← Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona
Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona
BEST OF HMS PODCASTS - WEDNESDAY - January 1, 2025 - Meeting Aliens - Rocket Over Phoenix - Alien Probing - Sept 2005
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John Holmberg
All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Get out to the Tempe Improv on the east side to see Paul Versey on Thursday and Beth Stelling Friday, Saturday and Sunday. The Desert Ridge Improv up north features Sarah Weinschenk this Thursday and Joe DeRosa on Friday and Saturday. And downtown at Stand Up Live, check out the very funny Lil Rel performing Friday, Saturday and Sunday for the complete lineups. And for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com it's John Holberg here. For the amazing people at the Core Institute, life can throw you a curveball now and again. One day you're trucking along, feeling great. Next day your dog smashes into your head and knocks you cold. Or like a KUPD listener told me this week, his dog did a sprint across the backyard directly into the side of his wife's leg and blew her knee up. She needed that need to get fixed and fixed right? Two years later, she's running like she used to again. And it's all thanks to the Core Institute. I went through it, too. And you can get rid of your pain and start saying yes, I can to all the things you want to do. And. And all you have to do is trust the experts at the Core Institute head there right now. The Core Institute.com do not listen to this while driving or when full alertness is needed. The rest of Holmberg's Morning Sickness. This is the Big Red Radio. Hey, you're listening to the best of Holmberg's Morning Sickness. I haven't been in it for a while, but that's okay. There's just a lot of great stuff that happens here with John and the crew in the morning. But if you do like some of my stuff. Frank Caleando, by the way. Hey, folks, John Madden. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I beat the Desert Ridge Improv January 31st through February 1st. Desertridgeimprov.com for tickets. You're tired of the pugs. I get it. Back to the Best of Homburg's morning sickness. The best of. Did I say that? I don't know. I didn't pay attention. I don't know if you saw it yesterday. Did you see it yesterday, Brady? Any hurricane coverage? No, no, no, no. Hurricane coverage was pretty big, though. But you know what I'm talking about. The thing in the sky last night. The. You know what I'm talking about. You guys didn't see over south mountain. Oh, yeah. Strong bear sending up flares. It was weird. Is there a picture of it? Yeah. They said it looked a little bit like there was a tornado out of nowhere in the middle of the sky. About sunset last night. And of course, there's answers already. They say that the streak was a. There's a contrail from a rocket that carried a satell into space last night. But you take a look on the COVID of the paper. What's that? It was weird. I don't know if you saw it. You guys didn't see it. I was driving back from desert ridge when I saw it. My friend told me he picked up this giant Roman candle in Rocky Point last weekend. Blew it up. That's from Vandenberg air Force base in California. That's not close. You know. And I watched the Los Angeles news last night on the satellite. Yeah. They weren't talking about. I think if it made that thing in our sky, what did it do to theirs? Hmm. Hmm. And yet there's a bigger one. I know. Look at that shot. Same picture, only bigger. So it was the air force running a mission. They were blowing up something and shooting it into space. But they're doing it in California. I think it was another monkey in the rocket. I think. Damn it, man. With your monkey talk. Monkeys can't fly rockets. Monkeys in space. They just stuff them in the rockets and then they shoot them up. But if they're not talking about it in Los Angeles, what it did to their sky. What's it showing up in our sky for? Aliens. Aliens. It was weird, but I think it is feel. She probed last night or anything I did. I knew who was doing it. It's cool. I know exactly what was going on. It was all right. I have a feeling it's like Independence day. Our government has a. Wait a minute. Ships under. You mean today? Today. Celebrate our independence Day. More speech in movie history than. There's a bunch of ships underneath them mountains. You think they're just launching them out of. The Air force is trying them out. That's what's going on. That's what I think. I'm telling you, I think something's brewing. They've always got an answer. Oh, yeah. We're firing a satellite up. What do I. You fire satellites up all the time. Area 51, man. But if that's. You know, if that's a rocket. Rocket. I'm taking a rocket. Traveling. It doesn't look like it's going up by any means. Suitcase more or less. Shooting across. Hey, look at me. Yeah, it's not going up. It's a spaceship. Which would indication it potentially could be Astronaut Jones. I want the truth. It was weird though, last night, and I got that vibe right away that something was bad. It's just a satellite. We're shooting up 500 miles from where you saw it. Okay, thanks for asking. Phoenix has. A lot of strange things happen as far as those lights go. I've lived in a lot of cities, never seen anything like all this. We get that every few years. Someday, one of the three of us will be probed by aliens, all right? And it ain't gonna be me this time. Yeah. Cause you came back weird. Yeah. I'm gonna demand you guys get probed. But Yeah, I need D.B. sweeney to come back. He can cover for all of us. We asked this question a couple years ago, and now that the aliens are back, let me see. If you changed your answer. Would you get probed for a ride on a spaceship, including weekends? I don't know. What is it, a cell phone deal? Yeah. Yeah. You get free family minutes too. Is there a guarantee? I' it's up to you. Maybe you don't want to, but you're gonna get horribly probed. Yeah. You're coming back horribly probed. I mean, you're getting probed. Probed is never not horrible. I'll pass on the space ride. Are you kidding? No. Are you? You don't want to ride through space in a souped up spaceship. Not if they said you gotta be horribly probed. Well being. When are you ever pleasantly probed? You haven't been around. I got the Shazam once from a girl and that was just her finger. And that was horrib. Horrible. You do it. Do I get to see the probe first? Do I get to. I don't know, Eric. I don't know, get a free Vander sex T shirt? You get. Yeah. And then you get a ride in the spaceship for. And then a T shirt. I got probed and all I got was this lousy T shirt. Would you take that ride? Would you do it, man? I think I might. I would. Well, considering it. Now think of this. Considering what he pay what the NSYNC boy pay? Yeah, but that's just to go on Earth. Space. That's nothing. Yeah, we're talking about aliens meeting aliens, Brady. You know, and this is funny. This is a nice little sociologic planet. And actually maybe, I don't know, maybe if they like you, they'll take you to your. Then cook you dinner and then maybe. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I look at my boy, my alien boy cooking me dinner. All I'm saying is think of what guys talk about. We're talking about it right now. Would we get probed to go for a ride in a spaceship? But think of how hard we try to talk women into letting us go back door, and they don't get a ride on a spaceship. Yeah, they do it in a heartbeat. And we get mad. We're like, yeah, just. She won't. Come on. You gotta let me in there. But we're, like, debating whether or not they may not be getting the ride to spaceship, but they're getting a ride to heaven. Yeah, whatever. All I'm saying is it's a paradise. Everybody take a probe. Toledo, would you take the probe for the ride in the spaceship? How far is it going? It's about four inches in here. Everybody's got questions. Is that what you meant? How far is it going? How far the probe goes in? Yeah. Four to seven inches. All right, screw it. Let's say 10 inches. Oh, how big is it? That's a. It's like a black guy. No, you're not doing it, then. It's a ride in space. I'm out for free. I like the view from earth. Thank you. You wouldn't. You'd do it for a ride in a Lamborghini, so that's not a fair question. Do I get to keep the car? No. Oh, no, I wouldn't. The fascination with probing is very strange. Yeah, but you've had the teaser before. Already says ye, Jackie shazam me like 12 years ago. Yeah, so you're fine. You're. You're loose. John Holmberg's morning sickness, the 98 KUPD college hoops are here, and there's no better place to catch the action than Hooters. Fuel up with a baller bundle. 10 boneless wings, crispy fries, dressing, and a fountain drink starting at just $9.99. Want to level up your game day experience? Swap the fountain drink for a Beat the Buzzer special featuring your choice of beatbox or buzz balls for a low price. This offer is for game days only, so grab your crew, enjoy the action, and feast on the flavors you love. Only at Hooters, the original wing joint since 1983. Hey, it's Larry McFeely here with Wayne from Amco and Wayne. Now that it's getting warmer, I turned on the AC in my car and the air's blowing. Kind of cool. But it really smells like a basement. What can I do about that? Larry, your car's AC system should be checked and serviced every year. Plus, replacing the cabin air filter helps the air blow and takes away any nasty smell. Nice. Is that a big deal to get done? Not at all. It takes about an hour, and in most cases, we can do it while you wait. That's awesome. I'll say. We're amco. Google AMCO for your nearest location. That's amco. Double A MCO transmissions and a whole lot more. Holmberg's morning sickness. Quit asking me these probing questions. I can't. Who's this? Hey, my name's Dale. Hey, Dale, would you get probed for ride in space? Sure. Okay. Come on down. What the hell, man? What the hell? Come on now. Oh, you want to get there? Can I get the ride first? No, no, you gotta prepay. Crap. I was in San Diego last night when that rocket went off. Yeah. Did you see it? All I saw was the contrail. You could hear it. And it, like, emptied out the bar. And everybody shrugged their shoulders. And I. I was like, well, there's an icbm Horribly opposite. Something's going to kill us all. Yeah. And it was. It wasn't going vertical. It was going horizontally headed to Alaska. Oh, really? We're bombing Alaska? Maybe. I don't know. It's a trip. That ain't no satellite. Satellites go up. That's what I thought. They go straight up. Yeah, it was some test rocket shot from Sparwar or something. Oh, wow. Everybody. Everybody was just like, oh, another rocket. Wow. Okay. Well, there you go. So you saw it right there in California and they weren't talking about it there, huh? No, everybody just completely shrugged their shoulders and it was like, seriously, like, ah, well, we're not alarmed and we're not going to look alarmed. All right, there you go. Nice job, man, they got enough problems in Cali. Good luck. We'll talk to you later. Yeah, they do. We'll get one here, too. You're going to get this old, you know, probing for a ride in space, and then this alien commander's going to come up and say, you agree to this. Fine. Then we're going to ride you by probing. So who's this? This is Dave. Dave, would you get probed for riding space? Nah. Why not? Because I don't. I don't think that's why we're here. Why are we here? To get probed by aliens? For space rats. I agree. What do you do with lab rats when you introduce Chemicals and stuff into their environment. I have no idea. You cut them open. Check their organ organs, their reproductive systems, the brain. You check everything. Now what are the aliens doing when they come down here? They're cutting us open. Yeah. They're probing us. They're checking our orgasms. They're checking everything that makes you think we are naturally born to this planet. You know that all the dinosaurs did practically die on the same day. So, Dave, why do you believe there's some aliens that have come down and killed dinosaurs? Do you think they probed the dinosaurs? Sure. All they gotta do is hit a meteor into the planet and make it look natural. Wow. This guy's been listening to Art Bell. So wait a minute now. I wanna change my answer. If the same aliens come back to probe the dinosaurs. I don't want that pro. No, thank you. That's not worth it. If they can probe a T. Rex and then come back. Yeah, yeah, I want that. I want the little probe. It's. It's in that second aisle at Fascinations. The plug. I want. If you. What do you guys think about that, though? I agree. They would cut you open. I don't think so. Yeah, they would. The aliens I'm talking about. How do you know? Now probably what you guys saw in the last night was a plane called the Aurora. You know what the Aurora is, right? It's a thing around the nipple. You talking about? No, no, no. The Aurora is an air breather plane that flies in the stratosphere. Oh. And it. And it leaves a nice contrail behind it. And it's very noisy. Okay. I don't understand it, but that's fine. So it wasn't aliens. All right, we'll talk to you later. Thanks. Dinosaurs getting probed. If you could hang out with a T. Rex for a weekend. Like hunting Forge With a T. Rex. As a T. Rex. As a T. Rex. But you had to get probed. Triceratops. In my body now or in my T. Rex body later? In your human body. No. All right, this is out of control. You've gone too far. All right. If you could have sex with Cindy Crawford. But you had to get probed by aliens first with the horn of a Triceratops. I'm in. Me too. Okay. Oh, that's bloody. Do we get to choose the horn? Yeah, you can take the little one if you want. But it's still. It's bigger. It just looks small next to the big horn. Aliens are in nose. They're in my nose. Who's this? It's worm Worm, what's going on? Hey, I take the probe, dude. Yeah, we don't have. Good for you, man. His name's Worm. For gasly. You like the window seat or is. Yeah, what would you like? Would you like the chicken or the. The steak? Like probing or non? All right, well, good for you. Please, it's a great question. All right, Worm, thanks for shouting that out. A lunchbox says he'll probe people for free rides around in his work truck. I'll probe chicks for rides in my convertible. Nice job. And we'll talk to you later. Good call. He always screams that. All right. Yeah, I think most people would take the pro. Ashton Holland. Who's this? This is Eric, man. Go ahead. Well, I was kind of thinking that the particular aliens you're talking about there, John, they got to be gay, man. Because I don't understand why they can build a spaceship, get to Earth and then they want to find out about you. They still got to go for the leather cheerio. Well, yeah, that's a good point. That's the instant open with just a fingernail or a lock of hair. Can they. Can the trip need to be negotiated for, you know, a less intrusive body part? Dude, it's not csi. They're not. They're not going for DNA tests. They want in. Why are they going for the buttons? Yeah, what do they know down there? Why not? Maybe they are fabulous gay aliens, but they've still got a kick ass ship that goes out into space. You never hear a gay guy complaining about being probed by aliens, do you? Oh, I had a wonderful trip. Well, you never hear about it because they're hoping it happens again. They don't want to jinx it. You know, I could tolerate a weekend with gay aliens if they're taking me around the universe. Might even make out with one. But I'm just saying, you know, if I'm on Venus, boy, I bet you. Or Uranus, I bet you the inside of that spaceship's just immaculate. You know, the color and the furnace. Think of what George Carlin said in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. If you're even hitching a ride, you still gotta take a shot in the back of the mouth, you know, if you're going through the universe. Castrapes of art. Exactly. Nobody rides for free. That spaceship door opens up and you walk on. There's Jamiroquai playing. Yeah, it's just a gate. Closed the manhole. All right. Good call, man. Thanks. Later. I'm just saying it opens a can of can of worms. And if you say no, you're an idiot. I guess I'm an idiot. You would say no to just a gentle probing. Why didn't say gentle? Yeah. You didn't say violent. Violent, horrible. Probe. No, that's crazy. Why is the key to mankind in our anus? I don't know. But it must be because even as men, we're searching for it too. That's true. Because we are looking for the key to mankind in women's anuses. If I'm in. In the middle of a yerba prima colon cleansing, I might go. If you feel. Because it'll be a little payback for those aliens. Yeah. I wouldn't shower the day. I know I'm getting probed, but, yeah, I take the probing. And if I'm in Uranus and a couple of the aliens are like, come on, you're. You're on Uranus, man. Let me probe. But you already probe. Let me do it again. All right, They're Italians now. Yeah. Come on. Hey, the probe. You want somebody to probe me again? Okay, yeah, you can probe me. We're on Uranus. Don't say anything. Eric. If there was a house game with aliens, Texas hold them, I'm in. Yeah, but I gotta get probed. No, you'd get it. Do I get to win American dollars or alien dollars? The only thing I won't do is take a. Take the money shot. If the money shot is coming my direction. From an alien, you don't know what's on. Yeah, it could burn 706 in the moisture. We can kill it. It's an interesting thought. And since aliens shot up a rocket last night over there in California and we saw it hanging out over the city of Phoenix, I thought I'd ask. We've had this debate before. I just want to see if anything's changed. And pretty much no. I'm still the only guy just bending over backwards for the aliens. Taking it in a chute for a ride around space. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity. Worm's with you. Yeah, Worm. And I'll do it. That's a good guy to have on your side. Just having him scream lunchbox every time he's getting probed. I'm gonna ride in lunchbox truck this afternoon. Yeah, I know you are. Oh, God, it's the morning. Sick. Look out, aliens. We're ready for you. Get the lube. It's 98 KUPD, Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect. 98 KBD. Hi, I'm Diane Fisher from Fisher Tools. 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