BEST OF HMS PODCASTS - WEDNESDAY - January 1, 2025 - Late Entry For S*Bag Of The Year Randall Bird Who Had Sex w/77yo Corpse - November 2023

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona: "BEST OF HMS PODCASTS" Summary

Episode Overview Released on January 1, 2025, the "BEST OF HMS PODCASTS" episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness delves into a disturbing news story involving Randall Byrd, a former security guard accused of committing a heinous crime. Hosted by John Holmberg with contributions from Brady Bogan, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo, Courtney, and Ethan, the episode explores the details of the case, the legal implications, and the hosts' reactions to the sentencing.

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1. Introduction to Local News and Events The episode opens with John Holmberg promoting local comedy events across Arizona, highlighting performances at venues like Tempe Improv, Desert Ridge Improv, and Stand Up Live. While these segments are brief, they set the stage for the show's focus on local happenings and controversial topics.

Notable Quote:

• John Holmberg [00:00]: "It's John Holmberg here."

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2. Randall Byrd Case Overview Brady Bogan introduces the central topic: Randall Byrd, a former security guard at Banner Health, is accused of having sexual relations with a deceased 77-year-old woman at a Phoenix hospital. The incident occurred in November 2023, leading to Byrd's arrest and subsequent legal proceedings.

Key Details:

• Incident Description: Byrd was observed acting suspiciously with his zipper down while handling a body bag containing the deceased woman. His DNA was found on the corpse, corroborating the allegations.
• Evidence: Video surveillance captured Byrd's nervous behavior, the state of his uniform, and the positioning of the body. Witnesses reported Byrd claiming a medical episode during the incident.
• Legal Classification: Byrd was charged with "crimes against a dead person," classified as a Class 4 felony in Arizona, carrying a potential sentence of one to four years.

Notable Quotes:

• Brady Bogan [02:09]: "Randall Bird annotated of having sex with a woman's corpse last month at a Phoenix Hospital 79 year old dead woman."
• Dick Toledo [02:49]: "At least there's no pregnancy."

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3. Discussion on Felony Classification and Sentencing The hosts engage in a critical discussion about the severity of Byrd's alleged crime in relation to its classification as a Class 4 felony. They argue that such an offense warrants a higher felony class due to its disturbing nature.

Key Points:

• Felony Classes Explained: Arizona categorizes felonies from Class 1 (most severe) to Class 6. Class 4 is generally considered a mid-level felony.
• Host Opinions: The hosts believe that Byrd's actions should be classified higher, possibly as a Class 1 or 2 felony, given the gravity of the offense.
• Sentencing Concerns: With a maximum of four years, the hosts express concern that Byrd may receive a lenient sentence, potentially allowing him to reoffend upon release.

Notable Quotes:

• Brady Bogan [05:00]: "She can't get pregnant right? She's old. No, she's dead."
• Dick Toledo [05:43]: "You know, how many classes are there?"

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4. Ethical and Emotional Reactions The hosts express strong disapproval and emotional reactions to the case, emphasizing the disrespect and violation of the deceased woman's dignity. They highlight the impact on the victim's family and the community's trust in medical institutions.

Key Points:

• Impact on Families: The discussion touches on the trauma the victim's family may endure upon learning of the assault.
• Community Trust: Byrd's actions, if proven, could undermine trust in healthcare professionals and morgue operations.
• Call for Accountability: The hosts advocate for stricter sentencing and better oversight within institutions handling sensitive situations.

Notable Quotes:

• Brady Bogan [06:11]: "I mean, somebody needs to look at that."
• Courtney [06:09] and Brady Bogan [06:42]: Repeatedly emphasize "Shame."

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5. Speculation on Legal Outcomes and Future Implications The conversation shifts to potential legal outcomes for Byrd and the broader implications for similar cases. The hosts speculate on the effectiveness of the current legal framework in addressing such crimes.

Key Points:

• Legal Defense Challenges: The hosts mock the plausibility of Byrd's claim of a medical episode affecting his behavior.
• Recidivism Concerns: There's concern that a lighter sentence may not deter future offenders.
• Institutional Responsibility: Banner Health's response is critiqued, and the importance of swift institutional action in such cases is emphasized.

Notable Quotes:

• Brady Bogan [12:35]: "If he sticks to that story four years, five years from now, he's out of jail."
• Dick Toledo [14:12]: "Right. And air tags. Know where they are at all times."

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6. Conclusion and Final Thoughts The episode concludes with the hosts reiterating their disapproval of the case and the legal handling. They call for greater societal and legal accountability to ensure such offenses are appropriately punished.

Notable Quotes:

• Brady Bogan [16:07]: "Shame."
• Brady Bogan [20:04]: "I would be the worst defense lawyer ever."

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Final Remarks The discussion on this episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness highlights the hosts' commitment to addressing unsettling and controversial local news stories. Through a blend of serious discourse and dark humor, they advocate for justice and greater scrutiny of legal classifications related to severe offenses.

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Note: This summary excludes advertisements and non-content sections, focusing solely on the substantive discussions and key points presented by the hosts.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Get out to the Tempe Improv on the east side to see Paul Versey on Thursday and Beth Stelling Friday, Saturday and Sunday. The Desert Ridge Improv up North features Sarah Weinschenk this Thursday and Joe Derosa on Friday and Saturday. And downtown at Stand Up Live, check out the very funny Lil Rel performing Friday, Saturday and Sunday for the complete lineups. And for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com it's John Holberg here.

[Brady Bogan]

For the amazing people at the Core Institute, life can throw you a curveball now and again. One day you're trucking along, feeling great. Next day your dog smashes into your head and knocks you cold. Or like a KUPD listener told me this week, his dog did a sprint across the backyard directly into the side of his wife's leg and blew her knee up. She needed that need to get fixed and fixed right. Two years later, she's running like she used to again. And it's all thanks to the Core Institute. I went through it, too. And you can get rid of your pain and start saying, yes, I can to all the things you want to do. And. And all you have to do is trust the experts at the Core Institute. Head there right now. The Core Institute dot com. Grab some protection. Here comes the best of Homburg's morning sickness. I'm 98k upd. Well, we have a late entry, everybody. A late entry. Shame this guy has decided to give Nathan Sutherland a run for his money. Shame we have the Nathan Sutherland Heel of the Year award, Phoenix edition. They live amongst us. I say they live right next to all of us here in the beautiful city. You've been to Circle K's. They've been there. One of you out there listening has probably bumped into this guy, driven past him on the freeway, maybe shopped with him at Safeway and didn't even know it, but here he is. And his name as an entry for this year's Nathan Sutherland Heel of the Year award is, of course, I can't find it. Where is his name? Oh, Russell Bird or Randall Bird? I'm sorry? Randall Byrd. Randall Bird. The hopefully last entry in the Nathan Sutherland Angel Award.

[Courtney]

Shame.

[Brady Bogan]

Here's what he did. This is fun stuff. He's now a former Banner Health security guard, and he's accused of having sex with a woman's corpse last month at a Phoenix Hospital 79 year old dead woman. How was he caught? He was acting a little nervous around the other employees with his zipper down after he was moving a bag of body and when they went in and saw the bag of body like hey this is unzipped. You're not supposed to unzip the body bags. What's going on the news so delicately places this part on there. His DNA was found on the court. Ah God. He closed on top. Oh God.

[Dick Toledo]

At least there's no pregnancy.

[Brady Bogan]

You know well that she was 79 she said the decency to wait for menopause and death. You unsure how it works she can't get pregnant right? She's old. No, she's dead. You at stop it. Video surveillance show the 79 year old woman's body arriving at the morgue on October 27th the second when the Mr. Bird was in charge of transporting her to the morgue, police said. Court documents say two witnesses arrived at the morgue and found the doors locked from the inside. The Matt Lauer move. That's unusual. A light could be seen inside the freezer and then the freezer door was cracked open. Two witnesses reportedly saw Bird inside the freezer where he was sweating profusely in the freezer. Oh he'd gone to town acting very nervous. Court paperwork says that Bird had his removed his duty belt and his zipper was open. His uniform looked messy. Investigators say the victim's body bag was unzipped and she was facing down. Got her in the prone position. Brady one of my faves he didn't.

[Ethan]

Want to look at her face while he was going to town.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh Bird's belt was on top of the gurney where the victim's body was. Authorities say as the witness walked into the morgue, Byrd immediately covered the victim's body then claimed he was going through a medical episode and had fainted and grabbed the victim's body as he fell. Court yeah that's what happened. That's exactly what went down there. Shame oh Court paperwork states that Bird shame told the witnesses the body bag then tore open as he's he had his rogue stay his fugue state breaking bad fans Then the zipper broke and ripped open. However, the witnesses disputed the claim saying the zipper isn't broken. The two then reported Bird to their supervisor assuming something terrible had happened. He claimed he had his medical episode. Can't remember any of it. That was when they first started asking what was going on in there. You know what? I had a medical episode and I don't remember any of this. There's a good chance that during this fugue state, I raped an old lady's dead body.

[Ethan]

You know, I guess it happens.

[Brady Bogan]

You know what? I'm sure I've heard a lot about medical episodes. We've all known of family members. Well, you know, he had a medical episode. Oh, my God. Did he. Did he rape any corpses? No, because that's. That's a symptom of that.

[Dick Toledo]

His seizure opened the, you know, grabbing.

[Brady Bogan]

The bag hard on. It happens a lot. He was taken into custody Tuesday and booked on crimes against a dead person of Class 4 felony. Is that a high class? Was Class 4 high? That's a high class or is? What are you looking at me for? How would I know? I'm just asking, like you might know a law or two. Is it a low? Is class one stronger? In Arizona, those convicted of class four felonies face between one to four years in prison. So it's a lower felony. That should be higher.

[Dick Toledo]

You know, how many classes are there?

[Brady Bogan]

A few. Four is the one that I would prefer being one in this case. Rape a dead body at a hospital. Says to me should be looking at longer than a year to four years. Anyway, banner hell said we're saddened and appalled by the alleged actions of one of our employees here. So we're gonna get rid of him. And then they said, thanks to the police for acting so quickly.

[Dick Toledo]

It's an above average class felony.

[Brady Bogan]

Is it?

[Dick Toledo]

There's six classes.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay, so six. What is six? Just like batting the body around a little bit. So, yeah, that's his excuse. I had a medical episode. Not real sure what happened in there.

[Ethan]

Class 6 is like theft and stuff like that.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay, so there he is, Randall Byrd, making a last month entry into the Nathan Sutherland heel of the year. Aw, you're right.

[Dick Toledo]

It's the other way around.

[Brady Bogan]

One is the worst.

[Dick Toledo]

One is the worst.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, that's what I thought. It's like homicide.

[Courtney]

Shame.

[Brady Bogan]

Anyway, well, congratulations, Randall. You made the news and now your name is out there. So if you know Randall Byrd or his family at all, today, it's time to express great shame in their direction and let them tell you, oh, we hate him too. And then they can do it. And then we'll share it. Randall Byrd is today's shame. Go get him.

[Dick Toledo]

Now, to equate the class four. Yeah, it's in line with like a dui.

[Brady Bogan]

No kidding.

[Dick Toledo]

One year prison sentence.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, because they said that the body being face down, they had some evidence, bribery, that proved he was damaging it. You know what I mean, 79 year old woman too. Somebody's grandma out there. Somebody out there lost their 79 year old grandma. They were over at Banner Health and they just got their fingers crossed that this isn't the same your body. Can you imagine that news coming back? Your 79 year old mother, Grandmother, she's gone. We've lost her. Oh, it's tragic. We got to plan a funeral and stuff. I don't know if she's in the good hands of a medical community. The next thing you know. Hey, we got another call coming in. Remember your grandma? Yeah. Evidently she got one more in her and we arrested the guy. Don't worry, you'd want to kill everybody. We'd want to kill everyone. Especially if he did that to Babu Randall. Now how does he get out of jail and have a normal if he did that to Babu Brady? That's right.

[Courtney]

Shame.

[Brady Bogan]

You get the call that said, oh yeah, your grandma's gone.

[Courtney]

Shame.

[Brady Bogan]

And one of our employees flipped her over and gave her think of beautiful little Babu. Now my grandma Isabelle was a tough old broad.

[Courtney]

Shame.

[Brady Bogan]

Even dead, that would have been a hard thing.

[Courtney]

Shame.

[Brady Bogan]

She died when she was in her mid-80s, but I don't think anybody want to have sex with her when she was 79 and alive. My other grandma was in her 80s, 84 or so when she passed away. Same thing. How in the world is this person walking amongst us with a potential maximum four year sentence?

[Dick Toledo]

Babu lived the 85 in the last, you know, four or five years she was in that active senior community.

[Brady Bogan]

Active all right.

[Dick Toledo]

Lot of chardonnay being drunk.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh yeah, she was. She was putting it back and probably. Sure, I'll try that one more time. Hold my teeth. And my grandson. Brady, stop talking about your grandkids. It's hard enough to keep this thing. Hard. What are those? Goldfish sacks for the thousand? My breast still good at it. It's like eating angel hair pasta. Anyway, Randall Bird, 46 years old. Check our system and see if he's one of our former winners or something. Because we can do that. We can see if he's in our database. Randall's probably.

[Dick Toledo]

But again, no relation to Schubert.

[Brady Bogan]

You know what? Yes, absolutely. Yeah. A WNBA strikes again. Yep, wnba, great relative, super. It's possible that he's one of our listeners now. Bi or by bi, B I R D. Randall like Larry Bird. Only not like Larry Bird, because Larry, as far as I know, has never raped a corpse. Unless you count what he did to Kareem in the later years of his career. Because Kareem couldn't defend him and he was four inches taller.

[Ethan]

Nope, he's not one of us.

[Brady Bogan]

Not one of ours. All right. Well, there you go, Kez. Listener Randall Burge holmberg's morning sickness.

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[Brady Bogan]

To Holmberg's Morning Sickness. Great shame. And to you at Banner Health. Great shame. And we need to fight harder on when you rape grandmas who have passed away being more than a Class 4 felony because he might be the winner of the Nathan Sutherland heel of the year. They walk amongst this award for 2023 now. I thought it was gonna be a tough fight to beat. What's her name? McLaughlin over there. April McLaughlin. Yeah. All those dogs and then tried to get him back and she was just abusing animals like crazy. This one might top it. I don't know where we're gonna go in the voting, but there's some serious shame there. And he's. Here's the thing I always think about with this. I fell. I felt I had a medical condition. Here's the thing about that. If he sticks to that story four years, five years from now, he's out of jail. Let's say he gets the maximum sentence right now.

[Dick Toledo]

Which less than that.

[Brady Bogan]

Four or five years. Let's say he serves it right. Let's say he goes the full shebang. And you're right, probably not. Five years he's out looking for a gig. Where'd you go? There from 2024 to 2030. I was sent away. Have you ever been a felon? Uh huh. Yeah. What happened? We'll see. I had this fugue state and turns out I raped an old lady's dead body. And you want to be my textile salesman? Yeah, I'd like that. I'd like that job very much.

[Dick Toledo]

And you'd like to be security here at Pebble Creek, right?

[Brady Bogan]

I would like to ride. I'm very good with a golf cart. I feel like I could keep an eye on things and. Look, I'm not interested in any of the residents. Well, not now at least. Someday I will be when they, you know, can't move around as good. Randall Byrd. This man allegedly got an erection in a room with a 79 year old woman. Oh yeah, she was also dead. That's more impossible. Not only did he get an erection, he made it happen. He unzipped the bag. I wouldn't do that if I worked in the morgue anyway. No, you're not supposed to. That's. That's one of the rules evidently that the guy's moving the bodies from here to there. That's why they caught him. Like why is the bag unzipped? One of the rules is you can't unzip it. That's only for like the. The next step guy. I don't know if he's a doctor or mortician or whatever, but you're not allowed to unzip the bags. They go in the freezer as is.

[Dick Toledo]

You start putting those safety locks on them. Like in luggage.

[Brady Bogan]

Right. And air tags. Know where they are at all times. Randall, you were in there with her. Where'd she go anyway? Randall Bird. Good dude. Caught someone. That one. I'll tell you right now.

[Courtney]

Brady Shane.

[Brady Bogan]

Someone out there in this city. Shame friends with Randall Burke. Finding this out. Someone is friends with him. That's why it's. It's more important to me to do these stories locally. Sure, if I said it was in Port St. Lucie, Florida, you'd be like, ah, Florida. We'd think nothing of it. They walk amongst us. They're out there. There's one right now sitting by you has done something like that.

[Ethan]

Think how many times he may have done this before too.

[Brady Bogan]

Didn't get caught, right?

[Dick Toledo]

How long he's been at Banner after.

[Ethan]

Any broads that slept with him? Alive ones.

[Brady Bogan]

I mean, it is.

[Dick Toledo]

He always wants to be outside when it's cold.

[Brady Bogan]

It's like he's probably laying in the snow. I love the cold. It just. I love. It gets me.

[Ethan]

Try and get it on in the beer cooler at Circle K. Yeah, this one.

[Brady Bogan]

This guy, one of our listeners, is just an awful human being, says, what's the big deal? She's dead already. One man's trash, another man's treasure. Now, stop that, Ethan. I understand dark humor, but that's not it. Even Nathan Sutherland's like, man, come on. Mine was still breathing. It's pretty bad. And his mug shot is not a pleasant moment for him as well. So if in the future, looks like.

[Ethan]

The guy from Pawn Stars.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, my gosh, it does. It looks like Rick from Pawn. You're right. If in the future, keep him in mind. And that's why I'm gonna say his name a lot. Randall Byrd. If he is, in fact, convicted of these crimes he's alleged to have committed, remember the name Randall Byrd forever and ever. Because someday he's gonna need a job and he's probably gonna march around this city that we love so much.

[Courtney]

Shame.

[Brady Bogan]

And don't be one of those weird Christians that tries to give people like that a second chance. I don't care how much you apologize, find Jesus, do whatever you do. A, you make heaven worse. B, you're here now. You're out. You're out of society. Who made the rule that that's a Class 4 felony? That should be top of the list back. Like OJ's crimes were at least understandable.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, I'd be bumping that up to a one or two.

[Brady Bogan]

That's a one. Man, that. I mean, somebody needs to look at that. I guess it's class four because they probably wrote it down going, this is probably never gonna happen. And if it does, there's reasonable explanation behind it. And then they find out. Oh, no, it's. It's a thing. It needs to be a class one. Who's the victim? The family of the old lady. And do you tell them? You probably have to, right? The identity of the victim will never be disclosed. But do you tell the family? I think that's best. Unknown if my grandma.

[Dick Toledo]

I think you have to.

[Brady Bogan]

I know.

[Ethan]

I think you have to, but I don't. I wouldn't want to know.

[Brady Bogan]

I wouldn't want to know you've recently lost a loved one. And even if your grandma was trampled like horrible, like one of those horrible old ladies, you still don't want her to get, you know, roughed. Up after she dies. It's the old Sam Kinison thing. Remember when he was laying down on the stage doing that thing, going, talking about sometimes even people will hump a dead body. You're laying there and your soul's looking down your body. Yeah. You know, I had a pretty good life. Not so bad. And what's this I'm getting when I'm dead? It's pretty great to watch Sam Kinison do it because it's comedy. This is. This is reality. Randall Byrd.

[Courtney]

Shame.

[Brady Bogan]

And we'll go through. Hopefully no more Shame show up before the end of the year. It's the holiday season.

[Courtney]

Shame.

[Brady Bogan]

Whoop dee doo.

[Dick Toledo]

My vote's in.

[Brady Bogan]

You like this one?

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. I think April McLaughlin's a strong run if you look at what happened with those dogs she was hanging on to. But again, the dead body thing's another level of mad. Here we go.

[Ethan]

Does he keep his Fleshlight in the freezer by any chance?

[Brady Bogan]

He's got his sex toys, are all. You go to his house, he's got like. What, are you collecting some venison in this garage freezer? No, I keep some stuff in there. Wow. Looks like a bunch of dick sleeves and flashlights. What's going on in here? I like them cold. The freezer, he was sweating profusely in the. Now, let's just say, for, you know, sake of argument, he had a medical episode. They're sweating real hard in the freezer, starting to falls down. Zipper opens up. Somehow another. His DNA shoots out of him, lands on the old lady.

[Ethan]

Yeah, his zipper opened up.

[Brady Bogan]

What kind. Yeah, and his pants fell off. His belt was on the.

[Dick Toledo]

You know, the pest control guy, that. The zipper was broken.

[Brady Bogan]

Right.

[Dick Toledo]

His junk's hanging out.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. Sometimes that happens. And that happened to that guy multiple times?

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

You know, you have that medical episode. This belt's certainly tight. I'll just put this here on the table next to the dead body. Oh, I think I might orgasm here in a second. Fired went off in the air. My pants are down. These damn medical episodes.

[Dick Toledo]

This is why you don't do no nut November.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, exactly right, Brady. Here we are at the end of it. Now, if you're a lawyer and you get this case, come on, do the right thing. Fumble the ball. Fumble it in a huge way. Make a mess of this guy's life.

[Dick Toledo]

No case needed.

[Brady Bogan]

I would be the worst defense lawyer ever. When I'm like, what's your. What am I going in there with? Well, see, I didn't feel good, so I felt down, grabbed the thing. How's your DNA on her? That I don't know. All right. I'm gonna fumble this ball. You're going to jail. You're going to passed out. Going to jail for a long time. You got the. You got a lawyer who can really. This is bad, Randall.

[Courtney]

Shame.

[Brady Bogan]

Why don't we just go in there and say you did it?

[Dick Toledo]

So much blood ran down there.

[Brady Bogan]

Let's. I passed out. I didn't know they still bled. So it made me kind of. I don't like sight of blood. I don't mind a dead body. They aroused me, but I didn't know they had blood in them still. I thought when you froze them that stopped. And I didn't think old lady still bled from there. Okay. Okay, Randall, I'm not gonna defend you anymore. How do you find that poor lawyer? And it's kind of honorable, but it's more honorable lawyer if you just fumble it and get him like extra time and then just go back to. After everything you say at the. At the court hearing. Just go back and sit next to Randall. Go. Whoopsie. Kind of made a mess of that, didn't I? I want another lawyer. This isn't just. I'm doing the best I can with your story. Fumble it. Let's get him the max. Which is four years. Hopefully I can add a bunch of other stuff on there. There's our guy. What a way to start. He does look like the dude from Pawn Stars. I'm telling you, people are sending me pictures of that guy. He's gonna catch it. Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully ere.