BEST OF HMS PODCASTS - WEDNESDAY - March 12, 2025 - Brady Report - MIX - 11x - Irish Navy Has Only One Ship - March 2024

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona: BEST OF HMS PODCASTS - WEDNESDAY - March 12, 2025

Host: John Holmberg
Co-Hosts: Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo
Release Date: March 12, 2025

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1. Introduction and Setting the Tone

The episode kicks off with the familiar banter among the hosts, setting an irreverent and humorous tone. John Holmberg quickly engages Bret Vesely and Brady Bogen in light-hearted exchanges, preparing listeners for an entertaining mix of news, stories, and comedic commentary.

2. The Brady Report

Timestamp: [00:43] - [01:37]

John Holmberg introduces the "Brady Report," a segment dedicated to unique and intriguing news stories. Despite the sponsorship mentions, the hosts transition smoothly into discussing various topics without lingering on advertisements.

3. The Irish Naval Service's Sole Ship

Timestamp: [01:37] - [04:21]

Bret Vesely brings attention to a curious fact: the Irish Naval Service operates only one active ship named the George Bernard Shaw, likely named after the famed playwright.

• John Holmberg: "Does it say on the paper probably named after the... No one thought to ask them about their one ship that's still in the port."

The hosts humorously speculate about the ship’s namesake, debating whether it honors the playwright or another individual with the same name.

• Brett Vesely: "That's my guess. That's my guess. Just a coinky dink."

They further embellish the story with playful anecdotes about the ship's capabilities and ownership, blending factual information with comedic imagination.

4. Baton Rouge and the Legend of Red Stick

Timestamp: [04:21] - [08:12]

The discussion shifts to Baton Rouge, Louisiana, exploring the origin of its name, which refers to a 30-foot high painted pole known as the Red Stick. This pole historically marked the boundary between two Native American tribes and was adorned with fish bones.

• Brett Vesely: "Louisiana's capital, Baton Rouge, means Red Stick. It references the actual stick that once marked the boundary between two Native American tribes in the region."

John Holmberg adds a humorous twist by personifying Red Stick, suggesting it has a rebellious personality.

• John Holmberg: "Red Stick was also the name of an Indian who didn't care if you were on your period or not."

Their playful exchange highlights the hosts' knack for blending history with humor.

5. Pepsi’s Naval Fleet and the Red October

Timestamp: [08:12] - [09:26]

The conversation takes an unexpected turn as Brett introduces a bizarre historical anecdote: in the 1980s, Pepsi allegedly received submarines and naval ships from Russia as part of a promotion to stock the country with their soda. This fleet momentarily positioned Pepsi as the sixth most powerful military force globally.

• Brett Vesely: "In the 80s, Russia gave Pepsi submarines and other naval ships to cover the cost of stocking the country with their soda."

John Holmberg skeptically analyzes the story, questioning the feasibility and current status of these submarines.

• John Holmberg: "They gave them armed submarines. Not with... But it was capable of firing weapons."

The segment blends absurdity with historical references, creating an engaging and humorous narrative.

6. Balls Out for Bowling: A Nude Bowling Event

Timestamp: [05:05] - [05:45]

Bret introduces the Balls Out for Bowling event hosted by the Pittsburgh Area Naturalists, where participants can bowl in the nude.

• Brett Vesely: "Balls out for bowling is back. The Pittsburgh Area Naturalists are hosting another balls out for bowling event. Where you can bowl in the nude."

John Holmberg expresses mixed feelings about the event, finding it both intriguing and unsettling.

• John Holmberg: "Naked bowlers, Pittsburghers and Pittsburgh."

The hosts debate the spectacle and social dynamics of such unconventional events, blending humor with cultural commentary.

7. Americans' Perception of Their Own Coolness

Timestamp: [05:56] - [07:57]

The hosts delve into a survey revealing Americans' self-perception of coolness:

• Brett Vesely: "Someone pulled 35,000 Americans and asked him, do you think you're cool? Turns out most of us do think we're pretty cool. 53% said they're cool. 29% said not a chance. 17 aren't sure if they're cool or not."

John Holmberg critiques Generation Z, suggesting a dichotomy of excessive confidence and underlying mental health issues.

• John Holmberg: "I don't understand Generation Z or whatever they call them. Either you're suicidal or you're the most confident group. Pick one."

The segment highlights generational differences and societal perceptions, infused with the hosts' characteristic humor.

8. Rookie Sheriff Misconduct

Timestamp: [08:12] - [09:26]

Brett discusses a misconduct case involving a rookie sheriff in Indian River County, Florida, who was dismissed on his first day for repeatedly asking a high school student for nude pictures.

• Brett Vesely: "In Indian River County, Florida, they had a rookie sheriff. On his first day on the job, they had to let him go. He asked a female high school student for a couple of nude pictures numerous times."

John Holmberg and Brett humorously reflect on authority abuse and the hastiness of terminating the sheriff without due process.

• John Holmberg: "You gotta give him a second day. At least he could give him a chance to apologize."

This discussion underscores issues of power dynamics and misconduct within law enforcement, presented through light-hearted banter.

9. Dominique Brown: Fired Rap Artist Teacher

Timestamp: [09:26] - [12:35]

The conversation shifts to Dominique Brown, a teacher from Taylor, Michigan, who was fired from Taylor Prep for her rap persona "Dripping Honey."

• Brett Vesely: "This teacher in Taylor, Michigan, Dominique Brown, got fired from her school. And she says Taylor Prep fired her because she is a rap artist. Her rap name is Dripping Honey."

Despite being awarded Teacher of the Month prior to her dismissal, her performance was negatively affected by parents who discovered her rap videos.

• John Holmberg: "Wonder how she won that."

The hosts mockingly discuss her musical content, emphasizing the controversy between professional responsibilities and personal artistic expression.

10. Chips Ahoy! Cookie Recipe Change

Timestamp: [18:34] - [19:39]

Brett shares the news that Chips Ahoy! is updating its long-standing cookie recipe, aiming to enhance its flavor and texture.

• Brett Vesely: "Chip Hoy is totally changing its cookie recipe. It’s been 60 years. They’re changing it up, mixing it up."

John Holmberg humorously interprets the change, suggesting that the iconic chips are being reduced to a single, larger chip per cookie.

• John Holmberg: "Chips Ahoy are getting better. They've dropped the chips. It's just one big Chip Ahoy."

This segment blends consumer news with the hosts’ playful exaggeration, making it both informative and entertaining.

11. Online Registry for Divorces: A Novel Idea

Timestamp: [19:39] - [20:35]

Brett introduces an emerging trend of creating online registries to assist individuals financially during a divorce. These registries list essential items like appliances and furnishings, allowing friends to contribute and support the divorcing parties.

• Brett Vesely: "There's a new trend for an online registry for people's divorce. Guess the idea is that people can financially be vulnerable at the time of the split."

John Holmberg critiques the practicality of such registries, sharing humorous skepticism about their effectiveness.

• John Holmberg: "I bought my own stuff back. It was a scam."

The discussion reflects on modern approaches to personal crises, infused with the hosts’ signature humor.

12. Walgreens Robbery in Albuquerque: Old West Meets Modern Policing

Timestamp: [22:53] - [27:05]

Brett recounts a recent Walgreens robbery in Albuquerque, New Mexico, where the suspect, Mark Chacon, was apprehended by police on horseback, reminiscent of Old West law enforcement.

• Brett Vesely: "There's a dude that robbed a Walgreens in Albuquerque, New Mexico last. This happened last month. Mark Chacon. He robbed it hard."

John Holmberg and the hosts reminisce about nostalgia for old-fashioned robbery tactics, contrasting them with modern-day policing technologies like body cams.

• John Holmberg: "I miss the old days of robberies where the robber would shout out his gang name as they left."

The segment humorously explores the clash between outdated criminal methods and contemporary law enforcement techniques.

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Conclusion

This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness masterfully blends humorous banter with a diverse array of topics, ranging from quirky historical facts to contemporary social issues. The hosts’ chemistry and comedic timing make complex and mundane subjects engaging, ensuring that listeners are both entertained and informed. Notable quotes and playful interactions underscore the show's unique approach to morning radio, making it Arizona's #1 choice for an entertaining start to the day.

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Notable Quotes:

• John Holmberg [07:11]: "Either you're suicidal or you're the most confident group. Pick one."

• Brett Vesely [18:34]: "Chips Ahoy are finally gonna get a little bit better."

• John Holmberg [22:34]: "You're fired. You're late for work. I don't care that you herkle derkled or have a cute word for why you're not here."

These quotes capture the hosts' humorous and candid perspectives, highlighting the episode's blend of wit and insight.

Transcript

[Dick Toledo]

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[Brady]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast brought to you by Mo Money Pawn and MMP Guns at the corner of 12th street and Indian School in Phoenix.

[John Holmberg]

Chew and poop.

[Brett]

That's all they do.

[Brady]

That's all they're good for.

[John Holmberg]

Chewing and pooping the rest of Homeburn's morning sickness. This is the Big Red Radio. It's time now for the Brady Report. All the news that only Brady knows and it's brought to you by All Pro Shade Concepts, Arizona's best patio shades. We're in Arizona and you got to have shade if you have an outdoor space. That's the new thing about real estate, by the way, as your indoor outdoor living. Your outdoor stuff should be livable space now. So if you've got shade out there, it's awesome. All Pro Shade concepts 20 years in the Valley, they got Brady's house all hooked up with awnings and roll down patio shades and things like that. They can do that for you as well. It creates 20 plus feet of shade and they block out all that stuff. You can have a TV on your back patio without worrying about the glare. All Pro Shade Concepts, thank you for sponsoring the Brady Report. Brady Report.

[Brett]

The Irish Naval service only has one active ship called the George Bernard Shaw. Probably named after the playwright.

[John Holmberg]

Probably.

[Brett]

That's my guess. That's my guess. Just a coinky dink.

[John Holmberg]

Does it say on the paper probably named after the. No one thought to ask them about their one ship that's still in the in the port. Does it say the word probably?

[Brett]

No, it says which.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, which might be named after I. They don't know for sure.

[Brett]

Nobody.

[John Holmberg]

We took the time to tell the story of the Irish Naval Service's one boat, but we didn't ask him. Is that the playwright? Is that. No, it's one of our most amazing heroes of war. We didn't. We don't care. Of course it's named after them.

[Brett]

He built a bridge.

[John Holmberg]

He's a brilliant man. Guys, not. Not to be confused with the playwright of the exact same name, George Bernard Shaw. It's the other one. And soon you'll have a boat named the Amanda. Nick Lost at sea.

[Brett]

Louisiana's capital, Baton Rouge, means Red Stick. It references the actual stick that once marked the boundary between two Native American tribes in the region. It was reportedly a 30 foot high painted pole adorned with fish bones.

[John Holmberg]

Red Stick was also the name of an Indian who didn't care if you were on your period or not. Thank you very much. Don't shoo. That was a good one, Brett. You just didn't think of it, don't you? That been hanging out.

[Brady]

Brady.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that was a good Brady. Brady didn't come up with that.

[Brett]

Absolutely.

[John Holmberg]

That was a solid Brady ain't doing that too dirty. It's not happening. Brady isn't going with Red Stick. He's not. Red Wings and Red Stick not happening. No, none of that.

[Brett]

In the 80s, Russia gave Pepsi submarines and other naval ships to cover the cost of stocking the country with their soda. They gave Pepsi such a big fleet that briefly, Pepsi controlled the sixth most powerful military in the world.

[John Holmberg]

They gave them armed submarines. Not with.

[Brett]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

But Pepsi had to get the weapons. But it was capable of firing weapons.

[Brett]

Yep.

[Brady]

So Pepsi got the Red October and.

[John Holmberg]

All right, I know you didn't follow up. Where are these submarines today? I have one in the ocean, on the water. Nailed it. Does Pepsi still own them or did they sell them to crack? Crackistan.

[Brett]

Don't know, bro.

[John Holmberg]

All right, there you go.

[Brett]

And I was wondering if that was one of the jets they were trying to give away back in that promotion. You were wondering that if that was.

[John Holmberg]

A Russian jet, you did nothing to find out about it. You're just wondering.

[Brett]

It just didn't care.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, evidently you did wonder. And then so does all of us.

[Brady]

That listen to the Brady.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly.

[Dick Toledo]

Not the happy wanderer. He's a happy wanderer.

[John Holmberg]

Wonder. Yeah, yeah. Wonder if that ever. Anyway, I'm over that questioning period.

[Brett]

I figured it out. You Red Stick. God damn it, John.

[Dick Toledo]

I'm showing up tomorrow and you're gonna pay for my breakfast this morning.

[Brett]

Baton Rouge.

[John Holmberg]

That stick made you laugh. It's my son. Baton Rouge. Why do they call him that? Well, let me tell you. Hahaha. What they do. Hahaha.

[Brett]

Balls out for bowling is back. The Pittsburgh Area Naturalists are hosting another balls out for bowling event. Where you can bowl in the nude.

[John Holmberg]

Gross. Naked bowlers, Pittsburghers and Pittsburgh.

[Brett]

It's Sunday, April 28th. If you want to head to Pittsburgh.

[John Holmberg]

For that, I do kind of want to see it. But not for any other reason than this spectacle. It's a car crash.

[Brett]

Anyone over the age of 18.

[Brady]

Greasy Permante brother sandwiches. Just letting the ball slide right out of your hands.

[Brett]

You don't need to be a city bowler.

[John Holmberg]

And then that weird follow through at the end of a bowling move where your B holes like breathing on the guys behind it. Yeah. All the hair. The Pittsburgh hair got french fries stuffed and her Manny brothers is good. But it no.

[Brett]

Someone pulled 35,000Americans and asked him, do you think you're cool?

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Brett]

Turns out most of us do think we're pretty cool. 53% said they're cool. 29% said not a chance.

[Brady]

They're right.

[Brett]

17 aren't sure if they're cool or not.

[John Holmberg]

Do you think you're cool, Brady? Someone said, do you think you're cool? And answer honestly, what would you say?

[Brett]

Not really.

[John Holmberg]

You don't think you're cool?

[Brett]

No.

[John Holmberg]

You don't think like people think you're cool?

[Brett]

Was 20 year old you too much?

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Brett]

Super cool.

[John Holmberg]

Was there a point in your life you're like, that's a cool dude.

[Brett]

Popped collar.

[John Holmberg]

I can't think of a single. No.

[Brett]

I've never really said that in my life.

[John Holmberg]

And you're thinking cool like Fonzie?

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Like just.

[Brett]

That's how I take it when they say, do you think you're cool?

[John Holmberg]

Right? Like you're smoke and have a leather jack? No, like just cool. Like that guy's cool. I like him. That guy's cool. I'm the opposite.

[Brett]

Three quarters of Americans under 30 think they're cool. Two thirds of the people age 30 to 45 and 43% between 45 and 65. Even 28% of seniors would still describe themselves as cool.

[John Holmberg]

I don't understand Generation Z or whatever they call them. Either you're suicidal or you're the most confident group. Pick one. They're all overly confident and depressed at the same time. I don't understand them. They want everything.

[Dick Toledo]

Either a goon or they're a mess.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brady]

But.

[John Holmberg]

Or both. Like if you interviewed the whole generation, like, you guys think you're cool? Hell yeah. Do you have mental health issues? Hell yeah. It's like, do you have everything? Are you the dumbest?

[Brett]

Embrace it, bro.

[John Holmberg]

Right. Everything is. Yes. Are you cool? Oh, right. We're the coolest Are you handsome? So handsome. Great looking. Are you depressed? Yeah. You feel like you fit in? No. But you think you're cool, good looking and awesome, but also massive amounts of depression and suicide. Doesn't add up.

[Brett]

You're far less likely to think you're cool if you live in the Midwest. 44% of Midwesterners think they're cool.

[John Holmberg]

They're wrong. They're too close to Kentucky, Indiana and Ohio to be cool.

[Brett]

In Indian River County, Florida, they had a rookie sheriff. On his first day on the job, they had to let him go. He asked a female high school student for a couple of nude pictures numerous times.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you know, he's in position power.

[Brett]

Now in the high school.

[John Holmberg]

You gotta give him a second day. At least he could give him a chance to apologize. Oh, that's frowned upon. I was just. I. I think I got drunk with power with my new badge.

[Brett]

And it won't happen again. One day, Kai.

[John Holmberg]

I like that. Let's see a picture of this high school girl. Maybe was on to something. Was she 17?

[Brett]

Don't know.

[John Holmberg]

How old is he?

[Brett]

It didn't say his age either.

[John Holmberg]

Doesn't matter because it's.

[Dick Toledo]

He's a sheriff.

[John Holmberg]

I know, but he's older. Come on.

[Dick Toledo]

Come on.

[John Holmberg]

Walking around flexing sheriff muscles for a day. You didn't even give him a day to get past like the loopholes of being powerful.

[Brett]

I guess you're gonna have to go over that in the training again.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you voted for him. But again, men in position of power struggle. Sometimes it's like, why don't you send me a couple of nudes? I'm sheriff around here, God damn it. I do what I want. Then he has to realize, oh, geez, I've overstepped mine one day.

[Brett]

And in Port Moody, British Columbia, that.

[John Holmberg]

Is exactly what that one day Jay guy did at our work. He walked up while he's being introduced to his new co workers and told the lady she had a great set of cans first day here. Whoa, hey. He wasn't wrong. He was not wrong.

[Brett]

He was right.

[John Holmberg]

He was 100 right. We were all thinking, nope, they were always good. And she's walking around, you have a beautiful set of breasts. And he just walked over to his cubicle and then had to clean it out. And he hadn't even put anything down yet. The greatest memos in the history.

[Brett]

One day J no longer with it.

[John Holmberg]

Of 840 North Central Avenue. We are so excited to have this man coming to work for us. He brings a wealth of experience and knowledge. And it's going to start tomorrow. And the next day, another memoir. This guy's not gonna be working here anymore. And Colin framed him and put him on his wall. And boss came by and asked him to put.

[Brett]

And if you would have seen the glorious letter when he first started.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it was a page of just all the way from Alaska, his accolades and everything he'd accomplished. And it was just this, man, we've got the greatest dude in the world working in the building. Then a one sentence. One day. The date was on both of them. One day later. This particular gentleman won't be working here anymore. One day, Jay.

[Brett]

I can't remember if they. I don't even think they said we. We wish him luck.

[John Holmberg]

Nope. It just said he. This. I don't remember his name. J. So and so is no longer employed with Blah blah blah radio. And he was gone. And Colin framed him and put him up because the dates were like, August 7th, August 8th. It was hilarious.

[Brett]

This teacher in Taylor, Michigan, Dominique Brown, got fired from her school. And she says Taylor Prep fired her because she is a rap artist. Her rap name is Dripping Honey. It's also her only look. I don't know why they fired me for this, but one parent caught the video.

[John Holmberg]

Sure.

[Brett]

Let's see if I can find the song Dripping Honey. Well, she says there are some cuss words in it, but she was also awarded teacher of the month the month before they fired her.

[John Holmberg]

Wonder how she won that.

[Brett]

It's called Dripping 101.

[Brady]

I got it. But it's. I don't have the video, but I.

[John Holmberg]

Got the song filthy. I don't know. All right, let's see.

[Brett]

Pretty good Motown, baby. Going crazy like the 80s. Yeah. Put it on the flow when I.

[John Holmberg]

Dare bitch to take it. Oh, yeah. Who had N Word? Maybe she's just looking for Amanda.

[Brady]

Well, here's a. Here's a couple of names of her songs here.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no, man. You're allowed to have a third one now, right? Third one down is N word. No.

[Brady]

Plus she's still dripping on the other one.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, she was Dripping honey in track one. And by force, still dripping. She's got a discharge issue like the never ending story.

[Dick Toledo]

It's always dripping.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, that's not good.

[Brady]

Followed by no cheat code and never.

[John Holmberg]

Not never, never can't stop the drip is track 12. And it's just a.

[Brett]

That's how well she dresses. John.

[John Holmberg]

I know what Dripping is. I'm hip.

[Brett]

Did you really just throw down?

[John Holmberg]

He dropped the drip.

[Brett]

Toledo asked Me on this stuff.

[John Holmberg]

Look at him dripping right now.

[Brett]

By the way, if you bought a crossbow.

[Brady]

I'm gonna listen to this later.

[John Holmberg]

Me too. No, Edward, no. No, Edward, no. Take my jeep down to 450. Windows all the way down. Blast that thing.

[Brett]

Okay, here's some woke news.

[John Holmberg]

Kind of pushed us. Woke news. Is this a new segment?

[Brett]

Keeps coming up.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Brett]

I think I like woke. We were trying to figure out a song.

[John Holmberg]

Wake me up before you go. Go. Morning sickness. Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Brett]

Gen Z has come up with a new term for oversleeping. Or you just don't want to get out of bed. Almost like hitting the snooze.

[John Holmberg]

Laziness.

[Brett]

Yeah, laziness.

[John Holmberg]

That's a good term.

[Brett]

Right now they're using an old Scottish term to describe it. Herkle durkle. You stay in bed longer. I was late to work because I herkled for a solid 20 minutes today and they love it.

[John Holmberg]

Who loves it?

[Brett]

Gen Z, assholes.

[John Holmberg]

Shit.

[Brett]

If they come into work, they come into work and they say they hurkle derkled. You'll know what they're saying.

[John Holmberg]

You're fired. You're late for work. I don't care that you herkle durkled or have a cute word for why you're not here, because we know Brady.

[Dick Toledo]

I'm gonna put a fanduel on this. Yeah, in the next month, he's gonna use.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he'll hurkle derkle. Here's the thing. If Brady comes in late one day. Sorry about that, herkle derkle. I'm like, well, goodbye, you're fired for hurkle derkling and thinking that it's okay and funny. Everybody's allowed to oversleep now and again, but if you just show up meander in ago did a little herkle derkle, like, no, you're a dickhead who isn't responsible enough to have a job. Hurkle durkle. I overslept. We have a word for it. And then the next thing you say is, I'm so sorry, I'll stay later or I'll make this up. I told you that the girl that Megan's kind of working with told the bosses, I don't do well in the morning. I can't start before 10. And then get like a doctor's note that said she's got some aversion to mornings. And everybody's like, okay, it all starts at 8 and ends at 5. But she shows up at 10 because I do not function well in the morning and I have A medical. Who's the doctor that said. Yeah, she's no good from 8 to 10. Nobody's good from 8 to 10.

[Brady]

Doctor got a handy from her.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I'm thinking.

[Brett]

HD syndrome.

[John Holmberg]

What's that?

[Brett]

Herkle Turkel.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I hate you so much. You nailed it. It was. Wasn't even. It wasn't even four minutes and you already used it. You couldn't. Six more to go.

[Brett]

It's got to start after the story's done.

[John Holmberg]

That was not your end. Was finished.

[Brett]

You're talking about. You're talking about.

[John Holmberg]

It starts the second he says fanduel. Saying he uses this in a sentence is immediately when it starts. You couldn't wait to say Herkyl Durkel.

[Brett]

We're still talking about.

[John Holmberg]

You're still talking about. I talked about the dumb who has a medical aversion to 8am This 71.

[Brett]

Year old dude in Utah named Michael Roberts was arrested recently because he shot at six teenagers who ding dong ditched his home. They were doing it multiple times. That's what we used to do.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. We didn't shoot at people.

[Brady]

No, we do not.

[John Holmberg]

We always worried about that though. My dad would always say you're going to get shot messing around doing that.

[Brett]

No one was hit but there were two significant dents past your side. Rear door of their car. Michael told the police they've been ringing his doorbell for several weeks. He admitted to firing a paintball like gun he claimed. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Which is.

[Brett]

They haven't determined whether it's an airsoft gun or what type it is.

[John Holmberg]

There's a 9 millimeter handgun that's very similar to a paintball gun.

[Brett]

He's facing six counts of aggravated assault.

[John Holmberg]

The ring. The ring doorbell thing has really ruined that. Oh yeah. We used to have a game and when I lived in San Diego, my friend Tony was so fast. He was a this. He was like Janny. He's a black kid but he was like the fastest kid in the world. A fat kid named Sean Orr. And me and Sean and Tony would doorbell ditch the same house. But our rule was how close you could hide to the door and not get caught. Man. It was pretty good. Horrifying because you would like ring the doorbell and then jump two feet away. I know where this is going. Do it at night all the time. Tony never lost. Right. But we would hide under. Hopefully he wasn't laughing. But this fat lady would come out of her house just kidding. Travis's mom and she, she was a big hillbilly fat lady. They'd moved here from Arkansas or something, San Diego. And scream out, I know where you are. Sometimes she'd be past you. She'd walk past you on the porch. I know.

[Brett]

I see you.

[John Holmberg]

You'd be like. Cause you're in the bush right next to the door. She never looked right next to the door. And it's like, well, the best place to hide is right next to the door. She's not looking right there. I get you boys. I know who you are. And we were so stupid. Tony, John, Sean, I know who's doing this. And we'd be like, she has no idea.

[Brett]

Got her again.

[John Holmberg]

She would flat out say who we were. Visited Tony's house. Your son. Of course, she picked him first. Your son's making a mockery of my Friday and Saturday stories. I don't believe my son's doing that. I know he is. She knew the whole time.

[Brady]

Excuse me while I whip this out.

[John Holmberg]

Tony's like, I've never seen this fat lady in my life.

[Brett]

Big food news. Chip Hoy is totally changing its cookie recipe.

[John Holmberg]

It is not chip.

[Brett]

Chips Ahoy.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[Brett]

It's been 60 years. They're changing it up. And according to food and Wine, it's even better now.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Chips Ahoy are getting better. They've dropped the chips. It's just one big Chip Ahoy.

[Brett]

It's a bigger cookie.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[Brett]

There's one chip in it.

[John Holmberg]

A big chocolate chip.

[Brett]

This kid in Livonia, Michigan. That's it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Chips Ahoy are gonna get better. That was a news story, by the way.

[Brett]

That was a food news.

[John Holmberg]

For those of you scoring at home, Brady just wished Chips Ahoy better.

[Brett]

Yeah, there's no facts yet.

[Brady]

I thought I was missing something.

[Brett]

60 years, the same recipe. Change it up, mixing it up.

[John Holmberg]

People need to know. Chips Ahoy finally gonna get a little bit better.

[Brett]

There's a new trend for an online registry for people's divorce.

[John Holmberg]

Oh.

[Brett]

Guess the idea is that people can financially be vulnerable at the time of the split. Good chance they've been halved.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Brett]

So things like appliances, tools, furnishings, and everyday supplies. They're making these registry lists and saying friends are helping them out.

[Dick Toledo]

Brett missed out.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

We all missed out.

[Brady]

Yeah, no kidding.

[John Holmberg]

I didn't get any prizes.

[Dick Toledo]

But you got the house.

[Brady]

I gotta buy it back, though.

[John Holmberg]

I bought it from. I bought my own stuff back. It was a scam.

[Brett]

It's a buyback. It was sell.

[John Holmberg]

It's the end of risky business. I'm sitting there buying back all My own crap.

[Brady]

You and Guido the pimp were out there and negotiating trucking the egg through my front yard.

[John Holmberg]

I had to go full on Lynn Swan to catch that thing. Yeah, that would have been nice to have a little hay and why not? You pay people for a marriage. The real emotional thing is afterwards that's when people need help.

[Brett]

Some people think it's a great idea and argue it's even more helpful than providing newly married couples with stuff since they may already have two versions of things like coffee makers, couches. But others are not fans. They say they've already supported their the marriage. Yep. And the pregnancies. So if it doesn't work out, Brady's.

[Dick Toledo]

Been ahead of his time the whole thing.

[Brett]

I'm not giving you money, but I'll give you.

[Dick Toledo]

I'll give you a stove if you get divorced.

[John Holmberg]

That's better. Yeah. Make it last or I'll give you a divorce present. But I'm not giving you anything for this. This is your first day.

[Brady]

Hey, wait a minute. Does that mean Brady kicked in on the divorce that we all kicked in on? Because he was waiting the six month True.

[Brett]

He still.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brady]

Did you get him a divorce present?

[John Holmberg]

Did you help out Chris after his seven month marriage?

[Brett]

Is it official?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's been official kick down.

[Brett]

I didn't know if anything else you.

[Dick Toledo]

Guys and moved on.

[John Holmberg]

We kicked in to start kicked in on it. We helped pay for that nightmare. You have to help.

[Dick Toledo]

I still have the Amazon at his Amazon address in my account for that to me.

[Brett]

Yeah, I'm sure I'll get him a bottle of sauce. Oh great.

[John Holmberg]

Faucet of cash falling out of him for surprises.

[Dick Toledo]

Do you notice how sauce finds him? Yeah, like was it two people that brought you some strange sauce on Friday night?

[Brett]

Yeah, I got the one.

[John Holmberg]

You're gonna get poisoned, right? You just. You just eat this.

[Brett]

His favorite sauce sealed.

[John Holmberg]

He got it at the grocery. Very nice timeout.

[Brett]

Yeah, he did.

[John Holmberg]

Why don't I just tell you about it? Because bought you this at the grocery store.

[Brett]

It's in Texas. It's not.

[John Holmberg]

Hey Brady, by the way. I don't. Hey, Al Gore. There's an Internet now. You don't need people to go.

[Brett]

Well, he's the one who said I want to bring in my.

[John Holmberg]

This is right. That's what criminals. That's what poisoners do.

[Brett]

Very nice.

[John Holmberg]

And you've seen. You've seen ships and bottles before, right?

[Brett]

Well, there's a problem right now. There's a bridge that collapsed sealed in Maryland.

[Brady]

Texas.

[John Holmberg]

That's affecting Texas from Maryland.

[Brett]

The horrible route. They sealed it.

[John Holmberg]

A stranger gave me food and it was sealed.

[Dick Toledo]

How was it?

[John Holmberg]

You drank a whole lot. Just busy masturbating to the idea. Yeah.

[Brady]

I got the I love fisting shirt from the listeners while I was out there.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That.

[Brady]

Can't pull my videos.

[John Holmberg]

You can watch that.

[Brett]

There's a dude that robbed a Walgreens in Albuquerque, New Mexico last. This happened last month. Mark Chacon.

[John Holmberg]

He.

[Brett]

He robbed the Walgreens and robbed it. Robbed it hard. The whole thing was caught on police body cam footage. It's like the old West. They ran him down on horseback.

[John Holmberg]

Nice.

[Brett]

There's three police officers on horseback. The guy was running the streets. It's pretty cool. He had $230 worth of stuff. He tried to dodge him a couple times and the horses corralled him in.

[John Holmberg]

I miss the old days of robberies where the robber would shout out his gang name as they left. This is the old Chacone brothers. You tell them we was here. And then they run away. Rootness tootinus criminals in the valley. They would always scream their names.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And then now run them down on horseback.

[Dick Toledo]

Baby faced kid that used to do that.

[John Holmberg]

I think so.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Baby Face Nelson.

[Brady]

Yeah, Baby Face Nelson.

[John Holmberg]

Well, all those mobsters used to say that Nelson gang done this. You know, they'd always. Or they'd leave a calling card.

[Brett]

James Gang.

[John Holmberg]

But that. Yeah. Then they'd get every show. Ah, those bastards. And they'd get away for like days. But they would just announce who the hell they were. It's great. I missed that. You should be required as a. I know they don't follow the law, but it should be a requirement to shout your name during the crime. And you tell. A little pride in your work is what that is. You tell them the old Toledo boys done this. Oh, they got video of this.

[Brett]

Apparently it's laced with.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, okay. All right. Body cam. And there's a. It looks like. This looks like Red Dead Redemption. It's the front end of the horse and a couple of hands and some reins.

[Brady]

We get stuck in the snow.

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna.

[Brett]

He does.

[John Holmberg]

If he gets. If he hits the wall and just stands there for a second. Oh, the cop is pointing. The horse is rolling down the road. This is awesome stuff. He's in a CVS parking lot now. He shoots out into the lot from the sidewalk. And there's the dude running. And the horse is ready to. He's just jogging. He's gonna catch him. Horses galloping at Best. This dude's got to be load. You know how much you would your pants if that was coming at you from behind.

[Brett]

Then he tried to punch the horse.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. He takes a swing across the street.

[Brett]

Now two more will come ambling across.

[John Holmberg]

Now two more horses show up.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, this is classic old time Israel. This is great. Get these cars out of here. Go back to the old. Now he's down to walk.

[Brett]

There's the second horse.

[John Holmberg]

He said this. Out of control. Where'd you guys come from?

[Brett]

Now there's a third one.

[John Holmberg]

Did I walk into a time machine? Where'd y'all come from? Ain't no siren.

[Brett]

Hip check.

[Brady]

Those are.

[John Holmberg]

Those are huge. And he keeps kind of pacing like him. Give him a second. We try to outrun these ponies again.

[Brett]

Now the one guy gets off and cuffs him.

[John Holmberg]

That would be so unbelievably scary.

[Brady]

Can you imagine going back to the hood saying, ain't that a. I got.

[John Holmberg]

Pulled over by a horse. Three of them.

[Brady]

Yosemite Sam showed up.

[John Holmberg]

Easy to run from the cars. They gotta stay in the street. These things go over everything. A little horse chasing you. Oh, I'd be scared to death. And brother was. He was flying through that parking lot at first like, I got it. Here's that behind him.

[Brady]

The Budweiser Clydesdale show up.

[Dick Toledo]

This is normal patrol.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know.

[Dick Toledo]

I mean, they had them at the ready, right? They must be out on patrol.

[Brett]

Yeah, they must have been doing their area, just patrolling that area.

[Brady]

Yeah, that would score over by Mr. Ed.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, just. Yeah, bowl over. I love that. We need more of that action. I watched it on Mill Avenue once where they cut off a couple of drunks with the horses and they kind of triangulated these people and they just. You just don't know what to do. You can't turn around. The horse will just swing its ass around and hit you.

[Brett]

You ever see them do the riot control where they turn them sideways and.

[John Holmberg]

They push into stuff?

[Brett]

It's amazing.

[John Holmberg]

The horses are just kind of side trotting.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Awesome. It's out of control now.

[Brett]

98K.

[John Holmberg]

You pt.