
2000's Battlefield Earth, based on a novel by L. Ron Hubbard and starring John Travolta, is one of the most famous bad movies of all time. Rob Huebel (The Dark Web, The Sex Lives of College Girls) joins Paul, Jason, and June to cover all the slo-mo horses, the rumored Scientology connections, Travolta's many accents, the un-sexiness of the characters, all the inconsistencies throughout the movie, and so much more. Plus, we play YOUR Battlefield Earth Razzie nomination pitches. (Ep. #6 Originally Released 03/15/2011)
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Jason Mantzoukas
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Paul Scheer
I would like you to meet Ares, the ultimate AI soldier.
Rob Huebel
He is biblically strong and supremely intelligent.
Paul Scheer
You think you're in control of this? You're not.
Rob Huebel
On October 10th, what are you?
Paul Scheer
My world is coming to destroy yours. But I can help you.
Rob Huebel
The war for our world begins in IMAX. Tron Ares, rated PG13 may be inappropriate for children under 13. Only in theaters October 10th. Get tickets now.
Jason Mantzoukas
You're sausage with egg.
Paul Scheer
Didn't change your receipt.
Jason Mantzoukas
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Paul Scheer
Now it's time for how did this Convey? We're going to have a good time celebrating failure, not just be a hater. Cuz you know, you wonder how did this convey?
Jason Mantzoukas
Let's wallow in the mediocrity of subpar art.
Paul Scheer
Perhaps we'll find the answer to the question. Hello, people of Earth. Welcome to how did this Get Made? This is the podcast where we try to make sense of the movies that make no sense. I'm Paul Scheer. You might know me as Andre from the TV show the League. Or from my star turn as Rango, the lovable old lizard. In Rango, I am joined by Jason Manzoukas, who you might recognize as Rafi from the League. What's going on, Jason?
Jason Mantzoukas
How are you?
Paul Scheer
Paul? Very good. And of course, June, Diane Rayfield, who you've seen on Party down and Flight of the Conchords. June.
June Diane Raphael
Hi, Paul.
Paul Scheer
This is a. This movie we have today.
Jason Mantzoukas
I'm fucking furious.
Paul Scheer
Yes.
June Diane Raphael
I mean, we love reasons Go to Emotion is anger.
Jason Mantzoukas
No, this movie, you're angry.
Paul Scheer
It's warranted. I mean this. You know, we love crappy movies and I don't think there is one crappier than Battlefield Earth. It's like if Star wars farted on the Planet of the Apes, it would become this film. Here's the basic premise and I had a hard time distilling it.
Jason Mantzoukas
Don't bother. Fuck this Movie?
Paul Scheer
The movie takes place in the year 3000. Earth has been conquered by aliens.
Jason Mantzoukas
Wait, is that true? It takes place in the year 3000.
Paul Scheer
Oh, come on. The subtitle of the movie is Now.
Jason Mantzoukas
I'm even angrier that those fighter planes fly.
Paul Scheer
Yeah.
Jason Mantzoukas
Oh, fuck you movie.
Paul Scheer
We won't get too far. Basically, aliens have been taken over by or aliens from the planet Cyclos have taken over the remaining humans left on Earth. One of the villagers who is still alive but living far away, is captured after being caught in an abandoned mall and brought to the human processing center in Denver where he meets Turtle.
Jason Mantzoukas
When those fucking Chirons come up and it's like human processing center. And then it's Planet Cyclone, I was like, really? I need to know the. Ah, you know what?
Paul Scheer
As I'm even explaining it, it's a terrible idea. So basically, a caveman is captured by an alien. The alien wants this caveman you to mine gold for him so he can get back to his home planet. But guess what? It messes up for him. They steal gold from Fort Knox, steal nuclear weapons and Harrier jets and blow up the aliens mining operation. That's the basic premise.
June Diane Raphael
Why did the aliens need the gold?
Jason Mantzoukas
Why does gold hold value throughout the universe?
Paul Scheer
Well, let's find out. These guys.
June Diane Raphael
The universal currency is based on gold.
Jason Mantzoukas
It is not. No way.
June Diane Raphael
Every planet's currency is based on gold value.
Paul Scheer
Alright, let's just hear a clip from the movie. This is just to give you an idea of the movie. This is when Turl finds out he has to stay on planet Earth a little bit longer. I don't mean to second guess the home office, but surely I could be a better service to the corporation. Home office is well aware of your academic achievements and obvious talents. That's why we've decided not to keep you here for another five cycles.
Jason Mantzoukas
It's a joke. Oh, thank you, sir. I don't know if I could have kept my sanity to be another five cycles.
Paul Scheer
We've decided to keep you here for another 50 cycles. With endless options for renewal. With endless options for renew. And endless options for renewal.
Jason Mantzoukas
Ha ha.
Paul Scheer
That is the movie. Now, here to help us make sense of this movie is our friend. You've heard him here on Earwolf on a show called Mike Detective. You've seen him on Human Giant and on Children's Hospital. Please welcome Rob Hubel.
Rob Huebel
Thank you. I'm leaving. No, I'm leaving now. This is why I'm leaving. Because I agree with Jason. I agreed to do this podcast before I Watched this movie and about three minutes into it, I wanted not only that three minutes back. I wanted the future time I was gonna give up back. It's an hour and 57 minutes and there's nothing you can do sheer to get me back that time.
Paul Scheer
Well, I'll tell you this much. It's an hour and 57 minutes. But if the movie didn't have the slo mo, it would probably be about 45. There's more slow mo in this movie.
Jason Mantzoukas
Why would you make the action scenes work? So they had. The only way to make the action scenes look good was to do them in slow mo. They look terrible.
Rob Huebel
Like anything that's supposed to be action y they cut to slow mo. It's like, fuck this.
Paul Scheer
If you like slow motion horse scenes, then you will like this movie. I've seen more slow motion horses, but.
June Diane Raphael
That Horse's journey was one of the most developed movies.
Jason Mantzoukas
I'll go out on a limb and say, best acting in the movie done by that horse.
June Diane Raphael
When he came running back into town, into camp.
Rob Huebel
Yeah, that was good.
Jason Mantzoukas
That was like. I was like, oh, no. He did the. How did he find his way back?
Rob Huebel
Well, I couldn't. Here's what I couldn't get over watching the movie. I couldn't feel worse for the costume people and the art director and the set built. Cause there's so much work that went into actually building what that world. I mean, a lot of it is crappy cgi, but all the costumes and just those sets, hair and makeup, four hours each day.
Paul Scheer
Can you imagine?
Rob Huebel
Can you imagine getting that fucking makeup every day?
Jason Mantzoukas
Every day to deliver lines that make no sense.
Paul Scheer
Listen here, rat brat brain. You skull bone is definitely a skull bone.
June Diane Raphael
Can we talk for one second about John Travolta's accent?
Jason Mantzoukas
Where are we Talk for one hour about John Travolta's accent.
Paul Scheer
It changes from scene to scene. Sometimes it's colonial British or something like that. And then other times it's, oh, like. I mean, there's four or five distinct different voices, right?
Rob Huebel
Yeah, yeah.
Jason Mantzoukas
This I wrote like I was writing notes as I was watching it. And like the first beat happened. And then in the course of the next scene, I just started writing. This movie instantly makes no sense. I have no idea what any of these people are talking about. And then I just wrote, why did these actors take this job?
Paul Scheer
Forest Whitaker is the only person who has come out and said, I made a huge mistake.
Jason Mantzoukas
Is he really?
Rob Huebel
There's a long sequence where they let the man animals, which again, That's a fucking dumb name.
Paul Scheer
That's the.
Rob Huebel
That's the other problem I have is, like, the. But the language is so unimaginative, it's lazy. They say words like vaporize, like, I'm gonna vaporize you. Like, that's what a little kid would say.
June Diane Raphael
Although there are some phrases which was interesting to see. Like, okay, in 3000, these are the phrases that stood the test of time. Piece of cake was in there.
Jason Mantzoukas
Piece of cake.
June Diane Raphael
Grass is always greener.
Rob Huebel
Grass is always greener.
Jason Mantzoukas
Let's get the hell out of here.
June Diane Raphael
Those phrases held up.
Paul Scheer
Leverage. Leverage is used so many times in this movie. Leverage. They have that whole. I hope you got some leverage.
Rob Huebel
They have that whole sequence where they want. Where John Travolta wants to get leverage over that. Over the prisoner guy, so they let him go so that they will watch him eat his favorite food.
Paul Scheer
Rats.
Rob Huebel
Yeah.
Paul Scheer
So that they can.
Rob Huebel
So that they can figure out what the fucking guy's favorite food is and feed it to him as a treat.
Jason Mantzoukas
They talk about his favorite food. I wrote that down, too, for, like, 15 minutes. That sequence that Cubel's talking about. And they're just going, see, that's his favorite. He could have chosen anything. But that is, you know, like, what?
Paul Scheer
And meanwhile, he couldn't have chosen anything. He's an abandoned warehouse. There's no food to be found. And it's like, he loves raw rat.
Rob Huebel
This movie, I looked it up online. It cost $73 million to make, and who knows what they spent on advertising.
Paul Scheer
Well, here's the thing. Apparently there was a huge lawsuit because the company that made it inflated the budget by $40 million, so that 75 went to some French guy's pocket.
Jason Mantzoukas
Really?
Paul Scheer
They lost a gigantic lawsuit.
Jason Mantzoukas
I didn't do any research on this. Did Scientology themselves have anything to do with the making of this movie?
Paul Scheer
L. Ron Hubbard was supposed to direct this movie in 1985 when the book came out.
Rob Huebel
Did he direct other movies?
June Diane Raphael
He directed training videos for the Church of Scientology. Just not kidding.
Rob Huebel
Just videos. Just training videos and pamphlets.
Paul Scheer
And John Travolta was supposedly being the young man, the caveman.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah.
Paul Scheer
But then he aged out of that role and then took the role of Turrell. And did you notice that Kelly Preston is in the movie, too? Oh, yeah.
Rob Huebel
What does she do?
Paul Scheer
She's the bald, sexy woman with the big tongue who says the best line in the movie. She goes, I'm going to treat you like a baby on a straight diet of fandango.
Jason Mantzoukas
That was. What does that mean?
Paul Scheer
A straight diet of frandango.
Jason Mantzoukas
This entire alien race appears to come from a planet where, like, all they're ever taught is monogam laughter. Like, every single character has crazy broad laughter as a part of their everyday speech.
Paul Scheer
All the aliens have broad laughter, and all the slaves have tribal screams like, no.
June Diane Raphael
That'S my favorite. I love when they devolved into two.
Jason Mantzoukas
But it makes no sense. They're like, now we have to get out of here. We have to come up with a plan. Wait a minute. Why do you sometimes grunt and sometimes speak perfect English?
Paul Scheer
Here's why.
June Diane Raphael
I actually do think that a lot of times they would sort of signal each other like, this is when the revolt is gonna begin by barking. And I think that was kind of a fuck you to the Cyclones or whatever they were called.
Paul Scheer
Cyclones.
June Diane Raphael
You think we're man animals? Like, we'll show you.
Jason Mantzoukas
But the Cyclones, one of the most amazing things is language. Yes, everybody is speaking English, but they're meant to be speaking languages that the other cannot understand.
Paul Scheer
Right, exactly.
Jason Mantzoukas
So inexplicably, then Barry Pepper. Right, that's who it is. Barry Pepper has to. And get, like, a fucking mind meld. Like a Matrix style, like, download of the cyclo language, which is my favorite.
Paul Scheer
Scene of the entire movie.
Jason Mantzoukas
Why does that happen?
Paul Scheer
Okay, he has to.
Jason Mantzoukas
Why does that happen?
June Diane Raphael
Because they're trying to train him to go out and get the gold.
Paul Scheer
Okay, well, here.
Rob Huebel
They wanted him to go mine gold for them.
Paul Scheer
Oh, my God. So they trained him.
Jason Mantzoukas
He's already proven to be the most resistant, strongest, like, rebel in the whole crew. Tell somebody.
Paul Scheer
Let's give him more power.
Rob Huebel
Why are you guys so against Scientology? That's what I want to. I knew that you guys wouldn't even give it a chance. And I want to talk to you guys about this.
Paul Scheer
This character. This is my moment of the movie. For me, this language machine is what they called it. I actually pulled a clip of it because I had to rewind it when I heard it. This is what the language machine sounds like. Excuse me, but I am your instructor, if you will forgive such arrogance, for I do not have the honor to be a cyclone. I. I am but a lowly clinker language slave. As you are listening to me, I most likely do not exist. Is this the dumbest thing?
Rob Huebel
Well, that's like a hologram that shows up. It looks kind of like Jar Jar. He's very low status, and he's, like, apologizing that they're not as good as the cyclos, but somehow he's gonna teach them language.
Paul Scheer
And then it just shoots into his brain anyway.
Rob Huebel
They just shoot laser beams into his eyes.
Jason Mantzoukas
And then he learns, like, calculus, geometry. Geometry. And he goes back into his cage and he's telling the other slaves, like, this is a triangle. And they're like, oh, what is it? He's like, it's the strongest thing in the universe.
Rob Huebel
We thought you were gonna help us.
Paul Scheer
Get out of here.
Rob Huebel
And he's like, this will help us get out of here.
Jason Mantzoukas
It's the craziest fucking gobbledygook nonsense. And I don't understand. Why give him this power? Why give. I'm like, well, he wants. I was so angry at this movie.
Paul Scheer
I didn't understand this movie. I had to look on Wikipedia to understand what was happening because I was very confused.
Rob Huebel
And so who directed this movie?
Paul Scheer
Oh, I know. They asked Quentin Tarantino and he said no.
Jason Mantzoukas
I wish he had said yes.
June Diane Raphael
And then he was right after Pulp Fiction.
Paul Scheer
Yes. And, well, it was 2000, so it was a couple years after, but then they got the assistant director of a Star wars movie to direct it.
Rob Huebel
Wow. Is that why they have those terrible dissolves between scenes? Like the Star Wars?
Paul Scheer
It looks like what you could do in Imovie on the Mac. It was like.
June Diane Raphael
It looks like my acting reel. If you've ever been scenes.
Jason Mantzoukas
If you've ever looked online at, like, Turkish Star Wars.
Paul Scheer
Yeah.
Jason Mantzoukas
You know, like. Or Hungarian Star Wars. Those, like, ripoff movies. This movie is 10 billion times worse and more complicated to understand.
Rob Huebel
This reminded me of, you know, at Comic Con. Have you ever seen at Comic Con where all of the Klingons get together and they have, like, they put on that sort of.
Paul Scheer
Oh, yes.
Rob Huebel
That sort of presentation where they're, like, talking back and forth.
Paul Scheer
It's like a Klingon play, you know? Yeah.
Rob Huebel
And it's very over theatrical and overdone, but way, way better than this movie. Way better than this movie.
Jason Mantzoukas
I just love.
Paul Scheer
There's so many things wrong about this movie too, because why are they even on Earth? They conquered human civilization in nine minutes, and now they're there to mine. But what are they mining?
Jason Mantzoukas
There is gold. Shocking lack of, like, at a certain point, like, Barry Pepper and the other rebels are, like, running around doing stuff. And there are no cyclos anywhere.
Paul Scheer
Yes.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah. Like, the whole planet has, like, about 15 cyclones.
Paul Scheer
Well, the cyclos only live in that glass facility.
Jason Mantzoukas
Right?
June Diane Raphael
In Denver.
Paul Scheer
Yeah, in Denver. Where they have special oxygen. But yet Barry Pepper needs to wear the special oxygen mask too. I don't understand that.
June Diane Raphael
I just love that, like, even in 3000, I guess there are sort of state lines where people know this is Denver, this is Kentucky.
Paul Scheer
Yeah. Did you notice this is Texas.
Rob Huebel
Did you notice that one sequence where they go to Aspen? Oh, yes, there's one. There's just a. There's just a really rusty sign that says welcome or thank you for visiting Aspen. It's where they're on top of that waterfall and they're about to like jump off. And then right before they do, that spaceship flies up and they get out and they like choke the guy and they throw that. There's also a lot of.
Jason Mantzoukas
They might be able to fly.
Rob Huebel
Humans can fly. There's a lot of bad green screen in this also.
Jason Mantzoukas
There is no.
Paul Scheer
There's so much.
Jason Mantzoukas
I mean, seamless.
Paul Scheer
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Rob Huebel
Tron Ares has arrived.
Paul Scheer
I would like you to meet Ares, the ultimate AI soldier.
Rob Huebel
He is biblically strong and supremely intelligent.
Paul Scheer
You think you're in control of this? You're not.
Rob Huebel
On October 10th.
Paul Scheer
What are you? My world is coming to destroy yours. But I can help you.
Rob Huebel
The war for our world begins in IMAX. TRON Ares rated PG13 may be inappropriate for children under 13 only in theaters October 10th. Get tickets now.
Jason Mantzoukas
For a limited time, get a Big Mac extra value meal for $8. That means two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun and medium fries and a drink. We may need to change that jingle prices and participation may vary.
Paul Scheer
Oh, my gosh. The fact that. I mean, just the fact that he went to the library, read a couple books about Fort Knox, the White House, and a secret military base underneath the world, Fort Hood.
Jason Mantzoukas
They go to a library and he reads like he's looking at paper and then he turns it over and it's the Declaration of Independence, which is not.
Paul Scheer
Giving him clues to anything.
Jason Mantzoukas
It is useless.
Paul Scheer
And it doesn't even really pertain to what they're doing here. I mean, does it? I mean, is he.
Jason Mantzoukas
Guys, there is a sequence in this movie a thousand years from now where cavemen sit in a flight simulator at Fort Hood and learn to fly Harrier jets. Cavemen do.
Paul Scheer
And these are cavemen who only a day before were literally grunting.
Jason Mantzoukas
They are wearing pelts for clothes and then learn to expertly fly F18s and then switch war. Exactly.
Paul Scheer
They are a precision machine.
Jason Mantzoukas
Absolutely.
Paul Scheer
It is flawless.
Jason Mantzoukas
It is without a doubt one of the most insane sequences I've ever seen.
Paul Scheer
Barry Pepper is told after he tries his fight machine once, you make another mistake again and I'll smash you a puny skull. And he's like, okay. Then the next time you flew it flawless, like, oh, that was all it takes is some good threatening.
Rob Huebel
Someone just yelling at you. June, let me ask you this because you're the only woman in the room.
Jason Mantzoukas
So far as you know.
Rob Huebel
Were there any man animals that you were attracted to?
June Diane Raphael
Oh, that's a good question.
Rob Huebel
Um, like, do you ever think what it would be like to be in a slave situation like that where you're with a bunch of man animals?
June Diane Raphael
Well, I do think that, but I was curious as to why they did all look like cavemen, because this is not cave time. But they didn't.
Paul Scheer
They were clean shaven. They were well kept.
Jason Mantzoukas
Oh, yeah.
Rob Huebel
And also, it's just kind of long hair and sort of pelts.
June Diane Raphael
But also, like, if we are. If these are modern men and women, I mean, they're way more modern than any of us. They're living in 2000. Why did all of the women in the movie, like when Kelly Preston. Kelly Preston was so excited to have a house.
Paul Scheer
Yes.
June Diane Raphael
And then when the other cave girl.
Paul Scheer
Well, Kelly Press is not a cave person.
June Diane Raphael
No, I know, she's a psycho. But when the other cave girl found her cave boy and he said, you know, we're gonna have children or something like that, her face lit up. It's like their motivations are so old timey, so crazy.
Jason Mantzoukas
Do you guys realize that there Are two movies that we've done in which a person is carrying around a rough drawing of the person they love.
Paul Scheer
Yes.
Jason Mantzoukas
Not a picture, because there are no pictures.
Paul Scheer
Exactly.
Jason Mantzoukas
But, like. Like, when the cave woman is captured, she has a rough drawing of Barry Pepper, and that's how they identify that she must know him. Just like in stupid fucking Season of the Witch. Right. And then also Season of the Witch. Inexplicably, Ron Perlman and one of the guys in this one both say, let's get the hell out of here. As if, like, people in, like, cable are cheering.
Paul Scheer
Yeah, like, let's get that.
June Diane Raphael
Those are timeless phrases.
Jason Mantzoukas
They are not timeless phrases. This movie is bullshit.
Rob Huebel
Do you think Barry Pepper will ever do a movie where he runs around more? I mean, you could not have more scenes where the. I'm sure the director's like, okay, Barry. So I think you got the gist of it. You're gonna go out there, you're gonna run the fuck down the block, and then we'll take a look.
Paul Scheer
Slow it down.
Rob Huebel
Yeah. Then run down that block and then run around that street and then run back this way.
Paul Scheer
We're gonna blast debris at you at any corner. He's always getting debris.
June Diane Raphael
I love, though, when he was ready for the final battle, that hair went back in a ponytail. I was like, I gotta reel.
Jason Mantzoukas
Did anybody else know?
Paul Scheer
I gotta.
Jason Mantzoukas
Did anybody else notice that for about 10 minutes in the movie, while he becomes the revolutionary leader, he has bangs.
Paul Scheer
Yes, I did. Yes.
Jason Mantzoukas
He just for some reason, has bangs.
Paul Scheer
Different hair.
Rob Huebel
He was doing another movie. He was definitely off shooting, like, that baseball movie.
June Diane Raphael
During that final attack, in the middle of it, John Travolta says, someone calls in and says they're under attack while he's got. And he says, you're gonna have to deal with them. I'm too busy for these kind of details.
Paul Scheer
John Travolta is like, in this movie. John Travolta's charact is like Darth Vader. If Darth Vader was, like, a personal trainer. Like, there is no. Like, he's like, I can't deal with you, Rat Ra. They're always drinking too much.
Jason Mantzoukas
Always drinking Glow in the Dark.
Rob Huebel
They love Glow in the Dark beverages.
Jason Mantzoukas
And his signature move is only throat grab. Throat grab. All he could do is grab somebody around the throat and lift them off the ground.
Rob Huebel
This is just a small thing, but, like, very bad laser bullets that shoot terrible. You know, like when people shoot each other with guns, like, the laser beams, like, like, fucking.
Paul Scheer
They might as well spend Some fucking money.
Rob Huebel
They really should.
Paul Scheer
When Forest Whitaker got his hand cut off and he was like. He just shot his hand. His hand disappeared. And Forest Whitaker just looks at it for a long time. Like.
Jason Mantzoukas
And at the end of the movie when Travolta's arm gets blown up.
Paul Scheer
Oh, yeah.
Jason Mantzoukas
I was like, do these people not have nerve endings in their outer limb?
Paul Scheer
Yeah, they have. No.
Jason Mantzoukas
They literally just looked at it like, huh, that's not weird.
Rob Huebel
Now, let me ask the.
Jason Mantzoukas
My arm just got blown up by a ball.
June Diane Raphael
Jason. Leverage, leverage.
Rob Huebel
Let me ask the group this. I don't know if you guys normally talk about this on the podcast, but how difficult was it for you guys? Masturbate to this? So easy.
Jason Mantzoukas
Very difficult.
Paul Scheer
This is easy.
Jason Mantzoukas
This is difficult.
Paul Scheer
I like green things and I like.
June Diane Raphael
Paul had no trouble at all.
Rob Huebel
You like long dreadlocks?
Paul Scheer
I love long dreadlocks. I love Rasta aliens. So this is easy. This is actually a home run for me in many ways.
Rob Huebel
Rasta aliens.
Paul Scheer
We've talked about a lot of great moments, but we're gonna cut down to our biggest what the fuck moment. What the fuck? This is our moment that I feel like we need to discuss. Every one of us. We may have a moment that really calls out to us as being just a moment. That is crazy. For me, it was the fact that this entire race of cave people did not move more than a mile outside of their cave dwelling because there was a miniature golf course there. They were frightened by the dinosaur in the miniature golf course. Yeah, that was it. That was the only thing keeping there. It was a dinosaur also covered in, like, moss. It was not intimidating at all.
Rob Huebel
That was scary.
Paul Scheer
That was the block. Just a giant golf ball and a small dinosaur. And that was what kept all of humanity back at a base.
June Diane Raphael
Well, I don't know if we've talked about the Breathe Right strips.
Rob Huebel
These were definitely, definitely the influence for that product came from this movie.
June Diane Raphael
Why were they wearing them? Because they couldn't breathe.
Jason Mantzoukas
Who fucking knows? Honestly? Who fucking knows, Jason?
June Diane Raphael
All right.
Jason Mantzoukas
Made me so angry. There's a line in the movie where somebody arrives on the planet and goes, I hate these puny, undersized planets. The gravity is so different.
Rob Huebel
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jason Mantzoukas
And that is a perfect line. It, like, it makes no sense. And then all the cyclos are supposed to be like these big, giant, like, 12 foot tall creatures, and they're just wearing stilts and giant boots. And they look. All of the special effects, both digital and practical, are fucking garbage.
Paul Scheer
Terrible.
Jason Mantzoukas
Like Cirque du Soleil looks more real when they do shit than this does.
Paul Scheer
You know, I also love the misrepresentation of what the history of the world was. You know, like, where the cyclos are like, oh, dogs were the leaders of this planet. And they were much more amenable than these stupid men.
Rob Huebel
But they weren't good at manual labor.
Paul Scheer
That was it. Yeah, the dogs could do manual labor.
Jason Mantzoukas
And then for some reason, how many.
Paul Scheer
Dogs live in the nuclear holocaust, by the way? Right? That's the other thing.
Jason Mantzoukas
Then at a certain point, Travolta's like, bonks his head in his office and is like, get a team in here to. I want this ceiling different. And then of course, the team that gets brought in is the exact people we've been following the whole time. So now Barry Pepper, downloaded with the Knowledge Machine, can hang out in the office of Travolta unsupervised.
Paul Scheer
And we take all of this information to blackmail Forest Whitaker. Why?
Jason Mantzoukas
Why would any of that happen?
Rob Huebel
Because any, any plan needs a patsy. As. As Travolta explains to Forest Whitaker in like a 10 minute scene, he records him with that fucking camera.
Jason Mantzoukas
By the way, isn't that Scientology recording you with a camera so you can have leverage over something?
Paul Scheer
Leverage?
June Diane Raphael
Leverage.
Jason Mantzoukas
Isn't that like the knocking again?
Rob Huebel
I want you. I want you guys to think about coming on board. I don't know what your aversion to this is. I also wanted to say one of my favorite scenes was the. When all the slaves were in prison and they have those hoses that shoot the slop into the trough.
Paul Scheer
Oh, yeah.
Rob Huebel
And then they all got into the fight because that one guy that was in prison was like, you know, no one eats until I eat. And then they said, no, that's bullshit. We're not doing. And so then Barry Pepper got in a fight and smashed his head into the slop trough. And then was like, from now on.
Paul Scheer
We all eat together.
Rob Huebel
And they all. And then this little slave girl comes up and takes a little handful of sloppy and eats the slop.
Paul Scheer
And the slop is coming out of this giant hose. It looks like when you're emptying out like a Porta John, like just shit. Is it shoved out? I want to talk about this one thing I found out. Apparently there was a toy of Turl that was released. 11 inch toy of turl. And these are the lines that he.
Rob Huebel
Would say, it's the perfect size to go in your butt.
Paul Scheer
These are the lines that when you pressed his chest, he'd go, exterminate. All man animals at will. You wouldn't last one day at the academy. Man is an endangered species. And rat bastard, that's not a toy that you would want to give a child.
Rob Huebel
Do they ever show the. Because I may have gotten drunk in the middle of this and blacked out, but did they ever show this academy that they keep referencing?
Jason Mantzoukas
There's one, there is a shot where on the planet Cyclo, which just exists to show that the leader has teleported back there.
Paul Scheer
Yes, yes, right.
Jason Mantzoukas
There was no reason for that. It was useless.
Paul Scheer
They show like. I was like, oh, yeah, I thought something was cut out. Basically they show this whole teleportation scene. Their leader comes down, they have a overly wrought scene, and then he goes back and that was it. He doesn't even say anything right when he goes back. No planet.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah, it's just like, oh, I guess they got home safe.
Paul Scheer
Yeah, that was it.
Jason Mantzoukas
That's literally. I felt like why it was done. It was like, oh, he's there now.
Rob Huebel
So.
Paul Scheer
And they blew up planet Cyclos at the end.
Jason Mantzoukas
It seemed to be that there was a genocide at the end.
Paul Scheer
Okay. Cause that was a crazy thing. How did they get to planet Cyclos?
Jason Mantzoukas
They keep talking like, you know what we're gonna do? We're gonna go back and blow up their planet. How? What? Come on now, man. Yeah, they have to plan, get there.
Paul Scheer
It makes no sense.
June Diane Raphael
These guys, they've gone through flight simulators, they know how to do that.
Jason Mantzoukas
And Barry Pepper knows how to dismantle a nuclear bomb.
Paul Scheer
Yeah.
Jason Mantzoukas
This is a knowledge machine.
Paul Scheer
Well, first of all, it was a language machine. So technically, by all intents and purposes, it only gave him the language, not the knowledge.
Jason Mantzoukas
No, it was knowledge because it taught him math and all that other stuff.
Paul Scheer
Oh, you're right.
Jason Mantzoukas
That's what I think.
Paul Scheer
What?
Jason Mantzoukas
Yet they.
Paul Scheer
Yet they called it language machine.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yes, yes.
Paul Scheer
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Rob Huebel
I don't know how long this movie took to actually make. I'm imagining it probably five minutes. But I mean, you know, it would take months. It takes months to make a movie. And so can you imagine fucking waking up? Because you'd have to go there and get there so early to put on this makeup, put in those contact lenses that they're all wearing, get your fake.
Paul Scheer
Teeth in, do standing on stilts. Every day. Every day.
Jason Mantzoukas
Horst Whitaker for four months.
Rob Huebel
For five months.
Paul Scheer
Whatever it was.
Rob Huebel
They must fucking hate each other.
Paul Scheer
Oh, my God, he must have blown a real head gasket.
Jason Mantzoukas
You're fired.
June Diane Raphael
I also think when you see movies like this, like, we all know this was Travolta's pet project. And, like, you know, he wasn't getting any direction at all. Like, he was just unleashed on the set.
Rob Huebel
He's like, I got it.
Paul Scheer
Whatever you wanted to. I heard that the food, the craft service on it was so bad that Travolta flew in his own chef and only served the actors from his own. Yeah. His own podcast.
Jason Mantzoukas
There is a. Not to endorse another podcast, but there is an episode of the NPR show or public radio show the Business in which she just interviews the guy that wrote this movie.
Paul Scheer
Oh, who sent out an apology this year when the Razzies nominated him for being for the worst screenplay of the decade. This is Battlefield Earth, worst screenplay of the decade. And this guy came out and said, like, I'm sorry. I apologize. He couldn't write scripts anymore. He had to change his name on scripts to get them sold after this movie because he was just done in Hollywood.
Rob Huebel
Unfortunately, he changed his name to Tyrell. Whatever.
Paul Scheer
Whatever. Turrell.
Rob Huebel
Turl.
Paul Scheer
Oh, man, it is. There's so many. It's also one of those movies that spend a lot of time talking about business and politics. Like every. Like those boring scenes in, like, all the Star Wars.
Rob Huebel
Star wars.
Paul Scheer
Where it's like, oh, well, the Trade Federation must be very upset about the.
Jason Mantzoukas
Way the home office won't be pleased.
Rob Huebel
Oh, that's another thing.
Paul Scheer
Everything.
Rob Huebel
That's what they came up with for the term is the home office.
Jason Mantzoukas
It's gotta be in the Elrond Hub stuff, I assume. I've never read any of his books.
June Diane Raphael
But apparently this is the first one, right? It was supposed to be made into two.
Paul Scheer
This is the whole thing. This movie is based only on 436 pages of a thousand page book. And this is supposed to be the first of a trilogy. Yes, and fingers crossed. You know what? We and John Travolta recently said that second one is being worked out.
Jason Mantzoukas
We can only hope that M. Night Shyamalan directs the rest of the trilogy.
Paul Scheer
Oh my God. That would be.
Rob Huebel
I would.
Jason Mantzoukas
That would be the best.
Rob Huebel
I could masturbate.
Jason Mantzoukas
I would come and kill myself instantly.
Paul Scheer
What was the. Oh, I love the other. The other term I like too was.
Jason Mantzoukas
It was Last Airbender, not Season of the Witch. I just remembered. In which the person had the drawing of their family.
Paul Scheer
But it could have worked in Season of the Witch. We don't want to be a bunch.
Rob Huebel
Of arrogant greeners here. Right, guys? What was that? The grass is always greener. That was their piece of cake.
Paul Scheer
The cavemen refer to each other as arrogant green. I do.
Jason Mantzoukas
Why do they keep saying piece of cake? I missed that. And then I was like, why do they keep saying piece of cake? They're not eating cake.
Paul Scheer
No one's eating cake.
Jason Mantzoukas
Then what is cake? They don't have a concept of cake. It is the year 3000, but yet I guess those jets are all ready to fly.
Paul Scheer
Jets are gassed up. Fort Knox is ready to go. White House burnt out and golf course is kind of disappointing.
Jason Mantzoukas
But all the books are cool to read.
Paul Scheer
Books are pretty great.
Jason Mantzoukas
Books are pretty good.
June Diane Raphael
Books that.
Paul Scheer
No, even though they're made out of.
Jason Mantzoukas
Paper, books still work.
Paul Scheer
The fuck?
Jason Mantzoukas
It's three. I had no idea that it was the year 3000.
June Diane Raphael
So what did you think it was? You thought it was.
Jason Mantzoukas
I thought it was indeterminate, near catastrophic future.
June Diane Raphael
Isn't the full title Battlefield Earth saga of the year?
Rob Huebel
When you click on it on Netflix, it says Battlefield Earth.
Jason Mantzoukas
I can't read.
Paul Scheer
I do wanna. I'll play the clip of Travolta saying something in his language, which is English, and then making berry pepper. Translated. Here we go. You will soon be relocated to a new mining.
Jason Mantzoukas
And if any of you get any bright ideas about escaping, just keep in mind that although you know nothing about.
Paul Scheer
Firearms, I certainly do. I graduated top marksman in my class.
Jason Mantzoukas
And I can kill any one of.
Paul Scheer
You at over a thousand paces. Tell them what I've said. You try to run, he'll kill us.
Jason Mantzoukas
And then Travolta goes, that's it.
Paul Scheer
And then Travolta, to prove his point Shoots a cow's leg off.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yep.
Paul Scheer
Just a cow in the field also. Why are there cows? Wasn't there a nuclear holocaust? There are cows just roaming around.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah. Oh, my God, this movie is infuriating. I half believe they were like, well, this is where we're gonna shoot. Well, there are those cows over there.
Paul Scheer
Let's shoot them.
Jason Mantzoukas
Well, let's keep them in here and maybe we'll see gi the legs getting shot off.
Rob Huebel
I wonder where this was filmed.
Paul Scheer
It was shot in Canada. The most expensive production ever in Canada at that time.
Jason Mantzoukas
Really?
Paul Scheer
Yes. Now we always go to the audience to get a little bit of viewer mail. You Got Mail and.
Rob Huebel
Hold on, is that your song? That's your theme song for you Got Mail? You wanna hear it again?
Paul Scheer
I'll do it again.
Jason Mantzoukas
You've Got mail.
Paul Scheer
There it is. Pretty good, right? Who.
Rob Huebel
Who wrote that? We created it.
Jason Mantzoukas
We created that.
Rob Huebel
We created that sounds very familiar.
Paul Scheer
The director of Battlefield Earth actually created that. He created that. Basically, this movie got the most Razzie nominations of all time. And so I. I said to you guys, come up with another category that this can win in. Obviously this won worst Actor, Worst Screenplay. Worst Director didn't win Worst Supporting Actor. Forest Whitaker escaped that one. So I asked you guys to come up with your own worst of categories. And let's see, I'll give you an example here.
Rob Huebel
Some of these are best of also.
Paul Scheer
Some. Yeah, they can be best of. I guess they can be best of. Here we go. Norman writes worse eyes in any film. Forest Whitaker, worst eyes. He had these ugly yellow eyes.
June Diane Raphael
Marshall makes a good point. Best clean shaven caveman.
Paul Scheer
I see. I said that.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah.
June Diane Raphael
Gary Pepper.
Paul Scheer
He also had least explained use of gold as a plot device.
Rob Huebel
Marshall also had most inebriated cinematographer.
June Diane Raphael
That's right. All the shots were on these weird.
Paul Scheer
It's always tilted.
Rob Huebel
It's always like that Dutch angle, which is just like the very first thing you would ever think to do with a camera. Like, oh, let's just turn it a little bit.
Jason Mantzoukas
I like this dude. Mike Morrison writes best use of the noun leverage. And then he's counted how many times people say it in the movie. Travolta eight times. Barry Pepper three times. Forest Whitaker two times. Like, and there's gotta be more, right?
Paul Scheer
I mean, that's. I mean, even that. That's high.
Jason Mantzoukas
Looks like somebody found some leverage. I've taught you well.
Rob Huebel
Bob Waters said that this is the worst choice of video editing software. And because it was done on Microsoft, Microsoft PowerPoint, it really is. It's just like the fucking dumbest edits.
Paul Scheer
Dumbest of all time. This one, I think, was again written by Norman. This is most informative. Public library goes to the Denver Public Library. They have information where the nuclear stockpile is and how to break into Fort Knox.
June Diane Raphael
Robin has best performance by nostrils. Barry Pepper's nostrils. Battlefield Earth.
Rob Huebel
They are pretty good.
Paul Scheer
Battlefield Earth. Man, oh, man. This was. This was as bad as I heard it was. I saw it in the theater and I had forgotten how bad it. You did? Yes, I was.
Rob Huebel
I saw this in the theater.
Jason Mantzoukas
What are you talking about?
Paul Scheer
I was invited to a premiere of it in New York City and I saw it in the theater and I.
Rob Huebel
Remember going like, was that an event? Was that a Scientology event?
Paul Scheer
Rob, we just had a bunch of great people got together and we just saw a movie.
Rob Huebel
But, I mean, were they. I'm asking you, were they all Scientologists?
Paul Scheer
I don't know. Hey, look, I don't know who they are. We just had a great time and.
Rob Huebel
We took some stress tests afterwards. It sounds like you're covering for the fact that they were all signed. You mentioned a stress test.
Paul Scheer
We took a stress test. I was really stressed out and I went in there not liking the movie. And then after I left, I loved it. I thought it was great.
Rob Huebel
So you saw this in the theater with a crowded room full of people?
Paul Scheer
Yes.
June Diane Raphael
How was it received?
Paul Scheer
Poorly. Yeah, like very poorly. I would hope so. I don't fall asleep in movies. And I do remember falling asleep in the 25 minute long ending scene, which is like a bad version of the Star wars trench fight scene. Terrible.
Jason Mantzoukas
Really, really terrible.
Paul Scheer
Well, go watch this on Netflix Instant. It's two hours of your life that you'll never get back. But it's worth it for watching the curtain reveals, which is also. Did we talk about the curtains? The curtains actually come in. So at the end of the movie, curtains close.
Rob Huebel
I didn't get that far.
Paul Scheer
Curtains close like, oh, you're done watching this Stage play. Small little stage play. Roll credit. Oh, man. Well, that has been. How did this get made? Battlefield Earth. Thank you so much for listening. Big thanks to our engineer, Doug. You can follow the majority of us on Twitter. I'm Paul Shear. Obhebel missjunedian. Jason is not on Twitter, but don't do it.
Jason Mantzoukas
I don't do it.
Paul Scheer
Don't do it. Do you want to plug anything?
Jason Mantzoukas
Not really.
Paul Scheer
Okay, great. Check us next Monday for the next mini episode. Thanks so much. Bye. Bye.
Jason Mantzoukas
So I was just parking my car and then I saw you. The gecko. Huge fan.
Paul Scheer
I'm always honored to meet fans out in the wild.
Jason Mantzoukas
The honor is mine. I just love being able to file a claim in under two minutes with the Geico app.
Paul Scheer
Well, the Geico app is top notch.
Jason Mantzoukas
I know you get asked this all the time, but could you sign it?
Paul Scheer
Sign what? The app. Yeah, sure.
Jason Mantzoukas
Oh, that means so much. Oh, it rubbed off the screen when I touched it. Could you sign it again?
Paul Scheer
Anything to help, I suppose.
Jason Mantzoukas
You're the best. Get more than just savings. Get more with Geico.
Paul Scheer
Adam Pally here, and I'm John Gabris. We're a couple actors and best friends.
Rob Huebel
Who you may know as the host of the TV show 101 Places to.
Paul Scheer
Party before you die. Now we're bringing you a comedic look at health and wellness with our new show, staying Alive. We'll have guests like our friend, actor Jerry O', Connell, ketamine therapist Dr. Stephen Radowitz, Paul Shear, Ego Wodom, Gillian Bell, Dr. Dolittle. Staying alive with John Gabris. And Adam Pally is out right now.
Jason Mantzoukas
Get them a week early and ad.
Paul Scheer
Free with SiriusXM podcasts plus on Apple Podcasts.
Release Date: September 16, 2025
Hosts: Paul Scheer, June Diane Raphael, Jason Mantzoukas
Guest: Rob Huebel
Theme: Comedic breakdown of the infamous sci-fi flop Battlefield Earth (2000), examining how such a notorious disaster was made, why it fails so hard—often hilariously—and what it says about bad movies and Hollywood hubris.
This episode of How Did This Get Made? dives deep into the baffling, infamous cinematic disaster Battlefield Earth. Paul, June, Jason, and guest Rob Huebel try to untangle L. Ron Hubbard's sci-fi muddle starring John Travolta, exploring its wild narrative, bizarre production choices, and status as a cult bad-movie legend. Through ribbing, incredulity, and relentless humor, the hosts celebrate the film's many failures and the ways it delights and baffles in equal measure.
"I'm fucking furious." [02:04]
"We love reasons. Go to emotion is anger." [02:05]
"Every planet's currency is based on gold value." [03:47]
Jason: "It is not. No way." [03:49]
"It changes from scene to scene. Sometimes it’s colonial British… and then other times… There’s four or five distinct different voices, right?" [06:41]
"This movie instantly makes no sense. I have no idea what any of these people are talking about." [06:51]
"I couldn't feel worse for the costume people and the art director… So much work went into actually building that world." [05:58]
"Can you imagine getting that fucking makeup every day?" [06:19]
"If the movie didn’t have the slo-mo, it would probably be about 45 minutes." [05:16]
"The only way to make the action scenes look good was to do them in slow-mo. They look terrible." [05:24]
"'Man animals,' which again, that's a fucking dumb name." [07:15]
"The language is so unimaginative, it's lazy. They say words like 'vaporize…'" [07:22]
"Barry Pepper has to...get, like, a fuckin' mind meld. Like a Matrix-style download of the Cyclo language, which is my favorite scene in the whole movie." [10:35]
"It's the craziest fucking gobbledygook nonsense. And I don't understand. Why give him this power?" [12:25]
"He [L. Ron Hubbard] directed training videos for the Church of Scientology. Just not kidding." [09:04]
"Apparently there was a huge lawsuit because the company that made it inflated the budget by $40 million..." (Paul) [08:39]
"There is a sequence in this movie... where cavemen sit in a flight simulator at Fort Hood and learn to fly Harrier jets. Cavemen do." [17:26]
"They are a precision machine." (Paul) [17:56] "Absolutely." (Jason) [17:57]
The episode bristles with the trio’s signature mix of hilarity, incredulity, and righteous anger—punctuated by Rob’s dry wit. They roast every aspect of the movie—plot, performances, production, and unintentional comedy—while also pausing to acknowledge the impossible feat of actually making something this memorably bad. The episode is a celebration of failure, encouraging the audience to revel in the weirdest corners of Hollywood.
This HDTGM episode stands as a loving dissection of one of cinema’s most notorious failures. With unforgettable lines, searing one-liners, and deep-dive joke riffs, Paul, June, Jason, and Rob Huebel transform Battlefield Earth’s unwatchability into podcasting gold—making sense of a senseless movie so listeners don’t have to.
For more episodes dissecting the best of the worst, subscribe to "How Did This Get Made?" wherever you listen to podcasts.