12-19-25 - Convincing Brady To Not Help Family Beggars And Grifters That You Haven't Seen Since Your Teens - 12-17-24 - BO

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness – Arizona

Episode Date: December 19, 2025
Episode Title: Convincing Brady To Not Help Family Beggars And Grifters That You Haven't Seen Since Your Teens

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Overview

In this episode, the HMS crew (John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo) dives into a heated, hilarious, and sometimes biting discussion about the boundaries of family obligation—particularly when it comes to requests for money from distant or estranged relatives. The main focus is convincing Brady to stop sending money to barely-connected family members (the so-called “beggars and grifters”) he hasn’t seen or spoken to meaningfully since his youth. Through banter, tough love, and real talk, the crew explores what really constitutes “family,” how to handle guilt trips, and where to draw the line.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The “Room Rule”: Proximity Defines Relationship

Main Idea: If you haven’t actually been in the same room as someone for a year, they’re not close enough for you to owe them money or presents.

• John: “If I haven't been in the same room as someone else, they don't get a present. They don't even get a card, maybe a text.” (00:41)
• Extends to donating and gifting: Explains how distant relationships, even those cemented by blood, don’t warrant financial obligation if genuine connection is absent.

2. Charity Scams and Distant Family Requests

• The show compares distant relatives’ requests for help to impersonal charity fundraisers that rely on emotional manipulation (like children’s sponsorships).
  • John: “You can do a Google image search and see if he's on Angola's most wanted list…and then you stop sending that kid 10 cents a day. It's dumb.” (01:38)
• The difference between a real emergency (where you would show up in person) versus mass “family asks” via text or email.
  • John: “If they've got cancer and you didn't think to go, wow, this is almost it. I've got to fly out to this person and be with them, then they didn't matter that much to you either.” (03:10)

3. Personal Story: Brady’s Dilemma

• Brady describes receiving a group text requesting money for a struggling cousin’s cancer treatment.
• He debates the legitimacy and personal responsibility, admitting minimal contact with the cousin:
  • Brady: “Probably every five months...Just a text. Those don't count.” (04:38–05:04)
• John’s assessment: Texting is insufficient for true care. “Texting is a way to go, 'Ah, got that out of the way.' It's an impersonal way of staying in touch.” (05:10)
• Brady sent $200 anyway—despite not being close—and it was returned.

4. Calling Out Family “Grifters” and Dynamics

• John breaks down Brady’s story, identifying the cousin’s side as the “questionable” or “hillbilly” relatives.
  • John: “This is the side like, 'Alright, these people again.' These are the ones you all talk about, like, oh boy, what's going on in there?” (07:07)
  • Bret: "You're not palling around with those…the mom's got a house with no wheels on it, so that's stable." (10:37–10:40)
• They poke fun at the idea of always being asked for help by the same side of the family, especially when contact is sporadic and shallow.
• The show draws a parallel with “Cousin Eddie” from Christmas Vacation—the classic mooching relative scene.

5. Comparing Loyalty: Friends vs. Family

• John: “Blood doesn't count that much because if you haven't visited them in 20 years in their home, they didn't matter that much to you in the first place. That's just true.” (20:43)
• Discusses how genuine friendship and regular interaction define real relationships and obligations over mere blood ties.

6. The Right Way to Ask for Help

• Group emails/impersonal mass asks are “rube moves,” lacking real connection or humility.
  • John: “That's a rube move. That's why you know what you do when you need money? You reach out, you call. You don’t do a…swath email.” (14:14)
• Emphasizes the importance of a personal, direct ask if the relationship is real.

7. Tough Love From Friends—Setting Brady Straight

• The crew declares, as his friends, it’s their duty to protect Brady from getting guilted into helping “grifters.”
  • John: “We have run up as friends. You've got to stop doing this. Just like we would that Scottsdale lady. If she had any friends, they would be like, don’t send that guy any more money…” (16:44)
• Insist: if confronted with a request from long-lost family, consult the group.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

“The Room Rule”

• John (01:15): “If I haven't been in a room with you. In fact, if you haven't spent any significant time with that person, they're not a member of your family. You don't send them cash…You have to be in a room with a person for them to matter in your life at least once in a calendar year.”

On Distant Relatives Asking for Help

• John (02:47): “Somebody you know has cancer…Have you been in a room with them in the last year? Nope. They get nothing from me. Go yourself. Who would ask that?...A grifter makes that call.”

Texts vs. Meaningful Contact

• John (05:04): “Those don’t count. You have to talk to a person. You have to actually have a moment with that person or you don’t care about them at all.”

The “Questionable” Family

• John (08:07): “Come on, Brady. What? Even he’s falling for a skin. These are red flags everywhere. I can see it on your face that this is the hillbilly side of the family without you having said it.”

Comparing Family to Friends

• John (20:43): “Blood doesn’t count that much because if you haven’t visited them in 20 years in their home, they didn’t matter that much to you in the first place.”

On Handling Requests for Help

• John (14:14): “That’s a rube move. That’s why you know what you do when you need money? You reach out, you call. You don’t do a…swath email.”

On Defending Brady

• John (16:44): “We have run up as friends. You’ve got to stop doing this…We’re your friends. We’re telling you right now. They’re grifters.”

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Important Segment Timestamps

• 00:41–02:10: The “room rule” and distancing family gifts.
• 05:00–06:10: Dissection of Brady's communication with his cousin and why quick texts aren’t meaningful.
• 07:00–10:00: John exposes Brady’s embarrassing side of the family with humor.
• 14:10–16:44: Critique of group requests for help and the right way to reach out for assistance.
• 20:40–21:50: Reflection on the meaning of family and the limits of loyalty.
• 27:49–28:24: Jokes about food cards and helping for basics, with added fun about Arkansas’s cost of living.
• 32:59–34:20: Joking about future family requests and concluding wisdom on boundaries.

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Style and Tone

The discussion is irreverent, direct, and laced with sarcasm. The crew jokes relentlessly and uses tough love—especially on Brady—mixing humor with real talk about the complexity of family obligation, guilt, and boundaries.

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Summary Takeaway

If you’re not genuinely close—defined by real, in-person, meaningful contact—don’t feel obligated to send money to family just because you share DNA. Texts don’t count. Mass emails and crowdfunding for family emergencies without personal connection are red flags. Rely on your real friends for sense checks, and don’t let guilt or nostalgia override your common sense. As John sums up: “Blood doesn’t count that much because if you haven’t visited them in 20 years in their home, they didn’t matter that much to you in the first place. That’s just true.” (20:43)

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For Anyone Who Hasn’t Listened: This episode is a must for anyone who’s ever felt pressured by family—especially during the holidays or a crisis. With sharp comedy and honest advice, Holmberg and crew tackle universal anxieties about guilt, obligation, and saying no, while never letting Brady off the hook. Expect to laugh—and maybe call your friends for a reality check, next time the family email chain comes begging.

Transcript

[A]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought.

[B]

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[B]

That's why that one charity sends you a picture of the kid that you're helping.

[A]

Right? Right.

[B]

In Africa.

[A]

And then bio.

[B]

And they write you a little letter.

[A]

You can do a Google image search and see if he's on a thank.

[B]

You for the white powder.

[A]

Yeah, Angola's most wanted list. And then you stop sending that kid 10 cents a day. It's dumb. You're just dumb. And yeah, I'm going to go so far as to say if you haven't been in a room with someone for a year, they don't get any money or presents. If it's been over a year that you've actually spent any significant time with that person, they're not a member of your family. You don't send them cash or you don't Send them presents. That's it. You have to be in a room with a person for them to matter in your life at least once in a calendar year.

[B]

What would you say to. If they were sick? Say what if they got sick and they. The person.

[A]

Yeah. Okay.

[B]

And I would say even a relative. So relative gets sick and how sick? Cancer.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So they're going through. They're going through chemo.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And they don't have the money.

[A]

They've been laid up for a while.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they don't have the money for what?

[B]

To they got hospital bills that have.

[A]

Somebody you know has cancer.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And hospital bills that have piled up. Have you been in a room with them in the last year?

[B]

Nope.

[A]

They get nothing from me. Go yourself. Who's. Who would ask that? Hi. I know I haven't talked to you in a year. You haven't meant anything to me for over 12 months. Grifter. I need money. A grifter makes that call. Damn. Right. Now you can say if you've been in touch with them over, like if it's been a long term, they're out of town and you're constantly touches.

[B]

Basically hearing on a birthday or.

[A]

Sure. But if they've got cancer and you didn't think to go, wow, this is almost it. I've got to fly out to this person and be with them, then they didn't matter that much to you either.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

See, these are.

[B]

No, I disagree with it.

[A]

You don't think so if you don't. If a person's like, I haven't even seen them. They got cancer, you know, because I have.

[B]

Yeah. I have a cousin that went through this.

[A]

I have. I have an uncle that has it and I want to go back to see him.

[B]

It was a. You know, one of those texts that went to everyone in the family.

[A]

Right. You're on a. Yeah. You're on a mass email.

[B]

And you knew in the back, you know, that she had been. She and her husband have been struggling for years, but they've never really asked.

[A]

Right. They hit the whole family up. Yep. The whole at Mass email was like a. Donate a dollar if you want.

[B]

If you would like to. It was from her mom. That's saying if you feel this way that you know, if you'd like to kick in. Because right now, in order to do this, they need some coverage for. Because he, you know, they're out of war.

[A]

Sure, sure.

[B]

And it's basically not for the medical side. It's to cover.

[A]

When's the last time you actually Spent time with this. This group, let alone talk to him on the phone or on the phone. I don't care about her. Mom. When did you reach out to this person and say, I just have to get in contact with you. I can't wait to spend time with you? It's been years.

[B]

Even a text.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

A text.

[A]

That wasn't. That wasn't to say I'm sick.

[B]

Probably every five months.

[A]

You talk to this person every five months? Yeah.

[B]

Text.

[A]

Okay. And it's just a happy birthday.

[B]

Or is it.

[A]

That doesn't count.

[B]

Okay, then a substantial conversation.

[A]

Yeah. Just to go. I haven't talked to you forever. Gotta catch up. We're so close.

[B]

I saw so and so did this.

[A]

I think the world to you. I can't wait to talk to you. What's going on in your life?

[B]

Maybe twice a year, you.

[A]

You do actually make that phone call and sit and chat with them.

[B]

Not a phone call.

[A]

No, just a text. Those don't count. You have to talk to a person. You have to actually have a moment with that person or you don't care about them at all. Yeah, because texting is a way to go. Ah. Got that out of the way. It's an impersonal way of staying in touch. It's like a Facebook post. Yeah, I saw you. We. We've done our due diligence, but if you're not. Yeah, I'm not sending money to anybody.

[B]

So I sent her some money.

[A]

Oh, yeah? How much?

[B]

Like 200 bucks.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Nothing big. She sent it back.

[A]

Not your money, you filthy bastard.

[B]

Yeah, she ran a Ponzi and I got my money back. No, she sent it back and said, I don't need it now.

[A]

That's nice.

[B]

On the one thing that's good for her.

[A]

That's a good thing. I still wouldn't have sent it to her, but I.

[B]

But I don't know if that was. I don't know if everyone else got that in the family. She could have been sent enough money to cover everything she got her.

[A]

You know, she sent it back to.

[B]

You, but that was good. Yeah.

[A]

Or maybe your measly amount wasn't good enough for her. $200 here.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Keep the change. I don't know. I just know that I have family.

[B]

Members, you know, it was like 1200.

[A]

Yeah. Family members that come out of the woodwork. Twelve hundred dollars for cancer.

[B]

It was for basically, like, rent for the. The month she got.

[A]

And her mom laid off. Hold on.

[B]

Her mom, he got laid off.

[A]

The whole family got hit up. For 1200 bucks.

[B]

Right off the bat. Yeah. I mean, he's in that family.

[A]

Something going on there that doesn't. That's not. That's just to test who's going to send what.

[B]

Well, I think you're right. You're not something else that was going on.

[A]

Yeah. You're trying to be nice.

[B]

I think the reason why mom had sent that out is because she's been through the. The ringer over the years as far as.

[A]

All right, I'm reading off of you. You're trying to be really nice. This is a group in your family that's a bit questionable. These are the ones that. This is the side like. All right, these people again. Yeah, I'm getting that off some mental problems. Okay, you're telling me that this is the one that you all talk about, like, oh, boy, what's going on in there?

[B]

Where to get this procedure done?

[A]

Okay, this is. This is the nut bag side of the family. And you're trying to make it seem like they're the normal ones. I'm going to read the room right now. Brady. These are the people you all talk about.

[B]

200 makes it go all the way.

[A]

This is another thing that you're also. This is the one that when they show up to the Christmas party, you hide the nice silver and you keep them away from stuff. These are the. These are the yokels. You're not. Yeah, this is. This is the group that you guys probably don't invite, but text and say, hope you guys have a great holiday. Where'd you spend it? No, they're still on the 22nd.

[B]

They're still invited.

[A]

I know, but when they show up, things change. They're not the.

[B]

You don't have to hide your silver.

[A]

You gotta. You gotta. You're. Everybody's on edge when the gypsies show up. These are the gypsies of the Bogan house. I can see it in your eyes. You. You try to be really nice and act like. But I'm right here. I can tell you why. I know that.

[B]

And I've had.

[A]

The rent is twelve hundred dollars. I know exactly what I'm doing.

[B]

It's in Arkansas. So.

[A]

Come on, Brady. What? Even he's falling for a skin. These are red flags everywhere. I can see it on your face that this is the hillbilly side of the family without you having said it. I caught it. And then he tells us they're from Arkansas. Stop funding their weed problem. They're having a bad crop.

[B]

They're out of that.

[A]

I'M not talking about that. They're having a bad crop year. You just funded some sort of a meth thing there. You don't talk to these Arkansas people twice a year. You give them a text now and again going, hey, good to talk. And they text you, hey, cousin Brady, they're not from Arkansas.

[B]

Well, I guess more or less.

[A]

They said they were.

[B]

Yeah. That's where they're living. They move there.

[A]

Who does that? That's worse.

[B]

You know what? They are from Arkansas.

[A]

Will you just admit that this is a poor side of your family that you really would rather not deal with? Just say it. Your face says it. Those two back your Missy Elliott jacket.

[B]

The other side, there was a part there saying, well, mom could fund this. Her mother.

[A]

Right? Anytime you're begging the family for money and you come from the hillbilly side of the family, the whole family talks about you. I guarantee you, you text Bunny or called or goes, what's the deal over there with Jed and his wife?

[B]

That's what I did.

[A]

Of course. This is human nature, Amy.

[B]

I text my sister.

[A]

Yeah. Did you get hit up?

[B]

Are you throwing in on this to.

[A]

The hillbillies that we don't really like, but we kind of have to tolerate we like them? Okay.

[B]

What did they say about Jethro and Ellie May over there in Arkansas?

[A]

You're not making any. If these people said, hey, we're coming out to Phoenix, we'd love to see you. First thing you're thinking is, when are they coming? And how do I tell them they can't stay here?

[B]

She lived with me for six months.

[A]

When?

[B]

26 years ago.

[A]

That was when you were an idiot, too. You wouldn't do that.

[B]

Helping out a cuz.

[A]

Yeah, that's helping out a cuz. An Arkansas cuz.

[B]

You know, Cousin Eddie's gonna be parking his motorhome in Brady's driveway next week.

[A]

That's exactly what this is. It's Christmas vacations. Cousin Uncle Tim did that already. It's. It's Cousin Eddie. You're not paying 34 footer. He's trying as hard as he can to be nice about it, but this is the part of the family that you don't really like. If they kind of all just stop talking to you, you wouldn't make a great effort to go. God, I haven't spoken to them for how they're. You don't want to go to Arkansas and visit them in their twelve hundred. No, you don't. You're not staying in that twelve hundred dollar a month. Apartment.

[B]

Does the mom.

[A]

No, no, you don't want to be.

[B]

These people got the.

[A]

All right, all right. We're talking about the two that need the money.

[B]

Pretty fun.

[A]

You're not palling around with those.

[B]

The mom's got the house with no.

[A]

Wheels on it, so she that's stable. He got foundation Bert and running water. Yeah, you are. You are talking about the Hill Jack Nasty part of your family and you won't admit it. Good. Weed up. All right. You don't smoke weed. You don't want to go to Ark. I've not. I've known you for a long time. You've never once said can't wait to get to Arkansas. That haven't talked to Arkansas used to be when you were 11 in high school. You're 70, Brady, for Christ's sake. That was back in the Kennedy administration. We're not talking about that now. When you're 11, everywhere is fun. When you're a grown up, you don't make trips to Arkansas. Which I also know after having known you for now 30 years, you've never gone.

[B]

I haven't.

[A]

I know I want to.

[B]

They're not me to work camp.

[A]

They're not that important to you. This guy, he's worse than the lady. We were talking about getting scammed out of the 30 grand because you won't admit what's happening.

[B]

The flag lady over here.

[A]

Exactly. The hillbilly rubes of your family. Or you can't dismiss them cause you got that tie back. And you'd be. How come cousin David Brady don't talk at us no more? I don't know. You ask for money every time. It's seen you in 30 years. We got us cancer. My wife's got consumption. So we need $200. Cancer should cost more than that. My first red flag is that cancer should be more than 1,200 bucks. We're in trouble. If you don't send us a couple of Ben Franklins, there's gonna be you here.

[B]

Anything will help.

[A]

Anything helps. Just betwixt you and I. Brady, the cancer's eating the insides out of my wife and I need about $75 to fix it. That sounds like a meth buy. Nope.

[B]

I can't believe you sent over to the Jack. I mean, like we went to that wedding. You got fed for you and your wife. And you gave a six month deal on that not giving a gift. And you talk to that dude more than you talk to this cousin.

[A]

I better see some goddamn baldness out of this cousin before before you fire over $200. If you waited after being fed and housed for two hours and entertained to a certain degree at a wedding you refused to spend any money on. And you actually saw that guy seven or eight times, way more often than these Arkansas tumors.

[B]

That's not true. That is true. Growing up, we saw your cousins way.

[A]

Beyond the words growing up.

[B]

That's.

[A]

I don't care. 50 plus years ago, you're not hanging out.

[B]

If it's 25 plus years that you were seeing them on the reg.

[A]

That's not growing up. That's well into your adulthood.

[B]

Okay, well, I still consider that you.

[A]

Were not going to work camp in your 20s. You were here. I knew you. You had moved here like you were 26, 27. You weren't going back to Arkansas anymore.

[B]

And they weren't, you know, in Arkansas at one time.

[A]

Either way, you can defend your hillbillies. They're asking for 200. We're saying no. You asked the question. Because you're like, I won't.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You didn't want to give.

[B]

So my. My deal is, I guess it was a cousin.

[A]

Right?

[B]

You know, and you can't separate. They need some money. They're hard.

[A]

How is this different than the lady in Scottsdale going? He's a friend. Because it's blood. Wow. You're an idiot. You're gonna. You're gonna lose all your money.

[B]

But I've never had to. And I haven't.

[A]

You. You didn't have to this time. And you did. And yes, you did.

[B]

Well, I center there, but it came back.

[A]

Yeah, they didn't even want your stupid money. Your blood money don't mean nothing. So good desert lizard. Keep it. I don't care who you are right there. That 200 ain't gonna fix nothing. You take your 200, shove it up your desert ass, boy. Anyway, it's a lot to beg for money in a group text. Yeah, that's a rube moon. That's why you know what you do when you need money? You reach out, you call. You don't do a absolutely swath email. Yeah. Because they don't really don't feel that close to you.

[B]

Circulation. Wait a minute. Why are they starting this? And then they don't feel that close to you. She's like, don't send money.

[A]

So the lady. So the two people that are in trouble, one of them isn't family. One of them just married in. Yeah. Was the last time you hung out with that one in Florida about been a long time. Yes. Probably Seen that person?

[B]

Oh, I saw him one time before.

[A]

That one at a wedding or something once. Maybe. He's from Brooklyn, bro. You didn't like him?

[B]

Oh, no, I like him.

[A]

No, he's got to say that, but he didn't like. Yo, that's not the way you introduce your friends to your. He's from Brooklyn, bro. That means he was an arrogant prick.

[B]

I. I exaggerate that, but yeah, I know.

[A]

I know. Why? I don't know. You're protecting. They may be. Listen, listening, Arkansas people. Brady's not a big fan, or he'd go visit you, and you are not a big fan of his, or you'd come visit him. But you don't have enough money. I can tell you that right now. You need to focus on two things. Curing your cancer, getting a better job, more than $1,200 a month. You're an adult, for Christ's sake. And anybody else that puts out a mass email to their whole family going, hey, kick in, we're sick. It's their rubes. So the verdict is in. Brett, we dismissed them from Brady's life forever. Yeah, at this point where they're canceled. Sorry. Yeah, we're done. We got to protect our friends. And that's what we always say about these ladies who get duped. Where were her friends? Where were her friends? To the nonsense that Missy Elliott over here is talking the whole time with. No, they're family. I grew up with them 48 years ago. I saw them and played with them in a forest once. And that for some reason, I have to owe them money later. Nope, we're your friends. We're telling you 50 plus years later. We're telling you right now. They're grifters. And it's time to just go, yeah, nice to talk to you. And that's about it. The postcard, the text on a birthday, if. Yeah, that's about it. Shane, we have. We have. We have run up as friends. You've got to stop doing this. Just like we would that Scottsdale lady. If she had any friends, they would be like, don't send that guy any more money until you're in a room with him. Once you're not in love, he's not in love with you. You can't have a relationship without having at least spent a day together. It's incomplete. And it certainly isn't something you send money to. End of story. Period. Stop. Every calendar year.

[B]

I like that.

[A]

You know, at least call if you need money. You gotta call person. If I'm begging you for money.

[B]

I hate doing this.

[A]

Now, I'm not doing the whole, hey, guess who's got cancer group, you know, put 13 people, unless we're dying of cancer, can't make our rent this month. We need 1200 bucks from you guys. Any one of you will do if we go. If we exceed our amount, we'll send back the straggler. So in a way, you did a good thing. You probably waited six or seven days and then sent your 200 bucks.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Because then you were last on the list and they already hit their mark, so they're going to give that back. The suckers were the ones who jumped in immediately. That's tough.

[B]

We all communicated first.

[A]

Sure. You all talked about them. The rubes are in trouble. Are they? And which one did you have to say? Hey, is that guy still got a little drug issue or is he still drinking too much? No, no, he's on that. Are you sure?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What was the conversation about? Like, why were you worried this was a grift?

[B]

Because it started out on crowdfunding or.

[A]

Oh, so they went to society, set.

[B]

Up an account venue, and then he stepped in. He's like, no, no, no, we're not doing this account.

[A]

If you want to, we're just gonna ask your family.

[B]

Yeah, they don't want to pay the fees. Yeah, that's what I said. Or who is the person in the crowdfund. Yeah, exactly. Grifter.

[A]

Well, if you've canceled your Arkansas, I know it means a lot to you, but don't taint your beautiful childhood memories of Arkansas by continuing to converse with these dumb mother that are begging you for money. $1,200 for Kansas.

[B]

They're not UA. People get away from that.

[A]

That's exactly right. If they lived in ua, they'd be hillbillies, and you would not take them to Sciota.

[B]

They're not. Yeah, they're not on that 1%. Yeah, they'd be in Toledo. They'd be in Toledo.

[A]

You would? Yeah, you would. The Rah Rah room. Would I take them? Absolutely not. They're not getting in. They're your Toledo. You go two for Tuesday. You might. If they're in town, you'll two for Tuesday, but you're not. Yeah, it's like. So where are you guys staying? We got a place over here at the Glen. It's Glendale, and we're out there. That's nice. I'll meet at the Applebee's over there on 7th Street. We'll get a two for Tuesday. I love them. I knew you would. And then we'll go our separate ways. You'd pop in, have a. An uncomfortable lunch with this family. You're not having them stay for a week and show them about town.

[B]

No, you don't stay there. You want to be at the Royal Inn.

[A]

You're not giving it. Yeah. You're not. This is not a group. You were. We solved it. Good job, Brad. This is what friends do for friends. You're welcome. They tell them when they're being. Thank you, Morons. Well, you asked the question, so don't get indignant about it.

[B]

I don't.

[A]

I didn't dig that a little bit. Thank you, Dick. We're being nice.

[B]

What?

[A]

He's calling us. I know. He's kind of. Yeah. Oh, my God. Thank you. Like you don't. You asked and we told you. You're being an idiot. Thank you. Your Arkansas family sucks, period. That's it. No, a lot of family does suck. I hope they get better. I hope they're cured. But you can't do that. That's a suck move. It would suck if Brett did that to the show. I'd be like, what are you doing? I wouldn't do that. Of course you wouldn't. You're a decent human being. Got a digital street sign that said, got a tumor. Can't make rent. Anything helps. God bless. And they probably played that card, too. Anything else? Lord's trying to get us. We're gonna fight it with the Lord's help. And then religious people in your family's like, God dang it. Now I gotta help out or Jesus is gonna be mad.

[B]

It's always one or two.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Every family's got a bunch of stocks. I'd say it's more than one or two, but. Yeah, we're good friends. And that's why I tell you you got to cancel certain parts of your family. Blood doesn't. Blood doesn't count that much because if you haven't visited them in 20 years in their home, they didn't matter that much to you in the first place. That's just true. You've had plenty of opportunities on vacations. You know who we're going? We're going to visit the rubes in Arkansas that you don't want to go see, Man.

[B]

An occasional wedding.

[A]

Yeah. They pop up at family eventually. Great. What's his story? Got a peg leg now. Oh, God. What'd you do? I fell out of a truck. Yep. Anyway, I'm gonna go stand over there and Talk to somebody else. Well, I come with you. No, no. I think you need to hobnob with the other parts of the family. Oh, Clark.

[B]

I mean, Brady thinks he's too good for us.

[A]

Yep. You gotta take him to Brady. You gotta take me over that Wally World. I need some adult diapers. Crapper's broke. I don't wanna sully your bathroom with the cabbage and stew that I throw out of my body. So, yeah. Huh. Take me to the Wally World. Where's the nearest we drive? My car. But the transmission is trouble. I might have 100 miles left. Oh, all right. I borrow your car. You've got several vehicles. And you'd hear the peel out as he drives away. Grady's gonna wreck Kirby's car. Yeah. These people are done. I'm done with them. I don't even want to. I'm gonna write them a note. Please leave Freddy alone. He's susceptible to blood is thicker than blah, blah, blah. And you guys can rub him. And I've got my eyes on you.

[B]

No note necessary. I won't hear from them.

[A]

Yeah, because you're not. That they're not Happy Birthday or something. Right? Because they really aren't. They're. They're not even acquaintances. Mary Effing Holidays from the Big Red Radio. Hello. I'm here during the lunch rush with Janice, who owns her own food truck. Best cheesesteaks in town. Janice traded up to Geico Commercial Auto Insurance for her food truck business. We're here where she needs us most. They sure are. We make it so easy for her to save with customized coverage that grows with her business. Sorry, I just get so emotional talking.

[B]

About saving folks money.

[A]

Not this onion I'm chopping. It's just so beautiful.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Nice.

[A]

The onion. Get a commercial auto insurance quote [e-mail] and see how much you could save. It feels good to Geico Holmberg's morning sickness. Now, if Brett needed a couple bucks and he sat in a room, said, guys, I'm in big trouble. Big trouble. What's going on? And then we, you know, like Toledo. He's done it.

[B]

Yeah, but if he, you know. Yeah, it wouldn't be if you put an email. But if he had, you know, crowdfunding. I'm gonna. Wait a minute.

[A]

What's going on? If you put an email out to the entire building like, Brett, you're Ruben the show. Although you're kind of embarrassing us. You needed some help. You come to us privately.

[B]

What's this, Ms. New Booty Crowdfund?

[A]

Yeah, now, if it's to get more booty on Miss New Booty, all you have to do is come to me.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Brady's gonna be. What's going on with Brett's email? Said I got it. Don't worry about it. Cancel that email. I'm gonna help him out. We're gonna. We're gonna BB with a bbl.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Get some more ass put in there. Oh, yeah. See, for the important stuff. Hell yeah. You know you'd never do that. My wife's ass a bit of a pancake. Just ask the whole family. We'd like a BBL surgery for her, if you don't mind. It's a medical emergency. Any little bit helps. You wouldn't do that. But they play that cancer card and they're pulling at your heartstrings. Remember, Brady, back in 1974, we were hanging around the tater farm and we played together. Those were good times. You owe me a couple hundred dollars. I think. Don't you feel like. Don't you think that would make this better? It's love of family, Brady.

[B]

It is love of family. $200.

[A]

You're not wrong.

[B]

Have a great summer.

[A]

Remember. Remember, Brady, that time you and I made out in that International Harvester? No. That must have been another little boy. Anyway, you fire over one of them checks.

[B]

Remember when Cletus almost shot us for being on his land looking for beer cans?

[A]

We need twelve hundred dollars as adults to survive the next thirty days. If you wouldn't mind kicking in on that. Cody writes, I'm from Arkansas and I.

[B]

Joined the military to get the hell out of there.

[A]

I would. I would join Al Qaeda to get out of Arkansas again. There's a reason why. But we have a lot of vacation time here. We've. We've accumulated over the years. Never once. We're heading to Arkansas, taking the family.

[B]

Over to the rubes.

[A]

Not once we saved Brady some more money. And you should. You should text them back. And a decent person would text back and go, you know, family doesn't do this to each other. You could call.

[B]

You can call me, follow up news. Which is good. Call me personally. She's got everything out and she's. She's okay.

[A]

We gutted her. Yeah, like a trout.

[B]

It was a little over a 200 pound tumor.

[A]

Yeah, we got it on display over there. Old Robert, they're feeding it.

[B]

They're keeping it alive.

[A]

It's got teeth and hair. We named it anyway. Well, I hope her cancer is okay. That's certainly not.

[B]

It is It's.

[A]

But they're rube family and not a thing.

[B]

David said Brady's a giver. He can't help it. How's that generator recovery coming there, boss man? They have it.

[A]

That's. They probably. Hey, we got a nice new generator from Brady to keep the heat on during the winter months here in our Kansas because we don't have enough money to make that 1200 payment. When does it end? When does it end?

[B]

I got a gypsy update at a buddy that went over to that Marriott over there up on Desert Ridge. The big snow Christmas area they have.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There must have been.

[A]

He goes, I kid you not, gypsies are everywhere.

[B]

50 gypsies.

[A]

They're starting to show up though. I think it's because people are aware.

[B]

Of babies have giant gold ropes on and all the fake Chanel and babies dressed for prom. Yeah.

[A]

And people. I think people kind of got their eyes open now for gypsies. They've been around a lot, especially up in Desert Ridge. They're everywhere up there, but you kind of eyeball them, think nothing. And now they've been in the news a lot more often.

[B]

I think everybody's like they were ignoring everything.

[A]

We're just the parents.

[B]

Basically. Stay by the bar.

[A]

Those kids are capable of running a business. Those little five year olds are.

[B]

And they're doing it.

[A]

They're street smart. Beyond. Yeah. Watch out for them gypsies. Hey, Brady, I heard you on that show you do on the radio. Says they got that all you can eat Wing Ding festival going on on Wednesday. How about you tote us over there and take care of that 15.99 tariff so we can eat all we can. God wanted us together on wings day. Probably right there. Got the cancer. Can't afford the 15.99. All you can eat. But she needs protein and honey dipping.

[B]

Maybe that's what I'll do next time. Just send food cards.

[A]

That would be a good idea. This ought to help you out for a while. Bitey sent over an endless supply of meatloaf. Yeah, we're gonna get fat while we're dying over here in a ice cold 1200amonth apartment. I know Arkansas is cheaper than here, but 1200 bucks in Arkansas is still cheap. And at any given time you should have enough people close to you that you could pull together one month's rent without having to beg, you know?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Something brutal.

[B]

That's why I think they kind of retracted a little bit.

[A]

Well, one of your family members called him and said, this isn't right. Give the money back. I'll cover this. Don't do this again. That's probably. Probably the one normal person closest to them.

[B]

Yeah. There's a little panic.

[A]

Here's twelve hundred dollars. You send the money back to the rest of them. And if you need it in the future, you do this with.

[B]

You must be hoity toity at 1200amonth. Look at that.

[A]

December. December, not a downgrade. Average rent in Arkansas is $921 a month. 2% increase from last year. Nearly three. We can't keep up with this two bedroom, 1033. And they're, you know who's to blame is that Biden Harris character. They can't afford to live on this kind of.

[B]

They're in a two bedroom. It's 1200 because they got a view of the pond, right?

[A]

That's where my mother, my mother in law lives in it. Yeah. Somebody in the family got them and said, hey, hey. Yep, send it back. Who was it? You know, it's probably Bunny. It might have been family name. What are you doing? We have a reputation of a little bit of success. Can't have this.

[B]

Well, her mom is Bunny's sister.

[A]

Yeah. So Bunny probably talked to her and said, don't do this again. Well, I don't want to be.

[B]

She knew right off the bat. No, the, the mom.

[A]

I thought the mom sent it.

[B]

No, the mom didn't send it.

[A]

Oh, but that's what you said.

[B]

That's what he's down like. All right, hang on.

[A]

So mom probably said, hey, jackass, knock it off. Don't start. Don't start begging my successful family members. I'll give you the 1200 bucks, you send that money back and apologize. Sorry about that, y'. All. Hey, look, my dangling's making hard again.

[B]

I think it was, you know, a. A panic because he was, he was employed at the time, and then he.

[A]

Lost his job at the chicken factory close.

[B]

Cutting meat.

[A]

Yeah, they all cut at Tyson. That's all they do is work at Tyson Chicken. I guarantee you that he slaughters something.

[B]

The Walton's cut me off.

[A]

I got cut off at the local butcher house. So cancer's gonna run rampant through my lady friend. How many kids live in that? 1200amonth. They don't have any children. Shocking. So she has ovarian cancer. There's something stopping her from making kids in Arkansas.

[B]

She's older than me.

[A]

Oh, she's not. That's why she's not making kids. We got Walmart, Tyson Foods, and chickens where they all work I'll just tell you.

[B]

Yeah, that's one of their. One of the companies.

[A]

They work Tyson. Everybody in Arkansas work for Tyson. Oh, the Wally world. Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna go ahead and say it for you. Don't care for these people. And I don't want them in your life anymore. It's like my dad used to say. That friend of yours, that Jimmy kid. Yeah. I don't want to see him around you anymore. Why not? Dad, he's cool. No, he's not. Yeah, you're done with him. Oh, come on, you can't tell me to hang out. And then my. And then my dad knew deep down it's like, oh yeah. A few years later, Jimmy's calling because he's in jail again. Dad was right. I'm eyeballing this one. Oh, you got stories. Yeah, because I.

[B]

No, no, nothing like that.

[A]

Done it. New Yorker.

[B]

Yeah, he's written a book.

[A]

Of course he has.

[B]

Murder mystery.

[A]

Oh no. And it's a little too good.

[B]

No, I haven't read it, but it was out and he put it out. You know, got a publisher and everything, but.

[A]

Well, you got a friend of.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

If you can raise Xerox machine at the office. Yeah, he got his murder mystery printed. But that wife's tumor is good. I'm dad's family for help. I don't like these people. Not even a little bit. They're done. Well, you're done with them. Yeah. Dad's telling you like, I think you should stop hanging out with this group. Just ignore them. If they email, just ignore them. I got family. I have to.

[B]

That's why my dad threw in the towel.

[A]

What, on them? He didn't like them anymore. Your dad.

[B]

I'm just saying.

[A]

For real though, they need money. Did oh. Oh, I say that? That's when he croaked because he knew this was coming anyway. Well, Brady, before you turn into the multi state romance scam a victim, just talk to Brett and I first. We'll take care of this for you. We have no ties to your family. We're not afraid to embarrass them. They should be embarrassed on their own. I want you to find out though, through questioning who the family member was that did the john and called and said knock this off now, cuz somebody did. That's why you got a check back. Somebody. Somebody in your fam. Bunny knows. Somebody in your family.

[B]

I think it was. I think it was Bunny's sister.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. And then apologies should be coming soon. I am sorry for that. They said you know, but that's. Sorry about that. We're out of line. And you're not allowed to answer their emails anymore before you consult with the Vestley Holmberg consultancy because you'll start throwing money at them in books.

[B]

I'll let you know when one comes in.

[A]

Brady. I'm writing another murder mystery and it's a romance this time, so. Problem is I can't really fund that on my own. I'll give you 1% of the proceed in. Yeah, my editor says the greatest book he's ever read since the Bible, so it's going to be in all the hotels. I'll do it. You're from New York. That's right. That's an accent. Is a strong Brooklyn accent. That's why I moved all the way from Brooklyn to work at the Tyson Chicken farm. Because that's what Brooklynites do. They leave Brooklyn for crappy little towns in Arkansas. So I'd work chicken farm. And I got fired from the chicken farm for rape. But then the we had to work at the Wally World where I was fired for excessive ejaculations. I don't know what that means, but turns out it wasn't mopping up good when the breaks were coming. I hate your family in that Those up folks.

[B]

Piggly Wiggly.

[A]

One time your dick comes out of your pants at work and next thing you know you're on. You're on posters and telling your neighbors you work down the road and you have to let them know you live there. Good luck there, Birdie. And no, none of my family asked me for money. Unless it's like, something. Unless if I've been in a room with you for more than 10 minutes in the last year because I wanted to, not because there was a wedding or a funeral. Don't ask me for money. Say hi. Pop in every once in a while. We solved it. Nice job, Brad. That's how it works, Brady. Take a laugh. Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect.