Get Real With Me | Nikki Glaser

Summary

HOT MESS PODCAST
Episode: Get Real With Me | Nikki Glaser
Host: Alix Earle
Guest: Nikki Glaser
Release Date: April 23, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this lively episode of "Hot Mess," Alix Earle is joined by comedian, host, and writer Nikki Glaser for a candid, free-flowing conversation blending beauty routines, showbiz anxieties, female friendship, and honesty. As they do their makeup together, the duo shares unfiltered insights about fame, imposter syndrome, self-image, the joys and pitfalls of being in the public eye, and—of course—their mutual obsession with Taylor Swift. The episode feels like a heart-to-heart GRWM (Get Ready With Me) session, full of laughter, vulnerabilities, and practical advice for living authentically.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Navigating Hollywood, Imposter Syndrome, and Big Events

• Both Alix and Nikki recount feeling awkward and nervous at high-profile events like the Vanity Fair Oscars Party, emphasizing the universality of imposter syndrome—even among celebrities.
• Nikki Glaser: "It's so high school...I kind of look around and see all these A-listers and I see them kind of like, plotting who to talk to and being nervous. And I'm like, it never goes away, that you feel insecure." [03:11]
• Both agree that showing up to such events alone is intimidating, but genuine interactions bring reassurance.

2. Beauty Routines & On-Camera Confidence

• Detailed step-by-step breakdown of their favorite makeup and skincare strategies.
• Alix shares her method of color-correcting and how she tries to copy her makeup artist for glam events.
• Nikki admits preferring her makeup done by professionals but enjoys doing it herself for stage—considering it meditative.
• Shared insecurities about appearance and how, paradoxically, approval from makeup artists and stylists can be a source of confidence.

3. Firsts, Acting, and Professional Growth

• Nikki opens up about shooting her first movie with Kim Kardashian and Brenda Song, revealing she was “faking it” and managing nerves.
• Nikki: "No one on set kind of even knew that...they just like threw me into it...you guys don't even know if I can act." [07:14]
• She distinguishes her offstage insecurities from her polished onstage persona, highlighting the hard work behind her confident performances.

4. Fame, Identity, and Authenticity

• Both hosts reflect on their evolving desires for fame versus genuine connection.
• Nikki: "I wanted to be famous when I was young...I want to go to a restaurant and have people go like, is that Nikki Glaser?...I don't crave that anymore." [12:41]
• Living in St. Louis grounds Nikki, where fame does not translate into special treatment (“I was hosting SNL...and [the hair stylist] just goes, ‘fun.’” [15:19])
• They discuss how sharing personal stories fosters a sense of real friendship with fans.

5. The Mechanics of Comedy: Can You Learn to Be Funny?

• Nikki argues that honesty and surprise are at the core of good comedy.
• Nikki: “Comedy really is a surprise. It's a magic trick. You think I'm gonna say this, and then I say something that you can't expect.” [16:54]
• She urges anyone nervous about public speaking to acknowledge their nerves openly, which disarms the audience and soothes anxiety.

6. Women, Humor, and Being Liked

• The pressure on women in comedy and public life to be likable, pretty, and quiet.
• Nikki: "Being liked as a woman is being pretty and quiet…a manosphere kind of ideal…" [19:46]
• Discusses the challenge of writing roast jokes from a place of love, especially as a woman.

7. Coping with Criticism and Online Hate

• Nikki avoids reading both positive and negative comments for self-preservation.
• Nikki: "It's good. Cause I miss all the bad stuff...But it's bad cause I miss all the good stuff." [25:21]
• Alix and Nikki bond over discomfort with their own voices and body-image quirks.

8. Obsession with Taylor Swift & the Power of Fandom

• Nikki talks passionately about her identity as a “Swiftie,” explaining how Taylor and her fandom offer her a sense of community and joy.
• She admits attending 22 ERAS Tour shows, often treating friends and family, prioritizing experiences over traditional luxuries or possessions.
• Nikki: "Taylor Swift and Swifties are like, I feel like, my identity, as truly lame as that might sound..." [27:28]
• Both reflect on how sharing authentically online breeds trust and connection with fans.

9. Appearance, Spray Tans, and Embracing the “Hot Mess”

• Comical, in-depth discussion about spray tans, makeup mishaps, and beauty product preferences (from drugstore to high-end).
• Nikki: "Girls are scared to get spray tans. Please don't be scared of a spray tan..." [34:03]
• They debunk taboos and insecurities, with recurring jokes about contouring, voice oddities, messy habits, and “camel toe” wardrobe malfunctions.

10. Messiness, Red Flags & Self-Acceptance

• Nikki and Alix both own their "messy" tendencies, reframing them as pragmatic rather than shameful.
• Nikki: "I think people don't like messy people...Clean people look at messy people and go, they're less than...But I can find anything in my room." [36:22]
• Humor as a tool to process and celebrate quirks.

11. Notable Moments and Quotes

• Alix: "The more orange [spray tan], the better." [35:43]
• Nikki, on being roasted: "I don't want to be put in that position until maybe when I'm in my 50s...I like myself enough now that I just don't want to be put in that position..." [24:00]
• Nikki, on Taylor Swift shows: "If it was her last show, I would say I would spend 30% of my net worth...If it’s Taylor Swift’s last show ever, I’m gonna die anyway the next day..." [38:02]

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Timestamps for Noteworthy Segments

• 03:11 — Imposter syndrome at celebrity parties
• 07:14 — Nikki fakes it through her first movie experience
• 12:41 — Shifting definitions of fame and craving anonymity
• 16:54 — The core of great comedy and being honest onstage
• 19:46 — Navigating roasts, writing from a place of love, women in comedy
• 27:28 — Nikki’s Taylor Swift obsession and fandom as community
• 34:03 — Nikki's spray tan advice and beauty confidence
• 36:22 — Messiness, organization, and self-acceptance as a “hot mess”
• 38:02 — Experiences vs. material things: What fandom is worth

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Featured Segment – “Good Girl” Special & Final Game

• [43:30] — Nikki introduces her comedy special "Good Girl" on Hulu, discussing pressures of fame, glam, and staying relevant as a woman in comedy.
• [44:15] — Lighthearted game: Making friendship bracelets with vision-distorting goggles—capturing the fun, kinship, and imperfection that thread through the conversation.
• [47:58] — Embracing messiness as a virtue.

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Closing Notes

The episode is an uplifting blend of beauty talk, showbiz confessions, and emotional honesty—with plenty of laughs and mutual affirmations. Nikki and Alix embody what it means to be real, messy, and proud, making the "Hot Mess" brand feel truly empowering.

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Quick Reference List

• Makeup Tips: Underpainting, layering with a light touch, color correcting, NYX concealer, Essence “Baby Got Blush,” Mario blush, spray tans (“the more orange, the better”).
• Comedy Wisdom: Be honest, acknowledge nerves, surprise the audience, write from compassion.
• Fan Life: Experiences matter, community over luxury, authenticity wins.
• Relatable Issues: Imposter syndrome, internet hate, not liking one’s voice or body, being “messy.”

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Standout Quotes

• "Everything's high school, Nikki. Everything.” — Nikki Glaser [03:11]
• “Comedy really is a surprise...If you just say things that are completely honest that other people aren't saying, you will be funny.” — Nikki Glaser [16:54]
• “If it's Taylor Swift's last show ever, I'm gonna die anyway the next day. So maybe all of it.” — Nikki Glaser [38:02]
• "Embrace the mess, baby." — Nikki Glaser [47:58]

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For fans and first-timers alike, this episode offers warmth, wisdom, plenty of laughs, and the comforting message that it's okay to be a hot mess.

Transcript

[Narrator/Advertiser]

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[Alex Earle]

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[Narrator/Advertiser]

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[Alex Earle]

Welcome back to Get Real with Me where we do our makeup together. Have some fun, have some good girl chat. So our guest today is a comedian, a host, an actress, a writer, and she's possibly Taylor Swift's biggest fan. She does it all. Please welcome Nikki Glaser. Get Real with me.

[Nikki Glaser]

Hi. What an intro.

[Alex Earle]

How are we doing today? How are we feeling? I'm feeling good.

[Nikki Glaser]

It's, you know, rare to show up with no makeup on and be on camera. I was so glad to not have to get full glam before I came here.

[Alex Earle]

Yes.

[Nikki Glaser]

Cause that's like an additional two hours.

[Alex Earle]

It is.

[Nikki Glaser]

But I got to sleep so I'm feeling better than I usually do.

[Alex Earle]

Amazing.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah.

[Alex Earle]

How are you? Good. I'm honestly, I'm still recovering from the other night.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yes. Where.

[Alex Earle]

Thank God I ran into you.

[Nikki Glaser]

I was so glad. So we ran into each other at the Vanity Fair Oscars party and it was so nice to see you because I saw myself in you, in the sense that I arrived there alone and looking for anyone who I knew that might be excited to talk to me.

[Alex Earle]

Awkwardly walking around with a dress.

[Nikki Glaser]

And I saw you alone and I didn't even clock that you were alone, but I just saw that like, oh, there's an ample opportunity to talk to someone that isn't talking to anyone yet and might need this. And I know I need this. So I was like, alex, it was so great. I feel like everyone I talked to had that feeling of imposter syndrome, of, like, what am I doing here? I don't deserve to be there. Unless you walked in with an Oscar in your hand. Until, like, everyone felt like to talk

[Alex Earle]

to me, and I'm just awkwardly walking around. Well, honestly, like, hearing you say this makes me feel so much better because I was like, I am like, the biggest loser in the world. Like, I was doing laps around the bar at the party and I was like, who can I talk to? Who can I talk to?

[Nikki Glaser]

I've been doing this long enough that I, like, whenever I go to these parties, I just realize, oh, my God, it's so high school. Like, every. I had a therapist once say to me that, like, everything's high school, Nikki. Everything. And I really am reminded when I go to these big events that I kind of look around and see all these A listers and I see them kind of like, plotting who to talk to and being nervous. And I'm like, it never goes away that you feel insecure. Like, even the people with the biggest egos, you think that are, like, holding these statues are feeling like, did I trick someone into being here? Why am I here? And so it's a nice reminder.

[Alex Earle]

Well, that makes me feel better. Let's get started.

[Nikki Glaser]

What is that?

[Alex Earle]

This is a moisturizer.

[Nikki Glaser]

Can I. Well, actually, I have a little on, but I just want to try everything you're doing.

[Alex Earle]

Yeah. Okay. This is really, really great. It's water based, so I have, like, very acne prone skin. So it is great moisturizer for under makeup. Do you do a lot of skin prep? Do you like doing your own makeup, or do you like having someone else do it for you?

[Nikki Glaser]

You know, it looks better when someone else does it, obviously. And I just feel like, okay, I don't have to be insecure at all because someone else signed off on this and it wasn't just me in my bathroom, but I like someone else.

[Alex Earle]

Approved.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah. Like, you know, anyone's gonna be like, it looks fine if I ask, but, like, if a makeup artist did it and if it looks bad, I can

[Alex Earle]

blame them too, you know, like, 100%. That's how it's.

[Nikki Glaser]

I don't have to take sustainability. Yes.

[Alex Earle]

I'm like, well, they said it looked good, so it must.

[Nikki Glaser]

I trust people to have better taste. Than me. But, yeah, I like doing my makeup before I go on tour and I'm on stage. I find it meditative. I find it, like, artistic. Yeah. Like, I do my own first stage. Because also the lights are so bright and it's live, and people are kind of far away. So it's like, if you mess it up and smudge a wing, it's not so noticeable to everyone in the whole place. So you can kind of get really big with it and go crazy and make mistakes. So I feel like that's. That's why I like that.

[Alex Earle]

That's amazing.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah.

[Alex Earle]

So I started with this. Cause my makeup artist used this, and I was like, if I just try and copy everything she does so she'll, like, color correct before she goes in and do, like, foundation contour.

[Nikki Glaser]

Teach me.

[Alex Earle]

I don't know. Well, you got that Sort of.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yes, I just got this, and I've been, like, dabbling in it. Yeah. Very similar.

[Alex Earle]

Okay, so tell me what you were doing. This and, like, doing my under eyes. And then I get red around my nose. And then wherever I'm having, like, blemishes, I'll just, like, color correct before. I think the point is that you put on, you know Mary Phillips. Yes. Cause I stole this from her.

[Nikki Glaser]

Okay.

[Alex Earle]

But I think the point is that you put on then, like, less foundation and you're less cakey, maybe. But, like, I don't know. All those people that she works with just have, like, beautiful, amazing skin and donate it.

[Nikki Glaser]

So you never know. Is it that.

[Alex Earle]

So I end up just layering it on anyway. But no, you do a great job. What do you usually start with for your base?

[Nikki Glaser]

I mean, this. I. Well, I just got this, but usually I honestly, what did I just use? Nyx. I've been using it forever. Concealer serum. It goes on so smooth, and it's really, really. So you can lose the littlest dot, and that is so pigmented and, like, will cover up spots so well. And it goes on so not cakey. And I've used this forever. I don't even know if they still make it.

[Alex Earle]

You use it as, like, a skin tint or as, like, concealer?

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, I kind of just use whatever is being given to me and what I collect. There's, like, some staples that I use, but I haven't been on tour in a minute, so I have to get, like, a new regimen down. But I usually start with concealer, then foundation. And I honestly only know how to do, like, stage makeup. Like, I always end up when you Did Van, like, how did you take it up a notch? How did you decide this is my Vanity Fair look as opposed to, like, my everyday look?

[Alex Earle]

Well, usually I take, like, 10 minutes to do my makeup. And this. I sat down for two hours, and I under. Because every time I get my makeup done, I'm like, why is this? Like, why are we taking so long? But now I kind of understand it. Cause I feel like when you sit for a second and, like, you really take your time to blend everything and just layer it and make it make sense, it turns out a little better.

[Nikki Glaser]

Realize it's, like, such a light touch, they'll dab off the product. And it's like they layer just such a light amount, and I just go, like, big. I don't even, like, knock it. And it's, like, streaky and too thick.

[Alex Earle]

100%.

[Nikki Glaser]

Are you doing the darker stuff on?

[Alex Earle]

So now I'm using the contour, and then I'm gonna do my foundation over this. So you're filming a movie right now, right?

[Nikki Glaser]

I just finished. I just slapped on, like, a couple days ago.

[Alex Earle]

How is that?

[Nikki Glaser]

It was my first movie, and no one on set kind of even knew that. And so I was just kind of faking it. Like, I've been there before.

[Alex Earle]

Oh, I would be petrified.

[Nikki Glaser]

I was. I was like, do I even know how to act? Like, I don't even know. I've never done this before. Be honest. I didn't audition for the movie. I just. They were like, she'd be good at this. And they just, like, threw me into it, so I'm like, that's great. You guys don't even know if I can act. Like, literally, no one here knows. And it ended. So where do I contour real quick? I'm much older than you, but, like, where will you contour in 16 years if you don't drink a lot of

[Alex Earle]

water with the cool?

[Nikki Glaser]

Because I do get told I look like you a lot.

[Alex Earle]

Wait, I do get told I look like you as well.

[Nikki Glaser]

You do? Yes. I was so nervous to tell you that, because it's so embarrassing when someone who you don't think is that great

[Alex Earle]

and then don't know if they want to hear it or not. And I'm like, I look like you. And they're like, someone's always like, my

[Nikki Glaser]

cousin looks exactly like you. Let me pull it up. And I'm just like, brace for impact. Like, what is this going to be? And then you have to be like, she's beautiful. As you blur your eyes to Protect your ego.

[Alex Earle]

We know I'm on it, but I

[Nikki Glaser]

get told that a lot and I sometimes on my Instagram, I'll see a picture of you and I will think it's me for a second. And it is like the biggest ego boost ever that I thought it was me for a second. And it's a second. But this is your future.

[Alex Earle]

I'm so excited.

[Nikki Glaser]

16 years from now.

[Alex Earle]

Okay, so what we're gonna be doing is the cooler toned, you put where you want, like, shadows, which I'm so I think like under right up here, like your cheekbone. You have great cheekbones.

[Nikki Glaser]

Thank you, girl. Like there, like, where there's already a shadow. Just like shadow more in.

[Alex Earle]

Oh, I went too heavy.

[Nikki Glaser]

I'm gonna lighten it up a bit.

[Alex Earle]

And I think the more you keep it upwards, I think is supposed to give you like a better tilt.

[Nikki Glaser]

So, like, onto my temple.

[Alex Earle]

Uh huh. And then I do like on the sides of here. I'll go on the top of my nose here. And then you can also put it on your jawline to snatch you up.

[Nikki Glaser]

Have you seen that one that everyone's doing where it's like your jawline goes all the way up and cleaves your ear?

[Alex Earle]

I have seen that, but I'm like, maybe I'll just get filler.

[Nikki Glaser]

I've done it before. It looks so ridiculous, but I'm gonna try it today.

[Alex Earle]

I have an orange streak on my face. Yeah. Wait, so you didn't audition for this? And are you playing yourself or are you playing a character? Or like a.

[Nikki Glaser]

Hey. Playing a character that is like, very much myself. Everyone in the movie, it's me, Kim Kardashian, Brenda Song, and Fortune Feimster, among others. But we're like the core leads and we all kind of play versions of ourselves. It's kind of awesome and so really fun. That's the ideal role to play as I'm just getting into acting. I don't need to tackle some period piece Wuthering Heights. I don't know how to do accents or we're not more cry on cue or anything. So it was just me being really loud and obnoxious and opinionated and kind of caustic and saying things that people are just like, jesus, why did you say that? So it's like very in line with how I am. And I could, like, ad lib and say stuff that I would just say as opposed to, like, I have to be in character today. It was just like, what would I say in this? And so it was really Fun.

[Alex Earle]

That's fun. And, like, a great place to start.

[Nikki Glaser]

I think so, too. And it was just like Eva Longoria directed. You know, coming from an acting background, she just had so much empathy for us as actresses and was just so willing to play around. And if I didn't do something right, there was never a sense of, like, I did something wrong and I have to feel bad about it. Like, there was no. I was going into something that I was very insecure about. I instantly felt, like, no insecurities and was like, oh, I'm meant to be here. Which is not how I often feel. I always feel like I trick someone

[Alex Earle]

that shocks me, though, that you feel, like, scared or get stage frightened or something. Cause I feel like you are just, like, you're the girl. You're upright, cracking jokes.

[Nikki Glaser]

You know, when I'm doing a Golden Globes or, like, a roast or my special, I do feel I'm really piling on. I do feel really confident because I've worked so hard to be prepared for that. Whereas in this movie, you know, I worked hard on memorizing my lines and going over the script and trying to think of how I want to do this. But it was my first time doing it. So there's no way for me to feel really confident, because no matter how much I practice, I don't know what it's going to be like when I get there. So I'm confident when I've practiced so much that nothing could go wrong. As in, like, the Globes or a special or whatever. It's always interesting to me when people are like, oh, my God, when you do the Golden Globes, you just get out there and you have so much confidence. And I have to say that, yes, I am confident in the material. And I know that I'm like, these jokes are funny and I'm proud of them. But if you were to ask most of my close friends, like, is Nikki the most confident person you know? Like, they would be like, that wouldn't even be a word. That'd be a word. I'd describe her staged Persona, but not a word to me offstage at all.

[Alex Earle]

Yeah, that's shocking.

[Nikki Glaser]

I lack it a lot, and I think a lot of people in our industry do, because it's like, the desire to be on camera and in the public eye is at its, I think, baseline, a desire to be liked and to be loved and to feel like maybe you're not at your core. And if the public likes me and approves of me, maybe that makes me lovable. And then you learn that it doesn't fill you up in the way you want it to. And so you have to.

[Alex Earle]

Wow.

[Nikki Glaser]

All new drinks are now at McDonald's with refreshers like the Strawberry Watermelon Refresher and the Mango Pineapple Refresher with popping Boba. To crafted sodas like the Sprite Berry Blast with berry flavors and cold foam. Who knew ice cold drinks could be so fire? Try them all now at McDonald's. Refreshers contain caffeine. Copyright 2026, the Coca Cola Company. Sprite is a registered trademark of the Coca Cola Company. My piece is getting a gorge. Cause some people don't want to be famous. Like, do you ever meet people that they're like, oh, my God, I would never want to be in the spotlight? And we probably can't relate to that because you're like, great.

[Alex Earle]

Do you want to be famous? Of course. Yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

Like, now I realize that famous is different than what I thought. You know, I wanted to be famous when I was young. You know, like when I was in high school or middle school, my dream would have been, like, I'm just copying you, by the way. My dream would have been, like, I want to go to a restaurant and have people go like, is that Nikki Glaser? And, like, whisper. I don't crave that anymore. And I'm kind of annoyed by it. Not annoyed, but I'm, like, embarrassed of it now when it happens. But, yeah, I remember in high school being, like, you know, secretly not talking about it a lot, but, like, would tell my close friends, like, I want to be on tv. I want to be famous. And they were just like, what the hell? Like. And I couldn't understand. Wouldn't you want to be? Yeah, but they didn't have that, like, insatiable desire to, like, I want. Yeah. They just knew it already, which I don't know where they got it, but

[Alex Earle]

I don't know where they got it.

[Nikki Glaser]

Either mom hugged them or something. So did mine occasionally. But no, no, no, no. But yes.

[Alex Earle]

You're really close with your family, right?

[Nikki Glaser]

I am. And you are, too, with yours. It's. It's awesome. I live in St. Louis because I wanted to be closer to them and hang out with them. My parents, you know, have become my best friends. They're my favorite people to hang out with. And as they get older, it's just like, I wanna hang out with them more and more. I'm gonna put on blush before concealer.

[Alex Earle]

That's what I.

[Nikki Glaser]

Going rogue. Okay, good.

[Alex Earle]

Okay. Sorry. Am I speeding up too much.

[Nikki Glaser]

No, no, no. I'm literally. Please speed up. Cause I'm just following you, like, eight steps behind. What are you doing with the concealer now, though?

[Alex Earle]

I'm going back in. I was gonna put it over. Yeah. So here's where I started saying that this was gonna be a really natural glam and in, like, 45 layers over. But I'm gonna go in with concealer now to, like, brighten it up. Cause I look, like, a tad orange.

[Nikki Glaser]

Okay, I'm going back in too, then.

[Alex Earle]

Okay, let's go. And this is your Nyx concealer.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, this is the Nyx concealer.

[Alex Earle]

Your student palette, which. I wanna try that as well. And which blush did you use?

[Nikki Glaser]

I used Mario.

[Alex Earle]

Okay. Love. That's a great rose crush.

[Nikki Glaser]

And then also. Dior or. No, this is a Dior dupe. Dan Shell.

[Alex Earle]

Oh, that's a Dior dupe.

[Nikki Glaser]

But it looks exactly like the Dior one I had. The Dior one I had has, like, been bronzer. And you can. It has no pigment anymore.

[Alex Earle]

Is living in St. Louis. Great. Do you love.

[Nikki Glaser]

You know what I like about it is that people don't care about fame at all. There. There's no sense of, like, whoa, you're Nikki Glaser. Or like, I never. Not that I ever walk anywhere. Anywhere where I'm, like, people are gonna recognize me. I'm not at that level yet where I feel like that's not true. Maybe I'm at that level, but people don't bother me. And, like, I don't really get it a lot out in public. Maybe I don't go out in public enough. But, you know, I was hosting SNL, and I was in St. Louis the week before, like, getting my hair done. And, you know, the girl was doing my hair and was like, so, what are you up to this weekend? And I go, well, next weekend I'm hosting snl. And she just goes, fun.

[Alex Earle]

And it was just. That's it.

[Nikki Glaser]

And it was just like. You know, that was the kind of thing that I'm kind of almost like, I'm hosting snl. And I wanted her to be like, stop, everyone, put down your blow dryer. She's hosting SNL because, I mean, in St. Louis. I think I'm the first person who lives in St. Louis to host SNL. But I really enjoy that they are happy for you, but they're not like, oh, my God, you're. You're a more important person than us. Because I think that's where celebrity really irritates me is when people start to think that because we are known by the public or whatever, that we are exceptional people or better than other people or something. And I never want to feel that way. I always want to feel like, oh, I just got lucky that I have this talent that gets me a lot of attention and that pays me better than it should probably. And I'm lucky. I'm not like, I was born with greatness. It's just like. That's just.

[Alex Earle]

But you are like, you are born funny. No, I'm not funny.

[Nikki Glaser]

You are funny.

[Alex Earle]

No, I'm not. You are like, well, I would love to be funny. Like, I look at you and I'm like, wow, what a treat.

[Nikki Glaser]

I think for me, I had to work at it. Like, I studied comedy. I was just interested in comedy at a young age, and it was just something that I was like, oh, I wanna learn the mathematics and the science behind this and how to do this. And so for me, it was something I really studied. But some people are born with it. And I think I have a natural. You know, there's memories from childhood where I'm like, oh, I was a funny kid. I said funny things and I knew how to write a joke. I knew, like, the, you know, the basics of a joke structure. But it was something I had to really work at. And some people don't have to work at all. Some people are just so natural all the time, everywhere.

[Alex Earle]

So you can learn to be funny.

[Nikki Glaser]

Totally.

[Alex Earle]

Really?

[Nikki Glaser]

Totally. You can learn how to write a joke. I mean, the key to being really funny, to me, is someone who just is honest, who just says exactly how they feel. Because comedy is just saying things that are surprising. I mean, comedy really is a surprise. It's a magic trick. It's like, you think I'm gonna say this, and then I say something that you can't expect, and everyone goes, oh, my go.

[Alex Earle]

And it's.

[Nikki Glaser]

Laughter is a response to being surprised, really. And so if you just say things that are completely honest that other people aren't saying, you will be funny. Like, let's take Jake Shane, for example. Jake Shane is hilarious because he's born with it, but his gift is being able to say things so bluntly and so honestly and with no guilt or no thing of, like, I can't believe I'm about to say what I'm about to say. And. And it works so well for him, too. And I, like, almost study him because he says things that are shocking sometimes. But you still love him because, you know, it comes from Such a genuine, nice, sincere place because he is so himself. And I think authenticity and honesty are the keys to being funny. So whenever I'm on stage and I'm like kind of bombing or like, you know, a joke that I've written doesn't go the way I want it to, to get the crowd back on my side. Just acknowledge it. And it will kill if you just go, well, that wasn't as clever as I thought it would be. Or, well, maybe I shouldn't have said that. If you just say the true thing, like stop down and go, okay, what's true right now? Like, sometimes I'll say the joke that doesn't work. And I go like, this jacket I'm wearing is terrible. And it breaks the ice in the room. Cause everyone's noticed my jacket. It was a bad choice. It doesn't go with my shoes or whatever it is. And it just. People just want to be returned to what's real. So I would say for anyone watching at home right now, if you're in college and you have to give a presentation, which I used to be so scared of, like, what am I? Like, I have to talk in front of a class. A class is so much different than a stage. A stage has lights. You can't even see the audience. You're blinded. But in class you could see all their faces. And you have to sit with these people. I don't have to sit with a crowd afterwards and hang out and go to class the next day with them. So it can be really nerve wracking. But if you get up there and you, let's say you are stammering and you're stuttering and your legs are shaking because you're so nervous. Say it. Say, my legs are shaking right now. And it just disarms everyone, makes everyone relax. Makes you relax. Call out what's happening. Even if you get deducted points for it, I swear it will make your overall thing better to just call out and say, I'm so nervous right now. Say it. Because your fear is they're gonna think I'm nervous and they're gonna see me shaking and they're gonna whisper that I'm nervous. Well, take that from them. You say you're nervous, then they don't get to say that you gave it to them. And it's not their little original observation. And I feel like that's kind of the key to it.

[Alex Earle]

Beating them to it.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, I think so.

[Alex Earle]

I love even dark humor. And just a good joke is a little bit, sometimes a little Brutal. And especially with roasts and stuff. Do you ever get scared or do you just don't care that people are gonna be like, she's a bitch or whatever?

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah. As a woman, I hate to start with that sentence, but being liked as a woman is being pretty and quiet. Not everyone wants this. I'm just speaking to a manosphere. Kind of ideal of a woman is a woman that, like, falls in line and smiles and is demure and bats her eyes and is just kind of quiet. I'm really getting in here. I'm so sorry. For people who are scared of eye things. I got this from on the movie set. I wore this. It's Urban Decay 247 Liquid Stick. And it sticks, baby. And it's brown. No brown noise. If it's a brown nose and I just get in the waterline and I

[Alex Earle]

go, oh, nice, bananas.

[Nikki Glaser]

And if it kind of bleeds over, I'm like, okay, good.

[Alex Earle]

Because I'm just gonna try and copy that. And all I have is, I would offer you this. An eyeliner. It's okay. We don't need to swap eye juice.

[Nikki Glaser]

I would.

[Alex Earle]

I'll use this eyeliner, but probably gonna give me some other infection.

[Nikki Glaser]

Oh, yeah. I try to really write from a place of love. Like when I did the Tom Brady roast, It's like, I wanna come at it, like, I don't really know much about this guy. I don't follow football. So I have to study football and study Tom Brady. I'm gonna read his book. I'm gonna read everything about him. And I wanna go in thinking, this guy is a God, the way that I know he is. I know he's one of the best ever. He's the goat. I need to understand that fully to then be able to dismantle him. Cause if it's just coming from a place of, like, I don't know who this guy is, and he sucks, I'm gonna make fun of this. And it's like, there's not a base of love. And I need to have that for people I'm roasting. So, you know, in between jokes, I'm like, I love you. I'm sorry. That's not me. Just trying to save myself. I really mean that up there. I'm like, you've written these jokes, you've practiced them and rehearsed them, but for the first time ever, you are saying to the person live there, it's the only time they don't get to see the jokes beforehand and approve. It's like happening live. And so that's really terrifying when you're up there. And that's why I'm so glad that they put the rose stand a little ahead of everyone, because they're kind of barely in your periphery. You don't have to.

[Alex Earle]

You're over there.

[Nikki Glaser]

I just got all this new brow stuff from Kelly Baker Brows. Have you been to Kelly Baker?

[Alex Earle]

No.

[Nikki Glaser]

She, like, does. I got referred to her by Kim Kardashian's team, but she does, like, like, block senior brows. You know, I did wax. I did the lamination. She didn't want to laminate, but I

[Alex Earle]

was like, these old man's hands look like a spider.

[Nikki Glaser]

Mine are so curly, and so I had to laminate them, and she taught me how to do it, but she said, start with a highlighter underneath to draw the line you want.

[Alex Earle]

I'm gonna.

[Nikki Glaser]

And I have to fill in this. Do that with this. My eyebrows look like sperms, and it really bothers me.

[Alex Earle]

Really? I don't think so.

[Nikki Glaser]

Just like. No. It's like a big end, and then it's like I plucked too much here. So it's a spermy vibe.

[Alex Earle]

I mean, I see, but I don't.

[Nikki Glaser]

No. Thank you for validating. I hate when people are like, I don't know what you're talking about.

[Alex Earle]

I'm like, I literally know what you're talking about, but I actually kind of like when people's brows are like that. I plucked all my eyebrows off. They were, like, 10 times the size a year ago. Oh, you used to be like a really everyone? DMs me, and they're like, bring back your eyebrows.

[Nikki Glaser]

They're gone. Well, it's funny how big brows. I'm gonna take this off, by the way. Don't anyone get nervous. Big brows. This is just for me to color in above it.

[Alex Earle]

Okay.

[Nikki Glaser]

That's what she taught me. And I'm gonna blow it, and she's gonna be disappointed in me, but I'm just gonna dip this in here. I don't know if this is the right one to use. It's probably the other one.

[Alex Earle]

Is that Lily a mistake. That looks legit. If you could have three people roast you.

[Nikki Glaser]

Oh, that's a good question.

[Alex Earle]

Who would it be?

[Nikki Glaser]

Okay, here's my answer. Truly is like, I hate being roasted. And really, the reason I've been able to do the roasts before is like, I was kind of like a nobody when I did the roast before, you know, because I'm not well known to the bigger audience before. Like, two years ago, it would Be like, she's a girl. She's not funny. It would be some just like, joke you'd make about any girl that would be on the roast, so it wouldn't really hurt my feelings. Or it'd be like, she's a whore. And it's like, I know, you know, like, I just wouldn't really care. But now it's like, you're old. They can just dismantle my looks in a way that I just like, I'm so glad I did roast before because it felt like it built my career. I like myself enough now that I just don't want to be put in that position until maybe when I'm in my 50s or so. I'll have, like, a comeback. But right now, I'm just like, I'm feeling good about myself for the first time in a really long time and feeling confident. I don't need, like, clips out there saying, I look like Larry Bird, for example, you know, like, and then there's gonna be a clip where they, like, take the picture. Exactly. Larry Bird is a basketball player, and he looks exactly like Larry Bird. Just picture that name, and that's what he looks like. He looks like Larry Bird.

[Alex Earle]

Well, then do I look like Larry Bird?

[Nikki Glaser]

No, that's the thing. Like, I. I look like you plus Larry Bird. Like, if Larry Bird and Larry Bird

[Alex Earle]

had a baby, squawk, squawk, it's me.

[Nikki Glaser]

And so, you know, they just say things that are. If it was just a roast that aired once and then that's it, and people could just repeat jokes, that's fine. But clips where I'm just, like, forever. I have to hear to have people be reminded of how I look or, like, just things about me that are mean. And as a woman, there's already so much hate online in comments about you. I'm just like, I don't need to be roasted. I'm obsessed with this. It's called Baby Got Blush by Essence. It's probably just some cheap drugstore brand, but it has, like, a smell to it that reminds me of childhood, you know, when everything smelled.

[Alex Earle]

Doesn't that smell?

[Nikki Glaser]

It smells like strawberry Lip Smackers or something.

[Alex Earle]

Yeah, it smells like candy.

[Nikki Glaser]

I know. And sometimes I kind of like it. And so. And it goes on, really.

[Alex Earle]

So you don't care. Like, high end, low end makeup. You're just like, whatever's gonna get the dog.

[Nikki Glaser]

It's on the same. And it's just packaging. But I know there are certain products that are like, you have to get this the nice kind I'm not sure what those are. So yeah, roast wise. I don't wanna be roasted. I'm so sensitive. I don't read any comments about myself. I don't read any reviews of anything. Like, I don't read.

[Alex Earle]

You don'?

[Nikki Glaser]

No. So it's good. Cause I miss all the bad stuff said about me, but it's bad cause I miss all the good stuff. So I don't ever know if people like anything I do either. So I'm kind of just neutral. Like I'm always just kind of like. I don't even know if any of this is working, but it protects me

[Alex Earle]

from the bad and that's what's good. I mean, we're just so susceptible, I think, to reading the negative things I do read. But if there's for some reason like interviews or any type of clips from just honestly hearing my voice. I hate my voice. And if I. I hate my voice too.

[Nikki Glaser]

I'm just kidding. No, I hate my voice too. I think everyone does. Why can't I watch myself on mute? Like I can watch myself.

[Alex Earle]

My voice. Seriously, Like, I would do anything to change it.

[Nikki Glaser]

You have such a great voice.

[Alex Earle]

That's crazy.

[Nikki Glaser]

What do you want to change about your voice?

[Alex Earle]

It's so monotone and disgusting.

[Nikki Glaser]

It's like, stop that right now. Your voice is literally. Has someone said that to you? Have you read that somewhere that you like got in your head about? Because your voice is.

[Alex Earle]

No, I just. I can't stand it. And I mean, that's what I do for a living, is blab online.

[Nikki Glaser]

Alex.

[Alex Earle]

I think annoying everyone on it.

[Nikki Glaser]

I'm a part of the thing people like about you. Please, let me tell you. Terrible.

[Alex Earle]

It doesn't sound girly.

[Nikki Glaser]

Would you rather a voice like this? Something else like this? I literally have to talk like this.

[Alex Earle]

Everywhere you go is sound more feminine, you know, like I sound like. Like something's in my throat.

[Nikki Glaser]

Guess what's feminine? Your tits. And your face and your bod and your hair. You have enough of that going on. It's so cool to have a more masculine voice. And I say that like as someone who has a husband.

[Alex Earle]

So you think I have a masculine voice?

[Nikki Glaser]

Yes, because listen to my voice. I. That is. You know what?

[Alex Earle]

I don't think you do.

[Nikki Glaser]

Then you have sound blindness. Because I've always been told I have a husky voice. My daughter. You could be my daughter.

[Alex Earle]

We really do look similar. I would not say daughter.

[Nikki Glaser]

And if I was a teen mom, I would love her.

[Alex Earle]

How old are you?

[Nikki Glaser]

I'm 41.

[Alex Earle]

Really?

[Nikki Glaser]

Stop it.

[Alex Earle]

Alex. Hey, what's up?

[Nikki Glaser]

This is your future.

[Alex Earle]

I'm so excited.

[Nikki Glaser]

16 years from now. I'm much older than you, but like, where will you contour in 16 years if you don't drink a lot of water?

[Alex Earle]

No, I'm serious.

[Nikki Glaser]

I don't. I can't take it. No one ever thinks I'm younger than my age.

[Alex Earle]

Really? How did you become a Taylor Swift fan or when did that start?

[Nikki Glaser]

It started in 2014 when I was laying in my bed listening to 1989 for the first time and I heard blank space and something in my brain, like I felt neurons firing or something shifting in my brain where it was like, your life is changing right now. Like this is. There's an obsession that has just planted its seed and you just fell in love. It's the same feeling of like, I met someone and I fell in love and it's gonna change my life. I've always done this my whole life. I did it with Dave Matthews Band in high school, Wilco in college. Like different bands along the way. And Taylor Swift has been my most long lasting one since it began and maintains to this day of like just obsessed. And like, that's my personality, that's who I am. Like, if people love Taylor Swift, then I will love them. It's just a way for me to have community and identity as a white person who has none. You know, like, I don't have a lot of culture as a white person. And so Taylor Swift and Swifties are like, I feel like my identity, as truly lame as that might sound to someone else. I really love it and it brings me a lot of joy.

[Alex Earle]

And you've gone to a lot of concerts, right?

[Nikki Glaser]

I've been to a lot. Reputation. I didn't. I wasn't able to go cause I couldn't afford it. I was like really struggling at the time. And for some reason it didn't happen for me. But then ERAS tour, I was like, I have some money now, I don't have kids, I don't own a home, I drive my parents old car and I don't buy luxury things. And I'm gonna spend so much goddamn money on seeing Taylor Swift that people usually spend on Birkins and cars and a house and their mortgage or kids or this is my life and this is what I want to spend it on. And I'm sorry if that is upsetting to you. And a lot of people were like, I couldn't even afford to go to one show. You know, people would Comment that like must be nice. And I'm like, you have a family. That's what you decide to spend your money on. If you didn't have that, I think you would have enough money to go to one Taylor sw. And I'm not hating and I do. I am very privileged that I have enough money to spend it on this. And that is what I'm doing with my money. And people did not like it. And I also was like, am I supposed to bring you? Yeah, like woman in my comments who didn't get tickets. Instead of my mom or my friend or whoever I brought, I would always bring friends. I would pay for them to fly. I would pay for their whole trip. Cause I was really trying to get all my family and loved ones into Taylor Swift as much as I am. And they did. It was awesome. I went to 22 shows. It would have been 24 had Vienna happened. Oh what I know. And I was on tour at the time. Like I did 180 shows that year too or something like that. And so I would just do shows for myself on Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and then I would always go to the Sunday show if I could. And I'd fly out from like, you know, I'd be in Boston and I'd fly to Indianapolis the next night just to go see Taylor. And it was like this little treat I had for myself and it felt so fun. Cause I got to like dress up and do my makeup and be with friends and dance all night. And it was like another night of performing for myself but performing in the way that I really love, which is like singing and dancing of like all night long. It was so fun and I miss it so much.

[Alex Earle]

I went to one ERAS tour concert and it was pretty life changing and spectacular. I don't know how she does that every night. I don't for as long as she did.

[Nikki Glaser]

And after I watched the doc, I'm still like, how it's one of the reasons I love her so much. It really is inspiring what she's able to accomplish and how hard she works.

[Alex Earle]

And I think she's genius.

[Nikki Glaser]

Just what an artist she is and how she handles the spotlight and also handles her fans. I think I just feel so loved as a Taylor Swift fan by Taylor Swift. And people always are like, she doesn't, you know, like how could the star love the fans and she can't have personal relationships with us. But it's really taught me as an artist how I want my fans to feel like I want them to feel like I could Be friends with her if given the chance. And I know that Taylor Swift feels the same way about people who are fans of her. Like, if you enjoy my songs, I probably could be friends with you. And the same for my comedy. If you enjoy my special. I guarantee you we would be girlfriends. Like, it's like kind of a litmus, because we're putting it all in there. That's us. My fans. I really feel like I call them my. It's stupid, but, like, my Franz. Because they're friend fans. Because I really do feel like they're my besties. And I feel that connection. Sometimes you have to be like, we're not really. It's some weird guy. But most girls, I'm just like, yes, girly, you're right. If I lived in Minneapolis, we probably would hang out. And it probably won't ever happen for us, but I just know that it could.

[Alex Earle]

That's like the biggest thing and the most important and how you can tell you're really putting yourself in what you do and just sharing your life. I think when I go out and I meet girls and they're like, oh, my God. They're like, I'm so sorry. I feel like I know you and we're best friends, and they feel so comfortable coming up to me and I'm like, you do know me. Cause I do share everything. Exactly. Then there will be times where I'm out somewhere or alone or whatever, and I'm just talking to these girls and I'm like, well, thank God I have friends here. And I'm like, I know we can trust each other now. Yes. It's like a sense of trust.

[Nikki Glaser]

They have fans and they know you so well that you can be extremely comfortable with them and they can be comfortable with you. Because, you know, a lot of times fans meeting people, they get so nervous. And I bet girls are really nervous around you to meet you. But then I bet they relax after a couple minutes and are like, oh, I'm just. I bet they get in their cars later on and are like, I can't believe we talked to Alix Earle. Like, she was just one of our friends. But it's so nice to have that. It.

[Alex Earle]

Is it really a safe space.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah. I felt like I knew you already, too. Like, it was easy for me to approach you and go like, hey, girl. Because I'd watched so much of you that I felt like I knew you. And I know I got. I can tell when someone's being themselves, and it would be very exhausting if you did all of these videos for so long and you had to be someone else.

[Alex Earle]

I couldn't do it.

[Nikki Glaser]

You couldn't love it.

[Alex Earle]

Couldn't do it.

[Nikki Glaser]

I'm going really wingy here.

[Alex Earle]

I was gonna say it's a mistake.

[Nikki Glaser]

Keep us updated, you'll see.

[Alex Earle]

I think it looks good.

[Nikki Glaser]

I always go too hard on a wing and then I have to concealer it out. And then it's like this weird beige, gray concealer. But I haven't done eyelashes yet and that will fill that in.

[Alex Earle]

You do lashes?

[Nikki Glaser]

I usually do lashes when I'm going on stage or when I'm doing tv. Like always. That's the thing that I feel like when you put it on, people are like, wow, you look amazing. And I always just go, it's just gorgeous.

[Alex Earle]

What happened?

[Nikki Glaser]

There are things that I've learned from being on camera. As a girl who's not really into this stuff generally, but has to have gotten into it to look presentable is like, you learn things that when you do them, people go, oh my God, look at you. You know, like, you just get more feedback. And the number one things for me, your spray tan. When I have a spray tan, people think like, oh, my God, are you taking your meds?

[Alex Earle]

Don't even talk to me without a spray tan.

[Nikki Glaser]

Truly, it is a self esteem booster. And people also think you're doing better in life, emotionally.

[Alex Earle]

You just look better with a spray tan.

[Nikki Glaser]

Holy.

[Alex Earle]

It is. You lose £10 immediately.

[Nikki Glaser]

Immediately.

[Alex Earle]

Like you don't even have to go to the gym.

[Nikki Glaser]

Let's talk about it for a second, Alex, okay?

[Alex Earle]

It's insane. It's shape shifting.

[Nikki Glaser]

I'm talking about in my special. But girls are scared to get spray tans. Please don't be scared of a spray tan. I'm telling you, it's not gonna last forever if you get one. I know I'm talking with mascara on my eyelid, but listen to me, girls, right now.

[Alex Earle]

Listen to me and Alex, listen up.

[Nikki Glaser]

If you can't afford an airbrush spray tan, that's like, you know, 80 bucks for someone to do it personally in the back of the salon. Just go do the booth, okay? The booth is good enough. I used to do the booth all the time. Go to the booth, get the darkest, but just go in the booth. And here's the trick to the booth.

[Alex Earle]

See, I did the booth one time and I got all fucked up because it was like, do this turn here. And I wasn't listening to myself.

[Nikki Glaser]

Was it fucked up beyond? Like you couldn't fix it, like it's never.

[Alex Earle]

It was just streaky.

[Nikki Glaser]

Don't scare people, Alex.

[Alex Earle]

I'm saying I didn't like the booth. I would say don't do the booth unless you have really good.

[Nikki Glaser]

Don't do the booth, dude.

[Alex Earle]

This.

[Nikki Glaser]

This. You know, this. This usually. But here's the trick. Sometimes the booth starts up here, and, like, maybe you like. And it's just getting your face right when it scans. Like, so you're losing tan on this side. Keep your arms here, follow it down, and then when it goes to your legs, follow it down with every drop. You can get, like, get extra. Get extra stuff. But the booths are cheap. And if it is streaky, just use foundation and bronzer and fill it in. Fill in the streaks. And then if someone at the wedding you go to says you look orange, she's jealous. She's jealous. She's trying to take. No one would say that to your face unless they wanted to make you feel insecure because they're jealous of you. If they really thought you looked bad, they would whisper about it behind your back and not say it to your face. Cause they're like, oh, she knows she looks bad. But if someone says something rude to you about your spray tan to your face, they are researching to get one, and they need to make you feel bad because you are so hot that they're insecure.

[Alex Earle]

I would agree. I think always, the more orange, the better. And that's, like, it's been a thing. Like, me and my friends are just.

[Nikki Glaser]

We.

[Alex Earle]

I can't. I went out last weekend, and I didn't. My spray tan came off. And, like, I am usually, like, if I'm going out, the less clothing I can wear, the better. Just, like, my vibe. I wore a coat zipped up to the top, jeans. I didn't have an inch of skin out because I was like, I'm so pale right now. This is like, put me in.

[Nikki Glaser]

That's when you cover up. Ew. What did I just do with concealer?

[Alex Earle]

What do you think your own biggest

[Nikki Glaser]

red flag is that I am messy. I think that's the thing that I'm like, hey, now. If I was to get.

[Alex Earle]

What's wrong with that?

[Nikki Glaser]

But I love you. Thanks for saying that. That's the same way I feel about your voice. I'm like, don't you say that? Your voice is amazing. I think people don't like messy people is what I've come across. Like, clean people look at messy people and go, they're less than. They're less than. I feel Less. I think I grew up around really clean friends and organized friends.

[Alex Earle]

See, I think you're more organized if you're messy. Because you could walk into my room when it looks like a bomb went off in there, and I could find something, I could find anything. I know where it is.

[Nikki Glaser]

You're. So we're actually better stuff that often. And I don't waste my time folding things and putting things where they're supposed to be. Like, I get more done because I have more time, because I'm not. And these are all things I've realized from my friends who have tried to make me feel better. And they're like, no, that's why you're successful. It's cause you're messy. And I'm like, okay, but maybe there's something to it. I don't know.

[Alex Earle]

I think it's a little bit better.

[Nikki Glaser]

I like that you were like, whatever. That really makes me feel good. And I'm not disgusting, but I can be sometimes where I'm like, if something falls on the ground, I don't care about picking it up and using it in whatever way needs to be used. Like, as I sometimes have to pretend to wash my hands longer than I really want to. If there's other women in the world,

[Alex Earle]

we're building up our immunity, I think.

[Nikki Glaser]

So. I never get sick.

[Alex Earle]

I never get sick either.

[Nikki Glaser]

I love.

[Alex Earle]

Because we are right in it with the truth.

[Nikki Glaser]

You don't get sick?

[Alex Earle]

No.

[Nikki Glaser]

Oh, my.

[Alex Earle]

And when I do, and then I'm like, what the fuck's happening? Because I have such a good immune system.

[Nikki Glaser]

Because maybe that's it. Okay.

[Alex Earle]

You know, whatever. So we're actually smarter than these clean people out here who are sick.

[Nikki Glaser]

If you're messy, then I'm gone. Like, I really am. Like, that's what I need, like, more messy queens to, like, look up to in my life.

[Alex Earle]

How much would you spend on a ticket to see your favorite artist? If it was her last show, I

[Nikki Glaser]

would say I would spend 30% of my net worth. Because as long as it left me enough to get by and take care of the people I love, I would. If it was her last show. If it's Taylor Swift's last show ever, I'm gonna die anyway the next day. So maybe all of it, like, I am gonna really. I really would spend. That's what I spend the most. I was just on set with my friend, and she was like, talk a Birkin she wanted. And she likes jewelry and all this stuff. She's like, nikki, what is your big Price item. Like, what do you like? And I was like, taylor Swift tickets and memorabilia. And it would be any band memorabilia. Like, any artifact. Like, I think that's what I'm into is like, I don't want to be one of these people that's like, I like experiences, not things. I'm just like, okay. But, like, I. Cause I would love, like, a Taylor Swift guitar. I have many Taylor Swift signed guitars and stuff like that that I've gotten over the years or CDs and stuff. I like Taylor Swift. I like what I like. And yeah, I did buy a massage chair that was extremely exp. Like, one of the ones where you go like. And you lay back. Totally. For my. What?

[Alex Earle]

Like, for your home?

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, I think I said for my mom. I'm like, oh, it's just an old person thing. I bought it for my home. Yeah. And I've used it three times. But, you know, I was staying in a really nice hotel room that had it, and I just, like, with my friend.

[Alex Earle]

Was Austria in a hotel room?

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, it was such a nice suite. They, like, upgraded us because there was a problem with our hotel room that we, you know, we got a really good deal on it. And it was like. And I was just like, look it up right now. Let's buy it. And she's like, it's this much money. I'm like, I always go, I don't have kids. Let's go. This is like, my friend just spent, you know, as much of a college tuition to get her kids into a kindergarten. I'm like, let's do it.

[Alex Earle]

College tuition or a massage chair.

[Nikki Glaser]

I should be rewarded for not having kids because it's a sacrifice to not have kids. Who's gonna take care of me when I'm older? My massage chair. I'm gonna lean back and let it do its magic. I've done roasts before where they've said things that have hurt my feelings that I think about every time I look in the mirror kind of thing. Like the Larry Bird thing. I got called Larry Bird by Blake Griffin at a roast. And I think about it a lot, and I didn't think about it before.

[Alex Earle]

I see a picture of Larry Bird.

[Nikki Glaser]

It's just a blonde man with, like, a big head, you know? Like, here's the thing with roast, you're either fat, and if you're thin, you are a horse face. That's with women. They'll either call you fat.

[Alex Earle]

Oh, I horse like a horse. I've seen. There's this picture of this horse With a wig. But it's this horse with this wig. I have to show you this photo after. This horse with this wig and these big boobs and, like, it's such a terrifying picture. My friends are like, this looks exactly like you. I can't describe it.

[Nikki Glaser]

That is so funny. And also, I've seen myself look like a horse as well. I think everyone looks like an animal. And I've been told I look like a camel, but I think it's just my coloring and humps and my camel toe is probably what they're mainly focusing on.

[Alex Earle]

Do you know I posted about a camel toe before, and that's my biggest regret, because now everybody, every single fucking camel toe underwear uses me as paid sponsorship.

[Nikki Glaser]

You called it out in a picture of yourself.

[Alex Earle]

No, I said, I'm going on Dancing with the Stars and I'm ordering camel toe underwear because I can't put on a workout set without getting a camel toe. Sorry. I don't know what you guys are doing. Does someone not have a crack down there? But when there's a little. The tight part under split. Yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

When there's the seam. Right.

[Alex Earle]

I don't know. And I said, I'm gonna be on television dancing, so I'm gonna order this. And I don't know why I felt I should share that. And it has come back to haunt me ever since.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, I've had mistakes like that, too.

[Alex Earle]

I'm just like.

[Nikki Glaser]

I talked about my vagina. Like, the lips down there looks like a hastily packed suitcase. When you're just like, I gotta go. And you're slamming it and there's things falling out of it, and people talk about hastily packed suitcase to me all the time. And, like, my vagina is, like, brought up to me so much. But I will say about camel toe, I was on this movie and I had to wear this jumpsuit that was really hyped up. Massive camel toe. And they go, we'll give you the special pad, like, the underwear pad that goes in your underwear that sits great. I cameled it. I bent it. I bent that thing and it still cameled out. I was able to bend like steel with the pull of the seam. It was so funny. I was like, I defeated this camel toe, like, guard and bent it.

[Alex Earle]

No.

[Nikki Glaser]

So I need, like, a plastic hard shield down there to make that work. Or I'm just like, I have a vagina and you can see it. Who cares?

[Alex Earle]

Yeah, whatever.

[Nikki Glaser]

It's like an ass crack in the front.

[Alex Earle]

Make it hot.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah.

[Alex Earle]

Bring it back.

[Nikki Glaser]

Totally.

[Alex Earle]

Are you done? With your glam. Is this. You know what?

[Nikki Glaser]

I'm gonna do a gloss and then. Yes.

[Alex Earle]

Okay. I love.

[Nikki Glaser]

And I didn't bring a gloss, so I'm not gonna do a gloss on the other.

[Alex Earle]

I didn't bring a lipstick.

[Nikki Glaser]

And then we're done.

[Alex Earle]

Amazing. I have a little game I wanna play with you before we leave, so I think this is gonna be really fun.

[Nikki Glaser]

Okay.

[Alex Earle]

It's these. I have these special goggles for you.

[Nikki Glaser]

Oh, my God.

[Alex Earle]

So you have made friendship bracelets before?

[Nikki Glaser]

I have not made them, but I've.

[Alex Earle]

Oh, well, this will be even better then.

[Nikki Glaser]

I love them so much.

[Alex Earle]

Okay, sorry, one second.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yes.

[Alex Earle]

We're gonna challenge you.

[Nikki Glaser]

Oh, my God.

[Alex Earle]

To make a friendship bracelet. Oh, dear.

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[Alex Earle]

good girl.

[Nikki Glaser]

Read the letters and my new fake

[Alex Earle]

nails that I just put on with these on.

[Nikki Glaser]

Oh, and good girl.

[Alex Earle]

And it'll be easy.

[Nikki Glaser]

The name of my special streaming now on Hulu.

[Alex Earle]

Can you tell us about it?

[Nikki Glaser]

Yes. Yes. Wait, how would you even do this? Okay.

[Alex Earle]

I have faith in you.

[Nikki Glaser]

All right, so.

[Alex Earle]

So tell us about Good girl.

[Nikki Glaser]

Good Girl is my special on Hulu. And it is about my struggles as a 40 year old woman with a newfound. I have to like. Okay, is there like a thing that is making that stuck that you could maybe help me with with your normal eyes?

[Alex Earle]

Yeah, this will be good.

[Nikki Glaser]

Thank you so much.

[Alex Earle]

Take a scissor to it.

[Nikki Glaser]

I don't even know where we are. Is that the right place? I can't see.

[Alex Earle]

You're about to chop your thumb off.

[Nikki Glaser]

Okay, good. It's my first special since the Tom Brady roast, which is the thing that kind of put me on the map and changed my life. I probably have to tie a knot first. And it's just talking about being in the spotlight, having the pressure to be. I think I'm better if I just close my eyes and do this than with these goggles.

[Alex Earle]

They're a little nauseating.

[Nikki Glaser]

The pressure to look a certain way when you get famous, when you get these opportunities to be on red carpets. And people always say, well, you're a comedian. It doesn't matter what you look like, and I have to say, it's helped me a lot to have good glam and to have good stylists and to, you know, like, it's part of the package. It's part of the brand. It's not just the jokes. I work really hard on those, and that's what got me into this business. But I definitely feel like it's a part of what I have to do to maintain my relevance.

[Alex Earle]

No.

[Nikki Glaser]

Cause I'm cheating through a little space by my nose. No, I just had to cheat. No, you can't cheat.

[Alex Earle]

Exercise and make the bracelet.

[Nikki Glaser]

Okay. I just had to cheat for the. And so I. I love how honest you are. Okay.

[Alex Earle]

I think it's plastic. You don't have to lick it.

[Nikki Glaser]

But it had a fray. Oh, girl, I'm not gonna get past the G. Like, I don't even. Okay. I have to find the hole first.

[Alex Earle]

Okay. High road or low road?

[Nikki Glaser]

High road or low road?

[Alex Earle]

Like, are you gonna take the high road with something or are you gonna dip down low?

[Nikki Glaser]

If I've had enough sleep. High road. If I am underslept, which is all the time. Low road.

[Alex Earle]

Dogs are cast dogs. Tour life or home life?

[Nikki Glaser]

Honestly, tour life right now, because I have friends that, you know, come with me on the road to open for me. My assistant is, like, my best friend,

[Alex Earle]

and I met your assistant in the bathroom.

[Nikki Glaser]

You did? At the Golden Globes party that I had. And she was getting ready for this two days ago. We were talking about coming here, and she was talking to my stylist, and she was like, I wonder if Alix Earle is gonna remember me. And I go, no, she's not. Like, just. Cause I was, like, trying to set her expectations of, like, that she met a lot of people that night. That is, like, months ago.

[Alex Earle]

No, I remember.

[Nikki Glaser]

And then you said at the Vanity Part, Vanity Fair party, to me, the Vanity Party is what people are calling it. I met your assistant in the bathroom, and I go, oh, my God, I'm such an asshole. I told her you would never remember her. I was like. I went home and I was like, I am so sorry I doubted the power of Alex Earle's memory and how captivating you are. She's so sweet. She is so sweet. And she's literally my best friend. Alex. I don't know how I would even. Cause I have to position the glasses. And then. Does everyone struggle with this?

[Alex Earle]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

But not in this way.

[Alex Earle]

We haven't done bracelets yet.

[Nikki Glaser]

I mean, honestly.

[Alex Earle]

Okay, so what if you pick it up? Maybe like, in front of your face.

[Nikki Glaser]

Okay, now I'm feeling nearsighted. No, I think I have to do it that way. Oh, my God. I can't even move a little bit. Cause your field of vision is right.

[Alex Earle]

You want me to hold the string and you plop the bead on? Maybe.

[Nikki Glaser]

Okay, yeah, let's try.

[Alex Earle]

And then I'll try and, like, anchor it down.

[Nikki Glaser]

Okay. Thank you. Thank you.

[Alex Earle]

Oh, my gosh. It is fraying.

[Nikki Glaser]

Thank you.

[Alex Earle]

Okay, let's do the G. Where are you? Here. Where are. To your left.

[Nikki Glaser]

What is going on? I literally can't see you. Okay, there you are. I can't even move an inch. So now it's just you doing it.

[Alex Earle]

I'm trying to. Oh. Oh.

[Nikki Glaser]

This has not been tested, by the way. None of you did this. This is literally impossible. Look at how bronzed this string is. Cause I have it all over my hands. That's so funny.

[Alex Earle]

We can give up. We can quit.

[Nikki Glaser]

We can give. Yeah.

[Alex Earle]

Yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

I appreciate you really tried.

[Alex Earle]

I just wanted to see you struggle a little bit.

[Nikki Glaser]

And look at this dented. Cause I'm so hydrated. Sound.

[Alex Earle]

Yay.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yay.

[Alex Earle]

Okay, well, there's our glam. And she doesn't have these lines on our face.

[Nikki Glaser]

Not usually.

[Alex Earle]

I bullied her into doing that.

[Nikki Glaser]

And, like, honestly, my eyes, I'm so, like, as you get older, things farther away are obviously harder to see. And so my eyes, I'm usually like this.

[Alex Earle]

You did a great job.

[Nikki Glaser]

No, I didn't. Look at that. That's amazing mess, Alex. That's terrible. Tony.

[Alex Earle]

No, we're embracing the mess.

[Nikki Glaser]

Embrace the mess, baby.

[Alex Earle]

Yay. Well, thanks for coming to get ready with me.

[Nikki Glaser]

You are so sweet and exactly what everyone would hope you to be. So thank you so much.

[Alex Earle]

You're amazing. You're so nice for doing this, even. Hi.

[Nikki Glaser]

Thank you for having me.

[Alex Earle]

Congrats on everything.

[Nikki Glaser]

Thank you so much, honey. You're so sweet.

[Alex Earle]

My twin.

[Nikki Glaser]

My twin. My daughter. Yay. I mean, honestly, my sister. Wait, how do you smile?

[Alex Earle]

Like.

[Nikki Glaser]

Bye. Bye. You're the best.