Larry (9:54)

Hey, Paul. On the Driven episode, one of the balcony monsters from Toronto asked if Burt Reynolds signed on to do Driven on the condition that he could sit the entire time. I might be able to say something. Speaking of this a little bit, I went to film school in the late 2000s at Florida State University. Florida State University, where Burt Reynolds went to college and played football. And our school had a very intense production cycle based curriculum. All of that got interrupted very suddenly when Burt Reynolds decided he wanted to teach an acting class to the film school. The first day we heard about this, there was the most expensive chair I've ever seen on the loading dock at the film school. And it was wrapped in caution tape. We were told, Mr. Reynolds is going to come and teach class for some weeks. This is his chair. Do not touch it. Do not sit in it. Keep it wrapped in the caution tape. He showed up, stayed for about three weeks. He would call for, like, the corporate football stadium skybox chef to come to the film school to make him steak at like midnight. And they would make it happen. He was in the chair the entire time, except when he was leaving the chair to leave the school or arriving to the school to sit in the chair. My favorite picture, probably from that year of film school, I got to sneak into the chair when he was, like, using the bathroom, and I threw my digital camera at somebody and said, like, get a picture. So there's a very blurry photo of me scared to death that Burt Reynolds was going to spot me. But, yeah, I just know that sitting was a very big part of when he taught our class. And yeah, probably pretty important. He used to be a stunt person and he was a football player, and he was like, ancient at the time. So, you know, he has a lot of hip issues. Anyway, yeah, I could probably confirm that. Fitting is probably contractual. All right, thanks. Lapel.

Jason Mantzoukas (11:42)

Oh, my God, Larry, this is the best story of all time. You know, I've been talking about this. Marlon Brando taught an acting class after 911 that was directed by the director of American History X, whose name is escaping me at this very second, but who cares? And I remember that Marlon Brando, like, taught it from a bed. And the director of American History X was dressed as Osama bin Laden. Somebody helped me find this. It's great. And if there's any acting tape of Burt Reynolds, and I love that he just went to Florida to get, like, steaks at 2:00am 2:00am steaks. Oh, man, the shits that guy must have had. Just with his bald head out there taking meaty dumps at 4am What a. What a life. What a life. Anyway, let's go back to the calls, which, when I say calls, I mean phone calls.

Larry (12:46)

What do we got pertaining to the movie Driven? When they drove around and were Picking up quarters with tires. If your tires get hot enough, they don't actually pick up anything until the tires start to cool. So the fact that the quarters were getting picked up while going around the track would not actually happen because the tires would still maintain the heat, thus letting the quarters go. It wouldn't be until you started to pull off the track and the tires started to cool that the quarters would actually stick to the tires.

Jason Mantzoukas (13:24)

Okay, okay, I believe you. But our producer Scott wants to chime in and say, tire temperatures aside, Stallone claimed that that idea was based on a trademark stunt performed by Formula one legend Juan Manuel Fangio. Stallone explained Juan Fangio would lay a piece of cardboard down at the corner of the track. When he would drive around the corner at 130 miles an hour, 140 miles an hour. After 20 laps of going around, he brought the cardboard up, which was the size of an 8 by 10 piece of paper, and they would put a dime on the cardboard, and he would pick up the dime every time at that speed. This feels to me like Stallone heard a story. Weird. So, Scott, I appreciate the research. I know that we talked about this in the show, too, but I feel like Stallone might have gotten his wires crossed. All right, next call. Cora.

Larry (14:15)

Hi, my name is Cora Veltman. Not only am I a massive Sylvester Stallone fan, but I have been a longtime listener of the show. Love every Stallone episode. Episode especially. I actually worked for Carts slash indycar. I also studied under the master historian in motorsports, and I know a lot about this league in this series. And there are some, of course, inaccuracies here. One, this movie was partly subsidized by the league itself. It originated as, of course, an F1 movie. But when the F1 properties decided they didn't want to fuss around with Sylvester Stallone, they came to the cart people and they were like, yeah, we definitely want to have our movie made. It was such a flop that the league denies it exists, even though multiple drivers and team owners are actually featured in it. I traveled with the league for six years covering it for NBC Sports. And this is a movie that is frequently quoted as kind of trolling the league and trolling the series. It is the oldest league of NASCAR, IndyCar and Formula One. They actually do go faster than NASCAR and Formula One. I just wanted to thank you again for doing this movie, doing this series, and if you have any further questions or anything else, I am definitely an expert on this and would love to talk about it more. Anyhow, have a good Evening. Bye.

Jason Mantzoukas (15:45)

Bye, Cora. Bring in the heat. We thought we had the CART expert in the crowd, but you brought it here. Thank you for your service and I love that this movie was a joke even at the time. All right, back to the discord. All right, more info on cart. More info on IndyCar. Okay, this is Keith now says the fracture of cart IndyCar would have been a better story to tell. The split between IndyCar and CART, known as the split, began in 1994 when the Indianapolis Motor Speedway president, Tony George created the Indie Rail Racing League, which launched in 1996 as a rival to the dominant championship auto racing teams. George aimed to center the series around American drivers and oval racing and emphasized cost control, while KART featured a mixture of international drivers, diverse tracks and major corporate backing. The conflict escalated when George reserved 25 of 33 Indy 500 starting spots for Indy Racing League teams in 1996, prompting a cartoon boycott. This fractured American open wheel racing confused fans and diluted media attention, which helped NASCAR rise in popularity. The arrival lasted over a decade with declining viewership and sponsor interest across both leagues. In 2008, the two series finally reunited under the IndyCar banner, ending the division. Wow, how poignant and powerful of a story could that have been? The split. Oh, the split. Oh, this is Keith now. I don't think we need the split. I don't think there's that much drama there. I'm, I'm fascinated by what you shared. I don't think it's dramatic. It's a story, but it's not an emotional story. Where's Joe? Ghostbag writes if he had your druthers, what sports or sport theme related film would you like to see Stallone tackle next? He's already appeared in boxing, arm wrestling and race car movies. But what sport or sports adjacent film could Sly and by extension, we the audience benefit from being in Next? Well, ghost bag, great question. Pickleball get him. Older guy lost his wife, finds pickleball, gets competitive, and then, you know, him and McEnroe have a match at the end. That's just the beginning. Part of my ideas. Hollywood, hire me. I got great ideas. John Steele writes, I have a few points. On Memo's accident, they said the emergency people would have a hard time getting to him. But how come Jimmy and Bo had no problem and also they were so worried about the explosion. But Memo's cart already blew up as it flew through the trees. Can cars blow up twice? John Steele, you broke my brain. I don't think they can. Maybe they can. Is there another part that could blow up? I mean, the gas tank is what's blowing up, right? I mean, it's not like there's not another combustible part, is there? I don't know. Anyway, so many great corrections and omissions this week, but there can only be one that is the best. What could it be? What could it be? Well, you know what? It's one that answers the only question that was unanswered in the show. Did Burt Reynolds request being in a wheelchair so he could sit for the entire movie? And I gotta say, Larry from Florida, you proved our point that we were right. And whenever you do that, you get to win and you get this amazing song from the Action Jackson 5. Now, if you want to chime in with your own thoughts about the latest episode, hit up our Discord or leave us a message at 619Paul ask. Also, heads up. If you want us to consider your correction and omission inclusion in last looks, please send it by the Monday night after the episode is released. We've been getting a lot of great voicemails that come in too late, but if you leave your message by Monday night, it will guarantee that we hear it in time. Anyway, coming up after the break, I'll be opening up the phone lines again because, wow, we got some good ones. And these are not about Stallone. These are about Seagal. Also, the conclusion of my lost Sylvester Stallone podcast. We'll be right back. 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Visit onemd.org and use the code bonkers to save 15% on your first order of LiverMD. That's one md.org and use code Bonkers. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. Today's podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Whether you're starting out or scaling up your business, Squarespace is the all in one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. I am a giant fan of Squarespace. I use it for many different websites unspooled. How did this get made? Dark web and my own, each one completely different. And why do I love it so much? Well, because Squarespace gives you everything you need for your specific product. Every one of these websites is completely different and right now they offer services that help you get paid. That's right, get paid on time with professional on brand invoices and online payments. 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It makes it more exciting for me to just jump right in. Whether it's sentence building or maybe this little learning about the culture that just brings the language home. It's like learning from a living, breathing organism. You know you're engaging, you're interactive. It is so much fun. You will love it. Learn another language Babel is gifting our listeners 55% off subscriptions at babel.com bonkers get up to 55% off at babbel.com bonkers spelled B-A B-B-E-L.com bonkers babbel.com bonkers rules and restrictions apply. Welcome back. By now I'm sure you've noticed that every Tuesday we re release Classic how did this get Made Episodes back into our feed. This week we wrapped up our Stallone summer matinee with Demolition man and next week we'll be Revisiting a fan favorite episode, no holds barred, with guest Tom Lennon. That's a really fun episode, so keep on checking out all our replays of classic episodes every Tuesday. Now, speaking of our matinee episodes, we've gotten a lot of great phone messages from you guys related to our Stallone summer matinees that didn't want to ignore them. So before we move on, let's reopen the phone lines and entertain us. Georgia, what do you got?

Larry (24:09)

Hi, Tom. I just listened to the Cobra episode, and what I'm about to say doesn't have anything to do with the movie Cobra, but it does have to do with the episode where Jason makes a joke that Dolph Lundgren doesn't know how to write. Oddly enough, Dolph Lundgren has a master's degree in chemistry from the University of Sydney. And while still living in Sydney, he won a Fulbright to go to mit. But before he could start at mit, Grace Jones, the singer, saw him working as a bouncer and hired him as a bodyguard. They became lovers, and he moved to New York with her. And then he started taking acting classes and hanging out in, like, the New York downtown art scene. So he's actually very well educated. I don't know if being good at chemistry means that you can write, though. All right, bye.

Jason Mantzoukas (25:19)

Yeah, yeah, yeah. George. I know. Big deal. Yes. This story is a big. Yes, he can read. It was a joke in the show. We know. I think most people know this is like, the one fact that we know about Lundgren is that he's like a. The physicist, you know, whatever he is. All right, next one. Alwyn from London.

Larry (25:36)

I have been a little bit delayed sending this because I've just fallen a bit behind the podcast, but I'm dying for an opportunity to call and tell this hotline my Steven Seagal story. And I heard you talking about Steven Seagal on the Expendable 4 episode a few weeks ago that I just got the chance to catch up on. And it reminded me of the time that Steven Seagal woke me up on an airplane when I was about 10 years old. Yeah. I was flying from Paris to Thailand with my family. I was about 10 years old. And as we're getting on, my dad sort of, look, look. That's Steven Seagal. I was about 10. I had no idea who Steven Seagal was. But I remember this giant man with a ponytail, and he was wearing sort of traditional East Asian wear, sort of doing a whole big, like, making a big deal of sort of, you know, bowing to the Air hostesses. This Thai flight, it was a whole big bag. We were flying business class. As with Steven Seagal, I think it was me and my family and him and his assistant in business class. And I am old enough and this is long enough to go, that it was when they still showed a big movie up front of the plane, possibly in addition to having individual little screens in the chairs. And so this big movie was playing on the front. I had fallen asleep because I'm 10 years old, and I wake up because someone is shouting on the plane. I jerk awake, and it is Steven Seagal shouting at the top of his lungs at his assistant about how unrealistic and bad the movie is that's playing on the big screen. And my memory is that it's basically, I couldn't tell you for all the money in the world what the movie was, but a helicopter in a chase scene is flying through a tunnel and Steven Seagal is at the top of his lungs shouting that that's unrealistic, and that the airflow in the tunnel wouldn't allow the helicopter and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I just remember being like, who? Even at 10, who is this asshole? But also him having the lack of self awareness and gall to yell at a terrible movie on a flight just seems very incongruous with that. So, yeah, I just wanted an opportunity to tell that story from sort of 25 years ago. Thanks, Paul.

Jason Mantzoukas (27:55)

Whoa, whoa, whoa. This is a man who loves attention. Okay. Wasn't he just a karate instructor for, like, a Hollywood mogul? And then the Hollywood mogul is like, no, he actually was like a former CIA agent and he was never. And he's really embraced this life and the music and. Wow, great story to call everyone's attention out. Like, I could see him laughing. I believe Bob Odenkirk tells a great story about the most humorless person ever on SNL as a guest host, and it was Steven Seagal. I was helping with Hans and Franz that week. I didn't usually help with that piece, but I love those guys. And, and. And Seagal read it and he said, if I do this sketch, if I do it, and they're, you know, they.

Larry (28:43)

They want to fight him.

Jason Mantzoukas (28:44)

Hey, we'll take you on. He goes, if I do it, I have to beat them up. Like, he has to. It's like a John Wayne thing, right? Like, he's got a most ludicrous scenario. You don't worry, no one will think that they. Actually, no one's thinking anyone beat anyone up here. But that was his attitude the whole week was he kept saying, I've never seen your show. I don't know what you do here. Like, really, You've never seen Saturday Night Live? Where do you live? And he wrote a scene. Howard. Howard.

Larry (29:23)

He wrote a scene, and it's the.

Jason Mantzoukas (29:24)

Last scene in the show. And it's like one of his movies. But they tried to do it live. They got some stuntmen to come in. It's insane. So there's like this board of directors. There's a bunch of stuntmen in suits. So as a viewer, you're like, who are these actors? They're not in the cast. And then there's like some speech. And then he enters the banquet room and starts beating.

Larry (29:50)

It's live.

Jason Mantzoukas (29:51)

And he's beating them up and throwing them around the room. And it goes on for, like, eight minutes. It's the longest scene you've ever seen. And then at the very end, he turns to Cameron, says, this is what happens when you pollute the planet. And the audience is mystified. Watch those SNL clips. They're great. Now, that was a great Steven Seagal story, but believe it or not, we might just top it because we have another Steven Seagal story.

Larry (30:20)

Hey, Paul and crew, I was listening to your Expendables episode, and you mentioned that Steven Seagal should be. Would be a great villain for it. I have a great Steven Seagal story. So I work for a company that we had a rep dinner, and they were having dinner with Steven Seagal as well. So we sat down to a dinner at a steakhouse. And wouldn't you know that he decided to do a demonstration of his knife skills at the steakhouse. Whirling around the steak knife, you know, middle of a crowded steakhouse in Las Vegas. It was like that video where they say, oh, my God, it's Jason Bourne. And that was probably my highlight of my entire professional career. And this wasn't like in the 80s or 90s when he was pretty popular. This was about seven years ago. So it was. It was bananas. But anyways, hope you all enjoyed the story.

Jason Mantzoukas (31:30)

Oh, my goodness. Now you're making me want to just hire Steven Seagal for events. I mean, how expensive could that be? It's not like getting, like, Aerosmith to play your bar mitzvah. Not that anyone's hiring Aerosmith. I don't think anybody Siren Aerosmith right now to play your bar mitzvah. But, like, I imagine it's not that expensive. I love this. Please tell me there are pictures. And if Anyone has a picture of Seagal out and about, just bowing, doing knife tricks. There's so many great stories about Seagal. You know, we've. I think we've talked about it on the show a million times. There's great stories. I mean, he threatened a guy in an ADR booth with a gun because they asked him to do the line again. Like, that's. And I'm not even telling the story. Great, because I'm just like, we should just do a whole episode of, like, I heard a Seagal story. All right. And finally, our own Jafar. We've traveled with her. We've seen her through her ups and downs. Hope she is still dating that gentleman. Jafar. What do you got?

Larry (32:31)

Hi, Paul. Hello to all my fellow nerds wishing a happy Saloam summer to all who celebrate. So, as you can kind of hear in my voice in this episode, playing the game and watching all the special features on the DVD of Driven literally broke me. So instead of talking about the movie specifically, I would instead like to speak to a Stallone trend I noticed when I watched Stop or My Mom Will Shoot a few weeks ago, which is that Stallone seems to really have a thing for playing average Joes. So beginning in 1975 with Death Race 2000, he plays Joe Machine Gun Viterbo. In 1992, Stopper my mom Will Shoot. As we all know, he was Sergeant Joseph Jogomowski. In 1995, he played judge Joseph Dredd and Judge Dredd. Also in 1995, he played the dual roles of Robert and Joseph Rath in Assassins. In 2001's steaming pile of Shit Driven, he played Joe the Hummer Tonto in the 2011 animated film Zookeeper, he was the voice of Joe the lion. And in 2022, he played Joe Smith in Samaritan. So out of just under 70 feature film roles, Sylvester Stallone has been named Joe in just over 10% of them. Thanks again for a great show in Vancouver. Can't wait to see where Jafar shows up next. Take care. Bye.

Jason Mantzoukas (33:46)

10%. Okay. 10% is fine. I want, like, I think if you're calling in for, like, an observation like this, it's gotta be in the 50s. 50s or 40s. 40s. I'll take a. I'll take 10. Is. He's a Joe. He's an average Joe. I mean, that's where it's coming from. He's an average Joe. And that's about the level of, like, metaphor in a Stallone script. Anyway, thank you for everyone who called in coming up after the break, the thrilling conclusion to my Sylvester Stallone podcast. And I'm going to announce next week's new movie. Nothing says summer like some delicious ice cream. Tillamook ice cream is extremely creamy. It's basically what regular ice cream wishes. It could be made with high quality ingredients. Each bite is rich, smooth and creamy. And with the 48 ounce family size option, there's enough to share. But when the ice cream is this good, sharing is optional. Whether you're more into classic flavors like vanilla bean or organ strawberry, or craving something decadent like their chocolate collection, which includes flavors like dark chocolate cookies and cream brownie batter, there's a perfect Tillamook flavor for you. Tillamook dairy has been around since 1909. It's farmer owned and loaded with actual dairy experts. And They've got over 200 dairy products, including cheese and cream cheese. Because why settle for just one dairy obsession. I love Tillamook ice cream. It's so incredibly creamy. And I have to tell you my favorite flavor. The vanilla bean. I mean, you can't make a better flavor. They always say, judge your ice cream by your vanilla bean. And I will say the Oregon strawberry is absolutely divine. And I'm a huge hazelnut fan, so I'm also chowing down on that chocolate hazelnut. You know, I enjoy it after dinner every night because it's summer and why not have a little bit of ice cream? Find Tillamook ice cream near you@tillamook.com that's T I L L A M O O K dot com. You might not know this about me, but my favorite candy is Twizzlers. Hands down from when I was a kid, there is nothing better than a Twizzler. It is my go to treat. Let me tell you something. When I saw that Twizzlers was sponsoring this show, I got excited. The fun never stops with Twizzlers. All right. It is the candy that lets you stretch out the fun. Now look. Other candy too. Sweet. Overpowering. But Twizzlers is the perfect level of sweet. It comes with the perfect chewy twist that everyone knows and loves, is the perfect summer snack companion to unwind at the end of the day and doesn't melt in the summer sun. Oh, I'm walking around with one of those Twizzlers. I'm watching a movie with a Twizzler. There isn't a better movie companion. And Twizzlers have something for every fruity, chewy candy lover. Let me tell you something. Do what Paul Scheer does. Grab yourself a bag of Twizzlers and stretch out the fun. As a small business owner, your business is always on your mind. So when you're hiring, you need a partner who is just as dedicated as you. And that hiring partner is LinkedIn jobs. That's right. When you clock out, LinkedIn clocks in. They make it easy for you to post your job for free, share it with your network, and get to qualified candidates that you can manage all in one place. And LinkedIn's new feature can help you write job descriptions. Then quickly get your job in front of the right people with deep candidate insights. You can post your job for free or choose to promote it. Promoted jobs attract three times more qualified applicants. So post your job for free@LinkedIn.com valuable. That's LinkedIn.com valuable to post your job for free. Terms and conditions apply. Welcome back. It is finally time to see if I ever got to interview Sylvester Stallone on my podcast. In the last segment I shared, June had kicked me out of the house due to my obsession with the podcast. I was spending Thanksgiving alone in my car and, well, I was near rock bottom. But thankfully, I found a group to help me find answers. That's right. Take a list. Hello, people of Earth. I am pleased to have the honor to do this podcast. I am Paul Scheer. I am recording this right now in the bathroom of a Burger King. Let's not get into it, but I do want to tell you guys about is an amazing journey that I took. Let me tell you about. Well, let me ask you a question. Would you like to change your life in three days? Would you like to live an extraordinary life? Would you like to redefine the very nature of what is possible? Well, I think then you would like my friends at the Landmark Forum. I met these people this past weekend and they are amazing. I have been. Right now, currently I'm in day two of a three day breakthrough class where I am learning how to redefine the very nature of what is possible in my relationships and in my work and in my family. And it's only in three days. And I know that if I continue on this path, I am going to get to Stallone. Because the beauty about this whole thing is that you can, whatever you learn, it's natural and without effort. Okay. It's, you know, and yeah, maybe I'm not gonna. Maybe I'm not gonna start hanging out with my old friends because I think my communication is changing. You know, I really want you guys to look into The Landmark Forum. I think that we are gonna. We're gonna go here because most of us, like we are content to live a life without question. But when you're a part of the Landmark and your friends in the Landmark, they call you on your bullshit.

Connie Franks (39:49)

Hi, welcome to the Sylvester Stylum Podcast. As you can no doubt tell, this isn't Paul. This is Brett Morris. I'm his engineer at Earwolf and wolfpop. So I'm sorry to say Paul's not here today. He sent me a strange email. Though it's a little concerning. I'm not quite sure what to make of it, but I'll just read it for you. I don't have much of a choice really, so I'll let you be the judge subject. Please read this on air. Hello, people of Earth. This is one of the brainwashed Wolf Pop Stooges. However, I'm reading you a message from the great Paul Scheer. And say the last part like you mean it. He actually says that in parentheses. I'm currently going through a 24 hour detoxing and silencing pact with the great people I've met at the Landmark for this time that I'm spending in Connie's basement apartment is magical. Fasting and not sitting down for hours on end is finally allowing me to reflect on my life and think about the mistakes I've made and why I've brought this Stallone trauma upon myself. I've come to the realization that I might be here for a higher purpose. I believe that like Moses being sent down from the mountain with the commandments, I. I'm being sent down from Hollywood with the word of Stallone.

Larry (41:21)

What the fuck?

Connie Franks (41:22)

I shouldn't say anymore, but this is big. How big? Let me just say this. Bible 2. What is he talking about? Then he says this. Oh, shit. Period. I fear that Tommy, one of Connie's lieutenants, is seeing that I'm emailing. This is not a quote unquote approved activity. And into the interest of not getting shamed with the stick in front of the circle again, I must stop writing. But before I go, please keep sending questions to Ask stallonemail. And enough with the questions that focus purely on farting and sex. You are only disappointing yourself. It gets cut off there. I guess it's supposed to say, you are only disappointing yourself. But then it says this. This is a message from Tommy, a proud Landmark Forum member. Emailing your podcast is a frowned upon activity here, and Paul knows this. By listening to this, you are assuming the pain ritual upon Your false idol. But what else do you know but greed and avarice? Is he talking to me? I guess it's to all of us. You haven't been enlightened. However, if you would like to change your life in three days, come to a free Landmark Forum orientation.

Paul Scheer (42:52)

Hello, people of podcasts. I'm not sure that's the correct greeting. I'm pretty sure it is. Anyway, welcome to the Sylvester Stallone Podcast podcast. I am Connie Franks. I'm a senior member of the Los Angeles chapter of the Landmark Forum. And I find this podcast disgusting in content and execution. Which is why, with Paul's explicit blessing, he's allowed me to take over his podcast to promote the amazing new work of the people of lmf. That's Landmark Forum. For those of you people out there that have let the media corrupt your brains, this is fun. Well, what's Landmark, you ask? Landmark is a place where people begin to understand the pre given possibilities for meaningfulness, specifically to the human subjects that participate in them. There is no need to fear any meaningless, objective universe for such a thing as an abstraction, not an ultimate observable reality. Oh, and. And by the way, congratulations. By listening to this podcast, we have selected you and two guests of your choice to join us in our four hour lecture series, the Talking Ritual. So you'll finally learn what you've been doing wrong when speaking. Also, don't worry about Paul. He's fine. He's not in any danger. And from what he tells me, it's the first time he's been truly happy. He's not being held against his will, and he wants everyone to join him on this new venture of self exploration and honesty. Testing. Testing. I'm sorry, I'm not. I usually don't do this type of thing. I'm recording this message in the hopes that Paul, you hear it somewhere out there. I'm very scared. I'm so scared. I haven't heard from you in a long time and I think you've gotten mixed up with some really bad people. And I have been praying for your return. And if anyone has any information about where Paul is, Paul Shear, please reach out to me on Twitter or however, whatever. Oh, God, this is hard.

Larry (45:42)

Please come back home.

Jason Mantzoukas (45:44)

Please come back home.

Larry (45:48)

I don't know where you are.

Paul Scheer (45:51)

I don't know if Connie has you know who's got. I don't know if Connie has you. I don't know what you've gotten mixed up in, but I want you to know that I'm here. And the baby is here, and we are waiting for you. And we fall fully, fully support the Sylvester Stallone podcast. And I know I said some really terrible things to you about embarrassing us and our family, and I take all of it back. I really do. I just want. I want you to come back, and I want you to know that I have emails out to my agents and manager and entertainment lawyer about Sylvester Stallone, and if there's any way anyone knows him to reach out to me, because I'm in full support, babe. I am in full support of you doing this. I really am. And I. I just want you back. And if having you back means that you do a podcast in which you try to get some of us are still in answer questions, that's fine with me. And I can only say that, you know, the people who are out there who listen to this podcast. Like, please, if anyone does know him, like, seriously, I know this has been a lot of, you know, this has been funny to certain people. This has been, you know, weird to others, but now it's. It's actually very scary situation, and so this is a play. Please help my family. Please help us get Paul back through Sylvester Stallone.

Jason Mantzoukas (47:36)

Oh, God. Welcome to Sylvester Stallone Podcast. Hello, people of Earth. I'm Paul Scheer, and I'm scared. I don't know if anyone can hear this, but I'm trapped in this house. Landmark Forum is not what I thought it was. These people are cruel. I don't know what they're gonna do to me. I'm scared. I'm scared. Please help me. Please help me. I'm at 1501. Please send your police officers. Send anyone a landmark for them. They're not what they say. They're evil. These people are evil. Oh, God. You hear that? It's starting. It's starting. Please, please, God, help me. Please help me. I've seen things. I've seen terrible things. People here, they want to hurt me. Oh, God. Oh, God. I haven't eaten four days.

Larry (48:47)

We are the power.

Jason Mantzoukas (48:49)

We are the might. We are the Greetings. I am Mikkel, formerly the podcaster known as Paul Scheer. For far too long, my body has been inhabited by an interdimensional demon who went by the name Fun Luke. The Landmark Forum has been instrumental in my freedom, and now I would like to free you. I have seen the truth and the light, and I believe that the eye that burns the brightest is the one that knows the truth. The government is corrupting our brains. Look at our currency. The green color interacts with receptors in our brains to paralyze us and pacify us. We must give our money to the Landmark Forum. They will keep this money away from us to free us from the ties that bind us. But this, my friends, is just stage one. Stage two involves our army of freed beings taking over the US Post Offices across the country. When we are ready, our group will attack and peacefully siege these domiciles of communication. We will be heard. The U.S. post offices will be our base camp for the outcropping. We will farm our embryos and build a new alien infrastructure along the postal routes of this fine country. The United States of America will forever be now referred to as the farmland. Repopulate, reproduce. No money, no government, no entertainment. We will subsist on the berries of straw. No food, no water. We are now the one power, and we worship Him. His name is Dyaksonu. We worship Dioxineu Mana Lapakanda. Hello, people of Earth, and welcome to the final Sylvester Stallone Podcast. I am Paul Scheer. I am actually Paul Scheer, despite what you've heard this week. And this is the Sylvester Stallone Podcast. What a journey this has been. I started out with a goal to do the best podcast I could possibly do with one of the best entertainers that currently exist in. In cinema. Not just American cinema, but international cinema. He is a writer, a director, a producer, an actor, and we never got him on the show. If I had to give myself a note, I would say, next time you do a show named after someone, you should get that person. So I apologize to you, the listener, for never getting Sylvester Stallone. That was a big mistake. I probably should have stopped the show early. I wouldn't have been kicked out of my home, living in a seedy motel, using up my relationships with my closest friends, and finally getting kidnapped by a group of people that call themselves a landmark forum. I don't know if you guys were able to understand this, but I was taken in by a cult, and it was a hellish nightmare of a time. I am currently being deprogrammed right now, and my deprogrammer told me I should not do today's podcast. It's too fresh. But I needed to talk to you. I needed to tell you what exactly happened, because I was saved by someone. And I will say there is tape of this moment, and I'd like to play you some of the tape. What you will hear is kind of a bad audio quality, but I feel like it's the best way I can explain to you what exactly happened. I am Mikal, and I command everyone here to begin the blood ritual. Begin The Lord. Ritual has begun. Free yourself. The blood ritual has begun. The blood ritual has begun. What the. Oh, my God. What's going on? Everyone, run.

Larry (53:32)

Everyone, run.

Jason Mantzoukas (53:35)

Let me just pause the tape for a second to explain to you what was going on. Part of my indoctrination into the Landmark Forum was finding drifters and runaway teens, bringing them back to our basement, and doing what we. I'm so embarrassed to say this. We did something called the Blood Ritual, which was we cut these people and bled them out and then buried their bodies in a basement. Now, before you get judgmental, I will say I was under a heavy amount of sedatives at this point, and to my knowledge, we did not kill anyone. We were about to. And I know that that is frowned upon. I'll just say that you try it. You try getting sucked up into a cult. It's a very. It's a crazy situation, okay? Because you're doing stuff. And. Yeah, I know we can all sit on our high perch and say, oh, you shouldn't kill people, but I was there. It was intense. Anyway, from our basement window, gunfire erupted, and this man entered into the room. I looked up, and I saw his face. You're gonna find it hard to believe, but I'll play some of the tape. And again, this tape has been compromised, obviously, but let me. Let's play some more. What's going on, everyone? No, no, no. We must kill her.

Larry (55:05)

Reach. Detach.

Jason Mantzoukas (55:07)

Oh, my God. Who are you? No, no. My name is Mikhail. Not Paul. You. It's you. That's right, everybody. At that point, I looked up, and I saw a visage that I have been dreaming about for days. It was the man, the myth, the legend, Sylvester Stallone. He had been listening to the podcast, and he broke in to save me, and he said something to me that I will never forget. Oh, yeah, I believe it. Oh, yeah, I believe it. It's you. You found me. Why? Why am I out of everybody, out of your busy movie schedule, why would you find me? I'm so upset that that piece of dialogue was garbled because what he said to me, and I don't remember it 100%, but he looked at me, and he goes, it's not about how great your podcast is. It's about how hard it is to do a podcast and keep on moving forward. And he goes, and I listened to your podcast every day, and you kept me going forward. He goes, if I was to appear on day one, you wouldn't be where you are today. You needed to grow. You need to go back to your wife now. As a man, as a man who almost killed a teenage runaway, this podcast was a test. And I said to him, a test? Like you were testing me the entire time? And he looked me right in the eyes and said, yeah. Can you believe it? Stallone was testing me. Just like his characters were tested with impossible odds, insurmountable foes. He gave me a challenge of a lifetime. And I swear to God, as God as my witness and my hand on the graves of my parents who are not yet dead, but if they were, I would put my hand on their graves. And he said to me, you are the Rocky Balboa of podcasting. To which, of course, I replied, thank you. And I know. And then I had a mission. A mission that this podcast started with. And I know I needed to do it. So I will play you this next section of tape. Thank you. Thank you for saving me. And before. Before you let me go, before you leave, I just have to ask one thing. Waxen a couple of things. What role didn't you take that you regret? What do the three seashells from Demolition man do that makes sense. Will Hulk Hogan ever be in the next Expendables? As a watchmaking student, I'm always intrigued to learn about people's watch collections and reasons for collecting with your known affections for Pan and Air, Richard Millet and Monte Grapple. What are some other brands that you like?

Larry (58:37)

Of course.

Jason Mantzoukas (58:39)

And finally, Rocky, Rambo, Cobra, Tango, John Spartan, and Bonnie Ross in a knockdown drag out fight to the finish. Who would win? Of course, they would all die at each other's hands. Thank you. Thank you. And again, I am so bummed out that the recording cut out most of his answers. We just kind of shortened it up because I guess the mic was kind of more on me than it was on him. I mean, rookie mistake. My apologies. But I did it. I came here with a mission, and I finished that mission, which was to ask Sylvester Stallone the fan questions that we all needed answers to. Unfortunately, I don't really remember the answers to the questions. I was pretty drugged up on a mix of Sudafed and Prozac and a little bit of Lithium, I think. I don't actually even remember much more than him carrying me in his arms and putting me down on a lawn. And there was a mess of fire trucks and engines, and he walked away. And when people ask me, who saved you? I didn't Tell them. Because to tell them is to let them in on a secret that was only between me and him and you, the fans of this show. So I think with that, my job is done. Just like Rocky Balboa and Rocky Balboa, I'm walking away from the ring prouder, smarter, and enlightened. And I just want to say out there, thank you, Stallone, for rescuing me from that cult. So the next step for me is repairing my life and hopefully getting the Daniel Day Lewis podcast off the ground. Thank you guys so much for listening to the Sylvester Stallone podcast. I am Paul Scheer and I am a champion, a winner. Fuck yeah. Wow. So long ago, so many memories. I was saved. And now it's me, present day Paul, and I am free of that Landmark Forum's grasp. Thank you for tagging along with me through my old Stallone podcast over these last few episodes. If you missed my just chats with Jason, well, don't worry. He'll be back on Last Looks next time. That's right. But now this is the moment you've been patiently waiting for this entire episode. It is finally a time to announce our next movie. Stallone Summer is finally over and next week we are going from champagne celebrations to Champagne and bullets. That's right. We are covering the 1993 indie action film Champagne and Bullets. Starring wingshouser Pamela Bryant and the film's writer and director, John de Hart. The film is considered by many to be the room of direct to video action flicks. Well, there are actually three different versions of this film with different titles, which I'll explain in more detail in just a second. And as for the movie's plot, they're all the same. There's a satanic cult leader who betrays a pair of ex cops. And you got some baby sacrifices, drug deals, and a whole lot more. Take a listen to this trailer. Welcome to the biggest little movie ever made. Action, suspense, the thrill of men, romance, and some very funny moments. We get some dope. We're getting one. Go. You're going to be hurt. You just made a big mistake. See, Sam, you see this white powder? How about tolerating the goddamn justice system? Sit down. Okay, so if you want to watch this movie before listening to our episode, here's what you need to know. There are three versions of this movie. The original movie is titled Champagne and Bullets and has a runtime of 99 minutes. You can stream Champagne and Bullets on Tubi Hoopla and Fossum. Fossum. Great recommendation by a friend of the Pod and I have been loving it. The next version of the movie is called Road to Revenge. It has a runtime of 75 minutes. This shorter version cut out most of the sex and nudity. I'm guessing you don't want to watch this version, but it is available on Amazon Prime Video. I will say that. Look, I'm not going to say that we need to have exploitative films on the show, but the sex and nudity in this are awkward in a great way. And the latest version, well, there's a lot. There's a lot here. You take it at your own risk. The latest version is called Get Even. It has a runtime of 89 minutes. Now, get Even restored most of the sex annuity while adding a very important scene of the main characters practicing martial arts and feeding his pet poodle. Now, this version isn't available on any streaming services, but I'll say if you search for it online, you'll probably find it with minimal effort. So Get Even is probably the one that you want to find. You just got to search for it online and you'll probably find it. Now, I know I already mentioned hoopla earlier, but as always, I encourage you to check out Kanopy and Libby, which are digital media services offered by your local library that allow you to consume movies, tv, music, audiobooks and ebooks for free. All right, that is it for last looks. If you listen to us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, please rate and review us. Please also make sure you are following us and have automatic downloads turned on. It helps the show and we appreciate it. Visit us on social media at hdtgm. And a big thank you to our producers Scott Sonny and Molly Reynolds and our movie picking producer April Halle and our engineer Casey Holford. We'll see you next week for champagne and bullets, AKA the road to Revenge, AKA Watch Get Even. Bye for Adam Pally here and I'm John Gabris. We're a couple actors and best friends who you may know as the host of the TV show 101 Places to Party before you die. Now we're bringing you a comedic look at health and wellness with our new show Staying Alive. We'll have guests like our friend actor Jerry O', Connell, ketamine therapist Dr. Stephen Radowitz, Paul Shear, Ego Wodom, Gillian Bell, Dr. Doolittle, Steve. Staying alive with John Gabris and Adam Pali is out right now. Get them a week early and ad free with SiriusXM podcast plus on Apple Podcasts Bubba Wallace here with Tyler Reddick. You know what's more nerve wracking than waiting for qualifying results? 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