Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode: Best of HMS Podcasts - Monday, March 10, 2025
Host: John Holmberg
Co-Hosts: Brady Bogan, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo
Release Date: March 10, 2025

1. Controversial Debate: Is Helen Keller's Story Real?

[00:34 - 05:52]

The episode kicks off with an intense and controversial debate led by Ian Schwartz, challenging the authenticity of Helen Keller's life story. Schwartz vehemently argues that Helen Keller's achievements are implausible, stating:

Ian Schwartz [01:56]: "She didn’t write any books. Not even close. Do I believe Helen Keller existed? Yes. But the way her story is portrayed is... Bull to Helen Keller all the way around. Didn't happen. And another thing, one more thing while I'm at it. Mad dog on Helen Keller. How come this system doesn't apply to anybody else?"

Brady Bogan interjects with personal anecdotes, sharing a dismissive encounter:

Brady Bogan [02:16]: "On the bus shuttle to the WM Open, guy's about two rows in back of me. The guy was giving him the. There's no way she wrote those books."

Schwartz continues to dismantle the narrative surrounding Keller, questioning the feasibility of her learning to communicate and publish books at a young age:

Ian Schwartz [04:18]: "It's as simple as... She publishing her first book at 11. Come on. How does she know where the next line is? She doesn't."

The segment culminates in Schwartz's declaration that Helen Keller's story is "the fakest thing that's ever been on the planet," drawing parallels to mythical beliefs like the Flying Spaghetti Monster and religious doctrines.

2. Study Reveals Carbohydrates Impact Physical Attractiveness

[07:06 - 08:05]

Brady announces a recent study highlighting the effects of refined carbohydrates on perceived attractiveness:

Brady Bogan [07:06]: "A study in France found that refined carbohydrates make us noticeably less attractive within two hours of eating them. That includes things like donuts, bagels, pancakes, muffins, white bread, sugary cereals."

Participants in the study were asked to rate participants' attractiveness before and after consuming either healthy foods or carbohydrate-heavy meals. The results were telling:

Brady Bogan [07:28]: "The people who ate the carbs were seen as significantly less attractive two hours later."

Ian adds his skepticism about the study's findings:

Ian Schwartz [07:49]: "They'd put on a few pounds that day."

The hosts humorously discuss the implications, with Ian admitting his own indulgence:

Ian Schwartz [07:53]: "Yeah, you very rarely look better when you're dig dug. You're puffed up and you're floating around. I ate too many donuts and then I had salsa and chips for lunch. You're looking a little thick there, Bob. I had a donut for breakfast. You don't think I'm pretty anymore?"

3. Poll Insights: Discount Preferences Among Consumers

[08:52 - 10:18]

Brady shares results from a recent poll involving 2,000 Americans, focusing on preferred discount categories:

Brady Bogan [08:52]: "Someone asked this question and they pulled a bunch of people on it. 2,000 people weighed in on this. Would you rather get a lifetime 99% discount on certain categories? Concerts, gas or luxury goods?"

The breakdown of preferences revealed:

• 32% preferred luxury goods (e.g., jewelry, designer clothes, iPhones)
• 20% opted for transportation-related discounts, specifically gas
• 16% chose utilities

Ian criticizes the preference for luxury goods:

Ian Schwartz [09:36]: "That's dumb. You don't buy luxury goods all the time."

Brady counters by noting the practicality of transportation discounts:

Brady Bogan [09:49]: "It's a bunch of broads that went with the luxury ones."

The discussion highlights differing consumer values, with Ian mocking the choices:

Ian Schwartz [09:51]: "Yeah. Because they know their man's gonna pay for the gas. And by the way, ladies, you have, if you're good looking enough, a 99% discount on luxury items anyway, we're gonna buy it for you."

4. Wild News: Ostrich Chase in South Korea and More

[22:10 - 25:46]

The hosts transition to their "Wild Wild World" segment, delivering bizarre and amusing news stories:

Ostrich Escape in South Korea: Brady reports on an ostrich that escaped a zoo and dashed through South Korean streets, prompting a citywide chase:

Brady Bogan [22:15]: "Police went on a wild ostrich chase in South Korea at the local zoo. And ostrich got out, started running the streets of South Korea."

Ian Schwartz [22:32]: "If you're driving down the 202 and you look next to you and there's an ostrich sprinting along, you're telling that story..."

Misidentified Animals: A woman in England mistakenly believes she found a baby hedgehog, only for animal rescue to discover it was a faux fur pom-pom:

Brady Bogan [23:51]: "They brought in animal rescue, and they opened up the shoebox. It's a faux fur pom-pom off the top of someone's hat."

Ian ridicules the incident:

Ian Schwartz [24:20]: "I'd kick it to find out. I might think that's a hedgehog too. I'm not gonna lie."

5. Consumer Goods: The Curious Case of Doritos and Butter

[14:49 - 21:58]

A lively discussion unfolds around consumer searches for Doritos and the varieties of butter available:

Doritos Obsession: Dick Toledo shares feedback from a listener, Ray, who meticulously searches for his favorite taco-flavored Doritos:

Dick Toledo [18:21]: "Ray has given us an example of why they might be searching for Doritos. I have to go to a certain Walmart to get my taco flavored Doritos. So I search out where to get them right."

Ian mocks the necessity of such searches:

Ian Schwartz [16:47]: "Why would you do Doritos. I get Rice Krispies squares. There's a functionality to making."

Dick Toledo [16:54]: "Right."

Types of Butter: Brady introduces the topic of different butter sticks, leading to a humorous exchange about "Elgin sticks" versus stubbier versions:

Brady Bogan [20:33]: "The skinny ones are called Elgin sticks."

Ian Schwartz [20:36]: "I don't think I've ever seen a skinny."

Brady Bogan [20:44]: "The skinnier ones are from the Midwest and California. Started to get into the dairy business."

The segment concludes with Ian expressing frustration over the seemingly trivial topics:

Ian Schwartz [21:39]: "It's the first thing now. I was talking to normal folk."

6. Culinary Collaborations and Market Trends

[19:19 - 20:58]

Brady announces a collaboration between Coffee Mate and Dr. Pepper, allowing consumers to mix cream into their soda:

Brady Bogan [19:21]: "We got a collab. Coffee mate and Dr. Pepper. Now you can finally put the cream in your soda."

Ian critiques the idea, reminiscing about similar past ventures:

Ian Schwartz [19:50]: "Maybe it was a Midwest thing. They do coke."

Brady shifts to a promotion about Wendy's, highlighting limited-time offers:

Brady Bogan [17:56]: "Right now until April 10th, you can get a $1 Dave single and a $2 Dave's double anytime. Bringing the fatties back in."

Ian sarcastically supports the promotion:

Ian Schwartz [17:48]: "They're gonna hand them some free food."

7. Final Thoughts and Closing Remarks

[21:03 - 26:23]

As the episode draws to a close, tension rises between the hosts due to the contentious discussions. Ian expresses exhaustion and frustration:

Ian Schwartz [26:10]: "This is a story that's just for me and my kind. Biggest story of the day. I want to go home now."

Brady attempts to inject humor, suggesting playful retaliation:

Brady Bogan [25:39]: "We got them. Join me for butter sculpting? This Saturday competition."

However, the banter escalates, highlighting the dynamic and sometimes contentious chemistry between the hosts:

Ian Schwartz [26:17]: "Kerbin herbs. I want to throw some butter. Throw darts at Brady's face. That's all I want to do. It's out of control now."

Notable Quotes:

• Ian Schwartz [01:56]: "Bull to Helen Keller all the way around. Didn't happen."
• Brady Bogan [07:06]: "Refined carbohydrates make us noticeably less attractive within two hours of eating them."
• Brady Bogan [19:21]: "Now you can finally put the cream in your soda."
• Ian Schwartz [26:17]: "I want to throw some butter. Throw darts at Brady's face."

This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness delivers a blend of contentious debates, humorous takes on everyday topics, and quirky news stories, all delivered with the show's signature irreverent style. Whether challenging historical narratives or dissecting consumer habits, the hosts engage listeners with lively discussions and sharp wit.