← Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona
Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona
BEST OF HMS PODCASTS - MONDAY - January 20, 2025 - Mike Tyson's Spelling Bee - Two Rounds - June 2005
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John Holmberg
All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Get out to the Tempe Improv on the east side to see Paul Versey on Thursday and Beth Stelling Friday, Saturday and Sunday. The Desert Ridge Improv up north features Sarah Weinschenk this Thursday and Joe Derosa on Friday and Saturday. And downtown at Stand Up Live, check out the very funny Lil Rel performing Friday, Saturday and Sunday for the complete lineups. And for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com it's John Holberg here. For the amazing people at the Core Institute, life can throw you a curveball now and again. One day you're trucking along, feeling great. Next day your dog smashes into your head and knocks you cold. Or like a KUPD listener told me this week, his dog did a sprint across the backyard directly into the side of his wife's leg and blew her knee up. She needed that need to get fixed and fixed right? Two years later, she's running like she used to again. And it's all thanks to the Core Institute. I went through it too. And you can get rid of your pain and start saying yes, I can to all the things you want to do. And. And all you have to do is trust the experts at the Core Institute head there right now. The Core institute dot com. Grab some protection. Here comes the best of Homburg's morning sickness. I'm 98 KUPD. Yeah, well, Chief double down can't make it today, but we do have. The COVID of the USA Today is our own Mike Tyson, Phoenix's own Mike Tyson, who's here in town today. And Mike is pretty happy. We've had Mike Tyson and Karl Malone spelling bees, and we figured we'd bring him back because he's on the COVID of the USA Today. Mike Tyson is here today to do the spelling bee and it's all sports related spelling. Oh, that's fun. Yeah, Pretty cool. But he's gonna be. Shall we get on? Sure, I guess. Excuse me. Pardon me. Hi there, Brady. How are you? Your haircut frames your face nicely. It's a lovely haircut. It's good to see you. I enjoy a haircut, thank you. I said, do you want a pigeon? Yes. I've got like a whole house of pigeons. Why, my life is a world of crap. They are tasty. Yeah. I'm on the COVID of the USA Today. And all they did was talk about how I'm just not happ. Why aren't you happy? Have you seen my face? I have a tattoo on my face. I have to look at that every morning. That's cool. It's very hard for me, bro. Your face is not tattooed. Mine, however, is. Is one of your pigeons named Robin? I'm gonna pull your ass out right in front of everybody right now. Just ask him. Don't bring Robin up. Sorry. There's pigeons now, not robins. Way to go, Brady. You've irritated him now. It's all right. I'm rubbing my marble that we got on anger. You got a marble? You and I both have one. Yeah, I like that. Anger management. I understand that, Eric. Your haircut frames your face rather nicely as well. Thank you. It also frames that girl you were with rather nicely. Oh, yeah? Yeah. You met her, huh? You need a framer to get around her. She's got a. She's huge. Yes. He's a lovely lady, though. Who's the guy behind me? You don't like Big girl. Oh, that's Dick Toledo. Big Dick Toledo. Your haircut frames your face nicely as well. What's up, Mike? I'm sad. Why are you sad? Didn't you listen to me? Oh, yeah, world of crap. I'm gonna eat your children. Start listening. Yeah, but you gotta be a little excited for the June 11th fight. Yeah, I got a big fight. I haven't even heard of the guy who you fight. You don't know? I don't know. Kevin McBride? See, I think he's a sportscaster on Channel 10. That's right. I'm fighting Kevin. Kevin McKay. He's a former Celtic. I'm gonna fight Kevin. Kevin. Kevin McHale. Yeah. You like fighting white guys, don't you? Yes, because I can beat the tar of them. Still. It's those black ones. Put me in a ring with a black guy, I lose every time. I know I have to begin to eat them in order to even have a chance. You're pretty outspoken on this whole Michael Jackson trial, too. Yes. He didn't do it. Why do you say that? Because I know Michael. Really? And his haircut perfectly frames his face. You hang out at Neverland? I've been to Neverland. And he never once tried to touch me. I was six inches deep into Michael once, and he didn't even say anything. I didn't know that. He said, call me Daddy, and I did. Six inches, Mike. Stretching. That's. Hey, take Toledo. You want six inches in me, or you want your ass on the floor? You make your choice now. I'm sorry, I'm a little angry. Yeah, you're a little cocky. Rich. Yeah. Rich has a problem. Let's start my. My spelling bee music, shall we? Hi, Dirk. Still a virgin? It's all sports related. You get to pick from a category. And the spelling bee is huge right now, so. Got somebody in line for. Hi there. Who's this? This is Eddie. Eddie, how are you this morning? Pretty good. Are you white? Yeah. Wanna fight? Well, I'm not quite white. I'm more Mexican. Wanna fight? Oh, yeah. Are you little? I'd say, but I'm 13. I can't have that. My friend is Michael Jackson. I can't talk to 13 year old kids. You'll get in trouble. I get in big trouble. Who's this? Wolverine. Wolverine? Oh, yeah. We don't remember Wolverine from Red Dawn. Yeah. Okay, now, does a Wolverine or a badger More dangerous. Domino's last night. Oh, that's you. He has all the snakes. All right, pick it. Pick a category. Baseball, hockey or football. You have to spell a name from one of those sports. Football. He says football. All right. You have to get two. Right. Okay. Okay. Jake Delome. D, E, L, H O, M E. Sorry. You're a freaking idiot. Hey, but thanks for the pizzas last night. Thanks for the pies. Domino's. Your haircut frames your face nicely. Hi there. Who's this? Hey, this is Joe. Joe, how are you this morning? Good. What's going on? Oh, you know, this, that and the other. I have a miserable life and I race pigeons now. It's on the COVID of the USA Today. Yeah. Soon I will commit suicide. It will be violent and awful. Hey, I'll be watching. Anyway, I hope it'll be on Pay Per View too, so my family can get some more money. Pick a category. Hockey, football or baseball. You said football. Yes, I did say football. Pay attention. All right. Obafemi. Ironbidejo. Obafemi. Iron Bedejo. If I can say it. You should spell it. He's a cardinal. Obafemi. I am. You have to spell the whole thing. How about just the last? I'll give you Obafemi. Oh, okay. You spell iron. Bidejo. I am a beast. Sorry. Hello. Hi, how are you? What's up? What's going on, friend? Not much. Do you need a pigeon by chance? Because I have a superfluous amount of them. Oh, you got white ones. I have white ones that I beat the tar out of. I'm a powerful, strong puncher. Wow. And if it's White. I will knock it down. Great. If it's black, I will run from it. You said you're really depressed. I'm very depressed. I don't know why you say that. Because I haven't. According to USA Today, it has your quoting saying, I'm really a sad, pathetic case. Yes. I don't understand why. Have you seen my face? The tattoo? And on top of it all, Brady, I haven't pulled an ass out in over a year. Well, you will. June 11th. I'm beat the crap out of Kevin McCabe from Channel 10 Fox. What's Kevin McBride is who you're fighting. That is. Okay. You pick a category. Hockey, baseball or football. Do you have a nice life? No. No. Good. We should hang out sometime and maybe talk about a horrible, violent day. Go to a strip club? Yes. We'll have to do that one of these days. That'll be great. I'll say baseball. He says baseball. All right, here we go. Ready? Yeah. Shay Hillenbrand. Hillam. Brand that. Spell his first name. No. Okay. H, I, L, D, E, B, R, A, N, D. Whatever. You may actually kill yourself before I do. So long. You have to pull out the gun. Who's this? Tammy. Danny. Daniel. Hi, Tammy. How are you? No. Daniel. Hi, Daniel. Haircut frames your face nicely. We have a new category. Basketball, baseball, hockey, football or basketball, Tammy? Baseball. Baseball's good. Scott Putt Sednik. P O, S E, D. So long, Tammy. I think it was Daniel. Hi. That. Who? This. This B is awesome, huh? Matt. I couldn't hear you kiss. Brady wouldn't shut his fat trap. Matt. Matt. Tammy. Baseball, hockey, football or basketball? Football. Football. That doesn't make you tough. All right. Mike Alstott. A L, S T O, T T. That's one. We got it. We got it. Kabir. Basha. Bamila. I just have to do the last name, right? That's right. G, B, A, J, A dash. B, I, A, M, I, L, A. How's the Internet? How's the Internet treat you nice? I'm not on the Internet. Google. Hold on a second. Then Nikolai. Nikolai. Hobby Bullen. Just see if you're really a strong speller. Are you? Are you an East India? Are you a dot? Indian? Dot. Not feathers. Feather. I've never fought one of those. He's feather. Your feather. India. They're good as fine. No, I'm actually white. I will kick your ass. You're a white man. I can beat the tar of them. Why do white people bleed so easy? I can't say I don't enjoy It. Okay, go ahead. Nikolai Hobby Bullen. I thought I picked. Shut up. Nikolai Hobby Bullen is playing football because there is no hockey right now. All right, let's see if you're really good. Landon Wilson. What? What's the name? Landon Wilson. Landon Wilson. Yeah. W I L S O N. He is a genius, this one. That's amazing. Nice job. Hang on a second. I'm sure you have your face beautifully. We already got a winner, Mike. Is that it? Can I go and kill myself now because I'm so miserable? Brady, would you do the honest? I would love to. Yeah. You missed. Sorry. No white man has hit me in the last five minutes. Took off some of your ear, though. You got a little chunk of that, but that's all right. That's karma, cuz. I ate someone's ear once. So when's Kevin McBride gonna drop you? In what round? Kevin McCabe will probably beat my depressed ass in the fourth round. Then I'll apologize to everyone for buying tickets and then I will. I will not eat his children. Oh, I'll probably just eat his wife like I did. Yeah. I don't have any confidence left. I thought you do like yoga. I do yoga and then I. Then I free my pigeons. What? What in the hell am I doing with all these pigeons? That's all I want to know. How does that. How does that collection start? I'm bankrupt. Why am I buying pigeons? What do you do with all the stool? The pigeon stool? I sit on it in the corner. My trainer puts it out and I sit on it. Oh, no. Dookie poop. Put it in the toilet like everyone else. That's what I thought. What are you talking about? Thanks for stopping by, Mike. I'm coming back. Yeah. You can't stop me. You're white. Do you have any black people working here? Yes, we do. You do not. Huh? This is a lie and you're gonna be beaten for. I'm gonna pull your ass out and show it to you before your heart. We have a lot of Mexicans. Like four. Four Mexicans equals one black. They're all together. Hey. Eric's having a barbecue at his house. Jonah. I enjoy barbecue. Do you know how to prepare pigeon? Because I have extra. All right, bring them over. What am I doing with all these pigeons? A couple of hundred of them. Why? Because they are soothing to you. That's what you said? Yes. That's the stupidest thing I've ever said. You didn't say that. I said it, but it was dumb. You're also on the War path. Because you're single again. I know any. Any single white ladies that work here that would like a big pile of me on them. You know what I'm saying? Little map of Hawaii. Little map of Mike Tyson. There's plenty out there. Pigeons like it when I do that to them. Give it a shot. Paradise Valley women will dig you. That's true. I met a girl last night. Did you. Did you punch her? Honeymoon is Ronnie. You punch her in the trunk. That's nice. That's a good kill. Yeah, we have something in common. Is that right? Yeah. You have a boyfriend named Ronnie? No. Mike. Oh, really? It works out beautifully. I'm dating a Ronnie. Which has nothing to do with your boyfriend, Mike. Aleutian Islands. Spell it. I t it. That's it. Nice job, Brady. Thank you. I'm gonna leave for a little while, soak in my own stew of depression. Man. Very sad. Notice he never says anything about my haircut. Visit Holmberg's morning sickness online@98kupd.com College hoops are here, and there's no better place to catch the action than Hooters. Fuel up with the baller bundle. 10 boneless wings, crispy fries, dressing, and a fountain drink starting at just $9.99. Want to level up your game day experience? Swap the fountain drink for a Beat the Buzzer special featuring your choice of Beatbox or Buzzballs for a low price. This offer is for game days only, so grab your crew, enjoy the action, and feast on the FL flavors you love. Only at Hooters. The original wing joint since 1983. Hey, it's Larry McFeely here with Wayne from Amco and Wayne. Now that it's getting warmer, I turned on the AC in my car and the air's blowing. Kind of cool, but it really smells like a basement. What can I do about that, Larry? Your car's AC system should be checked and serviced every year. Plus, replacing the cabin air filter helps the air blow strong and takes away any nasty smell. Nice. Is that a big deal to get done? Not at all. It takes about an hour, and in most cases, we can do it while you wait. That's awesome. I'll say. We're Amco. Google Amco for your nearest location. That's Amco double A MCO transmissions and a whole lot more. Holmberg's morning sickness spelling bee. The huge spelling bee, which it seems like it used to last, like, a week, and now it's a day. The Indians knock everybody out in, like, a day. How do they do the Rotation on. I don't know. Are there less people involved? I guess so. There's less people want to challenge the East Indies. Not the Islands, but know what I mean? There seems to be an Asian dominance in math. All the Asian countries and. Oh yeah. I guess so. Yeah. What are white people good at? We're slowly disappearing. We're being good at things. I think we're just fat and lazy. We're good at making money and having jobs. That's true. We're good at spending money. I don't know what we're good at. We're not good at? Athletics. No. Spelling. No. We're great at. Not good at. You know what we're good at? You know what we're good at? NASCAR dominance. World dominance. Thank you. Taking over countries. Yeah. We're good at saying we're good at building bombs. We're not a mix. Yeah. We're really good at being average at everything. Or C students. Yeah, we're C students. We're not great at anything but we're good at everything. True. I'm proud of you. Things. We're above average in certain things. But. What? Yeah. Being fully leveraged. Running up credit card. Credit card debt. No. We still don't have black people and Puerto Ricans on that one. I don't know. There's some heavy leverage. I think that. I think that does. I don't think there's no race involved with that. It's good English. I just used there. We're probably above average in starting multi level marketing scams. That's true. Scamming people. We're very good at lying and scamming. You'd have to say we dominate the infomercial. Telling people how to get rich. Yeah. It's true. I don't know. Maybe Mike knows. I tell you one thing you're not good at. Fighting Mike Tyson. There's been a white guy that even hit me yet I fought like 30 of them. Fighting another one on June 11th. It's true. Kevin. Kevin. Will you look at Kevin McBride? Yeah. McBride. Wasn't he an in thinking? No. Remember his name. But will you promise right here on the air? Yes. I solemnly swear that I will not chew or bite on any ear. Brady's ear. No. What? Kevin McBride will not bite of anything. I plan not to eat anyone this. This fight. But you never know what's gonna happen. He might be salty. That's tough. When someone's sweaty they become so salty. That's good. And it becomes so tasty. You know. You bang into them all the time, it's like, my God, he's salty. You could take a bite of this and Harvey's like a big peanut. It's like, marinating. Yeah. Well, it's like you just, like you're fighting that plantis and all of a sudden your mind reminds you. Look at you say, oh, my God, I'm fighting the plant. This peanut, man, I have to have some of that. How do you want to crunch him open and get to that nutty center? It's like a natural rub. I don't know. Are you sweaty? Do people turn into food for you? Yes. Really? What is. Brady. Yes. Giant talking ham. Oh, no, wait. I was looking at your girlfriend. That was a good one. Thanks. I'll be here all week. I'm gonna put the improv out of business. Real funny, Mike. That was a good one. Hi there. Who's this? Yeah, this is Brad. Brad, how's your life going? It's going pretty good. How's yours? Mine is a miserable pile of feces. Miserable pile of feces that's flaming on your doorstep right now. Are you white? Yeah, I'm white. Wanna fight? Sure. It's like $2 million for both of us. All you gotta do is standing there for eight rounds while I pummel your white ass into the ground. Do you have any black friends that could take care of me after the fight? No. See, this is great for me. You're in. Congratulations. Pick a sport. Basketball, hockey, baseball or football. Let's go with football. Yeah, this is a good, good game. Football is the best one to choose. Chris Fuumatu Maafala. Fu matu Malafala. Fu matu Maafala. Are you looking on the Internet? What are you saying? Fuamatu Maafala. I have to put a time on these guys. He's a bad maafala. He's Samoan, isn't he? Well, Fuamatu Mafala, former Pittsburgh Steeler and Kurt, Jacksonville Jaguar. Okay, well, F U. F U. Hey, watch your mouth, whitey. Oh, sorry. You're just spelling. Go ahead. F U, T, M, A. Sorry. So on. Cracker. Hidey. Who's it? This is Richard. Richard. How are you, Dick? I'm doing pretty good. Good. Are you white? Yes. All right. Good. All right, here we go. Are you married? Yes, I am. I probably had her. Is her name Robin? No, it's actually not. It's Ashley. Choose Miss Indiana. Done it. All right, here we go. Football, baseball, basketball or hockey? Let's go with football. Football's a good one. Everybody keeps choosing that. All Right. Woody dance la. Who? Woody dance. Lansler dance la. I can't understand. Dancer dance slurry right now. I'm enraged by this guy. I'm sorry. Man. He's been hitting the ball. I'm gonna kill this guy. Woody. Dancer man. D, A and B. So far, so good. There's more. Dancer la. Sorry. The Stoners aren't good at stoner. Sorry about that. You probably should have called some other time. Spelling bee. I'm in. Man. He's a little more fortified than looking for most B contestants. Hi, there. Who is this? Sean. Sean. How are you this morning? Good. It's good to speak to you. Are you white? I am white. All right. I could kill you if you just keep that in mind. Football, basketball, hockey or baseball. Let's go hockey. Hockey's a good one. Oh. Dominic Hossek. Hossek. You heard me. J, S, I K. Wow. Not even close. Sorry, sister. Hi, there. Who's this? Hey. This is Mike. Mike. That's my name as well. Fantastic. Give it back. Am I on the air? You're on the air. Fantastic. Give me baseball. All right. Baseball. This is easy. Ready? Yep. Doug McCavich. McCaglish. Mikavich. That would be M.C. wow. Sorry. You listen to the stupid people. Having a tough time understanding. So that right leg of lamb. Yeah. Mint jelly. Just a little salt. Where are you from? New Jersey. Really? Why? Ever get back there? No. Would you like to try some man porridge? Ooh, that sounds delicious. Is it salty? Yes. I'll eat anything salty. Evander had a nice, like, minty flavor. And he would come in, he had his salt, and then I could have sworn he had one of those monocles in his eye. And the little cane and the hat. And like, God's a planet's peanut, man. I have to eat this man. And then. And then it was like a mint jelly coming out of him. So what does Brady look like to you? Brady looks like a pot roast. Chateaubriand. Brady's a pot roast with a head. He's a pot roast. Delicious pot roast, man. What's Eric look like? Eric looks like a flaming bag of Fifi fish. Come on. I would not eat Eric. That's not salty. Nutty. Definitely nutty. Corny. It's corn and nuts. But there is no. Yeah. There's no quality. I see what you're saying. There's no nutrition eating Eric. Hi there. Who's this? Reuben. Reuben. How are you? Good. How much stuff? You're the last. I am. I live in a world of death. Love your show. Reuben. Yeah. Your last album was fantastic. You are the American Idol. Basketball, hockey, a baseball room. You're the last hope. Baseball. Baseball it is. All right. You ready? Yeah. Mark Grudzalonik. G R U D A. Sorry. He did. He tried to help pronounce it by going into the anonymous angel. I heard that. Creepy. You want to try another one? Just because I love your albums. Sure. All right, let's go with AJ Pierczinski. Spell his first name. Spell his first name. AJ AJ now spell his last name. He thought I was gonna let you off easy. You're a jerk. Kavinsky. P, I, V, I, N, S. Sorry. So long, stupid. You know, Mike, Reuben. That's a salty sandwich. You ever had a Reuben? Oh, yes, I am. Yeah. Yes. Talking pot roast people. Anyway, so watch me fight Kevin. What's his name on June 11th. June 11th. Kevin McCavich. That's the day before Father's Day. What are your six kids? I got six kids. They're gonna be cleaning the pigeon stool out of my house because I have like thousands of pigeons for no reason whatsoever. So everyone on a place will sit. There will be tons of duels everywhere. Because Brady likes to do double entendre humor. That's right. I thought he didn't know. That's it. No more spelling bees. We had a winner. Thanks for coming, Mike. Suck it. I'm out. It's out of control now. Hi, I'm Diane Fisher from Fisher Tools. From our humble beginnings in 1964 at the Phoenix park and swap to our 4 acre campus located just south of Tempe Marketplace off the 2 and McClintock. Fisher Tools has been building the valley for over 60 years. Come check us out and browse our huge selection of tools and anything you need to do the job right. We carry Milwaukee, DeWalt, Makita, Proto and so much more. We're also online@fishertools.com CUPD listeners will receive 10% off their order when you mention this ad. Fisher Tools. If we don't have it, we can't sell it.