Bloodsport LIVE w/ Nicole Byer (HDTGM Matinee)

Summary

Summary of "How Did This Get Made?" Podcast Episode: Bloodsport LIVE w/ Nicole Byer (HDTGM Matinee)

Episode Information:

• Title: Bloodsport LIVE w/ Nicole Byer (HDTGM Matinee)
• Hosts: Paul Scheer, June Diane Raphael, Jason Mantzoukas
• Guest: Nicole Byer
• Release Date: June 10, 2025

---

Introduction

In this live episode of "How Did This Get Made?", the trio of comedians—Paul Scheer, June Diane Raphael, and Jason Mantzoukas—are joined by the hilarious Nicole Byer to dissect the cult classic martial arts film "Bloodsport" starring Jean-Claude Van Damme. The episode dives deep into the film's plot, characters, and memorable (often questionable) moments, all while delivering the hosts' signature comedic flair.

---

Background on "Bloodsport"

Paul Scheer sets the stage by questioning the screenplay credits, highlighting the incongruity of Sheldon Ledich penning a story about a "karate guy" seeking deadly competition:

"[15:21] Paul Scheer: ... the one thing I will say, this is the third time we have visited a Jean Claude Van Damme film..."

June Diane Raphael humorously adds to the skepticism about the film's authenticity:

"[06:07] June Diane Raphael: When that happened at the end of the movie and the thing came up and said it was based on a real life story, I came. I was like, what?"

The hosts express doubt about the veracity of the film's claim to be based on true events, comparing it to other implausible movie claims.

---

Jean-Claude Van Damme's Role and Training

A significant portion of the discussion focuses on Jean-Claude Van Damme's character, Frank Dukes, and his training regimen under a character named Frank Dukes, portrayed by another actor (likely a nod to reality):

"[07:46] Paul Scheer: ... Frank Dukes ... he did an amazing full rotation kick and then stared him down."

Nicole Byer praises Van Damme's physique and presence:

"[04:32] Nicole Byer: Also, he was so fuckable. He was so sexy."

June Diane Raphael lauds the authenticity of Van Damme's physical performance:

"[36:13] June Diane Raphael: ... all the fighters looked legitimately like they were doing all the fighting and it looked cool."

Quotable Insight:

"[06:07] Paul Scheer: This man, his name is obviously Frank Dukes... he was like, you're not ready to be in a fictionalized version of my life."

This highlights the hosts' appreciation for the dedication to portraying martial arts authentically, albeit humorously critiquing its execution.

---

Character Analysis: Ray Jackson and Chun Li

Ray Jackson, portrayed by Cast Member, is discussed as a somewhat inconsistent character:

"[30:14] Paul Scheer: Jackson. I killed him. I killed him."

The hosts question his fighting techniques and narrative significance, poking fun at his seemingly lackluster martial skills compared to Chun Li, the film's antagonist:

"[32:13] Paul Scheer: ... someone got a little bit of... boxing isn't worse than boxing."

Chun Li is depicted as an almost invincible foe, with June Diane Raphael describing him as:

"[32:43] June Diane Raphael: ... the villain of the movie is just the guy that always wins, named Chun Li."

The interplay between Ray Jackson's sporadic competence and Chun Li's dominance serves as a central critique point, blending humor with analysis.

---

Memorable Scenes and Comedic Highlights

Several iconic scenes are dissected with a comedic twist:

1. Splits Extravaganza: The hosts repeatedly joke about Van Damme's ability to perform splits, particularly Nicole Byer's admiration:

   "[09:19] Nicole Byer: All of the splits. There were so many splits."

2. Training Montage: The intense (and often absurd) training sequences are mocked for their over-the-top portrayal of martial arts discipline:

   "[20:20] June Diane Raphael: Oh, God. This is the first time hearing of a sound department."

3. Final Fight: The culmination of the film's action is humorously critiqued for its lack of logical consistency and believability:

   "[58:38] Nicole Byer: It was pretty sad when Ray started the chant for his own name and it didn't catch on and then literally had his head stomped."

Notable Quote:

"[32:20] Paul Scheer: But that's boxing. That really isn't worse than boxing."
(32:20)

This joke underscores the hosts' perspective on the film's portrayal of violence.

---

Audience Interaction and Q&A

The live format allows for audience participation, where listeners submit questions and creative titles for "Bloodsport." This segment adds an interactive layer, showcasing the hosts' improvisational skills and playful banter.

Example Interaction:

• Audience Member Camilla:

  Title: Bunsport
  (51:25)

• Nicole Byer:

  "My title is Bunsport. Ooh, great title."
  (51:39)

The creative process of renaming the film on the spot emphasizes the comedic approach the hosts take towards critiquing the movie.

---

Critical Analysis and Humor

The hosts blend genuine critique with irreverent humor, often mocking the film's plot holes, character development, and production choices.

Paul Scheer highlights inconsistencies in character motivations and plot progression:

"[38:05] Paul Scheer: Like, we don't entirely know why they want him back, they don't say anything."

June Diane Raphael points out the film's failure to develop its romantic subplot convincingly:

"[41:03] June Diane Raphael: I thought I was just gonna say... "

Nicole Byer adds her perspective on the movie's portrayal of violence and character relationships:

"[44:35] Paul Scheer: Watching those buns."
"[54:28] Paul Scheer: ...How did this get made exclusive?"
"[70:37] Paul Scheer: That one takes five stars."

These segments illustrate the hosts' ability to navigate between sincere analysis and comedic critique seamlessly.

---

Conclusion

Wrapping up the episode, the hosts reflect on the enduring legacy of "Bloodsport," acknowledging its place in martial arts cinema while continuing to poke fun at its various shortcomings. They encourage listeners to share their own perspectives and highlight the community aspect of the podcast.

Final Remarks by Paul Scheer:

"[75:14] Paul Scheer: What we have to talk about was very, very racist, actually. Yeah, you know, two. Two things here..."
(60:46)

This closing reinforces the hosts' commitment to honest discussions, regardless of the film's flaws, all delivered with their trademark humor.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Paul Scheer (15:21):

  "This is the third time we have visited a Jean Claude Van Damme film..."

• June Diane Raphael (06:07):

  "When that happened at the end of the movie and the thing came up and said it was based on a real life story, I came. I was like, what?"

• Nicole Byer (04:32):

  "He was so fuckable. He was so sexy."

• Paul Scheer (32:20):

  "But that's boxing. That really isn't worse than boxing."

• June Diane Raphael (41:03):

  "I thought I was just gonna say..."

• Paul Scheer (75:14):

  "What we have to talk about was very, very racist, actually."

---

Final Thoughts:

This episode of "How Did This Get Made?" offers a thorough and entertaining breakdown of "Bloodsport," blending critical analysis with humor. The addition of Nicole Byer amplifies the comedic elements, making the discussion both insightful and highly enjoyable for listeners, whether they are fans of the film or encountering it for the first time.

Transcript

[Andy Richter]

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[Jason Mantzoukas]

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[Paul Scheer]

Still getting around to that fix on your car. You got this on ebay you'll find millions of parts guaranteed to fit. Doesn't matter if it's a major engine repair or your first time swapping your windshield wipers. Ebay has that part you need ready to click perfectly into place for changes big and small, loud or quiet. 5. Find all the parts you need at prices you'll love. Guaranteed to fit every time.

[June Diane Raphael]

But you already know that Ebay things.

[Paul Scheer]

People love Eligible Items Only Exclusion Supply the first rule of Kumite do not talk about Kumite. Unless, of course you want to talk about kumite, because then it's totally fine. It just really depends on the person. Doesn't seem to be any real rules there at all. We saw Bloodsports, so you know what that means. How did Schwarzenegger grow a baby in his belly? Rock a rhinestone vest while whipping Justin the Kelly? Or maybe see a burlesque show with Nick Crowe and take a vote with speed to hitting cruise control. J Man Big Paul in the Beautiful June Gonna take you from the goob all the way to the room. Ran the games of Street Fighter. Hope to blow off steam just to sucker punch the odd life of Timothy Green Sharp NATO the Bird Demic how we Staying alive? They call it in the Badass and he's on the line cranking 88 minutes. Cause they cool as ice. Cause the bad Jim Varney looking shining nights Paul and June getting literal. Jason is getting laid. June is making sure all the monkey shots getting paid. They judge a bunch of movies while they making the grade. Here's a real question for you. How did this get made? Hello, people of Earth. That's a good look. Hello, people of Los Angeles. We are here live at Largo, our LA home, Kubota Kubota, to bring you a show, an underground show, a podcast show. Please welcome my co host, Jason Man Zukas.

[June Diane Raphael]

What's up, jerks? Should I go here?

[Paul Scheer]

You can go wherever you want. We are sadly missing June tonight due to a family emergency. She was called away at the last second. But we have an amazing guest. You know her from Girl Code and also the brand new Fox show Party over here. Please welcome Nicole Byer. Kuma Tae kuma Tae kuma Tae Kuma.

[June Diane Raphael]

Tae Kuma Tae Kuma Tae kuma Taek. By the way, this podcast ends in a death.

[Paul Scheer]

I feel like everyone all the time should be brought in with kumite.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, it felt very good. I was like, should I high kick? But I didn't.

[June Diane Raphael]

I thought about it and was genuinely like, oh, no, I'll hurt myself.

[Paul Scheer]

By the way, the one thing I will say, this is the third time we have visited a Jean Claude Van Damme film. And I will say, and I will.

[June Diane Raphael]

And, and, and if I. And if we did three more happy all in, I'll go on record as saying this movie is fucking awesome.

[Paul Scheer]

I 100% agree.

[Nicole Byer]

Also, he was so fuckable.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh, yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

He was so sexy. And every time his eyes just were dead, I was like, yes, he love this.

[Paul Scheer]

He is like. I would argue. And this is the thing. We have seen him at different points in his career on this show, but this is the most pristine, angelic.

[June Diane Raphael]

He is like, if I may, absolutely gorgeous.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[Paul Scheer]

I looked at his like. Because of course you see his ass, right? That's a staple of a Jean Claude Van Damme movie.

[June Diane Raphael]

Buns. There's some juicy buns in this movie. Before he wraps them up in some tighty maroonies.

[Paul Scheer]

He literally pulls down the underpants to then put them back on.

[June Diane Raphael]

I mean, guess what? When you're putting briefs on, you don't have to double dip because once they're on, they're on like, you didn't do it wrong. Like, oops. Nope. No, no, it's okay.

[Paul Scheer]

It's almost like it's like the front latches first and then you have to come back for the back.

[June Diane Raphael]

The back latch.

[Paul Scheer]

The back latch. If you go to movie bitches.com, you will see a collection of Jean Claude Van Damme's buns, which this audience will see in just a little bit.

[June Diane Raphael]

Guys, these are grade A buns.

[Paul Scheer]

Just before we start talking about this, because this movie, while awesome, there are some questions that need to be answered. Some things that are a little.

[June Diane Raphael]

I can't think of one. It all adds up.

[Paul Scheer]

A couple things you should know, which I never knew. This is truly based on a real man.

[June Diane Raphael]

When that happened at the end of the movie and the thing came up and said it was based on a real life story, I came. I was like, what? Like, if you had put the same title card up at the end of Lake Placid, I would have believed it more.

[Paul Scheer]

This. This man, his name is obviously Frank Dukes.

[Nicole Byer]

Frank Dukes?

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah. Who?

[June Diane Raphael]

Dukes or Dukes? Dukes.

[Paul Scheer]

Dukes. Well, funny thing about him is that. Well, a couple things. One, people think he's full of shit, and then that this never happened and it's all a lie.

[June Diane Raphael]

Ooh, I love Bear.

[Paul Scheer]

And he disagrees with them. And as a matter of fact, if you've been following around the show, we have Blake Harris. He is an oral historian of the film. He got Frank Dukes to talk, and he got him for an epic.

[June Diane Raphael]

Hey.

[Paul Scheer]

3.

[June Diane Raphael]

Everybody relax. There was like a low rumble. There was like one for real guy that was like.

[Paul Scheer]

He got a.

[June Diane Raphael]

I would love it if there was just a straight monster in the crowd. Just like a universal monster from the old days.

[Paul Scheer]

Just punk the opera. He had an epic three hour interview with him and he'll finally set the story straight.

[June Diane Raphael]

Three hours.

[Paul Scheer]

Three hours.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh, poor Blake Harris.

[Paul Scheer]

One of the things that he did tell him, and this is part of it, he goes, you know that John, Jean Claude and him kind of got into it one time and he said, hey, look, if you want to fight me, meet me on the roof. And so Jean Claude and Frank Ducks went up to like a roof like 60ft above the city, I guess. And is it where.

[June Diane Raphael]

Where at the end of the movie, Jean Claude is like stretching.

[Paul Scheer]

I believe it's that place. And he said that basically Jean Claude wimped out and brought three of his friends. And then he did this amazing full rotation kick and then stared him down. And then he said, I could see Jean Claude's heart beating in his chest. And he's like, all right, you're a good man. I'm into you. And then Jean Claude left, and then they fucked up. So.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh, yeah, this is the man that.

[Paul Scheer]

Could have beat Jean Claude Van Damme in real life, he actually also trained Jean Claude Van Damme for this movie. And Jean Claude Van Damme said it was the hardest training he's ever done. Because Frank was like, you're not ready to be in a fictionalized version of my life.

[June Diane Raphael]

That's diabolic. Like, you're not ready to be me. I love that.

[Paul Scheer]

That, obviously, that you can go off and research. But let's talk about the movie. The movie itself. Ooh wee.

[Nicole Byer]

I truly loved it.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

All of the splits. There were so many splits.

[Paul Scheer]

He does the splits seven times.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, you counted?

[Paul Scheer]

I did.

[June Diane Raphael]

I would have happily taken seven more. I wouldn't. It would never have gotten old.

[Nicole Byer]

If you can do them, just do them.

[Paul Scheer]

Can anyone do them in the audience? Anyone think they can do anybody?

[June Diane Raphael]

Just get straight to it. Back row. Bring it up right here. Let's go.

[Paul Scheer]

All right, come up here.

[June Diane Raphael]

I know.

[Paul Scheer]

Come up here.

[June Diane Raphael]

I see you pointing.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

Please come up here. I will. You're allowed to come on stage.

[June Diane Raphael]

Wait, no, no. I'm sorry. He goes, not in these pants.

[Nicole Byer]

Take them off.

[June Diane Raphael]

Take them off.

[Nicole Byer]

Take them off.

[June Diane Raphael]

Take them off. Take them off. Take them off. Take them off. Too much, too much, too much.

[Paul Scheer]

Hey, his pants are off. I mean, his pants are off. No, his pants are on. His pants are off.

[June Diane Raphael]

All right, here we go. Here we.

[Paul Scheer]

He says, hold. Hold his cell phone. His shoes are coming off. He's wearing a kubate.

[June Diane Raphael]

Kumate.

[Paul Scheer]

It is a full rotation. Holy shit.

[June Diane Raphael]

That's what we're talking about. That's what I'm talking about.

[Paul Scheer]

That was. Am. This. That was amazing.

[June Diane Raphael]

Gets it.

[Paul Scheer]

And.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, that was perfect.

[Paul Scheer]

Amazing and. And for wonderful. And for that, I'm going to give you a bumper sticker that says, more Joan Allen ass. I want to see it. Wow. Show is off to an epic start.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, my God, I'm so glad I got out of bed.

[June Diane Raphael]

If you are listening to the podcast, go fuck your.

[Andy Richter]

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[Paul Scheer]

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[Paul Scheer]

I wanted to. Just the one thing that jumped out at me right away was it just said screenplay or story by Sheldon Ledich. And that name just felt like, not the guy to bring the kumite story to the screen. Like, oh, I got this movie and it's about this karate guy. He's really crazy. I love that. You're like, I don't know why, like, it's just all good. I got it.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh, you know what we need? We need a scene where the guy can like take him and punch him and like probably kill the guy. Sheldon, what do you got?

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, you know, he just kind of gets in there and he goes, here's the real hide in the balls.

[June Diane Raphael]

There's a lot of nut punches.

[Nicole Byer]

Uh huh.

[June Diane Raphael]

Many more so than I would have thought from people. Why do they get. I guess it's like full. They keep reminding you. Guess what this is full contact. Yeah, no doy on that. But it doesn't look more intense than.

[Paul Scheer]

A UFC fight though, at this point.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

No, it doesn't. Yeah, but I mean, that drop split into the nut punch. That was great.

[Paul Scheer]

I would love to see that happen in real.

[Nicole Byer]

You'd be like, oh, ooh.

[June Diane Raphael]

How about this? Does anybody here have the fetish where they like to be punched in the nuts? Cause we can get that guy and make it happen. At the end of the show, you.

[Paul Scheer]

Stand at top, he'll go down below, poop.

[June Diane Raphael]

Think about it, fetish weirdos.

[Paul Scheer]

By the way, that, that gentleman, we don't know his name, but he got down pretty quickly into the split. Jean Claude does it very quick.

[Nicole Byer]

Very, very.

[Paul Scheer]

And that's. That is a. I mean, look. Yeah. I would do it a million times a day if you can do it.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh, yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

That's why the guy's never wearing pants either. Because the one skill that he has is you have to kind of be pantsless.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yeah. So if I had those buttons, I'd be pantsless all the time.

[Paul Scheer]

They're as soft as a baby. I looked at him and I looked at his buns. I was like.

[June Diane Raphael]

And you have a baby?

[Paul Scheer]

I have a. That's why I say.

[June Diane Raphael]

I was like, fresh from a lady. Baby buns. Can't get enough of them.

[Paul Scheer]

And also, the thing that I feel, like, worthy of talking about is. And I know this is an era of film where, you know, Schwarzenegger, Jean Claude, they make no attempt to explain that they're not American. They are just, like, the most American. Like, more American than anyone that you could picture, than any country western star. They're like. And they're like. No. No justification of the accent. Never.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yes. No, there is.

[Paul Scheer]

What does he say?

[Nicole Byer]

Is there?

[June Diane Raphael]

He. It's in the flashback, okay. Where he's that little boy who has the flashback which lasts the first act that he has in, like, in flashbacks where he's, like. Looks scared, and it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. It, like, goes back into his head. Anyway. It is when he's a kid and his parents are meeting with the other parents, and he's like, martial law. You came to America to have a better life for your son or to do wine. Right. To work with grapes or whatever. I came to America for this. That and the other reason, like, these are. What we're growing is roots. We're growing sons, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[Paul Scheer]

I think I do have it here because I pulled it because of the term martial science.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yes. And I hope you also pulled it for this kid's acting.

[Paul Scheer]

You know what?

[June Diane Raphael]

They auditioned everybody to play young Jean Claude Van Damme. And this was where they gave. This is where they came up with. And we're like, yep, yep, we got it.

[Paul Scheer]

That. Well, you know what? Let's just get into the younger Van Damme's voice, because younger Van Damme's voice, it's better than any martial arts here. This is young Van Damme in the first act, which is kind of like a Karate Kid in five minutes. So here we go.

[June Diane Raphael]

Karate Kid with no wisdom. You cannot get katana sword by stealing.

[Paul Scheer]

It is a very special sword.

[June Diane Raphael]

You must earn It.

[Paul Scheer]

I wasn't going to steal it. He cuts the brim off his ass. You didn't flinch. You have fighting spirit. Not if we make a deal. What kind of a deal?

[June Diane Raphael]

That's. That's Jean Claude Van Damme. What we're meant to understand is that that grows into the most beautiful man in the world.

[Paul Scheer]

This kid who looks like he was maybe rejected for being a little too old to play Elliot in the E.T. movie, grows up to be, who was.

[June Diane Raphael]

Like, delivering sandwiches to the set. And they were like, ah, that kid. Let's get him in.

[Paul Scheer]

He can't act. Don't worry. We'll just replace his voice. All in post.

[June Diane Raphael]

It is wild, these classes.

[Paul Scheer]

I know I'm obsessed with this stuff, but is that his voice? I can't tell if this whole movie was done like. Like an old. Like a ton of.

[June Diane Raphael]

It is adr.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, right. No one's speaking. Everything they used was inaudible. I feel like. Like what? We need microphones or a shit. All right, we'll do it later.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh, God. This is the first time hearing of a sound department.

[Paul Scheer]

So obviously, Jean Claude, he learns with this master who is. I don't even really understand what's going on here because, like, he's kind of there to protect his son.

[Nicole Byer]

So he's training his son, and he brings Jean Claude Van Tam to. To fight his son, essentially. So he could, like, stand back and be like, oh, yeah. And then the kid gets beat up, and then Jean Claude Van Damme helps him. And then he's like, okay, I guess we could be equals.

[Paul Scheer]

And then the kid dies. And we don't know why.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yes.

[Paul Scheer]

We're never told.

[June Diane Raphael]

We just cut straight to, like, a picture of the dead son over the sword.

[Paul Scheer]

But then later you see the sword with no picture. So it's like they go like, now we're done.

[June Diane Raphael]

Now we're over.

[Paul Scheer]

Put it away. We're done with this.

[Nicole Byer]

I like that one.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yeah. This picture of our dead son's really bumming me out. Every time I look at my. Every time I want to look at my sword, all I see is my dead son. Let's hide that picture. I want to love this sword more. But then John Claude Van Damme, young John Claude Van Damme, pleads with the Mr. Miyagi kind of character to train him as if he was his son, which he does.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, yeah, he does.

[Paul Scheer]

And it is straight up torture.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yes.

[Paul Scheer]

Like. Like. Like Mr. Miyagi, like, he's teaching lessons and doing things. Like, this guy is just kicking the Ever living shit out of him.

[June Diane Raphael]

It's just like a. It's a montage in which each one is like, now he is just beaten with a stick.

[Paul Scheer]

They literally put him, like, we were describing, like, a Stretch Armstrong. Like, they grab him from every part of the. Of his body and just pull him in different directions.

[Nicole Byer]

And then he, like, makes it tighter and then looser and then tighter and then ties it up. And then Jean Claude Van Damme is like, I build, rise above and embrace it.

[Paul Scheer]

But I don't even understand what is that teaching him? Like, what muscle is that working? Like, if you ever get, like, drawn and quartered, you could come back.

[Nicole Byer]

I guess if four guys are pulling you apart, spread eagle, you escape it.

[June Diane Raphael]

Now let's get into that. No, I feel. I felt like tons of the training was just like, how to take a beating.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah.

[June Diane Raphael]

Was like preparing him for some of the just utter punishment that he would take at the hands of stronger people.

[Nicole Byer]

But, you guys, it came in handy in the end when he got salted. He knew how to, like, do shit without his eyeballs.

[Paul Scheer]

The blind. Yeah, that was, like, very much at the West. Wax on, wax off, you know, he had his what if I'm blind? And he learned the art of being blind by serving tea beautifully. Beautifully executed.

[June Diane Raphael]

Do a blindfolded tea party, by the.

[Paul Scheer]

Way, I think I could do that tea pretty flawlessly with zero training, Especially.

[Nicole Byer]

If it was at a house I.

[June Diane Raphael]

Was familiar with at a table I'd sat at before. I bet I could do blindfolded tea.

[Paul Scheer]

The thing, you know, thinking about that house was it seemed like it was in a residential neighborhood. Yep.

[Nicole Byer]

Sure did.

[Paul Scheer]

So I just want to see, like, the neighbors, like the. Like the Wilson from Home Improvement of, like, what the fuck is going on? Wait a second.

[June Diane Raphael]

What are you building over there? What are you building? What is that, some sort of sexual torture device?

[Paul Scheer]

What are you doing?

[June Diane Raphael]

You gonna put that kid from town in it? That's not your son who's at your house every day. You gonna put him in this weird thing? Yeah. Cool. Okay, I'll talk to you later.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, Mr. Tanaka's just beating the shit out of that weird French kid again. How you doing, Mr. Tanaka?

[June Diane Raphael]

I don't know. I think Tanaka might be blaming the French kid for his son's death. All I do is see him beating the shit out. Every day they're involved in something mixed up. I would love to be that. I'd love to make a movie that is just that neighbor's story. A movie that is this Movie adjacent.

[Paul Scheer]

Just the beginning of it, just seeing what's going on. The private investigators coming to the house. And then we get.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh, I have a question, though. Cause while we're still at the relative beginning, is he in the army?

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

If we were to believe that he is. This is what I'm putting it together from a little bit of that I know of Frank Dukes and this. He is an elite CIA operative that they are training to be a killing machine. What?

[Nicole Byer]

No, that was never explained.

[Paul Scheer]

It was never explained.

[June Diane Raphael]

Frank, is this at all related to the character that he plays. Plays in Street Fighter?

[Paul Scheer]

It would seem so.

[June Diane Raphael]

I feel like both would wear a beret.

[Nicole Byer]

According to Wikipedia. Yes.

[June Diane Raphael]

Nice.

[Nicole Byer]

That character is based. Or Street Fighter is based on that character.

[June Diane Raphael]

Really?

[Nicole Byer]

That's what Wikipedia said.

[June Diane Raphael]

Amazing.

[Paul Scheer]

I mean, you would argue that every character, you know, they say, like Quentin Tarantino, all the characters are related in one big universe. I would argue that every character Jean Claude Van Damme plays is related to the Jean Claude Van Van.

[Nicole Byer]

Or he's the same person and he's not even doing a character.

[Paul Scheer]

He just has a. That he goes, yeah, there's no character Frank Dutz. But. But, yeah, he was. He seemed to be, like, left alone on the army base by himself. On the army base. They were very. I mean, it wouldn't. They wouldn't be going after one guy who's awol. Like, I feel like they would, like.

[June Diane Raphael]

They chase him across the world and.

[Paul Scheer]

Seemingly don't ever have stop him. No, they know the hotel he's staying in. They know where Kumite is. Like, they could easily stop him. Numerous.

[Nicole Byer]

No, they sit down and watch the fight.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yes.

[Paul Scheer]

Yes.

[June Diane Raphael]

They cheered.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, they cheered. They didn't do anything to stop it. They're like.

[Paul Scheer]

The whole idea. And we'll get to this eventually, too, but of Kumite, I thought it was super secret. These fucking FBI agents, like, walk in, like, oh, do we have a seat in the front row?

[June Diane Raphael]

Also. Also, everybody. The. The journalist woman can't get anybody to tell her where Kumite is. No, everybody's like, kumite, ha ha. Nice try. But there are conservatively, like. Like 500 spectators at Kumite. And then I thought, it's a large venue, and there are just very ordinary people there. They're like, everybody's just like, oh, yeah, you going to Kumite tonight? Definitely. See you there.

[Nicole Byer]

But you saw where Kumite was. They had to walk through, like, the streets of Agrabah to get to, like, weird tarps hanging.

[June Diane Raphael]

No, I agree. It looked like the sets from Gymkata it was.

[Paul Scheer]

They. I mean, but the Kumite ASA believed in the way it was like, position was like, this is a fight for fighters to watch fighters. But then you get there, people are betting. It looks like there's a big party going on. It wasn't like an elite group of people. It looked like scumbags that you would see. Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

The most basic of basic people are just like, hello, yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

Didn't even think, like, you need to. Well, only one guy shows up in a suit like that. One guy's like, I'm a fancy man. But like, you would think everyone would be fancy men.

[June Diane Raphael]

No, wait, you would think everyone would be fancy men. Well, I just don't just run right past.

[Paul Scheer]

No, I like.

[June Diane Raphael]

So you think Kumite is like, everybody puts on their fineries and goes to kumite.

[Paul Scheer]

I think that the way that it was positioned, like, this is an elite thing. The best of the best. Like, people put on nice suits to go watch a boxing match, which is on pay per view in public.

[Nicole Byer]

People go dress up to go to the Magic Castle.

[Paul Scheer]

So, like, it is required, though.

[June Diane Raphael]

I wish, I wish there was more blood at Magic Castle. I would like to be at Magic Castle and have the whole crowd just start going, kuma, tay kuma. And have two magicians be like, we have to fight each other now.

[Paul Scheer]

Just throwing cars at each other's necks.

[June Diane Raphael]

With close up magic.

[Paul Scheer]

I would say. Not since the Fred Savage Nintendo movie the wizard have I watched two men play video games for about a minute.

[Nicole Byer]

A full scene.

[Paul Scheer]

A full scene.

[Nicole Byer]

I was like, I paused and I was like, really?

[Paul Scheer]

What did I just fucking watch? And a shitty video game. It's not like one of those times where like they get into the movies like, oh, this is a video game that doesn't exist. It's like, no, no, this exists.

[June Diane Raphael]

It's just a shitty game. And it is mind blowingly boring to watch two and they're grown men and.

[Nicole Byer]

Their conversation is boring. It's like, you are good at this.

[Paul Scheer]

And he's like, yep.

[Nicole Byer]

And that's it.

[Paul Scheer]

Did the sensei take teach them the art of video game? Because it was like, he was like, oh, I am good. Like, how would you be. How would you your training equate to button pushing? Like, it's like, oh, and you'll also be very good at Ms. Pac Man.

[June Diane Raphael]

And it's also. Yeah, that's the thing. It's like, it is a. What game is it, nerds? Super karate.

[Nicole Byer]

Super karate Real.

[June Diane Raphael]

There was nothing super about the karate that was happening in the Game. But I was like, oh, of course. It has to be a game in which they're fighting. Wouldn't it have been so much better if it was like, Centipede?

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah.

[June Diane Raphael]

No, like, with the roller track. That would have made me much happier. Or like, Joust. Whether you ride an ostrich around and knock soldiers off large eagles and make them lay eggs, which you collect. Also known as the game Joust. My favorite.

[Nicole Byer]

Is that a real game?

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, yeah. It is a real game.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh, yes.

[Nicole Byer]

I've never in my life heard of that.

[June Diane Raphael]

Joust and dig dug, dig dug.

[Paul Scheer]

I dig dug all his. To blow up these go. It's like Reverse Pac Man.

[June Diane Raphael]

It's like you have to build tunnels underground. God, you're basically making the Pac Man Maze. Have missed everything.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'll go home and download it.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yeah. Wait, can you? I wonder.

[Paul Scheer]

You can binge watch all of Dick D. Download Joust.

[June Diane Raphael]

Game over life.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, by the way, you could download Joust.

[June Diane Raphael]

You think?

[Paul Scheer]

I think it would be almost comically easy. I think you could download Joust on a flip phone.

[June Diane Raphael]

Really? But I'm gonna get a flip phone and download Joust. My night just got rad.

[Paul Scheer]

But the video game introduces to me my favorite character in the whole fucking movie. Oh, boy.

[Nicole Byer]

What was his name?

[Paul Scheer]

Jackson.

[June Diane Raphael]

Ray Jackson.

[Nicole Byer]

Ray Jackson.

[June Diane Raphael]

Jackson. I killed him. I killed him.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

I was so sad. It was like, get back in there.

[June Diane Raphael]

What are you doing?

[Paul Scheer]

No recognizable martial art.

[June Diane Raphael]

Nope.

[Paul Scheer]

That I could tell.

[June Diane Raphael]

Or fighting. No, no. Also no fighting skills.

[Paul Scheer]

He's like the kimbo slice of this tournament. How did he get in? Yep, he, like, meanwhile, like, Jean Clark gets there, and they're like, how do we know that you're part of this house? Break these bricks. He's like, him, like, yep, you're in, dude. Wearing your Harley Davidson shirt. Get in there.

[June Diane Raphael]

You wait much more for that.

[Paul Scheer]

Go. Go.

[June Diane Raphael]

Exactly. You seem to have to be, like, somebody important to get into the kumite. Unless you're Roy Jackson. Roy. Or Ray.

[Nicole Byer]

Ray.

[June Diane Raphael]

Ray. He can.

[Paul Scheer]

You know what it is, right in. The judges were big fans of Revenge of the Nerds. So they were like, go, get in there. Yeah, he gets in there. And, I mean, he's just a mess. He's a mess of a mess.

[Nicole Byer]

He also has, like, a Jheri curl. Like, he just didn't look good.

[June Diane Raphael]

I thought they were originally gonna be enemies because you first see him being, like, really rude to a woman on the bus that they're on. And JCBD is like, clocks it. Like, I don't like that guy. He's a creep. You know? And then they play video games and he's like, I like this guy. He lets me beat him and is still cool about it. And then they're bros. Then they are literally best friends. And Ray Jackson sits in the stands and is like, yeah, that's my guy. That's my friend. He fucking world record.

[Paul Scheer]

90% of this movie's dialogue is exposition. Just telling you as the audience what.

[June Diane Raphael]

There is an entire character.

[Paul Scheer]

You beat him. You hit him with your fist. He's wearing a red jacket. You're wearing a black one.

[June Diane Raphael]

There's a character whose only job is to jump in from the side of the screen to explain what's happening.

[Paul Scheer]

Now, literally, Ray Jackson has my favorite line in the movie. He goes, that's why they call it bloodsport.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yes.

[Paul Scheer]

Because someone got a little bit of.

[Nicole Byer]

And that's why there wasn't very much blood. Yes.

[Paul Scheer]

But that's boxing. That really isn't worse than boxing.

[June Diane Raphael]

The villain of the movie is just the guy that always wins, named Chun Li. He is like the baddest of badasses and he's like, represented accordingly. Like every fight he gets in, he toys with people, blah, blah, blah. And my favorite is Ray Jackson's first match. He knocks his guy out, walks out and goes up to Chung Li. He's like, I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna kill you.

[Paul Scheer]

I wanna.

[June Diane Raphael]

I was like, this gu.

[Paul Scheer]

I do.

[June Diane Raphael]

Tong Lee is a legit badass. And this dude is not.

[Andy Richter]

As a small business owner, your business is always on your mind. So when you're hiring, you need a partner who is just as dedicated as you. And that hiring partner is LinkedIn jobs.

[Paul Scheer]

That's right.

[Andy Richter]

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[Jason Mantzoukas]

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[Andy Richter]

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[Paul Scheer]

By the way, just in case you're wondering where'd they find this guy? He was Mr. Asia and that's how they got him. And there was no stunt people used in this movie. So everyone is really fighting. Yeah, that was like a big thing about this movie, like zero stunt people. Everyone had to do their own stuff. So that's what you see is what you get. And I think that's why that one guy who seemingly is the only actor, Ray Jackson, the Revenge of the Nerds guy, has no discernible fighting technique. While Jean Claude is out for three months working with Frank Dukes. He's just drinking beers and just going like. Yeah. It seemed like his big movement was just to push people off the white stage. Like that was basically it. Like cuz that was winning too.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, you push them out of the.

[Paul Scheer]

The ring.

[Nicole Byer]

The ring or whatever.

[Paul Scheer]

The guy that might was my favorite. And it's hard to. I can describe for the audience better, but he kind of had his hands out like here he's like sleeping like he's like almost like a. Like a sleeping. Like.

[June Diane Raphael]

I believe you're describing Paco.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, yeah, Paco. But Paco is actually Muay Thai kickboxer. He one of the most.

[June Diane Raphael]

I will say I'm not surprised to hear that. All the stunts. There were no stuntmen because I felt like all those fighters looked legitimately like they were doing all the fighting and it looked cool. All the fight stuff I was super into and was terrific.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, we didn't.

[June Diane Raphael]

I would have liked much more.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, the fight. I mean the fighting was. I mean, what'd you think of the fighting?

[Nicole Byer]

I loved the fighting, but the thing I loved the most was when that guy got his gold tooth knocked out and that little man was just like.

[Paul Scheer]

The most conspicuous janitor of all time. Like, like, like, you know, in cartoons they show you thought bubbles. This guy articulated that without ever seeing a thought bubble. I saw everything that went in his head in real time.

[Nicole Byer]

I want to know where he went. Like, where's his, you know, story? I want to know.

[Paul Scheer]

He stole the gold tooth, then checked it be like, I'm not just going to take a fucking. Yeah, it's gold. All right now I'll pocket it, do that shit at home, steal it real quick and then do it.

[June Diane Raphael]

But to his credit, like, kind of steals the movie. Like a real. Like, he's like, oh, all I get to do in this movie is like, steal a gold tooth. Oh, I'm gonna make a meal out of this. This is gonna be the longest little drama you've ever seen.

[Paul Scheer]

Do we even wanna touch on the fact that that Forest Whitaker is in this movie?

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, oh, Forest. He's so dumb in it.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yeah, like, so dumb.

[Nicole Byer]

Like, so stupid. And he's like on the boats trying to chase him and he just can't balance and his face just looks dumber.

[Paul Scheer]

He.

[June Diane Raphael]

But the thing is, he's supposed to be, like, the smarter of the two detectives because he's constantly being steamrolled by the older guy who's his partner, who's like a real piece of shit. And it's. But it's such a fraudulent storyline to have these, like, FBI agents or whatever they are, army guys or whoever chasing him down. When we don't entirely know why they want him back, they don't say anything.

[Paul Scheer]

Like, the only thing that we know is, where's Dukes? So he escaped. God damn it. Like, get him back. That's the. All of a movie full of exposition. That's all we know from him.

[June Diane Raphael]

And then when they finally do find him and he leads them on a chase through, I believe, all of China and Forest Whitaker and an old man keep up the entire time.

[Nicole Byer]

The entire time.

[Paul Scheer]

They're never far behind. But it's also because JCVD is kind of clowning the entire time. He's really having fun with him.

[June Diane Raphael]

I would love it if somebody would just put yakety sacks over that.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, my God.

[June Diane Raphael]

If one of you nerds could just take the chase scene and just put yakety sacks over the whole thing will do that.

[Paul Scheer]

That would be three. That would be amazing. The. Here's the thing about the. The two of them, they also hate Asian culture because when they're eating like that Chinese food. They're like, this is.

[June Diane Raphael]

No. Forest Whitaker loves it.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[June Diane Raphael]

Forest Whitaker so into it.

[Nicole Byer]

And then the other Asian man comes and goes, I wouldn't eat that. And then they throw it to the dog. And the dog.

[June Diane Raphael]

I was like.

[Paul Scheer]

I thought the. I thought the Asian man was saying, like, I wouldn't eat here. And then Forest Whitaker was like. But like, I couldn't make heads or tails of that scene.

[Nicole Byer]

It was tough.

[Paul Scheer]

They were like, yeah, I couldn't. I couldn't tell if they were like. Cuz like they. They're trying to be like these idiots, but yet they always seem to get to where they need to go.

[June Diane Raphael]

They're not like. I couldn't understand why the police chief was protect. I felt like. Like protecting kumite. And then eventually is like, oh, no, we got to take down kumite.

[Paul Scheer]

Just shut down kumite. Like, it seems like that would be the easiest thing to do.

[June Diane Raphael]

You can't shut down kumite, bro. Is kumite real? Well, am I to believe if Frank Dukes.

[Paul Scheer]

According to Frank dukes, it is 100% real.

[June Diane Raphael]

But he. But he broke the rule by talking about it.

[Paul Scheer]

Well, he was actually a CIA operative that was told to enter into the kumite.

[June Diane Raphael]

He was. Oh, he was ordered to, yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

My involvement in the tournament was part of a plan launched in 1975 to infiltrate the criminal organizations that organized the kumite. The original idea was to participate and make a few contacts. We initially assumed I would lose, but eventually I became one of the best kumite fighters ever to participate in the event.

[June Diane Raphael]

That's fantastic.

[Nicole Byer]

That's great.

[Paul Scheer]

So. So that is that.

[Nicole Byer]

So then the whole beginning is fabricated of him escaping because they sent him in.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, they didn't want to, like, get into. They didn't want to, like, obviously. It's kind of that thing about, like, you know, when they. They don't want to expose the government. This is like back in the time where films weren't trying to, like, sell out the government, they were protecting it. Because obviously kumite is where most of the criminal stuff was going down. In the 80s, the biggest crime bosses were going to watch organized fighting in Hong Kong. No, they weren't. That's all a lie. Can we talk about the romance?

[June Diane Raphael]

I thought I was just gonna say.

[Nicole Byer]

I feel like the romance was a real afterthought. Like, he was like, let me go fuck up some dudes and I'mma fuck this bad bitch. She was hot, though. She was, like, gorgeous.

[June Diane Raphael]

She was foxy, 80s lady.

[Nicole Byer]

I loved her.

[Paul Scheer]

They basically only Met twice.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

And then she was like, you can't fight in the guma day. I love you.

[Nicole Byer]

They were like, well, it's because they're. And she caught that dick game. And she was like, yes. I'm never letting that go.

[Paul Scheer]

You can't go to Kuma Tang. He will split into my vagina with that baby soft dick.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh God, Paul, don't be so dirty. I want to show that they handle have what amounts to a one night stand and then have the most tender morning I've ever seen. Like, it is like fingers entwined, like drinking each other in. Like. And he basically is like, I gotta go to Kumite, babe.

[Paul Scheer]

And then she's like, okay. And then he arrives at Kumite and seconds later she is dolled up in a fucking dress with another dude. Dude. She's like, hey, I'm undercover. Wait, how? How the fuck did that happen?

[Nicole Byer]

Because I'm telling you, if that dick game is good, you will do anything to get it back.

[June Diane Raphael]

Like, how many people is she blasting to try and get into Kumite is what I want to know. Like, I have concerns. That is questionable journalism. She's gorgeous. I love that.

[Paul Scheer]

Avril, who puts together all of our clips, pointed out something here that I thought was interesting. She's like, if you watch this scene and you listen to it, if you're at home right now, or at work, wherever, or on the subway, in a.

[June Diane Raphael]

Walk, whatever you're doing on headphones, cleaning the house, laundry. A lot of people doing laundry. Listening to the podcast, it seems as.

[Paul Scheer]

If this scene was shot when neither was in the same room. So the intensity of the conversation does not really match up. And if you view it like that, that it's amazing. It's amazing. They're not like, just think of them and not being there and not reading anything off of anyone. Like it's. Yeah, here you go. It's self explanatory. Here we go.

[Nicole Byer]

All those different fighters in one event.

[Paul Scheer]

Sounds wild.

[June Diane Raphael]

You have to see it to believe it.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, come on, Frank. Couldn't you just get me in? I really want this story. It would mean so much to me.

[June Diane Raphael]

They have strict rules, no pressure.

[Paul Scheer]

I bet we could think of something.

[June Diane Raphael]

I doubt it.

[Paul Scheer]

You telling me you never break rules?

[June Diane Raphael]

What do you want from me?

[Paul Scheer]

I'd really like you to help me get into Bakum Te. More than that, I'd really like to get to know you. Crazy. We have. Immediately they have. It's morning, he's like, I'm late for Kumite. And then we get this beautiful, beautiful Buns. Ready?

[June Diane Raphael]

Three, two, one, and buns. Damn it. Buns.

[Paul Scheer]

Watching those buns.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. He's giving her a little treat.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, we talked about it a little bit. Bit. But when Ray Jackson does knock out Chung Lee, he parades around a little like. Like, just wait until you win. Like, his epic, like, I guess they were like, we don't want to show him being a bad. It was like, it's like the best, like, macho reason. It's like, well, look, he's not a bad fighter, okay. Yeah, but we got to make him lose, right? Okay, well, what if he wins, but then he's, like, too excited that he wins and then he gets sneak attack. They had to, like, find this middle ground. If it's like when Vin Diesel in the Rock fight, it's like they can't. Neither can win, neither can lose. They just have to hit each other and then fall back to pace like, all right, next time.

[June Diane Raphael]

You know, it's like they're like, well, they also can't. They also can't have Chung Lee appear to be able to be beaten by Ray Jackson. Otherwise, it doesn't make sense for him to go against jc.

[Paul Scheer]

But yet he does, though, like, he.

[June Diane Raphael]

Does knock him down. What's.

[Paul Scheer]

But if Ray Jackson just was like, pop, pop, pop, pop. He would have beating him.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, if he kept him, he would have beaten him.

[June Diane Raphael]

That's Paul's training coming through right there.

[Paul Scheer]

But it just seemed like. It seemed like Ray Jackson's thing was just to hit people in the head.

[Nicole Byer]

They were unconscious, and even Jean C.L. van Dam was like, what are you doing?

[Paul Scheer]

Get back into it.

[Nicole Byer]

That's my J. Cla Van Dam.

[Paul Scheer]

I liked it.

[Nicole Byer]

Should I put on an SNL reel?

[Paul Scheer]

Was it good?

[June Diane Raphael]

Flawless. It is for those people at home. They just, like. They got JCBD there.

[Paul Scheer]

What?

[June Diane Raphael]

Dude, are you listening to this? Van Dami is there, but he is literally.

[Paul Scheer]

I would. If you timed it, I would think he's parading around the stage. It's like a good 30 seconds. You're like this, like, turn around. Like, the ref and these refs.

[June Diane Raphael]

Come on.

[Paul Scheer]

These refs are not doing.

[June Diane Raphael]

It's only one guy.

[Nicole Byer]

It's just one guy in a brown silk outfit.

[Paul Scheer]

Now I will say I'm stealing June's joke. I watch this with June and she said, what are these refs watching for? It's no holds barred. Like, what. What. What are they. What are they going to stop the fight for?

[June Diane Raphael]

He basically starts.

[Paul Scheer]

They kill people. Oh, yeah, but. Yeah, but they. They they're like, kneeling into it like you like, a lot of the times that ref like, like, what are they?

[Nicole Byer]

There's no way they're waiting for them to say that word. There's a word that you.

[June Diane Raphael]

The mate, mate.

[Nicole Byer]

So I. I guess they're waiting for.

[Paul Scheer]

That whisper, but yet fucking Chun Li pulls out powder from his crotch. In his crotch powder. Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And nobody seems to care.

[Paul Scheer]

That ref is like, not on my way. I don't care.

[June Diane Raphael]

This episode of how did this get Made? Brought to you by Chung Li Cross powder and Squarespace. Are you building a website? Why not build a Chung Li cross powder website for Squarespace? Bonobos. Bonobos. The pants with built in crutch powder.

[Paul Scheer]

In all honesty. Ciso, ciso, ciso. Ciso.com.

[June Diane Raphael]

Ciso. Bajillion dollar property chunk crutch powder.

[Paul Scheer]

Funny for you at home. The audience has now probably heard three commercials that.

[June Diane Raphael]

I will say, I feel like when the. Okay, so Ray Jackson.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, Ray Jackson.

[June Diane Raphael]

Ray Jackson. He hits Chung Li. Chung Li goes down. Ray Jackson has previously, as I've said, said to Chung Li, I'm gonna kill you. So then he starts parading around the stage going, yeah, I killed him. I killed him. And I was like, oh, he doesn't know what kill means. He thinks kill means I'm gonna knock you down. From which you can still get up because that's all that has happened. Chung Li is not dead on the ground. No rich accident is I killed him. I killed Jackson. Jackson. And Chung Lee's just like on his knees, like, looking at his bloody nose.

[Paul Scheer]

Like, oh, yo, he like, he tastes that blood. He's like, I like my own blood. Oh, yeah, that makes me hungrier.

[Nicole Byer]

It was pretty sad when Ray started the chant for his own name and it didn't catch on and then literally had his head. Head stomped.

[Paul Scheer]

And it was like, oh, the saddest moment in a kumate's fighter's life.

[June Diane Raphael]

Do you think the Harley Davidson bandana was a product placement?

[Nicole Byer]

No, I think he brought that personal piece of wardrobe and they were like.

[June Diane Raphael]

Eh, I don't know.

[Nicole Byer]

That works.

[Paul Scheer]

Like, hey, we need to get you into wardrobe. Fuck no. I'm going as that.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yep, I'm already in wardrobe, brother.

[Paul Scheer]

I didn't train. I didn't train for this movie and I'm wearing my own shit.

[June Diane Raphael]

Also, I am drunk. Who am I really fighting?

[Paul Scheer]

I do want to talk. I want to talk to the audience about what they think that we've missed here. But I do want to also bring up something that Nate, who is our researcher, Nick Kiley brought up something. He is a third degree black belt and he says, Nate, and he says, not hard to do. You just practice and do your art. But he goes, I'm going to nerd out here about martial arts for a second. And this is about the beginning of the movie when Jean Claude Van Damme is given the katana blade, which never comes into play, ever.

[June Diane Raphael]

But there is a sword ceremony at the end of the movie where I think he gets another sword.

[Paul Scheer]

Great.

[June Diane Raphael]

Dude's just drowning in swords he never.

[Paul Scheer]

Uses, just not the. It's like giving Jeb Bush a gun. Like there's no reason to give it to him.

[June Diane Raphael]

Wait, why? Why is it like that?

[Paul Scheer]

Know. Did you see that gun that Jeff Bush was like, just playing with?

[June Diane Raphael]

Just a ceremonial gun.

[Paul Scheer]

Here's a gun.

[June Diane Raphael]

I thought you meant so that you could do something with it.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, no, no. Technically, when you give a Japanese sword to someone, the blade must be facing toward you and upwards. This is to show respect towards the person accepting the sword. When you receive a Japanese sword, it's customary to turn the blade towards yourself when the other person lets go. If someone ever handed a real samurai sword with the blade facing towards the receiver like he does to Frank in the movie, it would be considered offensive and hostile, and you would be justified in drawing that sword and killing the person who offered it to you.

[June Diane Raphael]

How rad would that have been?

[Paul Scheer]

The rules, the rules and customs for sword etiquette in Japan can vary slightly depending on the region and style, but this is steadfast across the board. Oh, man, that would have been the best, best opening scene.

[Nicole Byer]

Bloodsport.

[Paul Scheer]

All right, well, let's go into the audience here. Let's see if you guys have questions about Bloodsport, things that we might have missed, Anything at all. Oh, let me get my stickers for you. All right, get those hands up. This movie was retitled many a time and finally landed on Bloodsport. So I'm going to ask you also, what is your title for this film? Think about it for a second. I'm going to also ask you your name. You shouldn't have to think about that. And then your question. So here we go. So your name, your title, your question. Here we go. My name is. My name is Camilla. Welcome.

[June Diane Raphael]

Is it Camilla Parker Bowles?

[Paul Scheer]

Be cool, Jason. What? Be cool, cpb. All right, here we go. My title would be Bunsport. Ooh, great title.

[Nicole Byer]

Good title.

[Paul Scheer]

I just wonder if there's any significance to the fact that in flashbacks, young Van Damme has very Tall hair. But in current timeline, his hair is coned flat to the side like a seven year old boy on picture day. His hair is. That's a great question. I'm gonna give you a sticker designed by Leanna Waldron. It says top butt and has a still from the great Wachowski brothers film that. I forgot the title, Cloud Outlaw. What was it? I forgot that movie, Jupiter Ascending. Yeah. His hair is perfectly coiffed like a little boy. Again, not to bring up my son, but when I comb his hair and he has no control over what I'm doing. Well, that's what it looks like.

[June Diane Raphael]

There's also frequently people refer to him as like being too young. Like, aren't you a little young for to be in the kumite?

[Paul Scheer]

No, that would be the thing that you would do.

[June Diane Raphael]

I'm like, I don't understand. Like, he's a grown man.

[Paul Scheer]

Kumite is an old man. Sports.

[June Diane Raphael]

Maybe, Maybe they, maybe they were trying to say with the hair like, oh.

[Nicole Byer]

He'S still like, he's still like a young boy.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah.

[June Diane Raphael]

Or something. I don't know.

[Paul Scheer]

Well, that's a typical military cut, right?

[June Diane Raphael]

Totally.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, totally.

[Paul Scheer]

I mean, if he really was in the military, he would have to have a military cut.

[June Diane Raphael]

Regulation military.

[Paul Scheer]

Yes. Your name, your title and your question.

[Nicole Byer]

My name is Kathleen and. Kuma Tay. Kuma Tay. Kuma Tay.

[Paul Scheer]

I love it.

[June Diane Raphael]

Don't try to curry favor with the audience, Colleen.

[Paul Scheer]

They tried. They were.

[Nicole Byer]

My question is, what career did you inherit from your father?

[June Diane Raphael]

Ooh.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, yes, great question. You'll also get a sticker. This was commemorating when we were on Jeopardy. The reporter says might have. I was a good writer. My dad was a reporter, so I became a reporter. Right. So what did. Yeah. What career did you inherit? I don't know if there's a good answer for us, but. All right, that question bombed. I'm gonna take back that sticker. I thought that was a funny scene when the reporter justifies being a reporter.

[June Diane Raphael]

She was. I mean, I would love to read the story she's written. You know, I was.

[Paul Scheer]

Would.

[June Diane Raphael]

I would. And I want, I hope that it's.

[Paul Scheer]

Honest and they don't end up together.

[June Diane Raphael]

The movie goes out on a symbolic bow between them.

[Nicole Byer]

Yep. Oh, God, that's so sad. Just friends.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

She got friend zoned so hard. Just got on a plane and left her.

[Paul Scheer]

I would love that to.

[June Diane Raphael]

No goodbye kiss.

[Nicole Byer]

No.

[June Diane Raphael]

No.

[Nicole Byer]

Nope.

[Paul Scheer]

I would love that to be the new way that you like end a one night stand fist in palm bow.

[Nicole Byer]

And then leave get on a plane, fly away.

[June Diane Raphael]

Please.

[Paul Scheer]

Get in your Prius and just fucking hit the gas. Bye bye, you guys.

[June Diane Raphael]

Tonight, some of you are on dates. You filthy weirdos. You're gonna sleep with each other. Some of you are never. It's not gonna happen again. Do a favor. Don't ghost the person. Just give them one of these. They'll know what it means. Let's make this a thing we do now.

[Paul Scheer]

And if you do. Is that where we're at? Report on it, please.

[June Diane Raphael]

Report on it. I just want to know where's this going. Oh, fuck you. Oh, don't you ceremonially bow to me.

[Paul Scheer]

All right, sir, your name, your title for bloodsport and your question.

[June Diane Raphael]

My name is Trevor.

[Paul Scheer]

And. And I think the title should be the Quest because it's the same exact.

[June Diane Raphael]

Plot as the Quest.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, good, good, good.

[June Diane Raphael]

Call of which quest? The Quest?

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, the Quest, The Jean Claude Van Damme film.

[Paul Scheer]

The Quest.

[June Diane Raphael]

I've not seen that one.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, yeah, you should watch that one.

[June Diane Raphael]

It's a good one.

[Nicole Byer]

Maybe he made multiple movies, just in case you didn't see the other one.

[Paul Scheer]

It's kind of like he had no. He had no realization of, like, VHS or anything. Like, I just keep on making. Just to get the word out about this. Like, he's like a standup.

[June Diane Raphael]

Like.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, I'm just doing a couple sets tonight. If you come to the Comedy Store, you come to the Improv. It's in the same set, but, you know, maybe you didn't see it.

[June Diane Raphael]

JC. Oh, coming to my house Friday. JCBD's coming to do one of his movies.

[Paul Scheer]

All right, your question. So when the kid Frank breaks into, like, the house to steal the sword, he's wearing a San Francisco Giants hat.

[June Diane Raphael]

And a New York Giants shirt.

[Nicole Byer]

So, like, if it's just a fan of the Giants hat, wears the.

[Paul Scheer]

I will pull up a picture of that, which we have. But, yeah, he is just a fan of Giants. Yeah. See a pic.

[June Diane Raphael]

That is fantastic.

[Nicole Byer]

I did not realize that.

[June Diane Raphael]

I did not notice that it is.

[Paul Scheer]

Here we go.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yep. Oh, man, that is awesome. Him, he loves.

[Nicole Byer]

There was no costume designers. Wear whatever you're wearing.

[Paul Scheer]

I love big things.

[June Diane Raphael]

He must. He must love that big guy. The guy who's like the Andre the Giant kind of fighter who just lumbers and swaps.

[Paul Scheer]

Maybe that's why he likes Ray Jackson. He has. He, like, if. If done in the correct Lord of the Rings kind of thing, he would look like a giant. He would look like kind of like the guy from Harry Potter, which I'M forgetting his name right now.

[June Diane Raphael]

Hagrid.

[Paul Scheer]

Hagrid. Yeah.

[June Diane Raphael]

I said it first.

[Nicole Byer]

First we said it together.

[June Diane Raphael]

This.

[Paul Scheer]

Guys, let's all go to Universal Studios tonight. Wizarding World Hogwarts.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oo. I want to be sorted.

[Paul Scheer]

Okay, here we go. Your name, your title of the film and your question. My name's Tim. The title is Kou.

[June Diane Raphael]

Terrible acting.

[Paul Scheer]

Ooh.

[June Diane Raphael]

Ooh.

[Paul Scheer]

Sick.

[June Diane Raphael]

Burn.

[Paul Scheer]

Sing. Ding.

[June Diane Raphael]

No.

[Paul Scheer]

So the title card. The title card at the end says.

[June Diane Raphael]

That he has won the world heavyweight Kumite championship. To be heavyweight, you have to be over 200 pounds.

[Paul Scheer]

That black guy's not.

[June Diane Raphael]

We don't know that.

[Paul Scheer]

These are your. Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

How big Jean Claude Van Damme is? You don't know him to scale that. He's in the tv.

[Paul Scheer]

You know, it also begs the question, are there different divisions of Kumite?

[June Diane Raphael]

I think that is likely true. That was not represented in the movie. Tiny people are fighting giants.

[Nicole Byer]

Tiny little monkey man, he fights that giant man.

[June Diane Raphael]

That was my favorite fight.

[Paul Scheer]

It seemed.

[Nicole Byer]

It was wild.

[Paul Scheer]

Yes, it seems to me.

[June Diane Raphael]

He scampers all over that guy. He scampers like he's a goddamn playground.

[Nicole Byer]

Like, I almost thought like the Lion King music was gonna play like, nah, semenya.

[Paul Scheer]

He's gonna be like. He moves like rafiki.

[June Diane Raphael]

Like he should live as a parasitic thing on the giant.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[Paul Scheer]

It's like Master Blaster from Mad Max.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And then the way he gets defeated is he got hugged too hard.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yep. Oh, so cute.

[Nicole Byer]

It's adorable.

[June Diane Raphael]

Like those two walk away for sure. Walk away from Kum Best friends.

[Paul Scheer]

He just needed a hug. He never. Maybe he just needed a hug to straighten his body out. He's like, oh my God. Back is really funny.

[Nicole Byer]

Maybe that's why he was so much over.

[June Diane Raphael]

Well, that seemed to be the giant's only move. Cuz he also hugs Jean Claude Van Damme. Maybe he's just like a guy that loves too much.

[Paul Scheer]

Like those people you bump into Comic Con that like, hold up a really like ratty sign that says like free hugs.

[June Diane Raphael]

Or he's like, wait, that's a real thing?

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Really?

[Paul Scheer]

I've seen that. Yeah, I've seen that a lot.

[Nicole Byer]

Or he's like Lenny from Mice and Men. And they're like, ah, you keep killing people.

[June Diane Raphael]

Kill that Kumate.

[Paul Scheer]

I would love mice and men 2. The kumate.

[June Diane Raphael]

I would have loved it if they had just like Lenny.

[Paul Scheer]

John Malkovich. All right, sir, your name, your title and your your question. My name is Alan and my title would be Kuma Taint. Ooh.

[June Diane Raphael]

Nice.

[Nicole Byer]

Hey, and my question is, at the.

[Paul Scheer]

End, did you, like me think that Ray Jackson was.

[June Diane Raphael]

Had his head crushed in by Chong.

[Paul Scheer]

Le and was dead, only to find him drinking a beer in the hospital? Yeah, I like they really. But again, they wimped out from everything in that moment. That should have been like the Rocky 4 Apollo Creed moment. Like, Apollo dies and he has to go, but now it just looked like he got a little cut on his head. It didn't even look that bad.

[June Diane Raphael]

And Chun Li killed an ancillary guy that we had no allegiance towards. He wasn't like a favorite of ours.

[Paul Scheer]

They were like that, man.

[Nicole Byer]

Everyone turns their back on him, but then nothing else happens.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yes. Yeah. They're basically like. Essentially, Chun Li kills a guy in the ring, everybody turns their back on him to basically be like, not cool, dude. And he's basically like, fuck you. I don't care. I'm Chun Li.

[Paul Scheer]

No. Chung Lee does his silent yell. He doesn't know they're dead. He doesn't even know they're ringing the bell because he can't hear. He's like, oh, he's sleeping. Ma' am, your name, your title, and your question.

[Nicole Byer]

Anna JCVD Splits Extravaganza.

[Paul Scheer]

Ooh, nice. And so this movie is very, very racist.

[Nicole Byer]

Just openly.

[June Diane Raphael]

Hang on. Prove it.

[Paul Scheer]

But when we first see the journalist and she's like, you know, I know you're here for the kumite. There's no other reason you could be here. She's just talking to two Asian businessmen.

[Nicole Byer]

In a Hong Kong hotel.

[Paul Scheer]

You're so right.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

It's really racist, actually. Yeah. You know, two. Two things here. First of all, you know how Jean Claude Van Damme got this movie? This is first movie. Menachem Golem, who made this movie, made many of the films we've talked about in this podcast, the Apple. Fuck it. The list goes on and on. Master Universe, John Claude Van Damme saw him outside of a restaurant, went up to him, tried to split kick. Like, did a split kick kick to his head, but missed him by an inch. And he was like, you're in the movies, kid. That was it.

[Nicole Byer]

Really?

[Paul Scheer]

That was it.

[Nicole Byer]

That's all you got to do.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yep.

[Paul Scheer]

Almost kill someone. And then you get in the movies.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh, I can't wait to see Scott Ruden in public.

[Paul Scheer]

And then the question that I had was, who was. Was this guy who was like. It seemed like everyone was at the Kumite without, like, an agent, but yet, like, the two American guys had this like. Like, hey, guys, what's Going on. Yeah, that guy. Like, why was he. What?

[June Diane Raphael]

And he was, like, part of their crew immediately. It was like, come on, you're my guys. Like, as if they were all best friends. Which was not the case at all.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, not at all.

[June Diane Raphael]

They were acquaintances at best.

[Nicole Byer]

Did Ray Johnson. That's his name, right? Did he go to kumite before? Is that ever explained? Has he been to Kumate?

[Paul Scheer]

I feel like he has been to Kumate.

[June Diane Raphael]

He's been to kumite. He says, I don't know if he competed, but he knows he was there when Chung Li killed a guy last year.

[Paul Scheer]

Right. He saw that two years ago or something.

[June Diane Raphael]

He saw that. I don't know if he fought though.

[Paul Scheer]

Your name, your title, your question. Here we go. My name's John. My alternate title is Girls Just Want to have Buns. Nice. And my question is, isn't the guy that Chung Li killed in the last kumite Tanaka's son? I figured that was how he died. Whoa.

[June Diane Raphael]

Wait. Holy.

[Paul Scheer]

Holy. Oh, man.

[June Diane Raphael]

Does that add up? It doesn't add up, though.

[Nicole Byer]

No, it does add up, because then that's why Jean Claude Van Damme has to go to kumite to avenge the death of.

[June Diane Raphael]

I don't think so.

[Paul Scheer]

That was. When he gets beat up, I'm away from him with the microphone. But yet that makes sense.

[June Diane Raphael]

Does anybody know this? Is this a known.

[Paul Scheer]

No, someone just said that's.

[June Diane Raphael]

I think. Here's what I think about that. I think that is such an interesting idea, but I don't think the timeline adds up. No, because he was a kid is younger than jcvd. And JCVD needs to be fully trained before he can get even. Get to kumite.

[Paul Scheer]

But he was very young. Oh, but, yeah, he had to go in the army then, too.

[Nicole Byer]

When did the sun die? How old was he?

[June Diane Raphael]

Years and years old.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah. Yeah, the kid was young.

[June Diane Raphael]

I feel like years prior.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, maybe he went to Kid Kuma Tay.

[Paul Scheer]

You're full of, sir. Yeah, that's like the heavy, lightweight kumite Kid.

[June Diane Raphael]

Kid Mate.

[Nicole Byer]

Kid Mate.

[June Diane Raphael]

Kid Mate.

[Paul Scheer]

Kid Mate.

[June Diane Raphael]

Kidmatay.

[Paul Scheer]

Kidmatay.

[June Diane Raphael]

Let's do a remake of this movie with all kids shot for shot.

[Paul Scheer]

I would love to love this. The movie had four sequels. Bloodsport 2, the next Kumite. Bloodsport 3. No, no, addendum. Bloodsport 4, the dark Kumite.

[Nicole Byer]

I hope that's all black people.

[June Diane Raphael]

That would be. I would legit not be surprised with the way it is with the casual racism of these movies. Movies.

[Paul Scheer]

The. John Clyde Van Damme did not appear in any of the Next Kumites. But there's a new kumite coming.

[June Diane Raphael]

Guys. We're not spoiling. This is. Oh, hdp.

[Paul Scheer]

How did this get made?

[June Diane Raphael]

Exclusive. They don't want you to know. They don't want you to know that there's a new kumite.

[Paul Scheer]

And. And the title makes me so happy. Do you want to just. Both of you just take a crack at the title? All right.

[June Diane Raphael]

Has anybody here said it tonight? No, I'm just kidding.

[Nicole Byer]

So this will be Bloodsport 5.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, you know what? I'm going to. It's a remake. I'll say that It's a remake. It's not a sequel. It's a remake.

[June Diane Raphael]

It's not. Is it a reboot?

[Nicole Byer]

Is there a star attached?

[June Diane Raphael]

Is JCVD in it?

[Nicole Byer]

Is he in it?

[June Diane Raphael]

It.

[Paul Scheer]

No.

[June Diane Raphael]

So it's not like, I'm just.

[Paul Scheer]

I'm. I'm going to give you guys this thing. I'm going to say you are Hollywood executives. You have this property on your face.

[June Diane Raphael]

A kum Re Ducks.

[Paul Scheer]

Okay.

[Nicole Byer]

That'S good.

[Paul Scheer]

Really good.

[Nicole Byer]

That's very good.

[June Diane Raphael]

That felt great.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, no. I don't have anything near. We'll call it Kumite. We still bloodsporting.

[Paul Scheer]

Both of you wrong.

[June Diane Raphael]

Okay, okay, wait. Keep going. Let's keep guessing for like an hour.

[Paul Scheer]

It is called Lady Bloodsport.

[Nicole Byer]

They missed a real opportunity called Cunt Attack.

[June Diane Raphael]

What?

[Paul Scheer]

Ah. Kantate.

[Nicole Byer]

Kanta Tay.

[June Diane Raphael]

Kanta Tay. They really missed the vote on that.

[Paul Scheer]

Lady for like, cute, cute cut. Ta Tay cute. Oh, my gosh. The people for the next show.

[June Diane Raphael]

Lady. Lady Bloodsport.

[Nicole Byer]

Aw, man.

[June Diane Raphael]

That's. That is for sure, like some sort of period situation. Lady Bloodsport. It's Colin. It's that time of the month. Everybody who listens to this podcast now start calling your periods Lady Bloodsport. I've got Lady Bloodsport this week. Oh, honey, I want to. But I've got Lady Bloodsport right now.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, God.

[Paul Scheer]

And then when you finish Lady Bloodsport, you put your hand in your palm, bow down, bow to your tampon.

[Nicole Byer]

I hope Ronda Rouse season.

[Paul Scheer]

I mean, that's what it feels like to me. Like they're like Ronda Rousey. Lady Blood Sport. That feels like done.

[Nicole Byer]

Ronda Rousey. Michelle Rodriguez.

[Paul Scheer]

That would be. I'm in the Lady Bloodsport in so good.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yes. Gina Carano is Ray Jackson. Oh, yeah, right. She's like a wild card that can't be trusted. Ronda Rousey's jcv.

[Paul Scheer]

Like, I kind of feel like Angelina Jones Lee could also pull off a cool ass cameo in this too. She was also she in it? I don't know.

[June Diane Raphael]

Is this an exclusive?

[Paul Scheer]

No. We don't know. We don't know. We don't know.

[June Diane Raphael]

How did this get made exclusive?

[Paul Scheer]

All right, obviously we had some opinions about this film, but now it is time to hear a different opinion. Obviously, you can go online. You can read about Frank duke's [e-mail] as he talks for three hours that Blake has edited down to a concise but yet enthralling piece. Also, if you feel like your voice has not been heard yet, you can call us up at 61 9, Paul P A U L Ask A S K and you can leave a message. And we'll be playing these on our mini episodes. If you feel like you need to get a word out, you need to ask a question, we'll do that. That's 619. Paul asks.

[Nicole Byer]

But you're so nice.

[Paul Scheer]

It's a lot. A lot of things to do.

[Nicole Byer]

Don't fucking call me.

[Paul Scheer]

They're not calling me. That's not. I'm not. That's not my phone number. No, my phone number is not Paul Ass. It would be awesome if it was.

[June Diane Raphael]

It is Paul Ass.

[Paul Scheer]

It is. Yeah, cuz I love Dan Bun Son. But now, obviously we had an opinion about this movie, but there are some people out there that had a different opinion. It is now time for second opinions.

[June Diane Raphael]

Second opinions.

[Paul Scheer]

Give it up. Amazing. Amazing. What are your names? What are your.

[Nicole Byer]

Christina and Louise.

[Paul Scheer]

Ann. Louise and Christina. Give it up.

[June Diane Raphael]

Give it up. Short.

[Paul Scheer]

Simple. Sweet.

[Nicole Byer]

How long did you practice.

[June Diane Raphael]

Walking up? You guys came up with that? All right, how about we put a little more work into it, guys?

[Paul Scheer]

Like I said, these are five star reviews pulled from Amazon. We'll get going right here with Kenneth Lueng. He writes here. As a young, impressionable boy, this movie got me interested in martial arts. I would stand in front of the TV watching this movie, trying to imitate all the moves.

[June Diane Raphael]

I said.

[Paul Scheer]

Song. Needless to say, I was the best fighter in first grade and performed.

[June Diane Raphael]

Wow. Needless to say.

[Paul Scheer]

Needless to say, perform many punches to kids groins and spinning kicks to their faces while also breaking necks, Chong Li style. Okay, I'm kidding. But it does raise the issue of TV violence and. And its influence on children, doesn't it?

[June Diane Raphael]

That's a real turn.

[Paul Scheer]

That one takes five stars.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh, man, that guy can't figure it out.

[Paul Scheer]

This one is probably my favorite one to date. 5 stars by David Worth. And it goes something like this. Of course, I'm gonna give Bloodsport a Glowing review. I was a cinematograph. It was Jean Claude Van Damme's breakout film and I was thrilled to be a creative part of it. I also. It worked out so well that two years later, in 1988, I was once again back in Hong Kong with JCVD as the director of Kickboxer. The budgets of both of these films combined were less than $5 million. They still do a ton of business worldwide, became martial arts classics and launched the career of jcvd. Not bad for the price. 5 stars.

[June Diane Raphael]

Like that. Really think about that. He's on Amazon writing reviews for movies he's worked on. Oh, Dave Wirth. Come on, man.

[Paul Scheer]

This is five stars. Although the martial arts scenes are spectacular, this movie is really a package about what a man learned from his martial arts training. It's a true story of a man who had a critical juncture in time when most people would give up in despair, looked within and found the necessary strength of spirit to face a deadly adversary. It's a story about the power of integrity and character and well worth watching many times.

[Nicole Byer]

That was better written than the screenplay. That was so lovely.

[June Diane Raphael]

I love that that movie got that. That person rather got so much out of the movie. You pulled so much depth out of the movie.

[Paul Scheer]

When life gives you lemons, you know, kick those.

[Nicole Byer]

Go to Amazon.

[Paul Scheer]

Okay. This may be my favorite one too. Two favorites in this one. It is simply titled the Jean Claude Van Damme Review. Matrix. Who is he? Frank Ducks. The American Martial Arts Experiment. Which family member or friend must be avenged? His friend Ray. Does he take his shirt off? He has his shirt off nearly the entire movie. Does he have sex with a C list actress? Yes. Cute but anonymous. Blonde. Is there a tournament? Only the baddest tournament in the world. Is training needed for the tournament? No, he's already awesome. Does he do splits in the training or in the tournament? Several times. Does he punch someone in the balls? Let's say he just puts an unfortunate sumo wrestler's balls about a foot higher than normal. Does he do a series of flying or 360 kicks? Yes, and no one dodges them. Is his enemy unbeatable? Chung Lee holds all the records and has killed people in the tournament and makes other black belts wet themselves. So yeah. Does he overcome an injury or hindrance? Yes. Chung Lee throws salt in his eyes and Dukes is blinded. Does he win? Not only does he win, but he forces Chun Li to say mate. This one has it all, folks. It's jcv Best movie. So I love that this is how you have to review every one of his movies with these 12 questions.

[June Diane Raphael]

That's amazing.

[Paul Scheer]

They are amazing. That is the best way to review a JCVD movie. Holy shit. Well, for those at home, a simple Google search will show you Frank Dukes. And for Hugh here at the audience, you can see him up close right here. That is Frank.

[June Diane Raphael]

He looks awesome.

[Nicole Byer]

He does look awesome.

[Paul Scheer]

He's amazing.

[June Diane Raphael]

I bet he's got great buns.

[Paul Scheer]

One thing about him is that he, he changed his name from Frank D U C K S Ducks to Dukes because he had too many people making fun of his.

[June Diane Raphael]

Poor guy.

[Paul Scheer]

Poor guy. All right, well, I feel like we talked about.

[June Diane Raphael]

He does the coin trick in the bar.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, the coin trick.

[Nicole Byer]

The coin trick was good because not only did he take the coin, he replaced the coin with another coin. That's a straight up magic trick.

[June Diane Raphael]

Magic castle.

[Paul Scheer]

I do want to show this one piece. You can't really get the full idea of it, but this is pretty amazing. April found this. This is Jean Claude Van Damme doing an interview in a gym. And for those at home, just know that they're both doing sit ups while the questions are happening. So I'm just fast forward this first part and here we go.

[June Diane Raphael]

And the interviewer does not look. The inter. Interviewer does not look happy to be doing this.

[Paul Scheer]

So here, here we go. So Jean Claude, how did you get in with Canon Films in Bloodsport?

[June Diane Raphael]

Yeah, it's a funny story. I always want to meet Malachem Golan because you know he's number one action film in the States right now, especially on karate, ninja film and everything they're doing. So I call Canon and I say I've got an important meeting with Manhattan. He know me, I'm leaving tomorrow for.

[Paul Scheer]

France and I didn't tell the truth by the way.

[June Diane Raphael]

But Manalam is a very curious person who knows me. I don't know him. Where do you see that guy?

[Paul Scheer]

So when I met him the first.

[Nicole Byer]

Time I did my split.

[June Diane Raphael]

Right now.

[Nicole Byer]

He said you got it.

[Paul Scheer]

I highly recommend recommend that you find the. The workout.

[Nicole Byer]

I've never seen a man happier bouncing up and down in a split.

[Paul Scheer]

His butt was psyched. You can find it on Van Dams fans.com fans with a Z Dam. Van Dam fans.

[June Diane Raphael]

Do you have. I will say this. Oh you. Can you click on Kumite song please?

[Paul Scheer]

Yes, sure.

[June Diane Raphael]

I will for real work out to this song.

[Paul Scheer]

It's amazing.

[June Diane Raphael]

This song is awesome.

[Paul Scheer]

It does not fit the movie at all.

[June Diane Raphael]

It doesn't aggressively against the movie. Yep. And I watched it with the Because I watch everything that was subtitles on, I guess. And the lyrics are cuckoo bananas. Like T2B, like nuts. They're great. Please dig in on those.

[Paul Scheer]

Kuma K. Well, this has been a great deconstruction of Bloodsport. Jason.

[June Diane Raphael]

I don't have anything to plug, but I would like to take this moment to address a controversy.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, this is very good.

[June Diane Raphael]

That exists currently. This is one of those moments where I'm like, so happy I'm not on Twitter. During the Covenant episode, I mistakenly identified the town of Ipswich as being on the south shore. Now, now. No doy. Ipswich is a North Shore town. I know this to be true. I played soccer in Ipswich against Ipswich. I broke my leg on an Ipswich soccer field. But I totally had a brain fart, guys, and I fucked it up. So my apologies to all the fucking assholes who are like, losing their minds that I misidentified what the South. So the people who are like, fuck you. You don't know where Ipswich is, by.

[Paul Scheer]

The way, you don't have Twitter. I do.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yep.

[Paul Scheer]

So because of that, I got all of that Ipswich anger with maps and fucking pointers. You tell Jason.

[June Diane Raphael]

No, it's. They are all 100% right. My sincerest apologies to. To the North Shore, awesome people of Ipswich. Fuck you, South Shore still. But my. That's all me. All me. I fucked up, guys. I really fucked up.

[Paul Scheer]

Thank you for genuinely so sorry.

[June Diane Raphael]

Please forgive me. I was on my lady Bloodsport.

[Paul Scheer]

This show.

[June Diane Raphael]

That's how you use it in a sentence.

[Paul Scheer]

This show could not be done without some amazing help, obviously. July up in the booth. Everybody here at Largo. Avril Halle, who put together all of our Kips Go to movie bitches on YouTube to watch a very special JCVD expose of his buns. Nate Kiley, who gave us all that amazing sword research. Marissa Zeitz, Liana Waldron designing all those great stickers. Everybody at Earwolf and you for coming out to this live show. Thank you all for coming. Good night.

[June Diane Raphael]

Kuma tay kuma tay kuma tay kuma T.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

In the summer, all of Oregon is our playground thanks to our incredible park system. That's why it's so cool that Oregon lottery gameplay, like video lottery or cash pop, helps support tons of parks projects statewide like accessible trails at Silver Falls State park or upgrades to your favorite dog park in Newburgh. It's just one way a little lottery play for many Oregonians can add up to a lot of good the Oregon Lottery. Together, we do good things. Lottery games are based on chance and should be played for entertainment only. Must be 18 or older to play.

[Andy Richter]

Hey there, it's Andy Richter, host of the Three Questions with Andy Richter. Each Friday on my podcast feed, you can listen to weekly call in show episodes where me and a special guest invite callers to weigh in on topics like dating disasters, bodily disasters, and more other kinds of disasters. Recently, I invited Chris Fleming and Rachel Bloom to talk embarrassing stories with me in front of a live audience at the Sirius XM Studios. From a dinner table fiasco to an emergency on stage bathroom trip, these stories are some of the best I've heard. So what are you waiting for? Listen to the Three Questions with Andy Richter wherever you get your podcasts.