My brain immediately went bigot. I don't want that. I don't want that. Saddam Pizza. No way. And sure enough, I go out to grab the pizza because I was already out front. And the guy comes up. There's two of them get out of the car. Two Saddams. And they wanted to get to the door. Like, I have to take a picture. I have to take a picture of it. I'm like, okay. It's like, I can hold it right here because I was in the driveway. There's no. It has to be at the door. Like, I don't want you that close to the house. So this might be a no. What is that? Why is the pizza making? Here's extra bag. Hold this bag. Merry effing holidays from the big red radio. Holmberg's morning sickness immediately. That's what my brain was doing. Couldn't have been a nicer guy, but he did go like this. Let's take a picture of the door. All right. And he looked like, my brain doesn't work right, Saddam.

[Brett Vesely]

It's.

[Byron]

Look, if someone named bin Laden was delivering your pizza, you'd be like. Like, you just. You held on to the name Saddam. Adolf can't deliver my pizza either. I'm Adolf. How are you? It's your pizza from pots Pizza. Plus you got to change your name, man. That's off putting. But Saddam, your pizza's being delivered by Saddam, like. And I'm looking for tape on the pizza box. It's not there. And I'm like, you want more ranch? I have ranch of ranch. This bag is ranch. You know, you'd have been curious if it's. Yeah, our driver Adolph is coming. Oh, I'd look. I'd looked at Saddam, but you got to change that name. And it's natural that you would feel like, oh, I should be I should be wary of this Saddam police pizza delivery. But. So, yeah. But then they got out of the car and I'm like, you look like two of the 19. Like, just like those pictures on September 12th that were in the paper. Skinny little dudes. This is a pizza pie. How's that going? Would you rather have. My name is Steve. Oh, no, I wouldn't know what Steve. But if it looked a picture and then the word Steve next to it, I'm like, I don't trust it. But I'm still. Saddam is like, I don't care. I'm proud of it all. I'm like, no, you can't be proud of the name Saddam. It's like when I went to Whole Foods that time, like in 2001, and I'm standing there and a dude went by dressed as bin Laden. I'm like, I get it. It's religious, but at least dye the beard. Don't go full, like, you know, salt and pepper, like the big boy. Has anyone ever told you you look exactly like bin Laden? Hitler ruined the mustache from the second he had it. Charlie Chaplin started it. Everybody thought it was cute. The second Hitler did it, it stopped being a thing forever and still hasn't made a comeback. Bin Laden had that big, bushy gray and black beard. And like, two years later, every hipster was doing the. Like. It was cool.

[Brett Vesely]

Dale is on our Instagram page.

[Byron]

Okay, perfect.

[Brett Vesely]

Check it out.

[Byron]

Bin Laden never ruined the beard at all. You'd think he would have. But Saddam, the name. It's over. That's over. And I understand. And this kid was probably 20 something. His parents knew better. You can't be named Saddam anymore. I don't care what it means in Arabic. I don't even know if that's right in your world. Saddam's no good. Just switch over to John or just Muhammad like everybody else. Kelly. Kelly's good. It's a good Middle Eastern name. No one will know. You can spell it funny with a little swirly over the Ls and then an I and a Y. Kelly, that's fine. Name stuff after movies. Like we do. Like Kala. And it was a. What's Superman's dad's name? Ka. L. Ka. L. Yeah. Or Jael. Jael, that's right. Yeah. That's a great one. But no more Saddams. Can't do it. Adolf out. The Germans recognized it right away and stopped naming people Adolf. Almost. Probably 1940, 46. They're like, no more of the Adolf names. That's over. They call everybody Kelly now. And then you have a bunch of Kelly's in German. So we all named Kelly. My parents were going to name us Adolf, but we've now a Kelly. You just know what my parents were thinking. And same down there in the Middle East. No more Saddams. And don't fly over here if your name's Saddam and keep it. Don't. It's. That's. That's not right. That's just not right. That's like Pole and going over to Cambodia and being named Pole. And like, you fly over there to live, you got to change your name to something else, like Jeff or Mo. Yeah, Mo. Yeah, do what. Do whatever you need to do to get rid of Mo is good. Mo's fine. My name is literally Saddam. But they had to change it because you guys have a beef. Yeah, we're still a little angry about that. We don't like him and we never did. You know, the water was unjust. Yeah. So be it. Either way, your guy was kind of a dick, so don't do that. We're kind of associated with some nasty stuff, so don't come over here all proud of that name. That's not a good one anymore. My name is Osama. No, no, no, no, no. You're done here. Your name is now Carl. You're Carl. Don't want to be Carl. I want to be Osama. Well, then you need to go home and be Osami. You can't be here. Yeah, that's good. I like that. I changed my name from Osama to Aussie. It's. It's close. I still enter to it almost immediately. But don't tell people your real name's Osama and go legally change that. Same with Saddams. If you're a Saddam and you're listening right now, odds are low that we have any. We're probably pretty low in the ratings with people named Saddam. I like corn. I like Pantera. What's your name? Saddam Hussein. No, I mean, people still give Barack trouble for. He was named Barack Hussein Obama way before we knew about Saddam. And people still beefed with him. He wasn't leading with it.

[Brett Vesely]

We're big in Djibouti. How are we in Tehran?

[Byron]

I mean, you know, no numbers. No numbers we're working on. Nielsen still doesn't have their clips out there, but I imagine that our idiot bosses up there in the bigwig chairs are like, you know, we have apps all over the world. I should probably target some of those people. Why are we so low in the ratings with Saddams let's spend a billion dollars on research on that. We need to pick up the Persian numbers. Sorry, Fitz, we gotta let you go. We gotta do a sadd. We're low with Tsunams.

[Brett Vesely]

How about we give away magic carpets?

[Byron]

That sounds like a great idea.

[Brett Vesely]

We'll boost them numbers right up.

[Byron]

Oh, and genie lamps. Genie lamps. Oh, we're gonna do great. I hate to say we're gonna kill it over there because they take that real serious, but how about pilot lessons? Just to take off. We'll do like KTAR does. I still think that's a good idea. KTR does the thing where they. If they. They do a secret code every once in a while, and they say, hey, morning, Maryvale. How you doing? And when they say that, if you're in Maryvale, you're supposed to check your emails, and then they bother you, and then one of you, like, wins. I don't know, free news. I don't know what they give away. Oh, that's how it works. Yeah. They give away, like, free news. Like, you get a couple stories nobody else gets.

[Brett Vesely]

Sharp's gonna come to your house and read you the news personally.

[Byron]

Yeah, Yeah, I guess they just go up on stage at, like, Dodge theaters. Hello, Phoenix? Here's some news. I don't know what their concerts are, but, yeah, they bug it. But I think we should do that with names and try to boost name ratings. Hey, morning, Saddams. Anybody? Saddam out there? You just got yourself some corn tickets. Morning, Saddams. Check your email. But they don't say that at kjr. It's all, we should do that on the DL. You're not supposed to know it's a game. They just sound crazy for a second talking to a city name. Hi, Tempe. I love you, Tempe. How you been, Tempe? Like, we get it. We know what you're doing. Way to make that natural. I guess it's time for me to start talking about surprise. I'm Ladonna Harvey. Morning. Surprise. I love surprise. I had to surprise on the rig. I go out there and I check out cigars and jock straps. The best jog strap store in the city. Surprise. And now back to fires and baby drownings. Hit it, Sharp. Thanks, Ladonna. Did I mention I like surprise?

[Brett Vesely]

Yes, you did.

[Byron]

You did.

[Brett Vesely]

Are we clear?

[Byron]

Are we clear? Crystal. Good. Now stand there in that news outfit and extend me a little courtesy. I'm Madonna Harvey. God damn it. What kind of circus are you running around here, Sharp? Anyway, we should do that with names. But we're low in the. If there is a Saddam listening, please, by all means email me. Tell me why you won't change it if there's an Osama listening. No, it's a proud tradition in my household to be Osama. But you realize that not anymore. I mean, there was a surname of Hitler until 1945, and then even those people had the decency to like add an S to the middle of histler and stuff. That's close, but. And then by 1970, we'd run out of Hitlers. There's a few hanging around, but they all act like him. They're proud of it. You got to be done with that. Also, I'm not going anywhere on New Year's Eve this year. News got me scared. That thing that they said in Los Angeles, they had all those devices, time to go off. Midnight, four of them. And they were going to blow up a bunch of stuff at midnight. And ISIS started to rear up again. It was down there in Australia shooting at people. And they're. Now we're finding stuff. And Pam Bondi was all proud of herself on the news yesterday. So we got four of them, like. Yeah, but that means there's more. You got four. They didn't. They don't stop at four there. That's. I'm staying home.

[Brett Vesely]

Aren't they canceling their stuff in Paris too, for New Year's? Yes, because of that.

[Byron]

Because you just don't know. I'm not. I'll go to Caliento 6 o' clock show and then I'm going home. I'm celebrating New Year's at noon. I'm gonna do the other 12. Happy New Year. With 12 hours to go, ISIS is dicking around again. And I'm not comfortable with that at all. So I want everybody to be careful. This is another reason I don't like that we legalize fireworks. It's because all that stuff's going off and you got all those noises and somebody starts popping off at the same time with a gun. And you don't even recognize it because there's too many hillbillies trying to not blow their hands off with homemade fireworks, being stupid. You don't even realize that that's the QT down the road exploding. It's. Yeah, that's. That's some crazy stuff. If you read about that. And I don't know if that was more propaganda to say, hey, we got somebody. But it scared me. I'm not gonna lie to you.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm.

[Byron]

These colors ran. This one just ran Right back into, like, well, cancel everything. I'm not. From the 28th, 28th to the second, I'm going in the dungeon. I'm not afraid. I am. I don't want to blow up. I don't mind dying, but I don't want to blow up. I don't walk these streets with thoughts of getting blown up. Like, if it. If somebody said, hey, we're thinking about blowing some stuff up. I'm gonna wait that out till. I don't know. Nobody blows anything up on January 5th. Right. Well, I mean, I was sixth. Almost gonna say, yeah, nobody. Like, really. Terrorists don't. Like, you gotta wait for days like that. But they had four of them, and they were timed, and they had a plan, and they had all this stuff. Mary effing holidays from the big red radio, Holmberg's morning sickness. But those dudes might have been the decoy. I always think if you catch them, there's something else you didn't catch that's gonna go too. Might not be as big, but it's gonna be something. Screw that. No thanks. ISIS has been quiet. Suddenly they're, like, popping off first day of Hanu. I got New Year's Eve stuff. Nope. And that's why you got to change your name from Saddam if you're my pizza delivery driver. Because I'm on edge. I don't want to be a bigot, but I am. And I have to admit that I see Saddam the pizza delivery driver. I have. My little red flag goes up. He seemed very nice, but that's part of the plan, isn't it? Delivered it with a Lamborghini. I mean, it wasn't nice. It was a big. It was a. It had a 50 cal on top. It was a Volkswagen bug. And Christopher Lloyd was in my cul de sac, screaming, the Libyans. But Marty, the Libyans are bringing pizza. I don't know. Dak Run, Marty, it's Saddam. I'm like, I'm just getting the pizza. He was very adamant about getting close to the house. Which, again, my inner bigot was like, I've got it. No, I have to take the picture by the house. And there's light by the house. Like, yeah, there's light by the house. All right. Anyway. All right, follow me. I got cameras, by the way. Oh, do tell me these things. I'm just telling you just in case. My cue had Dale in the doorway. Oh, no. It was the mountain of a man. We must hit him with the planes. Little prop planes start flying into Dale. Little drones. Hey, Johnny, what's going on here? I don't know. Saddam the pizza guy started droning stuff into you. It's as big as World Trade Center. Take him down. Anyway, I don't like it. It's a thing, though. Be careful, everybody. I need you back here for January. Especially if we're going to start this name game. We need to be better with people named. Yeah, like, nobody named their kid Orenthal after 1993. I guarantee you, like, OJ's not ever going to be a thing again. You're not going to risk it. I know one. But he's right. He is younger than. But even if his. Yeah, if he's younger than, his name's oj. He goes by Orn. You have an Orenthal? Yeah. Where did you meet a young Orenthal? Golfing. A young man named Orenthal? Yeah. He's younger than OJ's murder or younger than OJ, Ray Allen's accountant. Oh, he's older than the murders, though. Yeah, yeah, right around. He's younger. I said after 95. Nobody named it. Yeah, yeah, 94, 95. Yeah. He was probably 15 during the murders. Oh, yeah, that doesn't count. You could be an OJ before that. But if you're oj and you're 26, your parents were dicks. His name's Otis John Thompson. O.J. thompson. Really? You're doing this? OJ Thompson, You're a dick. He goes by oj. Nobody goes by that anymore. We're done with that. That you can't be OJ anymore. Can't be Adolf, can't be Saddam, can't be Osama, and he can't be oj. You just can't. Like, those are standout names. You can be Ted, you can be, you know, Jeffrey, Jeff. Yeah, those are too common. They can't get. But if you're Nest. If your last name is like Hammer, you can't be Jeff. You gotta know better.

[Brett Vesely]

No, Richard Ramirez.

[Byron]

No. No, you don't. Especially if you're throwing in the middle name of the killer. Richard Ramirez Thompson.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, I'm Dick.

[Byron]

Actually, I like to go by Dick Ramirez. I'm the day stalker. It's a little twist on the fun game. Yeah, you can't do it. But don't you have. Brady knew an Orenthal, but that was even then. That's weird. But you shouldn't know an orenthal anymore. Post 95, and Orenthal's right out. Even if it's just. Oh, if it's Oscar, Jeffrey you know, Lanson, you can't do it. Just call emoji. Nobody's gonna do that. That's. That. That's dead in America forever and should be. So be careful. Saddam, the pizza guy. Pizza tasted pretty good. I think he was all right, but pretty, pretty, pretty good. I didn't trust it. I looked at it, I was like, okay, so now if you're bringing me pizza, I get it. It's funny. But can we just take the pizza back to pets and bring over a. Can I get a white delivery guy? Even a black Saddam? Yeah. Be more comfortable if you just changed your name. You're like Larry David. Like, dumb Jew that. Come on, don't do that. It's pretty good pizza, though. Pizza from Saddam. Saddam's Pizza. He would never have a pizza place. Like, what if that's his goal? I start delivering pizza for Pat. Learn the ins and outs and start Saddam's Pizza Palace. Like, no, you can't do that. Don't know how well that's gonna work. You're never gonna have your own place. Although Brady would go in. I gotta check out Saddam's double pea.

[Brett Vesely]

Give me a slice.

[Byron]

Welcome to Saddam's Pizza Palace. Can I help you? Our pizzas are the bomb. Oh, God. You think you're using a little too much oil? That is rightist. I'll be quiet. We have you set up cave for four. Get a nice cave over here. This is beautiful. Cave. All the land tables are caves. Yes. You go inside with the farmers and the goats in Egypt. How authentic. Is this how they eat pizza in the Middle East? It's precisely now. Shut the door. Got him his pressure cooker. Yes. Yes, it's. It's stereotypical, but it's what your brain does, and I don't like to ignore that. What do you got on the big board of musical treats there? And Cranston Munger just emailed me something terrible. Cranston, you're a horrible man. And I have to acknowledge that. That made me laugh. And I'm gonna throw up on you. What do you got?

[Brett Vesely]

All right. Wake up Song brought to you by, of course, Action Ride Shop. Giving it to you guys for Christmas. That's right. It is time to get those Christmas presents ready. And, you know, no better place to get your beach cruiser to cruise around the neighborhood. Or just, you know, follow the kids around, ride the canals, whatever. But 20 off all in stock beach cruisers right now at Action Ride Shop. Plus, don't forget, winter is coming. Even though it was 80 the other day, it's still getting cold up north.

[Byron]

So winter is coming.

[Brett Vesely]

That's right. You want to get the skis, the snowboards, the bindings, the boots, everything. Action Ride Shop is your place to be. Actionrideshop.com they're going to take care of you.

[Byron]

This guy says he stopped at a Loves truck stop last week from Michigan to Iowa. And the manager that was there had a name tag that said Whitler. He said, they're still around. His name tries. It's pronounced Whiteler. Please don't. Whatever says Whitler. I think you just put a W in front of it, you jerk. All right.

[Brett Vesely]

On the list, WASPs for some reason. Alice in Chains. Frogs. Except Black Sabbath. Motorhead. Born to Raise Hell for Trump. Anthrax. Edgar Winner. Frankenstein for Dale. Electric Call Boy. Nine Inch Nails, Metallica, ac, dc, Soundgarden, and Pantera.

[Byron]

Yeah, that picture of Dale on our Instagram is going to make you go, okay. It'll send a chill down an adult spine. If you didn't know who that was and that walked up to your door and you didn't expect anybody.

[Brett Vesely]

12 gauge.

[Byron]

12 gauge. You'd hide. The kids immediately go, jesus. They invented one.

[Brett Vesely]

Break out the torches and the pitchforks.

[Byron]

His. His silhouette is.

[Brett Vesely]

I got it on Facebook now, too. So it's both. It's on our social.

[Byron]

Flat top of the head. He's on the phone. So on the other side of the door, you just hear. It's like, oh, Jesus, it's coming to life. Fire bad. Shut the door. Dale, get away from the light. I don't care. Brett, Pick one.

[Brett Vesely]

I like the Metallica or the Motorhead myself.

[Byron]

Which Metallica?

[Brett Vesely]

I'm seeing the day that never comes.

[Byron]

Oh, yeah. You know, we haven't heard that in a while. I like that one. All right. Day that never comes. Okay, let's do that. Welcome to Muhammad PI. Can I help you? Yeah, I'll have a pep mush. No pep. Oh, ham and pumpkin. No ham. Bacon. Bacon. Anything like that. No bacon. What toppings do you have? Goat. You have goat? Goat toppings. Goat and pineapple.

[Brett Vesely]

Goat cheese, too.

[Byron]

Goat cheese. We have goat cheese. That's right. We use goat mozzarella. Mozzarella. Listen to the wall. Those Whop zat. Ziki is Greek. You son of a. Don't confuse the. The stereotypes. Tzatziki is not Middle East. It's Greek. I would never eat. I would never eat some of that anal rape. Greek is disgusting. What is wrong with you? Sorry about that. He's new. Anyway, gold pineapple, goat cheese.

[Brett Vesely]

Still training.

[Byron]

You don't have sausage? No sausage. Goat. Baba ganoush. He's brand new. I have to apologize. Baba ganoush is a. They don't serve that either. Just goat pizza served on bread, unblessed.

[Brett Vesely]

It's like the Olympia Bar from Saturday Night Live.

[Byron]

No Coke? Pepsi? There's just Pepsi and goat. I'll have a Meat Lovers. That's just goat with extra goat. I'll have that. This cheese isn't bad. That's right. Eat the pizza by. Welcome to Muhammad's. Muhammad's Pizza. I can't do it. I would. Muhammad Pie. I could eat Muhammad pie. Although I probably would. You go in. I'm asking you.

[Brett Vesely]

Muhammad Pie. Oh, why would I do that?

[Byron]

You would. I could find out what they make for pizza over there. You'd go into Muhammad Pie for sure. Look at him smiling. You started to smile uncontrollably. Yeah. Where is it? I wouldn't go to Muhammad Pie. Names are big for like, even like places to eat Muhammad Pie. Saddam's Pizza Palace?

[Brett Vesely]

No.

[Byron]

No. We just sort of go to the basic cheese pizza if you want to, but we call that the Larry Boring. Cheese pizza is called the Larry. It's just a Middle Eastern cheese crisp. What are you doing? Put topping on it. And by the way, could you get your woman out of here? I can see her ankles. I'm going to throw up from the whole skin. Sorry about that. Yeah, Ronnie, go act in the car. Then your whore ankles are out. Put some socks on. We'll put a big sock on. And then that beekeeper outfit we have, go get that. Or we can't get one of the caves. He won't let us sit down. Is she menstruating? If she's menstruating, you have to burn the building down. I don't know. You're menstruating, Ronnie. She's not. We have river and back there's a big red river. She go back a little bit deeper in the river and then sent her down with her horror. Menstruation cycle. Get her out. She makes me sick with all of that face and skin and hands and such. Anyway, sit down. Pizza got delivered to my house last night. It's 7:26. I don't want any problem with him. He was a nice man. I'm just saying that. Call me crazy, but I think I'm like all the rest of us. That made me think. You can't not notice that your driver's name is Saddam.

[Brett Vesely]

So are you more scared of Saddam coming to the door or Dale Hundred percent.

[Byron]

Yeah, Saddam. Saddam looked like he's all right. It just made me think. I'm still bigoted towards the name. It's Metallica right there. It's the day that never comes. It's 98 Arizona's most powerful rock radio station, he said. Fully erect. 98 Verbo last minute deals make chasing fresh mountain powder incredibly easy. With thousands of homes close to the slopes, you can easily get epic Pow freshies, first tracks and more. No need for months of planning. In fact, you can't even plan. Pow Pow is on its own schedule. Thankfully, somewhere in the world it's always snowing. All you have to do is use the last minute filter on the app to book a last minute deal on a slope side private rental home. Book [e-mail].