← Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona
Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona
BEST OF HMS PODCASTS - TUESDAY - March 11, 2025 - Missing AZ Woman Has A Challenging Name - March 2024
00:16:01
Loading summary
Transcript1 lines
- [00:00]
Dick Toledo
It's Dick Toledo and new customers right now on FanDuel. Get $150 in bonus bets when your first $5 wager wins. Just visit FanDuel.com KUPD to grab $150 in college hoops bonus bets with a winning $5 bet and prepare for March on FanDuel America's 1 Sportsbook 21 plus in President Arizona first online real money wager only. $5. First deposit required. Bonus issued as non withdrawable bonus bets which expire seven days after receipt. Restrictions apply. See terms@sportsbook.fanduel.com gambling problem. Call 1-800-next-step or text next step to too. You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by Mo Money Pawn, Arizona's largest pawn shop for over 35 years. You're listening to the best of Holmberg's Morning Sickness. And this is Frank Caliendo. And you'd think I'd be doing a better voice for this promo at the moment. Or is it technically a rejoin? I don't know. I'm not in the radio business. But what I am going to be doing is a little Donald Trump. It's good, but not as good as the Best of Homburg's Morning Sickness, which we're getting back to right now. That's the weave and we just wove back. Can you do me a favor? Hi, Richard. I need some like, strong like NBC News. I have it in here somewhere. I just don't know where it is. My NBC News stuff. I want Brett to. I want Brett. What I want you to do here. As in you're auditioning to be my newsman. Okay, no, no, no. Like that. Come on. He's the goofy one. I want like real like, I don't want to certified like stuff. I want like you to be my newsman. I want you to be like, this is a serious goddamn story. Everybody listen. There's gravity to this. This is some gravitas. I want some Tom Brokaw style quality reporting here, not this Brady nonsense we deal with on a regular basis. I want you. You got it. You're talking about two different qualities, John. There it is. We're using the word quality. Well, quality. Yeah. Quality is not really being. I'm not throwing that huge. I'm not throwing described word. If that works there. Well, see, there's. There's the type of sentences we're used to. That's what I'm talking about with you see, I can't compete. I'm not doing it. Nobody can compete with whatever he just said. This is it. All right, Now I'll tell you. This, this, this sounder here, 23 seconds long. If Brett makes it through the sounder, I'll be shocked. Okay, what are we supposed to do? 23 seconds. Come on. That ain't nothing. There is no way. Do you want us to make this story as a serious newsman? No way. And this is a serious story. This is like no joke story. But you, my friend, cannot deliver this. No. Come on. You can't do it. Are we ready? I'm just. It's almost like post it the news. It's. I'm going to hand you this story. The print is fairly small. Know if you need readers for this? Do you have readers? Give them your readers to lead them. Are they. Let me see. Yeah. All right. It's pretty small. Like, the print's really little. Yeah. You think you can see that? Don't pre read anything. Don't pre read anything. Just. All right, ready? Give me those. It's very small print. Very small print. And you tell me when you're ready. I want you. Don't read, don't read, don't read, don't read, don't read, don't read, don't read, don't read. Look away. All right, I've got twos. Try Brady's tooth. Boy. This is a group of 50 year old dudes. Can I borrow your goddamn readers? This is brought to you by Dr. Jay Schwartz. Because I don't need readers and my eyes are fantastic. I have an appointment with Jay today. Get rid of these glasses. I need to go with you. Embarrassing. You're gonna like the. This is how 50 year old dudes try to read menus. No, no. Before you do it, don't read that story. Don't read that part. Just make sure you got. Just. No, no, no, no. A little bit better. It's a little bit better. All right, all right. Do you want me to read the top here, part two, or read the headline? Okay. And then after you get through the headline, I'm going to start the music. All right, you've got. There we go. No way. No way Brett Vesley gets through this. Okay, now I'm not. The reason I'm doing this before even is that if Brett was a serious newsman, this is his last day. Oh, come on. I'm telling you right now, there's like a paragraph. Nothing. Come on. Not getting through it. Here we go. Hang on, hang on. Read the headline and then I'll start the news. Okay? You Read the headline and then I'll be the big announcer guy going. It's time now for KUPD News with anchor Brett Vestley. And then. Then you'll have time after that. All right, Ready? Yep. Go. Arizona and California authorities search for missing woman after bizarre disappearance. It's KUPD News with anchorman Brett Vesley. La Paz County, Arizona. Police in Arizona and California for help as they investigate a missing 27 year old who vanished at the end of February. Amanda N. You. I told you didn't make it. That's what it says. Her name is Nenegar. Yes. There's no way. And the way it's spelled, you can't. That's because that's how you'd say it. It took me about three reads through to get to Nenegar. There is no way. Started over. You can't. You can't abduct people with the nword as a last name. Expect news for people to keep their job. He's done for the morning. I told you. I told you. Only you. What's her name? Amanda Knittinger. I don't know how you say it. I don't. That's what it looks like. It's like vinegar, only different. It's N, E, N, I G. A R. You got a hard R. You got a hard R. Her last name. And it's not fair. Now this is a terrible story. This girl's been. They don't know where she is. The authorities are saying she's lost and they don't think she's in a place they're gonna find a living person. And then the news has to say that word. And there's no dancing around that. Who are we looking for? Brett. Yeah. Amanda Miniger. Stop it. When I read it, I'm like, brett's delivering this news. You can't do that to news people. If your name is that, change it. We live in. We live in very fragile times, very sensitive time. You can't have a name like that and go missing. Your name has to be Smith or Johnson or something like that. If you go missing, you can't have that last name and have us take it seriously. People like Brett will start laughing. You made it. Seven seconds. Seven seconds. It wasn't even close. You're thinking like 20. I didn't. I didn't. I actually was. If you read the headline plus my introduction. That's why I was like. Once this music starts, when the story's read, he's gonna make it two lines, man. Right when he was rolling, when he hit her name. I'm like, that's it. I saw his face when he said a man in noon. It's terrible because the story is so terrible. It's such a terribly serious story. But people like you. What? I read that and I'm like, brett's reading this story and he can't. And now we gotta go looking for her and stuff. But, yeah, you can't look right now. Let's just name a description. No, we don't. No, not from him. We don't try to feed the bear. He's gone. Where was she last seen? You can't say that phrase with a big giggle behind it. Where was she last seen? Alive. The terrible story. Just dreadful. There's a family out there, the Nain family. They are sad. Yeah, that's right. Get such a kick out of it. It's terrible. You can. If your name is a slur, you have got to change it. I get that guy who emails me all the time his last name is Coon. We're in a very sensitive time. I don't want to be friends with you and then have to go on the news and say, my coon friend is missing. No, Mr. Coon, you cannot go missing with a slur for a last name. That's a long story, too. I made it like two sentences. I used to call it the read and rip news. Would come across an AP line and you're like. And it would have, like a red print on top. I remember when I first started in radio, it was the end days of the read and rip AP press line. And this machine would go. And you're like, oh, something bad's happening. Read and rip. And that would be. There's a woman missing. We're looking for Amanda. God damn it. You can't. You can't. We've redacted her name. Yeah, Amanda. N word. Her last name is terrible. If you have a terrible last name, nothing about your family is worth hanging on to. They have made nothing of it. They have made nothing of this. We have a proud nen, just like your grandfather and his grandfather. Change your name because if you go missing, this is the end result, people laughing at you. And you're out there in the woods somewhere going, why won't anybody take this seriously? Well. Cause the news is giggling. You're still laughing. Imagine if this was on channel 12, a Karibe just sitting next to Mark Curtis while he just can't get it together with a missing person. Can't do it. Stop it. And immediately, right now, you should have Permission to take the day off. By the way, your work will let you. You've made everyone. Your work wildly uncomfortable with a terrible last name. So if they're like, look, I'm gonna go down and change my name to something else. People just overhear it slightly walking by the water cooler or something. What'd he say? What'd he say? What'd he say? Yeah, yeah, that's in your. Everybody's job's at risk because of your stupid name. Hostesses at restaurants can't even call your table. Party of four. You guys, party of four. You'd hear me in the bar just dying. One family just got a party of what? Shut up, sir. That's our proud family name. You shouldn't be proud of it. What? Should never be proud of that. It goes back to the Chappelle show. Exactly. With the N word. Family. Exactly. And what's Chappelle's last line in that sketch? This racism is killing me because the people's last name was Slur and they were oblivious to him. This poor lady is missing. There's a family who wants their daughter back. Well, damn it, we're not helping. Well, I hope they find her, cuz I want to do the follow up story. Yes. You want to build another seven seconds. Brett wants to build a base. Get through the names. Yeah, you should do it as a John. Bringing you switch Brady out in our. In our poor man's Howard Stern show. You're no longer Red Robin. Look, look, we got the news. We got to take it seriously around here. As a poor man's Howard Stern. I'm going to switch it over here to Brett Quivers. Brett Quivers. Here's the news. Brett Quivers delivering the news. Amanda, Nene, you're not allowed. Wait. Red Robin, you're back over there. You're back to Bretel Juice. And of course, Baba Bastard is here to make sure everything's all right. I told you. I told you you weren't gonna be able to do that. Brett, Leslie's seven second news. I got the facts down though. What? Got the name. We're not trying to figure out her name. We know that. We gotta figure out where she is. I'll get there eventually. And then you know the jokes. We gotta go find that Nen immediately. Don't you Nen worry about it. We're on the case. Have you seen our ne. Yeah, I'm sorry. Get you there. It's just off, Newsman. Brett, how many people's jobs are at risk with that kind of missing person? Oh, man. You're welcome. John, do you remember those 50 shows where people would walk through the field screaming the name of the person they were looking for? 50 shows? I don't know. That's what he. The 1950s, they did abduction people. Or 50 people. Maybe that's what he means. Oh, yeah. Doing the field sweep. That's my old theory. Is it? Yeah. Adam. Adam. They never really took it seriously that the kid would be found alive. My theory's always been, they say, we have hope. We're going to go look for him. And then they join hands, look down, and kick high grass. Where should we look for him at? Spook Hill. They all look. What do you think? All right, no, no, I don't want this. I don't want people starting to email in their racist friendlessness. His last name was this guy's. All right, that's enough. Because it'll never end. And then we'll lose him for months. Yeah, don't show that. But to the Coonrod family who just emailed in, change your goddamn name. It's not like you've got this history that's like. Well, we can't change it. Too many people. We're too important to society. Look, Coonrods, nobody knows you for anything. Good. You guys are assholes. It's fine if her name's Amanda Cracker, though, right? Well, let's not get into the bet versus. Where's we stop it. This is our family coat. Coat of arms. Yeah, Coonrod. It's a pre. If your name is funnier than the accomplishments of your family's history, change your name. Coonrod is not something that's. Well, I can't change that. It's too synonymous with the progress of humanity. Nope. All right, let's go back to Robin Brett Quivers, see if he can get through the rest of the story and find this Portland. No, you're not reading it. Oh, okay. Come on. He was ready. I was ready to go. Come on. It's just terrible. Don't do that. And I feel bad for Troy Hayden, and, you know, I hope they report this. I want to watch and see how it's terrible. And it's going to be a national story, and then it'll be on Dateline and people like Brett, well, you're never going to find anybody with a name like that. Too many people giggling. It ain't right. Jesus. I'm not reading that. The first one's probably safe. I'm not reading either of these. Damn it. No, they're Hilarious, but dangerous. See, because the name's dangerous, you can't even say sorry. Christopher. We tried Christopher DeWitt. Stop it. Is that the same Chris DeWitt I worked with at Tony Romas? I wonder. I don't. I don't know if that's. He's also very funny. Anyway, yeah, so I'm watching and looking at news last night. I'm like, okay, this is. This is. This is tragic. This is a tragic case. This is a bad story. And my first thought, oh, it's terrible. My first thought is, Brett can't read this. Like, what if it all comes down to Brett? And the cops were like, you're our only hope. You have to help us find that nigger girl. I made it, too. Hey, that's his name. I made it to the second sentence, and he just start. Watch. Stop laughing. God damn it. This is hilarious. There's a missing out there. Stop it. I need to give it Ian Schwartz. I'm giving him some pointers. I don't know. Oh, Ian Schwartz just goes right to the weatherboard. There's this gust of wind. Terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible story. Oh, knew you couldn't do it. And it is my hope that she is found me, too. And comes into this studio and smacks you senseless. What? I said her name. I know. And then. And then you laugh, and she's like, you know what I've been through, you son of a bitch. Smacks you all over the room and then goes. Does the decent thing down there at the state, whatever it is, and changes her name to something presentable. Ain't that a bitch, Amanda? N word. Just smack me in the face. Be like, Chris Rock. He's out of control now. 98.