If you haven’t filed for divorce yet but you’re spiraling, crying, rage-texting, and panic Googling how to leave your spouse...this episode is your pre-divorce game plan.

Andrea walks you through the “invisible work” that protects you before you file: creating a private email, organizing finances, understanding monthly expenses, regulating emotions, interviewing attorneys strategically, protecting kids from adult stress, and avoiding common mistakes that can cost you money (and peace).

This is not about being sneaky—it’s about being smart.

Key Topics Covered

What to do before you file for divorce
How to create a private email and start organizing information safely
The pre-divorce financial lists you need (accounts, debts, passwords, credit score)
Why tracking monthly expenses now saves you later (hello, financial affidavits)
How to stay emotionally neutral and avoid the “high-high / low-low” spiral
How to interview attorneys and choose the right “business partner”
What NOT to do before filing (spending changes, threats, escalating conflict)
How to protect your kids (routines, boundaries, therapy support)
Bonus: writing down your “why” and what you want on the other side

Practical Pre-Divorce Action Steps (Checklist)

Do these before you file:

Create a new private email address (separate from anything your spouse can access).
Start a Google Doc/Sheet to track:
All known accounts (banking, retirement, investments, credit cards, loans)
Unknowns you need to identify (accounts you suspect exist, balances you don’t know)
Passwords/access issues
Pull your credit score and document it.
List all monthly expenses (mortgage/rent, utilities, insurance, subscriptions, kids’ expenses, activities, childcare).
Interview at least 3 attorneys before hiring—choose strategy, not vibes.
Keep household routines stable (especially if you have kids).
Don’t threaten, don’t escalate, and don’t make sudden spending changes.
Get a hobby/outlet (something healthy + consistent).
Consider lining up a therapist for your kids if you expect the process to hit them hard.
Write down your why: what you want, what you’re not getting, and your vision for the future.

Notable Quotes

“This is not being sneaky—this is being smart.”
“Divorce is a business. Marriage is a business. Being in love is not.”
“Don’t be like me. I left a lot of f*cking money on the table.”
“You’re not hiring a best friend. You’re hiring a business partner.”

Who This Episode Is For

Anyone thinking about divorce but not ready to file
Anyone feeling overwhelmed, panicked, or emotionally activated
Anyone worried about money, kids, or choosing the right attorney
Anyone who wants a practical, step-by-step pre-divorce plan

Disclaimer

This podcast episode is for informational and educational purposes only and does not provide legal advice. Always consult an attorney in your jurisdiction for guidance on your specific situation.

Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-course

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Our Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck

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184. What to Do Before You File for Divorce: A Pre-Divorce Checklist to Get Organized and Avoid Costly Mistakes

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