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Brett Vesely
You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.
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Brett Vesely
Hey, it's Brett Vesely and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?
Byron from MMP Guns
Brett, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one. Tell him not to put himself at risk and come into M and P Guns where he'll get a fair offer and he can rest easy knowing it's not getting into the wrong hands.
Brett Vesely
Okay, but what if he lives out of state?
Byron from MMP Guns
Easy legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it all online. It's really that simple.
Brett Vesely
There you have it. MMP Guns or Legal Gun? The safe and legal way to sell your firearms.
John Holmberg
Do not listen to this while driving or when full alertness is needed.
Radio Announcer
The Best of Holmberg's Morning Sickness. This is the Big Red Radio Ozzy.
John Holmberg
Spark at the Moon is cool, but that was last night. I still don't understand how any of that crap works. I am so naive or ignorant or just flat stupid when it comes to where the earth and the shadows. Because I'm always the guy and I'll know. I'll have somebody explain it to me. It happens every eclipse. I just don't understand how a partial eclipse is different from when there's a half moon. Yeah, isn't that a partial eclipse?
Brad
But this was being eclipsed by the.
Brady
Earth, the shadow of the earth.
John Holmberg
What is a half moon? That's why I don't know. That's where I get confused.
Brad
It's Venus getting in the way.
John Holmberg
Is that Venus? Wouldn't we see Venus more often then?
Brad
Yeah.
John Holmberg
Cast such shadows.
Brady
When Jupiter goes across, everything's really messed up.
John Holmberg
I don't understand where the shadows come from. I'm naive and stupid and I've had it explained to me before. Don't waste your finger time on your keyboards. I don't get it. It's one of the. It's like algebra. It doesn't go in my ears. It doesn't register with my. My brain as a rock spot where that's supposed to sit, and it bounces out. I just don't get how a crescent moon is different than any eclipse.
Brady
Maybe we need a blood moon specialist.
John Holmberg
Yeah, because I don't get it. I don't understand it.
Brady
Get one on the line, Toledo.
John Holmberg
I watched the moon turn red in April, and then I was told, this doesn't ever happen. And now it happened again yesterday. And I'm like, well, I just saw this. And I saw it again last year, too, but I don't get it. Like a regular crescent moon, which we can play in.
Brady
Let's interview whoever's up at that observatory in Flagstaff.
John Holmberg
It would literally be like, the guy goes, all right, and now I'm going to speak in a language only I understand. Marfarkle, Bartle D. Safenbasom. Oh, okay. Well, then none of this makes sense. But thanks for joining us. I just don't get it. And I know you'll try to explain it to me, and I know I just opened a can of worms.
Brady
Yeah, you guys can't explain it.
John Holmberg
You don't know. You don't know. None of us know. Oh, you could say it's a shadow of some sort, but that's exactly what an eclipse is.
Brady
You learn this crap in, like, sixth grade science. We don't remember that far back.
John Holmberg
Nazi helmet. That's what I'm talking about. Brady found another Nazi helmet. That's what we're good at. Searching out Nazi memorabilia in the Papago Mountain. Nothing. I got nothing on it.
Brad
I think it might be space mascara on the moon.
John Holmberg
That's odd. All right. I don't know what that means. Shouldn't that just highlight the outside?
Brad
Then you go a little heavy?
John Holmberg
Well, that's not mascara. Mascara is an outliner. You're talking about like eyeshadow. That's eyeshadow mascara. You don't want to rub mascara all over your eyes. You look like he's been beaten to death.
Brad
I've seen some people have done.
John Holmberg
Well, that's because they're crying and you've made them cry and their mascara is running. You're talking about eyeshadow. So you think it's just space makeup?
Brad
Yeah.
John Holmberg
You don't know either, though, do you? I mean, none of us do.
Brad
Well, I. You know, it's the sun coming off the rotation of the Earth all of a sudden, the moon has to catch the sun on a different flex so it gets sunlight.
John Holmberg
You're making a full. Yeah. You don't say all of a sudden in a space thing. And then all of a sudden. And all of a sudden, without warning, boom.
Brad
All of a sudden on the rotation of the agon.
John Holmberg
Stop it. Just.
Brady
Just say you don't know.
John Holmberg
Yeah, go ahead, say what he said. Say it out loud.
Brad
What I'm really trying to say, John, is.
John Holmberg
You don't know. I don't know. Thank you very much. I saw your little paws pumping. Couple of deep breaths in like. No, I'm not going to say that. You were. You were more correct about mascara than you were just a second ago about your moon series.
Brad
I have another theory.
John Holmberg
All right, let's have at it.
Brad
And it might be a giant fire that has started on tip the Earth.
John Holmberg
At the tip of the earth.
Brad
Yeah.
John Holmberg
What is that called?
Brad
Antarctica.
John Holmberg
Okay. It's on fire.
Brady
Yeah.
John Holmberg
The ice cap is on fire.
Brad
Yes.
John Holmberg
Okay.
Brad
That's why we've had all this ice kind of melting.
John Holmberg (Ad Voice)
Sure.
John Holmberg
So nobody knows.
Brad
Kind of catches on.
Brady
It's that crazy throughout the month.
John Holmberg
Oh yeah, it's great. That's. Oh, that's what those are.
Brad
Yeah.
John Holmberg
Aurora borealis.
Brady
It's like the rams a field. Yeah.
John Holmberg
Just burst into flames for no reason. Go on.
Brad
And so when the fire kind of burns down a little bit, just down the glowing coals and then the.
John Holmberg
So there'd be glowing coals where the ice.
Brad
Yeah. Then you stoke the fire and that brightens the moon. Last night, the ice walkers, the ice giants.
John Holmberg
I like the ice giant. Again, still more accurate when you're all.
Brad
Of a sudden one of these ice giants.
John Holmberg
But this is wildly more accurate than when you were trying a second ago. Then all of a sudden the shadows. No, it's not. Puppeteer.
Brady
It's fun to have a vivid imagination.
John Holmberg
But it isn't that vivid. It's actually kind of dull and scary sad.
Brad
You call it what you want.
John Holmberg
I will. I'll call that frightening that your brain didn't did that to you. Sad.
Brady
People don't tune in for our science advice.
John Holmberg
Certainly not knowledge. Well, they kind of do now. Do they?
Brad
But when those stories come out all.
John Holmberg
Of a sudden and there's a guy driving right now going, no, that's a grown up. I'm not kidding. That's a grown up man. Yes. He's 50. He's lived to 50 with that. He has a degree. He's the only college graduate in the room.
Brad
Tattoo. Do you know Any ice giants?
John Holmberg
Is he serious about those ice giants? No, he's a grown man, doesn't do drugs. Kid, I don't know what the hell that guy's about. All of a sudden. Then there's a fire on the polar. He's scaring me. No, just listen to him. This is crazy.
Brady
I wish that blood moon would have happened all of a sudden last night.
John Holmberg
Because it was taking forever. It did take a long time.
Brady
Jesus, hurry up.
John Holmberg
7Th inning of the Cubs game. There were four pitching changes. I thought, all right, well, this inning's dragging ass. I'm gonna go outside and watch this thing finish up staring at the moon. Nothing's different. Go back in. There's another pitching change. God damn it. All right, I'll go back while this guy's warming up. I'll go back out and see how the moon looks the same.
Brady
Hurry up.
John Holmberg
Come on. I can see if Arietta comes out for the eighth. There's no way he comes out for the eight anyway. What are you gonna do? Jason Smith. I knew somebody would do it. Says subject, the moon shadow for dummies. The shadow you normally see in the moon is just the side of the moon not currently facing the sun. How does a crescent moon work? It's not all the way over it, but then.
Brad
Little mascara.
Brady
Yeah, it's like mascara.
Brad
All of a sudden, John, all of.
John Holmberg
A sudden the sun's shining on the opposite side of the moon. Why isn't it shining on us? Who cares really? I'm struggling with it.
Brady
Don't try to.
John Holmberg
But then he said, also, just look at it. He said, pay attention to NASA today. They're revealing some huge discovery about Mars at 11:30 our time, people. Matt Damon's on it.
Brady
Matt Damon.
Valley Chevy Dealer Representative
We have one.
John Holmberg
Turns out that we've got him. And that is not a movie, that is a documentary. Matt Damon is on it. I want. But I wanted. I want to. I want to have them call it something else.
Brady
Where do I go for this? NASA.com.
John Holmberg
I don't know. 11:30, NASA's gonna make a big. I guess there's bullhorns in every sea. Phoenix, Mars announcement is in two minutes. I didn't even know we had the sound system. OC Chin should look into this. It's really clear. Mars is closer than we thought. In fact, Chicago is farther from you right now. It's really close. It's about a two hour flight.
Brady
That Neil DeGrasse Tyson guy gets on every.
Brad
They'll be the new spokesman for NASA, Jan Brewer.
John Holmberg
No, not doing that. Mars is red. That is all Mars be red. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. She said it in too good of English. I haven't done her for a while. I don't. What what could they have discovered on Mars that would be a big announcement. Unless people. Unless there's little under. You know, like the subterranean fish are real.
Brad
Maybe under the crust is a nougat filling. That is.
John Holmberg
Go on.
Brady
It's all about food.
John Holmberg
I want you to be my scientist.
Brad
Where the moon is cheese.
John Holmberg
Every day at 2 o' clock I'm gonna just come to your house and sit in a room with a book and a notepad and you will teach me for an hour the science that only you know. See the rings now just open with a question.
Brad
Are space onion rings.
John Holmberg
Brad, what's the planet closest to the sun and how come it's not on fire and go.
Brad
Well, the main reason is it has unbelievable SPF protection.
John Holmberg
That's right.
Brad
The natural.
John Holmberg
That's where we we mine for spf.
John Holmberg (Ad Voice)
From that.
Brad
Yes.
John Holmberg
A lot of people don't know that there's a tube running from there into the Hawaiian tropic factory.
Brett Vesely
That's not. Keep going.
John Holmberg
That's an awesome tale. Pretty awesome.
Radio Announcer
Merry effing holidays from the Big Red Radio.
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Radio Announcer
Holmberg's morning sickness.
Brad
If you ever get there for a.
John Holmberg
Weekend, man, stay on the far side. Far side. Don't get to that other side. It's a little warm.
Radio Announcer
Holmberg's morning sickness.
John Holmberg
Somebody told me that yesterday. I got an email today. The guy Brady played the game with yesterday, Jesus, who just mopped through because he had that list of teams and he was winning and he won and he won the prizes just hands down. Just no. And. And the guy just sent me a thing, said, this is my new bumper sticker, Jesus cheats. And I'm like, you know what? That's an awesome one right there. I would.
Brady
That is true.
John Holmberg
It is true. He cheated. Jesus cheated. It's pretty good anyway. Well, maybe it is eastern time, but I was very excited about it still. Try 98kpd.com get it on the Twin Peaks March mania. And you can get on that thing and then go down and see Toledo tomorrow, get some drinks and maybe one of tickets to Slipknot. You got those out there too. So easy enough. March Madness is upon us. And Notre Dame's doing what they do. They are crushing the infidels and the non believers. The 20 point route is on for the Lord Almighty Christ. There's going to be some serious dry humping and token tonight in South Bend.
Brad
A lot of beer too.
John Holmberg
They drink a lot of beer. You're allowed to do that. That's one good thing about the Catholic religion. They encourage tons of drinks, beer and wine. Tons and tons of drinking. That's why, that's why I don't understand the Jason Worlds thing over there with the Pittsburgh Steelers. 26 years old, $13 million deal sitting on the table, probably between nine and 13. And he decides to say, you know what? I'm leaving the. The Steelers and the NFL for a higher calling. And I'm like, oh, he found God. Or, no, it's Jehovah's Witnesses. Doesn't make any sense. That one doesn't pay back. They don't even let you have birthdays. They just tell you how miserable everything is all day long and how you can't celebrate yourself or enjoy yourself or have any fun. Just make sure it's all about the Jehovah, and then you can't even have fun. Like, at least go to a religion that allows you to guzzle alcohol.
Brad
I think they have a pretty good network. If there used to be a nice little chunk in Hollywood that we're Jehovah.
John Holmberg
It'S between borderline Scientology. That one. That one's a little bit off to quit $13 million for that. Is that really what Jesus wants me to do? Because if it is, we're on different pages.
Brady
Yeah, you never even see them at parties.
John Holmberg
Mormons, they don't go to parties. Yeah, Mormons go to parties and Mormons don't. Do they just stand at parties, make everybody uncomfortable?
Female Guest
Well, I don't drink. Oh, no, I don't drink. I'm sorry, I don't drink.
John Holmberg
Great. Why don't you drink?
Female Guest
Well, I never really got a liking for him. Oh, no.
Brad
You're gonna stare, but I can break dance.
Female Guest
But I tell you what I will do is tell jokes. Oh, good. What do you call.
John Holmberg
Oh, no, no, no. We're not talking, you and me. I came over to be nice because the girl you're standing next to is hot. Now, I know that's either your wife or one of your 11 daughters. I'm walking away invited.
Brad
That guy is on a turtle's back.
John Holmberg
Look at that escargot.
Female Guest
Anyway, I'm full of those gags.
John Holmberg
Yeah, no, at least they show up to parties or have a bounce house. They're not opposed. You can't be in a religion that's opposed to bounce houses for kids. And that's the Jehovah's Witness religion. I would like to announce that I. What do they do when there's a big attack and all the presidents of every country come out and they condemn it?
Brad
The coup.
John Holmberg
They condemn it. I condemn that action. I condemn the Jehovah's Witnesses because of no bounce houses for kids rule.
Valley Chevy Dealer Representative
No birthdays.
John Holmberg
What kind of religion has a no bounce house for kids rule? No petting zoos. I mean, what kind of people are you? I mean, come on, you gotta. You gotta rethink. That at least even the Mormons said, well, all right. Caffeine, go ahead.
Brady
Do they get TVs?
Brad
You can.
John Holmberg
You can watch television. You just can't. You know, if somebody says happy birthday to you, you gotta lash yourself for 45 minutes and go live in the garage with a car running. I don't know. No, I think that's it.
Brady
Can they watch?
Brad
No, not the car running.
John Holmberg
Pretty sure that's correct, Brad. Window crack. And you just sit in the back seat for an hour until you get dizzy. And then that's Jesus saying, all right, shape up.
Brady
Can they watch kids bounce and bounce houses?
John Holmberg
You can't go to the parties. You can't participate in that. They can watch from a distance and shame themselves and then lashes car.
Brady
I mean, on the tv, like, oh, I don't know.
John Holmberg
That's a good question. Like, if there's a big live.
Brady
Anybody's having fun.
John Holmberg
What channel is that? Channel? That's the Catholics. That's a Catholic channel. It's a kids bounce house channel. The real, you know, that's for the priests. You get the kids bounce house channel for Father Dave and Dale. And then the Jehovah's Witnesses can watch that through a window. They can't hear it. You can stumble across it, but otherwise it's into the garage again to get you drink gasoline and weed at your ankles.
Brad
This week on Father Bop.
John Holmberg
Hey, it's Father Bob's bounce house. Isn't it great to be Catholic? Oh, such delicious, I mean, wonderful children.
Female Guest
Oh.
John Holmberg
Anyway, no to the Jehovah's Witnesses, I say no. And if one comes to your door, and occasionally they still do and you haven't done like I've done, and disconnect your doorbell. That was a great moment.
Brad
But there's got to be, you know, because, like, you're talking about, you know, every religion says, well, are you. You know, like, it's orthodox or what have you. There's got to be probably something, you know.
John Holmberg
Oh, they break. You mean convenient religious people. Yeah, but Jason world gave up $13 million. He's not going to. He's not gonna break the bounce house rule. For The Jehovah's Witnesses, $13 million is two, you know, he can't do that. Are you kidding me? The bounce house rule will be easier to say, well, we'll never do that. I'll be a Jehovah's Witness. But Daddy's still got to go play $13 million worth of football every year. I know that the religion frowns on that, but come on, now turn the bounce house over. That's fine. I get rid of that before I get rid of the job.
Brad
I could have sworn that there was, like, some Michael Jackson birthday parties. Wasn't he Jehovah? Or maybe the family grew up Jehovah. And he broke off from Papa.
John Holmberg
Yeah. Anything he's done into some sort of a nice, neat box. He was crazy. Called himself something, but he wasn't. And I know I'll get calls from Jehovah's with, no, we have parties with it. He don't. I. I'm at a neighbor as a Jehovah's Witness who got yelled at at my house for coming to my birthday party.
Brad
The real faith tester is the Christian Scientist. I mean, that would be so hard to say. You know, it's a faith that your kid's sick, and it's like, oh, no medication. I think it's Christian Science. No, Christian Scientist.
John Holmberg
They don't believe in, like.
Brad
Yeah, Scientology is the.
John Holmberg
We had a lady we worked with.
Brad
Yeah.
John Holmberg
And her kids are fine.
Brad
Yep.
John Holmberg
Never gave them medicine. They got sick. It's God's plan. If he crops, he crops. That's the deal. And the kid would have, like, a flu for, like, six months. Yeah. He's dying. God wanted this.
Brad
It's like, how are you staying for six months?
John Holmberg
Oh, it came in all the time. He's missing school again. What's Jack doing here? He's missing school.
Brad
He's 27. He's in fourth grade.
John Holmberg
The kid is. I ran into them at a Target, and there he is, strapping young lad. And I'm like, there's something to letting your kid die every once in a while and not caring. This kid's in great shape.
Brady
We made it through the trial.
John Holmberg
Yeah. He'd have to be in great shape because if he wasn't, his immune system would shut down. He'd live in a bubble and he'd die. He wouldn't even ever live in a bubble. Just let him go. Sure, I used to, but then you.
Brady
Get a lot of dead kids.
John Holmberg
She was fascinated. It was a fascinating thing. But you know what?
Brady
And you infect a lot of other kids.
John Holmberg
Sure. Well. And that's the thing. I was like, how do you do this? How do you live? Like, she goes, it's tough sometimes. Like, his fever get up like 102 and just have to sit back and go, all right, I hope this works. Yeah, homeopathic and stuff like that. They do that, but they did it themselves.
Brad
Why?
John Holmberg
Because it's natural. All that stuff.
Brad
I guess.
John Holmberg
Yeah, they made aspirin's what God made. I don't know if they had like natural aspirin or something. I don't know what. They just rub roots on the kid. Just like the Catholic church rubbing their roots on kids. Very similar. Very, very similar.
Brad
Different root.
John Holmberg
Always a root though. Always down to the base of the root. And the kid was somehow better and quieter afterwards.
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It's out of control.
John Holmberg
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Brett Vesely
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Episode: 12-23-25 – Brady Explains The Blood Moon Nonsensically – Religions w/Odd Rules
Date: December 23, 2025
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Podcast: Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – 98KUPD, Arizona
This episode is quintessential “Holmberg’s Morning Sickness,” blending irreverent humor and unscripted banter as the crew stumbles through two primary themes: their utter confusion about lunar events (specifically, the blood moon and eclipses) and an exploration of peculiar rules and oddities in various religions. John, Brady, Brad, and the rest poke fun at their ignorance about astronomy, then segue into a lively and sardonic critique of strict religious customs—sprinkled with pointed jokes, cultural observations, and a bit of absurdity.
Timestamp: 01:19 – 08:14
Opening Confession of Ignorance:
John admits right off that he doesn’t understand lunar phenomena, particularly the difference between a half moon, an eclipse, and the infamous “blood moon.”
Failed Explanations and Space Mascara:
Brady, Brad, and John volley increasingly bizarre theories about the moon's appearance:
Absurdity Escalates – Antarctica on Fire & Ice Giants:
Brad proposes a fire at the Earth’s tip (Antarctica) is making the moon glow red; John and Brady riff on this, introducing “ice giants” as more plausible than Brad’s science:
Listener Attempt at Explanation:
Someone emails to finally clarify the difference, but the hosts quickly gloss over it, maintaining their schtick of willful ignorance:
Big Mars Announcement Teaser:
John notes NASA is due to make a big announcement about Mars at 11:30 a.m.—the team jokes about Matt Damon being involved, playing off pop-culture references:
Timestamp: 12:04 – 19:40
March Madness and “Cheating Jesus”:
Alcohol and Catholicism:
The hosts latch on to the drink-friendly nature of Catholicism, comparing it to stricter denominations:
Jehovah’s Witnesses: No Birthdays, No Fun:
The conversation focuses on former NFL player Jason Worilds quitting a $13 million contract for his faith:
Other Strict Faiths – Christian Science and Medical Care:
Brad brings up faiths like Christian Science that don’t permit modern medicine:
Mormons at Parties:
Quick skit about Mormons being the awkward sober guests, delivering jokes and breaking the party mood.
Catholic Priests & Bounce Houses – Pushing the Limits:
The crew satirically suggests a TV channel for Catholic priests:
John Holmberg (on astronomy confusion):
“Don't waste your finger time on your keyboards. I don't get it. It's like algebra. It doesn't go in my ears. It doesn't register with my—my brain as a rock spot where that's supposed to sit, and it bounces out.” (02:06)
Brad (mock ‘science’):
“It's the sun coming off the rotation of the Earth all of a sudden, the moon has to catch the sun on a different flex…” (04:04)
John (brutal honesty):
“I will. I'll call that frightening that your brain did that to you. Sad.” (06:03)
John Holmberg (religion & bounce houses):
“What kind of religion has a no bounce house for kids rule? No petting zoos. I mean, what kind of people are you?” (15:00)
Brad (Christian Science):
“The real faith tester is the Christian Scientist. I mean, that would be so hard to say. You know, it's a faith that your kid's sick, and it's like, oh, no medication.” (17:41)
| Segment | Timestamp | |------------------------------------------------|:-------------:| | Blood moon confusion and wild moon theories | 01:19–08:14 | | NASA Mars announcement jokes | 07:51–08:14 | | “Cheating Jesus” & March Madness | 12:04–12:43 | | Alcohol and religion (Catholic rules) | 12:45–12:53 | | Jehovah’s Witnesses, bounce house critique | 13:30–15:15 | | Mormons, parties, and religion skits | 13:52–14:36 | | Faiths and medical care (Christian Science) | 17:41–19:12 |
Playful, sarcastic, and, at times, intentionally ignorant for comedic effect. The hosts delight in clowning on themselves and one another. No topics are off-limits in their pursuit of laughter—whether mocking their astronomical illiteracy or poking fun at the quirks of organized religion.
This episode is a comedic romp through confusion—about science, spirituality, and human behavior. The hosts exemplify how to mine everyday ignorance and cultural weirdness for humor, all while maintaining an affable chemistry and a healthy disregard for taboos. If you enjoy irreverent, observational comedy mixed with Arizona’s local flavor, this episode is essential listening.