12-31-25 - FULL SHOW - WEDNESDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD - BO

Summary

Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – Arizona

Episode: 12-31-25 – FULL SHOW – Wednesday

Date: December 31, 2025
Host(s): John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Station: 98 KUPD | Hubbard Radio

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Overview

This episode of “Holmberg’s Morning Sickness” is characteristically wild, blending Arizona-centric banter, irreverent social commentary, and comedic riffs on pop culture, local news, and nostalgia. John Holmberg and his co-hosts dive into everything from “super fit grandmas” with thousands of lovers, to weird food facts, infamous teacher scandals, and musings about failed restaurants poised for comebacks. Regular segments include 80s and pop-culture trivia games, plus recurring satirical characters (like “Super Genius” and ghostly politicians) who drop in to stir up the morning chaos.

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Key Discussion Points and Segments

1. The "Super Fit Grandma" Discussion

[01:49–18:28]

• Story Launch: John and Dennis discuss a BBC headline: “Super fit grandma has slept with 800 lovers.”
• Changing Generational Stereotypes:
  • Comparing their own “grandmas” (classic, ageless sweaters and elastic pants) with modern, sexually active, Instagram-famous grandmothers.
  • Jokes about the horror of envisioning one’s grandmother as a sexual being.
• Discussion of Social Media and Fame:
  • The featured “grandma” is now in London, has hundreds of thousands of followers, and makes money from explicit requests.
  • “Her 9-year-old grandson is, quote, ‘a little shy when it comes to talking about her.’ He’s not very comfortable—as he's a boy. That has nothing to do with it. But all my family are very proud about having a fitness gran.” – Dennis (06:27)
  • Panel riffs on the psychological toll on her grandchildren, referencing a £50,000 request for a shaving video.
• Cultural Critique:
  • Debate on whether such sexual openness in older age is about empowerment or revenge.
  • Hosts implore grandmas everywhere: “If you’re a grandma and you’re still doing situps, keep it to yourself.” – Dennis (14:26)

2. Trivia Segment: Super Genius vs Listeners

[19:39–29:55]

• Format: Holmberg becomes “Super Genius,” challenging phone-in listeners to 80s pop culture trivia.
• Examples & Memorable Moments:
  • “Boxer Mike Tyson records the fastest knockout of his career: 30 seconds against this heavyweight. …That was Marvis Frazier!” – Holmberg (21:27)
  • (Mock arrogance as he wins): “Let’s start with line five. Who’s this? Daniel, are you ready to lose to Super Genius?” (20:26)
• Recurring Bit: Holmberg and the crew jokingly undermine each other’s scoring, mock bad answers, and call out perceived injustices.
• Listener Banter: The “Lap Dog” host assists with questions; players buzz in by name.
  • “Super genius is a dick. Someone signed off IM. I am the super genius was a dick.” – Listener message (25:49)

3. Stephen Hawking “Visits” and Space Game

[30:19–43:45]

• Impersonation Segment:
  • “Dr. Stephen Hawking” is played for comic effect, participating in call-in movie and lyrics quizzes about space.
  • Hawking-style dry humor about his own disabilities, riffing with the crew.
    • “Despite being completely physically incapable of moving, I still have better handwriting than you do.” – “Hawking” (32:10)
• Space Movie/Lyrics Quizzes:
  • Listeners try to guess films or songs from obtuse Hawking-delivered clues.
  • “Rocket Man” and “Space Lord Mother” by Monster Magnet are among the referenced answers (41:15; 43:15).
• Notable Quip:
  • “Enjoy walking. When things are bad, think of me with my picket fence teeth and inability to get out of this chair.” – “Hawking” (37:06)

4. “Whiteout” Satire and Strom Thurmond Character

[44:45–55:16]

• Premise: “Strom Thurmond” (impersonated) appears to promote the Coyotes’ hockey “whiteout” game, delivering tongue-in-cheek, antiquated Southern “white pride” commentary for comedic and cringey effect.
• Racial Shtick and Social Lampooning:
  • Thinly veiled parodies of Thurmond's historical racism, presented as over-the-top, absurd satire.
  • “Who's your favorite player? Dave White? My favorite hockey player is Red Grange. I just like watching all those white boys skating around on that ice…” – “Strom Thurmond” (47:12)
  • “If I lose, I will. White.” (48:48)
• White-Themed Game Show:
  • Contestants guess objects with “white” in the name (“polar bear”, “White Castle”).
  • “Are you going to do the game tonight? ...You don't like hockey? Even when it's all white?” –Thurmond (47:51)
  • The satirical discomfort is part of the bit.

5. Pop Culture, Food, and Life Discoveries

[56:09–62:38]

• “Baby Carrots Aren’t Real” Realization:
  • Dennis expresses shock upon learning “baby carrots” are just regular carrots cut and shaped, not grown small.
  • “I thought there were little tiny-handed, like, slave babies somewhere pulling baby carrots out of the ground.” – Dennis (59:14)
  • The gang teases Dennis’ naïveté, expanding the joke to other “fake” food items.
• More Trivia on Fun Cities and Laws:
  • The ten most fun cities in America are discussed (Vegas, Orlando, etc.) and the cheapest places for fun.
  • Wacky state laws: “Whispering in church is illegal in Delaware if it disrupts the service.” (72:35)

6. Lottery Drama and Legal Loopholes

[66:15–70:43]

• Unclaimed Lottery Ticket Fiasco:
  • California’s massive unclaimed lottery win, a man’s legal challenge to claim both halves.
  • “If the other winner doesn’t come forward, the whole jackpot’s mine. ... The lottery could be lying.” – Dennis (68:00)

7. Nostalgia and Food Poisoning: The Return of Chi-Chi’s

[77:38–88:39]

• 80s Restaurant Comebacks:
  • News that the infamous Chi-Chi’s Mexican restaurant is reopening, despite being closed after a hepatitis outbreak.
  • “Four people died and they want to come back. Break out the Feldman, Holmberg. This is the comeback king!” – Dennis (84:27)
  • Crew debates which food-borne outbreaks are forgivable (E. coli vs. hepatitis).
  • “Jodi Arias killed one guy and she can’t come back. Why can Chee Chee’s?” – Dennis (81:48)

8. Twins, Teen Pranks, and Awkward High School Stories

[88:55–103:44]

• Family Keeps Dead Twin Secret from Grandparents:
  • Story about a family faking the existence of a dead twin for elder relatives.
• Personal Tales & Pranks:
  • Byron shares being tricked by a friend pretending to be a twin.
  • Dennis recalls pretending to be his own cousin to avoid going to a school dance with a girl.
  • “She sent her friend with balloons, and I’m like, ‘Oh, you think I’m John. I’m his cousin Dennis.’” (96:58)
  • The hosts roast each other for awkward teen years and failed romantic ploys.

9. Teachers, Scandals & Satirical Second-Chance Program

[104:46–132:08]

• On Public School Teaching:
  • Holmberg lambasts the idea of teaching as an underpaid, miserable profession, and bemoans “making a difference” as insufficient compensation.
  • “You spent 200 grand in college to make $30,000 a year. You’re an idiot. That check don’t cash.” – Dennis (108:29)
• Former Teachers with Scandals:
  • Comedic proposal: let ex-teachers convicted of inappropriate student relations have a “second chance” at teaching—if they slip up again, it’s the electric chair.
  • “All those teachers that have been in trouble for banging the kids, put them back in the classes. Just go. Don’t do it. It’s execution if you get it the second time.” – Dennis (110:09)
  • “You get your teaching license back, and let these normal people thinking of quitting teaching finally go.” (126:22)
  • Satirical implications for students falsely accusing teachers.
• Memorable Digressions:
  • Jokes about infamous cases (Mary Kay Letourneau, Brittany Zamora), and reminiscing about scandalous teachers and coach encounters from their schooldays.

10. Pop Culture Noise: Celebrity News and Mockery

[133:30–148:55]

• Jessica Simpson’s Edible Product Line:
  • “You may have heard Jessica was coming up with a quote: Kissable, lickable fragrance. … Creamy, dreamy, and juicy.” – Byron (133:44)
  • Minor mockery of Simpson’s celebrity “expertise” on marriage and intimacy.
• Paris Hilton Musings:
  • “Never drink Diet Coke. Diet Coke is for fat people.” (137:38)
  • “I used to have fun and dress up and that was my life. But now I’ve grown up a lot. I’m still gonna be me.” (138:00)
• Grammys & Celebrity Deaths:
  • Reactions to Beyoncé’s Grammys sweep; Adam Sandler’s bulldog “Meatball” dies.
  • Carol Channing/Blackwell List/Lambchop references.
• Super Bowl Broadcast in China:
  • Jokes about “Misha quinling key” (Chinese for American football).
  • Satire of the cultural misunderstanding: “‘Look at him throw that olive shaped ball, Chad!’” (140:20)
• Ted Nugent Reality Show:
  • Ted injures himself with a chainsaw while filming “Surviving Nugent”; panel jokes about the black contestant’s role and survival prospects.

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Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• On “Hot Grandmas” [04:59]:

  • “Sex is her fuel and she dates three to five times a week, both men and women.” – Dennis

• On “Super Genius” Segment [21:27]:

  • “Boxer Mike Tyson records the fastest knockout of his career. That was Marvis Frazier!” – Holmberg

• On Food Disillusionment [59:14]:

  • “I thought there were little tiny-handed, like, slave babies somewhere pulling baby carrots out of the ground.” – Dennis

• On Teaching as a Career [108:29]:

  • “You spent 200 grand in college to make $30,000 a year. You’re an idiot.” – Dennis

• On Scandalous Teachers [110:34]:

  • “If they do it again, it’s the electric chair. … One, you can get out of jail today—you either dedicate your life to OnlyFans or we’re putting you back into the classroom.” – Dennis

• On Chi-Chi’s Return [84:27]:

  • “Four people died and they want to come back. This is the comeback king!” – Dennis

• On Satirical Strom Thurmond [47:12]:

  • “I just like watching all those white boys skating around on that ice, surrounded by those white shirts…”

• On Growing Up [138:00]:

  • “I used to have fun and dress up and that was my life. But now I’ve grown up a lot. I’m still gonna be me.” – Byron as Paris Hilton

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Conclusion

This episode showcases “Holmberg’s Morning Sickness” at its most unfiltered: careening through biting satire, nostalgia, and pop-culture, skewering societal shifts from “hot grandma” influencers to the pitfalls of modern education and resurrecting notorious 80s brands. Listeners get a mix of absurd and laugh-out-loud moments, slapstick games, dark anecdotes, and razor-sharp mockery of everything and everyone—including themselves.

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Detailed Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:49] – “Hot Grandma” Phenomenon
• [19:39] – Super Genius Trivia
• [30:19] – Stephen Hawking Space Games
• [44:45] – “Whiteout” & Strom Thurmond
• [56:09] – Baby Carrots & Garden Myths
• [62:38] – Brady Report / Most Fun Cities
• [66:15] – Unclaimed Lottery
• [77:38] – Chi-Chi’s Comeback / Food Poisoning
• [88:55] – Twins & Fooling Grandparents
• [104:46] – Teacher Careers & Scandals / Second-Chance Satire
• [133:30] – Celebrity News & Miscellany
• [140:20] – Super Bowl in China
• [146:22] – Ted Nugent Reality TV

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Note: Adverts, intros, and outros were omitted. The summary maintains the tongue-in-cheek, sometimes edgy tone of the show, and captures its irreverent, conversational style.

Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

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[Byron]

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[Brett Vesely]

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[Byron]

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[Brett Vesely]

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[Commercial Announcer]

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[Dennis]

Do not listen to this while driving.

[Brett Vesely]

Or when full alertness is needed.

[Radio Station Announcer]

The rest of Holmberg's morning sickness. This is the big red radio.

[John Holmberg]

And.

[Dennis]

I got this other story I saw.

[John Holmberg]

Yesterday on the BBC.

[Dennis]

You know, we're in an age now where people just. I think it has changed and it might be Internet related but like they never used to celebrate hot grandmas on tv. My grandma, as it turns out, looking back in time, was young. I'm pretty sure that when I was in my, you know, 7, 8, 9, when I, when I was hanging around grandma the most, probably 5, 6, 7, she was like 48 years old. Not hot grandma.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah.

[Dennis]

And you know what's funny? When she was 84 and passed away, she looked exactly the same as she did when I remembered her as a little kid. Like everybody always, oh, you've never changed. She grew into being in her 80s. She always looked like grandma had the grandma blouse and the black grandma pants. The. I don't know where you get those, but they're every day. I think she had those on and they never had stains. They weren't nice, but they weren't ugly. They could be. They could pass as sweatpants or dress pants. I don't know where grandma's shop, but they go to a special store with all of them. Have that weird pair of black. They're stretchy, but they're. They're durable. I don't know, but she had those every picture.

[Byron]

Like golfing pants and stuff. Babu never pants.

[Dennis]

Never wore pants. That's hot.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Dennis]

She was a dresser.

[Byron]

Just anseless dress.

[John Holmberg]

Really?

[Byron]

Yep.

[Dennis]

Nice.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's another one.

[Dennis]

There you go.

[Byron]

The same thing. The polyester blend or whatever.

[Dennis]

My other grandma only wore dresses. Yeah, and I don't understand, like only dresses, but they weren't. They were grandma dresses. She never looked nice. She was just always in her grandma dress. Even when she did try to look nice, she just put like a flower on that same dress. Now I'm on this thing and super fit grandma. I'm like, oh, no. She said, this is the headline. I don't think this headline ever used to exist. Once the word grandma was involved, they'd be like, nobody needs to know this. Here's the headline. Super fit grandma has slept with over 800 lovers.

[Byron]

Come on.

[Dennis]

Was a hoe. And then you look at her and you're like, God damn, can I be 801? This is a super fit grandma. I mean, this is a smoking hot granny. I mean, Elizabeth Hurley is a pig compared to.

[Brett Vesely]

That's her fans only page.

[Dennis]

No kidding. You got abs and muscles and look at that. Super hot grandma.

[Byron]

Not bad.

[Dennis]

It's a body on that thing. No, of course that's gold. It's expired. And she's. She like, look, I'm keeping this expiration date going. She's got some formaldehyde in that milk and it's, it's, it's staying alive. But, but in the article they mention says she has two adult children. Her fit physique turns men on and says that people who message her are usually just in love with her immediately. Her relationships never last very long. She spends hours in the gym every week to keep up her appearance and enjoys naked yoga around the house. Now think of your grandma while I read this. No, of course you don't want to do that.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody's grand.

[Dennis]

Nobody needs the word. A grandma. She's just a good looking woman. Why do we have to throw the word grandma? So she told the reporter that she gets inundated with messages where she has 513,000 followers and it gets bizarre requests. She got £50,000 from a British man who said, well, can I watch you shave it? And she goes, £50,000, I'm doing that. That's like 70 grand American. But then the inevitable part comes in. Her grandson's fairly uncomfortable with this talk of her. Of course he is. Nobody wants to think of grandma rolled into the mix. Good lord.

[Byron]

How old is she?

[Dennis]

48?

[John Holmberg]

51.

[Byron]

51.

[Dennis]

She's from Brazil, but she lives in London now and has had a lifestyle change since her marriage ended 19 years ago. I have a theory about this. 19 years ago she got divorced. So 19 years ago she was 31, 33. So glamorous. Grandma says now after marriage, sex is her fuel and she dates three to five times a week, both men and women. And then her grandson gets involved in the article somehow by saying, well, I'm not all that comfortable with this. I already received a marriage proposal from an Irishman offering me 200 goats on his farm if I'd move up there, which is insane. A man wanted to see me shave myself, but I have to show my face in the video. I did it for 50.50k. Her 9 year old grandson is, quote, a little shy when it comes to talking about her. He's not very comfortable as he's a boy. That has nothing to do with it. But all my family are very proud about having a fitness grant. Now think of your grandmother. Three to five times a week, she's with men, she's with women, she's shaving her stuff for dude, for 50k. This is a new phenomenon. This is a 2020s thing. I don't know when grandmas started to become like, I blame Oprah and I also blame whatever that marriage was 19 years ago. When she bailed out on that thing in her early 30s, that dude turned her into this. This is a revenge lifestyle because marriage broke up 19 years ago and she's.

[John Holmberg]

Still talking about it.

[Dennis]

I don't know. I don't know when that happened, but she's still sitting there thinking to herself, okay, when I was married, once I got divorced, sex became my fuel. This is all to get back at that guy. That's all this is.

[Byron]

Gotta be. Good point.

[Dennis]

He did something that. That look how good life is.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Dennis]

Clicked her brain into this weird thing. And she's like, oh, yeah, my guess is he probably was hosing a friend of hers or something like that. And then she's like, ah, is that sex is the enemy and I'll show him. And yeah. Cause grandma's 51 year old. Grandmas usually by then are pretty much like, yeah, I'm in great shape and I look good, but I'm not gonna tell you I had sex with 800 different dudes and some guy in England. She's doing that in case the ex. She's still hung up on the guy 19 years ago. There's no even. There's no real reason to mention that she's been divorced 19 years. She brings it up three times in.

[Brett Vesely]

The article, battery turned into a twink after her. And then she's just.

[Dennis]

There's that. Hadn't thought of that. The ex announced, you know what? I like men. You don't do anything for me. And she's like, oh, so she uses sex as a weapon. She's weaponized. Payback time. That's exactly right. Sex and looking great as a weapon. Or he told her, you know, you're a little bit thick for me.

[Byron]

You're not.

[John Holmberg]

She could have been right.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Dennis]

She might have been a little fat. And she's like, oh. And then every. And I'm not attracted to you. I don't want to have sex with you. And it turned her into this monster.

[Byron]

Nobody does.

[Dennis]

I don't want anybody to email me either and go, dude, my grandma's smoking hot too. Nobody wants their grandma to be hot. If you are a grandma and you're a little bit sexy. Stop it. Just knock it off. That's not your job anymore. You're not allowed to do that. But I'm still a human being with needs. Yep. And you get those needs in those weird polyester pants with a vibrator. And the guy you married that barely gets it done anymore. That's it.

[Commercial Announcer]

You realize enough years have passed.

[Dennis]

Yeah.

[Commercial Announcer]

That we have four. Off the top of my head, former.

[Dennis]

MILF champions that are grandmas.

[Byron]

That are grandmas.

[Dennis]

And I never want to see them again.

[Commercial Announcer]

That are grandmas.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Dennis]

I barely wanted to see them as milfs.

[Byron]

That's the mindset that my grandma, the first time I met her, she was 70, right?

[Dennis]

Yours, right?

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Dennis]

My grandma, whenever my memories of grandma, she's younger than everyone in the room. Right now.

[Byron]

I know that's why.

[Dennis]

But mentally that woman recognized I am a grandmother. The role I play now is this weird flowery shirt that you only get at the grandma shop. And the pants. And the other grandma was just this. I don't know if that was tweed or burlap. I don't know. Her dresses were awful. And hugging her was like hugging a Berber carpet. Like the. The dress was. That's grandma.

[Commercial Announcer]

It was itchy.

[Dennis]

Now that Isabelle was old, they had my dad when they were in there, like Brady. They were in their 40s and my dad was late. My mom, I think she showed up when My grandma was 18. And then my mom had a kid when she was 21. No, she was 18. Cycle continued. So holy cow. That means that she had me when My grandma was 40. So my grandma was only like 45 when I first. When I first start remembering, like actually like 42 or 3 when I first really remember some stuff. 45 when there were conversations.

[Commercial Announcer]

And you always picture her old.

[Dennis]

She's always 80. Always. She's never. Not always.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Dennis]

And the last thing I'd need is my grandma showing up after a vigorous sit up workout telling me that she's gonna go smash clams with some other broad tonight. And by the way, you're gonna read about me in the newspaper about how I smash clams with people three, five times a week. Why are you doing this, grandma? You're. You think they think your ex husband did damage to you? Think of what you're doing to that poor grandson. That this is an international story picked up by the Daily sun in London and I'm reading it in Phoenix. What are you doing to that? But now I'm talking about it here. So I'm telling hundreds of thousands of people immediately that they've got this guy.

[Commercial Announcer]

It'll really hit him in another three, four years. When he hit in your high high school. Whatever they have.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, when he's on pornhub and finds his grandma, worse still.

[Dennis]

What's your last name again? Oh, it's Bickley. Your grand's not named Sarah, is it? Yeah, it's my gran.

[John Holmberg]

Hey mate, I your gran.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Oh no.

[Dennis]

Oh wait. Is this Sarah Bickley's boy grandson?

[John Holmberg]

Hey, I your gran too.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

So did I. Everyone in here is your grand.

[Dennis]

You don't need to tell the news. Hot grandma. That's a band name. That's not a thing. Hot grandma's funny, but it's not real gross. Don't do that. You have bed. What was your name? For your grandma. Just call her Grandma. Just Grandma?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dennis]

You didn't have the ninny and happy grandma name.

[Byron]

It was just Grandma.

[Dennis]

Grandma. That was mine. Mine was Grandma and the other one was Ammaw. But I just called her Grandma. That's close enough. That's because my sister was stupid and couldn't say grandma and that turned into Meemaw because it always does in Indiana. But I just called her Grandma. And she actually asked me once.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Dennis John, why don't you call me Amma?

[Dennis]

Because it sounds like I've got a speech impediment. Why would I do that? I say, but where does Grandma. And also I'm. I'm old now.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

It's my special name.

[Dennis]

Grandma. I'm the only one doing it. Consider that special. I have to go do some sit ups cause I'm taking two cranks tonight on the Internet. Oh, thanks.

[John Holmberg]

Bye.

[Dennis]

Hot Grandma. Also in her 40s, my grandma before she had all these grandkids.

[Byron]

Please call me Hot Cheerleader.

[Dennis]

Yeah, call me Hot Shirley.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Dennis, Dan, I gotta take a bunch of dicks tonight. Call me Hot Shirley. Ah.

[Dennis]

What is it, Grandma? I'm just worn out. What happened?

[John Holmberg]

I just got so hard last night.

[Dennis]

Oh, thanks, Hot Grandma. Hey, I saw you on the news last night, flashing your abs and talking about how you've been with 800 people since you left. Grandpa, can we settle her down a little bit here? I've got school tomorrow and this isn't easy for me.

[Byron]

How would you interview the grandson on this?

[Dennis]

Why even bring him up? They didn't interview him. She talked about it. He's shy cause he's a boy. No, he's shy cause his grandma's a whore. Stop, everybody. She looks great though.

[Brett Vesely]

How old is she again?

[Dennis]

51. My age. Got a nine year old grandson. Why is your head always down, honey? Cause my grandma's a whore. She's on the news a lot. Some guy in Phoenix was talking about her.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, I saw your grandma getting railed.

[Dennis]

By Lex Steele online.

[John Holmberg]

Dude.

[Dennis]

Right? Oh, now does it happen? Yes. Do you lead with Grandma? No. Gross. Now everybody out there, close your eyes for a second. Even if you're driving and think of grandma doing sit ups. It's horrifying.

[Byron]

Not more than 10 seconds.

[Dennis]

No, no, no, no, no. If you look, you'd be better off crashing a car into a pole than thinking of grandma doing sit ups. Izzy and Shirley holding each other's feet doing sit ups just so they could clam smash later. That's the worst thought on the planet. That's not how humans work. We gotta get back to some sort of everybody goes back in their box thing. You could be in shape, but you can't go telling the news. Oh yeah. Not only am I in shape, I got a nine year old grandson and I like a teenager. Great, thanks. Go make a casserole or some cookies or something. Put together some sort of a present no one wants. Where is my package of McDonald's gift cards? From you? That's what you do as a grandma. I don't. You know the checkbook from McDonald's you used to get from grandma that was kind of neat, but at the same time cost grandma five bucks. She got away with one. Not a picture of her. This is me with the owner of the New England Patriots. I him last night. Thanks, grandma. I got it autographed. Awesome. Now the autograph's ruined because all I'm thinking about is you doing sit ups and pounding away. If you're a grandma and you're still doing sit ups, keep it to yourself. Quietly Naked yoga. Okay, do it again. Close your eyes. Drivers, everybody close your eyes. Take your hands off the wheel and just cross your arms because it doesn't matter anymore. And picture grandma doing hot yoga naked.

[Brett Vesely]

They give her name?

[Dennis]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Let's find her Instagram.

[Dennis]

You find her Instagram. Look, I want to. Her name is Andrea Sunshine.

[Brett Vesely]

Of course it is.

[Dennis]

Of course it is. Grandma Sunshine. Andrea Sunshine. Yeah, she. But she. She kept saying I swapped the married life for this lifestyle. That whatever that dude did was a number on her and she had messed her up. I get divorced 19 years ago and live a lifestyle that way. She looks good, man. A bodybuilder like big grandma's son.

[Byron]

Your peers, basically. That's why it's a change. We graduated so much. Things have changed.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I am, but we don't need it to change.

[Dennis]

Like I'm. I agree that this look. Her face still looks like a little bit messy. There's some. There's grandma doing sit ups and it's even a good looking grandma doing sit ups is bad. Oh God. She's dressed kind of man. She's got. Well, she's kind of dude's face got a grandma face. She's trying to cover up aging.

[Brett Vesely]

She's got old lady hands too.

[Dennis]

She does have old lady hands. I just saw that too in the last pic. But she does not have an old lady's ass. What a mental basket case sexy grandma is. There's. It's cold in there. She's doing some lunges. And that's a hot grandma, though. Quit saying you're a grandma. Just be hot. Oh, she's taking her shirt off, for crying out loud. Making me think of that poor 9 year old shy kid. Grandma got some new pictures. You want to see him? Oh, yeah.

[Byron]

Where were you?

[Dennis]

You and your friends over there playing bingo. Oh, no, this is you getting at the gym. God damn it. Grandma licking her biceps. I went to. Oh, there's a package in it. Oh, how about that thing when grandma does a squat? There's a. An Arby's roast beef sandwich in those. Lululemon.

[John Holmberg]

She has a grandma. She's a grandma.

[Dennis]

Of course there is.

[Byron]

She is yoked.

[Dennis]

When that thing reveals itself, it's gonna. Oh, it's gonna be big. Oh, Grandma. Naked grandma. I think I'm more upset at the fact that I get a little bit chunky looking at it. Except for her face. And there she is with some guy. Looks like one of the 800. Yeah, she's on the list.

[Byron]

I think that's was 798.

[Dennis]

Epstein was right there. I'm pretty sure that's him. Oh, my grandma would show pictures of her and my grandpa at a restaurant that was just over the Indiana, Illinois border. It was terrible. But they drive there every once in a while for food and they take a photo of each other and that was the only picture they ever had. Never once did my grandma throw her ass in the air and take her shirt off and snap a shot on the beach of Cedar Lake. Please. Surely, you know, I'm like, my grandma understood her role in life. I'm a grandmother. I can't embarrass the family anymore.

[Brett Vesely]

It's a little crazy with like.

[Dennis]

Or the.

[Brett Vesely]

The lip injections there.

[Dennis]

Oh, yeah, no, she's. She's trying to. She's still getting back at the guy.

[Brett Vesely]

I mean, great bod, but she's got the face of John J.

[Dennis]

Face of John Jay is a great band name. The face of John Jay is a great band name.

[Radio Station Announcer]

Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station. There's more of the best of Homburg's morning sickness. 98 Kupda.

[John Holmberg]

98 Kupd. It is just about that time. The time for me, your host, John Holmberg, to shed his mortal skin and become a super specimen. So incredibly smart. Get over yourself.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

That even I wouldn't sleep with Pam Anderson before Kid Rock ruined her. It's super genius. You have to write that down.

[Dennis]

I didn't read it.

[John Holmberg]

It was just in case.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Our former.

[John Holmberg]

Host, Beau will Stand by helplessly as the new host, an incredibly good lap dog, Brady, takes over the duties. Good morning, Brady.

[Byron]

Thank you, super genius. Good morning.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I thought.

[Dennis]

Hello, Bo, do we have the worst.

[John Holmberg]

Feature ever victims lined up on the phone?

[Byron]

Yes, we do.

[John Holmberg]

Let's start with line five. Either. Who's this?

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Daniel.

[John Holmberg]

Daniel, are you ready to lose to super genius? I'm ready to kick his rear. All right. Damn right I've heard that before. Once again, for those of you who don't know. Super Genius. Undefeated. That's very untrue. He's been defeated many times. Thank you, lap dog. Okay, I'm glad we don't have Bo asking any Planet Rock questions. Thank you very Exactly. That's why he was fired as host. Daniel, I'm on your side here.

[Byron]

Come on.

[John Holmberg]

The lap dog will ask the questions now. Daniel, buzz in with your name.

[Dennis]

Get ready to lose.

[Byron]

And Daniel and other contestants. It's all 80s trivia. So put your mind frame into the 80s trivia.

[Dennis]

Here we go.

[Byron]

Music, Sports.

[John Holmberg]

Television.

[Byron]

Television and movies. Daniel, are you ready?

[John Holmberg]

Go, lap dog.

[Byron]

Come on. Boxer Mike Tyson records the fastest knockout of his career. 30 seconds against this heavyweight. Daniel. Negative.

[John Holmberg]

Super genius. That was Marvis Marvelous. Marvis Frazier or something.

[Byron]

Frasier, Splendid answer. Super genius.

[John Holmberg]

I thought so. What was the answer?

[Byron]

Marvis Frazier.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you very much. Son of smokin Joe Frazier. No, I am one, you are none. Daniel, here's. Here's where you lose two to nothing.

[Byron]

In the newly released movie Fatal Attraction, this actress plays Michael Douglas's wife.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, you blew it. Hello, Katherine Hepburn, Super Genius. Enjoyed your answer. Thank you for entertaining me. It was, of course, an archer.

[Byron]

You have been terminated. Daniel.

[John Holmberg]

One down. The undefeated streak continues. If anyone would like to play. 260-9800. Hi, there. Who's this? Oh, this is Mike. Mike, are you ready to lose to the super genius? We'll see. All right, Mike, nice and confident.

[Byron]

Buzz in with your name first to try to beat the super genius. This athlete becomes the only gymnast featured on a Wheaties breakfast cereal box.

[John Holmberg]

Mike, any answers? Mike? John Roethlisberger. No.

[Dennis]

Incorrect.

[John Holmberg]

John Super Genius. We'll say Mary Lou Retton.

[Dennis]

Splendid.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you very much. Thank you. Gotta specify male or female, don't you? You do? Maybe I didn't have to. Funny how I got it. Anyhow, answer number two, to eliminate Mike from the super genius.

[Commercial Announcer]

Come on, Mike.

[Byron]

This artist guest stars on Miami Vice, which features his song in the Air tonight.

[John Holmberg]

Go ahead, Mike. I'll let you have one. Super genius.

[Dennis]

Phil Collins.

[Byron]

Correct.

[John Holmberg]

Thank God, Mike. You gave very little effort, if none at all. Yeah, yeah. Goodbye. I wasn't alive in the 80s. Well, sort of.

[Dennis]

Weren't you?

[John Holmberg]

Well, most of us weren't alive in the 80s, thanks to warrants and things like that. Nice job, man. We'll talk to you later.

[Byron]

Thanks for calling.

[John Holmberg]

Lap Dog's doing a wonderful job. I would think Super Genius's ego needs a little bit more boosting from the Lapdog. Thank you, Lapdog. Final contestant of round one of Super Genius.

[Dennis]

Who's this? This is Mike.

[John Holmberg]

Mike, are you ready to lose?

[Dennis]

I am not ready to lose.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody has so far. I don't know why you put yourself on a pedestal, but let's try again.

[Byron]

Mike, the cable network AMC, which stands for this, premieres in the 80s.

[John Holmberg]

Mike, go ahead.

[Dennis]

American Movie Classics.

[John Holmberg]

Well done. Mike. There must have been something wrong with the way you read that Lap. I don't think so. That was completely legitimate. All right. One to nothing, Mike.

[Dennis]

We'll give him one.

[Byron]

Hulk Hogan pins this wrestler to defend his World Wrestling Federation title at WrestleMania 3 at the Silver Dome.

[John Holmberg]

And I will say, super Genius. Yes, it was Andre the Giant. Thank you, Lap Dog. My God, do I love Lap Dog as a host.

[Dennis]

This is brilliant.

[John Holmberg]

And it's one to one, Mike. I gave you one.

[Dennis]

And here we go.

[Byron]

Former National Football League player Bubba Smith plays his character role in the newly released movie Police Academy, Hightower.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Damn it.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. That didn't happen.

[Byron]

I am calling Shenanigans.

[John Holmberg]

Lap Dog has. Has a. Has a comment.

[Byron]

Shenanigans. Mike did not ring him with his name. He blurted out the answer. Dog.

[John Holmberg]

Super Genius. I will say Hightower.

[Byron]

That is correct. Spirit.

[John Holmberg]

No, that's so B.S. mike will give you consolation prizes. Please, Please hold.

[Dennis]

You got it.

[John Holmberg]

You know, Mikey.

[Dennis]

Please hold.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh. Michael. Must answer in the form of a question on Jeopardy.

[Byron]

And it is a shame.

[John Holmberg]

You must answer by buzzing in first on the show. Sock.

[Byron]

Fabulous job, Super Genius.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you, Lap Dog. We'll do another round. Lapdog and Super Genius back for another round. Oh, right after Bush lick me. He didn't buzz in. Gotta follow the rules.

[Byron]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you, Lapdog.

[Byron]

We're gentlemen.

[John Holmberg]

What? Gentleman's game. You can't just go blurting out answers.

[Byron]

Absurd.

[John Holmberg]

Gentleman, my ass.

[Dennis]

7:28.

[John Holmberg]

We're gonna check in with Creepy in just a second. He's out there. Southern and Longmore. Anybody else wants to attempt to beat the still undefeated Super Genius?

[Dennis]

Keep it right here.

[John Holmberg]

98K upd.

[Radio Station Announcer]

It's the best of Homburg's. Morning sickness.

[Dennis]

I'm 98Kupd people coming through on the.

[John Holmberg]

Instant messenger to comment about super genius. Yeah, super genius is a dick. Someone sign off. I am the super genius was a dick. Obviously inferior intelligence. No.

[Dennis]

Not a very good vocabulary.

[John Holmberg]

Dead on.

[Byron]

Correct.

[John Holmberg]

Super genius.

[Byron]

I think he was referring to Dick Tracy.

[John Holmberg]

Ah, yes, a super sleuth. Well said, Bernie. Wow. A good comeback for Super Genius. By the way, Bo's mother. Ooh, Bo. Touchy. Hitting a nerve with his mother, evidently.

[Byron]

Let's go.

[John Holmberg]

Come on. Like most people, you and me, celebrity boxing.

[Byron]

Bo, you're gonna find the super sock in a minute.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you, Lap Dog. All right, but after we eliminate a couple more contestants in round two of Super Genius. Whatever, Lap dog. Do we have our contestants?

[Dennis]

Yes.

[Byron]

They are locked and loaded.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you, Lap Dog. This is so lame. Who is this? This is Alan. Alan, are you ready to lose? I think so. All right, good. I'm glad he knows this part in the play.

[Dennis]

Here.

[John Holmberg]

All right, go ahead there, Lap dog.

[Byron]

Alan. This song is released featuring the lyrics. Trick or treat Sweet to eat on Halloween and New Year's Eve Yankee girls, you just can't beat.

[John Holmberg]

I'll give you a chance, Alan, don't even bother I'll say super genius Yankee Rose.

[Byron]

That is incorrect. What? Yeah, I am sorry. Shenanigans.

[John Holmberg]

Yes. You read that?

[Byron]

I must have read the lyrics. Not clearly.

[John Holmberg]

All right, what was the answer?

[Byron]

Girls, girls, girls. Motley Crue.

[John Holmberg]

Isn't that what I said? No.

[Byron]

Oh, let me review the audio.

[John Holmberg]

Come on. Yes, it was very close, but it's zero. Zero still. And actually, we'll give that one to you because Super Genius missed it. It's one nothing to Alan.

[Byron]

Alan, this CBS Sports reporter is fired after making disparaging remarks about African American.

[John Holmberg]

Super genius, Jimmy the Greek.

[Byron]

Splendid answer, super genius.

[John Holmberg]

One to one, Allen. Nice try. Try to remain as quiet as possible through the game, Alan. You're doing well.

[Byron]

This Philadelphia 76er wins his second consecutive National Basketball Association Most Valuable Player award in the 80s 76ers super genius.

[John Holmberg]

I will say Julius Irving.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

Or Moses Malone.

[Dennis]

Correct.

[John Holmberg]

Moses Malone.

[Dennis]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Did suck that time. Alan, I have something in my ear. I apologize. It was lap dog's job to clean out my ear. Tell Brady to get it out of your ear. Exactly. Lap dog was supposed to get that goo out of my ear.

[Byron]

Here's a Q tip, super genius.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you, Lap Dog. Please hold. You've won, Alan. Somehow, in a shenanigans riddled second round, you're two for two. Oh, and this person say you only batting.500. Hyler, would you like to take on Super Genius? Oh, of course. What's your name?

[Dennis]

Jesse.

[John Holmberg]

Jesse.

[Dennis]

Here we go.

[John Holmberg]

Lap dog. Ask Jesse some questions.

[Byron]

Jesse. The newly released movie stars Goldie Hawn, Nipsey Russell, and John and Jan Hooks and features characters Bird, Finch and True Mane.

[John Holmberg]

No idea. Come on, you don't even know this. Super Genius. You don't know this either. Yes, I do, Bobo. Well, if you can answer it, I'll give it to the contestant.

[Dennis]

Bird on a wire.

[Byron]

Wildcats.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I was going to say. Why didn't you give me a chance?

[Byron]

Shenanigans.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you. One to nothing, contestant. Although it's not fair. It's Bo's answer. I should get something.

[Dennis]

Too bad.

[John Holmberg]

I should get it. Okay. Yeah, that's okay.

[Byron]

This newly released movie starring Julia Roberts contains the line, I would rather have 30 minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special.

[John Holmberg]

That would be Super Genius.

[Byron]

Super Genius.

[John Holmberg]

Pretty Woman.

[Byron]

Sorry, Super Genius.

[John Holmberg]

He has lost three times today. No, I haven't. Lap Dog, you're an idiot. Bo, you're the new host of Super Genius.

[Dennis]

Please hold.

[John Holmberg]

Contestant. What's going on here?

[Byron]

That's right.

[John Holmberg]

Three times he goes down today. Ah. I know why I've been so stupid. My headphones are piping in kdkb, that's why. Been listening to helium hilarity all morning. Anyone would go lame on that. Okay, Super Genius has to go. I love it when Super Genius loses.

[Dennis]

Of a turtle brewing.

[John Holmberg]

98 KUPD.

[Radio Station Announcer]

It's the best of Homburg's morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

Just outside our door, the great Dr. Stephen Hawking. Stephen, come on in.

[Byron]

Rolling, rolling, rolling. Welcome, doctor.

[John Holmberg]

Keep rolling. Rolling, rolling. Didn't as good being here. And nice to see you all again.

[Commercial Announcer]

Throw out some limp biscuits.

[John Holmberg]

Good little biscuit for you all to enjoy for yourselves and for the rest of your day.

[Byron]

You look great.

[John Holmberg]

I feel terrible, Brady. I'm not doing as well as I look. Oh, I was going to do some wheeling Abercrombie and fish modeling later than today, but they don't have pants that fit me. They're all too tight and I weigh 11 pounds. They made a joke and didn't laugh.

[Byron]

That was a good one.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you, Brody. How are you doing, Birdie? Are you saving enough for food for anyone else? No, not at all. Are you going to start breaking crime?

[Byron]

Yeah, yeah, I like to break crime.

[John Holmberg]

I'm going to start stealing because chubby people can get away with it.

[Byron]

That's right.

[Commercial Announcer]

Don't throw food at him.

[John Holmberg]

This is not how I eat, Brady. I'm not a Zoom animal.

[Byron]

Come on. You could chew.

[John Holmberg]

Nope. Do you see that? Dude, please get that out of my mouth immediately. I will choke death if you don't dissolve it into some sort of liquid. Is everyone ready for a trip to Mars? Oh, yeah. Derek, you are the first volunteer.

[Dennis]

What? Why me?

[John Holmberg]

Because I wrote your name on the sheet that said. Who is the first volunteer? I gladly wrote down Eric o'. Connell.

[Byron]

I'm not big on the first Mars monkey.

[John Holmberg]

I summon every muscle I have left in my body to write your name. I'm not good with heights. I don't know if that'd be a good thing for me to fly up in a rocket ship.

[Byron]

We can make it smaller. Spaceship.

[John Holmberg]

Despite being completely physical, incapable of moving. I still have better handwriting than you do.

[Byron]

Good one.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you, Brady. That's good stuff. I'll be here all week.

[Dennis]

Hilarious.

[John Holmberg]

I liked your movie Theory of Everything. It's a very good movie. Eddie Redmayne did a great job impersonating me.

[Byron]

How about your wife? Was that a pretty good impression of your wife too?

[John Holmberg]

The first few minutes of it I was fooled. Then later when she became a. I remembered why we are no longer together and I wanted to throw her into a black hole. How's your wife?

[Byron]

Really good.

[John Holmberg]

Never mind. I already know.

[Byron]

Another good one. Doc.

[John Holmberg]

Something smells good in here. It isn't Toledo's coffee breath. Happy coffee. Dayton Birchard. Very nice of you to do to a sick man.

[Byron]

You could weld with that.

[John Holmberg]

That's a jerk move right there. He would fight you. But it wouldn't fair.

[Commercial Announcer]

Hey flinch.

[John Holmberg]

That. That, that. No one has ever had the courage to try the hey Flinch game with me. Thank you for making me feel like a hillbilly for a few minutes.

[Byron]

You win every time.

[John Holmberg]

I have never lost the hey Flinch game. It is where I have made most of my money. Not the lotto?

[Dennis]

Nope.

[John Holmberg]

That and Snapshot at the bar. Let's go to the phone and find out who is an earthling that wants to go to Mars. Blind one and Steve. We share a similar name. Imagine that.

[Byron]

Who's smarter?

[Dennis]

He is.

[John Holmberg]

That is correct. I got one question right already. You've already gone further than Eric in this game button. Do you think your IQ is probably about 120? It's officially 74. I can tell over the phone whenever you say the word. It should be VD in the front of it. Dumb.

[Byron]

Another good one, doc.

[John Holmberg]

Game be rolling. Pardon the pun. Are you ready to play in this space game? Oh yeah. I will give you the quote from a movie. You can tell me the space movie that the quote is from. Are you ready? Yep. Too much garbage in your space. There isn't plenty of space out in space. Eva. Eva.

[Byron]

Do it one more time. A little more dramatic.

[John Holmberg]

Milk and day. Let me turn on my drama charm. Too much garbage in your face. There isn't plenty of space out in space. Eva.

[Byron]

That was. That just gave it away, that last read. Come on, Steve.

[John Holmberg]

Aliens. That isn't incorrect. Your IQ managed to drop four more points on the phone call. Deliam is on the line. Delia, are you there? Yes, I'm here. Delia, can you walk upright? Yes, I am right now actually. You are just showing off. How about your cans? Are they upright or are they now sagging Like a woman who is tortured by the horrors of aging. I just want to know if I can answer the last question. Question? That's all up to you now, isn't it? Go ahead and try to answer the last question. The movie is Wall E. Wall E is correct. Now you have to answer a question. Song lyrics from space. Okay, are you ready? Okay, here we go. Rocket. I'm taking a rocket I'm packing my suitcase didn't look out moon rocket into outer space. Goodbye human race Gottin be there soon. Blast off for the fun and adventure there's the fair adventure collecting stones now show me your space titties.

[Byron]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

Oh boy.

[Dennis]

Come on, come on.

[John Holmberg]

Show me your green space ass.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

Donkey by Def Leppard. Not even close. Oh yeah? Well. Nice driving, dealer. Enjoy walking. Thanks.

[Byron]

That was good advice.

[John Holmberg]

Good advice always. And enjoy walking. When you think things are bad, think of me with my picket fence teeth and inability to get out of this chair. How are you, John? Good. How are you doing? No, well, not so good. Why? Just cuz you're handicapped. This is more than handicapped. This isn't really bad. Yeah, it's getting pretty bad.

[Byron]

Here's a toothpick.

[John Holmberg]

It sounds a little Indian, but there's no reason to judge. Dick. It took me a second to spell that with my eyes. This is like the smartest man on Earth. Yeah. Don't be a dick to him. What does that mean? That an Indian couldn't be smartest man on Earth? No, absolutely not. Eric is a dick. Alright, here's a quiz for you. What planet is 1410-006001-41600,000,000 miles from Earth?

[Byron]

Uranus.

[John Holmberg]

Incorrect. That wouldn't be the home for Retarded people where you will soon live. It is called Mars. Oh, ouch.

[Byron]

Man, that was a softball.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Franklin, are you there? Yeah, Frank. Mar you upright? Yes. Okay. How long have you been standing?

[Dennis]

48 years.

[John Holmberg]

You shouldn't have a seat. Your leg must be tired.

[Dennis]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Martin, you ready? Yes. Movie quote.

[Byron]

Moving quote.

[John Holmberg]

Movie quote. That's the love and vista baby. Terminator final answer. Yes. Didn't was Terminator 2. Also also. That was Teen Wolf Sergeant.

[Dennis]

Now I have to try to go.

[John Holmberg]

No one knew Astronaut Jones. No one knew Terminator 2. People are sucking today. Your audience is sucky.

[Byron]

Do you feel like you're throwing some softballs?

[John Holmberg]

I have some softballs.

[Commercial Announcer]

Throw one.

[John Holmberg]

I wouldn't like to be able to throw it to you, but. And I can't.

[Byron]

Hey, Flinch.

[John Holmberg]

How in the world doesn't this man hear Indians?

[Byron]

Well, maybe he's got a gift.

[John Holmberg]

Something is wrong with his ears. Deaton does not hear from the Indians correctly. Didn't this is what they sound like to him. We'll meet into the phone. Giblet in on the line. Hello, Giblet. How's it going? Mr. Hawking didn't going well. Wouldn't you like to go dancing with me? Sure. Okay, you lead.

[Byron]

Good one.

[John Holmberg]

Then maiden thee. Later you can wrap your lips around my middle parts. Make a sick man very happy. It is my wish. No. How about just a handy? Okay, deal.

[Byron]

That was nice.

[John Holmberg]

That doesn't glories up in being famous. Men give you handy. Here's your movie quote. Good luck. We are on the express elevator to hell. Going down. Ripley, what are you doing? Get. Oh, that. That's gonna be aliens. Alien disgrace.

[Byron]

Emily.

[John Holmberg]

Getting away from her. You bitch. Now for the win. Good luck.

[Byron]

Sing him song.

[John Holmberg]

She packed my bags last night. Pre flight 09:00am Then I'm gonna be high desert kite by then. That's gonna be Space Odyssey. Incorrect. Rocket man. Oh, damn it. Goodbye close man. Alan, are you there? Yeah, I'm here. If you get this fact right, I'm going to give you something. What's that? That's right.

[Byron]

Could you give us a fun fact, Steve? What's a guilty pleasure?

[John Holmberg]

Guilty pleasure and saved by the bell.

[Byron]

Didn't know that. That's cool.

[John Holmberg]

Not even a big AC Splayer fan. Oh, not Screech Screeting Bluzadick kind of.

[Dennis]

Was in real life.

[John Holmberg]

Mike. Who isn't your favorite member of the Sabin by the bell clan? Be Kelly. Kelly Kampowski. If I couldn't get hard and masturbate. And it would be To Kelly.

[Dennis]

I have.

[John Holmberg]

I have done that for you. May I can come watch? Yes, you can. And I'm going to go to Mike's house later today, watch him masturbate. And Kelly Kapowski. This is way below you, Steven. Below me? No, below you. Below me. It's a Jewish penis. It looks like a penis, but smaller. That is what the woman would call glitarous. My wife is a lesbian. Self deprecating humor. Madden blackened this guy. Then his baby judicial. Good luck. I'm giving you a song first. Ready? Yep. I've been stuffing your pocket for the last hundred days. When I don't get my bath, I take it out on the slaves. So grease up your body for the ball on the hill Polish them rugged now and swallow those pills. Sing Space Lord Mother. Space Lord Mother from Monster Magnet. That's exactly right.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

We have him. Winner. You can't actually sing the. The name of the song when you. When you're giving them the clues. Space Lord and Mother.

[Dennis]

Kind of hurts.

[Byron]

Doc.

[John Holmberg]

America, Braden and Mike. Guess what happened to me last night.

[Brett Vesely]

What happened?

[John Holmberg]

I'd lost my virginity to a retarded girl.

[Byron]

No.

[John Holmberg]

I wanted my first time to be special.

[Dennis]

That was good.

[John Holmberg]

I saw the guy in a wheelchair getting told what to do today. And I told him, don't you hate being pushed around? Dot, dot, dot. Bully. Call it the hunch, but I'm pretty sure that I have an abnormal convex curvature of my spine that. That, that. Come over tonight and straighten that out for you. You're the winner, Alan. And then these little judic.

[Radio Station Announcer]

Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.

[Dennis]

Cease and desist at once.

[Radio Station Announcer]

The rest of Home Bird's morning sickness. This is the Big Red Radio.

[John Holmberg]

We've got a guest standing outside.

[Dennis]

He makes me a little nervous, but.

[John Holmberg]

He'S here strictly because the whiteout is happening on the west side. Do you have his music ready and all planned? And why is he knocking on the door?

[Dennis]

He's a goat. He's a go.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

He's polite still.

[Dennis]

He's still polite ghost.

[Byron]

He's a gentleman.

[John Holmberg]

Ladies and gentlemen, please recognize. Oh, geez. Gentleman from South Carolina.

[Byron]

Right this way, sir.

[John Holmberg]

Senator Strom Thurman.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

That's right. Always good to be here. Happy wide out, everybody. Happy white out to you too. Do I love me a white out.

[Byron]

So you're going to the game?

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Going to the game. See all that beautiful white all over the place. What a wonderful thing. All you Arizonan getting together, putting on your white. Making the city lily white like I like It. Hi, Brady. How are you?

[Byron]

Oh, I'm doing good.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Doesn't the white out just make your paena stand up at attention? Yeah, it does make my paena get all excited. I want to dress him up white.

[John Holmberg]

What is that accent from, anyway?

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

South Carolina.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, okay.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

It's a. It's a South Carolinian.

[John Holmberg]

Sounds great.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

I'm a South Carolinian.

[Dennis]

True and true.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

You got a problem with that?

[Dennis]

No, no. They love you there.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

They'd still elect me if I. If I could run. They'd put my dead bone back in that senate and make things happen.

[Byron]

They still write in your name.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Tim Tan. The good old boy dude who playing what? The great white.

[Byron]

Your favorite band.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

This is my game. We're gonna have a white night tonight over there@the glendalejobbing.com. i'm excited about it. So let's play the game.

[John Holmberg]

What do you think of Barack Obama, Stromia? Oh. See what's going on?

[Dennis]

Why?

[John Holmberg]

You've been dead for a while.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

I died just in time. I was against the civil rights movement and still won 20 elections.

[John Holmberg]

Amazing how that can happen.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

I have no idea. I have no clue how that happened. American little secret. What are you doing, Brady? You writing something?

[Commercial Announcer]

I'm writing.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

I'm ready to play the game. My penis is ready for tonight. So let's start it.

[Byron]

We got them lined up for you.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

White power.

[John Holmberg]

No, don't say that.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Tonight, the game out there, Glendale Arena. We need all your white. Give the Coyotes the power. Power of the white.

[Byron]

Didn't know you were a big hockey fan.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Yeah, I love it.

[John Holmberg]

Who's your favorite player?

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Dave White? I do. You have no idea what's going on. Hockey. My favorite hockey player is Red Grange. I just like watching all those white boys skating around on that ice, surrounded by those white shirts tonight, hitting that puck around. It's a dream, Shane. Don, it's my dream.

[John Holmberg]

Like, Shane, down.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Shane. Don't.

[Byron]

Good.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Where'd he from? I don't even know where he from.

[John Holmberg]

Canada, I think.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

You're Canadian, huh? Hi, Mike. How are you? White north, from the great White North. How are you, Mike?

[Dennis]

Excellent job.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Are you going to. Are you going to do the game tonight?

[John Holmberg]

No, I don't watch.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

You don't like hockey?

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Even when it's all white? Like tonight? White out.

[Dennis]

That's why.

[John Holmberg]

Because I'm black?

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

You're a black man.

[Dennis]

Hello.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Do you know who Strom Thurman is? Your opportunity to vent.

[John Holmberg]

That's all right. When you slap around that black bucket, I'll hit you in the face.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Guess what, Mike? It's my fault.

[Dennis]

Go on.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

I did everything I could to stop this phone call. Are you ready to play the great white out white power game, Mike? The black man.

[John Holmberg]

Let's try it.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Is it. Is it okay being a black man in Arizona?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's probably better than me.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Are you wearing white?

[John Holmberg]

No, I'm not.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

You're not gonna support the Coyote tonight?

[Dennis]

It's not a prerequisite.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

It is to wipe the whole city out. It's a dream come true for me, Mike.

[Dennis]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

If I lose, I will.

[Dennis]

White.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Okay, that's a deal.

[John Holmberg]

All over.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

In your face and stuff.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

One day, no show up to work and scare everybody. I'm coming for the promotion.

[Dennis]

Like you are the man.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

All right. Are you ready?

[John Holmberg]

Let's go.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

I'm gonna give you three clues. You tell me what the white object is. It either has white in the name or it's a white thing. Ready?

[John Holmberg]

Ready.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Kids, pull this white thing. It would grow to the floor if you didn't tend to it. And it's seen it miles around Thanksgiving.

[John Holmberg]

What was the second one?

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

It grows to the floor if you don't tend to it. Like an afro.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I have no idea.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Let me give you the clues one more time.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, one more time. One more time. You want him to win?

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Yeah, I do, actually. It'd make me get me elected. Kids, pull this white seed. It grows to the floor if you don't tend to it. They are seen at malls around Thanksgiving.

[Dennis]

I don't think that's helping.

[John Holmberg]

No, that's not.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Didn't help you at all, Mike.

[John Holmberg]

I have no idea. I guess I have to wide away my streak continues.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

I've never helped a black man do anything. I'm Strom Thurman, dammit. I gotta keep my reputation. Mike. Congratulations. I hope. Good luck on your job hunt.

[Dennis]

Hunt?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

All right, we'll talk to you later, Mike. The black guy made me nervous right off. Oh, my penis is so strong right now. Brady the white out right down in dandy.

[Byron]

You want to zip that up?

[John Holmberg]

They have Viagra.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

I don't need Viagra. This whiteout's all I need in hell time. Are you there?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I'm here.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Yeah, they do have Viagra in hell.

[John Holmberg]

That's good to know.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

I know. I run the pharmacy. You don't happen to be a black man, do you?

[John Holmberg]

No, sir.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Oh, thank goodness. I can breathe easy. I thought that man was gonna crawl through the phone and kill me.

[Dennis]

Goodness.

[John Holmberg]

What are you talking about?

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Look, I'M a coward as well.

[Dennis]

Okay.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

All right, Tom, are you ready?

[Dennis]

Yeah.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Kids pull this white thing. It grows to the floor if you don't tend to it. It's seen at miles around Thanksgiving.

[John Holmberg]

Oh man.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

They're the easy one.

[John Holmberg]

Not so much.

[Dennis]

I. I have no idea.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Really? Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You're tough.

[Brett Vesely]

Strong.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

All right. Tough on everybody.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. It's even.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Free. Free and equal. Everyone here, the 10. Hello, Randy. How are you?

[John Holmberg]

Good. What's up?

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Happy whiteout day.

[John Holmberg]

Happy white out.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

That's right. White as far as you can see. You're wet. The way it used to be. All right. Are you ready, Randy?

[John Holmberg]

Yes.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Kids pull this white thing. It grows to the floor if you don't tend to it. Seen at malls around Thanksgiving.

[John Holmberg]

Kids pull it seen at malls around Thanksgiving.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Yep. Well, starting around then.

[John Holmberg]

Starting around Thanksgiving.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

You people have a short memory. Got five seconds?

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna stay here.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Really? You don't see hair any other time at the mall at Thanksgiving? Just only, only around November people bring their hair to the mall.

[John Holmberg]

You have to be condescending?

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Of course. They gotta be condescending. That dumb.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe you should ask a different one.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Maybe I should. Maybe because my music is off. Turn my music back on. Bring the great white back.

[Dennis]

All right.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

What's the matter with you?

[Byron]

A couple of times there, Stroma. Now, now.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Yeah, but you dumb. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Don't take that, Brady. You don't have to take that.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Oh, you got to take it from me. I'm a 52 time senator. Hello, Dan. How are you?

[John Holmberg]

I'm all right.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Do you have any answer for me? Happy whiteout day, by the way.

[Dennis]

Happy white out.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Are you going to the big white out?

[John Holmberg]

No, I'm not.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Celebrate all that white power for the coyotes.

[John Holmberg]

I'm white, but I'm still poor.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

All right, here we go. That doesn't mean nothing. That's probably my fault too somehow. All right, kids, pull this white thing.

[John Holmberg]

That's a closet there.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Thank God. Fanta be it. Is your penis just pumping full of blood for the whiteout tonight? Just saying it.

[John Holmberg]

Why are you asking?

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Just saying. Whiteout. Just pumping me up. You ready?

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

I gotta keep it simple for you. All right. Arctic Al Gore, Coca Cola ad campaign.

[John Holmberg]

Polar bear.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Polar bears, right. Nice job. We might have us a winner. Good luck.

[John Holmberg]

Ready?

[Dennis]

Thank you. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

He did the man. Woohoo.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

I did hear that.

[John Holmberg]

Did you hear that?

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Very white of you. Here we go. White. White out for the win in white power, Dan. Five million steam fried burgers sold annually Onion Nuggets, Walter Anderson and E.W. ingram.

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna go with White Castle.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

White Castle. We have a winner in White Power. It's not the name of the game. White Castle. It's what I call. I calls it White Power. Hold on, Dan. Yeah, that's what I'm wants to win my game. Great work, Dean. I bet you he's all pumped up in the nether region.

[John Holmberg]

I need a break from you. Can you go out in the hallway for a little bit?

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Penis pumped up for whiteout. What are you doing behind me, prisoner?

[Byron]

What?

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Toledo. Sneaking around.

[Byron]

You know Toledo Strong.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Oh, everybody know Toledo. And hell, all the crooked deals he make for RVs. He'll be here soon. He can't wait for someone to die with a recreational vehicle so he can have it. I'm gonna be in the hallway.

[Byron]

Julep for you.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

There's my old friend, Chuck Artee. I gotta go.

[John Holmberg]

He knows Chuck. Of course he knows Chuck.

[Dennis]

Oh, man.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

How you doing, buddy? Hi, Strom. Thought you were dead.

[Dennis]

You can hear them in the hallway. They're very excited to see each other.

[John Holmberg]

Why is he obsessed with penis? I don't know.

[Dennis]

He's weird.

[John Holmberg]

Excited Whiteout, that's why. One more round.

[Dennis]

Excited all the way around for the.

[John Holmberg]

Are you kidding me? Strom Thurman's only here once a year. That's only if the Coyotes make the playoffs. Another round of the whiteout. Sure. Strom Thurman's white out.

[Dennis]

It's 98k white power anymore. Not when I say it and he says it.

[John Holmberg]

I think he wants to change the name. It's 98k upd.

[Radio Station Announcer]

Merry effing holidays from the Big Red Radio. Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[Brett Vesely]

This segment's brought to you guys by Action Ride Shop. Now, if you're thinking about heading up north to hit the slopes for some skiing, some boarding, or if you're just going to stay down here in the valley and do some mountain biking, Action Ride Shop is your place to be. They got all the gear and all the knowledge you're gonna need, so check them out [e-mail] or better yet, just go visit them over there on Gilbert Road and Southern.

[Dennis]

It's Action Ride Shop. I'm struggling with something this morning because I. I am today years old when I found out. What? That baby carrots aren't a thing. I love baby carrots. You know what they are?

[Byron]

I just thought they were shaved.

[Dennis]

They are. Yeah. I thought they were actually like little tiny carrots that grew in little Tiny carrots.

[Byron]

Oh, like. Like the little navel oranges.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Dennis]

I thought they made baby carrots out of the ground. Like you pick little baby carrots. Like they actually.

[Byron]

Yeah, no, I know.

[Dennis]

They just take regular carrots and they process. They cut them in little 2 inch hunts.

[Byron]

More expensive.

[Dennis]

Yeah. And then they put them through this machine and they. They shave them down, make them the same shape. It's like Cheetos.

[John Holmberg]

It's.

[Dennis]

I don't know why it's disappointing to me. I wanted to plant baby carrots at the house. I was like, I'm gonna.

[Byron]

You kept looking for the seeds.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dennis]

Well, I don't know if you do seeds or what. I'm, you know, partially serious about it because I get these ideas sometimes to plant food and then I do it. One time I tried peppers, and I put peppers in the same garden thing as what else was in there. It was like a cucumber thing and then like. Like green peppers, yellow peppers and. No, it's like. It was a little cucumber kind of baby cucumber garden.

[Byron]

Okay.

[Dennis]

So I just had this box and put it on it. And I didn't realize that when the dirt's all the same, the trees get confused and start just doing whatever they want. I had this island of Dr. Moreau Vegetable thing where these green and yellow peppers were growing with the strangest cucumber flavor you've ever. It was so gross.

[John Holmberg]

Some of it was hot.

[Dennis]

It was just weird. But they all kind of just go, you know? And then I realized, you got to do better job. And I'm like, well, I'll just do one thing in the box and baby carrots. It's a small garden box. I'm like, that'd be a good idea. And I'll go find some baby carrots. One of these. And I just. Just this morning, reading them, I was very upset. It was like, baby carrots aren't a thing. That's a. They're Cheetos. They're basically. They're man made.

[Byron]

It's not designer. Designer carrots.

[Dennis]

Yeah. That's not right.

[Brett Vesely]

So you didn't go to the store and could I get baby carrot seeds, please?

[Dennis]

No, no, I want a tip top or whatever. I would have gone over to Barrage or Tip top or someplace and said, hey, where you guys hiding the baby carrots? Because I've looked everywhere. What are you talking about? Baby carrots. You know, little baby carrots, everybody. They're amazing bags of them.

[Byron]

You run into a guy that's really tiny. I work In a baby carrot?

[Dennis]

Yeah. Well, follow me. He takes me to the carrots. He goes, you do the work. I'm like, well, that's upsetting. I thought this was. It's just. It was an inconvenient thing. It's very strange. I don't like that. I. I feel duped. I feel like a fool. They're just not.

[Byron]

So I gotta figure the.

[Dennis]

Really.

[Byron]

You know, when they make the baby carrots, they gotta do both to the shredded carrots.

[Dennis]

Well, shredded carrots I knew weren't growing anyway.

[Byron]

I know, but I'd have to be.

[Dennis]

A pretty big idiot to just realize that there isn't a field of shredded carrots somewhere. You'd have to be a. To have that thinking that I'm just.

[Byron]

Saying to the practicality of the reason. If they're making the baby carrots, they've got to be doing shredded too, because you're taking so much carrot away in order to make them.

[Dennis]

Oh yeah, Brady. That makes sense.

[Brett Vesely]

Go easy on Brady. He's not a vest.

[Byron]

You don't want to wait.

[Dennis]

That's true. That's right.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I know.

[Dennis]

I'm not even talking about the waste. Of course they're utilizing the rest of the carrot. You don't understand what I'm upset about. That there is a rest of the carrot. That I thought some little tiny handed like slave baby somewhere was pulling baby carrots out of the ground. Just getting big people hands. Probably Asians, I'm guessing. Most likely a farm. A bunch of Asians with their tiny hands pulling little tiny carrots out of the earth. Or like they grow like strawberries or something. I didn't know. And now I'm upset about it. And I don't know why it bothers me. It's because it'll never end. It's just not a thing in your mind.

[Byron]

They're like. They taste so, so much better.

[Dennis]

No, I wasn't an idiot. I'm not the dumbest person. This is just a dumb moment. I'm not the dumbest man alive. Yeah, I'd have to be pretty stupid. Where's the salad fields? No, I know that lettuce comes in a ball and then you pull it apart. I'm not. Maybe a little. I'm not alone.

[Byron]

Baby spinach matter with you?

[Dennis]

What aren't you getting about that again? He's not a vegetable guy. It's true this John. Thanks this morning with your morning wood. Or thanks for the morning wood with your voice. I was about to start tugging, but as soon as I Heard Brett and Brady, boner gone.

[Brett Vesely]

You're welcome.

[Dennis]

P. S. Don't have kids, Israel. All right? Not the country. The whole country just emailed me. I gave Israel a boner this week.

[Brett Vesely]

Anyway, about your people.

[Dennis]

Strange about the baby carrot. That's all I'm. All I'm saying is. And I'm not alone, there's somebody driving around out there going, wait a minute. What? Just like. I was like, that's not a thing.

[Brett Vesely]

I'll own it.

[Dennis]

I'm the same way you thought they were, baby. Thank you, Brett. Thank you for stepping in.

[John Holmberg]

I'll be honest.

[Dennis]

Thank you for stepping in and understanding. You also assumed that they were trying, and all they had to do is peel the little tiny green thing. And so did I. In fact, in my brain, they call it the Mandela effect, Something that clearly has never happened in my brain, I think has. Where I've actually thought, oh, they didn't get the. The little green stalk part off the top. And I have peeled off little baby carrot green where it was. Where it was once on the vine. I don't know how carrots work. I love them. I love them. And I'm just gonna look at that. Next time I look at that bag or the bowl that. Nah, garbage.

[Brett Vesely]

When I go to Costco and you buy the bag of them or whatever, it's all like, oh, all right, cool.

[Byron]

We start to.

[Dennis]

Sometimes some of them had like. And I understood that they were, I guess. I guess, stupid sometimes. It happened. It's just a thing. Sorry. Baby carrots. It threw me. It threw me for a loop. I wasn't expecting to start the day with that, but I'm like, you gotta be kidding me. And then in my brain, I'm like, oh, of course. How big would that field like of people? Like, it's such a tiny little.

[Brett Vesely]

Brad Williams.

[Dennis]

Yeah, yeah. Loads like Oompa Loompas.

[Byron]

I mean, there are a ton of terrorists that are like, there are smaller carrots but different colors.

[Dennis]

They're not the orange, Brady. We're talking about baby carrots, and they're not real, so don't try to appease me with their.

[Byron]

I'm just trying to make you feel better about how dumb.

[Dennis]

Well, there's. Yeah, you're the one who said, also, shredded carrots aren't grown. We know. Follow the bouncy ball.

[John Holmberg]

Stay on topic.

[Dennis]

Now you're thinking about extra carrots and what you can dip them in.

[Radio Station Announcer]

Arizona's most powerful power. Powerful rock radio station. It's the last of Homburg's morning sickness. I'm 98 KUPD.

[Dennis]

We got ourselves a Brady report for all the other stuff that's going on. So keep. I'll keep an eye on the mountain. You guys look at all the other stuff. It's brought to you by our [e-mail] that's where you get shade put on that back patio so you can turn day into night at your home if you'd like. You've got an area that's got a TV on the back patio or you want to put one on there but the sun's glaring too much. Well, darn it all, there's one place that'll fix all that. Allprochet.com Make a nice shady day out of these 80 degree December afternoons and turn into a beautiful evening. And because you got motorized shade from All Pro Shade, they'll throw a heater in there for you as well. So when the sun does set, you don't need your shades anymore. You got a nice heater to continue your evening on your beautiful new patio. Allprochade.com Brady report it good Wednesday morning to you.

[Byron]

Phoenix. Hello world.

[Dennis]

Hi.

[Byron]

A study ranked the most fun cities in America based on 65 metrics. They factored in how far you travel to get your closest bowling alley or frozen yogurt shop.

[Brett Vesely]

He's ready to bash his head into the rocks of delegates team right there.

[Byron]

According to the results, the 10 most fun cities, 65 different like restaurants say that schools. But that was one of them. One of the factors 65 different metrics.

[Dennis]

And one of them was cities. Again. He did that again.

[Byron]

The 10 most fun cities in America.

[Brett Vesely]

Go ahead.

[Byron]

Las Vegas, Orlando, Miami, Atlanta, New Orleans, Austin, Austin, San Francisco, Chicago, Houston and New York.

[Commercial Announcer]

Wait a minute.

[Byron]

One more time.

[Commercial Announcer]

Is Orlando higher than Las Vegas?

[Byron]

Las Vegas was first.

[Dennis]

Oh, you went one to ten.

[Commercial Announcer]

Yeah.

[Dennis]

Okay. Yeah. Orlando's too because of the Disney World.

[Byron]

Vegas ranks first for nightlife and parties.

[Dennis]

Yeah.

[Commercial Announcer]

Have you been to the Orlando Disney?

[Dennis]

No, it's too big.

[Byron]

They also ranked city according to how much it costs to have fun. And that's your main concern. Start planning a trip to Toledo, Ohio.

[Dennis]

There's no one ever.

[Byron]

The five cheapest cities for fun. Toledo, Wichita, Montgomery, Alabama, Fayetteville, North Carolina and Oklahoma City.

[Dennis]

Jamie Farr's house and the Jeep dealerships that are massive.

[Byron]

What's there to do in Toledo?

[Brett Vesely]

That's it.

[Dennis]

They build Jeeps there.

[Commercial Announcer]

But they build the Jeep Liberty TGI.

[Byron]

Fridays right off of it.

[Commercial Announcer]

I think that one closed.

[Dennis]

You drive around in a tour Bus. And look at places Jamie Farr's visited. Because for some reason, they're real proud of Jamie Farr being from Toledo.

[Commercial Announcer]

No, there was a. What is that place? That was on. By Fiesta Mall.

[Byron]

Bennegan's.

[Commercial Announcer]

They had a Benneggins. That's basically TGIF light.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dennis]

Maybe an Alan Alda impersonator drives you around. And this is where Klinger had his first. It was a wonderful day.

[Byron]

Over here.

[Dennis]

This is a shower Klinger used to use. It's a. It wasn't really Clinger, though. No, not at the time. It was Jamie Farr. This was his ent. This tour sucks.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

You're in Toledo.

[Dennis]

What else are you going to point out?

[Commercial Announcer]

You're right.

[Dennis]

I'm not arguing.

[Commercial Announcer]

University of Toledo.

[Byron]

The Rockets.

[Dennis]

The Rocket. The Mudhead Stadium. I guess that is nice.

[Byron]

It is, right?

[Dennis]

All right, calm down. You were in Toledo. Everything that had decency was felt. Like the Taj Mahal. I've been there. They don't have the sun.

[Commercial Announcer]

You didn't go to the stadium.

[Dennis]

They signed a contract to not have the sun in Toledo that week that you were there. Oh, my God. I've never. It's. I said it. I said, Toledo is the Algonquin word for absence of blue sky.

[Byron]

Last work last week, we heard about the missing lottery ticket. Had one day left to turn it in. 196 million. And if it doesn't get turned in, it goes to the schools in California.

[Dennis]

That's what they say.

[Byron]

A year ago, In December of 2023, two tickets were sold at a gas station in Encino, California. It was 395 million. Guy named Fairmont, Fairmarts Lahajani.

[Dennis]

Oh, boy.

[Byron]

Had one of the winning tickets.

[Dennis]

See something, say something.

[Byron]

He got half of it. 197 and a half million. And last week, it sounded like the other ticket would go unclaimed.

[Dennis]

Guy showed up.

[Byron]

Fair Marts showed back up and said, I bought both tickets.

[Dennis]

Why didn't he say that in the beginning?

[Brett Vesely]

Same numbers.

[Byron]

Great question. Yeah, that's what they're saying.

[Dennis]

Like, why'd you wait until Gammon?

[Byron]

He said he used the same numbers and he made two transactions because the lottery doesn't allow a single sale.

[Dennis]

Right.

[Byron]

So he bought two tickets with the same number on them. Like produce a ticket.

[Dennis]

Yeah.

[Byron]

Don't you have records of me purchasing the ticket?

[Dennis]

Who's on both?

[Byron]

Yeah. And he goes, you look that up, you'll see.

[Dennis]

And he told you where he bought it.

[Byron]

They don't have that. So he's now suing the state of.

[Dennis]

California, saying that for the other half.

[Byron]

The other half.

[Dennis]

You know, in a way he's got a point. Even if he didn't buy the other ticket.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Dennis]

If you and I won the lottery and you never claimed your half, when the time comes, the other half's mine. I won the lottery.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Dennis]

If the other winner doesn't come forward, the whole jackpot's mine.

[Commercial Announcer]

Yeah.

[Dennis]

If nobody wins, the schools get it.

[Byron]

So he hasn't given an interview and the lottery officials won't comment on it publicly, so.

[Dennis]

Yeah.

[Commercial Announcer]

Because they know they're in the wrong.

[Brett Vesely]

Other than. Other than that, I got to give credit where credit's due. Brady did research on.

[Dennis]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, we.

[Brett Vesely]

He had answers.

[Dennis]

It did have answers.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dennis]

He also had a second page which tells me that that thing showed up with answers. Here are your answers if anyone asks questions. Interesting. Because. Yeah, I, I would be. If I was the lottery guy, I would sue them for saying, hey, just because the other guy didn't claim his ticket doesn't mean I didn't win. You give me the unclaimed. Because I picked all six numbers. I wouldn't go in there with the scam. If I bought two tickets of the same numbers, I'd say that's mine too. That I won the jackpot of $395 million. You say you sold two tickets, the other guy didn't claim it. Now it's all mine.

[Commercial Announcer]

You know, it'll drastically change this show when Brady discovers Gemini AI at five o' clock in the morning.

[Dennis]

Oh, no.

[Commercial Announcer]

Answer his questions.

[Dennis]

Well, you have to ask questions in the first place.

[Byron]

That's true.

[John Holmberg]

We ask the questions.

[Dennis]

That's what makes this so golden.

[Commercial Announcer]

Jim and I won't teach him how to ask questions. I guess you're right there.

[Dennis]

Answer questions he doesn't have yet.

[John Holmberg]

You're right.

[Dennis]

But I'm. I almost want to go over to California and lobby for this sound terror sounding name of the man who won the lottery. Johnny.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

No.

[Dennis]

Take the money away from the kids in Encino. No. They pay enough taxes in California. I don't care. There's plenty of weeks that the lottery doesn't have a winner and that just means more tax money. That's what that thing. It's all designed to have winners. They don't rely on no claims. That's not what the lottery is. No claims is gravy to the lottery. Oh yeah, but if somebody won it and another guy didn't claim, if two people want it, the one that did Claim it gets the whole thing. The lottery's not sitting back going, well, another 200 million nobody claimed. Good for us. That's a. Well, you're supposed to get the money every winning tickets. I know. Yeah, but if.

[Byron]

I don't know. But if they could in state and say, well, if the one doesn't come.

[Dennis]

Forward, that's how it should be when they say you're going to win 395 million if you have the ticket. And you'll split it if other people have the ticket too. Well, if nobody has the other ticket, they just say that. That they'd say that every time. Oh, we had two sold tickets just to keep half. They can't prove they didn't.

[Byron]

And yeah, what if they look into.

[Dennis]

I mean, the lotteries could be lying. The whole thing is designed to get us to pay for taxes. The poor people's tax. And then every once in a while they give one guy a bunch of money, but they take all that money back.

[John Holmberg]

That's.

[Dennis]

That was it. Sounds like California's running scam. I don't know.

[Byron]

Power Boat.

[Brett Vesely]

I think that was last night.

[Dennis]

Got the Power Bone. I like that Powerball. Okay, I like yours better.

[Commercial Announcer]

Watching Annie night videos tonight.

[Dennis]

The drawing for the Power Bone. I mean ball. Sorry, Ronnie, that's out of the bag for our Wednesday Power Bone. I gotta draw for it though.

[Commercial Announcer]

Does it roll over Brady if I get it?

[Dennis]

One of those magic eight balls. Is tonight the night for the Power boon? Signs say no.

[Byron]

Ask again.

[Dennis]

Ask again later.

[Byron]

Someone just reposted the oddest laws that are still on the books. In some states, like in Alabama, it's against the law to dress up as a priest or nun unless you really are one. It even applies on Halloween.

[Dennis]

Why so? Because people might tell you secrets.

[Byron]

Arizona has a law that specifically bans rigging claw machine games. So they're impossible to win.

[Commercial Announcer]

Pretty impossible.

[Dennis]

Wait a minute. We're the only. We have a. Other states don't have a ban against that.

[John Holmberg]

Like, oh yeah, you can.

[Dennis]

Totally.

[Byron]

That's what I want.

[Dennis]

Give us money. The things rig it, right. No, but you're rigging a game. That's like by definition, that's illegal. Yeah, there's a law against anything that costs you money. That is a fixed outcome.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't know what you're talking about.

[Dennis]

I know.

[Byron]

That's what I.

[Dennis]

Look over here. That's what I'm talking about. If it's already predetermined, you shouldn't have to pay for it. That's the Whole point.

[Byron]

In California, you're allowed to eat frogs unless they died in a frog jumping competition.

[Commercial Announcer]

Calabasas.

[Dennis]

Oh, that's. I remember that. That's a revered thing.

[Byron]

In Colorado, you can't use indoor furniture as out outdoor furniture. Meet the person that got a ticket for that.

[Brett Vesely]

They don't have hillbillies in Colorado.

[Dennis]

Yeah, exactly.

[Byron]

In Delaware, whispering in church is technically illegal if it disrupts the service.

[Commercial Announcer]

Man, you got a mean pastor if he's.

[Dennis]

That's it, you're going to jail. No forgiveness on that one.

[Byron]

Of all the states, Florida actually has the most appropriate. And it makes sense. It's illegal to feed wild alligators.

[Dennis]

Brady, you'd do it. You're a law abiding citizen. But that one you would do In Indiana, noodling.

[Byron]

Also hillbilly hand fishing. It's illegal in what state? Indiana. You also cannot fish with dynamite again. Evidently had to put it on the.

[Dennis]

Bus because they had to put it on the. They thought we just know better. But then my family in Indiana said, hey, you know, we'd get some fish faster if we just blew up the lake. And they used to. That used to be a big thing. There was a big deal where the fish would settle in this spot in Cedar Lake, Indiana. And there was like a little, like it was like a strange waterfall and like a pond that came off of Cedar Lake on the corner and it turned into like a small stream and there was a ton of carpets and then something else, some other type of fish was in there and you could. And they'd go and scoop them out with nets and the cops would have to go over and go, you can't do that. It's illegal. Like they would stop them from doing it. Like you had to actually fish for it to keep it. It was a. And boy, man, there weren't cops around. People would run down there with nets and scoop them out.

[Byron]

The only American president to own a patent, Abraham Lincoln, when he was a lawyer, he patented a flat bottom boat design. But it never went to market.

[Dennis]

Do we use them today?

[Byron]

No, but they're big. The flat bottom boats delivered a lot of goods. They used the canals when Lincoln was just not his, just not his.

[Dennis]

So he made money off of it. He had the patent on the floor.

[Byron]

But it never went to market. So you can patent that design, but if you never build it, is it still active?

[Commercial Announcer]

Does like.

[Dennis]

I'm sure that's over dealing the idea. If someone else built it.

[Byron]

You can't steal that design.

[Dennis]

But if Trump's got a Flat bottom boat.

[Commercial Announcer]

Trump does.

[Byron]

Yeah, but he could have something different on it. You know, be able to steer it or to.

[Dennis]

Then wouldn't if he invented something other than the flat bottom part. Bottom with a thing. So they invented a different kind. I'm gonna look into this.

[Brett Vesely]

Dolly steamboat.

[John Holmberg]

A flat bottom boat.

[Dennis]

No, it's a stupid wheel paddle. Paddle wheel dump. Messy. Don't do it. Don't you dare do it. I wouldn't do it.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Dennis]

I'm turning it down.

[Byron]

We're still a month away from 2025. But if you think 2024 was a rough year.

[Dennis]

Brett, I knew you were gonna eventually kick.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Dennis]

He was just digging around. I saw what he was up. What? Searching for that God damn it. Dolly steamboat song. The only time I if the only time I would go on that again. Oh. It's our annual hate of the dolly steamboat. I would only go on it if they change the name to the Dolly Lusitania. And it was guaranteed to be U boated out of the water.

[John Holmberg]

Oh.

[Commercial Announcer]

Two heads.

[Dennis]

Two heads. We'll be traveling at about one mile an hour for the next 11 hours. Enjoy the nothingness of Canyon Lake. Release the animals to your right. There may be a mountain. And go. Nope, just another rock. Enjoy all the rocks that you saw driving in the exact same way. You see it now, only at the breakneck speed of one.

[Byron]

It's too cold for those critters now.

[Dennis]

I wanted to bash my head into those rocks. If you'd like a drink, they're complimentary with your dolly steamboat ticket and M&Ms. And snacks are provided at $33 a box. Once again, we'll be traveling at the speed of one for the rest of eternity. The hanging rope's coming up here soon. Unfortunately, it's been used so much, it's not stable anymore.

[Byron]

They could up that game if they have. The second deck is the Boom boom Room.

[Dennis]

The Rah Rah Room. Brady.

[John Holmberg]

The Boom Boom room.

[Dennis]

No black people are going on that. No black people. People are going to Canyon Lake for a slow paddle boat ride that reminds them of way too much stuff. You know what? How you doing? Oh, I see we have a lot of African Americans here. Welcome. Nothing makes you guys more comfortable than slow boats going nowhere.

[Brett Vesely]

Captain Doughboy will be in charge today.

[Dennis]

And we're going to have some courvoisier for all of you before it's all over. Oh, the imagery of the late 1800s water travel. I'm sure that makes you guys feel great. Yeah. The Boom boom Room. Massive failure. Oh, that's stupid.

[Byron]

Why is that below deck?

[Dennis]

Brett, Head on down those stairs there. Don't forget to shut the door behind you. Oh, dolly steamboat. Good boy.

[Brett Vesely]

On Hennessy right now.

[Dennis]

Oh, I would throw a drone right into the side of that thing.

[Byron]

Someone noticed on the 2025 calendar it starts on a Wednesday. So the first three days, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, WTF. That's every week. Like it has happened in 2020 too.

[Dennis]

It happens every week that Wednesday, Thursday and Friday at WTF.

[Byron]

January 1st. Stupid 2025. Wednesday.

[Brett Vesely]

Just ride the dolly steamboat.

[Dennis]

It's just as bad. You know what?

[John Holmberg]

That might.

[Dennis]

You know what? It's not as bad as you thought, is it? If anyone tries to talk you into going to that, don't do it. Every week has Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.

[Byron]

So one also happened in May this year.

[Dennis]

Yeah, tons of months start on Wednesday.

[Commercial Announcer]

And November.

[Byron]

Last year they're starting about January 1st.

[Dennis]

We get it. It's just another month and it's nothing.

[Brett Vesely]

God damn.

[Dennis]

Crash this boat under the sun, we get eaten by mountain goats.

[Commercial Announcer]

Is that a torpedo in the water?

[Brett Vesely]

I hope so.

[Dennis]

Look like we got a German yield boat hanging around here in the canyon, Mike. Hopefully it doesn't kill us all. Speak for yourself. Come on.

[John Holmberg]

Come on.

[Dennis]

You crouch. Put one through this thing.

[Byron]

After 20 years, Chi Chi's restaurant is making a comeback.

[Dennis]

What's Chi Chi's restaurant?

[Byron]

It's a Mexican restaurant that was popular.

[Dennis]

Popular in the.

[Commercial Announcer]

Yeah.

[Byron]

70S and 80s.

[Commercial Announcer]

There was a couple.

[Byron]

It started Minnesota. There were a couple they went up to.

[Brett Vesely]

When I think of Minnesota, I think of Mexico.

[Dennis]

I think of their tamales.

[Commercial Announcer]

Started by one of the Green Bay Packers.

[Dennis]

Oh, was it.

[Byron]

Yeah, the founder.

[Dennis]

Was it the guy who was with the girl? The. Mark Chamura.

[Commercial Announcer]

No, no, no, no, no. Like a. Like an old school.

[Dennis]

Yeah, yeah.

[Byron]

Is the son of the original owner, which is Marno McDermott. McDermott and he opened the restaurants in 1976.

[Dennis]

Chi Cheese.

[Byron]

They closed pretty quick. Did we have the largest hepatitis breakout in the. I forget what it was the world in. In the. The vegetables here.

[Dennis]

Oh, you forget what hepatitis was?

[Byron]

Yeah, it was. But it was a restaurant that caused green onion.

[Dennis]

Was it onions?

[Byron]

Green onions, that's right. Four people died.

[Dennis]

Correct. Only four people died. And that's the largest one. That's pretty good.

[Byron]

Four people that died and over a hundred people.

[Commercial Announcer]

Seven hundred.

[Dennis]

How do you know this? Wait, have you already read the story? What are you reading?

[Brett Vesely]

Nothing. Obviously.

[Dennis]

Yeah.

[Byron]

They said hundreds of people got sick and 40.

[Commercial Announcer]

Hundreds. More than a hundred.

[Dennis]

Let me see that. Here we go. It's just. Is it a quick one? No, It's Chichi's thing. 20 years Chichi company.

[Byron]

Hundreds of people.

[Dennis]

Got 100 people got sick in 4 died. Chain was basically defunct within a few months. Well, why would we want this back?

[Byron]

For the fried ice cream.

[Dennis]

I mean, the one menu, remember, quite literally killed people.

[John Holmberg]

And like, hey, come back, city baby.

[Byron]

There's still Chi Chi's. I think you can buy the salsa in grocery stores. They still have the. Yeah.

[Dennis]

Jody Arias only killed one guy and she can't come back. Why can't Cheechi?

[John Holmberg]

That's how it does.

[Byron]

The ones opening up and they want, you know. Listen, dude, look at you.

[Dennis]

You're defending a place that murdered four people and sickened over 700. And this is an announcement. This is why your kids are fat. This is why America's got a problem. We let a murderer reopen his restaurant.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Laughy May pot down, Skinny. Nobody needs to hear from you right now. Chi Cheese was gone. Four people's guts couldn't handle the deliciousness and they dropped out. It's called Darwinism.

[Byron]

Stay here. Ralphie.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Hey, Brady. Yeah, you're with me on this. Maybe 700 got sick from the food, but thousands of us got sick to our stomachs when we heard they were closing. Bring it back.

[Byron]

It's a great point.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Thank you. I understand how fat man thinks. It's a beautiful thing. Jodi Arias ain't coming back and she's a murderer. It's like if Travis put the knife at him and blamed her. That's Chi Chi's.

[Byron]

You had to eat it, Ralphie. Sorry, you can't partake in this. But you'll be happy for. For other people.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Okay.

[Byron]

Wendy's brings back the beloved three dollar keychain that gets customers unlimited free frosties. In 2025, we had one.

[John Holmberg]

Pretty.

[Brett Vesely]

Pretty cool.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Unlimited Frosties.

[Brett Vesely]

Yep.

[Dennis]

One a day.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

I'm gonna test the boundaries of that marketing plan. I will show you what unlimited looks like. There will be limits. All right, I gotta go.

[Byron]

Ready?

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

You keep telling about Chichi 0, Ralph. Hey, we're bringing back 80s Tylenol while we're at it.

[Commercial Announcer]

But we have a Chi Cheese. It's in central Phoenix. It's a cabaret. But we've got Chi Cheese.

[Byron]

It's boobs.

[Dennis]

What in the world are we thinking? So Chi Cheese is back. Remember, They've stopped killing and they're gonna serve up some hot Mexican slop for you. I don't want the restaurant to be back. I never heard of it in the first place. I don't think we had them here.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't think we did.

[Dennis]

If we did, we weren't going to. And good for us. We're still alive. You don't get that second chance. You have to at least change your name. If you killed four patrons and 700 dies.

[Byron]

Bember Berry.

[Dennis]

If you don't get 20 years off, come out and go. Are my clothes still in style? I'd like to start over, John.

[Commercial Announcer]

This might explain a lot, but I grew up in Michigan in the 80s and 90s and we had a Chi cheese. It was my first exposure to, quote unquote, Mexican food, if you can call it that.

[Dennis]

And four people died. And. And they want to. They want to come back. Break out the Feldman, Holmberg. This is the comeback king.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

I'm a comeback comeback king.

[Dennis]

Would you go to Chi Chi's?

[Byron]

I went to Chi Chi's numerous times growing up.

[Dennis]

And then they killed some people and they need to go away.

[Byron]

I was in Pittsburgh.

[Commercial Announcer]

He wasn't anywhere near Pittsburgh.

[Dennis]

Okay. It doesn't matter. When a McDonald's can't kill people, then go away for a year or two and come back.

[Byron]

Yeah, it wasn't like blown away by cheat sheets by any means.

[Dennis]

Jodi Arias did one. She's never getting out. Chee Chee's four plus hundreds almost. You're done. Papa John's had the decency to take out an apostrophe. At the very least, they changed something. Chi Chi's. You want to come back? Back. Don't come back as cheesy.

[Byron]

Several chains that have survived murder. The hepatitis.

[Commercial Announcer]

Jack in the Box.

[Dennis]

Well, Jack in the Box didn't survive hepatitis. They had horse meat and kangaroo. Because they were buying from a different source.

[Commercial Announcer]

No, they had the E Coli.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Huge.

[Dennis]

E Coli is different than hepatitis.

[Byron]

Died.

[Dennis]

E Coli is different than hepatitis.

[Byron]

That's a different people.

[Dennis]

Food poisoning is a risk you take with food. Hepatitis is something that you shouldn't be getting from food. There's something that's a murder. That's a murder. That's different. E Coli is just unprepared, poorly.

[John Holmberg]

It happens.

[Dennis]

Not the same. Hepatitis is not something you can get as a foodborne illness unless something's terrible is going on. It's hard to get hepatitis from food. Then you see E Coli is like, ah, they had a, you know, bad meat. It sat out for a couple hours. Hepatitis. You're doing some work.

[Byron]

I thought someone. I thought there's a couple places that had the hepatitis.

[Dennis]

If you can't Remember them? It's because they went away.

[Byron]

I forgot about the chief. Now. Now I remember.

[Dennis]

Yeah. And when the first thing you think of. Oh, Chichi's the place that killed people. Are they coming back?

[Commercial Announcer]

Hepatitis. Hepatitis gets into the food system through feces or blood of an infected person or animal.

[Dennis]

Yeah. It's not easy to just. It's somebody's killing somebody with dirty hepatitis. Getting on the food from the person. Yeah, well, it's beyond dirty hands. They have to have hepatitis with their dirty, bloody hands to get it into the food.

[Brett Vesely]

Were they growing it at Sodomy Gulch.

[Dennis]

Or what over there? Hepatitis is. That's horrible.

[Commercial Announcer]

Texter says. By the way, can you clarify something for me? Did the DNA donor of Andre the Giant just say he wouldn't risk a wolf baby?

[Dennis]

Oh, yeah, it's true. Yeah. Yeah.

[Byron]

See?

[Dennis]

Saying it's worth the risk. 50. 50 shot. Your kid comes out of wolf boy, you put the minoxidil. Yeah. We've all had food poisoning. We all don't get hepatitis from a meal. That's terribly. That's horrifying. Guess who's back. Back, back, back again.

[John Holmberg]

Chi Chi's back.

[Dennis]

What up, everybody? Remember us with chi cheese? We killed four in the past.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

We got.

[Dennis]

You should be over that by now. Melbourne's gonna be their spokesman. We fired the guy with hepatitis, so the food's better.

[Commercial Announcer]

John, you're talking about risk with someone who goes to the taco spot in El Centro.

[Dennis]

Isn't that weird? That is true. You'll visit any restaurant you're given, but you won't even rub minoxidil in the 50.50 shot of wolf baby?

[Byron]

Yeah. Apples and oranges.

[Dennis]

Well, those are both fruits, so they're very comparable. I've never understood. Understood that argument. Apples and oranges are both fruit. We can compare them around comparable fruits, different colors, different taste. Comparable. You don't want to kill people with your restaurant. This says IHOP and Denny's have killed thousands over the years. I don't believe that to be true. If it was thousands dead from IHOP in one thing. From one thing, maybe over the years, plenty of people have.

[Byron]

Flaming out, bro.

[Dennis]

It's not flaming out if you're. I know we're defending food here, but if IHOP's been around for 70 years and in that time, you know, somebody's over and they've had a heart attack or they've overdone it, that's one offs all the way through. But if they had a simple outbreak of hepatitis, a bunch of People died. You got to shut that restaurant down. Anyway, just come back and call it the Jodi Arias Mexican restaurant. Have some fun with it.

[Radio Station Announcer]

Arizona most powerful, powerful rock radio station. The best of homework's morning sickness. I'm 90 AKUPD.

[Dennis]

I saw a thing this weekend about an Asian girl. Let's talk about Christmas. Crazy grandma and grandpa are, you know, getting up there. And the family had these twin girls, and one of the twins died of meningitis two years ago. And they won't tell the grandparents, so they bring an extra set of clothes for the other, the living one, and they have them going like, she goes in and out of the house as both of them.

[Byron]

Wow.

[Dennis]

Because they don't run slow. Yeah. They don't want to break the news to grandma and grandpa about, you know, which. And the grandparents can't tell. Not because they're Asian, because they're twins, Brett. But, you know, I mean, you could see the difference. You could have just gone to Mace evidently and hired another one and said, come with me. Your name is Quan Lee. For a couple minutes, you get a fool. Some old people, if they're that easy to fool, you could have gotten. You could have rented one, go over to Mekong and say, you come with me and pretend to be this girl's sister. Because the grandparents didn't know, but they've done it for a couple years. So finally, grandma died, and they broke the news to her on her deathbed, came in and said, by the way, we've been fooling you guys for, like, 24 months. The other one's been dead for two years. I've been playing both roles, and grandma's, like, taking her last breath. Why now? Why tell me now? I confused me now, but still won't tell grandpa. Gonna keep the ruse alive for a little while longer. And she's all ashamed of it, but she's still like, her parents think that's the best thing.

[Byron]

Kids loving it. Double down on present.

[Dennis]

Well, she's like, 30.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Dennis]

I'm doubling down on grandparents presents.

[Byron]

Their parents are twin.

[Dennis]

Hospice probably sucks for her because twins have the worst grandparent gifts ever because they get two of the same thing. It's not like she's getting double presents. She's getting two T shirts that say, you know, lucky me or whatever. I don't know.

[Byron]

Yeah, but they stop.

[Dennis]

Grandpa's babies. Yeah, I know, but they don't stop that ever. Grandparents, they always treat you like you're six if you got twins. And your grandparents, the cruddy double sweater buy Is always. Cuz they're not shopping, they don't want to go out. And individ you're twins, two will do.

[Byron]

The only interesting thing that would happen. It sounds like it's not if the grandparents, you know, had a necess, whatever, a trust or leaving money to the one twin. Yeah, they gotta straighten that out.

[Dennis]

It all just transfers over twin.

[Brett Vesely]

They're not gonna notice.

[Dennis]

You go into the game, you double down, let that girl have both of them.

[Byron]

They'll just do it to the court.

[Dennis]

It's easy. And there was a bunch of like comments on the end of people who were doing similar things. They took down all the pictures of the twins in their house. So they didn't get a. I guess they didn't look exactly alike. Although to me they did. But they. The one twin was a little bit different. And they took down all the pictures. Not to remind grandma and grandpa that that was a thing. And it fooled them like they never. They had no idea. But you just, you bring another sweater and she'd have to come in and pretend to be her sister while grandma was, you know, doing stuff and couldn't get them in the same room at the same time. Grandma and grandpa never asked how come you guys don't come in here together? Because one's real busy and you know, they just took over spaces. I thought it was pretty cool.

[Byron]

I got duped for a week by.

[Dennis]

Asian twins in high school.

[Byron]

No, there weren't Asian twins. But this family, my buddy had four other kids. This family had two sisters and two other brothers. And the youngest one comes down, I meet him the first time. My name's Jason. Good to meet you. You know, at the time he's probably like in fifth grade or whatever. Then he comes down a little bit later and said, oh no, I'm Chuck. They're Chuck and Jason. They're twins. But it was just only Jason.

[Dennis]

Oh, you've been fooled by twins everybody.

[Byron]

Yeah, they were saying that.

[Dennis]

Yeah. Were they real though? He wasn't a real twin.

[Byron]

No, he was just Jay. It was just Jason the whole time.

[Dennis]

Saw you as a mark and the.

[Byron]

Whole family was in on him just to. Yeah. Oh, Chuck's not here. Br. You know, just to. Yeah, you. Yeah.

[Dennis]

They chose you as a mark for no reason and for a week they were having the time of their lives. Oh yeah, who told you?

[Byron]

Hey, where's Chuck?

[Dennis]

And you're asking to play with him and stuff?

[Byron]

No, I'm the older brother, I play with. But then it's like, which one are You, Jason or Chuck?

[Dennis]

And they're just. Yeah, that's. Get that Bogan kid thinking we're triplets. Oh, yeah. We haven't met the other one. This is Ronnie. Oh, good lord. How many people live here? A lot. You're going to meet them all eventually. Well, that's weird. Were you pissed at the end?

[Byron]

No, I mean, they. Well, they knew I would joke around and stuff about multiple. No, but they thought this would be a funny. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[Dennis]

They were dicking with you.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Dennis]

For no reason. It's a good one. No, that's mean. I would never go over there again. I'd be like, those people think nothing of me. I would too. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I'm like, you guys can go yourself. What'd you do that to me for?

[Byron]

Sure.

[Dennis]

Easy, Rube, you jackass. Like, oh, that's basically what they're saying.

[John Holmberg]

Pretty much.

[Dennis]

Like, this idiot, let's try to make him. That's the only time I ever.

[Byron]

But you know how. I mean, it would be really easy. It's not like you're hanging out with the other family, you know, the siblings too much. They're all over there once or twice still. I don't think they're hanging out with a guy. I'm like, oh, that's your brother? Yeah, he's got a twin. Oh, okay.

[Dennis]

And then they're all like, hey, I told the idiot we have a twin, so let's play pretend we do and watch his stupid face. Yeah, you were being made fun of. Oh, yeah, being stomped. And you still hung out with them after.

[Commercial Announcer]

Yeah, man.

[Dennis]

I wouldn't. Just not just cuz that if that's how they introduce themselves, I'm out. Yeah, I'm pretty much out on that. I know. I'm the town jackass. You need to go back to their house and go, hey, guys, remember that whole Chuck Jason thing? What the are you thinking? Hang on, let me.

[John Holmberg]

Let me ask my.

[Dennis]

My wife. In fact, I have multiple wives. Hold on just a second. They're all twins.

[John Holmberg]

The idiot's back.

[Brett Vesely]

Here comes Warren Jeffs.

[Byron]

They have five sets of twins.

[Dennis]

You guys like having.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

You're joshing me.

[Dennis]

Oh, speaking of Josh here. Josh, My twin brother. I'll be right back. He wears a cape. That's how you'll know the difference. Josh has a cape. Jeff doesn't have a cape.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Got it.

[Dennis]

There's a little like 45 people living in this house. Hold on a second. We get my other sister, Melissa. This guy never asks a question. About anything. He just played with you, huh? I pretended to be a twin once when a girl like, I didn't know. Well, again, it was intimidation. I liked her. She was very sweet in high school. And then she. She told me that she was, I think she was like 16. I had recently just had sex with the first time, not with her, but feeling pretty good about myself. Lost the. Lost the card. Felt pretty good. Got that out, you know, that monkey off my back, so to speak. And then so she and I start hanging out together. And she asked me, she goes, have you done it? Yeah, I have, actually. I'm a man of the world. And she goes, my ex boyfriend and I used to do it all the time. And I'm like, oh. Because I had only done it like twice. So I'm like, still, I'm a neophyte. And so she's like. She's like, yeah, we studied a lot. I'm like, how many times do you think you've done it? And she asked me, she goes, what about you? And I'm like, two. And then she said, oh, thousands, but. And it scared me away. So a couple nights later, there's a knock on my door. There's a girl there with flowers. I. I recognized her, but I didn't know her. She's got flowers and balloons. And she said, jennifer would like to cordially invite you to Morp, which was our Sadie Hawkins prom backwards. So she's like, would you like to go to Morp with her? And I'm standing there, I'm like, oh, you think I'm John? She goes, what? I'm like, I don't know. I'm his cousin Dennis. We look quite a bit alike. I'll take these and give them to him, though. And so she's like, huh? Because I think me and this girl had a couple classes together. I didn't know her very well.

[Brett Vesely]

Like, yeah, she a beast or something or what?

[Dennis]

No, no, Jennifer was nice. Her friend that she sent up.

[Brett Vesely]

That's what I'm saying.

[Dennis]

Yeah, I know she was okay.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, all right.

[Dennis]

Just a Middle Eastern or something.

[Brett Vesely]

That could have been number three.

[Dennis]

What are you doing? Could have been. Hey, while you're here, though, why don't you give Dennis a run for your money? So I take the flowers and I take the thing and I'm like, I'll. I'll have them call you. And then the phone rings like 10 minutes later, and she's sobbing and she goes, why did you do that? What are you talking about? She goes, I Saw you. I was in the car. That was you. I'm like, no, no, no. My cousin. My cousin. Cousin Dennis. And I look exactly.

[Byron]

You went all in.

[Dennis]

Well, I totally dug my heels in on this lie.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, there you go. You're Brady.

[Dennis]

And you. Well. And you know what? Unlike Brady, she was not stupid enough to believe it. So she goes, and this was my core mistake, was earlier that day we hung out and I was still in the same clothes. I had a. What a dumbass. So in the doorway, I'm standing there in the exact same thing I wore while I hung out with her that afternoon.

[Byron]

Come on.

[Dennis]

I know. Like, Dennis and I just swapped out the same outfit. And he answers the door. She goes, I watched you. Why would you do that to me? Like, it wasn't to you. I was my cousin Dennis. We're practically twins. Everybody thinks so. That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. If you didn't want to go, all you have to say is no. And I'm like, I'm not gonna say no to anyone. I just had to give it.

[Brett Vesely]

Our family's poor. We share clothes.

[Dennis]

And it wasn't like I didn't like her. I did. I was just intimidated by the fact that she was so well rounded in the bedroom. And I was gonna. I needed. I needed to slow down for a second, take a breath. She had just hit me earlier that day with the thousands of times having sex, which, you know, as you age, you're like, that's a good thing.

[Byron]

Yeah. So she saw you in the hammer pants. La gears.

[Dennis]

I'll tell you what I was wearing. I know exactly what I had on, too. I had. For no reason at all, someone gave me a Seattle Seahawks warm up. Half shirt. Oh, Jesus Christ. You know the ones you remember, the old college ones that had holes in them and they weren't like the mesh. It was mesh, but it was. Yeah, it was heavy mesh. Like you could see through it. No, not at all. It was like chain mail. Yeah. And then. But it had a number on it. I don't even know whose it was. And it just said Seahawks across the top.

[Byron]

Oh, Seahawks or Sonic Seahawks.

[Dennis]

Seattle Seahawks. I don't know why, but somebody gave me that and I liked it. Half shirt Largent. Then I had a pair of. Of sweatpants. It wasn't a Steve Largent, though. That would have been a good one. I had a. I think it was Jim Zorn, actually. He was long gone too. Anyway, a pair of shorts and again, just like socks pulled up to my Knees. Because I went with that for a while, with Even into my teen years.

[Brett Vesely]

Christ, you should be grateful.

[Dennis]

She asked. I was dressed like he panicked. I dressed like a retarded boy who had just wet himself. And they gave me some extra clothes. Here, put these on and go home and tell your mother what happened.

[Radio Station Announcer]

Wow.

[Byron]

Chuck would never do that.

[Dennis]

I tried, but I wasn't wearing the shorts and the socks when we hung out that day, that I had changed into that. So I still had to say the half shirt on. I had a half Seattle Seahawks shirt on. It's a great idea. He's nice out.

[Brett Vesely]

That's what Dan was thinking, too, when he showed up with the half shirt on.

[Dennis]

I remember when Morp was. It was in spring, but it was nice weather. Oh, Dan hated the half shirts.

[Byron]

Jesus.

[Dennis]

My dad and I went to dinner on Thursday and then he wrote me a nice, nice note, said he's all proud of me and stuff. Like, it was a nice little text I got this weekend from dad, and I'll even read it to you. And it says, oh, where is it? I got a lot of text yesterday from all the people who were, I bet, Steelers fans and other ones.

[Byron]

The battle for Pennsylvania.

[Dennis]

It says it was very nice. It says, just got home, he's in Texas. Said, want to thank you for a very enjoyable dinner. I truly enjoy spending time with you and it reaffirms how proud I am of the person who you've become and makes me happy that you're my son. Especially happy that you're not gay. Throw away that half shirt. Love your dad. I'm like, oh, that's nice. Thank you. That's very sweet. I appreciate that, dad. Yeah, the half shirt was a dead giveaway. And she called and she was. I felt terrible because she was so pretty. Oh, no, that was. That was, I think maybe the last.

[Byron]

Time she talked, but, like, Morp was off the table.

[Dennis]

Oh, Morp, would you even go, no, I never went to a morph. I had two opportunities. I blew them both. Oh, and then same girl on that Monday, because this was like a Friday or Saturday night. On Monday she's on Bruce Kelly's show on KZP. She won $10,000. Oh, boy. And tells me, I did talk to her after. Tells me, are you sure? Because I felt like an idiot. She goes, I'll spend it all. I know I was scared of the wardrobe. Now she could have got me all new half shirts. How many hairs would 10 grand buy in 1988? That would have been amazing. I could have Been swimming in halfsies. A mesh jersey for every team, 10 grand.

[Byron]

And Howard Jones playing in her backyard.

[Dennis]

That was a different girl. But yeah, we had Howard Jones at another girl. She didn't like me. That was Shauna Ferguson. She was dating a friend of mine. That was a neat day too. Howard Stern stood under that. Howard Stern. Howard Jones stood under that tree singing his songs for dying. It was amazing how many Dobson kids were winning KCZP prizes. She won ten grand on the radio. And I heard it that on Monday morning I'm like, oh, that girl just asked me to backwards prom. She's having the greatest week of her life. She wants to include me. And I'm like, nope, you're a.

[Brett Vesely]

But she was three would have happened too.

[Dennis]

I thought she was a slut and I was worried. My dad had me scared of of slots.

[Byron]

It all went to.

[Dennis]

She didn't bang Zellner. I'm sure she thought about it because who didn't? Zellner was graduated by then. She was two years younger than me. She wasn't familiar with the dz. I banged down Gully, then Gully probably got on it. Don't worry about it, baby, I got you. I'll take your money from the radio station in those dumb balloons. And Gully wore a lot of half shirts. I think I kind of modeled myself a little bit after Gully.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, how many packs of Marlboros cuz she bought him.

[Dennis]

She could have gotten a new machine for the smoking section.

[Byron]

One sleeve longer than the other, stretched.

[Dennis]

Now that's the only time I tried to be a twin and it backfired. These Asians been doing it to their grandparents for two years. This girl knew me from Adam. Spotted me the second I said it and I don't know why. I don't know why I thought I was quick on my feet too because I remembered the door shutting going dodged that bullet. Like I don't know what to do now. Now I was so taken aback by the fact that she said she'd had sex thousands of times and it was just with one guy. She was actually a really probably quality girlfriend is all that me. And then they had just broken up. And so in my head I thought ah, this is going to get ugly.

[Brett Vesely]

And f that one up.

[Dennis]

I f that one up. Yeah, I can go back. I turn out to be anything, you know. I don't know. She had some sort of operation. I remember that wasn't a bad one. But it had to leave for a little while.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, okay. It wasn't like, she became.

[Dennis]

No, no, no. She didn't transition. Okay.

[Byron]

Yeah. That just sounds.

[Dennis]

Hey, I don't know. She didn't transition.

[Byron]

She had to leave for a while on this operation.

[Dennis]

If Dua Leap asked me to transition, I'd do it.

[Byron]

No.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. She knows you look good in half shirts.

[Dennis]

I thought about it last night. When I'm watching, I'm like, what could she do that would make me say no? And, like. And I got myself all the way up to transitioning, and I'm like, man, that's what she wanted. I don't know if I'd lop it off, but I definitely go through the hormone treatments and grow some cancer. I'm in on that. Either way, it's an interesting weekend all the way around. Strange and glorious and a little depressing. Little disappointing. Sorry.

[Radio Station Announcer]

Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station. All they show with none of the fluff.

[Dennis]

Let's get started.

[Radio Station Announcer]

There's more of the best of homebrew's morning sickness.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Dennis]

You take a job. Nobody put a gun to your head to take a job. And then you complain about how hard the job is.

[Byron]

That's called work.

[Dennis]

That's why they call it work. They don't call it fun. What I've been bitching about with those teachers for the last 10 years. I'm like, quit complaining. You knew exactly how much your cruddy job paid. And if you don't like it, quit. And you know what I'm proud to say. Yesterday a report came out.

[Byron]

Over half.

[Dennis]

You're listening. You're listening to me. Over half of Arizona teachers considering quitting. You're welcome. I feel like the. I feel like you're. You're Union shop leader. Brett's girlfriend, Katie Hobbs did a task force and found over 51% of current teachers are considering leaving the profession. They said it was actually 54 of K through 12 and high school is 51. Said, what? What are you. Are you. You know that thing where they say not likely, likely, somewhat likely, very likely. They all clicked on somewhat or very likely over the next two years to not be there anymore. 70%.

[Byron]

But did they have the. What was the reason? They hate it.

[Dennis]

You don't get paid and it's a miserable job.

[Brett Vesely]

A bunch of little quirks.

[Dennis]

It's your job. The whole reason you have a job is for money. And if you're not getting paid and you're dealing with little pricks all day, like Brett says, 70% said that in the last year, it has crossed their mind to quit. On a day or I'm just out. And the majority of current teachers, 92% said the perception that they're making a difference in students lives is the only reason they're staying. Let me tell you this, you're not, you're not. That you're not that important. Of all the teachers, maybe one making a difference in every school there's a couple, usually one per school. That'll everybody's kind of like, he was great. I'll arrest you.

[Brett Vesely]

There's only one or two. Edward James almost from Stand By Me.

[Dennis]

That's why they make movies about those. They're very rare. And Stand By Me, the Michelle Pfeiffer. Oh, yeah, yeah. I tell you this, if you have a teacher that looked like Michelle Pfeiffer when she did that movie, I wouldn't ditch. I'd be in school every day. My attendance would be through the moon peak. Michelle Pfeiffer sitting there trying to teach me. I'm learning, I'm learning. That's what we need. You know what we need to do? Let's get these actresses that are complaining about how hard it is to be hot. Turn them into teachers. The attendance rate goes through the roof. And you know, teachers start, you know, realizing that and you're gonna get paid more when you look good too. 80% of the teachers say they feel burned out. Inadequate pay. 80% say that's the biggest reason. 80%. And I've been telling you guys to quit that job for the longest time. Hold them hostage. You have all the leverage. You keep saying stupid stuff like I'm.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Making a difference in that child's life.

[Dennis]

So my misery doesn't. You're making yourself miserable to make a difference in a kid's life. Don't, don't. You can make a difference and still get, you know, a decent, you know, you can make a difference in a Mexican child's life and work at Home Depot and get paid the exact same amount. I get emails. It used to be more end of the year, usually over the summer I got a couple, but probably 10 or 12 this year of saying I was listening to you talk about that. I quit my job as a teacher and now I'm doing this. Started my own company. This one guy's doing a gelato thing. He moved to, I don't know where, Kentucky or something. Started a gelato thing with my dad. We're making a ton of money, like good for you. But again, that's why I never had any sympathy for the public school teacher. When they said we don't get paid enough. I'm like, oh, did they take away pay when you were in college? Did you. Were they promising you like $200,000 a year in college and then when you got there, they gave you 30? No. So you knew you were gonna make 30?

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Yeah.

[Dennis]

You spent 200 grand in college to make $30,000 a year. You're an idiot. That's all that is. That's just dumb. You know, you can't pay your college loans with a kid's difference. I made a difference in his life. Oh, that check don't cash. We need some money on that survey.

[Brett Vesely]

Brittany Zamora said she's likely to come back eventually.

[Dennis]

You know what? If I was a principal of a school, I'd give her a second chance. I'm all about second chances for people like Brittany.

[John Holmberg]

I would.

[Dennis]

I'd keep her away from the sixth graders. I put her right around, like junior high. She didn't like those old boys. She can't have the elementary school kids. She gets too turned on.

[Byron]

It's a pretty good gig. We've talked about this before. As far as the time spent, sure.

[Dennis]

You get 10 weeks and time off.

[Byron]

Eight to 10 weeks maybe in the summer. And then on top of all the other holidays.

[Dennis]

I'll stand up for him here. They deserve all that time off dealing with your prick kids. And I don't think they get enough time off. It's a nice schedule until you actually have to stand in one of those classrooms. You know who's not gonna do it again is Brittany Zamora. Have you let her out to teach again? She's not doing it again.

[Brett Vesely]

She's probably fans.

[Dennis]

Only fans. She's probably the safest teacher you could have in the room right now.

[Byron]

A lovely.

[Dennis]

She knows not to get too attached.

[Byron]

I don't think she has that decision. No, I want to go back to teaching.

[Dennis]

No, I know. I'm saying, though, we should probably be lenient about it and let her teach again. She's like, she ain't gonna get hit by lightning twice. She's not banging another 6 year old or whatever 6th grade kid. You watch now. We did. And plus, we'd have our eyes on her. We should take.

[Brett Vesely]

We would.

[Dennis]

We should. Oh, yeah, we would. We should have all of the teachers that have been in trouble for banging the kids, put them back in the classes. Just go. Don't. Don't do it. It's execution if you get it the second time. That would be a great idea. We free up some of the prison space. We let all the teachers that have dabbled with dating students back in the classroom and like, do it again, you get the death penalty. Okay, don't. Okay? I'm telling you right now, I'm not.

[Byron]

Good television series.

[Dennis]

And then we put up cameras and we start filming them and the sweats. Timmy, would you like to go up to the chalkboard and do that equation?

[Byron]

This week on Hard Knocking Boots.

[Dennis]

Just sit. We're gonna talk about the Civil War. God, you guys are hot. And the guy pokes his head and goes, don't, we're watching you. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. But it would be entertaining. The kids would be like, he can't do anything. They wouldn't touch him again. The odds of that happening twice are zero. Britney Zamora is not going back in that classroom. Like, aren't you the one that tried to. Yeah, I am. You're not doing that again, are you?

[Byron]

I'm older now. I've learned.

[Dennis]

I was dumb.

[Brett Vesely]

She's getting an only fans page.

[Dennis]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And you can have that.

[Dennis]

Damn right. And if I'm a teacher, maybe that's it.

[Byron]

Maybe it's like, oh, all we need to fix is you can have your only fans.

[Dennis]

Yeah. We let them have a secondary thing. But most of them you don't want to see. Most of them are tubs of goo, you know, and they quit on life because their job sucks. They. They're not. They're those 28 year old women that look like they're 54. They're. They're in constant. Like they're in Christmas sweater gear all year. Like their clothes look like ugly sweaters for Christmas without decorations.

[Byron]

Coffee breath.

[Dennis]

Coffee. Yeah, their hair's that. I keep it short cause it's more manageable. You're in your 20s, you're not supposed to do that yet. You have a perm. I know. Yeah. Anyway, you're not going to make an only fan space. The ones that have an only fans page that would actually take are quitting teaching. Why would you stand in a room with a bunch of pricks if you can make. You can.

[Byron]

That's your charity work?

[Dennis]

Yeah. I'm ditching the rats. I got no only fans. You kids are done. You make a difference difference in a kid's life. But your cans pay the bills.

[Brett Vesely]

You don't care about the kids anymore.

[Dennis]

Brady, you have a good idea putting all those pedder asses back in school like that. I think that's solid. Oh yes, that's a good one. This one says they're so hard up for teachers. They're giving college credits to high school students that are going for teaching. My daughter's 18, had enough college credits to actually get a teaching job. A few of her friends did it and they all had. They all have quit. Yeah, Teaching stinks.

[Byron]

Yeah, but you don't want to do.

[Dennis]

That, you know, an 18 year old.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Dennis]

Being a high school teacher, Samora's a bad idea. Oh, my teacher's 19. We had a 24 year old fall for a 12 year old. That was national news. 19.

[Byron]

We had tried to implement like 27 was the minimum, tops.

[Dennis]

Yeah, 26. 27. It makes me wonder though, Brett, because you and I went to Rhodes Junior High at the same time. There was a couple of young teachers and then a couple of those PE coaches that I'm pretty sure. I'm not saying. I'm just saying Coach Morgan was an absolute adonis. He looked like the ultimate warrior.

[Brett Vesely]

He had no business teaching, no inner staff.

[Dennis]

8Th and 9th grade girls, inner staff. He was dabbling in the. The teen market. There was no reason for him to be in that school that much. He was a bouncer at cowboys.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, yeah.

[Byron]

I think. Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Fake orange tan, squeezing into his little Fiero.

[Dennis]

He's stripping a little on the side, doing some dancing. A couple of those ninth grade girls I think might have. Back in the 80s, back when it was they made movies about this, we were kind of allowed to do it. I'm pretty sure we had a couple of incidents where teachers and students got together.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, with him?

[Dennis]

Yeah. I actually know of one. She was a college teacher though, and the guy I worked with was 18, she was 30 something. And he said, let's go over to this, my teacher's house. And we're like, what, at the end of a Tony Roma shift? Let's go over to her house. She wants you to go to pool party. And so like seven of us went over, like, this isn't much of a party. It's just us, us. And she was trying to have like, she was trying to get with him. And he was a freshman in college. She was older, but. And he wasn't like anything special. It was Yellow Hand, the guy that had to clean out all the tampon boxes. And he's like, I'm a mess. Like she's offering grades and stuff. And I remember him telling me about it. She was like, all he had to do was sleep with her and he'd get grades and she could manipulate and he didn't. Yeah, he did.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, okay, good.

[Dennis]

But then she started to worry about, like, getting fired. And it got really tense. But we were going over. She had a nice place. We were going over her house pretty much every Thursday and Friday after work to swim in her place. And she liked music we liked. So. Yeah. But she was. It was awkward because you're like. You're the. You're a teacher at a community college.

[Byron]

Buddy in college. He dated a teacher in high school. When he was in high school, and it was okay. They. It was a smaller town.

[Dennis]

Yeah.

[Byron]

But they knew it was happening. He was the football star.

[Dennis]

Yeah. She was that beautiful girl we met back at the Hawaii Marathon. Her teacher was 51 years old, and she was 18. She had to wait to graduate. She was moving in with him, and nobody batted an eye. They thought it started the day after she graduated. Like, how long has this been going? She's going a little long. I've met girls who have said out loud. It was actually at one of our beer parties, one of the girls came up and said something we were talking about. She goes, I had sex with my teacher when I was 16. We were gonna move in together. We broke up. And I'm like, wait a minute. What? Yep. That was how I did high school. Sleeping with her teacher. It happens more than.

[Brett Vesely]

We did that at Rhodes.

[John Holmberg]

Well.

[Byron]

And it's true.

[Dennis]

We did. Yeah. Old Z did it. Yeah, he did it. Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

It was in the paper.

[Dennis]

I remember going, yeah. I hated that guy. He ended up owning one of the Stings and got caught and worked at a Circle K on Power Road.

[Byron]

It's a true story.

[Dennis]

It's a true story.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. We were around.

[Dennis]

Yes. And it wasn't that big a deal. They just. They just added it. You can't work here anymore.

[Byron]

Knock it off.

[Dennis]

Yeah. And then on your way to the river.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Dennis]

We would stop by that Circle K.

[John Holmberg]

And say hi to him.

[Brett Vesely]

Need ice or smokes? Yeah, no, I'm good.

[Dennis]

No, I'm good. Where are the coolers, Mr. Z? You don't have to call me that anymore. You don't have to call. Oh, yeah, sorry. Circle K employee. Where are the coolers, douche? Oh, that's the best. We saw him out there at that Circle K. It was about three years after he had been kicked out for boning one of the kids. And it was voluntary. And to his credit, they were like. It wasn't. They were dating, but it was junior high.

[Byron]

If you're gonna continue dating, you can't be a teacher.

[Dennis]

Right. If you want to keep dating, you have to make a choice. 14 year old or your job. That's it. I'll see you guys later. You can't stop love.

[Brett Vesely]

But him, well, he was five. Coach Morgan I could see, you know.

[Dennis]

But him, Coach Morgan didn't. The problem was Coach Morgan.

[Brett Vesely]

It's like Shannon.

[Dennis]

He didn't lock one down. He did. Little dude.

[Brett Vesely]

A little dude with long hair and a mustache.

[Dennis]

Yeah, it looked like he did. Coach Morgan didn't lock one down. He played the field.

[Byron]

Mr. Z did.

[Dennis]

Or more. No, Mr. Z got. He fell in love.

[Brett Vesely]

Mr. Z took whatever he could take.

[Dennis]

I was in eighth grade. He was my eighth grade teacher.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, mine too.

[Dennis]

I think it happened the year we got out. Yeah, because I was driving when I was 16. We'd go to the river all the time. He was out by then and we saw him at that Circle K. And then it just became a mandatory stop on the way to the river to go say hi to Mr. Z. Hey, Mr. Z. You working today? Heading to the river where all the teen girls are. Want to come along? Want to tag along? You're a swinger. You can make make it happen.

[Radio Station Announcer]

Mary effing holidays from the Big Red Radio. Morning sickness.

[Brett Vesely]

This segment brought to you guys by mo Money Pond, 12th street and Indian School. Now whatever you're looking for, it doesn't matter if it's electronics, jewelry, tools, pretty much, you name it, they got it there. All right, check them out online at mo money pawn.com or like I said, just go to the store and check them out. 12th street in Indian school, it's Mo Money Pond.

[Dennis]

Well, hell, Tony Romas, all the waiters boned the hostesses. It was horrifying. They were all in their mid 20s. These hostess were like 15 and 16 years old. Was terrible what was going on there, especially for me. Cuz I was one of the 16 and 17 year old boys that was trying to get with these guys. I couldn't compete. These guys weren't killing it. Mr. Z, you know what? I kind of want to go buy that, that Circle K again. I bet the area is all grown up. It used to sit all by itself. Yeah, it was like the last stop before you got to user. Oh, it's.

[Brett Vesely]

It's all grown up.

[Dennis]

Oh, I'm sure I haven't been out there forever, but we went.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, store manager.

[Dennis]

All right, I'm running this show. Oh, that was some of the most fun. Just all of us wandering in there.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Hey.

[John Holmberg]

Hi guys.

[Dennis]

If it isn't the disgraced English teacher.

[John Holmberg]

How's Stephanie?

[Dennis]

You guys still seeing each other? Or she. When does she get out of school? The coolers are over there.

[Brett Vesely]

She's a sophomore now. Got two more years.

[Dennis]

I'm going to marry her. Oh, I'm sure she's real excited about that. You know, you being a clerk and all.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

But.

[Dennis]

Yeah, you put him back in the school there. He's not going to do that again. So all these teachers, we should get all the disgraced ones and put them back and go one more chance. We're giving you a second chance. You're gonna get the karate pay. And they could never fire up about how little they get paid. Hey, wait a second now. What are you talking about? How you do your job. You get paid what we pay. You're lucky to be here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they teach and they do their job. And if any of them screwed up again, straight to the electric chair.

[Byron]

I could just see them. How the kids know they can distract their teachers that. Whether they're a war vet or. Tell us the times that you were, you know, they're asking, hey, tell us.

[Dennis]

The time you were dating. One rule would have to be the kids can't talk about the thing. You can never bring up that. And all the teachers have the thing that no kids can talk about it. You can, you know, huddle up in the hallways and assume stuff. No kids can bring up to the teacher the thing. You can't trigger them.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, like kids are gonna pay attention to that.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's detention.

[Dennis]

You bring up the thing, it would be once or twice worth it. You get that detention and you know it's immediately trouble. Don't bring up the thing. This is not a bad plan because they always say jail's supposed to reform people.

[Byron]

A lot of teachers?

[Dennis]

No, better. There's an awful lot of them. There's a whole lot, you know, website dedicated to it. You know, Brittany Zamora, I don't think she's gonna do it again. And if she was a good teacher, going in, plop her back down in there and one eye on her. Just always have the, you know, the principal from Breakfast Club come by and do the little thing. Got my eyes on you. Keep an eye on her. She's not doing it for you. And if she does, I mean, directly to the electric chair. Yeah. Or only fans, But I mean, OnlyFans is just so over saturated with. I mean, Brittany Zamora is a hot 6th grade teacher. She's not a hot. Only fans girl.

[Brett Vesely]

No, but I think, I think after all the news stories and we've heard about her and talked about her. I'd sign up for a month. Just check it out, you know?

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

For a month. Yeah. Curiosity.

[Dennis]

You get a month membership?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, I get a month.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Yeah.

[Dennis]

I want to see.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm not saying I'm going past that, but I don't want to get that first.

[Dennis]

That little lady snooch for 30 days. What was that? Sixth grader.

[Brett Vesely]

It's not enough for a month.

[Dennis]

What if it's just butchered up? That sixth grader did. Did a number on that prison. That's a big Montana. Oh, I would tighten up there. It's just like nobody's punching the sixth graders.

[Brett Vesely]

Like the decorator.

[Dennis]

What if he just tattered it up like a big Montana and left it for dead? And she puts that on Only fans. It's like, I got a 30 day membership. I don't want the second day.

[Brett Vesely]

They got trials on there.

[Byron]

Let's see.

[Dennis]

Yeah. Can you do a free month?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Dennis]

Let me see. Like a drug deal. Yeah. So we know. Yeah, that's a good idea, Brett. It's one or the other you get. You can get out of jail today. Either got a dedicate your life to only fans, or we're putting you back into the classroom. And if you do it again, it's the electric chair.

[Byron]

You sign up.

[Dennis]

Brett, man, I should be governor or something.

[Brett Vesely]

What's that?

[Byron]

You can get a month free by referring a friend.

[Dennis]

Yeah, I'm in. Thanks, buddy. That's what a friend would do. And I'll refer Brady's hillbilly cousins. There you go.

[Byron]

I might as well sign up fund.

[Dennis]

You're gonna end up paying for it. We'd like to continue our subscription, family, but this 30 day trial is over. That 1995 is really taking a bite out of our wallet. If anybody in the Bogan family, especially your country club types, would like to donate, we'd love to keep our masturbatory situation in check. Anyway, put her back in the classroom.

[Byron]

I agree.

[Dennis]

This plan has legs. I'm not even seeing a downside. We should do it with everybody. You give everybody a second chance and put them right back where they were. And if they do it again. Electric chair.

[Byron]

Okay.

[Dennis]

Nobody's gonna do it again, I think, right? Father Dale, you're back in. One more eyeball that we don't like, you're going to the chair. Oh, okay. Okay.

[Brett Vesely]

Giving them the dress again at St.

[Dennis]

Tim's I'd give them right back in there. That's the place that should be given second chances. If anything, the Catholic church Should be like, we get it. You're allowed back in. You do it again, you even start leaning.

[Brett Vesely]

You did that.

[Byron]

They were like, I'm sorry, we've got too many priests.

[Dennis]

Yeah, we've got an awful lot of priests, but suddenly we have an influx of 1100 priests per major metropolitan. We're back. All right. All your victims are grown up now. He'd be like.

[Brett Vesely]

He'd be like, booger and Revenge of the nerds. I've been out Coleman high schools all day.

[Dennis]

That's what the Breakfast Club principal says. I find out, you bang one more kid, I'm coming in here and I'm knocking skulls. I got my eyes on you, you know. What the. What did you say? The bull in the horns? Yeah, whatever it is.

[Commercial Announcer]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Don't mess with the bull, son. You get the horns, get the horns.

[Dennis]

It's a fact. This is a solid plan. I mean, other than violent crimes and stuff. I like this. Especially those girl teachers that fell for the. You know, the ones that really are kind of heroes to me.

[Brett Vesely]

Like, you know, Mary Kay Letourneau or whatever her name was, the og you.

[Dennis]

Know, the one we remember most because that relationship worked out until it. But you know, the 12, the ones that turn the 12 and 13 year old boys into heroes and then, you know, kind of mess them up a little bit. But we're all gonna get messed up by a chick eventually. You put them back in there and say, don't do it again or you're going. I mean, we'd be. We'd be smoking so many, we'd have to do a couple right off the bat, like, set them up, a couple sting operations. And if they fall in, then we gotta do some live televised teacher cooking. Put them right there in that electric chair. Jesus Christ. They're serious. All of them would straighten right the f up and we could pay them 27,000 a year and they'd never ever.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Go, we're gonna march for more money.

[Dennis]

Oh, you're lucky to be here.

[Brett Vesely]

They'd have a brazen bull at the Penn rallies and stuff.

[Dennis]

That would be the name of the mascot, the Dobson Brazen Bulls.

[Byron]

Oh, no.

[Dennis]

Oh, they do it for half. Just be like, if you want to, you know, passionately teach, that's fine. 27 grand a year. It's like, that's your.

[Byron]

And I'm out.

[Dennis]

Yeah, you get out of jail. They would never complain about the fear.

[Brett Vesely]

And they would need an only fans page.

[Dennis]

That guillotine hanging over them all the time would make them real good at their jobs and focus heavily on not screwing up again. John Holmberg's teaching guillotine second chance program. I like it for non violent offenders. Put them right back out there. You get your teaching license back. And let all these normal people that are thinking about quitting teaching because I've been telling them to for the longest time, you can finally go, what's the.

[Byron]

Toughest part of your job? I gotta say, having sex with adults.

[Dennis]

Yeah.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Dennis]

Just, you know, finding the other adults attractive's really been rough. But I get killed if I do it my way. So. Yeah, that's been hard. Real hard. So I've been celibate. I've been pretty celibate. The hardest part is keeping my hands off. I was a beautiful little age angel. That's been tough. But you know, I have to go to old Sparky if I touch one wrong. So I just keep my. I just put my hands in oven mitts all day and kind of walk around it. It's a good plan. Second chance. And you know what? It's also empathetic. It feeds the beast of the people who are like, everybody needs a second chance. And I agree. I do think that you screw up, you should have a second chance.

[Byron]

But kind of good it's going to come around on that. That thing that. But you know, we've also thought, ah, man, some of that stuff is not curable.

[John Holmberg]

Sure.

[Byron]

I mean, like where being attracted to kids draw the line on something. Yeah, like the lower the line you draw. Brad, it was just one baby.

[Dennis]

Well, if it's baby guy should be smoked in the first place. I'm talking about teachers who maybe dabbled in dating. The consequences are death. Don't do it again or we'll kill you right on the spot. No trial, no nothing. You're like, you did it again.

[Brett Vesely]

Straight to execution.

[Dennis]

That's right. And dry sponge Percy style. We're going in, we're gonna cook that thing. Brady's gonna put you in a pit in the backyard and have you for Thanksgiving.

[John Holmberg]

Yep.

[Dennis]

Solved yet. 24 years of solving the world's problems. Does anybody care?

[John Holmberg]

Nope.

[Dennis]

Good idea.

[Brett Vesely]

Can P. Diddy get out of your car, becomes a sex ed teacher?

[Dennis]

You know what? He's not gonna do it again if you let Pete. All right? We're gonna clear you of everything. You have one more party. We're gonna Percy Greenmile cook your ass dry sponge. You heard me, Diddy. Your name is Sean. Now you're all done with the nonsense, we'll let you go. We're cooking you if you screw up.

[Brett Vesely]

Meanwhile, R. Kelly's going.

[Dennis]

Ain't that a bitch?

[John Holmberg]

I'm stuck in here, God damn it. Yeah.

[Dennis]

You know who's been real good about drugging people since he got out? Bill Cosby. Haven't heard of Peep. Hey, can't find his bills, but still, he ain't gonna do that again. That's a good idea. And I know there's a lot of second offenders and stuff, but it's because there's no consequences. For your second time, death penalty if you go. If you go to jail twice for the same thing. Death penalty. I liked it. First one's free.

[Byron]

Back in the day from yesterday's discussion in Rome. If you did something to your father or grandfather.

[John Holmberg]

Yep.

[Byron]

Get in the bag.

[Dennis]

Get in the bag with a muskrat and a wild dog, a whole bunch of snakes and a chicken. I don't even know what the chicken is. It's dog food just to keep the dog alive longer. I like that. Some of that medieval punishment. Just spin a wheel. You drew the wolf skin sacker of dog snake, chicken. What does that mean? Well, you shouldn't have to touch that kid is what it means. You got to get in the bag with the dog. Are you gonna get in a bag with a wild dog and we're gonna sew it up, put you in water?

[John Holmberg]

Shouldn't have done it.

[Dennis]

We warned you. If the consequences are clear, they're not doing it. Man, this is a good idea.

[Byron]

What?

[Dennis]

What does that say?

[Brett Vesely]

I think it's talking about, like, the women teachers out there. I didn't know how you could spin it. That's why I'm like, I do not.

[Dennis]

He's doing the quote of how hard their job would be, and he's like, oh, I have to. From here on out, I just have to have a penis with a hair on it or around it. Oh, gross. Oh, they're so hairy, these adults. Well, the alternative is death. Try to talk your new boyfriend into shaving. Anyway, solve. Did another one. Cleared out some of the prison population, Cut the teacher's pay in half. Still getting the same teachers.

[Byron]

Win, win.

[Dennis]

I don't see a loss in any of this. Kid's head on a swivel. Now, the one problem we might have is that the kids might set up some teachers for dying. You know, you don't like a teacher like Mr. Craig. I'd have definitely said he touched me if it had been a lifetime.

[Brett Vesely]

Chair Z, I would have done that for.

[Dennis]

Yeah, there's a couple of them we'd have been like, all right, kids, you have to have some concrete proof here. But we have cameras everywhere. At the end of the day, we.

[Byron]

Get might lose a few good teachers, you know?

[Dennis]

Sure. Well, we're gonna lose them no matter what. Toss the cell. At the end of the day, go through the cell phone. All right, let's take a look. Make sure you're not texting Billy or little Kenny.

[Byron]

You just have to maybe apply the same thing. Kids, if you lie about it, death.

[Dennis]

Okay, that's fair. Oh, electric chair. If we find out you're trying to set up this pedder ass for another one, you're going to the chair too. A lot of guillotines floating around this school of mine.

[Brett Vesely]

Peter says put the teachers in the classrooms for. Put them. Put them in classrooms full of Asians. All petite. Half are adults.

[Dennis]

Oh, no. Freight trains. Ideas coming through. Okay, so yes, we load the school with hired 30 year old Asian girls who look young. You can touch one of them. That's the one. We put a plant in here for you and she gets citizenship. This is brilliant. She gets to come over here and live for free if she's just bait in a classroom for a teacher that likes kids.

[Byron]

Oh, man.

[Dennis]

But she's 30, Brady. So it's okay. Here we go. Somebody had to bring politics into this. If Biden can bite random babies multiple times, Britney should be free and get her job back. That's right, because Biden sniffs baby heads. It is a little creepy. Anyway, my second chance program has some. Has some juice.

[Radio Station Announcer]

Arizona's most powerful, powerful. Right radio station. The Best of the Morning Sickness is on the air.

[John Holmberg]

Do any of you people do any actual work?

[Radio Station Announcer]

The Best of Homburg's Morning Sickness.

[Byron]

It's time for another thrilling episode of Jessica Simpson. Mary Tramp the Once. Virginia. Jessica is now going to shill away for edible body products.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, she was a virgin like, and bragged about it until her marriage, Right? She wasn't gonna ever. And that's why Nick asked her to marry him so fast. He had to get that.

[Byron]

You may have heard Jessica was coming up with a quote. Kissable, lickable fragrance. It'll come in three flavors, creamy, dreamy and juicy. But the dessert line, which it'll be called, goes a little further than that. It also include whipped body cream, chocolate body gloss, powdered sugar, body shimmer, and pheromone belly button fragrance.

[John Holmberg]

Me like, what good is it if she's not there? Yeah, I was just gonna say it's not gonna do you much Good.

[Dennis]

If it's not on her dessertbeauty.com. okay.

[Byron]

If you want to check it out.

[John Holmberg]

She modeling the stuff?

[Byron]

I doubt it.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Damn it.

[Byron]

But of course, you know, she's recommending this for married couples.

[Dennis]

Of course.

[Byron]

To keep the Mary the marriage.

[John Holmberg]

Because she's an expert now. Yeah, she's.

[Byron]

All of a sudden she's not an expert. But she has found that Nikki likes some of these things.

[John Holmberg]

Nicholas likes to lick her. Imagine that.

[Dennis]

Nikki like to licky.

[John Holmberg]

He could be covered in dog feces. He'd lick Jessica Simpson.

[Byron]

Really?

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Nicky like that?

[John Holmberg]

I look anything off you, baby?

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Like this.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I love my Jesse.

[Byron]

Well, the 2004 Grammy Awards went down and congratulations. Beyonce Knowles.

[Dennis]

Beyonce.

[Byron]

Beyonce got five awards which ties with Alicia Keys, Nora Jones and Lauren Hill.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they've all the Grammys.

[Byron]

Never congratulations to Metallica. They got better. Best metal performance.

[John Holmberg]

And how about the worst tribute to the Beatles of all time? When they did the. The first thing I saw was Sting. Dave Matthews, someone I've never heard of, and Vince Gill. Yeah, and Dave Matthews was doing his typical.

[Byron]

He got one for grave.

[John Holmberg]

He's doing his. Yeah, he wrote a song about a monster truck. And he's got his. He's got him stupid Adam Sandler sounding voice.

[Dennis]

It is.

[John Holmberg]

It's the same thing now he used. He's a parody of himself.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Would you like some H2O?

[Byron]

Which brings us to bad news for Adam Sandler.

[John Holmberg]

Good.

[Byron]

His bulldog, Meatball.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no, not the dog.

[Byron]

Died 4 years old. Had a heart attack. Had a heart attack after eight crazy nights.

[Dennis]

Meatball, wake up.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Oh, made by.

[Byron]

Meatball. Meatball was four years old.

[Dennis]

Joke.

[Byron]

He was Adam Sandler. Also had the father of Meatball in one of his other movies. Mr. Beefy was in Little Nicky. He was the ring bearer at Adam's wedding.

[John Holmberg]

Oh no. Did you say Little Nicky?

[Dennis]

And Larry's in the room, cuz that's me.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

My dad's a devil. And my little meatball dog is gone.

[Dennis]

Mr. Be.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

He went down with my dad to the devil land.

[John Holmberg]

Now he's not even sad all day long.

[Byron]

But Adam has another bulldog that's still.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

He's in a better place now. I'm just gonna see him down there with my dad.

[John Holmberg]

Who's your dad?

[Byron]

Okay, Meatball's brother's still alive, which is. Was a wedding. His wife, Matzah Ball.

[John Holmberg]

No, that's true.

[Byron]

Matzo ball was a wedding gift from Jackie. Okay, and now for some pearls and wisdom from Paris Hilton, the Jewish bulldog. These are famous quotes by Paris or not so famous. I will stay with low jeans until I have a kid. Then I'll have to have a kind of special low riding maternity gene wear Gross. Never drink Diet Coke. Diet Coke is for fat people.

[Dennis]

Ouch.

[John Holmberg]

As I crack Open my diet Dr.

[Dennis]

Pepper Fu Hilton only cheese balls.

[Byron]

Want to be trendy every single minute of the day. Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Von Dutch.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Yeah.

[Byron]

I don't have one type of guy. I've had so many types of boyfriends. I like all kinds of guys. They just have to be hot.

[John Holmberg]

She's done a lot of guys, done a lot of people, all different looking.

[Byron]

I used to have fun and dress up and that was my life. But now I've grown up a lot. I'm still gonna be me. And I've decided to change my way, the way I dress. She gets close to a million dollars for writing these little sayings. What?

[John Holmberg]

What?

[Dennis]

For what?

[Byron]

She's getting close to a million dollars to write. This insanity also reveals that when she gets married, she wants wants to have a boy named London and a girl named China. And that she takes a shower before she takes a bath when she feels really dirty.

[John Holmberg]

So there'll be the Paris Hilton, the London Hilton and the China Hilton.

[Byron]

And finally, the horror. Horror of what happened to you.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Lord.

[John Holmberg]

Somebody get a wallet. He's having a seizure. Stick in his mouth.

[Byron]

You will after I say this. She says her hair is actually curly.

[John Holmberg]

Wow, you're right.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

I.

[John Holmberg]

A million dollars for this.

[Byron]

A lot of people. Congratulations to Ashton Kutcher.

[John Holmberg]

He does a lot of people.

[Dennis]

The worst answer ever given.

[Byron]

I'll give you that. You and I, Jack, put this out.

[John Holmberg]

And we'll buy that stupid book.

[Byron]

Yeah, maybe. This is a pretty cool Super Bowl. Was broadcast in mainland China this year. The game was completely called by commentators Han Kwan Shing and Chad Lewis. Really tied to the Philadelphia Eagles. He speaks fluent Mandarin Chinese. In China, football is called Misha quinling key.

[John Holmberg]

And all the other guy did was go, what happened, Chad? Because they don't know what football is in China.

[Byron]

Listen to me, Chad.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

What was that?

[John Holmberg]

It's a pass.

[Byron]

Football is called mesha quinling key, which means American olive shaped ball game, by the way. Rugby, which is a bit more popular in China, is called olive shape ball game.

[John Holmberg]

Really?

[Byron]

Yeah. So they just.

[John Holmberg]

They're not really a little bit smart in China is what you're saying?

[Byron]

Yeah. Chinese censors were offended by something they saw during the super bowl broadcast.

[John Holmberg]

But it wasn't the movie.

[Byron]

It wasn't Janet Jackson's bejeweled white right nipple. It was the right to vote advertisement which featured a video montage that included the white world famous image of the Chinese protester standing in front of the tank during the 1989 Tiananmen Square.

[Dennis]

Chad.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

The white is shoot at I don't know Jin Chawa.

[Dennis]

Chad.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Who that guy?

[Byron]

Major queen and key.

[John Holmberg]

Look at him throw that olive shaped ball.

[Byron]

Chat place bets.

[John Holmberg]

Now who will win Patriot Ooh or Panther Rock. Let's battle. It's not actually a battle. Shun Chin Chai. What's going on, Chad? That's all he could have said. They've never seen football there. Hurry.

[Byron]

Must pressure. Yes.

[John Holmberg]

And then they did launch. Their Corollas are very very wrinkle free, Chad. Yes, they are very wrinkle free. Very good starch. Very good. Very nice starch. Yes. They have a guy on the team who does that. Chinese? No, but he should be.

[Byron]

They actually had Internet trivia questions and winners got Rick Shaw rides.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he landed on the grass and make a nasty grass day.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Now we get that right out.

[John Holmberg]

Just tons of them wanting to go clean him. He's so dirty. He's close. Do he change at halftime, Chad? No, he won't change at halftime. He wear that dirty shirt.

[Dennis]

Oh, this embarrassing bring too cleaner.

[Byron]

I guess the Anaheim might Mighty Ducks had an exhibition game there and they ate the team.

[John Holmberg]

The delicious Ducks. Not that so mighty after all.

[Dennis]

Delicious.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you, Brady. Mighty dogs were eating. That's two quality ones. That was solid there. That was pretty good. Because they love the duck.

[Byron]

Try the veal.

[Dennis]

The mighty opaque kingdom.

[John Holmberg]

What are you eating, Chad? Little John Sebastian Chiguar. I think he had the richest.

[Byron]

Excuse me, Quang. This doesn't taste like Coke.

[John Holmberg]

Me Chinese.

[Dennis]

Me for a joke put TV in Chad's Coke.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you, Brady. I couldn't get through it. I didn't expect to be in second grade there.

[Dennis]

You know that was immature because Larry.

[Brett Vesely]

Blanche happen.

[Byron]

That'Ll be a a song Pretty soon with MC Mr. Blackwell came out released his worst and best dressed list. Everyone's pounding that today.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Byron]

What? And of course all that. He doesn't do them anymore.

[John Holmberg]

Carol Channing read him. Read him. Yesterday I watched that on tv.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Really?

[John Holmberg]

Please.

[Dennis]

Hello.

[John Holmberg]

It was like oh my God, it's elderly Bill Walton in a dress.

[Byron]

Number one was Paris Hilton.

[John Holmberg]

Paris Hilton is number one. You're Carol Channing. Haven't you been dead since like 87?

[Dennis]

No, please.

[John Holmberg]

Then she's saying hello Dolly for a half an hour and talk. She's the one who didn't have sex with her husband for like 47 years, isn't she? Oh yeah, he was. He was impotent and afraid and ashamed of sex and didn't do it. And she wrote a book. When they got divorced 47 years later that they never did it, I thought.

[Byron]

The that was because lamb chop became between them. Lamb Chop?

[John Holmberg]

Sherry Lewis, totally different person.

[Byron]

That's right.

[John Holmberg]

Still a horribly ugly old blonde woman.

[Dennis]

But same voice pretty much.

[John Holmberg]

Please, Brady, it's been 47 years. Will you knock the cobwebs out now?

[Byron]

I need to.

[Dennis]

Carol Channing's known for one thing.

[Byron]

Sorry about that lamb chop reference.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Carol Channing with that voice became a Broadway singing star, was famous.

[Dennis]

And I remember when I was a.

[John Holmberg]

Kid, my grandpa used to have watch Carol Channing. It seemed like she was on every time I was over there. And you just hear well, hello Dolly. And I'm a kid watching Carol Channing, that's like scarring me. And then I have to hear her on the stupid. But who's number one on the Blackwell thing?

[Byron]

Paris Hilton.

[John Holmberg]

Paris Hilton is the big one. What was number 10? Yeah, who's the worst number?

[Byron]

10Th word. Laura Flynn Boyle. Oh, beautiful face but no taste. What a waste.

[John Holmberg]

Food too. Please Brady, leave it to the experts.

[Byron]

Courtney Love, number nine. Undisputed queen of tack.

[John Holmberg]

Now Courtney Love hasn't done anything.

[Byron]

Melanie Griffith, number eight. A botox cockatoo in a painting by Dalai Lama.

[Dennis]

It was funny.

[John Holmberg]

Is Blackwell's been like almost dead for four or five years now, hasn't he? He can't even get out of painting.

[Byron]

He's still alive. But he's not. He is not in the best of health.

[John Holmberg]

Can't get out of bed, I don't think. Who are the rest of them?

[Dennis]

Round them up.

[Byron]

Madonna and Britney's tied for a second.

[John Holmberg]

Really?

[Byron]

Someone arrest the kissing cousins of culture crime.

[John Holmberg]

Oh boy.

[Byron]

Shania Twain, number three, buckled bombs and country fried gitch.

[John Holmberg]

I don't get it. I don't get it.

[Byron]

Means bad taste.

[John Holmberg]

I know, but I don't understand why this guy's famous.

[Byron]

He had designed a couple of gowns way back when. I just thought he was dresses a.

[John Holmberg]

Loud gay guy that people laughed at once. And then he got a job doing it for good.

[Byron]

You know Diana Ross, you know, had her extreme DUI case in Arizona. She's got some more stuff to cope with. The loss of her ex husband, Ernie. I think it's Nais, a rugged Norwegian outdoorsy type. Died in a mountain climbing accident near Cape Town, South Africa. Details are Sketchy. At this point, all we know is the obvious that he fell to his death. Diana and Arnie were married in 85, got divorced almost four years ago. They have two sons.

[John Holmberg]

And that's why she was drunk in Tucson?

[Byron]

No. She's dealing with this whole case and now she's got to deal with her ex. But I don't think that would be, you know, if he was an ax. Who knows how close they were.

[John Holmberg]

I never know. I never understand his stories when they take these twists.

[Byron]

She's not only dealing with the drunk case, now the death of her ex husband, she's dealing with.

[John Holmberg]

That happened a long time ago.

[Byron]

Why is that so hard to understand?

[John Holmberg]

When did it happen? Didn't you say it happened like four years ago?

[Byron]

Never mind.

[John Holmberg]

They were divorced. We talk about Diana Ross.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

What happened?

[John Holmberg]

Eric, who is this woman?

[Byron]

You guys are idiots. You guys are ID 10 teams.

[John Holmberg]

So wait, Carol. Carol Channing's husband is dead?

[Byron]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

And it got damn drunk in Tucson. What does lamb chop have to do with all this? Take a pill, Brady.

[Byron]

That's about it. Well, to rugged outdoorsman. Let's get back to the. Another rugged outdoorsman, Ted Nugent.

[Dennis]

Yes.

[Byron]

Needed 40 stitches to close a gash in his leg, which he gave himself with a chainsaw while filming his VH1 reality series, Surviving Nugent. BH was taping. Man. Ted was right back. Back in front of the cameras with a brace and a leg after getting the stitches. Nearly sold his leg off.

[John Holmberg]

That's funny. Well, it's not.

[Dennis]

It'll be good TV though, if you haven't seen it.

[Byron]

The show features a bunch of people living in Ted's Michigan farm trying to win money while Ted basically berates them and.

[John Holmberg]

And cuts his legs off. That's a great show. I haven't seen it. Is it on already? Yeah, I've never seen it last season.

[Byron]

Prior installment ran in October. That's a two hour special. The one they're filming right now will air beginning in April.

[John Holmberg]

I've never seen the Ted Nugent show. What I love is the middle of the wilderness with Ted Nugent. There's a black guy at Ted's house.

[Byron]

The other one I saw, he was on horseback. Ted was with a paintball rifle. And they had to run there on foot. And he basically had shooting.

[John Holmberg]

Ted's gathering people.

[Byron]

He hunted pretty much. They had bales of hay to hide behind and he'd smoke them out of there.

[John Holmberg]

He just tortures them. Are you kidding me?

[Byron]

No, it's great.

[Dennis]

That's not great. It's illegal in 47 states.

[Byron]

The one girl was a vegetarian, and he's making her gut the deer that they got.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

And she's like, I'm out.

[Byron]

I'm out. You tap out, basically, if you can't take it anymore.

[John Holmberg]

That's horrible. Who signs up for that? And what black guy is getting his buddies?

[Byron]

The black guy got whatever you call it when you immunity that day because he ate the deer with Ted and his wife. Real.

[John Holmberg]

You know, they shared a moment, too. They were sitting in the truck together and he's, like, blaring some, like, rock music. And the black guy's just shaking me.

[Dennis]

Out of his element.

[John Holmberg]

Who signed the black guy up for that? Hey, man, you've always liked Ted Nugent, haven't you?

[Dennis]

No.

[John Holmberg]

You sign up and live with him for a while. Yeah, I should live in the wilderness with Ted Nugget. Nugent.

[Dennis]

Whatever.

[John Holmberg]

It's free. How does the black guy get involved? I don't know. How does anybody get involved but the black guy especially? It's like having a Chinese guy hanging out.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Thought Ted, I rub all your stuff. Wang dang.

[Byron]

Sweet.

[Guest / Strom Thurman]

Poon tang, baby.

[Dennis]

Thank you, Kwan. Whatever.

[John Holmberg]

And that's on again in April. I gotta find this VH1.

[Dennis]

I've heard a lot of good things about it.

[John Holmberg]

The black guy at Ted's house.

[Dennis]

Something wrong there.

[John Holmberg]

There's your entertainment draw. Well done, Brady.

[Byron]

Black scratch fever.

[John Holmberg]

It's 98 KUPD.

[Dennis]

Good one.

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