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June Parker
Sometimes the best part of a secret is being part of its reveal, and it's even better if I can solve a mystery or two of my own along the way. When I'm looking to escape reality and bring out my competitive side, I turn to a tale of murder and romance in June's Journey. It's a game full of secrets where every clue brings you closer to the truth. June's Journey is a hidden object mystery game where you play as June Parker as she uncovers scandalous family secrets at her sister's estate. I love playing June's Journey because I get genuinely invested in both the storyline and my ability to spot all the clues at each level. Each chapter brings you deeper into the story, plus it's set in the Roaring twenties, so beyond discovering clues, you can explore stunning scenes from New York parlors to Parisian sidewalks. They get more complex the further along you go, and it's so fun to compete with friends and other players for the fastest case solving and highest scores. How sharp are your observation skills? Put them to the test in June's Journey. Download for free today on iOS and Android.
Grace Hawthorne
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Vince
Hey everybody, Vince here and man, do I have a podcast recommendation for you from the creators of the award winning horror fiction podcast Parkdale Haunt comes Woodbine, a supernatural mystery about monsters, love and new beginnings. Parkdale Haunt was one of my favorite shows when it was running and I was super excited when they launched Woodbine this fall. The first season is available now and the series follows queer vampire detectives, namely Beatrice and her boss Grace, as they investigate cases in an urban fantasy setting. Each week the crew solves a new mystery, encountering characters such as Mothman, the Boogeyman, and a literal brain in a vat, all while trying to get to the bottom of the mystery of who killed Bea. The podcast is a mixture of horror comedy and urban fantasy with romance elements made for lovers of Supernatural and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Again, two fantastic TV shows. So check out Woodbine anywhere you listen to podcasts and stick around for the first episode right now.
Beatrice Ash
It was an unusually warm September day when it happened. I was at work typing up some notes my coworker Grace had left for me to transcribe. Grace Hawthorne. Nice lady. Bit of an old soul, but we get along. We're friends. She's the main detective here at the agency. I mean, she's the only detective. I'm just an assistant mostly. I take notes, call clients, whatever is needed. But I join her out on the field sometimes, helping with cases, digging around. I hope I have the chops to actually move up the ladder here. Well, it's not really much of a ladder. It's a step stool. Perhaps it's a small workplace. Woodbine Agency. Located just near Woodbine subway station. Not the most creative name, but, hey, I didn't pick it. A tiny detective agency with tiny cases. Stuff too small for anyone major to care about, but too big for one person to handle. It's not bad. Good benefits, dental. Have to admit, I'd been hoping for a promotion. And Grace has definitely been taking more of an interest in me as of late. But none of this is important right now. As for me, my name is Beatrice Ash, but everyone who knows me well calls me Bea. I like it, B. It sounds bouncy, bright, sweet. All these things that I just feel like I'm not now. People who've just met me call me Beatrice, and it makes me feel like I'm still in school. The teacher's voice barking it out across the classroom, the kids making jokes about it. And young me wishing my parents gave me a cool contemporary name like Kayla or Ashley or Misty. But no Beatrice. An old lady name. Grace likes it, although I'm not sure why. But, yeah, that's why I get called by people who barely know me. As for people who don't know me at all, well, they don't call me anything. For example, the guy who walked into the office a few minutes ago and started stabbing me. He didn't even look at the nameplate on the desk. He just got to work and, well, here I am.
Grace Hawthorne
Oh, no. Oh, no.
Beatrice Ash
Oh, my God.
Grace Hawthorne
Oh, my.
Beatrice Ash
Okay.
Grace Hawthorne
Okay, I'm going to be. Honey, I need you to stay with me, okay?
Beatrice Ash
Grace. Help me. Oh, I'm gonna die. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Grace Hawthorne
No, you're not doing that. I'm not going to let that happen. We will get you out of here. We'll get these wounds stitched up.
Beatrice Ash
I don't think you have much choice in the matter.
Grace Hawthorne
I'll call for help. I'll get an Ambulance. They can. There's so much blood.
Beatrice Ash
Be my blood inside me. It's all I want. Oh, God. Oh, God. Please help. Please.
Grace Hawthorne
It's. It's a lot.
Beatrice Ash
No.
Grace Hawthorne
I won't let you die. Okay.
Beatrice Ash
Where's your phone?
Grace Hawthorne
Oh, no, it's been smashed.
Beatrice Ash
I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Please. Please don't let me die.
Grace Hawthorne
I told you that won't happen.
Beatrice Ash
Oh.
Alden
Cold.
Beatrice Ash
I'm cold.
Grace Hawthorne
I.
Beatrice Ash
Your pulse is so weak.
Grace Hawthorne
Okay. Fuck. I could go get my phone, but I don't think they can help.
Beatrice Ash
Just anything.
Grace Hawthorne
Be my sweet bee. I'm going to make a choice for the both of us.
Beatrice Ash
What?
Grace Hawthorne
It's not your time.
Beatrice Ash
Who says you get to pick? Who says you get to pick that?
Grace Hawthorne
Good question. What kind of God would let this happen to you?
Beatrice Ash
I don't know.
Grace Hawthorne
What kind of God would cause such pain? What kind of devil will allow me to help you?
Beatrice Ash
I'm sorry, Grace.
Grace Hawthorne
Don't be sorry. What do you have to be sorry for?
Beatrice Ash
All this. It's gonna be a mess to clean up, and I won't be here for it. I don't want to die.
Grace Hawthorne
Is this what was used to stab you?
Beatrice Ash
Yeah.
Grace Hawthorne
Yeah, I'm helping. Don't worry.
Beatrice Ash
Shh.
Grace Hawthorne
I'm the one who's sorry. Be. It's not your time to go, okay? We'll figure this out together. Are you ready? I am. And I'll explain everything after. This will feel disorienting. You look so beautiful, Bea.
Lennox
Do not make this mistake again, Grace. It's difficult for me to watch you fail.
Grace Hawthorne
The fuck what's be.
Beatrice Ash
Don't. Don't come any closer. All right, you tell me what happened? Where am I and what the fuck happened?
Grace Hawthorne
And I'm sorry. I don't think you're fully healed yet. It's only been a few hours.
Beatrice Ash
Where are we?
Grace Hawthorne
You're at my house.
Beatrice Ash
What? What? Why did you bring me here? Shouldn't I be in a hospital or something?
Grace Hawthorne
A hospital wouldn't help.
Beatrice Ash
What does that mean? How. How. How am I even conscious right now? Or. Or alive, for that matter? Last time I looked, most of my blood was now in a big puddle outside my body, ruining the office floor.
Grace Hawthorne
That hardwood will never be the same, unfortunately. What a shame. It was original.
Beatrice Ash
You know, I don't think that's the issue right now. What the hell is going on? Why are we here?
Grace Hawthorne
I needed to get you somewhere safe.
Beatrice Ash
Did you call the police? An ambulance, an Uber?
Grace Hawthorne
Cops are useless. An ambulance would never have arrived in time. And I would have ruined my 5 star rating on Uber if I had tried to load your bloody form into the back of some random man's Kia Sportage.
Beatrice Ash
Ok, ok. So you brought me here to what? Stitch me up?
Grace Hawthorne
In a sense.
Beatrice Ash
In a sense? What did you. Did you hot glue me back together or something?
Grace Hawthorne
B, we need to talk.
Beatrice Ash
What the. What? No, I was stabbed. I was stabbed a lot. Look, my shirt. My shirt is a mess, but there's no open wounds. How. What?
Grace Hawthorne
I have some things I should explain.
Beatrice Ash
Yeah, you think? Grace, what the hell is going on? What is this? Am I. Am I hallucinating? Am I dead? How long have I been out?
Grace Hawthorne
Just calm down and I.
Beatrice Ash
How the shit am I supposed to calm down? What did you do?
Grace Hawthorne
It's a complicated thing.
Beatrice Ash
I don't have the patience right now for complications. Grace. Did you scoop my blood up and put it back inside me? I don't think that's how it works.
Grace Hawthorne
Would you describe yourself as someone with an open mind?
Beatrice Ash
What? I'm gonna start throwing more stuff if you don't give me a straight answer.
Grace Hawthorne
If it'll make you feel better, at least aim for the vase on the table over there. I've. I've never cared for it.
Beatrice Ash
Oh my God. Okay, let me get on your level right now. Are you some sort of necromancer? Are you a witch? Are you some sort of weird cultist with a patron or whatever?
Grace Hawthorne
No, I've been approached before, but not my style. Cultists are too hot headed. I did have a stint as a priestess of a worm goddess. Oh, there was this woman. She was so gorgeous when she was zealous. She got me into it. But yeah, I'll save that story for another time.
Beatrice Ash
What is going on?
Grace Hawthorne
This might take a little time to explain.
Beatrice Ash
Make it quick.
Grace Hawthorne
There is a lot of information that I'm going to need to get through before I get to the crux of the issue.
Beatrice Ash
Tell me now.
Grace Hawthorne
I'm a vampire. Bee.
Beatrice Ash
I understand the words that you just said. They are words that make sense in my head. I comprehend them. It's just that they are words that don't make any sense in the context of real life. So I'm going to ask you to calmly repeat to me what you just said. Okay?
Grace Hawthorne
Yes, all right.
Beatrice Ash
Please repeat what you just said.
Grace Hawthorne
I am a vampire.
Beatrice Ash
What?
Grace Hawthorne
A vampire. You know, a mythological undead creature said to feed on the blood of the living. An aspiratu, A creature of the night, A bloodsucker.
Beatrice Ash
I know what a vampire is.
Grace Hawthorne
Oh, well, good I am aware of.
Beatrice Ash
The concept and the mythology. I've seen Buffy. I skimmed Twilight. And I'm glad for you, Whatever that means. But I'm not really sure how this applies to whatever's happening here, because I'm not. Oh. Oh, no, Grace. No, you didn't.
Grace Hawthorne
I'm sorry. It was all I could do. There were no other options.
Beatrice Ash
Are you shitting me?
Grace Hawthorne
Believe me, this is not a thing I would you about.
Beatrice Ash
All right, you know what? I'm done. I am not putting up with this. Ah. Stop.
Grace Hawthorne
If you're trying to dramatically immolate yourself, it's not going to work.
Beatrice Ash
Okay. Fine. Oh. Oh, that stings. Oh, my. Oh, my God. I can't. I can't go out in the sun now.
Grace Hawthorne
Yes and no. If you'll just let me explain, I.
Beatrice Ash
No. No, this isn't. This isn't real. Why. Why aren't there any stab wounds? I do not understand what happened to me.
Grace Hawthorne
You were stabbed and you were dying, and I. I couldn't stand there and watch you shake off this mortal coil, so I did the only thing I could do. And because of that, because of what I did, you have changed. You may have noticed that one of the changes allows you to heal quite quickly. You're still going to be a little sore, I've noticed. But you're alive. Well, sort of. Not technically, I suppose, but you still exist.
Beatrice Ash
Why?
Grace Hawthorne
I couldn't let you die. And I made a choice.
Beatrice Ash
I want to say that my head is throbbing. That my eyes burn. That I feel a shiver running through me, but I don't. Just this endless numbness that is settling across my skin like lukewarm water. Am I still me?
Grace Hawthorne
Yes. But different. Look, there's so much to tell you. But it's not all bad. There are things about the change you might enjoy. It does come with benefits. Things will become clearer over time.
Beatrice Ash
This feels like this fucking bullshit. You were lying to me.
Grace Hawthorne
I know. It's a lot to take in. I remember the change. I went through it, too. It's overwhelming, but it can also be exhilarating. Like the first kiss of a new lover. Our burning man.
Beatrice Ash
I think I. What is that smell?
Grace Hawthorne
Oh, you'll be hungry. I brought you something.
Beatrice Ash
Is that blood?
Grace Hawthorne
Ethically sourced. I promise. It's AB positive. Quite earthy.
Beatrice Ash
I am not touching that.
Grace Hawthorne
You're going to need to eat. The hunger will come sooner than you think.
Beatrice Ash
No, no, no, no. I just.
Grace Hawthorne
Just.
Beatrice Ash
Just leave me alone for a bit.
Grace Hawthorne
Are you sure?
Beatrice Ash
Yes.
Grace Hawthorne
Okay. Okay. Just don't open that Curtain again.
Beatrice Ash
Don't tell me what to do.
Grace Hawthorne
Believe me, I have no desire to be your keeper. But I do have a responsibility to protect you from yourself. At least until you understand how this works. Be please. Trust me. I had to learn all of these things the hard way, but.
Beatrice Ash
This is fucking real?
Grace Hawthorne
Yes.
Beatrice Ash
What am I supposed to do now?
Grace Hawthorne
I can help. I owe you that much.
Beatrice Ash
You can help? You got me into this mess.
Grace Hawthorne
I wasn't the one who stabbed you. I wasn't trying to hurt you.
Beatrice Ash
You did this to me. You turned me into this. You made this choice for me. Get out.
Grace Hawthorne
I'm sorry, Bea. I'm going to give you some space. Please. If you are feeling hunger, I urge you to consider eating.
Beatrice Ash
What do you say to someone who's told you something? Unbelievable. What do you do when your world, the one where this stuff doesn't exist, ends and is suddenly replaced with a world that no longer makes sense? I don't want to exist in this new reality. But it doesn't feel like it matters what I want anymore. I walk over to the window, and if I place my arm in the sunlight, it feels like someone's snapping a hundred elastics across my skin. I'm not gonna die doing this. I don't think, but fuck. Everything feels too loud, too weird. Thick and hazy. Like I'm looking through sleet and listening through thunder. My body hurts, but not enough. I was dying a few hours ago. I was dying, but there's no trace of the wounds. And the pain feels like a distant memory. I've checked my phone. It's late afternoon. This morning I came to work. I did a little admin. I was stabbed 27 times. And now I'm. I can't say it yet, but I've changed. I know in my heart I have. I can feel it. But I'm still breathing. Why am I still breathing? And I'm hungry. It feels like normal hunger, but also. It doesn't. It's like hunger was mixed in a blender with desire and lust. And I just want something. But I can't. I can't. And I won't. I will not be ravenous. I am not a monster. I just want to know why this is happening. And I want to know why she did this to me.
Lennox
Still haven't heard back from Grace?
Alden
No. Have you had any luck?
Lennox
I tried again. No response.
Alden
How serious of a situation do you think this is?
Lennox
When was the last time you got a panicked voicemail from her? Aurelius, 1999.
Alden
Yes. When she got Those chunky highlights.
Lennox
A terrible decision. Yes. But the tenor of this call. I don't think my concern is unfounded. She said she made some choices and it all feels out of character. What do you think has her so worked up? Reassure me before my brain takes me down a terrible path. What do you think happened?
Alden
She killed her latest meal.
Lennox
Hasn't done that in decades.
Alden
She's gone vegan.
Lennox
Do you honestly think she would want to relive that short lived phase?
Alden
Perhaps she burned the office down by accident. Or by design. She has been talking to me about updating the interior.
Lennox
She would have just told us.
Alden
And leave a paper trail? Let a woman commit a little insurance fraud as a treat. Alden.
Lennox
Right now I hope it's something as ridiculous as that.
Alden
May I offer an unlikely option?
Lennox
You may.
Alden
Perhaps she turned someone.
Lennox
Grace has never. Not once since I've known. Even considered. Do you really think she could?
Alden
That isn't something she would do without a very good reason.
Lennox
Who would she even consider turning?
Alden
She's turned people since we've met her.
Lennox
She most certainly has not.
Alden
What about that one lover of hers? What was his name? George Gordon.
Lennox
What, the poet? I would have eaten him before ever letting him become even halfway immortal. Imagine being stuck with that blowhard.
Alden
He wasn't that bad.
Lennox
He said her hair was made of water and her teeth looked like moonlight. And then he wrote a sestina comparing her to a hangover. He can go to hell.
Alden
Fussy.
Lennox
No. I have taste. Grace is fussy.
Alden
She never turned her ex girlfriend, Right?
Lennox
Which one?
Alden
The really friendly one with the big curly hair back around 93.
Lennox
No. And I liked Rhonda. Didn't she die? Is that who I'm thinking of?
Alden
Yes. Car crash, I think.
Lennox
Right. Tragic. I remember seeing the obituary. Grace. Actually. I don't think she ever spoke about her again.
Alden
She did send a floral arrangement when she heard about the funeral. White roses. I remember helping her pick them out. So who would she turn now? She hasn't been with anyone in ages.
Lennox
She's spoken highly of the woman she works with.
Alden
The co worker.
Lennox
I guess she blushes when she brings her up.
Alden
No.
Lennox
Have you been paying attention? Yes.
Alden
I should get new glasses.
Lennox
She's sweet on her. At least a little.
Alden
Can't trust a vampire with emotions.
Lennox
Don't play on old tropes. I'm just saying something has happened. Grace is in a tizzy. That call made my hair stand on end.
Alden
Now you're making me nervous.
Lennox
Sorry.
Alden
It's all right. Let's just try calling her again. I want to know what's happening.
Beatrice Ash
Is there some sort of onboarding for this?
Grace Hawthorne
I don't have a PowerPoint presentation readied, if that's what you mean. What do you want to know?
Beatrice Ash
What a hilariously huge question. I still barely believe that any of this has happened. But I. You know, there's a lot I'd like to know more about.
Grace Hawthorne
Well, we have a lot of time. An eternity, one could say.
Beatrice Ash
Okay, I can't handle. I can't handle the thought of that right now. Alright, let's start small. God, this feels stupid. You'll adjust, all right? Vampires have lore, there are rules.
Grace Hawthorne
Everything's got rules.
Beatrice Ash
Yeah, but it's things like, okay, sunlight hurts, but it doesn't make me turn to ash. Not immediately, anyways.
Grace Hawthorne
No. But you'll want to wear long sleeves if you're going out during the day. And a hat. Oh, you know, I have some wonderful hats you can borrow.
Beatrice Ash
I'm not really a hat person.
Grace Hawthorne
Said like someone who's never been to a milliner.
Beatrice Ash
I'm not even entirely sure what that is.
Grace Hawthorne
I know a wonderful one. I'll send her a text. You'll love her. Besides, I think you'd look incredible in something a little slouchy.
Beatrice Ash
Grace, come on.
Grace Hawthorne
It would clearly match your attitude.
Beatrice Ash
Fine, fine. We'll go hat making.
Grace Hawthorne
No, you don't make the hat. She does.
Beatrice Ash
Enough about hats.
Grace Hawthorne
Said like someone who's never owned a well made cloche.
Beatrice Ash
Okay, whatever.
Grace Hawthorne
Crosses tacky in many contexts, but otherwise, not an issue.
Beatrice Ash
Silver.
Grace Hawthorne
That's werewolves.
Beatrice Ash
It's both.
Grace Hawthorne
Regardless, not an issue. Which is good for me because I have never liked how gold looks against my skin tone.
Beatrice Ash
Okay, are there plants I can't be around? I assume garlic is fine. Ooh, Seriously?
Grace Hawthorne
It won't kill you, but it will make you sick. Sorry.
Beatrice Ash
Yeah. This is the second worst news I've gotten today.
Grace Hawthorne
It's not like you'll need food to live.
Beatrice Ash
Yeah, but I enjoy it. I like to cook.
Grace Hawthorne
Maybe replace it with onions.
Beatrice Ash
All right, all right. Okay. Okay. I don't know. Like, I assume a stake through the heart or a beheading can kill me, but that kills anything, so not really a huge leap.
Grace Hawthorne
Yeah. Oh. Beware of oleander.
Beatrice Ash
Like the plant?
Grace Hawthorne
Yes. It can cause symptoms.
Beatrice Ash
Okay, what are we talking here? Are we talking mild headaches, rash, bleeding out of the eyeballs?
Grace Hawthorne
It's poisonous to regular humans, but for us, dizziness, weakness. It'll make you feel drunk, but bad drunk.
Beatrice Ash
Can I still get drunk?
Grace Hawthorne
If you drink enough, you can for a short bit, but it wears off quite quickly.
Beatrice Ash
Quickly. All right. That's not too bad.
Grace Hawthorne
Oh, and you have to be invited in.
Beatrice Ash
I'm sorry, what now?
Grace Hawthorne
You can't enter a space that's claimed without an invitation.
Beatrice Ash
Is that why you always had me head into a house first?
Grace Hawthorne
Yes. You adapt. You learn.
Beatrice Ash
How old are you?
Grace Hawthorne
Actually?
Beatrice Ash
No. Theoretically. Tell me. As if this is some sort of age double slit experiment.
Grace Hawthorne
Let's just say I've lived lifetimes.
Beatrice Ash
Oh. All right. Cool. You'll have to give me your skin care tips.
Grace Hawthorne
Oh, Lots of water. Retinol. Being undead. Vaseline over moisturizer every night.
Beatrice Ash
Wonderful.
Grace Hawthorne
Look, there's a lot to take in. I don't want you to feel too overwhelmed right off the bat.
Beatrice Ash
That right? Like vampire?
Grace Hawthorne
No. Like this.
Beatrice Ash
Okay. Please tell me that I don't need to get a rabies shot to hang around you.
Grace Hawthorne
Even if I could give you rabies, you wouldn't die from it. I don't think.
Beatrice Ash
You don't think? Think.
Grace Hawthorne
I never tried. Oh, and don't worry about shape shifting just yet. That takes a bit of practice. I'm sure you'll be fine, though. You're a quick learner.
Beatrice Ash
So. So am I immortal?
Grace Hawthorne
In the sense that you're not going to die of old age, yes.
Beatrice Ash
That's. No, No. I don't want to go into that anymore right now. That is too much to wrap my head around at this moment. I don't want to think about it.
Grace Hawthorne
It's okay. It's okay. It just takes time. It'll make sense eventually.
Beatrice Ash
Grace. Why people die every day. Why couldn't you have just called for help?
Grace Hawthorne
Because it would never have gotten here in time. And I didn't think this was the way you should go. Bleeding out on the office floor. I wanted better for you, and I thought that this will at least give you time.
Beatrice Ash
Fine. Fine. I'll put a pin in it and I'll. Am I really never going to be able to enjoy the sun again?
Grace Hawthorne
I can't begin to describe what moonlight will feel like on your skin. Once you're settled, we can. We can go for a walk. You've healed, but you had many wounds. And I know you look the same, but your body has changed. For a while, you won't know your own strength. You might feel like. Like a puppy growing into oversized paws.
Beatrice Ash
Don't patronize me.
Grace Hawthorne
Maybe that was a poor choice of words, but the fact remains, you are in the process of becoming something that comes with growing pains. Speaking of. Did you eat. You will need to eat.
Beatrice Ash
What if I don't? What if I just want to lie down on the floor and die like I was supposed to?
Grace Hawthorne
You can do whatever you want. Lie there. Ossify. But I will say this to you now. It is not as bad as you think. It will be difficult. A challenge at first, but really not as hard as you think it will be. Your mind may push against it. Your body, though it will crave. Eventually your mind will come to meet it as well. You can either fight it or accept it. Fighting it. Noble, maybe in a foolish way. It will hurt, though. It will feel like your skin is being peeled. Your body. But you won't die. You will just suffer. You can choose that bee. I can't stop you. I can't recommend it, though.
Beatrice Ash
Do you have someone you bleed when you're feeling peckish? Who's, like, chained up in the basement?
Grace Hawthorne
Things have changed in the last century. No one needs to die, so we can feed. No one even needs to suffer. Here. I can bring you another Blood Bag.
Beatrice Ash
Don't you need to eat if you don't want to be my keeper? Stop telling me what to do.
Grace Hawthorne
I am just trying to. Fine. Eat. Or don't. Do as you like. Just please don't get it on the wallpaper again.
Beatrice Ash
Right. My stomach gnaws at me. It radiates through my body, and I cannot bring myself to look at the bag on the table. It just makes me ravenous. Okay. Grace, I. I feel like I should say thank you or something for what you did, but I don't know if I'm there yet. I'm not mad. I know my other option was to just die. So. I understand why you did this. And somewhere deep down, I think if I had been in the same position, I probably would have done the same thing. So.
Grace Hawthorne
Thank you for saying that. We're going to find the person that tried to kill you.
Beatrice Ash
Hmm. This is going to sound really weird, but your touch feels. Feels different.
Grace Hawthorne
Oh. Oh, of course it does. Can I ask what it feels like?
Beatrice Ash
Hmm. There's sort of a light buzz. It's like putting your hand into a tub of ball bearings.
Grace Hawthorne
Interesting. The experience, your description.
Beatrice Ash
It's hard to explain.
Grace Hawthorne
You'll learn that if you touch a regular human, they'll feel all kinds of fun things. But when a vampire touches another vampire, it's a whole other experience.
Beatrice Ash
It's a nice feeling. So do we. Do we go back to the office, look around?
Grace Hawthorne
Hmm. Well, the sun will be going down shortly.
Beatrice Ash
Okay. I want to go back to the office.
Grace Hawthorne
Are you sure?
Beatrice Ash
Yes. I need to see where it happened. We return to the office to see if we can find any hints of who did this at the scene of the crime. It's weird to call it that. Not that it isn't, but that it's this thing that happened to me and I am the victim. And this is a thing that has to be solved. As we walk in, I am suddenly hit by this wall of fear. I knew I would feel trepidation coming back, but walking back in, I am overwhelmed by the smell of blood. My blood in the air. It's disgusting. It is horrifying. It's beautiful. And that feeling makes my stomach lurch. Although I cannot tell if it's because I'm revolted or if it's because I'm starving. God, I'm starving. But that's immediately replaced again by the fear. The energy in the room still shimmers like a too hot day. Harsh and unforgiving. It's all very fresh. Like walking in after an explosion. The sound gone, but the dust still thick in the air. Oh my God.
Grace Hawthorne
I think this floor will need refinishing.
Beatrice Ash
She was right, right? I wouldn't have survived. Are you just going to call a guy and be like, sorry, I was slaughtering a deer in here and it got away from me?
Grace Hawthorne
What do you think I'm the only vampire in Toronto? But don't worry, I have a guy for this. Actually, I should have someone in tomorrow if Chris is available.
Beatrice Ash
Do you ruin floors often?
Grace Hawthorne
No, but I have a network of people who will do the things that need to be done. Discretion pays well.
Beatrice Ash
Makes sense. Okay, so here's where I was. I clearly had moved from the desk. The mental image of what happened feels blurry, even though it was so real. The adrenaline and the pain form a film over everything. And all I can remember are the most random pieces. The sound of my strained breathing. The creaking of the wooden floors beneath us. The smell of cologne, thick and cloying, heavy on his skin. I heard the door open. A man stood in the doorway. I didn't recognize him.
Grace Hawthorne
And you're sure it was a man?
Beatrice Ash
Yeah. Yes. He was tall. He had on a coat and a medical mask on his face. And he was also. He was wearing a scarf, which I thought was weird cause it's warm out. It was red. And I think he had brown hair or black hair or. I don't remember.
Grace Hawthorne
Just keep working through the memory.
Beatrice Ash
He came in and he stood here. And I could smell Him. That's what I remember. I could smell cologne. It was thick and it smelled familiar. I don't know. I don't remember why. But it did. And I asked him if I could help him, and he didn't say anything. And he looked from me over to here.
Grace Hawthorne
Which means he was looking at my office.
Beatrice Ash
Yes, but you were out. So the desk was empty. And then he turned to me and he locked eyes and he charged at me. And then.
Grace Hawthorne
That's good. You don't have to keep going. It's quite self explanatory from there. The only question is, how did you end up this far from your desk?
Beatrice Ash
A good question. But everything is a haze. I was crawling towards him, away from him. I don't remember. But I knew I was crawling.
Grace Hawthorne
There's tracks here. He walked around, tracking. Blood everywhere. He's moving quickly, trying to find something. Are you sure you were at your desk when he came in?
Beatrice Ash
Yes, I was writing an email. And I remember looking over my laptop top at him.
Grace Hawthorne
Do you remember getting up? Did you make any moves once the attack started?
Beatrice Ash
I. Yeah, I must have. Yeah. Yeah, I must have. I. I don't. I don't know. It's just a blur.
Grace Hawthorne
There's blood here.
Beatrice Ash
That. That looks like spatter from the attack. But this. This is new. There's blood on the business cards.
Grace Hawthorne
Huh. He took a card.
Beatrice Ash
What, like a. Like a fucking token? A little memento? Is he gonna call me and report my own murder? There's a thumbprint on the plastic holder that keeps both of our business cards. On the top of each stack, there's a drop of blood. Blood. He took both of our cards. And somehow that only makes this feel worse. I'm gonna change my cell phone number.
Grace Hawthorne
We'll monitor it. If this piece of shit reaches out, I want to be ready to respond.
Beatrice Ash
Why would he take a card?
Grace Hawthorne
Proof that he's been here.
Beatrice Ash
Is the blood not enough?
Grace Hawthorne
It's curious.
Beatrice Ash
So he took a souvenir?
Grace Hawthorne
Could be. Taking a little treat to remind him of a job well done.
Beatrice Ash
You think he was hired?
Grace Hawthorne
This feels premeditated, planned.
Beatrice Ash
Okay, but why?
Grace Hawthorne
I don't know. But I think the answers we're looking for might prove to be more elusive than tracking down a lone, angry man with a knife.
Beatrice Ash
Do you think you were the intended target?
Grace Hawthorne
I think it's a possibility. But to be thorough, let me ask you a few things. Do you have any history of violent or vindictive exes?
Beatrice Ash
I had a girlfriend who was a real piece of work, but she's long gone. So aside from that? No.
Grace Hawthorne
Any past experiences involving organized crime, drug trafficking?
Beatrice Ash
No.
Grace Hawthorne
I'm not honey trapping you. I just need you to be honest. If there's anything unsavory in your history.
Beatrice Ash
There's nothing. I smoked some weed in high school. I once did MDMA at a club and I hated it. I broke a car window with a basketball when I was a kid. And I didn't tell anyone, so I doubt that guy has been biding his time, waiting to just seek revenge.
Grace Hawthorne
I know people who have done more for less, but I'll admit it's unlikely. Money issues?
Beatrice Ash
Just the usual of rent too expensive, everything too expensive.
Grace Hawthorne
No loan sharks, then enemies, People you've pissed off. Anything? No.
Beatrice Ash
Grace, I don't have any sort of dark past. I don't have any of the Sopranos coming after me because I got in Tony's way or whatever. I don't know. I didn't watch the show. I don't have hbo.
Grace Hawthorne
Yeah, neither do I. I've heard it's about psychiatry and ducks, but. Anyway, keep thinking about it. If anyone comes to mind, please let me know.
Beatrice Ash
Are there people who'd want to kill you?
Grace Hawthorne
Yes. You live long enough, you don't make as many friends as you do. Individuals willing to forgive, lack of a better phrase, stab you in the back.
Beatrice Ash
Are you going to elaborate on this?
Grace Hawthorne
No. But I will make a few phone calls.
Beatrice Ash
As she walks around the room. Something I've never noticed about her is that she never gets sweaty. I've never seen her wipe the sweat off her forehead or even look a little clammy. If she's nervous, she doesn't wear it on her body. And if she's lying, well, I guess I just have to figure that out another way.
Grace Hawthorne
H, you're right. A good professional would have staked out the office ahead of time. They would have known that I wasn't here when they came in. So either they were a subpar hitman or they weren't hired to kill me. Maybe they were hired to send me a message. I just don't know what that message means. Not yet. Anyone who's spoken to me over the last couple of years knows that we work together. Someone might have been trying to hurt me through you. And if that's the case, I will obliterate them and then put them back together piece by agonizing peace, just so I can fucking obliterate them again.
Beatrice Ash
Her eyes lock onto me and then dart away, eventually drifting back over to the blood pool on the floor. All Right. Let's take some pictures and then finish up here. Because I can't handle being in this space much longer. It is stressing me out.
Grace Hawthorne
Yeah, I've got a few photos. I'll grab a few more. And tomorrow my guy will be in to redo these floors. It'll be like none of this ever happened.
Beatrice Ash
Yeah, except for the vampirism.
Grace Hawthorne
Yeah. Yeah, except for. Except for that.
Beatrice Ash
What I'm not saying to her is this. My chest hurts. My body aches from hungers I can't even begin to describe. But I know that if I don't concentrate, I will become floppy. Start stumbling. And I don't want to do that. I can't. Keep your head up. Shoulders back. Move forward. Don't look afraid. Why am I doing this? I don't know. Maybe it's to stop the constant screaming in my brain that I don't know how to even start thinking. Thinking about what comes next. How things have changed. How am I going to explain this to my parents? I can't think about them right now. I can't. I just got to think about something else. Can you just. Can you drive me home? I. I don't trust myself to drive right now.
Grace Hawthorne
Are you sure?
Beatrice Ash
Yeah. I just want to go home. Unless it's easier for me to turn into a bat and just fly back. Back.
Grace Hawthorne
I would not recommend that just yet. It's hard to control. Besides, turning into many small things is difficult.
Beatrice Ash
How do you do it?
Grace Hawthorne
You have to focus. Understand how the pieces of your body can be twisted into other shapes.
Beatrice Ash
Right.
Grace Hawthorne
It's like finding all the sections where your form can be taken apart. Not like a broken vase, but like a puzzle. Something that can be put back together. You just. You need to find the key within and turn it. Oh, shit.
Beatrice Ash
Bea. Oh, good God.
Grace Hawthorne
This is too soon. Be. Concentrate. I need you to concentrate on your form. Focus.
Beatrice Ash
Oh. Holy shit.
Grace Hawthorne
Are you alright? I told you that you're not ready. It's too soon to be trying such things.
Beatrice Ash
Oh. How do you do anything with that many eyes?
Grace Hawthorne
It's a challenge.
Beatrice Ash
Oh, God.
Grace Hawthorne
It's all right.
Beatrice Ash
I want bugs. I want a moth. Give me a moth.
Grace Hawthorne
Yeah. The first few times are quite disorienting. Deep breaths.
Beatrice Ash
Holy shit. That was. I was bats. All of me bats.
Grace Hawthorne
Yes. It's both very useful and incredibly inconvenient.
Beatrice Ash
Yeah. Stop it. Stop. My leg thinks it's a wing. Stop. Ha.
Grace Hawthorne
Once you get the hang of it, it can be quite fun.
Beatrice Ash
Grace. Just drive me home. Standing in the bathroom back at My place, I take a good hard look at myself for the first time since. Since it all happened. I keep expecting something different. Some big change. Red eyes, taut and shiny skin. Leathery ears resembling bat wings. I have to admit, I was never much into vampire media. Not really my style. I was always more of a science fiction girl. But turns out it's all weirder Earthside than I ever could have guessed. My hair looks nice, though, which is odd because all I did was awkwardly walk some of the blood still crusted in it. It's smooth and knotless, which is shocking because normally my hair tangles if you breathe on it too hard. So I guess I'll take the change. My teeth look nice too, but there's no obvious fangs. Do they pop out on request? My mouth feels sharp under my tongue as I explore it. But overall, I just look like I'd taken a shower and put on my makeup. Recently, I tried eating a granola bar when I got home and it tasted fine, but flat. It left my mouth dry and uncomfortable. There was no satisfaction in it, not like before. And every time Grace puts her hand on me, it's like there's a thousand friendly bumblebees under my skin. I kind of want to see how this works in someone else. No, that. No, that's nuts. Nuts. Stay the course. Figure this out. Maybe another day.
Grace Hawthorne
I dug out a bottle of wine from your cabinet. Amarone. You have good taste.
Beatrice Ash
It was a gift from you, I think.
Grace Hawthorne
Ah, that explains it. I have good taste.
Beatrice Ash
Is this now just like drinking expensive water?
Grace Hawthorne
Well, water isn't ripe, raisiny and full bodied. Besides, it won't turn to ash in your mouth and you won't wake up with a headache tomorrow.
Beatrice Ash
I don't know. The thought of that kinda fills me with dread.
Grace Hawthorne
Don't worry. I won't make a toast. That would feel a little ghoulish. Ignore the possible pun there.
Beatrice Ash
Gladly.
Grace Hawthorne
I do have one more thing I'd like to talk to you about.
Beatrice Ash
In my head, I'm imagining you firing me right now for my clear failure and not getting stabbed at the workplace.
Grace Hawthorne
Well, I mean, that will be on your quarterly review, but. No, no, no. You did well today. It was a high stress situation to go back and you handled yourself nicely. And previous times out in the field, you've been a good detective.
Beatrice Ash
I've mostly just watched dudes cheat on their wives and take photos.
Grace Hawthorne
Yes, but you've never flinched. You've always been up for a challenge. I like that.
Beatrice Ash
Thank you.
Grace Hawthorne
I think it's Time you got a promotion.
Beatrice Ash
Hmm. Really? This is all it took?
Grace Hawthorne
You've shown talent growth over the last year or so. Plus you've got some new skills that will come in handy.
Beatrice Ash
She puts her hand on my shoulder and it's like my arm is going to buzz off of my body. And then a flash. A pain in my skull, like something is trying to push its way out through the occipital bone. For a split second, I see myself lying on the floor, bleeding, dying. As if I am outside my own body and reaching for it. A hand, soft and gentle, reaches for mine in the dream. In real life, I realize that Grace is now holding my hand, looking at me with a deeply furrowed brow. Concern, questions.
Grace Hawthorne
What's wrong?
Beatrice Ash
I. Nothing. Sorry, I. I think. I think I'm just, like, reliving things that I don't want to relive.
Grace Hawthorne
Tell me what you saw.
Beatrice Ash
I. I am not ready to.
Grace Hawthorne
All right. In due time. But, yes, we will need to talk about updating your role in the office.
Beatrice Ash
Does this come with a pension plan?
Grace Hawthorne
If you'd like.
Beatrice Ash
I. I'll think about it.
Grace Hawthorne
Which part of it?
Beatrice Ash
The pension, mostly. I feel like the payouts come to be very delayed, but I will take the promotion.
Grace Hawthorne
Excellent. We can iron out the details when we're back at the office. I think you could use the day off.
Beatrice Ash
Oh, boy. Can't wait to spend my day Googling vampire lore and myths. This should only go well.
Grace Hawthorne
You do that. Also know that most things are wrong. Just shoot me a text if you have any questions.
Beatrice Ash
Yeah, I'm going to have about a million.
Grace Hawthorne
That's fine.
Beatrice Ash
There's just one thing I want to find out right now, and that is who did this and why.
Grace Hawthorne
That is pressing and concerning.
Beatrice Ash
It's a lot of things that's certainly.
Grace Hawthorne
The main thing we should deal with. But we have one other thing that is quite prescient. You being promoted changes things.
Beatrice Ash
Ah.
Grace Hawthorne
We need to hire a new assistant. In the dream, it is winter. I'm standing at the edge of a cemetery on a gently sloping hill, pockmarked with gray stone. A breeze picks up a layer of powdery snow flakes, creating spirals in the night air. There's a presence here, one I have not felt in many years, one that I am not pleased but not surprised to sense. Lennox, the vampire who turned me, stands behind me, radiating a tang of freshly spilled metallic blood.
Lennox
You were born here, in this cemetery. You remember, don't you?
Grace Hawthorne
It's not a particularly happy memory.
Lennox
So why'd you do it. Why put someone else through the change?
Beatrice Ash
I thought I'd talk.
Grace Hawthorne
You better get out of my head.
Lennox
That's not what you really want, is it? You have questions. Ask them.
Grace Hawthorne
Did you do this, Lennox? Did you kill Bee?
Lennox
What reason would I have to harm.
Beatrice Ash
That poor little girl?
Lennox
Besides, do you have any proof?
Grace Hawthorne
He puts his hand on my shoulder and I tense my body torn between repulsion and the grounding of a familiar touch. I don't know. But if this was you, I am going to prove it. And I am going to make you pay.
Lennox
If this were me, I would enjoy watching you try.
Vince
Woodbine is an original podcast created, written.
Lennox
And produced by Alex Nursal and Emily Kellogg.
Vince
Show running and direction by Alex Nursal.
Lennox
Production and promotion by Emily Kellogg. Engineer and sound design by Ian Boddy. Theme by Phil Wright. Music by Phil Wright and Ian Boddy. Recorded at Pirate Sound. Artwork by Andy Kelly. Distributed by Realm. You can find us on Instagram at woodbinepodcast. Support us on patreon@patreon.com parkdalehaunt transcripts, links and more are available at woodbinepod.com featuring the voices of Alex Nursal, Emily Kellogg, Taylor Davis, Harlan Guthrie and Rob Diovald.
June Parker
Hi, I'm Sarah Gabrielli and I've traveled to every single lesbian bar in the country for my podcast Cruising.
Beatrice Ash
Dancing was a no, no, no women dancing. That would be something that, yes, the cops would grab you for. There were no black owned female gay bars. We needed a place to follow on in those days. We went to the bars to socialize because there was no other way. When you went to Brady's Bar, you knew you were safe.
June Parker
This is Cruising, a documentary podcast about queer spaces, history and culture. Each episode of Cruising features a different space and tell the stories of the humans that run it and the humans that call it home. You can listen to Cruising on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Season one and two are available now, so be sure to binge them before season three, which will go beyond the bars to queer bookstores, farms, peace encampments and more. Premiering February 4th.
Alden
Hi, this is Rob Benedict and I am Richard Speight.
Beatrice Ash
We were both on a little show.
Alden
You might know, called Supernatural.
Beatrice Ash
It had a pretty good run. 15 seasons, 327 episodes.
Alden
And though we have seen, of course, every episode many times, we figured, hey, now that we're wrapped, let's watch it all again. And we can't do that alone. So we're inviting the cast and crew.
Beatrice Ash
That made the show along for the ride.
Alden
We've got writers, producers, composers, directors, and.
Beatrice Ash
We'Ll of course have some actors on.
Alden
As well, including some certain guys that.
Beatrice Ash
Played some certain pretty iconic brothers.
Vince
It was kind of a little bit.
Beatrice Ash
Of a left field choice in the best way possible.
Grace Hawthorne
The note from Kripke was he's great, we love him, but we're looking for like a really intelligent Duchovny type with.
Alden
15 seasons to explore.
Beatrice Ash
It's going to be the road trip of several lifetimes.
Alden
So please join us and subscribe to Supernatural then and now.
Podcast Summary: "Series Recommendation: Woodbine"
How I Died by Audiohm Media
Release Date: November 27, 2024
In the gripping episode titled "Series Recommendation: Woodbine," How I Died delves deep into the mysterious events unfolding in the peculiar town of Springfield. Forensic pathologist Jonathan Spacer is on a quest to understand the escalating body count, but the narrative takes a supernatural turn as secrets about Jonathan himself begin to surface. This episode intricately weaves themes of mystery, romance, and the supernatural, offering listeners a captivating journey through deception and transformation.
Beatrice Ash, often referred to as Bea, is an assistant at the Woodbine Agency located near the Woodbine subway station. Aspiring to climb the ranks, Bea is characterized by her reflective nature and underlying vulnerabilities. Her encounter with a violent attacker sets the stage for the episode's central conflict.
Grace Hawthorne serves as the sole detective at the Woodbine Agency. A poised and enigmatic figure, Grace becomes Bea's unexpected savior after a brutal attack. Her mysterious demeanor hints at deeper secrets, especially as the episode progresses into supernatural revelations.
At [05:28], the episode takes a dramatic turn when Bea is violently stabbed by an unknown assailant. The ensuing struggle between Bea and Grace reveals unexpected dynamics:
Beatrice Ash [05:28]: "The guy who walked into the office a few minutes ago and started stabbing me. He didn't even look at the nameplate on the desk."
Grace's immediate response to save Bea leads to a revelation that changes Bea's existence forever.
Grace Hawthorne discloses a life-altering secret to Bea, transforming her into a vampire to save her from death. This pivotal moment unfolds between [12:05] and [17:18], where Grace explains the supernatural intervention:
Grace Hawthorne [12:05]: "I'm a vampire."
Bea grapples with disbelief and confusion, questioning the very essence of her reality and the nature of her savior.
Beatrice Ash [14:21]: "I understand the words that you just said. They are words that make sense in my head. I comprehend them. It's just that they are words that don't make any sense in the context of real life."
Grace elaborates on the mechanics of vampirism, addressing common lore and debunking myths:
Grace Hawthorne [14:22]: "A vampire. You know, a mythological undead creature said to feed on the blood of the living. An aspiratu, A creature of the night, A bloodsucker."
As Bea begins to adjust to her vampiric state, the episode explores the challenges and conveniences that come with immortality. Discussions around vampire lore, such as avoiding sunlight and managing blood hunger, dominate the dialogue between [17:37] and [34:34].
Beatrice Ash [29:21]: "It's like hunger was mixed in a blender with desire and lust. And I just want something. But I can't. I can't. And I won't. I will not be ravenous."
Grace offers practical advice and support, attempting to ease Bea into her new life while addressing the emotional turmoil involved.
Determined to uncover the motive behind her stabbing, Bea and Grace decide to revisit the crime scene—the Woodbine Agency office. This segment, ranging from [37:09] to [47:55], presents a meticulous examination of evidence and fragmented memories.
Bea's recollections are hazy, filled with sensory overload and disjointed memories:
Beatrice Ash [40:36]: "He was tall. He had on a coat and a medical mask on his face. And he was also wearing a scarf, which I thought was weird cause it's warm out."
Grace analyzes the scene, noting peculiarities such as the taken business cards and the methodical nature of the attack, suggesting premeditation.
Grace Hawthorne [43:12]: "He took a card. Proof that he's been here."
As Bea and Grace delve deeper into the investigation, tensions rise with the introduction of Lennox, a figure from Grace's past. This confrontation occurs in a dream sequence at [56:26], blending reality with supernatural elements.
Lennox confronts Grace about her actions, hinting at betrayal and unresolved conflicts:
Lennox [57:13]: "You were born here, in this cemetery. You remember, don't you?"
Grace counters with anger and determination, seeking to unveil the truth behind the attack:
Beatrice Ash [57:46]: "He puts his hand on my shoulder and I tense my body torn between repulsion and the grounding of a familiar touch. I don't know. But if this was you, I am going to prove it. And I am going to make you pay."
The episode reaches a climactic tension as Lennox challenges Grace, questioning her motives and decisions. Bea finds herself entangled in a web of supernatural politics and personal vendettas, leaving listeners eager for resolution in subsequent episodes.
Grace Hawthorne [57:34]: "Did you do this, Lennox? Did you kill Bee?"
Beatrice Ash on Transformation:
Beatrice Ash [16:45]: "I want to say that my head is throbbing. That my eyes burn. That I feel a shiver running through me, but I don't. Just this endless numbness that is settling across my skin like lukewarm water."
Grace Revealing Her Nature:
Grace Hawthorne [12:05]: "I'm a vampire."
Bea's Struggle with New Needs:
Beatrice Ash [29:21]: "It's like hunger was mixed in a blender with desire and lust. And I just want something. But I can't. I can't. And I won't. I will not be ravenous."
Investigation Insights:
Grace Hawthorne [43:12]: "He took a card. Proof that he's been here."
Climactic Confrontation:
Beatrice Ash [57:46]: "He puts his hand on my shoulder and I tense my body torn between repulsion and the grounding of a familiar touch. I don't know. But if this was you, I am going to prove it. And I am going to make you pay."
"Series Recommendation: Woodbine" masterfully blends elements of mystery and the supernatural, offering a narrative rich with character development and suspense. As Bea transitions into her vampiric existence under Grace's guidance, the episode sets the stage for deeper explorations into Springfield's dark secrets and the intricate relationships between its enigmatic inhabitants. Listeners are left on the edge of their seats, anticipating the unraveling of truths that lie beneath the town's eerie facade.
Featured Series Recommendation: "Woodbine"
In this episode, How I Died highlights another captivating podcast series, "Woodbine," described as a supernatural mystery featuring queer vampire detectives. Vince praises "Woodbine" for its engaging blend of horror, comedy, urban fantasy, and romance, likening it to beloved shows like Supernatural and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Listeners are encouraged to explore "Woodbine" for a thrilling auditory experience filled with intriguing characters and suspenseful storytelling.
Vince [01:43]: "Creepy supernatural mystery about monsters, love and new beginnings... it's a mixture of horror comedy and urban fantasy with romance elements made for lovers of Supernatural and Buffy the Vampire Slayer."
For more information and exclusive content, fans can visit Woodbine's official website or support them through Patreon.
Stay Connected To keep up with premium content, bonus episodes, and early access, listeners are invited to join the How I Died Patreon. Follow How I Died on all major podcast platforms to never miss an episode of this enthralling serial fiction.
Note: Advertisements, promotional segments, and non-narrative sections have been excluded to maintain focus on the episode's core content.