12-20-25 - Everyone Has A Crackie That Ruins Holiday Dinners - Brady's Shrapnel - 2015 - BO

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness (Arizona)

Episode: 12-20-25 – Everyone Has A Crackie That Ruins Holiday Dinners – Brady’s Shrapnel
Date: December 30, 2025
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Podcast: 98KUPD | Hubbard Radio

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Main Theme

This lively episode focuses on the comedy (and misery) of family holiday gatherings, zeroing in on the infamous family “crackie” – the member who’s struggled with addiction, drama, or jail, and reliably disrupts Thanksgiving and Christmas get-togethers. The crew also dives into misunderstandings about family roles, language quirks, and Brady’s legendary mispronunciations, all in their irreverent, roast-each-other style.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Universal ‘Crackie’ and Holiday Chaos

• Every family has "that one person" who brings drama to the holidays, typically someone with a checkered past.
• John Holmberg introduces an unspoken rule:
  “If you have ever been addicted to anything… you do not bring up the holidays first. You’re the problem… shut the F up about the holidays until someone invites you. And if no one invites you, there’s a reason why.” (01:20–02:10)
• Panel jokes about evasive maneuvers and "accidental" trips to avoid awkward invites and the guilt-trip of not including problematic relatives.
• Both hosts and listeners recognize the mental stress "crackies" cause, including forced forgiveness and the endless cycle of “second chances.”
• Quote:
  “If you’re a normal and you say to your husband or wife, ‘You know, he’s really straightened his life out,’ shut up. You’ve just ruined Thanksgiving for about five people.” — John (06:24)

2. Expanding the ‘Crackie’ Category

• The discussion expands to include alcoholics, attention-seekers, and serial “self-inviters.”
• The panel pokes fun at elaborate family networking to dodge invites:
  “Every time you call and say, ‘I’m coming to Thanksgiving,’ four other calls are made ... Everybody’s in cahoots on how to handle you.” — John (09:38–10:06)
• Amusing anecdotes about family politics and dividing visits to avoid drama instead of uniting everyone.

3. Thanksgiving Dinner: Food, Fights, and Leftovers

• John relays a story where leftover food becomes a point of conflict:
  “My dad at the end of the night brought extra people... We had tons of food... My mom just lost her mind. ‘I cooked all day for this. Goddammit. Somebody taking this stuff home...’” (10:56–11:25)
• The frustration of being left with surplus food and cleaning duty.
• “Happy Thanksgiving, everyone out. I woke up. It’s every house. It’s every house every year.” — John (12:35)
• Families split up their get-togethers: some abstain from combining households to avoid multi-drama explosions.

4. The Aunt Joan Incident and Old People’s Ailments

• John shares a particularly gross/funny family story:
  “My aunt goes, ‘I’ve got the shingles.’ Huh? Oh, Jesus. She took her shirt off… she’s like coated dragon scales that are currently bleeding…” (07:19–07:43)
• The awkwardness that follows when relatives overshare their medical issues at the dinner table.
• “I couldn’t hear ‘breast’ again for another eight hours. Who wants the breast? Has Joan touched it?” — John (08:40)

5. Brady’s Mispronunciations: ‘Shrapnel’ and Beyond

• The group roasts Brady’s creative pronunciations—especially “shrapnel” (as 'shrapnel'), and expands into a section of their favorite language and geography blunders.
• Humorous exchange on pronunciation differences:
  • “You’re mispronouncing it correctly. I’m mispronouncing the mispronounce.” — John (17:17–17:28)
  • “Brady’s language is prettier than ours. Shrapnel and pyrotechniques. It sounds like a flower field.” — John (18:23–18:30)
• The ongoing debate over local pronunciations (e.g., Tempe) and a lighthearted reminiscence about on-air slipups.
• “He may have shrapnel in his head from some rotten pyrotechnics, but he guarantees…” — John, laughing at their own gaffes (20:01)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On “Crackies” Ruining Holidays:
  “If you do and no one’s inviting you, that’s about you, right? ... If you want to go and you’re inviting yourself, recognize you’re a self‐inviter. You’re the worst person on the planet.” — John (09:00)
• Family Networking:
  “Everybody’s in cahoots on how to handle you.” — John (10:05)
• Thanksgiving Leftovers Meltdown:
  “I cooked all day for this. Goddammit. Somebody taking this stuff home!” — John quoting his mom (11:20)
• Grotesque Oversharing:
  “She took her shirt off... she’s like coated dragon scales that are currently bleeding. ... The hug means more to me than the pain. And I’m like, it doesn’t to me.” — John (07:34–08:09)
• Brady’s Vocabulary:
  “Brady’s language is prettier than ours. Shrapnel and pyrotechniques. It sounds like a flower field.” — John (18:23)
• Geography 101:
  “Brady thought Ty was Taiwanese. Yeah, when clearly Taiwan is in Australia.” — John (15:10)
• On Taking a Stand:
  “Somebody makes the stand: ‘He’s not coming to my house, goddammit. Not after last time.’” — multiple hosts (10:15–10:24)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:08] – Main discussion starts: Holidays and 'crackie' relatives
• [02:40] – Expanding to alcoholics and drama
• [04:00] – John on not ‘combo’-ing family gatherings
• [06:24] – Second chances and holiday guilt trips
• [07:19] – The Aunt Joan ‘shingles’ story
• [08:39] – Food safety paranoia; ‘breast’ at dinner
• [10:06] – The family invite ‘network’ and handling drama
• [10:56] – Thanksgiving food fights and leftover dramas
• [15:00] – Brady’s “geography” blunders and mispronunciations
• [17:00] – Deep dive on the word ‘shrapnel’ and other “Brady‐isms”
• [18:30–20:20] – Playful squabbling over language, memory, and on-air mistakes

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Tone & Language

• Irreverent, fast-paced, and brutally honest; heavy on self-deprecating humor, quick asides, and inside jokes.
• The hosts poke fun at each others' quirks (notably Brady’s), while also unflinchingly calling out the annoyances of real-life family dynamics. The tone is relatable for anyone who’s felt holiday dread or navigated awkward family politics.

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Closing Notes

A must-listen for anyone who’s survived (or barely survived) a dysfunctional family holiday—and needs a good laugh about it.
The episode is a blend of tough love, gallows humor, and the KUPD crew’s signature chemistry, riffing on the relatable fact that—crackie or not—everyone’s family is at least a little bit dysfunctional.

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[C]

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[D]

There'S more of the best of homework's morning sickness. 98kupd yeah, we were just talking about the holiday season being upon us. Right upon us. Sitting in front of us is friends and family get together. So exciting. Sit around. So exciting. Everybody loves it. There isn't a person out there who doesn't go oh boy, family's coming. Gotta love that. Gotta be very excited about it. Can't wait to fly Cracky Dave over here with just out of jail bill and ah, people you see once a year. Here's the rule. Here's the rule. Hopefully it takes if you have ever been addicted to anything or have children who are or were addicted to anything or were in jail for anything, you do not bring up the holidays first. The rule is if you're a crackie or you've got cracky kids or your cracky kids have been in cracky jail or you've had one kid get in trouble for pulling a knife on a teacher, you're not the one who goes what's everyone doing for Thanksgiving? Because you're the one everyone is avoiding for Thanksgiving. You're the problem. So again, put it in your own brain. Have you been on crackies? Have you been in jail for crackies? Shut the F up about the holidays until someone invites you. And if no one invites you, there's a reason why you're a crackie. And stop making everybody else feel guilty for your terrible life decisions and saying, I need a second chance. Your second chance will come when the other people are ready, not when you tell them. Stop it, Crackies. It's already started in my world.

[B]

As well as uncle and aunt drunk.

[D]

Oh, that's what I'm saying. Addicted to anything. The uncle. If you've ever been to rehab and you're carrying a chip around and you've got. And you've burned every bridge in the family and you're kind of working your way back in, your job is to shut the up during the holidays. You make it miserable for everyone. And every family's got one. Every family's got the crackie that rolls around right around the end of October, early November and goes, hey, what are we doing for the holidays? Ah, great. Cracky's opened the box. Geez. Don't know Cracky. I mean, Jan. We were talking about flying up to Vancouver. Oh. So nothing here. Yeah. And then. And then you gotta make a trip to Vancouver that you didn't really want to make. Just to not lie to them.

[B]

Hide. Yeah.

[D]

You gotta.

[B]

Positive things.

[D]

Nobody likes this stuff.

[B]

I smell food.

[D]

You want to be with Kirby and Ronnie? That's about it. Maybe grandma. That's about it. I want to be with my. My mom, my dad. I'll have separate things there. That's fine. Enough. I'm not gonna eat every goddamn day, but I'll go say hi. Go hang Megan's folks.

[B]

Well, you're in a.

[D]

That's fine.

[B]

You're in a situation where it sometimes could turn into two.

[C]

Two stops.

[D]

Yeah, I'll do the stops. I'm fine with that. And we'll do one on Thursday. No problem. You know why? Because I'm in charge of everything when it comes to this. I don't show up to anyone. Please come to the family dinner. It'll mean so much to us. No, everybody hates each other. We're not. We're. This is not a comfortable situation. So let's keep it small and have little lunches and dinners and do whatever. We don't have to have a big turkey. We did that already when we were four.

[C]

And that's the thing. Usually those family members know that there's tension.

[D]

Sure. And they invite tension.

[C]

Right?

[D]

Yeah. I don't like the multiple thing because it cuts into your football time. No, not me.

[B]

Well, the multiple is good.

[D]

I do whatever I want.

[B]

You can use the one like, oh, we gotta get going.

[C]

Yeah, I thought you're big on the football though.

[D]

You love the football. No, no, I'm saying I watch the football, I do whatever I want. Oh. Oh, yeah. I'm not bailing out.

[C]

You don't pay attention to that.

[D]

Couple of the games suck and then. Yeah, I just don't get involved in the nonsense. If there's a thing planned and everybody's got it straightened out to where we've got no crackies and no drama, I'll go. If it's cracky and drama, I find other things to do. I'll hang out with Fitz. Fitz never has anything to do on Thanksgiving. We invited him over last year cause he was the lonely guy and we tried to get him to nail Megan's aunt. Hey, mama. No, no go. She wasn't interested. He wants another run. We should get Fitz on the Cracker Barrel thing, take over for Toledo. Look, I'll take Fitz to Cracker Barrel for the Thanksgiving. You and Fitz. I'll hang out with my mom.

[A]

I'll do that.

[D]

That's a nice thing. Go over and have a, you know, a little lunch or dinner with my mom at one point. There's no reason.

[B]

She's a good child.

[D]

For my mother to make a 12 pound turkey for three people. That's ridiculous. So you start feeling obligated to invite more crackies over. No reason for me to combo any of my family with Megan's family. They got their thing in drama. We got our thing in drama. You don't want to put together. Mash those together. No, I don't want my mom and Megan's mom to sit back and go, that blonde girl over there is an asshole. That's my daughter. Uh oh, here we go. It's on. Who knew? But she is an asshole. You have to admit sometimes both. Boy, here we go. We got trouble. You never know which one's gonna say it. Somebody's gonna slip up and say something. My mom could say it, Megan's mom could say it. Not know who the hell they're talking about. And the next thing you know, you got drama. Until next year when you gotta pretend to like each other. It's a mess. Crackies. It's all your fault. Crackies and alcoholics. It's all your fault. Stop asking. You make everybody feel guilty about not inviting you to anything because you were jerks. For 10 years while you were stealing cars and copper wire. And now all of a sudden you've straightened it out, so we have to like you. Nope, doesn't have to be the case. And in fact, if you're a normal and you say to your husband or wife, you know, he's really straightened his life out, shut up. You've just ruined Thanksgiving for about five people. So crackies, shut up. No asking. I got a cracky asking. I already shut it down.

[C]

Have a cracky Thanksgiving.

[D]

Oh, yeah, I have cracky sticker. Why don't we have cracky? That's a good idea, Crackies.

[C]

Lots of drama.

[D]

You had to meet other crackies in your rehab road. Get some little skinny turkey, some little messed out turkey that's sitting on the table shaking. I don't feel much like eating. None of them eat. None of them eat anyway. They're all just interested in their next hit of crack. Things have been really good since September. I've been real clean since September. I've been been on the right track since about. All right, shut up. We get it. I need some crack.

[C]

You're going to Aunt Jones this year.

[D]

Aunt Jones.

[B]

No forks, only spoons.

[D]

And then when the one time I thought things were going to be normal, we went over to my dad's house, everybody's there. I'm like, this is nice. Everybody's behaving. Everybody's feeling good. My aunt goes, I've got the shingles. Huh? Oh, Jesus. She took her shirt off.

[B]

Get out of here, Bradshaw.

[D]

That opens their door to all the old people's ailments. And then what? Nobody could top this because it was a current one. This was. No, back in.

[B]

Check this out.

[D]

Back in June, I had a little bit of a head cancer. So what? Watch this. And she took her shirt off and she's like coated dragon scales that are currently bleeding. And I can't. You send her off. Oh, I stopped talking to her and I walked away. I'm not touching you. And then she wanted to slice off.

[B]

A little of breast and slap it on there.

[D]

She said at the end, I just forgo the pain. Just for a hug goodbye. I'm like, oh, Joan. Oh, your fingers feel like fire. The hug means more to me than the pain. And I'm like, it doesn't to me. This is awful. She's thankful for you, John. No, she's not. Blood sponge.

[B]

You could have healed her.

[D]

Yeah, she's got better. It was just about the family. It was Thanksgiving. It's all about right under my right Breast. Put that away. And then it goes all the way around my back. Here, I'll take my shirt off before we eat.

[B]

Yeah, you were like, is there any.

[D]

On your breast, Joan? No, I wanted turkey. I couldn't hear breast again for another eight hours. Who wants the breast? Has Joan touched it? If you've got chickenpox, I've seen the commercial. It's in you. Thanks. Thanks for that. Real uplifting message for the holidays. It's in me, that's what. It's Thanksgiving. It's in you. So crackies and sick people and all that, knock it off, shut up and wait for your invite. If you're not invited, do a little self inventory. Sit back and think to yourself, what have I done to not be invited to the family thing? What have I done? Do I want to be part of it or not? Because if you do and no one's inviting you, that's about you, right? If you want to go and you're inviting yourself, recognize you're a self inviter. You're the worst person on the planet. There's nobody worse than ever that says, I'm not gonna lift a finger, but I'd love to show up at your thing. But John, I've got nowhere to go. I don't care. There's a reason why. There's a reason. Your lot in life is loneliness. There's a reason. I've turned it around. Well, not yet. You're still the cracky. No one trusts you. There's four turns. There's a whole bunch of people who haven't invited you. Evidently you haven't turned it around like you think. Every time you call and say, I'm coming to Thanksgiving, four other calls are made and going. You know, Robert called me and said he wants to come. I know, he called us too. Everybody's in cahoots on how to handle you.

[B]

Family, networking.

[D]

Oh, the networking of. What do we do about it? Do we invite him? Is he really better? Is he gonna steal our good staff and someone will? I won't have him in my house.

[A]

I'll watch him.

[D]

Yeah, somebody makes the stand.

[C]

He's not coming to my house.

[D]

He's not coming to my house, goddammit. Not after last time.

[B]

He'll be fine. I'll be responsible for him then.

[D]

That guy won't come. So now you got Uncle Dave's over here. Robert's going, I'm not going. I'll watch football at home. I'll get a TV dinner. It's a mess. Happy Thanksgiving, everybody. This is the time where Brady's way of seeing the world is the better way. Put the rose colored glasses on. Let all the expensive stuff walk out of your house without a question because you invited the crack family and just, well, that's just the lot in life.

[B]

We have to replace it.

[D]

We're just fortunate enough to have extra.

[B]

At least they didn't get the sweet potato.

[D]

What? They take the food. You're doomed. Oh, a whole thing started at my house once because my dad at the end of the night brought extra people. And then we had tons of food and we're like, all right, everybody needs to take some of this home. My dad's like, I'm not taking any of that home. I don't want any of that leftover stuff. And we made this massive amount of food. Nobody would take any home. So my mom and I are strapped with all the extras. My mom just lost her mind. I cooked all day for this. Goddammit. Somebody taking this stuff home. It's not gonna sit and rot in my refrigerator. Oh, here we go. Oh, here we go.

[B]

Cause what's that? Drawn to mine was like, no one's taking it home. They must not have really.

[D]

No, everybody loved it. It's just, this is just. I'm just. Everybody was all of a sudden dying. My mom wasn't worried about that. She was worried about paranoia. Cleaning up after. Nobody was gonna clean. She was gonna do all the cleaning. She was gonna have to store all this food, just throw it away. She spent the money to buy and make the food. And then everybody all of a sudden was just like, I just had that's plat's plenty. Oh, just watch the inferno start to burn in her. Had to drag her in the bag. Just calm down, calm down. We'll give it to the dogs. Except the turkey. That's bad for dogs. I made all day long I sat in that oven. God damn. Should have drank her. Yeah, I should have. Should have knocked her coal here, here. Plugged her nose and just poured wine in. Drink it in sleep. I Woke up at 5:30, I got it a goddamn bird. Just to have people say no, you keep it at the end. Everyone here can go themselves. Like Happy Thanksgiving. Everyone out. I woke up. It's every house. It's every house every year.

[B]

Woke up, it's one of John's in laws sucking my toes.

[D]

It could happen. They never know. It doesn'. That's why I don't combo. I have no interest in comboing. The second someone suggests it, I'm the only one that says go ahead. I'm not going to be there. Merry effing holidays from the Big Red Radio.

[C]

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[A]

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[D]

Of course, we all know that Tiger woods mother was Thai, but we said Filipino. But we're all figuring out we were wrong. But that's all right. It was a lot better. It was a lot better than what? The answer that guy gave was. Which was just white guy. Well.

[C]

And Brady.

[B]

And then I was way off the mark.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Is a different kind of thing.

[D]

Brady thought Ty was Taiwanese. Yeah. When clearly Taiwan is in Australia. Philippines.

[B]

But the Philippines are close to death. Thailand. Aren't they?

[D]

Yes. Very good. So she could be Philippines. This would be the worst moment. You realize you just spent money on a Geography 101 with Mr. Bogan and that was the worst moment in class. Philippines are close to Taiwan. All right, let's get back to the map.

[B]

Sticking with a Filipino.

[C]

How could you ever pass Brady's test?

[D]

Yeah. Taiwanese. Huh? You think they're Thai people? From Thai Thailandia. Thailandians. He'd say thay land.

[B]

Thailand.

[D]

We had to do that every once in a while. Brady's geography over here in Thailand by Bangkok. It's actually Kansas. And I believe the city is Manhattan. I see it different than you. Agree to disagree. No. Brady.

[C]

Australia.

[D]

Turn the map over, Brady. That's the North Pole. Oh, okay. I see. I get it now. A little shrapnel in my shrapnel. I still. I've been saying it like that since you said it the first time. I like shrapnel better.

[B]

No, I say shrapnel.

[D]

I like shrapnel better.

[B]

Yeah. Not shrapnel.

[D]

It's kind of like hormone. I always shrapnel, not shrapnel.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

I always think of chili.

[B]

Now.

[A]

What?

[B]

Myself.

[D]

Did you hear that, Eric? He said shrapnel, not shrapnel.

[B]

You say shrapnel. You say. I'm pronouncing it like shrapnel.

[D]

And you say shrapnel. Somebody want to help me out with that?

[B]

I'm not sure.

[D]

Am I hearing it wrong?

[B]

Has he got a different accent on what am I?

[D]

It's like when people try to say, no, it's not tempe, it's Tempe.

[B]

Tempe.

[D]

Tempe. Not Tempe. No, you say tempe. You're just saying it quicker the second time. That's all. Yeah.

[B]

No, I say quicker.

[D]

I see. You say shrapnel.

[B]

Shrapnel.

[C]

It's a softer pee.

[D]

What are we doing different, Brady?

[B]

You're saying it.

[D]

Help me help you. Help me.

[B]

I'm saying correctly what you were saying.

[D]

You're mispronouncing it correctly. I'm missing. I'm mispronouncing. The mispronounce. So I'm saying shrapnel. Wrong.

[B]

Right.

[D]

And you're saying. Get it right.

[B]

John. I say it all in one word. Saying shrapnel.

[D]

Shrapnel.

[C]

Either way, that's not the damn word.

[D]

We're both shrapnel. But I like shrapnel better.

[B]

Better.

[D]

What do you say?

[B]

Shrapnel.

[D]

Now what am I saying?

[C]

Say it again.

[D]

Shrapnel.

[C]

You put a little more emphasis on the n. Maybe.

[D]

Yeah. Okay. A little slower than his version. Shrapnel.

[C]

There.

[D]

Now you're much better. So I have to say it like I'm having a little aneurysm? Yes. Shrapnel.

[B]

Like extreme.

[C]

Like you've got Tourette's extreme.

[D]

Shrapnel.

[B]

There you go.

[D]

We won't even get into pyrotechnics. No. That could last around.

[B]

No, if you're an.

[D]

I like how you say it better.

[B]

If you're an expert at it. You have expert pyrotechniques?

[D]

No, because then you'd just be good at starting.

[C]

Just kidding.

[D]

You'd be good at starting fires. Pyrotechniques. But I like that better, too. I want to speak Brady. Brady's language is prettier. Your language is much prettier than ours. Shrapnel and pyrotechniques. It sounds like a flower field. I don't know what rape is. Rape. Rape changes. Chungy. I like the way you talk better. You. I like. I'm like Sling Blade.

[B]

You can't dogpile on this one, my friend.

[D]

What are you talking about? I screwed up. Nobody's dog piling. I just.

[B]

He's dog piling. And Toledo expert over there. Geography wizard.

[D]

Ex Bill.

[B]

Unbelievable.

[D]

Well, you did say Taiwanese. Hey, I feel your pain. I did the Brady report a couple times. I know you're pretty good. I. But however, there are some words that you've missed that have. When you. When you say them, you think, that's.

[B]

How I know Geronimo. I know.

[D]

That was a big one.

[C]

See?

[D]

That was a big one. I've had plenty of problems. Geronimo was bad news. The best.

[C]

Those one Brady just reads. Reads the little inserts that they put.

[D]

In to warn you about things. Oh, yeah, the fcc.

[B]

That happened once.

[D]

That was the one time.

[B]

That was the other week.

[C]

But I do that all the time.

[B]

Shut your mouth when you're talking to me. I said that was great.

[D]

He's gonna throw you through a freaking window.

[B]

Yeah, like it happens all the Time.

[D]

I like when he does it too, though.

[B]

You're saying it's not gonna happen again?

[D]

It could happen.

[B]

No, it won't.

[D]

Toledo is the expert over there.

[B]

I warranty that does not happen again.

[D]

That is pretty much Hogan's guarantee. He may have shrapnel in his head from some rotten pyro techniques, but he guarantees.

[C]

I'm gonna lay odds on that. I'll take all kinds of money on that one.

[D]

As as sure as the wolf howls at the moon. It's a guarantee.

[C]

And drinks from milk ducks.

[D]

Milk ducks? See? No.

[B]

You're the milk ducks.

[D]

He's gonna get it straight. He's gonna kill him. He just keeps bringing up the past. Yeah. Not a good idea to Lido. I know. Don't do every word farther Brady's ever said wrong. Brady's language is prettier than ours.

[B]

Brady's language does have good memory. He has a.

[D]

Because it's all written down on that record.

[B]

Memory.

[C]

Maybe.

[B]

No recoil looking for is a good memory. Idiot.

[D]

He's got good memory. Idiot.

[C]

I. I actually said.

[B]

I was just.

[C]

There it is. I was waiting for the ID 10T.

[D]

He's got good memory. Idiot.

[B]

No, that's not what I.

[D]

That's what I want to know. I want you to call him a proper name. Go on.

[B]

A proper name.

[D]

Yeah. And your flower. There you go. Richard Toledo. They're going to fight Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station. It's the holidays and Hooters is serving up the cheer. Grab a friend and dive into the pick three.

[C]

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[D]

The 2026 Hooters calendar.

[C]

Packed with over $150 in coupons. Plus, when you buy $25 in Hooters.

[D]

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