12-28-25 - John's Worried About His Ping Pong Ball Size Testicles - July 2013 - Brady Rescued A Praying Mantis And Loves Roadkill - Oct 2021 - BO

Summary

Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness (12-28-25)

Episode Title: John’s Worried About His Ping Pong Ball Size Testicles - July 2013 - Brady Rescued A Praying Mantis And Loves Roadkill - Oct 2021
Air Date: December 18, 2025
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo

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Episode Overview

This episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness on 98KUPD sees the crew diving deep into their trademark mix of crude humor and offbeat banter. The central themes include John’s concerns about his testicle size, Brady’s unusual relationship with wildlife (featuring the infamous praying mantis rescue), and a surprising confession regarding roadkill. Along the way, the hosts riff on male anxieties, animal rights (or lack thereof), and their own peculiar habits, all with irreverent energy and a few memorable punchlines.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Testicle Size Anxiety & Male Body Comparisons

Timestamps: 00:40 - 08:52

• John Holmberg kicks off with a thread about worrying over whether his testicles are abnormally large ("ping pong ball size") and the ensuing male anxiety about what’s "normal."
• The guys joke about comparing their own to various fruits and sports equipment, citing studies and Wikipedia for average size (2 inches in length mentioned at 02:08), and ribbing each other for worrying at all.
• Commentary is laced with self-deprecation (e.g., “I was cursed with a very average wiener and extra ball skin”; 05:40), and riffs about the lack of social stigma (06:14: “I don’t think that offends guys. If I said you have a little wiener, you’d be worried. But if I say you have little balls, it’s no big deal.” – Chuck).
• Extended visual gags and mental imagery: the “long bag” analogy (01:51 - 03:00), the need for a “ball lift,” and jokes about getting a Samsonite handle to manage saggy scrotal skin (07:00 - 07:23).

Notable Quotes

• Chuck (03:35): “Maybe Pileen was just worried that his sack was too… Hey guys, I read a story. The balls, they not supposed to be the size of small baseballs.”
• John (04:01): “Does anyone understand this chart? No.”
• Chuck (06:14): “I don’t think that offends guys. Like, if I said you have a little wiener, you’d be worried. But if I say you have little balls, it’s no big deal.”

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2. Brady and the Praying Mantis: Animal Rescuer or Bug Warden?

Timestamps: 09:21 - 18:19

• Brady shares his story about catching a praying mantis and keeping it temporarily at his home, feeding it live crickets (09:42). The hosts mock him relentlessly for going out of his way to “save” bugs.
• Chuck presses Brady for details—where he captured the mantis (at Joe’s Farm Grill, 17:43), and the logistics of bringing it home in a cup—calling his behavior “bananas” and “insane” (18:08).
• The conversation shifts to ethical questions about keeping wildlife captive for “education,” and the crew prods Brady about being a “sociopath” for feeding live crickets to the mantis for Kirby (his daughter) to watch (14:12: "You're creating a sociopath.").

Notable Quotes

• Chuck (10:08): “Now you’re telling a story about a boring video. Nobody cares about a praying mantis eating a cricket ever. You know how mentally deranged you have to be?”
• Chuck (13:33): “He took something from where it wanted to be, stuck it in a well, fed it, made it put lotion on, and then said, it’s just for a couple days. I’ll just keep it. That’s what you are. You’re a bug Jame Gumb.”
• John (17:20): “Hey, Brady, you know why I don’t have a praying mantis in my garden anymore? Because jackasses like you keep pulling them off the stucco.”

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3. Roadkill Rescue: Helpful or Weird?

Timestamps: 18:48 - 24:54

• Brady confesses to having once carried a shovel in his car to scoop roadkill (squirrels, raccoons, even cats and dogs) to the side of the road so other animals could eat them or to clear a mess for drivers (21:01).
• The rest of the crew is baffled and disturbed, insisting this is not normal behavior (“You’re going to get rabies! Go take a bath, I don’t want you in here with us.” – Chuck, 20:23).
• Chuck and John point out that even in rural Montana, no one does that—most just keep driving.
• The conversation ends with Brady sheepishly insisting he hasn’t done it in Arizona and probably won’t again (24:24: “Okay, good. So you’ve stopped this behavior. Society wins.”).

Notable Quotes

• Chuck (20:23): “You’re going to get rabies! Go take a bath, I don’t want you in here with us.”
• Chuck (24:08): “You guys don’t have a shovel in your car to scoop roadkill? No, I’m normal. And that’s detrimental to like a child too.”

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4. Tangents: Oculus Gaming and Other Shenanigans

Timestamps: 15:54 - 17:20

• Quick detour as the hosts compare Oculus VR gaming experiences and default to jokes about VR pornography.
• Bret mentions “Roadhead: The Game” as a potential VR racing game/joke (16:38).
• The team connects this discussion back to Brady’s penchant for odd behavior, calling him a “weirdo” with “weird tendencies” (16:41).

Notable Quotes

• Chuck (16:41): “Roadhead. I’d play Roadhead, the game… That’s the second most insane thing you’re doing behind the praying mantis, which is actually playing games on the Oculus.”
• John (17:09): “If he comes [to my neighborhood] dressed as a chubby praying mantis for Halloween, I’m calling the cops, Brady.”

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Memorable Moments & Running Gags

• Ping Pong Ball Testicles: The episode title’s core gag drives much of the early banter, with recurring anxiety about whether “ping pong ball” sized is normal, and how nobody really asks their doctor about this stuff.
• Praying Mantis as Prisoner: The crew paints Brady as a suburban Dr. Frankenstein—or Silence of the Lambs’ Buffalo Bill—giggling over the “bug well” keeping the mantis in captivity.
• Roadkill Shovel: Brady’s revelation that he’s handled roadkill is met with shock and disgust, and becomes a new yardstick for weirdness among the group.
• “You’re a weirdo”: At least half a dozen times, Chuck or John straightforwardly declare Brady “crazy,” “bananas,” or “a weirdo,” with Brady unflappably defending his choices.

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Useful Timestamps

• Start of testicle size conversation: 00:39
• Wikipedia average testicle size: 02:04
• One-testicle trivia (Schwarzenegger/Hitler): 04:33
• Bag/sagging skin jokes: 06:33
• Praying mantis story begins: 09:21
• Harshest bug prison jokes: 13:33
• Oculus tangent: 15:54
• Brady’s roadkill confessions: 18:48
• “You guys don’t have a shovel in your car?”: 24:08

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Final Tone

True to Holmberg’s Morning Sickness, the tone is uncensored, honest, and occasionally juvenile, with the conversation roaming freely across topics. The episode is a showcase for the group’s camaraderie: they roast each other’s quirks mercilessly, but ultimately, it’s all in good fun.

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Who Should Listen & Why

Fans of irreverent, uncensored morning radio, or anyone who enjoys male panel comedy riffing on bodily anxieties and bizarre life choices, will find a lot to laugh at here. This episode particularly highlights the show’s signature ability to turn mundane worries or oddball habits into uproarious group therapy.

Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. Hey, it's Brett Vesely, and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[Byron]

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[Brett Vesely]

Okay, but what if he lives out of state?

[Byron]

Easy. Legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it. Really? That simple?

[Brett Vesely]

There you have it. MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms.

[Chuck]

There's more of the best of Hombre's morning sickness. 98kupd Somebody's emailing me about the ping pong ball deal. It's like I have ping pong balls too. John, we've worried the entire city about oversized genitals because we're men. We don't know what other guys balls are supposed to be like, so.

[Brady]

Probably a good thing.

[Chuck]

Yeah, it's a great thing. But when it comes down to studies saying, well, if your balls are this big, your heart's gonna explode, you start to wonder, where do I stack up?

[Brady]

Yeah, ping pong balls. Maybe because it's so round.

[Chuck]

That's what I'm saying. If you mush it down, it seems about right.

[Brady]

Still seems big.

[Chuck]

No. What are we looking at? For right now?

[Brady]

There's two of them.

[Chuck]

I'm paranoid. That seems about right to me.

[Brady]

If you have big old giant balls.

[Chuck]

I guess I don't have big balls. Somebody would have said something by now. I think a doctor somewhere along the lines are going, nice ball things are massive. They're not. I'm not like Cisco Adler.

[Brady]

I've got a lot of doctors playing with your balls.

[Chuck]

I prefer it that way. I had the dentist do it. That's why he sent me to another guy. I have a pain here in my. What is this? A molar? And then one in my balls. I think there's a tooth in there. You get to feel hard.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Chuck]

Yeah, that's it. I know I have extra bag. John Schmall says, dude, as soon as you said that about that, I pictured what Great Danes look like from behind and then put it on you. Stop talking Your long bag. Doing a long bag. That's hereditary.

[John]

Okay, According to the all knowing Wikipedia, the average testicle size after puberty.

[Chuck]

Don't give me centimeters. I'll be a mess.

[John]

Can measure up to around 2 inches long.

[Chuck]

That's mine's.

[Kirby]

That's.

[Chuck]

I got a little longer.

[John]

8 inches in breadth round, right?

[Kirby]

Yeah.

[Brady]

That's not very. That's not ping pong.

[John]

So 1.2 in.

[Kirby]

In ping pong ball. That's probably.

[Chuck]

That's about a ping pong ball.

[John]

One inch.

[Chuck]

Yeah, I think that's about right. That's about a ping pong ball mushed down.

[Kirby]

I don't think that's. I don't think that's alarming size.

[Chuck]

I don't need ping pong. I don't need it. Okay, good. Brady's making me feel better because I thought I had very normal balls.

[Brady]

But if you mash a ping pong ball down, it's going to be like a lot wider circumference.

[Chuck]

Get an idea what it would be. I'm going to trace one for you guys. Trace a nut. All right.

[Brady]

I don't know.

[Chuck]

I don't either, but that's making me nervous now. So, you know, go check it out. Let me grab it. Yeah, I know. I've been feeling mine the whole morning.

[Kirby]

Since it's like, you know.

[Chuck]

What are you looking at? As big like small as like a lima bean.

[Kirby]

Tangerine maybe.

[Chuck]

Like a lima bean is a little ball.

[Kirby]

Tangelo.

[Chuck]

Who's that guy? What's his name? We'll use him as a gauge. He's the new kid. Whip out your balls, son. Welcome aboard. Isn't that why Peolene got fired? Show me your titties and your balls. Maybe Pileen was just worried that his sack was too. Hey guys, I read a story. The balls, they not supposed to be the size of small baseballs. Piolin, you're going to die. Grab your titties. Everyone immediately throw me your balls. Body check or my name is not Piolin.

[John]

There's a checking for lumps.

[Chuck]

Piolin, I am sorry we have to fire you for grabbing titties. But Piolin grabs the titties. Piuline, we have to let you go. What does this mean?

[John]

That is the Tanner scale.

[Chuck]

Of what? This is just some weirdo's drawing of balls and wieners.

[John]

Testicle size.

[Chuck]

What does that mean?

[Kirby]

And how did Tanner get that?

[Chuck]

And why is Tanner. Why is Tanner the expert? Because he was a shortstop for the Bad News Bears. I don't trust him. Tanner Boyle is A ball expert. Get the Jew balls. No. Tanner, what does this chart do? Does anyone understand this chart? No.

[John]

Gives you measurement on the side, doesn't it?

[Chuck]

No. Well, that's two and a half of something. But this is just a little wiener and little balls and then bigger wieners. Prepubescent to pubic puberty.

[Brady]

I just googled for fun famous people with one testicle. Arnold Schwarzenegger only has one.

[Chuck]

Is that true? Yeah. Where did his other ball go? I don't know. Yeah, pick that up. One just shot out of me.

[Brady]

Adolf Hitler.

[Chuck]

Napoleon knew that.

[Kirby]

For one. One baller, he's pretty productive.

[Chuck]

No, it's. That's. You only need one, Ron.

[John]

Caps on that.

[Chuck]

It only takes one.

[Brady]

Not famous.

[Chuck]

He doesn't have one. He's got both of them. One's just mashed up. Anyway, the other thing was, the guy.

[Kirby]

Says, ball and skillet.

[Chuck]

You talk about that welding girl that was there and became senior welder at age 20, talking about her earlier hiring hot girls. He goes, you forgot one thing. This chick was welding airplane parts. I didn't mention that. Think about that next time you're on a plane. Dude in charge of the welding shop hired hot girl, made her a senior welder in a year and a half at age 20. Boned her in an apartment they kept nearby. So his wife didn't find out she's putting together US Airways planes.

[Kirby]

Wow.

[Chuck]

Well, we all know who was responsible for the front landing gear of that Southwest Airlines jet the other day.

[Kirby]

Senior welder.

[Chuck]

Senior welder. Trisha. Oh, my God. I can't believe it. Anyway, so what are you gonna do? Everybody feel your ball today? I'm very nervous about this. Like I said, I was cursed with a very average wiener and extra ball skin. But I. Maybe I'm housing a couple of beasts down south that I don't even know about. But you say ping. You ping pong balls.

[Kirby]

Yeah. Yeah. I don't think that's large. All right.

[Brady]

Just seems big to me.

[Chuck]

Maybe you get little balls.

[Brady]

Maybe I do have a little ball.

[Chuck]

I don't think that. I don't think that offends guys. Like, if I said you have a little wiener, you'd be worried. But if I say you have little balls, it's no big deal. Guys don't care about our. We don't care about our ball. I don't think women have put the stigma on whether or not your ball size. If they started in cup department, when they get hit with them, then the throat start choking them, I gotta worry.

[Kirby]

About Knock them out.

[Brady]

Yeah, you don't wanna.

[Chuck]

I got that grandfather clock swinging around down south there with all that skin. I can. I can throw to chick like water.

[Kirby]

Hypnotize him too.

[Chuck]

Yeah, you touch the water. Granddad did it. He was 80. I can't. I'm going to be in the tank in a couple of months. That's nasty. Disgusting. I know. I have to be careful.

[Brady]

Well, you can't sit down to pee no more.

[Chuck]

You know what? I do good English. I no more Garcia. That was just very hillbilly because we're talking about balls. Double negative. Yeah, well, no more in general. But when I pee, I sit to pee. I just kind of put my fingers. I put my fingers in the skin and make like a little bag handle, like a Samsonite handle. And I pull it up. I don't drop down in there. And then sometimes I just grab the skin and lift it and put it over my leg. That I wish I was kidding about, but I'm not.

[Brady]

Stand up and pee like a man.

[Chuck]

No, no. When you're taking a deuce too, you got to do that. When I'm deuce and I just pull it up and lay it over my leg like. Like a wash rag.

[Kirby]

Oh, I know that's a pain.

[Chuck]

Telling me like. I don't know. I got to live with it, Brady.

[Kirby]

They could shorten it up.

[Chuck]

Well, one good thing is that sometimes you're in there and you're like. It's all compact. Like it's doing that thing that nobody understand. Nobody's ever studied the ball.

[Kirby]

So doctor down there and trim it up, make a wallet out of the.

[Chuck]

Extra or I wonder if I could get a ball lift. That wouldn't be bad because it would. It would necessary.

[Kirby]

They can do it.

[Chuck]

Cut out a couple pieces and I just wouldn't back up. The rehab would be rough. A couple weeks of nut bag pain.

[Kirby]

What if they did? What if you just get a ball net like a hairnet, but it just tightens it up.

[Chuck]

Does anyone ever studied the balls on why they shrink and grow and shrink and grow. Nobody even knows when it's going to happen or why it's happening. And not even weather related. It's.

[John]

And what you're talking about sounds more like a pelvic mesh and I hear.

[Chuck]

Bad things about those. I don't want to be in a class action lawsuit on Jerry Springer in a couple years. You had ball surgery? Oh, great. Here we go. What's the problem? I did it. I'll just let him keep growing all Cocking ass. And I'm fine with that. Do that Cisco Adler thing again. I'll never compete with the guy I met 10 years ago who's in that fraternity of the nickname sale. And he lifted his up to his chest and showed everybody that he's got America's cup written on the side of his balls because he could float across the Atlantic if the wind was right.

[Brady]

He should be in Jim Rowe's Circus Soccer.

[Chuck]

He should be. It was. It wasn't human. It's just not a human thing. It looked like a boat sale. And I went to see Puppetry of the Penis. And those guys could do stuff with their sex that was relatively ridiculous. Yeah, Jim Rose is calling. Well, maybe I could. Maybe I got that to fall back on. I'm gonna show our new owners my balls. It's all right. If everything goes south here, I have a future in ball work. I'm a ball model.

[Brady]

You're like George Costanza.

[Chuck]

Yeah. He's a beautiful. Look at his balls. They're gorgeous. I'm a ball model. It's the best of Homburg's morning sickness. That's why I want you to free that for the praying mantis. Praying mantis. Brady's video, first off. Cause you're gonna make videos about it. And. Oof. Man. Ambien. You got nothing on.

[Brett Vesely]

We saw a video of it already. We saw the.

[Kirby]

He's gonna be in my yard.

[Chuck]

He was looking at you like you were gonna lose your mind while he was showing you. Look at him. He's eating that cricket's head. Where did you get the cricket? You go catch crickets for him?

[Kirby]

Yeah.

[Chuck]

Got a hobby. You gotta get a hobby. That's terrible.

[Brett Vesely]

Who catches crickets?

[Chuck]

Brady.

[Kirby]

This guy.

[Chuck]

To feed.

[Brett Vesely]

Size 12 vans.

[Chuck]

Bam.

[Brett Vesely]

Done.

[Chuck]

Kirby could do it. You take those 12s out there and you mash up a few of them and then you got bug food.

[Kirby]

They don't eat the dead crickets. You should have seen them trounce on it.

[Chuck]

He was fine without you. This is your Overlord feature.

[Kirby]

Jabbed first cricket and got just the back leg and just ate the drumstick.

[Chuck]

Now you're telling a story about a boring video. Nobody cares about a praying man seating a cricket ever. You know how mentally deranged you have to be. I'll let him go today. Yeah. I'll let him go because he doesn't want to be where he is.

[Brett Vesely]

Is he in the glass jar and everything?

[Kirby]

Yeah. What the.

[Brett Vesely]

Isn't that how you like kill?

[Kirby]

There's one more cricket in there.

[Chuck]

How do you say you love his life when you haven't even give pretty.

[Kirby]

Serving him right now and learning.

[Chuck]

Isn't that him? What are you learning? How to eat crickets. I think you got that figured out, brah. I think, Chief, I think you got the hand of mouth thing down pat. You're not learning anything. You're a sadist. You're watching it destroy another animal's head.

[Kirby]

I'm making life pretty easy for him right now.

[Chuck]

Yeah, he was doing all right.

[Kirby]

No, he was.

[Chuck]

How fast did you get a cricket?

[Kirby]

Pretty quick.

[Chuck]

Yeah, it's his job at night. He knows where they are at all times. Like, that's all he thinks about. If you can get one. He knows where all of them are.

[Kirby]

He's got a tougher time.

[Chuck]

No, he doesn't. That's all he does. He's a professional. It's all he does.

[John]

He's a professional.

[Kirby]

He is a professional.

[Chuck]

You're teaching Randy Johnson.

[Kirby]

All right.

[Chuck]

You're right. Shut up, Slider. He's an idiot. Sometimes you just have to shake him loose.

[John]

Says that about every animal, that Chuck.

[Chuck]

Wallach in second grade. Once, I was walking home from school and I saw a dog. And I was maybe 40 pounds. I don't know how much second graders weigh, but I was the average second grader.

[Kirby]

You were light.

[Chuck]

Probably the average second grader. Brady. Not the Brady average kid. The curve kid. Anyway, so I picked this dog up, and I take it. So I'm crying like he's starving because I saw a dog in the street and I was miserable about it. It was my neighbor's dog. He got out of the yard. The thing was like 80 pounds overweight. And as a kid, you just don't know. As an adult, you should know. The praying mantis doesn't need you. That dog didn't need me. But I was only seven.

[Kirby]

I know that.

[Chuck]

Well, then why do you keep them in a jar in your house?

[Kirby]

Because I think it's cool.

[Chuck]

Can we tell you something real quick? No.

[Kirby]

It's been, you know, it's been years since I've had the praying man.

[Chuck]

Right. Why? Because it's boring.

[Kirby]

You don't see him too often.

[Chuck]

Right.

[Kirby]

So for a couple of days, he did over a little vrbo. We'll let him go today.

[Chuck]

What if it's a lady praying mantis and there's two baby praying mantis just rotting on the show? I had grown up you, basically.

[Kirby]

And it spun the cocoon in there and I had.

[Chuck]

You're James Gunn.

[Kirby]

The babies in my mom's bathroom.

[Chuck]

You're James very upset. It puts the lotion on the praying.

[Kirby]

He had a death head moth.

[Chuck]

No, no, no, no. You don't understand, James. I'm not talking about the bugs, okay? I'm talking about the well. Merry effing holidays from the big red radio.

[Tim]

I'm here on a job site with Tim, who owns his own electrical contracting business.

[Chuck]

Three employees and two work trucks.

[Tim]

Tim traded up to Geico commercial auto insurance. We're positively here where he needs us most.

[Chuck]

They sure are.

[Tim]

With step by step help on all his insurance needs. All for shockingly low rates.

[Chuck]

Shockingly lower.

[Tim]

Just a little bit of electrician humor.

[Kirby]

You get it?

[Chuck]

I got it.

[Tim]

You know, it feels like we have a real connection.

[Chuck]

All right, I'll stop. Get a commercial auto insurance quote [e-mail] and see how much you could save. It feels good. To Geico Homberg's morning sickness. He took something from where it wanted to be, stuck it in a well, fed it, made it put lotion on, and then said, it's just for a couple days. I'll just keep it. That's what you are. You're a bug. Jame gum.

[Kirby]

I did want to make a dress out of the.

[Chuck]

Yeah. You don't see it that way. You think you're doing it a favor somehow. No, because you like entertaining.

[Kirby]

Favor.

[Chuck]

Making a new friend.

[Kirby]

Educational moment for Kirby to see the prank.

[Chuck]

What's educational about that? Bugs eating bugs.

[Kirby]

You don't see it too often.

[Brett Vesely]

That's like going to herd museum.

[Chuck]

Yeah. It's worse. Sure.

[Kirby]

Way more.

[Chuck]

You know what you're doing? You're creating a sociopath.

[Kirby]

Yeah.

[Chuck]

Yeah. You're saying, look inside here. I'm gonna feed this thing. Like, would you like it if Kirby went to somebody else's house and they did the pinky mouse going into the snake, like, would you think that's a little weird? Like this. And then he caught it.

[Kirby]

Like he's like, yeah, and see? But I don't even. That's a tough one for me.

[Chuck]

Right. But the insect is the same thing.

[Kirby]

Oh, I know.

[Chuck]

You're teaching.

[Kirby]

I had a piranha that would eat goldfish or an oscar fish.

[Chuck]

Why do you want to watch that? Crazy. And you're teaching a kid to say, yeah, look.

[Kirby]

You're watching it because it's real. The difference. But every day, I mean, then you would say, why do you want your kids playing first? You know, video games where first person shooting. Because it's where they're just taking People's heads off with a gun.

[Chuck]

You have the right to say you're.

[Kirby]

Creating a sociopath there.

[Chuck]

No, not really. But you are proven psychologically.

[Kirby]

In the images on the.

[Chuck]

I don't think it real. One's real and one isn't. Otherwise you wouldn't watch TV at all. One is actually capturing something and saying, look, feed it something and watch it devour it right here in front of us.

[Kirby]

This is how nature works.

[Chuck]

Something actual Dying. Sure, you can tell them. Don't play video games. I don't think the violent imagery is bad, but.

[Kirby]

Yeah.

[Chuck]

And I don't think I'm saying you're creepy. That's all. I think everybody agrees. Release that thing. Weird. You're a weirdo.

[John]

Hey, Brady, you know who catches crickets? Virgins. Virgins catch crickets?

[Chuck]

Yeah. Why aren't you inside beaten off of that Oculus? For God's sakes, do something that's good. See a praying mantis and you capture it for your daughter's entertainment. You're going to create a crazy group.

[Kirby]

Speaking of the Oculus. Yeah. There's another game where you buy the steering wheel and you get behind a. You design your car, your Ferrari. You put the Oculus on there. Yeah. And I did it on Sunday for the first time because my friend's son has it. You got. It's a standard, so you got clutch, gas pedal. That's down there. You get in this car, put the Oculus on, and as you're going 180 miles an hour, it's. You can look to the side. It's amazing.

[Chuck]

Wait, there's games on the Oculus?

[Kirby]

Yeah.

[Chuck]

Huh? Oh, no.

[Byron]

Nope.

[John]

I think there's just porn.

[Chuck]

I had no idea. I knew the browser. You can pornhub. And I go right to it, and it's fantastic.

[John]

You've got it.

[Kirby]

It's amazing. The road head on, the click.

[Chuck]

We're off and running.

[Kirby]

Yeah.

[Chuck]

Roadhead. I'd play Roadhead, the game. If that's a game I play with a gas pedal and a steering wheel. Just a. And then sometimes her head gets trapped under the steering wheel and you can't steer through. That makes sense, but what you're doing is. It's. I think that's the second most insane thing you're doing behind the praying mantis, which is actually playing games on the Oculus.

[John]

John. I'm calling it right now. Brady is all about the long setup for a bad joke. He's dressing up like a chubby praying mantis for Halloween. And if he comes to My neighborhood. I'm calling the cops. Brady.

[Chuck]

Hey, that's true. Something strange has happened. Trick or treat, bro. Got my cricket. You might have heard it on the radio. I'm my captured foe.

[John]

Hey, Brady, you know why I don't have a praying mantis in my garden anymore? Because jackasses like you keep pulling them off the stucco.

[Chuck]

Right. See? And they do good things for the outside. Well, you could teach Kirby a real lesson and say, this thing's job is to keep the ecosystem alive. Not in a mason jar.

[Kirby]

That's what we're doing. Bring it home. He's gonna be in my yard.

[Chuck]

It was in your yard.

[Kirby]

No, it wasn't.

[Chuck]

Where was it?

[Kirby]

At Joe's Farm Grill. Outside on a house.

[Chuck]

You took it in your car?

[Kirby]

I captured it.

[Chuck]

Oh, my God. You're insane. What the hell is that? This is what an insane person would do. On the list of what would an insane person do? It's like three and five. Go to this thing. Notice a praying mantis enough to get out of your chair. How did you capture it? At the Joe's Farm, did you get Jess for a cup of.

[Kirby]

Yeah, we had. I had a cup.

[Chuck]

Did you dump out anything?

[Kirby]

There's a little left over. I dumped it out.

[Chuck]

It's. The more important thing was making sure that the praying mantis got to your house.

[Kirby]

Travel.

[Chuck]

When you say it out loud, you can kind of hear awesome bananas at all. Right. Ah. This is how I know Brady's gonna die. I've been golfing with him, hanging out. Man can't see a wild animal without grabbing it, thinking it's needs him. Like he's the strangest thing. He needs me. No, he doesn't need you. No, he was starving up there.

[Kirby]

I will pet him.

[Chuck]

I will feed him. This thing was at Joe's Farm Grill.

[Kirby]

It was at a house in the neighborhood in that area. We were leaving there.

[Chuck]

You're walking past.

[Kirby]

You're, like, driving past.

[Chuck]

Oh, you were driving and saw praying man.

[Kirby]

I'm up on the wall like, he's.

[Chuck]

Got out of your car.

[Kirby]

Yeah.

[Chuck]

This story gets worse.

[Kirby]

Oh, yeah. Got the cup.

[Chuck]

He was moving in a moving vehicle. I'm still blown away by this. You stopped parked, got out, captured a praying mantis.

[Kirby]

Yep.

[Chuck]

Took it home to feed.

[Kirby]

Scampered off. Yeah.

[Chuck]

That's crazy. You're a crazy person. I know you got some weird tendencies, but that's. That's. That's up. That is up there. What else would you stop for?

[Kirby]

Oh, the house. It was for.

[Chuck]

No, no, I'm saying no, no, I'm saying what else would you see that you're like, oh, I'm gonna stop the.

[Kirby]

Car, get out and capture maybe a snake or.

[Chuck]

No, kid.

[Kirby]

Some kind of reptile. You haven't seen enough.

[Chuck]

You would get out of your car and keep it.

[Kirby]

Well, if it was a snake, a lot of times. If it was on the road or something. Or get it off the road.

[Chuck]

Huh?

[Brett Vesely]

Not me.

[Chuck]

Yeah, there's a dead coyote on Lincoln.

[Kirby]

Scrape up the dead animal.

[Chuck]

He's. No, he's scooped over to the side. Okay. What am I gonna do that for?

[Kirby]

The center of the road or whatever.

[Chuck]

Go around it. Because there's people who do that. You would.

[Kirby]

You've got rack and pinion steering.

[Chuck]

You would. Yeah, you got power steering, right? You go around it. You go around it. You're. That's not your job. Don't and don't. No, it's not.

[Kirby]

Have I done it before? I have.

[Chuck]

You've scooped roadkill off to the side.

[Brett Vesely]

What do you do, carry a shovel in the of the Lincoln or what?

[Chuck]

You're going to get rabies? Go take a bath. I don't want you in here with us.

[Kirby]

No, I'm not doing it by hand. And I haven't done it. I haven't done it here. Yeah, they used to have. We'd have a. A shovel in the car and scoop.

[Chuck]

Stuff out of the way.

[Kirby]

Yeah, you're going to get every once in a while.

[Chuck]

Jesus.

[John]

I grew up in Montana and nobody does that there.

[Chuck]

Just keep hitting. You keep hitting until it's flat in ua.

[Kirby]

You don't have squirrels in the streets. They go off to the side. Then you.

[Chuck]

You got out and scooped squirrels off the road. Dead ones.

[Kirby]

Yeah, I've done it before. Gotten them out of the way. For what?

[Chuck]

Like.

[Kirby]

Because people kept running over it.

[Chuck]

It's a dead.

[Kirby]

I know, but they're rubbing. It's a mess. For who Let someone let the animals eat it.

[Chuck]

The animals are going to eat it.

[Kirby]

When the traffic saying they're better off the side if you can't. A buzzard can't get it in the center of the road.

[Chuck]

You're too involved.

[Brett Vesely]

Is this conversation really. No, it is not.

[Chuck]

We're not bizarro Brady on it.

[Kirby]

You scooped it.

[Chuck]

No, listen to you. You know, it's crazy. Listen to you hear the crazy when you say it?

[Brett Vesely]

I guess I haven't lived.

[Chuck]

I haven't either.

[Kirby]

Oh, geez.

[Chuck]

I forgot the shovel. We have to go home. What if we see one? I drove down Lincoln Yesterday.

[Kirby]

It's different. I mean, one of them. It's been a cat, a dog before.

[Chuck]

And I still don't scoop them off the road. And I love animals like that if they're already dead and go around it. I've got.

[Kirby]

But that's the problem. People don't see. Most people you think can go around it, but there's plenty that don't. Toledo.

[Byron]

Okay.

[Kirby]

And you know what? Plenty.

[John]

And you know what?

[Chuck]

So we're the problem now. That's right.

[Kirby]

They make it to work on.

[Chuck]

But I'll tell you this. The only time that's ever happened to me. I had just pulled up on an accident where a man and his dog were hit by a truck on Indian School Road.

[Kirby]

Yeah.

[Chuck]

And the man was in the road, and the dog was in the road. So everybody stopped because there's a man still alive in the road. And no one was sure about the dog. So I was first on the scene. So I got out and said, the guy's like, my dog. My dog. And he's laying there. I'm like, he seems all right. I don't know what to do with people. They sue.

[Kirby]

Yeah.

[Chuck]

I'm gonna go see if this dog's okay. And there was a girl that had come up from the sidewalk, and she goes, I don't think it's gonna make it. And. Cause he had pooped. And I went to pick him up, and he was flopped. And I'm like, he's gone. I could feel his spine was broken. And that's the only time I moved something because I thought it was still alive. If. If it weren't for the dog, I'd have just gone around the dude yelling and made a call.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Chuck]

And, like, maybe stopped. So you're okay and stuff. And it helped out. But the dog was, like, maybe still alive. And then somebody else was handled. Then the fire department got there real fast.

[Kirby]

But I. That's the only time I did it. One time, it was raccoon.

[Chuck]

You saved the raccoon in the road?

[Kirby]

No, it was. It would. It same thing. It basically died there on the right road. And I took it off to the side.

[Chuck]

You know, if I hit a raccoon in the road, I'm not gonna sit back and go, geez, I wonder if that thing's still alive. I'm just gonna keep driving and try to forget. And by about quarter mile, I would. They're supposed to die outside. Raccoons, cats, and dogs are supposed to be in yards or houses that. That coyote that's laying on the side of Lincoln I'm driving by, I'm like, oh, is that a dog? I'm like, oh, it's just a coyote. They're varmints. And I thought I snouted him with my tires because his nose was kind of hanging off the edge there. Like did I just snout him? Oh, it's too late now. Just keep cruising. Gotta get the base pizza by six. Yeah, you're a weirdo for sure. But 20 something years of knowing you and now I'm like, wow, this is maybe the strangest conversation I've ever had. You guys don't have a shovel in your car to scoop roadkill? No, I'm normal. And that's detrimental to like a child too. Like Kirby doesn't need to see that squashed beast getting scooped up.

[Kirby]

Yeah, she won't.

[Chuck]

You sure about that?

[Kirby]

Yeah, I haven't. I haven't done it here in Arizona.

[Chuck]

Okay, good. So you've stopped this behavior. Society wins.

[Kirby]

Pretty much.

[Chuck]

What does that mean?

[Kirby]

There might be a time.

[Chuck]

When's your last scoop? Is it.

[Kirby]

It's been years. Good, good.

[Chuck]

Man, oh man. Any, you're a strange individual, but we love having you. Thanks for being here. I think I might take a stand and walk away from my check to not be in the room with Brady and his rabies.

[Kirby]

See, you found your thing.

[Chuck]

Yeah, I found my thing. I don't want rabies. And Brady's clearly got it. And free that goddamn bug. Nobody's interested in that. We. We go to great lengths to keep bugs out of our house. And there you are. Captured them. Bringing them in.

[Brett Vesely]

I hope it's not even captured in him.

[Kirby]

At his house.

[Brett Vesely]

He went somewhere and. And drove it home.

[Chuck]

Stopped his vehicle cuz he saw the little green dot you're creating.

[Kirby]

Do you guys ever get a praying mantis in your property? Let me know, okay?

[Chuck]

And you know what you can do? Come scoop it up with your shovel. Because you know what's going to happen to it. If I see it, it's going to get flat fast. I'll look at it for a second. I'm like, alright, that's enough entertainment for me. You're not coming in. You don't keep it alive. I don't have a garden. Off you go then. I pay people to poison my yard so I don't see any bugs. Poison it monthly. He was just there a couple days ago. I shook his hand, gave him money. I mean that's exactly what we do with bugs. There's so many of them. I try to poison my little section of the planet. So there's none on my. At least they'll be elsewhere. Everywhere. Brady, you're good. You're not. You're not needed in that area. I hope that little praying menace writes a memoir. And my days of capture. Day six. The beast fed me another cricket this morning. While the onlookers through the glass jar stare My nightmare has become my reality. You've created a little Auschwitz for him. Aw, man, it's true. It's exactly what he's done. Occasionally feeds it a cricket on his time. He's not sure what that thing does with it today.

[Kirby]

Not getting a shower today?

[Chuck]

Stares at it. Yeah. You're not even giving them that. At least they got those. Clearly not. You're a nut. You're a weirdo. You are a weirdo. Arizona's most powerful rock radio station, he said, fully erected.