Episode Summary: Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – 12-19-25
Main Theme & Purpose
The episode strikes a blend of humor and frank conversation centered around everyday mishaps and minor absurdities—from finding unexpected cash in the laundry, to the awkward realities of “cheap” strip-mall massages, to a listener’s “milkman” woes. Hosts John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo riff off each other with trademark banter and playful jabs while reflecting on the quirks of modern life, relationships, and the little struggles that unite (and amuse) listeners.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Laundry Windfalls and Household Economy
- Accidentally Laundered Cash:
- John shares how he found $500 in his pocket after doing laundry—cash that his wife Megan unknowingly washed. He jokes about how she could’ve hit a small jackpot (“Sorry, sister. That’s a good start to my Monday.”)
– [00:39–01:04]
- John shares how he found $500 in his pocket after doing laundry—cash that his wife Megan unknowingly washed. He jokes about how she could’ve hit a small jackpot (“Sorry, sister. That’s a good start to my Monday.”)
- Pockets, Partners, and the Lost Art of “Laundry Treasure”:
- Delving into the “laundry economy,” John muses on why wives are eager to do their partners’ laundry, referencing a bygone era when men stuffed their pockets with cash:
“See, back in, like the 50s and 60s, men had lots of cash... That’s why the women wanted to do all the laundry... But now women are getting screwed. Because of debit cards and all that stuff... That's what they passed down.” – John [02:25–03:12]
- Discussion of trust, independence, and how women supposedly “keep track” by going through laundry or pockets, mixed with tongue-in-cheek jabs at relationship dynamics.
- Delving into the “laundry economy,” John muses on why wives are eager to do their partners’ laundry, referencing a bygone era when men stuffed their pockets with cash:
2. Cheap Massages & Strip Mall Suspicion
- Brady’s Massage Adventures:
- Light-hearted roasting as Brady reveals he’s found a $30 massage spot in a strip mall. The hosts gleefully speculate about its legitimacy.
“Brady goes to strip malls for $30 massages and thinks they’re on the up and up... that’s the only reason—because they're expensive [elsewhere].” – John [05:33–05:54]
- Jokes abound about “happy endings,” upselling (for “scrubs... or a doctor’s outfit”), and whether Brady would even realize if things ever got shady.
"If 3 tens cover the bill, you should probably feel offended they’re not trying to upsell you." – John [05:56–06:39]
- Continues with ribbing Brady about his “rose colored glasses” outlook, his innocence in questionable situations, and whether he’d even catch on if something illicit was offered.
“You go in there bonered up next time. I think you see where I'm stiffest. Work it out. Nothing.” – John [07:59–08:11]
- Light-hearted roasting as Brady reveals he’s found a $30 massage spot in a strip mall. The hosts gleefully speculate about its legitimacy.
3. Listener Letters: “Milkman's Bad Day”
- Listener’s Rough Week:
- A milkman writes in about his girlfriend leaving, work going poorly, and getting injured on the job. The hosts respond with trademark mock-sympathy.
“I just cut my side on one of my deliveries. I’m a milkman. There’s milk men.” – Listener letter [11:17–11:27] “How is that not happy? Get back in your time machine and join us now.” – John [11:27–12:12]
- The team lightens the mood with dark optimism, suggesting the listener Google tornadoes in Oklahoma to appreciate things could be worse.
“At least you live in a place called the Valley of the Sun... You drown in the basement of it. See, how much worse it is for someone else.” – John [12:32–12:59]
- Banter about “milkman” being an outdated job; John's cat even gets called “my little milkman” in a running house joke.
- A milkman writes in about his girlfriend leaving, work going poorly, and getting injured on the job. The hosts respond with trademark mock-sympathy.
4. Wild Kingdom: Tortoise Drama
- Animal Mishap at Home:
- Brady describes a household incident: their tortoise gets a punctured shell after a dog encounter, leading to talk about unlikely pet injuries.
“On the underbelly, there is a little puncture... little fracture... So we’re, you know, tortoise on watch.” – Brady [14:08–14:41]
- This segues to jokes about cheering up by empathizing with injured animals or friends lobbing lettuce at you “like a turtle.”
- Brady describes a household incident: their tortoise gets a punctured shell after a dog encounter, leading to talk about unlikely pet injuries.
5. Comic Outlook on Life’s Disappointments
- Advice for the Heartbroken and Unlucky:
- The group offers their typical irreverent advice:
“There’s 3 billion vaginas on Earth. One doesn’t like you. Big deal. Go grab another one. Crotch is aplenty for you.” – John [15:42–15:54]
- All around, the message: Find humor in misfortune and remember it could always be worse (“find someone else's tragedy and feel better”).
- The group offers their typical irreverent advice:
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- “I built a structure underneath the house just on pocket money. I hide here. Those bitches have been getting... That's what they passed down.” – John [02:26–03:12]
- “If she can pull a yacht out of laundry money...” – John, riffing on household finance [01:48]
- “$30 is not legit. So goes in and starts doing it. Would you let?” – John, ribbing Brady's massage optimism [08:42–08:52]
- “If you’re having a bad day, just Google Oklahoma Tornado and feel better about yourself... That’s what I like to live off of… Read about tragic situations.” – John [13:41–14:04]
- “You and your wild kingdom in the backyard.” – John, mocking Brady’s animal-filled home [14:44–14:46]
- “Maybe Slash will make you feel better... I have no idea, but it’s always cool to talk to Slash.” – John, teasing an upcoming guest appearance [15:00–15:10]
- “Nobody writes songs about milkman. He’s the beautiful milkman. Doesn’t happen.” – John [15:28–15:37]
Timestamps for Key Segments
- 00:39–01:48 – Finding $500 in freshly laundered jeans; household economy riffing
- 02:25–03:35 – The “old laundry hustle” and women’s adaptation to the cashless age
- 05:33–08:11 – Cheap massage tales, jokes about “happy endings,” and Brady’s innocence
- 11:17–12:59 – Listener milkman’s woes and perspective shift
- 14:04–14:59 – Animal attack at Brady’s house and the fraught saga of the tortoise
- 15:00–15:28 – Teasing Slash from GNR as a mood boost for the milkman
Tone and Style
The episode is fast-paced, sarcastic, and heavy on playful roasting, especially between John and Brady. The style is distinctly masculine, irreverent, and at times crass, but always lighthearted. Even heavier subjects (relationships ending, bad workdays) get spun for comic effect.
For New Listeners
This episode delivers what HMS fans expect: raw, improvised comedy about personal foibles and everyday oddities, with no sacred cows. If you haven’t listened, rest assured you’ll get big laughs, plenty of outrageous banter, and maybe even a little real-life advice (if you listen hard).