12-22-25 - WWBD - MIX - 2x - His Dream Date Did A Line Of Coke Off His Penis - He Remembered A 3Some w/Buddy's Fiance - Dec/Jan 2024 - BO

Summary

Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – "WWBD – MIX – 2x – His Dream Date Did A Line Of Coke Off His Penis – He Remembered A 3Some w/Buddy’s Fiance"

Date: December 22, 2025
Host(s): John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Brett Vesely, Byron (from MMP Guns)
Podcast: Holmberg's Morning Sickness on 98 KUPD (Arizona)
Episode Focus: Relationship Dilemmas, Wild Stories from Listeners, and Boisterous, Unfiltered Advice

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Episode Overview

This episode dives headfirst into the ethical and emotional minefields of modern dating and friendship, using the outrageous life stories sent in by listeners as a springboard for a raucously candid roundtable. With irreverent banter and zero filter, Holmberg and his crew weigh in on bizarre sexual experiences, drug-fueled encounters, and the ever-delicate question: how much of your past should you reveal when it comes knocking on your buddy’s front door?

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Listener Letter: Cocaine & The Dream Date

• Situation:
  A listener, Nathaniel, describes finally going on a date with his long-time dream woman. The night escalates to the hotel room where, after drinks, she does a line of cocaine off his erect penis. This stuns and confuses him; he wonders if he is “a prude” for feeling weird about it, given his lifelong aversion to hard drugs.

• The Crew’s Take:

  • Intrigue vs. Red Flags:
    • Byron: “She gets three strikes.” (03:33)
    • John: “No, one line of blow off your wang and you’re out? Sounds like a fun night.” (03:28)
    • Brett: “Seeing Wolf of Wall Street, you don’t have to do Robbie on there.” (03:34)
  • Older Perspective:
    John shares how, as he’s aged, he’s realized “a lot of people play around with that [cocaine] recreationally. A lot more than you thought.” (04:04)
  • Dealbreakers?
    Byron is wary: “If it requires her to have coke every time, [that’s the] worst thing.” (03:42)
    John suggests communication: "Maybe talk to her and go, 'That was pretty crazy, right?'... I'm a little uncomfortable with the cocaine. Is that a habit or is that just recreational?" (05:16)
  • Quotes:
    • Byron: “For me, it throws me off a little bit. Doing a bump off the wang.” (05:43)
    • John (on boundaries): “Needles are a dealbreaker.” (07:43)
    • Brett: “Put it on my crank all you want…” (08:14)
    • John: “You send her a man’s way. You sound like a baby pussy, Nathaniel.” (08:29)

• Advice:
  The crew suggests finding out if it’s a one-time party thing or a habit. Most agree there’s no need to panic after a single wild night, but be clear about boundaries if the drug use is frequent.

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2. Listener Letter: Past Threesome with Friend’s Fiancée

• Situation:
  A listener writes in, realizing his coworker and buddy’s new fiancée was part of a college threesome with him and another fraternity brother. She doesn't recognize him, but he wonders if he should tell his friend.

• Reactions:

  • Immediate consensus: Don’t say a word.
    • Byron: "Nope." (09:50)
    • John: “You don't say a word. You have a three-way and she…” (09:50)
  • Counter-arguments:
    John asks if they'd want to know if roles were reversed. Brett candidly says, “I wouldn’t want to know, though, just because it’s going to throw everything.” (12:29)
    Byron suggests considering individual personalities: “It might [change everything] for that person. But...I wouldn’t say anything. But then also, if it comes out later, I can’t hold that against my friend.” (13:10)
  • Transparency vs. Concealment:
    • John: “What you can hold against him is keeping it from me the entire time…now it seems like, well, what else don’t I know?” (13:23)
    • John (in favor of honesty): “If I nailed either your wives, prior to you guys marrying them, I’d be like, 'Hey, I gotta let you know something.'” (13:43)
  • Memorable Quotes:
    • Brett: “Just because she was a whore before doesn't mean…” (12:07)
    • John: “If you pratt boned a girl I liked, it’s over. I’m never getting past that. I think so little of you at that point.” (17:17)
    • John (on hypothetical past partner): "The ultimate douchebag fingered your girl. Now, I assume this guy's talking from a much different generational point of view. If your wife was once digitally penetrated by Dave Pratt...she's out." (18:33)

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3. General Reflections: Sexual Histories, Honesty, and Friendship

• Philosophy:
  The group debates the value of honesty about sexual pasts, especially when old stories bump up against present relationships.
  • John: “A. I don’t care about what happened before me at all...but if it turns out that it’s one of my friends, I’d want to know.” (14:57)
  • Brett and Byron are more ambivalent, arguing that sharing such history could do more harm than good.
• Dealbreakers:
  Everyone has different triggers; for some, any past with a certain “douchebag” would be too much to overlook.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• On the wild cocaine encounter:

  • “She did a line of blow off his wing.” — John Holmberg [03:15]
  • “She sounds fun.” — Byron [03:18]
  • “I turned into a cartel member for that.” — John Holmberg [05:16]
  • “If Dua Lipa wanted to do a line off my crank, that party’s just starting.” — John Holmberg [07:43]
  • “Put it on my crank all you want…” — Brett [08:14]
  • “You send her a man’s way. You sound like a baby pussy, Nathaniel.” — John Holmberg [08:29]

• On honesty and past sexual connections:

  • “You don’t say a word. You have a three-way and she…” — John Holmberg [09:50]
  • “I wouldn't want to know, though, just because it’s going to throw everything.” — Brett [12:29]
  • “If I nailed either your wives, prior to you guys marrying them, I’d be like, ‘Hey, I gotta let you know something’...it’s just so awkward.” — John Holmberg [13:43]
  • “Just because she was a whore before doesn’t mean…” — Brett [12:07]

• Humorous, irreverent asides:

  • “If you pratt boned a girl I liked, it’s over…I think so little of you at that point…” — John Holmberg [17:17]
  • “The ultimate douchebag fingered your girl…she’s out.” — John Holmberg [18:33]

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Key Timestamps

• 01:39 – Letter: Dream date does cocaine off listener’s penis
• 03:28 – “One line of blow off your wang and you’re out?”
• 05:16 – Conversation on dealbreakers, habits, and honesty about drug use
• 07:43 – Reflections on recreational drug use as a generational/age thing
• 08:29 – Insults and humor about listener's hesitance
• 08:43 – Letter: Realizes friend’s fiancée was part of a college three-way
• 09:50 – “You don’t say a word. You have a three-way and she…”
• 12:29 – “I think most people wouldn’t want to know…”
• 13:43 – “If I nailed either your wives…”
• 17:17 – “If you pratt boned a girl I liked, it’s over…”
• 18:33 – “The ultimate douchebag fingered your girl…”

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Tone & Overall Style

• The hosts maintain their trademark, over-the-top, no-holds-barred banter, constantly ribbing each other and the audience.
• Humor is crude and fearless, but the underlying advice (amidst the jokes) is practical: communicate boundaries, consider the context of a partner’s behavior, and weigh what’s worth confessing from the past.
• The episode is a blend of R-rated confessions, ethical puzzles, and relentless, punchline-driven conversation—classic Holmberg.

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In short:
If you like your relationship advice with a chaser of gallows humor and absolute honesty, this episode is for you. From coke-fueled sexual escapades to the etiquette of ex-lovers resurfacing, Holmberg’s crew is unfiltered, unafraid, and—beneath the jokes—genuinely interested in figuring out how much the past should matter.

Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

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[Brett Vesely]

Hey, it's Brett Vesely and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Brett, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one. Tell him not to put himself at risk and come into M and P Guns where he'll get a fair offer and he can rest easy knowing it's not getting into the wrong hands.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay, but what if he lives out of state?

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Easy legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it all online. It's really that simple.

[Brett Vesely]

There you have it. MMP Guns or Legal Gun, the safe and legal way to sell your firearms.

[John Holmberg]

The best of Hombre's morning sickness. I'm Maddie Akupd.

[Brett Vesely]

This segment brought to you guys by MMP Guns on 12th street in Indian School inside a mo money pond. Now, MMP Guns is your firearms expert. Whether you look for a new firearm for yourself, for your girlfriend, your wife, you want to build one, you need accessories, you need ammo. If they don't got it, they'll get it. It's MMP Guns over on 12th street in Indian School. Check them out online at mmpguns.com Dear.

[John Holmberg]

Brady, a girl I absolutely have been totally into at work over the last seven years is right across from me every single day. And she's stunning. We've gone out in groups as a work thing, and that's the most we've ever done up until recently. I'm infatuated with her. I have been in love with her since my divorce six years ago. I put all my eggs in this basket too. Simply her. She's all I think about and she's all I want. So last week she says to me, let's go out, grab some drinks. So we did. I was absolutely in heaven. My stomach was in knots. I felt like I was in high school. And she's so beautiful. I honestly think I'd do anything for her. She doesn't know this, but I am smitten. We get in the car after a few drinks and dinner, and she says, well, what do you want to do now? I'm up for whatever. So I jokingly said, well, there's a hotel. We can do that. And she looked at me and goes, sure. So I got the room and we get in there and it starts happening. Everything I've ever wanted. And she's everything I want her to be. Even better. She tells me to stand up at one point and hold still and close my eyes. And then she puts a line of coke on my erection and goes for it. Yes. So disappointing. I did finish up, but I was disheartened. I still think since I've loved her so long, I can't just let these feelings go. Is this really bad, by the way, John, she looks just like Dua Lipa with huge fake boobs. Send photos of your. Yeah, we don't believe it says, am I a prude? I've just been so afraid of hard drugs being around me my whole life. I'm 41 years old. Is it time to let that go? She's 33. It might be a new way for them. Help me, Nathaniel. She did a line of blow off his wing.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Yeah, I'm not letting that go.

[John Holmberg]

No, me neither. She sounds fun.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Well.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you're not letting that go. I thought you meant hanging on to her like death. Okay, I'm sorry. I misunderstood.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Oh.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Oh, you're not messing with that.

[John Holmberg]

No. One line of blow off your wang and you're out. Sounds like a fun night.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

She gets three strikes.

[Brett Vesely]

Seeing Wolf of Wall street you don't have.

[John Holmberg]

Brett just changed the game.

[Comedy Event Announcer]

There you go.

[John Holmberg]

You don't have to do Robbie on there.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

No, but if it requires her to have coke every time, that worst thing.

[John Holmberg]

Not every time. If it starts with a habit, then you can talk to her.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Go.

[John Holmberg]

How often do you do that, Frosty? You have to do that as I age. I will tell you this, Nathaniel. You start getting out in the world a little more. I'm older than you. 52. I think Brett will back me on this one. Brady? Not so much. He's been a Gilbert too long. Daughter's the only dry egg he knows. You start to realize that a lot of people play around with that kind of recreationally. A lot more than you thought. For sure. Because I've been. I'M the same way. I'm a guy. Stayed away from that my whole life. I always thought. I always looked down. I'm starting to see some prominent people that dabble in that as a toy now and again. I'm not saying it's right and I'm not going to do it.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Yeah. Because, you know.

[John Holmberg]

But it definitely is more prominent than you think.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

I get that. I understand the recreation. So is, you know, alcohol, weed, both of those are legal. You're getting into a realm that's kind of.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. No, it's dangerous. It's a dangerous thing.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

There's a little danger still on that. But again, aren't there other things that you could do to recreation? You know, I mean, like alcohol or something like that.

[John Holmberg]

She probably already was drinking.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Yeah, I. I just boost. I said I want. I would find out it's a deal breaker, how bad it is.

[John Holmberg]

So immediately you say it's, well, it is for me.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Because I would never. It's something that. That I probably wouldn't do.

[John Holmberg]

Probably with dua lipa and a huge set of cans. I think I.

[Brett Vesely]

At least for a couple weeks.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

I mean, it's one night.

[John Holmberg]

I turned into a cartel member for that. Yeah. And, you know, maybe talk to her and go, that was pretty crazy, right? It's like, yeah, let's do it again. It's like, yeah, you know, I'm a little uncomfortable with the cocaine. Is that a habit or is that just recreational? And all coke users go, oh, hardly ever. It just wants. And that's just it.

[Brett Vesely]

It could have been just the weekend that they were having, just having fun. Just brought a little party favor.

[John Holmberg]

And maybe she heard a little about you, Nathaniel, and she was like, trying to be like, maybe Nathaniel plays the game. And she didn't realize you were such a prudy.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Yeah. For me, it throws me off a little bit. Doing a bump off the wing.

[John Holmberg]

Philip has good.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Doing a bump is one thing.

[John Holmberg]

Philip says, I believe you should try everything in life once to know if it's good. Except being a homo.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That'S pretty good advice, Philip. Give it all a try at least once at that homo stuff. That's pretty obvious. If you don't have. Yeah. If you're thinking about it, then you're sort of a homo. But if you're not thinking about it, you're like, I should try this to see if I am. You're wrong. Yeah, man. I tell you what Sean Rockefeller says, when did cocaine become a hard drug? Pussy. Well, it was hard on him because it was on his. Anyway, so Brady says dump her like a, like a sack of garbage. She's basically a homeless piece of trash.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Not that aggressive.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

I just don't think you would. I mean, if that's something that you're never gonna do or, you know, you.

[John Holmberg]

Don'T have to do it. You don't drink. Ronnie drinks.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

But I, I.

[John Holmberg]

You don't drink.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Recreational.

[John Holmberg]

You'll have a sip here and there. Yeah, but you're not drinking. You're not going out. Yeah, well, that's not. See, there's the problem. There's how I know you're not a drinker. It's because you think having a little too much makes you a throw up machine. I'm saying you don't go out for a night of drinking. No, that's not that. Then you don't drink. You can have a sip or something like that. But if you're like Brett and I said, hey, you want to go grab some drinks? Yeah, we're actually going to go do that. It's not going to be dinner and drinks. We're going to go to a bar like JT's, or, you know, we're going to just drink.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Yeah, that's fine.

[John Holmberg]

You're not going to drink it your dinner and you'll have a drink, but drinkers will go drink for the purpose of drinking. Right, right, right.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

And have I done. And I've done that a lot, but I'm not that, you know, you've gone.

[John Holmberg]

Out with people who drink. That's my point. You're not a drinker, per se. It's not saying you're a teetoter.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

Totally against it. Right. So the difference is if you see somebody who's guzzling, you don't have to match it. So this coke girl and I don't.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Dabble too much in the powder science, you know?

[John Holmberg]

No, me neither. But if somebody started. If Dua Lipa wanted to do a line off my crank, that party's just starting. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like I said, Wolf of Wall Street. Margot Robbie comes in with, yeah, I'm not doing needles. Needles are a deal breaker. And I'm also going to tell her I'd be pretty open right there. I'm like, oh, you're a. You do coke? Sometimes. Like, all right, don't you leave that in my car or anything else. And I'm gonna rat you out. If we get busted. That's your ass. I don't touch that stuff. Are you uncomfortable with it? I'm not saying I'm comfortable with it. I mean, you look like Dua Lipa, so I'm comfortable with a lot of uncomfortable.

[Brett Vesely]

Put it on my crank all you.

[John Holmberg]

Want, but yeah, you couldn't have it on me.

[Brett Vesely]

Only the vials.

[John Holmberg]

Anyway, don't put it in me. It's like your fingers. They can go on me, they can't go in me and send pictures. D [e-mail] I don't believe you about this. Dua Lipa with huge fake cans. And what's she like you for? You sound like a baby pussy. Nathaniel the pussy. You send her a man's way.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

You.

[John Holmberg]

Got a room full. Not Brady. You get a room full of men over here willing to take this angel on. Yeah, I go to the seediest parts of town to help her out. This one says, dear Brady, in my day I had some fun. I was an Fboy in college 20 years ago. Went to school at Baylor. And I'm not kidding when I tell you it was a sex romp all the time. And I was a whore. My co worker and friend currently, whom I like quite a bit, just got engaged to a girl. Been talking about her a lot. I finally met her. I didn't recognize her at all. But she said something about a year in Waco and it dawned on me, hey, this is Teresa, the other half of that ridiculous three way. I had one time with my frat brother, Thomas. Oh no. She's found religion now. Has two kids, did not recognize me at all. But once I realized who she was, I figured it out and there is no doubt about it. Do I tell my friend or let her figure it out and tell him? Eventually it's coming out, don't you think, Ryan, what would you do?

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Nope.

[John Holmberg]

You don't say a word. You have a three way and she.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

You know why? Unless in it, you know.

[John Holmberg]

Wouldn't you want to know, Brett?

[Brett Vesely]

What if.

[John Holmberg]

If you know, I'm hanging out with. Hey, met a girl, name's Matthia. And I'm like, hey, Mathia, how are you? That's a name I'd remember. Like it dawns on me during dinner, I've done the Devil's triad with this girl. Wouldn't you want to know? Gotta work with me every day.

[Comedy Event Announcer]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, so let's.

[Brett Vesely]

I wouldn't want.

[John Holmberg]

Let me just throw this at you.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

How about throw it at you?

[John Holmberg]

Hold on. Yeah, no, I would. I wouldn't bother. Merry effing holidays from the Big Red Radio. It's John Holmerg here from the morning Sickness. And it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of My Home Group and Doug Hopkins dot com. Have you ever thought to yourself, I'm gonna sell my house? Of course you have. And one reason or another, you just didn't do it. Probably because it's a hassle when you try to make a real estate deal. What if I could say, you can sell that house the day after you say the words, I want to sell my else. Doug's been at this for over 25 years, and that's why he's still on top of the Hill. TVs Doug Hopkins can handle everything. Won't move the price, or you get $5,000. What do you do? Start the process right now@doug hopkins.com or grab the phone and sing.

[Comedy Event Announcer]

All right, HMS Podcast. Time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Head north to Desert Ridge to catch Chris Turner from AGT and Heather Posternach perform in Tempe at the Improv. You've got Matt Friend and local girl Jesse Jet Ski Johnson doing their in downtown at Stand Up Live. Enjoy the comedy of Timmy no Breaks Lunel and Jay Pharaoh entertaining you this week. For the complete lineups and for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com.

[John Holmberg]

Sickness. Exactly.

[Brett Vesely]

It's before you.

[John Holmberg]

So here's the thing.

[Brett Vesely]

Back in the day, but if she.

[John Holmberg]

Hasn'T told you, we. We go to dinner, we're having a nice time, and then I keep it quiet. And then you're married, few years into it, we're working together every day, palling around, doing stuff. And she finally says, you know, I haven't told you this, but I. I took two Ds, and one of them was that guy. And then you come to me and go, why didn't you say anything?

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Would you be upset that he didn't say anything?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Who'd you be mad at?

[Brett Vesely]

Neither. Yeah, because it's like, look, just because she was a whore before doesn't mean.

[John Holmberg]

You know, I mean.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

And I appreciate. I appreciate the fact you'd want to know.

[John Holmberg]

I'd tell you.

[Brett Vesely]

No, but would you want.

[John Holmberg]

I would. I would tell you both, by the way, before it all comes out. Way before you. Yeah, I've met her. We had sex. Hopefully that's not a problem. I'm not interested. She's not interested. We're moving on.

[Brett Vesely]

I think most people wouldn't want to know, though, just because it's going to.

[John Holmberg]

Throw it, but it's eventually going to come out.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

You know, never know the rest of the past either.

[John Holmberg]

I don't care about that. I'm just saying now this part of my past is like, oh, I am still in connection with somebody. She's had this weird story with. That is strange.

[Brett Vesely]

I still just don't think I would want to know. I'd rather be in the dark about.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

I don't care.

[John Holmberg]

I don't care about your. But again, that's what I'm asking. When it does reveal itself, are you. You're gonna be upset at everybody?

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Well, I would. I would basically tell them just what we're saying there. Look, that was in the past. I felt like it was something that you should know and that, you know, you felt right.

[John Holmberg]

But when you do, does it change everything?

[Byron from MMP Guns]

It might for that person. But I would ask myself that question if, you know, how would I handle it? I wouldn't say anything. But then also, it comes out later. I can't hold that against my friend.

[John Holmberg]

No, it isn't that.

[Brett Vesely]

It's not. Yeah, it's not the friend's fault.

[John Holmberg]

But what you can hold against him is keeping it from me the entire time, knowing the whole time that you. That he. And because now it seems like, well, what else don't I know? Yeah, it just opens the door, like, all right, well, what else haven't you told me to? Both of them. I think I'd fess up to both of you if I nailed these. Either your wives prior to you guys marrying them, I'd be like, hey, I gotta let you know something. It's just so awkward for me on the other foot.

[Brett Vesely]

Would you want to know?

[John Holmberg]

Absolutely.

[Brett Vesely]

So if one of us banged Megan.

[John Holmberg]

Before you guys, awesome. She's tighter now. Probably I'm not doing any damage at all. Zero. But it wasn't drinking. By the day, like, it's Shrinky Dink in the oven. That thing's getting smaller and smaller. Yeah, I would be wondering.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

It's, like, interesting. So, you know, I guess if you're thinking, you know, like, if she brings it up years later, like, I want to tell you, obviously that was something that had been eating away.

[John Holmberg]

Right. Eventually that would.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Because it's guilt trying to do something to break your friendship. Or it's something. It's.

[John Holmberg]

It's an outrageous amount of guilt. If you came to me and said, hey, you know, before you got married, I gave her a good hose. And with another cat, I'm like, oh, God, I gotta think of this like I can't look at you every day. You make me sick.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

That's why I wouldn't let you know.

[Brett Vesely]

Exactly.

[John Holmberg]

But if she told me, I'd be like, you son of a. And I wouldn't be mad at lying. All right. Well, that's pretty. So you just perpetuate lies, right? That's smart. Keep lying. Bury the lie with more. It's Uncle Jack's way. Keep lying.

[Brett Vesely]

Gonna believe some broader. Me.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. Yeah. You gonna believe a piece of snooch over your friend? Finally. That's a tough one.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Tough situation.

[John Holmberg]

I would. I wouldn't a. I don't care about what happened before me at all. I just passed to the past. If it turns out that it's one of my friends, I'd want to know. I'd be like, yeah, you let me know. I don't care about any of that stuff. That doesn't bother me.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

I have one.

[Brett Vesely]

She's got a good taste.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It's. Yeah. Hey, you know, I. You know, it's like the old Eric Clapton, George Harrison thing when that lady left him and. And George says, well, at least she's leaving for a decent guy. Yeah, she left for his best friend.

[Brett Vesely]

I mean, it could be one of us or one of the promo guys.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, if it's Miguel and I find out you even had five minutes alone with McGill in like a closet in the seventh grade.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Ben had a lapse for a week and they got together just that little.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, she was in the devil's triad with Ben.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

How about that?

[Byron from MMP Guns]

I'd keep it to myself.

[John Holmberg]

She told you. Oh, your co worker, Ben. I had sex with him and another guy 20 years ago.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Yeah, that would be a little. That'd be a tough, tough one.

[John Holmberg]

Because he's gay.

[Brett Vesely]

Because then you're like, oh, man. No, you're the reason.

[John Holmberg]

Solely because he's gay. That's why. That would bother you. It wouldn't bother you with me, but it would with him.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

No, it would. It would bother me. The fact that. Bring it up later on.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

I. I did have a friend. That. It was the situation. The guy started dating the girl and he had a past. He said it right away.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I would do. I would do it.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

They started dating.

[John Holmberg]

Just because. You just don't want that to pop up later. It's going to seem like something more than it was if you don't just say, oh, by the way, I had a one nighter with your. With the lady you're going to get married to. I'm sorry to bring it up, but it's going to eat me alive if I keep that from you.

[Brett Vesely]

I think it depends on the person you're talking to as well. Because some of these dudes are going.

[Comedy Event Announcer]

To be like, what?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Some dudes would lose their friend.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Their friend. The guy married her.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. What happened to Brett's old mantra? Once a whore, always a whore. You can have three ways in your college days.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

It's kind of like the Find Jesus.

[John Holmberg]

Meet Brett Bull Durham. Yes, he was a whore.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Yeah. But it's okay. You know, on the other side of it that like you can't get over it. That's fine. Because there's.

[Comedy Event Announcer]

Yeah.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Certain ones are going to be a deal breaker.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. But if it's lumberg, there's a chance you can't. Peter, what's happening? It's like you just never get out of here.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

I can't get over my mind.

[John Holmberg]

Boned a girl I liked. It's over. I'm never getting past that. I think so little of you at that point that you could fall for such douchebaggers. You have to. You have to go away. But it is kind of take one.

[Brett Vesely]

More run at it. Yeah, I wrote the seven pages.

[John Holmberg]

You know what? Yeah, she did the seven pages. She's hot. She made a mistake.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

It was a make out.

[John Holmberg]

If. If that guy's out of everybody's life and it's just one of those cringy moments and she made out with him. Just make sure before you get back that it was just making out. I mean, any penetration, digitally or otherwise, and this chick's on the streets. Hit the brick, sister.

[Brett Vesely]

I was backstage at a Sex Machine band conc.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

God.

[John Holmberg]

Plus, she's. Plus at that point she's probably in her 50s. How dumb is this broad? She can't write her own letters. I'll give you chat GPT up until 30. That's it. You're 50 and you're still chatgpt. And A, you're not that good looking. B boy, you're dumb.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

He sang Pizza and Beer to me.

[John Holmberg]

But it isn't PR if A, he.

[Brett Vesely]

Had the Freeway Mooner outfit on when.

[John Holmberg]

He was romancing me. We're going to the river, baby. And I'm going to finger your future wife.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Oh, no.

[John Holmberg]

Oh God no.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

You're gonna have a nightmare tonight.

[John Holmberg]

All right. What is he alright? Smell my fingers, baby. The ultimate douchebag fingered your girl. Now I assume this guy's talking from a much different generational point of view. If your wife was Once digitally penetrated by Dave Pratt. And she chatgpt you. No.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Damn.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

Sex machine band music Good. Yeah. I kind of feel bad for her, but again, that's. And on the flip side, it's almost like getting a Hallmark card and pretending like those are your words. I. I think Hallmark cards are the biggest. I had such a great scam that people will actually give you a Hallmark card, and women still go, oh, that's so sweet. I didn't think of that or write it or anything. He read it and went, she gonna like this. It's somebody else's work.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Yeah, but not everyone can come up with that, right?

[John Holmberg]

But don't act like you did something you didn't. Get a blank card and come up with something from the heart. Hallmark cards are a dummy scam, especially the beautiful cursive ones. And if somebody dies and you have to, you buy them a Hallmark card. You're a jerk. Write down something. Have a thought. Be human bacon.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

You're the sweetest, bro. I know, bro.

[John Holmberg]

A dig on you some. And even though that douchebag fingered you. Yeah. Oh, God, no. You all right, buddy? Hey, Paul, your bass is out of tune, buddy. Anyway, that's enough of all of you. There are guys who have throwing the old pinky in your wife, and they're deal breakers if you ever met them. Just try not to meet any of them. Yeah, but if Pratt did it.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Just.

[John Holmberg]

Go take a Silkwood shower and then go hang yourself. Yuck. I can't imagine anyone gaining any sort of pleasure from him sexually. All right, we'll stick my tag in your throat. Bye.

[Brett Vesely]

Bye.

[John Holmberg]

If you don't deserve it, who does? Blub.

[Brett Vesely]

I rocked right on down that river.

[John Holmberg]

He probably says that right before he money shots somebody. If you don't deserve it, who does? Bloop. All right. Ugh. Human douche knob. Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said, fully erect. It's John Holmberg here, and it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of my home group and Doug Hopkins. I got a call from Doug the other day thanking me for leading so many of you guys his direction. He told me a story of a listener who had been through quite an ordeal and had a house they absolutely had to sell to feel like they were getting back to a normal place in life. You just never know when simple business transactions can actually change someone's life. So you want to deal with somebody great. TV's Doug Hopkins. That's your guy. So if you want to sell your house. Start the process right now online@doug hopkins.com or grab that phone and sing Hopkins 1-800-sale now.

[Comedy Event Announcer]

All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. All right, as you probably already know, we've got the big Holmberg After Dark show this Friday, December 12th. An amazing list of guests will be a part of it all. You're not going to want to miss this one, but you better get those tickets fast because this one sells out. Holmberg after dark Friday, December 12th at Stand Up Live. For the complete lineups and for Tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com.