BEST OF HMS PODCASTS - MONDAY - March 10, 2025 - Brady Report - MIX - 7x - March 2024

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode: Best of HMS Podcasts - Monday, March 10, 2025
Host: John Holmberg
Co-Hosts: Brady Bogan, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo
Release Date: March 10, 2025

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1. Controversial Debate: Is Helen Keller's Story Real?

[00:34 - 05:52]

The episode kicks off with an intense and controversial debate led by Ian Schwartz, challenging the authenticity of Helen Keller's life story. Schwartz vehemently argues that Helen Keller's achievements are implausible, stating:

Ian Schwartz [01:56]: "She didn’t write any books. Not even close. Do I believe Helen Keller existed? Yes. But the way her story is portrayed is... Bull to Helen Keller all the way around. Didn't happen. And another thing, one more thing while I'm at it. Mad dog on Helen Keller. How come this system doesn't apply to anybody else?"

Brady Bogan interjects with personal anecdotes, sharing a dismissive encounter:

Brady Bogan [02:16]: "On the bus shuttle to the WM Open, guy's about two rows in back of me. The guy was giving him the. There's no way she wrote those books."

Schwartz continues to dismantle the narrative surrounding Keller, questioning the feasibility of her learning to communicate and publish books at a young age:

Ian Schwartz [04:18]: "It's as simple as... She publishing her first book at 11. Come on. How does she know where the next line is? She doesn't."

The segment culminates in Schwartz's declaration that Helen Keller's story is "the fakest thing that's ever been on the planet," drawing parallels to mythical beliefs like the Flying Spaghetti Monster and religious doctrines.

2. Study Reveals Carbohydrates Impact Physical Attractiveness

[07:06 - 08:05]

Brady announces a recent study highlighting the effects of refined carbohydrates on perceived attractiveness:

Brady Bogan [07:06]: "A study in France found that refined carbohydrates make us noticeably less attractive within two hours of eating them. That includes things like donuts, bagels, pancakes, muffins, white bread, sugary cereals."

Participants in the study were asked to rate participants' attractiveness before and after consuming either healthy foods or carbohydrate-heavy meals. The results were telling:

Brady Bogan [07:28]: "The people who ate the carbs were seen as significantly less attractive two hours later."

Ian adds his skepticism about the study's findings:

Ian Schwartz [07:49]: "They'd put on a few pounds that day."

The hosts humorously discuss the implications, with Ian admitting his own indulgence:

Ian Schwartz [07:53]: "Yeah, you very rarely look better when you're dig dug. You're puffed up and you're floating around. I ate too many donuts and then I had salsa and chips for lunch. You're looking a little thick there, Bob. I had a donut for breakfast. You don't think I'm pretty anymore?"

3. Poll Insights: Discount Preferences Among Consumers

[08:52 - 10:18]

Brady shares results from a recent poll involving 2,000 Americans, focusing on preferred discount categories:

Brady Bogan [08:52]: "Someone asked this question and they pulled a bunch of people on it. 2,000 people weighed in on this. Would you rather get a lifetime 99% discount on certain categories? Concerts, gas or luxury goods?"

The breakdown of preferences revealed:

• 32% preferred luxury goods (e.g., jewelry, designer clothes, iPhones)
• 20% opted for transportation-related discounts, specifically gas
• 16% chose utilities

Ian criticizes the preference for luxury goods:

Ian Schwartz [09:36]: "That's dumb. You don't buy luxury goods all the time."

Brady counters by noting the practicality of transportation discounts:

Brady Bogan [09:49]: "It's a bunch of broads that went with the luxury ones."

The discussion highlights differing consumer values, with Ian mocking the choices:

Ian Schwartz [09:51]: "Yeah. Because they know their man's gonna pay for the gas. And by the way, ladies, you have, if you're good looking enough, a 99% discount on luxury items anyway, we're gonna buy it for you."

4. Wild News: Ostrich Chase in South Korea and More

[22:10 - 25:46]

The hosts transition to their "Wild Wild World" segment, delivering bizarre and amusing news stories:

Ostrich Escape in South Korea: Brady reports on an ostrich that escaped a zoo and dashed through South Korean streets, prompting a citywide chase:

Brady Bogan [22:15]: "Police went on a wild ostrich chase in South Korea at the local zoo. And ostrich got out, started running the streets of South Korea."

Ian Schwartz [22:32]: "If you're driving down the 202 and you look next to you and there's an ostrich sprinting along, you're telling that story..."

Misidentified Animals: A woman in England mistakenly believes she found a baby hedgehog, only for animal rescue to discover it was a faux fur pom-pom:

Brady Bogan [23:51]: "They brought in animal rescue, and they opened up the shoebox. It's a faux fur pom-pom off the top of someone's hat."

Ian ridicules the incident:

Ian Schwartz [24:20]: "I'd kick it to find out. I might think that's a hedgehog too. I'm not gonna lie."

5. Consumer Goods: The Curious Case of Doritos and Butter

[14:49 - 21:58]

A lively discussion unfolds around consumer searches for Doritos and the varieties of butter available:

Doritos Obsession: Dick Toledo shares feedback from a listener, Ray, who meticulously searches for his favorite taco-flavored Doritos:

Dick Toledo [18:21]: "Ray has given us an example of why they might be searching for Doritos. I have to go to a certain Walmart to get my taco flavored Doritos. So I search out where to get them right."

Ian mocks the necessity of such searches:

Ian Schwartz [16:47]: "Why would you do Doritos. I get Rice Krispies squares. There's a functionality to making."

Dick Toledo [16:54]: "Right."

Types of Butter: Brady introduces the topic of different butter sticks, leading to a humorous exchange about "Elgin sticks" versus stubbier versions:

Brady Bogan [20:33]: "The skinny ones are called Elgin sticks."

Ian Schwartz [20:36]: "I don't think I've ever seen a skinny."

Brady Bogan [20:44]: "The skinnier ones are from the Midwest and California. Started to get into the dairy business."

The segment concludes with Ian expressing frustration over the seemingly trivial topics:

Ian Schwartz [21:39]: "It's the first thing now. I was talking to normal folk."

6. Culinary Collaborations and Market Trends

[19:19 - 20:58]

Brady announces a collaboration between Coffee Mate and Dr. Pepper, allowing consumers to mix cream into their soda:

Brady Bogan [19:21]: "We got a collab. Coffee mate and Dr. Pepper. Now you can finally put the cream in your soda."

Ian critiques the idea, reminiscing about similar past ventures:

Ian Schwartz [19:50]: "Maybe it was a Midwest thing. They do coke."

Brady shifts to a promotion about Wendy's, highlighting limited-time offers:

Brady Bogan [17:56]: "Right now until April 10th, you can get a $1 Dave single and a $2 Dave's double anytime. Bringing the fatties back in."

Ian sarcastically supports the promotion:

Ian Schwartz [17:48]: "They're gonna hand them some free food."

7. Final Thoughts and Closing Remarks

[21:03 - 26:23]

As the episode draws to a close, tension rises between the hosts due to the contentious discussions. Ian expresses exhaustion and frustration:

Ian Schwartz [26:10]: "This is a story that's just for me and my kind. Biggest story of the day. I want to go home now."

Brady attempts to inject humor, suggesting playful retaliation:

Brady Bogan [25:39]: "We got them. Join me for butter sculpting? This Saturday competition."

However, the banter escalates, highlighting the dynamic and sometimes contentious chemistry between the hosts:

Ian Schwartz [26:17]: "Kerbin herbs. I want to throw some butter. Throw darts at Brady's face. That's all I want to do. It's out of control now."

---

Notable Quotes:

• Ian Schwartz [01:56]: "Bull to Helen Keller all the way around. Didn't happen."
• Brady Bogan [07:06]: "Refined carbohydrates make us noticeably less attractive within two hours of eating them."
• Brady Bogan [19:21]: "Now you can finally put the cream in your soda."
• Ian Schwartz [26:17]: "I want to throw some butter. Throw darts at Brady's face."

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This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness delivers a blend of contentious debates, humorous takes on everyday topics, and quirky news stories, all delivered with the show's signature irreverent style. Whether challenging historical narratives or dissecting consumer habits, the hosts engage listeners with lively discussions and sharp wit.

Transcript

[Dick Toledo]

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[Brady Bogan]

Chew and poop. That's all they do.

[Ian Schwartz]

That's all they're good for. Chewing and pooping the rest of homebrew's morning sickness. This is the Big Red Radio. It's time now for the Brady Report. All the news that only Brady knows. And it's brought to you by All Pro Shade Concepts, Arizona's best patio shades. Where in Arizona? And you got to have shade if you have an outdoor space. That's the new thing about real estate, by the way, is your indoor outdoor living. Your outdoor stuff should be livable space now. So if you got shade out there, it's awesome. All Pro Shade Concepts, 20 years in the Valley, they got Brady's house all hooked up with awnings and roll down patio shades and things like that. They can do that for you as well. It creates 20 plus feet of shade and they block out all that stuff. You can have a TV on your back patio without worrying about the glare. All Pro Shade Concepts, thank you for sponsoring the Brady Report. Brady Report.

[Brady Bogan]

Good Monday morning to you, Phoenix.

[Ian Schwartz]

Hello world. Hi, I was just talking to Ian Schwartz and talking about coconut, how it would work. Spell coconut with your hips. And it got me thinking. That had to be how Helen Keller had sex because she had to do all that stuff with her hands. By the way, I still want to be the proponent to let everybody know Helen Keller wasn't real. It's not a real thing.

[Brady Bogan]

I heard some guy.

[Ian Schwartz]

I've had this theory for a while. It's starting to. It's not my theory. It's something I've believed for a long time. It's catching massive amounts of fire. And it makes more, it's, it makes more sense that Helen Keller isn't real than that the Bible can be argued. We've been thousands of years trying to figure out what's real and what's wrong at the Bible Helen Keller is less believable than anything in the Bible.

[Brady Bogan]

On the bus shuttle to the WM Open, guy's about two rows in back of me. The guy was giving him the. There's no way she wrote those books.

[Ian Schwartz]

She didn't write any books. She didn't write a book. Not even close. Do I believe Helen Keller existed? Yes. When she was six. They taught her. She first started in with the hand talk. She published her first book at 11. She Come on first six years banging into wall screaming for Wawa. Somebody teaches you some hand words. A couple of them. She's writing books by 11. Come on. A book not even like Wawa is good. Not that her book was like published by a college. She's like six degrees. Everything that was given was because and books. And she tra.

[Brady Bogan]

Stop it.

[Ian Schwartz]

Again. The theory just as simple as. It's as simple as an. I don't know how I got started on this. Thinking of Helen Keller grinding out coconut like. Like the way she used to spell into hands. Look blindfold Brady, right now. And I can tell him you're at the end of the page while he's typing and he'd still go past him. You can't be blind and deaf and work a typewriter. Right. Can't do it. Bull to Helen Keller all the way around. Didn't happen. And another thing, one more thing while I'm at it. Mad dog on Helen Keller. How come this system doesn't apply to anybody else? Hmm? Mm. I beg of you. Where are the blind deaf people that have the Keller system in place that kicks ass, that can teach a six year old to write a book in five years? Brady, you remember Kirby when she was six, fully sighted and could hear? No way that five years to a published book by Columbia.

[Brady Bogan]

There still would have been a pretty good chance of over 2000 references to Wawa, right?

[Ian Schwartz]

If she wrote it.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Ian Schwartz]

The trials and tribulations being blind end up. You're 11, you're not. Stop it. It's time we all stop the bull that is Helen Keller's story. Never happened. Fakest thing that's ever been on the planet. A la the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Jesus, the Mormons. None of you guys have a hold a candle to the farce that is the Helen Keller read.

[Brady Bogan]

Made for a lot of jokes.

[Ian Schwartz]

A lot of great jokes, funny jokes. That's why. And that's my theory is that that's why her story lives on without her. From second grade to sixth grade. You got no basis for comedy. And she's. She's a reference that doesn't die. Nobody ever says, I don't know who that is. She's before my time, I was important. Look, everybody's made Helen Keller jokes, and sometimes they're hilarious even still. Like, you'll get thrown over the cliff with a Helen Keller. You haven't heard? It was pretty good. She couldn't even handwrite a book. She doesn't know when the paper's over unless you put, like, parameters on there. Banging her hands up against the sides. How does she then know where the next line is? Horse. Sorry, I'm angry about this, but I just put my palm out like I'm feeding a horse and have her right coconut in my hand with her thing. See if she's valuable or not. Did she have kids? Did somebody nail that?

[Brady Bogan]

I think she got married.

[Ian Schwartz]

I don't know. What a weirdo. That dude's worse than Nathan Sutherland for no reason. Damon says, you know, Helen Keller was immune to flashbangs. That's true. She couldn't. Cops couldn't get her to. If she was barricaded up and they tried to flashbang her out, nothing would happen. And by the way, most of the time she was barricaded up. Couldn't let her loose. She'd walk right into traffic. That was when cars first started. Helen Keller. The farce must end. Sorry, let's spell coconut in your hand. And the best reference to do is to say, you know, like Helen Keller used to spell words, only using your. Your big V and pretend my wiener is Ann Sullivan's palm. Get on there, miracle worker. And get to get to get to grinding millionaire. I would even have her start with wawa. We'll have the grind out wawa with you. Like, just, let's go the Helen Keller route of do Wawa. Nobody knows her second word. If you start with wawa, you're a whole lot more than five years away from publishing a book. Garbage. Sorry. I'm very angry about the Helen Keller lie. What else have we been lied to about?

[Brady Bogan]

A study in France found that refined carbohydrates make us noticeably less attractive within two hours of eating them. That includes things like donuts, bagels, pancakes, muffins, white bread, sugary cereals. Researchers had volunteers rate how attractive people's faces were before and after they ate breakfast.

[Dick Toledo]

Aren't you offended, Brady, by this?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. Beautiful. Some healthy foods that ate the healthy foods and others that ate the carbo heavy meals. The people who ate the carbs were seen as significantly less attractive two hours later.

[Ian Schwartz]

Right?

[Brady Bogan]

They're not sure why, but I do. True with men and women.

[Ian Schwartz]

They'd put on a few pounds that day.

[Dick Toledo]

They're eating a load of crap.

[Ian Schwartz]

Yeah, you very rarely look better when you're dig dug. You're puffed up and you're floating around. I ate too many donuts and then I had salsa and chip for lunch. You're looking a little thick there, Bob. I had a donut for breakfast. You don't think I'm pretty anymore?

[Brady Bogan]

In a new poll, 52% of young women between the ages of 18 and 35 said taking showers is the only me time they get in a given day. Take a look at the car next to you, the eyes rolling. But they're saying to process their stressors and emotions and ups and downs of daily life. They just get too busy during the day and the time to get their downtime or their me time. Yes, females between 19 and 35, boo hoo. Shower.

[Ian Schwartz]

Then you're mismanaging your time. That's your fault.

[Brady Bogan]

Someone asked this question and they pulled a bunch of people on it. 2,000 people weighed in on this. Would you rather get a lifetime 99 discount on certain categories? Concerts, gas or luxury goods?

[Ian Schwartz]

Never have to pay for concert gas. Get a 99 discount on one of those three things.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. So that or luxury goods would be like jewelry, designer clothes, iPhones.

[Ian Schwartz]

Oh, you get 99 discount on any of those things. You get to pick one.

[Brady Bogan]

Yep.

[Ian Schwartz]

Gas.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Ian Schwartz]

Oh yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Transport was the gas thing. Would be like Uber, Uber's flights. But you said gas.

[Ian Schwartz]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

And even car repairs.

[Ian Schwartz]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

So 32 went with luxury goods.

[Ian Schwartz]

That's dumb. You don't buy luxury goods all the time.

[Dick Toledo]

No.

[Brady Bogan]

20 went with transport, which was the gas. 16% went with utilities.

[Ian Schwartz]

Gas, electric, water, stuff you're using all the time.

[Brady Bogan]

It's a bunch of broads that went with the luxury ones.

[Ian Schwartz]

Yeah. Because they know their man's gonna pay for the gas. And by the way, ladies, you have, if you're good looking enough, a 99% discount on luxury items anyway, we're gonna buy it for you.

[Brady Bogan]

Well the other one said, well, I would buy, I would get those luxury goods and then resell them. Some of the people said, but 6%.

[Ian Schwartz]

To pay for gas.

[Brady Bogan]

6% said entertainment stuff like concerts, movies, streaming services, fine dining and cruises.

[Ian Schwartz]

There's an argument for that because you use it every day. But gas is the one.

[Brady Bogan]

Here's an air disaster that was prevented, John. It did.

[Ian Schwartz]

They have a whole series of that on air disasters too. Almost.

[Dick Toledo]

So not disasters.

[Ian Schwartz]

Oh, they're disasters. Oh, well, Brady doesn't consider it a disaster if it's a Chinaman hanging out.

[Brady Bogan]

They all lived.

[Ian Schwartz]

They all lived. But that was a disaster to that dude hanging out of the plane.

[Brady Bogan]

We have a flight in China that was delayed by more than four hours on Wednesday after a passenger threw coins into the engine.

[Ian Schwartz]

How?

[Brady Bogan]

The idea. They were lucky coins. Guy says, I throw them in there every time I'm flying for good luck.

[Ian Schwartz]

How? Roll the window.

[Brady Bogan]

I was gonna say.

[Ian Schwartz]

This is what I was just talking about.

[Brady Bogan]

They still must have the stair up on the stairs.

[Ian Schwartz]

And the guy just chucks change at the planes.

[Brady Bogan]

Must be some Hill tenant went to him and said, allegiance out there. Did you throw coins? I did. How many? Between three and five.

[Ian Schwartz]

You can't do that.

[Brady Bogan]

He was arrested. China Southern Airlines. See, they were able to retrieve the coins. And they checked it out.

[Ian Schwartz]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Cleared the jet to fly. Yeah.

[Ian Schwartz]

They got the coins out of the engine.

[Brady Bogan]

Doesn't make sense. So it's too much like. I think this should be good luck to throw a coin in.

[Ian Schwartz]

Well, especially if people are watching it. And he says he always does it.

[Brady Bogan]

I know.

[Ian Schwartz]

Which means wherever he showed up from, nobody saw him chucking coins. And I would stop that guy immediately in line. Hey, what are you doing? We don't touch the engines. He's a good rock. No, bad rock.

[Brady Bogan]

Someone pulled 3,000Americans from all walks of life and asked if a poor fashion choice or two would make them say no to a second date.

[Ian Schwartz]

Then they listed how poor the choice would be. Overalls, number one, Lizzo and yoga pants. Yeah. No. A guy in overalls.

[Brady Bogan]

Because number one was wearing a full tracksuit.

[Ian Schwartz]

Oh, I wouldn't bait you twice.

[Dick Toledo]

Anyway, where's the Italian American pig?

[Brady Bogan]

Number two was a full designer outfit, head to toe.

[Ian Schwartz]

If you're anywhere near 12th street in Northern right now, you just heard that's where that is. When they heard the tracksuit news inside the little Italian American Center.

[Brady Bogan]

Is it gonna pick up my breakfast date right now?

[Dick Toledo]

Does breakfast in the parking lot there look like a start of a marathon?

[Ian Schwartz]

Yeah, of course. It's the Boston Marathon sitting right there. 1972 Boston Marathon. Everybody's in Adidas tracksuit. Brady breaks the news.

[Brady Bogan]

Number three. Crocs.

[Ian Schwartz]

Crocs are. That's number one. That is a dude in Crocs showing up. But no lady should like you. And if she does, something's wrong with her. Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Brady Bogan]

Number four was oversized sunglasses.

[Ian Schwartz]

Especially if it's at night like Harry, Carrie. Gigantic joke. Why would you wear those? What do you mean? Oversized and I think novelty.

[Brady Bogan]

I think it's got to be more of the women thing because they were big lens.

[Ian Schwartz]

Oh, I thought it was women with a deal breaker for men. I thought that's what you said. Oh, I thought you said it fashion.

[Brady Bogan]

Because they said, you know, like a full designer outfit. Head to toe. That was up. That was the second one. Anything with huge logos on it. A shirt that's way too tight.

[Ian Schwartz]

NASCAR stuff.

[Brady Bogan]

Ankle socks and sneakers. Ripped skinny jeans.

[Dick Toledo]

I feel attacked.

[Ian Schwartz]

Yeah, they're describing you.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, I won't on my, you know, second dates from now on.

[Ian Schwartz]

What?

[Brady Bogan]

I won't wear the.

[Ian Schwartz]

Would it be the first date? That's how you get it.

[Brady Bogan]

They're saying that you can wear the.

[Ian Schwartz]

Crocs on the second day if you show up in Crocs on the first day. Well, that's what the thing was.

[Brady Bogan]

Any date, I'm out.

[Ian Schwartz]

Well, that's what she's saying. They're saying on the first day you wear that, you're not getting a second day.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ian Schwartz]

Crocs are out.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, yeah.

[Ian Schwartz]

Yeah, you could. I could be married to you for 20 years. I see in Crocs. This is over. You're quitting. Crocs are worse than a wife in sweatpants and bad hair. Oh, yeah. She just does not care anymore. You put Crocs on, that's it. I don't expect you in lingerie every day, but no Crocs.

[Brady Bogan]

Yesterday was National Snack Day. And a market research company released the map. It shows the most searched for snack at every US state. Rice Krispie treats were number one in 18 different.

[Ian Schwartz]

Well, how to make them.

[Brady Bogan]

And spicy Doritos was preferred snack in 16 states.

[Ian Schwartz]

WHO searches for Doritos online?

[Brady Bogan]

They don't break that down.

[Ian Schwartz]

Yeah, but why? Why? No, you said what state? Like there's an entire state that I.

[Brady Bogan]

Go to Safeway and get them.

[Ian Schwartz]

Right. They're just. They're everywhere.

[Brady Bogan]

Geo state breakdown. Yeah, they do.

[Ian Schwartz]

Well, that's who I asked. Who's searching for Doritos?

[Brady Bogan]

Okay, Arizona is Cheetos.

[Ian Schwartz]

So there are Doritos.

[Brady Bogan]

Is. You got Ohio, Kentucky, West Virginia.

[Ian Schwartz]

Just Google searching Doritos.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Ian Schwartz]

That does not make sense.

[Brady Bogan]

I can go to QT and get it.

[Ian Schwartz]

What am I Googling right now? His news feeds different than ours. This is what weirdos do with their spare time when they're not eating Doritos, they're just reading about them. Take a look at Dorito news.

[Dick Toledo]

Brady's been searching for Doritos again.

[Brady Bogan]

Montana's check mix.

[Ian Schwartz]

Kirby, is there E on the end of Doritos?

[Brady Bogan]

Utah's got crispy treats.

[Ian Schwartz]

There's no E on the end of Doritos. Sounds Mormony. Usually that's where I tear the bag where the E would be. But I guess there isn't one.

[Brady Bogan]

Was it rkts Utah?

[Ian Schwartz]

I called it.

[Brady Bogan]

See?

[Ian Schwartz]

Yeah, they gotta cook for a thousand kids. I can't just buy a bag of Doritos. Be gone in a second.

[Brady Bogan]

Also Washington, Oregon. Those are Wheaties up there.

[Ian Schwartz]

Yeah. I just can't imagine. I get searching for Rice Krispies because you got to have a recipe like some people might not know.

[Dick Toledo]

Searching for the recipe to Doritos.

[Ian Schwartz]

That's what I'm saying. I don't know why you would do Doritos. I get Rice Krispies squares. There's a functionality to making.

[Dick Toledo]

Right.

[Ian Schwartz]

You're making Doritos at home. And if you are, get in the box. What a waste of time.

[Brady Bogan]

They'll take your package Cheadle.

[Ian Schwartz]

Go to the convenience store and grab one of the millions.

[Dick Toledo]

If you could buy a bag of.

[Ian Schwartz]

Cheadle, though, Brady Brady would be trump orange. Yeah, I found where they sell Cheadle. I quit.

[Brady Bogan]

He'd be like, but you got a Scarface just as covered in it. Little bump.

[Dick Toledo]

Just a little too.

[Ian Schwartz]

Hey, little. Oh, God.

[Brady Bogan]

Give him a little taste of that.

[Ian Schwartz]

Hey, buddy.

[Brady Bogan]

Wendy's is still scrambling after their AI deal. The price surging.

[Ian Schwartz]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Right now until April 10th, you can get a $1 Dave single and a $2 Dave's double anytime. Bringing the fatties back in.

[Ian Schwartz]

That's right. Pissed off the fats.

[Dick Toledo]

We're sorry.

[Ian Schwartz]

They're gonna hand them some free food.

[Brady Bogan]

To California and they'll get you dialed in on the dynamic pricing later on.

[Ian Schwartz]

They'll work that in there. But in the meantime, enjoy your distraction chunks. You'll pay that extra dollar.

[Brady Bogan]

Cops in Denver, I guarantee you.

[Ian Schwartz]

The Wendy's boardroom's like, don't worry about it. They're not going anywhere. Give them a free sandwich real quick. They'll quiet down. I was pissed off until I got the Dave double and watch the price go up a buck. And they'd be like, wait, that happened behind my back while I was eating. That freebie.

[Dick Toledo]

Ray has given us an example of why they might be searching for Doritos. Googling why, John. I have to go to a certain Walmart to get my taco flavored Doritos. So I search out where to get them right.

[Ian Schwartz]

You should walk to that Walmart.

[Dick Toledo]

Maybe give up the taco Doritos.

[Ian Schwartz]

Guarantee you that dude's in a Rascal dragging a cart full of Doritos home.

[Dick Toledo]

What are you pushing, Ray?

[Ian Schwartz]

You have to search. You have such a need for taco flavored Doritos that there's a Google search before you go shopping for them.

[Dick Toledo]

F you, John. I can't search for new flavors.

[Ian Schwartz]

Just go to the aisle, man. You're so dialed in, you'll recognize the new bag. That's an old one. That's an old one. It's like guys who go through like museums, they know everything about what's on the shelves. Chunks in the Dorito aisle. Now this is a brand new. And it's elephant dung Dorito. I'll try it.

[Dick Toledo]

Brady. Putting the feed in.

[Brady Bogan]

News feed.

[Ian Schwartz]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well done. But wait, there's more Dorito news.

[Brady Bogan]

We got a collab. Coffee mate and Dr. Pepper. Now you can finally put the cream in your soda. They're teaming up together to.

[Dick Toledo]

Nope. It's like a float.

[Brady Bogan]

But I mean like the vanilla Dr. Pepper they put out and stuff. Dirty Dr. Pepper.

[Ian Schwartz]

You pour like little cream in your soda pop.

[Brady Bogan]

Do it in the seventies. They do coke.

[Ian Schwartz]

I never did that.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, maybe it was a Midwest.

[Dick Toledo]

Like a soda stand. Yeah, you'd get those.

[Ian Schwartz]

It's a future diabetic. No kidding. And you just pour cream into a hop.

[Brady Bogan]

Ugh. That sounds pretty tasty, bruh.

[Ian Schwartz]

Very desserty. Sweet. Didn't they make the Dr. Pepper Cream Ale or whatever that is just recently and it was. Yeah, man. It's like, it's good for the first.

[Brady Bogan]

Sip and then it's like, whoa.

[Ian Schwartz]

It's like liquid cake frosting.

[Dick Toledo]

Seems like.

[Brady Bogan]

I know you've done this. John. Wondered why. Sticks of butter. You got skinny ones and you got ones that are like just stubby. Fatter. John, you remember thinking about that?

[Dick Toledo]

Remember all those times?

[Brady Bogan]

The skinny ones are called Elgin sticks.

[Ian Schwartz]

I don't think I've ever seen a skinny.

[Brady Bogan]

They're named after Elgin, Illinois.

[Ian Schwartz]

They're long.

[Dick Toledo]

And the other ones that are like fat, they're the same amount.

[Brady Bogan]

They're just the reason why it's got more girth.

[Ian Schwartz]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

The skinnier ones are from the Midwest and California. Started to get into the dairy business.

[Ian Schwartz]

Man. What about this did you think would interest you?

[Brady Bogan]

Like they're making long.

[Ian Schwartz]

I wish right now your heart would stop.

[Brady Bogan]

I wish that's why they're stubbier.

[Ian Schwartz]

Here. I've never. I've never looked at you and thought cardiac arrest now.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, my God.

[Ian Schwartz]

It's the first time literally wondering what goes through your brain to think this is a good one to include.

[Brady Bogan]

Do you like the Elgin stick better?

[Ian Schwartz]

I don't know what the is wrong with you sometimes that you think this one I'll tell. I want to knock your teeth out with my foot.

[Brady Bogan]

The stick started changing John in the 1960s.

[Ian Schwartz]

No one cared.

[Brady Bogan]

He's still rolling.

[Ian Schwartz]

He's got to finish that butter story. He did a lot of research on that one. The one he does research on.

[Brady Bogan]

You got any questions?

[Ian Schwartz]

Yeah, Any questions? Yeah. How. How. Why is your heart still beating? Just drop dead, please.

[Brady Bogan]

The cops.

[Ian Schwartz]

Are you trying to hypnotize us and take our wallets? Because it almost worked for a little while. Like 20 of the city's like, I'm in a daze. That story was so boring.

[Brady Bogan]

Take their wallets. Perfect.

[Ian Schwartz]

Kerbin herbs.

[Brady Bogan]

We got them. Join me for butter sculpting?

[Ian Schwartz]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

This Saturday competition.

[Ian Schwartz]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

And now it's time for some Wild, Wild World.

[Ian Schwartz]

Okay. Why. Why have I not done these? There you go.

[Brady Bogan]

Hello, my friends. I'm Brady Bogan and this is your Wild wild world. Police went on a wild ostrich chase in South Korea at the local zoo. And ostrich got out, started running the streets of South Korea.

[Ian Schwartz]

Wild ostrich contained ostrich.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, it was kind of like a wild geese.

[Ian Schwartz]

Oh. The chase was wild like Bob Hopewell.

[Brady Bogan]

But it was actually an ostrich. And it got down the. Ran the streets for a while. They chased it for an hour. There is a video of it running down the street and they finally run.

[Dick Toledo]

It next to a bus video of an ostrich running.

[Ian Schwartz]

Pretty cool. South Korea in the middle of the road. If there was an ostrich running down the road, you act like that would be nothing to you. Go yourself. That's an amazing thing. If you're driving down the 202 and you look next to you and there's an ostrich sprinting along, you're telling that.

[Brady Bogan]

Story and you're told to, you know, catch that ostrich.

[Ian Schwartz]

Look at Toledo over here, man. That's a thing. Yeah, that's a thing. It's a huge thing.

[Brady Bogan]

You go crazy when there's a hummingbird.

[Ian Schwartz]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Do I?

[Ian Schwartz]

Probably. They probably circle your head on a frequent basis. It's home.

[Brady Bogan]

Some lady in San Francisco called the police because she said she saw a mountain lion outside of her home walking along the fence. It was a large cat. You're like, if you look at it. But I appreciate the call, but they used the ring camera and look at it.

[Ian Schwartz]

Oh, they looked at.

[Brady Bogan]

It was the neighbor's cat.

[Ian Schwartz]

It's a big cat.

[Brady Bogan]

Then another lady in England thought she was rescuing a baby hedgehog, put it in a box, took it home that night, put some food in there, some cat food. And then called animal rescue the next morning, right? Said, can I bring this? And I think I captured this baby hedgehog. They. She brings in. They open up the shoe box. It's a faux fur pom pom off the top of someone's hat.

[Ian Schwartz]

He's an idiot.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, yeah. Take a look at the picture of this thing.

[Ian Schwartz]

Okay. That's pretty hedgehog you, though. Yeah, I know, but I mean, they do ball up. I guess I might think this is a hedgehog too. I'm not gonna lie.

[Brady Bogan]

No way.

[Ian Schwartz]

I'd kick it to find out.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, you're.

[Ian Schwartz]

I might think that's a hedgehog. It's pretty hedgehog. Ian, come on.

[Brady Bogan]

You know.

[Ian Schwartz]

Look, I'm not listening to you, Mr. Unimpressed by the ostrich on the freeway. You see that thing hedgehog out here. I'd give it a boot and it would ball up and roll like. I think that's a hedgehog. I don't know that.

[Brady Bogan]

I think you would have been able to find out. Before you call.

[Ian Schwartz]

Here's the other thing. It was a hedgehog doing just fine on its own. Why'd you got to pick it up?

[Brady Bogan]

Could be young enough you would pick it.

[Ian Schwartz]

What are you gonna do? What are you, a hedgehog's mom?

[Brady Bogan]

Back to.

[Ian Schwartz]

To who?

[Brady Bogan]

Leave it there at the Wildlife Brady.

[Dick Toledo]

Much like Toledo Savior complex.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, I'm sorry. I gotta rescue that.

[Ian Schwartz]

Much like Toledo's parents, they didn't care enough about it to not leave it alone. What are you gonna do different? There's something wrong with that.

[Brady Bogan]

For the most part, let nature.

[Ian Schwartz]

Yeah, leave it there. You picking up a hedgehog and giving it cat food, that's not good it. I'm looking at you, Brady. Stop picking up animals. You're gonna end up with one of those ski caps at your house.

[Brady Bogan]

I will rescue that coral snake.

[Ian Schwartz]

I know. And it doesn't need rescuing. It's already home.

[Brady Bogan]

That's your Wild Wild World.

[Ian Schwartz]

We learned something today. There's Skinny Butter and Fat Butter. I didn't know that. I knew that. I didn't know. What an exciting moment that was.

[Brady Bogan]

The Elgin stick.

[Ian Schwartz]

Oh, yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

I just want to replay your reaction.

[Ian Schwartz]

You know, I didn't realize it until I was talking to normal folk.

[Brady Bogan]

This is a story that's just for.

[Ian Schwartz]

Me and my kind.

[Brady Bogan]

Biggest story of the day. I want to go home now.

[Ian Schwartz]

It is? It's. Yeah, I do, too. I mean, and then just what else.

[Brady Bogan]

We got to learn? I want to throw some butter.

[Ian Schwartz]

Throw darts at Brady's face. That's all I want to do. It's out of control now.