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John Holmberg
All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Get out to the Tempe Improv on the east side to see Paul Versey on Thursday and Beth Stelling Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. The Desert Ridge Improv up North features Sarah Weinschenk this Thursday and Joe Derosa on Friday and Saturday. And downtown at Stand Up Live, check out the very funny Lil Rel performing Friday, Saturday and Sunday for the complete lineups. And for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com it's John Holberg here.
Brett
For the amazing people at the Core Institute, life can throw you a curveball now and again. One day you're trucking along, feeling great. Next day your dog smashes into your head and knocks you cold. Or like a KUPD listener told me this week, his dog did a sprint across the backyard directly into the side of his wife's leg and blew her knee up. She needed that need to get fixed and fixed right? Two years later, she's running like she used to again. And it's all thanks to the Core Institute. I went through it, too. And you can get rid of your pain and start saying, yes, I can to all the things you want to do. And. And all you have to do is trust the experts at the Core Institute head there right now. The Core Institute dot com. Cease and desist at once. The best of Homburg's morning Sickness. This is the big red radio. Then you got this guy another one. This email came this morning, says, I just wanted you guys on my favorite show to know that if you hear about a mysterious death this weekend of a man whose girlfriend is four months pregnant, it wasn't mysterious. It's murder. My chick has gone crazy, and I'm breaking up with her on Saturday. She is four months pregnant. I'm gonna take care of the kid. That's not the issue. I don't know what's happened to her since she's become pregnant. She has lost her mind. She's violent, she's mean, and I hate her. I will not name names, because if she hears this before I dump her, she'll preemptively strike and possibly kill me. So just pay attention to the news for my sake. She's gone insane. GH so if there's a story on the news this weekend of a crying pregnant woman and her dead husband and the initials happen to be GH we know. We know. We're on we're on the case. Thanks for the update.
Toledo
Staying out of this gh.
Brett
Okay. Breaking up with a pregnant lady at four months isn't exactly going to make her more stable though. If she's nuts and you're still there, I think this weekend might be a bad plan. I think maybe you should just start ignoring her. Leave now.
Toledo
Well, if you hormones, you know, when they're pregnant can jump around, but yeah, I think it will make matters worse.
Brett
But if you think she's gone nuts now, this is with you still there. I think Brett's right. If you just disappear for a while, but make it so she can't find you. Don't break up with her. Just don't show up anymore. Or sit there and tolerate it.
Toledo
Then there's after the fact.
Brett
Yeah. Oh, you're gonna have to see her again. Yeah.
Chad
Pardon me because I've got the cold sweats. My ex wife was mean as a.
Brett
Snake when she was pregnant and when she wasn't.
Chad
Now take that and amplify it with pregnancy hor.
Brett
I've heard the calls. I know. Yeah. She wasn't pregnant when she was screaming it. No, no call. Yeah, I think she's barren at that point, but she. She birthed out every.
Toledo
That was a good day, that call for Toledo.
Brett
Oh, yeah.
Chad
It was a bad day for Chad.
Brett
Yeah, Chad was the one. That's right. I'll never forget that. I got a call from someone else, dude. I got a voicemail from Toledo's wife and I think she. She butt dialed me and it is insane. And he sent it to me and I'm like, whoa. She was losing her mind. And I thought. And then I sent it to you and you're like, yep, that's about right. When she gave birth, she just launched out all the birthing materials too. Baby, ovaries, uterus.
Chad
Now imagine her uncomfortable. Can't move because she's pregnant. She's got a giant headed baby inside of her. Did you think you have to live with her?
Brett
Did you think you were gonna leave? Like, did it run through? Oh, God, no.
Chad
You hunt me down.
Brett
See, that's the thing I'm worried about. Take to take Toledo's advice.
Toledo
Stay.
Brett
Stick around through the pregnancy. Yeah. Hold, hold, hold. I can't do it. Get out of here, wedge. You're no good to us. Hold.
Toledo
Stay on target.
Brett
Yeah, just exactly. Just. I. I don't think it's a good idea to leave a pregnant lady who's already shown. Like, the reason you want to leave her is because she's nuts because she's pregnant. You leaving is not going to help.
Toledo
Makes it worse.
Brett
You way worse. You have to keep dealing with her.
Chad
You have to sympathize with the guy because this is four months in. He's got five more to go.
Brett
Well, unless if he gets lucky and it preemies up. Well, no, I mean, she might pre me. You can start rooting. You still got take her to the canyon.
Chad
You still got four months. In that case, it could level out.
Brett
That's true. If all things go the way they're supposed to. I mean, I'd have her in like bounce houses and jump arounds. I'd be taking her four wheeling every week. And we're gonna get this thing shook out. I'm gonna. She's like a can of Dr. Pepper. I'm shaking that thing until it pops.
Toledo
They get in those baby classes.
Brett
Lamaze.
Toledo
Yeah.
Brett
I don't know if she's.
Chad
I've gonna take her to a class. You're smoking crack.
Brett
Yeah. Yeah. You don't take the crazy ones.
Chad
Yell at the instructor.
Brett
I think it is the. You know, upon further review, probably not the best option to, you know, throw a little gas on the fire that's already kind of smoldering. Yeah. I wouldn't break up with the pregnant girl. You got it. Because it's never going to go away. And then she's going to use the kid as leverage because you left while she was pregnant. Document. That's what I would say. Start documenting here at month four. Start documenting all the things that she's done. Crazy.
Chad
Unless you're like one of those dudes on those bad detective shows that's got a guy that can get you, you know, like documents and new. New id, new identification, and you can just disappear. She'll find you.
Brett
Yeah, if you can go full on. Better call Saul. You need to robber Fisher this. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. Don't take that. That's the Italian's advice. What? What are you talking about? For those who don't know, that's the suggestion would be to blow up the house and use black ops to never be found again. I'm sorry it's a gold mine in your brain. But tactically, you're not 18 years of that nightmare. No way.
Chad
But Brett, how do we know Robert Fish?
Brett
Brett, I'm with you. If I could Robert Fisher, I would. Robert Fisher. Several times a day. Several. Oh, there's so many. Like sometimes I'm just upset at the guy at qt. I'd like to. Robert Fisher Blow the whole place up and go to the woods. But, yeah, it's. You have to have his training. There are two people that are Robert Fisher and D.B. cooper. The only ones that we're pretty sure. I don't have those skills. I get caught on Shea and McDowell, probably because I'd be like, all right, right before I disappear in the woods, I better hit the casino. They'd find me fast. So it's a good idea to blow up the house and then run if you have those kind of skills. Otherwise, stick it out and start getting emails back and forth. Email her today and go, look, I know you're going through a lot right now, but when you said, blah, blah, blah, and, like, details of your last crazy argument, make it so you get all her points, and then she'll fire back. Like, what, Toledo's ex would do something even more loony. And now you got paperwork.
Chad
That's why you got a blind copy of Friends.
Brett
Yeah, and also, get her to break up with you. Don't you leave. Get her to break up with you. Do something. Don't go crazy like start hosing hookers. Just start.
Chad
Tell her you lost your job.
Brett
Oh, that's not bad. Go get training. Screw that.
Chad
Well, you didn't really lose your job. Just tell her you did.
Brett
Yeah, and I'm gonna spend eight hours a day looking for a new job every day, and then just go to your regular job and start collecting. I don't know. And I don't leave her. Don't drag us into this, either. Should have called Dr. Lynn, pal. Yep. That's. We've been. You know what? For years, we've been telling you to avoid this whole thing. Imagine that this lunatic's now gonna raise a kid to hate you. Ugh. And you gotta pay for that. Next thing you know, you're 92, you're in the bottom of the Grand Canyon with some kid that you thought you did right by, and he and his son, your grandson, are trying to kill you for your. Whatever you've done, gh, don't do it. I don't know who you are, and I don't know what it is, but I think staying. You got to stay put for the next couple months and make this right. If she breaks up with you, that's okay, but you can't dump her at four months. You can't.
Toledo
You know, it doesn't help to know that there's guys, a lot of guys that have gone through that.
Brett
Oh, that.
Toledo
It leveled. It either leveled out or just, you.
Brett
Know, the Behavior of that you don't want to understand. Level out it lives forever. And then you got the kid and she's not going to be better. And what if she doesn't level out? Like you're thinking of Pollyanna's way. What if she gets the postpartum and starts trying to murder everybody?
Toledo
Yeah, and I. I mean, but I.
Brett
Agree that you can't leave a pregnant lady. That's like breaking up with somebody who, like, gets a disease. Because pregnancy is an illness. That's why you got to go to the hospital so often. It's a disease and it's curable, but it lingers for at least 18, 20 years. But, like, if she ended up with, like, you know, I don't know, sickle cell or Ms. Or something like that, and you broke up with her first symptoms, you're a jerk. You gotta at least stick out a year after the diagnosis, because otherwise.
Toledo
And you gotta let her know upfront. Look, I'm gonna give this a year. And after a year, I'm out of here.
Brett
Okay? Was it Newt Gingrich?
Toledo
I'm hanging with you.
Brett
Newt Gingrich found out his wife had cancer and she was dying of it. Remember that? And then he went to the hospital with his mistress because he's like, well, this he already knew.
Toledo
Was that Newt or was that.
Brett
Well, there was a couple of them. I think John Edwards did it, too. Yeah, John Edwards. Newt Gingrich did it. There were a few guys who were like, that had side. Side action.
Toledo
Did Rudy.
Brett
Oh, Rudy's. He doesn't count. I'm gonna say yes, because it's horrible. So I assume Rudy Giuliani did that. If it's awful. Probably under his. Under his time. Yeah. But, you know, you find out that you're so. Spouse has something terrible, you can't break up four months after the diagnosis. You got to stick around at least a year. And I think the same with it with a pregnancy or Robert Fisher or Robert. Robert Fisher is an option for those of you well trained enough to Robert Fisher. I mean, we laugh, but if you had the Robert Fisher. How often. If you had Robert Fisher skills. This is a really dark moment. But if you were trained like Robert Fisher was, what kind of balls did that wife have to start making him think, you know, I could blow this whole thing up and leave and no one would ever know. Like, you know, Robert Fisher had the Robert Fisher skills. Oh, yeah. If I had. If. Like, if, if.
Toledo
And how long did he plan it out?
Brett
Not long, because he was like, well, I Mean, he had the skills. It was like mapped out in his brain the whole time. Like, he has a bug out plan of safety before he even knew things went sideways. But if you are. If you're married to like, a guy like Robert Fisher and you start getting a little bit lippy, you know the risks you're taking, this dude knows he can get away with it. Like, I can take care of this all day. Now it turns out he's a horrible person for having done it, but something led him to it. Not saying I condone it, but we've all thought about blowing the house up. We just thought, well, but then what? You know, what a bitch she was. Right, Right. Exactly what I'm saying. Like, somebody caused this. And then you said, because I thought, I'm gonna blow the whole house up and nobody's ever gonna. But then I'd think, well, I don't have the skills after that. I'm going to end up in jail. I don't want to. This guy was like, and I can blow the house up and no one will ever find me. How many years ago was that now? Like 30. And the dude on the news said it, we're looking for Robert Fisher. We found his truck. And they're like, what do you think of the evidence? And he goes, robert Fisher's training is so extreme that there's a good chance we're never going to find him. That was the first day they found the truck. They're like, no, he's gone. They knew. That means there's training out there that everyone's aware of that makes it so, oh, he's doing that thing. He's gone. He gone. There's a guy named John. I want to say John Locke, but that's a philosopher. His name may have been John Locke. Disappeared after he killed his family. 27 years. Started a whole new life in Iowa as a pastor. Got a new wife. They're rolling around. They found him on America's Most Wanted. 27 years after he slaughtered his whole family. I think it was John Locke. I think that's right.
Toledo
Is that the one? I mean, just was last year, like in the fall. There's a guy that was. Was gone for that amount of time. There's a couple finally.
Brett
Yeah, they surf. Yeah, there's a few, but John Locke was one. They found him because of a paper mache head they made on. On what they thought he looked like now. It was amazing. It was the first time they had those scientific forensic artists saying, here's how we think he probably Aged. And one of the things are like, he'd want to hide his face.
Toledo
So, hey, I think I know that.
Brett
Had these big hairy Carey glasses. Because the forensic scientist or the scientist, it was like, yeah, he's got guilt in his body. You can't help it whether you're a sociopath or whatever. So he's going to want to, like, have a disguise without it being disguised. So if he's. He's wearing glasses, I bet you those got real big. So they build this little paper mache head like a kid would in fifth grade, put these massive glasses on. And then the guy goes. And also after years and years of the guilt weighing on you, your lips will start to naturally frown on their own. And that's like a. Like. So they kind of pull this clay lips down a little bit and then they put it up there. And John Walsh is like, all right, this is what they think he looks like. Within like an hour, somebody's calling going, that's our pastor. And they showed a picture of him. It was perfect. If you look it up online, it's. It's amazing how good they did. It's like they knew. It almost feels like they knew. And they're like, let's just pretend we built this. So that's how like, he thought he Robert Fisher. This one says babies don't make women crazy. It just awakens the beast that was always living in them. Good point. That is true. This guy says two days in a row of John being a complete. Worry about your own life dip. What did you just do with your email, jackass? Worry about your own life dip. I better email in and tell him I don't like what he's saying. Oh, okay. What are you doing then? John Holmberg's morning sickness. The 98s get you PD.
Larry McFeely
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Brett
Hey, it's Larry McFeely here with Wayne from Amco and Wayne. Now that it's getting warmer, I turned on the AC in my car and the air is blowing kind of Cool. But it really smells like a basement. What can I do about that? Larry? Your car's AC system should be checked and serviced every year. Plus, replacing the cabin air filter helps the air blow strong and takes away any nasty smell. Nice. Is that a big deal to get done? Not at all. It takes about an hour, and in most cases, we can do it while you wait. That's awesome. I'll say. We're Amco. Google Amco for your nearest location. That's Amco. Double A MCO transmissions and a whole lot more Holmberg's morning sickness. Go listen to something else. You stick. I'm tired of people like you. Say hi to Beth. Yeah, go say hi to Beth. Listen to someone else. John List. That's his name, not John Locke. Was a philosopher. John List. The whole point of this show is that I gotta worry about other people's lives. Although, if I just sat back and said, I didn't do much yesterday. Anyway, we'll be right back. It would be pretty boring, you idiot. Cause you don't have a creative bone in your body. You don't understand what this whole thing is. It's social commentary. You gotta care about other people's lives. God, I f. Ing hate that guy. I don't even know who that is. I hope you die in the canyon. I hope you get Robert. I hope that guy gets Robert Fisher today. Two days in a row. You talking about other people. What do you listen for? You hard. Go away. Go away. Leave. Get out of my store. No soup for you, idiot. Anyway, some people ruin things. That's why Robert Fisher was like, I don't condone it, but I understand it. He's mad because he's trying to kill us. You know what that guy is? He's a dude that's been telling people, when my grandpa dies, I get a billion dollars. That's why he's mad. Worry about your own life. Yeah, why don't you go get a job? That's worth it. You dick.
Toledo
Push the button, change the channel.
Brett
Yeah, it's easy. Oh, I like that. He's saying that my grandpa dies, I get his inheritance. That's what he's. I hit a nerve with that idiot.
Toledo
Find that station, call in and say, how many numbers you got through the 10 item minimum?
Brett
What's the most you've ever gotten through the minimums at Fry's? We'll be right back. Weather. Traffic. Worried about other people's lives? Are you new here? That's all we do is worry about other people's lives. And Our own. We tell your stories. You don't like it, leave. Get out of my school. God forbid, Fisher. You're right, Brett, you're right. Your people are right. Holmberg's morning sickness and I'm getting all the emails. Yes, he'll be in the squares, I'm sure of it. But all this Epstein talk all week long. Everybody's waiting for lists and names and Aaron Rodgers is fighting with Jimmy Kimmel and everybody's on. Stephen Hawking's name popped up on there and everybody kind of went, what? Yeah, Stephen Hawking was there. This island was wheelchair accessible. Yeah, evidently they had ramps ramped into the teen girls rooms and I don't know.
Toledo
Single for a little bit.
Brett
No, he wasn't. He overlapped marriages.
Toledo
Oh, that's right, he did. Dude, he went right into it.
Brett
Yeah, that guy didn't have a blender. Every pimp. Look, he didn't. He ain't doing the single life real well. He needs somebody to do laundry and he had that. He had his wife that's starting to fall apart somehow. And then he started to. I don't know how it happened, but he started to have a romantic relationship with his nanny and then married her. And again, if you want to have some fun with something, Google search Stephen Hawking's wedding to his caretaker. And when she. When they do, you may kiss the bride. And then me, when she starts licking those picket teeth that he little white picket fence of bottom teeth that sticks out, going to kiss my wife now. Give her all that she's worth. So evidently he was on the island and I don't know what that means, but everybody's having a good time with that one because, you know, is that a. It's not a nice thing to think of Stephen Hawking?
Toledo
I mean, they had some important meetings on the island.
Brett
Yeah, no, he had like a whole science convention out on the island and then it.
Toledo
Try to bring the greatest minds.
Brett
Yeah. And he did it like. If you had Stephen Hawking on the island, it was like. But doesn't that just basically mean it wasn't. I mean, everybody, I think everybody thinks the island was a constant just party of sex and whatever. And maybe it was, but there's Stephen Hawking on the island and everybody's like, they got him down there and there's no pictures of him like giving a speech. He's sitting at dinner, there's drinks, there's people around and it's, you know, Stephen with the girls and, you know, chatting away with Sarah Ferguson from the Princess and Like, okay, this is. Something ain't right, but maybe it had.
Toledo
A good spa there at the island.
Brett
It was sometimes, like, a good rub down. How old are you? Come on. It doesn't matter. Like, who's guilty in that one. Like, if you're 16 and you're, you know, on the island and you've been sex trafficked, the one person you don't have to worry about is Stephen Hawking, right? Like, if he rolls into the massage room, you're just giving a massage. I mean, hard or soft, that doesn't matter. All of it will feel exactly the same. Rub my keypad. If not, just slash his tires and run. I mean, what's he going to do? How hard is it? No one can hear your cries.
Toledo
Just lock them up.
Brett
Yeah. What? What in the. If you are attacked by Stephen Hawking and lose. He sexually assaulted me. It's your fault. I'm sorry. There's. There's victim shaming me up in the elevator. Yeah. He rolled up against me and I couldn't move. They've got the emergency brake on. You're not going anywhere. Horror.
Toledo
This keyboard croaked me.
Brett
And then he just kept hitting the M button with his eyes. Get two popsicle sticks and some bread ties. We're going to do this. Yeah. I don't understand why Stephen. But everybody's like, all the names that are on this list, you're like, wait a second. Huh? And then you start to wonder, was Stephen Hawking, like, a sex slave? Like, did they take him down there and abuse him? But he was down there with Epstein. It's 2006. On Little St. James, the island of sin. And, you know, these pictures came out a while ago, but they're Stephen Hawking now. The names are confirmed on the, you know, the court documents that are being released. And still more to come, too, right? Oh, yeah, I do like that. They're slow bleeding it out, but I.
Toledo
Guess it's curious to see the ones that, you know what people want to know. So the person that denied ever being there. Oh, here's pictures.
Brett
Yeah, that's what you want. What you want is the one who's like, I never knew him and whatever. And then, well, here, like, what Prince Andrew tried to pull, like, I don't know what you're talking about. Well, here he was at your wedding. Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. Oh, yeah. No, I do know.
Toledo
Why don't you come over to England and we'll settle this?
Brett
And then his pathetic excuse when he's standing there with that girl. Who's the teenager? And he's got his arm around her. He goes, that may or may not be my arm. The angle on this photograph, I don't even know if we're actually standing next to each other. It's like, dude, the picture, your arms around her, that may be someone's arm from another room. Yeah. Because from behind a wall, maybe that was Stephen Hawking. His. His arm crept around from her waist and put it on her hip.
Toledo
Amazing how the royal family stepped in like, okay, cut her a check, Andrew.
Brett
Yeah, you're done. You're. You're out. And we're all right with that. Out of the way, Prince Andrew. It's time for a real man to get involved. Not Stephen Hawking. I can't get away. Lay down, roll over if you know what's good for you. She's got little tire tracks on her back. He did it. Evidence all over. There's DNA and Goodyear tire marks.
Toledo
The treads match.
Brett
Yeah, it's you, Hawking. Did I plead innocent? She raped me. But that would have. Yeah, yeah, you can't. Like, I don't think Stephen Hawkins did anything. So it does again. It starts to make it. So the list starts bringing people out and nothing happens. So everybody else is like, oh, I was there with Hawking, but that's a pretty impressive group out there, the Hawking list. And for him to be on that, you know, they loaded him up, they took him down to Lolita, and I guess, you know, it landed him and rolled him over.
Toledo
One of those things that, oh, you get to go to the island. That means you're. You're somebody in a way back then.
Brett
And also you're gonna get some money from this really, like, wealthy dude who might help your cause. That was the. Again, that's why I would have been there. We all act like we're also self righteous, but if a billionaire's like, hey, there's this conference and Stephen Hawking's gonna talk. And I know you're interested in, you know, astrophysicism and whatever they call that. I don't know.
Toledo
He's lining people up. You know, whether he's not cutting a check. He's like, oh, you meet him.
Brett
I'm going, if he had like, you know, baseball players and stuff and like, yeah, we're doing like a little thing with a bunch of old sports stars. And I know you love the Steelers. I'm going, there's. There's Stephen Hawking in a wheelchair. Skydiving pound. Where did that come from? I Think Chris Clark said it to us. I don't even want you to land the plane. I'm getting out now. You're on a mole Y. That's the whole time down. I'm going to rape an underage horde. That is. You're gonna.
Toledo
You can't even say that anymore when you're. When you're jumping on a plane.
Brett
Geronimo. Yeah, if you lose your job. All right, Steven, don't be racist. Geronimo, he can't do science anymore. Sorry. What are you supposed to say? That's a good point. What are you supposed to say when you leap out of a plane now?
Toledo
Cowabunga. Is that safe?
Brett
It's probably someone's name, isn't it? That sounds tribal. Like, I'm sure there's, you know, Chief Cowabunga over there in Ghana that's not real happy with that creeping Holy f. Because I'm not jumping. I'm not jumping on the plane. Well, if you can't walk, that dude that did it in that video you just showed is in a wheelchair already. What's the worst that can happen? True. He's already had one bat fall. I'm not D.B. cooper. I'm. No, I'm out. If I'm that dude, I might not pull the chute. I'm just going to throw myself out of there. But, yeah, Stephen Hawking on the island leads to some potentially funny thoughts. Although, you know, and that's how we have to deal with that island. We have to. We have to know deep down. But there. You know, there's articles from five or six years ago. They were worried Stephen Hawking was being sex trafficked down there. They were. Had fetish stuff with Hawking. But I wonder if Hawking was into all that.
Toledo
He could have been a watcher.
Brett
He was a weird dude. Like, people who knew him were like, he's a. He's a. He had a very dark. Oh, you'd have to. You're sitting in that thing with ALS, and they gave you two years to live, and you live 54 more. Like, every day was like, meh, I don't care anymore. It's fine. I'm going to keep living and have less use of my body. But. And again, I always think of our boy Larry, and Stephen Hawking had a side piece. That's the most amazing part. Stephen Hawking had a wife and a second. And there's dudes out there on bumble going, I just can't make it work. And that's just more and more Proof that it's about what you are, not who you are.
Toledo
It's how you wheel yourself around.
Brett
It is, it's, it's you wheeling with confidence how nice your wheelchair is. Let's just put it that way. It's like how high end is your wheelchair? Because if you've got a rickety old wicker wheelchair with wooden wheels, you're not having, you're not getting, you're not getting a lady. You got one of them super souped up ones. A few million bucks in the bank. You're on TV every once in a while, suddenly you know you're the apple of someone's eye. And that lady plopping down in his lap in that wedding dress and kissing those teeth. I watched that documentary about him. I was fascinated. And then that came up. Like in the end, his personal life was part of it. Like, what's going on? That nanny in him, she'd wipe his ass and clean him up and I don't know if it was even an ass. Just a hole in his side. And then change out. Yeah, and then he'd do stuff to her bag lady. The tongue still works. And then she'd like tilt him back, put the brake on, straddle his shoulders.
Toledo
You don't want to tilt too bad.
Brett
No, you don't. You gotta have a brace. So she'd tilt him back onto the bed and then lock the wheels so he's on a 45. And then she'd just straddle the shoulders and he'd dardle, dargle, dardle, daddle. Oh, Steven. That's right, bitch. Take it. The rollover had. Let me see your black hole. It's just not. It's not a good thing. But yeah. So Hawking's the most fun one that's on there. I find it fascinating. Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect.
Diane Fisher
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Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona: Best of HMS Podcasts - December 30, 2024
Episode Overview Released on December 30, 2024, the "Best of HMS Podcasts" episode from Arizona's #1 Morning Radio Show, Holmberg's Morning Sickness on 98 KUPD, delves into a gripping listener story about the complexities and potential dangers of ending a relationship with a pregnant partner. The hosts—John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo—engage in a frank and often humorous discussion, offering insights and advice while navigating the delicate subject matter. This summary captures the key points, discussions, and conclusions drawn during the episode.
Timestamp: [01:00]
The episode centers around an alarming email received from a listener identified only by the initials "GH." In his message, GH reveals his intention to break up with his pregnant girlfriend, fearing she has become mentally unstable and violent since her pregnancy. He warns that if a mysterious death involving a crying pregnant woman with the initials GH surfaces in the news, it would not be a suicide but a murder orchestrated by his girlfriend.
Notable Quote:
GH: "She's gone insane. GH so if there's a story on the news this weekend of a crying pregnant woman and her dead husband and the initials happen to be GH we know. We know. We're on we're on the case. Thanks for the update."
[01:00]
Timestamp: [02:01] - [05:26]
Upon reading GH's email, the hosts immediately express concern. Dick Toledo advises caution, suggesting that GH stay in the relationship until after the pregnancy to ensure stability. Bret Vesely echoes this sentiment, recommending that GH avoid making a sudden move to break up, as it could escalate the situation. Brett emphasizes the dangers of leaving, especially if the girlfriend exhibits erratic behavior, and suggests that disappearance without confrontation might not be a viable solution.
Notable Quotes:
Toledo: "Staying out of this gh."
[02:01]
Brett: "If you think she's gone nuts now, this is with you still there. I think Brett's right. If you just disappear for a while, but make it so she can't find you. Don't break up with her. Just don't show up anymore."
[02:23]
Timestamp: [05:26] - [08:55]
The conversation shifts to the psychological and emotional impacts of pregnancy on individuals. The hosts discuss hormonal fluctuations and their potential to exacerbate underlying mental health issues. They debate whether staying or leaving is the better option, considering the safety and well-being of both GH and his unborn child. The consensus leans towards remaining in the relationship to avoid triggering further instability.
Additionally, the hosts reference notorious criminals like Robert Fisher and John List to underscore the severity of staying in a potentially dangerous situation. They draw parallels between GH's predicament and these cases to highlight the risks involved.
Notable Quotes:
Toledo: "Stay on target."
[03:37]
Brett: "I think it is the Italian's advice. What? What are you talking about?"
[05:26]
Brett: "If you had Robert Fisher skills, you could blow up the house and never be found again. But you need that kind of training, which most people don't have."
[06:56]
Timestamp: [08:55] - [12:22]
Expanding on the topic of dangerous breakups, the hosts discuss infamous cases like John List, a man who murdered his family and evaded capture for 27 years by assuming a new identity. They debate the plausibility and morality of such drastic actions, ultimately advising against them due to legal and ethical implications.
The conversation also touches upon forensic techniques used to apprehend criminals like List, emphasizing the importance of evidence and the futility of assuming one can perfectly disappear without a trace.
Notable Quotes:
Brett: "John List. That's his name, not John Locke. Was a philosopher. John List. The whole point of this show is that I gotta worry about other people's lives."
[12:05]
Toledo: "Is that the one? I mean, just was last year, like in the fall. There's a guy that was gone for that amount of time."
[12:22]
Timestamp: [12:22] - [19:11]
The hosts explore various strategies for dealing with a potentially violent and unstable partner. They weigh the options of confrontation, documentation, and seeking external help. The debate includes whether to stand by the relationship through the pregnancy or to take proactive steps to ensure personal safety.
The discussion takes a satirical turn when the hosts mention high-profile figures like Stephen Hawking and Prince Andrew in the context of scandalous activities, blending real-world references with speculative scenarios to illustrate the extremes of relationship crises.
Notable Quotes:
Brett: "You gotta stay put for the next couple months and make this right. If she breaks up with you, that's okay, but you can't dump her at four months."
[08:55]
Chad: "Tell her you lost your job."
[07:12]
Brett: "They had these scientific forensic artists saying, here's how we think he probably aged. And one of the things are like, he'd want to hide his face."
[12:22]
Timestamp: [19:11] - [24:58]
While primarily focused on the listener's dilemma, the episode also veers into tangents about celebrity scandals, including unfounded associations between Stephen Hawking and controversial figures like Jeffrey Epstein. The hosts use these as humorous interludes to lighten the mood, albeit in a contentious and satirical manner.
Notable Quotes:
Brett: "Imagine that this lunatic's now gonna raise a kid to hate you. Ugh. And you gotta pay for that. Next thing you know, you're 92, you're in the bottom of the Grand Canyon with some kid that you thought you did right by."
[16:10]
Brett: "Babies don't make women crazy. It just awakens the beast that was always living in them. Good point. That is true."
[22:44]
Timestamp: [24:58] - [27:18]
As the episode nears its end, the hosts reflect on the intense discussion, reiterating the importance of handling relationship issues with care, especially when mental health and potential violence are involved. They emphasize documentation and seeking professional help rather than taking extreme measures.
Notable Quotes:
Brett: "You can't break up with a pregnant lady. That's like breaking up with somebody who gets a disease. Because pregnancy is an illness."
[08:55]
Toledo: "Push the button, change the channel."
[16:10]
Handling Volatile Relationships: The episode underscores the complexities of ending relationships, particularly when mental health and potential violence are factors. The hosts advocate for caution, documentation, and seeking professional assistance.
Psychological Impacts of Pregnancy: Pregnancy can amplify existing psychological issues, making it imperative to approach such situations with empathy and strategic planning.
Legal and Ethical Boundaries: While contemplating extreme measures, the hosts highlight the legal repercussions and moral dilemmas associated with taking drastic actions to escape a dangerous relationship.
Humorous Interludes: To balance the heavy subject matter, the hosts incorporate humor and tangential discussions about celebrity scandals, showcasing their ability to navigate serious topics with levity.
Audience Engagement: By addressing a real listener's email, the show maintains a direct connection with its audience, providing relevant and timely advice while fostering an engaging community dialogue.
Overall, this episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness offers a nuanced exploration of a listener's distressing situation, blending serious advice with the hosts' characteristic humor and candid discussions. It serves as both an informative and entertaining segment for listeners navigating similar challenges.