BEST OF HMS PODCASTS - THURSDAY - January 2, 2025 - Bigfoot/Loch Ness And Flat Earth Believers Rant - December 2021

Summary

Summary of "BEST OF HMS PODCASTS - THURSDAY - January 2, 2025 - Bigfoot/Loch Ness And Flat Earth Believers Rant - December 2021"

Released on January 2, 2025
Host: John Holmberg
Co-hosts: Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo

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1. Skepticism Towards Cryptozoological Beliefs

(Timestamp: 01:22 - 07:57)

In this segment, John Holmberg and Brady Bogen delve into their skepticism regarding popular cryptozoological phenomena such as Bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster, and Flat Earth theories.

• Bigfoot Debate:

  • John Holmberg expresses frustration with Bigfoot believers, stating, "I can't imagine it, but you might be right. They're not bright." [01:25]
  • Brady Bogen references a 1967 Bigfoot film, questioning its authenticity: "That's not made by a human." [02:17]
  • John Holmberg challenges the plausibility of Bigfoot's existence by asking, "Where are the bones you haven't found? We got dinosaur bones millions of years old." [02:30]
  • They discuss the lack of physical evidence, with Holmberg noting, "If there was Bigfoot, there'd be more than one. There's multiple, and you'd find some bones." [04:13]

• Loch Ness Monster:

  • John Holmberg dismisses the Loch Ness Monster as a mere "tourist attraction," criticizing the belief system: "Those are Scots and they're idiots." [05:23]
  • Brady Bogen adds, "If that Loch Ness. Which loch is just their lake... She's immortal." [06:00] to emphasize his disbelief.

• Flat Earth Theory:

  • The hosts briefly touch upon Flat Earth believers, equating their skepticism with other unfounded theories, though specific quotes on this are limited within the transcript.

2. Moon Landing Conspiracy Theories

(Timestamp: 07:57 - 10:52)

Holmberg and Brady shift their focus to the controversy surrounding the Moon landings, questioning the authenticity and ongoing implications of these events.

• Authenticity of Moon Landings:

  • John Holmberg shares his doubts: "I think the first one was real. And then I start buying into that. That one makes sense to me a little more." [08:00]
  • He critiques the lack of subsequent lunar missions by other nations: "Why in the world won't we share that with, like, Australia, who'd go to the moon in a heartbeat?" [10:30]

• International Perspectives:

  • Brady Bogen highlights the technological challenges faced by other countries, reinforcing Holmberg's skepticism: "They have materials from moon rocks…"

3. Critique of Resolutions and Societal Norms

(Timestamp: 16:04 - 25:58)

This segment transitions to a critique of societal resolutions, particularly targeting initiatives like "Dry January" and trends in personal grooming, especially women's shaving habits.

• Dry January and Resolutions:

  • John Holmberg shares anecdotes ridiculing the concept of abstaining from alcohol: "He started 30 days off from having beer… that didn't take long." [16:04]
  • The hosts mock the fleeting nature of such resolutions, emphasizing their skepticism about their effectiveness.

• Criticism of Shaving Habits:

  • John Holmberg vehemently criticizes women who choose not to shave, making derogatory remarks: "No hot girl ever comes at you with hair all over her armpits and legs." [18:11]
  • Brady Bogen attempts to defend these choices, but Holmberg remains dismissive: "You know, if they're not shaving their armpits, that thing down there ain't getting washed either. Yuck." [19:03]

• Social Conformity:

  • The discussion underscores a preference for traditional beauty standards, with Holmberg asserting that deviations from these norms are unacceptable and unattractive.

4. Light-Hearted Banter and Conclusion

(Timestamp: 25:58 - End)

The episode concludes with continued banter between Holmberg and Brady, maintaining their critical stance on the topics discussed. They reiterate their disapproval of non-conformist behaviors and societal trends, aiming to entertain listeners through humor and pointed critiques.

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Notable Quotes:

• "Where are the bones you haven't found? We got dinosaur bones millions of years old." — John Holmberg [02:30]
• "Those are Scots and they're idiots." — John Holmberg [05:23]
• "No hot girl ever comes at you with hair all over her armpits and legs." — John Holmberg [18:11]
• "If they're not shaving their armpits, that thing down there ain't getting washed either. Yuck." — John Holmberg [19:03]

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Conclusion

Throughout this "Best Of" episode, John Holmberg and Brady Bogen engage in a spirited critique of various fringe beliefs and societal norms. Their discussions are characterized by a blend of skepticism, humor, and candid opinions, aiming to entertain and provoke thought among their Arizona-based listeners.

Note: Advertisements and promotional content have been excluded to focus solely on the core discussions of the episode.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Get out to the Tempe Improv on the east side to see Paul Versey on Thursday and Beth Stelling Friday, Saturday and Sunday. The Desert Ridge Improv up North features Sarah Weinschenk this Thursday and Joe DeRosa on Friday and Saturday. And downtown at Stand Up Live, check out the very funny Lil Rel performing Friday, Saturday and Sunday for the complete lineups. And for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com it's John Holberg here for the amazing people at the Core Institute, life can throw you a curveball now and again. One day you're trucking along, feeling great. Next day your dog smashes into your head and knocks you cold. Or like a KUPD listener told me this week, his dog did a sprint across the backyard directly into the side of his wife's leg and blew her knee up. She needed that need to get fixed and fixed right. Two years later, she's running like she used to again. And it's all thanks to the Core Institute. I went through it too. And you can get rid of your pain and start saying yes, I can to all the things you want to do. And. And all you have to do is trust the experts at the Core Institute head there right now. The Core Institute dot com. Grab some protection. Here comes the best of Homburg's morning sickness. I'm 98k upd. It works for the other ones who are afraid of everything. They think their kids might be dying anyway. Like everybody with like the. The worried mother is the John J. And Rich ones.

[Brady]

The Bigfoot audience. They believe in Bigfoot.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know if that ever. I was gonna say the single moms. Single moms. The spirit thing probably goes into the John Jay. I don't know about Bigfoot, but that's pretty great. If all John Jay and Rich's single moms and bedazzled genes also believe. You know what? I'm speaking just on the thought. I can't imagine it, but you might be right. They're not bright.

[Brady]

Mercury is moving like crazy.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that could be. It's in retrograde. It's not. They don't know. That's what I picture. They're on you. But those letters work.

[Brady]

I'll take the big thing back maybe.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I would imagine there's a few Bigfoot ones, but I think it's whatever the smart Person in the house is telling them whether or not to believe. So it would have to be. Yeah, that's a different guy too. Like I could believe John Jay believes in Bigfoot because come on, he's not.

[Brady]

There's an article out the other day.

[John Holmberg]

He's not home.

[Brady]

About the 67. 1967 film, the original one, where you see him running across.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Brady]

And they had experts analyzing the gate.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brady]

It's. That definitely was not made by a human.

[John Holmberg]

All right. So it's probably dead by now. Where are the other ones? According to these experts, I. I say that to Bigfoot believers all the time. Where are the bones you haven't found? We got dinosaur bones millions of years old. And if you ever present that to a Bigfoot, it's like, I've talked to real Bigfoot believers.

[Brady]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

And they want to argue with me. You actually know a real one? Well, know or have run into are two different things. You got first off, some strange friends. I'd never be friends. Okay. Immediately, I could find you to be the most charming individual on the planet. Like, man, this guy might. He's on a fast track. He's in the top 10. And he's moving up with a bullet to being one of my best friends. And then he breaks out to. And I also am a fervent believer that Bigfoot is real. It's immediately the friendship has ended. Goodbye. It is over. That and ghosts. Ghosts affecting them. I'll give you the ideas. Like, yeah, maybe go like somebody who's on the fence. Like, I think maybe ghosts could be real. I don't know what we know, what we don't know. And I'm like, I can live with. With that. But somebody's like, no, ghosts not only are real, but sometimes they move stuff in my house. My. All right, we cannot be friends. You're unpredictably crazy. But Bigfoot people and flat Earthers are exactly the same to me. But Bigfoot people had a guy chat with me about it. One of our. Imagine that at one of our station events. And he started to tell me, like, where. You really don't believe that there's possibility of a Bigfoot? Like, no. Where are the bones?

[Brady]

Yeah, it's. I mean, if you come down, animal expert and say, is there a possibility of a new species out there that hasn't been. Yes. But the odds of that being a Bigfoot not. And not being discovered yet.

[John Holmberg]

A new species that possibly is microscopic. Yeah, yeah. Like something little. Like, oh, wow, they found a new bark beetle. And right you're not. The Washington area has had people in it for a long time. If there was bigfoot, there'd be more than one.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And there'd be multiple. And you'd find some bones. And then. So I presented the idea like, well, what about bones? Like, you never. Like, if Bigfoot's been around, he's not new and he's still current, so he's been a thing for a while. What about the bones? Cause we find dinosaur bones all over the place. All over the place. And we're. Oh, you can't prove that. Oh, for Christ's sake. I'm talking to the dumbest man in the world. You're gonna argue against everything just to make bigfoot real. And then you just put your hand out and say, it's been a pleasure. We will never speak again because you are a retarded adult. Goodbye now. And then you just walk away. Bigfoot. And there's nobody out there who really believed it. There can't be. He'd get loose once, like bigfoot would get. If he's that wise. Wouldn't he start his own little civilization if he knows not to wander into somebody's trash?

[Brady]

He would be if coyotes come down in the city. Because most animals when they're hungry.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And bigfoot would follow them because he probably eats coyotes. What's his diet? We don't have one. Bigfoot. One piece of bigfoot information. Oh, I hate the bigfoot people. I don't know who I hate more, the. The. The ghost people or the bigfoot people. What about Loch Ness monster? That's not that. Those are Scots and they're idiots, and they know that that's just a tourist.

[Brady]

Attraction that's turned into more fun than anything. There's a handful that's still.

[John Holmberg]

And the Loch Ness monster is funny because it's like one. Like if that Loch Ness. Which loch is just their lake. Their choked out, gross way of saying the word lake over there.

[Brady]

The loch.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, God. We clear your throat and say it like a human loch. Loch Ness. Nessie. If there was a Loch ness. And she only lived there, she'd made. There'd be multiple at this point, like thousands of years ago. Like, she's dead. No, she lives. And I'm like, what is she? She's a. She's a God of some type. Aye. All right. You're an idiot.

[Brady]

Hey, she's starving. That's the least amount of fish I've seen in a lot.

[John Holmberg]

She's immortal. On this ugly ass lock. No houses about Nobody wants to live on it because it's gray and disgusting and a monster lives about. Has she ever hurt anybody or. No. All right, what does she do? She pops her head up at great distances while I have only a grainy photograph. That's all I can get.

[Brady]

They have a 1962 replica at the gift center.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, a replica. We have sonar. We found the goddamn Titanic. Yeah, exactly. It's a lake. You'd find her. No, she's got little dens she hides about. Well, you know. You know where.

[Brady]

The underground pockets.

[John Holmberg]

You know exactly where pockets are and you can't find. No, the pockets go deep to the core of the earth. You're all eat your mud. Shut up and eat your mud. I'll eat all this mud. But you're the. You're the idiot. You're the non believer. I will be all your heat, okay? Keep with your Gaelic nonsense and just move about the looking for your dragon. That's real, okay? This is why your country always fails God. Because you go back to that stuff and your biggest hero is William Wallace rode Nessie. They fought each other. They fought each other. You know, Nessie was with England for a bit and she come out and she said, for the king. You do it for the King. And William Waller said, I don't do anything for that man. And they fought for hours. Legendary. There's pictures. They drew them. Aye. There was a tapestry made. They put out a tapestry. They didn't just tapestry. You didn't tapest anything back then. It had to have happened. Ghosts, Loch Ness Monster, Bigfoot. What's another deal breaker for Bermuda Triangle? Bermuda Triangle, Flat Earth.

[Brady]

What about the people that think the Mothman, West Virginia.

[John Holmberg]

The moon landing's fake is a tough one for me because I think the first one was real. And then I. Then I see their point. I start buying into that. That one makes sense to me a little more like, I think the moon landing was very real. I think two or three of them were very real. Then I start to wonder. India still can't do it. China still can't do it, but they can fix a laptop like nobody's business there at Dell. Tech support.

[Brady]

Yeah, we're always technology.

[John Holmberg]

We're always told we have more technology in our phones than they had for the first moonshot. Right? Yeah. And other countries are still begging us, hey, can you get us some info on how to get to that moon? Like, nope. And that's when I'm like, did we really go? Because wouldn't we share that incredibly lucrative information? We Are India has gone on TV and screamed out, no one will help us. And we can't figure out the last few steps. India's dying to go, and we don't want them up there. I have no clue why there are other. And why wouldn't we share it with Japan? Who wants to go? They're our friends. Like, there's groups that we're like, why wouldn't we have to. And we want to build because we don't want them getting up there, building first or finding something we didn't. But we don't go anymore, and we don't let anybody else go. So I start to wonder, did we really go? That one gets to me, because there's some questions that make me think, why don't we still do it? I understand. Maybe we've just raked it for all it's worth. Why do the other countries all of a sudden say, well, America was there. That's never happened before. The United States went, so we're not interested anymore. That makes them want to go up more.

[Brady]

And now we're doing space rides, rubbing.

[John Holmberg]

It in even more. Yeah, but I mean, does it make sense to you that, like, other nations would be like, all right, what'd they do? It would make me more curious if I was another country. And they won't give me the info to get up there.

[Brady]

It was just. And it was Russia and us battling for a little bit.

[John Holmberg]

It was a money battle, and we had to win it, or Russia gets all the future deals for contracting and money. And they're the technology supermen. So we figured it out before them. And then they went broke. And we said, all right, we don't do that anymore. And then the next big thing that we did was a shuttle that went around the Earth a bunch of times. That's less than the thing we did 10, 15 years ago. So that the moon people.

[Brady]

You'Ll give.

[John Holmberg]

Them a little leeway, a little credit. They can't go crazy with it. They can't have, like, answers. And it was filmed in a Tucson studio. You can't start going down that road. You have to have a bunch of question marks.

[Brady]

They're allowing it, the international side of the space station, but they're still keeping away from the moon for.

[John Holmberg]

So they're not even close to the moon. It's only like, 100 miles away. It's not even that far.

[Brady]

Yeah, that is interesting.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but why in the world won't we share that with, like, Australia, who'd go to the moon in a heartbeat, like, now you guys got no business up there. And they can't figure it out on their own. Nobody's figured it out. Not one place has gone. We went up there too. None.

[Brady]

Maybe they've passed around. You know, there's been so much stolen moon rock.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Like there's Russian maybe nothing up there.

[John Holmberg]

You know. You know who I think would be up there before anybody else? Is that Mexico? Not one person seems to want to stay in that country. I think the moon's a better option. They make it up there too. We don't want them up there because they will build civilization. It'll be like in three days. They'll have all sorts of houses and trenching and definitely a sprinkler system.

[Brady]

There's one mention of a nugget of gold.

[John Holmberg]

Well, if there's money. But that's the thing. We came back and told them there's no money.

[Brady]

There's nothing.

[John Holmberg]

There's something, but there's something up there. We would tell them how to get there. We just have to figure out how to mine it without being obvious. Weird. The moon thing. Maybe Brett. You bring that up and I start going a little crazy myself. But I'm not gonna.

[Brady]

Got questions.

[John Holmberg]

But I'm exactly. That's all I got. I got question. I'm not going to sit and tell you I don't think it didn't happen. But I have to think it didn't happen as much as we. We say it did now. I think after about four or five just to rub the Russians nose in it. We're popping those things up there every couple months. And we're up at the moon again. Russia. What are you guys doing? Still failing. That's cool. I think we were just rubbing their nose in the fact that we figured it out first and then couldn't stop going. We go like eight or nine times. I don't know how many times. There are a lot of guys we got up on the move and then we just stopped. That's enough. Enough moon for everybody. The whole world doesn't need the moon anymore. And our human exploration curiosity.

[Brady]

Now it's Mars.

[John Holmberg]

Is it? I know we're talking about. I don't think anybody else wants to.

[Brady]

Say with that in the. There's more talk about colonization or.

[John Holmberg]

Sure. On a planet that doesn't support life. Brilliant. But that's. India is the one that's like in on all the Mars stuff. We worked on the. We definitely have the technology to get you to Mars. I'm like, you guys can't get to the moon yet? What's going on? I don't live there anymore. I live in the place to go to where you skipped a step. You got to go to the moon, and then you can go to Mars.

[Brady]

People don't realize there's already a call center set up in Mars.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. Thank you for calling. What do you deliver? Receive tranquility. That is on the moon. That is not my jurisdiction, but I've been. And it is beautiful. Thank you very much for calling. Would you like to go to Mars today? Yes. Okay. We need 1400 billion dollars and 88 years of your life. I don't think that's gonna happen. Yeah, they skipped a step, But I always found that weird. I always found it strange that all the other nations and human curiosity, which is the only thing we all have in common, is a explorative kind of curiosity. We want to know. And all the other nations are like, america did it. That's good. Thanks for the reports. What?

[Brady]

Maybe hoping that we'd go broke?

[John Holmberg]

Well, they thought, well, that's the whole reason we did it, to break Russia trying. We knew Russia was. We didn't know they were as bad as they were. Ten years later, they're not even a place. And that goes right back to the space race. They spent all their money trying to beat us, and the winner of that thing was going to win the world, and we clearly did. England doesn't want to, like, hey, can we get a ride to the moon? Can you send one of our guys with your guys? We'll even tag along. Nope, we're not going anymore.

[Brady]

It's weird, but look at our credit card now.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, that doesn't. We're still a place. Don Homburg's morning sickness. The 98 KUPD college hoops are here.

[Brady]

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[John Holmberg]

Your car's AC system should be checked and serviced every year. Plus, replacing the cabin air filter helps the air blow strong and takes away any nasty smell. Nice.

[Brady]

Is that a big deal to get done?

[John Holmberg]

Not at all. It takes about an hour, and in most cases, we can do it while you wait.

[Brady]

That's awesome.

[John Holmberg]

I'll say. We're amco.

[Brady]

Google Amco for your nearest location. That's amco.

[John Holmberg]

Double A MCO transmissions and a whole lot more. Holmberg's morning sickness. We didn't break down into, like, 600 different spots. Although it could have. We got good debt. We got quality. $30 trillion of good debt. Like millennials. We're not gonna pay it back. Don't worry. Nobody's ever gonna pay it. Bernie will take care of it. Or just pay off all the national debt with trips to the moon. Who wants to go? Yeah. So it's. To me, that's a thing. But Loch Ness ghosts, hunger strikes, dead. Those are those. I bet you those people down there at that hunger striker, Nessie, ghost, Bigfoot believers. Not a one of them is smart. Yeah, you don't. You don't take walks in that. But you certainly don't expect to get hit by a palm tree. So. Resolutions are the worst. So they're over today. As of today, this is it. Usually. Usually people have failed. But I watched the resolution fail at the Suns game until January 4th, which was my favorite thing in the world. Mark decided to take 30 days off from having beer. And once Sherry poured us to two beers and said, they're Dos Equis. They're in the lounge. They're free. Like, gotta drink a free beer. And the next thing you know, we had a couple, and we're just sitting there going, well, that didn't. That didn't take long.

[Brady]

He did the what?

[John Holmberg]

Dry January. Yeah, he was thinking about dry January. That was. That's. I don't. I agree. Just. My buddy switched it to dry February because there's less days in the month to have to not drink. So he's like, I'm going February. Screw that. It's a leap year. Yeah.

[Brady]

Hopefully you ladies out there quit January.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Don't do that. Brady's stuck on the January thing. Nobody needs to talk about this where they don't shave for a month.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

We're not.

[Brady]

Quit.

[John Holmberg]

First off, stop talking to them. Anybody with that mindset, we don't need to convince them. A woman that's like, yeah, I'm taking advantage of never shaving again. Off you go. There you go. Do that somewhere else. Squatch. We're done with you.

[Brady]

Might as well beat a dude at that point.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, exactly. What kind of sense am I gonna talk into her? Brady keeps trying to tell these ladies who've decided not to shave anymore to come back to the. No, leave them out there.

[Brady]

If it's just saving one, John, that's all.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no, no. I don't want to save one. I want those to announce themselves. I'm a non shaven lady. Oh, thank God for announcing that you're someone I'll never want to deal with in my life. You can't handle a woman in her natural state. I guess not. Because that's gross. You look disgusting and you smell and you look like me out of the shower. That's. I'm sickened. No hot girl ever comes at you with hair all over her armpits and legs. It doesn't happen. Pigs. And the reason they don't shave or go into that mode is because they know they're ugly. So they're taking it real far to act like I don't even try to be pretty. Cause you can't. We all know it. So you take it to extremes. We get it. But yeah, don't start there. There's no saving them. Their brains are shot. It isn't about their hairy armpits. Their brains are shot. To even think January's a good idea. If your wife says that I ain't shaving anymore. The next day. If she's still your wife. You've made a drastic error in judgment. Call Cordell and Cordell immediately. Before she don't leave the house. Mine would have been annulled right away. Done. You still have some time to clip it before it counts. 90 day money back guarantee for you. She came in like Sasquatch. I'm out. Even if she said I'm thinking I shouldn't shave anymore. That's it. Bye. Get the out of my house. Better think again, sister. Bye, Grape Ape. Bye.

[Brady]

Get out of here, ZZ Top.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but this is like the fourth time you've gone. You gotta stop, ladies. Yeah, we're talking. He's like. He's like Sarah McLaughlin over here. I hear the. The music in my head. Hairy ladies.

[Brady]

Just a dollar a day.

[John Holmberg]

I just think you guys should come back in. We don't want them brace. Shut up, John. I'm talking to ladies who've decided not to do hygiene anymore.

[Brady]

Oh, and I'd show just tons of of ladies Throwing it out.

[John Holmberg]

No. You show hot. Too late.

[Brady]

They've already cried. You can save these.

[John Holmberg]

You can't save them. The dogs in the Sarah McLaughlin commercial didn't make a choice to look like that. Hairy ladies are choosing to be disgusting for a dollar a day. We could get razors for these giant beasts. These. These boars of humanity.

[Brady]

Please help Italy.

[John Holmberg]

Why are you trying to save. No. Italy ladies shave. You're missing the point. Italy ladies can't help it. They probably shave three times a day. You're talking about women who made the conscious decision to announce they're done shaving. And you're like, I want to be friends. I want you back. Why? If you're a lady who doesn't shave, adieu. I never want to speak to you again. I don't want to talk to unshaven women. That's not the way it works. And anybody who brings up women do.

[Brady]

That because the patriarchy.

[John Holmberg]

But what kind of human being are we dealing with that we want to continue? Having any sort of contact with male patriarchy makes it so we have to bow down to your ideals of beauty. Like, okay, your personality's worse than your big, fat, hairy boar body. Get away from me. Yuck. You know, if they're not shaving their armpits, that thing down there ain't getting washed either. Oh, it doesn't need to. It's not getting used properly. Yuck. So we at KUPD have put a moratorium on Brady's attempts to save the januhary ladies. Quit talking about them like Brady McLaughlin. Oh, you can talk about them, but only to call them pigs or God's mistakes or big, giant, disgusting human beings. Quit trying to act like it's coming back. What, do you go on a date with her? Well, in January, I didn't shave for a month. Check. Well, I'm shaving now. Yeah, but I don't know what's next. You're a. You're a lunatic. That's a huge red flag. I did January to fight the patriarchy. Great job you showed us. Yeah. Oh, man, we still. Boy, now I find hairy ladies attractive. It worked. Yuck. One hair on a woman is nearly divorced. Ever see a lady that gets one on her chin that gets a little long? Like I see it. Well, look, she's off the menu for everyone I've ever met. Come on. I couldn't help it. It was a rogue one. Yeah, it was about 3 inches long. That's going on for a couple days. You're not paying enough attention to the Standard. Mike Tomlin said the standard is the standard, and that is no hairs. We get the hairs. We can't help it. Our whole body starts showing up. If you get chest hair and stuff and you're not shaving it because it's natural. You're a gorilla. Get back in the forest or go to Brady's house and he'll try to talk you down. Like strippers and hairy ladies. You just want them to come back into normal.

[Brady]

Salt liquor. Dollar a day.

[John Holmberg]

It's still. I remember. I remember the outfit and the face and hair of the hooker you decided to try to make normal again. My Brady, you know, she's just. Well, she's been talking to her. She's got a problem. She wants out. I'm like, no, she doesn't want out. Where did you meet a hooker? Oh, we were at a strip club. And this hooker comes up. Cause they're hookers. And she sits on Brady's lap and says, I don't necessarily.

[Brady]

She was not. She was a quality dancer.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And she told Brady something. Why do you. And I just. She wasn't up there doing a nutcracker. Well, maybe she wasn't. She was. Why do you do this to yourself? We heard at the strip club, and then the girl's like. I don't know. Like she's emotional baggage. Brady, she's gonna cry no matter what. Did your dad touch you or anything? Next thing you know, she's sitting down, not dancing for anyone, having a long chat with Brady while neon lights flash in the back. Please welcome Dakota this. Dakota, stop talking to that fat. Get up on the stage if you know what's good for you. I can't do this. Brady. Will you take me? Then she's asking him for a ride.

[Brady]

And he tried to fix like Santa Claus that day. They were lined up, waiting my turn on the lap.

[John Holmberg]

No, they're emotional crack jobs. And you're sitting.

[Brady]

What would you like for Christmas?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you're trying to talk sense into him. This isn't a good lifestyle. If you haven't found the good book, you're gonna end up dead. I don't want to die. Well, also, she's hallucinating that you're covered in butterflies. And God knows what you're trying.

[Brady]

Well, if you're not gonna listen, dance then.

[John Holmberg]

You didn't. Had you just been that guy. Why don't you get off my. Get off my jock and start pounding that hoon on somebody's thigh? No, she was asking for rides. She quit that night. Wow.

[Brady]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

She did. Don't make that face. Can't turn a hoe into a housewife. She was in the blue and silver bikini type thing. She had dark hair. She was. But how was she. And then some other guy could have. She was a stripper. She was a little cracky.

[Brady]

Now governor of Arizona. Amazing story.

[John Holmberg]

No. Good joke. No. We all know it can't possibly be. Can't possibly be. Because another guy could have come over in his sweatpants and his fake Armani shirt and go, baby, hundred dollars. Get back over here. Start doing the work. Oh, I gotta go, Brady. Thanks for the talk. She's very easily manipulated by cash and ideas and the smell of Drakkar. Yeah. And you. Yeah. Then once Drakkar comes in, she's. She melts. Oh, no. I'm gonna get another free rug. Yeah, but she was gonna listen to whoever's willing to talk to her. Nobody wanted to talk to her. Janu. Harry. Come back into the fold. No. Keep not shaving. Be more obvious as a social pariah. Yeah. Has Ronnie ever gone, like a day or two without shaving?

[Brady]

Yeah, she probably has.

[John Holmberg]

Really?

[Brady]

It bothers her. Yeah, but she's a decent human being.

[John Holmberg]

She knows she's starting to drift away from any sort of normalcy. You may not like it, ladies, but you do it to each other. If you all got. And they know deep down. If they all got together and said, none of us will ever shave again. Well, if that's the case, I get along better with Brett. I might as well just bang him. Exactly. Rubbing hairy thighs like we're crickets. Brady. January. No more mentions of that savior.

[Brady]

You got it?

[John Holmberg]

You start making fun of the Januhary, ladies like the rest of us. Wouldn't encourage Kirby to do that. Shouldn't shave. It's part of the patriarchy. No. You want to be a normal, decent person? Shave it up.

[Brady]

Keep it tight.

[John Holmberg]

January. Ew. The Black Crows put out a great album, Amorica, years ago. And on the COVID of that album was a picture of a woman's private parts with a bikini on it. And puffed out of the sides of the bikini was tons of pubic hair. It's a really good album. It didn't sell well. The reason why nobody wanted to look at that front. It was gross. I didn't want that in my collection. Ew. Ew. Anyway, good luck with your resolutions. And if you're not shaving anymore, Brady's got a line at his house for you. Come by. He'll give you some stews and soups. And roots so you can wander around in your natural state.

[Brady]

Dollar shave.

[John Holmberg]

See, you keep saying it like you're trying to save them. They're not interested in shaving, but trying to talk them back into it. They're not gonna do it. They're not normal when they do. No shaves, just hair care products. Get them hairier. There's a Morica, and that was the one. They. They fixed it. Oh, here it is. Is that the one with the hair. Gross. Ah, it's fuzz coming out of the top. And it didn't sell well. It didn't even shave well on the sides either. That's the thing. It puffs out of the sides. Yeah. And then to put it up on a lot of shelves, they had to get rid of the girls. They just did the bikini triangle, though. I bet you that's the one I'd have bought. Yeesh. Yeah. Lady that doesn't shake. That's gross. How fast do you think. Oh, we gotta. Yeah. This guy's in there. Your buddy. He's my friend. Yeah. Why are we hating on the 70s bush? Something tickling my face down there is good. No hair. I feel like a pedo. Whatever happened to the phrase grass on the field, play ball? Look who wrote it. Oh, yes, Herbert. Herbert Newton's back again. I don't know. I don't remember what you emailed about the other day, but we made fun of your name. Now Herbert Newton sounds like a pedophile's name. Hey, if there's grass in the field play, they have grass in the field when they're 12. Herbert Gross. You feel like a pedo. And then you said, grass on the field, play ball. What happened to that? Usually that phrase was for someone who had gone through puberty. And that was just the age of consent to the creepy dude who's like, hey, I don't care how old she is. Grass on the field, play ball. Herbert Newton. Stop it. Get back to whatever creepy thing you're doing quietly. Anyway, Herbie Newton, be careful with your resolutions is what I'm saying. They're ending today anyway. Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect. Hi, I'm Diane Fisher from Fisher Tools. From our humble beginnings in 1964 at the Phoenix park and swap to our 4 acre campus located just south of Tempe Marketplace off the 202. Emmett Clintock Fisher Tools has been building the valley for over 60 years. Come check us out and browse our huge selection of tools and anything you need to do the job right. We carry, Milwauke, DeWalt, Makita, Proto, and so much more. We're also [e-mail] CUPD listeners will receive 10% off their order when you mention this ad Fisher Tools. If we don't have it, we can't sell it.