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Hot Mess
Hot Mess Hotline: I'm Still in Love with My Ex!
00:42:10
This week, Alix answers your voicemails in another episode of Hot Mess Hotline. Alix gives all kinds of advice on how to make friends after college, what to do when you’re a jealous person, ways to deal with family drama and even what to say to a guy who is weirdly obsessed with his sister…
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- [00:01]
Alex Earl
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- [03:50]
Listener
Hi Alex. First off, I want to start by saying I love you. I'm a huge fan. I listen to every episode. But this isn't as much a what would Alex do? As a story time. That literally just happened to me today. But I've been seeing and talking to this guy from Hinge for about two and a half months since the beginning of October. And everything's been going good. Like we were having sleepovers, whatever, and he was like initiating conversation and texting. And then he all of a sudden started getting really dry and like not responding to my texts. So I stopped reaching out. But we ended up seeing each other yesterday and we were laying in my bed and we were both on our phones. Like I was on TikTok, whatever and I looked over at his phone and saw him literally on Hinge messaging other girls while laying in my bed. And I think I just need the validation and like the reassurance that like I did the right thing by kicking him out of my apartment. Yeah, I basically called him out. I called him out on it. Obviously in the moment I was like, if you're gonna be on Hinge, like that's fine, but you need to like not do it in my bed, and you need to get the out of my apartment. So, yeah, we haven't docked since. That's all, I guess.
- [05:16]
Alex Earl
Oh, my gosh. Okay, well, first of all, reassurance. You did the right thing. But it's so crazy that, like, as girls, we even need to, like, ask for reassurance about this stuff because, like, we always. I feel like we always know, like, deep down in our gut, we're like, oh, this doesn't feel right. Or we're, like, kind of tell our friends something, but then it's just, like, we replay every scenario in our head or we start to, like, make excuses for the guys, and we're like, oh, but, like, maybe I'm being crazy. Or, like, maybe that's not that weird. Or, like, should I have said something later? But you definitely did the right thing by kicking him out, because that just. It's disgusting. Like, you're spending time together. He doesn't need to be going on Hinge. And like, you said, you're like. You can be on Hinge, but, like, we're hanging out. I'm trying to think if I've ever had a guy, like, do something like that in front of me. I mean, my one one boyfriend, that was just like. He just. I don't know. It's almost like I feel bad for him. Like, he kind of just had, like, no social cues ever. And, like, he would. I've said this in the last Hotmail episode, but, like, he would literally be in front of me, and we'd be out on, like, a date night together at school, which wasn't really a date night, but, like, we're partying together, and I would treat it as, like, a date night. And I was so excited to be with him, and he would literally be, like, grinding and, like, humping other girls in front of me, and I was like, okay. And then, like, I would leave. And I remember one time I went home and I, like, threw his backpack out in the hallway, and then he came home and tried to, like, knock on my door to come over, and I was just like, what is wrong with men? Like, why? Like, you have something so good in front of you, and then you just wasted away? And, like, I just feel like sometimes they don't think or they're thinking with their, like, other things. So you definitely did the right thing. And what I will say is, this guy's definitely gonna try and, like, come back around, because they always do. Like, that's something I'll always say is, like, a guy will always come back. And girls get so scared when they like, want to leave or want to stand up for themselves because they're like, oh, but what if I want him to like me? I promise you, I don't know what it is. And sometimes it takes years, but they always come back around. Like, there's always a time where they're just like, wait, hey, like, I want to talk to you. I want to get dinner. Or like, let me, let me try and slide back in.
- [07:32]
Listener
And.
- [07:32]
Alex Earl
And you just have to stay grounded and stay strong. And I hope you do, because you're better than that. Even if it is a guy that you're just like, seeing casually. I just, I don't like it. I don't think it's respectful. And you're too good for that. Like, you want a guy who's going to be like, so obsessed with you that he doesn't even want to think about another girl. And it doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you that he's not doing that with you. And I think that's like, as girls, sometimes we get that twisted in our head. We're like, wait, I'm not good enough? I'm not pretty enough. That's why he's like sitting here looking at other girls. No, that's not true at all. Literally every pretty, beautiful, smart woman gets cheated on. It's nothing to do with you. It's just everything to do with the guy and whatever they're dealing with and whatever their problem is. But you will find someone who is better for you. And I love you. Okay, let's go on to voicemail number two.
- [08:27]
Listener
Hey, Alex. So first off, I just want to say I love you and love everything that you do. So my question is. So I currently go to school in Florida, I'm in Tampa, and I'm moving back home to Chicago because I'm graduating. I don't have any friends from my hometown and I don't know how to.
- [08:48]
Alex Earl
Make friends as being like a 22 year old.
- [08:51]
Listener
So if you have any advice. Thanks and love you.
- [08:54]
Alex Earl
Well, I'd love you too. This is such an. It's kind of crazy because I feel like it's a stupid question or I used to think it was a stupid question being like, how do you make friends? And after graduating college, it's actually like you're put into this position where I don't know how to explain it, but anyone who's like going through like post grad will feel this where you're just like, what? Like what like, there's no more besides, like, your job. There's no one, like, organizing your life or, like, here's your schedule. Do this. And it's just like, how are you supposed to meet people? And I went through a really weird phase of, like, oh, my God, like, what? What are people supposed to do? Like, what is life? And I definitely think the, like, post grad period is a weird transition, and you're definitely gonna, like, feel weird. And if you don't have any friends in the area, it's gonna feel weird for a second. But once you, like, get into a groove, I would say really focus on you and your routine first, as opposed to just, like, going out and making friends, because you want to make the right friends, and you want to make friends that are interested in the same things as you. So I would say really, like, try and nail down your routine and what you're doing for work and your hobbies. I think a really great way to meet people is, like, workout classes or, I don't know, maybe you paint. Like, my roommate Kristen, she goes to, like, pottery, or maybe you do dance classes or, like, whatever type of, like, hobby you have. If there's anyone around you that, like, is also doing that hobby, I think that's a great way to meet people. I don't know. I really don't think meeting people out at a bar or a club is. And this might be a hot take, but, like, I just don't think that's the time to meet friends or girls. Like, yeah, it's the time to meet guys, maybe. But, like, I don't know. Like, I don't think you're ever at a bar, and then you're just like, hey. Or maybe more so, like, a bar. But then even so, I'm like, is it just creepy walking up to a girl and being like, hey, hey, how are you? Like, I know I end up, like, getting in conversations a lot of the times at bars, but a lot of the times it's with, like, Earl girls, you guys. I don't know if, like, I just don't think that's the time to, like, have a conversation, be like, hey, where are you from? Like, I just. Bars are so loud and noisy, and I think maybe it's a way to, like, meet people. But I would say find a hobby. Find what you really like to do and something that, like, interests you. And even in work, like, don't be afraid. I think work friends are the best because, I mean, not that I really am clocking into an office anymore, but I just think there's something about work friends. Like, I just. Even over Christmas break, going back home, I was talking to the girls that I used to work with, and they still work there. And, like, we all were just catching up on everything. And I'm like, there's nothing like a good work co worker gossip session. Like, you just get each other. You get everything. And it's just like they're just there for you. They're kind of like therapists. And I love a good co worker. I think that's a great way to meet people and then ask to, like, hang out with their friends. Like, I don't think it's weird if you're like, oh, my God, hey, I want to do something, or, like, let's go grab drinks after work. And if you're not getting a job right away, because I know it's kind of like a weird transition period. It, like, took some of my friends a minute to get a job. I would say focus on yourself and finding out what you want to do and not feeling like you need to rush into anything, because I know it might feel like right away you have to, like, have the same type of, like, lifestyle that you had in college, but you really don't. And I really think, like, 23, for me, the, like, transition period out of college, there's just. There's so much to learn and there's so much to learn about yourself. And it's kind of funny, even with, like, my friend group in college, just how similar we were in college and how different we all are now. And, like, we've all gone down, like, our different walks of life or we've started to or, like, you know, got our first foot in the door. So really, like, take time for yourself and don't feel like you need to rush into anything. Don't pressure yourself. And with that being said, don't be afraid to, like, ask a girl in your workout class, like, oh, my God, hey, like, want to go grab a coffee after? Something like that. So I would say focus on you. Focus on your passions and be confident. Don't be afraid to shoot your shot. And if they shoot you down, then I'll have a word with them. Love you. Okay. Voicemail 3. Alex, love you so, so much. You are actually super, super cool. So basically, my dad is refusing to come to my wedding if I don't invite my son stepmom. But she's evil and she sucks and she's done horrible to things to me, and I haven't even seen her in two Years, so I don't even know how he would expect for me to invite her.
- [13:42]
Listener
So.
- [13:42]
Alex Earl
Looks like my mom would be walking.
- [13:44]
Listener
Me down the aisle.
- [13:45]
Alex Earl
But I don't want to regret it when I'm older. So what would Alex do? Do you have any advice? Thank you.
- [13:51]
Listener
And love you.
- [13:52]
Alex Earl
Oh, I love you. I'm sorry. I mean, family stuff is never fun, and especially when you're kind of put in a position like that. Like, that's not fair for your dad to put you in a position like that. Okay. What would Alex do? I know you might not want to hear this, but I feel like what I've done a lot of my life and what we kind of were raised to do, and not that it's always the best, and we've definitely had to, like, go back and work through things, but definitely been raised to, like, put the family first and sometimes, like, put those personal emotions aside. Like you said, like, you don't want to look back and regret not having your dad walk you down the aisle. Like, that's such a special moment for you. And it is really hard when you don't get along with, like, your parents significant other. And, I mean, my mom's had a lot of boyfriends. My dad's only ever really been with Ashley after my mom. And we've definitely had our fair share of fights. Like, we still fight, but we're family. And even if you don't feel like you're family with this person, I think it's important to have your dad there. And I think that's something that you may regret down the line, and you don't want to regret it. You might get annoyed, and maybe she's at the wedding, and maybe she annoys you. But, like, this is your day. This is your time. You don't have to stand there worrying about her, what she's gonna do or what she's gonna say or whatever it is that you guys fight about, you're never gonna regret being the bigger person. And I know it's not easy. And sometimes, like, dealing with parents, there's moments where you're like, oh, my God, like, why do I feel like I'm being the bigger person right now? Like, this feels crazy. And I think as you get older, that's something that I've learned as well, where you're just, like, looking at your parents and you're like, okay. You're also just a person, just a human. Like, you know, your dad's seeing this woman, and for whatever reason, he's really happy with her. And like, a part of you as an adult, I feel like, has to, like, come to terms with that and accept that and realize that, like, if your dad's happy with her, if you want your dad in your life, you know, you can't kind of, like, force her out, unfortunately. And I know it sucks, and I know you don't want to hear it. And I've had friends who have divorced parents, and, like, they literally still, like, don't talk to them, don't see them. And their parents kind of, like, gave them that choice and gave them that option. And I can't say that I wouldn't have done the same, but we really didn't have that option. And I want to say now that, like, working through things and spending more time together and years and years and years of work with our family, like, we're all so close now. And it just does really suck, though, when, like, that's not a fair position for your dad to be putting you in. And I would suck it up and I would be the bigger person and I would want my dad to walk me down the aisle, but that's just me. I don't know the extent to what, like, she's done to you, so I think that's personally what I would do. And don't put too much pressure on yourself about this. If you do end up inviting her and inviting him, this is your day. That's like, the biggest. One of the biggest days of your life, right? Like, you have to enjoy it, have fun with it, let go of those grudges for the day, and really, just, like, you are the center of attention. You, your fiance, your special moment, your special day, and, like, really enjoy it. And I think, like, for me personally, there would be, like, a hole in my heart if my dad wasn't there. That's what I would do. At one of my first jobs that I ever had, I used Shopify. And it was so easy. And it's actually what we use now for Hot Mess and the merch that you guys love. We use Shopify. It is a commerce platform that allows you to start, grow, and manage a business just like mine. It's the one commerce platform behind the big brands you know and love. It is so, so easy to use. It's easy for. Easy for the customer. Whether it's a side hustle or a storefront. With Shopify, you can sell online and in person, locally and globally, direct or wholesale, desktop to mobile. They can also help you scale and keep a tab on things effortlessly. At any time you can open Shopify on your phone or laptop and see where your customers are shopping from, how many of them are checking out, and what products are their favorite. Personally, I love you get a notification right at the top of your phone when someone buys something so you see it right away. And whether you're just wanting to test an idea out or you're getting serious about launching your own brand, it's never been easier to get started on. Shopify.com Hot Mess the New Balance 1080 is the ultimate daily trainer, combining reliable comfort with top tier performance. I love New Balance sneakers. I mean for the girls who are running, good for you. I'm not a runner. I'm probably more so wearing these to like the coffee shop or the grocery store. But The New Balance 1080 features a cushion midsole for secure support and comfort. It's lightweight, breathable and it is good for an everyday day on the run on the go shop the 1080@New Balance.com.
- [19:03]
Listener
Hi Alex, I'm such a hot mess today. I've party last night so my voice sounds a little weird. My question to you today is generally how do you build your confidence? I know you've had panic attacks pretty much all your life and to be honest, it's been pretty much the same thing for me over here. And I just like to get your advice as to how you've been able to get in a better place or at least control a little bit more your anxiety and just started feeling more confident generally.
- [19:41]
Alex Earl
What's wrong with me nowadays? I cry at everything. Like I'm sitting here and I have tears in my eyes. Okay, so kind of two parts to that, but kind of all under the same umbrella. Anxiety, panic attacks and confidence. So I'm going to go into first anxiety because that's something that I have dealt with and I think a lot of people online when I talk about my anxiety think that it's just like, oh, I'm, I have anxiety because I feel like a lot of people say that nowadays but like I have generalized anxiety disorder and I started having panic attacks at like 14, early 15 years old, which is really young to be having panic attacks. And I feel like I had to go through a lot at that age and I learned a lot really fast about anxiety and mental health. And there's definitely times where like it's better or it's worse. I definitely think if you are like going out, I think you just said that you were a hot mess in this, in the beginning and maybe you're hungover. I definitely Think like, taking a step back from like going crazy and partying can maybe help your anxiety. Or some people say that that helps their anxiety. I. I mean, I do think there's times when like, I'm on the go a lot and it gets a little bit worse. But I wouldn't say that mine's like directly correlated to alcohol. And I know a lot of people say that because I go out a lot and then I'm like, I'm having anxiety. But I've always been this way. Well before I drank and I guess like my anxiety, which I don't know, I actually saw this girl post a tick tock and it was exactly how I felt. And I was like, you just described exactly how I feel. It's like. And it started to be a little bit worse for me recently as well. Of like, anytime I'm out in public, it's. I just feel like I'm going to like, pass out all the time. And it's just like I like to be in the comfort of my home or my bed. And I know this sounds crazy because I'm out and about a lot, but like, something about like, especially like at a dinner table or any time where I just feel like, trapped, I don't know why, or if the brights, the lights are really bright, like I get like over stimulated and then I think I'm gonna pass out. And then when I start having anxiety, it leads to this circle because, like, I have anxiety about passing out. So it just leads to a bad cycle. But there's a lot of times at dinners and it always happens to me where like, I have to get up and go to the bathroom and like, take some deep breaths or like, take a walk outside. And then I have to like, snap back into reality because I'm like, what is going on, Alex? You are fine. And I mean, there's been so many different coping methods for me. And that's the weird thing is when I say I have anxiety, people are like, well, what are you worried about? And I'm like, I'm not worried about anything. That's the weird part is like, my body just starts like freaking out. It's not one thing in particular that I'm anxious about. I just get anxious. And then I get scared about passing out because I have like a phobia of passing out. So what I've come to terms with for me personally is I have not passed out since the day I passed out when I was 14 years old. So in the moments where I feel very lightheaded or very faint and feel very anxious. I recognize that, like, okay, this sounds a little. A little gory, but, like, the moments before you're going to pass out, like, you're very calm because, like, maybe not very calm, but, like, everything is draining out of you. And, like, you are, like, snap, about to fall back. So, like, I recognize that, like, when I'm really worked up in these moments, I'm like, okay, like, if this is gonna happen, this is gonna happen. And, like, I have to let my body just, like, do it, do it, take it, whatever. And it's never happened to me. Even in the moments where I'm, like, I'm literally crumbling to the floor right now, I can't breathe. So I think that's another thing is recognizing, like, okay, like, I recognize that this is anxiety right now. And once you, like, kind of clock that it's anxiety, not that it's going to go away, but you have to be like, I am not choosing to deal with this right now. And it sounds really stupid, but I was having really bad anxiety the other day when I got on a flight and I went into the bathroom and I looked at myself in the mirror, and I was like, we're not gonna do this right now. Like, we need to pull it together because it all stems. Anxiety is all from the mental. So, like, you need to, like, talk yourself out of it, literally. And if you have to stand in the mirror or if you have to find any way to, like, communicate with yourself and be like, this isn't going to happen. And I wish it was as easy as that is. Like, okay, we say that and then it goes away, because it doesn't. But it's the first step at getting yourself to be like, this is anxiety. This is stupid right now. Like, we need to, like, take a few deep breaths. And then when I do that, you just have to, like, for me, find anything to, like, switch your focus. Find anything to focus on and try and distract yourself. And it's not going to be easy at first, but, like, get out of your head as much as you can. Think about anything. I sometimes like to count things. You just get so overwhelmed and worked up. So really, like, trying to, like, pinpoint your main focus on anything else is what helps me. And then I always like some, like, sour candy, and I think that always helps me or anything I feel that's like, a juice or like a Gatorade or apple juice or tomato juice. Anything with, like, some sugar usually just makes me feel better, weirdly. But that's not really the case all the time that I'm just like, hey, let me whip out some, like, Sour Patch Kids out of my purse. Because I'm having a panic attack. And I think the confidence part of it is you need to understand that, like, these panic attacks aren't just gonna go away. And you cannot let that stop you from living your life. And I know it feels like it because there's points where, like, I would be bedridden and, like, I couldn't leave or I would sit at the hair salon. And I was like, I have to get out of here. I was, like, clawing at my skin like, I can't even sit in a hair salon chair. And I'm freaking out so bad. It's like, what is wrong with me? And it feels like it's the end of the world, but it's really not. And you are the commander of your own mind, and you need to take control, and you need to tell yourself to shut the up. You need to be like, we're doing this. Like, you know, take some time for yourself, whatever makes you feel better. Like, if it's self care, like, taking a moment to, like, step back. Journaling helps me a lot. If you journal. This is something that's really, really helpful for me. So write down in the moment when you're like, I feel like I hate my life. I don't want to live to see another day. Like, this is miserable. I hate being in my own body as I've had those thoughts before. I write it down in the moment and I write how I'm feeling about everything. Friends, family, boyfriend, life, me, every, everything, everything to do. And then you will read that when you're not in that state, when you're not having a panic attack, and you're going to realize, like, oh, my God, like, I was, like, so out of my mind at that point and just, like, not thinking rationally and, like, it does get better. And, like, start, like, tricking yourself into seeing that, like, it gets better and that's not all the time and that you can come out of it. So for me, confidence part of it is really, like, faking it till you make it. And I think you have to put yourself in a confident mindset. And that's not always easy to do. But, you know, even if you're just pretending and you're like, how would this person act in this scenario? Like, I always say, like, I'll think of, like, a confident movie character. And I'm like, how would they walk in the room? Like, how would they present themselves. How would they deal with this? And realize that, like, at the end of the day, we are on a floating rock and it is not that deep. It does not matter. Like, you will get through this. I also think giving yourself some grace is really important. Don't have your confidence fall through the floor because you're having a panic attack or you need to leave. Like, I was at my birthday lunch in Key west and I was like, I'm anxious right now. Like, I have to go sit in bed. And it's gotten to a point where, like, I'm so comfortable with my friends telling them that, and, like, they understand it and they get it. And I'm like, I'm fine right now, but I was just having one of those moments where I was like, I'm at a restaurant. Like, I feel trapped and whatever, and it's like, I just need to go lay down, decompress for a second. And that is okay. And you shouldn't be afraid to have those excuses or those moments for yourself, because it happens. And although it doesn't happen to everyone, it happens to a lot of people and probably more than you think. So I think really taking control of the narrative and kind of coming into this fake it till you make it mindset. Maybe you read a book that is about confidence or changing your mindset in that type of way, and that is my advice on that. And I wish you the best, because it's not fun and something I'm still learning even 10 years later, dealing with anxiety, how to wrangle it all. But at the end of the day, it comes from a mental space. And when you get into one bad thought and another and another and another, you need to, like, trick yourself to get out of it. So distract yourself. Focus on something else. Don't let your confidence be knocked because you're having panic attacks. We all have panic attacks. And I love you. Hey, Alex. I'm Olivia. And I'm Presley. Oh, my God.
- [29:06]
Listener
And we have an alumni.
- [29:07]
Alex Earl
So basically, I've been talking to this.
- [29:09]
Listener
Guy for a little bit, but the problem is he has a really weird obsession with his sister. And, like, he, like, talks about her all the time, and they just have a weird, like, obsessive relationship. Yeah. And, like, I'm like, like, really good.
- [29:25]
Alex Earl
Friends with his sister. Like, we go to school together, and they, like, she. Like, there won't be a conversation that.
- [29:31]
Listener
Goes by without her, without him being brought up.
- [29:35]
Alex Earl
It's like, it's unhealthy.
- [29:36]
Listener
And, like, I can't say anything about it. Help us.
- [29:42]
Alex Earl
Okay, well, I feel like my advice here, girls, is, like, if you know that this is a thing, and maybe it's not weird, and maybe you're just overthinking it, but if it's something that bothers you, then, like, this isn't the guy for you. And I know that sucks because it's like, we always want to, like, make an excuse or make it work or be like, what's the explanation here? But. But it's not like you can really, like, confront him and be like, hey, why the are you talking about your sister so much? I mean, you can, but, like, is he gonna give you a truthful answer? Probably not. Maybe he just loves her a lot. Maybe it's something weird. I don't know. But at the end of the day, this is like, the answer is right here. You are answering this for yourself. It's weird. You don't like it. So then this isn't the person for you. We've got to move on. We've got to put it to rest. And we're not going to talk to the brother sister duo anymore. Even though you're friends with the sister, you can be friends with the sister. But if you think, like, you're feeling like something weird's going on, then, like, let's just remove ourselves from that situation instead of trying to fix the situation, because I don't know if you're the person to fix that situation if there is a situation, you know? Love you.
- [30:57]
Listener
Hi, Alex. So I'm a pretty jealous person in my relationship. Not to the extent where, like, too much, but I get jealous sometimes. And my boyfriend does not ever get jealous, or at least he doesn't show it. But from what I know, he doesn't get jealous, like, at all for whatever I do. And, like, is it weird that that bothers me a little bit? Like, in some way, I do want him to get jealous at some things. Like, not at everything, but, like, just to show that I guess he cares. I don't know if I should speak to him, but I feel like it's something that is bothering me weirdly. And.
- [31:37]
Alex Earl
Yeah.
- [31:38]
Listener
So what would Alex do?
- [31:40]
Alex Earl
Okay, girl, I feel you. And this is something that I had to kind of, like, learn and retrain myself because I feel like I had a very not. I feel like I had. I know I had a very toxic relationship with guys and my mindset on relationships and, you know, going into dating Braxton. I. And I don't like to admit this, but I's always the type that, like, I would do something or say something purposefully or, like, put something in front of his face about another guy or something to, like, try and get him to, like, be jealous so that I could see if he cares. Because I feel you. I'm like, I want to know, like, do you care about this? Like, why don't you care? That's weird if you don't care. And Braxton was like, I don't with this. Like, stop doing this. This is. This is not gonna work for me. And I was like, oh, okay. And for me, like, I knew that he cared. And I don't think that your boyfriend doesn't care if he's not reacting. He probably does care, but he's probably taking notes, and he's probably like, can this stop? I. I think you are gonna have to go another way about seeing if he cares for you. It's kind of like. It's like, a toxic thing to. And I know because I do it, too. So I'm not. I'm not judging you at all. I'm just saying that mindset is not healthy. Being, like, I want them to, like, react, but, like, here I am. I'm, like, contradicting myself, but I'm like, but you would want them to react. Like, I want to know the level of, like, is he not jealous about another guy, like, liking your photo? Or is like. Well, I guess. Actually, here's my question, because I think jealous and protective are two different things. Like, I would say Braxton's very, very protective, but he's not jealous because he knows that he has me, and he knows that I'm not going anywhere. I'm not turning my head for anyone. So, like, he might feel that sense of security with you. So he's not jealous, and that's great. But I love a protective guy. You know, I'm like, if someone comes up and touches me or does something weird, like, I want a guy who's gonna punch him and he's gonna fall flat to the floor. That, like, I love. So I. I want to know, like, is he. Or maybe that's, like, going to be helpful for you to decipher. Like, is he being jealous or not jealous, or is he not being, like, protective? Because I think a guy should always be protective. But, yeah, I mean, I think if it's really, like, the jealousy thing and you get jealous about little things, then I really think that that's just a little toxic trait that you have that, you know, we're gonna have to find another way to prove that. He some guys are just a little bit more mature than that and falling for these games that we love. So I would say make sure he's protective over you, but he doesn't need to be jealous of you because that's not healthy. But it's fun. But it's not healthy. But I love you.
- [34:44]
Listener
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- [35:52]
Alex Earl
Second of all, I love you too.
- [35:54]
Listener
I have a pickle. So I'm dating a new guy. We've been together for about like six months so far. And I'm still in love with my ex. And the only reason why my ex and I aren't together is because he lives 3,000 miles away from me across the country. And yeah, we didn't want to do long distance, but yeah, so I don't know what to do because I'm still in love with him. So should I tell him that I'm in love with him or just like, leave it as it is? But I also can't leave it as it is because my mind's going crazy.
- [36:33]
Alex Earl
She's dating a new guy for like 6 months. Still in love with your ex. Girly pop. We have to. And that relationship, because you definitely shouldn't be in a relationship if you're still in love with someone else. And if you're having feelings for someone else to the point where you're calling in here and you're telling me this on a voicemail, it seems like you're really almost like seeking this validation. I feel like you should leave the guy you're with first and foremost because that's just not. Yeah, obviously not fair to him. But, like, for you, I don't think that's fair for you. And I don't think you're able to, like, fully process your emotions. Like, it's only going to make you more confused because you're like, wait, I have this guy, and I like this guy, and I like hanging out with him. But I'm thinking of the last one, and, like, is that weird that I'm thinking of the last one if I'm with this one? And, like, you may have not fully, like, given yourself time to get over the last boyfriend before hopping into this new relationship. So I don't think it's gonna end well if you don't take some time to, like, process your emotions and see how you actually feel. And I don't think there's anything wrong of telling your ex how you feel towards him once you're out of the relationship that you're in now. So I would go about it in a respectful way and end it with guy number two. Process your emotions, figure out what you actually want, and if you still really feel strongly towards guy number one, I would tell guy number one. And I think that's fine. Is it gonna work long distance? That's up to you guys. You know, like, what's your guy's schedule on seeing each other? But that's what I would do. I think first thing I would do is not be in a relationship if I'm in love with someone else and no one is judging because we've all been there, we've all had these feelings, but I think trying to come from, like, a mature place, I think that's probably the right thing to do. And if you don't do that, we still love you anyways. Hi, Alex.
- [38:38]
Listener
What would you do if you have been talking to a guy for a full year, he's recently divorced and has kids, and he doesn't know what he wants in life.
- [38:48]
Alex Earl
Please help guys. I'm really bad at these ones that are, like, marriage, because I don't know, but let me just, like, pretend, okay, you're talking to a guy who's divorced, doesn't know what he wants in life, has kids. I'm attracted to someone who's, like, very motivational and, like, knows what they want. I'm not saying attracted to, like, someone for money, but I'm saying, like, attracted to someone who's, like, a good work ethic and, like, knows what they want for me. If I'm answering, like, what would Alex do? I would probably skedaddle my way out. Because I feel like if you're at that point in life where it's like, you've been married, you have kids, you still don't know what you want. Like, this guy might be just kind of all over the place. And I'm not saying that he's a bad guy at all, but, like, if that's something that's bothering you, like, a lot of the times I feel like you guys answer these questions for yourselves, and I'm just here to, like, tell you what you're telling me. You're like, I don't like this guy. His life's not together. And I'm like, okay, you don't like this guy, his life's not together, so maybe you end it with him. But, like, that's the hard thing. It's like, it's so much easier said than done because it's like, oh, my gosh. But I'm sure you guys have so much fun together. You like hanging out with him. I'm sure you're attracted to him. And then it's like, who else is out there? No one. Because there's literally no one today ever. So it's like, I. I feel you. And we all go through that spiral. But I think at the end of the day, what I've learned is it's always worth it. Sticking with your gut and, like, kind of doing the harder thing in the now for the better return in the long run. Because in the long run, you're going to find someone better for you. I don't know when, but you're going to find someone better for you. And then you're going to be like, oh, thank God I got there faster because I left this guy. So I feel like if you're just not into it and this guy's not seeming like he's got his life together and it's not what you want, then that's not what you want, and that's okay. And we need to move on. And I love you.
- [40:47]
Listener
Hi, Alex. What would you do in this situation? So all of my friends on Halloween decided to tell me last minute that they were all going to do a group costume and that I could join them if they wanted to. So I did it because I was going to be alone on Halloween if I didn't do it with them. And then we all went to this huge party, and all of a sudden, I look around to try and find them, and they are not there anymore. Anymore. They went back to my. Our friend's house. And they didn't want to tell me, and they basically ghosted me and left me at this party all by myself. And then the next day, we had a school dance, and they proceeded not to talk to me the entire day and avoided me. And then at school on Monday, acted as if nothing had happened. I have no idea what to do. I don't like confronting people, so I don't know how to confront them. And they've just been nothing but rude to me behind my back, but to my face, they act as if nothing happened, but their actions are speaking louder than their words, and I have no idea to what to do. So let me know what you would do in this situation.
- [42:02]
Alex Earl
Okay. I love you. And my heart's actually breaking hearing that, because that's just, like, typical mean girl behavior. Okay, I'm gonna be honest with you, and I'm gonna tell you the truth. And I don't. You probably don't want to hear this, but these girls are not your friends. They're not your friends, and they just don't have the guts to be like, hey, we don't want to be friends with you. And they're just kind of, like, doing this, faking it, stringing you along, like, trying to, like, half include you to be nice, but, like, they aren't actually. And, like, all I have to say to that is, you can find better. You deserve better friends than that, because that's not a friend. That's literally a bully. And these are people that you're considering your friends, and they're bullying you. So nothing is wrong with you in that situation. It happens all the time. It's happened to me before, but I think for you, you need to. You don't even need to really confront them, but, like, move on. You know what I mean? Like, you don't have to, like, give them the time of day. You don't owe them anything. You don't owe them respect. And you need to, like, try and hang out with other girls, and you don't need to yell at them. Don't need to make it a big fight. But, like, you know your worth. You know that that's not a good friend, and you know that you can do better. So you're gonna switch your head in another direction. And I know it's gonna be hard, and I know it's gonna be tough, but you need to have confidence in this and confidence in yourself, and, like, even right now, like, that what they're doing to you is mean. That's not nice. And you don't want to be friends with girls that aren't nice. So I would personally look towards hanging out with other girls. And even if you don't have anyone to hang out with right now, I would. I would keep my eyes peeled and I would know that they are a little sneaky. And it's like, maybe your social friends, maybe you go out together sometimes. You're all in school together, that's fine. But those are not the people that you're going to tell your deep, dark secrets to or confide in. Because I don't trust them and I don't like them. And I don't like that. And I don't like that for you. And I know you don't like that for you, and you can do better. So those are not your friends. We're moving on from them. Oh, my God. On all my advice on here, I'm like, we're leaving them. We're moving on. Yeah, I think that's just. That's the way I roll. I'm a really. I'm a really big believer. And I'm like, something is not right for me. And I'm. Maybe I'm too. Maybe I'm too good at cutting people off. But like, I. When something is not right for me, I'm like, switch. Like, here we go. Like when someone wrongs me and to the point where I'm like, you're wronging me. Like, you are out of my life. And I have no remorse about that. So that's just why my advice is a little harsh at sometimes. Okay, let's do another.
- [44:59]
Listener
Hi, Alex. I was at a party and my boyfriend's ex girlfriend was there, and I was helping her find her shoes. And in the middle of it, she told me that my feet were big. What should I do?
- [45:10]
Alex Earl
I think we should kill her. What's up with the boyfriend's ex girlfriends these days? I think she said your feet were big. You know what? I would probably say something snippy in the moment, but it's always better to be the bigger person. So it's probably fine that you didn't. But, like, she's just salty that you're dating her ex. I don't know. That's just like, typical mean girl behavior. The real Alex inside of me is like, yeah, let's kill her. Like, let's. Let's troll her. Let's. Let's beat her up. But I've been trying to be really mature recently. So the mature response would be to not do anything and just be the bigger person. Because at the end of the day, you are dating her ex boyfriend, so she probably wants to kill you. So I would just, like, suck it up and be the bigger person and, like, maybe stop hanging out with her. I guess you guys are all at the same party, so I don't know. But I would just distance myself from her and, like, give her a few glares and, like, keep my mouth shut as best as possible. But I'm not always the best at that. But yeah, that's my advice there. We should probably wrap it up there before I start saying too much. But I love you guys. I will see you guys next week for another episode of Hot Mess with Alex Earl. I want to do so many more of these Hotline episodes because I feel like I forgot that I'm sitting here staring, staring at three cameras. Like, I feel like I've just been, like, cozied up on the couch with you guys and having girl talk. And I personally, really, really like these episodes and I really like hearing these stories. And I love you guys so much. I will see you next week. Don't forget to subscribe. Like, follow this podcast wherever you're listening. I love you. Bye. Wait, did I just turn that off? How do I get that back on? I'm a hot mess.