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John Holmberg
All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Get out to the Tempe Improv on the east side to see Paul Versey on Thursday and Beth Stelling Friday, Saturday and Sunday. The Desert Ridge Improv up North features Sarah Weinschenk this Thursday and Joe Derosa on Friday and Saturday. And downtown at Stand Up Live, check out the very funny Lil Rel performing Friday, Saturday and Sunday for the complete lineups. And for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com it's John Holberg here.
Brady
For the amazing people at the Core Institute, life can throw you a curveball now and again. One day you're trucking along, feeling great. Next day your dog smashes into your head and knocks you cold. Or like a KUPD listener told me this week, his dog did a sprint across the backyard directly into the side of his wife's leg and blew her knee up. She needed that need to get fixed and fixed right. Two years later, she's running like she used to again. And it's all thanks to the Core Institute. I went through it, too. And you can get rid of your pain and start saying yes, I can to all the things you want to do.
Brett
And.
Brady
And all you have to do is trust the Experts at the Core Institute head there right now. The Core Institute.com cease and desist at once. The best of Homburg's morning sickness. This is the Big Red Radio.
John Holmberg
This segment brought to you guys by MMP Guns on 12th street in Indian School. Inside a mo money pond. Now, MMP Guns is your firearms expert. Whether you look for a new firearm for yourself, for your girlfriend, your wife, you want to build one, you need accessories. You need ammo. If they don't got it, they'll get it. It's MMP Guns over on 12th street in Indian School. Check them out online at mmpguns.com Brady, are you ready? Let's do it.
Brady
Dear Brady, calling me ugly isn't an insult to me. I'm unattractive. Well, I get that. It's like I wrote this. But I say that the reason I'm it is the reason that I am a millionaire. That's right. I got skills and a personality because I couldn't rely on my looks growing up. I'm only 34 and I have hustled and I have earned it. Granted, I'd have to sell some of my stuff to have a million dollars But I am technically a millionaire. I'm very comfortable. I've also never had a serious relationship because for the past 15 years of working, I've been so focused on making sure that I'm financially okay. I didn't have time for a girl. Well, those kind of slowed down a little. I'm seeing a girl who is absolutely stunning. Instagram model, hotel, smoke show. She's 10 years younger than me. She has very little cash, no skill with cash. But we are talking about taking things to the next level. In my mind, I think this is a great idea. But I am also wondering a little piece of me that says she only wants the lifestyle, not me. Is this something I'm dealing with because it's normal or what would Brady asking you, Millionaire Brady, keep what you're doing, man.
Brett
Make that money. Yeah, she's into it for the money, but it's a good life.
Brady
So are you.
Brett
Yeah.
Brady
She's got the exact same mentality you have. I was gonna say in it for the cash.
Brett
And what are you in it for?
Brady
Well, he's in it for the cash. Exactly. And her. And her, you know, bowing down to you. The difference is she's pretty. She didn't have to work to get it. She's gonna get some of yours.
Brett
Correct.
Brady
And you are ugly.
Brett
Take it to the next level. Depends on, you know, if you want to go traditional.
Brady
Nup it.
John Holmberg
I was just gonna say the same thing. Prenup it.
Brett
It meant the world recommendation, because it sounds like, I mean. And to you, that's the. The priority. If that priority is you like being successful making that money, then I would nup it.
Brady
And you're ambitious and you're strong, and you worked real hard, and that's great stuff. But you're also ugly. The money makes you more attractive. She doesn't have to work hard. You have to realize that there's nothing about this girl that has to ever put an effort in for the next 12 years. Then the ravages of time begin, and she better get a personality. But she said, you're 34. She's 24. She better develop a personality sometime between now and the next two presidents, because if she doesn't have anything by the time she's 34 and you didn't up it, she's gonna have a ton of money. And that'll carry her into her 40s if she doesn't get the personality. So try to see if she's got that going for her. A lot of those girls that are 24 and scoring millionaires at that age must be smoking. But they're usually kind of boring, Right? Yeah.
Brett
This sounds like it's going in the right direction.
Brady
Yeah, I think so, too. So definitely get some paperwork. Move that little. That little Betty right in there. Take advantage of it. Until what? Until what happens? Brett.
John Holmberg
What? She ages. Oh, yeah. She expires.
Brady
That's exactly right. I like when Brett says, don't help him. We'll get it to him.
John Holmberg
I was just making sure.
Brady
We were. I just want to make sure Toledo likes to answer my questions for you. She expires like milk. It happens to everybody. That's.
John Holmberg
Well, if he's got that kind of cash, he doesn't have to worry about it. Just gets rid of her before the expiration date.
Brady
And that's what she needs to realize.
John Holmberg
Exactly.
Brady
We're telling him, hey, she's in it for the lifestyle. What she needs to realize is he's in it for as long as you are valuable to him. Yeah, so that's not good. That's not the healthiest relationship. But you've entered all that cash into it. And the last thing you want, I think, is a woman with an equal amount of money. She's going to smash heads. Too competitive. The whole place will turn into a big, you know, Super Bowl. Every day where you're trying to be stronger than that.
Brett
It really comes down to liking each other.
Brady
That's right. And that's not ever going to happen. I don't think. I don't think two people. I don't think a man and a woman could ever do that equally yoked financially or it has to be an imbalance. Somebody owes something. Like, you give me your beauty and I give you this lifestyle until your beauty cracks. And trust me, a girl will hate hearing that. But Brett says when she expires, when she's in her mid-30s, he'll get rid of her. If he loses his money, she'll get rid of him.
John Holmberg
She's gone before that.
Brady
So it's. Even if that guy's broke and loses his ambition and takes that lifestyle away, she's there for that, too. So women can get mad and say, oh, that's awful. You say that when she's ugly, he'll leave her. If he's broke, she'll leave him. So let's just keep doing what we're doing here and recognize it. And also, ugly guy, celebrate yourself a little bit.
John Holmberg
You do.
Brady
Well, take advantage of this ugly guy banging hot chicks. That's winning. That's called winning. Exactly.
Brett
Tiger blood.
John Holmberg
Man.
Brady
I was with Lovitz this weekend. You've seen us. He's been with models, so I don't want to hear it from the ladies. That's terrible. You say that we expire and you just get rid of us. Well, if we go broke, you do the same. I would not. If my husband went broke, I'd stay. Well, then you must not be that hot. The hot girl would go. I got options. Yep. I'll be fine for a little while, right? Yeah, for a little bit. She's gonna eventually gonna need to settle in.
John Holmberg
She's Kate Beckinsale or something.
Brady
Then you know, she can move anywhere she wants.
John Holmberg
Yep.
Brady
Let me find another one here. Older lady argument with my wife. Like that one. Ew. Ew. Visit Homeburg's morning sickness online@98kupd.com College hoops.
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Brady
Hey, it's Larry McFeely here with Wayne.
John Holmberg
From Amco and Wayne.
Brady
Now that it's getting warmer, I turned on the AC in my car and.
John Holmberg
The air's blowing kind of cool, but.
Brady
It really smells like a basement. What can I. Larry, your car's AC system should be checked and serviced every year.
John Holmberg
Plus, replacing the cabin air filter helps.
Diane Fisher
The air blow strong and takes away any nasty smell.
Brady
Nice.
Brett
Is that a big deal to get done?
Brady
Not at all. It takes about an hour, and in.
John Holmberg
Most cases, we can do it while you wait.
Brady
That's awesome. I'll say.
John Holmberg
We're Amco. Google Amco for your nearest location. That's Amco double A MCO transmissions and a whole lot more.
Brady
Holmberg's morning sickness. Dear Brady, last night I had an argument with my wife about her dirty feet. We put up Christmas lights on our trees and bushes, and the whole time, my wife was in her bare feet. She's always on her bare feet. She hates socks. She never puts shoes on. She's outside doing simple tasks. And bare feet. Yeah. So at the end of the night, she's sitting on her clean bed with these Fred Flintstone dirt Bags at the end of her ankles. Since she showers in the morning, it was most likely to stay there all night. I said, you can wash those things. And she got mad and stormed off to the shower, griping the whole way. I told her I can't believe I had to even bring it up. It's common sense. Clean yourself. Everybody hates dirty feet. I hate dirty feet. We don't have a. We have a no shoe rule in my house because I feel dirty feet. I feel about dirty feet the same way John feels about a butthole. It's equal Brady, am I overreacting or does my wife settle this argument?
Brett
I wouldn't worry about it. A couple years, she's gonna lose those feet from diabetics.
Brady
You think so? Thinks he's gonna clean your feet. You don't lose it from being dirty. Yeah, this is why Brady is who he is. He thinks that that's how you get diabetes. Meanwhile, I'm just saying, if she's not.
Brett
Washing right, she's a pig.
Brady
At least diabetes we get. What you're saying since you ain't washing her feet, you're better looking naked.
John Holmberg
I gotcha.
Brady
Yeah, she's probably not taking care of the rest of herself.
Brett
And if she's filthy is an obvious thing. What else is going on now?
Brady
That candy store not getting washed before bed.
Brett
Roots and stews, man.
Brady
And that's the thing, ladies and men. You should always shower before bed because that's where the action happens. And it's an announcement to say I'm clean and considerate to the sleeping arrangement we have. Going to bed with today's junk on you is disgusting to me. You pooped. You outside putting up Christmas lights. Dirty pig. You take your clothes off and climb into the rack. No, wash up. The whole day is on you. Wash it off. And if you need a shower to kick start your day the next morning, do that too. We got plenty of water. You seen the Emotions? They're everywhere. We're good.
Brett
Jump in the pool. It's good for the circulation, right?
Brady
Now there's some of that. Just at least get today off of you. It is good for you, the cold bath, but clean up before bed. Think about it. We're gonna be up four in the morning. We wake up, I go to bed about 11. I'm not climbing into bed with all that on me and everything that happened to me and going, alright, who's up for a little bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh. It's not happening. It's disgusting. And if A woman did it, you'd be like, gross. Go wash that thing.
Brett
Just scrub the feet up. She should know better.
Brady
Put some shoes on. It's kind of an announcement that you're not interested in your partner too. I think it's more of a subconscious thing to say. I don't clean myself before bed to keep you away from me.
Brett
She's not wearing shoes and it's been a long time. She's got like those heel spurs.
John Holmberg
She's got circle K feet.
Brady
Yeah, she got them circle K feet. He's right. Them spurs. That. That like. It looks like a turtle's tail hanging off the back of that lady's foot.
Brett
You might have to shoo her.
Brady
Wouldn't hurt.
Brett
Carve some of that.
John Holmberg
Hook those hooves over here.
Brady
We're gonna walk around without shoes. I'm gonna have you take you down there to the Smith.
Brett
You can't her in this bedroom. Now.
Brady
You gotta grind it every once in a while.
Brett
Take some shavings off my wife also.
Brady
Guy who emailed wife's a pig. How dare you climb in my clean bed with that. Feels like he knows that. He knows. That's why he's emailing. He wants her out. That's a deal breaker. You come in my bed with black feet. I remember being years ago, I thought I was gonna like this girl. And I remember she was walking around her place with no shoes on. And we ended up in the shower together. And I looked down and it's just her apartment. And the water hit her feet and it turned the water a different color. And that was immediate boner death. So we played around for a little bit, and then I'm like, I gotta go, because that was from her apartment floor. And I said, slong, pig. She said, but wait, she sounded just like Brady.
Brett
You know what happened?
John Holmberg
That wasn't a boner killer.
Brady
Oh, that was awesome. I like that. Anything to quiet that. I had to fill that mouth. What are you anyway? Dear Brady, my mom has been involved in a cult. And I won't say the name of this cult, but I do her taxes, and she gave $52,000 to them this year. She's got some cash, but come on, there's zero return on that. Would you alert the IRS about this or would you see if you can stop? She's not hearing me at all. Do I get a conservatorship? Which I'm capable of doing. It'll ruin the relationship, but it's all gonna go away if she keeps this up. She's got about six Years of this left. And let me tell you, the hint about the cult. Zenu's involved. That is all Riley. Oh, I know this one. That's them. Scientologists.
Brett
Yeah.
Brady
52 grand isn't.
Brett
You get a tax break on some of that? I don't know if it's a 501C3. Absolutely.
Brady
Unless you're just dropping cash in.
Brett
If she's dropping cash in, tougher to report. You know, it's a honor system.
Brady
You.
Brett
You can still report it as long as they record.
Brady
What do they do like a 10 thing? You gotta have recorded evidence of your. Yeah, nobody's recording cash drops. The basket goes by anonymously.
Brett
Some people can. You can write it down, say it and then. But you're better off. Always remember doing that is if you are donating the check is the best way to record it.
Brady
He's clearly a tax guy. Says he does her taxes. Yeah, so I'm guessing she doesn't have a lot of records saying this is a tax write off.
Brett
Or maybe she doesn't. That's how he knows.
Brady
Oh yeah, that could be, but it's not full. You can't be handing out 52 grand a year to a cult. Yeah, that's true.
Brett
Newly into it, it sounds like. Or she's been into it for a couple of years. You. You got some work to do. I don't know if you could get the. I mean, I guess you could go for a conservatorship, but gotta take that.
Brady
To court and stuff.
Brett
Yeah, I don't. I think that's expensive. I mean, the best you can do is like, hope that she either comes out of it or, you know, it's.
Brady
You gotta let that go to mourn the loss of your mother. She's gone. She is a Scientologist now. And I don't know why you'd want to hang out with her in the first place. She's a Scient now.
John Holmberg
Suddenly a Remini over there.
Brady
Yeah, exactly. Leah will save her. I don't think if my mom turned Scientologist, I just remember her for what she was and let her drift off into the sunset on her own. We had a good run. We had a nice run. This mom. I don't know. I don't think I love anybody so much that if they became Scientologists, I would keep them around. If your mom and dad. Scientologist. You try to talk them out of them like I'm done here.
Brett
I try to talk them out of it or talk to them about it.
Brady
Right.
Brett
But I'D still, you know, if she runs out, you know, the only thing that. For him, if she runs out of money, then she'll come back to him.
Brady
Yeah. You're a Scientologist. Go to them now. Yeah.
Brett
She could move in.
Brady
Yeah, they'll take.
Brett
They've got facilities.
Brady
Go to that workstation down there in Indio. Start doing some of the labor. 52 grand in a year to any sort of facility that just harbors your inner beliefs. Joel Osteen's walls are like, that's nothing. That's in a playpen.
Brett
At some point you need a return on your investment.
Brady
Right. Yeah. More than just the promise of a spaceship and a planet.
John Holmberg
Olsteen, don't waste time with 52 grand.
Brady
Yeah, please. That's a drop in the bag. You just keep that.
John Holmberg
Don't insult me, pauper.
Brady
I don't like what you're doing. It's out of control.
Diane Fisher
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Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona: Best of HMS Podcasts - January 20, 2025
Podcast Information:
The episode kicks off with John Holmberg sharing details about upcoming comedy shows in the Valley. He promotes various venues such as Tempe Improv, Desert Ridge Improv, and Stand Up Live, highlighting performers like Paul Versey, Beth Stelling, Sarah Weinschenk, Joe Derosa, and Lil Rel. John directs listeners to purchase tickets via the respective websites.
Notable Quote:
John Holmberg ([00:00]): "It’s Arizona's #1 Morning Radio Show. John Holmberg attempts to entertain, question, and disturb as many listeners as possible."
Following the comedy segment, Brady Bogen delivers a promotional message for the Core Institute, emphasizing their expertise in pain management and encouraging listeners to seek their services for a pain-free life.
Notable Quote:
Brady Bogen ([00:31]): "Life can throw you a curveball now and again... And it’s all thanks to the Core Institute."
John then transitions to another sponsor, MMP Guns, located on 12th Street in Indian School. He highlights their comprehensive selection of firearms, accessories, and ammunition, urging listeners to visit their online store.
Notable Quote:
John Holmberg ([01:14]): "If they don’t got it, they’ll get it. It’s MMP Guns over on 12th street in Indian School."
The promotional segments continue with ads for local businesses, including Hooters and Amco and Wayne, providing listeners with information on special offers and services.
The core of the episode revolves around a listener's question titled "He's A Young Millionaire Is His GF w/Him Just For The Cash." Brady Bogen introduces the scenario of a 34-year-old millionaire man concerned that his stunning, 24-year-old girlfriend may be interested in him solely for his wealth.
Listener's Concern:
Listener ([Timestamp Not Provided]): "Is this something I'm dealing with because it's normal or what would Brady asking you, Millionaire Brady, keep what you're doing, man."
Brett Vesely responds by affirming the listener's suspicion, suggesting the relationship revolves around financial gain rather than genuine affection.
Notable Quote:
Brett Vesely ([02:50]): "Make that money. Yeah, she’s into it for the money, but it’s a good life."
Brady elaborates, highlighting the potential pitfalls of such a relationship, including the lack of personal connection and the risk of both parties being interested only in the financial aspect.
Notable Quote:
Brady Bogen ([03:02]): "She’s got the exact same mentality you have. I was gonna say in it for the cash."
The discussion delves into the longevity and stability of relationships based on financial imbalance, with the hosts advising caution and suggesting legal protections like prenuptial agreements.
Notable Quote:
John Holmberg ([03:20]): "Nup it."
Key Insights:
The next segment addresses a listener's complaint about frequent arguments with his wife over her habit of not wearing shoes indoors, leading to dirty feet.
Listener's Concern:
Listener ([08:13]): "I have a no shoe rule in my house because I feel dirty feet... Does my wife settle this argument?"
Brett responds dismissively, associating the wife's behavior with potential long-term health issues like diabetes, though this is more of a humorous jab than serious advice.
Notable Quote:
Brett Vesely ([09:02]): "I wouldn’t worry about it. A couple years, she’s gonna lose those feet from diabetics."
Brady continues the comedic banter, critiquing the wife's hygiene habits and emphasizing the importance of cleanliness before bedtime for the well-being of the marital relationship.
Notable Quote:
Brady Bogen ([09:38]): "Always shower before bed because that’s where the action happens."
John Holmberg adds to the humor by referencing "circle K feet," a playful term denoting the state of the wife's feet, and the conversation continues with light-hearted teasing about maintaining cleanliness.
Key Insights:
The final major discussion in this episode revolves around a listener whose mother has become involved in a cult, specifically mentioning "Zenu," hinting at Scientology. The listener is conflicted about reporting her financial contributions and considering a conservatorship.
Listener's Concern:
Listener ([12:39]): "My mom has been involved in a cult... she gave $52,000 to them this year. Would you alert the IRS about this or would you see if you can stop?"
Brett offers a critical perspective, questioning the legitimacy of the mother's financial contributions and highlighting the challenges in obtaining evidence to report the cult's activities.
Notable Quote:
Brett Vesely ([13:30]): "Unless you’re just dropping cash in. You just keep that."
Brady further downplays the value of the contributions and mocks the listener's dilemma, suggesting disengagement rather than intervention.
Notable Quote:
Brady Bogen ([14:53]): "Leah will save her. I don’t think if my mom turned Scientologist, I just remember her for what she was and let her drift off into the sunset on her own."
The conversation underscores the complexity of dealing with family members involved in manipulative organizations and the emotional toll it takes on loved ones.
Key Insights:
The episode wraps up with additional promotional content from Fisher Tools, encouraging listeners to visit their extensive tool selection online or in-store, offering a 10% discount for CUPD listeners.
Notable Quote:
Diane Fisher ([16:07]): "We're Amco. Google Amco for your nearest location. That's Amco double A MCO transmissions and a whole lot more."
John Holmberg and Brady Bogen continue to intersperse humorous remarks, maintaining the show's signature blend of comedy and candid discussions.
Overall Summary:
This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness masterfully blends humorous banter with serious listener concerns, providing both entertainment and relatable discussions. The hosts engage deeply with topics ranging from relationship dynamics influenced by wealth to personal hygiene issues within marriages, and the challenging situation of a family member involved in a cult. Through their candid and often comedic approach, John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo offer insights, advice, and plenty of laughs, making the podcast a compelling listen for both regular followers and newcomers alike.
Notable Quotes Recap:
Holmberg's Morning Sickness continues to be a staple for Arizona listeners seeking a mix of humor, candid conversations, and engaging community interactions. Tune in weekly to join the conversation and enjoy the dynamic camaraderie of Arizona's favorite morning radio show.