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Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of Hot Mess. So I figured after last week's exhausting episode, we all needed a little health and wellness retreat. So I'm gonna take you guys to Mountain Talk with me, which is where I am right now. Basically got a summer house for me and my friends. I wish Braxton could be here, but unfortunately he's doing football things right now. This is basically me moving into the house here. A chill, good week with my girls, getting my life together a little bit because this actually never happens for me. Like I feel like I never have time where I'm like, I'm not traveling, I can stay in one place, I can get my life together. I kind of have clear days for the most part. So I'm very, very excited for this. And you know what we're doing today. What would Alex do? Because I need to bring this back. I love what would Alex do? Always my favorite part of the Hot Mess episodes. So I'm also going to be answering your guys stories, questions, advice in this episode, which I'm excited for and you can submit some@alexerl.com what would Alex do? Well, SLW, let's get into it. Traveling to Montauk. Montauk, here we come. I always get embarrassed vlogging in the back of cars. All right, we're headed to our girls month in Montauk. Sit marks, mamacitas. And that's it. So I'm flying right now, free from Miami to Montauk and then Montauk's like a little bit harder to get to in the Hamptons because it's like the furthest point. So you usually have to drive like three hours. So we have like a three hour flight, then a three hour car ride and then we're going to move into the house together. Sally and Ashton have already been living there. Ashton's been there for like a week. My mom just left. So everyone else has been in this house besides me. So I'm very excited to get there. I still don't have a tooth, so we're trying to figure that out. I might just do the chip tooth for the month and call it a day. But I'm so excited because the reason I love going to Montauk is like, I've always been a Jersey girl growing up for the beaches in the summer. The Hamptons are nice. They're beautiful. It's really great. But I don't know why. Sometimes I get intimidated by, like, the people there. It's just, like, so much different than Jersey people. Like, the first time I went there, it was like two years ago, and I just feel like everyone was scary. They were like, you've never been to Palm beach before? Like, how dare you? And sometimes I don't like that environment. But Montauk I like is a little bit better because it's more of, like, cherry chill beach town. You get to walk around everywhere and just go on walks and hikes and go to the beach and get coffee in the morning. And I'm really looking forward to it. I feel like I've had a really, really, really, really crazy past, like, three months. I've been non stop, and I have no travel plan, pretty much. And I'm gonna be set in one place, which normally doesn't happen for me. And I want to just be really healthy. I want to cook. I want to do a lot of, like, cooking vlogs, workout vlogs. I'm just excited to, like, get my life together. I'm also trying to see if I can get, like, a dog out there because I would like to foster while I'm there too. I'm very excited. And we're getting a bronco because every summer when we go this place that this is all props to my dad, te he found this place Velocity Restorations, and they have the coolest, like, redone vintage Broncos. And for the past two summers, they've let me, like, drive one around for the month. So I'm gonna get another one. I think it's coming tomorrow. I have no idea what it looks like. Last summer I had a pink one, and the summer before I had a blue one. And it's actually the most fun thing because you're like, tops down. We drive through town, we just say hi to everyone. It feels like you're in, like, a little Barbie mobile. Mama is ready. And this mamacita needs a margarita. I only have two suitcases for the whole month. Just kidding. I actually shipped, like, 10 boxes of clothes there, so they're already there for me. All right, we're in the car now. We have our three hour drive to Montauk. That dog was so cute sitting in front of me the whole flight. Wow. So many memories are flooding back to me. So this is where we'll like, walk every morning. And there's this club right around here called Bounce. I'm saying that I'm, like, not gonna, like, really go this year, but I know that we're definitely gonna end up there. Oh, left hand. I cannot wait to get the iced coffee. And we put cinnamon in it in the morning. Sally and Ashton just picked me up sushi from our favorite sushi spot here. Oh, my God, I cannot wait. Look at the fact I don't have to travel for another month. I think I say that now I'm gonna cry. We're just girling and gherkin in the Hamptons. Like a small talk. Some people say that's not the Hamptons, which honestly hope it's not. Oh, baby. I don't know if you can see, but there's fireflies. Where'd they go? Can you see them? Fireflies? Oh, I see one. Wait, where'd it go? I love fireflies. Oh, my God, I saw it again. Hello. Hello. Summer, Summer, Summer, Summer, Summer. Summer's here. My sushi's here. My girls are here. Wait, there's so many fireflies. Wait, there's so many fireflies. We have to see them. Guys, we literally have, like, a tree we could hang out under. Oh, here comes the gonas. Yay. I'm so excited. Kahunas. Sally. We're both clipping on our head and it's the same clip. I need, like, a green juice. Thanks for your help, Ashton. Oh, my God. Sunscreen and mugs. House tour. House reveal. Is this your room? Yeah. It's really cute. Wait rooms already. Oh, Poppy. Yep. They found us. Poppy found us. I kind of want to try the punch pop. Hey, how are we going to get my suitcases up there? It's like we're back in Europe. Okay, this one's not that bad. I'm actually a professional bag dragger after Europe. I'm literally like the Hulk. I'm so strong. Yes. Oh, my God. It's, like, insane. Whoa. We all get our own tv. Oh, what colors did you guys pick? What the. I picked yellow, obviously. Red. I obviously want a green for margs. Okay. Is this my room? Oh, the big oh, no room. Oh, my God. This is where I'll be working. Don't touch the gimbal. Sorry. Gimbal doesn't like when you do that. Oh, you just have to press the big. Wait. It's cool. Oh, hi. Okay. Okay. We have a Pilates class tomorrow with csb. Look at how cute. Which. They're my favorite workout brand. This is crazy. Why did I pack that many shorts? I'm stealing all. Yes. I shouldn't even have that. Summer house. Summer house. Hey, I think we need to stay for August. Yeah, I think we should extend our stay. I think we should, too. I don't want to leave already. We can take a tub. Tub. Oh, and another fancy toilet. We. Oh, my God. I can lay down in the shower. Wait, this is crazy about your tooth. I don't even want one anymore. Okay, you should just rip it out. Okay? Be toothless. What else is there? Big TV that I've been watching Love island on. There's the pool in the backyard. Wait, let's see the backyard. I'm going to slip down these stairs. Yeah, it's crazy. Is there an outdoor light? I wonder. Oh, summer ever. Wait. The second you put your arms up, the fireflies went, guess what? And guess what? When I pulled in the driveway, guess what was right there? A bunny. We've been seeing lots of bunnies. I also passed six deers on the way home on our street. Bunnies are here. Oh, my God, I'm so excited. Wait. This yard is humongous. Let's watch Love Island. What are you cooking? I'm making banana bread. Wow, it looks so delicious. There's no flour in it Yet. Yet. This is really Ash's kitchen. You have it all set? Wait, Ash, it's like a mess in here. Who put in the fridge? Oh, that was mom, obviously. Obviously. That was Mom. Does mom not want to mar T? Minus one hour in the house, the fridge won't close. Wait, how did it just close? We moved things around and it closed. I told you. Good morning. Wow, Ashton's banana bread didn't turn out good. Tastes good. It's just mushy. Yeah, I don't think I can bake. Try it out. I don't. Can I just. Wait a second. I can wait. There's almond. I use almond flour. And coconut sugar and coconut oil. There's no real co. We're going to have such a healthy summer. And I'm reading the pack because you don't listen. Wait, what? I've been saying this all year. You guys are the ones who always drag me out. Yeah, when? All the time. When have I dragged that? Play the clip from Ultra Weekend. We don't need to go out three nights. All nights in a row. Yes, we do. Like I'm trying to not kill us. Okay, that was different. No, but this is all the time you guys want to go to everything. And I'm like, I'm so Excited to, like, be healthy here. We're doing bloodies this morning in the backyard. This is my yoga zen retreat house. Ashley got her apartment in New York City and didn't tell me. Well, it's in contract, so you never know. But it's in Tribeca. This is the kitchen. This is the office. But this will be your room. Oh, yes, this is my room. But it's going to be completely empty, so I have to get all the furniture. So I literally woke up this morning in a panic. I was like, I need to look for stuff in my apartment. When are you moving? The lease starts August 1st. Wait, I'll come with you. I'll help you move. We should do a moving vlog. I was just about to say. Well, I've been like, kind of vlogging. I vlogged my, like, apartment tours. Did you? Are you gonna post it? Yeah. So I want to do like a full, full rounded vlog. Wait. This is so exciting, Alex. I already want to wallpaper every wall. It's really bad. I have an addiction problem. I'm so excited to move in. Me too. We're all ready for our morning workout class and our matching sets. Sally brought me a crystal. Oh, from Electric Forest. Oh, Ashton, you have to pick yours. It's mushroom crystals. Oh, I know which one I want. The black one. Yeah, the polka dot. But are you feeling the connection to that one? Yes. I'm obsessed with this. That's really cute. Is that a tattoo? Yeah. When did you get that? This is my first tattoo. Is that a stick and poke? What? I've never seen that looks like a stick and poke. Ashton. Me, Catherine and Ava got them together. That's so sneaky of you. The first time I visited New Orleans. Arctic blue babies. Oh man, it looks so good. I'm ready. Yeah. Hi, everybody. My name's Emily. I'm here with Hugh's house in csb. We're gonna get started with a little warm up. Lift your hips up towards the ceiling. Begin to walk out. Your dog here? That killed me. I couldn't feel my butt. Oh my God. A little brunch. This is so sweet. First family cooking night. Ashton's making her own dinner because she's a bunny and we' stuffed peppers. Oh, turn the camera. I want it. Turn. Hello. Oh, cuz it probably wants to see my new tooth. We got Anna on the onions, Sal on the garlic. What are you cooking? I don't know. I'm just mixing things up together. She's just mixing a bunch of different lettuce. Together. I got the meats. I know that you went in there cuz you felt like you didn't have a task. And she went into the fridge and got those out. I'm cutting the peppers. We're trying to see who we think is going home tonight. I should have voted Shelly N. I'm an idiot. I think it's going to be. I feel like it's going to be Shelly N. Or Taylor and Clark. But I don't think either of them should go home. I think it's going to be Taylor and Clark. That's so unfair, though. Everyone with a real connection they're sending home. Oh, watch me. You want scissors? Thank you. She's busting at the seam. She's sick. Get it a. Yep. Here is our final meal. I think we did a good job. I'm getting front and center. We really cooked like it's delicious. I need more immediately. Wait. They're addicted to each other. The fourth couple say is wait. Guys. I'm gonna be over the mood if it goes wrong. Are you kidding me? This is is. This is. He doesn't even want to be there. She just looked at him and he didn't even look at her. He hates her. He wanted to go home. Taylor and Clark go home. I'm gonna pull my hair out. No, I'm seriously gonna freak out. I mean, like, we know the answer. Commercial. The violin. Good morning. Time to go to Pilates. We're doing hot Pilates. I'm feeling like I'm getting sick. Sick. But I'm gonna take medicine. I think I'll be fine. This could be my first time driving the car. Hopefully I can figure out how to do it. I need a coffee. I don't think we have anything. It's not looking good. Okay, I did it. We're in. Oh, I really don't want to do this right now either. I'm just thinking about how good we'll feel after a massive coffee. We're off. I could be closer to the curb. Oh, my God. It's so hot in here. Anna, I don't know if I can do this. Really, really hot. I wish us the most love. I'll be back with updates. All right, that kicked my ass. Now we're off to get some coffee. I'm really excited because I haven't been to this place since last year. I love their coffee. And I feel like I haven't had a good iced coffee because I was in Europe for a month. And then yesterday I didn't, like, get one. So I'M so excited. I'm excited. You can't even see. I just sweat out my demons in there. Will you take a shot? Yeah, take like, 10 of those cinnamon, honey. Okay. Back home, I just did my skincare so that I don't break out, and I'm currently doing some work on my laptop. So I'm gonna sit here and honestly, the sun just started to come out, so I'm like, maybe I'll work outside. I have to keep up my tan. I feel like I have a really good tan from Europe and I want to keep it going. My motto, though, this summer is, like, no sun on the face. So I'm gonna wear a hat every time I'm outside because I don't want to get, like, wrinkly and crinkly.
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Time to go lay out at the Poo La Bobos. What a wonderful day. I'm not sure what. What's wrong with Ashton, but she's been so moody. She, like, hasn't talked to us. She's headphones in right now. We're making some breakfast. This is a very Ashton breakfast because I only have Ashton's grocery in the house, so we're making some kale, and then I'm gonna make eggs with cottage cheese. And then I have meetings for a few hours, and then I want to go to the grocery store. I want to get groceries for myself because I. I don't really have any food here. We're gonna make dinner tonight. Maybe go on a sunset walk. Oh, this is really good. There's nothing I love more in the world than eggs. I think I've had eggs every morning since high school. Every day in college, I made two eggs, half an avocado, and that was my breakfast every single morning. And I've never strayed from it with hot sauce. Oh, this is gonna be so good. We have to take care of our bodies before we destroy them this weekend, but I think it will be good. We're going to go out Friday. I think I'm going to chill Saturday and then go out Sunday. I'm going to put that in a separate vlog for you guys because I feel like that's. It's a different side of me. This version in this vlog is health and wellness. I'm getting my life together. I don't think you guys have ever seen me like this cottage cheese. This is looking really good. Oh, my God. I know what I should add too. I'm a genius. I have turkey. Cold cuts are the best thing ever. Okay, we're going to add shredded turkey to this breakfast bowl. And then we're going to do the this hot sauce that Sally got. And it's really spicy. This is my finished breakfast bowl. Breakfast bowl reveal. Let's see how it goes. I need to get a bite that has every element. I could open a restaurant that is that good. I'm going to spare you guys my chewing. Cheers. Welcome to my office. I'm literally in bikini bottoms. But no one will ever me. Hi. All right, it's time for family grocery shopping. Cuz we have no food in this house. We're going to the Erewhan of the Hamptons. Ashton, hurry up. What did I get? It's taller than Sally. No, seriously. And it's addressed to me. So what could that be? It's not heavy. Well, does this have a horn? Ashton. Come on, puma. What's everyone gonna get? I want gazpacho and meatballs. I'm just gonna see what inspires me. If you want it on yourself, Sally hit the black button three times fast. My stomach hurts really bad. Guys, we're all see Figure out what that means. Mom. Dog. Bro. Okay, here we go. We're home. I'm so excited. Welcome to the era of Montauk. We're so back. These are the best cookies. Best cookies on this planet. She's going to yell at me for filming. Same. He said cut the cameras. Obviously we need olives. What are you thinking? This is more of the vibe that I wanted, but I want a piece of salmon on it. Oh, my God, they have birria. Wait. And also, look at the quinoa balls. Oh, baby. Sally's gonna look at every single thing and not know what to get. And then she's gonna stress out and then wish she got something else. Sally doesn't know what. I think I have short term memory loss because I don't remember any of this. Pretty truck. Thank you. What's everyone most excited for? That they got my bean salad. I love beans. One thing about me, I love beans. Every single kind. What are you laughing at? The cacio e pepe beans. Yes. I mean, I'm excited for the gazpach. I'm gonna have some of your g. I'm excited for the chicken salad. Ashton. What? Ashton hasn't told me for months of this trip. What are you excited for? Are you looking at pillows? No, what am I excited for? I'm gonna make a delicious yogurt bowl. I'm really excited. Well, now we can leave. Well, I've got my fish and I've got my bait. All I've got to do is just wait, wait, wait who, who, who when I'm on wait. Look how beachy it looks here. I mean, we're at the beach for like. I mean, it feels summer. Sally just got dressed because she didn't get a fourth of July photo. Hey. Oh, you gotta do what you gotta do. You wanna do it too? It's really cute, but it doesn't look cute in person. Camel. Yeah. Matching outfits. And we don't know what to do with ourselves. Like, honestly, I don't like being healthy because we're bored. We're bored. We might have to drink and go to the club. I guess we can drink mocktails. All I want to do is sit around and eat food. Like, what? What's an activity to do? Oh, there's board games. Can we play cards? Let's play them out. Kings in the corner. I'm down. Yeah. Sally, I don't know if it is. Well, I'll teach you. It's easy. And all I've been doing is sitting here and eating Ashton's banana bread and you're gonna have to roll me into surplus bunk. Your banana bread, Ashton. This always happens. I'm always like, I need a break. I need to be healthy. And then I chill out for two days and I'm like, I know. That is what I need to do. Like, I've never been this like, non having things to do. Like, it's 7pm I kind of want to just like go to bed. Maybe I should learn to twerk on my day off. I literally can't. Is it like I can go do it? Of course I can't. It do do it at all. I like can really do it. You have to pull that out at circle. Go up on the DJ D to go. I'm going to. I just think being like a slow paced person isn't for me. I look over and Ava's smiling like this at the table. He wants some of my banana bread. This is really good. I feel like we should play a Game. Do we have cards? There's Uno. I like Uno. You love. I love Uno. And I hate when people cheat, though. I don't want to play if you guys are gonna cheat. What do you mean? Why do you cheat? Reduce the swirly. Like, when people are like, oh. Or like, oh, I didn't put that down. Like, oh, I have. Come on. All right, let's play some games. Mocktail. Oh, no. Oh, these are the big cards. Oh, wait, never mind. Because you're just a man. It's just what you do. Yeah. Oh, I can't breathe after that. Banana bread. Ashton, your banana bread. Seriously, you shuffle those like. Well, they're, like, shuffled, I think. This is so summer. These are not shuffled at all. Yes, they are. I think we all get seven, right? Yeah. So we go over the rules, because I feel like some people play it differently. That's on Uno. What Would Alex Do? Okay, so I have your guys questions, stories that you guys wrote in to what would Alex do? Which you guys can still write in. It's Alex, Earl. Dot com. Wwad. I'm very excited to hear what you guys are up to or concerned about and give you guys my advice. I always say maybe it's not the best advice in the world, but it's just what Alex would do. So I'm kind of spiraling about this, but I need to get it off my chest. I have this friend that I've known forever. Like, she's genuinely a good friend. She's been in my life for a long time, and I don't want to hurt her feelings, but lately she's been driving me insane. We're both introverted, but I'm the kind of introvert who. Who either stays home drinking wine and watching Real Housewives or go out out. Like, dress cute, ready to stay out and have fun. There's no in between. But every time we go out, she wants to leave after an hour. And if I don't leave with her, she makes me feel super guilty. It kills the vibe every time. And on top of that, everything she talks about is a complaint. Work, her dating life, her friends, her neighbors, the weather, literally everything. And look, I try to be positive, I really do, but it's starting to chip away at me. I'll send her a fun, funny tick tock, and she'll respond like, I can't even watch that right now. I'm so exhausted from work. Like, girl, please. So I actually have a lot of thoughts here on this one. I think if you're going out and you know you want to, like, go out, out and enjoy your time. Like, maybe that's just a conversation you guys have. Like, you know, if you're really close friends with this girl, like, I would say this to my friends. I'm like, you always want to leave. And, like, I feel bad not leaving with you, but, like, I do want to stay out tonight. So, like, if you want to leave or, like, whatever, like, maybe we just. Just plan for that in advance, or maybe you go out with different people. But what I feel like this really sounds like to me, I think you could come in as a good friend is I feel like someone who's going out and wants to leave right away and looking at everything very negatively. And it seems like maybe she's not happy with something in her life. I don't know whether it's a her thing, a work thing, a boyfriend thing, something. But it's kind of seeming like she is not at the best version of herself right now. And that isn't your problem. It's not your problem to fix. But I think as a friend, it's your job to ask them about and talk to them about and see if, like, maybe you could help them come to this realization in any way. Because I think it's hard when you're in a type of funk like that. And, like, I'm not excusing the friend's behavior, and I do think negative energy is really, really draining. So I do think you should, like, learn to separate yourself for things. And when you do want to go out and have fun, you know, find your own path for that. But if you are very close friends with this girl and you want to talk to her and maybe just try and help her understand maybe what's going on or get to the bottom of it or just, like, open the conversation for that. It depends. Like, sometimes people are very receptive to that. Sometimes people get really defensive. But I think even you may be starting to say something. Maybe for herself, she'll have a little bit of a realization, but at the end of the day, it's definitely not your problem if someone else is, like, really, really negative. I just think it's your problem as a friend to be there for them. I think just have a conversation about it, see how she's feeling, check in with her, and maybe, like, find another friend to go out with when you want to go out, out, out, out, out. Alex. So excited for a hot mess return. I know it's personal, but could you please tell us about any experience or opinion on birth control? It's sometimes a tough decision to be on or off it. And it would be great to hear your thoughts. Your guidance is so important to all of us. Are Earl girls. Endless love. Love you. That is so, so sweet. I'm not a doctor. I'm just gonna tell you guys my experience with birth control and the thoughts I have on it. But do not take this as what to do with yourself or your own body. You need to, like, talk to a doctor and make that decision for yourself. I'm not a doctor. Okay, let's start. So basically, I was on birth control. I started when I was. I think it was 14 or 15. It was my freshman year of high school, and I remember I would have the worst, worst period cramps ever. And I remember I'd be in class and I, like, would have to leave and go to the nurse at school because my cramps were so bad. I felt like I was gonna pass out. So ultimately, that's why I got on birth control to, like, help with my period cramps and the pain and whatnot. I think I maybe tried a few different birth controls in high school because I always had really, really bad acne. And a lot of my friends, there was, like, one called, like, Yaz or whatever that people said really helped with acne. It's like you go through puberty, Everyone kind of has breakouts, like, freshman year, and then everyone gets on birth control and their skin's clear. And I was like, wait, that didn't do it to my skin. Like, I still have, like, cystic acne all over my face. I tried a few different birth controls for the reason of acne, and it really never made a difference for me. I also think I switched at one point because my one friend got, like, knockers, and I was like, hey, I want boobs. And I tried to switch my birth control to the one she was on, thinking that it would grow me double Ds from an A cup. And that didn't happen happen either. So I was on Trilo sprintech up until I got my boob job. For whatever reason, my doctor, and I've heard, like, mixed things about this, but my doctor was like, I want you to go off your birth control a few months before you get your boobs done. And this is coming from my plastic surgeon doctor. I went off the birth control. Everything was fine. And I have to say, maybe like family, if you're watching, like, turn this off right now. We're having girl talk. But when I went off my birth control, my sex drive went through the Roof because, you know, sometimes, like, birth control control can affect that. My Lexapro definitely affects that at times. So I was feeling great. Basically, I started to get really, really bad acne. And this is when I, like, going into my senior year of college. But everything happens for a reason, because I started posting about my acne online and that's how I got started on here. But basically I started to get the worst acne I've ever had in my entire life. Like, blistering cystic acne on my face, down my neck, everything. And I was basically told from a doctor that, like, my testosterone levels were high and they were like, you need to get back on birth control. Like, you could maybe have pcos. So I'm back on birth control. So my senior year of college, back on my birth control, whatever. So that was for like two more years. So last year I went off of the birth control. So six months after, in the fall of this year, I guess started to break out really, really bad again. And I went on spiralactone for my acne and I started a really, a really, really good skincare regimen. And my skin ultimately ended up, like, balancing out and figuring itself out. But I personally feel a lot better not being on birth control. But obviously that's also something you have to be very careful about, especially in a relationship. I don't need babies. So that's my journey with birth control. I have a lot of friends who are on it. I have a lot of friends who have that, like, IUD thing. I have some friends who have it in the arm. I do have friends who have that IUD thing and they love it and it's amazing. And then I have friends who have it and they literally, like, allergic to it and had to get it out. So I think birth control in general. Sorry, this was such a long rant, but it's such a different experience for everyone, and it kind of depends on your body and how you feel. Like everyone's bodies are so, so different. And it's something that you just have to be really mindful of. And if you're not on it, you have to be careful and conscious. I'm obviously not going to sit here and tell you what to do do with yourself, but that was an experience that I had with it. And I think anyone who also struggles with acne, I think, like, we kind of see birth control as going hand in hand, especially if you have hormonal acne. And I think it's really scary at times because I had even my dermatologist this year be like when my skin was really bad, she was like, well, why don't we just put you back on your birth control? And I was like, I really don't want to go back my birth control, like my body just feels better off of it. And I kind of felt stuck for so long cuz I was like, I feel like I have to be on this PA pill in order to have clear skin and to like feel like happy and confident. So it was like this kind of toxic cycle where I felt a little trapped. But I ultimately ended up being able to like balance everything out myself. But it took like a year kind of of like getting my skin back to normal and my hormones balancing out and like my testosterone levels are fine now. Definitely. I would say if you're someone who's like going off of it, I would say like when you're like six months off of it, maybe get like your blood, blood tested, see your hormone levels, see where everything's at. That's just my experience. I'm not going to tell you what to do. It's definitely just a crazy thing that us women have to deal with. Like everything else we put up with a lot. Hi Alex. Me and my boyfriend are really different. Some of our differences go hand in hand and others clash badly. When it's good, it's good so I can picture my future with him. But when it's bad, I'm in a constant state of anxiety because I feel like I know that it's not going to work long term. The last thing I want to do is break up with him because he's truly such a good person. We just have differences that I think could be worked through. How do I not let the anxiety eat me alive and take over when we get into arguments? Okay. I mean, off the bat, you guys know what's my answer. I'm always like, oh, let's leave them. But I think if this is someone you could potentially, because you said you do think you could work through these issues. I think like go to therapy and I know, like couples therapy. I know maybe that's not like the easiest, most accessible answer, but I feel like if you get into arguments with someone else and you're never going to see eye to eye on them and like you both have such strong opinions and thoughts and it gives you a lot of anxiety. Like sometimes just having someone else to like mediate things is really, really great. But it's kind of hard to like tell you what to do if I don't really know what the issues are that you're dealing with. Some advice that I try to think about for myself sometimes is like knowing everything you know, right? If one of your best friends were to come to you with this situation and be like, this is what's going on. This is what he's saying to me. This is what we're doing. If you were your friend, what would you say to yourself? Because I always try to think about that. I'm like, you should take the advice that you would give to others. Because sometimes when you're in a relationship and you're in it so thick and so deep and you love the person, it's so, so hard to like ever give yourself such an honest answer about maybe if a person's right for you or not. Because I don't think that you should, you should be in a relationship that's making you feel like you said, like sick to your stomach and anxious. Maybe try to, if these are really, really big issues in a relationship and you do really see this as your person, maybe look into like doing some type of therapy to see if you guys could put in the work to make it work. But you definitely shouldn't go forward with spending your life with someone who's going to make you very anxious like that. I love you. Hi Alex. Love you. I've been seeing this guy for maybe a month and he texts to me he's going on a week long trip to visit his sister and said he's going dark with his phone this week and will text me when he's back. Do we think this is a sign of a secret girlfriend? Yeah. What? You're going on a week long trip with your sister? No. Unless they're going to some like mountain kumbaya escape, some therapy retreat. Like I would be like, show me the receipt. But you said you've been talking for a month and I feel like even in the first month, like that's like the most exciting time. Like whatever this is, definitely he's talking to someone else or another girlfriend. What is going on a secret trip with your sister? I don't think so. We're going to end on that note. I love you guys. I will see you next week for another episode of Hot Mess. Don't forget to subscribe. Love you.