← Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona
Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona
BEST OF HMS PODCAST - COMBINED SEGMENTS - Friday - 01-03-25
02:40:57
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All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Get out to the Tempe Improv on the east side to see Paul Versey on Thursday and Beth Stelling Friday, Saturday and Sunday. The Desert Ridge Improv up North features Sarah Weinschenk this Thursday and Joe DeRosa on Friday and Saturday. And downtown at Stand Up Live, check out the very funny Lil Rel performing Friday, Saturday and Sunday for the complete lineups. And for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com it's John Holberg here. For the amazing people at the Core Institute, life can throw you a curveball now and again. One day you're trucking along, feeling great. Next day your dog smashes into your head and knocks you cold. Or like a KUPD listener told me this week, his dog did a sprint across the backyard directly into the side of his wife's leg and blew her knee up. She needed that need to get fixed and fixed right. Two years later, she's running like she used to again. And it's all thanks to the Core Institute. I went through it too, and you can get rid of your pain and start saying yes, I can to all the things you want to do. And and all you have to do is trust the experts at the Core Institute. Head there right now. The Core Institute.com college hoops are here, and there's no better place to catch the action than Hooters. Fuel up with the baller bundle. 10 boneless wings, crispy fries, dressing and a fountain drink starting at just $9.99. Want to level up your game day experience? Swap the fountain drink for a Beat the Buzzer special featuring your choice of Beatbox or Buzz balls for a low price. This offer is for game days only, so grab your crew, enjoy the action, and feast on the flavors you Hooters the original wing joint since 1983. Hey, it's Larry McFeely here with Wayne from Amco and Wayne. Now that it's getting warmer, I turned on the AC in my car and the air's blowing. Kind of cool, but it really smells like a basement. What can I do about that, Larry? Your car's AC system should be checked and serviced every year. Plus, replacing the cabin air filter helps the air blow strong and takes away any nasty smell. Nice. Is that a big deal to get done? Not at all. It takes about an hour and in most cases we can do it while you wait. That's awesome. I'll say. We're amco. Google Amco for your nearest location. That's amco, Double A, mco Trans missions and a whole lot more. Do not listen to this while driving or when full alertness is needed. The rest of Homeburg's morning sickness. This is the big red radio. You know, on my good deeds kick lately, since sheriff and his posse are out to get me. And so last few days, I felt like, you know, they're not out to get you, they're out to get me. Have you locked yourself into your house? I have, yeah. The fortress you hold up with a rainbow throw on. Well, yesterday, yeah, I put my disguise on and I dug a hole in the backyard just in case I need to lay low. And I made a big, like, dirt cave. So. Because according to a guy, kfyi, I am Osama's number two. This is his exact quote. He's worse than Osama's number two. Exactly. Do you have any weapons? I'm glad I scare that guy that much, by the way. I'm glad I scare that guy that much. Cause I would like to scare him that much. No, I don't have anyone. I would love to just stand in this bedroom window and go bleh. Every couple minutes. You have your dogs. But the best thing is yesterday I'm at the house and Brady's had these moments. You know, it's. And I. And I'm not gonna say this in a racist way, but it's never a white guy. A black guy comes to the door, knocks on the door. I'm outside cleaning up dog poop. Actually, I had the shovel. It's never a white guy. I always get those Mormon kids at my door. That's the religious end. But it's never a white guy who's gonna do this. Did you buy a boatload of cleane? No. And that's another thing. What is the cleaner thing about. But this guy's at the door. Very nice. Magic. Yeah. Simple, green. Yeah. They make a mess in your driveway and then spray it up. And check this out. Yeah. And I don't want that. I don't ever listen to that. I don't want any products. So the guy's standing there, and I finally had the courage to do it. Hi. It was the same thing from Office Space. The crackhead. The crackhead. I used to be on crack and into drugs. And there was a time in my life in which that I thought I was going to go the wrong direction and maybe even be in jail one Thing that saved me this door to door job selling magazines. And there's only one thing I need 20,000 points to prove that I can communicate with the public. I used to sell crack. I used to sell cocaine. I used to be in a bad situation. And he went on and on and on. And I sat and thought, john, do it, do it. Let him get to the part where he's going to sell you and do it. And that's all that's rolling through my mind. Do it, do it, do it. That's all my brain saying. I didn't even have the little angel on my shoulder. I just had the devil going, oh God, do it, John, do it. And I heard him, I'm like, I got you, man. Slap a high five with my shoulder, devil. And then he goes, and I'm interested in selling you. And I interrupted. I said, yes, I will buy crack from you. And he looked at me and just froze. Had no idea where to go with that. And I'm like, I've been waiting for somebody to do the door to door crack sale for years. And I've got this big grin on my face like, ta da, I did it. No, he just stood there, that's some magazines and I wanted to see if you. And he just went right into his pitch again. And then he's just looking at me, goes, nobody's never, nobody's never done that to me before. And then I think he got kind of excited, like maybe if he had crack he would buy it. And I'm like, I'm just kidding. But that's the way you throw these people off. I thought you were going the other direction. I thought you were going to ask them about money laundering or something. No, you ask them. Yeah. No, if I did the office based thing, I asked him if he had any crack to sell because I thought it'd be funny if he earned points selling crack, if they got that organized. But he had no idea. Now Brady takes those people into his house, offers them a position at a restaurant for his friends. The one kid, yeah, that one kid was at your house for four hours. You told him he could stay there if he needed to. He offered up bedrooms. He offered up. They just do a door. No, it didn't get that far. Sure, whatever. Jesus. All I'm saying is I asked him if. And then, so. But then I felt he came back. Yeah, he came back. He came back. Well, no, eyeballed your house, Turned him down on the spiel, you know, and had some fun with him and left. He left I said, man, you got. You could do such a better job at something else. And about two hours later, he came back and says, get me out of this thing. You want my savior, fat Jesus, I need your help. So what'd you hook him up with? I did. I said, you know what? If you. He was thinking about leaving the whole thing because they're either out of Detroit or somewhere, you know, they drive. It's. It's a scam. It's a slave ring, really. It is a slave ring. Yeah, totally. One dude in charge of, like, 30 people who makes all the dough. He comes out with a. You know, just draped. And the gold chains and the bling. And. You know what the bad thing is? Get back in the van. I did my crack thing with this guy thinking, that's funny. He kind of got it, and I think it made him nervous. And then I ended up like, you know what? Yeah, I'll get that thing for you. So I ended up buying Baseball Digest for a kid's shelter because I thought that would be. I didn't get it for myself. I know. That was nice, but I then. But then I realized I can't joke with these people because then I'm on the hook. Because if I throw my big zinger at him that I wanted to buy crack from him. And then I started thinking, what if he tried to sell me crack? Then what do I do? You gotta buy, I guess. You buy it. And then you buy it, and then you. And then I call Sheriff Joe, and it's a drug ring. And then Sheriff Joe and I are on the same team. And then we. That's when we dare you to run through the junkyard and get chased by the watchdog. Exactly as we are. Stand by me's cat. Well, there's a commercial right now. You know the crystal meth? Oh, yeah. Now my friends dare me. Yeah, I know. Can I be Jerry O'Connell? You are not Jerry O'Connell. You will be Corey Feldman. Damn. Same name. You will be Robert Downey Jr. Lesson zero. And I will be the crack dealer. And action. Hitch your knees, Junior. But. Yeah, so I figured that. But, I mean, we got to do something about this, because this is no longer us. What if I went door to door? Hello. I used to be part of a gang. How are you? I was on crack. There's plenty of white crackheads. How come they haven't wandered door to door? It's a good question. It's a great question. Why don't white crackheads sell magazines door to door? There's more white crystal. There are no. There's nothing. There's. It's never a white guy. I have. I'm calling. I think this is racial discrimination. I've gotten it twice. White guy selling you. I mean, granted, he's from the inner city. Yeah, he's a M and M. Vanilla Ice. I never had a white kid do it. Every time I get it, it's a white kid going, I'm in Arcadia High School and I need to sell 10 magazines so I can go to Paris for four months. No. You know who it was? It was basically twice I've had. Even though you could say he's the token in that group, but it's basically K fed coming up to your door. I've never had a white kid do it. It's always a black guy. And I always buy some. But that's where the. But what programs are coming out of. I don't care. Brady. Where are the white crackheads? They're out there. I'm gonna be the Jesse Jackson of this thing. Maybe they don't stop. I want. I want the crackheads going door to door to start having more fair hiring practices and get a few white crackheads in there. It's racial discrimination that. That whole organization doesn't have one white guy. Yeah, it's the guy running it. Yeah, that's probably true. It's the crooked bastard in the lead. They still need to hire more white crackhead because there's plenty of white crackheads out there. And I'm proud of all the crackheads for selling magazines. At least they're not out there doing crack. It's a good skill to learn selling magazines. Well, yeah, to learn the skill of selling. But it's more just get off my porch. Here's $20. It's the toughest one. I think it's. It's. It's get off my porch. And if you think about it, I'm saying it can be a good skill. But if you're. You're on crack and all of a sudden they. They say, oh, you get off crack, you stop doing it, and you get into this slave ring that they run. Right. That's what it is. And you're going door to door selling magazines, which would you rather do? Go back on the crack? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. Don't you think? Absolutely. There's more money. What the real world's like. Yeah. And it's not. And all these people are going to be mean to me. I mean, because most of the time, then you get all the People with no soliciting signs. I actually considered buying one of those, but then I think you're officially an old man when that happens. Just don't answer the door. Well, he saw me in the window, so they're fun to talk to. Then you're just a racist. No. Yes, you are. He could have a gun. I'm not going out there. My point exactly. Thank you very much. Didn't I just say I get these little. Very rarely want to answer the door with a white pillowcase over your head and take it off as her. Hey. Yeah, hang on. What's up, man? Hold on. I'm just getting ready to go somewhere. What am I gonna do for you the other day? Check this out. That would be ultimately hilarious. Blazing Saddle. Saddle's funny, but, I mean, you might get beat up, but it would be worth it. I think it's worth the joke. I get these little girls come to my door with the candy cups. You know, the candy girls. Now answer that in a sheet, too. So she comes to my door, and it happens, like, at least once a month. That's when you put calm over. Let's just say I'm. There's something on my TV that probably shouldn't be. Porno. Your aunt's porn? Yeah, family porn. The one you stole? I guess I had it up a little too loud, too. She starts knocking on the door, and I'm like, you know the panic mode. You go into the panic mode. I shut her down. I didn't answer the door. I just sat there quietly, hoping she would want to know. Not that I'm a topper. Don't want to be a topper. But you know how my window works. When you walk up to my door, the front window goes on tv. Totally forgot that was open. And it was nighttime, and I threw on. This is even worse because, you know my summer adventure, I had a few videos. Yeah. So I had one video of me getting it on till the break it down. Wait a minute. You're watching yourself? Hell, yes. Who's sexier to Johnny than Johnny? Nobody. So I'm watching this video. Hopefully there was a woman in this. Yeah. It wasn't just me going, hello, big fella. He's watching the video. Oh, yeah. He's watching the video that was in the background. Meanwhile, he's hanging a picture of himself up on the wall. No, I wasn't watching for. You know, I wasn't. Review. Yeah, no, no, no. He and the open caller. Sure. Shooting the guns. I wasn't. I wasn't reviewing Game tape. I was watching for the girl. Oh, okay. Because she. She did a good job. She rides like a rattlesnake, this one. So this was back in like July and it was a good one. So I remember just throwing it in there going, yeah, what the hell? So I dropped trial and I'm watching this tape of me and it's on the 53 incher, which goes right out the window. And sure enough, when I get up, I look out and it's not dark, but it's dusk. I get up, I look out, and there are 10 kids in the road on their razor scooters just going in circles, looking in the window, just like, wow, what's going on in there? And it's all night vision. Baghdad going on in my house. You know, he get in trouble. I know. I don't know that they. I don't even know that they really. Well, you'd had to get, you know, in the house to really. But you. I don't know if you knew it was gonna get in trouble. And the cars, you know, people are getting busted on the cars. Having them on the little mini. There were kids from greens. Oh yeah, you can't do that. There were kids from other neighborhoods. I don't know that you could make out exactly what was going on, but you knew what was happening. I mean, you couldn't really get. They're probably going by on their scooters going, boy, that guy's into the nature channel. I'm tired of watching those hippos, mate. I think he's. I think he's watch like something from Desert Storm. It's all green. Night visiony. What is that? Is that an albino elephant? Yeah. What is that, a tooth with a root? Oh my God. That's a butt. It's a guy's butt. Yeah. You don't see me. I'm very. They're making Paris Hilton tapes. Oh yeah. Night vision. Denny Crane. Oh, yeah. You haven't made that. Bob Crane? Yeah, Bob Crane. You can afford a video camera. I've got four of them on barley. But you can't. I can't give you my night vision ones because those are in the walls. Oh yeah, I had those planted on the walls. Security. It's 6:15 in the morning. Sickness. Yes. The sheet idea is good for the crackhead because you just know when you see. And you can see a black guy walking around with his pamphlets. Great. 10 minutes from now he's gonna be banging on my door and I'm gonna have to buy boys life for A shelter again. And I feel okay about that, but. And do you ever interrupt them and just say, what do you want me to buy? What are you selling? Oh, yeah, I don't need your spiel. I'm sorry you had a tough go, but I was watching myself have sex a second ago and you interrupted that. So. Yeah. And it is a good idea to tape it and review the game tape, by the way, every once in a while, go back, take a look, do a couple rewinds, coach yourself, see what you maybe have done wrong. See where you need some help body wise. You know, a lot of times you don't see that back fat, you know, on. On her or you. Well, or him. You pick her apart too. But while you're with her or him, Brady, you. You can see them. You can't see yourself. And there's certain noises you make that you want to kind of correct. Like for instance, I'll never do this again. That's out. You didn't know that going into it. That was about three minutes of that. There's one I'll never stop. Turn it in. I'm saying there. I like to do sex with you. The one that drives him nuts. That I do it and then it's over. Yeah, good stuff. Answer with a sheet on your head. Brady Bogan's suggestion of the day. Don't really do it. Don't listen to what we say. Holmberg's Morning Sickness, 98 KUPD. Another suggestion just came in the email. When those guys come to your door, the crackheads come to your door selling magazines. See if they have high times and try to send that to the inner city center. Yeah, I get a prescription of high times. Who are we going to first? Go to two. First line. Two is on there. Hello there. Who's this? Hello. Hey, what's going on, man? Hey, how you guys doing? Doing well. What's up? Not much. Yeah, when you guys are talking about those crackheads coming the door remind me of this time back in high school, one of my cousins were out back smoking out and we hear a doorbell wearing. We start freaking out, thinking it's his mom we turned off. It's one of these little black guys, like, hey man, I'm rehabbed. I'm coming out from the inner city, trying to get some weed smoking. He's like, hey, what's going on? I'm like, oh man, we're just hanging out. Hey, can I come in? So we had this guy in, he was there for like an hour and a half smoking up all Our stuff. Wait a minute. The crackhead selling magazines came in and smoked with you? Oh, yeah. And you let him? Oh, heck yeah. He's trying to rehab. Oh, I know. But hey, you know what? We got to bring him the dark side a little bit. Come on now. Careful, careful. Gotta watch your mouth there. All right. You're gonna go smoke out. My friend Brady is 10 for 10 on predicting when somebody's going to cuss. Nice job, man. We'll talk to you later. All right, See you later. That's not. You know, if you're smoking weed, you don't invite the crack at it. Potheads cussing. The worst thing you want to do is get a crackhead knowing where the drugs are. You know, you really got to feel good about yourself. No, it's getting someone back on something that has ruined their life. Oh, boy. Now you've made a man. Well, you were quiet. You could have told. Dude your life wasn't going that great. And it still isn't if you're door to door magazine salesman. You're trying. That doesn't mean you're off the crack. In fact, I would need crack to go door to door selling magazines. But it's working for him. Is it? Who bought yesterday? Oh, I bought. Probably gave him 20 bucks. And he's probably smoking it right now, but. Could be, but you never know. I don't care. At least the kids get a magazine. He can work his way up to manager. Get the bling. Or I can drive the van. Even better if they come in and just go, man, I'm glad you're here. I've been working on some dope rhymes and then just start like, there you go. Little rap idol in your house. Somebody online? One also. Yes, somebody's online. Hello there. Who's this? Are you there? I sure am. This is Brianne. Hi, Brianne. How are you? I'm doing great this morning. How you doing, John? Welcome back. Thanks. Doing just fine. You're awfully happy today. What's that? You're just awfully happy today. That's because I've had my coffee. Good for you. Apparently she's Fitz's lab assistant. Oh, you're fit. You're the girl helping Fitz out. I am the lab assistant. Yeah. Now you're helping Fitz out. He's taking those. Those ejaculate. Ejaculoid. Which is a word I don't like saying. It's. It's the male C word. It's just too technical. We don't like thinking of it in a science Way it's all about fun and making you leave. So he's taking this stuff in and he's trying to figure out if it works or not. And you're helping him. Oh, and how are you guys helping him? I'm not helping him. You're helping him. Right. You're the one going. You're the one going to the men's room trying to help him out, if you know what I mean. I see. I see. I mentioned this morning something about your feet. My feet? I need somebody to fix my feet. Unfortunately, that will not be me. I don't do feet. Why you'll do Fitz's junk and not my feet? Do you know where that's been? You know, I draw the line at feet, especially stinky feet. Well, make it clean and I'll make it worth your while. How are you going to make it worth my while? I'll give you a tongue bath. But I. I don't know if you heard, but I did tell Big Dick Toledo yesterday that I would help out Brady if he needed any kind of testing. Especially like maybe, I don't know, cheese testing. Ooh. So you want to just eat a wheel of cheese with Brady? Gouda. Gouda. I don't understand that. But my feet smell like cheese. No. Gotta draw the line at feet. I got your foot person. Who? The googs? He loves feet. Tom Gugliotta. That is true. Tom had a fetish with feet. He cleaned him right up. That's true. I get googs on it. Well, you won't help me. Well, good luck getting the mung off of your tongue in life. Messing around with Fitz. Well, as. As we say, for the love of science, I guess so. Well, good luck. Hey, thanks a lot. You have a good one. We'll talk to you later. Later. Yeah. If you're listening to Fitz in the afternoon, he said, got her helping him out, trying to see if that stuff works. She'll help Brady and Fitz. But you're. She won't touch my feet. That's how bad my feet are. And they've never been this bad. I literally stunk up the whole house yesterday. Even the crackhead was like, what is that smell in your house, man? It's my feet. That's a deal breaker. Oh, stinky feet on a girl? Yes. Oh, I never experienced or just, you know, hammered toes. Hammered? Yeah. If they've got ugly feet, you're kind of like. Because it's. It's a. It's like foreshadowing. If their toes and feet are bad, that is not a good sign for the males aren't feet if they're not looking polished or painted and they got yellow munged nails toenails. That's. That's Eric. Who are you going out? Start looking, Eric. It's true. It is important. Yeah. Don't, don't get upset about that. Most the girls that he goes out can't see their feet point being feet is a precursor of things to come and if their feet aren't maintained it just starts going up. Then their legs get all cheesy and then they got big bellies and then their faces turn into big pillows and you lose your remote folds. There's change in the folds. Watch their feet. That's part of your new 2006 Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect. Hi, I'm Diane Fisher from Fisher Tools. From our humble beginnings in 1964 at the Phoenix park and swap to our 4 acre campus located just south of Tempe Marketplace off the 202, Emmett Clint Fisher Tools has been building the valley for over 60 years. Come check us out and browse our huge selection of tools and anything you need to do the job right. We carry Milwaukee, DeWalt, Makita, Proto and so much more. We're also online@fishertools.com CUPD listeners will receive 10% off their order when you mention this ad Fisher Tools. If we don't have it, we can't sell it. This is Michael with Restore My Civil Rights. I made a lot of poor decisions in my past that had lifelong consequences. After I was released from prison for the last time in 2014, I discovered the process to have my convictions dismissed and all of my rights restored, including my Second Amendment rights. Since achieving this for myself in 2018, our attorney has assisted over 3,000 others in doing the same. If you are still living under the consequences of past mistakes and would like to restore your rights as I have, visit restoremycivilrights.com and book a free consultation today. Hey, everybody, it's John Holmberg from the Morning Sickness talking to Shane Orlando from Orlando Auto Body. Now, Shane, I take great pride in saying I stand with someone when I tell a listener to go to their shop. I know why. You tell me what's different for a KUPD listener to go to Orlando Auto Body Auto Body than anywhere else. Well, first of all, we've been in valley here for over 34 years. We do a quality job. We work for you, not the insurance companies, so that we can work together to make sure your listeners are getting the customer service they deserve. If your car's been wrecked and you need that thing fixed the right way, get on over there now. Orlandoautobody.com It's Dick Toledo and new customers right now on FanDuel. Get $150 in bonus bets when your first $5 wager wins. Just visit FanDuel.com KUPD to grab $150 in college hoops bonus bets with a winning $5 bet. And Prepar FanDuel America's number one sports book 21 plus and present in Arizona. First online real money wager only $5. First deposit required. Bonus issued is non withdrawable bonus bets which expire seven days after receipt. Restrictions apply. See terms@sportsbook.fanduel.com gambling problem. Call 1-800-next-step or text next step to 5 3, 3, 4 2. The best of homework's morning sickness. I'm 98 KUPD. And then you start paying attention to the. Oh, by the way, since I'm talking about old people, I'd like to be the first to go. All right, Bull. To the story of the day yesterday on the news. Trying to make some glorious. I wrote it. I put this thing in here. This is garbage. I don't feel any, you know, of those moments of joy or anything when you see one of those old people doing something, you know, they show you incredible feast. Incredible. He didn't do it. There's no way 92 year old man becomes the oldest to hike the canyon rim to rim. Bull. That's just irresponsible. That's called elder abuse. Because if he died, whoever took him would be under arrest. It's not worth the risk. And there is no possible way this old man did this on his own. So they've got him in an interview after like, amazing. You didn't do it. There's no way. He's 92. He went from rim to rim 24 miles. I saw your mom. She came to the house. She's not even. She's what, 80, 84. 84. She had to sit down after she walked across the game room. She's like, I'm out. There's no possible way she found that recliner. Game over. Oh, it was over. She saw the recliner. It was like, that's mine. Didn't even ask is this is someone sitting here? It was like, this is mine. And you guys weren't like first ones in either where she could have claimed it right away. She just showed up and went, this is, this is an empty recliner I'm taking it and nobody can say anything. There's no possible way anybody. Look, the news can make it seem like this is a beautiful story of like, you know, like, like up, like, you know, in his balloons and he floated to the falls. No, this is an attempted murder by his grandson or whatever. I want to see two things when I see somebody drag a 90 year old across the Grand Canyon. I want to see his financial statements and I want to see the will and the insurance policy. Exactly, because I don't know if those even pay at 92 anymore. Like you get like a buck 50 because there's no way the insurance is going to give you a ton of money for that. But any grandson in this modern age, because I know a lot of people under the age of like 35 that have this strange fascination with how they plan to retire based on what their grandparents have. My grandpa dies, I'm gonna get a million dollars. I'm like, it's gotta be the first generation that talks about that as openly as it does. And it's not like the ones we hate. Not like the 20 year olds. It's the mid-30s, people close to 40 that start talking about their inheritance or their rich family member that's going to keep them in high cotton. That's what I think happened here. One of those deadbeat hippie grandkids, like, I'll take grandpa around, I'll take him out. He's 92. Oh, but he's still like really spry. I'll take care of him. They drug him into the canyon and to their surprise, the mother lived. And that's the worst thing. And now he's a news story. You need to look deeper into this. This is attempted murder. And then he's like, I read about the record holder, talked to my grandson and said, I think I can do this. Yeah, grandpa, I think you can. Did he shatter it? I mean, who was the record holder? Probably. Look, it's gotta be a 70 year old maybe. No, the record holder was in his 90s also. This guy's actually a few months younger. He just did it faster. So he's the oldest guy to do it in the. He was running from his grandson the whole time with. Probably had a hatchet, looked like Sideshow Bob trying to kill Bart. It's bad. You don't take 92 year olds to bowling alleys, let alone that you want to go rim to rim on the canyon, old man. No, a responsible human being would realize if I take the 92 year old down the Canyon. There's a good chance I'm carrying him out. I'm not doing that. He's doing some lines, a couple of bumps. You think he's a meth grandpa mess? Probably to try to get his heart to explode. To get that. I didn't believe a word of this. And the news was like, isn't it wonderful? Age is just a number. No, it's not. Age is a pretty good precursor on when you're gonna die. It's a pretty good thing. I. It's like it's evidence. Like 92, not much longer left. I have a friend, a woman who's 92 years old, 93 years old, and she's spry, gets around great. Last thing I'm doing is hiking anything with her that isn't flat. Just because I don't want her to get hurt or fall down and like, crap herself. I took my mom golfing. You know, we did two days in a row and she let me make a prediction. Did she do 18? No, no way. She can't even get through a Golf 16. That's pretty good. Why didn't she just finish the last two at that point? You gassed her. Well, no, she did it right. You know, played nine and then about on 12, she's like, I'm good. So she was hitting and missing. She took a few holes. Okay, so she stuck around for 16. Didn't play 16. Well, she played. She'd take about three holes off. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. She'd take a few off. Yeah. Lay back and then pick her clubs up again when she was. When her heart felt like she wasn't dizzy anymore. You don't take a 92 year old in the canyon. That's murder. Attempted murder. I want to know who took him. I want to know the story. I want to see this guy's financial reports. 92 year old man hikes. I'm in my 90s. The last thing I want to do is get off my ass and go walk the Grand Canyon, for Christ's sake. I don't want to do it now in a helicopter if I want to see the damn Grand Canyon. And somebody decent, a decent grandpa or a decent grandson would be like, like. I don't know if your grandparents are probably gone. They are. Yeah. Okay, Mine too. So if my grandma was still alive. We took my grandma when she was 83 to the botanical gardens and were shocked that she blew through that thing. It was amazing. Like, we thought we were going to be carrying her out like this. Is a bit of a walk and there's some uphill stuff. She did great. But we were fingers crossed, like maybe this is irresponsible. A decent grandson foots the bill for a nice helicopter ride over the canyon. Or maybe you strap him to a donkey and you let him ride down and ride back in a day. Three days in the canyon with a 92. No, that's murder. That's a temporary. Put him in one of those baskets below the helicopter, Spin them. Yeah. Give them a ride. Yeah. That's usually how they get out of it. That's usually how they're coming out of the canyon. Is in a bath. You're asking. Attached to a helicopter. Yep. Yeah. That's funny because my mom this year said, you know what, Next year, starting in January, I'm getting in shape. She hired. She was talking to me about it, like getting in shape and stuff. Like she wanted to work out right then and there. What do you want to do? Maybe rim to rim, I guess. Well, don't say that about your mother. Great canyon. Brady's mom wants to go rim to rim. If anybody's interested. I wouldn't allow it. If you said bunny's gonna go rim to rim in the canyon, I would not allow it. We get on the phone with her right now. I'm like, brady is trying to get your money. Torp's gone. It's just we're halfway home. It's dangling carrots in front of him, Kicking it down the road. Yeah. Brady's trying to expedite the will. You do not do this. You're a healthy woman. You're feeling good. I want my $30. We don't push that. And then they interviewed him and he had no idea he had survived a murder attempt. The best thing about it was all the people on the trail being so kind. Yeah. Because they thought, oh my God, I'm witnessing a horrible crime here. A 92 year old man's being drug into the canyons. We talked about it. Just regular, you know, like younger people doing these things for charity. Like I'm gonna put myself right at death's doorstep. Right. For charity. Imagine if you're the. The grandson and your grandfather wants to do that and you're on that trip. Is that. And then he dies. You talk him out of it. And if he dies. Yeah, if he dies. You feel good about that? Because he was. No, because then they use. They say that bull. He died doing what he loved. If he loved it, he'd have hiked that canyon 35 years ago. He didn't love it that much. You drug his ass down there. You tried to kill your grandpa or dad. I don't. His kids are in their 70s. They don't want to hike down in the canyon. That's, that's an attempted murder. I don't. I'm the heartless, like me, the sociopathic dark hearted humans. We're the ones who see society the way it really is. We don't do this empathetic rose bundles. Every time someone accomplishes something, we see, we see through the lines. I see. Read between the lines. I don't like it when blind people hike big mountains. I don't, I don't like any of that because the potential for failure is much sadder than the, you know, the victory part. The, the getting it done. I'm not impressed. When you hike, everybody hikes them out. You can hike a mountain camelback. Big deal. Everest. The Sherpas do it. I'm sure there's a one eyed Sherpa that pops up and down that mountain constantly with zero medical coverage. Taking some old man up there doesn't impress me at all. It's murder. It's attempted. Well, it's impressive by the Sherpas to take a blind hair block paraplegic or a blind person because they're doing all the work. They do everything. And they do everything for the able bodied too. It's just. You got to learn to breathe right. Grab hold of the line. Your job on Everest is to not die and not create a human avalanche by rolling down that line of thousands of people doing exactly what you think is unique. You ever seen a picture of people climbing Everest? There's hundreds of them. It's like this past year when it was, yeah, okay to go. It looks like best Buy on Black Friday. It's, it's just people lined up trying to get to the top. It's insane. Lines are longer than at Disney. I always get mad at the news. I'm mad at Channel three. I'm mad at Channel ten. Troy Hayden, if you're listening, why don't you, as an investigative journalist or a journalist in general, just say what we're all like. If you're a good journalist, you'll sit and go, well, that story made me mad. That's an attempted murder. We'll be right back with more Fox 10 news. Say what's real. 92 year olds hiking 24 miles is irresponsible behavior by the part of the grandkids who are aching to get their hands on that money. Nothing about that was uplifting to me. I see that as a horrible thing. And then, of course, the last line in the story online is, it shows people it's never too late to try something. Yes, it is. They push those old people out of airplanes on their hundredth birthday. Every year, you see another story of some bag of bones that looks like a pot sticker with eyes getting shoved out of an airplane. And there he is. A picture of him. You see him, and people will say, he looks good for 92. He's standing up. That's all you need to do to look good at 92. That's an accomplishment. That's it. So you're breathing Earth's air, your eyes are open, and you're on your feet. That's Great work for 92. Looks good. His black eyes look good, right? Well, that's where his son was. His grandson was beating him to kick on. Old man. Move, old man. The old ticker seems to be going pretty good, Braden. God damn it. He's making it. Interview the grandson. I guarantee you there's a look of, like, sadness on. They gotta do something bigger than hike the canyon with this old man. What is he, Green Mile? Yeah, I'm watching that last night, shaking my head, going, you sons of bitches. And the news. Oh, you guys trying these flowery stories about old people doing stuff. You're just gonna encourage more killings. Maybe he had an option. He's like, we could set a record, Gramps. 92 years old. You could be the oldest man to attend a WNBA game. Or the canyon. Rim to rim. I'll do the rim to rim. Well, now, that. Now that is a good point. That is a good point. That if the options were because he's old and easy to fool, like, these are the only two things you can do, or the devil's coming to get you. Let's. Let's hit that canyon. I don't want to watch those basketball. We don't call them that anymore, Grant. They're homosexual. Oh, they are. They're an abomination to God. Of course they are. Let's go take a look at God's greatest creation. Not the wnba. The Grand Canyon. Yeah, it's. They need to make the baskets as big as the canyon to make the WNBA worthwhile. All right. Good one, Gray. That was a good one. He's still got his wits. All I care about if you're 92 years old is that you're not drooling or crapping on my furniture. That's it. I didn't Even think that of your mom. But it crosses your mind. Everyone's. Oh, she's on the recliner. Yeah. Let's just hope she can control it. I'm pretty sure she's all right. She's pretty strong right now. Yeah. But you worry about that it can happen in like a day. Oh yeah, yeah. You start seeing that one tumble. That's all it takes. One, one half fall. And that's the other thing. Old people fall down in their kitchens and blow their hips up and they're out forever. And they were fine yesterday. Just that one. I took a little slip and my hip hopped and then they're dead in like a week. The infections and all the other stuff, you don't want to drag them down the canyon. I can't tell you how many I heard that the, the child of that person, like this person's grandmother blew her knee out. And the daughter does it. 50 years, same thing and doesn't do the rehab. They, they ended their life basically in a wheeling around a wheelchair because they didn't want to do the rehab. I've done plenty of physical therapy over the last few years and I'm in there and every time you're in there doing your work, there's a thousand year old human being who just had a hip or knee replaced. They don't. They didn't. That was forced upon them. If they had their druthers, they'd have just let that thing injure them and kill them. My sister and I mean, we're all trying to encourage my dad in the last years. What do I have to go strap bands to my hips for and start doing leg kicks. Why? And there were old people. There was an old man in there one time and I remember I was, I was struggling, I had the shoulder thing and I see this again. I fell for it. But that was just the few moments I had. Heart have always backfired on me. So I'm in there and I'm working the, I'm working the shoulder thing and it's like two pounds and I'm pulling this thing off the wall and it's killing me. And then in walks Methuselah, this dusty old crust ball of. You know, he's got a walker and the walker had wheels attached to his ass. And he's kind of in this cage of transportation that makes it so he doesn't just roll downstairs and he comes in and his knees all bandaged up and he's. First thing that old man did was find a chair in the PT and Sit in it. And then the lady had to go over and go, all right, Carl, gotta get him moving. That's smooth. All you heard was that dude, he wasn't there. Under his own power. Somebody dropped him off and took the car away. He's not allowed to drive. And I got. You're not gonna get better if you don't work. I think it's the only noise that guy made the entire time he didn't work. And I'm sitting there kind of laughing like, yeah, this old man's onto something. Why don't you go yourself, Nurse Ratchet? And yeah, you don't take an old man down the canyon. That's murder. And give me credit for stopping by. And also what it does is diminish. Like the stories of, you know, some dude, you know, like the canyon rim to rim. So 92 year old dude did it the other day. Big deal. Like walking a Safeway, I guess. Well, it's pretty, pretty tough. No, it's not. There's a 92 year old man. If a 92 year old man can do it, it's not that big a deal. But this dude was running for his life from, from the grandkids. And if you're. When. And again, if you're one of those grandkids, if you're one of those people that says, when my parents die, I get. Stop it. That's uncomfortable for people to hear. I had a, a guy who's talking about his uncle. This was actually kind of a nice thing. Used to, oh, my uncle dies, he's got millions, he lives. Got a house on Camelback, he's a millionaire. Oh, no kidding. Yeah, so I'm in his will. So he didn't really try that hard. This was when he was in college. It's like, I don't really care. Got some cruddy job, just kept waiting. The uncle finally passed away, not in the will. And he just assumed it because he's got a family member that's loaded. He's like, well, I'm in there and I'm gonna be taking it. Didn't. Doesn't it trickle down to everyone? Yeah. And that was. And I, I didn't know because I didn't know his family dynamic. I just assumed that his uncle had said, hey, you're in the will. Whatever. He just, he just thought, well, my family member's rich. We all benefit when he croaks. Right? And when a check arrives from a. The reason he wasn't in the will was like, soon after the guy died, he Told me to. My uncle didn't leave me anything. Well, maybe it's because that's all you talked about for a few years. And he was like, I didn't work this hard to give a deadbeat my money. And the worst part was, the best part for me is that the uncle donated most of that to Couple charity. Like the family didn't get it. I think that should be good. I think so too. I think, like, you know, you have to be a good family member to get that. I like those stories. When. When somebody gets shut out of a will, it's usually because you deserve it. Very rarely does a person who did everything right get shut out of a will. Usually you're the in the family, and that's a great way to find out. Wow. I need to change my ways. Most of the time they don't. They just get worse and end up on Dr. Phil yelling at other family members. But if I wasn't in a will and I'm like, oh, my God, everybody got something but me, that's kind of a. A life red flag to sit back and go, I must have done a bunch wrong. I. I gotta change. I gotta change. Real dick. People hate me. But real dicks don't recognize. They just drag their person that didn't leave you the money. They're the dick. Yeah, like, if I found out, like, Brady, if you found out today, like, geez, I talked to Tripp and he said, john's in the will. And then like this week, I'm like, taking a trip to the Grand Canyon. You would know that I'm trying to kill him, right? You would. Like that would register with you. He's gonna break a record. These guys are going rim to rim. Yeah. John says it's like a record. You wouldn't. You're not going on this trip, old man. You're getting your. Get your blanket and sit down. Trippe and I were in Sedona once, and we were gonna walk up to Submarine Rock from our Jeeps, which is about an eight and a half foot walk. I don't do hikes. Like, it's right there. I'm not doing it. Like, all right. He just sat there in the Jeep and everybody else got out. That's beautiful. I get it. And I'm like, I admire that. That's better. I don't need to hop around on a mountain. It's a freaking eight foot hike. You do it. Edmund Hillary. I'm sitting here. Carry me up. Yeah, if you want. Walk me up like Yoda. Put Me in your backpack. I'll do it. And I admired that. Yeah. And I felt bad for this old man because either that or they lied about his age. He's 92 and they're just trying to get the record. He's like, really 77. Ain't a thing. Don't do it. I'm done with that crap. And then seeing yet a Gibson and the news people. Oh, God, I hope I make it that long and I can. No, you don't. But look around. At most, you know what you have to do every time you do an uplifting story about 92 year olds. Go pay attention to the 92 year olds in the facility. Here's what 92 really looks like. Don't. Don't start giving us all false hope that we'll be, you know, the 1%. Yeah, the 1 percenter is not who we should be paying attention to. We should look the ones that have handfuls of feces chucking in at nurses. That's what 92 looks like. Holmberg's morning sickness. That's pretty good. We'll do a little Judas Priest, eat me alive. Right? And more so in honor of the fact that a study came out on NBC News. Judas Priest involved in its own weird way that 30% of generations. Was it Generation Y, which is the ones after us? Okay. Generation X, which is you and me. Generation Y, which is next. And then there's millennials and Gen Z. Okay. Or was that it? Was it Gen Z? It's Gen Z. I think it's Gen Z. It's Gen Z. 30 of Generation Z is identifying as LGBTQ. 30%, that number has never been higher than 10. 30% identify as gay, lesbian, bi, trans. And it's because we gave him the options. You know, we put it on the menu. And I can hear my Scottish friend Thomas 20 years ago. You don't see it, Johnny. They're trying to make all our kids gay. I'm like, I don't know what you're talking about. They're doing it through indoctrination, making them hug. His son had to hug another boy at school because they got into a fight. I know, Gilbert, isn't it crazy? It happened before you. But they got into a fight, and the teacher made his son hug another boy in front of the class to show that they all got along. And Thomas went down there. You'll. You'll nay make my boy do stuff like a homo. And he started to scream at the teacher in front of the class and say the word homo A lot and he's telling me the story. I'm like, he might overreacted. I understand. You don't want the teacher disciplining you. No, take him out of that public school. It's indoctrination to make them all gay. And so who's the first person I hear from after reading that and say, my Scottish friend, Thomas. I told you years ago, the idea is to make everyone a homo. You think, well, it's happening. And now it's hard to ignore. The numbers have leapt. 30% of an entire generation, 18 to 25, says, yeah, I'm. Some gay population is growing too much. We need to figure out a world. They did that years ago. All right, well, I don't think it's population control. I think it's definitely control, but I'm not sure they. I don't know what they're doing. But again, when I was growing up, there were two options. And then the third thing, which was just kind of. You had to ask the waiter you still serve this was either straight or gay. The other stuff was like, we don't talk about it, but you get the dressing up like a broad thing, right? Oh, yeah. We don't talk. We don't put that on the menu. Now it's everywhere. Lgbtq, qrf, M, O, U, S, E. They've got it all. So when you give an entire generation the option and they've got more than just the two, we had good chance it's gonna jump up to about 30% that someone likes to put their mom's underwear on. It's okay now. Used to be weird. Now if you go through your sister's drawers and you put them on, it's okay. It would have been a grounding at my house, but now it's okay. Now you get to go to a therapist for free and explore that. So, Judas Priest. Congratulations. All that work that Rob put in, in and out, what is the end goal? Like, what's a good number there? 50% of the population. Just everything's available. I'm still hearing a lot more. 50%? Yeah. Like, I'm still learning about what pansexual is, and it still doesn't make sense. I can't keep track of them. You can be any of them at any given time, and you're attracted to any of them at any given time. Isn't that just all of it? Just make a choice either way? Yeah, that's, I think, what we're saying. Yeah. You know what? Either way, whatever you want to do, just make a choice. Being so, man, be pick a letter and stick with it. Always seems like there's a transfer portal where you take your talents. Yeah. Going pansexual. Yeah. You're leaving Colorado because Florida's better offer. It's like, wait. Well, I thought you were. No, I'm off of it. I'm all of them. Okay. You put the dress on. And that used to be, like, frowned on, but now. Then mom will take you to Target for shopping after you. If she catches you in a dress. It used to be like an embarrassment. Now you go into Target, you're gonna get some new clothes. Yeah, Hank. Suppose that's better. But Thomas was adamant about it. It's happened in Scotland. They took away a kid's right to feel anything, and they made them all feel gay. And they want that. They want. And I kept saying, why would they want all the kids to be gay? Control. Who? I don't know. It seems like a weird one to jump to, but he. You know, the numbers are panning out. That maybe that golf game with Thomas, he was onto something. And then his big one was also pedophilia. They're gonna try to make the age drop. They've been working on this in Europe for years. Try to get that education to 12 or 13. Have the way with the kids. Nopedos. Hit your ball. Jimmy Saville. I told you. The number will rise to 70%. There'll be no more of us. I think maybe he was arguing that the reason why Scotland will never be on their own. Because that's the agenda. Make everyone gay so they don't vote to be independent. It'll never pass. No idea. I just don't. I. I can't imagine, like, politicians all getting her. You know, if we made them all good control of me, you could. Yeah. All right, I'm in. What do we have to do? It's gonna take about 30 years. They start showing TV shows, dudes dressed as women. And we make that normal. And anyone who says it isn't, gets in trouble. It'll take about 30 years. We've done it in five. Yeah. We made it. Hey, we got a lot of help from the networks. We didn't realize how big this was going to be. We're right way ahead of schedule. I mean, we're firing people like crazy for going, hey, there's a guy in a dress. You're not allowed to say that anymore. Yesterday we could. Yeah. Things are different now. We're making everyone gay. Why? Control. I don't get it, but 30% of entire generation says I'm in this. I'm in LGBTQ. Tell me it's fashionable, and I'll believe that more than I would that they're actually in on that. You've opened all the doors. You know, I don't like to think that if I was in high school today, that if all the doors were open, I'd have opened them. I still kind of liked only opening one of them. The one I open is the one I still open. I kind of like opening that one. But if they're like, you know, this is available too. I'm like, yeah, too much hair. There's a lot of hair in that one. I do admire the gay lifestyle. They seem happy. They make a lot of money. Two men is comes. That's the biggest draw. Almost all of them have infinity pools. Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect. This is the best of Homburg's morning sickness. 98 KUPD. Hey, you're listening to the Best of Homburg's Morning Sickness. I haven't been in it for a while, but that's okay. There's just a lot of great stuff that happens here with John and the crew in the morning. But if you do like so much of Frank Calendar, by the way. Hey, folks, John mad here. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'll be at the Desert Ridge Improv January 31st through February 1st. Desertridgeimprov.com for tickets. You're tired of the plugs. I get it. Back to the Best of Hombre's Morning Sickness. The best stuff. Did I say that? I don't know. I didn't pay attention. It is the morning sickness. And I found a news study about piercings. Yes. Did you see that? Yes. Wanted to get into that real quick before we do anything else. Do you ever been with anybody who's been pierced in this special thing? Right. Yes. Yes, you have? I think so. No, I have. Yes. A Pierce Naval message. Not. That's not what I was talking about. You mean Ben was all so. So. Wait a minute. Are you talking about in the lower areas? I'm talking about. Yeah. No, really. He thinks the navel is the special area. The best part was. Have you ever been with it? I think so. I don't know. Something was banging into me. No, that was her balls. Wow. You threw me off there. But they. There's a reason recent study that says if your kid gets pierced anywhere early, they're gonna drink. But it doesn't say in the genitalia area. Yeah, but that's A guarantee. That's, that's what I was getting at there. Because you get into the piercings, like you got the stomach, you got the ears, you got all the other stuff. If the kids get pierced, then of course it says here the study said they're more likely to drink, do drugs two and a half times more likely than what is my question then Kids that don't get pierced, they're gonna do it anyway, right? Everybody does it pierced or not pierced. The pierced ones do it sooner. Just like the tattooed ones. Just like the ones that smoke. Just like the ones that drink, they're gonna put out sooner than the ones that don't drink, don't smoke, don't get pierced and don't do, don't have tattoos. Trust me, I've done the research on this. Thank you, Adam Ant. Yeah, but you're not pierced. I'm not. Right. But this is mostly about chicks. This is mostly about women. You think because guys are gonna just do whatever. Yeah, See that's the chest. As far as guys go, we're. We don't have to peer. Well, if you say I'll have sex with you if you get that pierced, then we're getting pierced. Outside of that, that's all we care about. No, this study was mostly about the women because guys are just gonna do whatever's there. So again, it comes back to. To bad parenting is what we're getting at here. Because I know this is good parenting. Worst study of all time just happened when they did the piercing study. How's that? Well, cuz you're just. If you're a freak and you've got like 6,000 piercings, then there's something wrong with you anyway. Right? Yeah. So duh, don't waste any money on that. Yeah, that person's definitely gonna try some things the average person isn't. And second, if you're like 13 and you've got 100 piercings, your parents didn't pay attention to you, so. Yeah, it's not the piercings. Well, piercing is a sign of rebellion. Yeah. Is what it is. Piercing is only a side effect of everything else that's going on. So you know, it's just like self esteem. Self esteem was in the same study. Girls with lower self esteem are two and a half times more likely to pork some guy than girls with normal self esteem. Girls have self esteem in high school. Allegedly. Yeah, because I know guys don't. That's not fair if girls have it. Yeah, it isn't fair. We have everything. Well, I just started Reading that because I started thinking about this girl I met last week with her back pierced. But that was it. That's just weird. But why? That's just more likely to drink. Or is she just nuts? Just nuts. She probably drank after that. It made me think of like the worst thing I've ever seen. Piercing. And I have to share this once again. I know you boys have heard this, but a piercing study, and this is for kids who are thinking about getting pierced in the study. You don't need studies. That's what I'm saying. That's why I read this whole thing. I'm like, they didn't need to spend however many millions of dollars they did. Go to the Jim Rose circus and watch the guy who had his johnson pierced and hangs the cinder block off of it. Lizard boy. Yeah. You know him? Yeah. Was that the guy you were with? Yeah. Yeah. Pierced? I don't know. Maybe. Whoa. So it's. It's like a four, four foot chain. And he stands up over this stage. It's got a hole in it. And he let just drops the cinder block. And his goods just go all the way down to his feet. And he starts swinging it in circles. Boom. He does that on his chest too. Yeah. There's your research. Yeah. And his nipples hang down to his feet. There's your research. What are you wasting my money and time for? I don't think this was wasting taxpayer money. I think this is a private study. I want to know who had the weirdest piercing in our audience. Oh, you're gonna get some gems out of our audience. I want to see what we got here. Or who's been with somebody. Because I know a girl who actually had something get lost inside there because the guy's piercing. Nice. I know piercing is bad. We've just come up to that. I think that's where I am with it. Why are you piercing your junk, by the way? Men, women, it's fine and it's hot. Continue. But guys, why piercing the johnson? I don't know. Anyway. Piercing self esteem. Kids, if you're gonna drink. Rebellion according to you. Yeah, but why do you have to pierce yourself to rebel? Just go out and drink and do the drugs. You're gonna do them anyway. Exactly. And you just experiment and then get it out of the way. But don't brutalize yourself, for crying out loud. You'd be a freak. Women, you can keep piercing yourselves. That's okay. Because that's odd. Get that little dolphin tattoo that pisses your mom off when you're 18. That's all the rebelling you need. Mm. A gecko. Throw some stuff. Why do all girls get the gecko? I know. I want a lizard on my body. Seriously, you guys. I thought it looked cool. It's a lizard. It's cool now. It's the stupidest thing I've ever. Why don't you just get a spider? Spiders are cool too. You guys kick ass. Thanks for the idea. My mom will hate that. I'm gonna date a black guy. Okay, great. That's rebelling. Holmberg's morning sickness. 98 kupd in here in the morning sickness. And we got to. But we knew we'd get the calls. We kind of asked for it ourselves with the piercing study that went on. People saying piercing makes you drink and be a horrible human being. Well, let's see about that. Either. Who's this? Hello? Are you there? Yeah. Okay. What do you got there, Bob? What? Where are you pierced and what's the story? I've got my tongue pierced twice. Now, see that? Originally. Didn't that originally start as a gay thing? You know, I'm not really sure about that. When I met my girlfriend, she had her tongue pierced. And I thought, you know, the least I could do was return the favor. Sure. And so I had it done once and then about six months later had a second one done, and she has two now. What's the second one do? Just. It adds more to more effect, you know, and if one is good, two is better. And, you know, it's one of those things. So. Now, how much heroin have you done since the piercings? Oh, actually, none. I've tried to cut back quite a bit. Really? Okay, see, then the study's crap. There it is. There you go. You're our proof. I don't drink and I don't do drugs, so go figure. Well, there you go. See, you shouldn't be pierced, for crying out loud. Now, are you thinking about other piercings? I've contemplated it, but, you know, for now, I'm content with this and we'll kind of see where it goes. I've. I've. You know, I'm kind of open to it. Let me put it that way. When you're making out with your fiance, do sparks fly because the metal clashes? No, we've never gotten locked up, so to speak. At least not tongue to tongue, anyway. Okay, enough. We're gonna hold you off. We'll talk to you later, man. Nice. Take it easy. And another one on two. Hi there. Who's this? Good morning. This is Christine Hi, Christine. Where do you dance? I don't dance. Okay, now you're pierced. Where? My navel's pierced. Your navel's pierced? Well, every girl's navel's pierced now. Yeah. How old were you? I'm 33. How old were you when he got it done? About 29. Really? Have you been a booze hound, heroin addict since? No. Oh, for two. That study sucks. It definitely sucks. No, that's it? That's all you got pierced or you're looking on something else? No, I'm not looking at something else. I was just gonna to say that when I got my navel pierced, you have pictures up in the salon where these piercings are, and in the back room they have the adult piercings. And I actually asked the guy who did my piercing. I said, what do these piercings do, you know, for the guys? He says, these really don't do anything. You know, the ones. The side of the head? Right. So which ones work? He says, the one that goes through the hole, comes out to its bottom, and then. Then you have the ring there. I said, how does that work? He says they swear up and down that it works. It feels good that way. Sorry. You're wrong. I'm sorry. Yeah, I know. When he said that, I cringed. I'm like, oh, God, I can't imagine. All right, I can't talk to you anymore because I'm shrunk up. I've shrunk up smaller than. Than Beth McDonald from the Beth and Bill shows goods. Allegedly. Hold on. We're done with you. We'll talk to you later. Okay? See ya. Sweet Jesus. Why? That's like the WW2 prison war thing they used to do when they shove the glass in the urethra, and then. Yeah, the glass. Now people pay for it. Well, the study sucks. That's all I can tell you. We're over two people who are all pierced up. No drunken, no drugging. No, none of that. It's crap. Crap. I say crap. I encourage the piercing, by the way. Teenage girls, right? So let's get some teenage girls on the phone. Boy, Bo, how many times have I said that? Let's get some teenage girls on the phone. Anybody want the ice cream? And I'm gonna go cringe for a little while. Homburg's morning sickness. I tell you guys how much I love this job because of the listeners, when they come through for us. I got an email I've got to read to you. I'm warning you, if you're eating your cheerios right now. Put them down. Dear John, I know a couple people. Mercedes not a dancer. And Don. Mercedes was married and decided to have an affair with Don. Mercedes had her genitals pierced and Don had a Prince Albert, which is the same thing for a guy. This is the part where you put your Cheerios down the middle of it. The piercings got caught bumping uglies. Hers rips out completely. Needless to say, some pain, discomfort. They both had to work the next day at the Renaissance festival. It soon became obvious to everyone what had happened, including the husband who works there. She is now a divorcee. Huzzah. Without genital piercings. Thanks, Joe. Huzzah. But as a guy, even when it rips out, you're like, can I just finish? You wouldn't know it. That's all you're interested in. Oh, is horrible. The piercing stories are rolling home. Hi there. Who's this? It's Jill. Jill, give me something. Go. My younger brother had his johnson pierced in that same way where it goes in through the hole and out through the hole. Okay, okay, enough of that. Yes, yes, we get it. And we used to always give him a hard time because he had to sit down to pee. Because it's like putting your thumb at the end of a hose. Yeah, see that? Why would you want to turn your penis into a wacky weasel? It's hard enough in the morning. You get one in, one in. Once he took the jewelry out, then he feed like a fountain. Yeah, you'd look like a beautiful fountain. Plug up the other hole. See? Why? What do you use? Like little cork. And if you put multiple pair of things, it turns into a Mr. Hang out outside of like a Rubio's in the summertime. Stand on the roof and keep everybody cool for at least seven to ten seconds. Well, did he do crack right after or anything? Actually, yeah. Did he really? He might have been doing it before beforehand though. So that might have been what made him. Yeah. I was gonna say anybody who gets their. Their johnson pierced is on crack to start with. So that's why I think the study's a joke. Well, thank you very much. And by all means, go clean your bathroom. We'll talk to you later. Gross. I was at one time at a party with a few friends and a buddy of mine had his nose pierced. Went into his room with a chickie and come to find out she had her hoo hoo pierced who got tied up. He's giving her the. He's giving her the or pleasure. Decides to go back up they get caught. It rips out of his nose. And there he comes running out of his room, just. He scalped her, for crying out loud. He had it hanging off his face. Still, guys, you're not gonna believe what happened. I think we got a pretty good idea since it looks like you just, you know, ate half a dog. Oh, yikes. I think he was with a guy and he, like, hula hooped it. Yeah, it's Beau's friend. You're right. That's probably what happened. It was one of Bo's parties. What happened in there? I don't know, but it's still stuck in the ring. Get it out. Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect, 98k u p t all they show with none of the fluff. Let's get started. There's more of the best of Homebrew's morning sickness. This segment's brought to you guys by Action rideshop. Now, if you're thinking about heading up north to hit the slopes for some skiing, some boarding, or if you're just going to stay down here in the valley and do some mountain biking, Action Ride Shop is your place to be. They got all the gear and all the knowledge you're going to need, so check them out online@actionrideshop.com or better yet, just go visit them over there on Gilbert Road and Southern. It's Action Ride Shop. Another thing I saw yesterday that I thought was great. And again, 2024 has to be at last night, the two guys sitting behind us at the Suns game, it was El Valle night again. And then they did that lowrider thing. And I'm like, man, this is. I just don't understand how you gotta film it. I want to see these out there doing it. And the guy behind me goes, I don't even feel like they're like, we're supposed to be here anymore. And I'm like, oh, here we go. And I couldn't. I'd never turned around and looked at him, but I just heard him say that. And his friends like, who's that little kid? His friend's next words. All this goddamn trans stuff. And I'm like, I don't even know where that came from. But he's mad about the trans. Everybody's frustrated by, like, what's going on? I can't. I can't go to the game. It was. It was everything last night was in Spanish. And it's like, okay. It feels like it's targeting an audience that isn't, you on purpose. And it isn't, it isn't authentic. It isn't like based in some sort of a. Isn't this great? It's this targeted. Like, we have to do this. Yes. It feels like they feel like they have to do it. And again, I go back to the idea that if Utawatanabe, the Japanese player standing in front of a lowrider with his name in Old English doing a gang sign is how they introduce him in the beginning of the thing, it's like, all right, this is not an authentic. Everybody buys in feeling. It's. We have to involve ourselves. Fine, whatever. But the guy behind me was frustrated by it. I'm like, it's the second of the last three games where they've done El Valle night and everything's in Spanish and they do the lowrider thing and all that. And I started laughing because I was like, everybody's frustrated. No, everybody feels like, like they're being told you're wrong just for being like, oh, I don't understand what's going. Like just not being, not getting it. It doesn't mean you hate it. It just means you're like, what's going on? If you didn't know El Valle night last night and you just showed up, you'd be like, oh, Phoenix is mostly Hispanic. Like, they even speak Spanish in the arena most of the time or play almost all exclusively Spanish songs and it's fine, but it's an. It just seems so heavy handed and unnecessarily. Don't you think? We're great. So everybody's kind of frustrated. So this whole year to me is going to be the year of just calling out the, the inauthentic bs. Cover your ass. We love you. Race, but not that race. But if we could do the, if they did Asian night and had like a Benihana chef contest and things like that, because that's essentially what they do for El Valle. It's dojo night. Yeah, dojo night. Or, you know, you have guys at halftime doing karate. It would be awful. So my favorite thing is when it blows up in someone's face. So this Instagram family filmed every single second of their kids birth or Christmas opening presents and their little fat daughter, somebody, one of the people who. Because when you put your life on display, you run the risk of having this happen. A little fat daughter cracked open a gift and it was slim tea. Somebody had sent her some, some. Let's calm this whole thing down a little bit. You're getting fat. A little girl thing. And the Internet went nuts. Oh my God, you're. This little girl has been, what an inappropriate gift for a little girl. I'm like, that's the most appropriate gift that girl got. Like the last thing she needs is fat shaming. Yeah, it isn't fat shaming. It's basically why they. But here's some slim tea. You're going down the bad path here. If somebody sent her tons and tons of candy, that's an inappropriate gift. But we'll accept that. That's like, you know, she's heading towards the road to diabetes. But everybody be like, that's great. Good for. That's kids. Kids are supposed to do that. But somebody said, here's some Slim tea, you might want to think about this. And they lost their minds. Well, they thought the parents did it. Like these parents, they're talking, talking about the parents need to get these kids off Instagram. Like there's their first thing the parents didn't. It was one of the people who watches one of their videos just said, you know what your family needs to do is start paying attention to the fat one a little bit more. Start getting her on track. Little girl opens up the tea. Her face is worth it because she looks and she. I don't think she knows what it is. She's looking like tea. She didn't care that it was slim tea or chamomile or Earl Grey or whatever. She's just like, I got tea. This is a terrible gift. I think that's a great gift for a kid that the parents are just letting it balloon. They would have gotten litten up the other way too if it was like Mac and cheese in a bottle. No, they wouldn't have. No, they wouldn't have. You don't get in trouble. Oh my gosh. You don't get in trouble for that. Parents aren't being responsible. Absolutely. Do not get in trouble for that. Not at all. All I see is parents feeding their kids ranch covered chicken tenders and Mac and cheese and all that. That's all kids eat. It shuts them up. That's why they do it. Exactly. And if the big fat kid opened up Mac and cheese and started getting excited, it would be an Internet sensation. The other way. No one would ever be mad. Give a big kid Slim tea. The parents almost lost her. They were like calling CPS and like, how dare you shame her. But like she's going, she's too big for four. She's. You can't have a roly poly four year old. Your other kids Are okay. How come she's not up and about? It's a stage. Maybe not. The stage is she's eating too much ranch dressing. Why is that a bad present? If the parents got it Spoiled kid got a peloton, right? If you got a kid a peloton who's a little bit fat and the other kids got Mac and cheese, you'd be like, well, the other kids needed the Mac and cheese. We all know it. But the Internet makes it so you have to say the right thing. Little fat kid got slim teeth. Other kids got all sorts of good stuff. That's a good present. I think if. And they were mad at the parents. I was upset when I found out it wasn't the parents that gave it to because that would have shown that the parents actually cared about her. Like, look, I'm worried. You're pre diabetic at age four. That's a bad road. The kid's got to be 115 pounds. Tiny, little short kid, but just round, little slim tee, you know, maybe some wilderness athlete, lean life. Get a little of that in there. What's this? Oh, we both know what this is. Look at you. Maybe not a stocking stuffer, you know, per se, but the parents shouldn't. So I got upset. Cause the parents weren't the. They put out a press release. We didn't give it to her. It was one of the people who watches. When you put your life up on the Internet, expect somebody to go, you know, I'm seeing things you're not paying attention to. Your kid's a beast. If your kid had horrific skin acne top to bottom, and you, you know, we're filming them and putting them on Instagram every day, you could probably expect somebody firing over a little Accutane as a gift for Christmas. Probably like, you know what, let's help this kid out. I don't see you. That's kind of your point of putting it out there, isn't it? That's the whole thing. If you're gonna make it a big public display, somebody's gonna go, I'm noticing something. Something. But I disagree. If. If you gave that kid Mac and cheese and ice cream and all, said it would be a yay, it's the happiest kid in the world. And then somebody might say, you know why? She's a little bit over. How dare you. You can't say it the other way. Insulin. Probably not a great stocking stuffer, but she should get used to it because that's what she's Going to need soon. But the parents were very quick to say, we didn't do this. Okay. They had their thing. So the family posted a second video of the little girl saying, despite what the Internet might think, we're not the ones who gave her slim tea. It was a supporter of our video page. All right, well, then tip of the cap to the supporter of the video page who said, I'm gonna send that fat kid slim tea. These parents aren't. They don't care. Got it. Says the other kids recognize that the gift was inappropriate. The dad behind the camera seems undeterred as he urges his other child to be grateful for the gift that was given. This one says, it's a child. It's not her fault that she's overweight in the first place. She's not deciding what she's doing. This is disgusting. Bullying her. How slim T. Bullying. What if it tastes great? What if the kid was really into slim tea? It's probably some other pig that wrote that. Oh, yeah. No, it's. That's exactly. It didn't work. That's true. That's exactly it. Some other Brett just says it all so clearly. Another pig probably did that. Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said, fully erected. Chew and poop. That's all they do. That's all they're good for. Chewing and pooping. The rest of home birds. Morning sickness. This is the big Red Radio. Time now for Brady to give you the news that. Well, you're not gonna have anything about that lady that just offed herself at the zoo. I'm fascinated by that. I am fascinated. You're laughing. I am. I'm just totally. I get knocked out by serial killers and just weird ways to go when you. First. Because the way the news did something. The zoo. I thought, oh, someone threw them. No. Threw themselves in a bear grotto or the lion's den. What would be better, though? Just flat out shooting yourself in the head or going in with a lion? Well, I mean, it's quicker. I hate to say it, but better. But shooting. Because you're. There's no guarantee of bears liking to your. Yeah. And what would be worse is what if they. Unless you're a Ukraine guy that goes in there all drunk and punches the bear. Yeah. Then you'll get a little action. You'd have to. You'd have to. Maybe a couple of slugs. But it makes you think that you don't look around the zoo and think, I wonder who's got a gun? I guess anybody can just Wander into the zoo and have a gun. There's no, like. And you'd think that that would be a place that they'd have metal detectors so some lunatic, lunatic didn't go in there and start shooting the animals. And that's what I was thinking. The other thing you could do without, you know, because you have to be the pulling the trigger, which is a tough thing when it comes down to it. Sure. You're better off bringing a birthday cake to a chimp while the other chimps watch. They'll rip you apart. Does everywhere we go have to have metal detectors now? Yes. We go to freaking Walmart, we're gonna have to. Oh, there's. Well, for God's sakes, yes. You've seen the people that go in there. That's true. Didn't think of that. But, yeah, my AI just. I. I always would have thought that zoos of. Of all places would have a metal detector because there's stuff. There's, like, stuff for people to shoot. What if we should call Jungle Jack and get his recommendation? If we're going to offer ourself by animal, what would be the best, you know, wolverine, the quickest way to go. If you're going to kill yourself, I'll tell you that. I guarantee. But if you can only, you know, con somebody, give you the behind the scenes of the. The reptile. Oh, and then when they. Oh, this over here, here's a cobra. Here's. You go to the noise and snake in the mamba. Three steps, you're done. What about a giraffe? That thing take you out? A giraffe will take you out. Because they can kick. If I went up and punched a giraffe, would it kill me? Eric. What? Are you gonna punch it in the knee? The last time I was at the Columbus Zoo, that I keep hitting this giraffe and a leg and he doesn't care. Why is it you guys see every animal and that thing is intimidating? You felt one fed. Oh, and a giant head 22ft way up on that ladder. Brady. And then I was in a tree and he goes, my name's Jeffrey. Yeah, okay. He was at Toys R Us. He was handing the guy in the suit a Jolly Rancher. I'm feeding the giraffe. That'd be a way to go out. Fall out of the tree. Feeding in the giraffe. No, you. Brady breaks his. That's a good question, though. I wonder which cage would get you quickest. I mean, I'm just blown away by that. The. The way the News reported it last night was just to simply shock and scare me. A woman at the zoo today shot herself in the head. Linsu, if you could take the initial hit, you know, you'll feel a little pain, but a cape buffalo, that'll do you. All right. I don't know what I'd want. Here we go again. It all comes back to fighting animals, doesn't it? It does. The world was built on it. Eric, why we're here today with an electric eel. What is our fascination with it? We still got to get you in there with that ostrich. I kill that ostrich. I don't know if I went, if I went into the zoo and wanted to kill myself, I think the first thing I'd do is, is like I'd go into the monkeys. The monkeys would tear you up. Fastest bears, they're disinterested. Lions would pace around you too much. That would just get too scary. Drop in onto pack of baboons and just scream at the top of my lungs. They just rip you apart. They'd be holding their, your entrails just before you died. You're looking down like, like a medal of honor. I'm in. But to go to the zoo with a gun, I just, I was blown away that that lady could get into the zoo, no problem, has a gun. That's it opens the door to all the lunatics. Are like, you can take Zeus, I'm gonna shoot the panda. No, bring that up, John. I'm just saying get something, you know, put metal detectors up at the zoo. That's what I'm saying. Pat people down. A lot of freaks hanging out. The zoo, it's a place to get quiet and hide. There's nobody there. Ever been to the Phoenix Zoo? It's empty. I don't know how it's still around this weekend. Scott emailed me, said, dude, you're not getting out of it that easy. We all need to hear how your garage got taken out. What happened to the tennis ball? It wasn't the going into the garage where she took out the garage. It was coming out. She forgot the door was down. Because I'm convinced that women are oblivious to what's behind them. They only see ahead. I'm just, I got hit this weekend. Did you really? My girlfriend ran into my car this weekend. See what's going on. Well, let's just get one thing straight to what's that? She's got a camera. Yes. Her car is equipped with a reverse camera. There's a freaking 7 inch screen in the car, showing you everything behind you. She didn't hit the garage door. There's a box next to her car that she put there. Might have been lower than. Too low. No, it was on the. Kind of off to the side. Might not have shown up right away. But what. She was past it so the camera wouldn't have picked it up. But. So it was to the side. And it was a box that she put there of trash and stuff she's throwing out, like old clothes and like, I don't know what's in there, but it's been there for like two weeks. And I said, that's not where the trash goes. So of course, being a man, I'm like, well, that's not where that goes. I don't know what you got planned with that, but side of the garage isn't where it goes. And she's backing up and you just hear. And the box is just dragging back with the car. Then the box smashes into the rail of the garage, knocks the garage door thing off. So the whole rail thing's off its deal. And then nothing. Oops. And then forward. I'm like, well, you just ran over the garage. No, I didn't. The garage just. It's fine. So then now you can't shut the garage with the opener. So I'm sitting there Saturday just fuming because I'm. We're going somewhere. So I just took a shower, I took a man bath and I'm all clean and I'm on the garage thing trying to put the garage door back together. Just grease, sweat and dirt, dirt everywhere. And I'm like, hurry, we're gonna go. We're gonna be. Yeah, no big deal to them. The raging Swede. The only noise I made the whole night. Yeah. So that's how that happened. Waxing. Come on. Yeah, waxed. It was important. I was clean at 6, 19 in the morning, sickness and Time now for Brady to do what he does best, and that is report the news. Brady reported a gentleman by the name of oren Ambus of St. Louis had a nine month old Rottweiler and it ran away. A couple weeks ago, I got picked up by animal control officers. City policy is that any runaway dog has picked up will be returned to its owner as long as it's been spayed or neutered or hit the fan. Okay? Says, no way. Do not neuter that dog. Because according to him and according to the good book Leviticus, chapter 22, God says that animals must be left untouched if they're going to get entrance into heaven. Oren believes that if the city castrates his dog, then his dog is going to go to hell. And I. I was kind of curious about this. Leviticus 22, verse 23 or whatever. It basically talks about sacrificing an animal offering to God that it must not be. It must be a animal fully intact. It has nothing that says about you're going to hell or heaven on a bunch of loot anyway, either way. Citing the first amendment here saying that his right to freedom of religion extends to his dog and the neutering ordinance violates both their constitutional rights. Give him his freaking dog back. The city is actually viewing this case. Just give him him the dog back. He's a religious wacko. He's gonna end up in a clock tower somewhere shooting people because his ball, his balls got cut off his dog. Brutal. Nuts. They're nuts. They're all crazy people. Then you got this. Seven guys at a Ford plant in East London have been suspended after watching octopus porn on company time. I didn't even know there was octopus. It's women taking a real live octopus. Give me the website. Using. Using its numerous, numerous test tentacles and their suction abilities to make their maximum potential. That's ridiculous. Company says it's doing a probe into the whole porn incident. Spokesman says we view this seriously as we have clear the rules about the use of the company computers. The Ford plant in London hasn't made cars in three years but still has about 5,000 employees who make diesel engines. I'm trying to find it on the website. Here's a. You got one? Yeah. You've got an octopus porn website. Maybe. Really half grab that? Yes, I do that up. I mean I'm bored with man on woman porn on Friday. Of course the big thing in the news, the sun tabloid puts a picture of Saddam Hussein is tidy whities. And then all chaos breaks out because the New York Post, the Sun is. It's also owned by Fox, which is Rupert Murdoch. Yeah, well, Saddam has his head lawyer, Zayed Alcohol. Anyway, announced over the weekend they plan to sue the newspaper and everyone who helped in showing these pictures because according to Geneva Convention which rules that countries must protect prisoners of war from quote, public curiosity and treat them humanely. Taking photographs that violate a prisoner's privacy or almost most likely. Oh my God. That's an octopus on there. Sorry, Brady. The Norm MacDonald played by practice. I know you can't help it. It turns into Norm. Holy cow. There is an octopus on that girl right there. On her good. Holy Cow. There. It's a. It's too close. Oh, my God. It. Norm MacDonald. You. I. I hasten to tell everybody and their brother is gonna turn it. Oh, God. Look at that. It's too much. You gotta see this. No, I'm not looking, you guys. Oh, Jesus. What is that? All right, you gotta see this. This is wrong. Who discovered this idea? It does it to everybody. Oh, look at this one. No, it's alien. That's fake. No, it's not. That's the worst part. I wish it was. She's gonna have octopuses coming out her gut. Ah, it's going in. Oh, there's hundreds of pictures. The nautilus. The Nautilus has gone wrong. Captain Nemo is. How does that excite anybody? Could you sit there and. I don't know. I'm calling shenanigans. Why? I don't know. I think they're just posing for pictures. I don't know. That's sitting on. Take a look at that one there. Unless that thing there's a helper, and that's not really a great shot. No, it's alive. It's like crawling. It is holding on. It's hanging on. That chick is hard up. Let's go back to Titanic. Look at that. Is the weirdest thing I've ever seen. Ever. You're gonna get suspended now. For what? For watching this. You can see why those guys aren't watching it. You know, they're, like, fascinated. Well, they're like, what in the world? Doing the same thing you're doing. Yeah. At work. You can't turn this off. Oh, too close, rich. That one got me. Now Larry McFeely is going to come in his day back, look at the history. Octopus porn. What? What are they doing in the morning? You can Google it. Guess what? The guy got the military official who provided the photos. How much they paid. Of octopus porn? No. Oh. Of Saddam. I don't know how much. What would your guess be of Saddam? 50 grand. Eric. 100 grand? 900 bucks? What? Let's see. What is the deal with the cameras? Well, you know, the guy, a U. S. Military official who asked for, of course, his identity not to be, you know, kept secret. To be kept secret and 900 bucks. But the whole thing about is, you know, one thing I was wondering is how did. Have you seen the photo? We. We saw the photo this morning. We might want to post it up, Chris. Maybe we can get named in the lawsuit. Sure. But Tighty Whitey's. I don't know how Hans Blitz Missed that rocket launcher. What's the big deal? We're all in our tidy way. Well, cuz, you're not supposed to take pictures of prisoners of war. So why does the guy have a camera? Exactly. Cameras should be taken out of the area. I don't understand it with our military taking photos of everything they're not supposed to take photos of. I'm all for abusing prisoners, don't get me wrong. I'm just saying don't photograph it. That's the problem. What happens to the camera guys? You go to the break, I don't know what's gonna happen. Let's Photoshop Saddam with one of these octopus jammed on his goods. Yeah, you'd have to say there's a chunk of people out there in the process right now making babies, planning to have a little family currently. And they might ask the question themselves. They want a male or a female child? If you want a male child, of course you do. According to a limey study featured in the Journal of Theoretical Biology, couples that can boast their chances of having. Their having a son, if they have a can, can boast about having a son. Okay. They can increase their chances by having a masculine profession. Really? Like masculine jobs and construction. Yeah, I guess they're comparing to like Richard Gere and Pretty Woman Corporation. Buying and selling job, you know, because he's a man's man. Yeah, well, Ryan Sandberg at the Biltmore yesterday has like eight girls. It's a girly man sport. All right. Like you said, softball. Yeah, but it's not baseball. That's why. Softball. Yeah, he was a power hitter. He's not like he's a home runner. Yeah, this is pretty interesting. Princess Diana checked off the organ donor. When? Before she passed away with Dodi Fayed. And there's a lady in Toulouse, France that got a liver transplant in 97. And according to the doctor who told her at the time, you cannot disclose where the organ came from or what have you. But the doctor basically said, I'm gonna give you a. You're gonna be receiving royal blood. Holy royalty. So she's a princess. She never put the two and two together. And all of a sudden, September 2nd, she was taking the. The Ringwell University Hospital in Toulouse. And on the way a paramedic told her the same thing. You'll receive royal blood because she was in an accident. Well, now there's coincidences going around. After three weeks, she was fully recovered, but experienced a new phenomenon. She started using English phrases, something she had never done before or Something that Diana would. Because what did she get her liver? Yes. Give me a break. No hello. She just went and then get this happened to you. Doctors that are specializing in organ transplants. This Dr. Pierasol from University of Hawaii studies that phenomenon and says best example is an 18 year old girl who got a heart transplant transplant from a songwriter. Then afterwards could hear one of his songs for the first time and finish some of the lyrics. He believes that there's sometimes a transformation that happens from the liver doesn't control what you say and do. Take their soul. Yeah, soul. So of course you start combining body parts. Who's to say what's for dinner tonight, Mom? I'm gonna have some bubble and squeak mates. Sit down, it'll be great. Wonder if Peter north was an organ donor. Hello, Hello? Yeah. Peter Northegon donor. And all of a sudden I got a fire hose. This is tragic, but 90 million women are wearing the wrong size bra. They say the most common mistake is the band is too big and the cups are too small. Liz Smith, the director of retail service for the bra manufacturer Wacol says there's a stigma about wearing larger cup sizes. So women are reluctant to wear what truly fits her body. They should get fitted officially once a year. I can do that for you. I'm very good at it. Very true. You've seen me in action. I'll tell the girl, I know your bra size. And I go no, it's a C. And I'm like no it's not. You need to go get fitted. And I've had three girls come back and say you were right, it happened over the weekend. I said on Friday, Mary Kay Letourneau and Villi Faulal, they got married, delayed a month. It happened over the weekend. And she was interviewed on Larry King Live in October and she didn't know that having a sexual relationship with a 13 year old was a felony. Sure she didn't. She was a teacher. She told Larry King, quote I. I knew it just, just didn't. It just wasn't normal. But it's not that I wouldn't still have feelings for him. So they have two kids now, fortunately. Six year old and a seven year old. But she left her. She was married when she met four kids or something. Her hubby there. Where are those kids gonna be a mess because you know one of those kids is only like five years younger than her stepdad now who's 21. Her husband is still in search of a self esteem card right now. That poor guy. She left Me for a 6th grader? This is the ultimate low. And she's pregnant. But when Billy came over in the loincloth and a spear. Yeah. How could she say no? That's worse than getting left for another woman. No, it's not. That's hot. Getting Lou Diamond Phillips. You get Lou Diamond Phillips from Melissa Etheridge. It's bad if you get. If she gets leaves you for a bulldike. That's love. She leaves you for a hot lesbian. That's like, you know, I kind of turned her on to that whole thing. What are you gonna do? But yeah, she leaves you for a sixth grade boy. If that's a better option than you. He's more of a man than you are. It could happen to me. Geneva's going for the sixth grade. I wouldn't doubt it. Oh, well, they want yellow. Comes home, hits the garage one day and. And there's a razor scooter outside. What the. Who's razor scooter's here? Nothing. Mrs. Holberg. Who is that? I can't find my underwear. What are you doing to me? Winnie the Pooh under. Yeah. Whose are these? Cut the cross off my PB and J, please. The first story will be I. I just had one of the neighbor kids help out around the yard. Meet Mutumbo. I'm spring. Yeah. What are you like 49? 9. I can't compete with this. 25 year old Tara Andrus of Oswego, New York hated her ex husband. So she decided to teach him a lesson with the ultimate slap in the face. First she committed identity identity theft. Then got a credit card in her ex husband's name. Used a credit card to pay a hitman to kill him. Before the hit could go down though, the ex husband noticed an obscure purchase on his credit card. 2,824bucks a flight from Australia to U. S. He reported the unauthorized charge the credit card company who told the police, then they told the FBI figured out what was going going on. Tara had been in contact with an Australian hitman. Had paid his airfare to come to the U. S so he could finish the job. It's not clear how she got in touch with him, but the FY FBI says there has been corresponding. They've been corresponding for several months. The man was detained. When he arrived to America, Tara was arrested and charged with second degree criminal solicitation and first degree identity theft. Wow. Balls. How would you think of Australia for a hitman? Donk? Maybe that's what those guys would golf with. The other day we played golf with Some guys who were from Australia. And he kept calling them both donk. He's using all the Crocodile Dundee references he can remember. Fed up with it. Stupid American. Hey, Dunk. Great hit. This is a knife. Was he drinking Fosters? I bet he ordered seven feet tall. He was a seven foot. He kept calling him Donk. I was waiting to get pounded. A scientific study to be published this week will suggest that British men are the world leaders at sex as far as stamina. Stamina. But they're not saying as much considering most men in other countries were at best 5 minute wonders. So the Brits record breaking time or the leaders. 7.6 minutes. 7 1/2 minutes. 7 1/2 minutes. Pure sex. Yeah, that's it. Then the Spaniards come in, leading the way. Sergio Garcia at almost 5.8 minutes. 6 minutes. The Dutch at 5.1. The Turks. Huge. 3.7. I'm not liking this. Where are we? Well, I think it was pretty much a European. Oh no. American. They didn't want to put it. Well, they decided to put the Americans in another category of an hour. Yeah, we're an hour. An hour each. Yes. Seven minutes. We're all originally from England. I can do that. The sexual medicine. British Dutch science scientists studied 500 couples age over 18 and five countries. Well, there's your problem. Yeah. 18 to 22. Seven minutes is an eternity. 6.5 minutes for men aged 18 to 30. 4.3 minutes for those over 51. As we get older, we got to make it happen fast. Yeah. How long do you last if you have an octopus? Yeah. This octopus video, does that make you go longer or shorter? No wonder. No wonder. Women are jamming sea creatures on there. We can't last more than five minutes. Try the octopus. It's gotta last longer than him. Could you imagine her having that under her bed? She pulls out a tank. Do you have like a sex toy or like a vibrate or something? No, but I've got this. What the hell is that thing? That's bubble. And if you have multiple. You have octopus. A pie. Stick him on there. Really watch. No, I'm not going to touch that thing. I am running. She puts the poisonous one on there and gets inked. No, that's it inks on her. Does that octopus longer than seven minutes? What? Does that octopus get excited, you think doing that? I don't know if you've ever seen this octopus. Just wants to be back in the sea. Have you ever seen. Have you ever seen one of the animal specials with the octopus? That's why I'm saying it's weird because those things can slip under a little eighth of an inch. I mean that thing would just go right in there. Yeah. I want to know who the chick is. Yeah. He goes in there. Describe that at the hospital. I want to know who the girl is who's like. Yeah, okay. You can take pictures of it. Right? But she's a pro. You don't want to put that thing on there. I'll go caving. It's gonna spelunk. That is the weirdest thing. It's not spread out like that. That's why I'm calling. It's dead. They're pulling it out. I think everything Shenanigans. Yeah. You ever. Unless you find it on the Internet. You think it's fake. You did that stupid. One of the guys riding that octopus. You don't think there's somebody out there that grabbed an octopus and stuck it on a woman's junk. I'm already 10 that thing. The second it would find a crevice, it's gone. It's. Yeah. To your defense, Brady. There it is disappearing in there. It's going in. And then they go in there and fish it out. I don't know. I'm not a gynecologist. All I know is that you're probably not supposed to do it. There's gotta be something in the Bible about this. Yeah. Thou shalt not jam octopi on the Harry Potter. This is a bad story because now women at home are just gonna start chicken fish and catch. Yeah. Keep the fish away from me. You got nothing problem down there. Don't go to Petco for your. Do you sell octopus? No. We got crabs. I've had those. That's no good. This is weird. This is just a weird way to start my day. So now all those women with bad marriages are gonna start jamming octopus on there. You're gonna come home and find some slimy eight legged. You cheating on me with this thing? Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect. You just gave me my reach around here's another best of rerun from the morning sickness. I was reading an article on that British website when I was and I saw this one which is pretty good. And I think this is even here. I think it's the Brits just got hold of this one. A husband and wife were searching. She was pregnant and so they're searching for baby names and stuff. Oh, Requiem for a heavyweight. Is that the A Requiem for a dream. She does the double I forgot about that. Thank you, Tyson. Tyson emailed that one over. They do a scene with two girls using one. Two girls, one stick. So, you know, one double header. Big double header. Oh, my Lord. Yeah, Tyson, you're right. That's a great one, huh? Anyway, this lady and her husband were looking at baby names because they're gonna have a baby soon. So they're like, let's look for baby names. And then he said we should go back and look in our families and name, like an old timey name off of something like a few generations. Yeah, like, find that. Like, in my case, I don't know what yours would be. Mine would be like Alvar. And then prior to that, Augustus was my great grandfather's name. And then my grandpa was Alvar Augustus, named after him. So that my dad wanted to name me that and Augustus. And then there was Johan, and we had all sorts. And then there was just John way back in the. He was the original home bird too, because he was adopted. And nobody even knows where the name comes from. So I'm not named after him. It's just coincidental. But people will do that. They'll go back in their family history and find a name that's like, oh, yeah, Kirby was close to. It was. I think it's five greats. Wilhelmina. Wilhelmina. Were you gonna call her Wilhelmina? That's a bad idea. I was thinking about old train wreck by 15. Wilhelmina. Might as well. You might as well just get her some syringes at birth and just say you're gonna need these because Wilhelmina's gonna end up on drugs. Wilhelmina's a tough one, but again, I used to think that of Isabel. My grandma's name was Isabel, and that was an old timey name. And now it's everybody's kid's name. But these two are going through and they're looking and grandpa's name, and they're like, what a coincidence. Our grandparents had the same name. Uh, wait a second. They look deeper and realize they also had the same last name. Oh, boy. Stop looking right there. They've been married for 12 years. She's pregnant. They just found out they're first cousins. That's them not paying attention. The father of her child is actually her cousin, and they have their little tot. Planet of the world. Marcella Hill explained she found out her fellow was a blood relative while browsing the web because they'd agreed to look for baby names in their family tree. They're both from Utah, so it's tough to keep up tight, clan tight. She said she didn't realize why we were so close and we felt so much kinship. She never had publicly revealed this information. They found out before they had the babies and they didn't tell any of the family after the baby came. And basically that was them saying, let everybody fall in love with the baby. But I'm thinking to myself, who are you introducing this baby to? Right, yeah, family. Let's sit back and say, okay, the grandparents. I mean, maybe they're all dead, but wouldn't. It reveals itself. You'd think. She said, I was sitting on the couch looking for names, about to have it, and I'm on the family search. And I'm like, wow, grandpa's name and grandma's name. You have the same great grandma's and great grandpas that we've got and the same grandma and grandpa on this side. My husband was next to me on his family search, and he's like, that's weird. And we didn't think anything of it. And then a feeling of dread washed over me and I looked over and realized his. His wasn't a mistake. I looked online. It's all the same as mine. And so they never. Yeah, I mean, had family reunions or anything like that? No. She said, we realized that grandpas were from the same line. She said his grandma and my grandpa, sure enough, are the same. Lived together while we were growing up as children. Well, they were growing. Not those two. While the grandparents were growing up. They. They were from the same spot. Makes her actually they would be third cousins on one side, first cousins on the other. So there's some sort of weird. It's a hybrid. It's a hybrid, but it's a Utah hybrid. That's a common thing. And they said they look. They looked at each other and thought, what do we do? And they decided to go on with it because they're from Utah. And it's not unusual because if it was just. I mean, it could be brother and sister and they do it there 12 years, right? Huh. It's not illegal because they're just separated enough because it's. Great grandparents and grandparents were the Thai. But it just. I don't think anybody's normal. Yeah, it came out fine. Okay. One eye. He's cool. Yeah, he's good. He can see out of the other eye. He's good. The other one's kind of. It's kind of a. It's a watch eye. It's kind of neat. It's silver. They got him chained up in the attic. He's fine. Looks like a James Bond villain. He's good. Yeah. They just throw his. They throw his bowl to him. They call him Atticus. I would like my meal, Mommy. All right, little Mormon boy. Here you go. Oh, he sucks it up with that hose he's got for a nose. Cause he's also half fly. But, yeah, the 12 years they looked at each other and said, 12 years. We got a baby on the way. Does this make me love? Nothing's changing. Nothing changed at all. Couldn't do it. Could not do it. You've got a daughter of a teenage daughter, and I would hope that if you and Ronnie found out you're cousins, that would be a nice place to draw the line. Just. And you don't have to tell anybody. Yeah, yeah. Just. You don't have to tell anybody. Just say it's not working out. We're gonna go our separate. We're still good friends. I think half the time you read those things where they say, you know, we're partying, it's amicable, we're still good friends. I think most of those people just found out they're related because no divorce ends that way. For real. I think you just have to be like, well, I still love her, but I'm not allowed, like, morally to be with this person is disgusting. Hosing out honeyhole that was built by the same DNA as mine. I'm not. That's gross. But if you find out related to you, I don't care how long. Like you said, 12 years we've been banging. Well, I mean, you know, put a stop to it at that point, because now you're crazy. Wouldn't you think about it at 12 years of banging? And you're naive to it, sure. But once you know it's your cousin, the next time you try to slide in, you're like, it's different. Things are different now, and maybe it will change, but. Or it's just. I couldn't do it. Steady as he goes. You could do that, Ronnie. And you find out your cousins, you could. I don't know, you could die. If I found out, would that be a. I could see it totally being a. Of course it would. All you're thinking about time. You're like, okay, you've been raising this kid. So what? You didn't know. Now you do. It's the big reveal. When stuff gets revealed, things change. That's fighting past some serious. Like, that's really pushing things away. I couldn't get hard and know that it's my cousin. You did it before. Yeah, that's before I knew. Yuck. I guess at that point, you just got to see if you can still get it up. After finding that out. How about this? There you go. That's kind of the telltale. How about this? Then? Ronnie tells you, you know, I used to be a man. I've never told you that. Like Brett says, if I could still get it up. What? No, I just know. Probably not. You would run for the hills. You'd be staying in my guest room the next minute. That'd be five across the mouth, right? That one. But the other one. Well, yeah, because he's not hitting a woman. You lied to me, right? It's. That's a dude. I'm hitting you in man DNA. I wouldn't hit her. But I'm not Brett. No, you. You of all people who always go every time we talk about, like, a girl getting inside out, it's a dude. Like Kim Petras is on. Eventually you'll say, that's a dude. To reset your brain. It would change the whole thing. I'm like, I. I would be able to tell, but if I got duped and I couldn't tell, I'm like, they've got this surgery down path as far as you know or do they? And you're used to hitting something that doesn't feel. Now you want to feel. What? Oh, wait, okay. What's a real one feel like? I forgot that's the only reason I was going to the base. Big reveals. Yeah. Because hers was smaller than yours when she was a guy. I like what you're saying. Naturally, she got rid of a little one. Why would you keep a big one? You're not gonna cut off a big one. But yeah, you find out that that's a guy, it changes things. And the next time you're. You're going at it. You know, I've been. I've been duped in a woman. If you can still. Like, a woman's the weirder one. They're all emotional. If you can still lift your knees to your shoulders and know that it's your cousin. Now, what's wrong with you? Well, we've been doing it for so long, it doesn't make it right. People do heroin for years and kick it once they realize it's bad for them. Yeah, I guess you just got to use your crank as the crank is your yes or no. Like, if it ain't gonna get up, it ain't gonna work. Brett. Limit. Let me tell you this Using your crank as your guide is what gets most men in the biggest trouble. That's the wrong brain. If I get hard for it. Look, I got hard. I let my crank do the talking. And, well, we've all been there. I mean, you're right, you're right. Jared said, yeah, you're right. Let my crank be the guide. And there were 12 year olds in the room. I mean, I. I was surprised how hard I got, so I figured it must be okay. That's the advice. Never listen to that medic thought it was just fine. So. What? Oh, Jennifer Connelly. Oh, there she is. Naked on the beach. Oh, my God. Crandall sent that in. She's the one on all fours. Oh, my Lord. That's from the Hot spot. Now I want to see that. Oh, that movie has. And that's relatively early on. You don't have to waste much time after that. But, yeah, there's. Is that Virginia Madsen with her? I mean, there's a scene. There's. Is it a Positas Worthy. Oh, is it ever. I mean, isn't that. Well, yeah, absolutely. That picture right there is. Anyway, thank you for that. Getting a lot of pictures. Jennifer Connelly, right now. She was in one called Inventing the Abbots, also where she was banging Billy Crud Up. It's Jennifer Connelly day here. Crud up. Who cares? I'm not looking at him like banging my cousin. What do I care about Billy Crud Up? Tell the only reason I heard it was on Golden Globes on Sunday. She got naked in Mullen Falls. Yeah. In the beginning. And she's in pictures in Mulholland Falls. And I think, Mal. That's how hot Jennifer Connelly is. Malkovich is in the pictures, and you don't care. Like, he's showing the photos like he's. He's in the scene. I don't care. I can beat off with Malkovich in the room. That's fine. Let my wiener be my guide. Worst advice, your honor. I let my penis do all that thinking there, and that's why I'm in this pickle. Yeah. Let your wiener be your guide is why most guys end up having sex with their cousins. It's a bad time to let your wiener be your guy. You never hear that. You hear, go with what your gut. And your gut's saying, hey, that's your cousin, bro. Walk. Walk out of here. Leave the room. This is nothing but embarrassment. And here's another thing I don't understand. These stories about cousin love. They pop up every Few months, we'll get another one. They found out they were related. They're the ones who have to alert the media. I'd keep that buried. Yeah. How does that get out? And they're, like, smiling. We're gonna stay together. Like, the one. The one famous one is the guy that fell in love with the older lady because he just felt such a kinship to her. She was amazing to him. She was about 18 years older than him. He was in his 30s. She was almost 50. And, like, great. And they're like, I love her. They get married. They're boning away for a few years, and then she tells him the story of how she gave up a kid for adoption and it was him. Yeah, Mom. Yeah. And he finds out it's his mom. This is in Great Britain. And they stayed together. She gets stuck in a dryer. I don't know where, all the time. Mean. Come on. You're so much bigger than your dad. How did the news know? If I found out Megan's my sister. Let me ask you this. I'm out. Half sister, cousin. What if you found out? I'm not calling Channel 10. What if you found out Megan's sister had a situation like that? Would you be knowing a family member? Yeah. Would you call the news on that? No. Would you let people know? No, I'm too close to it. I look like a hillbilly, too. I'm out. This. I. I have, like, a family meeting. Go. Hey, we. We die with this. We're buried. That's the only thing I could think of. Is someone in the family. Yeah. All right. They're not. They're not breaking it up. I'm telling somebody. You do damage control internally and say, all right, folks, nobody needs to know this. This is our family's dirty little secret. I don't need anybody running off to Troy Hayden right now to talk about how Brady's my cousin, lover. It's not a thing. Now we're gonna get divorced. And here's the story. We're all go. It's like a murder. If I would want anyone to break it, Troy would be. Well, I'd call Troy and go, here's the story we're going with. It's a murder. If when Brett gets caught one of these days and comes to us, I need you guys to tell this story. We all get on the same page. You don't have a rogue cousin going. You know, Brady and Ronnie are brother and sister and tell on channel 10. He gets killed by Brett. That's how it works. Justifiable egg. It's the alibi. Absolutely. You don't tell people you found out Your husband of 12 years is your cousin and you made babies. You bury that, you get a weird divorce where everything's amic. Oh, we still get along. We're gonna co parent. We're best friends. You're related. You don't tell people about it. But every few months. Especially for the kid. Exactly. The kid's gotta. Now, I saw your folks on the news last night. Turns out you're. You're one shaky car ride away from being a tard. Oh, no. I don't see it. So good on my left eye. My ears don't work. This guy's got one. Got a question for you. All right, reverse it. John. What if you found out your hot sister wasn't your sister? Is it time to go to Pound Town? Yes. No blood there. Pound Town. Of course you pound Town. Your a good reveal too. It's like, God, my wiener is my guide. I think it nailed my sister. And then, by the way, that happens in every porn. We're not really related. That's true. What? And every guy's like, it is true. Yes. You find out your incredibly smoking hot sister isn't your real sister. Pound Town, indeed. Two tickets to Pound Town. But. Cousins, put down your Call of Duty and let's. Yeah, that's. It's always a video. They're always playing Call of Duty in their underpants. And the girl comes in in a pair of jean shorts for an infant. Mom and dad are at home. Can I borrow 20 bucks? You ask me for money, you don't do anything. Go get a job. Get your own job. Get money. I know one way I can get some money. What are you doing? All right, bro. What? You're my stepsister. It's not like we're really related. Where are you? What are you doing? You're hard. You must like it. Brett's philosophy. What am I supposed to do? You're really hot. If my dad finds out. And what's even the porn dummies are like. We won't tell them. Of course you won't. You bury it. That is my favorite phrase in porn. What are you you doing? Dudes won't put his controller down. What? I can't believe this. I don't know. And that's when I really get frustrated, is when the script writer or the director pushes too far. How long they talk about how wrong this is. All right. It's all right, Scorsese. This isn't the Irishman. Keep going. Exactly. Let's. Let's cut to the. Enough. She's. She can't talk right now. It's time to just forego the fact that this is wrong. I don't think we should. This is wrong. You don't. You ever follow the ones where she comes in and she does. What are you doing? And she does some stuff and then like mom and dad come home for a second? Yeah. And then join in? Well, no, I haven't seen those too. I've seen those too. I've seen them doing it. We should do it. Some of them are my favorites. Yeah, that's gross. But sometimes they stop and then they'll cut to another day. And again, he's in another room playing a video game. She comes down. We need to finish what we started. And then starts to blow them again. Those are great, but porn never worked. 37 year old stepbrother with no job playing games. You know what? Porn with you know what? You know what isn't sexy ever? It's one of the Gilbert goons in porn is in the middle. He's like, what are you doing? And then he's on the Internet while she's doing it, and he's like, I did our family tree. We're cousins. For real. And then you'd want that to end right there. I don't care if you don't. Would be gross. We're really related. What are you doing? I'm doing it. I guess I'm into it or I wouldn't be so erect. Bibliography. Pret. Vesli. Yes. Yeah, that's gross. You can get hard. Play ball. Hey, if there's grass on the field and your wiener says thumbs up, I don't see a problem, man. Sign. Herbert, this email came and said, would Ronnie stay with Brady if he told her he used to be £250? I don't know. Yeah. Old enough to drive the store. Old enough to get bread. Oh, what kind of hell. Bill, you're listening now. I've never heard that one. Yeah. Immediately attach a name to that. I'm gonna put Herbert Newton on that. That is Robert Haslett. Old enough to drive to the store, Old enough to get bread. Yeah. These hillbillies that we got. You see what I did there with the word Brett? I get it. You get it. Old enough to get bread. That's from him. I just printed it for you. See, I have him. All right, I'm gonna frame this one. Bob, if you work with Robert Haslett, if you're his boss, Fire him immediately. Old enough to drive to the store. I'm gonna say that every day. That is my. That is my New Year's residence resolution. There won't be a day in 2024 I don't utter that disgusting phrase. Look over there, man. She's young. Old enough to drive to the door. Old enough to get bread. And he spelled it B R E D. He did it right. So he's got a little bit of an education. Yuck. John. My dad and uncle used to call it hunting for pelts. I don't think I like anybody anymore. But don't call the news again. Just amicably split. Come up with a story. Find all the people that you that have found out about it and tell them, here's the story we tell. That's the way the world used to work. The royal family used to be great about it. This is the story we're going with. Anybody deviates gets killed. The Italians. Here's what we know. If you drift and start wrecking our story, you're. That's as good as talking. You're out. I find out Brett and Mathia are cousins. First cousins. And then you'd see a black eye. And then I'd see that Brett's single again. It just didn't work out. And I'd go with him like, yeah, you know what? They're great friends. They just were going two different directions. But she could drive. I know she was old enough to get bread away from the family tree. She got bred a lot. Old enough to drive. What's going on? But that's a generational thing because, you know, 70s, early 80s was all about like 15 year olds. They loved them. Weird. Good God. Good God. I told you I don't want to talk to you guys anymore. That's disgusting. But. And then, you know, and you can't blame guys like Troy Hayden for taking that call and going, we're sending a camera crew immediately to your cousin house. Why are you telling the news? Not anymore. But how long they got to go over there individually? There's no camera. There's no camera guy. It's a guy. 22. 22 years of this, Brady. How many times have we done that? Well, here it is again. A guy in England just found out that his wife of 10 years is actually his. His mother. It's one or two a year. It's a few a year. And. And the news finds out. And I still don't know how the news knows. And it is. Well, how about that? These are the ones that we're finding about exactly. What don't we know? The decent people that find out that get divorced and keep it quiet forever. Yikes. I mean, there's 7 billion people on the planet. Boning someone in your family is just lazy. Go out and meet somebody. She was right here. I mean, she's always in the house. And I figured why go to a bar and spend money when my sister's right there sleeping every night in her panties and she's driver's license. Got a mason jar of some shine right there. There are a lot of mason jars involved in. Oh yeah. Inter familial. Well, if you think about the animal kingdom, the ones that I don't. Tribes and. All right, stop it. Your whole bible is based on the idea that we're better than the animals. The fact that now we're comparing one family, sure, but that's gross. We're not the animal family. Every time that happens, I'm like, yeah, but we're supposed to be better than that. And most animals know. Oh, wait, relatives. Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect. It's good to be on top, isn't it? Yeah. So get on top and ride with the top morning show in town and the Best of Holy's Morning Sickness. You're listening to the Best of Holberg's Morning Sickness and this is Frank Caliendo. And you'd think I'd be doing a better voice for this promo at the moment. Or is it technically a rejoin? I don't know. I'm not in the radio business. But what I am going to be doing is a little Donald Trump up there at the Desert Ridge improv. Desert Ridge improv.com January 31st through February 1st. That's Brady's birthday weekend and everybody's going to be celebrating. Desert ridgeimprov.com it's good, but not as good as the Best of Homberg's Morning Sickness, which we're getting back to right now. That's the weave and we just wove back. Weird. It's gross. That's why I root for the alien. I'm waiting for them to show up because that'll be that. They're all related. That. Oh no, don't tell me. No, no, no. Is there a new one? No, I'm still thinking of the driving in the bread one. The interspecies relationships that will eventually occur. It's. It's going to make it interesting. You see the thing in Brazil, they found those giant people like 18 foot guys walking around. I can't find them again. But there was a dude who was in his yard or something. He's looking out and he's like, look, there's a couple dudes walking through this field. The like 12 foot, 15 foot grass. And they're chest high. They're above it, they're above it. And they're just walking along these giant long arms. There's some video of it and it immediately got scrubbed and whatever. But they're the giant people of Brazil now. And some guys got. Well, there's going to be cameras. We're eventually going to find out something because there's cameras everywhere. I can't find a picture, but it is not normal. And they're just humongous, like human sort of shaped things. And the guys like that isn't. Yeah. Is this what the escaped doctors from World War II that moved to Brazil came up with? Oh, geez, these things are wandering around Brazil and yeah, the Brazil alien super tall beings caught on video roaming the hillside. Must have been grass on the field. People in Brazil have been talking about this for a while. And there he is next to it. It's. It's a strange video if you haven't seen it. It's on tmz, but like he walks by a wall kind of. You know, they move a little funny. Like. I don't know if this probably fake, but if it's not, I welcome it. I'm looking forward to the next group that shows up here. I did made me think of the. I think it was the Rose Bowl Pro. No Macy's Day. No, it was the Rose Bowl. It's the Tourism for Louisiana float. Yeah. And they had kind of Mardi Gras dance crew. And about six of them were on those four foot, almost like drywall. Drywall stilts. Yeah. Oh, they're doing a full dance. Yeah. Those two like it looks like. Are they? You're questioning whether they're on stilts or not. Right. There are certain guys who can wander around on those filts and make it look normal. I don't like it. I think that's creepy. Brady. It says here, brady, you laughed at old enough to drive, old enough to get bread, and realized that your daughter has a car in the parking lot. That's how creepy that sentence is. You can't laugh at that anymore. That's what it'll say on her birthday cake. In July she turned 16. This guy says, my dad used to say, old enough to go to the store, old enough to get bread. It didn't even Wait for the driver's license. If she was ambulatory and could make it to the store, well then there she is. She's breeding age. Vader. Kissing cousins is one thing, but boning them and having a kid is way left field. Sure, sure. Heavy pet with a hot cousin, but don't penetrate it. Good Lord. That was the rule. Kissing cousin. Kiss it. You can kiss her, but don't go all with the fingers and the dilly dally. If you see her hooey, run away. Well, kiss it and then leave. As long as it's just your mouths on each other, it ain't insect. Ask your mama. Sister. Oh, humanity. If it's old enough to go to the store, old enough to get bread and then the. Of course, if it bleeds, it breathes. Thank you for that. Everybody's gross. I'm gonna pick it up. Brett. This ain't me. Okay. This one ain't me. I don't know. Right off the printer, this one says in Utah, doing your cousin actually makes things hotter. I've been there. Alabama used to have blood tests from the state before you got married. And that was the reason why the blood testing going away was stupid. Uh oh. This guy said. My wife and I were looking at family names the same way those two were before our son was born. And in our family tree, we found the name Holden on both sides and realized that's a great name. And it's. We have it in common. We're not related, but we remembered later on that week that our last name is Cox. You don't necessarily want to have. No. Your son in Holden. That's great stuff. Anyway, if you're related to your wife, divorce her. Don't tell the news and just move on with your life. It's a mistake. You had a nice time. Something got revealed again. Brady, if Ronnie turned out that she was a man right before you met her, I'm not letting it out. You're not letting it out in your pr. I hope you're not staying, because that's gonna. If the longer you stay, the more. The more the odds are that's coming out. I'm Beaufort T. Justice. I'm gonna go home and punch your mama right in the mouth. See, there's the danger of it. Brett makes a decent point that if you're gonna run from that kind of thing, if you. If you divorce her, there's a chance she gets all prideful later and tells everyone. And then it's like, hey, everyone, seen your ex wife on the news lately? Leave A witness. And then. Yeah, that's right. Don't leave any. Leave one story. Yours, James writes 15 gets you 20, but 16 gets you home. Come on, you guys. Get on the trolley here. What is this? Thanks. Penny Mardon. Everybody always brings this into the party. You meet Margot Robbie and you're banging. You do some research, find out your cousins. But she's okay with it if you are. Do you stop? Yes. Remember the word cousins in the middle of your sentence. Not telling anybody. As long as she doesn't tell me during. So let me ask you this David Morgan, big M, little organ. If you find out she's your sister, does that. Is that a bridge too far? Yes. Yes. Those cousins. We're cousins. Great. Let me just finish up here. You grab a mop and we're never gonna talk again. Margot Robbie as your cousin is an unfortunate twist of fate in your life. You shouldn't have those feelings. That would basically seal it for me. There is no God. There is no God. There's no God at that point. That woman is my cousin. I got to be close to her. Yep, we're friendly, but he's drawn a barrier. Done. There is no God. I pray to God, show me a sign that it's okay. Show me something. I'd be. If I was religious, I'd be thumbing through that Bible, trying to find the one line that I can interpret as like, well, if she's Margot Robbie hot, I'm. You know. Here's one. When Noah hit beach, you'd have Kevin Rowe going through the law books trying to find some kind of. Says here, thou would be forgiven. If it's Robbie, hottest man, Robbie hot. That's Margot Robbie. That must be what he's talking about. Yeah. That's not right. If that. If your aunts and uncles came from, you hadn't seen him for like 15 years. And her little 5 year old daughter, the last time you saw her, shows up, she's 20 now. And you remember your cousin Margot? No, I don't. Who's that? That's Margot. Your cousin now. Yeah, but she's still your cousin. I got more printing. I got. Is this you? Oh, I don't like this headshirt. I don't like any of it. Okay. A lot of these guys like their girls like their rum. Aged 15 years and full of coke. See, that's fun. Thanks. Bill Clinton. Yeah. All right. I'm not breathing. This insist is the best. Put your sister to the test. Stop it. Just stop telling the news. That's all I care Nicholas wants us to do the math for him. It says I hooked up with my uncle's wife's. That's your aunt? Brother's daughter. Uncle wife by marriage. Her brother had a daughter. Touchdown. My mom and my uncle are adopted. The girl was porn star hot. M I m the clear. Yeah. Adopted. My blood. Yeah, it ain't blood, bro. Really? Can't you drive to the store? All right. Is she good driver? She got a license. So you're okay with going to one of your family reunions? Well, I'm looking at a it's safe. Any. My basic rule is it's safe for procreation. Yeah, you can have a non r word baby with a sister. It's just a crapshoot, right? Odds go higher. My rule in life it's safer to go along with. Always wash with soap and water after a poo. One boner per room. The third one I'm gonna add to this because of you guys. Yuck. Is if you can see her at a family reunion, he's probably not worth hooking up with. Well, you know so many people. All right. What? Family reunions. Family reunions. Get along with. You don't know half those people anyway, if you meet at a family reunion, it's wrong. So if you're this guy, me or that guy. If you are this dude, that's. What is it? His dad's wife's brother, sisters, uncle, whoever. And that broad is. Is Dua Lipa. But okay, I know what. That's the truth. Can do. I know that it's my uncle's uncle's brother's daughter. Do I know that? And was adopted on top of that. Okay, well, then no. That I'm totally banging. See, I told you. Yeah. If you adopted Dua Lipa and brought her over to my house right now, I'm banging your dog. Oh, yeah. Relieved that's happened. Nathan Hyde, who says horrible things on my email all the time, said. Well, we found the segment that ends the morning signature show. I don't want to meet any of your listeners. All right. Is reverse cowgirl illegal in Alabama? Yes, it is, because you don't turn your back on your family. Oh, man. Yeah. You bring can't. This guy said it. He's talking about bringing condoms to a family reunion. You just don't do it. But yes. Yeah. Okay, caveat. If I'm at the family reunion and everything's going gangbusters and I'm at the buffet table, which, by the way, I wouldn't be, but let's just for. For sake of imagination, put me at the buffet table. Turkeys. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I'm just going to be looking. I'm not shopping. And next to me. Excuse me. A lot. I get some of those peas. I'm like, hi. Wow, you're from. You're from England. Yeah, I'm Nate's. I'm Nate's daughter. You're Nate's daughter. I've never met you. Right. I'm adopted. I'm going in right there at the buffet table. Oh, Miss America. If it's Dua Lipa and she tells me there's no blood relation yet, we're going to pound town. I'm still not telling anybody. When my uncle comes over and goes, did you bang my adopted daughter? Yes. Yes, Mr. Allen, I did. Here we go with the worst sentence I've ever read in my life. If they're old enough to crawl, at least they're in the right position. Oh, my. All right, I'm gonna light fire to all of the audience. And we're just gonna start over. Wake up. So I'm brought to you by. I am. I'm gonna. I'm gonna light fire to society. Brady, your God killed everything on the planet once, back in the Noah days. How much worse was it then than now? How's the reset button going now? Where's your reset button now? God, that's why a lot of people think it's happening soon. It isn't. It has to be. If he did it once, he not only killed all the people, he killed the fish and the animals. Things got so sideways, he kept Noah and two of each. If you're stupid enough to buy it. Yeah. If you do buy it and you're saying, well, he said. He said he wouldn't do it again. Not with water. Right? He said, no more water and I ain't coming the same way twice. You'll see is essentially how we left that story open ended. Ready for the sequel, Y'all stay. Were the last words of that movie. But if it was that bad once, what are you waiting for, bro? You're a bad God. It's old enough to crawl. Good Lord, that's the world we live in. And now we're gonna play 17 by winger, which was a smash hit. Something been wrong with this the whole time. It is a good song. And when we talked to Kip Winger last year, which was a great chat, the Kip Winger was just an awesome talk. He brought up the fact that the only line in this song he did not write and didn't want to sing was Daddy says she's too young, but she's old enough for me. And he said that's the only one they remember because it is the grossest line in the song. 17. It's still a lead. 17 get you 20. But she can drive to the store. Oh, man, I've never heard that one. Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect. John Holmberg is my sex slave. The rest of Holmberg's morning sickness. This is the Big Red Radio. It's John Holmberg here and thank you for listening to the best of holmberg's morning sickness. 2024 in the books doesn't mean you can stop taking care of yourself. You have to forge forward into the new year and don't do it with resolutions or silliness, for crying out loud. Call my friends@reactdefense.com you got a couple more days to take advantage of their amazing deal. Hombergen train get you two months of training for 199 bucks. Turn you into a sheepdog. Keep you from being a sheep. Reactdefense.com it's the home of tactical Black rerun Brady. Entertain me. Justin Bieber is still in trouble over his DUI last, you know, arrest last week. But it may not be not as bad as it turns out to be. According to the latest reports, he had barely a measurable amount of alcohol in his system when he took his two breathalyzer tests and may not have been drag racing after all. Well, it still turns out that he's got alcohol in his system. Right? Yeah, that's all that matters. 19. And it didn't. I saw the video too. It didn't look like it was much of a drag race. Right. He's got his entourage, but there were like 15 cars going down this road. And even the lady who lives on that street was like, it's a 25 mile an hour road or 35, I don't remember said so. They were going way too fast for this road, but they weren't going like 100 miles an hour. But he's underaged. He shouldn't have any alcohol in his system. So underage drinking and driving, they don't care how much the 0.00 is. You got behind the wheel drunk or with drinks in your system that you should have never had in the first place. And it's also because somebody, when it's that low of alcohol, there are certain things that can trigger it to, to say, oh, this is registering as alcohol in the Blood. So why wouldn't he say that? Right? Because you remember when you hear those guys talk about when they have the lock on there from their extreme DUI or whatever and they got to work to blow to start their car. Right? No cough. They said don't do a like Diet Coke and a hamburger. I heard that combo. That's insane. That's not. That's. Yeah, that's what crazy people say. You're definitely not much of a drinker, Brady. Yeah, that's the same effect. I could just as drunk off of a burger and a Coke. It's different. You can't have alcohol register. You know what the guy who said that was the reason he said that is because he was drunk and he was trying to lie to the police. Hey, I want a scientific reading on that Diet Coke and burger. I think the chemical compounds create vodka. I think that's what vodka's made of. That is the goofiest thing I think I can remember. You know, if you mix Mentos and milk. They said. I mean, the person was telling me that was saying like. Right? Yeah. That person was lying to you. Was it also a homeless person and said that UFOs were gonna come up his ass in 5, 4, 3. Here. You know, if me. My last trip to France. This guy is loaded. He's like Henry Kissinger. And ever since I heard that. What information made me stop drinking altogether before. And are you careful now when you go to dinner and have hamburgers or two. I've had two Cokes. Oh, I've had a Diet Coke. I'm in trouble. Diet Coke and a burger. I feel plastered. Ronnie, take the keys. And a blow. Starting my car from too many burgers. I hate barbecues. And another thing. If you suck on a sock long enough, it's equivalent to taking cocaines. He said he was. There's probably a list of things that you could have that would trigger that breath. But you can argue that breathalyzer. That's why it comes down to the. The blood. You're gonna kill him. He's already dead. There's like a pound of mucus that came out. I can't laugh yet. That's the only thing I haven't. The man said he was a professor of science. I ate a shoelace once and I flew around the earth with Marilyn McCoo. The fifth dimension. Wow. Shoelaces are ecstasy if mixed properly with a Sprite zero. You realize how silly that is though? It is. It sounds silly. Eric. You and I are gonna realize Diet Coke and I drink so Much Diet Coke. So the apology that might come my way is no. Are you gonna look that up? I'm not gonna look it up. You won't even sit back and say that. That's crazy. Told me that that was a person that had the starter on there. And they were told, oh, my God, was it an owl? And he goes like, I have to be careful because they. They warned me that they're saying even after, like, if you. If I went to McDonald's and I went to go score a pounder and a Diet Coke is all right. Toledo. Were you warned with your car? The guy that installed. Who was that trying to warn him? That could have been. I didn't have that with me. But I've heard those guys mess with people all the time. Yeah. Okay. They tell you. They tell you chewing gum. So this is handsome. Yeah. Mouthwash, for sure. You got stuff with alcohol. It's still funny because the chemical mix up. That's what he was trying to say. So it must have been the installer screwing with him. You have to drive your car first, then go to McDonald's. Don't ever stop your car. Exactly. That's why there's. Keep it running and keep it running. That's why McDonald's started Drive Thrus, is because of the breathalyzer thing killing our business out here. Maybe if they never turn their cars off. I want to see that happen. I would love to see that happen. See, Brady, you kind of stop believing these. Yeah. And here's the thing too. You got to stop looking at us like you're angry about it. This is not something you should defend. You should say, maybe I said at the beginning. I have heard. But how do I know? Because I've never. But you used it as your reference. As that is your being. I've heard people say that. Like something ridiculous combinations like a Diet Coke and a hamburger could trigger. Not start the car. But you defended it. Have you been spreading this here? Yes, that's true. The I've heard ever since probably I've heard of someone talked about it. I don't run across too much. And in fact, instead of saying the person that said it, say fact beforehand. You defended your position. You defended the position. Well, no, because the person. The reason why I was getting pissy is the person I heard it from made. No, wasn't trying to jack me around. He had heard it. I'm like, interesting. I'd never bothered to check it with him. But then you passed it on. And then I heard it again. Right. With someone saying there's certain foods. Are they crazy? He's right. Hot wings. Hot wings. Hot wings. Yeah. There's combinations. I'm telling you. I don't question. If you cook it in alcohol, maybe, but then you would have. No, it burns away. Yeah. It's impossible. Yeah, I don't think that's diet. And the person that said hot wings weren't probably taking into account the couple of beers that he had before the hot. Right. We need one of those people from the interlock to come down here. So you just have to be more suspicious of your information and not defend it because we went crazy laughing. Yeah, you did. And you guys, you should have been with us on that. Yeah, you should have been laughing just as much as we were at how insane what you had just said. Was not defending it. No, but I, I, I'm not defending it. Not now. It is not after Toledo ran in here with the real fact. Yeah, well, Toledo said he, they, they warned you, right? They said where you care. Well, they want anything. Didn't have it. This is where it looks like you're defending it. You should just say yeah, because I didn't think, I mean that sounds crazy to me when I hear it, but it is crazy. But I took it like, oh, that's fine because it's never gonna happen. So you're telling me that if I have a diet coke and two cheeseburgers and I have like three of them, which I've done, you better pull over, that I am legally probably drunk. No. So that's not what I was. So there's enough alcohol in that though, that my car wouldn't. And I'm not saying it's alcohol. What they're saying is that that compound, that combination can prevent the car from starting. And you obviously believe this. Well, if that were true, I wouldn't doubt it. But I don't know. I don't know because I've never seen it. I'm no lawyer, but if that were true, I would imagine that the court system would have had to eliminate the blow starts. Oh man. So many false readings. I believe the courts have a tougher time holding up the breathalyzer as the only thing of saying you're blowing your, your, you know, but it measures a point four pennies in the mouth. That's why they go back to the blood test. The blood test is the one that is the most accurate. But the pennies in the mouth, the, the breathalyzer basically gives them right to say we're going to go down take your blood. Yeah. Yeah. So it's basically. It's not admissible because it can be tinkered with. But they get all their ducks in a row. But. But you're saying a breathalyzer or a blow start in your car. Because a blow start in your car means you've already failed the blood. And. And let me just say that. But when I was saying again that a combination like the person that was saying was Diet Coke and hamburger there could be what he meant to say. Maybe he's saying it's certain things that can trigger the blow start. Not to let you able. You're not able to. Your Honor, I would like to hold this witness as a hostile witness, please. Thank you. Just say it's crazy. Say I screwed up. Yeah. Don't even say you screwed up. To say that guy is nuts. That told me that. Well, what. I don't say that. Fine. That. That could be crazy. But I do not. I believe there's things on that blow start thing that could prevent it from starting the car. Yeah. Okay. I'll give you this. If you had a Diet Coke and burger in your mouth when you did it, you blew it into the hole. Right? Maybe you got a shot there. Close it up. No, my car won't start. What did I say? What was I doing? I must be drunk. This thing works. If the McDonald's employee spiked your diet, maybe that rum. Yeah, that's a possibility, I'll give you that. All right. Here are ways Brady's nutty scenario could be right. Or you can't tell the difference. Or he was drinking and he spit on your burger. And he had been drinking even still. That's a tough one. Yeah. There's alcohol that's not enough to register that machine. Steven Tyler recently did something pretty cool. This guy in the 60s named Lawrence or he suffered from a rare condition called progressive supernacular super nuclear palsy. I want that. Make me a superhero. That's the worst thing ever. Palsy, which is brain deterioration. Oh, I don't want that. Lawrence could barely speak or move when he was on his deathbed. But he had a dream of meeting Steven Tyler Never had a chance until his last day. Lawrence family, with the help of Passages Hospices Dream foundation, got a hold of Steven and they met through Skype on a laptop. After it was set up, Steven said, lawrence, this is Stephen. I'm coming to la. I'm coming to you from la and I'm glad to meet you. You hold on. Lawrence, I love you, man. It's nice to meet you, Lawrence. Couldn't respond. But they said he did tear up super nuclear later that day. Oh, geez. Did Steven get to see him first? Well, just through Skype. Oh, that doesn't count. That's no good. Got to meet Steven Tyler before. Jeez. Thanks for bringing us down close with a better that's nothing upbeat about Stephen Tyler. Finally time to move on. No, I've had super nuclear palsy my whole life and I get a Skype message, man. Should have ended with the Jesus, give me something with us. Don't kill me with this when there's. How is that uplifting at all? So it's super nuclear. Supra. Whatever. Got yourself a visit on Skype. Then you're dead. Well, that's an uplifting moment. Hit a homer for me, babe. Tell you what I'll do. I'll show you a picture of an old homer and you're gonna die. Gosh, thanks, babe. I really. I really want to meet Babe before I die. Babe can't make it today. Babe's got whores. An American Idol thing I gotta do. So here's a photo, Babe. Put that in your will. This is awful. Nothing uplifting. I'm trying to find the silver lining. Dead kid doesn't actually get to meet Steven. Time wasn't a kid. He was in the 60s. Dead 60 year old who's had super nuclear palsy his whole life. Tears up joy, dies later on. I don't want super nuclear or anything. That sounds dreadful. That'll do, pig. Feels like your brain's gonna blow up or some super nuclear. Now, I'm a doctor, I've never used this phrase before. But what you have is palsy. Oh, no. And it super nuclear fault. What's that mean? Means at any minute you could explode and kill 50,000 Japanese. Oh, no. Don't get him too excited. You wouldn't like him when he's angry. They're not trying to hide the title of that. No, you're going to die from that. Ain't there a cure? Unfortunately, your super nuclear disease has no cure. Sure. What do you think? Just be grateful it isn't super duper nuclear. Oh my God. Watch that. It's two times as deadly as nuclear mechanisms. You gotta make sure Teddy doesn't get around for the super nuclear. Like don't let him watch any facts of life. Yeah, that the low grade palsy with that girl. Shoot me straight, doc. Is my boy gonna make it? No, he's got super duper super califragilistic nuclear palsy. Jeez. Sounds Like a fun name really, though, it's not. It's a roller coaster to hell. Oh, I think I saw that tour. Okay, you're a bad doctor. I think I want a second opinion. He's got super scrum. Delicious nuclear palsy. Makes me want to watch Mary Poppins. I know. It is Dick Van Dyke your doctor. Laura, your kid's gonna die from super nuclear duplear. You're making up words now, aren't you? There's a billion trillion gillion jajillion zillion pillion fillion chance he won't live. That's math. Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect. The Best of the Morning Sickness is on the air. 98 KUPD. Do any of you people do any actual work? The Best of Homburg's Morning Sickness. This segment brought to You Guys by Mo Money Pond, 12th street and Indian School. Now, whatever you are looking for, it doesn't matter if it's electronics, jewelry, tools, pretty much. You name it, they got it there. All right, check them out online@momoneypond.com or like I said, just go to the store and check them out. 12th street in Indian School, it's Mo Money Pond. It's time now for your Guadalupe Squares. And Guadalupe Squares today, hosted by our own. And there's a little bit of a Black History Month kickoff, kind of the Guadalupe Square for this today. Yeah, pretty much. Beautiful. Your Guadalupe Square is very topical today, hosted by your own Creepy x Creepy 3 DX. Top left square. The 1933 Cardinals championship announcers, Chips McGee and Louis Waddle. Ah, yes. Well, everyone, here we are at the beautiful Racine Street Stadium and the Cardinals, your world champions, 1933. And we have our own Louis Waddle down on the field. Louie, tell us what you think. Well, it looks like the governor's just shown up in the horse and buggy and some other friends here. Certainly a lovely carriage the buggy's in, isn't it? I thought. And here we go to the ball game. And the leather headed warriors are off and running. We'll give you more in just moments. Cardinals, bad tape. There it is. Top metal square. It's Black History Month. So we had the cars, Bill Cosby and NBC's Lester Holt. You see, I don't understand why you gave me the Lester Holt. What I don't understand is why you talk like that. But the goddamn understand I'm from Philly. Well, I am from a black part of town as well. Why? But I speak like a white man. This Is not the Black History Month square that I had hoped for. Absolutely it is. I want a black man. Where's Theo at? Theo? This man. Where is Ennis? They have a bigger usual coming up. Mary Jo Buttafuko and Steve Buscemi. You know what? You know what? I just. I don't think this is very funny. You shot me in the face. You know what? Honest to God, this whole thing happened years ago. Look at. Look at this. Look. See? Where? You see that? I see it. I got shot in the face. No, that's me smiling. Oh, my God. That's not funny. That's not funny. You should see the other guy. You guys are drooling all over the place. Crying out loud. Metal escort. State of the Union was this week. So it's our buddy, George W. Bush. Here we go again. My address. Your address. My address. That was awesome. W. Thank you, Brady. Brady's against homosexuals too. Oh, really? It's like my administration. And he's also like your menstruation against. Well, yeah. Every cabinet member of my menstruation is against the gays. How come half the crowd didn't cheer for you there, George? What happened? Cuz they're bleeding heart liberals. Bastards who are terrorists without the towels. What? Come on. It's true. That's a bit much. Suck on that. One time. America in the middle square half full. That's why it's a professional animal impersonator himself. Brady Bogan. Yeah. So, Torch fatality. Good old Hammer this morning you might have heard me do my impression of Phil the Groundhog and Punxsutawney. Can you give me a little. Yeah. Here we go. Ready? Ready? Here it comes. Yeah. There's a groundhog for you. Wanna know what a deer sounds like eating? Yeah. Let's see. Yeah. Here we go. Here we go. That's the same thing. No, no, it's wildlife. Very subtle differences. Here's a duck meeting. Wow. Yeah, I got them all done. You should go on Letterman. Hey, that's pretty good stuff there, boy. Dork, Bogan, everybody. The middle right square is on Oprah today. It's Dave Chappelle. Almost said the N word. Just starting it off. Had to catch myself. What you gonna talk about today, Dave? The N word. Oh, really? I went crazy. You did? Saw too many titties. Fame made me crazy. I had to stop doing what I was doing back there. You know, that's good. But in Africa, I shaved my balls and now they look like eggs. Oprah. Gonna see Oprah's titties today. Maybe bottom left corner. It's Brady's secret square. And he hints today. Brady. Hello. It's my birthday today. I'm three foot six. And I also was. Willow. Oh, that's easy. Nobody's gonna know his name. There's a softball and the bottom of the screw for no reason whatsoever. It's the governor. Arnold Schwarzenegger. I have to get somebody to give me a towel. I just stepped on Warwick Davis. Wipe him off the bottom of my shoe. Sorry, Willow. My apologies. I hear you're broke over there. What happened? Where'd all the money go? Don't know. Maria. You ran it. Ran. It's the only thing I can figure. I guess. You know what my last name means. Schwarzenegger. Schwarzenegger. What does it mean for the Black History Month? Is it. Yeah, it's. It means Black Plowman. It's absolutely true. I did not know Negro Plowman. Wow. What's Negro? Thanks. That's great. True. Bottom right corner. He used to eat his own. His own hair. It's Ant Celebrity Fitness. Brand New Year. And a brand new Celebrity Fit Club. And a brand new hairdo. Why did you used to eat your own hair? That's for me to know and for you not to know. Oh, all right. That's great. As long as you know that the scales don't lie. All right. Those are your squares. Yay. Yay. Yay. Jeez. Who's on the line? I don't know. We have Cynthia and Alex. Cynthia and Alex, can you hear me? Yes, sir. All right, Cynthia, you are a woman. You go first. I would like top right square, please. Top right square is Mary Jo Buttafu. Mary Jo and Steve Buscemi. God, I can't believe that we got picked first. This is absolutely ridiculous. It's not funny. What do you have for you? Just because I was in love with my husband, I got shot in the effing face. I got shot in the face. How do you split an effing car? How's that? I saw your movie. I didn't. It was very unbelievable. I'm keeping a car. It was very unbelievable. Effing mute. You guys got a lot in common. Here's your question. Wait, wait, wait. Look. See that? That's me smiling. Alright, go ahead. Yeah, go ahead. You got Jose Feliciano. You got no complaint. That's true. Go ahead. Snakes sleep with their eyes open. Is that true or false, guys? You'd have done good sleeping with your eyes open. You want to hear about a snake? I want to hear I'll tell you about a snake. Her name is Amy Fisher. Freaking snake. She shot me in the face. I heard I got shot in the face. You did. I'm gonna go say that's true. True. Yeah, I'll say that's true. All right. They say true. You agree? You want to know about a snake that sleeps with its eyes open? I agree. That's right. Let me show you a snake that sleeps with its eyes open. Lady, I'm married. Hold on. I'm unzipping my pants. Why is it that we both sound like Robbie and clove a cow skin? I don't know. There's the snipe with its eyes off. Now the trousers. Alex, you're up. Biggest square, Brady. It's Brady Bogey. Great job. Animal impersonator himself. You got a request for animal impression, Alex? Not as good as yours. No. But do you have a request? I'll do any animal on the planet. How about a whale? A whale? Eric, please stop having sex with me. The impression of a whale. Real funny, cookie. Here's your question. True or false? A snail can crawl over the edge of a razor without cutting itself. Is that true or false? Here's my impression of a snail. All right. Give me a smoke. Yeah, they like smoking. What? Oh, don't pour salt on me. I'm a snail, man. You gotta say what you are. Yeah, a snail can actually. I asked Torp about this. A snail can actually crawl across the edge of a razor without cutting itself because they're. They can't be cut. They can't. It's like when you try to stab a noodle. Here's a snail that is raising turtles. What? Raising. On a turtle's back. Ready? Here's a. My impression of a snail that's on a turtle's back racing. Ready? Go. That's what a snail would do on a turtle's back. What the hell is wrong? Just answer the question. All right. He says false. You agree or disagree? I agree. Oh, actually, it was true. X gets a square. Lester Holt with breaking news. This just in. Guadalupe Square stinks. All right, go ahead and continue. Do my impression of Lester Holt now. All right, let's hear it. Do it. All right, Cynthia, you're up. Pick it square. Okay. Oh, shoot. Top left. All right. Top left corner. That she avoided the wind. I know. I did that on purpose. All right. Oh, the Cardinals announcers from 1933 tips McGee and Louis wobble. Oh, a big, big, super bowl weekend this weekend. And once again, the Cardinals are participating for the 78th straight season. And boy, oh, boy, are we excited. Let's talk down the Lewis. That's right. There's plenty of people here. And it looks as if the Queen of England is. And that's what we're waiting for. And hopefully she's not offended by maniacal Negro football because they're allowed to play in the Cardinals now. It's been three. That's right. True or false? July is the worst month to have to go to the hospital. Is that true or false? Proma Seltzer. Why this? Brought to you by Broma Seltzer and Camel Cigarettes. Four out of five doctors agree Camels are the best. I would have to say that going, I went for polio vaccination in July. Didn't quite work out for me. But false. That answer was brought to you by Roma Wines. Roma Wines. Most delicious wines in California. All right. They say false. You agree or disagree? I, like, have to agree, actually. Oh, no. Sorry. Oh, gets his first square. Alex. Keep going, Alex. Pick a square. Brady secret square. Uhoh. O. Brady secret square. Let's hear the hint. Alex is going to nail this. I was Professor Flitwick in Harry Potter. I'm 36 today. I was 3 foot 6 when I did Star Wars. I was 2 foot 11 as an Ewok. Hello. Hello? Any guesses? Is that Warwick Davis? Yes, it is. Warwick Davis. Oh, the comeback is on. Cynthia, you could take George W. Bush for the block. Yes, I will. All right. Good work, Cynthia. What's up, Georgie? Things are good. State of the Union is good. Operating at 39 approval rating, which means only 40 don't approve. Really? Yeah, it's dead heat. You're kind of missing a leopard. Undecided. Oh, really? Here's your question. You ready? Cynthia, are you a Democrat or right? I'm a very proud Republican. That's what I'm talking about. X gets a square. You got a fan, you just want to give it to her. No, no. See what she can do here. All right. She's gonna earn it. True or false? As long as you're in fresh water and not the ocean, you can't get dehydrated while swimming. Is that true or false? First, I want to point out some people in the crowd before I answer. Okay. Condi Rice here today. Condoleezza. Condoleezza. I like to call her Condi. We're tight. Yeah. I just want to point out in Black History Month that my staff, my cabinet, my administration, my. My menstruation wouldn't be the same without Connolly's Rice and I want to thank you for making my menstruation so solid. Okay, that's great. I'm gonna go ahead and say that you're. The question that you questionified me with was falsified. All right. He says false. You agree or disagree? Okay, it was swimming in the ocean. Cannot get you. Maybe dehydrated, right? That's false. That's right. It is false. No, she did it. X gets a square. Alex, you can take Dave Chappelle for the block. Yes, please. All right, Dave Chappelle, everybody. I like it when the bitches pick me better. Are you a fat man, Alex? A what? Fat man. Yes. Whip out your titties. I'll take anything. I'm going mad. I got a good question for you there, Dave. All right. True or false in Ethiopia? True. They're starving. Let me finish, will you? Some hungry brothers in Ethiopia. Mother's Day. Lasts for two, sometimes three days. Is that true or false? Yeah. Cuz it takes that long to search her out. Really? Yeah. Usually she's like, you're gonna eat her. You got you starving out in the Congo. I think it's the Congo's in Ethiopia. What's wrong with you? I don't know. True or false? You know what a bunk bed is in Ethiopia? What's that? Level or blinds? You get like nine of them on there. Last place I want to see titties is Ethiopia. Because they ain't none. They're all too skinny. Floppy. Too floppy. Skinny ass. True or false? Narrow women. Answer the question. True. He says true. You agree or disagree, Alex? Agree. That's right. It is. Oh, wait, it is, damn it. The game that will never end. All right, we're all over the place, so we're gonna go with. You can take Bill Cosby and Lester Holt and or Arnold Schwarzenegger for the win here. Arnold's going with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Good morning. How are you? It's great to be out here. The weirdest squares in a long time. Go ahead. It is. This is for all the marbles right here. Yeah, I like titties too. I know you do. True or false? The term SWAT never existed before the 19 swastika. No, SWAT. SWAT team never existed before the 1975 TV show SWAT. Is that true or false? Son, the word SWAT, SWAT was not a word until they said it on Television in 1975. So what did you hit flies with? Idiot. True or false? The word swat. Swat, 1975 was back in the day when I was lifting lots of weights and going nuts to butts with your Memaw. What? You heard me. She probably still has a bruise. I'm sure she does. Nuts to butts with Meemaw. I like saying that. Like seeing that. I'm gonna say it again. Nuts to butts with Mima. Where were you in the chopper when this happened? Don't know. All I know is I was not to butts with Mima. True or false? Answer the question. True. I was not too much with Meemaw. All right. He says true. You agree, Harry? Mima, I'm afraid I'm gonna say I agree. Alex wins. The only one she missed. Alex wins. Holy cow. Hold on a second, gang. Oh, my Lord. We'll both get something there. Yeah, you're nuts and butts with meemaw. Stop. Say it at home. Get out of here in your car, driving to work. Just open the windows and scream, I'm mad as hell and I'm going nuts to butts with Meemaw. This just in. Nuts to butts with meemaw. That's what I'm talking about. Lester Holt has even been nuts to butts with your meemaw. Ant, have you been nuts to butts with everything? I've been nuts to butts with a lot of things. That's what I thought. But I've been in meemaws. Well, right. In his case, he was nuts to nuts with pepper. You heard me. Speaking of Brahma Seltzer, we're going nuts to butts this afternoon. There's Your Guadalupe Squares is 98k upd, Arizona's most powerful rock radio station? He said, fully erected.