Surf Ninjas LIVE! w/ Nicole Byer, Rob Huebel, & Gil Ozeri (Classic)

Summary

How Did This Get Made? — Surf Ninjas LIVE! (Classic)

Guests: Nicole Byer, Rob Huebel, Gil Ozeri
Host: Paul Scheer (with June Diane Raphael and Jason Mantzoukas absent)
Recorded Live at LA's Largo at the Coronet
Release Date: March 24, 2026

---

Episode Overview

In this lively, irreverent live episode, Paul Scheer welcomes comedians Nicole Byer, Rob Huebel, and Gil Ozeri to dissect 1993’s notorious kid-action comedy Surf Ninjas. Together, they tear into the film’s bizarre plot, wild (and wildly inconsistent) tone, strange casting choices, and baffling production decisions. The result is a riotous, joke-stuffed panel that, true to the podcast’s tradition, takes bad movies more seriously than their creators ever did.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. First Impressions and Surfing Disappointment

• Movie Experience: None of the panel saw Surf Ninjas in theaters; for most, it was a home video rental with blockbuster cover art promising far more surfing than the film actually delivers.

  "For a movie that calls itself Surf Ninjas, I’d say it’s probably the shittiest surfing." — Paul Scheer, [04:40]

• Surf Deficit: Despite the title, actual surfing is minimal—maybe a minute total, with “ninja-ing” heavily outweighing any wave action.

  “There’s maybe 50 seconds of surfing in the entire movie.” — Gil Ozeri, [04:45]

2. Rob Schneider: Questionable Casting & Age Jokes

• Schneider’s Age: Rob Schneider’s character is supposedly 15, but looks “like a dying cancer patient in the first shot.”

  "He’s supposed to be playing a 15-year-old... and he literally looks like a dying cancer patient in the first shot... His hair is dyed such a shit-pig." — Gil Ozeri, [11:50]

• Comedic Miscasting: The group mocks the logic of casting a man in his 30s as a teen sidekick.

  "Why not just make him the short order cook at the dad’s restaurant that pals around with the kids?" — Paul Scheer, [12:43]

3. Dark Themes for a Children's Film

• Violence and Darkness: Panelists note the surprising darkness—murder, revenge, house explosions, throat-slashing—rare for a PG movie aimed at kids.

  “It’s the story of death, murder, torture, and revenge—for kids.” — Paul Scheer, [01:30] "You killed our parents." — Paul Scheer, [42:09]

4. Cultural Oddities & Stereotypes

• Ethnic Ambiguity: The fake country (Patusan), “native ethnic dance,” and vague Asian inspiration are ridiculed for generic and dated Hollywood stereotyping.

  "You would never say a ‘native ethnic dance’. You’d say a Patusan dance, a… Taiwanese dance. You wouldn’t just leave that." — Paul Scheer, [19:11]

• Made-up Nation Lore: Patusan’s origins trace back to Joseph Conrad’s Lord Jim, reused repeatedly by the screenwriter in his various projects.

  "He keeps putting this island into every fucking movie he writes.” — Gil Ozeri, [22:35]

5. Tone Loke, Leslie Nielsen, and Villain Hijinks

• Tone Loke’s Bizarre Cop: Tone Loke is a “bad cop” whose motivations for sticking with the kids are unclear—he’s mostly “there for the laughs.”

  “Tone Loke usually makes great movies... What am I supposed to feel about Tone Loke?” — Rob Huebel, [25:07]

• Leslie Nielsen’s Villain: Half-Vader, half-slapstick, Colonel Chi is dramatic one minute, silly the next—torture chambers, robotic heads, and method acting rumors swirl.

  “He’s a veiled Darth Vader who at certain points is super goofy... But he’s also running a full-on torture chamber…” — Paul Scheer, [26:49]

6. The Sega Game Gear Tie-in

• Product Placement Overload: The younger brother’s Sega Game Gear magic system is a literal plot device; the movie was financed by Sega, with gameplay scenes written for the tie-in game.

  “Did I tell you Sega financed the movie?... The screenwriter had to write sequences for the video game.” — Paul Scheer, [35:06]

7. Logic, Logistics, and Audience Q&A

• Transportation and Geography: Audience members grill the cast on the logistics of parades, boats, and 13,000-mile distances from LA (“impossible”).

  “It’s impossible to be 13,000 miles away from anywhere in the world.” — Audience, [56:42]

• Goods & Props: Why is the dynamite bone-dry? How did the parade instruments get shipped to the island? These gaffes fuel more laughter.

8. Memorable Jokes and Running Gags

• Rob Schneider’s Masturbation Joke: "I gotta wax my surfboard," which the panel takes as code for masturbation.
• Repeated 'Psych' Gag: The word “psych” is highlighted for cartoonish repetition.
• Leslie Nielsen’s Anatomy: An extended riff on the villain grabbing his own crotch during the final fight.

  "Did you see how big that dick is?... That’s a big, beefy Leslie Nielsen dick there." — Paul Scheer, [52:21]

9. Special Moment: Guest Appearance by Surf Ninjas Actor

• Nick Cowan (played Adam): Surprises the panel, confirms he thought (as a kid) that his character really controlled the others via Game Gear, and tells a funny Tone Loke story.

  "In between takes, [Tone Loke] started singing a song about a mosquito being on his dick." — Nick Cowan, [66:06]

10. Second Opinions Segment (Amazon 5-Star Reviews)

• Hilariously misguided 5-star reviews including one calling it "one of the greatest Filipino movies in the universe," another confusing it with 3 Ninjas, and another ("Dorito") urging people to simply "Buy it."

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [04:40] Paul Scheer: "For a movie that calls itself Surf Ninjas, I’d say it’s probably the shittiest surfing."
• [11:50] Gil Ozeri: "He’s supposed to be playing a 15-year-old... He looks like a dying cancer patient in the first shot."
• [19:11] Paul Scheer: "You would never say a ‘native ethnic dance.’"
• [22:35] Gil Ozeri: "The guy who wrote this movie wrote the pilot for Sidekicks. So he keeps putting this island into every fucking movie."
• [26:49] Paul Scheer: "He’s a veiled Darth Vader who at certain points is super goofy."
• [35:06] Paul Scheer: "Did I tell you Sega financed the movie?... Had to write sequences for the video game."
• [52:21] Paul Scheer: "That’s a big, beefy Leslie Nielsen dick there."
• [66:06] Nick Cowan: "In between takes, [Tone Loke] started singing a song about a mosquito being on his dick."

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:00 – 02:39: Opening banter, intro of hosts and guests
• 04:10 – 05:52: First impressions, surf deficit revealed
• 11:25 – 12:13: Ridiculing Rob Schneider as a “teen”
• 26:35 – 29:33: Leslie Nielsen’s villain: dark vs. slapstick
• 35:00 – 36:30: The Sega Game Gear as key plot device
• 53:30 – 57:30: Audience Q&A: logic, geography, and logistics
• 60:46 – 66:11: Cameo by Nick Cowan (played Adam), behind-the-scenes tidbits
• 67:05 – 70:56: Second Opinions segment: reading absurd Amazon reviews
• 74:25 – 76:20: Final recommendations and riffs on Ernie Reyes Jr.

---

Panel Recommendations

• Gil Ozeri: "Yes, it was fun and bad. It was fun bad. Fun first, bad second." [74:25]
• Nicole Byer: "I would recommend fast forwarding it until he takes off his shirt and watching from there… Surf ninjas. They’re fighting a white man. Great." [74:35]
• Rob Huebel: "To be honest, Paul, I prefer the book." [75:23]
• Paul Scheer: Agrees it’s a fun watch for the right company.

---

Summary Table: Surf Ninjas Live! Panel at a Glance

| Topic | Highlights/Quotes | |--------------------------------------|-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | Surf/Ninja ratio | “50 seconds of surfing in the entire movie.” — Gil Ozeri [04:45] | | Rob Schneider casting | “He looks like a dying cancer patient…” — Gil Ozeri [11:50] | | Tonal whiplash/violence | “Story of death, murder, torture, and revenge—for kids.” — Paul Scheer [01:30] | | Sega product placement | “Sega financed the movie… write sequences for the video game.” — Paul Scheer [35:06] | | Leslie Nielsen as villain | “…half Vader, half slapstick.” — Paul Scheer [26:49] | | Cultural fakeness | “Native ethnic dance” and invented nation Patusan mockery [19:11/22:35] | | Audience Q&A | "It's impossible to be 13,000 miles away from anywhere in the world." [56:42] | | Second opinions | "One of the greatest Filipino movies in the universe..." [70:05] | | Recommendations | Panel (mostly) says: Worth watching as “fun-bad,” especially with friends. |

---

Finale: Why Watch Surf Ninjas?

While Surf Ninjas is a confusing, tonally bizarre, product placement–laden mess, this episode makes clear why it endures as a cult favorite: it’s so bad it’s fun, especially with sharp-witted friends to laugh along with. Between its wild casting, hilarious misfires, and inexplicable creative choices, the movie proves perfect fodder for “How Did This Get Made?”—and this episode is a must-listen for any fan of so-bad-it’s-good cinema.

---

Transcript

[Podcast Host (Narrator/Announcer)]

Audible's sci fi thriller the Space within is back with a new season. Academy Award winner Jessica Chastain returns as Dr. Madeline Weil, a renowned psychiatrist whose investigation into mysterious alien abductions and inexplicable DNA alterations launches her into a cosmic mystery that blurs the line between science and the unexplainable. As more and more people disappear and return with profound changes, Dr. Maddy must investigate whether these experiences are psychiatric or or evidence of something beyond our world. Listen to both seasons of the Audible original series the Space within [e-mail] the

[Paul Scheer]

space within Nirvana the Band the show the Movie is being hailed as a miracle and absolutely what all our tax dollars should be for. Nirvana the Band that Show the movie is 98% certified fresh on Rotten Tomatoes. Yeah, this could have insane ramifications. Oh my God. Critics are raving that it's a laugh riot future classic that'll leave you in disbelief that they didn't get arrested.

[Gil Ozeri]

I have a feeling that right off the bat they're gonna ask for an encore.

[Paul Scheer]

Watch it on Digital now. America's best network just got bigger. Switch to T Mobile today and get built in benefits the other guys leave out. Plus our 5 year price guarantee and now T Mobile is available in US Cellular stores. Best Mobile Network Based on analysis by ooklev speed test intellig2h2025 bigger network the

[Gil Ozeri]

combination of T Mobile's and US cellular

[Paul Scheer]

network footprints will enhance the T Mobile network's coverage price guarantee on talk text and data exclusions like taxes and fees apply. See t mobile.com for details. It's the story of death, murder, torture and revenge for kids. We saw Surf Ninjas so you know what that means. Remake.

[Unidentified Speaker (possibly a guest or side commentator)]

How did Schwarzenegger grow a baby in his belly like a ronst vest while ripping Justin the Kelly or maybe see a burlesque show with Nick Crow and take a boat with speech to hitting cruise control J man Big Paul in the beautiful June gonna take you from the goob all the way to the room ran the games of street fighter help to blow off steam just a sucker punch the odd life of Timothy Green Sharknado the birdemic how we staying alive they call it in the badass and he's on the line cranking 88 minutes cause they cool as nice cause the bad Jim Vonnie looking kind and nice Paul and June getting literal Jason is getting laid June making sure all the monkey shots getting paid they judge a bunch of movies while they making the grade Here's a real question for you. How did this get made.

[Paul Scheer]

Hello, people of Earth. That's a good look. And hello, people of Largo. We are live at Largo at the Cornet, our LA home where they have amazing shows. If you're ever in la, come check us out or come see amazing shows here. Tonight is a very important night. Tonight is a night where we talk about a movie of substance. We talk about a movie that examines things that Hollywood is always afraid to examine. Surfing Ninjas. And we are joined tonight by some of our favorite past guests. Serving as my co host for the absent June and Jason. I want to introduce you to them right now. Please welcome. Oh my gosh. You ready for this? From episode 11, the Tourist. Who was that? Right, who? You know, he is a hilarious writer and actor. He wrote for Happy Endings. You can see him all the time on Snapchat being hilariously funny. He is also a lot on Comedy Bang Bang. Please welcome Gil Ozeri. There he is. Welcome, Gil. Did you now we were talking about this. Did you see Surf Ninjas in the theater?

[Gil Ozeri]

I didn't see it in the theater, no.

[Paul Scheer]

Okay, so it's a home video rental for you?

[Gil Ozeri]

Yes. It was blockbuster.

[Paul Scheer]

It has. This is the first time I saw this movie. But it does have like the most like, kid catching, like cover box. Like, it is like kids are surfing. Leslie Nielsen's on the Surface.

[Gil Ozeri]

It's mid surf. It's a shot mid surf.

[Paul Scheer]

They're in the middle of the barrel.

[Gil Ozeri]

Yeah, yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

And what would you say of like, would you say that surfing is really good in this? Like, photographically done, like really well captured?

[Gil Ozeri]

Oh, absolutely not.

[Paul Scheer]

No. For a movie that calls itself Surf Ninjas, I would say it's probably the shittiest surface.

[Gil Ozeri]

I mean, there's maybe 50 seconds of surfing in the entire movie.

[Paul Scheer]

A lot of ninja ing, not a lot of surfing. From episode 132, Bloodsport, she is the star of Loosely. Exactly. Nicole, you can find that online right now. She performs at ucb. You saw her in Mike and Dave.

[Unidentified Speaker (possibly a guest or side commentator)]

Nev.

[Paul Scheer]

Wedding Dates. Please welcome Nicole Byer. Welcome, Nicole.

[Nicole Byer]

Hello.

[Paul Scheer]

Did you ever know of Surf Ninjas before I put this DVD in your mailbox?

[Nicole Byer]

No, never heard of it before in my life. And it really delivered.

[Paul Scheer]

You felt like the ratio of surfing and ninja ing to you was okay?

[Nicole Byer]

Well, no, I mean, if we're gonna get real. You said it was like 30 seconds of surfing. Yeah, like Rob Schneider never got on the surfboard. And you're the white man in the movie. What are you here for?

[Paul Scheer]

A lot of people there's a lot of odd surfing choices in this movie. I mean. Well, we'll get into it all. Rob Schneider. I really, I feel like we could spend a whole episode only talking about that character. I'm excited. Our final guest co host tonight, he was in episode six, Battlefield Earth, episode 98, LOL with Miley Cyrus. He is in Transparent in the upcoming movie Baywatch and is doing a show with me called Drive Share, which is is on Verizon. Go90. Please welcome Rob Huebel. Welcome, Rob.

[Rob Huebel]

Thank you.

[Paul Scheer]

This is. I have to say, I'm so excited that you're all here to talk about this movie. I've saved surf ninjas for the right occasion and I can't think of a better threesome to watch this with because we're kind of like the three of us, specifically the three of you. When I could pick my favorite people because I feel like, you know, we're kind of like the surf ninjas.

[Gil Ozeri]

We go surfing once a week together.

[Rob Huebel]

We also do moto surfing.

[Gil Ozeri]

Yeah, Moto surfing.

[Paul Scheer]

All right.

[Rob Huebel]

So did you already. You asked how many people have seen the movie?

[Paul Scheer]

A lot of everyone. Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. It's wild.

[Paul Scheer]

And I say to all of you, Kwan Tzu.

[Rob Huebel]

Kwan Zoo. I actually, I haven't seen the movie. I read the book, so. That's not in the book, so.

[Paul Scheer]

Well, yeah, the book is. The book definitely does deviate a lot.

[Rob Huebel]

It's a lot different.

[Paul Scheer]

I gotta say, right off the bat. Just generally for a children's movie, it's very dark. Like if you just took out all the themes. Like, I know I joked about it at the top, but it's like murder and revenge and houses are being burned down and parents are being kidnapped. Meanwhile, the main plot is children trying to be like people are trying to kill children. It's a lot for like a PG movie.

[Rob Huebel]

That's not your go to theme for kids movies is like kids trying to almost getting murdered.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah.

[Rob Huebel]

By the way, the house that gets burned down gets exploded so nonchalantly. Yeah, we'll get into that maybe.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah. I mean, yeah, there's so much.

[Rob Huebel]

It's like, oh, I turned on the gas to blow up your fucking house. Now you have no choice but to come with me.

[Unidentified Speaker (possibly a guest or side commentator)]

And.

[Gil Ozeri]

And did they have like neighbors? Like so. So many people must have died and they just walked away.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah. That was not a small explosion. That house fucking. That was like a Lethal Weapon 2 explosion. Yeah.

[Rob Huebel]

Like I was saying to Gil, like, I don't think this is an inexpensive movie. This was a like that. I think they Go to Thailand. Like, I was like, oh, yeah, Thailand.

[Nicole Byer]

And I was like, I went to the Wikipedia page. You did Thailand? The budget is not there. Because I think they were embarrassed.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, no one could find the budget.

[Nicole Byer]

They spent this much and didn't make any money.

[Rob Huebel]

Like, I was trying to figure out where those huge stairs were in la.

[Paul Scheer]

Where is that?

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, I loved those stairs. Every time he fell down, I laughed out loud.

[Gil Ozeri]

But I mean, we got.

[Paul Scheer]

They tripled down on that joke. They were like, he threw himself.

[Gil Ozeri]

We gotta use these stairs. I look at these stairs. I mean, there's more than 15. We got to use them three times

[Paul Scheer]

just to pull it back. Obviously, you know, it's a seminal moment in film when Ernie Ray's junior and senior get to work together. You get to see father and son.

[Rob Huebel]

Can you give me a little backstory? Because I'm not.

[Paul Scheer]

Well, Ernie Ray's Jr. To me, anyway, growing up was the coolest because he was in all the karate movies, like sidekick and like, you know, he would like and what else? I don't know. Any movie that was karate.

[Gil Ozeri]

Teenage mutant Ninja Turtles 2 he was in.

[Rob Huebel]

Yeah, yeah, he Was he in any other surfing movies?

[Paul Scheer]

No, he is more.

[Rob Huebel]

So he's not really surfing in this movie?

[Paul Scheer]

No, he's more of like.

[Rob Huebel]

He's standing there on like. On like apple boxes as the camera pans past him in a parking lot.

[Nicole Byer]

Right.

[Paul Scheer]

You would think they could pay for at least one surf class for a movie called Surf Ninjas.

[Nicole Byer]

Probably like, seems like it.

[Paul Scheer]

Get him on the board and we'll get one shot of them.

[Nicole Byer]

Is Eddie Reis Jr. The oldest brother, Ernie?

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah. Ernie Reyes Jr. Is the old brother and his dad is the one with the eyepatch.

[Nicole Byer]

Can I just say, I'm so mad that they made me watch almost an hour of that movie before he took his shirt off and was hiding all of those muscles.

[Paul Scheer]

I was like, dam.

[Nicole Byer]

I literally rewounded to be like, he's 15. Oh, oh, oh. It sit on his face over and over and over again. He looks so good.

[Paul Scheer]

I will say that when he did take off his shirt, it was shocking. Yes, it was. Yeah, yeah, shocking.

[Rob Huebel]

Like got slightly hard.

[Gil Ozeri]

See, maybe I'm just not sexual. I was just angry that he didn't fight for the first hour. Why isn't he fighting? That was me. But I guess, you know, he was pretty hot.

[Paul Scheer]

My. Well, I. There. Like. I think we have to talk about the.

[Nick Cowan (Guest Actor from Surf Ninjas)]

The.

[Paul Scheer]

The trio of the film. Obviously, It's Ernie Ray Jr. He has his brother Adam Right, yeah, this is, yeah, Adam. And then there are other.

[Nicole Byer]

He was 32 years old. Fucking, he was so old in that

[Rob Huebel]

movie, so much older.

[Paul Scheer]

Schneider, Rob Schneider. And I looked and I said to myself, well, clearly this is before he got SNL. No, it was before his last year on SNL. He was on SNL from 89 to 94. This was in 94.

[Gil Ozeri]

He's supposed to be playing a 15 year old going on 16. And he literally looks like a dying cancer patient in the first shot. He has like this like weird hat on and he's like, he, he's like, has a receding hairline. He looks so fucking. And his hair is dyed like such a shit pig.

[Rob Huebel]

Such a weird orange.

[Gil Ozeri]

Yeah, it's like a trumpy. Yeah, it's like the color of like, you know when you see like nuggets being made, like that pink sludge that's the color of his hair.

[Paul Scheer]

And I feel like that they say, like, I feel like someone said, are we nervous that we have a man, a 40 year old man with these children? They're like, we'll dye his hair. Those fuckers won't know. Like they were like, we young him up. We young them up.

[Gil Ozeri]

And they gave him those sideburns that go straight up the forehead.

[Paul Scheer]

Like, why not just make him the short order cook at the dad's restaurant that like pals around with the kids?

[Rob Huebel]

Because it makes more sense logically that his only bit is to think that he's the prince or whatever. Literally that's his only game in the whole army game.

[Nicole Byer]

Stupid. Did you hit your head? But he didn't. Cause he never surfed.

[Paul Scheer]

And the way, oh my God, by

[Rob Huebel]

the way, it was cool when they were surfing and they surfed into the bad guy with the spear gun.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh yeah. And then he washes up on shore

[Paul Scheer]

and he goes away.

[Rob Huebel]

By the way, that shot, I thought to myself, because there's a shot where he washes up on shore and in that shot there's a little kid and a dog and a dead guy. And I thought that shot took like two weeks to get that fucking dog and that fucking kid and that dead

[Paul Scheer]

guy to wash. And he washes, he washes onto shore and then he calls him right back.

[Nicole Byer]

But then the dog goes after him. Did the dog have a feast? What is that dog doing, by the way?

[Paul Scheer]

Let's talk about how shitty the ninjas are that are sent to, to dispatch our surf ninjas. First of all, they attack in broad daylight and in blue outfits. They are the most aggressive they're like ninja. Every is about stealth. Yeah.

[Rob Huebel]

But all of the. One of the worst parts of this movie, I would say, is the camouflage. Like, there's a shot of a Jeep at one point that's like, camouflage that you can tell they painted like, three minutes before they said action. It's like a guy just, like, spray painted some blue, and it's just like. And their outfits are. Yeah, it's totally.

[Gil Ozeri]

I was baffled by why they just never took action. They would stand, they would do these moves in front of, like, Rob schneider for literally 15 seconds, and then he would, like, hit them with a plate. Or they would have, like, guns and just never fucking fire them. Fucking do something.

[Paul Scheer]

Well, I feel like everything about them is wrong. Like, they travel around in an empty garbage truck, but there's only two ninjas in the back of the garbage truck. So the garbage truck comes in and then, like, the door opens and two ninjas drop out. Like, just get a compact car, guys. Fucking drive a Kia around. You'll be fine. You'll be less noticeable than driving a giant truck. They were bad ninjas. They attack in the middle of a classroom.

[Rob Huebel]

They attack in the school. I noticed.

[Gil Ozeri]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Nobody. That classroom was filled with kids. Nobody.

[Paul Scheer]

I don't like these ninjas. I felt like we saw the beginning of ghost riding the whip here because moto surfing is now moto surfing. These kids love surfing, obviously, but they really love to surf in their Jeep. Yeah, but it's very dangerous what they're doing.

[Rob Huebel]

There's a scene right after this where the cop has pulled over some other kids that were moto surfing and they lie about it. But then he pulls out the paddle. So he's like, you know, I busted you. Like, that's the thing. The paddle is the giveaway.

[Gil Ozeri]

I don't get what paddling has to do with surfing. Why do they need paddles for?

[Paul Scheer]

It's not like moto paddle board.

[Gil Ozeri]

Yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

But it's also, like, that's the thing in Santa Monica. Like, we love to surf so much that when we drive half a mile from one location to the other, we have to mind the act of what we're going to do.

[Rob Huebel]

Yeah.

[Gil Ozeri]

We got to be surfing at all times. Some form of surfing.

[Rob Huebel]

We gotta get warmed up.

[Podcast Host (Narrator/Announcer)]

Today's podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Whether you're just starting out or scaling up your business, Squarespace is the all in one website platform designed to help your business stand out and succeed online. Now, I love Squarespace because it gives

[Paul Scheer]

me everything I need.

[Podcast Host (Narrator/Announcer)]

You can Offer services and get paid all in one place. From consultations to events and experiences. Showcase your offerings with a customizable website designed to attract clients and grow your business. Get paid on time with professional on brand invoices and online payments. You can streamline your workflow. Keep it all in one spot.

[Paul Scheer]

That's right.

[Podcast Host (Narrator/Announcer)]

Built in appointment scheduling?

[Paul Scheer]

Check.

[Podcast Host (Narrator/Announcer)]

Email marketing tools? Check. I have been using Squarespace forever.

[Paul Scheer]

You can see each one of my websites.

[Podcast Host (Narrator/Announcer)]

Whether it's the Dark web, Paul Shear

[Paul Scheer]

unspooled or how did this get Made?

[Podcast Host (Narrator/Announcer)]

Is completely a unique experience and I

[Paul Scheer]

love building there because it makes me

[Podcast Host (Narrator/Announcer)]

feel free and creative to offer the things that I want to offer. Now. Head to squarespace.com bonkers for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use the offer code Bonkers, that's B O N K E R s to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Say hello to Alexa and see how the experience is tailored to you. Alexa learns your preferences to serve you better. Planning a vacation? Ask Alexa to recommend a trip to check off your bucket list. Use Alexa to find the name of that song that you love. Discover new favorite shows or recipes and do so much more. Ask Alexa anything. And now Alexa is free with prime on your Amazon devices like echo and Fire TV. Get started now at Amazon.com/alexa plus, we've all been there.

[Paul Scheer]

You hold on to a coupon but forget about it and suddenly it's expired. Expired in 2012.

[Commercial Voice]

Dang it.

[Paul Scheer]

Fortunately, by switching to Geico, you could save about $900 on car insurance without ever touching a coupon.

[Commercial Voice]

It feels good to save big. It feels good to Geico.

[Paul Scheer]

So obviously, if you're just joining us, these two children are being hunted down by ninjas. We don't know why.

[Rob Huebel]

How old is the older child?

[Nicole Byer]

He's 15. He's about to be 16.

[Rob Huebel]

But in real life, is he.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, he's probably 29.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah.

[Rob Huebel]

That's a man, right?

[Nicole Byer]

Yes, that's a definite man.

[Paul Scheer]

I mean look at those muscles. Yeah. I mean, yeah, all man. He says something that's so kind of great. Like in the beginning they go into school here and in like he, he's. Oh, that's the thing. He's always like saying like I'm real smooth. I'm real smooth. He's not smooth.

[Rob Huebel]

No.

[Paul Scheer]

And he doesn't even say like I wrote down one of the lines like

[Rob Huebel]

all of their surf. Sounds like a 45 year old white guy wrote that. Surf talk, you know, it's all like, hang loose.

[Paul Scheer]

Cool, bro.

[Rob Huebel]

Bro.

[Gil Ozeri]

They use the. They use. I wrote down, they use the word, the joke. Psych.

[Rob Huebel]

Three times, which is a great show.

[Gil Ozeri]

Rule of threes.

[Paul Scheer]

Well, he says, he says when he's going to school, he goes, yeah, I promised that I would perform a native ethnic dance. He doesn't label. Like, you would never say a native ethnic dance. You would say like a ponzu dance, a, you know, Taiwanese dance. You wouldn't say a native ethnic. You wouldn't just like, leave that. Like, that's not like a catch all. I thought that was an odd choice. They didn't narrow it down. And then also when he was like giving an example of his joke, he's like, you gotta be smooth. Like when your teacher asks you where Spain is gonna. It could be anywhere. That's not a joke. Like, you had a chance to write this movie. You could have. It wasn't improvised. You could have gone back and like. Well, yeah, let's like be like, I think it's where it rains on the plains. And I just made that up now and that. And I think it's slightly better than it could be anywhere.

[Rob Huebel]

They're not good in school. They're not good in school. Cause they care about surfing and ninja ing.

[Paul Scheer]

Well, they don't care about ninja.

[Rob Huebel]

Well, they're about to.

[Nicole Byer]

They only care about sex. But like the native ethnic dance, when that teacher like doubles down and is like, we picked an ethnic kid, an Asian kid, to do an Asian inspired dance. I was like, wow, no, you can't do that white friend in this movie. No. Oh, it was wild.

[Paul Scheer]

And then the dance and the dance that they choose to do, You know, so they're seeing like, so why is

[Nicole Byer]

this man at a school?

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, why is he making a visit?

[Gil Ozeri]

That's Woo, by the way, from Deadwood. Oh, okay. Fucking Woo.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah.

[Rob Huebel]

Like, his country sent him over to America to visit elementary schools.

[Paul Scheer]

I have no reason. And this school does not look like a fancy school.

[Rob Huebel]

No, it's a public school.

[Paul Scheer]

Why?

[Gil Ozeri]

Yeah, he came to Santa Monica. That's where baba rum came from. Came to.

[Paul Scheer]

And again, it's a movie made in 1993. So all the cool kids are singing this song. An Asian American student has been persuaded to volunteer and prepare a welcoming presentation.

[Rob Huebel]

That's the part I would play is

[Paul Scheer]

in the traditional ethnic style. Oh, that's it. In the traditional ethnic style. In the traditional ethnic style.

[Rob Huebel]

You know? Ethnic, ethnic.

[Paul Scheer]

That's crazy. Like, no one flagged that on any level.

[Nicole Byer]

Well, I guess it was so they didn't have to, like, pick an Asian place because they picked a fake one.

[Paul Scheer]

But he's from Pont Su.

[Nicole Byer]

That's fake. I looked it up on Wikipedia.

[Paul Scheer]

Wait. Wait a second. Now my mind is. Wait, so there's no lady.

[Nicole Byer]

No.

[Gil Ozeri]

No, there isn't.

[Nicole Byer]

No. It's, like, made up, I guess, that people are too scared of China or Taiwan or, like, Korea.

[Gil Ozeri]

I did look this up also. The island was made up by Joseph Conrad, actually, in a book called Lord Jim. And essentially the guy. This island, Patusan, I think it was called, is the same island that's in that. Eddie Reyes Jr. Is from inside Kicks.

[Rob Huebel]

Wow.

[Unidentified Speaker (possibly a guest or side commentator)]

Wow.

[Gil Ozeri]

The guy who wrote. The guy who wrote this movie wrote the pilot for Sidekicks. So he keeps putting this island into every fucking movie he writes.

[Rob Huebel]

And let me tell you something. That was all planted for this moment.

[Gil Ozeri]

Yes.

[Rob Huebel]

Right now. No one has ever. Now that guy's just like.

[Paul Scheer]

Ah, they get it.

[Gil Ozeri]

You can stand up, sir. You can stand up.

[Paul Scheer]

By the way, you would think that the guy who wrote this movie, like, went on to write, like, other famous kid movies. Nope. Passenger 57, Wyatt Earp, murder in the first, and the hurricane. These are, like, fucking serious. Big deal, like movies.

[Nicole Byer]

What's that Yerp movie?

[Paul Scheer]

Wyatt Earp.

[Rob Huebel]

He went in the right direction and he.

[Paul Scheer]

Like a western with Kevin. It's like a less interesting tombstone with Kevin Costner.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay.

[Paul Scheer]

Any. That's how they described it in the

[Gil Ozeri]

trailer, by the way.

[Paul Scheer]

All right, so here's the ethnic song.

[Rob Huebel]

Great lighting, this kid.

[Paul Scheer]

This is 1993. The auditorium is. Auditorium is really into Babara like that. That's a 60s song, by the way, that song.

[Gil Ozeri]

The fact it's supposed to show that he doesn't care about school has no effect on him. He just keeps. Nothing happens to him. Because he does that song.

[Paul Scheer]

I'm.

[Gil Ozeri]

I was fucking pissed.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah. He doesn't get into much trouble. No, but I guess because we didn't, he never really goes back to school. Like that day happens and then his father's kidnapped and then.

[Gil Ozeri]

Oh, you mean Nick Nolte. Yeah, he was kidnapped.

[Rob Huebel]

Are we gonna talk about Tone Loke at all?

[Paul Scheer]

It is there for the taking.

[Rob Huebel]

Tone Loke usually makes great movies.

[Paul Scheer]

Always picks his projects very carefully. This is odd.

[Rob Huebel]

I was confused.

[Gil Ozeri]

Why?

[Rob Huebel]

What am I supposed to feel about Tone Loke? Am I rooting for him? Like, do I want another older man to be friends with these young boys?

[Paul Scheer]

Well. Well, it's odd because Tone Loke is a bad cop, Right? We already know that from the get Go. Like, he immediately tells the kids, like, your father's not kidnapped. He just is into bad shit and hiding out. Don't worry about it. He's a scumbag. Your dad's a scumbag. Anyway, good night, kids.

[Rob Huebel]

Good night. He's been driving around. He spent all day with those kids.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah. And he's like, ah, they're scumbag. And then he. Well then he just like tags along.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. Just decides to go. And then later is he says that he hasn't fled.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Ridden. Is that a word I can say?

[Rob Huebel]

He said he hasn't had a vacation in 17 months. And so he decides to come along on this journey for the laughs. I think I need some laughs.

[Gil Ozeri]

I need some laughs. You handcuffed me, but I'm here for the laughs. Yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

And we're gonna go kill somebody. I can't wait.

[Rob Huebel]

For the laughs.

[Gil Ozeri]

Yeah, yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

It's a mission to kill.

[Rob Huebel]

I'll explain it to my sarge later.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, he. Okay, so then. Well, I guess the other thing too is we gotta talk about Leslie Nielsen.

[Rob Huebel]

Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, boy, can we. Oh boy. I love that scene where they're fighting and then that elephant comes and stomps on him. And then he becomes half robot.

[Paul Scheer]

He's a veiled Darth Vader who at certain points is super goofy. Right. And I appreciate that. Like I was laughing at some of the Leslie Nielsen stuff. But he's also running a full on torture chamber where people are hanging in like prison balls. Like cages. Cages. They're being tortured. Like legit tortured and brainwashed. And he like also like hurts. Like he.

[Gil Ozeri]

Yeah, yeah. The tone of this movie has like bipolar disorder. Some of the time it's like, it's trying to be scary as hell and other times it's like so goofy and he's like playing with the voicemail.

[Rob Huebel]

That bit made me laugh.

[Gil Ozeri]

I mean, he makes you laugh.

[Paul Scheer]

I love that.

[Gil Ozeri]

He was just like, couldn't get wet. But his entire layer was. Was filled with water. There was water everywhere. What are you doing?

[Rob Huebel]

There was also a good bit where he was like, just kill him.

[Paul Scheer]

Just kill him.

[Rob Huebel]

Then he's on call waiting. Just kill him.

[Nicole Byer]

That made me laugh out loud.

[Paul Scheer]

I laughed out loud at that part too. But then you see that goofy moment and then like it's followed by him gouging out someone's eye. Like he literally then gouges out someone's eye. So you're like, what? What if, like it would be like if Darth Vader just murders a bunch of People and then just starts doing physical comedy, like slipping on his cape.

[Gil Ozeri]

By the way, I was watching this with my wife, and she happened to go on the IMDb message boards, and it said that Leslie Nielsen during in between takes was method and would not break character. And everyone was scared of him on set. Was like, he was trying to scare them wild.

[Paul Scheer]

This is the movie he chose to go spit on Surf ninjas.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, man.

[Paul Scheer]

Finally a part I can sink my teeth into where I can actually be he. Daniel Day Lewist it. I mean, he is the best part in the. I mean, he is. Definitely stands out as being a solid part of the movie. Let's. This is Colonel Chi. I. I guess the other part about him too, that I would. I think is simple to kind of bring up is, why is he white? Like, he shouldn't.

[Nicole Byer]

There's so many white people.

[Rob Huebel]

Yeah, there's a lot of white people.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

For no reason.

[Paul Scheer]

Like, there is no legit. Like, I was like, oh, is he like. Tom Cruise's character in the Last Samurai is like. Like, he was an American who's now been, like, brought into. But he's a leader of these people, but there's no reason to be. Why.

[Gil Ozeri]

There's no reason why they follow him.

[Rob Huebel]

Yeah, it was sort of like Apocalypse Now a little bit. Like, I thought he. I thought so.

[Nicole Byer]

But also, the dad who takes them is also white. Why is he white?

[Rob Huebel]

Don't know.

[Gil Ozeri]

Is it like a message about, like, appropriation or something like that?

[Rob Huebel]

If an elephant steps on your head, do you survive that?

[Unidentified Speaker (possibly a guest or side commentator)]

No.

[Paul Scheer]

Well, only one side of his face.

[Rob Huebel]

Just one side.

[Paul Scheer]

The sand protected the other side.

[Rob Huebel]

Oh, the sand.

[Paul Scheer]

Like if. Yeah, whenever an elephant steps in your

[Rob Huebel]

face, as long as there's some sand, you're all right.

[Nicole Byer]

Wait, is that real? Because I was taking in that information. I was like, I'm gonna tell somebody that later.

[Paul Scheer]

If you ever around elephants, make sure they have sane.

[Gil Ozeri]

It's the same backstory for Phantom of the Opera. It's exactly.

[Paul Scheer]

But now I would imagine if he stayed in character, he'd be doing something very violent and they super goofy, like whoopee cushions and then slapping a kid in the face.

[Gil Ozeri]

Why couldn't he answer the phone with that fucking Bluetooth that was attached to his head?

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, he should have had that belt in.

[Gil Ozeri]

Like, what was that thing, that receptionist.

[Rob Huebel]

Do they tell us his backstory, like how he became the leader of this.

[Paul Scheer]

No, they just show him attacking the town. That's what I'm saying. And he attacks the town in traditional ethnic garb. Like, so he's not, like, he's not coming in, like, as an American soldier or anything like that. He already has this thing going on, and we don't even know why he wants Patou San. It's just an island. Doesn't seem to be any, like, the only.

[Rob Huebel]

It's not fair to drill down on these kids movies.

[Paul Scheer]

But Now Ernie Reyes Jr. Is being saved by his dad, who is his uncle. Spoiler alert. And. And then they bring him into, like, the Pachasan culture, and they go to the Pachasan restaurant, which is introduced with someone going, don't try the chicken. And you're like, oh, this is gonna be, like a really shitty restaurant. Nope.

[Rob Huebel]

No, it's not.

[Paul Scheer]

Not at all. Looks like actually a super professional restaurant.

[Rob Huebel]

Looks like a good. Yeah, good place.

[Paul Scheer]

Very busy.

[Gil Ozeri]

Every dish looks beautiful.

[Paul Scheer]

They even go into the kitchen, and I was like, that's a really clean kitchen. Everything is really well plated. Like, they're running it really well there. And then they reveal to Ernie Reyes Jr. That he's gonna marry this beautiful girl. She approaches in a veil. And this is the most disturbing part of the movie to me. I believe the first line was, if they. You know what they say about girls in a veil? They wear a veil. Do better bail.

[Rob Huebel]

Yeah. Which is true. That's true.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, dude, better bail.

[Rob Huebel]

She doesn't show her face, then pick

[Paul Scheer]

up the pace, like, to, oh, hi.

[Rob Huebel]

To Addie out of here.

[Paul Scheer]

I thought it was like, fuck her quickly.

[Rob Huebel]

No, no, no.

[Nicole Byer]

Well, I guess it could go either way. Either run away or fuck her so hard. She's pretty.

[Paul Scheer]

I like, like, don't. You don't. Yeah, don't fuck her. So you have to be like, I wonder what she looked like.

[Gil Ozeri]

Just be like, I'm done.

[Paul Scheer]

And then you're gone. And now as I said it out loud, I realize that I misunderstood it. I thought it was if they wear a veil, do d o. Better bail. And I thought it was like an underage sex joke about being arrested for having underage sex.

[Rob Huebel]

Like, were you high when you watched this?

[Paul Scheer]

I just rewound it twice. Be like, what does that mean? Do better bail. Do better bail. Do better bail. Like, he's going to get arrested for fucking her. And now I said it out loud. I didn't talk to myself when I watched it.

[Rob Huebel]

But then, doesn't Schneider have a good one at the end of it?

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah. What was his.

[Nicole Byer]

His was like, it didn't rhyme.

[Paul Scheer]

It was like, oh, that was his joke.

[Nicole Byer]

She's wearing a Veil, you better just go to bed or I don't remember what it was. It was something really stupid.

[Rob Huebel]

Is Rob Schneider here?

[Nicole Byer]

If he is, I'll tell him. This is bad, but what do you

[Paul Scheer]

think is going on in Rob Schneider's mind to say yes to this movie? He's on snl, arguably, like, a recognizable guy from snl. And, you know, I'm sure that there's only a couple months to shoot stuff. Surf Ninjas comes across your desk.

[Rob Huebel]

I think he was like, we're going to Thailand. Fuck, yeah. Yes. Is there a giant staircase there?

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. Yes.

[Rob Huebel]

I love giant staircases.

[Paul Scheer]

It's so odd. It's so odd. I feel like they sold him a wrong bill of goods on this movie. I feel like he didn't know. It was like, children. He didn't know.

[Gil Ozeri]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait a second.

[Paul Scheer]

You.

[Gil Ozeri]

You have a lot of, like, you have a lot of faith in Rob Schneider's choices. Is that what's going on here? You're surprised? Rob Schneider.

[Rob Huebel]

There were so many other vehicles that he could have jumped on.

[Paul Scheer]

Look. I mean, look, based on his body of work, I'm like, why this one? You've always picked quality. So then they go to the restaurant, and then magic happens. Right. Ernie Reyes Jr. Has never done karate before.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, yeah. Then his leg starts wiggling. Ooh, I loved that little leg.

[Paul Scheer]

I love that you got into

[Unidentified Speaker (possibly a guest or side commentator)]

his,

[Paul Scheer]

like, his body and his. I mean, he's a man, like, possessed by taekwondo. But yet I'm also thinking now, Adam, who has the Sega Genesis, which was so nicely built into the film, so organically placed in the movie. Oh, did I tell you that Sega financed the movie? Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's what happened. And that the screenwriter had to write sequences that would be good in a video game. And is it true simultaneously?

[Rob Huebel]

That explains a lot. I wish I had known that prior to taking mushrooms and watching this.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah. Financed the movie, and they began to develop the game at the same time. And then the game was released before the film. And I love that in the video game, Leslie Nielsen character is like, we're gonna send them to hell. Like their father. Like, the character is cursing in the game.

[Gil Ozeri]

The best part of that game gear thing, that it predicted the future or whatever it is. It was always, like, seconds before the thing happened.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah.

[Rob Huebel]

It was literally like looking at, like, it's basically an iPhone. You're, like, looking at maps on your iPhone.

[Gil Ozeri]

Yes.

[Paul Scheer]

But you could.

[Rob Huebel]

You can see the car that's about to hit you. Yeah.

[Gil Ozeri]

It doesn't Help you at all?

[Paul Scheer]

At all.

[Gil Ozeri]

Yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

But it takes away some of the violence. Because when you watch two cops get their throats slashed, which did happen in this children's movie on a video game screen, it's not as bad as seeing it in real life. Like, these two cops were fucking straight up Colombian necktied. But you saw it on a little Sega game gear screen. There was. What I liked about this movie, too, is, like, at a certain point, they definitely ran out of money because they're like, you know, maybe in this sequence, we'll do, like, the Indiana Jones effect where we'll show the plane going over the map. And the guy's like, great. How about we give you a little boat and you do the map and

[Rob Huebel]

drag it across the boat that we put you on. We do the same way we did the surfing, where you fucking stand in a parking lot and we'll just whip the camera around you like, that boat is not going anywhere. That's my problem. I like real sailing.

[Paul Scheer]

I just thought of this. He looks. Ernie Reyes Jr. Looks possessed by taekwondo. But isn't. Is Adam controlling him or is Adam just watching?

[Rob Huebel]

Hold on now. None of this shit is funny.

[Paul Scheer]

Cause. Because it seems like I would say he was, then why? I guess my question is Adam then just has this game gear that he just watches and does nothing with.

[Rob Huebel]

But it builds up to the point where he actually looks out in the real world at those trees and he sees them. Great graphics, by the way. He sees them become surfboards. So he actually becomes a seer. So he realizes his power.

[Paul Scheer]

But yet, at the end of the movie, he goes back to the game gear to start controlling it again. He's like, it was cool when I saw stuff, but I'm gonna go back to the thing I'm most comfortable with. The game gear. There's a gun and a game gear on the ground. He grabs the game gear. I would grab the gun, I would shoot the bad guy. I wouldn't rest my laurels on controlling a game gear version of the guy. Cause then he starts controlling the other guy.

[Rob Huebel]

Yeah, you're getting way too deep for me. But I like for kids that for that moment when he looks at the. Those trees and he sees surfboards, there's like, one kind of pops up and then, like, another one. And then they probably figured, like, but there are going to be some kids that are too dumb to get what we're doing. So then, like, the surfboards, like, pop up closer and closer. So like, even the, like, kids that were, like, born Yesterday are like, oh, okay, yeah, yeah, you can make a surfboard out of a tree.

[Paul Scheer]

Okay, so then.

[Rob Huebel]

But then it cuts to a fucking expensive helicopter shot of like, like 40 dudes surfing.

[Gil Ozeri]

No, no, not surfing.

[Paul Scheer]

Paddling.

[Nicole Byer]

Paddling.

[Gil Ozeri]

There was no surfing in that movie.

[Paul Scheer]

But it was from a helicopter.

[Gil Ozeri]

It was from a helicopter.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah.

[Rob Huebel]

That's expensive.

[Paul Scheer]

Well then how quickly did they chop down those trees? Like that's. That would have been a month of work.

[Nicole Byer]

Ethnic people work hard,

[Paul Scheer]

so they did it for half the price and twice with the

[Podcast Host (Narrator/Announcer)]

Say hello to Alexa and see how the experience is tailored to you. Alexa learns your preferences to serve you better. Planning a vacation? Ask Alexa to recommend a trip to check off your bucket list. Use Alexa to find the name of that song that you love, discover new favorite shows or recipes and do so much more. Ask Alexa anything. And now Alexa is free with prime on your Amazon devices like echo and Fire TV. Get started now at Amazon.com Alexa/ Ryan

[Paul Scheer]

Reynolds here from Mint Mobile with a message for everyone Paying big wireless way too much. Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop with Mint. You can get premium wireless for just $15 a month. Of course, if you enjoy overpaying. No judgments. But that's weird. Okay, one judgment anyway. Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment

[Commercial Voice]

of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month required intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, fees extra. See full [e-mail] you're juggling a lot, but you can still squeeze in a financial plan with the Northwestern Mutual financial advisor as your partner. It's not only possible, it's personalized. So if you're tying the knot, closing on a house or welcoming a little one, you'll be ready for whatever life tosses your way. It's the right time to feel less stressed and more certain. That's a better way to money. Lets get started at NM.com, the Northwestern Mutual Life Insurance Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

[Paul Scheer]

There's also a joke again. There's weird jokes in this. Like where the kid falls in a hole and he goes hey, I found Waldo. And then like Tone Wilox is like really? Wait, hold on. What?

[Rob Huebel]

Why? But then the joke is psych again.

[Gil Ozeri]

Yeah, it was psych.

[Paul Scheer]

But I was also like really? The fictional character in a. Like like.

[Rob Huebel]

Well cuz the 45 kids know about Wall.

[Paul Scheer]

Waldo.

[Gil Ozeri]

Waldo. We didn't talk about the. The. The. The sequence that drives the.

[Paul Scheer]

The.

[Gil Ozeri]

The brother and the brothers to go. Yeah like the. When Nez Nielsen comes in and basically he murders his. Their parents.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah. And.

[Gil Ozeri]

And the uncle is telling them this story, and they're rolling their fucking eyes the entire time. The whole.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah.

[Rob Huebel]

That drives the whole movie. They're poured to tears. They're leaning against that rock and they're like, come on.

[Gil Ozeri]

I'm like, your parents were. Oh, my God, shut up.

[Paul Scheer]

You killed our parents.

[Rob Huebel]

Our parents get murdered all the time. We want to, but I don't think

[Nicole Byer]

at that moment they believed it.

[Gil Ozeri]

They believed it. Okay.

[Nicole Byer]

This is just a story. Our dad's white.

[Paul Scheer]

But why was that guy. And why was that guy ever in Patusan?

[Nicole Byer]

It's wild.

[Paul Scheer]

That guy was a fucking Patusan, and

[Nicole Byer]

he's just chilling in a boat in that story. So he's just there.

[Rob Huebel]

Oh, yeah. They said he was a sailor. They said he was a sailor that worked for them.

[Paul Scheer]

But.

[Rob Huebel]

Yeah, but he was the same age. Like, maybe they just put, like, a clean shirt on him.

[Paul Scheer]

And so odd that he then comes to the States to open up a restaurant that, of course, doesn't serve Patusan food, just, like, burgers and shakes. So he leaves his ship, his cat, like, his shipping world behind him to open, like, a cool diner.

[Gil Ozeri]

Yeah. And then they also. They never. They didn't react to him to the dad having adopted, like, finding out that they were adopted. Like, yeah, I found out I was adopted last night. And then they just move on from that subject.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. Nothing really impacts people.

[Paul Scheer]

No.

[Gil Ozeri]

In this movie.

[Nicole Byer]

No. When they're like, that's your uncle. They were like, great uncle. And I was like, what? No.

[Rob Huebel]

Well, there is a. There's a. They take a swing at, like, a heartfelt scene on a couch at some point early on where the younger brother says, like, hey, bro. He says, I'm feeling something. Like. I'm feeling, like, not. Not so cowabungar or whatever. And the older brother goes like, everything's gonna be chill, dude.

[Paul Scheer]

You know?

[Rob Huebel]

Like, so they kind of were like, that moment.

[Gil Ozeri]

Yeah.

[Rob Huebel]

Trying to, like, oh, maybe we should have him be sad, but let's not have him be too sad.

[Gil Ozeri]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

I'll also argue that for the romance in this movie, because I watch these movies for the romance, and I did not find there to be that much chemistry between those kisses.

[Rob Huebel]

Were weird. There's a couple weird.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah. If I were him. He's a bad kisser. He's a bad kisser.

[Nicole Byer]

Don't put it on her. Come on.

[Paul Scheer]

I felt like she was coming in too aggressively and. And he had to like kind of monitor for that. Like, she's coming in like hard and

[Rob Huebel]

he's like, well, more importantly, I was bummed out by the whole female empowerment bullshit message at the end where she's like, I want to marry who I want to marry. I was like, fuck, this is Trump's America. You know, I was pissed.

[Paul Scheer]

Well, but by the way, well, let's play that scene where she, she like drops some feminism on him here.

[Commercial Voice]

I know I talked about marrying you and being queen and everything. I know.

[Rob Huebel]

No problem.

[Paul Scheer]

As soon as we rescue my dad, I'll tell him and then we can go.

[Commercial Voice]

Johnny, listen. Look, all my life I've been doing everything that was expected of a traditional Patusani girl. And, well, and who do my parents think they are telling me who I'm gonna marry? I mean, I'll decide who I'm gonna marry. Not them, that is, if I marry. I mean, that was a really swell kiss and all, but I just didn't want to hurt your feelings about the marriage thing.

[Paul Scheer]

He is confused. Bad kiss?

[Gil Ozeri]

Yeah.

[Rob Huebel]

Weird kiss.

[Commercial Voice]

We can still date, right?

[Paul Scheer]

He's really interested. Okay, dude, better do, better bail.

[Rob Huebel]

Are we sure he's 29? I don't know.

[Nicole Byer]

I think he's older, but I think she was like, I gotta play a little hard to get. So he works a little bit. So when he finally deep dicks me, it's worth it, right?

[Paul Scheer]

She doesn't want him to be assuming that that deep dick will come for free. Yeah, I buy that because she definitely like is a little bit like what she. Whatever she said to those, those that team of guys that are going to. And I, I don't think this is a terrible thing to assume gang rape her, cuz she says to all the guys, rape.

[Nicole Byer]

If you're the one saying, come here and we'll do this fun thing.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, she said. And he goes, what did you say to them? And she goes, don't worry, I'll tell you on our wedding night. So I, I felt weird by it because I felt like she was young and those guys were way older. It was a. It was. This movie has a lot of hard themes. Like if I brought my child to see this, I'd be like,

[Rob Huebel]

how do

[Paul Scheer]

we describe that scene? Okay, I wrote down that it was interesting that Playboys were in this movie. Smoking and Playboy is both in this movie. Something you would never see in a children's movie.

[Rob Huebel]

Well, the smoking comes in when he's throwing the unlit sticks of dynamite. Is that what it is? Yeah, yeah, but the smoking is like a hero. It's like Rob Schneider's throwing unlit sticks of dynamite, going like, I got one. And then they're like, light it. I don't have a lighter. I don't have a lighter. And somebody goes, here. The guy with the eyepatch is like, I got one cause I fucking smoke. But then he also says, you should always smoke.

[Nicole Byer]

No, he says, I know, I should quit. So it was like a message to America to. To quit smoking or save the world. Your choice.

[Gil Ozeri]

And then Rob Schneider looks into camera and is like, I can't do anything about it.

[Paul Scheer]

What does he say?

[Gil Ozeri]

He's like, look who I'm talking to, or something like that.

[Paul Scheer]

He goes, you should try the patch.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[Paul Scheer]

He has an iPad.

[Rob Huebel]

Yeah, that's right.

[Gil Ozeri]

That must have been right.

[Rob Huebel]

When the patch came out, it also

[Paul Scheer]

felt like, honestly, why did the director at that point, by the way, Rob, you were saying that you should be the teacher in the thing. That actually was the director.

[Rob Huebel]

Great guy, great guy.

[Paul Scheer]

But why did the director go at that point, like, yeah, now we've passed the point of a.

[Gil Ozeri]

It's the patch joke. Even the writer was like, we got it. This is too broad. We have to have him look at camera to cut the broadness a little bit. We're aware of it.

[Rob Huebel]

What child is gonna go, I get that joke.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, what about that? That clip of that little. Like, they do a parade, a really shitty parade.

[Rob Huebel]

They phone that in. They phone that in. They were like, look, guys, we're losing the light. We got three minutes to shoot a pretty big parade scene.

[Paul Scheer]

What does the music sound like? We don't know.

[Rob Huebel]

We don't. We haven't bought it yet. We don't know it's going to be library music. We should talk about the music in this movie also.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, my God.

[Rob Huebel]

The opening line of this movie is, turn that Van Halen down.

[Gil Ozeri]

Not Van Halen.

[Rob Huebel]

It's not Van Halen. It's not even close to the. It's like the same. It's the director's friends band going like, I watched this movie with the subtitles on, and the lyrics are all like, we're gonna win the baseball game tonight.

[Nicole Byer]

I also forgot about that line that he's gonna go back to the hood and nobody's going to want to talk to him. I was like, why?

[Gil Ozeri]

Cuz you.

[Rob Huebel]

Did he surf?

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah. No, I think they're not going to talk. I think they're not going to talk to him because he eats his police key and Shits it out every week.

[Gil Ozeri]

That was my favorite. Favorite part of the movie.

[Rob Huebel]

Yeah, that was hands down. Paused it and I. I wrote that down. I was like, I got to remember that joke. That's like a great.

[Paul Scheer]

Every Tuesday, he eats his bleasky and then sifts through his own.

[Nicole Byer]

Dog eats it again.

[Gil Ozeri]

Yes.

[Rob Huebel]

And then the kid, the young kid kind of grimaces there.

[Paul Scheer]

He's like, why?

[Gil Ozeri]

Like, he just came. He just, like, unlocked the handcuffs. He should have shit all over his hands. Doesn't make any fucking sense.

[Rob Huebel]

I mean, you could also just keep the key in your pocket.

[Podcast Host (Narrator/Announcer)]

Yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

Not gonna eat it in, like, a small. You know, the wallets have those small little pockets. Just put it in there. Put it in your wallet.

[Nicole Byer]

But also. Is he timing his shits?

[Rob Huebel]

Yeah, it takes him a week.

[Paul Scheer]

He eats it.

[Rob Huebel]

He eats his shit every Tuesday and

[Gil Ozeri]

doesn't shit for an entire week, then digs through it with his hands after he shits just to open the hand.

[Paul Scheer]

Like the way that Rogue one bridges the gap between, I guess, you know, the Revenge of the Sith and Star Wars. I would like to see the bridging of the gap of tone locating on that boat. Sifting through his ship. Just him as a prisoner underneath the wall.

[Nicole Byer]

And it's wild that he's more concerned about. Everyone in the hood, knows that he surfed. Then he, like, sifts through his own. And by the way, your friends wouldn't talk to you.

[Paul Scheer]

Who's gonna tell the people in his neighborhood that he surfed? I'm sure that the secret you could keep pretty quiet. They're like, no one's gonna sound.

[Rob Huebel]

Like, he says, my homies in the hood. Like, all of his homies. Like, we don't care, man. You fucking eat your shit.

[Paul Scheer]

That's why we don't hang out with you. We don't care because you fucking. You're a cop now. You. You're above us. We hate you. Oh, the other thing. Oh, and then during that parade, they then cut to that girl. It looks like a clip out of a National Geographic thing. Like this, like, little girl playing with a doll in, like, a hut. It's oddly like I was like, whoa. Like that tonally again, way off like that. Seemed like a homeless girl.

[Rob Huebel]

That felt like stock footage to me. Where. Where they were like, well, we need some more kids. I don't know, Steve. Just fucking buy something. Throw it in there. She looked legit. She felt like a starving child.

[Paul Scheer]

Or she's a great actress. I don't know. Let's Talk about this final fight scene. And the only way I can talk about the final fight scene is to say Leslie Nielsen's dick. Did you guys catch how I felt like the end of the movie was Adam making Leslie Nielsen jerk off, But Leslie Nielsen grabbed such a nice handful of that dick that I was like, what is going on here?

[Rob Huebel]

The way you said that is so disrespectful to dead people.

[Paul Scheer]

Paul.

[Rob Huebel]

He grabbed such a nice handful of that dick.

[Paul Scheer]

Let's see, like here. I just wanna cause it. Do you see how big that dick is? It. Like

[Rob Huebel]

it's a kids movie. He's not going to have a little dick.

[Paul Scheer]

And it almost appears like the dick is robotic too, cuz, like, that's a big, beefy Leslie Nielsen dick there.

[Gil Ozeri]

Are we sure? I thought that was. I see. Watching it. I thought.

[Paul Scheer]

I guess.

[Gil Ozeri]

Okay, I thought it was watching it. I thought it was his balls. But if you can you rewind. You can see them and you can see the balls.

[Paul Scheer]

Look,

[Rob Huebel]

they're.

[Paul Scheer]

They're almost to the left.

[Gil Ozeri]

Like to the left. Like our left. Yeah, there they are. There they are.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, you.

[Rob Huebel]

You can like see his urethra.

[Paul Scheer]

I want this to be my screensaver. Oh, that is.

[Commercial Voice]

Wow.

[Rob Huebel]

I wonder if he requested that, like, guys, use the shot that makes my dick look huge.

[Paul Scheer]

Holy shit.

[Gil Ozeri]

This was method also, by the way. He really jerked his cock off.

[Paul Scheer]

Let's go to the audience here to see if you guys have anything that we might have missed. Oh, we have a lot of. A lot of questions so far. A lot of questions so far. Yes.

[Podcast Host (Narrator/Announcer)]

Let me.

[Paul Scheer]

I'm gonna go to firsthand. I saw. Right, sir. Yes. All right, what's your name and. And your. And your best quantu. I want to hear you really, really approach this audience and give them a nice quantu. My name is Val and quantu. Dudes, excellent quantu question.

[Gil Ozeri]

Okay, towards the beginning or towards the middle, they show him sharpening what looks to be an electric knife.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, that's Leslie Nielsen sharpening a knife to cut off a guy's dick. Right? Yeah. So what is up with that? Why is he sharpening.

[Gil Ozeri]

It's a big whetstone.

[Paul Scheer]

He's just there sharpening. Yeah, he's sharpening an electric knife. Good point. I just was more concerned about what he was gonna do with that knife and go, this is a children. That's a good point. A fair point. Let's see. Let me go back here. All right, sir, your best Quan sue in your question. Quan sue, dudes,

[Rob Huebel]

how long before that gets Old.

[Paul Scheer]

I was concerned with the transportation of

[Podcast Host (Narrator/Announcer)]

goods in this movie.

[Nicole Byer]

So they go, the transportation of goods,

[Paul Scheer]

but the dynamite that they have is bone dry.

[Gil Ozeri]

Oh, yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

And then at the end during the credits, when they have, you know, the band set and the electric guitars, did they bring those ahead of time in anticipation?

[Gil Ozeri]

Wait, wait. I love that you frame this as transportation of goods. I have to get this into one big Venn diagram. It's transportation of goods.

[Paul Scheer]

Well, no, I agree with you. The movie is pretty solid, except for that one point.

[Rob Huebel]

Everything else makes sense, but the logistics of how goods get from point A to point B.

[Paul Scheer]

By the way, when Rob Schneider is throwing that dynamite and they're like, you idiot, you gotta light it. That's a joke. But it's a bit of a funnier joke if he hadn't just effectively thrown the dynamite, knocked somebody out, and killed a jeep full of people. Like, he was doing fine.

[Rob Huebel]

Yeah, he was doing good.

[Gil Ozeri]

And maybe without murdering them, too. Just like, pushing them off the road. The explosion actually just incinerated 24 human beings.

[Paul Scheer]

I'm looking at dueling notebooks here, and I like them both. What do you think? What do you think has the best notes? I'm gonna go with you. You have a broken hand or something.

[Rob Huebel]

You're injured.

[Paul Scheer]

All right? That's your question.

[Rob Huebel]

And say Kwonsu.

[Paul Scheer]

Of course it's unspoken.

[Rob Huebel]

I'm sorry. I shit on Quan sue, dudes.

[Paul Scheer]

All right, I want to hear it, guys. It's a big audience. We gotta sell the Kwan Sue.

[Rob Huebel]

By the way, do that anywhere else but in this room, and you're not gonna get shit.

[Paul Scheer]

So I had a big issue with the geography in this movie. So, okay, in the beginning of the movie, they say that Pachucan is 13,000

[Rob Huebel]

miles away from LA, but it's impossible

[Paul Scheer]

to be 13,000 miles away from anywhere in the world.

[Rob Huebel]

But other than that, the movie makes sense.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah. So the. The circumference of the. Wait, wait.

[Gil Ozeri]

What if you're up in space?

[Paul Scheer]

Well, so the circumference of the earth at the equator is 24,901 miles. So the farthest that you can be from any two points is 12,000. Amazing. That is amazing. I love that the.

[Rob Huebel]

The demographic for this podcast is, like, college professors.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, wait, you have another point. Oh, you have another point. If it's as good as that one, I would now really think about it, because you just scored so high, you're going back in. All right, let's see.

[Rob Huebel]

Yeah, you're about to get laid. Don't fuck it up.

[Paul Scheer]

Boat sailing from the United States to Patusan. They show it sailing from the East Coast. Yeah, but we're not on the East Coast. We're in la. Wow, that's interesting, too. It's good. It is good. It wasn't as good as the first one, though. Let it be a lesson. You quit while you're ahead. You. Yes. Come on. All right, let's hear your Kwan Tzu and then your question. Okay, thanks. Okay. Okay, thank you.

[Nicole Byer]

One, two, dudes.

[Paul Scheer]

One, two. All right, I'll hold the microphone.

[Nicole Byer]

So are we sure that there wasn't, like, a sequel that was coming? And it was going to be like Rob Schneider's character was secretly the son of Leslie Nielsen's character?

[Rob Huebel]

Oh, write it.

[Nicole Byer]

Write it in.

[Paul Scheer]

And pitch this.

[Nicole Byer]

So he really is a king in a way.

[Paul Scheer]

Well, right, because she.

[Rob Huebel]

Colonel yeah, well, turn off the lights again. None of this is funny anymore.

[Nicole Byer]

Did you. Did you catch the kind of. The innuendo when Rob Schneider was like, I gotta wax my surfboard.

[Gil Ozeri]

Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

He was gonna go masturbate, I think.

[Paul Scheer]

I thought it was.

[Rob Huebel]

Oh, to Skip and Todd who walked by, he's like, hey, Skip. Hey, Todd.

[Paul Scheer]

I thought the joke was that his board was so covered in wax that that's all he did because the board was disgusting. Looking as if all he did is all day just wax it up with cum. Yes. Oh, yeah. Okay. Hey, Ponzu, dudes. Ponzu. Wait, did he say pontoon? He did say Ponsu. Fuck out of here. Get out. It was Quantzu. It was the best one that we've gotten, but totally wrong. Yes, sir.

[Nicole Byer]

Quantu, dudes.

[Paul Scheer]

Good Quantu.

[Nicole Byer]

Troy. Kidding. I wanted to go back to the little kid controlling things, because when they're in the restaurant, he gets a choice to choose a different angle, and he chooses the octopus. So it's like, oh, we're gonna see. Like, he's gonna control an octopus. Then he has to find the octopus and then shoves it in the guy's face. Then he gets 500 points, and I don't know what the points are for.

[Paul Scheer]

He seems excited about this point. But you know what? I think the best way to kind of answer that question is talk to him. Adam, are you here right now? The gentleman who played what, Kwan Sue.

[Nicole Byer]

What a perfect segue.

[Paul Scheer]

Come over here. Come on over. Let's talk. I'm sorry. Welcome. Thank you for coming. Thank you for coming. Tell me your name again. I'm sorry.

[Nick Cowan (Guest Actor from Surf Ninjas)]

Nick Cowan.

[Paul Scheer]

Nick.

[Rob Huebel]

Welcome.

[Paul Scheer]

Nick. Thank you. Monsoon.

[Nicole Byer]

Nick.

[Paul Scheer]

Thank you. For being here, being a part of this. We have rare. We have a. All right, first of all, let's hear about it. Where were you in your career when you got this movie? Was it, like. Were you, like. Was it the first thing for you? Let's walk through it a little bit.

[Nick Cowan (Guest Actor from Surf Ninjas)]

It's probably the first and biggest thing. I did some commercials and TV stuff.

[Paul Scheer]

But were you psyched to work with Ernie Reyes Jr. I mean, I'm asking that in an earnest way. Like. Like, absolutely.

[Nick Cowan (Guest Actor from Surf Ninjas)]

He was from the Ninja Turtles, so, you know, that's like, a big deal when you're, like, 12.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, 100% anything. Now, as you're an adult, you look back on it and you go, oh, that was suspect.

[Nick Cowan (Guest Actor from Surf Ninjas)]

A lot of the stuff you brought up, I didn't even think about until you started talking. Like, Tone Loke, shitting out his key, like, week after week is pretty fucked up.

[Paul Scheer]

Now you have this benefit, which I think is the best part of it, is, like, you have been in surf ninjas, but if you walk into a cvs, people aren't gonna be like, surf ninjas. So that's a good thing. That is a good thing. Absolutely.

[Rob Huebel]

No, they would be like, kwan sue

[Nick Cowan (Guest Actor from Surf Ninjas)]

that, like, all the time. I go into, like, grocery stores and yell Kwan Tzu.

[Paul Scheer]

When do you drop that on a friend, A new friend, a girlfriend? When? Like, wait, is it something that you lead with, or is it one that you hold back? Because I would imagine I would hold back and then, like, watch him, like. Like, he was dropping, like, every time. Yeah, Yeah.

[Nick Cowan (Guest Actor from Surf Ninjas)]

I used to. I used to, like, get to know people for a long time before, and if they brought it up themselves, I'd be like, oh, I was in there.

[Paul Scheer]

Wait, you. Did you bring it up? No, he did.

[Gil Ozeri]

I knew him for, like, a year and a half, and I. My mind just exploded. I was like, you gotta be kidding me. Quanzu do.

[Nick Cowan (Guest Actor from Surf Ninjas)]

I will say this, though. Like, in my 20s, I would kind of, like, use it on girls, like.

[Paul Scheer]

And by the way, you should. And that was smart. All right. There, there. I'm. Well, obviously, we've talked about a lot of things. What was your knowledge of. Obviously, you were selling the SEGA game gear. Did you get a free SEGA game gear out? Did.

[Nick Cowan (Guest Actor from Surf Ninjas)]

Yeah. It's completely broken.

[Paul Scheer]

Those things, like, guys don't get stuck at Gam Gears.

[Rob Huebel]

Did you know. Did you know that the movie was, like, as a kid, did you know that the movie was financed by sega?

[Nick Cowan (Guest Actor from Surf Ninjas)]

No.

[Paul Scheer]

Okay, but now. Well, did you understand what you were doing? Cause obviously that Was a question about. Were you, like. I had a question. Were you Controlling Ernie Reyes Jr. Were you like, what do you know about. What did you know? And in your actor's mind at that point, and we're talking about the 12 year old you. What. What was your assumption about that?

[Nick Cowan (Guest Actor from Surf Ninjas)]

I thought I was controlling him.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

Okay, good. Yeah, you were. And then. And then you were almost controlling yourself when you selected octopus, because then you picked up the octopus, even though you are.

[Nick Cowan (Guest Actor from Surf Ninjas)]

Yeah, that one's weird.

[Paul Scheer]

And who.

[Rob Huebel]

Who is controlling this?

[Paul Scheer]

I'm gonna have to say that listener.

[Rob Huebel]

I'm pointing to Leslie Nielsen's dick listener.

[Paul Scheer]

Was there. Was there talk of a surf ninjas, too? Like, on set? Like, was it, like. Was that the plan or is it

[Nick Cowan (Guest Actor from Surf Ninjas)]

just a one off around the time of, like, premiere and stuff? There was kind of like, talk bust.

[Paul Scheer]

I would have liked to have seen it. We could have done a double feature tonight. Yes.

[Gil Ozeri]

What was that Leslie Nielsen like?

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, yeah. Was he in character, do you think?

[Nick Cowan (Guest Actor from Surf Ninjas)]

I met him once, because we don't really share any screen time. So I. I approached him to take a photo, and I think he thought I was probably just like an extra.

[Paul Scheer]

Wow. Aw. But did you hear from anyone else that he was in character, or is that just something that's.

[Nick Cowan (Guest Actor from Surf Ninjas)]

I've never heard that. No. That was news to me if that's true.

[Rob Huebel]

But you did not have anything to do with the death of Leslie Nielsen?

[Paul Scheer]

No.

[Nick Cowan (Guest Actor from Surf Ninjas)]

No comment.

[Paul Scheer]

This is. Well, I'm so excited that you came here. Do we have any other questions for Nick? Do anything you want to share that we haven't asked that you think? Yeah.

[Rob Huebel]

Well, can I ask a question?

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah.

[Rob Huebel]

Do you surf? Do you know how to surf?

[Nicole Byer]

Are you a ninja?

[Nick Cowan (Guest Actor from Surf Ninjas)]

No and no.

[Rob Huebel]

No and no.

[Paul Scheer]

They wouldn't pay for you to surf. Huh?

[Nick Cowan (Guest Actor from Surf Ninjas)]

I was afraid of the ocean.

[Paul Scheer]

Really? Did you even paddleboard? Did you get the paddle board?

[Nick Cowan (Guest Actor from Surf Ninjas)]

We tried to do, like a scene of us coasting and I couldn't do it. I'm like this big now, and I was that big then. So the ocean is a very scary scene.

[Rob Huebel]

By the way, you did a great job in the movie, man. Like, I really thought you were great.

[Paul Scheer]

I have. I literally. I think my quick judgment of it is I have nothing to say about anyone's performance. The logic is weird. Is really. Cause I buy that you guys, you had a good relationship as brothers and stuff like that. My question is this, though. Tone Loke. Tone Loke comes on set. Is he. What's. Any memories? Any. Tone Loke Memories.

[Nick Cowan (Guest Actor from Surf Ninjas)]

It was really hot there. It was Thailand. It was humid. Like, really nasty humid.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah.

[Nick Cowan (Guest Actor from Surf Ninjas)]

And in between takes, he started singing a song about a mosquito being on his dick.

[Paul Scheer]

It was like, that means his dick's out.

[Nicole Byer]

Just.

[Paul Scheer]

Ow. I love it. Give it up for Nick. Thank you for this movie. Thank you for coming. You're the best. Holy shit. That was amazing. So I don't think we could top Nick. I mean, none of your questions can top that. He was fucking there. He answered everything. That is awesome. Thank you so much for coming out. Now, before we get into the end of the show here, I want to say how the movie ends, which is, I think, one of the best things, because they reprise one of the classic hit numbers from. From the film and it goes something like this. So they save the day. Everything is good and where is it?

[Rob Huebel]

There are a few background people here in this scene that did not know what the fuck was going on.

[Paul Scheer]

The background people never did. Like, even after.

[Rob Huebel]

Well, this is Thailand, so I can imagine there's some. I mean, we're still confused about the movie ourselves and we've been talking about it for two hours and we talk

[Paul Scheer]

to someone who's in it. So this is how. This is how it ends. You think, wow, cool. They won. They saved the day. Leslie Nielsen's dick got ripped off. It's a great kids movie. And then as my future queen and I go off to take our SATs, remember, we're all creators it equal.

[Nicole Byer]

Because I was born into royalty.

[Paul Scheer]

I'm no different from you. Put my face on a stamp, 50

[Nick Cowan (Guest Actor from Surf Ninjas)]

cent piece and let's call it a day.

[Paul Scheer]

That's, by the way, a big ass. He's like, you know, look, I don't want any accolades. Just put my name on a stamp or whatever.

[Rob Huebel]

Giving the government back to the people. It's like. It's like Baron Trump.

[Paul Scheer]

Here we go. So everyone's celebrating.

[Rob Huebel]

Look at the fucking elephant.

[Nicole Byer]

I wonder if they got a new elephant or if that's the same one that stomped on his face.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, my gosh. Well, let's. Obviously, we had an opinion about this movie, but there are people out there that had a different opinion. It is now time for Second opinions. The movie was a piece of shit, yet this person recommends it. Tell me, what is the message? Maybe that art is subjective. I need a second opinion. That was John Lajoie with his second opinion song. A beautiful second opinion song. These are five star reviews culled from Amazon.com for the film Surf Ninjas. This one we'll lead off with is from Written by someone calling themselves the Unknown Warrior. The title of the review is awesome and it goes like this. One of the greatest Filipino movies in the universe. The surf ninjas are not. Not really ninjas, but Filipino warriors. And the fictional country of Patusan is really the Philippines. Of course Ernie Reyes Jr. And Robbie Schneider are Filipino. The world will never understand the true power of the Filipino warrior. We are like the air and we are like the water. We are present but unnoticeable. Five star.

[Rob Huebel]

My favorite part of that is just Robbie Schneider.

[Paul Scheer]

Robbie Schneider. This is written by Paul Jameson and it goes like this. I guess this would be classified as a delightful fantasy full of youthful vigor. That's a pretty good guess. Pretty specific guess. I enjoyed it for what it was. Escapism. The main characters are young, handsome, that's to you, Nick. Virile youths who defy convention, come out on top and save the world to boot. All at the same time with a smile and a joke. It is of course ridiculous, but who cares? Five stars.

[Gil Ozeri]

Oh my God. It sounds like Tony Bennett wrote that review.

[Rob Huebel]

Why are adults. Why isn't this children? Like I like applesauce.

[Paul Scheer]

Mimi J. Got a little confused in her five star review. My son, now 34, loved the Three Ninjas. So think how old this mom is. At least 50, she wrote this July 16. My son, now 34, LOVED the three ninja movies growing up. And now his son, 3 years old and his daughter, 10 years old love it too.

[Rob Huebel]

Wait, the 3 year old has a 10 year old daughter?

[Paul Scheer]

Guys, you're missing the big part. She thinks it's three Ninjas which is another movie. A movie called three Ninja Ninjas. This is called Surf Ninjas. The movies are good, clean entertainment without any use of offensive language. Not even any gray area which is not found in many movies today. I highly recommend it for kids of all ages. I'm glad she didn't see this movie with the dick grab, rape scene, house explosions, throat slashing and then finally this is by a man calling himself Dorito. And it goes like this. Buy it. It's simple. Really, really simple. Buy it. If you have never seen the movie, don't worry. Buy it. You'll love it it. I guarantee it. Or you love nothing. At least go to the video store and rent it. Then buy it. And if you're not gonna buy it, send me your money and I'll buy it for you and keep it for myself. If you see or hear anyone with a negative of this movie, it's really simple. They're Wrong.

[Nicole Byer]

Wrong.

[Gil Ozeri]

Wrong.

[Nicole Byer]

Wrong.

[Paul Scheer]

Five stars.

[Nicole Byer]

That one's perfect.

[Gil Ozeri]

When was that review written, by the way?

[Paul Scheer]

Nick, in my research here, it says Nicholas Campbell and said that Leslie Nielsen was legitimately intimidating. You've been misquoted, my friend.

[Gil Ozeri]

When was that last review written?

[Paul Scheer]

That last review was written after Tone

[Rob Huebel]

Loke changed his name to Dorito.

[Paul Scheer]

It was written in 2003. We'll go down the 10 years after the movie came out. So we'll go down the line and I'll just ask. So obviously, you know, we're watching this film for this purpose. There are some movies that we watch that are very good, that are fun to watch, fun bad, and there are some that are not fun bad. What would you say, Gil? Is this a movie you would recommend the audience listening to watch this movie?

[Gil Ozeri]

Yes, it was fun and bad. It was fun bad. Fun first, bad second.

[Paul Scheer]

I agree with that. I recommend it as well, Nicole.

[Nicole Byer]

I would recommend fast forwarding it until he takes off his shirt and watching it from there. Because truly, you get the whole story. You're like, all right, Surf ninjas. They're fighting a white man. Great.

[Paul Scheer]

Let me ask you this. You don't have to answer it, but because Ernie Ray's is of age now.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

Could you have a fantasy of Ernie Ray's?

[Nicole Byer]

Why do I have to have a fantasy? Why can't I just fuck him? I'll find him, Nick. Where is he?

[Paul Scheer]

Nicole will be available after the show. You can tell her where he is. Rob.

[Rob Huebel]

To be honest, Paul, I prefer the book,

[Paul Scheer]

obviously. I know that. And if you do prefer the book, you can definitely get the novel Surf Ninja's. The novel show on.

[Nicole Byer]

That is so fucking funny.

[Paul Scheer]

Shot up on Amazon. Written by that.

[Rob Huebel]

In case I said that. Are you controlling me with a Sega?

[Paul Scheer]

I have a Sega game gear underneath the chair here. It doesn't work great, but you can get it on Amazon for $0.01 used, and they got 21 copies.

[Gil Ozeri]

Can you click on the. The author's name? Oh, is that just a screen?

[Nicole Byer]

I'm dying to know what that review is.

[Rob Huebel]

I wish.

[Gil Ozeri]

Al Singer.

[Paul Scheer]

And by the way, just so you can see, Nicole, this is Ernie Ray's now and then.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, he can still get it.

[Paul Scheer]

He's got it. He's got it and he'll keep it. So, all right, so we all recommend it, except for Rob, who prefers the book. Let's obviously, if you have an opinion, we'd love to hear hear from you. You can call us at 619. Paul p a u l ask a s k 619 Paul ask and you can leave your own opinions about the movie. Anything that we didn't cover. If You're Ernie Reyes Jr. If you're the director, you can call that number as well.

[Rob Huebel]

If you're Rob Schneider, please stop calling.

[Paul Scheer]

But let's talk about what you guys are up to. Thank you guys for joining us in the how this get made All Stars. Rob, what do you got coming up?

[Rob Huebel]

Want to tell people about we're starting a new season of Transparent pretty soon.

[Paul Scheer]

Yep.

[Rob Huebel]

In February and yeah, I'd plug that.

[Paul Scheer]

And right now, when the audience is listening to this, Drive Share will be available on go 90.

[Rob Huebel]

That's right. You and I did a TV show called Drive Share. Both of these people are in that TV show.

[Paul Scheer]

Yes, they are very funny in that show.

[Rob Huebel]

It's all. It's just funny people in Ubers. That's how it is, right?

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, it's funny. Uber rides.

[Rob Huebel]

Yeah, it's funny. Uber rides.

[Gil Ozeri]

Uh huh.

[Paul Scheer]

130 different Uber rides.

[Rob Huebel]

Yeah, we shot it in 10 minutes.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah. Nicole, talk to us. What do you got?

[Nicole Byer]

What isn't happening? No, I'm kidding. My life's really slow right now, but you can watch loosely. Exactly. Nicole on Hulu and mtv dot com.

[Paul Scheer]

It's a super funny show.

[Nicole Byer]

Thank you. I think it's really funny. Who knows if we'll get a second season. MTV's a mess, I'll say that. Cause it's true.

[Paul Scheer]

It's true. True. It started off, Rob and I were. Did a show there. It was a mess back then.

[Rob Huebel]

Yeah, it's.

[Paul Scheer]

We did a show paired with three six Mafia. You know, they were great. A real fun, real fun sitcom show with three six Mafia followed by human giant. Really two great tastes that go great together. Gil,

[Gil Ozeri]

I just wrote for a show called Big Matt for Netflix that's coming out soon, so look out for that.

[Paul Scheer]

Well, who's in that?

[Gil Ozeri]

Nick Kroll, John Delaney are in it and I don't know, my Snapchat, I guess.

[Paul Scheer]

I think, by the way, you should plug the Snapchat. It's one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Yeah. They could follow you and what is it?

[Gil Ozeri]

Gil Ozeri? Yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

Okay. This is his name. Follow him and it's legitimately the funniest thing you'll see. And ridiculous production values.

[Rob Huebel]

There's a lot of production value. I don't, I don't get how you do that. It's awesome.

[Paul Scheer]

Gil is my friend. I felt nervous to even ask him about certain things. Cause I felt like I was fanning out about his Snapchat. That's how impressive the things are. I'm like, wait, how did you do that, though? How did you get to lax? Cause it's insane. Yeah. It's amazing. He literally put himself in a suitcase in one of them and traveled from his house with his head out of a suitcase all the way to lax and got super far into lax.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. Didn't you get put on the conveyor belt?

[Gil Ozeri]

Yeah, I got put on the conveyor

[Nicole Byer]

belt, which is so fucking funny.

[Rob Huebel]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And everyone just acts like it's so. They're perfect.

[Gil Ozeri]

Yeah. No, it was a TSA agent who put me on there.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, it was.

[Nicole Byer]

Really?

[Gil Ozeri]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And that's why a man checked a gun and shot people in Florida, because they're doing your silly Snapchat.

[Rob Huebel]

Sorry.

[Paul Scheer]

You can follow us at. How did this get made on Twitter or just hdtgm and on Facebook? Sign up for our mailing list. A big thank you to Avril Halley, who cuts all of these amazing clips, finds all of these great pieces. Nate Kiley, who does all of our research. July Diaz up in the booth. Marissa Zeitz, who pulls this whole thing together. Leander Waldron, who designed some of our cool, cool stuff. Everybody here at Largo, everybody here at Earwolf, thank you all. We'll see you next time.

[Commercial Voice]

Snoring, Gasping during sleep? Feeling fatigued? Wake up to Zepbound Tirzepatide, the first and only FDA approved prescription medicine for moderate to severe obstructive sleep apnea in adults with obesity. Zepbound is an injectable prescription medicine that may help adults with moderate to severe obstructive sleep apnea, OSA and obesity. To improve their osa, Zeb Bound should be used with a reduced calorie diet and increased physical activity. Zebound is Approved as a 2.5, 5, 7.5, 10, 12.5 or 15mg injection. Zetbound contains tirzepatide and should not be used with other Tirzepatide containing products or any GLP1 receptor agonist medicines. It is not known if Zetbound is safe and effective for use in children. Do not share needles or pins or reuse needles. Don't take Zetbound if allergic to it or if you or someone in your family had medullary thyroid cancer or multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome type 2. Tell your doctor if you get a lump or swelling in your neck, stop Zepbound and call your doctor if you have severe stomach pain or a serious allergic reaction. Severe side effects may include inflamed pancreas or gallbladder problems. Tell your doctor if you experience vision changes, depression or suicidal thoughts before scheduled procedures with anesthesia. If you're nursing pregnant, plan to be or taking birth control pills. Taking zepbound with a sulfonylurea or insulin may cause low blood sugar. Side effects include nausea, diarrhea and vomiting, which can cause dehydration and worsen kidney problems. Talk to your doctor, call 1-800-545-5979 or visit zepbound.lilly.com Zepbound and its delivery device base and QuickPen are registered trademarks owned or licensed by eli Lilly Co. Its subsidiaries or affiliates.

Early BIRDS Always rise to the occasion for summer vacation planning, because early gets

[Nicole Byer]

you closer to the action.

[Commercial Voice]

So don't be late. Book your next vacation early on VRBO and save over $120. Rise and shine average savings $141 select homes only.