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- [00:01]
JCPenney Advertiser
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- [00:31]
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- [00:59]
Alex
We're going to crack open spicy margarita for this one. This one always tickles my throat. So, obviously online, I think a lot of relationships in general can just seem perfect and put together and happy and like, there's no struggles. So I wanted to just open up to you guys about how long distance has been going, some of the struggles we've been having, what we're going to do moving forward with this. And. And at the same time, I'm also gonna be doing my makeup routine. Cause I know a lot of you guys have been asking to see my full, updated makeup routine, and I've been really bad about getting that to you guys. I'm trying to think if I've ever done long distance before. I don't necessarily think I've gone into a relationship that's been long distance, but I know, like, when I first started dating my first boyfriend, he went to college. That ended up being long distance. I think this is kind of like my first go at a real long distance relationship. I'm gonna try underpainting, which is basically when you start kind of like backwards on your face makeup. But this makeup artist did it, and I don't think I have the right products for it. So if I look a little crazy, just ignore it. Let's start with talking about our lifestyle. So Braxton obviously plays football, and I do social media, and I'm always traveling around. I'm never in one place. But he is a very, like, on schedule, on time type of person. Obviously, football also comes with A schedule where they're there from like 6am to 6pm training every day. And none of my days ever look the same for me, ever. So. So I think when it comes to day to day and like our communication, it's honestly harder than usual. Or maybe if we were on like the same type of schedule, like nine to five together, it would maybe be a little bit easier. But we both have such crazy hectic schedules and especially with mine changing all the time, that it's not always the easiest to like have a set routine when it comes to our communication. And I'm not always the best at communication, which we'll get into in a later part of this. But I mean, as of right now, we're trying to see each other once a month, which is definitely very different for us because we used to sleep in bed together every single night. That was kind of like our thing was maybe we didn't see each other during the days or for work, but like at the end of the day at like 9pm in Miami, I would always come over to his. We would maybe make dinner together or just at least go to bed together. And now obviously we don't have that either. So it's a really weird adjustment, especially because our relationship didn't start off in long distance. And so even though we're only, gosh, maybe two, three months into this, like fully being long distance with each other, I'm going to try and share with you guys the advice and, and learnings that I've gotten from this and what we're trying to do to make it work, even though it may not be perfect because it's also definitely brought about some, like, different arguments and stuff that we've had, which we thankfully have not had a lot of problems in our relationship, but it's definitely just been a different obstacle and we've learned a lot over the past two months. So to give you guys some context of when I've seen Braxton over the past two months, the last time I saw him was around the 4th of July when we were in Europe together and then back in Miami for a quick second. So that was like four or five days we were together. And then before that he came to Miami. Miami to see me during Miami swim week, which was also just kind of like hectic and me running around. And friends were also with us. And friends were also with us. The last time I was with him too. So it's definitely been, I guess, like a lack of like our one on one time. But we've been trying to make the best of it. I don't know. I think you just kind of, like, put pressure on yourselves, you know, when you do finally get to see each other and, like, what is the perfect moment together? Like, what are we doing to, like, maximize our time together? We've just found joy in the little moments and really being around each other. Like, I think we're just looking forward to, like, sitting on the couch together. Like, when we were in Miami this past month, we were so excited. We didn't want to, like, book a dinner, book a lunch, anything. We didn't want to leave the house. We were like, we just want to sit on the couch. Because I think that's, like, what we kind of miss the most. So I'm going to get into three different things that I've learned during this long distance period. So my first piece of advice is to set your expectations at zero. I'm just going to be candid with you guys. Braxton and I got into a little bit of an argument, a little bit of a fight. We don't really do that. So when it happens, I feel like I always get on edge and I'm like, oh, gosh. Like, you know, I mean, it wasn't like a brawl or anything, but we were trying to plan out our summer and our months. And he was like, we're not going to see each other for a month. And I was like, I feel like that's like our new normal. Like, I think we have to just get used to that. I think he was really startled because obviously a month from, like, not seeing each other for like a day or 12 hours is a really big difference. We were just starting to get frustrated when I was looking at my calendar and then we were looking at his calendar, and I was, okay, well, this weekend's not going to work. Like, this weekend's not going to work. This isn't going to work out. And then I got a house in Montauk for July, which I'm not sure that I would have done knowing he was going to be on the Texans. But it was something that was booked prior and in advance. He obviously is now in Texas, and he's been rehabbing there every day because he just towards acl, but we were kind of getting into a little bit of, like, a negative spout where we just kept being disappointed that we weren't going to see each other and that things weren't going to work out. And I came to him and I was like, I feel like we just need to kind of retrain ourselves and retrain the way that we're thinking and we need to, like, set our expectations at zero. And then when we do get to see each other, it's obviously a plus and it's so exciting. I think that's really helped us over the past two months. I'm going on Dancing With My the Stars and he's obviously going to be in Texas, which honestly isn't the worst thing ever, because I feel like LA to Texas is sort of closer. Well, it is closer. It's closer than Miami. So that was honestly a great thing when we found that out. We don't really know our set schedule yet on when we're going to see each other. I know there's some games I'm going to try and get to. The first game in LA is great, but we kind of had to stop expecting that we were going to see each other all the time. And I think when we did that and started turning it just into like a positive thing thing, like, okay, we get to see each other this weekend. It's a positive instead of being like, ugh, we can't see each other for a month. And, like, kind of just like moping over that fact. So I think, like, retraining the way we thought about those things is really, really amazing. And then I think going into the time that we do spend together and romanticizing every moment, like when I was with him in Europe, obviously, that was the first time we went like a full month without seeing each other, which is the longest I've gone without seeing him in our whole entire relationship. When I did see him, I was just like, it was like a fairy tale. Like, I don't know, it kind of felt like the honey moon phase again, where I'm like, I just want to, like, hold your hand 24 7. Like, I was so excited to be around him. Just like, the little things. Literally being able to, like, sit next to them, sleep next to them, give each other a hug. I think just remembering not to take those moments for granted ever. We weren't doing anything super, super crazy. Like, we didn't have any, like, crazy romantic date planned. Which usually when Brockon and I do date nights, he, like, comes with flowers and plans these extravagant things. We were just so happy and so present with each other the whole entire time. Sometimes you just take it for granted when you're with your boyfriend friend. You're sitting next to each other on the couch and you're just kind of like scrolling on your phone like you're together, but you're not actually like present with one another. And we just didn't have any of those moments because we were just so excited being together. Even like being at the airport was just the best two hours ever. Like we were having so much fun, just like walking through, getting snacks together. So I think that's my first piece of advice, is to remain present, like romanticize those moments you are together and set your expectations at zero. So my second piece of advice is to honor each other's communication styles. By that I mean I'm a terrible texter and I don't see my text. I don't go on text, I don't like texting. I've always been a call or FaceTime person. I mean, I'm being a little bit dramatic. I'm not that bad and don't come for me. I'm a great girlfriend. I even remember in the beginning of our relationship, it was like one of the first things I asked Braxton. I was like, do you like facetime? Cuz I'm just going to facetime you and I don't care if I'm like not that close close with you. But I just feel like texts get so cryptic. Especially when you're first starting to talk to someone. It's like you have to think every punctuation, every emoji, like, am I going to capitalize this letter? Am I not going to capitalize this letter? It's way too much for me. I would rather just get on FaceTime and like be myself. I've always been a big FaceTimer and not a big texter. And honestly, Braxton and I, I mean, besides the, you know, first part of your relationship where you, you are excited and like telling each other things and you know, hope all that, since then it's like we just would see each other every day. So I mean we'd send like a good morning text, maybe like how are you? Maybe a midday call. But like besides that, I never really like had long thoughtful texts with Braxton. When we started doing long distance, this was one of those things where I don't know if it was maybe like a few weeks in or something. Braxton was like, I mean we never text. It's like our texts are like, good morning, love you. And then it's like we call at the end of the day. He's like, we don't even like say anything to each other. Like there's no like, you know, deep text going on and whatever. And I mean for me I was kind of like, well it's hard, like I mean, we've been together for two years. Like, what are we having that deep of a conversation about over text? Like, I would rather just, you know, catch up with you on the phone at night and call you. So that's something that I've tried to work on a little bit, and he's tried to work on from his side as well. So for me, who's like, and all over the place all the time, and Braxton is very schedule oriented. Like, he probably would prefer a schedule for our text. Like, we're checking in at 8am at 2pm, at 5pm like, that's just how Braxton is. He loves a schedule. And I don't think I've ever had a day that looks the same as the other. He's definitely, like, loosened up on that and become a little bit more chill and understanding that and understand that it's not coming from a place of, like, me not wanting to check in or whatever, but, like, just knowing that, like, we're gonna catch up at the end of the day. I will say our one rule that we've always had in our relationship, though, is that I call him end of the night after, like, going out with my friends. And it's so funny because I always get comments that I'm out without Braxton, and everyone's like, they broke up. They're not together anymore. Like, whatever. And I'm like, well, do you guys realize how, like, we don't live together? Like, we're not even in the same state. And, like, sometimes when I am even in the same state with him, like, he can't go out because he's doing football, we end up a lot of the times where, like, I'm going out without him. And I understand that's another, like, pain point in some relationships. And, I mean, I just personally wouldn't be able to date someone that was not okay with me going out and living my life. Very grateful that we're very healthy on that front. But his one request is that I just call him before I go to bed or text him when I get home just so he knows I'm safe. And, I mean, there was some times that I would go out and, I mean, this past year, I've been really good at this. But happens from time to time is I go out, I have a few margaritas, and then I'm face down at my bed, and I forget to call him. And now it's, like, engraved in in my brain to call him before I go to bed, which is so fair. Like, I should check in and just let him know I'm alive and safe. And now it's something that my friends even flagged me at times. Like, I'll be, like, drunk in bed with my food, and I'm like, you know, about to fall asleep with the sausage on my chest. And my friends are like, call Braxton. Check in with him. So I think even though texting and checking in, like, that doesn't come so naturally to me, we've made it work where I feel like we're meeting in the middle now where he's kind of let loose on some things. And I've, like, put in the effort to make sure I'm checking in at different points. I think that's just been a little bit of another pain point or something that we've realized is, like, our lack of communication throughout the day because we're not together. We always, always, always check in at the end of the night. So I think just, like, being transparent about what you guys both want, I'm saying you guys as, like, you and your partner want out of communication and what your communication styles are, which I feel like is something you don't really think to, like, ask someone. Different people prefer different things. So I think respecting that and coming to a compromise with your partner is super, super important. And, yeah, I mean, I just wouldn't be able to be with someone that I had to be, like, you know, I'm out with my friends and, like, in the corner, like, texting them updates 24 7. Like, I think that would also drive me crazy. And my third piece of advice is you have to have trust with one another. So I know this might sound kind of like, an obvious one, but I always thought I had trust in my partners until I recently realized that I don't think I ever fully did because one of my friends was talking about a Google Chrome extension or something that you can, like, look up who they've last followed in chronological order and all that stuff. And I used to do that all the time. I used to look at, like, what my boyfriend was liking, who he was following, every single thing. I would, like, go in his tagged photos and look back at, like, any, like, a girl from the middle school that he was with and, like, literally obsess over it. And I realized I was like, oh, my gosh. I've, like, really never done any of that with Braxton. And it kind of just, like, dawned on me that I guess I have trust in him to the point that, like, I don't even really think about trusting him, if that makes any sense. It definitely was something that I had to learn over time, because at first, obviously, Braxton was really, really nice and really, really great, and I was like, oh, this guy's very cool. But I had trust issues, where I was kind of always expecting that, like, something was gonna happen, or I was like, oof, like, he's gonna crack. Like, I'm gonna make him mad, and, like, his true colors are gonna come out. And I was always kind of, like, waiting for that Braxton. But, like, I was just like, this is, like, too good to be true. Like, something's got to be off here. I think in, like, the first six months to a year of our relationship, I was, like, maybe a little on edge, but not about, like, him with other girls. Always just about him as a person and, like, really trusting him to where I could, like, let my guard down. Because I've told you guys before, I'm someone who, like, comes with my walls of 500ft. So that was a really big thing for me, and just learning to, like, cross the. Him and his niceness. I mean, when we go out without each other, everyone's like, you and Braxton are broken up because Alex is out at a party without him. And I'm like, I just don't know if you guys don't have trust in your relationships or what, but, like, I am allowed to go out without my boyfriend, and I think we just trust each other. Like, it's just not a crazy concept to us. Like, imagine if Braxton was like, you can't go out tonight. I would be like, well, this isn't gonna work out for me. We never really have that problem. And he goes out on boys nights and. And his golf days and all different things where, like, I'm not nagging him and asking him a million questions. We just kind of trust each other. I'm going to add some moisture back into the face, I think even a good example of this, which is kind of, like a crazy extreme. It was super bowl weekend this year, and Braxton and I have each other's locations now, which is so fun. And I never really check it, but he was out at a Super bowl party, and it was before I got there. I, like, wasn't in New Orleans yet, and I was calling him. His friend phone was going, like, straight to voicemail. I was like, is do not disturb. I call him a million times. It was just like, dead, dead, dead, dead. And I was like, okay. And I think most people would be like, oh, their phone died, or, oh, like, what's he doing? Like, this is so fishy. He's out at a party and like, his phone is off. I can't see his location or anything. And I was texting my friends and they were like, his phone definitely just died. Like, stop freaking out. And I was like, no, you don't understand. Like, Braxton doesn't. He's too organized. Like, he has his life together. He doesn't leave the house with an uncharged phone. Like, I don't think I've ever seen. Bro phone died like this. I was like, that's just not Braxton. Like, I know for a fact his phone isn't dead. And then my friends were like, well then, like, I don't know, like, what if something is happening? I mean, they weren't thinking Braxton was doing anything, but they were just like, that's like, weird. Like, what's going on? And I feel like a lot of girls minds would go to something like, sketchy or fishy or cheating or like crazy, you know, and they're like yelling at their partner like, whatever. But I literally was like, oh, my God. Like, Braxton's gotten kidnapped and murdered. Like, I seriously was freaking out. I was like, do I call the police? Like, I've just never seen Braxton's phone be off like that. And I seriously thought that something really bad happened to him. Like, I was so scared. And then finally, like two hours later, he calls me and he was like, oh, my gosh. We were at this party for the super bowl, which is where I knew he was. And he was like, the party thing was like in a basement, and there was like zero cell service in there. So my phone wasn't working. And I was like, I knew something was happening. I knew his phone didn't die. But basically what I'm trying to say is you got to have trust in your partner for a long distance relationship to work, or maybe any relationship to work. I honestly feel like Michael Soft Co Pilot is a great resource if you're struggling in your long distance relationship. I mean, she's my built in therapist, so we're going to ask her some questions.
- [16:58]
Co-Pilot
Hey, Alex.
- [16:59]
Alex
Hey, Co pilot, quick question.
- [17:01]
Co-Pilot
Sure. What's on your mind?
- [17:02]
Alex
So what should I do if I'm having a fight or argument with my boyfriend and we're in a long distance relationship and I feel like it's just not being resolved because we can't really physically be with each other.
- [17:15]
Co-Pilot
That sounds rough. It's tough when you can't be together to hash things out. Try setting aside a dedicated time to talk, ensuring you're both calm and focused. Use video calls to add a personal touch and really listen to each other. Sometimes writing down your thoughts can also help in expressing yourself clearly. How does that sound for a start?
- [17:34]
Alex
That sounds good.
- [17:35]
Co-Pilot
I'm glad to hear.
- [17:36]
Alex
And what do I do if I'm really horny in my long distance relationship and I'm craving intimacy?
- [17:42]
Co-Pilot
That's a natural feeling. You could explore ways to connect intimately through communication, like sending affectionate messages, sharing fantasies, or having intimate conversations over the phone or video chat. It's all about finding what makes you both comfortable and connected. How does that sound?
- [17:59]
Alex
That sounds great. Thanks, copilot. I hope those pieces of advice were helpful for you guys. And now I'm gonna be a little bit more positive over here. I feel like I've been a Debbie Downer and tell you guys, like, my takeaways. The silver lining of it all, things I've learned and finished the rest of my makeup routine. So I think one of the things I've realized, I think going into the long distance and being like a month, like, it was so daunting and so scary. And honestly, it really does fly by, I think especially because we're both pretty busy. But, like, the times sounded so scary and it really has been flying by and it's not as terrible as it seems. It's. It moves along. And I think knowing that there's also an ending to our long distance, like, it's not going to be forever. I think whenever I'm done with Dancing with the Stars, however far I can make it, I think that will probably be the next time that we're able to, like, live or be together. Another thing I've learned is I really think, like, the independence has been good for myself. And I mean, I've always been an independent person. Even when Brox and I are together, I am traveling time to time. But, like, something about really not being together for this significant amount of time. I kind of talked about on my TikTok a little bit, but, like, feeling like I was like getting a part of of myself back, like, it kind of forced me to socialize and step out of my comfort zone. I just think, like, there's a comfort in going to things with a partner where I'm like, okay, Braxton is gonna lead me around and, like, I'm gonna hold his hand and he's gonna like, start conversations with people. And I think, like, not having that almost like safety blanket has made me a lot more independent and I think a lot better socially. So I think that's been a great thing. Obviously, I'm so happy in my relationship, but I also think like finding joy in the things, things outside of your relationship has just made me a more well rounded person and I think the independence has been really, really good for me. And I don't know, I'm kind of curious, like, what are Braxton's positive takeaways? Braxton? I'm recording for Hot Mess right now.
- [19:53]
Braxton
What's up, Hot Mess?
- [19:54]
Alex
I was talking about long distance relationships and I was talking about like all the good things that have come from it. So I was wondering, is there a takeaway? Do you have anything positive to say about our long distance time?
- [20:06]
Braxton
It blows. Hey.
- [20:09]
Alex
No positive Boston.
- [20:10]
Braxton
No, I know, I heard you. I just had to get that one out first. I would rather be with you. I don't like long distance. I think it allows you both to, to grow. Like, it gives you space to do that and to like do your own things independently that maybe you would have all the time to do if you were together living in the same space as we do normally. So, I mean, I guess that that can be looked on as a, as a positive. It for sure. But other. Other than that. Yeah, I don't recall. It sucks. I don't know what to tell.
- [20:42]
Alex
It sucks cuz you miss me and I'm so amazing.
- [20:45]
Braxton
Exactly. And you missed me because I'm awesome and I make your life better. All right, why don't you finish that.
- [20:50]
Alex
Call you back in the field. Love you.
- [20:52]
Braxton
I love you.
- [20:53]
Alex
Bye. All right, well, so happy we had this chat about long distance and the good and bad of it all. I'm going to lock this in with my setting spray and hopefully that was helpful on my makeup. Maybe I'll try this and. Oh my gosh, this always seriously blinds me every time I can't open my eyes for like a minute. So glad that you guys got ready with me while we talked about my long distance relationship. And we're gonna have an off week next week and then we're gonna be back the week after with more fun episodes and I love you guys. Don't forget to subscribe to follow along for more. Bye.
- [21:28]
Podcast Producer
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