Matinee Monday: Holiday in Handcuffs (w/ Jessica St. Clair)

Summary

Podcast Summary: How Did This Get Made? - Matinee Monday: Holiday in Handcuffs (w/ Jessica St. Clair) Release Date: December 16, 2024

Hosts:

• Paul Scheer
• June Diane Raphael
• Jason Mantzoukas
• Guest: Jessica St. Clair

---

Introduction to the Episode

The episode kicks off with a light-hearted welcome from Jason Mantzoukas as he introduces the special holiday edition of "How Did This Get Made?" featuring the then Lesser-Known ABC original film, Holiday in Handcuffs. Joining him is comedian and actress Jessica St. Clair, adding an extra layer of humor and insight to the discussion.

Deep Dive into Holiday in Handcuffs

a. Plot and Premise

The hosts delve into the basic premise of Holiday in Handcuffs, a 2007 ABC Family film where the protagonist, played by Melissa Joan Hart, is inadvertently kidnapped by Mario Lopez's character on Christmas Eve. The discussion highlights the film’s convoluted storyline and questionable plot choices.

June Diane Raphael (02:20):
"This movie made me feel like a real Grinch."

Jason Mantzoukas (02:25):
"I was heartwarmed by it."
June Diane Raphael (02:27):
"That's not possible. And Melissa Joan Hart Heartwarmed nailed it."

b. Characters and Acting

The conversation shifts to the performances, particularly focusing on Mario Lopez and his portrayal in the film. The hosts express mixed feelings about his role, discussing his on-screen chemistry and physical appearance.

Nicole Byer (07:40):
"He had to, like, abide that he's not running away."

June Diane Raphael (25:06):
"He was clearly in love with Karina Smirnoff, who was his Dancing with the Stars partner."

Jessica St. Clair shares anecdotes about her personal encounters with Mario Lopez, adding a humorous twist to the critique.

Jessica St. Clair (26:35):
"I went into a private room, and he got down on his knees and talked to me."

c. Production Quality and Budget

The hosts critique the film’s production aspects, noting its low budget of approximately $5 million and the limited number of locations, which primarily include a restaurant and a cabin.

Jason Mantzoukas (05:30):
"It's basically two locations. The restaurant and the cabin."

They discuss the film’s lighting, set design, and overall aesthetic, often pointing out inconsistencies and budgetary constraints that affected the movie's quality.

Jason Mantzoukas (05:46):
"I thought the lighting was a little harsh, especially in the opening of this film."

d. Personal Anecdotes Related to Actors

Throughout the episode, the hosts share personal stories related to the actors in Holiday in Handcuffs. Jason Mantzoukas recounts his childhood experiences meeting Markie Post and Christopher Walken, which add a nostalgic yet critical perspective to the discussion.

Jason Mantzoukas (06:14):
"When I was out in LA for the very first time, I met Markie Post shooting a movie where she was a hooker."

Jessica St. Clair (07:23):
"We showed in the crevices. I saw whiteheads and all manner of things."

These stories serve to juxtapose their fondness for the actors against their critiques of the film itself.

Critical Insights and Conclusions

The hosts summarize their thoughts on Holiday in Handcuffs, emphasizing its status as a quintessential "so bad it's good" holiday movie. They discuss its cultural impact, noting that despite its flaws, it garnered a significant viewership and has a dedicated fan base.

Jason Mantzoukas (61:00):
"This movie received 6.7 million viewers, making it the most-watched telecast in ABC Family history at the time."

June Diane Raphael (63:22):
"6.7 million viewers is like three times as much as an episode of Parks and Rec."

They conclude that while Holiday in Handcuffs may not be a cinematic masterpiece, it holds a place in the heart of holiday film enthusiasts for its unintentional comedic value and memorable performances.

Final Thoughts and Recommendations

As the episode wraps up, the hosts encourage listeners to embrace the campiness of Holiday in Handcuffs and appreciate it for what it is—a flawed but entertaining holiday film. They also plug their respective projects and upcoming shows, maintaining the podcast's signature blend of humor and camaraderie.

Jason Mantzoukas (70:06):
"How old do you think she's supposed to be in this movie?"

Nicole Byer (73:22):
"And I got comments on it. So gift luxury this holiday season without the luxury price tag."

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• June Diane Raphael (02:20):
  "This movie made me feel like a real Grinch."

• Jason Mantzoukas (02:25):
  "I was heartwarmed by it."

• Jessica St. Clair (07:23):
  "We showed in the crevices. I saw whiteheads and all manner of things."

• Jason Mantzoukas (05:30):
  "It's basically two locations. The restaurant and the cabin."

• June Diane Raphael (61:27):
  "6.7 million viewers is like three times as much as an episode of Parks and Rec."

Conclusion

This episode of How Did This Get Made? offers a humorous yet insightful breakdown of Holiday in Handcuffs, blending critical analysis with personal anecdotes and interactive banter. Whether you're a fan of the film or simply enjoy comedic critiques of "bad movies," this episode provides ample entertainment and thoughtful commentary.

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Note: This summary omits advertisements, intros, outros, and non-content sections to focus solely on the substantive discussion of the episode.

Transcript

[Paul Scheer]

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[Jason Mantzoukas]

Next at home gathering into an instant classic with the Cocktail Collection. Award winning pre mixed cocktails from the world's most iconic spirits. Or just to pour away. Keep the vibes flowing with Kettle one espresso martinis or switch it up with a round of bullet old fashions.

[June Diane Raphael]

Just open, pour, serve.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

The cocktail collection makes the perfect host gift too. With brands like Kettle one, Crown, Royal, Estrall and Tanqueray, there's a premixed cocktail for every taste. Check out where to purchase the cocktail [e-mail] and please drink responsibly. What if Misery was a comedy and a Christmas movie? We saw holidays in handcuffs so you know what that means.

[June Diane Raphael]

Now it's time for how to discriminate.

[Jessica St. Clair]

We're gonna have a good time. Celebrate some failure. Not just being a hater.

[June Diane Raphael]

Cause you know you wondered how to discri. Let's wallow in the mediocrity of subpar art.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Perhaps we'll find the answer to the.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Question how did this get made?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Hello people of Earth, and welcome to a holiday edition of how did this Get Made? It's our yearly Christmas film. I am joined as always by Jason Manzoukas. How are you, Jason?

[June Diane Raphael]

This movie made me feel like a real Grinch. Like a real Grinch.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I was heartwarmed by it.

[June Diane Raphael]

That's not possible. And Melissa Joan Heartwarmed. Nailed it.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And June. Diane Rayfield. How are you, June?

[Jessica St. Clair]

I'm okay.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm okay.

[June Diane Raphael]

Wow.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay.

[June Diane Raphael]

Wow.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

For the holidays. Just okay. And I'm very excited because I think a lot of our listeners have been asking for this guest to join this crew, and especially in studio, welcome the fantastically talented and hilarious Jessica St. Clair.

[Jessica St. Clair]

You know, it isn't often.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh, boy.

[Jessica St. Clair]

That two women are allowed on a podcast to speak. And I just really. You know what? Let me feel like it's the right time.

[June Diane Raphael]

Let me explain what I think Jessica's trying to say. This is what I think Jessica is trying to say.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Jess, so excited to have you here for our Christmas spectacular.

[Jessica St. Clair]

June and I are dressed identically similarly, and we spent all day together.

[June Diane Raphael]

You know how we know that's not true? Cause you were just 40 minutes late.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That's right.

[Nicole Byer]

We left each other. And then I don't know what happened.

[June Diane Raphael]

Jessica went into a fugue state.

[Jessica St. Clair]

I seriously did. Much like Melissa Joan Hart. Oh.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh, yeah.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Which she kidnapped. Good old Dimps.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Let's just say this movie came out Mario Dimps.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Double Dips.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

This movie, Holiday in Handcuffs, was a ABC original film that came out in 2007. And this has been something that I know June has been asking for. And I thought maybe. Jess, you said it, too.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Yes.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

The idea of, like, let's do, like, a Hallmark.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay, timeout.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

This is not a Lifetime or Hallmark movie.

[June Diane Raphael]

And I do feel like I need.

[Jessica St. Clair]

To make this distinction.

[June Diane Raphael]

You requested this specific.

[Nicole Byer]

I never seen that.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

This is very close to that.

[Nicole Byer]

It's an ABC Family, Paul, production value wise. Like what Lifetime and Hallmark are doing lighting. They would never have shown her skin.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Never. In the high sight of Albany.

[Nicole Byer]

They would never have done that.

[Jessica St. Clair]

We showed in the crevices. Now, I saw.

[Nicole Byer]

I saw whiteheads. I saw all manner of things.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I know. I would say that the lighting was a little harsh, especially in the opening of this film.

[Nicole Byer]

Flux, please run in.

[Jessica St. Clair]

No.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Was it a choice?

[Jessica St. Clair]

No. God, no. I thought it was. Maybe now I had Melissa Joan Hart's haircut. Jason's gonna remember this very well. For most of my 20s, it was a grow out of the Hugh Grant haircut I had in college.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm remembering a headshot of you circa 2000. That was.

[Jessica St. Clair]

That hair.

[Nicole Byer]

And then, like, a mock turtleneck elastic. Yes, definitely.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Did you post recently on Instagram a cowl neck. But even my hair looked better than this shit. And baggy jeans and a baggy jean. But even my ha looked better. So I. At first I was blaming it on the time, because. What year?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

2007.

[June Diane Raphael]

2007.

[Jessica St. Clair]

No, that's too late. That's too late.

[Nicole Byer]

That's way too late.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And would it surprise you?

[Jessica St. Clair]

I've grown out of it by then?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I know. You said that. You were talking just a second ago about the budget. The budget? Would it surprise you if I told you this movie was $5 million?

[Jessica St. Clair]

Oh, my God, no. What?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

$5 million budget for what?

[June Diane Raphael]

It's basically two locations.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah, it's that restaurant and it's that cabin.

[Jessica St. Clair]

And the cabin's just a vrbo for the week. Right.

[Nicole Byer]

Well, this movie, that's like 150 a.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Day, sleeps eight with a rollaway.

[June Diane Raphael]

Guys, I'm shooting porn in it at night.

[Jessica St. Clair]

100%.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I do want to just say one thing before we get too deep into this episode. I do have a personal relationship with three of the lead people in this film.

[Jessica St. Clair]

What are you talking about?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I will reveal each one. Maybe like the ghosts of Christmas Past future. Melissa Joan Markipost. Well, I can tell you. You can pick whoever you'd like to hear.

[Nicole Byer]

I'll tell you the Markie Post, please. Thank you.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

When I was out in LA for the very first time, I was in sixth grade and my dad and I.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Did something called Not Another Childhood Tale.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Hollywood on location, where you would drive to a. You would drive to an office where they collected all the permits of everything that was shooting in town. And then you would drive to the locations and then hang out and wait to meet people. So we met Michael Landon shooting Highway to Heaven. We met Simon and Simon shooting Simon and Simon. I met Christopher Walken shooting that movie Communion. And I met Markie Post shooting a movie where she was a hooker. And I was so excited because I had seen. I was a huge fan of Night Court and I really wanted to meet her, but she was dressed very much like what you would think in the 1980s TV movie of a prostitute would look like she was.

[Jessica St. Clair]

And a lot of pleather or like a.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yes.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Yeah. Like what?

[Nicole Byer]

What?

[Jessica St. Clair]

Julia. Like a bad version of Julia Roberts. Pretty Woman.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Exactly.

[Jessica St. Clair]

So she's got the double Ds for sure.

[June Diane Raphael]

2. Markie Post.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Markie Post was working with a lot up top during this film.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yeah, I know. She said it's all I could notice.

[Jessica St. Clair]

It is all I could notice in those cardigans.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Well, my dad had to, like, kind of introduce the concept to me of what she was playing. Cause I.

[Jessica St. Clair]

You didn't know what a hooker was?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah, I just kind of just thought, this is a person from Night Court. Where is this story guy? So then my dad brought me down. She was like, where?

[Jessica St. Clair]

Then you lost your virginity?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

But yeah, so Markie Post was one of the first autographs I ever got because she was lovely.

[Jessica St. Clair]

I can imagine.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I mean, also, I'm a young little. I'm a young little kid, you know, running up to Markie Post. This is the time, year it was, or the year it was, where it was like, the cop was like, you want to meet Markie Post? I'll bring you right to her trailer.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Like, that's insane.

[June Diane Raphael]

Wow.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Knock, knock, knock. She opened up the door and I went up to her step and got her autograph on the step of her trailer.

[June Diane Raphael]

Do you still have an autograph book?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, yeah.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh, that's great.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I also have it. I thought someone was famous, but he was just the stunt coordinator for the Miami Vice Stunt Spectacular at Universal Studios. And I have that. And it's a big, big autograph. Like, he almost signed half my page. I also met David Carrady on that trip, and he signed with a yin and yang. So that. That's my first. My first story. Christopher Walken did separate me from my father and bring me into a private room. Like, he wouldn't meet my dad with me. He's like, they said, christopher Walken will meet you, but not with your dad.

[Nicole Byer]

That's Saskatchewan.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And I walked into a private room, and he got down on his knees and he looked me in the eyes and talked to me.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Oh, wow.

[June Diane Raphael]

And he gave you the Pulp Fiction speech.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

So that was just.

[June Diane Raphael]

And was like, I'm working on this for a new project. Do you think it's. Do you think it works?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

He was like, I won't do an impression because it's so good, and I don't wanna make you guys intimidated. But he was like, hello, do you.

[June Diane Raphael]

Want Kevin Pollock to come in here and do it? We can get KP to come out.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I'll have him write it. Oh, June and Jess are wearing the same sunglasses and the same top. Please put them on for the picture and the podcast.

[Nicole Byer]

That's crazy.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Sorry.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Anyway, so Markipost told me where you.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Got em, so I went ahead and got em.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Markipost, dear, close personal friend of mine, this movie is insane for a premise. It's insane.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't know what I mean. To even talk about the premise of this movie is. It's actually an insult to our intelligence. I find the entire movie insulting.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Really?

[Jessica St. Clair]

Well. And I don't know if I was looking at it through because I knew June would Be here. And I wanted to impress her with my feminist views. But there is so much shit in this now. You guys make me watch a lot of post apocalyptic films. Trash campfires.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

There's no trash campfires.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Yeah, I was like, oh, good.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah.

[Jessica St. Clair]

This is actually, I believe, a post apocalyptic film where everybody hates women. One of the first things that said to her is like, you fucking bitch. Like when she let a man cut in front of her. People hate women in this movie. Women hate themselves.

[Nicole Byer]

And I hate women, too.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Wow.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Did a woman write this movie?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

They.

[Jessica St. Clair]

We need to find them, knock on their trailer door and have some words.

[Nicole Byer]

I want to go back to her hair for another.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah, please.

[Nicole Byer]

I just want to make sure we're not done there.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Sure.

[Nicole Byer]

Because there's a lot more to unpack. So it's 2007 and she gives herself a home perm. A permanent.

[June Diane Raphael]

Permanent accidental.

[Nicole Byer]

No, that's not correct.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

No, she was doing.

[June Diane Raphael]

She's trying to get curls.

[Nicole Byer]

But that's a perm.

[Jessica St. Clair]

That's a perm. And people have given a looser curl.

[Nicole Byer]

Is a perm even a looser?

[June Diane Raphael]

Okay.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Yeah.

[June Diane Raphael]

I thought a perm was like the tight curls that she ends up with.

[Nicole Byer]

Because she kept it all putting a chemical. This is great. Let's get into it. She's putting a chemical solution in her hair.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Right, Right.

[Jessica St. Clair]

To give her. That is also.

[Nicole Byer]

You don't do that to get a curl.

[Jessica St. Clair]

A party perm. Did you ever get a saying?

[June Diane Raphael]

So let me ask you this. She sets a timer, but she doesn't hear it ding. So she keeps the stuff on too long, which makes it kinky, like crazy curly. What? I. You know, like the old school 80s perm. And she looks preposterous.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And let's just kind of say like the reason why she doesn't know that it's left in there too long is because she accidentally puts part of her towel over the egg timer. So, you know, it really dampened.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Oh, that's why.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And also dampen the sound of the ding. Of the ding.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Okay.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't know what a party perm is. I don't know what type of perm you've done. Jason.

[June Diane Raphael]

I don't know.

[Nicole Byer]

What if that's a.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Listen, Jason, her hair is not dissimilar to. If we took your hair currently and put it on Joan Hart's head.

[June Diane Raphael]

Ok. I'm.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

By the way, I cannot wait.

[June Diane Raphael]

Not take offense at this.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I cannot wait to see the listener art of this. This is going to be amazing.

[June Diane Raphael]

Okay, guys, here's the challenge Photoshop. I guess my hair onto Melissa Joan Hart's head. I'm so sorry, Melissa Joan Hart, for when inevitably you find out that this has happened, my sincerest apologies.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Okay. I'm not wrong.

[Nicole Byer]

No, you're not wrong at all.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Right now.

[June Diane Raphael]

Here's what I'm going to say while you're at it, if you've already Photoshopped my hair, just throw it on Markie Post. What the fuck?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Give everybody.

[June Diane Raphael]

Jason, say everybody in this movie my hair.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

How old do you think she's supposed to be in this movie?

[Nicole Byer]

She says it 28.

[June Diane Raphael]

28. She says in the.

[Nicole Byer]

OK, 28. So she's giving herself. You're telling me a party perm is something you do that's not permanent?

[Jessica St. Clair]

No. In 8th grade sleepovers, we would give each other party perms and they would only last for a couple days. It looked very similar to that.

[Nicole Byer]

So she's giving herself a.

[Jessica St. Clair]

But it's not a party. That's a real perm. And nobody I know has ever given themselves a real.

[Nicole Byer]

Physically, by the way. The physics of it don't line up. You'd never be able to get.

[Jessica St. Clair]

And you're from Long Island.

[Nicole Byer]

I know from perms.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Anybody could give themselves a perm, it would be you.

[Nicole Byer]

And I wouldn't dare. I wouldn't dare.

[Jessica St. Clair]

That says a lot.

[Nicole Byer]

It really does. Now, I had a perm in seventh grade. You go to a salon, it's like a full day fair.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Yeah.

[June Diane Raphael]

Are there pictures of this?

[Jessica St. Clair]

My mom wouldn't let me get one, so.

[Nicole Byer]

Well, I actually tried.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Why wouldn't she let you get it? Like, that doesn't seem like a.

[Jessica St. Clair]

She made me have like a page boy till I was like, 26.

[June Diane Raphael]

She made. That's what you just described is part of the problem in the movie, too. Your mom is making you do things until you're 26, I tell you.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Yeah. You.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Was she 6?

[Jessica St. Clair]

That is 26 in this movie. That part resonated.

[June Diane Raphael]

Really? Cause I was like, this is crazy that she is give. This family is giving this mother so much power.

[Jessica St. Clair]

I also have, you know, my family.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yes. I also don't think that she.

[June Diane Raphael]

Many times.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I don't think that she's that badly off. She's living in a giant luxury loft.

[Nicole Byer]

Apartment, one of the bigger New York City apartments I've.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Is that New York City?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I feel like it's like Poughkeepsie. Oh, that's what I'm saying. It's like some sort of upstate Y. Oh, really?

[Jessica St. Clair]

I think it's almost New York.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Wait, it was supposed to be New York. You're being serious? Really?

[June Diane Raphael]

I thought so.

[Jessica St. Clair]

I thought it was snapshots of New.

[June Diane Raphael]

York, but I have no idea.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, you're right.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Cause she was driving in that traffic. I just assumed. Cause that Indian diner, also problematic. Yeah.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Why in an Indian diner are people just ordering cheeseburger and fries?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And why was the Christmas special a hot dog?

[June Diane Raphael]

Yes, I clocked that as well. I was like, why is he offering.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Hot dogs on Christmas? I mean, that was. Oh my gosh. And see, I had a theory about this movie too, which is. I have a couple questions. She's dating.

[June Diane Raphael]

I have a million questions.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

She's dating this very well to do.

[Nicole Byer]

Nick.

[June Diane Raphael]

Nick, who's like a proper hunk, right?

[Nicole Byer]

I thought he gave a great performance.

[Jessica St. Clair]

I thought he did, but I thought he looked like a rat.

[June Diane Raphael]

No, he was like, there's no. I couldn't figure out why they would be dating.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Well, that's what I couldn't figure out.

[June Diane Raphael]

He seemed like some sort of finance douche. And she is like. He just wanted a weird artist kind of kooky character.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Which, by the way, an artist that we only are introduced to being an artist about an hour into our.

[June Diane Raphael]

I want to talk about her art for one. Just seven hours.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Wow.

[June Diane Raphael]

I mean, her art is bad.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You could pick her art to be anything and yet they picked that.

[June Diane Raphael]

It's the kind of art that like would be up in your local coffee shop.

[Jessica St. Clair]

That's right.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I thought she was like Telluride, Colorado.

[Nicole Byer]

But I thought his condominiums were going to feature her artwork at the end.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh, yeah, I could see that.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

No, but no, he bought her art.

[Jessica St. Clair]

He bought her art.

[Nicole Byer]

I know, but I thought that's where we were headed. Like, this art is so terrible. It should be in like.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, like a chain of condos, like the Oak woods or whatever.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Those are like a shitty lot.

[June Diane Raphael]

Pre furnished, temporary furnished, already furnished houses.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

But she only seemingly did, like portraits, which I was like, why not just make her a photographer? Because it was just like, it was all, oh, who are those people? And why was she. And why was all of her. Well, I mean, I thought her art being in a photo book, it was very confusing to me. It was very confusing to introduce the thrust of the main character so late in the game. She didn't seem like she had any desires or wants until he accidentally found that in her pocketbook.

[Jessica St. Clair]

It also. I feel like the.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And she's carrying that around on a daily basis.

[Jessica St. Clair]

I feel like the set designer was so psyched. Cause she was like, just give me the night and I'm gonna come up with these portraits. And like, you know, she was stuck going over goods to get different types of, you know, potpourri things to put around the set, but she was like, this is my night to really art, you know.

[Paul Scheer]

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[Jason Mantzoukas]

So.

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[Jason Mantzoukas]

So she's dating this guy Nick, who. I mean, clearly, I guess the reason that he wants to be with her is just because he wanted to have sex with her.

[Nicole Byer]

There's no other. Well, where could they have even met, though?

[June Diane Raphael]

Well, but they are dating enough. They are dating enough that she has told her family about him. She's told her family she's bringing him to Christmas.

[Jessica St. Clair]

He's agreed.

[June Diane Raphael]

He's agreed to go to Christmas with her family. So they are dating, but they. But they have not had sex yet because he says he only said that he would go to Christmas with her family to get her in bed.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, no, no, no. I think he. They did have sex. And now that they had sex, he's like, I'm out.

[June Diane Raphael]

That's what I'm saying.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, okay.

[June Diane Raphael]

He said, I will go see your family before they had sex.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Okay.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yes.

[June Diane Raphael]

Then they had sex and now he's like, later, skater. I'm out of here.

[Jessica St. Clair]

I thought he was saying, I'm breaking up with you because you're boring, you're stupid, you don't have a job. And also.

[June Diane Raphael]

Did he say that?

[Nicole Byer]

Are those. He said those words?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Did he say you're boring and you.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Said those words basically, like you and that. But also, we haven't had sex yet. So I feel.

[Nicole Byer]

No, Jessica, they had sex.

[June Diane Raphael]

They had Sex. And then he was like, you dumped.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Oh, my God.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You dumped.

[Jessica St. Clair]

But this. In this movie. If we could look at it through the lens of the Handmaid's Tale. Because I do feel I haven't seen it.

[Nicole Byer]

Let me orient myself for a second.

[June Diane Raphael]

Now you're saying you want to look at it through the lens of the handmade Handmaid's Tale, which you have not seen.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Have you read the book?

[Jessica St. Clair]

No.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Okay, great.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Too scary.

[Nicole Byer]

Please.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Let's get into it.

[Jessica St. Clair]

But the women are all guarding, like, their virginity. Like, the sister has. There's a question about, has she been fucking all the guys she's with? And she says, no, of course. So in this.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And the mom also is having trouble with her sexuality.

[Jessica St. Clair]

That's right. So in this 2007 world, women are not having sex out of wedlock. I don't believe. And if they are, they're being punished for it.

[June Diane Raphael]

No, of course they are.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

No, no, because Mark. Markie Post, my friend Markie Post says you boink a lot of people. I have only boinked one person, and she was kind of jealous when the. When the sister was like, by the way, the parents don't even have names. They're just called mom and dad on IMDb. Mom and George Bush impersonator.

[Jessica St. Clair]

He was one, by the way.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I'm looking and go, this guy looks like W. And then I looked and he did. He was a George Bush impersonator.

[Jessica St. Clair]

He must be.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

He played that's My President on Comedy Central.

[June Diane Raphael]

He was W. That's so interesting.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And he made a. He made a very big career.

[June Diane Raphael]

Bottoms. He's like, a very famous, like, 1970s actor from, like, Last Picture show and a bunch of movies.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

But he made a resurgence.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh, that's interesting.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah. The whole time, like, he looks. He looks like he's in Harold and Kumar. He's in a. He did a lot of, like, stuff. But the sister, like, she's like, I'm not sleeping with them, Mom.

[Jessica St. Clair]

I thought that was Kristen Bell for a hot second, by the way.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Kristen Bell. I thought that. By the way, the brother and sister. I thought the brother and sister were a couple.

[June Diane Raphael]

I thought the brother and sister were a couple. That whole introductory.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Well, there was a lot of sexual tension between the members of the family. I thought. I thought there was a lot of sexual tension between Markey Post and the sun for three seconds.

[Nicole Byer]

Absolutely.

[June Diane Raphael]

I thought there was a lot of sexual tension between Melissa Joan Hart and the grandma.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah, that was.

[Nicole Byer]

And between Melissa Joan Hart and her gay brother.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yes.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, yeah.

[June Diane Raphael]

I Thought they could all fall.

[Jessica St. Clair]

I would love it. During the filming of. It turned into fucking.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Well, here's the big thing that we should all know about this film. They all had terrible stomach viruses.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay, this makes total sense. Cause there were several points where I was looking at them and I know the lighting was terrible, but they were all sweating that very profusely. Like dimples was like.

[Jessica St. Clair]

So mascara had transferred. As if someone had to say, I'm so sorry. Give me a second. Thrown up. Come back to the scene.

[Nicole Byer]

So basically, Melissa Joan, rolling.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Brought her one year old son to set and he got everyone in the house sick because they were in that cabin and they called the cabin the petri dish. And June Lockhart got it the worst. She was the most sick. But they all had a terrible, terrible stomach fluid.

[Nicole Byer]

Look at it through this lens and the lens of the hat.

[June Diane Raphael]

So many lenses.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Oh, sick.

[June Diane Raphael]

Wow, that's pretty nuts.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah. So they all. So let's give them PR for acting through this movie.

[Jessica St. Clair]

I do not blame, and I want to be very clear, any of the actors for their performance that we have all been in things that the script is horrible and they are not improvisers. They couldn't improve on it.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

They all are doing a good job.

[Nicole Byer]

Tell you something, I thought Mario Lopez did a fine job on this, by the way, June.

[June Diane Raphael]

Impossible. An impossible role to make work because he is kidnapped, he at gunpoint. And then he has to.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I must get.

[June Diane Raphael]

He has to act the turn of getting into not just her, but this family and all of these dynamics.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And you have to like abide that he's not running away.

[June Diane Raphael]

Like instantly.

[Jessica St. Clair]

We knew his objective moment to moment. He'd done the work he is. I thought to myself, he should have had a romantic comedy career. And you know what helped kept him from it?

[Nicole Byer]

What's that?

[Jessica St. Clair]

Those dimples are distracting. And also he's just a little too, too pretty.

[Nicole Byer]

Too pretty.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Wow.

[Nicole Byer]

Listen, that is a thing you cannot be. You're not going to break as a comedic leading man if you're too pretty.

[Paul Scheer]

Wow. Interesting.

[Nicole Byer]

And that's just the truth. Like if I saw Mario Lopez, I would feel, here's what I'll say as a woman, should I talk about.

[June Diane Raphael]

It takes him having to wear a mask in Deadpool for Ryan Reynolds to become a comedic leading man.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah.

[June Diane Raphael]

Because up until that point he is so handsome.

[Jessica St. Clair]

And I would argue Mario blows him out of the water.

[June Diane Raphael]

People only want to be the hunky guy, but he's like, oh wait, no, I'm actually quite funny.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I could just. No, no, no.

[June Diane Raphael]

Not interested. We want you to be, like, a hunky guy in these other movies.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Should I talk about my experience with Mary Lopez?

[Jessica St. Clair]

Would love to hear it. I also have something.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, really? Well, what is yours?

[Jessica St. Clair]

I find that interesting.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

All right, what's yours?

[Jessica St. Clair]

In my very sad first five months in Los Angeles when I moved here, and immediately the writer strike happened, and I fell into a deep and unending depression.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, wow.

[Jessica St. Clair]

There was a gym three blocks away that I used and just use as Jason knows, the elliptical trainer until it turns off. Cause I'm going so slow. It was owned by the son of the mob of a mob boss.

[June Diane Raphael]

Okay.

[Jessica St. Clair]

And it was a front, basically. And he was losing money, and so he would rent it out as a photo studio, and he wouldn't tell anybody. So I showed up to do my elliptical trainer, and Mario Lopez was having a photo shoot where he was shirtless in front of me. And I. Wow. Slowly, I went fucking bananas.

[June Diane Raphael]

Like, erotically?

[Jessica St. Clair]

No. All of the anger about Los Angeles came bubbling up, and I went crazy. And I walked up to the front, I said, this is unacceptable. And I made a scene, and he could see it and watch it. And then I felt terrible about it.

[Nicole Byer]

Because you didn't want to work out in front of a. I said, why.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Am I being forced to do this? And then next week, it closed its doors.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh, wow.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Did he put on his shirt while you were free?

[Jessica St. Clair]

No, they just kept along with the shoot. It was just like, this is Los Angeles. I almost didn't have a career. And deprived America, Wow. Daily scary to think back on what.

[June Diane Raphael]

You have had to overcome.

[Jessica St. Clair]

I know.

[Nicole Byer]

Listen, we could spend a whole.

[June Diane Raphael]

Really.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

By the way, I'm just seeing something right now, and it's going off track for a second. So we've established that June and Jess have the same glasses. Jason, do you and I have the same glasses?

[Jessica St. Clair]

Oh, my God.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yes, you do.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

What?

[Jessica St. Clair]

This is so fucked up.

[June Diane Raphael]

This is very strange.

[Jessica St. Clair]

What's happening.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

All right, so my Mario Lopez story was one of my first jobs ever was a UPN show called Make My Day. It was a reality show where you made people's day by creating the best day possible. The problem was in the reveal. Cause it wasn't like a prank, like how nothing went bad. It's just a prank show here. You'd be like, nothing went good. It was a prank show. So you'd have to, like, your letdown would be, this isn't real life.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Wait, Make My Day. Oh, I see.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

So it was like, we made their day and then we told them and then.

[Jessica St. Clair]

It's all fake.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

It's all fake.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. Like, the universe is not here to support you, right?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yes.

[June Diane Raphael]

So all of your hopes and dreams aren't coming true.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

So one of the women on the show, one of the women on the show loved Saved by the Bell. We got Mario Lopez to be this guy that she bumped into on the street. We got her on this tour bus, the double decker tour bus that I was the tour guide of, and it was called Celebrity Fishing. And we pick up Mario Lopez and they go on and Mario Lopez is kind of like, starts casually talking to.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Her, like, oh, this is really sad.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And so, like, she thinks, like, she's like having this, like, kind of fun connection. Like he's flirting with her. Now here's where it gets interesting. Like, the whole day is planned out, like, moment to moment. Because all the cameras have to be in the right spot so we know everything. Mario decides to get off the bus and with her, they disappear for three hours. No one knows where she is. No one can't get in touch with Mario. We don't know where they are for three hours. Disappear, and we are all sitting in New York. Camera crews ready?

[Jessica St. Clair]

New York.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Like, we're. Yeah, New York City. We're all like. We're all like, this is hilarious. We are like, where did he go? He won't answer his phone. What happened? Then three hours later, he came out. He's like, we just had a nice time together. And that was.

[Jessica St. Clair]

That was it.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

We don't know what happened.

[Nicole Byer]

I think we know what happened.

[June Diane Raphael]

But I mean, like, does she ever. This is what I wanna know. Is she ever told she was on a reality show?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

She was. At the end of the day. Yes, but who cares?

[Nicole Byer]

She already doesn't matter.

[June Diane Raphael]

Excuse me.

[Jessica St. Clair]

In like the bathroom at Rockefeller center.

[June Diane Raphael]

After they would skate him for three hours.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, for three hours.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Yeah. Cause he's fucking hairless and biled and shit.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

By the way. That is a rule in these shows.

[June Diane Raphael]

That's a type.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Yes.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I did it.

[June Diane Raphael]

Why are you in high school hairless and jacked.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Hairless. There's not a hair in his body. And I don't think he's waxing.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, I think he's waxing.

[June Diane Raphael]

This is me, Jessica, in mind.

[Nicole Byer]

That is unappealing.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You want, like a Ken doll physique.

[Nicole Byer]

God, I don't want to know this.

[Jessica St. Clair]

My first sexual urge was for paunch.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Okay. From.

[Jessica St. Clair]

From chips. Yeah. And Mario is delivering me Paunch. Like prime Paunch.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh, God, please stop saying punch.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Prime punch.

[June Diane Raphael]

Prime punch.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I do feel like his shirtless scene, though, was a real beefcake moment.

[June Diane Raphael]

It's probably a T shirt.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Prime punch.

[June Diane Raphael]

Prime punch.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Prime punch. Oh, prime punch. Doesn't sound like what it. The way you want it.

[June Diane Raphael]

Dripping letters. Prime punch.

[Nicole Byer]

Listen, Mario Lopez is a beautiful man.

[June Diane Raphael]

Very handsome.

[Nicole Byer]

Very handsome.

[June Diane Raphael]

Undeniable.

[Jessica St. Clair]

No.

[June Diane Raphael]

Didn't he, like, cheat on his wife on their honeymoon?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Well, this is, by the way, when we shot this Make My Day. Yes. When we shot this Make My Day, it was right before he got married. Like, and then that story came out.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Right after he cheated on her on his honeymoon. Honeymoon.

[June Diane Raphael]

I think that's great.

[Jessica St. Clair]

He told the story of her.

[Nicole Byer]

He was married for, like, 20 minutes.

[June Diane Raphael]

He was married for 26 minutes.

[Jessica St. Clair]

That was a little.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

A little rough. Extra, extra.

[Nicole Byer]

It's true. And then he wasn't it. Allie Laundry.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, Ali Landry.

[June Diane Raphael]

Let's see.

[Jessica St. Clair]

God.

[Nicole Byer]

Jessica, I got.

[Jessica St. Clair]

I cheated on Ally Landry. Who is that? Who is that?

[Nicole Byer]

She is a.

[Jessica St. Clair]

A spokesperson.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh. She was, like, a foxy brunette from that same era of that time. Exactly. She was another, like, foxy host.

[Jessica St. Clair]

He cheated at his bachelor party. Oh, that's days before his wedding.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

She was a Miss USA in 1996 and a Miss Universe 1998.

[Jessica St. Clair]

And they only were married for two weeks, and he just wasn't ready to settle down.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yeah, he told the story on Howard Stern. That's how I know it.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jessica St. Clair]

And he is the kind of. He looks like the kind of guy that. And apparently on somebody in, like, the Honey Hive.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah.

[June Diane Raphael]

Huss goes down on.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

He also on this movie.

[June Diane Raphael]

How did you think? All of his sexual exploits are oral, by the way.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I feel like that's the right way for him to go. He also on this movie was in love with Karina Smirnoff, who I guess was his Dancing with the Stars partner. So Melissa Joan Hart, in an article, said that he was just constantly on the phone, kind of disconnected from the rest of. Wait.

[June Diane Raphael]

Dancing with the stars existed in 2007.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, yeah. That show's been on for a while.

[June Diane Raphael]

Wow.

[Nicole Byer]

There was no chemistry between them.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

No, it's hard to describe.

[June Diane Raphael]

It's like there was more chemistry between.

[Nicole Byer]

Her and her siblings and her father and mother.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yes, but I believe. But I believe, like. But that makes his role more impressive, because without chemistry, he still was good and, like, created that turn. Like, I mean.

[June Diane Raphael]

No, no, he did a very good job.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

He did a very good job. The movie is.

[Nicole Byer]

We've been talking about him for 40 minutes, and I don't see any guys.

[June Diane Raphael]

If we were talking this in depth about a woman, it would be really problematic.

[Jessica St. Clair]

It would. It really would.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

We talked about his body. We talked about his career.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh, and, you know, she's just going down sucking that dick in a bathroom.

[Nicole Byer]

The one. The one day they got that lighting right was in the bathroom scene where he has the shirt off. That was the.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Like, they got it right. All right.

[June Diane Raphael]

The only thing they got wrong.

[Jessica St. Clair]

That was a small location that's hard to like.

[June Diane Raphael]

The only thing they got wrong was they should have had shaving cream all over his body because he shaves his whole body.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That is. Shaves his entire body.

[Jessica St. Clair]

That's true.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Some men are a swimmer's body. Like, that's a swimming. I'm shaving. Yeah, he's shaving.

[June Diane Raphael]

There are no men that are that hairless.

[Jessica St. Clair]

I don't know.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I'm gonna type. Does Mario Lopez shave his chest?

[Jessica St. Clair]

Why is he gonna admit that?

[June Diane Raphael]

I don't think that's. We can just do this for our audience.

[Jessica St. Clair]

It doesn't matter.

[June Diane Raphael]

Alexa. Alexa, Does Mario Lopez shave his chest?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Guys, this is a very big thing. Star magazine readers revolt after Mario Lopez in Chest Hair gate scandal.

[June Diane Raphael]

No, this is a headline.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah. Okay, so. Oh, wow. This is a really interesting. This is insane. Apparently, honesty isn't the best policy for Mario Lopez. Last week, Star told you that Mario was double timing his recent ex, Karina Smirnoff, with a Hooters waitress.

[Jessica St. Clair]

See, you can't trust a man that beautiful.

[June Diane Raphael]

And then he goes, mario, you really turned on him.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And then he was asked in the interview if he manscapes, which means removing excess body hair via waxing, shaving laser, or plucking. He responded, not at all. That's the Latin Indian blood in me. My dad has a hairy chest, but I do not. But then they posted a photo with him with a full hairy chest.

[Jessica St. Clair]

No, wait.

[Nicole Byer]

Let's see if we can turn it around for you.

[June Diane Raphael]

All right, hold on.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I gotta find that.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Nothing better than just the. This is showing a photo on a piece.

[June Diane Raphael]

This is turning into some sort of Mario Lopez cast, which I am frankly not cool with. I am not enjoying how much play Mario Lopez and his hairless body is getting.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I gotta find this chest.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Paul's face looks like it's Christmas morning as he zooms in.

[June Diane Raphael]

Paul is basically. You know, Paul is basically like a character in a movie who. He's like, I can hack this system. I can hack this. Just give me 30 seconds.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Give me 30 seconds away.

[June Diane Raphael]

I need it in 10 seconds. Give me 30 seconds.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I mean, it's all over the Internet.

[June Diane Raphael]

Enhance, enhance, enhance.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I think people are really upset about that. He's been lying about it.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Yeah, they should be. They're seeing a picture of hair on his face.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yes. By the way, it's not as fulfilling as you think. It's a very light, but it's on. It's the one on the right. You see like the light hair on this chest.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Hold on, hold on. See, this is the piece of shit that gave me a nervous breakdown. I can't see it. Okay.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

No, no, no.

[Jessica St. Clair]

It's on the left. So that's double.

[June Diane Raphael]

Can I. This is wild. Watching them. Look at them. They're trying to use gestures. They're trying to use gestures on a computer.

[Jessica St. Clair]

And you know, there's nothing worse, I would argue, than a little snuggling up to a man that has stubborn.

[Nicole Byer]

A little hair. Yeah, exactly.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Like so it's fine to have hair, but don't make it stubble.

[Nicole Byer]

On. I would prefer hair or.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh, boy. Hair. Yeah.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

By the way, we've really gotten into this movie. We've really broken down Holiday and Hanker. If you watched Holiday in Hank goes you really.

[Nicole Byer]

Hair or no hair?

[Jessica St. Clair]

That's right. What I don't watch.

[June Diane Raphael]

This, by the way, is a spin off show.

[Jessica St. Clair]

It's called hair and hair.

[June Diane Raphael]

Hair or no hair? With Jundai and Rafael and Jessica Sank Sinclair hair.

[Jessica St. Clair]

I'd watch it.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Jessica Saint hair.

[Nicole Byer]

What I don't like, I don't like just a little hair like around the nips. I don't like a little hair around the nipples. That.

[Jessica St. Clair]

As if. As if.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Is that a look?

[June Diane Raphael]

Without any other hair?

[Nicole Byer]

Without any other hair. That's what I'm talking about. It's not a look. It's just the way.

[Jessica St. Clair]

But that's like that etch A Sketch where you drag the magnetic stuff to make it like on his mustache. That's what it ends up. That's what it looks like.

[Nicole Byer]

What I certainly don't ever want to see.

[June Diane Raphael]

I feel like.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

By the way, June, what is this tone of voice? I've never heard you with a tone of voice before.

[Jessica St. Clair]

What I don't ever hear, I have.

[Nicole Byer]

Heard it is stubble.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Never, never, never. I don't know.

[Nicole Byer]

And honestly, I never have. And I'm grateful for that.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Me neither. And I don't want to. I don't want to feel like you've groomed more than I have before a date.

[Nicole Byer]

But that's why I'm so fascinated that you like a hairless man.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Because. Because I. As I said, I want no hair or all the hair in the world.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Wow.

[Nicole Byer]

Jessica.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

No hair or all the hair in the world. No hair.

[Paul Scheer]

No hair.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

There is, by the way, another shirt. That would be great.

[June Diane Raphael]

No hair or all the hair in the world.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

By the way, a really failed James Bond movie. All the hair in the world.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Anyway, we digress.

[June Diane Raphael]

No hair means you're going to get stuck.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yes. No.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Not if, like a lot of Hawaiian people.

[June Diane Raphael]

Okay, Hawaiian guy, we get it.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Who was he? King Kamea.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Won't reach out to me. Haven't heard.

[June Diane Raphael]

He shouldn't. You're married. He's doing the right thing.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You have a child. You're happily married.

[June Diane Raphael]

Won't reach out to you. What does that even mean? He's refusing to engage in a married woman with a married woman. And it's. He's the.

[Paul Scheer]

Today we're going to be breaking down.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

All the things that we think are BS in movies.

[Paul Scheer]

This segment is brought to you by Midas because when it comes to car care, there's a ton of BS out there.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I mean, that's bad service.

[Paul Scheer]

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[Jason Mantzoukas]

That you can trust. All right, let's talk about things that.

[Paul Scheer]

We don't like in movies.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You know what I don't like in movies?

[Paul Scheer]

This is an old school thing, but we don't see people say goodbye.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

People never say goodbye on the phone. No, they just hang up another one. CGI babies. All right. I don't like these puppet babies. I don't like CGI babies. Use the real thing. I don't care that they shouldn't be on camera. I want more real babies in movies.

[Paul Scheer]

Give me that real baby. Just like Jason says. All right, thanks again to Midas for sponsoring this segment. And remember, don't let yourself get taken for a ride. When you bring your car in for service, turn into Midas for a straightforward, transparent communication about what you need for your vehicle maintenance. It's time to get automobile services tailored.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

To your actual needs.

[Paul Scheer]

And say Goodbye to the BS.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Welcome to AutoCare Without Bad Service. Visit Midas.com for a location near you.

[Paul Scheer]

You already love doordash. And now there's even more to love with the new DoorDash Dash Pass annual plan benefit. All right, here it is. Dremel, please, please, Max with ads is now included at no extra cost. That means you can have dinner delivered with DoorDash and settle in for a night on the couch watching the HBO original series House of the Dragon. Plus, while you're watching Gotham's own Oz COBB and the HBO's original series the Penguin, you can enjoy some New York City pizza or soft pretzel with DoorDash. And if you're rewatching Friends, don't be surprised if those coffee shop scenes make you crave having a latte delivered fast. Of course, you still get all your favorite Dash Pass annual plan benefits too, like unlimited zero dollar deliver on eligible orders and exclusive member only offers and menu items. Sign up for DashPass annual plan and get Max included at no extra cost. It's your door to more terms and conditions apply. Max is now included with your DashPass annual plan stream Max with ads up to $120 value included at no extra cost. Terms apply. See doordash.com max for details.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Mint Mobile has figured it out. You can say goodbye to overpriced wireless plans.

[Paul Scheer]

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[Jason Mantzoukas]

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[Paul Scheer]

Because Mint Mobile is here to rescue.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

With premium wireless starting at 15 bucks a month.

[Paul Scheer]

Okay? Our producer Scott, he has Mint Mobile.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

He loves it so much he can't stop talking about it. He's like, oh Paul, I got a easy to read bill. No complicated fees. I'm like, scott, I love that you're into Mint Mobile, but seriously dude, we gotta reschedule the next recording. And he's like, no, no, no.

[Paul Scheer]

Switching to Mint Mobile was so easy.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I used my same phone and kept my same number. I'm like, sounds great. But seriously, you're producing the show, we got other things to do. And he's like, no, no, let me.

[Paul Scheer]

Tell you more about Mint Mobile.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And that's why I decided to do this commercial. Because Mint Mobile is changing lives. So to get this new customer offer of 3 month premium wireless for just 15 bucks a month, go to mintmobile.com hdtgm that's mint mobile.com httgm cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mint mobile.com hdtg GM 45 upfront.

[Paul Scheer]

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[Jason Mantzoukas]

Only speed slower than above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan.

[Paul Scheer]

Additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

All right, so here's my question for all of you. Is this movie good? Magic? A magic movie. And what I mean by a magic movie is like, you know, there's like, a movie like Liar, Liar, where you can't, like, he's like. All of a sudden, he can't say a lie. And there is something in this movie where when she gets dumped, she gets dumped. And I think it's like. I think they do give you a demo.

[June Diane Raphael]

Music cue. There is a music cue that I thought also something magic was happening.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

She spins that wheel. The order wheel.

[June Diane Raphael]

But no, it's not.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

But then the chubby kid looks at her. He's eating the ice cream. And I don't know if he, like, cursed her because she didn't bring the ice cream.

[Jessica St. Clair]

I wish. That's just her having a nervous breakfast.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Okay. That's a nervous break breakdown.

[June Diane Raphael]

And I think she's just, you know, an artist and living that artist's life.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, God. And by the way, can we just talk about the up family dynamic that she has, that they have a. A key master to, like, to the. The hoops they had to jump through in this movie to make them stay, Like. Oh, yeah, that's our holiday tradition that we take your phone and keys away.

[Nicole Byer]

First of all, the whole. The way. The entire family, by the way.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You do that.

[Nicole Byer]

Insane. Well, I do love a phone. Free Christmas.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yes, of course.

[Nicole Byer]

Did that.

[Jessica St. Clair]

So do I.

[Nicole Byer]

Put your phones away.

[Jessica St. Clair]

So do I. Put them away. I don't want to see them. Not today.

[Nicole Byer]

Thank you.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Not today, not ever.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

But, June, you do love to get some good IG content out there.

[Nicole Byer]

Guys, listen, you have to always be creating content. You got it.

[June Diane Raphael]

You got to grab that tablescape. You got to grab.

[Nicole Byer]

You have to.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

June, top two tips about creating a great Instagram grid. Go.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Paul. Okay.

[Nicole Byer]

I have become obsessed with Instagram grids of late.

[Jessica St. Clair]

What are Instagram grids?

[June Diane Raphael]

I don't even know what a grid is.

[Jessica St. Clair]

What is that?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

A grid is your post that exists forever on Instagram.

[Nicole Byer]

It is curated to look like it's supposed to. All of the photos are supposed to work together and create a grid, which, by the way.

[Jessica St. Clair]

And you end up. You can choose that. You choose your own grid.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

No, no, no.

[June Diane Raphael]

You don't choose.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You pick, like, horizontal and vertical pictures.

[Nicole Byer]

There's tons of different ways to do it, but it is kind of exhausting.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I'm watching June. Yeah, June is up in the world of grits.

[June Diane Raphael]

This podcast is wild in its content.

[Jessica St. Clair]

I apologize.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I mean, but this family is not a good family.

[Nicole Byer]

Say about this family and their Christmas traditions. First of all, when does she get there? Is it Christmas Eve when she arrives?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, I have no idea what time it is. Because it seems like Christmas Day goes on for, like, two days. Cause they open up gifts at four, but then it seems like dinner is so much later.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Okay.

[Nicole Byer]

She arrives for drinks. But she arrives for drinks at 6. It's bright as day.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Bright as day. And then they seem to go right to bed.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Immediately.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Immediately. Yeah.

[Jessica St. Clair]

That's interesting.

[Nicole Byer]

So this family. I found it very strange that a bunch of adults sat around to read Twas a Night Before Christmas.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, that moment. And wait, but that's okay. You have a child.

[Jessica St. Clair]

You have a child. We did it without.

[June Diane Raphael]

Really?

[Jessica St. Clair]

That's right.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay, take me through every.

[June Diane Raphael]

Who gets to read it and why. My dad.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah.

[Jessica St. Clair]

And we wear the Santa hats we've always worn.

[June Diane Raphael]

And your dad reads it every year.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Every year.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And do you clap like they clap from Mario?

[Jessica St. Clair]

Probably. I mean, I think there is a case in some families of arrested development where, like, before you are a parent yourself, you sort of still remain in that childlike state when you're all together.

[Paul Scheer]

Okay.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Do you know what I mean?

[Nicole Byer]

Well, now I'm liking this tradition, and I think I want.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Could you get out for it? Great. It's the same book every year. And we will do it now. And there are children. It feels. More karate.

[June Diane Raphael]

What if you do? Have you thought about recommending a different book? Maybe the Handmaid's Tale?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You each read a chapter.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Remember that?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I do. I watch that on a date with a girl. It was really fun.

[June Diane Raphael]

I remember my mom reading that book.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

It was a hot movie. We, like, made out pretty hard on that date.

[Nicole Byer]

It was good.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Yeah. Yeah. Okay, don't talk about it.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Why is she upset? Like, actively upset? I'm talking about something that happened.

[Nicole Byer]

I never disrespect our relationship that way.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Guys, you should watch that one.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I'm talking about a seventh grade date.

[Nicole Byer]

You never disrespect that relationship.

[June Diane Raphael]

You were pawing at a picture of Mario Lopez moments ago.

[Nicole Byer]

Listen, but I'm not recounting, like, tales of my sexual past.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Yeah, that's not right.

[Nicole Byer]

That's not right.

[June Diane Raphael]

That's not right. Paul. I'm agreeing with June.

[Nicole Byer]

That's not right.

[June Diane Raphael]

Jk. Nice pull, bro.

[Jessica St. Clair]

But seriously, you guys should watch that one on this show. Right? I'd be on for that.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, my gosh. That would be great. All right. You're coming back for that?

[Jessica St. Clair]

The guys we gotta get into. We haven't gotten into any of the plot points.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Well, I was gonna say this town.

[June Diane Raphael]

Is about the fact that they beat and hurt people Little pookie. I didn't like that.

[Nicole Byer]

I remember that pootie.

[Jessica St. Clair]

I thought it was pootie.

[June Diane Raphael]

Little pootie. Sorry.

[Jessica St. Clair]

A poot is.

[June Diane Raphael]

Is a vagina.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Oh, I thought it was when you fart. I pooted. A tooted.

[Nicole Byer]

That's a toot.

[June Diane Raphael]

A toot.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

A toot. A poot, A boot and a toot. Oh, boy.

[June Diane Raphael]

You guys.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Did you guys also notice they used a lot of words from the 50s? Or like, hey, numbnuts. Or like it was like they were from a different time.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, I mean, well, look, their meet cute was problematic to me. Like they're playing chess and they start slapping her face with her own hands. Her own hands.

[Jessica St. Clair]

That was tough.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And it was like that's. That's like romantic.

[June Diane Raphael]

Here's what I. Right at the beginning of the movie, right? She's in her place. She's in the diner that she works at or whatever. She gets dumped. Mario comes in on the phone. He pulls out the engagement ring. He's going to propose to his girlfriend when she gets there, right?

[Jessica St. Clair]

Indian diner.

[June Diane Raphael]

At this Indian diner.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Not even an Indian restaurant, which would I would buy on some level. It seems like diner.

[June Diane Raphael]

So he's there, she's not there yet. The fiance to be isn't there yet. So he checks out the ring. Melissa Joan Hart comes up and he orders food. Yeah, he orders without his girlfriend. He's like, yeah, I'll have a cheeseburger.

[Jessica St. Clair]

That's right. And a side salad. Hold the dresser.

[June Diane Raphael]

When she arrives. He will be mid meal of the meal. He's going to propose during.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And by the way, why would you even write that in when you could just have her come over and go, how can I take your order? She's like, no, I'm just waiting for my girlfriend to special day.

[June Diane Raphael]

Maybe a couple of waters.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Or like. Or is hey. Or you could just say like, hey, it's a special day. I'm gonna propose my girlfriend.

[Nicole Byer]

So weird about some of these choices. Like, I also found it strange that they didn't just set the entire thing in her family's actual home. Now, I know it needed to be sort of far away and remote, but the whole movie is about this family's traditions and like how they are expecting their children to do A, B and C and her memories of her past. And they set it in an Airbnb.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah, an Airbnb that just like a.

[June Diane Raphael]

Remote log cabin just for remote. I really believe it's just so heat.

[Nicole Byer]

Lived in a remote area and it could have just been her childhood home.

[Jessica St. Clair]

I think also in these Christmas movies, I think for Lifetime or Hallmark, they have to have certain things like an ice rink, a log cabin, a band stand.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

By the way, shirtless. I know an actor who's done two Hallmark films, and he told me that one of the big things is you always have to have at least one shirtless scene.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Really?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That is a. But not for.

[Jessica St. Clair]

The women are fully clothed. The men are shirtless.

[Nicole Byer]

The women are like, very close. Like, there's a. There's an under layer. Then there's a cardigan.

[Jessica St. Clair]

That's right.

[Nicole Byer]

And then there's like a jacket over.

[June Diane Raphael]

There is no sexuality to anybody in the movie physically. There is the discussion or the intimation of sex, but it is always like, yes, boinking. It's told in terms of like.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Like there's no sexuality between. You don't feel like when they kiss, it's like it's a. It's like. It doesn't feel like a hot and heavy kiss.

[June Diane Raphael]

No. You don't feel like that make out.

[Nicole Byer]

You had with Clan of the Cave.

[June Diane Raphael]

Boy, oh, boy. We walked right back into it.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Whoever that woman is, could you reach out to the show? Because we'd love to know more deep. We'd like to hear your side of the story.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, my gosh.

[Jessica St. Clair]

How hot was it?

[June Diane Raphael]

How hot was it to be a crazy cave bear?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You don't even want to know how that one ended. That was a tough one.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh, boy. What oh boy?

[Jessica St. Clair]

The date or the relationship?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

The relationship or the movie?

[Jessica St. Clair]

You had a girlfriend in seventh grade.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah, and so we broke up.

[Jessica St. Clair]

You were very popular.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

We broke up. And then that night she was caught shooting a gun out in front of her house.

[Nicole Byer]

Fog.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Fall. Fall. What? All of your childhood stories end in tragedy.

[June Diane Raphael]

What are you talking about? Was it you for breaking up with her?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That's what. Okay. That's how it was positioned.

[Nicole Byer]

Well, I will say you remember what happened with my. My dad lived for a while in a retirement community in Florida. And after my mom died, he went out on a few dates with several women. Like when he came to Florida after my mom died.

[Jessica St. Clair]

He's a very charismatic man.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, life.

[Jessica St. Clair]

I went dated your dad and by the way.

[June Diane Raphael]

All right, relax.

[Jessica St. Clair]

It's true. I've always been a little attractive to your dad in a great way.

[Nicole Byer]

And also for that community. Like the fact that he drove a car.

[June Diane Raphael]

What if Sinclair was your kid?

[Jessica St. Clair]

She would accept it willingly in the way.

[June Diane Raphael]

What if that had happened with open arms?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

With open arms.

[Nicole Byer]

So my dad was treated Heavily by many women in the community. Almost immediately on his first trip back to Florida. And he told me, do you remember this, Paul? That he went out with a woman a couple of times who was very interested in him and she was off as he put in there. Now, off could mean a number of things. But he said he finally went out with her. The next day she committed suicide.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Oh, that is.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I don't remember that part of the story.

[Nicole Byer]

You don't remember that?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I don't remember that part of it. I remember the first part.

[Nicole Byer]

Very next day.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Didn't the date go well?

[June Diane Raphael]

What was the date?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I think he was like, not good with, like. He was like, this is over.

[Jessica St. Clair]

He was like, I'm not feeling it.

[Nicole Byer]

I think this is. Yeah, I don't think this can happen.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Because also I could see your dad on the date being like, that's tough. I could see your dad being very like blunt, but nice and be like, no, we're not gonna.

[Nicole Byer]

Like, at that age you don't have.

[Jessica St. Clair]

A lot of time. It's like, let's not worse.

[Nicole Byer]

But I'm sure my dad did not handle it delicately and just said like, I'm not into you is what I'm not interested in.

[June Diane Raphael]

He probably said you're a little off.

[Nicole Byer]

He 1000% said you're odd. You're an odd lady, I promise you.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, my God.

[June Diane Raphael]

Do you think you could have taken that rejection St. Clair, if June's dad rejected you?

[Jessica St. Clair]

I'm now rethinking everything I just said. I don't think I could have taken it. Don't fly too close to the flame. You know, to the sun.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I will say. I mean, there's a lot of. We can sit here and make fun of the movie, but I would say I would impressed with mostly Joan Hart that she learned how to ice skate like that and she just nailed that scene.

[Nicole Byer]

All those closeups of her really doing.

[Jessica St. Clair]

It, that was really fucked up. When they close up on what was clearly obviously a double, just like spinning around. She should have been in the Olympics if she was that kind.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Nobody who has not ice skated. But then that's why this movie is confusing. So are you an ice skater or are you a photographer?

[Nicole Byer]

Why wasn't that story about her artwork?

[Jessica St. Clair]

Yes, that's right.

[June Diane Raphael]

Agreed.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And how did Mario Lopez decorate all those trees so quickly? She never let him out of his sight that long. He decorated all these like 12 foot.

[June Diane Raphael]

Tall ferns with what light and had to have gotten all of that ice smoothed out and done a zamboni machine.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Zamboni machine.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yeah.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Not to mention, when they first play hockey, she received so many traumatic blows to the head.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yep.

[Jessica St. Clair]

She falls.

[Nicole Byer]

She is concussed on hard ice.

[June Diane Raphael]

She is concussed a lot.

[Jessica St. Clair]

This is a really weird observation I made, but do you feel like they did a lot? Like whoever the Foley artist was after the fact, like they put in a lot of like Walla Walla, like.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes, I heard that.

[Jessica St. Clair]

And also the lead ins to scenes. It was clear they were allowed to improvise and it felt like they really made a meal of it.

[Nicole Byer]

That's right. I know what you're saying.

[June Diane Raphael]

You know what else they improvise? That game of football.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, my God.

[June Diane Raphael]

They were just running around in circles throwing the football to each other.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And someone was like, we'll edit it.

[Nicole Byer]

And make it look like each other.

[June Diane Raphael]

There was no. There was no end zones. There was no touchdowns. It was very strange.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Anytime you put them in a group scene, it was problematic. Like when they open. The movie is a pretty straightforward film until like they open up their gifts and they're opening up their Christmas gift montage that's like photos like, yeah, that was crazy.

[Jessica St. Clair]

The first time and the only time we ever break out of the film for something like that.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And you're hearing music, but yet there's no music. Accused for like, very important scenes. Like, there's a. When Mary Lopez's girlfriend, like, goes to the police department, she's like, my boyfriend's been kidnapped. No music commercial break. Like, it was like. But it was like, I've never. Like, they don't even. They don't even hit a sting. Not a sting, nothing.

[June Diane Raphael]

How about when the cops burst in and point guns at everyone and they all.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Why do they all go to jail?

[June Diane Raphael]

And then the grandmother comes out with the gun from the Indian restaurant. And I desperately wanted them to shoot her.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I was like, oh, Grandma. June Lockhart from lost in space. 86 episodes of that. She does so much stuff in this movie. And she does my favorite thing, which is a non spit, spit take.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh my God. I wrote that down too.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I was like, this is insane. So there's a spit take moment. And she just goes.

[Jessica St. Clair]

She doesn't want to go to full hair and makeup again.

[Nicole Byer]

Of course not.

[Jessica St. Clair]

She's been around the block.

[Nicole Byer]

She's like, I want to admit self in about 20 minutes she's vomiting off.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Because again, when you read that story, she was the one who got the flu the worst.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, really? She's like, I gotta get the fuck outta here.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yeah.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Do you think that when she was trying to escape in that car, that was just her. June Lockhart.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Well, you know, I actually felt like.

[June Diane Raphael]

Roll on this, roll on this. We'll use it.

[Jessica St. Clair]

I thought one of the. Some of the most grounded acting is when they got angry at each other. The parents and everyone started screaming. Because what I felt for the actors as they were yelling at the experience at the script, it was right there.

[Nicole Byer]

It was right there for them.

[June Diane Raphael]

I felt like the most truthful moment was when Markie Post was folding those jockey shorts that seemed to be enormous.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Like for a clown.

[June Diane Raphael]

Like 2007. Like even a man, a middle aged man is not wearing gigantic like jockeys.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And their relationship didn't seem as troubled until they said it was troubled.

[June Diane Raphael]

They're only having sex once a year for birthday.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Birthday.

[June Diane Raphael]

Birthday sex. And she pictures Clint Eastwood.

[Nicole Byer]

Because even in 2007, from the mule, much older man.

[June Diane Raphael]

Clint Eastwood was very old in 2007.

[Nicole Byer]

Even older now.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Well, if they were gonna make.

[June Diane Raphael]

Well, that's. That is. I recently been told that is how time works.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

But there. But there is something. The relationship that I wanted to get to the bottom of was Maria and Mrs. Barbara. The maid. The maid.

[Nicole Byer]

That's part of the movie. I could watch a whole movie with whoever that was.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Is she trying. Being forced to try the dresses on?

[Nicole Byer]

Great question.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Why is she in that?

[Nicole Byer]

I thought it might have been like an act of revolt. Why would she be wearing a wedding dress? Cause I know Kim Kardashian. So Kim Kardashian has a woman who has her exact same proportions, same cup size, same waist size, everything. So Kim doesn't do any of her fittings.

[Jessica St. Clair]

That's the same with Friends. Final season of Friends, they had people.

[Nicole Byer]

That were just who try on their clothes so they don't have to do fittings. Now I also hate fittings. So if anyone has my exact.

[Jessica St. Clair]

I could probably go in.

[Nicole Byer]

You probably could look.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

When I did. For extra work, when I did an Eddie Murphy movie, he had three different types of. And the only time that they would. You'd see Eddie Murphy on camera. Like when his face was. That was the only time you'd see the real Eddie Murphy behind the head. Different guy. Side of face, different guy.

[Jessica St. Clair]

That's right. One time I was in a van and I thought I was in with fake Eddie Murphy and I was talking to my OBGYN about some various rashes I had.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, no.

[Jessica St. Clair]

And it turned out it was real Eddie Murphy.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Whoa. Eddie Murphy rode in the van.

[June Diane Raphael]

Can I ask you A question. You were comfortable talking about your various vaginal rashes even around not Eddie Murphy in front of Eddie Murphy's guy. But not. But if it was Eddie Murphy, you're like, well, of course it's seeping, but I don't know what it is.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

What did Eddie Murphy say when you heard about your.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Well, he's a very strange and reserved man. And so I didn't realize until we. First of all, he has his own double decker bust. So I don't know why he was in the past fan. And I had already talked to fake Eddie Murphy about how he appears as Eddie Murphy in Asia on red carpets as him.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Like, it's amazing.

[Jessica St. Clair]

They pass him off.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

When I was on the line getting lunch. You can't tell the difference unless you like. Yeah, it's.

[Jessica St. Clair]

He's also fully does Eddie Murphy. And I thought, what is that like to be always somebody else? But.

[June Diane Raphael]

But you were like, right now. Instead, what I need to do is shout at full volume into my phone about a discomforting discharge I'm experiencing.

[Jessica St. Clair]

I did. Anyway.

[June Diane Raphael]

I don't know if it's not the consistency of cottage cheese, but more like a clotted cream.

[Jessica St. Clair]

What?

[June Diane Raphael]

And out around it is like something that looks like a bunch of mosquito bites.

[Jessica St. Clair]

You know what, guys? You don't have vaginas. But when something's off, you need answers and you need answers fast. And if you don't pick up the phone when the doctor calls, another 24 hours.

[Nicole Byer]

Absolutely.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Keeping you between you and that.

[June Diane Raphael]

That precious info.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Fix it. Fix it.

[Jessica St. Clair]

You got a calming bomb.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yes. Of a light salve.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

So I think we really covered this movie. Holiday movie.

[June Diane Raphael]

This is.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I will.

[June Diane Raphael]

You know what? This is what happens when you. When this is the combination of people that is allowed to exist in a studio with a. With a computer. We can go down the rabbit hole of looking at Mario Lopez topless pictures.

[Nicole Byer]

By the way, not to go back to it, but did he respond to allegations of having chest hair?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

According to the website.

[June Diane Raphael]

I contacted my lawyer. He says we have a suit.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I think that Mario Lopez is known as a fib and bad boy. So for chest fraud. Yeah. I will say this about the movie. It received 6.7 million viewers, making it the most watched telecast in ABC Family history at the time.

[Paul Scheer]

Huge hit.

[June Diane Raphael]

6.7 million viewers is like three times as much as an episode of Parks and Rec.

[Jessica St. Clair]

That's correct.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yeah. That's crazy.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Top three movies of 2007. Spider Man 3, Shrek, the third, Transformers. That's what's going on in the theater. It was released the same year as Bratz, but this is not clocking in on the box office charts.

[Nicole Byer]

Shrek the Third.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Is that what the Shrek happened?

[June Diane Raphael]

Jason, I'm not talking to you.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

We, of course have an opinion about this movie, but now it's time for second opinions.

[June Diane Raphael]

The movie was a piece of, yet this person recommends it. Tell me, what is the message? Maybe that art is subjective. I need a second opinion.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Thank you, John Lajoie. These are second opinions. Cold from Amazon.com Holiday in Handcuffs getting a 4.6 out of 5 stars as its overall rating. Whoa. 78% of the reviews are 5 star. A lot of the reviews are typed in caps. Lock with very weird grammar.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Moms.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And there's one that's so long, they keep on saying, I don't remember it. I watched it a couple of months ago. But then get into very intense detail. But I'll just read you some of my favorite ones here. This is from Jeanette Hoey gave it five out of five stars. And the title is Mario Lopez was hot. And then the review is, Mario Lopez was so hot in this movie. Five stars. So the title definitely foreshadowed the actual review. Yeah. Thomas R. Post writes, any guy would enjoy being handcuffed to Melissa, especially in Fuzzy Handcuffs. Five out of five stars.

[Jessica St. Clair]

That's a guy who's just watching, like, handcuff movies.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That's his thing.

[Nicole Byer]

Right.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

By the way, Melissa Joan Hart did not like the top or the haircut, and she begged them to change it. That's why in the middle of the movie, she just gets a straight haircut.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Really? Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

We haven't even discussed, like, why her sister also has, like, chemical relaxing.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Because you can't get that unless you have, like, the keys to salon.

[June Diane Raphael]

They don't have olive oil. But she has the. Yes. The chemical makeup to relax the purse.

[Nicole Byer]

Do you think that they were gonna even. In that town, there's not a store that could provide.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Not with that guy who runs the local general. He's got problems.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, yeah? What did he say? He was a pretty aggressive guy.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Well, he wanted.

[June Diane Raphael]

Well, he was into, like, all the dirty sex stuff.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Oh, yeah, right.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And I feel like. Also, why are they bringing chemicals to their Christmas vacation?

[June Diane Raphael]

Are they going to keep their Chemical Romance?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yes, Jason. Nailed it. Anyway, Clan of the Cave Bear. There I am. Seventh grade. Oh, God. All right, so this is from the 117th. Doctor.

[June Diane Raphael]

I can't believe you went on a date in seventh grade. That is why.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Sixth grade.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Very, very popular.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Sixth grade is my favorite first date. Sixth grade is my first date.

[Jessica St. Clair]

June was in, like. Had a boyfriend in fourth grade, right?

[Nicole Byer]

No, I didn't.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Fifth grade.

[Nicole Byer]

No, I didn't have. I did not have boyfriends till, like, after high school.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah.

[June Diane Raphael]

My mom didn't go on a. I think I feel like the first time I went on a date was junior or senior year.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Junior year, sixth grade. Stephanie Smith.

[Jessica St. Clair]

We went to Cuz he was a latchkey kid.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yeah, that's true.

[Jessica St. Clair]

You know what I mean?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Although I think my mom rushed that relationship because she, like, made me go to Macy's and buy her a ring.

[June Diane Raphael]

What?

[Nicole Byer]

So weird. I. We can't even know what to say, literally.

[June Diane Raphael]

What are you talking about?

[Nicole Byer]

The time. I am so.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I was just thinking about that the other day because. Because it was like, she. So weird because she stopped wearing it and I was like, why did you stop wearing it? Now as an adult, I'm like, I totally understand that. Her mom was like, what the.

[Jessica St. Clair]

When you were in sixth grade.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah.

[June Diane Raphael]

Wow.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Jesus, Paul.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I didn't want to get the ring. My mom said I should get it.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh, God.

[Jessica St. Clair]

This is from Christ, Paul.

[June Diane Raphael]

This is crazy.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't like that. I do. I don't like that story.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Don't like it.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

This is from the 117th Doctor. The title is now this is a keeper. My wife is the mushy one. But this actually made me laugh, which doesn't seem like that's two different ideas. Yeah. Melissa Joan Hart and Mario Lopez from Saved by the Bell actually do a wonderful job, create believable chemistry and enable some truly enjoyable moments. No spoilers here, but my favorite scene was the big Christmas dinner where the family talks it out. It sounded like a couple of scenes I've heard in real life. It's now a Christmas staple for us, along with the grand cartoon Charlie Brown Christmas specials and babes in Toyland, the colorized Laurel and Hardy version and others. This is a must watch, even if you only rent it. 5 stars. Written February 22, 2017 wow.

[Nicole Byer]

Well, after Christmas.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Wow.

[Nicole Byer]

Just reflecting on the horror.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah.

[June Diane Raphael]

On the joy that it brought not.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

To overwhelm you guys with stories. But now I'll tell you the final way that I. I knew Melissa Joan Hart was dating one of the guys in my high school, and so she came to school with him like, as. Like, like as like a Bring your. Because it was like, bring your girlfriend to school. So you know what?

[June Diane Raphael]

I. In high school, bring your girlfriend to school day.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I guess it was weird. I guess like she was like, it was sort of like, hey, she's so famous. She doesn't understand what a high school's like so she can come to your high school for the day.

[Nicole Byer]

Wait a minute, Wait, she was Sabrina at this point?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Well, she was. She was Clarissa at this point, not Sabrina at this point.

[June Diane Raphael]

Just. She was only at that point explaining it all.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yes, exactly. She was not.

[June Diane Raphael]

Are you sure this guy in your high school was dating her? Was. Did he just say that?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

No, they were like holding hands and like kissing and stuff like that. And so the whole school was like in a real.

[Nicole Byer]

I can only imagine.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And so like everyone was trying to find out ways to approach her. And I was a big fan of Clarissa. Explains it all, of course. And I failed math. I was very bad at math and I went my in was.

[June Diane Raphael]

Can you explain math to me?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I try.

[June Diane Raphael]

I mean, I'm. No, no, I'm saying.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Did you ask Clarissa to explain to them?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

No, that would have been great. No, I had failed my math test. And you know when you fail your test you have to have your parents sign it. That was the way my high school worked. So I brought my math test over to her and I said, can you sign my math test so I didn't have to show it to my parents. And so she signed it like big Melissa Joan Hart and then wrote under it, Clarissa. And then I passed it into my math teacher and he accepted Melissa Joan Hart. Like, I don't think he. I don't think he.

[June Diane Raphael]

I don't think he like running that school.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Like, what is going on? Like he accepted.

[June Diane Raphael]

What the fuck is happening?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

He accepted it. Now they say all of this stuff out loud. I'm like, it is odd in the moment. It felt great. I think he thought it was just my mom's signature. Even though Clarissa was underneath it. Like Clarissa was underneath it. I had that math test still in a folder in my house.

[June Diane Raphael]

Holy shit.

[Jessica St. Clair]

God, that guy must have been the most popular kid at school. Forever actually.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh yeah, he was. Yeah.

[Jessica St. Clair]

When did he meet her?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I have no idea. I mean, is she from New York?

[June Diane Raphael]

Maybe?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah, I don't know. But yeah.

[June Diane Raphael]

Was he like an actor kid? No, no, he didn't like football girls.

[Jessica St. Clair]

So he didn't meet her on Broadway? Like they both did a turn on?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

No, no, he wasn't in the acting track. Cause that's where I, you know, so I don't know how they met.

[June Diane Raphael]

But you were on the acting track at the Actors Studio?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah, I was on the actors track, but yeah, no I don't know how.

[June Diane Raphael]

They met, but I remember that episode where you.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I asked the question.

[June Diane Raphael]

You asked a question of Dustin Hoffman and you called him Dusty.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah, because I just. Because we're both in the same thing. I'm just looking to see where she grew up in Sayville. So that's actually near. Yeah, that's not too far. And you know, so that's not too far.

[June Diane Raphael]

Okay, so that makes more sense then. Yeah.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That they probably.

[June Diane Raphael]

She lived in LA and. Yeah, okay, got it.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah. So that was. That was it. And she began her career at 4 when she was in a television commercial for a bathtub dog called Splashy.

[Jessica St. Clair]

You know, that's. She looked just. And maybe I was reading into it, but tired.

[Nicole Byer]

Like how some of this discussion for after the microphones are off this probably.

[June Diane Raphael]

I'm going to lay this squarely at the feet of the stomach flu.

[Jessica St. Clair]

I agree.

[June Diane Raphael]

Everybody looked not their best.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Do we want it?

[June Diane Raphael]

Because they were having explosive diarrhea.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Anybody want to say anything else that we haven't seen?

[Jessica St. Clair]

Liquid Fart Blast.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yes. Like hot wet dumps all in the.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Same bathroom that then Mario has to go.

[June Diane Raphael]

That is basically the bathroom. It is the bathroom of the cabin.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, yeah. And you know that the.

[June Diane Raphael]

They don't have big trailers.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And the owner of the. Well at 5 million. Who knows the owner of that? Our Airbnb was like, please, no one use our bathrooms here. We don't want you to clog it up. That's.

[Jessica St. Clair]

He said like, off limits. Whenever I'm shooting something and I see off limits, I immediately go under the thing.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, I'm like, I'm in. I'm in.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh, yeah. Because that's where the good stuff is.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Yeah, exactly.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Gotta use all their stuff.

[June Diane Raphael]

That's where I dump.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I just want to just ask, like, reactions to the brothers.

[June Diane Raphael]

Don't you feel bad when you're shooting in someone. Someone's house and like your holding room is like the kids bedroom.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah.

[June Diane Raphael]

And then I'm like taking adult dumps in a kid's bathroom.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I mean, that was the league.

[Jessica St. Clair]

The league.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

When we were in the league, our.

[June Diane Raphael]

Holding room was a kid. Leave it behind so the parents will see and be like, did that come from our kid?

[Jessica St. Clair]

Jesus. Do you remember when you offered to take a dump in the guys? Jason.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You offered to take.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Jason did the most romantic thing for me once. Even though he's not in love with me and never has been and never will be, this guy stole all this money from me. We like switched apartments. Like, I stayed in his apartment in la and he stayed in mine in New York. And it turned out it was really his lover's apartment. And so like, anyway, he wrote me a bunch of bad checks and Jason said, can I? Would you allow me to take a dump in this guy's closet? And so that it would be like a leave behind and he wouldn't know what it was because that was the.

[June Diane Raphael]

Only regret was to do something to his apartment.

[Jessica St. Clair]

And I said no.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And do you regret it?

[Jessica St. Clair]

I regret it. And also it was the most generous thing anyone's ever offered to do for me. Who are you people? I never got that money.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Merry, Merry Christmas, everybody.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yeah, Merry Christmas, everybody.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Jess, what do you want to plug here on the show?

[Jessica St. Clair]

God, you know. Oh, hey, we're doing some hot and fresh. Wamp it ups.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, great.

[Jessica St. Clair]

June is the only person who has not been on and it's not for lack of trying.

[Nicole Byer]

No, it's not.

[Jessica St. Clair]

I keep reaching out and one day we'll get her. But please listen. Subscribe to Womp It Up.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Such a fun show.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Go back and listen to the episodes with Jason and Paul, who plays Casey Steers. Jason plays Eric Gutterballs, my love interest on and off again. But yeah, we got him hot and fresh every week.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

So please listen to that now, Junior, you're doing some Instagram work right now.

[Jessica St. Clair]

You're doing some grids.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm always on Insta. You can always find me there any hour of the day.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Jason.

[June Diane Raphael]

Well, I would like to urge people to please rent or even buy the movie that I star in called the Long Dumb Road. It's available now on Amazon or itunes or whatever mod you choose.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Fantastic.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Fantastic in it. I really enjoyed that movie. It's really, really special.

[June Diane Raphael]

It is a fun road trip movie. It's myself and Tony Revolori. It's a blast. It's really funny. If you like planes, trains and automobiles and those kind of movies, it'll. You'll. You'll really get a kick out of it.

[Nicole Byer]

Also wonderful.

[June Diane Raphael]

I would like, I am in the, I believe the season finale of the most recent season of Nailed it with friend of the pod, Nicole Byer. And it is one of the funniest things I've ever been a part of.

[Jessica St. Clair]

It is, oh, I can't wait to watch that.

[Nicole Byer]

I will watch that.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I'm gonna say to all of you that be on the lookout because in a couple days you'll get a chance to watch the first episode of Black Monday, which is a brand new show that I'm doing On Showtime with Don Cheadle, Andrew Randalls and Regina Hall. And that will be.

[Jessica St. Clair]

I love you in that 80s look.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, thank you so much.

[Jessica St. Clair]

What do you think, June? Does it do anything for your downstairs?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Does it too hairy? Not hairy enough, June.

[Nicole Byer]

Just the right amount. I think he looks absolutely wonderful.

[Jessica St. Clair]

He always looks great.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Just definitely. I will post it up on the. On the Instagram when it is or sorry, on the Twitter. But you can follow me and I'll let you know. You have 24 hours to watch it. That's a little taste, little sample of it. And also this movie I did a little While ago, Summer of 03 is is now available for preorder on the itunes and Amazon. And I saw It's a Wonderful Life for the very first time. And we talk about it on unspooled and we actually bring on one of the stars of its wonderful life, Zhu Zhu, who says every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings. We talk to her and that was pretty special and amazing. So check out. Definitely check out Christmas.

[June Diane Raphael]

I thought you guys had stopped doing unspooled.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, you know what? Yeah, forget I said that. Jason. Yeah, we're not doing any more Jason.

[Nicole Byer]

I know that Jessica's asked me to do her podcast, but I've never.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Ho ho, ho, ho ho. Happy holidays. And people, if you guys want to.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Just listen in, maybe I'd hurt his feelings.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And guys, I will tell you this. The next two weeks we will be going into repeats, but we shot or actually recorded some fun openers for the next two weeks. Brand new material. So even if you've heard the next two weeks episodes, it's worth the first five minutes on both of them. All right, people, a big thanks to our engineer Devin, our producer Cody, our researcher Nate Kiley, who found this movie. Everybody here at Earwolf, of course, Avril, Halle, Kelly Alto, also helping us out all the time. Go to teepublic.com to check out our shirts. They're on sale right now. You can get them for your Christmas or New Year's holidays.

[Jessica St. Clair]

How fast can we roll out a prime Ponch T shirt?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I mean, we could get that going pretty quick.

[June Diane Raphael]

I don't know.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't know if it's got to get stocked.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Teepublic.com Just be ready.

[Nicole Byer]

I just want to be ready.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Just be ready.

[June Diane Raphael]

There's going to be a lot of orders.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Go get a How did this get made out? Go the Merch gift public store, hdtgm or go to podswag.com but we have a lot of shirts and the T shirts can be made into a lot of different things. Thank you all for listening. What a fun time to talk about everything with all of you. Happy Holidays, Happy New Year. We'll see you in a couple weeks. Hi there, it's Andy Richter and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[Paul Scheer]

The three Questions with Andy Richter.

[Jessica St. Clair]

Each week I invite friends, comedians, actors.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And musicians to discuss these three questions. Where do you come from, where are.

[Jessica St. Clair]

You going, and what have you learned?

[Paul Scheer]

New episodes are out every Tuesday with guests like Julie Bow and Ted Danson.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Tig Notaro, Will Arnett, Phoebe Bridgers, and more. You can also tune in for my weekly Andy Richter Call in Show episodes, where me and a special guest invite callers to weigh in on topics like.

[Paul Scheer]

Dating, disasters, bad teachers, and lots more. Listen to the three Questions with Andy.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Richter wherever you get your podcast. Glad Shrink Feeling Pun so Fresh Glad Stretch let's drink with sins to take you back Grandma's place always smells like pine she said get out the chat room and clean my Glad Stretch Feeling Pun so Fresh the Glad Girl group coming at you with that throwback jam that was Glad Force Flex Drawstring Trash bags featuring Pine Salt Original scent and that's better than all good. It's all Glad.