← Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona
Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona
BEST OF HMS PODCASTS - TUESDAY - December 31, 2024 - We Just Found Out About The National Gay Flag Football League From Ads During Games - January 2024
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John Holmberg
All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Get out to the Tempe Improv on the east side to see Paul Versey on Thursday and Beth Stelling Friday, Saturday and Sunday. The Desert Ridge Improv up North features Sarah Weinschenk this Thursday and Joe DeRosa on Friday and Saturday. And downtown at Stand Up Live, check out the very funny Lil Rel performing Friday, Saturday and Sunday for the complete lineups. And for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com it's John Holberg here. For the amazing people at the Core Institute, life can throw you a curveball now and again. One day you're trucking along, feeling great. Next day your dog smashes into your head and knocks you cold. Or like a KUPD listener told me this week, his dog did a sprint across the backyard directly into the side of his wife's leg and blew her knee up. She needed that need to get fixed and fixed, right? Two years later, she's running like she used to again. And it's all thanks to the Core Institute. I went through it, too. And you can get rid of your pain and start saying, yes, I can to all the things you want to do. And. And all you have to do is trust the experts at the Core Institute head there right now. The Core Institute.com. cease and desist at once. The best of Homburg's morning sickness. This is the Big Red Radio. Brutal. Ah, sports. Why do we involve ourselves? Yesterday, while I'm watching football, and I thought we were supposed to be all inclusive. I thought the whole new world was, everybody gets to do everything with everyone else, right? I thought that was the whole point of us, like, being accepting and caring about each other and, like, I don't care what you do at home. I don't care what color you are. I don't care who you're banging. I don't care what you're banging. I just think if you're. If you're good enough, we. We do that. And then I see right there on tv, an advertisement for. For gay flag football. There's a. I didn't even know it's a league. Missed it. It's a full league. There's. Look it up. Gay flag football. I know. So this is what I thought of. I think of Brett because my brain. My brain, right? My brain goes where Brett's goes, but I actually go, oh, that was terrible. HE LAUGHS and I go, oh my God, Brain, what are you doing? Flag football. It's the ngffl. That's right. The NGFFL gave flag football. Flag football is like having a black javelin throwing team. You know what the terrible people are going to call it? 250 teams in 26 leagues. Yeah. The Mexican cleaners having a naming contest saying, okay, we're blank cleaners for Mexicans. Okay, we know what that's going to turn into. An Asian math team called the Think Tank. You know what bad people are going to turn this into the men's room? A professional women's basketball league called country basketball. You know what we're gonna call it? Gay flag football. It's a low hanging fruit orchard. Good lord. Yeah, but isn't this like. Yeah, we're all gonna. It's gonna turn into something terrible. Especially the South. We once the south of America finds out about gay flag football, you can count on. You see that big old football game? Yes. I said it's flag football, by the way. That's what I said. That's what I told you. And everyone can catch a pass. Everyone's a wide receiver. My dry cleaner is. His name's Jose. He's my cleaner. Yes, we know the jokes. We get it. You can't do that. And they've got like 70 teams every. Everybody but Phoenix has a team. So once KDKB finds out about this, they're gonna start talking. Oh yeah, he's gonna be a quarterback. Phoenix will have a team. And what are the quality? How do you know? What do you have to do? Like what's the combine? He runs a 4, 5, 40 and like can blow like eight guys in a minute. What? Who cares that you're gay? In flag football when you pull the flags to the pants come off. I mean, what's the no pants? Why in the world is there gay flag football when they're all saying let's just include each other? That's not a flag. That's not a flag. And just keep pulling and pulling. Keep going, Keep going. He's not down yet. He's not down yet. He paints it yellow. Come on. On top of the point that there's easy jokes to make, isn't that exclusivity? Isn't that the opposite of the entire thing? Isn't that what we're supposed to be avoiding? You can play in the league that's currently. Why not just have a flag football league and gays can play it? We don't have an all straight league. They'd lose Their minds. We have an all gay league. If I'm straight and I want to play because it's the only flag football in town, do I have to blow guys to play? I mean, what makes it gay football? What makes gay flag football different than flag football? The snacks afterwards. Yeah, I guess better snacks. The outfits, the costume changes. I don't know. The dancing, the anal sex. I mean, what's the difference? I just don't get why it's a thing. And I'm watching it in the NFL's like, proudly support the gay flag. I'm like, why? Well, the gay bulls in Seattle this year, apparently. But shouldn't it just be the gay bull? Like, am I not poll. I said bull or bull? The gay bull that you can buy your commemorative coffee cups. Is that. Does that say it's the 23rd one? Yeah. Hmm. I just don't get it. Be some Jordans at that one. I just don't get it. I thought we were supposed to stop that stuff to make it so we're all one and be united and not care about each. But then you just shout out, hey, nobody allowed in this thing unless you're gay. And I don't know how you try out for that team. I don't know. I don't know how you. Hey, hey, thanks for letting me know, but gay football in town is like, oh, am I not invited bigot? I'm like, wait a second. Why am I the bad guy for saying I don't want to go to gay football? I'd rather just go to football. Football. And why not excel in the general flag football. Maybe they're better. They're a great player. Yeah. Who. Yeah. Is there. And there is no flag football league. I mean, it is kind of gay to just play flag football anyway. I mean, just, you know, put some pads on even before there was be a goddamn man about it. I'm just saying Kirby's doing her last. She's a woman. Yeah. She's the only one on the team. The only one what? Only woman. Oh, I thought she was just standing by herself. No, she's the only one on the team. What are the team. I see what you're saying. Oh, she's playing in a boys league. Yeah. No, but she's like the one girl left. Yeah. And flag football is, let's be honest, what it is for people who are 15, 16 years old. It's. Your parents are. Yeah. You won't let the boys play real football. And that's. Yeah, that's true. That's okay, well, I would say that's for single moms to raise their little. There's. There's one or two really good athletes. They're just not. They're not good enough. Good enough to be regular football. And you know why? Because they've been single momed from ever being athletes. They probably want to play. And all it would have taken was a dad on hand. And I'm not blaming the moms. Where's dad? Dad on hand to go. All right, let's hone some of these skills. So they might have had something, but the end of a mom was like, I don't want you in those pads and getting hit. And. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. So who's coaching flag football? Guy who doesn't want to coach helmeted football. It's usually probably a parent, maybe a girl. And that's for. Flag football's for. It is kind of gay in the first place. It's for the kids who don't. They're not allowed to wear the uniform. It's if my mind. Fun to see the. All the objs and just mimicking everything. Oh, sure. Plus, they can't. There's no risk. Without my dad, my mom would have never let me out on a field ever. I was little. She would have been scared to death the whole time. My dad's like, wearing pads. I mean, how hard you should be. Fine. And then she was right. Because when I was 15 and had one workout, I broke my arm. And it turned out mom was right. But I learned okay. I'm not big enough. That was me. I'm like, I'm not big enough to play right now. I didn't develop quick enough in high school, and these guys had shot past me. So it was a smart thing on. It was my decision, but it was a smart thing to say. You're not. You're gonna get killed out here. Wasn't fast enough. I wasn't. I just wasn't good enough. I was just. Before all the head trauma. Yeah, you were. You were smashing faces into walls. I was a. I could just throw the ball a mile. That was it. That was my. I could shuck a ball forever, but I was not big enough to. I would have gotten killed out there. 4 foot 1 defensive end just squatting balls down. But you know what? You know what I knew not to do? Play flag football and let people know about it. That is so gay. That is just insanely. That's brunch gay. That's gay. And Dan would have really been questioning you. He would Have. If I'd have said tadams. And he would have said, why aren't you playing? Playing real football knowing that even with a cast on, I'm gonna sign up for flag football. What are you scared of the other boy? Jesus. Thought I only had one daughter. Let me tell you something. When you get tackled, does your. Does it move? Do you get aroused? Stop. Well, that's the only reason to play flag football. This guy's tugging away at things hanging off your waist. Weirdo. But yeah, so I saw that yesterday and just shook my head and I'm like, am I. Am I a better person than everyone else in the world? And I had to really contemplate that for a couple hours. I think the answer is yes, because I was the only one saying, this isn't what we're shooting for. This is. This is getting rid of people from something. Instead of including everyone, which is what everybody who screams. We have to include everyone. Nobody should. It shouldn't be based on who you have sex with. That's their whole argument is don't do things based on my sexuality. Let me do what. Let me do all of it. Gay football. But if you're looking to meet other people, that's what it really is. When it turns out later on is what it really is. It's just a giant dating service or orgy. And there's where the NFL wasn't paying. Oh, it's Grindr, basically. Basically live Grindr, because then you can't make a mistake or harass anybody that doesn't want to look. No, man, I'm straight as an arrow. I'm just a wide receiver. I would again. I might go to one of the games just to hear the screaming and the cackling. Let's go to check out Las Vegas. Vegas has a good. Has a good squad. I don't know. It's the all African American who can jump the highest brought to you by Disney. It's the Tigger Games. Don't do this. You're ruining it. Don't do this. The flag football for gays. You're asking for it and it's near gonna. And I think it's bait. I think. Don't fall for it. It's a trap. But yeah, so long as Frank Vogel gets fired, I don't care what you just get rid of that guy before you should go tell MLK Day. So one more week, and then we're done with him. I'll give you a week. You got seven days. That's it. That's another week. Of Frank Vogel messing up this glorious team. Dom wants to know if they changed positions in this flag football because you know there's no tight end in gay flag football. This is what I'm talking about. Gay flag football. You're asking for this, wide receiver. You think we don't sit here and pretend all this bigotry and nonsense is terrible, but deep down, just whisper it to each other. You see the game. Football league. Flag football for kids. You know what we call it? Yes, there's no tight end. Yes, we know. The tight end jokes are coming. Throws a tight spiral. He's been playing the entire game. He needs a blow. Oh, oh, oh. That means rest in straight football. What are you talking about? That defensive end's been coming in its face all day. Okay, that's what Chris Collinsworth always says. But that's for straight football. The teams don't like him. He has too quick of a release. It's true. It's true. See? Low hanging fruit jokes. I don't know. I just shook my head like I was. I felt like they were. It was. It's a trap. It's a trap. But I do want to watch their tryouts. You're not gay. Prove it. Like you make everybody prove it. Don't you? This is a. This is trafficking. You're human trafficking. Jon holmberg's morning sickness. The 98 KUPD college hoops are here, and there's no better place to catch the action than Hooters. Fuel up with a baller bundle. 10 boneless wings, crispy fries, dressing, and a fountain drink starting at just $9.99. Want to level up your game day experience? 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You're just a little too risky on your throw. All right, all right, we're through it now. That's enough. Get back to firing Frank Vogel. Get rid of him. He can go coach a gay basketball team. Yeah, an all gay league. We already had that. It was called the wnba. And I don't know why they don't. At least the WNBA doesn't scream it the whole time. We all know you can't have that many bi level haircuts and not be the gay league. But it is. And they don't sit and scream it. Although they're pretty friendly to the community. But I just, I. I don't get it. I thought it was. I thought gays would be on my side on this one. It's like, why are we isolating ourselves and stuff? You can have a gay commissioner and say it's the only league in sports that's. But it's flag football. So we already know it's kind of. It's like nine foot rim basketball. It's like, hey, you can play on the real baskets with men or you can play on the little, you know. I believe I can fly the under six, six foot white guy basketball league. I used to love it until I started to play with real basketball players. I was playing on that nine foot thing quite a bit and we were feeling pretty good about ourselves. And then we broke over to the tens to actually play real basketball. And we were, we were out of practice. We were clanking a lot of shots off the front of that rim because we were playing, you know, T ball basically. And we were grown up and we had no business playing T ball in the baby courts. Anyway. I don't get it. I just don't get it. But they have like a big championship, like supposed to be huge. I didn't know about this. This is Gable 24S in Austin in October 31st through November 3rd this year. Austin's last name, not even a sporting event. Phoenix associated the Gable three times. John, what is the Gable? That's the big championship where they do the open. We don't have a team. There's four, like men's championships for flag football, B, C and D league, and the women's have A, B and C leagues as well. We don't even have a team. Yeah, we do. Not on the list. We did it. Phoenix does. There's listed on There. Yeah. Oh, my goodness. I didn't see it again. Oh, it's probably. I wasn't looking too far, but if you have gay football coming to town, you. You scramble a team together mighty fast. In fact, if I. If I remember right, I think last year or the year before, the. The. Oh, there we are. Was here. Who is it? What's the team name? Oh, that's. They didn't pay. They didn't pay their bill. Look at that. Their website. But they pay for their website. You click on it. They didn't pay for their website. Must have been sponsored by BS West. They went out business. That could be, yeah. Same owners. That's the Phoenix Jackers. I got to give them credit for their name. They just. They went right after it anyway. And I don't, you know, if you're gonna advertise, that means they got some money. Yeah, it was a big NFL, like the. The. The daytime Jags Titans game. And as we all know, God hates Jags, so you got to be careful with that. In the gay football League now it's part of the Pro Bowl. That'll be what it. Well, the Pro bowl is where it's at, and I've noticed that, too. I brought that up at the beginning of the year. I'm like, you've seen an awful lot of commercials for flag football, haven't you? Like normalizing flag football. The NFL doesn't want to pay for any more of these medical bills after these guys retire eventually. Isn't flag football maybe more fun televised? They're going to. To get some things in there, but they made it gay right away, so I'm not so sure. Well, if you watch tv, the future is definitely. George wants to know if Tucson has a team. The Tucson Twinks. All right. I'm like, all right, here we go. This is what I'm saying, Brett. I didn't say it. You're gonna get crushed by this. This is. This is right in his wheelhouse. Because yesterday when I saw the commercial, I'm like, oh, Brett. Because I knew immediately there was. Yeah, I knew there was a problem at your house. Laughing. Oh, yeah. And like, ah, God damn it, Brett. Because I think of Brett when I see that stuff, I'm like, I know what. I know real human beings, and I know what they do with stuff like this, because I'm one of them. I just have class and decorum, and I think about it, and then look at the guy who's gonna say it and go, you can't say it. Just think it Here they come. Wait till they start getting sacks. Exactly. Yeah, it's gonna be one of those. Stop it. He just ran out onto the field. No, we do. I just. It's. He said there's the. The running back, not running back. I don't. I don't even want what that means. That's gross. I don't think you give the ball to the running back, Austin. That's disgusting. And again, listen to him cackling over there. This is for him. It's these people. No, it's not these. You don't say that either. This guy's emailing. Oh, I thought he meant the game's people in their league. You just don't say it. You don't offer it up to people like him. I'm an observer. I understand human behavior. And I'm like, oh, the brats of the world. And there's more of them than anyone else. If I didn't have stuff to lose, I'd be a Brett. And they are flying in, too. I am a Brett. I just know better. Stop it. I don't even know that. Slot receiver, Double reverse. No, I'm not watching that play. Do they have cheerleaders? People say, what do their cheerleaders look like? Pretty much the cheerleaders of the NFL now. And the Suns, they got dudes dancing like crazy. Here's what I don't understand about the gay cheerleader. They've just assimilated to the girl cheers. They've added nothing. So when they all stand in a line, I've noticed this with the Suns thing. They do the thing where their leg goes in front of the other, like when you know. And your hands on your hips. And then you try to look slimmer. But you know how girls do pictures. Whenever you see. Take a picture of a girl, if she has any decency or pride, like. Or. She's a good one. She hasn't quit on anything. She does that sideways turn, and then the front leg goes in front of the back leg and kind of the head. I don't even know about the head. It's all about body. I don't care. I don't pay attention to the head anyway. I didn't really have heads. They put a foot in front of the other and they go a little sideways, and it's supposed to slim them. One foot goes in for. It's like a modeling trick that all halfway decent girls do. So why do the boy cheerleaders do that? Why are they trying to look more narrow? They do exactly what the girls Do. It would be different if they showed up and said, hey, we're here because we're guy cheerleaders, and we want to make a difference and change things up. They came in and they just do what the girls do. They've done zero. They just do the exact same moves they do the team, John. No, that's the point, though. A team, you take advantage of what this guy can do. They do the hair flips and the. The arched backs. And I'm like, you're doing a girl cheers. At least in college, boy cheerleaders throw the girls around like their purpose is. Their masculinity is actually playing a part. You go to the Suns game. And again, a couple years ago, Eric Hard Times Moreno was the best one on the floor. Sexiest, too. Like, the dude did the moves better, and Brett went with me once. He was like, jesus, you're right. The dude is awesome. He added something. You go now, and it's just like they do the. And they do the palm cheers, and it's weird. Go out there and chuck one of the sun's dances around. Although I'll say this, in the modern day and age, pick and choose wisely on which sun's dancer you're gonna throw, because there's a couple of them out there. A couple as big as me. So anyway, the whole world's just gone. A lot of injuries. All right, Brad, I'm gonna do it. There's somebody that wanted to know if these teammates were up there on the board. Okay. Really? The Prolapse Pokers? You think they're gonna. Herbert Newton? You think that they're gonna call a team Herbert Newton? Herbert Newton. You email in Herbert Newton with the nerve to make fun of something as horrible as your childhood had to be being named Herbert Newton. Herbert Newton doesn't have any empathy for being teased. You spent 30 years being teased, Herbert. Why'd you use my name, bro? It ain't funny, man. How do you read the other names I wrote down? All right, Herbert Newton also suggests the Ass Blasters. It's not even, like, legitimately creative. Herbert. Pro Ass Bolsters is pretty funny, though. Every first day of school, of course it's funny. The Prolapse Pokers he should have stuck with Ass Blast is one too many. Every first day of school, from kindergarten to about ninth grade, Herbert Newton. The whole class laughs. Your real name's Herbert. Shut up, dicks. I vow to never make fun of anybody who struggled again in life. It's too hard. Hey, Holmberg, you know the gay football League. All right, what is it, Herbert? Prolapse pokers. All right, come on. You can't sit back and share in their pain. Finally, a sport I can get behind. Signed tranny Rob. We haven't heard from him in a while. Oh, my God. It's just embarrassing. So that's the world we live in. And I'm the. Here's the problem with society. I'm the decent person. I'm the one that looks at it and says, you know, this is a step backwards. This is isolation. This is exclusion. This is not what you. What you. Your very group screams all the time is, we want inclusion in all things. And then they'll cry back. Well, we want a right to have our own things, too. All right, then what. What if we had straight football? What if we did that? And I don't like the argument when people are like, bet. And then there's gonna say, don't go there. No, because it doesn't make sense. Because for. Since the beginning of tv, it has been white television. You just don't realize it because you're not black. You talk to a black person and go, what do you think I had in common with Seinfeld friends? Like, it's true. Like, there is an outlet. Like, there was never. Sanford and Son was such a remarkable show because it's like, what is this? And everybody could relate to it. But again, every time they were on tv, they were broken. Good times. Sanford and Son, it was like, you know, Jefferson's. The Jefferson showed up. And all their friends, well, they hit it big and moved away. So. Yeah. So I understand. Bet the whole, you know, that's not exclusion. That's just, we're gonna do something that looks a little more like us. And I do gay tv. Go ahead, have at it. You got it. But gay flag football is the whole opposite of. Because there's certain things that gay people are entertained by that I'm not Cher. You know, cooking shows. There's stuff that I don't care about that gays love. So put that all on there now. That's fine. It's targeting. It's targeting an audience. I get that. That's money. Gay football excludes stuff. I would like to be in a league that's just all heterosexuals co ed. It's called beer league softball. They have it on Thursday nights. You just go do that and you try to bang the hot girl that's in center field that like, may or may not be on your team. You know, can a straight guy break into gay football without Doing stuff. What if I really wanted to play in this league? Like for the team, you know, somebody's going to. Well, I would love to, like, have fun. They'll. They'll. They'll tell them, we'll get you, don't you worry. And on a weekend where BS west closes now, where do they go after the games? That lodge over there they called the Moose Lodge. Is that what it was? What was that one over there on 52nd Street? Oh, Newtown Saloon. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's right. My buddy Jose was at the house for the Steelers game Saturday. He goes, I'm surprised you didn't know about the Newtown Saloon. And I said, hey, them's fighting words. What do you mean? And he goes, oh, that place has been legendary for years. I'm like, oh. Cause he used to watch football there. I'm like, no kidding. Because we didn't know it was a gay bar until like later they started putting all the flags up and stuff. And I'm like, yeah, that's a good sign. Yeah, because it would. It said the oldest gay bar in Phoenix or something. 70 years old. Anyway, well, that's where you can go after your gay football league party. And I think it would probably be a fun party, but just call it flag football and we'll call it what it really is. It's 619pokers. What's the matter with you? This guy wants to know, does Brady want a team from Uranus? I was like, here we go. I'm surprised you didn't try that yet. It's international, you know, it's. Extraterrestrials have decided again, would they win it every year? Arizona's most powerful rock radio station, he said, fully erected. Hi, I'm Diane Fisher from Fisher Tools. From our humble beginnings in 1964 at the Phoenix park and swap to our 4 acre campus located just south of Tempe marketplace off the 202emmeclintock. Fisher Tools has been building the valley for over 60 years. Come check us out and browse our huge selection of tools and anything you need to do the job right. We carry Milwaukee, DeWalt, Makita, Proto and so much more. We're also online@fishertools.com KUBD listeners will receive 10% off their order when you mention this ad. Fisher Tools. 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