Podcast Summary: "Bad Dating Advice Has Failed Decent Men: Here Are 26 New Rules for 2026 That Actually Work (Part 1)"

Podcast: How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Host: Connell Barrett
Episode Air Date: January 6, 2026

Episode Overview

In this New Year's kickoff episode, dating coach and author Connell Barrett lays out the first 13 of his 26 new, no-nonsense dating rules for men in 2026. Connell’s mission: help “good-hearted guys” ditch outdated, ineffective advice in favor of a modern, radically authentic approach to dating. The episode is both motivational and practical, filled with relatable anecdotes, tested strategies, and Connell’s trademark witty, down-to-earth style.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

Outdated Advice—And Why It Fails

• Connell disparages traditional pointers like “play it cool,” “be mysterious,” and “never double-text.”
  • “Yeah, maybe send her a telegram while you’re at it. Pick her up in your Model T while you’re at it.” (00:54)
• The core message: Modern dating rewards authenticity, clarity, and kindness, not scripts or games.

The 13 Rules for Dating in 2026 (Part 1)

Rule 1: Women are Tired of the Apps–So Go Talk to Them (02:09)

• There’s a cultural shift away from endless swiping and app fatigue.
• Data from Hinge shows declining enthusiasm for online dating among women; real-life approaches are refreshing and welcome.
  • “A thoughtful, respectful, real life approach. Right now, it's more refreshing and more welcome than ever.” (03:00)
• Approaching someone in person, when done kindly, is viewed as confident—not creepy.

Rule 2: Ditch Pickup Lines; Say This Instead (04:05)

• Scripts and rehearsed openers make men freeze or come off as inauthentic.
• Connell’s "What To Say" Method:
  • A: G-rated compliment (“Hey, I love your tattoo.”)
  • B: Genuine question (“Did you make any New Year’s resolutions this year?”)
  • C: Light observation (“You’re crushing it on the treadmill today!”)
• These contextual, pressure-free openers lead to conversation most of the time.
  • “It’s actually hard to get rejected this way because you’re just breaking the ice in a normal, breezy way that women tend to find charming.” (08:40)

Rule 3: To Attract Her, Be Nervous, Not Smooth (10:08)

• Nervousness means you care and can be endearing.
• Rather than faking confidence, own your butterflies—like Hugh Grant’s charming awkwardness in rom-coms.
  • “She just melted. And another example...I walked over and said, ‘Hi, excuse me, I'm really shy. I don't normally do this, but I wanted to come meet you.’ And she swooned almost. She was like, 'Oh my God, that's so flattering. That's so sweet.' She loved it.” (12:44)

Rule 4: On the Apps, Open With a Fun Role Play, Not a Dull Question (14:09)

• Avoid “Hi, how’s your day?” at all costs—too generic.
• Use “Back to the Future” opener:
  • “Hey, [name]. I'm writing you from five years in the future where you and I are madly in love, but we just had a big fight about our first date…”
• This opener is playful, flirty, and prompts creative responses.
  • “What wizard taught you this?”—client’s match, after using Connell’s opener (15:39)

Rule 5: Stop Trying to Be Liked and Start Being Who You Are (17:45)

• Dating isn’t a performance. Once she’s on the date, it’s already a win—so just be authentic.
• Connell’s mantra: “What I’m thinking and feeling is what I’m saying and doing.” (18:55)
• True confidence comes from authenticity, not trying to impress.

Rule 6: Kindness Is the New Sexy (19:23)

• Study after study confirms: kindness is more attractive than height, looks, or wealth.
• Kindness must be real, not performative or transactional.
• Being kind to servers and strangers counts.
  • “My girlfriend Jess...would notice how her dates treated servers...any hint of arrogance...that guy was done. Kindness. She noticed and she loved it.” (21:28)
• “Confidence without empathy repels women. Confidence with kindness attracts women.” (22:18)

Rule 7: Text Like a Girl, Not a Guy (22:32)

• Express emotion, use emojis, GIFs, and playful language.
• Logical, dry texting is “deeply unsexy.”
  • “You text like a girl and I like it.” – Jess, Connell’s girlfriend (23:02)
• Example shifts:
  • Dry: “I will see you tonight at 7:30...”
  • Expressive: “Great! See you at 7:30 or 7:45 at the latest. Don’t worry, I look very handsome and I’ll be worth the wait. 😉” (26:10)

Rule 8: Stop Obsessing Over the First Date (27:24)

• Use a “three date arc”:
  • Date 1: Chemistry – keep it light and check for a spark.
  • Date 2: Compatibility – talk values, life goals.
  • Date 3: Decide – is this going somewhere?
• Takes the pressure off each single meeting.
  • “Date number one is an audition… but it’s not the Oscars. Okay?” (28:56)

Rule 9: The MeToo Movement Is About Women–Not You (30:12)

• Many men have become afraid to make any romantic move post-MeToo; Connell pushes back on the idea that you must wait for “an engraved invitation.”
  • “I had one guy say to me, well, I’m not going to go for a first kiss. It’s up to her. No. It is your job to go for a first kiss. Dating is a dance.” (31:09)
• If you’re leading with respect and empathy, taking initiative (like going for the first kiss) is not harassment.

Rule 10: Don’t Forget the Essence of Flirting Is Play (33:23)

• Flirting is about creating a light, playful connection—not about lines or trying to impress.
• Ask “what if” questions, use gentle teasing, or play small games (two truths and a lie, thumb wrestling) to foster fun, relaxed interaction.

Rule 11: Be Clear, Not Cool (35:21)

• Never play games with clarity. Communicate your interest directly.
  • “If you like her, let her know. If you like her, tell her.” (35:39)
• Women prefer clarity (per recent Match.com data) over ambiguity.

Rule 12: Dating Is a Dance, So Lead (36:41)

• Women want men to lead (with respect, not domination).
• Examples: Suggest a plan. Ask for her number (don’t give yours).
  • “When you’re online getting that number...don’t give her your number and say, ‘Text me.’ That puts her in the masculine role.” (37:44)

Rule 13: Share Your Passions to Become Magnetic (39:05)

• Reveal what genuinely excites you; passion is contagious (“mirror neurons”).
• Inspires the same openness in your date, builds strong connection.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “If your opener is ‘Hi, how’s your day?’ Then you may as well write ‘Hi, please ghost me and crush my self esteem because boring questions flop.’” (00:00)
• “Speak those true, honest, authentic thoughts. Confidence cannot be faked, at least not easily. But it can be summoned when you stop trying to be liked and you start conveying that authentic self.” (18:59)
• “Kindness signals strength, not weakness.” (22:05)
• “Confidence without empathy repels women. Confidence with kindness attracts women.” (22:18)
• “Flirting isn’t about impressing her or saying cool lines. It’s about creating a light, playful connection.” (33:30)
• “Playing it cool is out in 2026. Playing it clear is in.” (36:20)
• “Your role is to ask her to dance, and hers is to either say yes or no. And no matter what the answer is, it’s all good.” (38:23)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:00 — Cold open: Why boring openers flop
• 02:09 — Rule 1: Women are tired of apps, talk to them IRL
• 04:05 — Rule 2: Ditch pickup lines; use the “What to Say” method
• 10:08 — Rule 3: Nervousness is attractive when owned
• 14:09 — Rule 4: Fun role-play openers for app messaging
• 17:45 — Rule 5: Authenticity beats trying to impress
• 19:23 — Rule 6: Kindness is “the new sexy”
• 22:32 — Rule 7: Text with emotion and playfulness
• 27:24 — Rule 8: Stop fixating on the first date; think in “three date arcs”
• 30:12 — Rule 9: MeToo isn’t about men; lead with empathy and respect
• 33:23 — Rule 10: Playfulness is the heart of flirting
• 35:21 — Rule 11: Be clear, not cool, when communicating interest
• 36:41 — Rule 12: Lead the dance in early dating
• 39:05 — Rule 13: Passion is magnetic—share what excites you

Final Thoughts

Part 1 of Connell Barrett’s “26 Rules for 2026” deftly dismantles outdated dating dogma and lays out an actionable, high-empathy roadmap for men seeking real connections. If you’re feeling out of sync with modern romance, Connell’s engaging mix of humor, science, and heartfelt storytelling offers immediate and practical solutions.

Part 2 to follow, covering rules 14 through 26.

For more or for coaching info, visit: datingtransformation.com
Key takeaway: Your dream girlfriend is out there—she can’t wait to meet the real, authentic you.