12-19-25 - FULL SHOW - FRIDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona

Episode: 12-19-25 - FULL SHOW - FRIDAY
Host: John Holmberg (with Brady Bogan, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo, Mo Bergeron, and “Donnie”) Date: December 19, 2025

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Overview

In this lively, irreverent episode, Holmberg and the crew riff on everything from cash found in the laundry to family grifters, Arizona animal adventures, politics after a tumultuous election, and being on the receiving end of mass emails from distant relatives. Interwoven with local flavor, news, and offbeat humor, the show maintains its signature tone: part morning zoo, part biting social commentary, and 100% uncensored fun. Regular features like the Brady Report, science news, and the celebrity impression-filled "Guadalupe Squares" deliver the trademark blend of absurdity and relatability listeners expect from Arizona's top rock morning show.

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Key Discussion Points & Notable Segments

1. Cash in the Laundry – The Hidden Economy of Laundered Money

• [00:50]–[05:10]
  John finds $500 in his jeans post-wash, kicking off a hilarious exploration of the old “laundry incentive”:

  • How women traditionally checked men's pockets for forgotten cash.
  • Holmberg riffs on why his girlfriend, Megan, insists on doing laundry:
    • “I always wondered why she wanted to do my laundry...my laundry system's horrible. It's a pile!” – John, [01:49]
  • The panel jokes about the decline of pocket-money for spouses in the era of credit/debit cards.

  Memorable quote:

  • “Those bitches have been getting passed down. That’s why they never... they started needing jobs... we started using cards more.” – Brett, [03:02]

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2. Massage Parlor Misadventures

• [05:25]–[10:53]
  The guys rib Brady for seeking out suspiciously cheap strip-mall massages.

  • Jokes about “happy endings,” massage “upsells,” and cultural misunderstandings.

  • John: “If 3 10’s cover the bill, you should probably feel offended they’re not trying to upsell you.” [06:35]

  • “That’s always good. Write those off... ample records of my jack off moments with those Asian women.” – John, [05:19]

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3. Listener Emails – Life Troubles & Post-Election Fallout

• [11:05]–[27:47]
  • A listener, a down-on-his-luck “milkman,” writes in about his life going off the rails.
  • Holmberg’s tongue-in-cheek advice: “At least you don’t live in Tornado Alley. See? Could be worse!” [12:27]
  • Jokes about cats as “milkman” and that someone always has it worse.
  • Political emails reignite the post-election divide:
    • One accuses the show of being right-wing; another of being too left. Both threaten to boycott.
    • John: “Now Russell and Timothy should sit in a room together and cancel each other out. And by that I mean fight to the death.” [21:55]
  • The reality of long-time listeners vs. new offended fans.
  • Holmberg’s balanced, if biting, approach to political flak, highlighting the impossibility of pleasing everyone.

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4. Arizona Odd News – Bizarre Locals

• [29:15]–[36:44]
  • Man in a bunny suit flashes a woman in downtown Phoenix.
  • Panel speculates wildly on the motives, outcomes, and the cultural significance of strange costumed behavior:
  • John: “Black men in a bunny suit in my backyard’s going to jail, I’m sorry. Even if Al, my landscaper, shows up in a bunny suit, Al’s gone crazy.” [31:09]
  • Discussion of neighborhood oddballs, public nudity, and fitting stereotypes.

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5. Texas Grill – The Fax Machine & the “Fat Guy” Lunch List

• [39:19]–[50:52]
  • Brady admits going to Texas Grill upon receiving a breakfast Shepherd's Pie fax at 7 a.m.
  • Jokes about restaurants still using fax machines to reach their, um, “large” clientele.
  • “I want to put you on my fat guy fax list.” – John, [49:13]
  • The panel debates the appropriateness and weird nostalgia of fax-based marketing.

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6. Brady’s Animal Tales – Dogs, Horses, and Eating Poop

• [51:54]–[57:21]
  • Brady describes his dog, Petey, eating horse manure at the dog park:
  • “Do the noise of Petey eating horse poop....That’s what I hear.” – Donnie, [53:27]
  • John is thoroughly grossed out:
  • “Why don’t they have horse crap flavored dog food? It’d be a huge seller.” [55:04]
  • Audience calls in with similar horror stories, riffing on possible “beauty” uses for horse poo.

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7. The Brady Report & Pee Pee Poo Poo News

• [58:31]–[79:49]
  • News items include:
    • People pausing Ozempic for holiday indulgence ([59:06]).
    • Revival of old cereal (Twinkles) – “Corn Pops for homosexuals.” – John, [61:54]
    • Backup underwear statistics and why women/young folk carry extra pairs.
  • Science segment explains why urine is yellow ([72:09]) and a study on Neptune's true color (“only slightly deeper color than Uranus, say Oxford scientists.” [73:36])
  • Long, gut-busting detour about underwear as an indicator of “whoring” and hygiene habits.

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8. Family Grifters and Ghost Relatives – Should You Help Distant Family?

• [84:01]–[115:14]
  • Massive segment on Brady’s extended family asking for money via a “help the cousin with cancer” group text, and how to handle it.
  • Holmberg's hard rule:
    • “If you haven’t been in a room with someone for a year, they don’t get any money or presents.” [84:56]
  • Prolonged, hilarious, Socratic breakdown of who counts as family, how poverty generates scams, and why nostalgia for childhood bonds can cloud adult judgment.
  • John: “These are the gypsies of the Bogan house... if they just stopped talking to you, you wouldn’t make a great effort to go see how they’re doing.” [91:08]
  • Ultimately, friends talk Brady out of being a pushover:
    • “They’re grifters, and it’s time to just go. Nice to talk to you, and that’s about it.” [99:10]

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9. AI Music, Celebrity Deaths, Pop Culture Updates

• [117:16]–[128:28]
  • AI-generated blues/soul songs like "F This Day, We'll Try Again Tomorrow" and “I’m Calling In Sick Of Your Ass” entertain and astound the DJs.
  • Celebrity deaths and near-misses: Elwood Edwards (the voice of “You’ve got mail”) and Dick Van Dyke’s wildfire escape.
  • Paparazzi catching Gary Busey peeing roadside, and George Clooney’s first orgasm memory: “I had my first orgasm climbing a rope, six or seven...nothing came out, but all the elements were there.” [127:03]

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10. Guadalupe Squares – Celebrity Impressions Extravaganza

• [129:39]–end
  • Mo Bergeron hosts this riff on Hollywood Squares, jam-packed with rapid-fire impressions: Biden, Morgan Freeman/Tracy Morgan, Jay Leno, Alec Baldwin, Ron Wolfley, Charles Barkley, Shaq, and more.
  • Bit runs amok with inside jokes about Biden’s memory, Shakira, lawyer ads (“Morgan, Morgan, and Morgan”), and TV trivia.
  • Winks at politics, TV shows (“The Office,” “Wrestlemania”), and classic game show gags.
  • Escalates into glorious nonsense, rewarding long-time listeners and inside-joke fans.

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Notable Quotes

• On pocket cash & relationships:
  “I always wondered why she wanted to do my laundry...my laundry system's horrible. It's a pile! And when I'm out of clothes, I do laundry.” – John, [01:49]

• On massage parlor risks:
  “If 3 10’s cover the bill, you should probably feel offended they’re not trying to upsell you.” – John, [06:35]

• On being called both right and left wing:
  “Now Russell and Timothy should sit in a room together and cancel each other out. And by that I mean fight to the death.” – John, [21:55]

• On grifting family:
  “If you haven’t been in a room with someone for a year, they don’t get any money or presents.” – John, [84:56]

• On mass emails from distant relatives:
  “These are the gypsies of the Bogan house... if they just stopped talking to you, you wouldn’t make a great effort to go see how they’re doing.” – John, [91:08]

• On nostalgia and boundaries:
  “They’re grifters, and it’s time to just go. Nice to talk to you, and that’s about it.” – John, [99:10]

• On being fair-weather crappers:
  “How about wash your ass and stop pooping your pants? How about that?” – John, [66:40]

• On Arizona news weirdos:
  “Even if Al, my landscaper, shows up in a bunny suit, Al’s gone crazy.” – John, [31:09]

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Tone & Style

• Fast, unscripted, and raw: The hosts don’t shy away from explicitness; crude and irreverent banter is the norm.
• Arizona-centric: frequent local references and jokes that play off regional characters, culture, and stereotypes.
• Deep camaraderie: Riffing on each other’s quirks, family, and foibles creates a rapport brimming with affection and mockery.
• Shock humor: Expect plenty of off-color bits, graphic jokes, and “did they just say that?!” moments.

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Highlighted Timestamps

• 00:50–05:10: Washed $500 – the pocket cash/laundry economy
• 05:25–10:53: Massage parlor shenanigans
• 11:05–27:47: Listener “milkman” woes and political flame wars
• 29:15–36:44: Phoenix bunny-suit flasher story
• 39:19–50:52: Texas Grill, faxes and foodie shame
• 51:54–57:21: Brady’s dog Petey and the horse manure buffet
• 58:31–79:49: Brady Report, holiday food, and science/“pee pee poo poo” news
• 84:01–115:14: Family grifter segment – the psychology of giving
• 117:16–128:28: AI-generated blues, pop/celebrity news, and more
• 129:39–end: Guadalupe Squares – celebrity impressions, chaos, and final jokes

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For First-Time Listeners

• Skip the first 45 seconds for a direct hit of the show’s core comedy—ads and intros are short.
• Expect razor-sharp banter, local color, and irrepressibly adult content.
• Signature segments (Brady Report, Pee Pee Poo Poo News, Guadalupe Squares) offer a consistent entry-point.
• Political jokes cut both ways, but nothing is sacred and all opinions are targets.
• If you like your mornings unpredictable, a bit unhinged, and very funny—this show fits the bill.

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End of Summary

Transcript

[Announcer]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition, and accessories.

[Brady Bogan]

Hey, it's Larry McFeely here with Wayne from AMCO. Wayne, there's nothing worse than thinking you're all set with your holiday shopping. And then that damn check engine light.

[John Holmberg]

Comes on in your car. Larry. Most times the light is caused by something simple and can be reset on the spot. And AMCO will check your engine light for free.

[Brady Bogan]

Now, what about extended warranties?

[John Holmberg]

No problem, Larry. AMCO is authorized by all of the major warranty companies.

[Brady Bogan]

And AMCO has payment plans if you need. What a great help for the holidays.

[Donnie]

This is awesome.

[John Holmberg]

I'll say.

[Donnie]

We're Amco.

[Brady Bogan]

Google Amco for your nearest location. That's Amco Double A MCO transmissions and a whole lot more.

[John Holmberg]

Do not listen to this while driving or when full alertness is needed.

[Radio Host/Producer]

The rest of Homburg's morning sickness. This is the big red radio.

[John Holmberg]

I just found $500 in my pocket. I went to the bank the other day to do some transactions. Megan washed $500. Didn't even reach in there and find it. She could have hit the jackpot. Sorry, sister. That's a good start to my Monday.

[Brady Bogan]

Did it fade at all?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. Let's see. It's all wadded up like washed money. Yeah, it did a little bit.

[Brett]

Yeah, that's a. That's a missed opportunity.

[John Holmberg]

That's a goof on her part. Smells like game, dummy.

[Brett]

At least I could have a whole bucket of change. If she keeps looking through my.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I might. Megan, keep the change. I'm fine with that. She just squeezes my pocket. Yeah, a little water money. She'll take it. If she hears anything, she'll take it out. She doesn't want the paper floating around in the water.

[Brett]

You think she's got a little side account going if she does Washed jeans.

[John Holmberg]

Good for her. That's good.

[Brady Bogan]

Buy a yacht.

[John Holmberg]

That's nice. If she can pull a yacht out of laundry money. I always wondered why she wanted to do my laundry. Like that was a thing for me. Because my laundry stuff. My. Admittedly, my laundry system's horrible. It's a pile. And when I'm out of clothes, I do laundry.

[Brett]

Women have that. Maybe that's a real secret to it.

[John Holmberg]

That's why they want you. And I can't. Like, she's gotten to be like my mom used to be. Was my. My clothes hit the ground. I'm in the Shower. I'm out of the shower. I come out, they're gone. Like, she's good. Like, I don't have a chance to go through and rifle through my own pockets to get stuff out. Because she's so good at laundry.

[Donnie]

See, that's what happened.

[Brett]

See, back in, like the 50s and 60s, like, men had lots of cash. That's why the women wanted to do a lot of. They're getting that cash. But now women are getting screwed.

[Brady Bogan]

This is true.

[Brett]

Because of debit cards and credit card world. So now they're a little more standoffish.

[John Holmberg]

About these bitches grandmothers.

[Donnie]

You got to do is laundry. Men are notoriously stupid when it comes to money from their pockets. I found four gold coins in your granddad's pants. Look at. Look, I built. I built a structure underneath the house.

[John Holmberg]

Just on pocket money. I hide here.

[Brett]

Those bitches have been getting passed down.

[John Holmberg]

That's why they never. The reason they started needing jobs. Like, we have to work, and we're.

[Donnie]

Screaming, a woman of mine's gonna work.

[Brady Bogan]

We have to.

[Donnie]

You don't understand.

[John Holmberg]

It's because we started using cards more.

[Brady Bogan]

They're going through the pockets. What's this new number to security? Lockbox.

[John Holmberg]

Think about it.

[Donnie]

That's another thing.

[Brett]

They're gonna keep track of us by doing our laundry.

[John Holmberg]

They're notoriously creepy that way where they go through our things. You know, phones and things like that. And pockets. Look at that.

[Donnie]

Mr.

[John Holmberg]

Uncovered your secrets.

[Brady Bogan]

Whoever did Capone's laundry.

[John Holmberg]

Little tramps. Yeah. The reason Al Capone's vault was empty back when Geraldo looked in there is because some broad had already gone in there. I know where it is. Follow me.

[Brady Bogan]

It is laundry.

[John Holmberg]

Found the little number. Secret vault for Al Capone is. Blah, blah, blah, Michigan Avenue. Oh, I'm gonna go to the vault. When he dies, I'm gonna steal all that stuff. Cause Geraldo isn't born yet.

[Brady Bogan]

There's a chick out there that knows where Hoffa is.

[John Holmberg]

Unbelievable. Or she's got him and already dug him up, took him, rifled through his pockets. We're onto you, bro. Cause I couldn't. Like, Megan just was like, oh, your laundry system is stupid. I'm doing your laundry from now on. No, you're not. I do my own laundry because I don't want. I don't think that's necessary for you to do. And, you know, and I don't want you bitching about it later because that's. Sometimes I hear friends of mine. It was a nice way to block.

[Brady Bogan]

That and you probably told yourself, you know what? By me doing my own laundry, I'll check my own pocket. I won't leave cash in my pocket.

[John Holmberg]

That had nothing to do with it. Because I, you know, I'm generous, for God's sakes. I'm already.

[Brett]

We aren't thinking about that.

[John Holmberg]

Doing most of the buying, so it doesn't really matter. It's not really a thought process to me that I got to get that money out of my pockets or she'll get it. That doesn't. But I always did it because it's like, I don't want you to feel like you're my maid. But she wanted to be that, so I couldn't leave a little pile.

[Brady Bogan]

She'd do it.

[John Holmberg]

I'm like, stop touching. Now I know why she's been. When I find 500 bucks. But she's getting lazy about it now.

[Donnie]

She's got so.

[John Holmberg]

She's got so much. It's just staying. She's not even checking.

[Brett]

She's been keeping track of you, and you haven't really done anything very exciting.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

There's no notes.

[John Holmberg]

There's no going through these.

[Brady Bogan]

A big one got by the goalie.

[John Holmberg]

Finding my gay marriage certificate.

[Donnie]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

She didn't even care about the cash anymore.

[Brett]

She's got such a Massage parlor receipts.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, always get a receipt. By the way, you want to write those off.

[Brady Bogan]

That's always good.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. That's something you want to keep. I have ample records of my jack off moments with those Asian women.

[Brett]

You got a $300 massage.

[John Holmberg]

Have you been to that place yet?

[Brady Bogan]

Not yet.

[John Holmberg]

That $30 massage you think is legit.

[Brady Bogan]

Going to schedule a trip this week.

[John Holmberg]

Brady goes to strip malls for $30 massages and thinks they're on the up and up.

[Brett]

Yeah, we didn't know this about you.

[John Holmberg]

With a bunch of Asian broads. I know it only because you're cheap. You found the cheapest one, and it happens to be in Gilbert. And you're like, she not charging you.

[Brett]

Go to chain, seven bucks. Go to massage Envy or something, will you?

[John Holmberg]

Jeez, stop. That's the only reason. Because they're expensive. When they're legit, it's 30 bucks. They'll jerk you off for an extra.

[Brady Bogan]

Going to a place where you feel like you're on the edge there, all right?

[John Holmberg]

You don't feel like you're in the edge. You're on Velvista Road or something. You're in Gilbert. You're not on the edge of anything nice. It's it's nice. Exactly. So you assume there's no but you can get your. I'll go in there with you and get panhandled. Boom.

[Brady Bogan]

Hey, Brady.

[John Holmberg]

She made me squirt for an extra 40. Thanks for taking me to this.

[Brady Bogan]

No way.

[John Holmberg]

Thanks for making me this dirt hole that you go to for your legit massages.

[Donnie]

Come on, it's next to a nice Chinese place.

[John Holmberg]

Yep, they all are. 30 bucks for a massage? I'm automatically assuming there's an addition. Oh, yeah. If you get 3 10. If 3 10's cover the bill, you.

[Brett]

Should probably feel offended. They're not trying to upsell you.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. Oh, he's so gross.

[Donnie]

Just robbing him and making.

[Brady Bogan]

No, they. They try to upsell you with a. Yeah, scrubs. Like salt scrub or doctor's outfit.

[Brett]

You're not understand what I'm saying?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you don't understand what I'm saying. You should be more offended if they're treating you like a woman.

[Brady Bogan]

That's why I keep going back.

[Donnie]

I just be a woman. Have so much hair. How about a happy ending? I give you a happy ending. You got vagina. I'm a boy.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Daddy sprained the hair.

[Donnie]

Roar over.

[John Holmberg]

You speak funny.

[Brady Bogan]

So hairy.

[John Holmberg]

Where are you from? Vietnamese? What you talk about, you retard? It.

[Brady Bogan]

Quintamano.

[John Holmberg]

You wanna jack me up? Don't even bring it up. I'm not doing it. You grow. Go buy sea salts. There's candy in the hall.

[Brett]

My wife goes to those chop shops for manicures. She always tells me about the women just talking. Oh, I could just imagine what they're saying.

[John Holmberg]

An old Seinfeld episode. Yeah. Yeah. They hate you. Hate you. Yeah. You should be upset more than. You should be upset more than I am. That Father Dale didn't try to finger me. That these girls who do this for a living haven't even calmed down. You're not even getting turned down. You're not even getting an opportunity.

[Brady Bogan]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

I go in there bonered up.

[Donnie]

Next time I think you see where I'm stiffest.

[Mo Bergeron]

Work it out.

[John Holmberg]

Nothing.

[Brady Bogan]

Nothing.

[John Holmberg]

Have 50 bucks poking right out of that towel.

[Brett]

Yeah. You might have some different questions. Next time we won't even talk.

[John Holmberg]

It'll just work its way in.

[Donnie]

Are you a coward?

[Brady Bogan]

You won't hear a thing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You wouldn't.

[Radio Host/Producer]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Be there four times a week.

[John Holmberg]

Right. Would you go back? Would you do it?

[Brady Bogan]

What if she changed up?

[John Holmberg]

What if she changed up? It's the way it is. If it changed up. You think it's just so for me, $30 is not legit. So goes in and starts doing it. Would you let.

[Brady Bogan]

Would you stop her after 30 minutes?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You'd let her go? Good man.

[Brett]

I tried to stop her.

[John Holmberg]

It's relaxing.

[Brady Bogan]

It's a new scrub.

[John Holmberg]

I tell you what, it's relaxing.

[Brady Bogan]

It is.

[John Holmberg]

I've never had it done at a massage that. Yeah, it is. The whole masturbation thing works. Especially when some strangers do it. I can only imagine after a long tennis match or a little.

[Brady Bogan]

That's all they need. We can't wake them up.

[John Holmberg]

Do you go in there after tennis? Like, directly? You said you did it after 10. You don't go home. You go home and shower first. Yeah. Oh, okay, good.

[Brady Bogan]

You're not bringing vinegar or a dive in the pool?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's. Yeah, that counts. That's clean to them, but yeah. All right, well, good. 30 massage. When's your next trip?

[Donnie]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

I'm going with. All right. I'm gonna sit in the lobby.

[Brady Bogan]

Hey, you know what I'll do? I'll schedule a couple's massage for you and me. Yeah, we get married celebration.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you two fag married? No, we're thinking about it, though.

[Brady Bogan]

What'd you say?

[John Holmberg]

You get fag married? I don't think that's what they call it. Quan Anne. I hope you get happy fag Mary soon. Thanks. That's offensive. And I'm not even gay. It's 6:55. Let's get a Brady report, shall we? Right before he goes for his big release later this week. So proud of him.

[Brady Bogan]

Maybe I'll do it tomorrow.

[Donnie]

Too many crimes.

[Brady Bogan]

Hot release.

[John Holmberg]

How many crimes? You've walked by Forrest Gump and you have no idea that the world is just dirty all around you. You go into these massage parlors, there's guys getting tossed all over the place. And you've probably been in several situations with. And you're just smiling and sunshining your way through.

[Holly]

I think your vision is just different. Yeah, like, I.

[Brady Bogan]

Like.

[Holly]

I literally think that the rose color. Yes, exactly.

[John Holmberg]

That's where that phrase came from.

[Brady Bogan]

Everything is awesome.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he's. Emmett.

[Brady Bogan]

Is that Crackle?

[Mo Bergeron]

This is great.

[Donnie]

Kirby, wait in the lobby. Daddy's gonna go get a legitimate massage.

[John Holmberg]

You sure have daughter here. So much sperm in the area.

[Donnie]

What? I can't understand you.

[John Holmberg]

We'll get a Brady report in just seconds. We're gonna calm him down a little bit. He's a Little Stiff. It's 98 Kup.

[Radio Host/Producer]

It's the best of Homburg's morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

The text says, guys, I'm having the worst week ever. My lady's leaving me because I can't keep her happy. Everything's going wrong at work. I've been having to stay late. I just cut my side on one of my deliveries. I'm a milkman. There's milk men still blood and milk. I can't seem to smile these days. Is there anything you guys can do to help me feel better?

[Brett]

Oh, we got to give him back his smile.

[John Holmberg]

No. We're gonna have to go on one of those roundups. You and me and Bruno Kirby and find your smile.

[Donnie]

Go find a cat.

[John Holmberg]

I want you to be happy here. Not here. Pointing to my vagina. You're a milkman.

[Donnie]

How is that not happy?

[John Holmberg]

Get back in your time machine and join us now. I didn't know milkman existed.

[Brady Bogan]

Cut aside.

[Brett]

Taking the milk to the stores.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe then You're a delivery. Say something about Shamrock. You're a delivery man. You're just. You're not a milkman. A milkman goes door to door and drops milk off. There you go.

[Brady Bogan]

Takes the old bottles.

[John Holmberg]

How you doing, family? That's what a milkman is anyway.

[Brady Bogan]

Nice doggy.

[John Holmberg]

Sorry about that, dude. Sounds like things are awful.

[Brett]

You don't have a recommendation for him.

[John Holmberg]

Roundup. Gotta go on the roundup. Okay. Gotta get Ira and Stan and all the gang and go round up cattle.

[Brady Bogan]

That.

[Brett]

Seems we don't see the big issue here. So you got a chicks leaving you.

[John Holmberg]

Job sucks. Just chopped your gut open on a milk delivery. Could be worse. Could have been in Oklahoma yesterday. At least you don't live in Tornado Alley. How about that? There's. There you go. There you go. At least you live in a place called Valley of the Sun.

[Brett]

Think she didn't have a kid in.

[John Holmberg]

A school where destroyed by a tornado. You drown in the basement of it. Yeah. See? See how much worse it is for someone else?

[Brady Bogan]

Time for the roundup. It could after work. You could go to South Mountain or, you know, get on. Get on a horse ride in the desert with.

[John Holmberg]

Do a little Bruno Kirby Billy Crystal action.

[Brady Bogan]

He just texts back.

[Holly]

He goes, I'm delivering to Dunkin Donuts.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, that's not bad. There's donuts in there. How unhappy can you be?

[Brady Bogan]

And get a band aid.

[John Holmberg]

And you're kind of ruining this whole milkman thing for me because every morning I give my cat milk and I always pat his butt and go, who's my little milkman, huh? You're my milkman. Who likes his milkies. Elgato likes his milkies, that's who. He's my milkman. Come here, milkman. That's all I have to say at my house. Get over here. Milkman jumps up on the counter, who wants milkies?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

If you're having a bad day, just Google Oklahoma Tornado and feel better about yourself.

[Donnie]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Find someone else's tragedy and recognize how things aren't so bad for you.

[Donnie]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I like to live off of it. When I feel bad, I like to find someone else's tragedy and feel better about myself. That's a good thing. Read about tragic situations.

[Brady Bogan]

Animals attack yesterday at the Bogan household.

[John Holmberg]

What happened?

[Brady Bogan]

We have that. I have that sulcata. Tortoise. Yeah, go on. And Kiva got a hold of the tortoise.

[Brett]

So you had a B yesterday.

[Brady Bogan]

The tortoise did.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, is it dead, Lily?

[Brady Bogan]

No, but there was a little on the underbelly. There is a little puncture. Keep. Ronnie came out there and saw through the shell.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Fracture. Little fracture. So we're, you know, tortoises on watch. What do you do there?

[John Holmberg]

Bondo or.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm not sure.

[John Holmberg]

Hopefully that made the milkman feel better. Yeah, you and your wild kingdom in the backyard.

[Brady Bogan]

Where I was going with this, John, is where's the snake? Maybe it will make you feel better if just have friends throw some lettuce at you to eat and some carrots.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, like the turtle. The turtle had a baby.

[Radio Host/Producer]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

See? Cheer him up with his side punctured too.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

All right, well, maybe that's. Maybe Slash will make you feel better. We'll ask Slash. Slash from Guns N Roses. And of course, the Band. Slash and Velvet Revolver. You know him? He's a legend. Rock and Roll hall of Famer. He's gonna call us in just a little bit. Find out what he's promoting. I have no idea, but it's always cool to talk to Slash. He's gonna join us in just a little bit and we'll see if he has anything to make this guy feel better. The milkman. Maybe Slash can send you a special wish this morning. Milkman. And will bring you up through that.

[Brett]

Does he have his guitar on him? Maybe you could just play a riff through the phone.

[John Holmberg]

Little song for him. Milkman. I love my milkman. Keep your head up.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody writes songs about Milkman.

[Donnie]

He's the beautiful milkman.

[John Holmberg]

Doesn't happen.

[Brady Bogan]

Just don't pay for someone to put a spell on your lady to make her fall back in love with you.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, there's three billion vaginas on earth. One doesn't like you. Big deal. Go grab another one. Crotch is aplenty for you.

[Brady Bogan]

That's six billion labs.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's tons of them. So don't you worry about that milkman. Poor little Milky. And then you can watch that video with that guy in Holland sucking on jugs on tv, lactating boobs. And you're into milk. You like that stuff. Tell the milkman how to feel better about himself. It's 98K upd, Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect. 98. Posts tweets, hasta briste grupos enlas rede sociales. It infocast en logra tu menta queresada yoj de suestrianos de pedirlo volvio and snack wrap ordinalo and ranch o spicy in cuentra two snack wrap and two McDonald's favorito para papa, papa, papa all.

[Radio Host/Producer]

They show with none of the fluff.

[Donnie]

Let's get started.

[Radio Host/Producer]

There's more of the best of Hombre's morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

It's good that the election is all over. It's good that we're sitting here on Veterans Day with everybody kind of having taken their lumps or feeling pretty good about winning. Meathead, our friend Meathead sent me a picture. He was at the Cardinals game and he sent me a picture of himself and he's in a shirt that just says Trump. And I'm like, they letting you in? And he goes, nobody seems to care anymore. I'm like, nice, the election's over. You can just be that guy. I suppose that's a thing. So he didn't care that it was there. And he was like that, that's just the way it is. But you still have some stragglers that are upset about the election. Now, I got a Larry, our boss handed me this email a couple days ago and, well, that's the other one. And it says it's pretty good. Says a Dear kupd, you know, this is a dude, like, the election's over and we all kind of. Most people are just like, all right, let's just move on. Because I've listened for 30 years and I've decided that Homberg's right wing agenda and negativity for all things is enough to make me pull the plug. I will never listen to the station again. And what's more, I will never purchase anything from one advertiser that is on the air with you. I will monitor this and keep A post. His miserable opinion of Kamala over a rapist felon makes me realize one thing. He hates women. And he hates people who push back. In fact, that's why one person's not on the show anymore. He had one political thought, and John didn't want to hear it. Yeah, that's what happened. He also hates women so much that I could see where if there was an offer to send them back 100 years in time, he would do it. No, I wouldn't. That was before feminine hygiene.

[Brady Bogan]

Disgusting.

[John Holmberg]

Disgusting. Yuck. Hundred year old. My response now is to abandon your station until you get rid of him. He says he's not political, but he told the band of brainless zombies that listen to Vote for Trump without actually saying it. Because he knows just how to do it. Because the brain dead audience he talks to is easy to manipulate. I am done, Russell. Well, Russell, let me tell you, first and foremost, you can have your opinion. And while you're monitoring all of our commercials, I want to just say thanks for listening. We change out commercials fairly regularly, so you're gonna. It's gonna be a long process for you, and eventually I think we're just gonna hit to where you don't. You're not going anywhere. But you're gonna need to listen now more than ever to take your stance, Russell, and make sure that none of these commercials are ever a place you frequent or, you know, patronize. Give them their. You can't have any time of your own now, Russell, you just go right down our list of commercial.

[Brady Bogan]

Let me.

[John Holmberg]

Let me help you out. Mo Money Pond, the Good Guys car show. You can't go to those things.

[Donnie]

They're terrible.

[John Holmberg]

Goldberg and Oswald right up. Chapman Dodge. No Chapman Dodge for you ever again. That's just the tip of the iceberg. Tons of them. The Navy. You have to hate the Navy now, Russell. Idiot. Amco. Double A, not for you. Yeah, there's tons of them.

[Brady Bogan]

You can't get an awning or a shade now.

[John Holmberg]

No, can't do that. None of that.

[Announcer]

Way to go, John Limbaugh.

[John Holmberg]

That's right, because I wouldn't stop trying to do brainless. And by the way, you brainless zombies out there, who he's really mad at, the guy's been listening for 30 years. He wasn't one of those brainless zombies that he's. He was above you. He was better than you. So much more than what the average listener is. That's why he saw through my ruse. Just like this guy. Because I'm so clearly right wing. It comes across. All of you see it. Everyone out there sees that I am a right wing lunatic just pushing the right wing agenda. Unless you read what Timothy wrote. Dear Holmberg, despite your attempts to stay neutral through the election, I'm happy to report that you and your commie media ways lost. I used to really like your show, but you've become so insanely PC and left, I can't take it anymore. I know it's probably eating you up that you have to toe the left media line, but you're doing it well, which tells me you kind of believe it. Shilling for Kamala 25 times a morning saying, no, I have to play the commercials. Whatever happened to it's my show, tough guy? Where's that? Nope. You bowed to the powers that be and now Trump has won and you have to eat it. Hopefully your new liberal approach serves you well in my Trump world. Loser sign, Timothy. Yep. Wait a minute. A second ago I was the crazy right wing lunatic playing with the mush heads that listen to the show now. Now it's the mush heads that were fighting back and I'm some lunatic communist. My God, Charlemagne Holmberg over here. You know that? All over the place, you guys hear me storming up and down the hallways yelling at everybody. I was crying my eyes out. Wednesday. I fought back. Crying so hard.

[Donnie]

I can't believe he won.

[John Holmberg]

Making my TikTok videos of how the world's coming to an end.

[Brady Bogan]

I mean, I was a little upset that you didn't man up and stop some of these political commercials, you know, because you could do that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, Brady, I tell you what, I could. But it's my show. He's right. I should have just stopped those, but I didn't want to. Deep down, I needed that. Then I could be a lefty for that's how I was telling people. I was quietly trying to be that guy. But I wasn't very good at it. Geez. Donovan says I love these people. Members of the Accepting, Love and Tolerance Party, screaming out that they hate you for believing different and they'll never be part of your show. 30 years the guy listened Russell. Now Russell and Timothy should sit in a room together and cancel each other out. And by that I mean fight to the death. But yeah. So those are the emails I'm getting. And it's kind of winning, I think a little post election lash out. I half expected a little of that, but I always get that. I always get both sides whenever I have one that screams at me. I know shortly thereafter there's a second set for me. Shortly thereafter, there's a second one that'll say the opposite.

[Brady Bogan]

We've had celebrities double dip on the if. If he gets elected again, I'm moving.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

You know, from 2016, they had a list out. I'm like, man, this is the second round.

[John Holmberg]

You've done it twice and you're not going anywhere. Says, hey, Russell, why don't you go lay your head on your wife's lap and cry like the rest of them? Well, Matthew, you're not wrong, but he doesn't have a wife. He's a homosexual. I hate women. Are you crazy?

[Announcer]

You flash your white dudes for Harris card to this guy and pissed him off or what?

[John Holmberg]

Hate women so much. I couldn't take my eyes off of one last night who wasn't wearing any pants. I didn't try to stop that. She's free. This one says, because of you, I didn't vote. Your unbiased insight on both of these idiot options was spot on. So I thank you. Russell kick rocks. He doesn't listen well. No, no, no, no. Andrea, you're just a mush head who doesn't understand how anything works because you don't believe exactly the same way as Russell. Yes, fire anyone in this room who disagrees with me. It happens daily. That's why we have such huge turnover. And you're just a coward. Both of you. Probably sitting back going, oh, I want.

[Donnie]

To say something, but I'll lose my job. He's insane.

[Brady Bogan]

You're right, John.

[Announcer]

Exactly what you said.

[Donnie]

That's right.

[John Holmberg]

Or else you two pricks better fall in line. Give Russell a message from me and the ghouls. F off. Russell, I hope you get Parkinson's and aids. That's right, David. We wish. Parkinson's and aids on Russell. Parkinson's. Parkinson's.

[Holly]

Whipping boy reporting for duty.

[Donnie]

Oh, here we go.

[John Holmberg]

Toledo. He's on one side or the other that I support vehemently. If it's Timothy or Russell, whichever one it is, you and I are on the same page. According to Timothy. And then Russell thinks that I hate women.

[Donnie]

Don't fire me, boss.

[John Holmberg]

I'm thinking about it. Yeah, I don't like how you're side eyeing me.

[Brady Bogan]

Get out.

[Donnie]

Damn it.

[John Holmberg]

I'm just a firing machine. 23 years we've had two people come and go. That's a track record I don't think I should be ashamed of.

[Announcer]

Hey, Russell. Go breastfeed your cats, you crybaby.

[John Holmberg]

All right, people attack. This one says both sides have One thing in common, they hate hearing the truth and you speak it. Tommy. Tommy, you want a job? That's pretty agreeable stuff right there. I think I like Tommy.

[Brady Bogan]

I really like him, too.

[Announcer]

Me too.

[Donnie]

Get better or else.

[John Holmberg]

You guys know how it is around here. My thumbs on you. It's red.

[Donnie]

Oh, no, that's for help. Me too.

[John Holmberg]

I'll put you back in the box. The sandpaper box this time, buddy. Now eat your broth with chicken heads in it. That's all you eat here, Holmberg, screw the elections. What did you do to chase off Tasha and Jeannie? Yeah, I don't know. They're gone and I wish they were still here. I guess as it stands right now, Russell could get a commercial garage door as Tosh and Jeannie aren't currently advertising, but if they come back, then he's got to give it back. That's the thing. Sometimes advertisers take little breaks, so he's got to listen all the time. Like, he's got to write down all our advertisers. That's great. Thank you. That's going to be 24 hours of ratings. We really appreciate that, Russell. And then he's got to write all that down and then, like, realize at the end of the day, his list is incomplete because tomorrow may start a new Tasha and Jeannie series, right? They may be like, we just took a couple months off, another new business, reassessed our marketing, and we're putting it back on with you or we're only going to go. You know, there's a lot of times when their business is like, this is our fast time. We don't need to advertise right now. So we'll do it during downtime or opposite. A lot of people like to advertise when things are hot, keep it going, and, you know, really kind of make hay. And then in the slow times, they pull back, you know, make money for a rainy day. So you never know. But keep your eyes open there, Russell, because you never know. If Tasha and Jeannie come back and you just got yourself a new commercial door, like, oh, I got it from them. I gotta give that back. If you want to keep your. Your incredibly powerful stance together for a long period of time, you never know, right?

[Brady Bogan]

In your holidays, log them down for.

[John Holmberg]

This keep going holiday season. And, hey, we're gonna have a whole bunch of new people popping in for the holidays. You got a hell of a job you've created for yourself, taking your stance, and I admire it. Russell, you're gonna be monitoring this station non stop. And that just means our ratings will go through the moon because we got a guy that won't stop listening for hours on end writing down every commercial he hears.

[Brady Bogan]

Must stop this sale.

[John Holmberg]

Can't go to Desert Diamond Casino ever again.

[Donnie]

God damn it. Must never call the law. Tigers can't do business at Wells Fargo.

[John Holmberg]

Gotta drop out of Maricopa Community Colleges. Can't enjoy the Traffic and weather network anymore. Russell's just gonna be. You're gonna get carpal tunnel. Russell, be careful. You know what I suggest? Dictate that to someone. Your wrist is gonna hurt. And to Timothy, you're right. Unlike what Russell believes, my left leaning ways were exposed. I hate that Timothy was the one that came out and said, found you out, buddy. But there it was. I did a lot of those commercials for Kamala. She didn't even pay for them. I was just throwing them in there. So hell bent on getting her elected. That's what we deal with.

[Brady Bogan]

Must stop finding homes for dogs.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, can't do that. Can't go to Sit Stay brunch Saturday at Monte Lucia. Omni lost our home pet rescue off the list. And then yesterday a great story is I wish I could have been here for this. I'm downtown a lot. But the headline's the best part. Man in bunny suit flashes woman in downtown Phoenix.

[Donnie]

That's.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I go to downtown for a. If I see a man in a bunny suit, I'm not turning the other way. I'm following him for a little while. And then it turns out he's whipping his dick out too. It's.

[Brady Bogan]

I'd picture that thing just filthy.

[John Holmberg]

He looks a little bit like the way. Who's the. Where my dog's at. What was his name?

[Brady Bogan]

Dmx.

[John Holmberg]

Dmx. It looks a little like the DMX was still around. Like how he would have aged. Says police arrested man Monday identified as a flasher in a bunny suit. Documents say 44 year old Nolan Patrick Matthews walked into the backyard of a house in downtown Phoenix. It's at 7. And whipped it out for a woman who lived there. And then he just left. Pretty easy to catch, really. It's like. All right, Let me call 911 real quick. Black guy, bunny suit just showed me his dick in the backyard. All right, we're on it, man. We'll get that in a second. Can't catch those Gilbert goons, but black guy in a bunny suit's going to jail immediately.

[Brady Bogan]

Two blocks away.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, officers called near 7th street in I10 spoke with a neighbor who lived right around there and said she gave him the video of the doorbell camera. There he is. It's the bunny suit you're looking for. You see a black man in a bunny suit? That's the guy. They were able to locate the man that fit his description immediately. It didn't take long for officers to get the job done. They drove to the man was being held. They interviewed him immediately, and he said that he had a ID card for his employment. They didn't say where he worked. According to documents, Hacienda Hospital. Yeah, it could have been. He admitted to being in the backyard, but I never showed him my dick. I just dressed as a bunny in that lady's yard. Now. Doesn't matter if you showed the dick or not. Black men in a bunny suit in my backyard's going to jail. I'm sorry. That's happening, like, immediately. Even if Al, my landscaper, shows up in a bunny suit, I'm like, al's gone crazy. I'm gonna have to call the police.

[Announcer]

Doesn't matter if it's a white guy. Anybody dressed up as the Energizer bunny in my backyard is out.

[Brady Bogan]

That bunny sure has a long tail.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, yeah, I guess you're right. I mean, for some reason it's. I don't know, maybe that's my bigotry. White guy in the bunny suit, I feel like I could take him real easy. Black guy in the bunny suit. I assume something horrible is going on and I'm about to go down. Like, he's got a plan. White guy is probably just. He's a disaster and needs to go to jail. But I. I honestly, I feel like I could just hit him with a bat.

[Announcer]

It could be one of your neighbors.

[Brady Bogan]

That was exactly, exactly.

[John Holmberg]

That's kind of what I was getting at. It might be a party goer that thinks he should be at Michael and Troy's. And he wandered into my yard. That's what I think I was thinking.

[Brady Bogan]

Was a homeless guy. And that was basically the only thing he had. You know, it's cold. So he got a hold of dressed.

[Announcer]

Like Ralph from A Christmas Story.

[Brady Bogan]

I mean, I don't know what's in those grocery carts. Sometimes when you see them, they collect stuff.

[John Holmberg]

Right. But you're saying it got cold and his only option was the big giant.

[Brady Bogan]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

And he's walking around, well, why is somebody donated that?

[Donnie]

And he's like, oh, this will come in handy someday. Woo, it's chilly outside.

[John Holmberg]

Good thing I have my life. Siiz Money outfit said no man ever, homeless or otherwise. You'd have to be like, I'm not putting that on. Not doing it.

[Brady Bogan]

Fits nice.

[John Holmberg]

I think Brett's right. I think if I saw a guy in my backyard, black guy in a bunny suit is gonna kill me. White guy in a bunny suit's at the wrong house. He needs to be next door because it's just something leaked over from Michael and Troy's place. Mexican guy in a bunny suit. Somebody's getting. Yeah, something's in trouble there too. Or he's getting chased. Or he's like coyotes are after him or something. I don't know. There's all sorts of different things. And then you get like an Asian in a bunny suit, and there's too much karate. He's going to jail, too. There's a lot of confidence is what I'm saying. If you're wearing a bunny suit and you go into somebody else's yard, you're hard to take down.

[Announcer]

Well, it's a Mexican guy on the corner or something. Then it would be like the. It'd be tax season, you know?

[John Holmberg]

Right. Yeah.

[Announcer]

My statue of Liberty was in the cleaners essay.

[John Holmberg]

I didn't get the rabbit suit dressed as a rabbit. It was the only thing I had.

[Donnie]

And it was cold.

[John Holmberg]

I'm just saying there's a lot of confidence to wander into some stranger's yard in the bunny suit. And then I start going down the worst possible stereotypes I can think of. But again, white guy in the bunny suit. I automatically think gay. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's the most homosexual you can be as a white. No self respecting black man puts the bunny suit on. He's. He's gone crazy. Absolutely gone crazy. I just want to put my bunny suit on. Wander around a stranger's yard against the law. It's incredibly against the law.

[Donnie]

Yes, the bunny suit.

[John Holmberg]

No, the bunny suit's not. But you being here is. I ain't that a. I just love him.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Trying to wander around my bunny suits, they want.

[Brady Bogan]

You're homeless. You don't have a home.

[John Holmberg]

You.

[Brady Bogan]

Look, what can I do to get three hots in a cot without getting too bad?

[John Holmberg]

And then maybe dress as a bunny and go over to Michael and Troys and earn some money. You're right. Brett's right. That was my first initial bigotry. The white guy's a homosexual and he's at the wrong house. I actually might have him go. You're looking for the guys next door. I might. I might even just immediately Help him. And he turns out to be an AJ Meth head in a bunny suit. I'm like, whoops, my bad. I immediately went to the assumption of you're a gay man looking for a party that's not here. And Michael and Troy are right over there. Look for the other bunnies. Just start saying, hey, bunny. Hey, bunny, and they'll hop right over the fence and get you. It must be a bunny party I don't know about. It's Playboy night over at Michael and Troy. I don't know. That's a great story. And if you do see a guy walking around downtown Phoenix in a bunny suit, ignoring it, I mean, that's what they mean with the sign, see something, say something. They're not talking about terrorism. That's the thing where. That's when you rat somebody up. Like, all right, this is not gonna go well for me. I'm looking at a dude in a bunny suit just wandering on 7th Street. You want to check this and just have the cops ask some questions?

[Announcer]

And what if somebody walks in down the halls here in a bunny suit?

[John Holmberg]

Nuts. It would be Moynihan. I already know who would do it first. Moynihan would do it, and it would probably be because the ladies downstairs talked him into doing another video. And Moynihan gets pushed around by the sales hens really badly.

[Brady Bogan]

Here comes Stevie Cotton.

[John Holmberg]

You know who'll wear the stupid bunny suit is Moynihan.

[Announcer]

He's like Mikey from Life Cereal.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. They treat him like he's prideless. And now he's a manager, so eventually he'll get his revenge. They can't wait to put Moynihan in outfits. They dress him up like a Dapper Dan. Hey, Moynihan, best story. Hey, Moynihan, we're doing a commercial. You want to be in it? Sure.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

You're the before. What does that mean? Well, you're gonna drive a junkie car, and when you get in it, we'll film you getting in. But then it transforms into a beautiful car, and gorgeous Dustin from KDKB is gonna get out. So when you drive this car, you're an ugly schlub. That's your role. When you drive the other car, you're a beautiful gay. That's what Dustin's role is. Stunning, shiny, beautiful man. Okay. And Steve's out in the parking lot filming it.

[Announcer]

He's gonna kill somebody one of these days.

[John Holmberg]

I know. And they gave him a job with power, which I admire. And he's biding his time, which I admire even more. But if anybody in this building's gonna be in that bunny suit, it's morning. We can dress Steve, like anything we want, say the ladies down there, until it's too late. One of these days, that bunny's gonna be in your yard showing him his wiener. But, yeah, I wanna be downtown when that happens. I want that stuff to happen to me.

[Brady Bogan]

We had that one guy for a while that was downtown in the speedo and cowboy hat.

[John Holmberg]

No, they had the baby man. Speedo and cowboy hat was New York. That was. Was that New York singer.

[Brady Bogan]

I know. We had Babyman. I thought we had a cowboy hat guy, too.

[John Holmberg]

Probably, but not like the dude in New York City got famous. He was in a speedo and cowboy hat. He would walk around singing to people. I want to look out my window one morning and just go, what the hell is that? And just see some dude in a bunny suit looking back at me with his dick out. What's up? Yep. I'm gonna call the cops now. But this is great stuff. I just want that to happen. Hey, come here for a sec.

[Donnie]

Megan, do you see that?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. There's a man in the bunny suit with his dick out. Yeah, I see it too.

[Donnie]

Look at that.

[Brady Bogan]

I like to see the Statue of Liberty not being able to dress. Just walking after the shift.

[John Holmberg]

In your yard?

[Brady Bogan]

No, just walking on. Yeah. Going home and have to get on the bus.

[John Holmberg]

I want it to happen. I want it fully to happen to me because.

[Announcer]

Oh, it's at 59th Avenue.

[Donnie]

Camelback.

[John Holmberg]

I won't. I won't call the cops, like, right away. I'm just gonna hang out and watch him for a little bit because they're gonna catch him. Dude in a bunny suit doesn't go too far. I'm gonna see what he does. What's he doing? He just climbs the fence. How'd he get in? Did he climb the fence? Did he go through a gate? Like, how does this happen? And I'd like to see him struggle climbing the fence. And then I'm calling the cops. There's a guy in my yard. He's hilarious, but he's in a bunny suit. He's trying to get out, and he's stuck. I'd go give him a boost. Let's get you in that alley. What's wrong with you? If you own a bunny suit and I find out, if I was at your house and I open your closet and there's a big pink bunny suit, Call on the cops for that too. I'm like you're up to no good.

[Announcer]

Unless you're at Michael and Troy's house.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's. That's the closet. I'd go through their closet, see a suit instead of all the 18 or 20 bunny suits like this one. Doesn't fit in. Something strange going on.

[Brady Bogan]

Like a zoo when that furry party's happening.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, I'd go over to that party dressed as a rabbit, see what's.

[Brady Bogan]

There's an anteater walking down the street.

[John Holmberg]

There's a good chance I'll. I'll wake up one morning and there'll be a sleeping rabbit man in my yard.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

Michael and Troy's party leaked over in our grass.

[Donnie]

Sorry about that.

[John Holmberg]

Trevor got loose. He bounced over my fence. We'll pick him up. Don't worry about it.

[Radio Host/Producer]

Arizona's most powerful rock radio station.

[John Holmberg]

He said fully erect. 98 KD.

[Radio Host/Producer]

You're listening to the best of Homburg's morning sickness, the 98 KUPD.

[John Holmberg]

Brady, I've been thinking about you all day yesterday because you Left here at 10:30 to go have lunch at Texas Grill, which is breakfast, really, at 10:30 in the morning with mine.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, we did. We did a little stop before that.

[John Holmberg]

For what?

[Brady Bogan]

I had to stop by a guy that is doing some work for me.

[John Holmberg]

What is that?

[Brady Bogan]

Promotional items.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I see. That was very veiled. Well done.

[Brady Bogan]

Doing some undercover work for me.

[Donnie]

I got a gang doing some things for me.

[John Holmberg]

Anyway, all I could think about was that giant chicken fried steak they're so proud of over there. When I had it for three days, I didn't eat, didn't need to eat for three days. The portions there are so American.

[Brady Bogan]

They are small.

[John Holmberg]

Ridiculous. And when you said you were going there at 10:30 in the morning, I was like, oh, I started to sweat gravy just for you. Just on mere suggestion. I'm like, how's he doing it? How is he doing this? Proud of you.

[Brady Bogan]

He does a special every once in a while. Shepherd's pie, which is.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, summertime. Shepherd's picture pie. You're insane.

[Brady Bogan]

That's how good it is.

[John Holmberg]

You're bananas. That's a long drive to sweat gravy, but it's good.

[Brady Bogan]

I had to go up there and like, the perfect timing and the.

[John Holmberg]

It's good. There's no doubt about it. But I just thought about it yesterday. I was doing some stuff. I'm like, oh, Brady is filled with gravy, right? And I started sweat it. I started sweat it all out. Horrifying Scared me to death. We'll have Ronnie promise you that she's gonna throw out things like, you know, gift cards to Texas breakfasts, which I still don't get. That's got to be. Are you still feeling it? Because it's the most food I've ever eaten in my life.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, you pretty much cap it off for the day.

[John Holmberg]

I ordered their shrimp by name. It's small. There were four steak sized shrimp on a plate. They were as big as my hand. Fantastic food. That was the appetizer.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I'm full. Then this thing shows up on a double sized plate. What is Jack and the Beanstalk? The guy in charge of this place. How much food do you think I need? Sweet. Megan orders this chicken fried steak because that's their bragging thing. There's three chickens on the plate. It's this smashed out. That was amazing. It's a week's worth of food and it covers that whole giant. Don't get me wrong, it's all great. I fear it. I fear it. Brady took his family there in the morning. They attacked it.

[Brady Bogan]

We got there.

[John Holmberg]

You left at 10:30. Excitement in your eyes.

[Donnie]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It was an event that was. I was proud of you. Proud of you, kid. Food's fantastic. I'm not bashing the place. I'm just saying. I don't know how you did it at 10:30. I couldn't rally up at 10:30 for a place that's chicken fried steak heavy and Shepherd's Pie, 105 degree day. It's just a killer.

[Brett]

I made the mistake.

[John Holmberg]

I ordered it.

[Brett]

I'm going to Twin Peaks tonight, five to seven. Giving away those mini fridges. Same place, Scottsdale. They have the chicken fried steak too. And I saw it and I'm like, I want to order that. They give me two pack, two patties on top of each other.

[John Holmberg]

This place is two with another piece of chicken on the side.

[Brett]

It's.

[John Holmberg]

That's not chicken fried.

[Brett]

Yeah. You get a taste for it? You're thinking? Yeah, I just. You figure just like one patty and a size.

[John Holmberg]

Eric. Here's how much food they give you at Texas Grill. When Megan couldn't finish her chicken fried, steel mistake said, can I get this to go? I brought her two boxes because all that was left wouldn't fit in one.

[Brett]

So it's like flame jump.

[John Holmberg]

Twice as much. No way. Claim jumper.

[Brett]

That's the most I've ever.

[Brady Bogan]

No, it's not. It's not twice as much.

[John Holmberg]

It's Claim Jumper. If Claim Jumper is Grab a green. Compared to this place, we left with two boxes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But. Yeah, but you guys are. You know, you were ready. You were prepared. You knew. No, I didn't know. Yeah, and you knew what you were getting. And you still leave with giant boxes of food. It's amazing. It's.

[Radio Host/Producer]

It's.

[John Holmberg]

The food's great, but 10:30 in the morning, if someone even says it to me, I just put my hands up like, we're fighting to put that in me. I have to prepare for weeks in advance to go.

[Brady Bogan]

But if you want to know anything about Texas, that's your place to go.

[John Holmberg]

There's Joey Chester leaves Texas Grill with to go. Kobayashi has a box in his hand when he's walking out. Couldn't finish. Couldn't finish. It's amazing. So I'm proud of Brady and his family. I'm sure Kirby and Ronnie are still.

[Brady Bogan]

Save room for the cobbler.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's right. Why do they have a dessert menu? Why? Oh, it's amazing.

[Brett]

That's your meal for the day.

[Brady Bogan]

It is.

[John Holmberg]

For two days. For two days. I'm not kidding. Two days worth. I don't think I ate the entire next day. I had a really average size. I ate, like, most of what I did. I'm like, that's enough. And then the next day, I'm like, I don't think I'm going to be hungry.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, you're good for the day.

[John Holmberg]

You were at least.

[Brett]

Probably save money that way. If you just have that one meal a day.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you sweat gravy. It's amazing. You don't even have to eat the gravy. You just sweat gravy for being in there. It's one of the. It's. It's. It's a. It's a treasure. It's an Arizona treasure. But don't. You know? And then the people that come out of there. I ride my bike past there almost every day, and they'll come out at like, three, and they come out literally like, it's the first time they've seen the sun in years.

[Donnie]

I hope we should meet up and do this more often.

[John Holmberg]

No, because three, you're gonna die today. Your hearts are gonna explode in the drive home. And they're just standing there next to their giant Ford F150s, because that's all that's in the parking lot. Well, we conquered it. It's. It's Everest. There's little tents. Midway through the meal, you have to stop off base camps. Amazing. It's an amazing display of food. I love it.

[Brady Bogan]

They do a good job over so American.

[John Holmberg]

I fear it. I have to prepare for it.

[Brady Bogan]

We'll try to get that again. It's a special like maybe once a month. But the shepherd's pie and then he does a chicken and dumplings.

[Radio Host/Producer]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Well, light as a feather. Light as a feather at 10:30. I don't know how you did it. You are the best I've ever seen. Chicken and dumplings at 10:30 in the morning. It's like, oh, it's. Were you going to the electric chair at 5 and just ate everything?

[Brady Bogan]

It was my final meal. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It would be a great last meal.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh man.

[John Holmberg]

It would take you a couple days place to eat it. You'd have to. You delay your own execution.

[Radio Host/Producer]

It's the best of homburg's morning sickness on the Big Red Radio 98 KUPD.

[John Holmberg]

And again we look at Brady and we're like, how are you eating? You were at Texas Grill yesterday. We find out after berating Brady about his. His breakfast. Shepherd's pie in 105 degrees at 10 in the morning. You get faxes from this restaurant. This guy's only method of contacting you to lure you to his restaurant is to fax you at 7 in the morning. And it worked. Kudos to Texas Grill. We got a lot of shepherd's pie facts, Brady.

[Donnie]

It's like a.

[John Holmberg]

It's like the bat signal.

[Holly]

So for those of you still holding on to your fax machines.

[Brett]

Yeah, well, I think everybody like has had like the scan print fax thing. But I don't think anybody's ever received a fax.

[John Holmberg]

I've never once received from my home. To start the facts is turning itself on.

[Donnie]

What the number five is alive.

[Brady Bogan]

It is.

[John Holmberg]

And then all of a sudden a restaurant. I would, I would assume that it was a message. It would be like finding a message in a bottle. Oh, it's an advertisement from the 80s. This must have just gotten lost up there somewhere. No, it's a modern day thing. Brady. Did it say Brady, please come. Was it personalized?

[Brady Bogan]

No, it just goes out to. He. He does a. He has his mass list.

[John Holmberg]

I don't think it's that mass. And I also think that that guy you were talking about, that's about 600 pounds that was in there is also on the facts list. Brady, I don't think this is company you want to keep.

[Brady Bogan]

He wasn't.

[John Holmberg]

He's.

[Brady Bogan]

He's on the reg there. That guy, he didn't have the special.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe every guy that's on the list. Gets their own special. That is borderline creepy. Facts came through, and your whole family got in the car and drove to it. All right, we understand what it is. I know I don't have to say it.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, that facts came. Oh, that sounds good. Let's go there for lunch. I was gonna take Kirby and Ronnie out to lunch.

[John Holmberg]

And for normal people in the room, how long would it take you to figure out why are people faxing me shepherd's pie? Why am I getting a fax about shepherd's pie? I'd call friends, like, did you get one? I don't know what this is. Brady immediately took it for its word and ran to the place. That's amazing. That's a foodieism I just will never understand. How about that? Faxes still work.

[Brett]

Could you imagine Gordon Ramsay going in there? They're like, on.

[Donnie]

We don't have that many folks coming.

[John Holmberg]

In G ram because our advertising campaign has been. What are you doing?

[Donnie]

Why'd you advertise? Why don't we fax a group of local big fellas and hope that they show up? What are you talking about? Fax machines, facsimiles. Who are you faxing? Well, it's the wall of fame over here.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody who's completed the 47 ounce chicken challenge.

[Donnie]

Everybody on the wall. Everybody's picturing this load of lard asses is who you're faxing. You'd be surprised, Gordon. I would be. I would be that they have faxes they haven't eaten yet. Why haven't they poured sulcer on their.

[John Holmberg]

Faxes and eaten those? I think a few have, Gordon.

[Donnie]

That's why I called you.

[John Holmberg]

Is there a more modern technology I could reach out to the masses with? Paper's killing me. That's crazy. I've never heard of that.

[Brady Bogan]

And we've stepped it up a little bit at Porkopolis. We don't fax. You can join the VIP club by.

[John Holmberg]

Going to the website. That's a database. That's different. It's totally different.

[Brady Bogan]

That's what I said to. That's the funny thing, a couple of weeks ago, it was maybe two months ago, Vestley was over there doing a beer appearance, right. I think for Corona.

[John Holmberg]

Right. And the dude remembered you, right? As a good.

[Brady Bogan]

And he says. And so Brett contacts me and I said, don't tell him. I said, hi. And he said, he needs your number, Wants to get you back on the fax thing. I was. He's still faxing. And I had before once I gave him my number. Yeah. I go, I love that shepherd's pie.

[Brett]

Did you actually go out and buy, like, a new fax machine just for this $500?

[Donnie]

I want it to be in color.

[John Holmberg]

I want to taste the print. It's crazy. You realize it's almost an insult. I want to put you on my fat guy facts list.

[Donnie]

None.

[Brady Bogan]

Not an insult.

[John Holmberg]

It is an insult. He'll eat anything we fax him.

[Donnie]

I'm okay with that.

[John Holmberg]

They can print food now. You still get faxes?

[Brady Bogan]

Well, if I get the 3D printer, it looks like shepherd's pie.

[Brett]

Having a slow day.

[Donnie]

Send out the fax. Fire up the fax machine. Getting killed. I never thought I'd say it.

[John Holmberg]

Facts, Brady. It's going to save your business. Everything. I mean, I didn't know why Kirby and Ronnie were here yesterday. You said, we're going.

[Brady Bogan]

We're gonna go out to lunch.

[John Holmberg]

You rubbed your hands together.

[Donnie]

Texas.

[John Holmberg]

I'm like, oh, boy.

[Brady Bogan]

She was like, one of those faxes came over early in the morning.

[John Holmberg]

You get a fax at 7am that is an. That is insulting.

[Brett]

Did you run over to it in your tighty whities?

[Brady Bogan]

I didn't. No, I didn't get it. Ronnie got it, texted him. He took a picture of it. It's like texting dumplings, shepherd's pie. And I go, there's where we're going to lunch.

[John Holmberg]

It is literally like me sending a fax to my friend Reggie, my black friend in Chicago, of me eating a watermelon, going, jealous. Drive to it. I got plenty. Oh, my God. That's gotta stop. We have to put an intervention on this. We're taking away your shampoo and your fax machine.

[Brady Bogan]

You haven't noticed I might enjoy.

[John Holmberg]

I know, but that's crazy now. Now other people have noticed and are taking advantage of it by taking your. Your fascination with it and now just putting images in front of you via facts. They're. They're intruding into your home.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, you can get on that fax list, too.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. I think it's invite only. I'm pretty sure that's super vice stuff. Yeah.

[Holly]

In the meet our customers angle. Do you recognize that face?

[John Holmberg]

Is it Brady?

[Announcer]

No, that's Bruce.

[Donnie]

Bruce Olson.

[John Holmberg]

That's Bruce. That's another heart attack walking. It's the bright red tomato known as Bruce Olson.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, there's a lot of radio folks that have been in that media, people with faxes.

[John Holmberg]

Bruce is also older. Guy hasn't really adapted to the Internet.

[Radio Host/Producer]

Merry effing holidays from the Big Red Radio Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Announcer]

This segment is brought to you guys.

[John Holmberg]

By Action Ride Shop.

[Announcer]

Now, if you're thinking about heading up north to hit the slopes for some skiing, some boarding, or if you're just gonna stay down here in the valley and do some mountain biking, Action Ride Shop is your place to be. They got all the gear and all the knowledge you're gonna need, so check them out [e-mail] or better yet, just go visit them over there on Gilbert Road and Southern.

[John Holmberg]

It's Action Ride shop. 98 KUPD. It is the morning sickness here and Brady Bogan. Big part of the show. Biggest part of the show. Yeah, Very big was. Now, if you remember, back in November, we learned a lot about Brady and his little friend Petey. She's a somebody. What kind of dog? American bull, American bulldog. Very adorable dog who's been trained to do some things that are just not right. For instance, during a sexual encounter. Yeah. Over the holidays, Petey accident decided to shove his nostrils little snout right in Brady's bum. I wouldn't say accidentally.

[Brady Bogan]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Trained. Yeah. Probably true because there was peanut butter there for one reason or another. But anyway, so Petey's have been in this area before. Brady calls me yesterday and tells me this. Brady, go ahead. All right.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm taking Petey to the park. I go to this dog park every day. And my friend Bob Mattock is trains his horse. It's a Tennessee Walker, which is almost like it's a big horse.

[John Holmberg]

They're huge.

[Brady Bogan]

Little smaller than a Clydesdale, but same type of build. Well, here comes Matt talk and the Tennessee Walker. And Petey thinks it's a big dog, basically. So they get along fine. I'm sitting there for a couple minutes talking to Bob. Next thing I know, the Tennessee Walker's tail rears up and you hear this. Just unloads these green monster. And before I could call Petey off, there we go deep in the and.

[John Holmberg]

Do the noise of Petey eating horse poop.

[Donnie]

That's what I hear.

[John Holmberg]

Yesterday I got a mouthful of Sugar Pops and Brady's dog's eating crappy. Had to call me to tell me.

[Mo Bergeron]

You'Re not gonna believe this.

[Brady Bogan]

They love it now.

[John Holmberg]

Dogs love it.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, the good thing about it now I no longer have to buy dog food. I just go to mad.

[John Holmberg]

Get a shovel. Yeah, you get a month's worth of Petey food.

[Brady Bogan]

He says, my dog, Mad Dog says, my dog's already put two and a half pounds on Dogs love that stuff.

[John Holmberg]

Really? Horse crap?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Like, immediately? Yeah, because he ran to it. You. You said he did it, like, in seconds.

[Brady Bogan]

I think he had a warm meal.

[Donnie]

Oh, man.

[John Holmberg]

It was. It was a used meal. You don't want that. My dog growing up did the same thing with our horse. But just a little insight on Brady and mine's friendship, it's now become.

[Donnie]

Hey, John.

[John Holmberg]

Whatcha doin'? I'm having some spaghetti. Hey, I found a tapeworm in the middle of the carpet that was, like 13ft long. Peedied all over it. It was horrifying. There's blood everywhere.

[Donnie]

Later.

[Brady Bogan]

Click.

[John Holmberg]

These stories, these horror stories from the happiest sounding person in the world.

[Donnie]

Hey, John?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah?

[Mo Bergeron]

What are you doing?

[John Holmberg]

I'm just eating a head of lettuce. I found a human head bleeding in my attic. It was gross. It was.

[Brady Bogan]

He loves that sound.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's horrible. And it's for every story he tells.

[Donnie]

Yeah.

[Mo Bergeron]

So I'm messing around with this girl.

[Donnie]

You know, I don't get it.

[John Holmberg]

It's all inclusive.

[Donnie]

I got this cut in my hand just dripping off me.

[John Holmberg]

Petey's going to town on it. So Petey eats horse crap? I didn't know dogs ate horse crap. Dogs love it. Why don't they have horse crap flavored dog food?

[Brady Bogan]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

It'd be a huge seller. Be huge. It's the same as cat food. Flavored like old people.

[Donnie]

Mm.

[John Holmberg]

Horse crap flavored dog food. Somebody needs to get on there.

[Brady Bogan]

They can't get enough of it.

[John Holmberg]

Is it good for them?

[Brady Bogan]

It probably is. Full of fiber and nutrients.

[John Holmberg]

So he's got his nose in my bum. What the hell kind of noise is that? He tells it with every story, but there you go. That was what I had to deal with eating with Brady yesterday. So well done. If you're petting Petey or he's about to lick you, push her away. Wait a minute. He told you this over a meal? I was eating. Oh, you were. He was on the phone. What are you doing? Spaghetti. Petey was eating horse poop.

[Mo Bergeron]

Like this.

[John Holmberg]

Then it's like 18 minutes of that. I get it, Brady.

[Donnie]

Oh, God.

[John Holmberg]

So there you go, Brady. Report coming up next. I'm going to go puke again. You keep it right here. 98 KUPD.

[Radio Host/Producer]

It's the best of Homburg's morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

98 KUPD. And horse crap stories come rolling in. No pun intended either. Who's this? Adam. Adam, what were you saying to Brady that made me almost vomit? Just via the assumed Conversation. The bestiality, you know, manure show or I don't know, you'd have to get a catchy slogan or something for a patent. You know, throw some raw egg in it. You know, it's good for the complexion or skin or something. Oh, it could be a marketable thing on many different. You know. So you think that like Neutrogena could come up with something for girls. Like Katie Holmes is in the commercial saying it's good for your skin and she's just peeling it right out of the horses. Yeah, it depends.

[Brady Bogan]

There's a market for everybody.

[John Holmberg]

You just gotta get the right people. You know, maybe. Maybe on the Internet or something. Well, I'm sure it's already on the Internet. In fact, I'm going to look up horse feces on the Internet and check out the sex site that I will never. Yeah, bestiality or something like that. Well, you know, there's always the people.

[Brady Bogan]

Pay to crap on each other or whatever.

[John Holmberg]

Why not a pony? Why not? Hey, the dog seems to like it. I'm telling you, you market it in all those different angles and you know, you can get lots out of it. Maybe that's why they call it a dog and pony show.

[Brady Bogan]

Could be.

[John Holmberg]

Didn't even think of that.

[Holly]

There you go.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Thanks, Adam, for making me officially ill. No problem. Nice work, man. Good for the complexion. What's wrong with these people?

[Brady Bogan]

We've received numerous calls.

[John Holmberg]

I'm telling you, if it was good for the hair, every girl would. They had that horse shampoo girls used to wear or use all the time. If you just said, oh yeah, horse feces, it's great for your hair. Guess what chicks were would be doing good for your hair.

[Brady Bogan]

Vo Shetland.

[John Holmberg]

You scared me for a second there. I thought you're gonna say something else.

[Radio Host/Producer]

Arizona's most powerful rock radio station.

[John Holmberg]

He said fully erect.

[Radio Host/Producer]

Is another stocking stuffer from the best of Hberg's morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

It's time now for Brady to give you a all the news that only Brady knows. We call this the Brady report. Brought to you by allprochade.com if you want to get on over there, go to their showroom and be careful. Any loud sounds you hear in the background, ask no questions. But you can go through everything. Talk to Robert and the guys over there about putting some shades at your place. If you email them and they'll come out to your house and they'll come up with a design that is going to make your house a knockout. Get that shade. Or a blind or that TV on the back patio that you can only watch at night because it's glare all day. They can. They'll fix that with some sort of incredibly attractive screen on your windows.

[Brady Bogan]

They can do that.

[John Holmberg]

They got everything. They can do it all. And maybe even Kevlar screens on your window. From what I'm hearing about them, they've got a whole back room they can do different things with. They're awesome people doing awesome stuff, making your house better. They'll throw in a free heater if you get a motorized shade from them right about now. It's a little special around the holidays, so check it out. Allprochade.com Brady Reporter Good Friday morning to you, Phoenix.

[Donnie]

Hello, world.

[Brady Bogan]

We've made it. A company surveyed 1,000 people on GLP1 medications like Ozempic, Govy, and 12% of the Americans on those drugs say they plan to pause them for the holidays so they can indulge.

[John Holmberg]

It's good for you. It's real healthy. Shut your body's digestive system down completely and then turn around a few seconds later, fill it back up and then start taking those shots. You're gonna make it.

[Brady Bogan]

Top temptations, Christmas cookies, sweets. 54% like to scarf those down.

[John Holmberg]

I thought the whole point of the Ozempic was that you didn't. You still had the temptations, but you didn't eat because you weren't hungry. So it's better now. It's better to take it now. You'll still eat a little bit. You just won't crush it. Like the whole point is.

[Brady Bogan]

I mean, what about the ones that are actually taking it for the di Diabetes?

[John Holmberg]

They're not into the weight loss part.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, I don't think they would pause it for that. That's what I'm saying.

[John Holmberg]

No, you can't pause diabetes for cookies, Brady. That's a terrible idea.

[Brady Bogan]

I know.

[John Holmberg]

You shouldn't be a doctor anymore. How great of disease.

[Brady Bogan]

If you could just pause it.

[John Holmberg]

I'm going to take a couple weeks off this medicine and I'm going to just crush some cookies. You're diabetic. That's a terrible idea. Well, it's the holidays, so Jesus will know. Yeah. People with diabetes are not on Ozempic for the same reason.

[Announcer]

Right.

[Brady Bogan]

But it's also to prevent diabetes. So it's not treating.

[John Holmberg]

Preventing. You have potential diabetes. It's not a preventative like a vaccine. You have it. You have propensity of. You're gonna. It slows your diabetes. It keeps your. What are the A1C. Or whatever the hell that is. The. You're slowing down the. The problems you already have before they get really out of hand. But don't. Don't listen to Dr. Bogan. The holidays are not a time to stop your medicine.

[Brady Bogan]

Not what I said.

[John Holmberg]

I know it was a little. Yeah, kind of. It was. In a weird way.

[Brady Bogan]

No, but I'm like. What I said was. I can't believe if any of those people that are having it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

For that treatment. Why would you pause?

[John Holmberg]

They wouldn't. What we're saying. We're not even suggesting that. You're saying the people. Only the ones using it for weight loss. Not the ones who need it for actual medical concerns. The ones who are doing it to cheat diet.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, that was my qu. I mean, it's 12%. Does that include.

[John Holmberg]

No. People, people, people. Issues with diabetes should not take a break for sweets and cookies for the holiday. Just.

[Radio Host/Producer]

What.

[John Holmberg]

To be clear.

[Brady Bogan]

This is big news. Member Berries General Mills is reviving a popular cereal from the 60s 70s. It's called Twinkles.

[John Holmberg]

No idea.

[Holly]

Not popular.

[Brady Bogan]

I could. My grandmother used to have it at her house.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no kidding.

[Brady Bogan]

And when I would sleep over the next morning, Twinkles was there. Twinkles the elephant. Oh, it is a. The taste. It's more like Corn Pops, but it's Twinkles. What's that?

[Announcer]

But it's Twinkles.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's twinkling Corn Pops.

[Brady Bogan]

It'll be available at Walmart.

[John Holmberg]

Corn Pops for homosexuals.

[Donnie]

Twinkle.

[Brady Bogan]

There's the Twinkles the elephant with the front pack.

[John Holmberg]

Never seen this.

[Brady Bogan]

I remember when I forgot about. But then when I saw the front of that box. That's her cereal she used to get.

[John Holmberg]

That reminds your grandma.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. The taste of grandma with papal chick in the morning eating Twinkles. And now I can relive it.

[John Holmberg]

How much are homes are they like six, seven grand a month? Yeah, I think so. Yeah.

[Holly]

For a decent one.

[John Holmberg]

Looking into that.

[Holly]

He's probably still at the decent stage.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you know, he's. He's gonna. Yeah, he'll be all right. They're gonna. They're gonna need to up his money. Well to get him now we can save money. Yeah. In the long run, it's cost effective to put Brady in one hour.

[Brady Bogan]

Twinkles.

[Donnie]

The villages.

[John Holmberg]

Twinkles is. Yeah. That died before. Like you were young.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, I was young.

[John Holmberg]

That's. I've never heard of Twinkles. And I was a cereal aficionado. And I would have eaten Twinkles. I liked the logo. The elephant looked adorable. And you.

[Brady Bogan]

You ate cereal based on logos?

[John Holmberg]

Sure. That's what marketing did. Are you kidding me?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Toucan Sam, the Twix rabbit, the Honey Bear. All of them were aimed at me and I liked all of them. The frog, Dig em Super Golden Chris.

[Announcer]

Can't imagine you eating Twinkles and Dan walking.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that would have been.

[Donnie]

What's he got there, Marcy?

[John Holmberg]

What's he eating?

[Donnie]

It's twinkles. It's his favorite.

[John Holmberg]

God damn it. You know what you're doing?

[Donnie]

He's gonna wear culottes now. He's not gonna wear culottes. We've made that clear.

[John Holmberg]

But he's gonna want to. And the more you take him away, the more he's gonna want it. Eating Twinkles in my house. Jesus.

[Holly]

There will be no twinkles in my house.

[Donnie]

Can I have a banana, dad?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, of course. Yeah. Get him the biggest one. Get him the biggest banana. Have you noticed all the Nat Geos? Nobody's cracked them. The kid doesn't even. Not even looking in there. But he's. He's pounding Twinkles like there's no tomorrow.

[Brady Bogan]

They pulled it from the shelves in 1973.

[John Holmberg]

Don't you want some rice? Check, son.

[Donnie]

No, I like Twinkles.

[John Holmberg]

Ah. What's your second favorite one?

[Donnie]

I like those Lucky Charms. They got the rainbow.

[John Holmberg]

Ah, God damn it. You're gonna be a Peter puffer.

[Donnie]

I gotta tell my friends.

[Brady Bogan]

And now it's time for some pee pee poo poo news.

[Donnie]

Oh, hello my friends.

[Brady Bogan]

Brady Bogan here with your pee pee poo poo news. According to a survey, nearly half of Americans carry backup underwear with it in case they have an accident.

[John Holmberg]

Starting to hate this.

[Brady Bogan]

Or because they plan to change clothes like after going to the gym.

[Holly]

Okay, that's better.

[John Holmberg]

But that's not backup underwear.

[Brady Bogan]

70% of people who carry spare underwear say they have had it come in handy at least once.

[John Holmberg]

That is not.

[Holly]

That means there's like six downstairs right now that have backup underwear.

[John Holmberg]

Spare underwear to me is break glass and case of emergency underwear. Not I'm going to the gym.

[Holly]

Have it with you all the time.

[John Holmberg]

I'm going to sweat in this and I. I want to be nice to people. That's just changing your clothes. Spare underwear is at any given time. Now I might leave 60%. Or you're a. I. If you're a woman and you're stuffing another thong in your purse, cuz you might wreck this one.

[Holly]

It's been a Good solid about 14 months.

[Brady Bogan]

Answer to.

[Holly]

To most everything or you are.

[Donnie]

And you know what?

[John Holmberg]

It almost always Gets me because it makes a ton of sense.

[Brady Bogan]

It's more common among young, younger generations. 60% of Gen Zers and 57% of millennials say they have it in in case of emergency underwear.

[John Holmberg]

This lens. And again, Brett's right. Very rarely are you with with what women wear now as underwear. Yeah, you're not Turden. They're not absorbing much. Yeah. So the backup underwear is for purposes of whoring, how many broad.

[Announcer]

If you check their purses in old town Scottsdale, how many broads got an extra two, three.

[John Holmberg]

So here's the fun thing. At 8 o' clock at night. No, 8 o', clock, 8 o' clock. You check it and it's a brand new fresh pair. And at 11:30 after the swap out, one looks like melted Little Debbie.

[Brady Bogan]

Come on, man.

[John Holmberg]

Smells like James. She's got her back. She's got her backup panties on. If you're carrying around backup panties, you're a. You're a whore. That's right.

[Brady Bogan]

They also found that people who carry backup underwear are more likely to replace their undergarments sooner. 82% of them say they should replace your underwear after two years. Among the people who don't carry spares, 83% say they keep their underwear for at least three years.

[John Holmberg]

How about wash your ass and stop pooping your pants? How about that? Instead of thinking, wow, I am definitely going to be out for four hours. That means I'm wrecking this underwear. I better bring a backup pair. I don't wear underwear. And you know what? I've never worried about wrecking my pants. Not once do I have a backup pair of pants in case these go sideways. If I crap myself, I'm going home. I'm not changing and coming back to you guys. Good thing I brought my backup pants because I just myself. So I brought backup pants because I knew that was a possibility when I started the day. When I start the day. There. Pack up these because you never know when you're gonna take a dump in your drawers.

[Holly]

So wallet, keys, purse, wallet, backup pants, everything. Backup underwear?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I'll give it to you. If you had a colostomy or like something opened you up. Horan.

[Holly]

Yeah, the bag takes care of everything. What do you need? The backup undies?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, sure, I suppose.

[Donnie]

Yeah.

[Holly]

Doesn't the bag take care of everything?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, it's on the side.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. If you had that, I guess. Yeah, you don't even need that. If you've got a port, you should.

[Holly]

Be pristine if you've got the bag.

[John Holmberg]

So we go back To Brett's argument. Or you're just little Debbie and up.

[Holly]

Your first drawers with your bag on the side.

[John Holmberg]

You got a sack on the side and a pant full of Little Debbies.

[Brady Bogan]

Back on December 27th, Jerome Gutierrez was traveling on business class on United Airlines 189 from San Francisco to Manila, Philippines. According to his stepdaughter, that a man got up from his seat and began to piss on my dad.

[John Holmberg]

Whoa.

[Brady Bogan]

My dad was asleep. He tells the story. He said, I was sleeping, and I thought it was part of my dream. I looked up, and then I realized I'm soaked from my stomach down in the man's urine.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, God.

[Brady Bogan]

United flight attendants ask Gutierrez not to approach the man in fear that could get worse.

[John Holmberg]

Two hours into the flight, if that's his first move. What are you gonna do when you start talking to him? Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

So he's upset at the airlines for not handling this. Because you should turn this flight around and let me.

[John Holmberg]

I think stewardesses should take care of.

[Brady Bogan]

The man, get him off the flight.

[John Holmberg]

They should be armed with those little souvenir bats to get it. Baseball games at any given time. And just beat you about the face and head. Start pissing on people. Yeah, a little bit time.

[Brady Bogan]

Those little ones that extend.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And it can't be stripped from them. Somehow or another, it's always attached like it's part of their uniform.

[Holly]

The one thing that they have is, like, miles of duct tape. Haven't we seen some of those where they duct tape the people to the chair until the.

[John Holmberg]

They got that. Here's a better idea. Make from their elbows down in their suits steel. That way nobody can steal it. And then you just start clubbing people with your forearm when they start peeing on other passengers.

[Brady Bogan]

So they dealt with the guy when the flight landed. He's been banned from United Airlines permanently. But during the flight, the crew provided Gutierrez with some replacement pajamas to work.

[John Holmberg]

Backup jammies.

[Brady Bogan]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

So. Because in case there were some horrors on the flight, so they knew that whoring was possible on this United flight, they had some backup pants. If, you know, if I was. If I was here and Brady came in, like, left and then came back in different pants, I'd send you home. I'm still upset about this.

[Holly]

Oh.

[Donnie]

Me and Al Franken from the other show were doing a little butt play in the bathroom. I got sloppy. We made a chocolate lebaron. Good thing I brought my backup pants.

[Holly]

What's the bathroom look like, Brady?

[Donnie]

Oh, it's ugly. It's looks a little Bit like somebody spilled a bunch of Guinness.

[Brady Bogan]

Augustus Gloom put up the chocolate.

[Donnie]

It was not good. It was bad. You should see Frank. And he's laying in it.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, that's your pee pee poo poo news.

[John Holmberg]

That didn't work. Had to push that one out.

[Brady Bogan]

I'll end it with a quick smuggler's name.

[John Holmberg]

She didn't really say that. Hello, my friends.

[Brady Bogan]

Brady Bogan here with stories about people getting busted with drugs, getting arrested. They would call it the smuggler's news.

[John Holmberg]

This 48 year old vacation.

[Brady Bogan]

This 43 year old inmate in Georgia was caught trying to smuggle multiple items in his rectum. This is quite the haul. Vape canisters, syringes, vape cartridges, batteries and a cigarette lighter all up the sphincter. His name's Kenneth Gibbs. I got a mug shot of Kenny Gibbs trying to bring it in. Kind of looks like our boy Kevin.

[John Holmberg]

Meathead a little bit. I didn't shave all through the break and my hair got a little like that. It was pretty close to this. You guys got. He's got the male pattern baldness and then the sides just grow straight out. By the way, I got an email that says I'm offended, Brett. It's not whoring. I carry backup panties all the time. And it's since I started dipping my chicken nuggets in Brady's giraffe sauce on Christy Hayden. It's too delicious. But the explosive diarrhea is hard to ignore.

[Brady Bogan]

That's your smuggler's. And now it's time for some science news. Hello, my friends. Professor Brady Bogan here with your science news. We finally know why urine is yellow.

[John Holmberg]

We didn't know that until today.

[Brady Bogan]

Evidently.

[Donnie]

All right.

[Brady Bogan]

A study at the University of Maryland found it gets its color from a specific enzyme created in our gut when the old red blood cells get broken down.

[Radio Host/Producer]

The old red blood cell.

[Brady Bogan]

The enzyme is called the bilirubin reductase.

[John Holmberg]

You have no idea what you're saying.

[Holly]

That's also why it makes babies yellow.

[John Holmberg]

We had to get. Huh?

[Brady Bogan]

Jaundice. Jaundice.

[Holly]

Yeah. We had to get Alex a bilirubin's blanket.

[Brady Bogan]

The flu.

[John Holmberg]

Because he had jaundice.

[Holly]

Yeah, he was. He had a little liver problem.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding, baby. Bright yellow, baby.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And that's what makes. So it makes babies and pee yellow.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Holly]

You wrap them in this blanket that.

[Brady Bogan]

The bilirubin reduction.

[Announcer]

Adorable little blanket.

[Brady Bogan]

Yep.

[Holly]

Goable blanket.

[John Holmberg]

That is a great band name. The bilirubin reductate. You gotta be like a barbershop quartet. That's not like a rock band. Hi, we're the bilirubin deductate. Bom bom bom bom. That old red blood cell. That old red blood cell.

[Brady Bogan]

Color corrected photos of Neptune. Of Neptune showed that it's true color for the first time ever this week. Experts thought it was more of a deep shade of blue, but it's a lighter shade than they thought.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, so it's blue.

[Brady Bogan]

No joke.

[Announcer]

The headline filtering now too.

[Brady Bogan]

Lighter shade of blue out of the Guardian. True blue. Neptune only slightly deeper color than Uranus, say Oxford scientists.

[John Holmberg]

What do you mean? The only people that are.

[Brady Bogan]

It's not a joke.

[John Holmberg]

It's not a joke. You're right. It's not a joke.

[Announcer]

That in there. Come on.

[Brady Bogan]

Let me just read in the headline.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. You were nearly 80 years old. Eventually the word Uranus should stop making you.

[Brady Bogan]

Never.

[John Holmberg]

Just because you read it doesn't mean it.

[Donnie]

They must be kidding. Nope, they meant it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, because it's a name of something.

[Holly]

You search that every Friday. Headlines with Uranus in it.

[John Holmberg]

Latest news on Uranus. Less than esmen.

[Holly]

Right there.

[Donnie]

There's more.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. More Brady, less Nessman.

[Brady Bogan]

The company Astrobotic is gearing up to launch its moon lander on Monday. And if you fill out a form on NASA's website, we'll put your name on the new moon rover they're sending up later this year.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady Bogan]

Neat. A study found humans can tell if a chicken is excited or upset based on the sound of its clucks or its taste. It's upset.

[John Holmberg]

This one was pretty upset.

[Brady Bogan]

A little gamey.

[Donnie]

It was a little upset.

[John Holmberg]

I like them when they're afraid. But not upset.

[Brady Bogan]

Google accidentally might have proved there's a multiverse. Cool. That our universe is just one of many. Their new quantum computing chip did a calculation in five minutes that would take a supercomputer ten septillion years. So their post about it said it exceeds known timescales and physics so that quantum computation might occur in many parallel universes.

[John Holmberg]

You have no idea what you just said. I don't know what he said either.

[Brady Bogan]

And it could be evidence. We live in a multiverse and my brain is broken.

[John Holmberg]

He had his finger in the air making that point. And all of us were staring at him going, I know you don't know what you're saying.

[Holly]

Not just with him, but what is the purpose of putting your finger like that?

[John Holmberg]

Tell you to shut up. Okay. Yeah. You put your hand up to go. You shut up. Like this is Me put my finger over your lips. But I can't. I can't do it without getting punched. And I won't touch you do it from a distance. Social distancing. Shut ups.

[Brady Bogan]

I know about the multiverse is from Loki and.

[John Holmberg]

Right. Right. That's all anyone knows of the multiverse. Brady. Not one person outside of a real science guy doesn't know it might be real. But as far as the Quantum Marvel version. Right. That's not real. But there are other universes and very possibly running simultaneously the exact same thing that's going on here. That doesn't strike me as impossible.

[Brady Bogan]

Google also unveiled a new AI agent that can use apps and websites on its own. Opened AI. Open AI. Sorry. Released a new AI video generator called Sora.

[John Holmberg]

Oh no.

[Holly]

Am I going to have to start using that now?

[John Holmberg]

Video AI.

[Brady Bogan]

And I think we knew this. Apple's newest version of Siri has chat GPT.

[John Holmberg]

Yep.

[Brady Bogan]

In space news, a 10 year study found.

[Holly]

Don't do it.

[Brady Bogan]

Uranus has changed dramatically.

[Donnie]

Come on.

[Announcer]

I thought we were gonna get through the end.

[Brady Bogan]

Over the past 10 years it's gotten brighter.

[Announcer]

Here it comes.

[John Holmberg]

No. Next story.

[Brady Bogan]

I got Hindenburg news.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Announcer]

What I've been waiting for.

[Brady Bogan]

Traveling around and the massive air balloons might be making a comeback. They're better for the environment than planes. And using helium instead of hydrogen would make it safer.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody's doing this.

[Brady Bogan]

They're a lot slower than planes. But several companies have plans in the works to offer them as a new travel option. Basically flying cruise ships.

[Announcer]

That's the bus of the air.

[John Holmberg]

It's not flying a cruise ship because it doesn't take. It's a train in the sky. And it takes days for a boat to go somewhere. But you stop every once in a while.

[Brady Bogan]

That's what they'll do.

[John Holmberg]

No, they won't. Where are you going to go in the. In a blimp? That would be better than driving.

[Brady Bogan]

You can go to town here.

[John Holmberg]

Right. But why in the world would you. Why would I. Why would I take over? Right. Why would I take slow boats to Denver and then to luxurious accommodation? No, it's not. Drive and I can stay in resorts or something like that. You sound excited about it.

[Holly]

Would you do it?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh.

[Brady Bogan]

What?

[John Holmberg]

So slower and less convenient?

[Brady Bogan]

I'd have to see the setup.

[John Holmberg]

Slower and less convenient is never a thing. Never. Yeah.

[Donnie]

Where's the kitchen? What are the odds? This thing turning into a fireball?

[John Holmberg]

No. Slower and inconvenient are not the future.

[Donnie]

Yeah.

[Holly]

You said they're safer. Is there Zero chance of fireballing it.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

With helium there's always a chance of fireballing something.

[Holly]

I thought we had no helium left.

[Brady Bogan]

Didn't George.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. They were talking about we were out.

[Radio Host/Producer]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

Didn't Party City have a big thing a couple years ago?

[Holly]

Can't get those balloons again.

[Brady Bogan]

They found. They found more helium.

[John Holmberg]

You go ahead and invest in that. There we go. You. You. Yeah. You invest in Altoona, Iowa.

[Brady Bogan]

A big pocket was found.

[John Holmberg]

We've got a big plan here to get slower and less convenient. America.

[Donnie]

That sounds great.

[John Holmberg]

But the accommodations are amazing. So you can fly from here to Boulder in a day. You drive there in 12 hours, but you could do it in a day.

[Brady Bogan]

Set jet.

[Holly]

CEO says yeah.

[John Holmberg]

No airport will take it. You're going to be landing in the middle of a field you gotta Uber into.

[Brady Bogan]

Repel Down.

[John Holmberg]

It's a nightmare. I don't think they're gonna make it down.

[Brady Bogan]

I might be.

[Donnie]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

I might be in on that.

[John Holmberg]

I'd like to see those fat people falling out of the sky, too.

[Brady Bogan]

That's your science news.

[John Holmberg]

It's a terrible idea. And I hope it takes. Do you? Yeah.

[Holly]

Because you want to see him crash.

[John Holmberg]

It's the.

[Brady Bogan]

Would you do it?

[John Holmberg]

No. It's the DeLorean of the sky. It's just a guaranteed failure.

[Donnie]

Look.

[Holly]

It's got gull wings.

[John Holmberg]

Yep. And it would be just hilarious to watch it. Look at all those big fat dummies slowly floating over me. Ever seen one of those over a sporting event?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And then after a while you're like, that thing is barely moving like 38 miles an hour when they're here. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

I went over by one just to see it up. It was. It was smaller than I thought. But there's only two, maybe four people in that little.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Holly]

Because they had the drags out here. And then like a week later was the Super Bowl. So that one stayed in town for like a week.

[John Holmberg]

I don't remember which one. Travel the All State one or whatever. Can we come up with jet packs and like, floating cars before we go back to blimps?

[Announcer]

Well, they had Casa Lander in LA doing it.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Announcer]

Last year.

[John Holmberg]

And I got a jetpack out of.

[Announcer]

Of coming out of Pacoima or something. And it's like cruising around to work.

[John Holmberg]

On the technology to jetpack me. Don't put me on a blimp with more people.

[Brady Bogan]

Haven't heard from or seen him.

[Announcer]

That's true.

[Holly]

Or he's working on his next point.

[Announcer]

That could be too.

[John Holmberg]

The last thing it's not a blimp is right. We just talked about the bus being a disaster. The last thing I want is to pile into a bubble in the sky more. Give me some independent travel. Give me my own blimp. People like my own independent like Jetsons car. Let's get forward thinking, not slower and less convenient.

[Holly]

But if the Spirit Air stock hasn't taken enough of a dive. John, now they're using their bankruptcy money to get blimps.

[John Holmberg]

There's a future in blimpery. No, there's not.

[Announcer]

But think about it. I mean, are you gonna fly JSX to Vegas or.

[John Holmberg]

A blimp. A dirigible. Yeah.

[Announcer]

Never could ride my bike there faster.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, I don't think they have it for stops like that. It's like seeing Europe. So you travel overnight, but you'd still be. Yeah, you travel overnight real quick to. You know.

[John Holmberg]

But in Europe you don't need to travel overnight. Everything's like a half hour away.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, just like. Well, true, it'd be less than that, but some of the places where you could go further, like a cruise, take a plane port.

[John Holmberg]

If you're not porting every 12 hours, you're gonna hate that boat. So if you've got a. And then you got a port, a blimp, forget it. Take a cruise. They're more convenient, they're faster. If some guy came in here and asked us for money. Look, I got an idea. I need some investors. And he pulled the sheet of the future is dirigibles. Be like, this guy's out of his mind. You're gonna lose all your money.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, it'll be interesting to see if these won't have two companies.

[John Holmberg]

Jetpack. Get on the jetpack thing.

[Holly]

John, can you ask Brady what would win in a race between a manatee and a blimp?

[John Holmberg]

That's a good question.

[Brady Bogan]

Blimp.

[John Holmberg]

You think so?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Holly]

Faster than 22 miles an hour.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I think they're faster.

[Brady Bogan]

Depends on the wind.

[John Holmberg]

But not in the water.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, that'd be tough.

[John Holmberg]

Well, no, no, Brady, don't. Don't put your heels in on that one.

[Brady Bogan]

One.

[John Holmberg]

No. Oh, you missed the manatee versus Michael Phelps talk.

[Announcer]

Oh, man.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. One of you, guess who's faster swimming, A manatee or Michael Felt? Manatee. Thank you, Brady. Tried to.

[Brady Bogan]

Why?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, because it's a fish. Thank you.

[Brady Bogan]

It is a mammal.

[Donnie]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

It's a water. It's a water based fish and a mammal. There are more mammal fish than there are mammals running around on the plant. On the ground, maybe. Look, I'm with Brett on the fish. Care if it's a mammal or not? It's a fish.

[Donnie]

Let's get to some radio videos.

[John Holmberg]

Fish are all faster than us in the water. Don't start that. Did you see him look at the ceiling tiles when he said to blimp in the water? Well, maybe prop up. Let me double check my mind here.

[Donnie]

It's full of helium.

[John Holmberg]

It might. No.

[Radio Host/Producer]

Arizona's most powerful rock radio station.

[John Holmberg]

He said fully erect. 98 KUPD.

[Radio Host/Producer]

There's more of the best of Homburg's morning sickness. 98 KUPD.

[John Holmberg]

If you haven't been in the same room as someone else, they don't get a present. They don't even get a card. Maybe a text. Hey, have a great holiday. That's about as far as it goes. But I haven't been in a room with you. In fact, if you.

[Brady Bogan]

That's why that one charity sends you a picture of the kid that you're helping.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Donnie]

Right.

[Brady Bogan]

In Africa.

[John Holmberg]

And then you can go and they.

[Brady Bogan]

Write you a little letter.

[John Holmberg]

You can do a Google image search and see if he's on.

[Brady Bogan]

Thank you for the white powder.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Angola's most wanted list. And then you stop sending that kid 10 cents a day. It's dumb. You're just dumb. And, yeah, I'm gonna go so far as to say, if you haven't been in a room with someone for a year, they don't get any money or presents. If it's been over a year that you've actually spent any significant time with that person, they're not a member of your family. You don't send them cash or you don't send them presents. That's it. You have to be in a room with a person for them to matter in your life at least once in a calendar year.

[Brady Bogan]

What would you say to. If they were sick? Say what if they got sick and they. The person.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Okay.

[Brady Bogan]

And I would say even a relative. So relative gets sick and how sick? Cancer.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady Bogan]

So they're going through. They're going through chemo.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brady Bogan]

And they don't have the money.

[John Holmberg]

They've been laid up for a while.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And they don't have the money for what?

[Brady Bogan]

To. They got hospital bills that have.

[John Holmberg]

Somebody you know has cancer.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And hospital bills that have piled up. Have you been in a room with them in the last year? Nope. They get nothing from me. Go yourself.

[Brady Bogan]

Who's.

[John Holmberg]

Who would ask that? Hi. I know I haven't talked to you in a Year. You haven't meant anything to me for over 12 months. Grifter. I need money. A grifter makes that call. Damn right. Now you can say if you've been in touch with them over. Like if it's been a long term. They're out of town and you're constantly.

[Brady Bogan]

Touches basically hearing on a birthday or.

[John Holmberg]

Sure. But if they've got cancer and you didn't think to go, wow, this is almost it. I've got to fly out to this person and be with them, then they didn't matter that much to you either.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

See, these are.

[Brady Bogan]

No, I disagree with that.

[John Holmberg]

You don't think so if you don't. If a person's like, I haven't even seen him. They got cancer.

[Brady Bogan]

You know, I have. Yeah. I have a cousin that went through this.

[John Holmberg]

I have. I have an uncle that has it and I want to go back to see him. But we talk.

[Brady Bogan]

It was a. You know, one of those texts that went to everyone in the family.

[John Holmberg]

Right. You're on a. Yeah. You're on a mass email.

[Brady Bogan]

And you knew in the background, you know that she had been. She and her husband have been struggling for years, but they've never really asked.

[John Holmberg]

Right. They hit the whole family up.

[Brady Bogan]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

The whole at mass email was like a. Donate a dollar if you want.

[Brady Bogan]

If you would like to. It was from her mom. That's saying if you feel this way that you know, if you'd like to kick in. Because right now in order to do this, they need some coverage for. Because he, you know, they're out of war.

[John Holmberg]

Sure, sure.

[Brady Bogan]

And it's basically not for the medical side. It's to cover.

[John Holmberg]

When's the last time you actually spent time with this. This group, let alone talk to him on the phone or on the phone.

[Brady Bogan]

Her mom.

[John Holmberg]

I don't care about her mom. When did you reach out to this person and say, I just have to get in contact with you. I can't wait to spend time with you? I haven't. It's been years.

[Announcer]

Even a text.

[John Holmberg]

Yep.

[Brady Bogan]

A text.

[John Holmberg]

That wasn't. That wasn't to say I'm sick probably every five months. You talk to this person every five months?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. Text.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. And it's just a happy birthday or is it. That doesn't count.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay then.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Just to go. I haven't talked to you forever. Gotta catch up. We're so close.

[Brady Bogan]

I saw so and so did this.

[John Holmberg]

I think the world to you. I can't wait to talk to you. What's going on in Your life. Maybe twice a year, you do actually make that phone call and sit and chat with them.

[Brady Bogan]

Not a phone call.

[John Holmberg]

Oh. Just a text. Those don't count. You have to talk to a person. You have to actually have a moment with that person, or you don't care about them at all. Yeah, because texting is a way to go. Ah. Got that out of the way. It's an impersonal way of staying in touch. It's like a Facebook post. Yeah, I saw you. We. We've done our due diligence, but if you're not. Yeah, I'm not sending money to anybody.

[Brady Bogan]

So I sent her some money.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah? How much?

[Brady Bogan]

Like 200 bucks.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady Bogan]

Nothing big. She sent it back.

[John Holmberg]

Not your money, you filthy bastard.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, she ran a Ponzi and I got my money back. No, she sent it back and said, I don't need it now. We were.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's nice.

[Brady Bogan]

On the one thing.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's good for her. That's a good thing. I still wouldn't have sent it to her, but that's. But I.

[Brady Bogan]

But I don't know if that was. I don't know if everyone else got that in the family. She could have been sent enough money to cover everything she got her.

[John Holmberg]

You know. She sent it back to you.

[Brady Bogan]

That was good. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Or maybe your measly amount wasn't good enough for her. 200 here.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Keep the change. I don't know. I just know that I have family.

[Brady Bogan]

Members, you know, it was like, 1200. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Family members that come out of the woodwork. Twelve hundred dollars for cancer.

[Brady Bogan]

It was for basically, like, rent for the. The month she got.

[John Holmberg]

And her mom laid off. Hold on.

[Brady Bogan]

Her mom?

[John Holmberg]

The whole family got hit up for 1200 bucks right off the bat.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Announcer]

I mean, he's in that family.

[John Holmberg]

Something going on there that doesn't. That's not. That's just to test who's gonna send what.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, I think you're right. I think something else that was going on. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You're trying to be nice.

[Brady Bogan]

I think the reason why. Why mom had sent that out is because she's been through the. The ringer over the years as far as.

[John Holmberg]

All right, what I'm reading off of you is you're trying to be really nice. This is a group in your family that's a bit questionable. These are the ones that are the hillbillies. This is the side that you're like, all right, these people again. Yeah, I'm getting that. Some mental problems. Okay, you're telling me that this is the one that you all talk about, like, oh, boy, what's going on in there?

[Brady Bogan]

Point where to get this procedure done.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, this is. This is the nut bag side of the family. And you're trying to make it seem like they're the normal ones. I'm going to read the room right now. Brady. These are the people you all talk about.

[Brady Bogan]

200 makes it go all the way.

[John Holmberg]

Let me tell you. This is another thing that you're also. This is the one that when they show up to the Christmas party, you hide the nice silver and you keep them away from stuff. These are the. These are the yokels. You're not. Yeah, this is. This is the group that you guys probably don't invite but text and say, hope you guys have a great holiday. Where'd you spend it? No, they're still on the 20.

[Brady Bogan]

They're still invited.

[John Holmberg]

I know, but when they show up, things change. They're not there.

[Brady Bogan]

You don't have to hide yourself.

[John Holmberg]

You gotta. You gotta.

[Donnie]

You're.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody's on edge when the gypsies show up. These are the gypsies of the Bogan house. I can see it in your eyes. You. You try to be really nice and act like. But I'm right here. I can tell you why. I know that.

[Brady Bogan]

And I've had.

[John Holmberg]

The rent is twelve hundred dollars. I know exactly what I'm doing.

[Brady Bogan]

It's in Arkansas.

[John Holmberg]

Come on, Brady. What? Even he's falling for his skin. These are red flags everywhere. I can see it on your face that this is the hillbilly side of the family without you having said it. I caught it. And then he tells us that from Arkansas. Stop funding their weed problem. They're having a bad crop.

[Brady Bogan]

They're out of that.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not talking about that. They're having a bad crop year. You just funded some sort of a meth. Meth thing there. You don't talk to these Arkansas people twice a year. You give them a text now and again going, hey, good to talk. And they text you, hey, cousin Brady.

[Donnie]

They're not from Arkansas.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, I guess more or less.

[John Holmberg]

They said they were.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, that's where they're living. They move there.

[Announcer]

Who does that?

[John Holmberg]

That's worse.

[Brady Bogan]

You know what? They are from Arkansas.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you just admit that this is a poor side of your family that you really would rather not deal with. Just say it. Your face says it.

[Brady Bogan]

Those two.

[John Holmberg]

Bad Missy Elliott jacket.

[Brady Bogan]

The other side. There was a part there saying, well, mom could fund this. Her mother.

[John Holmberg]

Right. Anytime you're begging the family for money and you come from the hillbilly side of the family. The whole family talks about you. I guarantee you, you text Bunny or called or goes.

[Donnie]

What's the deal over there with Jed and his wife?

[Brady Bogan]

That's what I did.

[John Holmberg]

Of course. This is human nature, Amy.

[Brady Bogan]

I text my sister.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Did you get up?

[Brady Bogan]

Are you throwing in on this to.

[John Holmberg]

The hillbillies that we don't really like, but we kind of have to tolerate we like them? Okay.

[Announcer]

What did they say about Jethro and Ellie May over there in Arkansas?

[John Holmberg]

You're not making any. If these people said, hey, we're coming out to Phoenix, we'd love to see you. First thing you're thinking is when are they coming? And how do I tell them they can't stay here?

[Brady Bogan]

She lived with me for six months.

[John Holmberg]

When?

[Brady Bogan]

26 years ago.

[John Holmberg]

That was when you were an idiot too. You wouldn't do that.

[Brady Bogan]

Helping out a cuz.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's helping out a cousin. Arkansas cuz.

[Announcer]

You know Cousin Eddie's gonna be parking his motorhome in Brady's driveway next week.

[John Holmberg]

That's exactly what this is. It's Christmas vacations. Cousin Uncle Tim did that already. It's cousin eddie. You're not painting 34 footer. Yeah, he's trying as hard as he can to be nice about it, but this is. Is the part of the family that you don't really like. If they kind of all just stop talking to you, you wouldn't make a great effort to go. God, I haven't spoken to them for how they're doing. You don't want to go to Arkansas and visit them in their twelve hundred. No, you don't. You're not staying in that twelve hundred dollar a month apartment.

[Announcer]

Does the mom.

[John Holmberg]

You don't want to be.

[Brady Bogan]

These people got the.

[John Holmberg]

All right, all right. We're talking about the two that need the money.

[Brady Bogan]

Pretty fun.

[John Holmberg]

You're not palling around with those.

[Announcer]

The mom's got the house with no wheels on it, so I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

She's the one that's stable. He got foundation Bert and running water. Yeah, you are. You are talking about the Hill Jack Nasty part of your family and you won't admit it. Good weed up. All right. You don't smoke weed. You don't want to go to Ark. I've not. I've known you for a long time. You've never once said, can't wait to get to Arkansas. That haven't talked to Arkansas. Used to be when you were 11 in high school. You're 70, Brady, for Christ's sake. That was back in the Kennedy administration. We're not talking about that now. When you're 11, everywhere is fun. When you're a grown up, you don't make trips to Arkansas. Which I also know after having known you for now 30 years, you've never gone. I know.

[Brady Bogan]

They're not a work camp.

[John Holmberg]

They're not that important to you. This guy, he's worse than the lady we were talking about. Getting scammed out of the 30 grand because you won't admit what's happening.

[Announcer]

The flag lady over here.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. The hillbilly rubes of your family are. You can't dismiss them, cuz you got that tie back. And you'd be.

[Donnie]

How come cousin David Brady don't talk.

[John Holmberg]

At us no more?

[Donnie]

I don't know. You ask for money every time. It's seen you in 30 years. We got us cake.

[John Holmberg]

Sir, my wife's got consumption.

[Donnie]

So we need $200.

[John Holmberg]

Cancer should cost more than that. My first red flag is that cancer should be more than 1200 bucks.

[Donnie]

We're in trouble.

[John Holmberg]

If you don't send us a couple of Ben Franklins. There's gonna be an issue here.

[Brady Bogan]

Anything will help.

[John Holmberg]

Anything helps. Just betwixt you and I. Brady, the cancer's eating the insides out of my wife and I need about $75 to fix it. That sounds like a meth buy, no?

[Announcer]

I can't believe you sent over to the Jack. I mean like we went to that wedding. You got fed for you and your wife. And you gave a six month deal on that not giving a gift. And you talked to that dude more than you talked to this cousin.

[John Holmberg]

I better see some goddamn baldness out of this cousin before you fire over $200. If you waited after being fed and housed for two hours, and entertained to a certain degree at a wedding you refused to see spend any money on. And you actually saw that guy seven or eight times, way more often than these Arkansas tumors.

[Brady Bogan]

That's not true.

[John Holmberg]

That is true.

[Brady Bogan]

Growing up, we saw your cousins.

[John Holmberg]

Way beyond the words growing up, That's.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't care.

[John Holmberg]

50 plus years ago, you're not hanging.

[Brady Bogan]

But if it's 25 plus years that you were seeing them on the reg.

[John Holmberg]

That'S not growing up. That's well into your adventure.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay, well, I still consider that you.

[John Holmberg]

Were not going to work camp in your 20s. You were here. I knew you, you had moved here like you were 26, 27. You weren't going back to Arkansas anymore.

[Brady Bogan]

And they weren't, you know, in Arkansas at one time.

[John Holmberg]

Either way, you can defend your hillbillies. They're asking for 200. We're saying no. You asked the question. Because you're like. You didn't want to give.

[Brady Bogan]

So my. My deal is, I guess it was the cousin.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brady Bogan]

You know, and you can't separate. They need some money. They're hard.

[John Holmberg]

How is this different than the lady in Scottsdale going.

[Donnie]

He's a friend. Because it's blood.

[Brady Bogan]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

You're an idiot. You're gonna. You're gonna lose all your money.

[Brady Bogan]

But I've never had to. And I haven't.

[John Holmberg]

You. You didn't have to this time. And you did. And yes, you did.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, I sent over there, but it came back.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they didn't even want your stupid money. Your blood money don't mean nothing. No good desert lizard. Keep it. I don't care who you are right there. That 200 ain't gonna fix nothing.

[Donnie]

You take your 200, shove it up your desert ass, boy.

[John Holmberg]

Anyway, it's a lot to beg for money in a group text. Yeah, that's a rube move.

[Brady Bogan]

That's right.

[John Holmberg]

You know what you do when you need money? You reach out, you call. You don't do a absolutely swath email.

[Donnie]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Because they don't really don't feel that close to you.

[Brady Bogan]

Circulation. Wait a minute. Why are they starting this and then.

[John Holmberg]

They don't feel that close to you?

[Brady Bogan]

She's like, don't send money.

[John Holmberg]

So the lady. So the two people that are in trouble, one of them isn't family. One of them just married in.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Was the last time you hung out.

[Brady Bogan]

With that one in Florida about.

[John Holmberg]

Been a long time.

[Brady Bogan]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Probably seen that person.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, I saw him one time before.

[John Holmberg]

That one at a wedding or something once. Maybe he's from Brooklyn, bro. You didn't like him?

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, no, I like him.

[John Holmberg]

No, he's got to say that. But he didn't like. Yeah, that's not the way you introduce your friends to your. He's from Brooklyn, bro. That means he was an arrogant prick.

[Brady Bogan]

I. I exaggerate that.

[John Holmberg]

But I know. I know why. I don't know. You're protecting. They may be listening. Arkansas people. Brady's not a big fan. Or he'd go visit you. And you are not a big fan of his. Or you'd come visit him. But you don't have enough money. I can tell you that right now. You need to focus on two things. Curing your cancer, getting a Better job, house, more than 1200amonth. You're an adult, for Christ's sake. And anybody else that puts out a mass email to their whole family going, hey, kick in. We're sick. It's their rubes. So the verdict is in. Brett, we dismissed them from Brady's life forever. Yeah. Yeah. At this point, they're canceled. Sorry. They're out. Yeah, they're canceled. Yeah, we're done. We gotta protect our friends. And that's what we always say about these ladies who get duped. Where were her friends? Where were her friends? To the nonsense that Missy Elliott over here is talking the whole time with.

[Donnie]

No, they're family.

[John Holmberg]

I grew up with them 48 years ago. I saw them and played with them in a forest once. And that for some reason, I have to owe them money later. Nope. We're your friends. We're telling you.

[Brady Bogan]

50 plus years later.

[John Holmberg]

We're telling you right now. They're grifters and it's time to just go. Yeah, nice to talk to you. And that's about it. The postcard, the text on a birthday. If. Yeah, that's about it. Shane, we have. We have. We have run up as friends. You've got to stop doing this. Just like we would that Scottdale lady. If she had any friends, they would be like, don't send that guy any more money until you're in a room with him. Once you're not in love, he's not in love with you. You can't have a relationship without having at least spent a day together. It's incomplete. And it certainly isn't something you send money to. End of story, period. Stop. Every calendar year.

[Brady Bogan]

I like that.

[John Holmberg]

You know, at least call if you need money. You got to call person if I'm begging you for money.

[Brady Bogan]

I hate doing this now.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not doing the whole, hey, guess who's got cancer group, you know, put 13 people, unless we're dying of cancer, can't make our rent this month. We need 1200 bucks from you guys. Any one of you will do if we go. If we exceed our amount, we'll send back the straggler. So in a way, you did a good thing. You probably waited six or seven days and then sent your 200 bucks.

[Brady Bogan]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Because then you were last on the list and they already hit their mark, so they're going to give that back.

[Brady Bogan]

Back.

[John Holmberg]

The f. The. The. The suckers were the ones who jumped in immediately. That's tough.

[Brady Bogan]

We all communicated first.

[John Holmberg]

Sure, you all talked about them. The rubes, the Rubes are in trouble. Are they? And which one did you have to say? Hey, is that guy still got a little drug issue, or is he still drinking too much? No, nobody's on that. Are you sure?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

What was the conversation about? Like, why were you worried this was a grift?

[Brady Bogan]

Because it started out on crowdfunding or.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, so they went to society, set.

[Brady Bogan]

Up an account venue, and then he stepped in. He's like, no, no, no, we're not doing this account.

[John Holmberg]

If you want to, we're just gonna ask the family.

[Announcer]

Yeah, they don't want to pay the fees.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, that's right. Or who is the person in the crowdfund.

[Donnie]

Yeah, exactly.

[Brady Bogan]

Grifter.

[John Holmberg]

Well, if you've canceled your Arkansas family, I know it means a lot to you, but don't taint your beautiful childhood memories of Arkansas by continuing to converse with these dumb mother that are begging you for money. $1,200 for cancer.

[Announcer]

They're not UA, people.

[Brady Bogan]

Get away from them.

[John Holmberg]

That's exactly right. If they lived in ua, they'd be hillbillies, and you would not take them to Sciota.

[Brady Bogan]

They're not. Yeah, they're not in that 1%.

[Announcer]

They'd be in Toledo. They'd be in Toledo.

[John Holmberg]

You would. Yeah, you would. The Rah Rah room. Would I take them?

[Donnie]

Absolutely not.

[John Holmberg]

They're not getting in. They're your Toledo. You go two for Tuesday.

[Donnie]

You might.

[John Holmberg]

If they're in town, you'll two for Tuesday, but you're not, like. So where are you guys staying?

[Donnie]

We got a place over here at the Glen.

[John Holmberg]

It's Glendale, and we're out there.

[Donnie]

That's nice. I'll meet at the Applebee's over there on 7th Street. We'll get a two for Tuesday.

[John Holmberg]

I love them.

[Donnie]

I knew you would. And then we'll go our separate ways.

[John Holmberg]

You'd pop in, have a. An uncomfortable lunch with this family. You're not having them stay for a week and show them about town.

[Brady Bogan]

No, you don't stay there. You want to be at the Royal Inn.

[John Holmberg]

You're not giving it. Yeah. This is not a group viewer. We solved it. Good job, Brush. This is what friends do for friends. You're welcome. They tell them when they're being.

[Brady Bogan]

Thank you.

[John Holmberg]

Morons.

[Donnie]

Well, you asked the question, so don't.

[John Holmberg]

Get indignant about it.

[Donnie]

I don't.

[John Holmberg]

I didn't dig that a little bit. Thank you, Dick. We're being nice. I know he's kind of. Yeah.

[Donnie]

Like you.

[John Holmberg]

You asked and we told you. You're Being an idiot.

[Donnie]

Thank you.

[John Holmberg]

Your Arkansas family sucks, period. That's it. No, a lot of family does suck. I hope they get better. I hope they're cured. But you can't do that. That's a suck move. It would suck if Brett did that to the show. I'd be like, what are you doing?

[Announcer]

I wouldn't do that.

[John Holmberg]

Of course you wouldn't. You're a decent human being. Got a digital street sign that said, got a tumor. Can't make rent. Anything helps.

[Radio Host/Producer]

God bless.

[John Holmberg]

And they probably played that card, too.

[Announcer]

Anything else?

[John Holmberg]

Lord's trying to get us. We're gonna fight it with the Lord's help. And then religious people in your family's like, God dang it. Now I gotta help out or Jesus is gonna be mad.

[Brady Bogan]

It's always one or two.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Every family got a bunch of stocks. I'd say it's more than one or two, but, yeah, we're good friends. And that's why I tell you you got to cancel certain parts of your family. Blood doesn't. Blood doesn't count that much because if you haven't visited them in 20 years in their home, they didn't matter that much to you in the first place. That's just true. You've had plenty of opportunities on vacations. You know who we're going? We're going to visit the rubes in Arkansas that you don't want to go see, Man.

[Brady Bogan]

An occasional wedding.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. They pop up at family eventually. Oh, great. What's his story? Got a peg leg now. Oh, God. What'd you do? I fell out of a truck. Yep. Anyway, I'm gonna go stand over there and talk to somebody else. Well, I come with you?

[Radio Host/Producer]

No, no.

[John Holmberg]

I think you need to hobnob with the other parts of the family. Oh, Clark.

[Announcer]

I mean, Brady thinks he's too good for us.

[John Holmberg]

Yep. You got to take him, Freddy. You got to take me over that Wally world. I need some adult diapers. Crapper's broke. I don't want to sully your bathroom with the cabbage and stew that I throw out of my body. So. Yeah. Huh? Take me to the Wally World. Where's the nearest we drive? My car, but the transmission is trouble. I might have 100 miles left. Oh, all right.

[Donnie]

I borrow your car.

[John Holmberg]

You've got several vehicles, and you'd hear the peel out as he drives away. Great. He's gonna wreck Kirby's car. Yeah. These people are done. I'm done with them. I don't even want him. I'm gonna Write them a note. Please leave Freddy alone. He's susceptible to blood is thicker than blah, blah, blah. And you guys can rube him, and I've got my eyes on you.

[Brady Bogan]

No note necessary. I won't hear from him.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, because you're not. That they're not.

[Brady Bogan]

Happy birthday or something like that.

[John Holmberg]

Right? Because they really aren't. They're. They're not even acquaintances.

[Radio Host/Producer]

Mary. Effing holidays from the Big Red radio, kupd, Homur's morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

Now, if Brett needed a couple bucks and he sat in a room, said, guys, I'm in big trouble. Big trouble. What's going on? And then we, you know, like Toledo. He's done it.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, but if he, you know. Yeah, it wouldn't be if you put an email, but if he had, you know, crowdfunding. I'm going to. Wait a minute.

[John Holmberg]

What's going on? If you put an email out to the entire building, like Brett, you're Ruben the show. Although you're kind of embarrassing us. You needed some help. You come to us privately.

[Brady Bogan]

What's this? Ms. New Booty Crowdfund?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Now, if it's to get more booty on Miss New Booty, all you have to do is come to me.

[Donnie]

Thank you.

[John Holmberg]

Brady's gonna be.

[Donnie]

What's going on with Brett's email?

[John Holmberg]

Said, I got it. Don't worry about it. Cancel that email. I'm gonna help him out.

[Donnie]

We're gonna.

[John Holmberg]

Gonna.

[Donnie]

We're gonna.

[John Holmberg]

BB with a bbl. Yeah, get some more ass put in there. Oh, yeah. See, for the important stuff. Hell yeah. You know you'd never do that. My wife's ass a bit of a pancake. Just ask the whole family. We'd like a BBL surgery for her, if you don't mind. It's a medical emergency. Any little bit helps. You wouldn't do that. But they play that cancer card and they're pulling at your heartstrings. Remember, Brady, back in 1974, we were hanging around the tater farm, and we played together.

[Donnie]

Those were good times.

[John Holmberg]

You owe me a couple hundred dollars, I think. Don't you feel like. Don't you think that would make this better? It's love of family, Brady.

[Donnie]

It is love of family.

[Brady Bogan]

$200.

[John Holmberg]

You're not wrong.

[Brady Bogan]

Have a great summer.

[John Holmberg]

Remember, Brady, that time you and I made out in that International Harvester?

[Donnie]

No.

[John Holmberg]

That must have been another little boy. Anyway, you fire over one of them checks.

[Brady Bogan]

Remember when Cletus almost shot us for being on his land? Looking for beer cans?

[John Holmberg]

We need $1,200 as adults to survive the next 30 days. If you wouldn't mind kicking in on own that.

[Announcer]

Cody writes, I'm from Arkansas and I joined the military to get the hell out of there.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I would. I would join Al Qaeda to get out of Arkansas again. There's a reason why. But we have a lot of vacation time here. We've. We've accumulated over the years. Never once Brady.

[Donnie]

We're heading Arkansas, taking the family over to the rubes.

[John Holmberg]

Not once we saved Brady some more money. And you should. You should text them back. And a decent person would text back and go, you know, family doesn't do this to each other.

[Brady Bogan]

You could call up news, which is good.

[Announcer]

Call me personally.

[Brady Bogan]

Got everything out. And she's. She's okay.

[John Holmberg]

We gutted her.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Like a trout.

[Brady Bogan]

It was a little over a 200 pound tumor.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. We got it on display over there. Or Robert.

[Brady Bogan]

They're feeding it. They're keeping it alive.

[John Holmberg]

It's got teeth and hair.

[Donnie]

We named it.

[John Holmberg]

Anyway. Well, I hope her cancer is okay. That's certainly not.

[Brady Bogan]

It is. It's.

[John Holmberg]

But they're rube family and not a thing.

[Announcer]

David said Brady's a giver. He can't help it. How's that generated recovery coming there, boss man?

[Brady Bogan]

They have it.

[John Holmberg]

That's. They probably. Hey, we got a nice new generator from Brady to keep the heat on during the winter months here in our Kansas because we don't have enough money to make that 1200 payment. When does it end? When does it end?

[Brady Bogan]

I got a gypsy update at a buddy that went over to that Marriott over there up on Desert Ridge. The big snow Christmas area. They have.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

There must have been. He goes, I kid you not.

[John Holmberg]

Gypsies are everywhere.

[Brady Bogan]

50 gypsy.

[John Holmberg]

They're starting to show up though. I think it's because people are aware of them.

[Brady Bogan]

Babies have giant gold ropes on and.

[John Holmberg]

All the fake Chanel and babies dressed for prom.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And people. I think people kind of got their eyes open now for gypsies. They've been around a lot. Especially up in Desert Ridge. They're everywhere up there. But you kind of eyeball them. Think nothing. And now they've been in the news a lot more often.

[Brady Bogan]

I think everybody's like they were ignoring everything.

[John Holmberg]

We're just the parents.

[Brady Bogan]

Basically. Stay by the bar.

[John Holmberg]

Those kids are capable of running a business. They're those little five year olds are.

[Brady Bogan]

And they're doing it.

[John Holmberg]

They're street smart. Beyond. Yeah. Watch out for them gypsies.

[Donnie]

Hey Brady, I heard you on that show you do on the radio says.

[John Holmberg]

They got that all you can eat wing ding festival going on on Wednesday. How about you tote us over there and take care of that 15.99 tariff so we can eat all we can? God wanted us to be together on wings day. Probably right there. Got the cancer. Can I afford the 15.99? All you can eat, but she needs protein and honey dipping.

[Brady Bogan]

That's what I'll do. Next time. Just send food cards.

[John Holmberg]

That would be a good idea.

[Donnie]

This ought to help you out for a while.

[John Holmberg]

Brady sent over an endless supply of meatloaf. Yeah, we're gonna get fat while we're dying over here in our ice cold $1,200 a month apartment. I know Arkansas is cheaper than here, but 1200 bucks in Arkansas is still cheap. And at any given time, you should have enough people close to you that you could pull together one month's rent without having to beg, you know? Yeah. Something brutal.

[Brady Bogan]

That's why I think they kind of retracted a little bit.

[John Holmberg]

Well, one of your family members called him and said, this isn't right. Give the money back. I'll cover this. Don't do this again. Yeah, that's probably. Probably the one normal person closest to them.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, there's a little panic.

[John Holmberg]

Here's $1,200. You send the money back to the rest of them. And if you need it in the future, you do this with.

[Announcer]

You must be hoity toity at 1200amonth.

[Brady Bogan]

Look at that December.

[John Holmberg]

December place. Not a downgrade. Average rent in Arkansas is $921 a month. It's a 2% increase from last year, nearly 3. We can't keep up with this two bedroom, 1033.

[Brady Bogan]

And they're.

[John Holmberg]

You know who's to blame is that Biden Harris character. Can't afford to live on this kind of.

[Brady Bogan]

They're in a two bedroom. It's 1200 because they got a view of the pond.

[John Holmberg]

Right. That's where my mother. My mother in law lives in it. Yeah. Somebody in the family got them and said, hey, hey. Yep, send it back. Who was it? You know, it's probably Bunny.

[Donnie]

It might have been a family name.

[John Holmberg]

What are you doing? We have a reputation of a little bit of success. Can't have this.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, her mom is Bunny's sister.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So Bunny probably talked to her and said, don't do this again.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, she knew right off the bat. No, the. The mom.

[John Holmberg]

I thought the mom sent it.

[Brady Bogan]

No, the mom didn't send it.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's what you said.

[Brady Bogan]

That's what reached out like. All right, hang on.

[John Holmberg]

So mom probably said, hey, jackass, knock it off. Don't start. Don't start begging, Mike. Successful family members. I'll give you the 1200 bucks, you send that money back and apologize. Sorry about that, y'. All. Hey, look, my ding a ling's making hard again.

[Brady Bogan]

I think it was, you know, a panic because he was. He was employed at the time.

[John Holmberg]

And then he lost his job at the chicken factory close, cutting meat. Yeah, they all cut at Tyson. That's all they do is work at Tyson Chicken. I guarantee you that he slaughters something.

[Brady Bogan]

The Waltons cut me off.

[Donnie]

I got cut off at the local butcher house.

[John Holmberg]

So cancer's going to run rampant through my lady friend. How many kids live in that? 1200amonth. They don't have any children. Shocking. So she has ovarian cancer. There's something stopping her from making kids in Arkansas.

[Brady Bogan]

She's older than me.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, she's not. That's why she's not making kids.

[Announcer]

We got Walmart, Tyson Foods and Chickens.

[John Holmberg]

Where they all work.

[Brady Bogan]

I'll just tell you. Yeah, that's one of their. One of the companies.

[John Holmberg]

They work Tyson. Everybody in Arkansas's work for Tyson. Oh, the Wally world. Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna go ahead and say it for you. Don't care for these people, and I don't want them in your life anymore. Look at my dad used to say, that friend of yours, that Jimmy kid. Yeah. I don't want to see him around you anymore. Why not?

[Donnie]

Dad, he's cool.

[John Holmberg]

No, he's not. Yeah, you're done with him.

[Donnie]

Oh, come on.

[John Holmberg]

You can't tell me to hang out. And then my dad. And then my dad knew deep down, it's like, oh, yeah. A few years later, Jimmy's calling because he's in jail again. Dad was right. I'm eyeballing this one.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, I.

[John Holmberg]

Can you get stories? Yeah, because I.

[Brady Bogan]

No, no, nothing like that. Look at this.

[John Holmberg]

Done it.

[Brady Bogan]

New Yorker. Yeah, he's written a book.

[John Holmberg]

Of course he has.

[Brady Bogan]

Murder mystery.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no. And it's a little too good.

[Brady Bogan]

No, I haven't read it, but it was out and he put it out. You know, got a publisher and everything.

[John Holmberg]

But you got a friend of. Exactly. If you can raise Xerox machine at the office. Yeah, he got his murder mystery printed. But that wife's tumor is good. How? We have to ask Family Hill. I don't like these people. Not even a little bit. They're done. Well, you're done with them. Yeah, Dad's telling you like I think you should stop hanging out with this group. Just ignore them if they email. Just ignore them. I got family. I have to.

[Brady Bogan]

That's why my dad threw in the towel.

[John Holmberg]

What on them? He didn't like them anymore. Your dad.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm just saying.

[John Holmberg]

For real though, they need money. Did oh oh I say that that's when he croaked because he knew this was coming anyway. Well Brady, before you turn into the multi state romance scam victim, just talk to Brett and I first. We'll take care of this for you. We have no ties to your family. We're not afraid to embarrass them. They should be embarrassed on their own. I want you to find out though through questioning who the family member was that did the john and called and said knock this off now. Because somebody did. That's why you got a check back. Somebody. Somebody in your family. Bunny knows. Somebody in your family.

[Brady Bogan]

I think it was. I think it was Bunny's sister.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Okay. And then apologies should be coming soon. I am sorry for that. They said things out of line, you know, but that's. Sorry about that. We're out of line. And you're not allowed to answer their emails anymore before you consult with the Vesli homebird consultancy because you'll start throwing money at them in books.

[Brady Bogan]

I'll let you know when one comes in.

[John Holmberg]

Brady. I'm writing another murder mystery and it's a romance this time so problem is I can't really find fund that on my own. I'll give you 1% of the proceed in. Yeah, my editor says the greatest book he's ever read since the Bible. So it's going to be in all the hotels. I'll do it. You're from New York?

[Donnie]

That's right.

[John Holmberg]

That's an accent. Is a strong Brooklyn accent. That's why I moved all the way from Brooklyn to work at the Tyson chicken farm because that's what Brooklynites do. They leave Brooklyn for crappy little towns in Arkansas to work chicken farm. And I got fired from the chicken farm for rape. But then the we had to work at the Wally World where I was fired for excessive ejaculations. I don't know what that means but turns out it wasn't mopping up good when the breaks were coming. I hate your family on that.

[Brady Bogan]

Those uppity folks.

[John Holmberg]

One time your dick comes out of your pants at work and next thing you know you're on us, you're on posters and telling Your neighbors. You work down the road, and you have to let them know you live there. Good luck there, Brady. And no, none of my family asked me for money. Unless it's like, something. Unless if I've been in a room with you for more than 10 minutes in the last year because I wanted to, not because there was a wedding or a few. Don't ask me for money. Say hi, Pop in every once in a while, you know, we solved it. Nice job, Brett.

[Announcer]

There you go.

[John Holmberg]

That's how it works, Brady. Take a laugh.

[Radio Host/Producer]

Arizona's most powerful rock radio station.

[John Holmberg]

He said fully erect. 98 KUPD.

[Radio Host/Producer]

The best of homework's morning sickness on 98 KUPD.

[John Holmberg]

You head downtown and. And you're part of it. And then things go sideways. Do you know what to do? Hopefully. And if you don't, well, you can. They've got a place for that. ReactDefense.com is a place for tactical Black. You get out there, you learn some skills. You learn about yourself. You just get better at being you. And you're wandering around the mean streets at night after a couple of pops. Darn it all, it's good to have some preparation in your pocket because you just never know what kind of lunatics looking at you. The wolves are out there. There's no reason to be a sheep. You can be a sheepdog and do it for $89 for a month of training right now. And all you have to do is go to reactdefense.com, check their schedule, see all they have to offer, and go. That's only 89. And then jump on board. Reactdefense.com has gift certificates and stuff for Christmas too, so hop on that. There you go. Reactdefense.com. it's the home of tactical Black. But before we do that, in fairness and equal time, we've got AI Dale singing a Christmas song. Oh, really figured it out.

[Radio Host/Producer]

Here we go.

[John Holmberg]

This is Dale singing some holiday cheer. Same song.

[Brady Bogan]

Is it?

[John Holmberg]

I bet you I'm not gonna work. It's gonna be just gonna. I hope it's an opera thing. Saturday night with to the little way.

[Donnie]

Do you see what I drunk, Dale?

[John Holmberg]

And this is gonna be when Troy and Emmett visit Dale in the home.

[Donnie]

Were you guys going to visit me?

[John Holmberg]

No. I don't want to see this in person. It's already hard enough to look at you. Oh, man.

[Donnie]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

And then here you are singing your favorite country song. If you don't use this nasty stuff, don't start. But if you're hopelessly addicted I guess you got to find something good to.

[Donnie]

Say about a bad habit.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, let's try. Here we go.

[Donnie]

Color of Ben Ha.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Amazing theater.

[Donnie]

Say that Joel get Leah know.

[John Holmberg]

Spitting.

[Donnie]

To slobbering all around the house.

[John Holmberg]

Joe Bab. Sounds just like country music to me. Finally it makes sense. Oh, do I. That's really well done. Hey, Dale. Singing Copenhagen is a favorite. There it is. Whatever. Brett just found some AI songs. Well, no, the Internet found them for you and sent them your way. I think it's because we play N word or F word. And then it started to do these 70s soul and 60s soul songs. And 80s, too. Yeah. Of AI performers like Quarter Brown and the Dollar Thrills.

[Announcer]

I can't wait to hear this one.

[John Holmberg]

It Mother effort.

[Announcer]

I'm broke is the name of that song.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And it's on itunes. Yeah, you're.

[Holly]

And the best one was. I'm calling in.

[John Holmberg]

I'm calling in Sticky your ass. Great. AI wrote this. Like, you can't. It doesn't. My head still doesn't wrap around the idea that no one's behind that.

[Brady Bogan]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

That no one is like, writing that. But it was brilliant. I'm calling in.

[Donnie]

I'm calling in.

[John Holmberg]

Sick of your is just a great phrase. And I know it's a T shirt and stuff, but this song is phenomenal. It's like.

[Holly]

Is that the name of the artist?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Announcer]

Almost vinyl. It's Spotify, Apple Music, whatever.

[John Holmberg]

And it's all AI.

[Announcer]

Yeah, that's what it says. I. I don't know. I've just. Man, I'm just learning about it.

[John Holmberg]

Phenomenal.

[Holly]

Putting it on Apple Music right now.

[John Holmberg]

Phenomenal. Anyway, it's time now for this day.

[Announcer]

We'll try again tomorrow.

[Brady Bogan]

That's really.

[John Holmberg]

We should end the show with that one. F this day. We'll try again tomorrow. Should be our closer every day. Give it a peek and see if it's worth it.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay.

[Announcer]

Don't pop me up.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not potting up any of what you've been playing. I haven't heard that many curses in a long time, but it's been soulful, so I've enjoyed it. Is it good? Is it cussy? Can't play it.

[Announcer]

I mean, the chorus. The choruses.

[Holly]

Three of the titles from their collection on Apple itunes.

[John Holmberg]

That's an effing ugly baby. F off. That's not my job. I'm back on my bs. I'm. I'm gonna be all over this. It's not. We can't play it. I can tell by your face. It's not.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, that.

[Announcer]

That means it doesn't cuss right away. But be careful with the button.

[John Holmberg]

So just. This is all AI.

[Donnie]

Have you ever had a day it's like Silk Sonic.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Donnie]

Where nothing seem to go your way? You piss someone off. That's hot as hell. All the bills are due and it feels like it's been years but you're only halfway through.

[Announcer]

Damn it.

[John Holmberg]

I knew it.

[Donnie]

And I knew I was going to.

[John Holmberg]

Get right on that. Damn it, I missed the bomb.

[Announcer]

Or I'll save it for wingless after show.

[John Holmberg]

We'll edit it. Yes, but it's called F. What is it? F this day.

[Announcer]

We'll try again tomorrow.

[John Holmberg]

I think that's a great one. That's a great closer. That's a great closer.

[Brady Bogan]

We had a celebrity death. Elwood Edwards, you say? Elwood Blues.

[John Holmberg]

Give me a time frame. I'm getting a credit on that. Figure that out.

[Brady Bogan]

Was almost 75 years old. Died just. It's gotta be a couple of days.

[John Holmberg]

Before I've seen his name on a TV screen.

[Brady Bogan]

And his celebrity paycheck was 200 back in 1989 to record four lines.

[John Holmberg]

Was he the guy that did Milli Vanilla?

[Announcer]

No, no, that was Frank something.

[Brady Bogan]

Welcome. You've got mail. Oh, that file's done.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Brady Bogan]

Goodbye.

[John Holmberg]

You've got mail. How hard is that? That was him. Is that only made 200?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, well, I mean, it's end up being a camera operator at the local Cleveland TV station, WKYC. He also was in 2016 working as an Uber driver.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man.

[Announcer]

You would think he could have turned that into something somehow. I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

He was kind of dumb to not capitalize on it. But it's not that. The AOL was going to be all lucrative with. Hey, can you just say you've. Nobody even knew what email was in 1980. You've got mail. We're going to keep that. As I. Here's 200 bucks. You'd have taken that?

[Donnie]

Sure.

[John Holmberg]

Like right now, somebody said, give me 200, I get this thing I'm working on. You'd be like, all right, you've got mail. All right, thanks. Here's 200. I got 200 for that. You'd be excited.

[Announcer]

Wasn't that the same with the guy that designed the Nike logo? Wasn't that like he got like 800 bucks or something like that?

[John Holmberg]

And that's was something like that. Was it Nike? I thought so.

[Announcer]

I thought it was the swoosh.

[John Holmberg]

There was a guy bitching about it a little while ago, this whoosh. I think you're right.

[Brady Bogan]

We almost lost Dick Van Dyke.

[John Holmberg]

Where'd he go?

[Brady Bogan]

He was at home, but he was in Malibu where that Malibu fire was happening.

[John Holmberg]

I haven't done the Dick Van Dyke in years.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't know if you still have it.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know if I could do it. It's a. It's the old version when you start.

[Announcer]

You need a Sunday actually to do that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Kind of. Your tongue's frozen. I know. L. Yeah, I got. I got to rehear him.

[Brady Bogan]

He was planning on leaving, but at first he wanted to hose down his house because the fire was that close and he tired out trying to pull out.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's like a fire hose because he's 100.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

And so there he was. He goes, I tried to crawl to my car. I'm not gonna make it. Neighbors, fortunately, were close by and they.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, so Dick Van Dyke was out there crawling around, carried him out. That's got to be a sight. And you know what? I know maybe your brain doesn't change as you age and you still think you can do things, but there aren't a whole lot of.

[Brady Bogan]

That's exactly what he was saying.

[John Holmberg]

Wildfire. Wild. You know, like 100 year old firemen in the. In the wilderness. Like the. The hot shots. They don't really go to the 90 year olds too often. I think you gas out, the air is not as good.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. He said he was lucky and he figured, you know, I could. Should be able to pull this hose out and.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And stop a wildfire. I'm Dick.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, no, but. Wet the house before he leaves.

[John Holmberg]

I guess that's not going to do anything. Wet the house. He was probably wetting his. He probably is wet. He's too wet to burn.

[Brady Bogan]

The other thing is his wife was there that you had to get the pets out.

[John Holmberg]

He still married?

[Brady Bogan]

She was.

[John Holmberg]

She's still around too.

[Brady Bogan]

She. I figured she's young enough to.

[John Holmberg]

How old is she?

[Brady Bogan]

She's like 20, right? No, he definitely married a younger woman.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah, he'd have to marry an older woman. She'd be dust.

[Brady Bogan]

That's how they got her out of there. They got a broom and a dustpan. Yeah, well, she's like 70.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe Van Dyke back. Can't remember it. There's a. Definitely a trigger that.

[Announcer]

I used to say 46 year age gap.

[John Holmberg]

46 years. She's in her 40s.

[Brady Bogan]

I was a little off.

[Announcer]

Well, no.

[Donnie]

Don'T ooh her.

[John Holmberg]

She's younger than me.

[Donnie]

Expire.

[Announcer]

Looks like pillow.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, God. She's a bodybuilder. Oh, my God.

[Announcer]

She looks like she just didn't build the body.

[John Holmberg]

She doesn't look like in the face.

[Donnie]

She does.

[John Holmberg]

She's a body. Pillow. Oh, that's his wife. Yeah. All right. Well, I guess good for them, I guess.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, they've been married for a while.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, it's keeping him alive because he could feed off her for years. There's enough room. Never cold. I'll tell you that. Old people get cold easy. Not him. All right, let's.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, Jason.

[John Holmberg]

Let's not judge too much. Although worth judging. Come on.

[Brady Bogan]

The paparazzi caught up with Gary Busey the other day. He was in Malibu, picked a bush over there on the side of the road and whipped it out and started.

[John Holmberg]

While they were filming him.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. Then he turns around and just gives me a little smile.

[Donnie]

When you gotta go, you gotta go. It gets even better, Brady. My back teeth were floating.

[John Holmberg]

Dressed for it. I'm dressed like a guy who pisses outside.

[Brady Bogan]

Ate so many corn nuts yet again.

[John Holmberg]

I still love that. Paparazzi says, there's Gary Busey. Like, they would go, oh, let's go the other way.

[Donnie]

Hey, guys, look at me.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Gary Busey wants us to take his picture.

[Brady Bogan]

Like, don't care.

[Donnie]

Hey, look it. What do I have to do, get on tmz?

[John Holmberg]

Where's a guy got to take a huge public? Have Harvey Levin talk about him.

[Brady Bogan]

For some reason, someone's going over a 2011 Rolling Stone interview. George Clooney. They had with George Clooney, and he had his first orgasm when he was six or seven years old climbing a rope. Said nothing came out, but all the elements were there. Oh, wow. He was climbing the rope, and it was rubbing against. He gets to the top of the platform. He's like, oh, my God.

[John Holmberg]

Mine was eighth grade or eighth grade. Eight years old, in fourth grade at Mrs. Lucene's class because she had an assignment that. That I thought was due the next day. And it was the day before Thanksgiving break, and it was due the Tuesday before. Wednesday was like a play day. And if you didn't get it done, you got an F for the semester because it was a huge project. We did work on an hour every day for the whole semester. And I was cramming the last two days into one day, Right. And my body reacted with what I now know is an organ.

[Announcer]

What, for doing homework.

[Donnie]

What? Wait.

[John Holmberg]

During Little League once it happened, then it used to. Every once in a While during high school.

[Announcer]

That's how Dan was calling you out.

[John Holmberg]

During.

[Brady Bogan]

Literally.

[John Holmberg]

True. But it didn't happen. Like, I didn't just go, oh, yeah. It was, like, really confusing. And I had. Yeah. It was during high stress events.

[Donnie]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

At age eight, it started. Terry, you want to talk about yours? How about Grandpa Larry? Anybody? Okay, we won't do it with you. But now mom knows about me. It's not fair.

[Radio Host/Producer]

Arizona's most powerful rock radio station.

[John Holmberg]

He said fully erect.

[Radio Host/Producer]

It's the Best of Homburg's Morning Sickness.

[Donnie]

You're listening to the Best of Homburg's Morning Sickness.

[John Holmberg]

And you might have heard a little bit of me, Frank Caliendo there, who.

[Donnie]

By the way, just happens to be at Tempe Improv New Year's Eve 2 shows.

[Brady Bogan]

Tempianprov.com or something. You sons of of.

[John Holmberg]

Now back to the Best of Holmberg's Morning Sickness. Time for your Guadalupe squares. Here's our hostess. Look over there. It's Mo, everyone. Hi, Mo.

[Radio Host/Producer]

Oh, hi.

[John Holmberg]

How are you? You ready?

[Mo Bergeron]

Yeah, I'm ready.

[John Holmberg]

All right, good. Mo Bergeron is hosting the squares. It's the Caliendo Birthday Squares. Mo, host away.

[Mo Bergeron]

Thank you, Chancellor. In the top left square, Joe Biden is in birthday.

[Donnie]

My wife's always says to me, as if somebody with birthday.

[Brady Bogan]

Sing him, Dr. Jill.

[John Holmberg]

Sorry.

[Donnie]

Sing him Happy Birthday. Sing him Happy Birthday. When I was a young man. Scrap, Pennsylvania. Oh, my gosh. 500 years ago was the fall of the Roman Empire.

[John Holmberg]

What?

[Donnie]

Okay, Joe, wake up.

[Mo Bergeron]

Wake up.

[Donnie]

Mario and Luigi.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, sir.

[Donnie]

Can I tell them right now? Happy birthday, Ray. Sing Happy Birthday. Happy birthday. You shook me all night. Shake me. Eyes. Two, one. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. I learned this growing up in a black church. I was babysitting Martin Luther Kingston.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Donnie]

He had that baby. That's right. Martin Luther Jr. Man. And he had that girl child. Kamala. Made her Vice President of the United States. She's the first black one. Not filtered. Not filtered. She's not filtered person. Unfiltered person. Come on. What are we doing?

[Brady Bogan]

Stir it up a little bit.

[Donnie]

What are we doing with the guy with the thing? Listen, listen. Jack. What are we doing? Jack Toledo.

[John Holmberg]

Look.

[Donnie]

Hey, Jack, what are you doing? Look. Jack. Let's go smell Mo. No, no, no, no.

[Brady Bogan]

Smell that hair.

[Donnie]

Smell the top hair. You smell the bottom hair. I'm going in Hunter style. Where's he at? Raider Square, Pennsylvania. I worked at an office. We in a paper company. That's right. Michael Smith. The girls.

[Mo Bergeron]

I don't think that was real.

[Donnie]

Dunder Mifflin.

[Mo Bergeron]

I think you watched a show. You weren't in it.

[Donnie]

I don't know. Dad's getting confused. Dunder Mifflin. Remember that time you and me and the beat farmer kid?

[Mo Bergeron]

What?

[Donnie]

We attacked Pam and Jim.

[John Holmberg]

I don't.

[Donnie]

I remember how it ended. I remember how that ended. I remember how that ended. I don't remember. But I'm not gonna admit it. I'm not gonna admit. Dwight. Remember Dwight?

[John Holmberg]

Come on.

[Donnie]

Dwight was there. Come on. Who's the guy we didn't like? It was Toby Keith.

[John Holmberg]

Toby Keith?

[Donnie]

Never liked Toby Keith. Barr. Where's Bar goddamn Hunter? I had to drag Hunter out of the bar. Hunter hur.

[John Holmberg]

Stuck in a bar.

[Brady Bogan]

Good kid.

[Donnie]

A deer hunter.

[John Holmberg]

That's good.

[Announcer]

Mo.

[Donnie]

You smell like prowl.

[Mo Bergeron]

Oh, God, Please stop. I thought you were away already. Oh, my gosh. Let's move on. Let's move on.

[Brady Bogan]

You know. You know, I did win.

[Donnie]

No, come on.

[Mo Bergeron]

You're not in today.

[Donnie]

I'm not in this one? No, I'm in all of them.

[John Holmberg]

You know what?

[Donnie]

Not for nothing, but you said, let's move on. And I think that's what America's been saying about Joe Biden for the last 61 years. We're moving on up to the east side. The deluxe apart. We're kicking Camala out. When I was a young man growing up on the east side. Come on. I grew up.

[John Holmberg]

I ran a. Ran a.

[Donnie]

Like a laundromat. A Laundromat. My wife Wheezy and I. She's long gone now, God bless her.

[Brady Bogan]

And a.

[Donnie]

You know. You know, you're there. You're. You're there. Come on.

[Brady Bogan]

We're never going to get through.

[Donnie]

All right, let's go. Let's go. Dear Frank, who are the dead people who aren't here? That's right. Raise your hands. Hey. Shake hands with a ghost. How are you?

[Mo Bergeron]

All right, we're moving on. Why does Jeff.

[Donnie]

Why does Jeff Dunham have his hand up my ass? All right, Walter. Look like Walter. What the hell? Come on, come on, come on.

[Brady Bogan]

Come on.

[Donnie]

What are we doing? Come on, Jack. We're playing Hollywood Square.

[Brady Bogan]

Singular.

[Mo Bergeron]

Hey, go take a nap.

[Donnie]

Go take a nap.

[John Holmberg]

God.

[Mo Bergeron]

Get the squares.

[Donnie]

No faintness. There's only one square. I just took a pill. I took a pill. I'm feeling good. Okay?

[Mo Bergeron]

Go to bed.

[Donnie]

Feeling good. I got a half a heart out. Took the wrong pill. Go to sleep. Pants got tight.

[Brady Bogan]

Blue pill.

[Donnie]

Took the blue pill.

[Mo Bergeron]

All right, moving on to the next in The Matrix.

[Donnie]

In the matrix. Took the blue pill. Dude, come on.

[Mo Bergeron]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

And then I.

[Donnie]

He shot at me. And I leaned backwards slowly.

[John Holmberg]

I never shot at you.

[Mo Bergeron]

Oh, my God. Top, middle square. Alec Baldwin.

[John Holmberg]

I'm probably going to jail.

[Mo Bergeron]

You are going to jail, dude.

[John Holmberg]

I am. God.

[Donnie]

What?

[John Holmberg]

I was the host of the Match Game. Ironically, I played a game where we had to fill in blanks.

[Mo Bergeron]

Oh, no. Come on.

[John Holmberg]

It's just not fair.

[Mo Bergeron]

Horrible.

[John Holmberg]

I didn't do it.

[Brady Bogan]

Maybe you shouldn't have pulled the trigger.

[John Holmberg]

The gun wasn't loaded. I was.

[Mo Bergeron]

Yeah, well, then that also.

[Donnie]

Quiet down.

[John Holmberg]

Pig Man's talking.

[Donnie]

This guy's too angry. Stop being angry. Angry Democrat. Act like. But.

[Mo Bergeron]

All right, in the top right square, we got Jay Leno.

[Donnie]

Krueger. Hey, what's the deal? Have you seen this thing?

[Announcer]

Have you seen this?

[Donnie]

Alec Holden.

[John Holmberg]

This guy?

[Brady Bogan]

What?

[Donnie]

The thing he just did in the square.

[John Holmberg]

Can you believe he actually did that? I didn't do it. I couldn't do that. Guess what?

[Donnie]

It's going to be your worst nightmare.

[Brady Bogan]

Jay, here's a lighter.

[Mo Bergeron]

No, no.

[Donnie]

Little fire Scarecrow.

[John Holmberg]

My face.

[Donnie]

My beautiful, beautiful face.

[John Holmberg]

Oh.

[Donnie]

No one will ever hire me again for modeling.

[Mo Bergeron]

All right.

[Donnie]

Really took that one on the chin. Thanks for being in the center square.

[John Holmberg]

For that one, Huh? I think everything in the chat. There's no choice. It's gravitational pull.

[Donnie]

Learn. Just gone to Norse code. I've actually gone to north code. Have you seen this? Have you seen what the Norsemen are doing? Have you seen this? Have you seen Thors?

[John Holmberg]

They changed it. They changed the Morse code to the north code.

[Donnie]

North code was stolen from the Morse code. When I was a young man back in Scrap, Pennsylvania, we didn't have codes. Your coach. I remember when I was a Viking.

[John Holmberg]

We were.

[Donnie]

I was a Viking for a while. We won the division. We beat him. We beat him, beat him fast. We took our leather hats off. We celebrated. We were. We were stormed by purple people.

[John Holmberg]

We ate them.

[Donnie]

Purple people. You were there. I get it. You there. Come on. Dumbest thing you've ever come. You're better than that.

[Brady Bogan]

Not.

[Donnie]

No, no, no, I'm not. Maybe not. I'm not.

[Mo Bergeron]

All right, in the middle left square, we got Morgan Freeman's double.

[John Holmberg]

Morgan Freeman. Well, wait for the music to swell before you start going.

[Radio Host/Producer]

Sometimes I get a little bit too excited, Sonny.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it's hard not to. We're here. And it's always an exciting time to have you and I together.

[Donnie]

Morgan Morgan and Tracy Morgan.

[John Holmberg]

The Morgans. The law firm of Morgan Morgan and Morgan.

[Donnie]

That's crazy. What's going on here?

[John Holmberg]

In a wreck. Need a check. Call Morgan. Morgan and Morgan.

[Donnie]

Take a spill. Need a pill.

[John Holmberg]

Carl. Morgan. Morgan and Morgan.

[Donnie]

That's crazy. I want to put a baby in you. No.

[Mo Bergeron]

No babies.

[Donnie]

You want babies. That's why you take the pill. That's right. Toledo. You got it.

[John Holmberg]

Do you need child support? Call Morgan. Morgan. Morgan. Unwanted pregnancy. Call one Morgan.

[Donnie]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

Morganmorganmorgan69.com that is not our website.

[Donnie]

Open toe shoe.

[Radio Host/Producer]

But I'm going to buy it.

[John Holmberg]

We are squatting on it.

[Radio Host/Producer]

We're taking a look.

[Donnie]

I wish you'd squat on me.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Mo Bergeron]

Every time I do, you try to get me pregnant. We're not doing that anymore.

[Brady Bogan]

Anymore.

[Donnie]

Get over here and pee on one of us.

[John Holmberg]

All right, fine. Don't. Don't pee on me. Why not? Just please.

[Mo Bergeron]

If there's anybody that. I'm gonna do that.

[John Holmberg]

To cut the ass nicely.

[Radio Host/Producer]

And then he had to climb through 500 yards to the fifth slop.

[John Holmberg]

I can't come out the other side smelling like a rose.

[Donnie]

A rose that had been peed on by a dog. I European gets weird of freckles. What?

[John Holmberg]

Well, we'll never know.

[Mo Bergeron]

We don't want that.

[Brady Bogan]

Not even beautiful freckles.

[John Holmberg]

I know something to get rid of those freckles.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Mo Bergeron]

In the middle, it slices, it dices.

[Donnie]

And it's ready to go. Right here in your nightmares. That's right from Ronco. It's the new JLo.

[John Holmberg]

I'm a fire starter.

[Donnie]

Twisted fire starter. Hey, hey, hey.

[Mo Bergeron]

All right. Get back into your square. In the middle square we've got Dairy Dreamer. Brady.

[Donnie]

Yeah, I'm starting to. Hey, Frank, happy birthday. Hey, thanks, Brady. I'm starting a thing where I go eat cheese before bed every night.

[Mo Bergeron]

That doesn't sound like a good idea.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Donnie]

And then they measure me to never have nightmares and stuff. And so far, only Jay Leno's shown up. And then I thought I was talking to a cheesemonger. In my dream last night, I ate some port salou and I had to cheesemonger. So it was a cheese mongoloid. Ah, horrifying. Strolling all over the cheese. That's what they do. Hey, what do you think of this? Do you think this is Gouda or better? It's Leno, Kruger and my cheese nightmares.

[Holly]

You've never had a food nightmare.

[Donnie]

Then I had a dream that Frank's uncle, the cheese king of Chicago, showed up and I wasn't allowed to get cheese. That's right. You can't get cheese in Chicago without. Go to meat, Uncle Phil. I'm just saying I want a bite.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[Brady Bogan]

That's right, Frankie.

[John Holmberg]

Happy birthday, Frankie.

[Donnie]

What is that, Brady? Just hand me a note. Says, cheese is better. Cheddar is better. I get it.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Mo Bergeron]

And cheese is better when it's cheddar. Right in the middle right square, we got Ron Wolfley, Jesse Ventura, John Madden and Bill Walton.

[Donnie]

That's the bait.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not even sure which I'm doing right. Who are we? Who are we?

[Donnie]

Jesse, the body. We can be anything. I think that's actually Goliath from Davion. Goliath.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, David, I'm so excited. We got a new general manager.

[Donnie]

Where's that Astner? Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house.

[John Holmberg]

It's the same voice that keeps on giving.

[Donnie]

There, David. Unbelievable. How great is this? The conference of champions right here. Throw it to the big mat.

[John Holmberg]

Throw it down. As the former governor, I gotta step in and take over the square. Why? Because it's out of control.

[Mo Bergeron]

It is a lot. Thank you for taking control. In the bottom left square, we've got Brady secret square. Give us a hint.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm 55 years old and I'm totally money.

[Donnie]

Put it on a flip flop.

[John Holmberg]

Yuck.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, God.

[Mo Bergeron]

Don't do that. All right, in the bottom middle square, we got Charles Barkley. Shaq. For the 30 year Suns reunion.

[Donnie]

I'm Shakira.

[John Holmberg]

My name's Mar.

[Mo Bergeron]

Did you change your name to Shakira?

[Donnie]

Shakira. My hips don't lie.

[Mo Bergeron]

Oh, I like it.

[Donnie]

Shake it, baby.

[John Holmberg]

Shake it.

[Announcer]

Yeah.

[Donnie]

Let me just say this. I was over at your house the other day.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[Donnie]

Shakira. Did you eat all my jam? I might have had some jam. You ate all my jam. Somebody ate all my jam. Brady's.

[John Holmberg]

Hand me another note.

[Donnie]

It don't make no sense, but it says Shakuchi and I like it. Listen, I think that's a cheese board. One of the worst things. One of the worst things I've seen is Brady's penmanship. Brady's penmanship is like a Joe Biden speech. You can't get through it without a trail off and misunderstanding what it actually is. I don't know if that's a cue or a bad drawing of himself, but I'll have the charcuterie with some salami and some teeth. Listen, but keep them little peppers off the brown stuff, Jack.

[Brady Bogan]

You don't want that on a board.

[Donnie]

Not have A Shakuzh on a board. They serve it at final restaurants like Papa John's. I'm always big on these long introductions for the squares, but even I'm saying.

[John Holmberg]

Cut this one off.

[Donnie]

Call Papa John's right now for the pepperoni. Shackaroni, Charcoe.

[Mo Bergeron]

All right, in the bottom right square, we got our Lord and savior tree.

[John Holmberg]

Next.

[Mo Bergeron]

Best introduction yet.

[John Holmberg]

Who's on the line there?

[Mo Bergeron]

We got Darcy and Donnie.

[John Holmberg]

Darcy, are you there? Darcy, are you there?

[Mo Bergeron]

Yes, I'm here.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Donnie, are you there? I am. Darcy, pick a square. You're a girl. Go.

[Mo Bergeron]

Let's go with Morgan Freeman.

[John Holmberg]

All right. We can do that.

[Radio Host/Producer]

I tried waiting for the music.

[Mo Bergeron]

It's hard, right? It's gotta be quicker.

[John Holmberg]

Toledo Torpedo. As we discovered earlier this morning, his timing is sort of like that of we let Caleb run the board from the Shriners.

[Radio Host/Producer]

It's just gonna be slow.

[John Holmberg]

But you feel sorry for him, so you allow it. Darcy, do you have any legal needs right now? Because we have the answers at Morgan Morgan.

[Mo Bergeron]

They don't. Darcy, don't answer that question.

[John Holmberg]

Are you pregnant? Do you want to be?

[Donnie]

Would you like to be mash? No.

[John Holmberg]

In a wreck? Need to check what's going on with your spine? Have you had any water at Fort Lejeune lately? We can solve all these issues with one simple call to Morgan. Morgan and Morgan.

[Mo Bergeron]

All right, let's get to your question.

[John Holmberg]

69.Com donkeys.

[Radio Host/Producer]

I'm gonna work on John Goodman, so I can just do Saul.

[John Holmberg]

John Goodman.

[Donnie]

Dorsey, let me ask you a question. Did your vaginal mesh explode and fall out again? Don't call us. Call Erna Monroe or something. We don't want to see that garbage.

[John Holmberg]

I think this is the first time I've agreed with Tracy Morgan. I don't want to see that either.

[Radio Host/Producer]

I have never envisioned the vaginal mesh before.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it looks a little like if you left a T shirt inside out on the floor. It's tumbled out the wrong way.

[Radio Host/Producer]

There's threads where there shouldn't be, and.

[John Holmberg]

You can see the seams and some deodorant stains. I'm speaking for Darcy.

[Donnie]

I know some people who can get it done in nine minutes.

[John Holmberg]

Name that to them.

[Donnie]

Oh, my gosh, it's so great.

[Mo Bergeron]

All right, let's move on to your question. Morgans. Donkeys are said to be able to recall 25 years old. 25 year old memories.

[Donnie]

I'm technically a donkey.

[Mo Bergeron]

All right, Senior Square Biden. All right, we're talking to the.

[Donnie]

Put the wrong question in there. Come on. What are we doing? We're in the wrong square.

[John Holmberg]

Brady may have the line of the day as he hands me this note. That's one. Smart ass. It's biblical. Listen.

[Donnie]

That's pretty good.

[John Holmberg]

That's actually good. You should go out on that.

[Donnie]

You win the squares. What was the question?

[John Holmberg]

I forgot the question.

[Mo Bergeron]

The question is Donkeys are said to be able to recall 25 year old memories. Is that true or false?

[Announcer]

True.

[John Holmberg]

Oh. How would anyone actually know with the donkey just reminiscing? It all sounds like to me.

[Donnie]

Donkey.

[Mo Bergeron]

Could you narrate a donkey's thoughts as.

[Donnie]

I gaze out there behind me?

[John Holmberg]

I've decided I found something I'd like to kick. There's a lot of things I'd like to kick in this room right now. I'll say that a donkey can remember 25 years ago. Because he can't prove he can't. Okay.

[Mo Bergeron]

Darcy. Do you agree with me?

[John Holmberg]

I just miss my. Jenny.

[Mo Bergeron]

I just missed.

[John Holmberg]

I just miss. That's a female donkey. Jenny.

[Mo Bergeron]

Darcy. He's saying true. Do you agree or disagree?

[John Holmberg]

Like Forrest Guards Disagree. You disagree.

[Mo Bergeron]

That's incorrect. Circle gets a square.

[Radio Host/Producer]

That's when a tall drink of water named Donkey Dufresne.

[John Holmberg]

He got the nickname in prison as Donkey. Which is a good thing in prison. Look at the size of that thing. Andy Dufresne hung down like a tripod when we was mopping the top of that building. He wasn't using a mop.

[Radio Host/Producer]

He just tied some bottom mop to.

[John Holmberg]

That big old stick of his. Smelled like the Sisters.

[Donnie]

And that's when Frank remembered the brand situation.

[John Holmberg]

Brand liability.

[Radio Host/Producer]

Liability.

[John Holmberg]

Donkey Du Fran's penis smelled like 400 yards of the Phallus Fil.

[Radio Host/Producer]

That's brand. That's brand liability.

[Mo Bergeron]

All right. Donnie.

[Donnie]

Funny thing about that. All right?

[John Holmberg]

Makes a man think.

[Announcer]

Okay.

[Mo Bergeron]

And pick a square.

[John Holmberg]

Hope and Andy's donkey were dangerous things.

[Mo Bergeron]

Say one more time.

[Brady Bogan]

Donnie.

[John Holmberg]

Top left. Top left.

[Donnie]

Biden. That's probably gonna be the last square ever.

[John Holmberg]

Hey.

[Donnie]

Could be one of the things in my administration. It's going good.

[John Holmberg]

What? No.

[Donnie]

Right now I got a T going. Well. My best sense ever. Toothpaste. Rocky. What's your toothpaste?

[Mo Bergeron]

Are you buffering?

[Donnie]

What are you doing? Sometimes you look at me. See a little spinning circle setting.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Donnie]

Timer. One word. God bless the usa.

[John Holmberg]

An American.

[Donnie]

It's a phrase that shed his grace on thee and crown.

[Brady Bogan]

You know.

[Donnie]

Come on. Parquet.

[John Holmberg]

Parquet.

[Donnie]

Get a crown. Parquet's butter. Can't believe it's not Butter.

[Mo Bergeron]

All right.

[Donnie]

Fabio.

[John Holmberg]

Fabio.

[Donnie]

It's Fabio. Fabio.

[Brady Bogan]

Fabio.

[Donnie]

I remember he was wrestling Andre the Giant. Yeah, one time I watched Match.

[Mo Bergeron]

I don't think he did, did he?

[Donnie]

Craze match, WrestleMania 5.

[Mo Bergeron]

I'm gonna need donkeys.

[Donnie]

Never forget. It's not a donkey.

[Brady Bogan]

Come on.

[Mo Bergeron]

All right, let's get to a question.

[Donnie]

The world's largest lions, lions, tigers and bears. Oh, my God.

[Mo Bergeron]

The world's largest land border. Longest. There we go.

[Donnie]

Longest.

[Mo Bergeron]

The world's longest.

[Donnie]

I'll show you longest.

[John Holmberg]

I think we just talked about what was longest. Andy Dufresne's Donkey Long border.

[Mo Bergeron]

The world's longest land borders between Russia and China. True or false.

[Donnie]

What square are we in? We're in the top left square.

[Mo Bergeron]

We're in Biden Square.

[Donnie]

Welcome to our nation. What was the question? We're gonna free your people. We can free your people.

[Mo Bergeron]

My people are free.

[Donnie]

They're down there in El Paso in cages.

[Mo Bergeron]

All right. The world's longest land border is between Russia and China. That's all true.

[Donnie]

I know that. My border czar is Kamala. And she's taking care of this situation you're asking about.

[John Holmberg]

That's not.

[Donnie]

We're building the wall around Russia and China. Chinese are good wall builders. Remember, I used to have railroads. Railroads. I made them build railroads back me and Jackson were president. I was there. I was there. I was there. If that's Washington I'm on.

[John Holmberg]

That's me.

[Donnie]

I'm on the dollar. I'm on the dollar. Silver dollar.

[Mo Bergeron]

You're not on anything.

[Donnie]

I'm on silver dollar. Pancake. That's right. I'm on silver dollar. You put the jam on me. That's good stuff. Put the jam for Shakira's house. Come on. That's my jam. Come on. Come here. On my jam.

[Brady Bogan]

Better get an answer before Vince gets in here.

[Donnie]

Single ever. Listen.

[Mo Bergeron]

All right, Donnie, he's saying false. Do you agree or disagree?

[Donnie]

Hi, hot blood.

[John Holmberg]

I agree.

[Donnie]

That is correct.

[Mo Bergeron]

US and Canada.

[Donnie]

I agree with Donnie.

[Mo Bergeron]

All right, Darcy, you could take the secret square.

[Donnie]

America.

[Mo Bergeron]

Darcy, take the secret square from the vlog.

[Donnie]

I don't know who it is, so.

[John Holmberg]

I, I he'll give some more clues.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm gonna take you downtown.

[Donnie]

Take the secret square. Saber Town.

[John Holmberg]

Keep guessing. He's the world's biggest dude.

[Brady Bogan]

I've got 2,000 seasons of triple D.

[John Holmberg]

His clothes scare Jay Leno. Cause they always look like they're on fire. Diners drive ins and I'm a chef. Oh, my God. Really?

[Donnie]

I am. Come on, Guy you both win.

[John Holmberg]

Come on, Guy. Say your name.

[Holly]

You're on fire.

[John Holmberg]

Guy Fiero. Fiery Pontiac.

[Mo Bergeron]

Come on, Darcy.

[John Holmberg]

Please.

[Brady Bogan]

Unbelievable.

[Donnie]

He drives a Ferrari.

[Brady Bogan]

You know what?

[Donnie]

Grocery Games. Tell you what. Wait. Wait a second. Were you on Wheel of Fortune? Yeah, we just spelled it out for you. But in my America, I was a Chilies. Everybody wins. It's Guy Fireball.

[Mo Bergeron]

Frosted tips.

[Donnie]

Guy Fiery.

[Brady Bogan]

Are we ending it?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we're ending it.

[Donnie]

Everybody wins because I'll tell you what wins.

[Brady Bogan]

I tell you what.

[Donnie]

In America, everybody's a winner.

[Holly]

You have executive privilege.

[Donnie]

All the people on the phone get Metallica tickets. Everybody calls Larry today, gets Metallica tickets. All of them.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody.

[Donnie]

If Metallica calls, they get your tickets. That's exactly. They get tickets to you and Metallica Relief Program. Come on, man. Come on. Come on. Relieve me. Reach over here. Relieve me. Shut him off. What are you looking at?

[Mo Bergeron]

Are you.

[Donnie]

Send you back? Oh, no.

[Mo Bergeron]

I'm from here. I'm from here.

[Donnie]

No, you're not.

[Mo Bergeron]

Okay.

[Donnie]

Grew up in Scranton. Never saw one of those.

[Mo Bergeron]

That's a whole different part of the nation.

[Donnie]

You haven't made it up that far yet.

[Mo Bergeron]

I like it here. It's nice.

[Donnie]

Keep scooting north. You guys end up in Canada. Then we're coming back. I fill in the pauses with this. What's going on? You look crazy.

[Mo Bergeron]

Are you snoring?

[Brady Bogan]

No, I'm not.

[Donnie]

When I'm awake.

[Mo Bergeron]

Eyes are closed when you're awake.

[Donnie]

I'm sleeping. JLO is in my nightmare. That's right, you know, Leave JLO Relief Program. Give him a little relief. So who really won?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know.

[Donnie]

America. One word. United States. Big winners.

[Announcer]

Blast.

[John Holmberg]

It's over.

[Donnie]

Shut the door. Shut it again.

[Brady Bogan]

Wrong way.

[Donnie]

Still in here. Now I'm trapped in a giant cube. Can we be friends? Does this scare you?

[John Holmberg]

All right, that's enough.

[Radio Host/Producer]

Arizona's most powerful rock radio station.

[John Holmberg]

He said fully erect.