12-26-25 - FULL SHOW - FRIDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Holmberg’s Morning Sickness (98 KUPD) – Full Show Summary

Episode Date: December 26, 2025
Hosts: John Holmberg (D), Brady Bogen (C), Bret Vesely (B), Dick Toledo (A), plus guests

Overview

This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness, Arizona’s #1 morning radio show, blends outrageous humor, pop culture commentary, personal stories, and in-studio comedy featuring Holmberg and his crew. Highlights include irreverent conversations about reality TV shows like "Hoarders" and "My 600-lb Life," a viral news discussion about an elderly Grand Canyon hiker, mock debates about pooping in public places, an in-studio visit from actor Jason Schwartzman, and the beloved “Jewish” Holiday Squares. Expect adult humor, local jabs, and brutal honesty, true to the show’s edgy, comedic style.

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Key Segments and Discussions

1. Reality TV Rundown: Hoarders and My 600-lb Life

[01:07–19:20]

• Holmberg shares his fascination and disgust with “Hoarders,” only being able to stomach the last 12 minutes.
• Descriptions of hoarding cases: unopened QVC boxes, piles of newspapers, cat poop hidden under junk.
• "One woman saved her kitty litter... she couldn’t part with it. So she was keeping it in... and covering it with... beyond. Oh, it was this." – John Holmberg [03:23]
• The empathy of church friends cleaning hoarders’ homes triggers mocking debate about religious charity.
• Shift to “My 600-lb Life” and "Stephanie's story": chronic overeating, failed weight-loss, and the blunt Dr. Now.
• "I don't think she's gonna do much... You manipulate family..." – Imitating Dr. Now [06:24]
• Holmberg is incredulous at how enablers (like family) tolerate these situations.
• "If you have to, the day you have to wrap a towel around a stick to wipe your own ass, and you're not willing to stop eating chips, why am I gonna wash you?" – Holmberg [15:10]
• Conversations spiral to child obesity, familial blame, and loving limits.

2. Dark Humor on Elderly Fitness: Grand Canyon Hiker

[21:06–34:38]

• News report about a 92-year-old man hiking the Grand Canyon, which Holmberg insists is probable elder abuse.
• "No, this is an attempted murder by his grandson or whatever.” – Holmberg [22:25]
• Parody of feel-good news: scrutinizing motives of “caring” relatives ("Show me the financial statements and the will!”).
• Debate over pushing old people to do impressive, but risky things, e.g., skydiving or hiking, for the sake of uplifting stories.
• "Blind people climbing Everest? … Potential for failure is much sadder than the victory." – Holmberg [29:10]

3. Inheritance and Family Morality

[36:22–38:03]

• Story of a man banking on a wealthy uncle’s inheritance – ends with the uncle donating his fortune to charity.
• Hosts mock people who plan their financial future on inheritance and don’t make the cut: "That's a great way to find out... I must have done a bunch wrong" – Holmberg

4. Daily Life Absurdities & Bathroom Etiquette

[88:06–101:53]

• [88:23] Discussion about a Dunkin’ Donuts exploding toilet incident.
• "I'd own all the Duncans if a toilet under me explodes in a public restroom." – Holmberg [88:54]
• The crew riffs on public restroom etiquette, emergency bathroom situations, and proposes “John’s” – a pay-per-use public toilet business.
• “If you're willing to take a s— where people eat and walk out like that's okay, it's gross. It's just gross.” – Holmberg [96:33]
• Extended, often graphic joking about where and when it is acceptable to use public bathrooms, airline toilets, etc.

5. Jason Schwartzman Interview

[104:13–120:06]

• Jason calls in for a lengthy, candid, and humorous interview.
• Discussion of his career, reading habits, audio books, and famous family.
• "Since I could learn how to talk, I feel like my eyes... I just can't read. They get really tired." – Jason Schwartzman [107:47]
• “You could just hire these people [Gene Wilder] to come read the book to you.” – Holmberg, joking about Schwartzman’s Hollywood family [110:28]
• Fun banter about audiobooks, nepotism, and Schwartzman’s home life.
• Standard “Morning Sickness” interview questions: “How did you lose your virginity?” (18, lovely), and “When’s the last time you pooped your pants?” (Ducks the question but jokes about it).
• Schwartzman praises the quality of the conversation: "We feel like we're actually listening to each other and connecting." [119:34]

6. Jewish-Themed Holiday Squares

[138:00–156:31]

• Holiday tradition: "Jewish" Hollywood Squares featuring impersonations of Joe Biden, O.J. Simpson, Oscar Schindler, Bruce Springsteen, Gene Simmons, Jeff Goldblum, and more.
• Rapid-fire, irreverent jokes, e.g.:
  • “Schindler’s Playlist” on Spotify (Jewish artist playlist parody) [142:06]
  • “Kiss Brisket”/“Kiskit” and “Kiss Dreidels” as holiday tie-ins [149:28]
  • "Today we celebrate the last trimester of Jesus Christ." – Hanukkah Brady [144:43]
• Playful, often edgy banter full of puns, cultural nods, and in-character gags.

7. Entertainment Drill & Pop Culture Debates

[122:15–135:19]

• Debates about film directors for upcoming Star Wars sequels (J.J. Abrams vs. Peter Jackson).
• Skewering of Terminator franchise logic: “He's a different Terminator. So they just decide to send back guys with older looking skin.” [126:18]
• Jokes about trending music documentaries and the absurdity of legacy act projects.

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Notable Quotes and Moments

On Hoarding TV Shows:

• "What I would do is go, ‘This is gross. I’m not talking to them anymore.’… They think that God looks at them like they're better because they went in and helped clean all that toxic poop. I'm not doing that." – Holmberg [03:23]

On Overweight Family Members:

• "If you have to wrap a towel around a stick to wipe your own ass and you're not willing to stop eating chips, why am I gonna wash you?” – Holmberg [15:10]

On Elderly Adventure Stories:

• “You want to go rim to rim on the canyon, old man? No. A responsible human being would realize if I take the 92-year-old down the canyon, there's a good chance I’m carrying them out. I’m not doing that.” – Holmberg [24:37]

On Public Restrooms:

• “Healthy people don’t have fecal emergencies.” – Holmberg [91:29]

With Jason Schwartzman:

• “The taller you are, the shorter you feel your answers need to be. The shorter you are, the more you need to be heard.” – Schwartzman [113:03]

Jewish Holiday Squares:

• “At the end of the year, I check my Spotify and put together Schindler's playlist… Neil Diamond is on Schindler's playlist." – Oscar Schindler Square (Holmberg) [142:06]
• “Kiss yam, yes. … And of course, for dinner, Kiss brisket or kiskit.” – Gene Simmons Square [149:43]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:07–19:20]: Reality TV commentary (Hoarders, My 600-lb Life)
• [21:06–34:38]: 92-year-old Grand Canyon hiker/elderly challenge segment
• [36:22–38:03]: Inheritance morality and life lessons
• [88:06–101:53]: Dunkin’ Donuts toilet story/public bathroom etiquette
• [104:13–120:06]: Jason Schwartzman interview
• [138:00–156:31]: Jewish Holiday Squares
• [122:15–135:19]: Entertainment Drill and pop culture debates

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Tone and Style

The episode is brash, sarcastic, and full of riffs that push the boundaries of good taste, as is standard for Holmberg's Morning Sickness. Banter often veers into dark or absurd humor, with impersonations and local references. The hosts treat every topic – from serious social commentary to bathroom jokes – with the same irreverent wit.

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Useful for Listeners Who Missed the Episode

You’ll get both an overview of topical, silly, and occasionally controversial content that defines the show, as well as highlights from their guest interview and comedic bits. Even the routine is skewered – if you want edgy Arizona morning radio, this episode serves up all the trademark humor, impressions, and “morning sickness” you expect.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

Hey, it's Brett Vesely and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[C]

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[A]

Okay, but what if he lives out of state?

[C]

Easy legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it all online?

[D]

It's really that simple.

[A]

There you have it. MMP Guns or legal gun, the safe and legal way to sell your firearms.

[D]

It's John Holmberg here from the morning sickness and it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of My Home Group and Doug Hopkins dot com. Have you ever thought to yourself, I'm gonna sell my house? Of course you have. And one reason or another, you just didn't do it. Probably because it's a hassle when you try to make a real estate deal. What if I could say, you can sell that house the day after you say the words, I want to sell my house. Doug's been at this for over 25 years, and that's why he's still on top of the Hill. TVs Doug Hopkins can handle everything. Won't move the price, or you get $5,000. What do you do? Start the process right now@doug hopkins.com or grab the phone. Do not listen to this while driving or when full alertness is needed. The best of Holmberg's morning sickness. This is the big red radio. I watched a hoarding show last night. Speaking of hoarding a little bit, I realized that I can only watch the last 12 minutes of a hoarding show. I cannot at all, uh oh, I cannot at all watch a hoarding show all the way through. I tried. There was an apartment complex for retirees and three of them were hoarders. And I get sick for the people that have to clean it. I can watch murder. I can watch these hoarding shows. There was a lady who had cans of food that she would just buy and never open and then put them on the ground. And over time, the can would break or something would like, she had a thing of syrup and it started to leak out. And the kid that found that box just started throwing up immediately. Immediately puking. I'm like, I can't watch. And then the last 15 minutes, they do the reveal. Like, here's what your place looks like now. It's still hoarded. It's still awful. They won't get rid of anything. One guy got rid of all of it. And like, within a week I watched. He's washing his hands by his sink and then there's a pile of stuff starting right there by the sink. Like, you can't have this show.

[C]

And do they do a follow up, like, months later?

[D]

Oh, yeah. I'm sure that they do the hoarding follow up.

[C]

I mean, because.

[D]

But I bet you that they don't show too many of them because almost all of them are right back at it.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

One dude just had had a bunch of unopened stuff he ordered off of QVC vacuums. And like, he'd get like four or five of those and stack. That's valuable stuff. And they were trying to throw it all out or sell it.

[B]

I'm selling that ones that they have to crawl over like a pile of newspapers and garbage.

[D]

This lady's newspapers were covering up all she. One woman saved her kitty litter so she'd clean the litter box, but she couldn't part with it. So she was keeping it in. In like. And then covering it with beyond. Oh, it was this. And her and her daughter came in and goes. Or her friends from church came in. And that's another reason I don't want to be religious is because you got to pretend to be nice to people like this instead of. What I would do is go, this is gross. I'm not talking to them anymore. Like they're doing God's work or something. They think that God looks at them like they're better because they went in and helped clean all that toxic poop. I'm not doing that.

[C]

We need those people.

[D]

Yeah. My God wouldn't put me in that position. So yours doesn't.

[C]

But we need those people to go in there and help clean.

[D]

No, we don't. We need that person to just drop dead and then go in and burn the apartment down. Regardless, nobody has to clean it. How many are doing that?

[B]

TV's Doug Hopkins, tons.

[D]

He sent. He's talked to me about a few of them. But this lady had the cat poop. And the people from church walked in and goes, oh, smell your cats. And they don't know that the cat poop is hidden all under magazines and boxes and all sorts used to it. And she goes, oh, the last couple people that in here said they can't smell my kitties. And she goes, it's all ice. It's like burns. And she goes. And then so they interview her on the side. And she goes, well, either my friends who came in here last time were lying or she's just super sensitive. And then the kid from. And they. And the best part was they hired a company called College Hunks moving junk. And the sign that like all the trucks pull up and then these college kids are standing there kind of decent looking, not great, but. And the one kid puts the mask on and he walks into that lady's apartment immediately. Well, he's sensitive too. I'm like, no, nobody's sensitive. You have literally pounds and pounds of cat everywhere. One of the.

[C]

There's no college hunk.

[D]

The Asian lady had like opened and poured food out all over her bathroom. Like, I don't know how it happened, but like cans of tomato sauce just years ago opened in her bathroom and poured. Covered it up. And so to walk into her bathroom was just a. It was just mounds of papers and sheets and clothes and food and bugs and rats. And you walk in there and just disgusting. And you know who I feel sorry for is the cats that get trapped into this nightmare. Like, they always have cats and pets in it. They have a little section of the house that's pretty clean for the cat food. Usually, like there's a little spot they keep make sure the cats are okay.

[C]

Yeah, it is.

[D]

It is horrible. And then right after that, TLC had the nerve to show my 600 pound life. And I'm like, good lord, are you trying to make me shoot myself? I watched Stephanie's story last night. Stephanie. Stephanie's gonna die of being fat. Like she was 640 pounds. No, 619 pounds, right. And so she goes over to Dr. Now, who I love. People like Anthony have to do very much work.

[B]

She doesn't know what is the one that's too honest.

[D]

Yeah, he's very Honest. He's got that terrible hair. He's a little chunky. He looks like my grandma Stephanie. I don't think she going to do much like the start of the show. He tells you she manipulate family. Not gonna do much. Not gonna do much. She comes down there and he gave her a goal of 50 pounds in two months. They showed her eating breakfast. I can't tell you how big the ham was. It was the size of your chest. Slice of ham, wow. Plate of eggs, 10 sausages, like 15 slices of bacon and eight waffles. And they just showed her eat the whole goddamn thing. And she's like, I gotta get out of the Dr. No, I've been working real hard. You're working real hard on that. And then so she gets in the car, they gotta drive from Washington to Houston to meet Dr. No. I don't think she's gonna do much. Gonna do much. Drives all the way down there and like a half hour. And she goes, my body's aching from all the driving. Like you're driving from Seattle to Houston. You better buck up. Half hour. We ain't pull out and get something to eat.

[B]

Wait a minute. They did she driving or is it like Tammy had her husband, driver in the back of the.

[D]

She's. Tammy was smart. Tammy got in the back. This lady sat in the passenger seat, wrecked everything. So it was always uncomfortable. So the guy pulls over and she's at like Hardee's. Give me the number four large curly fries. She walked into Hardee's. No, they were in the drive through. And then she says, and also number six, give me the chicken sandwich. She just starts rattling off the whole thing. And the next thing you know, her big fat face has a mouthful of burger and she just goes, delicious. Drives all the way to Houston with a 50 pound, two month goal, right? She says she's been doing it. Gets on the scale, six pounds, she's down six. I don't know what, two months? Yeah, I don't know what's going on. Dr. No comes in, you got to work out. I think you don't work very hard. You make hurt for yourself. And so give you another two months, 50 pounds. She comes back, she's at, what was it, six pounds. Put her at 6:12. Next time she showed up, she got to 602. And he gave her two more months to lose 50 more. She shows up 596. So in 10 months, she'd lost like 18 pounds total. And she started to blame that doctor and he just goes, ah, you're not gonna take.

[E]

Go.

[D]

Nevermind. And he just leaves. She's not going to leave. Do her thing.

[E]

He's.

[D]

And he talks in that same song.

[B]

Boy, you have to be like that doctor and you just have to realize my efforts are not going anywhere.

[D]

Oh, and her 16 year old son. 16 year old son's 400 pounds. And he said, I don't want to end up like her. You already are. And the two other ones. She's got two other kids. And all I could think was somebody her three times and squirted.

[B]

Hey. Tammy had multiple guys.

[D]

I know.

[B]

I think they all died, but under.

[D]

Her or were eating.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

What was the one she took in the scales when they were.

[D]

Oh, she was.

[C]

When they were mating.

[D]

16 years, 15 years ago. But that was that skinny black dude that was like jackpot. And I don't know what he saw in that, but he loved her.

[B]

Gary Payton, because the big black dude ended up dying.

[D]

Yeah. And we say big compared to Tammy. Tammy had. Tammy had like love handles on her forehead.

[B]

Something finally clicked with her, though.

[C]

She.

[B]

She dropped the weight.

[D]

Something clicked, all right. I don't know what it was, but it was like. And then the black guy was gone. You get all skinny. But the kids like, she looked and she goes, one of my children has a weight issue. The other two do not. The other two are nine and maybe 155 pounds. And then the son is like six and he's probably pushing 100. Like, your kids are fat. Like not. But comparably, like sitting next to her. They look like rails.

[B]

For reference, Alex is 18 right now, and I think he's topping the scales at 147.

[D]

Yeah. Larry's a grown man. He's 140.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

He's less than this nine year old kid. And oh, it's the worst. And I sat and I sat and choked those shows down. Just like, what am I doing? Try to watch the hoarding show. I can't do it. Cannot do it. But yeah. Hopkins will occasionally email me and say, I'm at. I'm at one. Or text me. Oh my God. And he's like, I had to go outside. I can't go back in. I'm gonna send. I'm gonna send Sam. Gonna send some other employee in there to at it.

[E]

It's brutal.

[D]

This guy says, I was an emt. I went on a call for heart pain. We got there and there were pathways to the house with food boxes. The person was so fat. Called the rescue squad to help us lift her onto the cot. Then the dog legs would retract because her weight pinched him. On the cot. On the cot. So the Hoarder show makes me physically ill to watch because I always think of that. Yeah, when you put somebody up on the thing, the legs will fold under those.

[B]

Okay, got.

[D]

Because you're too fat to put on a Bernie. And then the mom had to wash her ass. And I don't know why they show that all the time.

[C]

Both arms in there. Still even haven't hit base yet.

[D]

She grew a scrubbing. She grew a growth between her legs, and it looked like the world's biggest beanbag hanging off of her middle. And she gets up, and her mom helps her out of bed and walks her over to the toilet. And she just plops onto the toilet and this look on her face. Strips off this apron shirt she's got on, totally naked. Now they've blurted out, mom's standing there. And she just goes, my balls are sticking. Because she has that thing. And then she climbs into the shower and sits on the edge after a good, healthy dump. No wiping. There's no reason for that. And mom has to wander, like, get that shower wand and start scrubbing her. And the whole time she's scrubbing her back, the fat is going, ow. Like, touching. It hurts. Like she's just in constant. And I'm laughing because I'm like, well, this is awful. But at a certain point, you know, you did eat two pounds of ham, 18 sausages and eight waffles. Kind of did this to yourself. And then not once did they show. And maybe the show doesn't show. Did they show the undercarriage scrub? Don't need that. So then her stepdad had to drive her to Houston. And I don't think he washed her. I don't think he was in on that deal. So imagine how bad a car would smell. And they had stop every three hours so she could, like, eat or get up. Oh, it's the worst show on tv. Hoarders. The Stephanie Story. Watch Stephanie Story. And then she'd go, doc told me I need to walk more. And she'd go get the mail.

[C]

And.

[D]

Go back in the house. That's the furthest I've ever gone.

[C]

Nothing but Beals.

[D]

I hate trees. She said it was awesome. I can't.

[B]

There's a lot of things I've done as a stepdad to Alex's sister.

[D]

Not washer.

[C]

No.

[D]

God.

[B]

And at £600.

[D]

No, no, no, no. You don't pull the full year down.

[B]

Yeah, I didn't Sign up for that.

[D]

That's one of the reasons I like not having kids always. I look at stuff like that, and I'm like, thank God. Because I don't love anything that much. If you balloon up to, like, two bills and you're nine, I'm auto starting the car.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Thinking about maybe not showing up for dinner. And then you get up to 3 or £400 and you're like 12 or 13 years old. I'm like, no, this is going to be a lot of washing. And you're never leaving this. I'm going to go now. It's going to be easier for me. It's just not easier. No, you don't.

[B]

You don't get over that.

[D]

Kids will either kill you or turn into that.

[B]

And they'll either be, what's his name? Kevin or.

[D]

Oh, yeah, we need to talk about Kevin. Yeah, we know. Yeah. I don't want somebody murdering me, committing a murder, and me having to sit in the courtroom. And like Dahmer's dad, I always felt so bad because he tried to keep loving him. And I'm like, I don't have that. I don't have that in me. I don't love anything that much at all. If my dog was like 700 pounds, and I'm like, look, I'm trying to keep you on a diet here. And you just keep going. You keep doing this to yourself. I just put him down. Like, this dog. This dog is. It's a. I got. He's crapping all over the place. Like, that's enough. We can't do this. I've tried to put you on a diet. I don't know where you're getting all this food. Yeah. I don't love anything that much. Good Lord. Megan puts on, you know, £20, we start talking. What are you doing here?

[B]

£20 on her.

[D]

It's awful. That's terrifying. It's like. Like stuffing a bowling ball in a straw.

[B]

£15 on Lisa. It'd be like, what are we doing?

[D]

Terrible. It looks like she's a small bear.

[B]

Ye.

[D]

Nope. That's gotta go. That's gotta go.

[B]

It's like ronnie lately with 10. With 10?

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

Oh, yeah. You can't. Can't hide it like me, right?

[D]

And nobody knows. When you put on weight, it just blends in with all the rest of it. He puts on 10, 12. Nobody's gonna see it. That's the smart way to go.

[C]

Well, my cast, it's actually the other way around. And, well, if you lose 10, you do doesn't much.

[D]

It would work both ways.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

I think if we saw you dancing, it's like, oh.

[C]

Oh, really?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

No, you get that you're down.

[D]

You've got a nice little sliding scale. Either nobody's really going, brady, have you put on a couple of pounds? It's like you'd have to put on some substantial pounds for people to go like, oh, Brady's gaining.

[B]

Because I remember the big weigh off. That was one of the first times I'd looked at you.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah, it's really offy.

[D]

Hey, drop some weight. 600 pounds, though. I don't. I don't love anything that much. I just don't. If you have to, the day you have to wrap a towel around a stick to wipe your own ass and you're not willing to stop eating chips, why am I gonna wash you? Why do I need to start scrubbing your ass? I'm not loving you that much. Can't reach my own asshole. Wanna give me a hand? No, that's the last thing I wanna do. No, you don't love me. Not that much, no. A baby's different. Or a handicapped person. You did this to yourself. It's thyroid. No, it's not. I watched you eat a pound of ham and 14 waffles. Like nothing. But I don't know that thyroids do that. Sun control. If I got into a car wreck, that's. All of them have been in a car wreck that screwed them up. Got in a car wreck, got fat. Ralphie tried to blame his weight for a while there. I was raped as a child by the neighbor. And then I got into a car accident.

[C]

15 or 16, how's the car accident.

[D]

At all that way? I just got depressed. Oh, then he started eating because the car. Yeah, but it was the food, right? It was the food.

[C]

Didn't he break his leg pretty bad or something?

[D]

Oh, he busted his body up. But still, it's not why you're fat.

[C]

And that's where. And I gotta. It just. It's gotta be something that your body is. I mean, like, I think someone that tries to get to £600, I don't think. I don't think a lot of people can do that. I mean, it has to start early.

[D]

I don't think anybody's trying to do it.

[B]

Oh, it's years.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

I think you just start realizing it's spiraled out of control. And then the vicious circle of eating for comfort because it's the only friend you've got. And then feeling bad about yourself. And saying, I'll never lose this. I might as well blow up. Who cares?

[B]

Might as well enjoy my food before I die.

[D]

And it takes a lot to fuel that giant body. So, you know you're used to 10,000 calories a day, and you cut back to 1200.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

You're gonna start eating.

[C]

And I know there's cases where it's a pituitary gland or something like that.

[B]

That's medical. That can be fixed a lot earlier.

[D]

Well, Ralphie and I got in that argument. God damn it. I had a tough childhood that caused this. Like, no. The food cost it. You can have mental things, but the food's why you got fat. No. Yes, exactly. No doctor's gonna tell you. Well, you've been eating great. I don't know how this happened. You ate it. You did it. I'm not saying that's like the why you ate it is what you're talking about. But it's the food that made you fat, John.

[B]

I'm sure you do, but you have to pay extra. Extra for a 600 pound person coffin. Right. The materials alone is like, for three people.

[D]

Yeah, but baby coffins cost the same as a regular car.

[B]

Do they really?

[D]

I looked into it. Let's wait a minute, just in case.

[B]

Is that because of Jessel make?

[D]

No, because if a baby showed up, I would definitely need a coffin. I mean, there would be. No, they really are. Yeah. At the same price. They're actually very expensive. They're rare. You have to. You know, nobody's like, churning those out in mass. They gotta have them built. Coffins for regular stuff you can put on the assembly. That's. Yeah, you gotta poke those out daily. But baby coffins are like. Oh, got another. You have a small grouping, but they're not like. That's not the hotcakes of the coffin world. Yeah, I wouldn't. I wouldn't be spending a lot of time at Baby Gap. I'd be over at Baby Box. And what we got. It's a box store for babies, they call it. I'm fine.

[B]

How about this, guys? I know exactly what you're talking about. When I was a paramedic was being the key word. We had a house that we all knew about where you had to put on booties because the cats peed so much.

[D]

Everywhere.

[B]

You stepped on the floor with squish. We would routinely be throwing up after that call. You're welcome to roll with me any day. As a paramedic, you see obese people that can barely even move, let alone get through their house. The smells and the things you touch will blow your mind. And for some reason, the women always want to flirt with you.

[D]

Well, because you're the first man in their house in years and you're a firefighter, an EMT, you're probably in pretty good shape. Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. It's out of control now. 98K U P T. It's John Holmberg here, and it's time to talk about TV's Doug Hopkins of my home group and Doug Hopkins.com I got a call from Doug the other day thanking me for for leading so many of you guys his direction. He told me a story of a listener who had been through quite an ordeal and had a house they absolutely had to sell to feel like they were getting back to a normal place in life. You just never know when simple business transactions can actually change someone's life. So you want to deal with somebody great. TV's Doug Hopkins. That's your guy. So if you want to sell your house, start the process right now online@doug hopkins.com or grab that phone and sing.

[B]

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[D]

53342 the best of Homburg's morning sickness. This is the big Red radio and then you start paying attention to the oh, by the way Since I'm talking about old people, I'd like to be the first to go. All right, bull. To the story of the day yesterday on the news. Trying to make some glorious. I wrote it, I put this thing in here. This is garbage. I don't feel any, you know, of those moments of joy or anything when you see one of those old people doing something, you know, then they show you incredible feat. Yeah, it was incredible. He didn't do it. There's no way. 92 year old man becomes the oldest to hike the canyon rim to rim. That's just irresponsible. That's called elder abuse. Because if he died, whoever took him would be under arrest. It's not worth the risk. And there is no possible way this old man did this on his own. So they've got him in an interview after, like, I'm amazing. You didn't do it. There's no way. He's 92. He went from rim to rim, 24 miles. I saw your mom, she came to the house. She's not even 84. 84. She had to sit down after she walked across the game room. She's like, I'm out. There's no possible way.

[C]

She found that recliner. Game over.

[D]

Oh, it was over. She saw the recliner. It was like, that's mine. Didn't even ask is this is someone sitting here? It was like, this is mine. And you guys weren't like first ones in either where she could have claimed it right away. She just showed up and went, this is an empty recliner. I'm taking it. And nobody can say anything. There's no possible way anybody. Look, the news can make it seem like this is a beautiful story of like, you know, like, like up, like, you know, in his balloons and he floated to the falls. No, this is an attempted murder by his grandson or whatever. I want to see two things when I see somebody drag a 90 year old across the Grand Canyon. I want to see his financial statements and I want to see the will.

[A]

Any insurance policy.

[D]

Exactly. Because I don't know if those even pay at 92 anyway. You get like a buck 50 because there's no way the insurance is going to give you a ton of money for that. But any grandson in this modern age, because I know a lot of people under the age of like 35 that have this strange fascination with how they plan to retire based on what their grandparents have. My grandpa dies, I'm gonna get a million dollars. I mean, it's got to be the first generation that talks about that as openly as it does. And it's not like the ones we hate. Not like the 20 year olds. It's the mid-30s, people close to 40 that start talking about their inheritance or their rich family member that's gonna keep them in high cotton. That's what I think happened here. One of those deadbeat hippie grandkids. Like, I'll take grandpa around, I'll take him out. He's 92. Oh, but he's still like really spry. I'll take care of him. They drug him into the canyon and the. And to their surprise, the mother lived. And that's their worst thing. And now he's a news story. You need to look deeper into this. This is attempted murder. And then he's like, I read about the record holder, talked to my grandson and said, I think I can do this. I'm like, yeah, crap, I think you can.

[C]

Did he shatter it? I mean, who was the record holder? Probably. Look, it's gotta be a 70 year old maybe.

[D]

No, the record holder was in his 90s also. This guy's actually a few months younger. He just did it faster. So he's the oldest guy to do it in the. He was running from his grandson the whole time with probably at a hatchet. Looked like Sideshow Bob trying to kill Bart. It's bad. You don't take 92 year olds to bowling alleys, let alone that you want to go rim to rim on the canyon, old man. No. A responsible human being would realize if I take the 92 year old down the canyon, there's a good chance I'm carrying them out. I'm not doing that.

[C]

That he's doing some lines, couple of.

[D]

Pumps, he's a meth grandpa mess.

[C]

They got him checked up.

[D]

Probably to try to get his heart to explode. To get that. I didn't believe a word of this. And the news was like, isn't it wonderful? Age is just a number. No, it's not. Age is a pretty good precursor on when you're going to die. It's a pretty good thing. I. It's like it's evidence. Like 92, not much longer left. I have a friend, a woman who's 92 years old, 93 years old and she's spry, gets around great. Last thing I'm doing is hiking anything with her that isn't flat just because I don't want her to get hurt or fall down and like crap herself.

[C]

I took my mom golfing, you know, we did two days in a row and she Let me make a prediction.

[D]

Did she do 18?

[C]

No.

[D]

No way. She can't even get through a Golf 16. That's pretty good. Why didn't she just finish the last two at that point? You gassed her.

[C]

Well, no, she did it right. You know, played nine and then about on 12, she's like, I'm good.

[D]

So she was hitting and missing. She took a few holes. Okay, so she stuck around for 16. Didn't play 16.

[C]

Well, she played. She'd take about three holes off.

[D]

That's what I'm saying.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

She'd take a few off.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Lay back and then pick her clubs up again when she was. When her heart felt like she wasn't dizzy anymore. You don't take a 92 year old in the canyon. That's murder. Murder. Attempted murder. I want to know who took him. I want to know the story. I want to see this guy's financial reports. 92 year old man hikes.

[A]

When I'm in my 90s, the last thing I want to do is get off my ass and go walk the Grand Canyon. For Christ's.

[D]

I don't want to do it in.

[A]

A helicopter if I want to see.

[D]

The damn Grand Canyon. And somebody decent, a decent grandpa or a decent grandson would be like. Like you. I don't know if your grandparents are probably gone. Yeah, we are. Okay. Mine too. So if my grandma was still alive. We took my grandma when she was 83 to the botanical gardens and were shocked that she blew through that thing. It was amazing. Like we thought we were going to be carrying her out. Like this is a bit of a walk and there's some uphill stuff. She did great. But we were fingers crossed. Like maybe this is irresponsible. A decent grandson foots the bill for a nice helicopter ride over the canyon. Or maybe you strap him to a donkey and you let him ride down and ride back in a day. Three days in the canyon with a 92. No, that's murder. That's a temporary.

[C]

Put him in one of those baskets below the helicopter.

[D]

Yeah. Give them a ride. Yeah. That's usually how they get out of it. That's usually how they're coming out of the canyon is in a bath.

[C]

You're asking.

[D]

Attached to a helicopter. Yep.

[C]

Yeah. That's funny because my mom this year said, you know what, next year, starting in January, I'm getting in shape.

[D]

She hired. She was talking to me about it, like getting in shape and stuff. Like she wanted to work out right then and there.

[C]

What do you want to do? Maybe rim to rim, I guess.

[D]

Well, don't say that about your mother.

[C]

Grand Canyon.

[D]

Brady's mom wants to go rim to rim. If anybody's interested. I wouldn't allow it. If you said bunny's gonna go rim to rim in the canyon, I would not allow it. We get on the phone with her right now, I'm like, brady is trying to get your money. Torp's gone. It's just we're halfway home. It's dangling carrots in front of him.

[C]

Kicking it down the road.

[D]

Yeah. Brady's trying to expedite the will. You do not do this. You're a healthy woman. You're feeling good.

[C]

I want my $30.

[D]

We don't push that. And then they interviewed him and he had no idea he had survived a murder attempt. The best thing about it was all the people on the trail being so kind. Yeah. Because they thought, oh my God, I'm witnessing a horrible crime here. A 92 year old man's being drug into the canyon.

[C]

We talked about it. Just regular, you know, like younger people doing these things for charity. Like I'm gonna put myself right at death's doorstep.

[E]

Right.

[C]

For charity. Imagine if you're the. The grandson and your grandfather wants to do that and you're on that trip. Is that. And then he dies.

[D]

You talk him out of it. And if he dies. Yeah, if he dies.

[C]

You feel good about that? Because he was.

[D]

No, because then they use it.

[A]

I'm in the money.

[D]

They say that bull. He died doing what he loved. If he loved it, he'd have hiked that canyon 35 years ago. He didn't love it that much. You drug his ass down there. You tried to kill your grandpa or dad. I don't. His kids are in their 70s. They don't want to hike down in the canyon. That's. That's an attempted murder. I don't. I'm the heartless, like me. The sociopathic, dark hearted humans. We're the ones who see society the way it really is. We don't do this. Empathetic rose bundles. Every time someone accomplishes something. We see. We see through the lines.

[C]

I see.

[D]

Read between the lines. I don't like it when blind people hike big mountains. I don't. I don't like any of that. Because the potential for failure is much sadder than the, you know, the victory part, the getting it done. I'm not impressed. When you hike, everybody hikes them. You can hike a mountain, camelback, Big deal. Everest. The Sherpas do it. I'm sure there's a one eyed Sherpa that pops up and down that mountain constantly with zero medical coverage. Taking some old man up there doesn't impress me at all. It's murder. It's attempted.

[C]

Well, it's impressive by the Sherpas to take a blind paraplegic or a blind person because they're doing all the work.

[D]

They do everything. And they do everything for the able bodied too. It's just you gotta learn to breathe right.

[C]

Grab hold of the line.

[D]

Your job on Everest is to not die and not create a human avalanche by rolling down that line of thousands of people doing exactly what you think is unique. You ever seen a picture of people climbing Everest? There's hundreds of them.

[C]

I saw them this past year when it was okay to go.

[D]

It looks like Best Buy on Black Friday. It's just people lined up trying to get to the top. It's a insane.

[C]

Lines are longer than at Disney.

[D]

I always get mad at the news. I'm mad at Channel three. I'm mad at Channel ten. Troy Hayden, if you're listening, why don't you as an investigative journalist or a journalist in general, just say what we're all like. If you're a good journalist, you'll sit and go, well, that story made me mad. That's an attempted murder. We'll be right back with more Fox 10 news. Say what's real. 92 year olds hiking 24 miles is irresponsible behavior by the part of the grandkids who were aching to get their hands on that money. Nothing about that was uplifting to me. I see that as a horrible thing. And then of course the last line in the story online is it shows people it's never too late to try something. Yes, it is. They push those old people out of airplanes on their hundredth birthday. Every year you see another story of some bag of bones that looks like a pot sticker with eyes getting shoved out of an airplane. There he is. Hey. A picture of him. You see him and people will say he looks good for 92. He's standing up. That's all you need to do to look good at 92.

[A]

That's an accomplishment.

[D]

That's it. You're breathing earth's air, your eyes are open and you're on your feet. That's great work for 92.

[C]

He looks good. His black eyes look good, right? His eye.

[D]

Well, that's where his son was.

[A]

His grandson was beaten him to kick on.

[D]

Old man. Move old man. The old ticker seems to be going pretty Good.

[A]

Braden.

[D]

God damn it. He's making it. Interview the grandson. I guarantee you there's a look of, like, sadness on. I gotta do something bigger than hike the canyon with this old man. What is he, Green Mile? I'm watching that last night, shaking my head, going, you sons of. And the news. Oh, you guys trying these flowery stories about old people doing stuff. You're just gonna encourage more killing things.

[C]

Maybe he had an option. He's like, we could set a record, Gramps. 92 years old. You could be the oldest man to attend a WNBA game. Or the canyon rim to him. I'll do the rim to rim.

[D]

Well, now, that. Now, that is a good point. That is a good point. That if the options were because he's old and easy to fool, like, these are the only two things you can do, or the devil's coming to get you. Let's. Let's hit that canyon. I don't want to watch those play basketball. We don't call them that anymore, Grant. They're homosexual. Oh, they are. They're an abomination to God. Of course they are. Let's go take a look at God's greatest creation. Not the wnba. The Grand Canyon. Yeah. It's. They need to make the baskets as big as the canyon to make the WNBA worthwhile.

[E]

All right.

[D]

Good one, Gray. That was a good one. He's still got his wits. All I care about if you're 92 years old is that you're not drooling or crapping on my furniture. That's it. I didn't even think that of your mom. But it crosses your mind. Everyone's. Oh, she's on the recliner.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Let's just hope she can control it. I'm pretty sure she's all right.

[C]

She's pretty strong right now.

[D]

Yeah, but you worry about that. Oh, it can happen in, like, a day.

[F]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

Yeah. You start seeing that.

[C]

It's one. One tumble.

[D]

That's all it takes. One. One half fall. And that's the other thing. Old people fall down in their kitchens and blow their hips up and they're out forever. And they were fine yesterday. Just that one. I took a little slip and my hip hopped, and then they're dead in, like, a week. The infections and all the other stuff. You don't drag them down the canyon.

[C]

I can't tell you how many I heard that the. The child of that person, like, this person's grandmother, blew her knee out. And the daughter does it. 50 years, same thing. And doesn't do the Rehab, they, they ended their life basically in a wheeling around a wheelchair because they didn't want to do the rehab.

[D]

I've done plenty of physical therapy over the last few years and I'm in there and every time you're in there doing your work, there's a thousand year old human being who just had a hip or knee replaced. They don't, they didn't. That was forced upon them. If they had their druthers, they'd just let that thing injure them and kill them.

[C]

My sister, I mean we're all trying to encourage my dad in the last years.

[D]

What do I have to go strap bands to my hips for and start doing leg kicks. Why? And there were old people. There was an old man in there one time and I remember I was, I was struggling, I had the shoulder thing and I see this again. I fell for it. But that was just the few moments I had. Heart have always backfired on me. So I, I'm in there and I'm working the, I'm working the shoulder thing and it's like two pounds and I'm pulling this thing off the wall and it's killing me. And then in walks Methuselah, this dusty old crust ball of. You know, he's got walker and the walker had wheels attached to his ass. And he's kind of in this cage of transportation that makes it so he doesn't just roll downstairs and he comes in and his knees all bandaged up and he's. First thing that old man did was find a chair in the PT and sit in it. And then the lady had to go over and go, all right Carl, gotta get him moving. Let's move. All you heard was that dude, he wasn't there under his own power. Somebody dropped him off and took the car away. He's not allowed to drive. And you're not gonna get better if you don't work. I think it's the only noise that guy made the entire time he didn't work. And I'm sitting there kind of laughing like, yeah, this old man's onto something. Why don't you go yourself, Nurse Ratchet? And yeah, you don't take an old man to help the canyon. That's murder. And give me credit for stopping by. And also what it does is diminish. Like the stories of, you know, some dude, you know is like hexic canyon rim to room. So 92 year old dude did it the other day. Big deal. Like walking a safe way, I guess. Well, it's pretty, pretty Tough. No, it's not. There's a 92 year old man. If a 92 year old man can do it, it's not that big a deal. But this dude was running for his life from, from the grandkids. And if you're. When. And again, if you're one of those grandkids, if you're one of those people that says, when my parents die, I get. Stop it. That's uncomfortable for people to hear. I had a guy who's talking about his uncle. This was actually kind of a nice thing. Used to, oh, my uncle dies, he's got millions, he lives. He's got a house on Camelback, he's a millionaire. Oh, no kidding.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

So I'm in his will. So he didn't really try that hard. This was when he was in college, like, I don't really care. Got some cruddy job, just kept waiting. The uncle finally passed away, not in the will. And he just assumed it because he's got a family member that's loaded. He's like, well, I'm in there and I'm gonna be taking care. Didn't.

[C]

Doesn't it trickle down to everyone?

[D]

Uh, yeah. And that was the thing. And I, I didn't know. Cause I didn't know his family dynamic. I just assumed that his uncle had said, hey, you're in the will. Whatever. He just, he just thought, well, my family member's rich, we all benefit when he croaks.

[C]

You've seen it on some TV shows, right?

[D]

And check arrives from a. The reason he wasn't in the will was like, soon after the guy died, he told me, and my uncle didn't leave me anything. Well, maybe it's because that's all you talked about for a few years. And he was like, I didn't work this hard to give a deadbeat my money.

[C]

He.

[D]

And the worst part was, the best part for me is that the uncle donated most of that to Couple Charity. Like the family didn't get it. I think that should be good. I think so too. I like, like, you know, you have to be a good family member to get that. I like those stories when, when somebody gets shut out of a will, it's usually because you deserve it. Very rarely does a person who did everything right get shut out of a will. Usually you're the in the family. And that's a great way to find out. Wow, I need to change my ways. Most of the time they don't. They just get worse and end up on Dr. Phil yelling at other Family members. But if I wasn't in a will and I'm like, oh, my God, everybody got something but me. That's kind of a. A life. Red flag to sit back and go, I must have done a bunch wrong. I gotta change. I gotta change. You're a real dick. People hate me. But real dicks don't recognize. They just drag their person.

[C]

That didn't leave you the money. They're the dick.

[D]

Yeah. Like, if I found out, like, Brady, if you found out today, like, geez, I talked to Tripp and he said, john's in the will. And then like this weekend, like taking a trip to the Grand Canyon, you would know that I'm trying to kill him. Right? You would. Like that would register with you. He's gonna break a record. Yeah. John says it's like a record. I could. You wouldn't. You're not going on this trip, old man. You're getting your. Get your blanket and sit down. Trip and I were in Sedona once and we were gonna walk up to Submarine Rock from our Jeeps, which is about an eight and a half foot walk. I don't do hikes. Like, it's right there. I'm not doing it. Like, all right. He just sat there in the jeep and everybody else got out. That's beautiful. I get it. And I'm like, I admire that. That's better. I don't need to hop around on a mountain. It's a freaking eight foot hike. You do it, Edmund Hillary. I'm sitting here.

[A]

Carry me up.

[D]

Yeah. If you want to walk me up like Yoda, put me in your backpack. I'll do it. And I admired that. Yeah. And I felt bad for this old man because either that or they lied about his age. He's 92 and they're just trying to get the record. He's like really 77. Anything. Don't do it. I'm done with that crap. And then seeing yet a Gibson and all the news people. Oh, God, I hope I make it that long. And I can. No, you don't. But look around. At most. You know what you have to do every time you do an uplifting story about 92 year old. Go pay attention to the 92 year olds in the facility. Here's what 92 really looks like. Don't. Don't start giving us all false hope that we'll be, you know, the one percenter. Yeah, the one percenter is not who we should be paying attention to. We should look the ones that have handfuls of feces. Chucking in at nurses. That's what 92 looks like. It's out of control now.

[B]

98 Kupta It's Dick Delito from Homework's Morning Sickness. For FanDuel, the sportsbook app that's your home for all your favorite NFL bets. You already know that FanDuel is the place to go when you've got a hunch about yards, touchdowns, who's going to win. Moneylines Spreads Everything with FanDuel means any play can be the play of the game. And that's no different tonight for Monday night football where FanDuel is giving all customers a 30% profit boost token. That's right, you can get in on the Monday Night Football action with a 30% profit boost token. So many great rewards within the app makes FanDuel your go to app for any snap. Just visit FanDuel.com KUPD to play your game with FanDuel, an official sports betting partner of the NFL 21 and President Arizona. Opt in Required bonus issued as non withdrawable profit boost tokens. Restrictions apply including any token expiration and max wager amount. See [e-mail] Gambling problem. Call 1-800-next-step or text next step to 53342 John it's hard to believe that.

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[C]

That's Verlo Mattress.

[D]

In listening to the best of Homburg's morning sickness, the 98k upd Brady's recreating.

[F]

His life story with that mustache over there.

[D]

Brady's grown a mustache. You can't say why yet. Oh my God. You can't say why yet. But Brady's got a. Brady's got a thing to do.

[F]

He's a. He's a whole new person.

[D]

He's a whole new Brady Kirby have.

[B]

A play coming up.

[D]

And yes, he's kind of in a play yeah, we'll. We'll say later, but let's just say this. Shakespeare, Brady and I will be part of the ESPN thing on Sunday. That's gonna be part of NFL Countdown Sunday morning. Big fat coaches. And you're gonna nail one eventually. Let me just go through with this. Kind of a ginger, a little bit overweight. Not saying. Just saying. And pop a hat on that. That you've guessed who it is already.

[C]

Match game.

[D]

Yeah, it's a dead ringer. Does that make you feel okay that all it took was. It's like I told Chuck Powell once when he did Lou Holtz and all he did was put glasses on. Yeah. I'm like, I don't know if that's good for a dude who's like 39 years old. You're that close to being Lou Holtz. You look just like him with the glasses. Is it disturbing to you that you are Andy Reid with just a mustache?

[C]

I. I got over that in fourth grade when I was asked to play Santa.

[D]

By adults.

[C]

No.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

By the teacher.

[C]

Yes.

[D]

Play Santa for the kids.

[C]

For the. Yeah. School play. Oh.

[B]

Got over it.

[D]

So it was a problem?

[C]

Well, no, it never was a problem. I guess I was. I'm used to it.

[D]

So at age 9, you said no going back now.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

I'm not fighting this life.

[C]

This is great.

[D]

It. I'm gonna get typecast. You were typecast at 9?

[C]

Pretty much.

[D]

And no effort to get out of it. That's fine.

[C]

Oh, there's effort.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Not. Not to get out of what?

[D]

Will you embrace the beautiful man? Like, oh, the. The. So am I. Oh, the Santa thing would have made me in fourth grade say, oh, that's enough of that. I'm not gonna be saying every year. This is awful. Kids are gonna make fun.

[C]

No, because I never really. It wasn't. I make it sound worse than it is.

[D]

I would have worried that the other kids would have constantly made me. Never had a problem that you knew of because you do have the glasses. Yeah.

[F]

I want to see.

[D]

Yeah. The rose color glasses. Yeah, he's got his rose color glasses on all the time. You were the one who looked past Chunk until just about a month ago. So maybe there was some stuff and it just, you know, you became Teflon to bad things. Yeah.

[F]

I'll read six.

[D]

Three, though. We're not sitting down. That's true.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

So you won't know his height if we put a table in front of him.

[C]

William Wallace was also over 6 foot.

[D]

Are you playing him today too?

[G]

No.

[C]

Mel gibson is 5, 7, 5, 8.

[D]

Oh, this is your comparison?

[C]

Well, he's making that point of all.

[F]

These over six foot.

[D]

I don't think he was. It was like when no one was. The six feet would have been Yao Ming. I think I will say Scottish people will say he's over six feet because they want him to be a giant. But I bet he was about 5, 8. I bet she was about 5, 8.

[B]

He didn't have the great standards of measurement.

[D]

Yeah, you're two of these sticks. So, Wallace, that's nine feet, give or take 10ft. We'll say six because it sounds ridiculous.

[C]

Otherwise well over five cubic.

[D]

But who knows how big he was. I'm not sure that's the comparison you go with when somebody says Andy Reed and you were different heights. Oh, Mel Gibson's finest role.

[F]

I'm trying to figure out why Andy Reid would appear on the show. Because they're out of the playoffs.

[D]

That's exactly right. All right, so you got a few coaches who have something to do now. Got some things that they can finally start enjoying. Let's just say there's going to be butter and barbecue sauce involved in Andy Reid's part. That's.

[F]

That's good casting.

[D]

Yeah. I will say this, and this won't be in it, but my suggestion for when we're kind of. Frank asked me, and he said, you're going to do the Andy Reid thing. And he's like, you're going to have a salad in front of you. The things we were putting on that salad got ridiculous. And I'm like, let's have him just constantly build the salad. And then Brady just puts a fork and a stick of butter and eats the butter. Oh, that's nasty. So that might be a later take today.

[C]

I thought building a salad and then taking shots of Ready Whip.

[D]

Maybe as you're making, there'll be some other things going on, but should be fun to see what we forced down your throat today.

[F]

Oh, filming's today, huh?

[D]

Yeah.

[F]

Top secret location.

[D]

Top secret location, Top secret script, Top secret. I don't know why Frank's always. Well, if we're gonna do this, you can't say anything. He's been really nervous. Somebody's gonna let the cat out of the bag. He's gonna care. I mean, I'm not gonna give away. You're not gonna give away all this.

[F]

No, but there's not, like, blogs written about the wacky skits, maybe.

[D]

I certainly don't think that there's the word spoiler alert on Anything when they.

[F]

Talk about it's gonna scroll.

[D]

Yeah. But it is fun, so. But it is weird because he sent me a picture after he put the mustache together and he looks just like Andy Reid in the class. People are gonna maybe confuse you.

[C]

I have incredible range.

[F]

You've been preparing for this for a while and you had to grow the stash out.

[D]

That is true. Well, you kind of had it.

[C]

No, I had.

[D]

Yeah. You just shaved the bottom end off. Yeah.

[F]

Nice.

[D]

You do have the look of a police officer, you know?

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

You could have a kind of one of those shirts that tucks into pants that might fall down later in the day. They just. There's nothing really holding them there as you tuck them in and under your own self. And there's a badge and a gun.

[C]

Yeah.

[F]

You put on like a blue short sleeve dress shirt. Yeah, yeah.

[D]

You're not a cop. Street cop. You're one of those. You're detectives.

[F]

Yeah.

[D]

You're one of the. You're Dennis Franz, basically. It's the same kind of look. The cheap short sleeve button up.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[F]

You can't wear the buckeye gear when you're doing this. I know it's Monday, but the.

[D]

The mustache changes your authoritative face. You're. All of a sudden you're a frustrated detective. You've been on a case for a long time.

[F]

You keep it for.

[D]

Where's my hoagie? You got this young partner that just doesn't listen anymore. You got IA Up.

[C]

I work alone.

[D]

I got IA up my ass because of you.

[F]

That could be you. You need to dress up, too.

[D]

Yeah, I'll dress up like a slick cop.

[F]

We'll go to lunch.

[D]

This kid.

[C]

We could be Crockett and Chubbs.

[D]

It works for me. I'll stop wearing socks.

[C]

Just dress all 80s.

[D]

That one looked like two homeless gay guys. One of them's got a little bit.

[C]

You're undercover. You look like.

[D]

What's wrong with this? 2. These two idiots.

[F]

Take a picture of Brady.

[D]

You just gotta start talking with a little bit of a New York accent or Chicago accent. All I'm looking for is a coffee and a girl that doesn't break my balls. Hey, let's go over here. Chief, I just got a call on the radio. I gotta. Yeah, we gotta do this. We're gonna be cops.

[C]

What about. So it's gotta be New York. Couldn't be like.

[D]

Could be Chicago. New York. No, you got Chicago Sheriff. No, no. You're not old west. You're Modern Day Frustrated. 20 year on the job Detective, I got.

[C]

I got five more years and I'm done. Retirement.

[D]

Five? Yeah. And. And this is your biggest case. And you're probably gon up dead.

[B]

You're Morgan Freeman in seven. You're checking out.

[D]

This is it for me. I've been at this for 22 years. I don't need some hot shot youngster out of the academy telling me how things work. And the next thing you know, he's standing in front of you saving your bacon while you're taking ample bullets in the donut hole. I've never seen a more copy looking guy than you right now. Yeah, I don't like the mustache.

[C]

There's always a shot out of the episode where you're at the hot dog buggy.

[D]

Yeah, I have to find. I have to find you all the time. The car always pulls up to a hot dog cart and there's you. The window goes down.

[C]

What?

[D]

Get in. I got a lead. I just got the wiener. You're not eating in my car. Jeez. You got one of those Reliant K cars? Just a square box. Average Joe Carr. You're Zunza. Yeah. You're George Zunza. I called him that earlier. All right, let's go. What do you got on the big board of Musical Treats this morning?

[F]

Wake Up Song brought to you by hometeam123.com Got some good news. The FHA mortgage insurance rates are going down.

[D]

That's right. 0.85 more irresponsible people. Getting loans easier makes it cheaper for people.

[C]

Lower since the crash.

[D]

Absolutely no historical evidence that this can go wrong. Let's lower interest rates again. Make it easier for folks to get homeless. The American dream is alive again. And I'm fracking that.

[F]

Saves you big money on your monthly payment. So if you're interested in buying, now's a great time. Hometeam123.com we got Megadeth up here. 99 Ways to Die. Volbeat, Ozzy, Iron Maiden, Skindred, Flyleaf, Slipknot, Ramstein of Mice and Men.

[D]

Let's do skindred this morning.

[F]

Skindred.

[D]

Pressure. Yeah, let's do a little Freddy's.

[F]

Feeling the pressure.

[D]

Feeling it. Yeah. Brady's also could very easily, with his mustache, become a manager of a young boy band. Very creepy. And end up on trial for touching one of them. Yeah, this is a very. We got to get the picture of you on there because it is quick jacking around.

[C]

We got a show on Akron tonight is very sweat.

[F]

I want to see a lot of sweat.

[C]

Oh, don't worry, don't.

[D]

That's commentarial.

[F]

Guys with mustache, turn the lights on.

[D]

Just get a little mist on his face. Because someday someone's going to figure out you fingered one of the kids in the boy band. And that's why you're always like a little bit on edge and sweaty. Yeah, big pie plates under your light blue, but your sleeveless, you know that. Awful. What are those called? Dress shirts with short sleeves.

[E]

Is that it?

[D]

They call them shirt sleeves. That's what it is. The shirt sleeve shirt. I remember that because you can only buy them at like pennies and Sears for 11 bucks. You get nine. And that ugly blue tie. We gotta get you dressed up as a cop and see if we can bust some kids. You have a gun?

[F]

No, I don't think you're allowed to do that.

[D]

Totally allowed to do that.

[C]

Not on me right now.

[D]

Just long as you don't say you're a cop. You can carry a gun anywhere you want. All right, I'm gonna put my. I'll get a holster for you.

[F]

You don't think he'll be busted for impersonating an officer just with that mustache?

[D]

That's what I want to see. What's going on, Officer? Who you think you're fooling, mister?

[E]

I don't know.

[D]

You're talking about heads on the car. You're impersonating an officer beautifully. Just have a gun.

[C]

Maybe I'll just show up to the scene of something. Like an accident. You guys got this. You need me help.

[D]

25 years on the. Oh, no, no, we've got it. Thank you.

[F]

We should go to that sandwich shop down the street. Cops are in there all the time.

[D]

Get some free stuff.

[F]

Check it out.

[D]

Do you have a button up short sleeve shirt?

[C]

Yeah. Oh yeah. It's gotta be plaid though.

[D]

Plaid?

[F]

Yes, plaid.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Is this a bad Brady joke? Are you trying to make a joke? No. Do you have a short sleeve shirt or not? You have a plaid short sleeve button up shirt.

[C]

Yeah, I think it's. Well, it's not really plaid. It's stripes. It's too colorful.

[F]

No, cops wear that. Can't do that.

[D]

No.

[C]

It's usually white and like light blue. Light blue?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

I don't have that.

[D]

That's where the pit stains turn dark blue. Gets better. All right, we're gonna get you one of those. Those. You're keeping the mustache. And we're gonna get free donuts and fuddruckers from now on. Black slacks? Yeah. Everyday Joe Boston shoes. Those like 30 bucks you get them at Marshalls. You got like nine pair. Your closet looks exactly the same on every rack. Heel is slightly worn. You are TV cop.

[C]

That sounds miserable.

[D]

I like it. Does Ronnie like the mustache by itself?

[C]

She's still cuffed to the bed.

[D]

That's not happening. Does she or not?

[C]

I don't know. She didn't really say much.

[D]

She doesn't look at you anymore. She doesn't care. Excuse me, officer. I've gotta go to the bathroom. Brady. There's a cop in the house. And the firefighter comes out.

[C]

Once we got married, I said, you, you were always looked down.

[D]

While I'm in the house, your head will never be higher than mine. So she's crawling.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Merry effing holidays from the Big Red Radio. Sickness.

[A]

This segment is brought to you guys by Action Ride Shop. Now, if you're thinking about heading up north to hit the slopes for some skiing, some boarding, or if you're just gonna stay down here in the valley and do some mountain biking, Action Ride Shop is your place to be. They got all the gear and all the knowledge you're gonna need, so check them out [e-mail] or better yet, just go visit them over Gilbert Road and Southern.

[D]

It's Action Ride Shop. I am laughing, though, because last night I watched the news store again. Be careful. It's that emotional time of year. There's a lot of emotion out there. There's, you know, family stuff gets to people and they go one way or the other. Loneliness, you know, the holidays are always known as the. The uptick and mental health issues, suicides. A lot of places that, you know, start. Start seeing a lot of hospital visits for people who are doing terrible things to themselves because they're just not happy at the holidays. They got no relationship, a bad relationship, something. And yesterday on the news, I watched a lady who fell in love online once again. And I'm. The warnings, we all shake our heads, but it still keeps happening. Where are the people that will ever learn? So this is. This one had me actually laugh. I don't say the LOL too often, but I actually laughed out at the tv. I was like, she met a guy named Bob Scotto, Rob Scotto. And of course she doesn't want to be identified because it would be under, near under her name. It would say, you know, like, Vanessa Thompson, dumbass idiot, says it was a quick relationship. And he made me feel like we were going to be together forever. I really fell hard for him. I trusted who he said he was. No, no, Google shot. But a quick Google would have uncovered that the New York Department of Corrections had him as the most wanted fugitive. That's all you had to do is once. And she said I see so many red flags now that I obviously ignored. Yeah, that most wanted list is a fairly, I don't know, maroon flag.

[C]

Love is blind.

[D]

How is it though? But it's blind. And it's also like hasn't touched the other person.

[C]

One person.

[D]

Well, if love is blind, you have. How about feel or hearing? You have to at least be in the same. Love should be in the same room as you. The cops in Scottsdale caught him. She said from July until now. Well, she got bilked out of $30,000 by this guy paid for various trips after he claimed he lost his credit card. I'll pay you back. From July until now, he's continued to promise to pay me back continuously. Stayed in touch with me on a daily basis. Yeah, you're an atm. I stay in touch with mine too. Telling me how much he loves me.

[C]

Because if a guy wasn't gonna pay me back, he wouldn't call me every day.

[D]

I'll tell you this. $30,000. I love you a little more than I did yesterday. Especially if I've never met you. When you hand me 30 grand, I'm starting to have some feelings about you too. And they're good. Today's the first time I felt a little bit of power in my life because the cops caught him. Police say that they got a tip from a New York investigator that this guy's. He had a felony warrant that you could Google search that too and you know, see that he was living here in Scottsdale they say started and he lived down the street, still wouldn't meet her. Police say they investigated and arrested him in a hotel lobby a little bit ago. He's, you know, he's probably staying at the Phoenician or the Global Ambassador or something like that. Get a few good nights in. It's 4, 4, 800 a night for the apartment suite that the Globe Ambassador. It's a heavy tariff, but you get a nice little 4,000 square foot room. It's a, it's a house. It's a big house. Smoke show or cat lady, no picture. She won't be identified. She won't say, won't say anything. She doesn't want anybody. She don't want her neighbors to know she didn't want. So evidently she does have friends or.

[C]

Her husband or that.

[D]

But I don't think you call the news if you've got a husband and say, got built out of 30 grand and also, where's the husband? Like, where's that 30,000? Anyway, she said it's not about getting even. It's about holding him accountable. And they said, any advice to anybody else going through something similar? Don't ignore the red flags. Yeah. Ladies, big piece of advice I'm going to hand out to you. If you see a guy on a, like a state's most wanted list, red flag, red flag. I don't need to be a hurricane expert to know which flag means what. At this point, he's only on one statesman most wanted. I can change him. She's this lady immediately then said she's going to fly off and hang out outside the cell of Luigi Mangioni. She's just, she's ready to find a man that she can manipulate and change. But yeah, as the holidays approach and money gets tight and you try to figure out, you know, who do I buy for who? If. Here's a. Here's a piece of Johnny advice. If you haven't met the person, they don't get a gift this year. It's out of control. Now. It's the holidays, and Hooters is serving up the cheer. Grab a friend and dive into the pick three. Just $10.99 per person, minimum.

[B]

Two people.

[D]

You get one appetizer, two entrees and two drinks, all for just one festive price. And while you're there, snag the perfect stocking stuffer. The 2026 Hooters calendar packed with over $150 in coupons. Plus, when you buy $25 in Hooters gift cards, you'll get get $5 in bonus bucks this season. Give the gift of wings. Give the gift of Hooters. It's John Holmer here, shilling away for new AC unit dot com. Use my name, Holmberg in the promo code and get a thousand dollars off the already amazing price you were going to get. Promo code Holmberg. What a great start to replacing an ac unit that's on its last legs. And man, did new AC unit.com make this process simple. If you've got an AC unit that's 10 years old or older and you want to replace it before it becomes a nightmare. Go to new acunit.com. get a thousand dollars off. Use Homeberg as the promo code and check it. Already going to save money. Now you'll save more. Save thousands, save time. Buy online new AC unit dot com. There's more of the best of Homework's morning sickness. 98 KUPD it's time now for Brady to give you all the news that only Brady knows. We call this the Brady Report brought to you by allprochade.com if you want to get on over there, go to their showroom and be careful. Any loud sounds you hear in the background, ask no questions. But you can go through everything thing. Talk to Robert and the guys over there about putting some shades at your place. If you email them and they'll come out to your house and they'll come up with a design that is going to make your house a knockout. Get that shade or a blind or that TV on the back patio that you can only watch at night because it's glare all day. They can. They'll fix that with some sort of incredibly attractive screens on your windows.

[C]

They can do that.

[D]

They got everything. They can do it all. And maybe even kevlar screens on your window from what I'm hearing about them. They've got a whole back room they can do different. Different things with. They're awesome people doing awesome stuff, making your house better. They'll throw in a free heater if you get a motorized shade from them right about now. It's a little special around the holidays, so check it out. AllProChade.com Brady reported.

[C]

Good Friday morning to you, Phoenix.

[B]

Hello world.

[C]

We've made it. So far. 33 people in this survey said they've made a New year's resolution. About 16 say they plan to, but just haven't gotten around to it yet.

[B]

How many have broken it already?

[D]

Yeah, no kidding.

[B]

Day three.

[D]

I don't make resolutions. I make proclamations.

[C]

I think they say it's like 70%. 20, 20 days into it, I've already dropped.

[B]

What's your proclamation?

[D]

No more dealing with cheap people. You made that before. No, that's this year's proclamation. If you prove yourself to be cheap, I'm calling you out on it. And that's enough already. Like the thing yesterday with that guy. And what would Brady do? Dude? Invite you to a son's game and then asks you to pay for the ticket after afterward?

[C]

No, I added another $5 for him for gas money.

[D]

I'm not paying it. I'm just saying. No, no. That's not how the world works. Dude. I gave you a ticket. Exactly. You asked me to go. We were. We never once discussed this. This was an invitation.

[B]

I think you said it yesterday. It's a bargain. $245.

[D]

Never hang out with that guy again.

[B]

And you got a free Sons game.

[D]

Yes. And I'm not paying you. Now, if we. Again, if we had an agreement early. Hey, buy my ticket. I'll take it. Oh, yeah, that's great. But if you say, come with me to dinner and then ask me to pay for dinner, it's not happening. Inviters are the payers, unless previously discussed. That's how the world works.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That should be your first subject.

[D]

As the invitee, you offer to pay. If they say, sure, yeah, then. Then you've made the offer. You pay. But if they expect it, no.

[A]

And you're buying drinks too.

[D]

And you buy drinks as the invitee. You pick up the food and drinks for the fact that you got a free ticket. It's a simple process. I'm done with cheap people.

[C]

This study asked a thousand Americans a question about different parts of the country. And which part of the country is the friendliest and which is the rudest.

[D]

Boston.

[C]

The Northeast was the rudest and it's been that way for a while.

[D]

Oh, yeah. Boston's in it.

[C]

The friendliest. Our answer hasn't changed much since 1983. The south ranks first, then the Midwest and then the west and then Northeast.

[D]

That's about all you got.

[C]

He got four.

[D]

You pretty much nailed all of the regions.

[C]

Who has the worst weather? The Midwest. Well, yeah, 32%, then 28% said the South.

[D]

They're right.

[C]

The west was voted having the best weather. That's right. Correct. Please.

[D]

If you say it right, it is the most mundane story I've ever heard in my life. Less nessmen. Yeah, exactly. With more news, less mess.

[C]

Where's the best place for a vacation?

[D]

The West. Correct. Yeah. Because the weather's good and they're friendly. You've cleared that all.

[C]

Who has the highest cost of living?

[D]

The West. Correct. Because it's in demand. See, these are easy questions.

[A]

We need a story about Chai Chai Ra.

[C]

Where do most of the people who run things come from?

[D]

The Kenya.

[C]

I don't know, the Northeast.

[D]

Oh, okay. Are you trying to hypnotize us? What are you doing?

[C]

The world's fattest country. I ranked 195.

[D]

Getting close.

[C]

Countries. USA ranked 15th.

[D]

Yeah, we still got all our golden corrals. We're working on it.

[C]

The percentage of people basically have to be greater than 25% BMI.

[D]

Yeah, well, like kind of nations that you have to be fat to be warm, you know, which is always surprising. How good looking Norwegians are. You'd think they'd be fat as hell.

[C]

Mostly in the Pacific.

[D]

Is it really? So Samoa, Nauru. I don't know what that is. Does that even count?

[C]

88.5 of the population.

[D]

Those Samoans are pretty fat.

[C]

Yeah. Halal, Cook Islands, Marshall Islands. Those are the top four.

[D]

The South Pacific, they're generally just Samoa, Tonga, Micronesia. Still wouldn't want to push them around because they're also strong. They're fat and strong.

[A]

They didn't pull tight. Been up in the rankings.

[D]

I don't know why. That's good fat down there. It seems to be healthy fat. Because there's a. What is that story about America's at.

[C]

68% of the population? 25.

[D]

Tonga has, like, a thing where 9% of its population has played Division 1 college football or in the NFL. And there's like. Samoa has a massive number for its population.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

It would be like if all of Arizona played professional football. The average of crazy number of how many people can come out of that. So they're strong and big.

[C]

25% or more. In BMI, Tonga was 78 and a half percent. That's Samoa. 77.6%. The least overweight countries in the world.

[D]

Africa got like nine of them. Right.

[C]

Number five, Nepal. Number four, Ethiopia. Three, Bangladesh. Two India. Number one, Vietnam.

[D]

Vietnam. They're skinnier than all the other 3%.

[B]

Never seen a big Vietnamese purchase.

[D]

I bet you go to that Sudan. They didn't even test that. What, The Sudan?

[B]

What do you think?

[D]

There's Guinea.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

Yeah. There isn't a big BMI now.

[C]

Cambodia.

[D]

Look at their food, though.

[A]

I mean, how are they gonna get.

[D]

Sad on that food? We'll look at their food when. Yeah, right, exactly. So I don't even think they bothered with.

[C]

After Niger was number nine, Burundi was number 10, but Cambodia was number seven. So.

[D]

Yeah, so they're getting better.

[C]

Yeah. They're putting on some weight.

[D]

It's Sally Strothers left him just enough ham.

[C]

In Wintergreen, Virginia, there were some sightings of Big Foot in the mountain wooded areas around that area. People are picking it up on the ring cameras. Bigfoot sightings were staged, according to the winter Green Place Police Department. Chief Dennis Russell said they got a small. A handful of calls. Some guy was doing it to get people in the holiday spirit because he.

[D]

Was blatantly posing as Bigfoot.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And. But evidently too many people were taking it serious.

[D]

A lot of dumb people out there. You don't want to run around in a Bigfoot outfit in the woods.

[C]

I had to stop and make an announcement then, even though they said it was. It wasn't real. People didn't believe.

[D]

I just can't stand almost all of you. Like you have to be reminded that Bigfoot's not real. I saw it. No, you didn't. And then you fight back. Back. Just stop it. You don't. If you see a Bigfoot in the woods, somebody's pulling your chain. Or it's a bear. Either way, Bigfoot makes your ring.

[C]

Door. Camera.

[D]

It's not real. He's not gonna. He's not gonna waste the. The. The millennia he's been hiding on a ring doorbell. He's. It's just not gonna happen. If we haven't spotted him by now with all the cameras and technology we've got, it's time we all put that down. Down. He's not a thing.

[A]

I don't believe in that. But that Loch Ness monster.

[C]

That's the other 100%.

[D]

The other one. Have you seen what sonar can do? Like we would have found it.

[A]

We found the Titanic. For Christ's sake.

[D]

Ending Atlantic Ocean. It took us a week to find the blown up submersible stuff. We knew it was bad. We're pulling up chunks. If we can find that in the bottom of the Atlantic. Locked lock. No Ness is. Come on.

[C]

And now it's time for some science news.

[D]

All right. Hello, my friends.

[C]

Professor Brady Bogan here with your science news.

[D]

Ch. Boys.

[B]

He's all Brady.

[D]

All right. Pre warned me.

[F]

All right.

[C]

The infinite. Infinite monkey theorem.

[A]

Wait, what?

[D]

What?

[C]

The infinite monkey theorem.

[D]

Theorem.

[C]

Theorem.

[D]

I got you. I know. I'm with you.

[C]

Is the idea that on a long enough time scale, even a monkey hitting random keys.

[D]

Oh yeah.

[C]

Could type the complete works of Shakespeare.

[D]

Well, they say that hundreds of monkeys in a room will eventually do it.

[C]

But a study found the monkey wouldn't have time. Every star in the universe would burn out long enough before that could happen. They found that if they made a chimp type non stop, there's a 5% chance it would type the word bananas within its own lifetime.

[D]

Oh, wow.

[C]

The full percent, which could be anywhere from 40 to 70 years.

[D]

Hammer out bananas. And we want to do this to make them secretaries. I don't understand. Yeah. Why do we always find out how.

[C]

Close of a link? Or if they're.

[D]

There is no link. If you just any. A baby can do it too. Just a hammer out. If it. Your dog, a blind person, anything that you just make. Smash a typewriter for a while. It's going to eventually through code type out a book. But you got to decipher out all the letters. He's not going to do it. You know, it's never going to say Romeo, Romeo, where for art thou? There's going to be letters in between each. You have to build the words.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And I don't know why. We've always done, since I was a little kid, 100 monkeys in a room typing. Would eventually type out all of Shakespeare. Why do we care about that? Why are. Why in the world anything? Randomly hammering typewriters in math. I mean, that's the thing too. If you got a bunch of Chinese kids, like a thousand of them, and you put them in a room of American typewriters and said, all right, just start smashing away. And then you took all the papers. Eventually you would have. They would just mash it out. They don't know the language. It's the same thing.

[C]

Some great crossword puzzles, though. If they had a whole line of letters, then you could.

[D]

The Chinese words. Oh, no, those aren't crosswords. Those are the. The. The circle match things. Yeah, yeah. Where you circle.

[C]

That's what it is. The Perseverance rover got a shot of one of the moon, one of Mars moons passing in front of the sun. It's much smaller in the sky, so it just blocked part of the sun, but they put it up there. You can check out the video of.

[D]

A Martian eclipse of a tiny Mars moon eclipsing on the.

[C]

From the surface of Mars, basically, you're seeing the moon pass over the sun. It looks like a googly eye, kind of.

[D]

Oh, God.

[C]

The iris, more or less. Astronomers found something cold and wet near Uranus. That was the headline from Gizmodo magazine article. There's. That's exactly found. They think they use an O shot that was on this object that passed by Uranus.

[D]

Once he got past the headline, he didn't really think we were going to make him read the story. He thought we'd fall into hysterics.

[C]

One of Uranus's moons might have liquid. They think it has an ocean that was one time 60 miles deep. And some of the water could still be there. And if it is, there could also be life orbiting Uranus.

[D]

Are you done?

[A]

I know I would have made it through my day without hearing the Uranus news.

[D]

I'll make it through my life for another one of those. I'll read this headline, the boys will hit the ground laughing, and we'll move on. What? No giant laugh? What happened? Kirby died when I tested it on her. Daddy, you're retarded. He had a big Wet spot by your anus. It's getting awkward to say those things to me. Dad.

[C]

A study found that even just smelling fruit might help prevent cancer and other diseases.

[D]

Smelling fruit?

[C]

Yeah, they said the aroma coming from sniffing certain scents like fruit creates a reaction, a molecular reaction to your genes that can help treat the cells react to it, and it helps prevent cancer.

[D]

I don't like that you're not reading this. I don't. I don't like that you're just telling me this. I don't buy it. You're missing something.

[A]

Professor Brady.

[C]

I gave you the reader's digestion.

[D]

If he's right, they're out of ideas for fixing cancer. Just go smell the fruit.

[B]

John, how are you questioning a man with a sauce moto?

[D]

Oh, I'm not questioning him. I just didn't know that. Like, he got definitively angry. Of course. Yeah. You saved the Polynesian sauce for what?

[C]

You want a little. A little more science on it?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

The molecules are able to get the cell nucleus through the cell membrane, they're saying naturally, in a variety of dairy products, including stuff like Greek yogurt, Ripening fruits.

[D]

The hell are you talking about?

[C]

Inhale. The concentrations can help the molecules in.

[D]

Your body come into the it.

[C]

Because it produces. I can't dia.

[D]

Why are you telling this story? Science news. Shut your hands. Skipped this one. There's too many big words in it for you.

[C]

No way.

[D]

And. And you know, I'm.

[C]

Nothing's too big.

[D]

Well, in our lives that's true, Brad. You said smelling fruit cures cancer, and then you brought milk and yogurt into the equation without any explanation. Just shot out of the bushes and became part of the story.

[B]

Moving on with the all time qualifier.

[C]

They say. They said that them scientists.

[D]

Wouldn't it be the worst if after all the treatments and stuff people have been through for cancer, we find out that just sniffing a grapefruit gets rid of it. God, who knew? Like, the most basic simple things. Just crack open a grapefruit fruit and smell it for an hour and you got no more. And the tumor just disappears. All these people have been through chemo and treatments and getting body parts lopped off and all that. Just smell the fruit or dairy. I don't know where yogurt and milk came from, and neither do you. So.

[C]

Well, you crack a dragon fruit and can be totally brolic in like a week.

[D]

Those things are good for you.

[C]

Another study found eating too much junk food increases your risk for 32 different diseases. Researchers are working on another thing in the Food world, they're working on a new sensor that can tell how fresh meat is. All right, you put it up there, it's big, it's worldwide. Because pork is huge. The demand for it is the what is happening. Pork is probably the most consumed meat worldwide.

[D]

Muslims don't eat it, so.

[C]

But the Asians make up for that.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

For all of the Muslims.

[D]

Yeah, they bounce it back to the Muslim man. Yeah, they do, yeah. For every non pork eating Muslim, you've got a double down in China. No, no, he's probably got this one.

[C]

All right.

[D]

You're talking about food. But he got so excited.

[C]

Amazing invention. But I never really run it into. Wonder if the pork that I bought is still good.

[D]

Oh, it doesn't have time to go away. If it's in your hands, it's fresh and gone in like hours.

[C]

But evidently they have it, you know, in those markets and they keep it around for a lot.

[D]

I'm guessing your fridge doesn't have a whole lot of. Is this still good going on?

[C]

Can it survive?

[D]

After six days of storage, it's going fast.

[C]

The private moon lander, you know that wreck kind of landing.

[D]

Odysseus.

[C]

Yeah, Odysseus. They say it's a success.

[E]

Sure.

[D]

They got to them.

[C]

They got some more images. They got the. One of the base of the moon lander. You can see the broken leg.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

On the moon service. But this stuff that NASA loaded up with to make experiments, it's still able to do some of that stuff. And it sent back some of the results.

[D]

Yeah, it just tipped over. They didn't even. They don't even have like a thing that can roll it. It's just gonna stay on its side. Like a fat person and a rascal that just. They tip over and they stay there.

[C]

There's more going on around your anus too. Astronomers found another moon, plus two more moons orbiting Neptune. Neptune now has 16 that we know of and Uranus has 29.

[D]

He got so excited about that.

[C]

You got any questions?

[D]

Yeah, look it up. His sentences. His sentences started to go three words again. Pork is huge. What are you doing in demand? Okay, these are just non sequitur. These are little phrases. Put them together and make sense of it. Big pork.

[C]

Boston Dynamics just unveiled a new humanoid robot. It's pretty creepy. The video.

[B]

Is this the one that gets up off the ground?

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Does it do the dog bounce? That leap off the ground thing? I know, show.

[C]

You gotta see it.

[D]

Oh, yeah. But does it look like a person or is it still like a Structure. It looks like a person, but it's got skin and stuff.

[C]

No, no, no. It's just you put skin on it.

[D]

Okay, so it's a robot structure, silver and robotic looking. But it moves like a person.

[C]

Yeah, but. And it does these rotations like the head can go all the way around.

[D]

60 degrees body. It has no limits.

[C]

Toledo pulls that up. Canned wine sometimes smells like farts. They figured out why. Researchers at Cornell say what happens that the antioxidant in the wine is getting through the plastic liners and the cans. Oh, it interacts with the aluminum grades hydrogen sulfide. Morning breeze smells like rotten hungry.

[D]

All right, here's the robot and it is very Rosie the riveter kind of Robot. Silver. It's got 001. It's C3PO. It's got a only silver. And he's laying on the ground.

[C]

Watch how it gets up.

[D]

Oh, this is gonna creep me out. The future is right in front of me, isn't it? Is he. Oh, he's not on his stomach. He was doing a full on. He just flipped his. Oh, that's awful. He just legs over its back. And then. Yeah, we're done. Oh, and then it's hips. Its hips are 360. Its arms are 360.

[A]

I think that's better than I do in the morning.

[D]

Well, I have more metal parts. Yeah. And it's going to start running 80 miles an hour. I for one, bow down to our new overlords.

[C]

According to a new survey, real Christmas tree shoppers fall into six categories based on when they buy their tree. But the early birds who put it up before Thanksgiving, which is 14%, this group really has to work to keep their tree from drying out. The people who buy their tree over Black Friday weekend, which is about 33%, are okay. But they're saying the time to buy your real Christmas tree is now.

[D]

Right. It's great. Christmas time.

[C]

Well this part, this time in December if you got do it beforehand, might.

[D]

Get a dry one.

[C]

Dries out long.

[B]

Let you put seven up in it. It just lasts forever.

[D]

Right? Works great.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

It's all. It's pre lit. Love it.

[B]

So easy.

[D]

So easy. I even I've discovered this year I'm doing what my grandma used to do. I don't even take it apart. The ornaments come off. Just move it into the storage thing as is tilt it. This year carried it right in and was done.

[C]

That's our family tradition to pick up the tree.

[D]

Just pick it all up together.

[C]

We go to the storage Facility.

[D]

Oh, it's downtown or something. No, it's not at the house.

[C]

Not at the house.

[D]

What do you. Your garage is so full of stuff. And none but Christmas beer cans.

[A]

No room for Christmas.

[C]

Please move some stuff out.

[D]

No. No stuff in though.

[C]

You.

[D]

I've seen your garage. You also have a storage facility.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

You officially have a problem. You have an issue.

[A]

Is that a three car? I can't remember.

[D]

No, it's a. Well, it is. But most of it's not for cars anymore. Oh, it's amazing.

[C]

Two cars are in there.

[D]

It is you.

[C]

If I move one rack, I could get all three cars.

[D]

But.

[C]

And I. And there's room in the storage field.

[D]

That'll happen.

[B]

What's.

[C]

That'll happen. What's on the rat.

[D]

You lost your generator. You still have the rat maze?

[C]

No.

[D]

Do you have walls? Brady? Do you have walls? You have walls in between the cars? Are there walls of things?

[C]

A rack.

[D]

Okay. And in between each car and on.

[C]

No, not in between.

[D]

And then the third stall is all stuff.

[C]

The two cars are. There's no wall in between them.

[D]

There used to be.

[B]

So Kirby gets aced out with the Mustang.

[D]

You used to have a rack.

[C]

No, she's in.

[B]

What?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Who's out? He is.

[D]

He is. He doesn't live there. He's rent.

[C]

Jesus.

[D]

He's not a resident of his own home. Haven't you been listening?

[C]

And I pay for that parking.

[D]

They've been trying to drive him out for years.

[C]

Kirby will ride a ticket up on my windshield.

[D]

You have too far over you. I remember being in the garage with you going, you got to do something about this. This was years ago. I didn't know he had a storage facility too. I might have to do an intervention as a friend. That's too much. What's in the storage facility? Is it full?

[C]

It's not full.

[D]

I know it's not.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

I go back.

[D]

Generator.

[B]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[D]

Christmas stuff is in the. Halloween.

[C]

I've put that in the.

[D]

That's all at the storage thing.

[B]

How much Halloween do you have now?

[C]

It accumulates every year.

[D]

And not enough room in the third stall for a third car. Too much.

[C]

It's close, but we still have. You know, with three bikes.

[D]

Got a lot of boxes.

[C]

Boxes?

[D]

What's in those boxes? Yes. Brady, stop it.

[C]

You can check it out. You're more than welcome.

[D]

Ronnie sent me a picture. She's asked me. Gotta get rid of this stuff in the garage. Because he's cleaning it, but he doesn't clean. He just moves it into stacks.

[C]

She's responsible for some of the box.

[D]

Oh, I'm sure she is.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

But you can still.

[C]

It's not like I'm not the only collector. She don't collect Beer King.

[D]

But since I've known you, your garage has been, I will say this, a miracle of ingenuity and construction. What?

[B]

He's jengaed it together.

[D]

He has made it make Dan Holmberg proud. There should be a prize in the middle if you find it through the maze of, like, walls and turns and. It was unreal. The old house was incredible. I think. Had a lot of, like, awesome moves. Like you could hide in there for days.

[A]

Are the beer cans out there or are they on display?

[C]

Most of them are in the man cave.

[D]

Okay. Most.

[C]

Yeah. I still have a lot of the garage in the storage facility. Two big cases. Cases? Yeah.

[D]

And then probably about. And a wall in the main house.

[C]

Garage. 300 cans in the storage and still.

[D]

Some in the garage.

[C]

No.

[D]

You took them all out of the garage? Yeah. That's good. That's a start.

[A]

How many cans do you have? If 300 are in storage, there's probably.

[C]

There's probably 700 plus.

[D]

Jesus.

[C]

Two bucks.

[B]

Can we get it?

[D]

Have you ever tried to do a.

[B]

One fell swoop, winner take all price on that somebody.

[D]

I think we said $2,500 to take them all, but evidently you'd waste money on gas driving from storage facility to storage facility to get them. I don't even know where. You do have a problem. Where would you stay? Can. Ronnie sent me pictures.

[C]

It's Bruiana. That's what it is.

[B]

Like the Beckett of beer cans.

[C]

That's one of the sites.

[A]

Let's see if ebay's got beer cans.

[D]

Ronnie. She's out there right now. I guarantee you taking photos of that.

[B]

Garage kicking around in the maze.

[D]

It's amazing. It's impressive. I'm not going to say it's dirty because it's not super organized, but there's a lot of stuff that.

[A]

75 bucks for a can, man.

[D]

Yeah. Oh, there's a few of them Brady's got that are expensive. Don't get them started. Brett, turn that screen off.

[C]

Got it. Got it.

[D]

Turn that screen off.

[B]

Brett, We've gone over this before. It's like baseball cards, right? You're not getting the value.

[D]

No. You have to.

[C]

That's a crime.

[D]

Find a rook.

[C]

Heritage is only 33 cents.

[D]

Arizona's most powerful rock. It's out of control now. 98 can you PD it's John Holmer here, chilling away for new acunit.com holiday money is on everybody's mind. Purchases need to be good deals right now as you navigate the inevitable spending this time of year. But looming over so many of you is the eventual need to replace your AC unit. Three easy steps online and you're getting a present that's going to last for years. It'll make your house Christmas cool all year long. Let's add a fourth step, shall we? And don't worry, it's easy when you're checking [e-mail] use the promo code homburg and you're going to knock off another thousand bucks right away. Save thousands, save time. Buy online newacunit.com fast breaks and buzzer.

[B]

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[D]

Here's another stocking stuffer from the best morning sickness. Did you see the dude? You probably have it in the story the Dunkin Donuts toilet exploded. This is this is why I don't go in public restrooms. This is why I like how they.

[C]

Talked to the one of the employees over there. Yeah, had been happening for a while.

[D]

It'd been gurgling. It was kind of like a volcano.

[C]

A couple of People had already happened to.

[D]

They had some seismic activity that they're like, something ain't right. But they never called, you know, Precision Plumbing and got Eric Bryant's gang over there to do some work and fix the toilets. But the toilet exploded. Exploded. It didn't just bubble up. It exploded to the point where the man has injuries.

[C]

Severely injured.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

I don't know if it's a. Well, mental trauma.

[D]

That too.

[C]

He came out of the toilet, out of the bathroom, back into the main. You know, where the counter covered in.

[D]

Feek and urine and Tempe's or whatever else.

[C]

Whatever else came up. Vesuvius.

[D]

It's bad. So, yeah, he went in there. His name is Kerouac. Not like the beat poet Jack Kerouac, but it's the same name. And the staff actually told him, which is even worse. When you're covered in blown up Dunkin Donuts toilet, and you come out and go, hey, what gifts? And the staff's like, yeah, that's been going on for a while. Like, oh, you sons of bitches. He's only suing for 50 grand. I'd own all the Duncans. I would make sure I had. I would make sure I had the best lawyers in the world. And I don't all the Duncans. If a toilet under me explodes in a public restroom, that's the end of that place. It is now. Homburg. Dunkin Donuts.

[C]

Sorry for that, sir. You want some chocolate munchkins?

[D]

You get 13 dozen. Now go wipe yourself off. I'm not going back in the bathroom. The toilet exploded. I didn't even know that was a thing.

[C]

I'm. I'm picturing. Is it one of those high pressure ones?

[D]

What does that mean? Oh, you know, when you're. I don't know. It's high pressure coming back, I'll tell you that. But again, if you're. And why are you spending so much time at Dunkin Donuts that you're actually sitting down?

[C]

Yeah, maybe he's a CIT to pee guy.

[D]

I don't sit to pee. Guys already have a thing where we're not doing that in public. You stand to pee in someone's at home. I said to pee. You don't sit to. I said to pee here because it's my own private throne. But.

[C]

He'S tired and he was a regular, and that was his spot. That's every morning at 7.

[A]

Hey, the old morning show from KSLX.

[D]

Used to do that just at Duncan.

[A]

Kill the paint off the walls here at the building.

[D]

I don't understand. Poof.

[C]

7:15 on the reg.

[A]

Man, your eyes would water walking down the hall.

[D]

Yeah, and their diets. I don't know what was on. Going, going into. Something's dying inside there. Don't go to the Dunk. Don't do that to the Duncan. The Duncan and I. Larry David had that when he started his coffee shop. That was a no defecation zone. He started just urinals and people would come in and go, where's the toilet? It's like next door. You don't do that here. You don't. There's no defecating. You're not in the shop long enough. You shouldn't be spending that much time in a Dunkin Donuts where you're thinking, you know, I should probably take a here at Duncan. Go home for a few minutes. You're sick, something's wrong, you're physically not well. If you can't control your time in a Dunkin without having a deuce.

[C]

And.

[D]

I'll get the emails. What about an emergency that's proof you're sick. Healthy people don't have fecal emergencies. Something's not right with you. Stay home that day. You just had to go. Well then go home. Clinch up until you can get home, I wasn't anywhere near my house and the emergency happened. Well, sorry. Duncan shouldn't be the one that pays for that.

[C]

That's why back in the day they still have it. The gas stations have either a five pound weight or a mallet. You have to do the walk of shame going to the bathroom or the.

[A]

Big hubcap back in the day.

[D]

Because they know we know what you're gonna do. We know what you're gonna do if you're willing to carry the wheel. Otherwise a decent man would say, I'm not carrying that wheel. I know what that I'm gonna pee on the side of the gas station when nobody's lying, looking. We're men. The only reason to go get that wheel and the key from a gas station is because you've got something going on. My dad was one of those guys. I think he took dumps everywhere. He went restaurants, but he was in construction.

[A]

He had to be used to that.

[D]

You know, he had his own trailer stuff. He was back in the day.

[C]

But think about that though.

[A]

And he's still swinging a hammer, I'm sure.

[C]

Think about your dad, Brett, because you had. You didn't have any options.

[D]

Oh yeah, yeah.

[C]

You're on the road. Road.

[A]

Get out of the truck and drop.

[D]

A deuce, this guy said. Did Brady just slyly admit to being a toilet connoisseur? He knows the difference between high pressure. Maybe it's time for Brady to hike rim to rim and relieve Kirby's misery. Yeah, that's true. You know too much about toilets. I don't know anything. I just know which those Japanese ones are the good ones, and all the rest are kind of the same. I didn't know about blowing up, so I never heard of that. What are the signs it have to gurgle, Right? It would warn you toilets just don't spontaneously explode. Yeah, it would have to let you know because of that story. I saw the article that said other freak accidents with toilets in the past. One dude who was on death row but went to go poop on one of those tin toilets in his cell and somehow had gotten electrified and slow burned him right there while he took his last deuce. Oh, green miles. Yeah, it killed him. And then there was a couple, you know, a couple others that are like, some guy got killed on it. And then they had one in England that they wanted people to stop peeing publicly. So they had this thing that would lift out of the ground, like hit a button, and it was like a f. Come out of the ground. You could use it. And one guy got in there and he started to use it and the thing malfunctioned and sucked him down into it.

[C]

Down.

[D]

Yeah. And then one. Of course, the one that everybody knows the true story that everybody's horrified of is 1947. It was on a. Or 87. It was on a plane. And the old lady flushed and the suction got weird because she was still sitting down and it gutted her from her. From her holes out.

[C]

Jesus.

[D]

Because it vacuum sealed her onto the toilet seat and then threw her. Bung. Bung. Took out organs.

[C]

Rosebud.

[D]

Yeah, that's. It wasn't a beehive. Weird for me, it was a beehive and then started tumbling out. But you got to think about, like they always say you got like 107,000 miles of intestines that would never stop pulling.

[C]

Yeah, 29ft or whatever.

[D]

She got inside out of there. It sucked out several feet of her intestines in her body. And she survived, actually. And you know how they landed and then the medical helicopter took her from the airport to hospital and they stuffed it all back in there. I would never sit on a toilet seat in an airport, in an airplane. Not because I know better. I just. That horrifies me that something could go Wrong. Not even that the toilet would go wrong. That's how they find me when the plane goes down, because I can't get, like, you know, your pants are on your ankles. Your pants are on my ankles. And I'm sitting there covered in that. I just don't like the LP in there, but I don't. I don't, like, stay. I get in and out of the airplane bath quickly. I didn't mind the set Jet one. That was actually really nice. I've been in people's houses with worse bathrooms than what was in setjet. It popped in there in a nice mirror. Everything looked good. Like, I could. If this thing goes down, I'd be happy in this. Like, find me in here. That's not bad. Still a private jet. You're still doing all right, but, you know, nothing worse than being the dude. Dude with his pants down on Spirit Airlines and you're in the middle of a crash.

[A]

They even have bathrooms on Spirit.

[D]

Yeah, I think you just go in the aisle. Well, it's at each seat there's a bucket.

[C]

Youngest one has to throw it out.

[A]

When the flight lands as you walk in.

[D]

All right, folks, get your tray tables and seats up and put a cap on your piss jars. We're about to land. Yeah, I don't. I'm not. But the Dunkin Donuts, they. They don't deserve that. You don't have dump poop at the Duncan. Everybody's always like, shouldn't we be courteous to each other? That's where it should start. Don't you think?

[C]

Ben Affleck addressed that in his next Duncan commercial.

[D]

Yeah, just don't dump in the Duncan. There's people eating there, and the bathroom is, like, attached to the dining room. It's like having a kitchen bathroom. You just don't dump at the Duncan.

[C]

They should.

[D]

I mean, there's where respect starts and ends. To me, if you're willing to take a. Where people eat and walk out, like, that's okay. It's gross. It's just gross. But people are gross. And I guess that's where it comes. Don't poop at the Duncan. Can we have that 2024 rule? Can some of you just sit back and go, my resolution for 2024 is completely not dump in restaurants anymore.

[C]

I went by Duncan this morning.

[D]

Did you drop a deuce?

[C]

No.

[D]

You're a decent human being. Thanks for that. It's just not right. You know what? We should start. This is actually a pretty good idea. You know, take all the bathrooms out of Duncan's, all the poop places. And then like, you know, have like restroom stores, you know, like.

[C]

Well, they do it, you know, certain malls.

[D]

Well, no, no, no. I don't even want it near another store. A standalone.

[C]

It's just like a convenience stop.

[D]

Couple bucks to get in and then you go in there and you, you drop a deuce. You do your business. It's a public restroom, although it costs. And then we take all. And it's the only place you can go. And that would force people to learn how to sphincter up and go home and poop.

[C]

They tried to do that with rest areas, but then those got ruined.

[D]

But right, because. Because they were free. The bigger problem was they were free. They were free.

[C]

George Michael got involved and they had to shut up.

[D]

You want to go inside there and get blown by a priest?

[B]

Two dollars.

[D]

It cost you two bucks to get in. Have added inside special little doors. Two bucks. Two bucks. Five bucks.

[C]

Call Father Dale.

[D]

Oh, he'll do it for. He'll set it up for you.

[A]

He's the Epstein of Phoenix.

[D]

If you want to do that, no more.

[C]

You still have to donate.

[D]

No more fast food ra restaurants. If you go into my business, which is just toilets, it's just called John's. We'll call it John. And you go in there for two bucks. It's the only place sit down toilets exist anymore. McDonald's only has stand ups. You can only pee in public places. And if you've got to go on every. It would be like Starbucks. They'd be everywhere. And that way, yeah, the disgusting poop people have a place to go. My old landscaper, Jeff, I wouldn't let him in the house.

[E]

House.

[D]

I'm like, there are places for you and you. I have to go real bad. I'm like, I'm sorry. I'm not letting you in the house to poop. It's not happening. You should have thought of this before. Plan your day better. It's an emergency. Then you're sick and you shouldn't be at work. Go home. He went in the alley and he took a dump.

[A]

Should have thought about it before you got those carne asada fries at Philiberto's on your way.

[D]

There's another thing. Monitor your diet when you've got a full day away from toilets. I know that if I'm not gonna see a toilet for nine hours because I'm an outdoor worker and I can't rely. And I can no longer rely on the Dunkin or Taco Bell or Wherever else is closed. I'm not gonna suck down the Thai noodles. It's not happening. I'm not going to Chipotle for lunch. I might have.

[C]

That's the thing I think about, like on Brett.

[D]

Find myself airlines.

[C]

Like a 17 hour flight.

[D]

Don't eat crazy before.

[E]

Well, yeah.

[D]

What?

[C]

You've done 17 hours, haven't you?

[D]

You have? Yeah. Look at him. He's taking dumps on a plane.

[C]

I can't recall.

[D]

You would know that. You not recalling is a tell.

[C]

Well, I mean, the amount of times that I've flown over the.

[D]

You know, if you've been. You know, if you've been in a airplane toilet and dropped a dude.

[A]

But is that an exception? Like you said, you flew to Australia. Did you hold it the whole.

[D]

Of course I held it all the way to Australia. I don't think I. I pooped once in Australia. I'm a home pooper.

[E]

Wow.

[D]

I know that. But I struggled to go anywhere. I went down to the lobby bathroom about nine days in and said, I think today's the day. Had a nice little thing. Two more days later, we're on a plane heading home. I was fine, got to the house, and an ungodly amount of me came out. Mind over matter. They say that's not healthy. Maybe not, but the last thing I wanted to do was share a hotel room with somebody that was comfortable doing it, too. Yeah, the Johns. Johns leave the poor folks at Duncan alone. In fact, I hope toilets start exploding more often than discourages people to do this. I like this idea. Public restrooms are available. You can go to the free ones. But there's a chance you're gonna get blown by a priest against your will. My place is monitored. There's, you know, nice little setup. A lobby can sit and wait your turn. There's a. We pay people pretty well to go in and clean. And it's specifically and only for that. You don't come out and order donuts or go in with donuts. Even worse, there's a few guys who have a box of donuts. Like, man, I'm gonna have my bag of donuts and go in there and do my business. Just be considerate, that's all. If there's a room full of people eating delicious donuts or ordering breakfast, sitting.

[C]

On the throne, throwing the munchkin up in the air, trying to catch statue. You see him roll out from under the stall.

[D]

Oh, give me that back.

[A]

Give me that back.

[D]

That's a good one. There's a lot of sugar left on that it's a cinnamon. Yeah, he's doing the pop in his mouth cuz, you know, he's got nothing but time on his hands of it. And he's got a box. You can't sit with a box of munchkins and not tap. You're going in. I love you, John, but for someone as American proud as you are, you have some commie ideas.

[A]

Literally.

[D]

Only commie countries have public restrooms you have to pay for. Well, the reason why is because they get tired of people taking at Dunkin'. Not all comedy ideas are bad. That's a good one if you're, you know. Look, there's too many people dropping deuces at Dunkin'. It's less considerate. I'm not saying it's mandatory. I'm just saying wouldn't it be better if there were just a specific place designed for that? It's not a commie idea. If you think it's commie communist that you can't take on people while they eat. I'd rather live in a communist nation. It's out of control now.

[B]

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[D]

It's John Holmberg here. Shilling away from my friends at New Vision Auto Glass, I recently took one of my cars to a Dealership for maintenance. And the guy said, oh, you got a chip in the back window. I never even noticed it. Then he told me, they can fix it. I said, oh, great. He said, 1300 bucks. And I laugh. And I said, no, thanks. You haven't heard of New Vision Auto Glass? New Vision Auto Glass wants to make it easy on you, too. You set up the time and the place, get the work done, and it is done. So whatever Glass needs you have with your car, New Vision Auto Glass is the only place to go. Give them a call. 480-210-9090. New Vision Auto Glass, proud sponsor of the Arizona Diamondbacks. It's the best of Homburg's morning sickness. I'm 98. KUPD. We got a special guest on the line. We had Vince Vaughn earlier this morning. This is a better lineup than Conan had for the opening.

[F]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

And Vince Vaughn. And now look at this. Jason Schwarzman is on the line. Jason Schwartzman, are you there?

[E]

How are you?

[D]

I'm doing quite well now, not seeing you and hearing your voice. I'm just gonna call you Ash, if that's okay.

[E]

Hey, that's fine. That's fine. That makes the most amount of sense.

[D]

Yeah, because you're Ash from the Fantastic Mr. Fox and Fantastic movie, by the way, I think.

[E]

Thank you very much.

[D]

One of the more underrated Wes Anderson deals.

[E]

Oh, thanks for seeing it. I appreciate that.

[D]

That was fantastic.

[E]

Now, well, it's been fun talking about.

[D]

About you. No, yeah, no, we. We said we. Yeah, we. We have Jason Schwarzman on later, and he said, oh, that prick. I'm like, what? What's the beef? What's the beef, Jason?

[C]

And I think the other thing we need to say, what he wasn't talking about, which you are going to be able to talk about.

[D]

We'll ask you a couple of same questions we asked him, but that's later in the interview.

[E]

Fine.

[D]

We'll be right back. No, I'm kidding. So. And. And you're in Bored to Death on hbo, and I'll be honest with you, because that's what I do. I didn't want. I didn't want to like that show, and I don't know why. I think it's just. It just looked above me. I'm a pretty simple guy.

[E]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

And it looked like it was going to be too smart, but it is. Not only smart, but incredibly funny and not above me. It's really good.

[E]

Well, maybe you're. Maybe you were being hard on yourself, and maybe you're Smart.

[D]

No, that's impossible. I think. I think I just overestimated the smartness, and I do get it.

[E]

I will tell you one thing. You know, it's so funny because, like, I can't deny that the show has, you know, lots of, you know, I'm a writer. I'm talking about books a lot. There are certain, like, things about it that would appear to be, you know, like a very hoity toity. Maybe. But it's so funny because I think people hopefully are as surprised as you were that though there is some of that in it. You know, we're also just like these three kind of normal but different guys who are all really just struggling to find a way. And, you know, I have a pot white wine addiction.

[D]

Right.

[E]

And Zach is, like, the struggling, you know, cartoonist. And Ted Danson is this, you know, bored but kind of rich guy. And it does have a. It does eventually cross over and make people feel quite at home when they watch it. I don't think it's that hoity toity. It's just the outside of it. Then you break into it.

[D]

I think you're right. I think it was the book thing, because I'm against those.

[E]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

And when it's like, oh, he's a writer. That means they're gonna talk about literature, and that's kind of a way off. Yeah.

[C]

A lot of times looking out the window, reflecting. Yeah, that's what I thought.

[D]

It's like a Howard Zen moments where you're rearranging pencils for half an hour, and there's like, some sort of.

[E]

You just said Howard Zinn.

[D]

See, I know, and I've seen Howard Zen, and that's when I know when I'm out of my element.

[E]

So you just said Howard Zinn, and you said, you're stupid, and you just said Howard Z.

[D]

In. It's true. I can say the words Howards and in, but it doesn't mean. I get it.

[E]

Yeah, okay. Yeah, I agree. I only know the name because I saw it on a cartoon.

[D]

Yeah, what was it? Dora the Explorer. That we're really strange. Special.

[C]

Handy Manny.

[D]

Yeah, Handy Manny.

[E]

You want to know? I'll tell you something about me.

[D]

Please.

[E]

I, too. I'm very nervous around people who are extremely, extremely well read, because myself and I don't know about you, but ever since I feel like I learned how to read and could learn how to talk, I feel like my eyes. I just can't read. They get really tired.

[D]

Ditto.

[E]

And my mind begins to wander. I honestly will tell you that I am a terrible reader.

[D]

Worst reader in the world next to me. Probably because I'm the same way. I get through a page and I'm like, oh, that was interesting. The next page, I start thinking about things on the last page, and then I start thinking about, like, oh, remember that time when you were kid? And then I'm five pages in, just scanning at words, and I'm like, I have no idea what's going on.

[E]

People say, you want to borrow this book? And I always decline. And the real reason I decline is because they won't get it back for, like, five years.

[D]

That's me.

[E]

Okay, good. But I do. I'll tell you. You want to know, though, what I did do? And maybe. Maybe this is you, too. Audiobooks.

[D]

Love audiobooks. On long trips, that's a great thing.

[C]

Especially with John Cleese reading them.

[D]

Oh, that's fantastic.

[E]

I tell you, I got into him. You want to know a great one? Gene Wilder. Oh, his life story.

[D]

I thought you're gonna say a Willy Wonka.

[E]

No, but he talks about it.

[C]

Oh, yeah, you got the Silver Streak. Got all that stuff.

[E]

What I'm afraid of, he talks about it.

[D]

All right, I'm in on that.

[E]

So that would be audiobooks. I can. I can. I can read audiobooks.

[D]

Maybe we should sit down and read one together.

[C]

Wilder talking. Is it? Or who's narrating it?

[E]

No, no, it's his book.

[D]

Oh.

[C]

Oh.

[D]

And he's reading it on a bridge, and he's reading it to you, which makes you feel special.

[E]

That's right. Well, that's the main thing is I will get mostly on audiobooks, memoirs.

[D]

That's brilliant.

[E]

But you got to make sure to look to see who's narrating it.

[D]

Now, see, I gotta ask you.

[E]

I even just got the Keith Richards one. Johnny Depp is narrating it.

[C]

Oh, there you go.

[E]

But I thought, you know what? It's at least gonna be interesting because obviously Keith Richards probably chose Johnny Depp. But when it's a great reader, oh, man, it really does feel like the person's just talking to you.

[D]

But here's the thing I have to ask you, and this is just bitter, me being a bitter loser by comparison to your life, which is. Please trust me on this one. This question's gonna make a ton of sense when I'm done. Talia Shire's your mom. Francis Ford Coppola is your uncle. I know you're sick of hearing about it.

[E]

No, no, no. I was leaning down to pick up something off My dog's tail.

[D]

Did you say got it?

[E]

Yeah, I went, yeah.

[D]

Okay, good.

[E]

Or just because I was getting something because he. He was sleeping and he opened his eyes and I guess I said it out loud, but I was trying to basically say, yeah, it's Daddy. I'm coming in to get to someone. Don't be scared of that.

[D]

Oh, okay. Well, I don't want to interrupt that. That's a pretty good story. Yeah. What kind of dog?

[E]

He's a French bulldog.

[D]

All right, now let me get back to my question. Is your dog awake? Is everything okay?

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Everything's fine. Okay, good. All right, good. So. But there you are buying these Gene Wilder, reading these books, and from your lineage, you could just hire these people to come read the book to you.

[E]

That's true.

[D]

I mean, you just have your dad or Francis Ford Coppola, go, Wilder, get over to Jason's house and read your book.

[E]

All right, no, that's true. That's true. You know, I just find that, you know, I like to keep things a bit more low profile, so I just not take the limo out.

[C]

It's more convenient.

[E]

I'll take the limo out. Usually just go with my chef. Just the two of us rolling out.

[D]

Chill. That sounds awesome.

[E]

Get the audio books, you know, pay in cash.

[D]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[E]

Get out of there.

[D]

A couple regular guys.

[E]

The thing is, you know. Yes. I have an amazing group of. There are a large amount of people that I'm closely related to who are in my. Or I'm in their industry rather, because.

[D]

Now, don't sell yourself short. Come on.

[E]

And so I, you know, I love. I love them. I love their work and, you know, but when. When I was growing up, and credit to my mom, because she. She really did such a, like, fantastic job of kind of doing a church. Church and state type thing where she was, you know, she would work. I was aware of what she did, but it. She never made it seem like the big deal. You know, the big deal was like when my brother had a baseball game or I had a big. You know what I mean?

[D]

Like, it was very normal.

[E]

Very normal. Very normal. And, you know, the other thing, too is, like, at the end of the day, I kind of feel like in this business, and maybe a lot of them, you're really on your own.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

And, you know, no one really ever helped me get a job, and I don't ask for anyone's help, and I don't want anyone's help.

[D]

But even if they did give it to you, you still have to have the chops to pull it off.

[E]

Maybe. I mean, clearly, I don't.

[D]

Well, maybe not. You know what? I haven't seen all of your work.

[E]

I am walking proof that you don't have.

[D]

I have not seen all of your work. You may have just told a big truth right there. Who knows? Maybe you have that one. That's, like, terrible.

[E]

But maybe. But maybe I. But maybe. Maybe it's a weird lie and I am. I do have the chops and I just lied to you.

[D]

Yeah. Oh, now I believed it. Double lies.

[E]

The truth is. Yeah, I, I, I. I couldn't have Gene Wilder come over. That's. I guess that's the long way of saying no, I couldn't.

[D]

It was a great. It was the best answer we've heard all day. Vince Vaughn was very short by comparison. That was a good answer.

[E]

Was.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[E]

Very fair. See what happens? I think that answers are directly related to height. The taller you are, the shorter you feel. The shorter you feel your answers needs to be.

[D]

Because the shorter you are, the more you need to be heard.

[E]

Exactly.

[D]

That could be. How tall are you?

[E]

Five, six.

[D]

Oh, that's. That's pretty short.

[E]

You're on a romantic night. I like to say, five, six, Very sick.

[D]

You know, your wife has the same name as my radio partner. Brady.

[E]

I was gonna bring it up. I was gonna bring it up.

[D]

I hope they don't look alike. I hope to God they don't look alike. Is she. Does she look like Jack Black? Yeah, she does. Well, then we've got a match. We've got a match. All right, great.

[E]

Well, maybe we should hook them up and I should get out of here.

[D]

Yeah. No, no, never, please.

[C]

I wonder. That means we're family, though, so it.

[D]

Could, you know, kind of.

[C]

The Bradies are coming up to the holidays real quick.

[E]

I love that. Instead of making people related by last name, first name.

[D]

See? I hope she's smarter than him, too.

[E]

Yeah, I'm the. I'm related to the quarterback of the Oakland Raiders.

[D]

Yeah, of course. You are, too.

[E]

Yeah, everybody is, baby.

[D]

So you've got. That's right, Jason Campbell. I didn't even think of that. You guys are from the same family. Of course. Gene Wilder could come. Gene Wilder could read the book.

[C]

Jason Priestley. He's got a bunch of relatives.

[E]

I related. Jason Priestley. Jason Campbell. Thanksgiving is amazing, no?

[D]

What is Thanksgiving like at your house? Do the Copas come over with their wine? Like, here's some bottles we didn't need.

[E]

No, it's just me and Jean Wilder.

[D]

Hanging out, you and Jean reading the.

[C]

Chef reading out loud.

[D]

All right.

[E]

And it's pretty low key. It's just me trying to cook.

[D]

There you go. Nothing wrong with that. Now you've got Scott Pilgrim out today. And that another movie that I thought should have been gangbusters. Everybody should love it. I told everybody I knew about it. And the dvd, I think, is going to go through the roof because all the comic book goofs are going to go grab it. But it's a, it's a fun, wildly creative movie.

[E]

Yeah, I mean, it's, it's, it's, it's rare that you feel, you know, that you see something like that you have not seen before. And I would not be lying to you if I said if you go see this movie, you will see something you have never seen before. It is to me the ultimate kind of next step in, like, action, but with a, you know, with comedy and a sense of kind of old school effects too, because though it has tons of modern effects, you know, we shot all of it basically in camera, there isn't a lot of cgi. And Edgar Wright, who directed it, when we were all cast in the film, the main, like, stipulation was that, you know, are you comfortable with doing these stunts and being in harnesses and flying around and doing all this wire work? And of course we all were. Because, you know, to be in an action film, that's something that I think myself and Michael Starr, all of us had always dreamt of doing. And so when you see the movie, that's us doing all of the stunts and fighting. And I had a sword fighting instructor for months. But it's fun. I mean, when, when you kill people in this movie, they turn into coins.

[D]

Yeah, it's amazing.

[E]

It is like a video game. But much like you felt about bored to death with reading. I don't want anyone who's listening to this to think I don't know anything about youth or video games. This movie is not for me. Because honestly, a lot of people talked about it like, ah, it's a video game movie. It's a video game. It's a comic book movie. Video games. I don't know anything about that. That's not for me. Well, I don't know anything about comic books or video games. And it really isn't about that. It's just based on a comic book. But it stands alone as this amazing action comedy that is like. And Michael Cera, I think it's his best, best movie ever. And that's just because you're in it. It's just so funny. Like the idea of a guy fighting seven ex evil boyfriends to keep his.

[D]

Girlfriend to get one girl.

[E]

And the fights are insane. And the dvd, the Blu Ray is full of so much stuff.

[B]

Cool.

[D]

Yeah. And it's definitely something I want to check out. Now we have to get to the questions we asked Vince Vaughn really quickly. We ask everybody this because you're higher than all of us. We're still slugs in life, and we have to bring you down to earth. Okay, ready?

[E]

Okay.

[D]

How did you lose your.

[E]

What was it like shooting swingers?

[D]

No. No, different.

[E]

We didn't know what we were doing. We were innocent. We were innocent at the time. You know, we just kept saying, it's money, but we didn't know what that meant.

[D]

How did you lose your virginity? How old were you?

[E]

Me and Fabro.

[D]

No, no, stop it.

[E]

Oh.

[D]

Did you really have it? Was it a lovely experience?

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

How old were you?

[E]

18.

[D]

Nice. Okay, there you go. And the next one is. When's the last time you had an accident in your pants? Oh, pooped your pants. Yeah.

[E]

Oh, oh, oh.

[D]

The accent. Everybody's done it. It just makes you feel like you're one of us.

[C]

Saturday, I was coming off the flu. I was healthy, ready to go. I bent over to put a sock on horrible incident.

[D]

But this makes you one of us.

[E]

That's my cousin right there. That's my cousin.

[D]

That's your boy. You're related, so I know you got a story.

[E]

Not in a long time.

[D]

Not.

[E]

Not in months.

[D]

In months. It's been months. Do you even remember the last time?

[E]

I mean, I don't. I just, I, I. No, I mean, it was so. It was so many months ago.

[D]

I really. All right, people are ducking this question. I don't like it.

[C]

I.

[D]

We think.

[E]

I wonder why.

[D]

Well, because I had my, My big one was in 8th grade basketball practice, and I had a pair of sweats on, and I had just finally made the first team and I got sick and I thought I could just, you know. And the next thing you know, I'm like, oh, no, I just crap my pants at basketball practice. Do I leave or do I stay on the first team? Because if I leave, I'm going to get cut.

[E]

Wow.

[D]

And that was my story.

[C]

And the coach pulled mower sign Homeburg.

[D]

They asked me to leave. They asked me to leave. I didn't know what to do. You have, you have no stories like this because, you know, you know, Jason, I didn't play basketball Everyone listening has one.

[E]

Yeah, I know.

[D]

And you do, too.

[E]

I'm sure that I. No, I. I do. I can't tell you why. Because it's not going to be as good as yours.

[D]

No, mine's not very good. Make one up.

[C]

Make us wait for it on your.

[E]

I'll give it to you when. I'll give it to you later. I'll give you that one. But next question.

[D]

Can I have a little bandit mask?

[E]

Yes.

[D]

Thank you. I would like a little ash bandit mask. That would be nice. Okay. That's all I asked for for this interview. Hopefully we've done well.

[E]

I remember one time I was doing the voice that take. And I was running and I was laughing so hard. I just had 10 cups of coffee and some laxative and I'll tell you something.

[D]

Look out. It was on.

[E]

Okay, next. Next.

[D]

No, that's it. And now, grade the interview, please. A through F. A.

[A]

Really?

[D]

Thank you very much. I'll take that. That's a great. I'm not gonna argue with you. I mean the subject. I'll tell you.

[E]

You want to know what makes an A?

[D]

What's that?

[E]

That we feel like we're actually listening to each other and connecting.

[D]

That's great. Jason's Schwartzman, everybody. Jason Schwartzman. Thank you very much. I agree completely with everything you just said. Thank you, guys.

[E]

Watch Conan last night?

[D]

No, we missed it.

[E]

So happy to be. To have him back.

[D]

Yeah, No, I am, too. I love. Are you a team Coco, then?

[E]

I'm. I'm Team Coco.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

I mean, I love them all. I mean, I love everybody.

[D]

Jason, you're getting us in trouble with your people, okay? They're calling my producer over and over.

[E]

Steelers.

[A]

You.

[D]

You call us anytime you want, sir. And I'll read books to you later.

[A]

Later.

[E]

Great. Thank you very much.

[A]

I see you.

[D]

Thank you, man. Jason Schwartzman, there. He is. A part of. Wow. That was fun. He was a lot better than I thought. Three calls. Yeah. The producer's all over.

[B]

Tweet.

[D]

You guys, shut up. It's him.

[F]

You know what's great?

[D]

He's asking me questions.

[B]

Talker.

[C]

The producer couldn't hook it.

[D]

Yeah, I know. Which is even better. It's at his house. So that was.

[C]

We should have kept him on.

[D]

I'm a fan of Jason. Yeah.

[C]

What's the.

[F]

Yeah, we shouldn't have.

[D]

I. Screw it then. It was a good party.

[B]

He was like, man.

[D]

The reason why is because their producers and their people were cool about it. Yeah. When they start kicking into our interview, we're have to wrap this up, guys. Then I'm going to push them until they hang it.

[F]

We have to have him on again.

[D]

I am a fan of Jason Schwarzman. I might go back and watch Rushmore again. Turn me. Me too. I, I thought he would be a butthole, to be honest with you. And he's not. He's the opposite of a butthole. He has a front hole. Yeah, I don't know what the opposite of that is. I think. Is that a positive? It's a touch hole. I'm not sure what it is. I liked him though. He was very.

[C]

Told you guys I don't have bad relatives.

[D]

No, your family is very sweet, Brady. Maybe you get some of that money too. It's out of control now. It's John Holmberg here, shilling away from my friends at New Vision Autoglass. I'm telling you, I'm windshield curse. So this holiday season I'm going to add new windshield to my wish list. New Vision Autoglass will take my call, deal with the insurance and then we're going to discuss what the most convenient time and place is so they can come get the work done on my ride. Then I'm going to get up to 300 back. You go to new visionautoglass.com see what you qualify for. And don't forget that dinner at the world famous Brazilian steakhouse Rhodesia Grill. Get that new windshield right now and hope it lasts through 2020-648021-09090. New Vision Auto Glass. Proud sponsor of the Arizona Diamondbacks, it's.

[A]

Brett and John Fraction Ride shop in their brand new location on the northwest corner of power Road and McDowell in Mesa.

[D]

The new location is your east valley full line bike shop with brands like Pivot, Ibis, Santa Cruz and Rocky Mountain, Giant Norco and of course Action rides Shop has the best wrenches in town to keep that bike on the trail or the road. Plus being so close to the Hawes trailhead, they have a huge rental fleet with gravel bikes, mountain bikes and E bikes.

[A]

Action Ride shop now with two locations. The brand new Shop of Power and McDowell and the OG on Gilbert Road in Southern. Check them out at actionrideshop.com.

[D]

The rest of Homework's morning sickness. It's John Holmberg here and this entertainment drill is brought to you by my friends@react dvd defense.com the home of tactical Black. You are going to be blown away no matter what shape you're in right now. They're going to start you right there and get you to a Better place. Before you know it, the best in the business, doing the best training you could ever think of. It's called Tactical black. It'[e-mail]. check it out there in Phoenix, Glendale and Chandler. And they bring you this best of entertainment drill.

[C]

We know that J.J. abrams is directing Star Wars 7. Peter Jackson might be doing part eight.

[D]

Oh, that's a leave it odd combo.

[F]

Can we get one director for all three?

[D]

Can't we just not do it?

[F]

Well, I just want the same guy.

[D]

So it kind of utter disappointment headed your way. I don't wanna even a super Star wars fan is sitting over here shaking his head yes. John Gordon doesn't even want this and you are a Star wars nerd.

[C]

You're crazy.

[D]

You got a whole room of your house dedicated to it.

[F]

Oh, that's nice.

[D]

John. Are you crazy? Have you seen that room?

[F]

Do you like J.J. abrams though? Yes, I like J.J. i do too.

[D]

Well, I think J.J. abrams is great. Do all of them.

[F]

Don't switch it up like.

[D]

Well no. Peter Jackson is the answer to a lot of things. Yes.

[F]

I don't need slow motion every five seconds.

[C]

John Woo.

[F]

Same as John Woo.

[D]

John Woo. I can't watch his movie. He'll probably do the third one just to make them slower. Oh, they're just a mess.

[F]

That Star wars will be like three hours long.

[D]

Not interested in the new Star wars movies if Legolas is in it.

[F]

I am interested in the J.J. abrams.

[D]

I'll watch it. But I don't want to. I don't want to stop being a KUD I have to be. By the time they're out, I'll be 90. Very curt. It'll be Walt Kowalski, the Buck Wild star.

[C]

Shane Grandy died of carbon monoxide poisoning after his bronco got stuck in the mud.

[F]

Just picturing Walt Kowalski in the Star wars universe. He would hate everything.

[D]

I'm looking at you, Kowalski. And I'm looking at you, super Spade.

[C]

What's the problem?

[F]

But you got all those aliens. It's got wookies.

[D]

What did you just call me? I don't know. Take your monkey out of here. I'm not interested in listening to you anymore. By the way, way tell the gooks from the Federation I don't want him on my lawn anymore. He would ate everyone.

[C]

He's getting his haircut in the DEA system. Yeah, so anyway, this wookie walked in.

[D]

Big fuzzy Wookie wanders, smells the place up like an Italian. What's an Italian?

[C]

Anyway, who are my neighbors? Ah, they're Gungans. Great.

[D]

There goes the neighborhood. Suppose there'll be a little liquor store in every corner. Underwater now.

[F]

It's his worst nightmare.

[D]

Let me ask you something, Guns. How the hell do you guys light your joints under here?

[F]

You'd really hate the huts all big and fat.

[C]

My pod racer.

[D]

Driving in my grandpa racer there. Hey, go yourself, soba. I called you a nerd. We know it.

[C]

I know the Governator. Arnold Schwarzenegger is going to look pretty old when he plays a cyborg in the upcoming Terminator. But he can explain it. Okay, Says the Terminator has human skin. Skin which ages like any other human being's flesh.

[D]

Why wouldn't you replace it with younger skin? So sometimes when I get cut.

[C]

You're dumb.

[D]

It's like, I need my cumadin. Well, they keep going back to the same form, but the skin goes older when they put it on the exoskeleton of skin. They have that. I don't understand what's happening to this movie every time.

[F]

Because every time he's in it, he's a different Terminator. So they just decide to send back guys with older looking skin.

[D]

Yeah, but it's like aged perfectly, you know, and he's also traveling through time. He'd be the same every time. They wouldn't go. You know, in order to keep it real, we have to just keep it real.

[F]

You don't think John Connor would think that when he's sending him back?

[D]

Like, listen, John Connor, I'm out of breath because I'm a very old Terminator now. As you can tell by my skin, Uchi's agey.

[F]

I'm only going back five years.

[D]

Years.

[F]

So let's make. Make him a little older.

[C]

And who does he want to protect him?

[E]

Right.

[C]

You see, the old Terminator, What I.

[D]

Want protecting me is the. The gooey liquid one. Yeah, that's the better Terminator. Quit sending me back this robot. Yeah, the crappy one. Get me the good one. Give me the upgrade.

[F]

The movie's a mess now.

[D]

Yeah. Oh, it's terrible.

[F]

You can't explain what's going on.

[D]

It's like having people send you tivos from the future. It's like, wait a minute. I'm already surprised. Passing that. Now I've seen the future and it's the liquid dude. Send me a good one of those. Make Arnold the liquid guy. That would rule.

[F]

See, that's what I was wondering the last.

[D]

Yeah. I went back, I got a couple of upgrades and then I got there. Now I'm liquid man. Yeah, yeah, Look. I look like a big pile of silver juice. And now I'm a shoe and legs. Look, I'm doing. I'm growing back.

[F]

He always has to battle the liquid ones.

[D]

Yeah, like I was gonna fight better Terminators. Yeah, now you have to dip me in fire. Then he'll come back.

[C]

Imagine he's walking. He's running after you. He's got the corns on his feet.

[D]

The skin is so old. Why don't they equip me with a young man's skin? I have to stop. I'm all cracked and brittle. I need lotion. John Connor's a real a hole. We have to stop at the CVS and get some avino. We can't stop. Well, he's aging. I guess it makes sense. Is that gonna be Eddie Furlonger again?

[F]

No.

[C]

I wonder how they're gonna. Yeah, they have to.

[F]

No, Christian Bale was John Connor in the last.

[D]

Oh, yeah, I forgot about that garbage one. Jeez, that one's not bad. I like. Oh, they destroyed the franchise. One, two, End it. They should have just ended. They keep stretching.

[F]

They've made it too crazy. And if you tried to watch a Sarah Connor Chronicles, don't that really made it even nuttier?

[D]

Because they asked you not to follow along. The movies just make this a new thing. Thing.

[F]

You can't make any sense. This wouldn't have happened at this time.

[D]

Because they made you reach back to the movies for some stuff and say, please ignore the movies for others. And it's like, well, I need a. I need a group of notes on.

[C]

I heard they're going to cross over the Terminator with a short circuit.

[D]

Number five. Alive.

[C]

Alive becomes a cyborg. Buddy cop that.

[D]

I'd watch that. Who's Johnny? She said in the smiled and special way.

[F]

Instead of Aliens versus Predator, it's Terminator versus Johnny Five.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

You will lose. Reassemble Stephanie. Don't reassemble Stephanie. I'll just break it again. The good's back, Stephanie. Stop destroying Johnny. He's got all the secrets from the Avnet place or wherever the hell it is.

[C]

Skynet.

[D]

That's the one.

[C]

Showtime is doing a documentary where Marcus Mumford from Mumford and Sons, Jim James from My Morning Jacket. Elvis Costello will write music for two dozen unfinished Bob Dylan lyrics that were recently discovered. Again, they found the basement or the attic.

[D]

If blackface was appropriate, I would get my band together and sing Mumford and songs as Red Fox and do Sanford and Sons, and it would just be incredible. Incredibly funny. But I can't do blackface in public. I don't be a Joe's Grotto doing Mumford and Sons. Big dummy.

[F]

Why are they doing that when Bob Dylan's still alive? Couldn't he do that?

[D]

Yeah, that's a good point.

[C]

Dylan said, I'm getting too old for this, man.

[D]

I can't do it. If I do, it makes sense to you both. We gotta get another guy. I belong to you, you belong to me. Me, my sweetheart, you big dummy. Singing muffins.

[F]

Well, I get it if you're doing, like, Jimi Hendrix or Elvis lyrics. Yeah, but what's the point when Bob Dylan's still here?

[C]

They're just. The lyrics are going to create a song out of it, so.

[F]

I know, but he's, he can do it himself.

[D]

Anyway.

[F]

How about throwing Jacob a bone? Where's he been for 20 years?

[D]

Ouch.

[F]

Let him have him.

[C]

He obviously signed off on them. Good luck with making songs out of these.

[D]

Maybe they're just garbage. Here you go. The reason that is recorded is because it's garbage. You do it.

[E]

There it is.

[D]

Sanford himself. Larry Elizabeth. There's a big one. I couldn't do it and laughed at the entire time. Sanford and Sons. Has to happen, though. We, I, I, I need to have a black friend that does impressions and have him do all my great black ideas. Jay Farrell N. He's not a friend.

[F]

Really should have made him.

[D]

I tried, I tried, but again, I forgot to leave information.

[F]

You're really striking out on these new friendships.

[D]

We're great friends. And then, well, Marlon Wayne, pass out a friend card. I, I do, I need a. I, I do need to pass out. Now that we're friends here, call me. I've got a lot of great black ideas. How awkward would that be at the end of every interview with black people? Here you go. I have so many great black ideas, but since I'm not allowed in blackface, I can't do them.

[F]

You can do like Brady does. Just open a barbecue joint and then.

[D]

Invite him over afterwards. Just have them over for barbecue.

[C]

Toys are bonding.

[D]

I would like you to come over and know where I live for barbecue, and I could share all of my great Negro ideas. You do what? Just hear me out. Picture this.

[F]

We have red Kool Aid, too.

[D]

Oh, forget about it, though. They, they'd be there whether they take my ideas or not. This cracker is crazy, but he sure makes a barbecue.

[C]

Steven Spielberg will reportedly remake west side Story.

[F]

No way.

[D]

Why not way?

[C]

We'll see. That'll be shot down next Day. But that's.

[D]

That's a great story. He's done some stuff. He's. He's gone off musicals. I don't think he's ever done a musical. But he's done some. I don't think so, no. Why not?

[C]

He may have.

[F]

Maybe has a credit for.

[D]

Pretty darn good at it. I mean, you know, if you're going to let him go, why.

[F]

Why stick to the goodness?

[D]

Why put a lid on him?

[C]

Weren't any songs in Schindler's List?

[F]

Saving Private Ryan, Color Purple.

[D]

That embarrass you With My Woman. That's not that. No.

[C]

They didn't have E.T. e.T.

[D]

I don't remember any singing in that. Could have done with a song, though.

[C]

Raiders.

[D]

Could have done a couple songs in those.

[F]

Yeah, that would have been great.

[D]

Beat Me to it.

[E]

What?

[D]

Raiders of L. He beat me to it. I mean, I. Oh, you were going to do that? Yeah, I was going to do the. The songs in the Schindler's List, yeah.

[F]

Well, go ahead.

[E]

I'm burning.

[D]

I'm burning.

[F]

Know unbelievable people. You're so insensitive, man.

[D]

I am Jewish. His own people. It's like. Yeah, it's like black people in the N word. He's allowed to do it.

[F]

We can't do it, though.

[C]

Get the.

[D]

The free pass. I'm not watching.

[F]

Do it, John. Do sing the.

[D]

He's burning. He's burning. Everybody's turning around because the scenes are so insane. He's burning when he's fired. Starting it smells.

[C]

And that's your entertainment drill, everybody.

[F]

You were challenged and you accepted. You stepped up.

[D]

And then there was that other hit. Somebody's got to Play the Nazi.

[C]

Do you remember the really good one?

[D]

Like the big theatrical version that they did of Larry is awful.

[F]

What was the Mel Brooks one that had the producers.

[D]

Hitler in Springtime.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Trying to write a flop. And they loved. Was so funny. It was painfully funny. She didn't want to laugh at any of it. Well, there you go. Yeah. I don't see. Spielberg could do a musical. What's wrong with that? I don't know.

[F]

I'd rather him make.

[C]

He could probably. He'll probably knock it out of the park.

[D]

You looking up Spielberg stuff right now? He's got a couple of them in there that aren't.

[F]

I don't.

[D]

He did. He did the. He was behind the Looney Tunes. He brought back the.

[C]

The.

[D]

The new Looney Tunes, the baby ones that came out. Animaniacs. Animaniac. There's Animaniacs. He was behind a lot of music.

[F]

I think he just.

[C]

The tiny tune clones. That was a pretty good one.

[F]

I'm not saying he can't do it, but I'd rather him spend his time because he's not going to live too much longer. We got to get him on the real movies.

[C]

You like the movies based on real stories or.

[F]

He's doing a awesome job.

[A]

Keep it up.

[D]

Oh, I'm not.

[F]

I don't want to see him musical.

[D]

Let.

[F]

Let the. There's plenty of people do musicals out.

[B]

There in the brain. Animating.

[F]

Yeah, solid.

[D]

But he did the Adventures of Tintin. I never got to see that one.

[C]

I saw that one over Christmas. Yeah, but that was the family outing.

[B]

Survivors of the Holocaust. That was a great musical.

[D]

We survived that one. Yes. We're all alive. We made it. We made it. We really, really made it. Not burning or burning. And Everybody's turning.

[C]

Hey, it's 679.

[D]

He's alive. Tattoos. Tattoos they put on all the Jews. I can do this. I didn't sing that one, Larry. You wrote it for me.

[C]

That was pretty good.

[D]

Thanks, buddy. Yeah, Steven Spielberg. We want him to do Schindler's List. A musical. I don't think it's gonna happen. That's it. McFeely's coming up next.

[A]

Next.

[D]

All your complaint letters to go to him. They're his people. Is it snowing?

[C]

Is this. It's not.

[D]

Get out.

[C]

No, I do not think that's snow.

[F]

I guess after 80 years, you're over it. I. I don't know.

[D]

Too soon, too soon. Time to go. Brady's getting.

[A]

Now.

[D]

It's almost done. All right, that's enough for you. That's horrifying. What's that noise? Who is singing? Well, the flame Miz can do it.

[F]

Sorry, it's our last show, everybody.

[D]

Thanks for joining us. Yeah, that was great. No, it's Larry's last show. We're fine. I condemn it.

[F]

Yeah, we weren't doing it till Larry came in.

[D]

I. I'll write it with you. It would be great. It's out of control now. Okay, You. Hey, it's John Holmberg here along with Brett Vesely from the morning sickness to tell you about Action Ride Shop.

[A]

John, we always rave about Action Ride Shop because of the awesome selection of bikes and bike accessories. But what about being a couple of snow bunnies this year?

[D]

Are you saying you want to take advantage of Action Ride Shop? Skis and snowboards?

[A]

Why not? Josh and the boys got us into mountain biking.

[D]

You Know what, Brett? Let's do it. At Action Ride Shop. You can get all your ski and snowboard needs covered for the upcoming winter season.

[A]

Head to Action Ride Shop on Gilbert Road just north of the 60 or their new store on Power Road and McDowell. Actionbrideshop.com It's Brett Vesely from Homeworks. Morning sickness. Now, I've always been the kind of guy that takes care of my own lawn. That's until I found Divine Design Landscaping. These guys aren't your typical mow and blow landscaping company. They do amazing work. And that's just what I needed to finally throw in the towel and let the experts take over. If you've been unhappy with your landscaping or sick of trying to do it yourself, well, it's time to get a hold of Divine Design Landscaping. These guys handle everything. Lawn care, irrigation, tree work, low voltage lighting, 3D designs. Get a free quote at DivineDesignLawnCare.com that's DivineDesignLawnCare.com.

[D]

It'S the best of Homburg's Morning sickness on the big red radio. But you owe me later under the mistletoe. Open mouth no matter how drunk I am. KUPD Mo's here, everybody. That means it's Friday. Hi, Mo.

[G]

Hi, John.

[D]

How are you?

[G]

Fantastical.

[D]

Good to hear it. Happy Hanukkah to you.

[G]

Yes.

[D]

And to youo left a square over. Oh, I thought we had the extra. I thought we had them all in there. All right, you've put yours in there. Mo made a request, so we'll go with that. Oh, I got one. Never mind.

[G]

Are we changing generators?

[D]

Changing it. Yeah.

[G]

Okay, well, you're going to just wing it.

[D]

I'll just write it and then you can figure that out. That's a good. That's a good one. Kicked off this week, so we went with a heavy Jewish Larry McFeely. No, Larry's not in there. No, he's having a Shiva. That's true. He lost someone in his family. And you have a Shiva right after that.

[B]

You sit Shiva.

[D]

That's right. You sit Shiver, which is a great rap name, by the way. Don't screw it up.

[G]

Just throwing guilt everywhere.

[D]

Yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Making raining on strippers with guilt.

[E]

Oh, what?

[D]

Oh, you're gonna pick it up after.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Not getting all. Of course. It is time for your squares Hanukkah version. And here's your host, Moisha Berger. Mo.

[G]

All right. In the top left square here to probably defend his son, it's Joe Biden.

[D]

Shalom Shalom. Shalom. Shalom.

[G]

How you doing, Joe?

[D]

Good to see Ash.

[C]

I bide with Shalon.

[D]

By the way. Grew up a Jewish, Puerto Rican. Black streets, Delaware, Scranton, Ohio.

[G]

What are. Where are you going? Off again? Yeah. You're off scripting.

[D]

We're celebrating tonight. I get much guilt for the American people. Yeah.

[B]

Brady.

[D]

Yo. Goodbye. Tonight to help us decorate.

[C]

Sure will.

[D]

The Hanukkah tree. Kamala, she gonna come over tonight. I'm gonna decorate the Hanukkah tree. Bring over Barack, okay? Tell him to knock it off with the Jew. What? As people. People are mean to him. Middle Eastern. You know what I'm saying? Get it all in there. I know everything about everybody.

[G]

Is Hunter gonna come through too?

[D]

Kamala Harristein. Hunter may not be able to make it. I didn't think so. Hunter's busy.

[G]

I didn't think so.

[D]

Hunter's using Jews for another thing. Lawyers, okay? It's been a court case. Friends of the Jews. To all my Jewish friends out there. Happy Chanukha.

[G]

I don't think you have to do it like that.

[D]

Hanukkah.

[C]

Hanukkah.

[D]

Let me rock you. Hanukkah. But Rocky, that's all I want to do.

[G]

No.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Chucky Cow. No.

[G]

All right. In the top, middle square. OJ's here.

[D]

All right. I don't know. How do you know what I'm not? I'm Juice.

[G]

I see what you did there on Hanukkah.

[D]

I spell it different. And you know what's funny?

[G]

How do you.

[D]

I mean, how you doing, Brady?

[B]

Good.

[G]

How do you spell it on Hanukkah?

[D]

J, E, W, S. Old Jews. I'm the Juice. The Juice is loose. I'm just saying. Hey, by the way, for all you little Jewish families out there, oj Service. Cuz I do need a little extra money. I gotta pay those Goldmans. Those Jews, anyway. I gotta pay them back. I was going, here's a defense that I never used and probably should have. I was just trying to perform a bris. No, no. I had my knife out and that little Goldman boy came towards me. I said, I'm Juice. And he said, all right. He said, will you perform a bliss or a bris or whatever the hell they call the Asians call it. A bliss.

[G]

Okay.

[D]

No, but yeah, so I. I decided to perform a. A bris on him. And it got out of hand. Just got a little crazy and slipped and fell and he's. I cut off a little more than I should.

[G]

Okay, well, Bad Moyo probably shouldn't be.

[D]

Happy from The Jews. Okay, I'm just saying. I'm just saying.

[G]

All right, let's operate where? Oscar Schindler.

[C]

That's right.

[D]

I am not a Jew either, but I like them quite a bit. I have my theme music playing right now. It's the end of the year, Mo.

[F]

I know.

[D]

And one thing I like to do at the end of the year is check my Spotify and put together Schindler's playlist.

[G]

Did you get a Spotify and Unwrapped or anything?

[D]

Or Kiss is on Schindler's playlist. Why? They're Jews.

[G]

Who else is on this playlist?

[D]

Neil diamond is on Schindler's playlist.

[B]

Daryl Hall.

[D]

Daryl hall is a Jew.

[A]

David Roth.

[B]

David Lee Roth.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Jamie's Crying is on the Schindler's playlist. Oh, no. Listen to it now on Spotify. It's the top. It's the top trending Spotify list system.

[C]

I don't think so.

[D]

Schindler's playlist.

[G]

It's trending on Tik Tok now.

[D]

What's going on? I can't go for that. No. Oh, dears. No, can you.

[G]

Okay.

[D]

That's right. Hall of Notes. One was a Jew. No, can you.

[G]

So you're only just singing their parts or.

[D]

I only sing his part. I turn down John Oates.

[B]

So does Daryl.

[D]

So does Daryl now. Yes. It turns him down completely. Check it out. Release Schindler's playlist. Roll out the windows. It's cold out.

[G]

Okay, moving on to the middle left square. Not a Jew but hanging out with us. It's Bruce Spring.

[D]

Kind of a Jew. Two, three. I can sing songs by other Jews.

[C]

Okay, what song? You sing it.

[D]

Well, you hear it in the background. I think we all sing it together. All right. 1, 2, 3, 3, 4, 5 or so where it began I can't begin to know and ladies and gentlemen, Neil Diamond. It's growing strong. He's great. Jew was in the spring. Yeah. And spring became the summer I who to believe you'd come along I didn't know I needed sweet. No, wait. Hands touching. Sorry, I forgot about this. Touching hands. Reaching out Touching me Touching you We. Happy Hanukkah juice.

[G]

He's ready to sing now.

[D]

How in the world am I not involved in this?

[G]

You will be late. You will be late.

[D]

I have to wait all the way down to my center bottom square.

[G]

You'll get there.

[D]

All right, we'll kiss. Should have been singing that song.

[G]

Okay, you have your chances.

[D]

I've been inclined all right, moving on.

[G]

To the middle square. It's Hanukkah, Brady.

[D]

Shalom, everybody. No.

[G]

What?

[D]

Today we celebrate the last trimester of Jesus Christ.

[G]

That's not how this is.

[D]

Yes, it.

[B]

It's just a way for you to get chocolate coins.

[C]

That's right.

[G]

Oh, my gosh.

[D]

And deals.

[G]

Yeah, sales.

[D]

Sales. There's one part Christian. It's making deals, saving a couple bucks. Jesus saved. Cause he was a Jew.

[G]

Okay.

[D]

What the heck? Sweet key lime pop. No.

[G]

Different song, Brady.

[D]

I go vault.

[G]

What did you say?

[D]

I'm veklempt for the holidays. We're only. What? He's just saying the words. He knows we're only 17 days away from Christmas, so it's noodlekugel for the next five. And then we start planning for that pumpkin piece.

[G]

Are you and Kirby going to like, spin drel and stuff?

[D]

Oh, we're going to spin the dreidel and we're going to shop retail. We're going to do all sorts of stuff for now.

[G]

Oh, my God.

[D]

Lighting candles, sucking down latkes. It's going to be good times.

[G]

I don't think you suck down lies.

[D]

Sure you do.

[C]

I do.

[D]

I can.

[A]

That is true.

[D]

Nothing better than a Locky shake shake. You go ahead and have your pumpkin spice. I like one of them lucky coffees. Those are good. He was so funny on Taxi. And I'd like to announce 50% off your sandwiches at Chompy's. If I'm. I'm gonna eat half that. Not the price. You're just getting half. If I have anything to say.

[G]

Oh, gee. All right, moving on to the middle right square. Jeff Goldblum is here.

[D]

Ah, very interesting to have me here for Hanukkah. I wonder why you chose.

[G]

Can you take guess?

[D]

Yes, I know exactly why. Very interesting, though, that it happened just seconds before the show began. Yeah. We didn't know who was in this, but you went to a jewfinder.com, the home of the Jupiter net, and yeah, here we are. Did you just call it the Jupiter? The last second Goldblum replacement. No, it's not wrong because Toledo forgot to fill in a square. So it was the first Jew that came to mind. I suppose.

[C]

So.

[G]

Glad you made it.

[B]

First Jew, I say. Best Jew.

[D]

I agree. Why wasn't I thought of immediately Goldburn's world, Right?

[C]

Anyone trying to.

[G]

You pushing that right now?

[D]

I trying. It's successful. I don't have to try that hard.

[G]

I'll watch anything I like.

[A]

Thank you.

[G]

I like your hair and your glasses.

[D]

Oh.

[G]

And your facial structure.

[D]

Wow.

[E]

Okay.

[D]

Sorry. If I could still get erections, I might have one right now.

[G]

Okay, moving on to the bottom left square. Brady secret square. Give us a hint.

[C]

Yes. I would have been 107 today. I was born Jewish.

[D]

Okay. Oh, thanks. We all were. Whole theme.

[C]

I am Spartacus.

[D]

Okay. Oh, so when you went to heaven, you still had the effects of this. Couldn't do the healthy version. Michael's dad still a butin. Okay, well, that's right. You don't lose the butchin in heaven. Thank you for that.

[E]

Very well done.

[G]

In the bottom, middle square. Here to finally sing some songs. Gene Simmons.

[D]

Gene Simmons from Kiss. You forgot to mention Kiss AI.

[G]

Ah, Kiss AI.

[D]

That's right. We are now artificial intelligence Kiss. We're no longer touring, but our cartoon characters are. In 2, 3, 4. Oh, yeah. But now I look at this night or something like who wrote this? It doesn't seem so lonely we fill up only with two. I love singing these songs, Neil. When I was hurt. Now it's my turn. Hurting runs off my shoulders Me. How can I hurt my holding you we're like the Three Tenors.

[G]

No.

[D]

1. Here we go.

[B]

Yes.

[D]

Touching one. What's he laughing at? Like Brady reaching out. Not sure which one. This is touching me. Follow along. Touching you. All right, that's enough. Okay.

[G]

Together.

[D]

I don't. We should. An AI version of all this. Now, I'd like to say it is the holidays. And let's be serious for a moment. Kiss has some things that come. Kiss.comkiss Dreidels are on sale.

[G]

Oh, God.

[D]

Spin the dreidel. Each side of the drel features a madeup member of Kiss, Starchild, a cat guy, Me, you know. And then you spin that and you get that. And then Kiss. Everything bagels. Because you've never had a bagel like this.

[G]

Everything bagels.

[D]

And if you take some of the pastrami and roll it out the center looks like my tongue. Excuse me. Kiss bagels. Kiss dreidels. Yas. Kiss Yam. Yes. That's another one. And then, of course, for dinner. Kiss brisket or kiskit?

[G]

Oh, my God, I love kiskit.

[D]

Try the kiskit tonight. Booby made a kishkit.

[G]

Does it have some of that special Jean Simmons sauce on it?

[D]

Of course it does. Booby makes her kiskit. You'll never be the same.

[G]

The bottom right square. Not Jewish, but here to bless us all. It's our Lord and Savior.

[D]

Triple. I don't see color that.

[G]

What?

[C]

Who said anything about color?

[F]

I know.

[D]

Larry's. That What? Jewish blue? Yeah, of the blue. His house makes my eyes hurt at Christmas. Why? Because of the blue lights. It makes my. It's squinty.

[G]

I don't think he has lights at his house.

[D]

Probably not. It's too expensive. Pensive. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Anyway. Happy knockoff. What? Nice knock. You spit on me. Get on with the game.

[G]

All right, let's go. Who's on the phone?

[D]

Darcy.

[B]

And who?

[A]

And Darcy just dropped what we got.

[C]

Paul, you want me. Just take the first one. Here.

[D]

Yeah, It'll be Darcy. Phones do that. Darcy, are you there?

[C]

Yep.

[D]

Darcy. See? Paulie, are you there?

[E]

Yes, I am.

[D]

All right. Darcy, you're a girl. Pick a square.

[E]

Go bottom right.

[D]

Yeah.

[G]

Oh, a lady picture trick.

[D]

Of course. Yeah. Are you ready? How do you celebrate Hanukkah in Mexico?

[G]

I've never celebrated Hanukkah.

[C]

I know.

[D]

And also Hitler. I had no idea. Well, don't defend it.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Go on. Wow.

[C]

I will never celebrate Hanukkah. Mo.

[G]

I didn't say that.

[C]

I heard it. I heard it.

[D]

What? Expect that from me?

[G]

Oh, my gosh. Play it back. Play it back. Okay, let's get to your question. By some estimates, 80% of the world's gold has been unearthed by mining.

[D]

You wouldn't notice. Well, Toledo's dad mines most of it. He stays underground all the time.

[G]

Oh, my gosh.

[D]

I know where the gold is in the world. I'm like Scrooge MC Trip Scrooge. It's in my basement. Oh. Every night, I put on my.

[B]

Simmons might have something to say about that.

[D]

Put on my 1920s bathing suit, and I go diving into my piles of gold.

[C]

Yeah, the full bodysuit from the top of the stairs.

[D]

Yes.

[G]

No, I mean, it looks like it's all chocolate, though. It doesn't look like coins.

[D]

Well, it's coins. Trust me on that one. I'll say. H. I like to go swimming in my cougies. What is that, your cougar and, yeah, that's what I call them. My cute little kookies. Gross. When I do the backstroke in my cougies.

[G]

Make it stop.

[D]

Oh, you could swim in it.

[G]

No, I'm good.

[D]

I'll say. That's true.

[G]

All right, Darcy, you're saying true.

[D]

Most of the gold is out.

[G]

Do you say he's saying true? Do you agree or disagree?

[E]

I agree.

[D]

Agree. Incorrect.

[G]

Surplus of square.

[C]

It's false.

[G]

It's 20%. Polly, go pick a square.

[D]

You got.

[E]

We'll do Brady middle square.

[D]

Shalom.

[G]

Paulie.

[D]

How are you?

[E]

Good. Good.

[D]

I'm good, too. It's Hanukkah, and that means free meals from Jewish people. They just hand out, like. Sure is. Knock on their door and ask if you just say, will you give me some free life? If I go away, you get free latkes. I'm Brady Bogowitz, and my views are insane. My boss sauce has got to go, and I will take any deal.

[G]

Are you giving that away as presents?

[D]

You pour a little ball sauce on some of those latkes, and they actually have flavor. I'll help those Jews enjoy a meal with some kosher sauce. Oh. Nosauce.com spelled German.

[B]

Taking lessons with Jean.

[G]

You and Gene got to get together.

[D]

It's not. It's not a comfortable moment right now. Gonna have a really kind of Germanic sauce. Oh, no.

[G]

Okay. All menorahs are candle bras, candelabras. Candelabras with nine candles. Candle bras, candelabras.

[D]

That was lingerie in the 1700s. Yeah, that's like a candle bras, like a labia minora. There are candelabbers with nine candles. That's true. Because it's the eight nights of oil leaking.

[C]

And then.

[D]

And then they had the one in the middle for Jesus.

[C]

Break.

[D]

For Jesus Christ, our divine Christ.

[G]

All right, Paulie, he's saying true. Do you agree or disagree?

[C]

I agree.

[G]

That's correct. Circle gets a square. Darcy, take Biden for the block.

[D]

Yeah, let's do it. Good choice. Good choice. Yeah. Who too?

[C]

Hanukkah.

[D]

Yeah. Going to light the Hanukkah tree tonight.

[C]

At the White House.

[G]

You going to invite Darcy?

[B]

I think there's a tree, sir.

[A]

There's a tree.

[D]

It's a tree. I put it up last night.

[B]

I think so.

[D]

Put up a tree. It's a big deal.

[G]

Why are you yelling?

[C]

Why?

[D]

It wasn't.

[C]

It is a big tree.

[D]

Gargantuan tree. Comes all the way from Israel. What I have flown over what? It's on their flag. It's a different kind of tree.

[C]

Look it up.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Wait a minute.

[D]

That's a goddamn Palestinian flag. What do we got out there?

[C]

You doing?

[D]

I'm in big trouble.

[G]

Yeah, you are.

[D]

Hunter's going to jail.

[G]

Yeah, he is.

[B]

You're not gonna pardon him?

[D]

Gotta put commander down.

[G]

Oh, my God.

[C]

No.

[D]

His whole operations fall apart. Oh, my gosh.

[C]

All right.

[D]

What do you got?

[G]

The jelly donut is the most common.

[D]

Hit me. Consuela, I'm ready for my question.

[G]

I just asked you. The jelly donut is the most common Hanukkah food. Is that True or false, Brady?

[D]

True. Okay. Really?

[G]

You're gonna ask Brady?

[D]

Turn to my food czar.

[G]

Your food s?

[D]

Yeah, he's my food s. You just.

[G]

When did this happen?

[D]

He ate all the food. I'm like, this guy's like a zara that.

[G]

All right, he's saying true. Do you agree or disagree?

[C]

Ke.

[G]

I have to disagree. Oh, incorrect. Circle gets a square. Paulie wins.

[D]

This is a sweep. It is a sweeping. Wow. Terrible job. Everybody happy now?

[A]

Paulie got it.

[D]

Yeah. Paulie crushed it. All right.

[F]

There you go.

[D]

Also, haven't mentioned my other [e-mail]. kiss Couscous.

[A]

What?

[D]

Kiss Couscous. I think the Jews eat that. It's delicious. We like it in my house. Of course I'm Jewish. Go to kiss.com, get Kiss Couscous for a delicious price. We'll be made a couscous and then Kiss VTA fish. If you're interested in. Please stop.

[G]

God.

[D]

We have it all in two, kiss.com delivered directly to your door. Cod of course. Why would I pay for your show? It's bad business. Anyway, enjoy the show, everyone. Good night. Get him out of here. All right, that's enough. Powerful rocket. It's out of control now. It's John Holmberg here from the morning sickness for lifechangealone.com I am so proud of myself. I just talked someone out of thinking that a 40 year home loan is a good idea. 40 years? What if I told you you can cut that loan down to around five years? Most life change alone clients do that. What if I told you you'd save about $250,000 in interest? Most life changer loan clients do that. And those are just the averages. Some people, me included, save a ton more. You got to check it out. Lifechangerloan.com it's the way it should be. There's no catch. There's no gift gimmick. It's simple. It's not magic. It's just math. Lifechangerloan.com hey, what's up?

[G]

It's Mo and my friends at the University of Advancing Technology has been ranked the number one best college for computer science for not one, but two years in a row. Which makes total sense because UAT are always on the lookout for those who don't just embrace technology, they live it. From advancing computer science and robotics to cybersecurity, gaming and artificial intelligence, UAT is where innovation thrives. So if you're ready to lead the next tech revolution, visit uat.edu mo. And don't just study tech, live it.