12-26-25 - Guad Squares - Hanukah Edition - OJ - Oscar Schindler - Springsteen - Hanukah Brady - Jeff Goldblum - Gene Simmons - 2023 - BO

Summary

Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – Guad Squares Hanukkah Edition

Episode Date: December 26, 2025
Podcast: Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – Arizona (98KUPD)
Hosts/Players: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo, Mo (Moishe Berger), with guests/impressions of OJ Simpson, Oscar Schindler, Bruce Springsteen, Hanukkah Brady, Jeff Goldblum, Gene Simmons, and humorous “caller” participants.

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Overview

This special Hanukkah-themed edition of “Guad Squares” brings the regular fever dream of pop culture madness and sharp, irreverent humor to the classic Hollywood Squares format, with each “square” being a comedic impersonation or parody of notable figures—most of them (loosely) related to Jewish heritage or the Hanukkah theme. The episode juggles quick wit, off-the-wall music tributes, and tomfoolery rampant with puns, callbacks, and just the right amount of questionable taste.

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Key Discussion Points & Highlights

1. Hanukkah Takeover & Jewish Humor

• Theme Setup (01:13–02:12): Moishe Berger introduces the Hanukkah edition. The “squares” are stacked with Jewish icons or, as the hosts joke, whoever they can render as “Jew-ish” via puns.
  • Quote [02:03] Mo (Moishe Berger): “You sit Shiva. Which is a great rap name, by the way… Little Shiva. Don’t screw it up.”
  • Quote [02:12] Mo (Moishe Berger): “It is time for your Squares Hanukkah version. And here’s your host, Moishe Berger.”

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2. The Squares: Parodies and Absurdities

Top Row

• Joe Biden ([02:30]):

  • Comedic riffing on Biden supposedly embracing every identity for political capital.
    • Quote [02:35] Brady (as Biden): “Biden grew up a Jewish, Puerto Rican. Black streets, Delaware, Scranton, Ohio.”
    • Holiday parody: “Come by tonight to help us decorate the Hanukkah tree… Kamala, she’s gonna come over tonight. I’m gonna decorate the Hanukkah tree. Bring over Barack.” ([03:01])
    • Hunter Biden jokes, e.g., “Hunter’s using Jews for another thing—lawyers, okay?” ([03:26])
    • Musical Parody: To the tune of Rick James — “Hanukkah, let me rock you. That’s all I want to do.” ([03:41])

• OJ Simpson ([03:52]):

  • Takes on a gratingly tongue-in-cheek tone about his legal infamy, now in a “Jewish” context.
    • Quote [04:06] John Holmberg (as OJ): “J, E, W S. Oh, Juice. I’m the Juice.”
    • Biting Satire: [04:12] Holmberg (as OJ): “I gotta pay those Goldmans. Those Jews. I gotta pay them back.”
    • Parody about offering “bris services” gone wrong.

• Oscar Schindler ([05:09]):

  • Riffing on “Schindler’s Playlist” for Spotify (Schindler’s List + Spotify Unwrapped pop culture joke).
    • Quote [05:23] John Holmberg (as Schindler): “One thing I like to do at the end of the year is check my Spotify and put together Schindler’s playlist.”
    • “Neil Diamond is on Schindler’s playlist… Jamie’s Crying is on there.” ([05:39])
    • Song wordplay, “No can Jew.” ([06:03])

Middle Row

• Bruce Springsteen ([06:28]):

  • Jokes that “Springsteen” is “Jewish in name only.” ([06:36])
  • Massive group singalong to “Sweet Caroline” (Neil Diamond) with Jewish lyrical twists.
    • Quote/Singalong [07:19] “Hands touching, reaching out, touching me, touching Jew, Sweet Caroline… Happy Hanukkah Jews!”

• Hanukkah Brady ([08:01]):

  • Parodies Brady Bogen rebranded for Hanukkah.
  • Outlandish explanations of Hanukkah traditions: “Today we celebrate the last trimester of Jesus.” ([08:08])
  • Food and deal-obsession: “Nothing better than a Locky shake… or latke coffee.” ([09:12])
  • “I'd like to announce 50% off your sandwiches at Chompy’s. Not the price—you just get half!” ([09:28])

• Jeff Goldblum ([09:34]):

  • Lovably neurotic Goldblum monologuing on why he was “last-second replacement” using “jewfinder.com.”
    • Quote [09:39] Mo (Moishe Berger as Goldblum): “Ah, very interesting to have me here for Hanukkah. I wonder why you chose… jewfinder.com, home of the Jupiter Net.”
    • Flirts awkwardly with Toledo: “If I could still get erections, I might have one right now.” ([10:44])

Bottom Row

• Brady (Secret Square), age 107, Spartacus joke ([12:33]):

  • Silly old Jewish references, stroke gags, and “butt chin” running joke.

• Gene Simmons (KISS) ([13:14]):

  • Gags about KISS merchandise for Hanukkah: “Kiss Dreidels, Kiss Everything Bagels… looks like my tongue.” ([14:33])
  • Merchandise pitch: “Kiss Brisket, or kiskit, Kiss Yamulkes… and Kiss Couscous.” ([14:51], [21:10])
  • Group singalong continues.

• Bottom Right “Triple”/Lord & Savior ([15:24]):

  • More irreverent humor about Christmas and Hanukkah crossing over.
  • Lighting/outdoor decorations: “His house makes my eyes hurt at Christmas.” ([15:36])
  • Playful banter at the boundaries of religious/cultural humor.

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3. Game Play: Hollywood Squares-Style

• Caller Participation ([16:12] onward):
  • Darcy and Paulie call in, picking squares and answering gag trivia loaded with more Jewish jokes and misdirection.
  • Hanukkah and Jewish trivia questions with increasingly absurd justifications from the “squares.”
    • Example: “All menorahs are candelabras with nine candles.” ([19:01])
    • Quote (Hanukkah Brady): “Candelabras with nine candles... That’s true, ‘cause it’s the eight nights of oil leaking, and then... the one in the middle for Jesus.” ([19:12])
  • The game wraps with Paulie’s win and more Kiss merchandise pitches.

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Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• Biden as Ultimate Chameleon:

  “Biden grew up a Jewish, Puerto Rican. Black streets, Delaware, Scranton, Ohio.” – Brady (as Biden), [02:35]

• Oscar Schindler Playlist Parody:

  “At the end of the year is check my Spotify and put together Schindler’s playlist.” – John Holmberg (as Schindler), [05:23]

• Springsteen Sings Neil Diamond:

  Group: “Touching me, touching Jew. Sweet Caroline. Happy Hanukkah Jews!” – [07:19–07:46]

• Gene Simmons Sells Everything:

  “Kiss Dreidels are on sale. Spin the dreidel, each side features a made up member of Kiss.” – John Holmberg (as Simmons), [14:33]

• Goldblum’s Irreplaceability:

  “If I could still get erections, I might have one right now.” – Mo (as Goldblum), [10:44]

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Timestamps by Major Segment

| Segment/Bit | Timestamp | |------------------------------------------------|------------| | Hanukkah theme and Squares setup | 01:13–02:30| | Joe Biden square | 02:30–03:47| | OJ Simpson square (Jewish puns/“bris” gags) | 03:52–05:09| | Oscar Schindler/Playlist bit | 05:12–06:28| | Bruce Springsteen/Group “Sweet Caroline” | 06:28–07:58| | Hanukkah Brady/Food Deals/Laughs | 08:01–09:34| | Jeff Goldblum/“Jewfinder”/flirting | 09:39–10:45| | Secret Square (Brady/Spartacus) | 12:33–13:09| | Gene Simmons/KISS merch/gags | 13:14–15:24| | “Triple” (Bottom Right)/Christmas cross-talk | 15:24–16:03| | Caller game show segment | 16:12–21:10| | KISS couscous wheel-out/Kiss Welta fish | 21:10–21:51|

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Tone & Style

The podcast episode is thick with fast-paced, improvisational banter, loaded with cultural and holiday puns, over-the-top impersonations, and a playful willingness to mix traditions for comedic effect. The humor can be cringey (by design), irreverent, and intentionally groan-worthy, but always veers toward inclusion and goofball celebration.

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Final Notes

• For returning listeners, this is classic “HMS” madness—irreverently skewering everyone and everything under the Hanukkah sun.
• For first-timers, expect a wild ride: a blend of local Arizona radio charm, breakfast-club vibes, pop culture pastiche, and comedy that doesn’t apologize for coloring outside the lines.
• “Guad Squares” as a bit is an annual highlight for many. This edition stands out as both a Hanukkah party and an absurdist roast of traditions, celebrities, and (most lovingly) themselves.

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For further info or merch (seriously, Kiss might actually sell a dreidel), check out:

• 98kupd.com
• Kiss.com (maybe not for couscous, though…)

Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by mmpguns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition, and accessories.

[Valley Chevy Dealer Announcer]

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[Brett Vesely]

Hey, it's Brett Vesely, and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Brett, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one. Tell him not to put himself at risk and come into M and P Guns where he'll get a fair offer and he can rest easy knowing it's not getting into the wrong hands.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay, but what if he lives out of state?

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Easy legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it all online. It's really that simple.

[Brett Vesely]

There you have it. MMP Guns or legal. The safe and legal way to sell your firearms.

[John Holmberg]

It's the best of Homburg's morning sickness on the big red radio.

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

But you owe me later under the.

[John Holmberg]

Mistletoe, open mouth no matter how drunk I am.

[Brady]

Ho, ho, Homburg.

[John Holmberg]

Kupd.

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

Moe's here, everybody. That means it's Friday. Hi, Mo.

[Toledo]

Hi, John.

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

How are you?

[Toledo]

Fantastical.

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

Good to hear it. Happy Hanukkah to you.

[John Holmberg]

Yes.

[Toledo]

And to Toledo.

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

You left a square over there. Oh, I thought we had the extra. I thought we had them all in there. All right, you've put yours in there. Mo made a request, so we'll go with that. Oh, I got one. Never mind.

[Toledo]

Are we changing China?

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

We're changing it. Yeah.

[Toledo]

Okay, well, you're gonna swing it.

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

I'll just write it, and then you can figure that out.

[John Holmberg]

That's a good.

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

That's a good one. That's the Hanukkah square.

[Toledo]

Yeah, you're right.

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

You're right. Kicked off this week, so we went with a heavy Jewish Larry McFeely. No, Larry's not in there. No, he's having a Shiva. That's true. He lost someone in his family. And you have a Shiva.

[Brady]

Right after that, you sit Shiva.

[Kirby]

That's right.

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

You sit Shiva. Which is a great rap name, by the way.

[Brady]

Sit Shiva. Little Shiva. Don't screw it up.

[Toledo]

Just throwing gelt everywhere.

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

Yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Making guilt. Raining on strippers with guilt. Oh, What I know you're gonna pick it up after. Okay, not getting all. It is time for your Squares Hanukkah version. And here's your host, Moishe Berger.

[Paulie]

All right.

[Toledo]

In the top left square, here to probably defend his son, it's Joe Biden.

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

Shalom.

[Toledo]

Shalom.

[John Holmberg]

Shalom.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Shalom.

[Toledo]

How you doing, Joe?

[Brady]

Good to see you.

[Paulie]

I bide with shalom.

[Brady]

Biden grew up a Jewish, Puerto Rican. Black streets, Delaware, Scranton, Ohio.

[Toledo]

What are. Where are you going? Off again?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

You're off scripting.

[Brady]

We're celebrating tonight. I get much guilt for the American people. Yeah, well. God, Brady.

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

Yo.

[Brady]

Come by tonight to help us decorate.

[Kirby]

Sure will.

[Paulie]

The Hanukkah tree.

[Brady]

The Hanukkah. Kamala, she's gonna come over tonight. I'm gonna decorate the Hanukkah tree. Bring over Barack.

[Toledo]

Okay.

[Brady]

Tell him to knock it off with the Jew.

[Toledo]

What?

[Paulie]

Yes. People are mean to him.

[Brady]

Middle Eastern. You know what I'm saying? That's gonna get it all in there. I know everything about everybody.

[Toledo]

Is Hunter gonna come through too?

[Brady]

Kamella Harristein. Hunter may not be able to make it.

[Paulie]

I didn't think so.

[Brady]

Hunter's. Hunter's using Jews for another thing.

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

Lawyers, okay?

[Brady]

It's been a court case. Friends of the Jews. To all my Jewish friends out there. Happy Chanicha.

[Toledo]

I don't think you have to do it like that.

[Brady]

Hanukkah, Chanukha, let me rock you. Hanukkah, let me rock you. That's all I want to do.

[Kirby]

No, Chucky.

[Brady]

Cow.

[Toledo]

No. All right. In the top middle square. OJ's here.

[Brady]

I don't know. How do you know what I'm not? I'm Juice.

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

I'm Juice.

[Toledo]

I see what you did there, Harn.

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

Hanukkah.

[John Holmberg]

I spe it different.

[Brady]

And you know what's funny?

[Toledo]

How do you.

[John Holmberg]

How you do it? Brady?

[Kirby]

Good.

[Toledo]

Spell it on.

[Paulie]

Hanukkah.

[John Holmberg]

J, E, W S. Oh, Juice. I'm the Juice.

[Brady]

The Juice is loose. All right, I'm gonna say it.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, by the way, for all you little Jewish families out there, OJ Service. Cuz I do need a little extra money. I gotta pay those Goldmans. Those Jews. I gotta pay them back.

[Brady]

I was talking. Here's a defense that I never used.

[John Holmberg]

And probably should have. I was Just trying a. A bris.

[Paulie]

No, no. I had my knife out and that.

[John Holmberg]

Little Goldman boy came towards me, goes. I said, I'm Juice.

[Brady]

And he said, all right.

[John Holmberg]

He said, will you perform a bliss or a bris or whatever the hell they call the Asians call it. A bliss.

[Toledo]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

No, but yeah, so I. I decided to perform a. A bris on him, and it got out of hand. Just got a little crazy and slipped and fell and he's. I cut off a little more than I should.

[Toledo]

Okay, well, bad Moyo probably shouldn't be.

[John Holmberg]

Happy Hanukkah from the Jews.

[Brady]

Okay, I'm just saying.

[John Holmberg]

I'm just saying.

[Toledo]

All right. The top right square. Oscar Schindler.

[Brady]

That's right.

[John Holmberg]

I am not a Jew either, but I like them quite a bit. I have my theme music playing right now. It's the end of the year, Mo.

[Toledo]

I know.

[John Holmberg]

And one thing I like to do at the end of the year is check my Spotify and put together Schindler's playlist.

[Toledo]

Did you get a Spotify and unwrapped or anything?

[John Holmberg]

Or Kiss is on Schindler's playlist.

[Paulie]

Why?

[John Holmberg]

They're Jews.

[Toledo]

Who else is on this playlist?

[John Holmberg]

Neil diamond is on Schindler's playlist.

[Brady]

Daryl Hall.

[John Holmberg]

Daryl hall is a Jew.

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

David Leroth playlist.

[Brady]

David Lee Roth. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Jamie's Crying is on the Schindler's playlist.

[Toledo]

Oh, no.

[John Holmberg]

Listen to it now on Spotify. It's the top. It's the top trending Spotify list on I don't know.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Think so.

[John Holmberg]

Schindler's playlist.

[Toledo]

It's trending on TikTok now. What's going on?

[John Holmberg]

I can't go for that.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, dude, no, please don't. No can Jew.

[Toledo]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. Hall of Oates. One was a Jew. No, can you.

[Toledo]

So you're only just singing their parts or.

[John Holmberg]

I only sing his part. I turn down John Oates.

[Brady]

Okay, so does Daryl.

[Kirby]

Later.

[John Holmberg]

So does Daryl now. Yes, it turns him down completely.

[Toledo]

Oh, my God.

[John Holmberg]

Check it out. Release Schindler's playlist. Roll with the windows. It's cold out.

[Toledo]

Okay, we're moving on to the middle left square. Not a Jew, but hanging out with us. It's Bruce Springsteen.

[Brady]

Kind of a Jew. Two, three.

[Paulie]

No.

[Brady]

What the steen and name only.

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

I can sing songs by other Jews.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Toledo]

What song you singing in?

[Brady]

Well, you hear it in the background. I think we all sing it together. All right. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

[John Holmberg]

Or so where it began.

[Brady]

I can't Begin to know and ladies.

[John Holmberg]

And gentlemen, Neil diamond ruins strong. He's great. You was in the spring yeah. And spring became the summer who to.

[Brady]

Believe you'd come along?

[Paulie]

Didn't know I needed sweet.

[John Holmberg]

No, wait.

[Brady]

Hands touching. Sorry, I forgot about this. Touching hands. Reaching out. Touching me. Touching Jew. Sweet Caroline John. Two, three. Happy Hanukkah Jews.

[Paulie]

He's ready to sing now.

[John Holmberg]

How in the world am I not involved in this?

[Paulie]

You will be late.

[John Holmberg]

I have to wait all the way down to my center bottom song.

[Toledo]

You'll get there. All right.

[John Holmberg]

Kiss. Should have been singing that song.

[Toledo]

Okay, you have your chances.

[John Holmberg]

I've been.

[Paulie]

All right.

[Toledo]

Moving on to the middle square. It's Hanukkah. Brady.

[Paulie]

Shalom, everybody.

[Brady]

No.

[Toledo]

What?

[Paulie]

Today we celebrate the last trimester of Jesus.

[Toledo]

No, that's not how this is.

[Paulie]

Yes, it.

[Valley Chevy Dealer Announcer]

It's just a way for you to get chocolate coins.

[Brady]

That's right.

[Toledo]

Oh, my gosh.

[Paulie]

And deals.

[Toledo]

Yeah, sales. Sales.

[Paulie]

Well, there's one part of me that's almost not Christian. It's making deals, saving a couple bucks. Jesus saved. Cause he was a Jew. Okay, what the heck? Sweet Key lime pop.

[Brady]

No, no.

[Toledo]

Different song, Brady.

[Paulie]

Ah, govault. What did you say? I'm verklempt for the holidays. We're only.

[Toledo]

What?

[Brady]

He's just saying the words.

[Paulie]

He knows we're only 17 days away from Christmas, so it's noodlekoogle for the next five. And then we start planning for that punkin pie.

[Toledo]

Are you and Kirby gonna, like, spin dreidels and stuff?

[Paulie]

Oh, we're gonna spin the dreidels and we're gonna shop retail. We're gonna do all sorts of stuff for him.

[Toledo]

Oh, my God.

[Paulie]

Lighting candles, sucking down latkes. It's gonna be good times.

[Toledo]

I don't think you suck down latkes. Sure you do.

[John Holmberg]

I do.

[Paulie]

I can make some things.

[Toledo]

That is true.

[Paulie]

Nothing better than a Locky shake Shake. You go ahead and have your pumpkin spice. I like one of them Locky coffees. Those are good. He was so funny on taxi. And I'd like to announce 50% off your sandwiches at Chompy's. If I'm.

[Brady]

I'm gonna eat half that. You're letting him know?

[Paulie]

Not the price. You're just getting half if I have anything to say.

[Toledo]

Oh, gee. All right, moving on to the middle right square. Jeff Goldblum is here.

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

Ah, very interesting to have me here for Hanukkah. I wonder why you chose.

[Toledo]

Can you take a guess?

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

Yes, I know exactly why. Very interesting. Though that it happened just seconds before the show began.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

We didn't know who was in this, but you went to jewfinder.com, the home of the Jupiter Net, and yeah, here we are.

[Toledo]

Did you just call it the Jupiter?

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

The last second Goldblum replacement?

[Byron from MMP Guns]

No.

[Brett Vesely]

Isn't that wrong?

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

Because Toledo forgot to fill in a square. So it was the first Jew that came to mind.

[Toledo]

I suppose so. Glad you made it.

[Valley Chevy Dealer Announcer]

First Jew, I say.

[John Holmberg]

Best Jew.

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

I agree. Why wasn't I thought of immediately Goldblum's world.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brady]

Anyone trying to.

[Toledo]

Are you pushing that right now?

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

I'm trying. It's successful. I don't have to try that hard.

[Toledo]

I'll watch anything.

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

I like your hair.

[Toledo]

Thank you. I like your hair and your glasses. Oh, and your facial structure.

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

Wow.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Sorry.

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

If I could still get erections, I might have one right now.

[John Holmberg]

Merry effing holidays from the big Red Radio.

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

It's John Holmberg here from the morning sickness, and it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of My Home Group and doughhopkins.com. have you ever thought to yourself, I'm gonna sell my house? Of course you have. And one reason or another, you just didn't do it. Probably because it's a hassle when you try to make a real estate deal. What if I could say, you can sell that house the day after you say the words, I want to sell my house. Doug's been at this for over 25 years, and that's why he's still on top of the Hill. TVs Doug Hopkins can handle everything. Won't move the price or you get $5,000. What do start to process right now@doug hopkins.com or grab the phone and sing. Howdy, everybody. It's John Holberg here from the morning sickness, and it's time to tell you about fanduel, the NFL Sundays.

[John Holmberg]

They're here.

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

You got your crew, you got your couch, your snacks, your slate. FanDuel's coming in with something extra. This isn't just another NFL Sunday. It's your chance to place that perfect parlay or hit your go to player prop. And now we're making it even better because this week, FanDuel's bringing the bonus. That's right. Right now, all customers can get a 50% profit boost on any NFL bet you play your game. FanDuel's got your back with something extra in your account because that's what Sunday should feel like. Visit fanduel.com kupd to download the app and get in on the action before kickoff, I lean towards my new tight end over there in Pittsburgh to get a touchdown. And I'm all set up starting my parlay. Just go to fanduel.com kupd21/in present Arizona Opt in required bonus issued as non withdrawable profit boost tokens. Restrictions apply including any token expiration and max wager amount. See [e-mail] gambling problem. Call 1-800-next-step or text next step to 53342.

[John Holmberg]

Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Toledo]

Okay, moving on to the bottom left square. Brady secret square gave us a head.

[Brady]

Yes. I would have been 107 today.

[Kirby]

I was born Jewish.

[Brady]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, thanks. We all were. It's the whole theme.

[Kirby]

I am Spartacus.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

Oh, so when you went to heaven, you still had the effects of this stroke.

[John Holmberg]

Couldn't do the healthy version.

[Brady]

Michael's dad still a butt chin.

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

Okay, well, that's right. You don't lose the butt chin in heaven. Thank you for that.

[Brady]

Very well done.

[Toledo]

Oh, in the bottom middle square. Here to finally sing some songs, it's Gene Simmons.

[John Holmberg]

Green Simmons from Kiss. We Forgot to mention Kiss.

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

AI.

[Toledo]

Kiss. AI.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. We are now Artificial Intelligence Kiss. We're no longer touring, but our cartoon characters are. 2, 3, 4.

[Brady]

I know you two if you never.

[John Holmberg]

Would oh, yeah but now I look at this night or something like who wrote this garbage? It doesn't seem so lonely we fill.

[Brady]

Up only with you I love singing these songs, Neil.

[John Holmberg]

When I was hurt now it's my turn Hurting runs off my shoulders Me.

[Brady]

How can I hurt holding you? We're like the Three Tenors.

[Toledo]

No.

[Brady]

1 Here we go.

[Paulie]

Yes.

[Brady]

Touching one. What's he laughing at? Like Brady reaching out.

[John Holmberg]

Not sure which one this is. Touching me.

[Paulie]

Follow along.

[Brady]

Touching you.

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

That's enough. Okay, you guys should stand together.

[Brady]

I don't.

[John Holmberg]

We should. An AI version of all this. Now, I'd like to say it is the holidays. And let's be serious for a moment. Kiss has some [e-mail] you can. Kiss Dreidels are on sale.

[Toledo]

Oh, God.

[John Holmberg]

Spin the dreidel. Each side of the dreidel features a made up member of Kiss. Star child. A cat guy, me, you know, demon. And then you spin that and you get that. And then kiss. Everything bagels. Because you've never had a bagel like this.

[Toledo]

Everything bagels.

[John Holmberg]

And if you take some of the pastrami and roll it out the center, it looks like my tongue. Kiss bagels. Kiss dreidels.

[Brett Vesely]

Yarmulkers.

[John Holmberg]

Kiss. Yamul. Yes. That's another one. And then, of course, for dinner. Kiss. Brisket or kisk?

[Toledo]

Oh, my God, I love Kiss.

[John Holmberg]

Try the kiskit tonight. Booby made a kishka.

[Toledo]

Does it have some of that special Gene Simmons sauce on it?

[John Holmberg]

Of course it does. If Booby makes her kiss it, you'll never be the same.

[Toledo]

Right at the bottom. Right square. Not Jewish, but here to bless us all. It's our Lord and Savior. Triple.

[Brady]

I don't see color that.

[Toledo]

What?

[Brady]

Who said anything about color?

[John Holmberg]

I know. Larry's that.

[Toledo]

What?

[John Holmberg]

Jewish blue? Yeah, of the blue. His house makes my eyes hurt at Christmas.

[Toledo]

Why?

[John Holmberg]

Because of the blue lights. Makes my it squint.

[Toledo]

Dude, I think he has lights at his house.

[John Holmberg]

Probably not. It's too expensive.

[Paulie]

Okay.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Anyway, happy knockoff. What?

[Brady]

Nice knock.

[Toledo]

You spit on me.

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

Get on with the game.

[Toledo]

All right, let's go. Who's on the phone?

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

Darcy and who?

[Brady]

And Darcy just dropped what we got.

[Brett Vesely]

Paul, you want me just take the first one here.

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

Yeah, it'll be Darcy Foams.

[John Holmberg]

Do that.

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

Darcy, are you there?

[John Holmberg]

Yep.

[Toledo]

Darcy, See?

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

Paulie, are you there?

[Brady]

Yes, I am.

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

All right, Darcy, you're a girl. Pick a square, go bottom right.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

Oh, a lady picture trick.

[John Holmberg]

Of course. Yeah. Are you ready? How do you celebrate Hanukkah in Mexico?

[Toledo]

Mo, I've never celebrated Hanukkah. Oh, I know.

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

And also Hitler.

[John Holmberg]

I had no idea. All right, well, don't defend it. Okay, Go on.

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

Wow.

[Kirby]

I will never celebrate Hanukkah, Mo.

[Toledo]

I didn't say that.

[Brady]

I heard it. I heard it.

[Toledo]

What?

[John Holmberg]

Expect that from me?

[Toledo]

Oh, my gosh. Play it back, play it back. Okay, let's get to your question. By some estimates, 80% of the world's gold has been unearthed by mining.

[John Holmberg]

You wouldn't notice. Well, Toledo's dad mines most of it. He stays underground all the time.

[Toledo]

Oh, my gosh.

[John Holmberg]

I know where the gold is in the world. I'm like Scrooge McTripp. Scrooge?

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

It's in my basement.

[John Holmberg]

Oh. Every night I put on my.

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

1920S.

[John Holmberg]

Bathing suit and I go diving into my piles of gold.

[Toledo]

Yeah, the full bodysuit from the top of the stairs?

[Brady]

Yes.

[Toledo]

No, I mean, it looks like it's all chocolate, though. It doesn't look like coins.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it's coins. Trust me on that one. I'll say. I like to go swimming in my coogy.

[Toledo]

What is that your cougar, Anthony?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's what I call them. My cute little coogies.

[Brett Vesely]

Gross.

[John Holmberg]

When I do the backstroke in my cougies.

[Toledo]

Make it stop.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you could swim in it.

[Toledo]

No, I'm good.

[John Holmberg]

I'll say that's true.

[Toledo]

All right, Darcy, you're saying true.

[John Holmberg]

Most of the gold is out.

[Toledo]

Do you say he's saying true. Do you agree or disagree? I agree. Incorrect.

[Paulie]

Surface square is false.

[Toledo]

It's 20. Paulie, go ahead and pick a square.

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

Yes.

[Brady]

We'll do Brady middle square.

[Paulie]

How are you?

[Brady]

Good. Good.

[Paulie]

I'm good, too. It's Hanukkah, and that means free meals from Jewish people. They just hand out like sure is. Knock on their door and ask if you just say, will you give me some free lockies? If I go away, you get free lackeys. I'm Brady Bogowan, and my views are insane. My Boss sauce has got to go, and I will take any deal.

[Toledo]

Are you giving that away as presents?

[Paulie]

You pour a little boss sauce on some of those latkes, and they actually have flavor. I'll help those Jews enjoy a meal with some kosher sauce. Oh, no available bossauce.com spelled German.

[Brady]

Taking lessons from Gene.

[Toledo]

You and Gene got to get together.

[Paulie]

It's not a comfortable moment right now. Gonna have a really kind of. Of Germanic sauce smelling.

[Brady]

No.

[Toledo]

Okay. All menorahs are candle bras, Candelabras, candelabras with nine candles. Candle bras, candelabras.

[Paulie]

That was lingerie in the 1700s. That's like a candle bras, like a labia minora. There are candelabras with nine candles. That's true. Cause it's the eight nights of oil leaking, and then. And then they had the one in the middle for Jesus.

[Kirby]

Break.

[Paulie]

For Jesus Christ, our divine Christ.

[Toledo]

All right, Paulie, he's saying true. Do you agree or disagree?

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

I agree.

[Toledo]

That's correct. Circle gets a square. Darcy, take Biden for the block.

[Brady]

Yeah, let's do it. Good choice. Good choice. We'll light the Hanukkah tree tonight at the White House.

[Toledo]

You gonna invite Darcy?

[Brady]

I think there's a tree, sir. There's a tree.

[Paulie]

It's a tree.

[Brady]

I put it up last night. I think so. Put up a tree. It's a big deal.

[Toledo]

I heard you yelling.

[Kirby]

It is a big tree.

[Brady]

Gargantuan tree. Comes all the way from Israel. What I'd have flown over what? It's on their flag. It's a different kind of tree.

[Brett Vesely]

Look it up.

[Brady]

Wait a minute. That's a goddamn Palestinian flag. What do we got up here? What are you doing? I'm in Big trouble.

[Toledo]

Yeah, you are.

[Brady]

Hunter's going to jail.

[Paulie]

Yeah, he is.

[Brady]

You're not gonna pardon him. Gotta put Commander down.

[Toledo]

Oh, my God, no.

[Paulie]

His whole operations fall apart.

[Brady]

What do you got?

[Toledo]

The jelly donut is the most common.

[Brady]

Hit me. Consuela, I'm ready for my question.

[Toledo]

I just asked you. The jelly donut is the most common Hanukkah food. Is that true or false, Brady?

[Brady]

True.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay.

[Paulie]

Really?

[Toledo]

You're gonna ask? Brady turned to my food czar. Your food czar?

[Brady]

Yeah, he's my food czar. Did you just.

[Toledo]

When did this happen?

[Brady]

He ate all the food.

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

I'm like.

[Brady]

This guy's like a Zara there.

[Toledo]

All right, he's saying true. Do you agree?

[Brady]

Candle bra?

[Toledo]

I have to disagree.

[Paulie]

Oh, incorrect.

[Toledo]

Circle gets a square.

[Paulie]

Polly wins.

[Brady]

It is a sweeping.

[Kirby]

Wow.

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

Terrible job. Everybody happy now?

[Brett Vesely]

Paulie got it.

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

Yeah, Paulie crushed it. All right.

[John Holmberg]

There you go. Also, haven't mentioned my other [e-mail], kiss Couscous.

[Toledo]

What?

[John Holmberg]

Kiss couscous. I think the Jews eat that. It's delicious. We like it in my house. Of course I'm Jewish. Go to kiss.com, get Kiss Couscous for a delicious price.

[Brady]

Just say it again.

[John Holmberg]

We'll be made a couscous and then Kiss Welta fish. If you're interested in.

[Paulie]

Please stop.

[Toledo]

God.

[John Holmberg]

We have it [e-mail] delivered directly to your door. Cod. Of course. Why would I pay for your. That's bad business. Anyway, enjoy the show, everyone. Good night.

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

Get him out of here. All right, that's enough.

[Brady]

It's out of control now.

[John Holmberg]

98 K U P T. It's John.

[Mo (Moishe Berger)]

Holmberg here, and it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of my home group and doughns.com. i got a call from Doug the other day thanking me for leading so many of you guys his direction. He told me a story of a listener who had been through quite an ordeal and had a house they absolutely had to sell to feel like they were getting back to a normal place in life. You. You just never know when simple business transactions can actually change someone's life. So you want to deal with somebody great. TV's Doug Hopkins. That's your guy. So if you want to sell your house, start the process right now online@doug hopkins.com or grab that phone and sing.

[Kirby]

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