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Hot Mess
Boyfriend Bootcamp With Braxton
00:59:39
Alix sits down with her boyfriend, Braxton, to discuss their relationship over the past year. They open up about their disagreements, relationship rules, and navigating long distance. Then Braxton answers questions from listeners in a “Braxton’s Boyfriend Bootcamp”. Follow and connect with all things @HotMess across Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube.
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- [00:01]
A
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- [01:10]
B
What's up guys?
- [01:10]
A
Welcome back.
- [01:11]
B
Thank you. It's good to be here.
- [01:12]
A
We've missed you.
- [01:12]
B
It's been a while since in the.
- [01:14]
A
Hot mess Casa Dojo Lounge. Wait, did I just turn that off? How do I get that back on? I'm a hot mess. Let's talk about quitting, vaping and smoking. Because it's a journey that can feel impossible without the right tools. That's where Jones comes in. Jones offers holistic support to help you quit nicotine altogether or simply cut back. Find out why over 20000 quitters use Jones to help them reach their goals with nicotine. Head to quitwithjones.com and use CO Hot Mess for $15 off your first order of nicotine mints. Jones is FDA approved and available for those that are 18 and older. It was just our one year anniversary, which is crazy because it feels like 10 years.
- [02:12]
B
And in a good way.
- [02:13]
A
In a good way. And everyone also on the Internet. Well, I guess in February we have. We would have met February 1st. Two years ago. Years ago. So we've known each other for like a year and a half.
- [02:25]
B
Almost two years. Two months away. Yeah, Two and a half. Yeah. From being two years.
- [02:30]
A
It definitely took us a minute to start dating. And by a minute, I mean nine months.
- [02:37]
B
Seven, eight. Yeah, yeah.
- [02:38]
A
Close to it because I was a Little bit more closed off. I just was not ready for a relationship or I didn't think I was ready. Everyone in the past was just always, like, an and terrible, and I always just thought relationships were really, really bad in my mindset, which is a little toxic. But, like, I would see relationships as, like, I don't know. But the second you would put a label on something, all I could think about was, when does it end? Yeah, yeah, I told you that.
- [03:06]
B
And.
- [03:06]
A
And so I was like, I'm really scared of a label because all I can think about is, like, now that means that we have to, like, break up at some point or there has to be an end date.
- [03:14]
B
And that's such a horrible way to look at relationships.
- [03:15]
A
Yeah. And that's. That's me. That's what I was doing, but I.
- [03:19]
B
Didn'T have that viewpoint. I also didn't care about a label. I also had just got out of a relationship, so I feel like it was, like, the perfect time to where we both were enjoying each other. We had so much fun, and neither of us were really pushing the envelope of it. And so I think it just, like, ended up working out to where, like, we just had so much fun. And we continued to kind of push off that conversation until later, later, later in the summer. And then finally we got around to it.
- [03:45]
A
Yeah. September. I told you, like, I was honest with you, that I was like, a label is going to stress me out because I'm going to think of the end of a relationship. And we just were like, okay, like, let's just hang out, then. Let's have fun and, like, see where it goes. And then I kept, like, realizing how much I liked him. And I was a little bit in denial at first. And then, what was it? November? Our first date was in March, and we ended up putting a label on it in November.
- [04:15]
B
You told me you love me in September.
- [04:16]
A
Yeah.
- [04:16]
B
At the football game.
- [04:17]
A
Yes.
- [04:18]
B
And so that was kind of like.
- [04:19]
A
We were, like, definitely dating. Yeah, we were dating, but we just, for my mental health, couldn't put a label on it. And then we ended up officiating it.
- [04:33]
B
Did we get married?
- [04:34]
A
Did I miss something on November 11th?
- [04:37]
B
Yep. 11. 11.
- [04:38]
A
And it's 15 days after your birthday. In 15. Or is it 30?
- [04:45]
B
No, it is 20. Why am I. I can't do the math.
- [04:51]
A
You're supposed to be the mathematician.
- [04:53]
B
It's 25 days.
- [04:55]
A
Oh, 25 days after Braxton's birthday and 25 days before mine. So it's right in the middle.
- [05:00]
B
And that just Happened. I don't think we realized that prior to.
- [05:04]
A
Yeah, that kind of just happened. But I also kind of liked the. The 11:11 date. So it was something that I was like, wait, I mean, if we've waited this long, we might as well make it a perfect date. That would be a good one. So, yeah, then we started dating. And I would say Braxton was a little different in the beginning, too. I mean, we've both, like, changed a lot and grown a lot in the relationship. And I feel like even each month, we change and grow and learn. And I like, even your injury, which we're going to get to more so at the end of this.
- [05:36]
B
Yeah.
- [05:37]
A
But that, I feel, like, brought us even closer. And I don't know, sometimes it's hard when people go through something that's really tough or negative or hard. Like, obviously that was something that was really upsetting to you, and you've been just so positive and nice and good throughout it all. And it's made me appreciate you even more because I think, like, there's times where it's like, you could be an asshole. And there was a few cranky moments in there, but blame the meds. I blame the medicine. And I was like, you know what? I'm cranky all the time. So.
- [06:10]
B
No, I. But I. But I agree. And credit to you, I feel the same way. We got so much strong in the last month kind of directly because of this, but, like, when I really needed you. Let's put it this way. I think our relationship has been very, like, easy. Right? Like, it's been. It's been very nice. I mean, we've made it easy.
- [06:29]
A
Yeah. We've never really had any trouble, but.
- [06:31]
B
We don't have any. Like, we don't have much adversity, which, again, is a great thing. But I think when it came, and, you know, neither of us had really seen it with each other before, and truthfully, for the way that you showed up for me and have been showing up for me in the last month, and you'll see, I wrote this about it. I wrote about this, like, in my card that I'll give you tonight. But it's like, that made me so much more appreciative of you because it could have went a completely different way, but, like, the way you responded and showed support and showed up for me, like, meant the world. And it, like, helps, like, the mind follows the body in the sense of, like, recovery and stuff and a lot of things. But, like, if you're in a great mental space, recovery it helps it. And there's, like, ton of scientific data around it. And so you've helped me a lot.
- [07:17]
A
Well, you've also been really good at showing your emotions because you were. You would show your emotions in the beginning, but, like, not. You wouldn't really talk about. No, you would show your emotions, but you wouldn't really talk about your emotions.
- [07:29]
B
Yeah, I think that's a great way to put it.
- [07:31]
A
Like. Yeah.
- [07:32]
B
I think for me, it was always, like, it's very hard for me to let people in and let them know how I think. Right. Or, like, what I'm thinking, or, like, to give people the opportunity or, like, to let people know that they got to me, or, like, they hurt me or they did me wrong or whatever it was. Like, that's, I think, a really vulnerable feeling. And I think especially, like, as a guy, like, it's really hard to trust somebody with that information. Like, if I tell you XYZ is gonna hurt me, you're gonna know. When you get mad at me, when you're upset, when you're frustrated in the back of your mind, you're gonna think, well, I know how to hurt them. And that's just, like, really kind of.
- [08:10]
A
I think that's a toxic way of thinking, for sure.
- [08:12]
B
But I'm just saying, like, to give somebody that information and to be vulnerable is really hard. Like, you really have to trust somebody. Because I know if I. If you got upset with me, like, you would know how to hurt me or you would know what to do. And I think that, like, getting over that and finally trusting you with things like that, like, the really vulnerable, intimate things, I think goes a long way in our relationship.
- [08:33]
A
Yeah. And you just never talked about. I feel like, your emotions in general, when it was, like, with work or what was going on or just anything, you would be so private. Like, it came to a point, like, this year, and I was like, braxton, you are leaving me every day for football practice. Like, all day, every day. And you come home and you, like, don't you? I'll be like, how was it? You'll be good.
- [08:55]
B
And I'm like, but that wasn't on purpose either.
- [08:57]
A
No, I know, but I'm like, I need, like, a step by step detail of every. Like, I feel like I complain and rant about everything good and bad in my day. And you were just so closed off in that way.
- [09:09]
B
Yeah, well, I compartmentalized, you know, like, what was work was work, what was home was home. What was this was that. And, like, I try not to let things spill into other buckets. Like, if one thing's bad, I'm really good at letting that be bad and letting all the rest, like, still be good. And so, like, if I had a bad day or something bad happened, I didn't want to, like, rehash it and then bring it home, because then, you know, it ruined my, you know, earlier day or my afternoon. I don't want it to ruin my night. You got upset at me that one night, and ever since then, I was like, all right, I gotta make an effort. Cause I didn't try to. Or I guess I did try to, but it wasn't to keep you out. It was just to keep me in, like, a better headspace when I came home. But I've gotten a lot better about that. And you have gotten a lot better about pretty much everything as well. No, like, showing your emotions, talking about your emotions, like, leaning into them, like, allowing yourself to be vulnerable.
- [10:00]
A
Something I would do is I would always. And this is, like, in general, not pertaining to Braxton, necessarily, but, like, I would always give a compliment with, like, a.
- [10:09]
B
A backhanded. No, no, no.
- [10:11]
A
It's not a.
- [10:11]
B
Give a compliment. It's a backhanded compliment.
- [10:13]
A
No, no, no. That's not true. I would give you. But, like, everything nice, I would say it would have to be countered with, like, a dig.
- [10:19]
B
Yeah.
- [10:20]
A
And that's just a bad habit that I have that's so toxic and so toxic. Like, if I said something nice, like, one minute later, I had to say something, and that was just me. Being insecure is, like, what I learned. But I didn't know in the beginning. I was like, what are you talking about? I'm not doing anything wrong. But it was just my insecurities of. I didn't like someone else feeling like they. Yeah, I guess I was vulnerable with them and that they had the upper hand, and, like, they stopped. They could hurt me.
- [10:47]
B
Control has always been your thing. And, like, I've never, like, we've never talked about it, really, but it's just kind of been understood. Like, you need to feel either above or, like, in control, and that was your way of controlling.
- [10:59]
A
You know, what I talk to Kristin a lot about with us is there was always a point where, like, Braxton's obviously so, so nice, and everyone sees that. And everyone that meets Braxton's like, oh, he's so, so nice. But I was like, is there going to be a point where that changes? Or, you know, when, like, like, with you, your colors change or your True colors show. And I always was like, I don't know, like, am I gonna see something like it? I don't know. And now it's been almost two years. You're the same exact person, if not even better. And when you, like, I think, like, really, the last. I don't know the saying. Hey, in the haystack.
- [11:42]
B
Needle in the haystack.
- [11:43]
A
Yeah, but that's not the last pin in the Bob the Donkey.
- [11:48]
B
What are you going here?
- [11:49]
A
Like, the last straw thing?
- [11:54]
B
The straw that broke the camel's back.
- [11:56]
A
I don't know. That means.
- [11:58]
B
Okay.
- [11:58]
A
Anyhow, the last thing for me was when you got hurt. And that's where you go and you've just been so positive. And I feel like that was a moment where I could have, like, seen something really negative come out of you, because that's happened before where you think people are great, and then all of a sudden it's like, oh, my God, you were hiding a monster under there.
- [12:16]
B
Yeah, for sure. I think a lot of people can fake a lot of things for a good amount of time. And I think adversity and, like, hard times do bring out true colors.
- [12:26]
A
But nothing detected yet.
- [12:28]
B
But. No, but again, it was a combination of everything. Like, I had great family support. I had great support from you. And then I also, like, compartmentalized going back to that. Like, this sucks, you know? Like, it sucked when it happened, it sucks now. It's gonna suck for the next whatever months. But, like, I don't want to ruin anything or anything else. I have good in my life. It's not worth, like, ruining that, you know? But I'm. I'm glad I stayed true.
- [12:57]
A
We have a little bit of a funky schedule when it comes to our relationship. And I feel like another thing people always ask is how we deal with long distance, which I don't like, in my head, I'm like, oh, we don't do long distance.
- [13:09]
B
Long distance for days at a time.
- [13:11]
A
Yeah. There's chunks of time where it's like.
- [13:13]
B
Like, recently, you're gone for what, 10 days? Yeah, like the longest. 10, 11.
- [13:16]
A
Yeah. It's usually like 10 days is the longest span. We go without seeing each other, but it kind of just flies by. I feel like we're both so busy.
- [13:24]
B
The only hard part, or I guess, harder part, is when you go west coast, because then we start on, like, two different. We're completely different schedules. And, like, I got to go to bed earlier, and you're in la, so you're three hours behind me. And then, like, it's just like it times up weird for normally like the day to day.
- [13:42]
A
Like when I'm in the middle of.
- [13:44]
B
My day, you're like starting yours. So it's like that's when you can.
- [13:47]
A
Talk and that's like. Yeah, I guess relationships who live on like the west coast, east coast, it's definitely more difficult. I think it's doable with us though. And we're not, like I said, we see each other like every few days or not so much. But I would say especially just like our day to day. Well, actually now that you're injured, we get to see each other a little bit more.
- [14:11]
B
I mean, Jesus, is that necessary?
- [14:14]
A
Well, it's true.
- [14:15]
B
I mean, that's fair.
- [14:16]
A
You're not as gone at like 5 in the morning. It's great.
- [14:19]
B
No, that's fair. Yeah.
- [14:20]
A
Cause usually I wake up and he's gone and then we see each other at like 9:00pm at night.
- [14:25]
B
Yeah, no, the schedule was a little bit easier on us for sure. But like back to long distance, I mean we don't text each other and we've talked about this before, we don't text each other throughout the day, every day.
- [14:35]
A
I'm a terrible texter. Yeah, I don't like texting. I'm a big facetimer.
- [14:39]
B
Huge. And so that's what we do.
- [14:40]
A
That's what. Remember in the, what was it you really early on in when you said.
- [14:45]
B
Do you like to FaceTime? And I was like, I think we.
- [14:47]
A
Hung out maybe once or twice.
- [14:49]
B
Yeah.
- [14:49]
A
And I was like, do you like to FaceTime? And he was like, like, sure. Like he did not know what he was signing him.
- [14:55]
B
I had no idea. Well, I didn't really.
- [14:57]
A
I FaceTimed him 247 and that has not changed since.
- [15:02]
B
And she's the type, which is actually so true about you. Like Alex is the type. If I FaceTime her and she doesn't answer, like, okay, she's busy, no problem. But if she FaceTimes me and I don't answer, she's FaceTime me again.
- [15:14]
A
Immediately after that I'm calling until you answer.
- [15:17]
B
And then she's texting me like it's like Armageddon if I don't answer.
- [15:21]
A
But if she didn't answer, I have like a FaceTime log where I. I just have like my most like 10 recent FaceTimes. And if you guys don't answer, it's like if you don't answer, then I go to Sally. Sally doesn't answer. Then I go to Isabella. If Isabella doesn't answer. Then I go to Ashton and I just like loop in this big circle. And it's just. It usually starts with you. And if you're not answering, then I have to switch on to my other FaceTime friends. But FaceTiming is just the best texting, I think. I think for us. And I think something in a, like, not a. What am I saying? Like a long term relationship is like, what the fuck do you need to be texting all day about?
- [15:59]
B
Yeah, it's just like minute updates that you don't need.
- [16:02]
A
Yeah, then we're gonna have nothing to talk about later.
- [16:04]
B
No, exactly.
- [16:05]
A
It's like, it's getting boring over here. We have to surprises.
- [16:09]
B
But on the back half of that, me and you also forget to tell each other some things at times as well. So, like, that's where it works.
- [16:16]
A
We're both so busy. It's not like we're sitting there like Lola gagging and, you know, I'm like waiting for you to text me back. If anything, it's always you text me. And I never see it. I don't see my text. And I think people think that I am just like ignoring them on purpose. Like, I seriously think there is a disease in my brain where I don't see my text.
- [16:34]
B
All right, easy.
- [16:35]
A
I'm serious. My brain has like. No, I mean PTSD with text or something because I don't really see them.
- [16:42]
B
Yeah, I know you are really bad at times, but I don't know how you do it.
- [16:45]
A
If we're not together, then we always FaceTime. And our one thing with like, going out is Braxton. Like, I go out and do whatever and you're okay with that?
- [16:56]
B
We're very good.
- [16:57]
A
No, but I'm not. Like, you're not gonna be mad at me for going out when you're not there.
- [17:00]
B
Yeah, no, not at all. But we have one rule. Just call me when you get home.
- [17:03]
A
Yeah, and that's my one rule is call Braxton when I get home before I go to bed, no matter what time zone I'm on.
- [17:11]
B
And she is very hit or miss about this rule.
- [17:15]
A
That's not true.
- [17:16]
B
You've been better. You've been a lot better.
- [17:16]
A
That's not true.
- [17:17]
B
You've been a lot better.
- [17:18]
A
That's not true. There are some nights when I just don't, like, remember how I went to bed.
- [17:24]
B
Yeah, and those nights and those nights.
- [17:26]
A
Sometimes, I don't know, I wake up and I'm like, fuck, did I call him or not? And if I didn't call him. I'm like, oh, no. And these are times where we have little arguments.
- [17:37]
B
No, it's not that. It really doesn't become that at all.
- [17:41]
A
I like a full argument.
- [17:42]
B
No. Yeah.
- [17:43]
A
Like, do better type of thing.
- [17:45]
B
Yeah. Be better.
- [17:46]
A
Yeah.
- [17:47]
B
I just feel like it's not. It's not a lot to ask. I think it's very, very simple.
- [17:51]
A
No, it is.
- [17:51]
B
You know, like, it's not like, where are you going? Who are you with? What? You know, like, I. I'm absolutely not like that I trust her and like, that, that kind of ends there. But that's just my one thing. Just let me know when you home. That text, call, whatever.
- [18:06]
A
But I've been so good. Even like the. When I was the Cheshire cat on Halloween. It's like I don't even remember how I got home, but I know that I called you.
- [18:14]
B
You did call me.
- [18:14]
A
Yep. And I've gotten better about it.
- [18:17]
B
You don't remember you called me, but.
- [18:18]
A
You know I did. I did.
- [18:20]
B
You haven't. Better, I'll give you that.
- [18:22]
A
But I would say having a healthy relationship kind of all comes down to communication. And like, absolutely we have. And I don't want to call them arguments, but, like, what else do you call them? Like when we have, like, disagreements, whatever. More serious talks. But I will say is Braxton's really good at being calm throughout them because I'm a little bit more hot headed. And I also, when I feel like someone's attacking me.
- [18:49]
B
Well, you get defensive.
- [18:49]
A
I get defensive and you shut down.
- [18:51]
B
And then we go nowhere. Yeah, so.
- [18:53]
A
So he's very calm. I'm like a big bear that, like, no one he doesn't want to poke. And then he sits there like a calm flamingo.
- [19:03]
B
Okay. You're painting a really weird picture at this point though.
- [19:08]
A
But, like, you're calm. I'm not.
- [19:10]
B
And I know that about you that you will shut down. I'm not a yeller. Like, I don't get mad.
- [19:15]
A
I have become super calm. Because you're super calm. Even recently, Braxton keeps trying to, like, take these little videos where I have two.
- [19:23]
B
I have two videos just pushing her button. So, like, saying things that I know.
- [19:26]
A
She'S saying things that he knows is gonna trigger me and get me mad. And it's me, like, turning my head. We should, like, overlay them right now.
- [19:34]
B
We should.
- [19:35]
A
So funny. But we can't put this.
- [19:36]
B
They're like, I, like, set the camera.
- [19:37]
A
Up and don't let her says something that, like, he knows will trigger me. And I flick my head over, and I'm like, what? And then I just. Like, in my head, I'm like, this is really annoying. This is really pissing me off. But I am really calm towards you. I was like, okay, I just don't see why you're saying that. And, like, I'm really calm. And me, a year ago, would have been like.
- [19:57]
B
Would have lost it.
- [19:57]
A
You. So I'm like, you get better. I'm getting better.
- [20:01]
B
But. And I will say in our arguments, disagreements, what you want to call them, the communication part is so good, because, like, I always say this is like, it's. It's not about the situation. Like, it's not about what it is right now. It's about the principle. And so, like, I always tie it back into. When we talk about, like, what we disagree on or whatever we're talking about, it's always like, okay, like, flip the situation or whatever. Like, here's the principle. Like, do we agree on that at least? And normally we always do. Because it's not about. To me, it's not about, like, I'm right, you're wrong, or you're wrong, or you're right, I'm wrong. It's more about, like, getting on the same page. Because I think that goes a long way for, like. So that you don't ever have the same disagreement twice?
- [20:41]
A
Yeah, I don't think we've had the same fight twice.
- [20:44]
B
No, we haven't. And I think that's a big part of, like, communication and actually talking it out. Cause I'm somebody when we disagree, I'm talking about it till we're blue in the face in the sense of, like, until we understand each other and we're both content. Like, I'll talk about it all night, and, like, I don't want to do anything else. Whereas you sometimes shut down and I shut down and, like, roll over and I sit up in the bed.
- [21:07]
A
I'll turn the lamp on this thing, and I'm literally like, let me go to bed. Let me go to be up.
- [21:13]
B
I'll turn the lights on. I'll pull out a book. We always get to a good place on it because we. It's not, like, emotionally charged on the situation, but more so focusing on, like, the principle of the problem.
- [21:25]
A
You know? What I will say is a crazy realization I had, though, during our fights is. I mean, at least personally, when I fought with people in the past, it's the emotions I'm feeling in the moment are like, I hate you. I will never speak to you Again, like, whatever. Like, every time we argue or disagree, which, honestly, like, I think I could count on my hand, like, we've probably had, like, three, maybe four, like, serious, serious, like, arguments. Yeah, whatever.
- [21:54]
B
I think three.
- [21:55]
A
No more than 10. And three and 10. I'm just adding some in case we forgot. But. But, like, seriously, we really haven't had a lot. And whenever we do, I always know that, like, we're arguing, but, like, I know it's going to be resolved. Cause, like, that's. We're both in it for wanting to resolve the issue and wanting to get our relationship to a better place as opposed to, like, in it. Because I'm. Like, we hate each other. Or, like, some.
- [22:22]
B
I don't know, there's, like, ill intentions. Like, we're arguing for us. Like, in a weird way.
- [22:27]
A
Like, usually I feel like when I would fight with people, I just was like, this is the end. I hate you. Like, all those negative thoughts going through my mind, and I'm like, this is so frustrating in the moment that we're disagreeing on something, but I know that, like, we're gonna. It's gonna come full circle, and we're gonna, like, figure it out and get down to the bottom of it, but we just have to get through that point of, like, getting both of our sides out and then figuring out, like, what the issue is and then coming to the conclusion. And then we always go forward with, like, what are we going to do from here? Yeah, like, how are we not going to have this happen again?
- [22:58]
B
Exactly. And that's, like, part of the principle. And I think that's a huge, like, knowing that it's coming from a good place. Like, you know, like, when I talk to you calm or, like, when you talk to me, it's always coming from, like, a good place. Like, I love you, you love me. Like, we want to get through this, but, like, we're gonna have to have this talk before we go to the other side.
- [23:15]
A
Yeah.
- [23:15]
B
And I think that's a big part of, like, communication, like, knowing that your partner, like, has your best intentions in mind when you're talking about things.
- [23:23]
A
And mind you, we are not talking about, like, the times where I'm just, like, being a bitch or I'm cranky or whatever. Yeah.
- [23:30]
B
No, these are, like, the, like, the real things to where if you let them fester and you don't talk about them, like, they become really, really big problems and you, like, blow up.
- [23:39]
A
Yeah.
- [23:39]
B
And, like, we don't. We don't have that. Like, we haven't stormed out on each other, you know, like, slammed doors. Like, that's just. We just haven't done that.
- [23:48]
A
Not yet.
- [23:48]
B
Oh, my God. And not in year one.
- [23:53]
A
And you know what? Something that we don't do is we don't pee in front of each other.
- [23:57]
B
That's such a weird segue.
- [23:59]
A
Well, it's true. This show is sponsored by Better Help. The New Year's is coming up. We have 2025, which is crazy that it's already 2025, but we have a whole year ahead of us, a blank slate. I love the New year because I feel like you get to kind of start over, start fresh, set some good goals for yourself. And I think a lot of the times we'll set New Year's resolutions that kind of end up fading by, like, halfway through January or by. You get to February, you completely forget about them. But a really, really great way to set resolutions for yourself and help yourself become a better person, work on yourself, is through therapy. And that's something that I did this past year that I really, really loved. I mean, you can think of therapy as like your editorial partner helping you write new chapters and create the meaningful story you deserve to live. And I love Better Help. It is fully online making therapy affordable and convenient. It's serving over 5 million people worldwide. You can access a diverse network of more than 30,000 credentialed therapists with a wide range of specialties. And you can easily switch at any time with no extra cost. Write your story with better help. Visit betterhelp.com hot mess to get 10% off your first month. That's Better Help. H e l p.com hot mess oh, I don't know. In the beginning, we were like, I think you were like, I read an article where if you.
- [25:27]
B
I did. That's what I, I, I did. I read an article and it was like, it kills the intimacy.
- [25:32]
A
Yeah. So whenever one of us has to go to the bathroom, we, like, turn the sink on in the room alone. Like, we don't, like, watch each other pee.
- [25:41]
B
Yeah. But I.
- [25:42]
A
So that's pretty cool of us. Yeah.
- [25:44]
B
But I think it, it goes a long way.
- [25:45]
A
Yeah.
- [25:46]
B
I really think. And we're comfortable enough to do that in front of each other, obviously.
- [25:50]
A
I mean, sometimes when you're dating someone for so long, you're so comfortable. Like, there's, I mean, we're so comfortable. I feel bad. I'm like, I look like a troll right now. I don't care to put any makeup on. Like, I show up to his house. And I'm like, why do even like me? Like, this is just not the girl you signed up to date. Stop, Stop.
- [26:08]
B
No, but it's. But it is true. We're very, very comfortable. But I think. I mean, we do a good job. But like, yeah, you. You get comfortable to where you don't. I guess every day you don't feel like you have to impress them. But that's also the. One of the great things I think about being in a relationship. Like, having that comfort.
- [26:23]
A
Yeah.
- [26:23]
B
And still having all that love.
- [26:25]
A
But we do still. I love our date nights more than anything.
- [26:30]
B
We always go on one a month, but I think it's like two or three a month.
- [26:33]
A
Yeah.
- [26:33]
B
When we're in the same place.
- [26:35]
A
I would say it's more when we're in the same place, but I guess we never really. We're never in the same place. So. Yeah. Whenever a schedule is allow and we do a date night. And this is different because, like, me and Braxton sleep together every single night. You're like me and Kristin's third roommate at this point, and I'm just, you know, I take your house as my own. We spend the night together almost every night. But it's not like the same as, like, our date nights. Like, our date nights. I feel like we are very, like, put down our phone, talk to each other. Besides, obviously, I'm like, recording at some different points, but it's not like I'm. I don't know, like my recordings. Pretty sly. You wouldn't think so.
- [27:11]
B
Yeah. We're not casually on our phones. I think that's. If you're on your phone, you're on your phone for, like, because your mom or like, my mom texted me or like, you're recording, but we're not like, picking it up during dinner.
- [27:20]
A
Like, usually what I do for, like, those type of vlogs is I just like the same thing I did with my friends and friends giving. I just stick my phone on a tripod somewhere and I just, like, hit record and let it sit in the corner. So, like, I'll put my phone against, like, the wine bottle at the table and I'll be recording us. But, like, we, like, are just having a conversation and forget it's there and whatever. And then usually some, like, candid, fun moments are captured.
- [27:43]
B
Yeah. And I think it's important to go on date nights. Like, you can't. Obviously, we're still dating, but even for, like, married couples and all that, like, I know a lot of, like, my coaches for Instance, they're like, their schedule is ridiculous. You think ours is bad? It's, like, not even close. But they're like. I try every week to, like, go on a date with my wife because that's our one time. And I don't think you should ever start or stop, like, dating. I think it's very, like, key to a healthy relationship.
- [28:07]
A
And you know what else brings people really close together? I've heard.
- [28:13]
B
No, what?
- [28:15]
A
Getting a dog.
- [28:18]
B
She's been on me non stop sending videos and look, I want girls.
- [28:23]
A
I need your help. I need everyone to spam Braxton's DM saying that he needs to get a dog.
- [28:28]
B
Because I. I want a dog. You know, I want to do.
- [28:30]
A
I know.
- [28:30]
B
We.
- [28:31]
A
So what do you.
- [28:31]
B
It's very hard. It's very hard with our schedule.
- [28:33]
A
I need a puppy to babysit and play with and, like, be their best friend.
- [28:37]
B
It's very hard with our schedules. That's. That's my only hesitation.
- [28:40]
A
Yeah, but I feel like.
- [28:42]
B
I know you feel like. But we just talked about how you're out of town for two weeks at a time.
- [28:49]
A
I'll take it with me.
- [28:50]
B
No, you will not. You're not taking my little boy with you. You can't.
- [28:54]
A
You get a boy dog.
- [28:55]
B
Yeah.
- [28:57]
A
Really?
- [28:57]
B
Yeah.
- [28:58]
A
Yeah, I guess that makes sense.
- [28:59]
B
Yeah.
- [29:00]
A
When do you think our honeymoon phase, like, what do you think was the life cycle of that?
- [29:05]
B
Like, when did it end?
- [29:07]
A
I know my answer.
- [29:08]
B
Really?
- [29:08]
A
Yeah. I'm stressed about what yours is going to be.
- [29:14]
B
I mean, I think because of what we talked about, it's like our relationship, our timeline is a little different. So. I mean, is it crazy to think that our honeymoon phase, like, ended before we officially, like, dated? You know, like I was going to.
- [29:33]
A
Say, I feel like we're still in it.
- [29:35]
B
Oh, but. Well, it was so good being here, guys. I'm so happy I won't see you.
- [29:48]
A
One year and 10 days.
- [29:50]
B
I probably won't see you guys anymore. No, but let me explain this. I think the honeymoon phase is when you haven't crossed the threshold of feeling comfortable and being all that vulnerable. So, like, for instance, like, the little things that would trigger you or piss you off. You wouldn't tell me, but I guess.
- [30:07]
A
But.
- [30:08]
B
But you know what I'm saying. Like, I think we got so close and so comfortable so quickly that, like, to me, the honeymoon phase isn't like, oh, this is. It's just when it's great, because it's better now than it has ever been. But I think we crossed that Threshold. When we got so close and comfortable and started, like, opening. Opening up to each other.
- [30:28]
A
Yeah, I guess so. Whatever.
- [30:29]
B
Because then, like, honeymoon face. You. You just agree with everything, right? Like, it's just like, yeah, sure. Like, let's do that.
- [30:34]
A
Like, pure example of everything he's saying right now. I don't. I did not hear one single word you just said. I literally was just staring at you and thinking. He said the honeymoon phase is over. Is it over? Well, now I'm thinking about everything and overthinking it. Like, that was a pure example of, like, where my mind goes. Like, I did not hear one word.
- [30:54]
B
That the honeymoon phase to me is. Is fake. No, but it's. It's fake in a relationship. It's not the real part of the relationship. And that's what I'm saying.
- [31:01]
A
That's why it's the honeymoon phase.
- [31:02]
B
Yeah, but. So you're saying we haven't had, like, the real part of our relationship yet? Because I think this is, like, as close as we've ever been. It's also the best. But this is like we. When we disagree, we tell each other. We're not afraid to upset or piss each other off.
- [31:15]
A
Yeah. I don't know. But it still feels.
- [31:18]
B
No, for sure.
- [31:19]
A
Like a. The. It's so good at times that it feels fake to me, which is why I would say it feels like honeymoon phase. Ish. Like when you're, like, so giddy and like, the honeymoon phase, I think of it is like, you just always want to be with that person and, like, you just can never get enough of them and you just want to hang out with them all the time and you're so excited, like.
- [31:39]
B
Well, in that way every time.
- [31:40]
A
I would agree it hasn't.
- [31:42]
B
Yeah, it hasn't ended. But I look at it a different way. I look at it as like, you know, the fake.
- [31:47]
A
We have different definitions.
- [31:48]
B
The fake phase of a relationship, I think, is the honeymoon phase. Because after that, once that dies, then it's like, who are you?
- [31:54]
A
Which I think is the problem of people getting into relationships too fast, quickly.
- [31:58]
B
Absolutely. Because it's all euphoric for the first three, four, six plus months.
- [32:03]
A
Yeah.
- [32:03]
B
And then when, like, the problem set in and you got to, like, figure out who they are as people and, like, their principles and their values, I think that's when, like, the real relationship sets in. Yeah, but we got through that in the first seven months before we started dating.
- [32:15]
A
I feel like we just got right to everything really quick.
- [32:18]
B
We didn't tell you we Skipped so many steps.
- [32:21]
A
Like, what was it the first time that we. Not the first time that we hung out, but one of the first times we hung out? Not even, like, it was like a you and me thing. It was like we were at, like, an event together and we were just talking and we were bonding over both of our recent breakups, and I was like. I think we were just, like, relating on a lot of different feelings, and.
- [32:41]
B
It was like crazy to look back and think that that was appropriate at.
- [32:46]
A
The time I was telling you my situation. You were telling me your. We really didn't know each other yet, but, like, we dumping everything onto each other. And, like, that's the thing is we weren't even, like, flirting at this point.
- [32:57]
B
We did nothing by the book. And I think that was like, the best thing for us because it worked out so well.
- [33:02]
A
So should we talk about your injury?
- [33:04]
B
Yeah, I think so. It's time. It's not a fun conversation, but yeah. I tore my acl. I had surgery three and a half weeks ago now. Yeah. So three and a half weeks ago. And for those who don't know, ACL's six months, six, seven months. The good thing about it is that it's like, if it's just an acl, which I got, like, relatively lucky that it was just an acl, you can, like, you can walk on it pretty soon. So I've been walking for the last two and a half weeks. Like, after the first week, I think I walked with a brace, and then now I'm out of the brace. So, like, that's good because I get some sense of normalcy. But, yeah, so done for the year as far as, like, football goes, which is. Which is weird. I've never had a middle of the season injury where I missed the rest of the season. So, like, changing of schedule, I mean, changing of everything. Like, my world kind of flipped upside down when it happened. Still trying to figure out some of, like, the little nuances of it. But it's. It's been. It's been going well so far.
- [34:10]
A
Yeah, I think you've been recovering great. You are. He's running around now, and I know what she feels. You guys should see these covers. I mean, these videos of him in recovery and, like, rehab, and he's, like, doing things and riding these bikes and all this stuff that, like, I can't do. I'm like, I can't even do these things you're doing.
- [34:28]
B
Yeah, it's been good. It's been. We're ahead of schedule, but, yeah, it's just. It's a long road. So it's like each day I feel it getting a little better, and, like, I pass little thresholds that I know are getting better, but again, it's gonna be, you know, three months until I start, like, jogging slash running, and then I'll escalate and graduate from there. But, yeah, it's. It's been good so far. It's just. It's just weird, like. Like going to games and, you know, obviously not playing, but not dressing, like, not being on the sideline, because if I'm on the sideline, well, that's another.
- [35:01]
A
Thing people don't really understand either.
- [35:03]
B
Yeah. So some teams have boxes for home games. Some teams don't. Basically, if you're injured, like, you're not. They don't want you on the sideline, obviously, because if somebody ran out of bounds or got tackled out of bounds, like, I can't move quick enough to where it's, like, safe for me to be there. And because it's a leg injury, if it was, like, a shoulder or an elbow or something like that, it'd be a little different. So that's been weird because I'm going to games now and I'm sitting in a box and just, like, watching, and it's like. It's like. So I go in the locker room before the game, and then when they run out, I go up, and then right before the game, I go back down. So I'm in the locker room when they come in. So, like, that's a little bit of normalcy, but it's, like, such a disassociate, disassociating feeling when you're, like, watching something that, like, you're supposed to be doing and that you were just doing, you know, three, four weeks ago. And it's just. It's just weird. And I don't think I'll ever get used to it. Every Sunday is really weird. During the week, it's fine, but, like, every Sunday is, like, a little bit more of a dagger.
- [36:03]
A
But you've been doing a good job.
- [36:04]
B
Thank you. You've. You've been helpful. And I think away games. To away games, same thing. Like, you don't travel because can't stay on the sideline. And so those are. I mean, it's almost like it's just as weird, if not weirder, because I'm just watching on tv. So, yeah, it's just. I'll never get used to it, and Sundays are kind of tough right now. But all in all, it's it's been. It's been good.
- [36:29]
A
Yeah. And I think you've been positive about it. And the first week, I would say, was definitely. Like, I could visibly see.
- [36:36]
B
Yeah.
- [36:37]
A
That it was well.
- [36:38]
B
And, like, it comes in you, for sure. It comes in waves. Like, you know, the whole. What is it? Stages of grief or whatever. And, like, once you get to acceptance, it becomes a little easier, but it's just like, I don't know how to navigate everything that I'm doing right now. This is just. It's a first for me. And so it's just weird. Yeah. But you've been very helpful. And each day gets better. And that.
- [37:04]
A
That's what I said in the beginning. He was down in the dumps a little. And I was just reminding every day. I was like, we already made it through another day, and now it's been like, the time keeps going faster as it goes on. It's getting faster. So it's just gonna keep getting faster, and it's gonna be.
- [37:21]
B
I know. I'm happy.
- [37:23]
A
Full recovery before we know it.
- [37:24]
B
I wish I could fast forward, but. No, you've been great. And it's. It's going well. It's just slow.
- [37:29]
A
Yeah. Except I almost put him back into surgery last week.
- [37:32]
B
Oh, my goodness. So one thing.
- [37:37]
A
Okay. Well, at moments, it's. I forget that she forgets.
- [37:41]
B
Like, she'll. She'll.
- [37:42]
A
She'll walk by, walking around the house and sweatpants and whatever. And I go and I, like, sit on his lap, and he's like, she'll.
- [37:48]
B
Walk by me and, like, hit my knee accidentally and, like, keep going. Like, not even. I'm like, babe, can we please. And I will. Like, I'm mobile.
- [37:56]
A
Like, it's hard to tell once you're off the crutches. It's like. And if you don't have a brace on, like, my mind doesn't comprehend that you're like, I know, but I need it too.
- [38:03]
B
I know, but I need it too quick. So we almost had an issue a week ago. A week and a half ago. So again, in my house, I have no brace, and this is, like. This is like two weeks after surgery. So I'm walking around my house with no brace. And one thing that we like to do all the time is, like, we like to, like, pop out and, like, scare each other. Right. Like, around the corner.
- [38:23]
A
Yeah. We'll film it.
- [38:25]
B
Yeah. And, like, you know, fun and games. Right. But, like, normally we're both healthy when we do that, so this one thought it was a great Idea to. She's going to get me this night. So I'm turning all the lights off downstairs, and.
- [38:37]
A
Well, here's the thing is. Let me preface. Braxton always gets me really, really good. So he scares me to the point where I'm, like, dropped down, buckled on my knees, like, crying. And I scare him, and he's always like, ah. And then it's kind of like a haha. Because I actually didn't really scare him that bad. So it's always a mission.
- [38:55]
B
I hear her setting this up. I hear her feet patter into, like, the other room, and I'm like, all right, here we go.
- [39:01]
A
But I. It's always like, I've got to get this good. So he was in the kitchen filling up our water before he went to bed, vulnerable.
- [39:09]
B
And she said, this is my time. I'm kidding. But. But. So she actually this time, like, hid really well in a corner that she'd never hid before. And I'm turning the lights off and I'm walking out. And so she's like, just like this. So she's on my left.
- [39:22]
A
Boo.
- [39:24]
B
And I'm walking. She goes, boo. And, like. And it was on this side. So my first immediate reaction was like, I jump, right? Like, I jump. Like, I move this leg and I jump, and. And obviously it doesn't feel great. And so then I start limping and I, like, I go to the ground.
- [39:40]
A
Well, he jumped and he went to, like, run because, like, I was a scary imposter in the house. And obviously he can't, like, run on that leg. So he started, like, he did a little, like, 1, 2, 3, limp. And, like, I realized what I had done.
- [39:53]
B
And then I go down and I'm. I know she feels bad, and I know, like, she meant it out of the goodness of her heart, but I'm not happy at the moment.
- [40:01]
A
The thing was, is, like, I said boo. And I immediately, like, saw the reaction on his face right away. And he got so scared, and I was like, oh, my God, yes. Like, it finally did it. And then he, like, 1, 2, 3, like, limped a little and then dropped to the floor and was silent. So it was like, me laughing, and I kind of was like. And then I, like, realized what I had done, and I didn't really know what I had done. And I was like, what? Like, did I just rip his ACL again? Like, what's going on?
- [40:26]
B
So I'm taking a second. She's bawling. She's so upset. She's. I'm so sorry. I'M so sorry. And she goes, do I need to take you to the hospital? I said, no, babe, just for the next like month and a half. Let's just.
- [40:36]
A
I was, I went upstairs alone in his bathroom and was crying because I just was like, what? Like I couldn't imagine if I had just.
- [40:45]
B
Oh my. Don't. Don't even say it. Don't even say it. Don't even.
- [40:47]
A
Yeah, Yeah, I couldn't. It's all good.
- [40:49]
B
We're good. We made it.
- [40:50]
A
Yeah. That was a moment where like, I can't. I have to remember not to do those things.
- [40:54]
B
Yeah, that was an oh shit moment.
- [40:55]
A
That was. It was so scary and like, I genuinely felt so bad.
- [41:00]
B
I know. And yeah, you turned real quick from like happy haha to like, oh no.
- [41:05]
A
Yeah. So you know, but we made it. We're learning. We are learning and going as we're going. And you know what else I think would be fun to do today?
- [41:13]
B
What?
- [41:15]
A
I think we should do some Braxton's boyfriend boot camp. Like, what would Alex do but like your takes on things.
- [41:21]
B
Okay.
- [41:21]
A
Because I'm curious as to what you would say. Cuz sometimes I think you hear like what I say and I don't know, like, do you agree with me half the time?
- [41:28]
B
No. Most of the time I do.
- [41:30]
A
No. I give good advice.
- [41:31]
B
You do. But also think that there's, there can be like other sides to it or like, yeah, boy. Advice from a man.
- [41:40]
A
Okay. The New Balance 1080 is the ultimate daily trainer, combining reliable comfort with top tier performance. I love New Balance sneakers. I mean for the girls who are runny. Good for you. I am not a runner. I'm probably more so wearing these to like the coffee shop or the grocery store. But The New Balance 1080 features a cushion midsole for secure support and comfort. It's lightweight, breathable and it is good for an everyday on the run. On the go shop the 1080@newbalance.com oh also merch is live right now and this is our first merch drop that we have like a back order. So it's. You order it and you get it right away get shipped out. Like usually it's pre order so that's why it usually takes so long. But we honestly were just like with our first merch drops just trying to gauge like numbers and how much you guys were ordering because otherwise it would have been like sold out because we would have like underestimated how many of you guys were ordering the merch and then no one would have been able to get it, but I know that I'm impatient. So, like, I was like, this is taking too long. So now it's already made ready to go. It's in stock, and you can get it before Christmas. So I'm wearing the one sweatshirt right now, but this is by far our best merch drop, and I'm so, so excited. Like, the waffle knit. Like, you are gonna wear that all the time. Okay. Braxton's boyfriend boot camp. Here we go. Here we go. Hey, Alex slash Braxton. I found myself being so codependent on my partner. When I'm not with him, I'm simply miserable and get super depressed. But know that he needs time for himself. How should I go about being more dependent?
- [43:25]
B
Mean, more independent?
- [43:28]
A
She said about being more dependent, but, yeah, I guess independent.
- [43:32]
B
Yeah, she's codependent.
- [43:35]
A
Well, first, I feel you, girl. I. I don't know. I didn't see it.
- [43:39]
B
I think you have to continue to be the person that they like, liked at the beginning. And I say that to say, like, whatever hobbies you had, like, obviously when you met each other, when you didn't know each other, you filled that time. And I think that obviously your prior. You get in a relationship because, you know, you have to make time for your significant other. But I would say you gotta remember or, like, find again those hobbies or those things that you did that just made you happy outside of your relationship. Because, you know, I don't think anybody wants, like, a 247 clingy boyfriend or girlfriend like they want. And it's attractive if you have your own life and you have your own things going on. So I'd say remember the activities and hobbies that you like to do before the relationship, and just make sure to continue to do those. And I think naturally, you know, you'll. You'll still miss your boyfriend as you should, but it'll be, you know, less in that way.
- [44:32]
A
That's pretty good advice. But, like, some. Some guys want a girl that is, like, 24 7. She has no career, no motivations. Like, her goal in life is to, like, be the girl for him. Don't you think?
- [44:49]
B
I mean, sure. But I will say, personally, I don't have one close friend of mine who likes that. I think men find it attractive when women have their own thing going on, right? Or, like, they have their, you know, they're out with friends or, you know, they're doing this hobby or activity. Like, I think that way if you stay busy doing those things, and then the significant other fills the rest of the time, I think it's. It becomes, like, a healthy balance, and I think you'll naturally, like, work out of that.
- [45:18]
A
Okay. Braxton's boyfriend. Boot camp number two. Help. I drunkenly slept with my guy best friend, and now he wants to take me on a real date. I love him as a friend, but I'm not sure I actually could take a romantic relationship with him seriously. I said yes to the date, but I want to cancel. What would Braxton do? Oh, you know what?
- [45:42]
B
I think these are for you.
- [45:43]
A
Yeah. And you know what I'm gonna say is I'm gonna flip it to you and say, what can a guy do to win a girl over when stuck in the friend zone?
- [45:52]
B
Oof. Fellas, if you're getting friend zoned, you have two options. You either accept the friend zone and stay in that friend zone for the rest of time, which is fine, or you try to work out of it. And I think you'd be very, like, pretty straightforward about that. And I think you ask her on the date, and if she says no, then that option's gone, and you're only.
- [46:16]
A
This girl feels awkward because she said yes to the date, and now she doesn't want to go. So sometimes guys aren't reading all the lines.
- [46:24]
B
Well, she also did sleep with him too. You read that line correct.
- [46:29]
A
But she was just, like, drunk.
- [46:31]
B
No, I. I get that. Well, who do you want me to speak to, the girl or the guy?
- [46:34]
A
I'm just. I'm speaking for her. Someone has to stick up for her.
- [46:37]
B
No, I get that. To her, I would say she needs. I say, go on the date. Say, go on the date. One date is not going to ruin your friendship forever. If you were to ruin it, you already did the thing to ruin it. So go on the date and with an open mind and see. And then, you know, you'll either say, okay, maybe actually, I can see him romantically, or you'll say, that was weird. That was awkward. We're better off as friends. You relay that, and then you're good, and you both sweep it under the rug. But go on the date, because I think the worst thing to do is at this point, not know. You know, like, not know what it could have been or what it could be.
- [47:15]
A
Yeah, okay. I would say that's good advice. My boyfriend isn't one of those guys that likes Instagram models or bikini pictures, but I have noticed that he likes girls that he knows posts. I haven't seen him, like, half naked ones, but he stays liking all of these girls that are my friend's photo dumps. It bothers me because I feel weird when a guy with a girlfriend likes all of my posts, even if they are just a normal photo dumps. I can't read. Am I crazy for having that bother me? I feel like a boyfriend shouldn't be liking other girls photos, even if they aren't a bikini pics. But maybe I'm crazy. What would you do?
- [47:51]
B
All right, first of all, I think you have a very good boyfriend from what I hear here. I don't think I completely agree with you with the bikini pictures, all that. I think there's a level of respect that comes into play if they're platonic girlfriends. Right? Like completely platonic girlfriends. And it's like they're hanging out or they're doing whatever. Like for instance, your friends pictures. I like your friends pictures. But remember that caveat that we talked about? I was like, I don't like her girlfriend's pictures that are like in bikinis and. And stuff. I think that's weird. Yeah, but if your boyfriend's liking friends that again, that you know and that you're comfortable with and just liking their pictures, I don't think it's that big of a deal.
- [48:36]
A
And actually, this is so funny that this question's being brought up because today I saw, like, Brooke posted a photo dump and you liked it. And I'm like, oh. Because, like, my friends, I feel like all are best friends with Braxton. Yeah, it's like a good. I don't know, like, I feel like we're all friends with each other. And like, you wouldn't think that's weird.
- [48:53]
B
If I thought about that too.
- [48:54]
A
Like. Like Adam or Eric's footage. No, we're all friends. Like, all of Braxton's friends hang out with my friends, and we just have like, a big friend group going. I think what this sounds like to me is you're not crazy because sometimes girls are trained to think this way because of how guys have treated them in the past. So you're not crazy.
- [49:13]
B
No.
- [49:13]
A
But I do think you're being a little. Maybe you're letting some of those past, like, insecurities get to you, if that makes sense. I think that your boyfriend's not doing anything wrong. I think stay aware and stay alert and keep looking. But she's saying, breathe.
- [49:31]
B
Your boyfriend's not doing anything wrong. It sounds like. It sounds like he's a good guy and he has a good gauge on what to like and what not to.
- [49:37]
A
But good for her for checking.
- [49:39]
B
Amen. Absolutely. Absolutely. But what I'm saying is I think it's. I think it's healthy.
- [49:43]
A
But what she's saying is she feels like it's weird when she sees other guys. Girlfriend, oh, fuck other girls, boyfriends, like her pictures, which I also understand. And I think it depends of, like.
- [49:55]
B
It depends on the picture.
- [49:56]
A
If you're. No, not only the picture, but, like, are you guys friends? You know what I mean? Like, if there's someone's boyfriend liking my photos and I'm not really good friends with the girl, I'm like, yeah, maybe that's a little weird. But if, like, my friend's boyfriend's liking my photo and we're all best friends, then I don't think it's that weird. So I think it, like, really depends like, how close are these people?
- [50:17]
B
Yeah, she's close with the girl.
- [50:19]
A
Are you liking girls photos?
- [50:21]
B
No, I literally. I don't. I like. I like Brooks. I like your friends, the people that you know. And, like, that's it. And you can. You can hop on Instagram and look.
- [50:30]
A
Yeah, I do look. Not really.
- [50:33]
B
No. But I. Yeah, I think there's a level of respect, but I think he's doing it in a healthy way. But at the end of the day, if you feel a type of way, like we talked about earlier.
- [50:42]
A
Yeah. Just talk to say something.
- [50:43]
B
Yeah. Just be like, hey, I know if.
- [50:44]
A
It'S gonna keep bothering you, then you should talk about it. And if you know what I mean. Like, it's not like, it's not that crazy of ass. If it were to really bother you and there's something you're working through and, like, this was something in your relationship where I'm like, can you not like any of the, like, any girls photos?
- [51:01]
B
Like, he should care enough to do that to make you feel comfortable. Yeah.
- [51:05]
A
Yeah. Or have a conversation where you guys get to the bottom of what the issue is. There.
- [51:09]
B
Yeah.
- [51:10]
A
Is what I think.
- [51:10]
B
But you're not crazy. Just talk about it. Yeah, because he's not doing anything wrong.
- [51:15]
A
Well, we don't know, Alex. No, but, like, objectively, he's not. Okay. Alex, please help. So I've been with my boyfriend for about a year now, and lately I've been thinking about our future together. And if I could see myself marrying him, I'm on the fence. Sometimes I just get these waves of wandering if this is the person for me. And then a few days later, I'm, like, obsessed with him and just don't want to be with Anyone else? Is this normal, or am I just with him? For a safe option.
- [51:42]
B
Go ahead and answer.
- [51:43]
A
This is Braxton's boyfriend. Spooky.
- [51:45]
B
No, no. The questions underneath it are, Braxton's boyfriend.
- [51:49]
A
I don't think that's weird. I think that's completely normal. And also, I don't really think you need to be thinking about, like, that's great if you're like, oh, I could see myself marrying this person. I mean, I don't think I would be with someone that I couldn't see myself marrying. You know, like, then why are you dating? But I don't think you need to, like, put so much pressure on that right now. And I would also say being in a relationship definitely comes in waves where it's like, some days you feel stronger emotions maybe than the other. And, like, I don't know. I don't think I. There's ever a day where I'm like, I hate your guts and I hate you. But there's definitely times where it's like, you know.
- [52:30]
B
I'd ask, is, is that your best friend? I think that's something that's like a. That's kind of like a good barometer on things. Like, if everything else went away, no matter what it is, looks, appearance, everything that you like about them, that's external. Right. It's like, could you hang out with them 247 for a week and just hang out?
- [52:54]
A
Yeah. That's what I always think about Braxton, which sounds so cheesy, but I always think, like, if I'm an old grandma and I can't walk and I can't move and, like, I'm gonna be stuck in my reclining chair all day, like, who would I like to be stuck next to? Like, I think Braxton would be so much. Like, we would have the best time ever.
- [53:12]
B
We'd have a great time.
- [53:13]
A
Like, that would probably be the best years of our life.
- [53:15]
B
No doubt.
- [53:16]
A
And, like, that's just something I think about in those moments of. I don't know.
- [53:20]
B
Yeah, but again, I don't think that's crazy to have ups and downs, because I think that's gonna happen.
- [53:25]
A
So do you ever have days where you're like, oh, should I be dating her?
- [53:29]
B
Not, should I be dating her? No, I never have those days. There's days that you're easier to date and days that you're harder to date, for sure. But that's everybody.
- [53:39]
A
That was good framing.
- [53:42]
B
But, no, but I never find myself sitting there questioning, should I be dating her?
- [53:46]
A
No, I need Your help. I don't know what to do. So I'm dating this guy and he's very close to perfect. He has a great boyfriend and a great person. The only thing is his family, specifically his mom. She does not really like me. She does not allow me to come over and refuses to say anything more than hi to me when I go to his football games. She hates when he goes. He. She hates when he and I hang out. I'm very nice to her and have not done anything to her. When he and his mom get in fights over me, he says, he defends me, but it never stops. What would Alex do?
- [54:17]
B
I want to. I want to hear this one from your perspective, because I think, like, guys don't. Guys don't butt heads with their significant other's fathers. Really. I think most of the time you hear girls and moms. I feel like there's some territorial issue there.
- [54:33]
A
Well, sometimes I feel like it is a thing of, like, moms.
- [54:36]
B
Yeah.
- [54:37]
A
Like, that's their son, that's their baby, and, like, they don't want another girl coming in. I would say that's, like, my only guess. If it's like, you've only been on everything but, like, nice to her, what are your goals in the relationship? Because, like, I want to date someone that, like, I love their family equally as much and want my family to be around their family. And I just think, like, someone's family is such a big part of the relationship for me. But maybe for you, it's not. Like, maybe you're not the biggest family person. It doesn't matter. But, like, I feel like that's kind of an issue.
- [55:09]
B
Yeah, that's tough because we're both big family people. And, like, I couldn't, like, if that. If that was my mom that butted heads with Alex, like, we would have a come to Jesus meeting. Like, come to Jesus meeting. Like, basically, like, me and my mom would talk and I'd say, hey, like, she means a lot to me. Obviously, you mean a lot to me. You know, you've been the only woman in my life consistently my whole life. Like, I get it, but, like, I need you to make an effort. Like, I don't. I. Yeah, I think that's on your boyfriend. If you have been as nice as you say, which I'm sure you have, I think it's on the boyfriend to talk to his mom and be like, hey, like, you need to make a better effort because this is upsetting her. And I think most moms would respond to that because it's again their baby or their boy, telling them to like try something for them. So I think moms will respond to that better.
- [55:59]
A
Yeah, I agree. Hey, Alex, my boyfriend always sighs because we don't have sex when I'm trying to sleep. I'm full time student and have a super busy schedule, so I value my sleep. But my boyfriend tells me I'm too lazy. Whenever I go to bed early last night I was half asleep and could hear him mumbling under his breath about not getting laid again. What would Alex do?
- [56:20]
B
What did he say?
- [56:22]
A
Comedic mumbling under his breath about not getting laid.
- [56:27]
B
I mean, I like, I think that's a little much.
- [56:31]
A
Yeah, I think turn over and say, shut the fuck up, I'm trying to sleep. Or leave.
- [56:37]
B
I think. Okay, well, let's. No, don't take her advice. I think again, I think this is.
- [56:42]
A
Like the devil and the angel.
- [56:43]
B
Yeah. I think it comes down to you saying that because obviously he feels this type of way. Right. So you might as well hash it out. So you might as well ask him what it is that would make him happy or how we can like figure this out together and explain your side as well because he obviously doesn't value that. And you know, you don't see his side as well, which is fine. But also I think you need to talk and he should never mumble about being laid while he's laying right next to you. I think that's.
- [57:10]
A
Yeah, that's a little crazy. But I do think you guys need to have a conversation and like, you can get to the. I'm sure, like, you know, maybe you would like to do that too. But like, I understand being tired. Like, there's plenty of times where it's like you're just fucking tired and you want to go to bed. So.
- [57:27]
B
Yeah, there's nothing wrong with that.
- [57:28]
A
I think you have to be respectful of your partner and their schedule. And like, maybe this is a time where you like set, you know, a date night a week or a special night or something where, you know, like you're going to have time together and then you know, because.
- [57:43]
B
Because again. And I will say you can fill the time. Yeah. And not in his defense, but like some people like guy or girl, like some people like, intimacy or like physical touch is like a really big thing for them in a relationship. Like they feel very distant from their partner if they don't have that. And it's not always like sex, but it could be just like kissing or hugging or whatever it is. So I think that, I think it would be beneficial to both of you to just figure out what is going to work because that's unhealthy for you because you're upset at him, and then it's unhealthy for him because he's upset at you and, like, you get nowhere. So, like, again, I think you have. You have to just talk about it. And that's what I don't understand. Like, it's so, like, we say it so easily and everybody says a communication, but, like, it's really hard to talk about things that are, like, intimate or vulnerable because, like, you don't know where they may lead. And.
- [58:35]
A
But if you don't agree, then you're like, exactly.
- [58:38]
B
But, like, what we've realized is, again, coming from a good place and coming from wanting to be together, like, we always end up on some middle ground. And maybe sometimes on her side more than mine, maybe sometimes on mine more than hers. But, like, when we talk about it and don't know where it's going, it always ends up at a good place.
- [58:54]
A
And I also think a relationship is work. And I've always heard people say this, and I've never understood what they mean. I'm like, why would you want to be in something that you have to work for?
- [59:03]
B
But like, yes, like, a good relationship.
- [59:06]
A
Is work because you want to grow and you want to be a better person for them and you want to make each other happy as well as make yourself happy. And like, you have to learn what those balances are within each other. Like you said, like, sometimes you're giving more at one point than the other, and it's like, not everyone's always going to get their way. But, like, sometimes there's things that you sacrifice for your partner. Maybe sacrifice is not the right word, but.
- [59:33]
B
No, but I.
- [59:34]
A
But you give into your way of being so stubborn or so opinionated about something to see or to aid to, like, what your partner is feeling.
- [59:42]
B
But I think sacrifice is the perfect word. Like, you have to sacrifice, like, in a relationship to be happy. You have to, like, your time isn't just your time. And same for me. Like, you have to come to a middle ground on a lot of things. And it takes sacrifice. But also you sacrifice whatever it is and you get that whole other person that you love and you get all those experiences and all that. So it's like, well worth it.
- [60:04]
A
Hi, Alex. So my situation is I have a super huge crush on this boy. He checks all my boxes and is perfect, but he barely knows I exist. We've had A few conversations, but they're all just friendly and casual. He's one of those boys that wants the girl to make the first move, which I'm definitely not used to. Should I make the first move? If so, how is this a red flag? Help, please. No, I'm let you answer this because I don't. You're a boy.
- [60:28]
B
Make the first move. If. If that's his personality or whatever it is, make the first move. Because all you're doing now is going back and forth, and nothing changes.
- [60:36]
A
But what, like, should she do?
- [60:38]
B
I mean, we don't know everything, but, like, she should. She should ask him to do something. Ask him to go to lunch. Ask him to. I don't know how old they are. Like, between classes, get a coffee.
- [60:48]
A
So come to me with a group of people. Should she get into his face or should she, like, DM him?
- [60:53]
B
How well do they know each other? What was it again?
- [60:56]
A
I don't know. She didn't tell us how well they know each other. She said he barely knows I exist.
- [61:01]
B
I'm of the thought process of what's the worst that can happen? They say no. Okay, Then at least that book is closed, and you move on, and you can become, you know, obsessed or look to, you know, hang out with other people. Like, my thing is the worst that can happen is they say no, and then in two months, you will never think about it again.
- [61:20]
A
Have you ever had a girl ask you on a date?
- [61:27]
B
Yeah, I've had a girl before. Yeah.
- [61:29]
A
And did you go?
- [61:30]
B
Yeah. Don't ask these questions you don't want the answer to. All I'm saying is. I know.
- [61:36]
A
It's just good to know.
- [61:38]
B
Yeah. I just don't. I understand, like, having the guy lead, and I'm a big believer in that too, but I think that it doesn't hurt just to try and see where it goes.
- [61:49]
A
All right. Braxton says to go for it.
- [61:51]
B
And also, it is different, so you'll stand out if he barely notices you or knows who you are now. I promise you, worst case scenario, he's gonna remember you.
- [61:58]
A
Well, thanks, Braxton, for coming on. This was so fun. I know.
- [62:01]
B
We had a good time.
- [62:02]
A
Braxton's boyfriend. Boot camp.
- [62:04]
B
Yeah.
- [62:05]
A
I have to start getting ready for our one year dinner. That's right. What should I wear? It's, like, dark out now.
- [62:11]
B
It is dark.
- [62:12]
A
It was fully light out when we started podcasting.
- [62:16]
B
What should.
- [62:17]
A
Actually, I know what I'm gonna wear.
- [62:18]
B
I know what I'm gonna wear too, actually.
- [62:20]
A
Okay, well, see you in a little bit. All right, love you guys. I'll see you next week. Bye. Wait, did I just turn that off? How do I get that back on? I'm a hot mess.
- [62:52]
B
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