← Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona
Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona
BEST OF HMS PODCASTS - FRIDAY - January 3, 2025 - PART TWO - Pregnant British Couple Finds Out They're Distant Cousins - Jan 2024
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John Holmberg
All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Get out to the Tempe Improv on the east side to see Paul Versey on Thursday and Beth Stelling Friday, Saturday and Sunday. The Desert Ridge Improv up north features Sarah Weinschenk this Thursday and Joe DeRosa on Friday and Saturday. And downtown at Stand Up Live, check out the very funny Lil Rel performing Friday, Saturday and Sunday for the complete lineups. And for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com it's John Holberg here. For the amazing people at the Core Institute, life can throw you a curveball now and again. One day you're trucking along, feeling great. Next day your dog smashes into your head and knocks you cold. Or like a KUPD listener told me this week, his dog did a sprint across the backyard directly into the side of his wife's leg and blew her knee up. She needed that need to get fixed and fixed right? Two years later, she's running like she used to again. And it's all thanks to the Core Institute. I went through it, too. And you can get rid of your pain and start saying yes, I can to all the things you want to do. And. And all you have to do is trust the experts at the Core Institute head there right now. The Core Institute dot com. It's good to be on top, isn't it? Yeah. So get on top and ride with the top morning show in town and the Best of Holmberg's morning sickness. 98 KUPD. You're listening to the Best of Holmberg's Morning Sickness, and this is Frank Caliendo. And you'd think I'd be doing a better voice for this promo at the moment. Or is it technically a rejoin? I don't know. I'm not in the radio business. But what I am going to be doing is a little Donald Trump up there at the Desert Ridge Improv. DesertRidge improv.com January 31st through February 1st, that's Brady's birthday weekend, and everybody's going to be celebrating. Desert ridgeimprov.com it's good, but not as good as the Best of Homberg's Morning Sickness, which we're getting back to right now. That's the weave and we just wove back beer. It's gross. That's why I root for the alien. I'm waiting for them to show up because that'll be that. They're all related. That. Oh, no, don't tell me. No, no, no. Is there a new one? No, I'm still thinking of the driving in the bread one. The interspecies relationships that will eventually occur. It's. It's going to make it interesting. Did you see the thing in Brazil? They found those giant people, like 18 foot guys walking around. I can't find them again. But there was a dude who is in his yard or something. He's looking out and he's like, look, there's a couple dudes walking through this field of like 12 foot, 15 foot grass. And they're chest high. They're above it, they're above it. And they're just walking along these giant long arms. There's some video of it and it immediately got scrubbed and whatever. But they're the giant people of Brazil now. And some guys got. Well, there's gonna be cameras. We're eventually gonna find out something because there's cameras everywhere. I can't find a picture, but it is not normal. And they're just humongous, like human sort of shaped things. And the guys like that isn't. Yeah. Is this what the escaped doctors from World War II that moved to Brazil came up with? Oh, geez, these things are wandering around Brazil and. Yeah, the Brazil alien. Super tall beings caught on video roaming the hillside. Must have been grass on the field. People in Brazil have been talking about this for a while. And there he is next to a. It's a strange video if you haven't seen it. It's on tmz, but like he walks by a wall kind of, you know, they move a little funny. Like, I don't know, this probably fake, but if it's not, I welcome it. I'm looking forward to the next group that shows up here. I did. Made me think of the. I think it was the Rose Bowl. Oh, no. Macy's Day. No, it was the Rose Bowl. It's the tourism for Louisiana float. Yeah. And they had kind of Mardi Gras dance crew and about six of them were on those four foot, almost like drywall. Drywall stilts. Yeah. They're doing a full dance. Yeah. Those two. Like it looked like. Are they. You're questioning whether they're on stilts or not. Right. There are certain guys that can wander around on those stilts and make it look normal. I don't like it. I think that's creepy. Brady, you laugh. It says here, Brady, you laughed at old enough to drive, old enough to get bread, and realized that your Daughter has a car in the parking lot. That's how creepy that sentence is. You can't laugh at that anymore. That's what it'll say on her birthday cake. In July, she turned 16. Oh. Oh, Vader. This guy says, my dad used to say, old enough to go to the store, old enough to get bread. It didn't even wait for the driver's license. If she was ambulatory and could make it to the store, well, then, there she is. She's breeding age. Vader, kissing cousins is one thing, but boning them and having a kid is way left field. Sure, sure. Heavy pet with a hot cousin, but don't penetrate it. Good Lord. That was the rule. Kissing cousin. Kiss it. You can kiss her, but don't go all with the fingers and the dilly dallys. If you see her hooey, run away, well, kiss it and then leave. As long as it's just your mouths on each other, it ain't incest. Ask your mama. Sister. Oh, humanity. If it's old enough to go to the store, old enough to get bread, and then the. Of course, if it bleeds, it breeds. Thank you for that. Everybody's gross. I'm gonna pick it up. Brett, this ain't me. Okay. This one ain't me. I don't know. Right off the printer, this one says, in Utah, doing your cousin actually makes things hotter. I've been there. Alabama used to have blood tests from the state before you got married. And that was the reason why the blood test thing going away was stupid. Uh. Oh. This guy said my wife and I were looking at family names the same way those two were before our son was born. And in our family tree, we found the name Holden on both sides and realized that's a great name. And it's. We have it in common. We're not related, but we remembered later on that week that our last name is Cox. And you don't necessarily want to have. No. Your son named Holden. That's great stuff. Anyway, if you're related to your wife, divorce her. Don't tell the news and just move on with your life. It's a mistake. You had a nice time. Something got revealed again. Brady, if Ronnie turned out that she was a man right before you met her. I'm not letting it out. You're not letting it out in your pro. I hope you're not staying, because that's gonna. If the longer you stay, the more. The more the odds are that's coming out. I'm Buford T. Justice. I'm gonna go home and punch your mama right in the mouth. See, there's the danger of it. Brett makes a decent point that if you're gonna run from that kind of thing, if you. If you divorce her, there's a chance she gets all prideful later and tells everyone. And then it's like, hey, I've seen your ex wife on the news lately. And then, yeah, that's right. The old leave one story. Yours, James, writes 15 gets you 20, but 16 gets you home. Oh, come on, you guys. Get on the trolley here. What is this? Thanks, Benny Mardonos. Everybody always brings this into the party. You meet Margot Robbie and you're banging. You do some research, find out your cousins. But she's okay with it if you are. Do you stop? Yes. Remember the word cousins in the middle of your sentence. Not telling anybody. As long as she doesn't tell me during. So let me ask you this. David Morgan, Big M, little organ. If you find out she's your sister, is that a bridge too far? Yes. Yes. Those cousins. We're cousins. Great. Let me just finish up here. You grab a mop, and we're never gonna talk again. Yeah. Margot Robbie as your cousin is an unfortunate twist of fate in your life. You shouldn't have those feelings. That would basically seal it for me. There is no God. There's no God. There's no God. At that point, that woman is my cousin. I got to be close to her. Yep, we're friendly, but he's drawn a barrier. There is no God. John Holmberg's morning sickness. The 98 KUPT college hoops are here, and there's no better place to catch the action than Hooters. Fuel up with a baller bundle 10 boneless wings, crispy fries, dressing, and a fountain drink starting at just $9.99. Want to level up your game day experience? Swap the fountain drink for a Beat the Buzzer special featuring your choice of Beatbox or buzz balls for a low price. This offer is for game days only, so grab your enjoy the action and feast on the flavors you love. Only at Hooters. The original wing joint since 1983. Hey, it's Larry McFeely here with Wayne from Amco and Wayne. Now that it's getting warmer, I turned on the AC in my car and the air's blowing. Kind of cool, but it really smells like a basement. What can I do about that, Larry? Your car's AC system should be checked and serviced every year. Plus, replacing the cabin air filter helps the air blow strong and Takes away any nasty smell. Nice. Is that a big deal to get done? Not at all. It takes about an hour. And in most cases we can do it while you wait. That's awesome. I'll say. We're Amco. Google Amco for your nearest location. That's Amco. Double A MCO transmissions and a whole lot more. Holmberg's morning sickness. I pray. I pray to God, show me a sign that it's okay. Show me something. I'd be. If I was religious, I'd be thumbing through that Bible trying to find the one line that I can interpret as like, well, if she's Margot Robbie hot, I'm. You know. Here's one. When Noah hit beach, you'd have Kevin Rowe going through the law books trying to find some kind of. Says here thou would be forgiven if it's Robbie hottest. Yeah, Robbie hot. That's Margot Robbie. That must be what he's talking about. Yeah. That's not right, if that. If your aunts and uncles came from. You hadn't seen him for like 15 years. And her little 5 year old daughter, the last time you saw her, shows up, she's 20 now. And you remember your cousin Margot? No, I don't. Who's that? That's Margot, your cousin now. Hello. Yeah, but she's still your cousin. I got more printing. Is this you? Oh, I don't like this headshot. I don't like any of it. Okay. A lot of these guys like their girls like their rum. Aged 15 years and full of coke. See, that's funny. Thanks, Bill Clinton. Yeah. All right. I'm not reading it. Incest is the best. Put your sister to the piss. Stop it. Just stop telling the news. That's all I can. Nicholas wants us to do the math for him. It says I hooked up with my uncle's wife's. That's your aunt? Brother's daughter. Uncle, wife by marriage. Her brother had a daughter. Touchdown. My mom and my uncle are adopted. The girl was porn star hot. Am I in the clear? Yeah. Adopted. My blood. Yeah. It ain't blood, bro. Really? Can she drive to the store? All right. Is she good driver? She got a license. So you're okay with going to one of your family reunions? Well, I'm looking at it. It's safe. Anything? My basic rule is it's safe for procreation. Yeah, you can have a non R word. Baby with a sister, it's just a crapshoot, right? Odds go higher. My rule in life to go along with, always wash with soap. And water after a poo. One boner per room. The third one I'm gonna add to this because of you guys. Yuck. Is if you can see her at a family reunion, she's probably not worth hooking up with. Well, you know so many people. All right, what are your unions? Family reunions. Get along with. You don't know half those people. Anyway, if you meet at a family reunion, it's wrong. So if you're this guy. Me or that guy. If you are this dude, that's. What is it? His dad's wife's brother, sisters, uncle, whoever. And that broad is. Is Dua Lipa. But okay, I know what. That's the truth. Can do. I know that it's my uncle's uncle's brother's daughter. Do I know that? And was adopted on top of that. Okay, well, then no. That I'm totally banging. See, I told you. Yeah. If you adopted Dua Lipa and brought her over to my house right now, I'm banging your dog. That's it. Nathan Hyde, who says horrible things on my email all the time, said, well, we found the segment that ends the morning signature show. I don't want to meet any of your listeners. All right. Is reverse cowgirl illegal in Alabama? Yes, it is, because you don't turn your back on your family. Oh, man. Yeah, you bring this guy. Said it. You're talking about bringing condoms to a family reunion. You just don't do it. But yes. Yeah. Okay, caveat. If I'm at the family reunion and everything's going gangbusters and I'm at the buffet table, which, by the way, I wouldn't be. But let's just for the sake of imagination, put me at the buffet table. Turkeys there. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I'm just gonna be looking. I'm not shopping. And next week. Excuse me. A lot. I get some of those peas. I'm like, hi. Wow, you're from. You're from England. Yeah, I'm Nate's. I'm Nate's daughter. You're Nate's daughter. I've never met you. Right. I'm adopted. Going in. Right there at the buffet table. Oh, Miss America. If it's Dua Lipa and she tells me there's no blood relation yet, we're going to pound town. I'm still not telling anybody. When my uncle comes over and goes, did you bang my adopted daughter? Yes. Yes, Mr. Allen, I did. Here we go with the worst sentence I've ever read in my life. If they're old enough to crawl. At least they're in the right position. Oh, my. All right, I'm gonna light fire to all of the audience. And we're just gonna start over. Link up Song brought to you by I am. I'm gonna. I'm gonna light fire to society. Brady, your God killed everything on the planet once. Back in the Noah days. How much worse was it then than now? How's the reset button going now? Where's your reset button now? God, that's why a lot of people think it's happening soon. It isn't. It has to be. If he did it once, he not only killed all the people, he killed the fish and the animals. Things got so sideways, he kept Noah and two of each. If you're stupid enough to buy it. Yeah, if you do buy it, you're saying, well, he said. He said he wouldn't do it again. But not with water, right? He said, no more water. And I ain't coming the same way twice. You'll see is essentially how we left that story open ended, ready for the sequel. Y'all stay. Were the last words of that movie. But if it was that bad once, what are you waiting for, bro? You're a bad God. It's old enough to crawl. Good Lord, that's the world we live in. And now we're gonna play 17 by winger, which was a smash hit. Something been wrong with us the whole time is a good song. And when we talked to Kip Winger last year, which was a great chat, the Kiplinger was just an awesome talk. He brought up the fact that the only line in this song he did not write and didn't want to sing was, daddy says she's too young, but she's old enough for me. And he said, and that's the only one they remember because it is the grossest line in the song. 17. It's still illegal. 17 get you 20. But she can drive to the store. Oh, man, I've never heard that one. Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect. Hi, I'm Diane Fisher from Fisher Tools. From our humble beginnings in 1964 at the Phoenix park and swap to our 4 acre campus located just south of Tempe Marketplace off the 202. Emmett Clintock Fisher Tools has been building the valley for over 60 years. Come check us out and browse our huge selection of tools and anything you need to do the job right. We carry Milwaukee, DeWalt, Makita, Proto and so much more. We're also online@fishertools.com cup. KUPD listeners will receive 10% off their order when you mention this ad. Fisher Tools. If we don't have it, we can't sell it.