← How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Do Women Ignore You on the Apps? These 12 Profile MUSTS Will Finally Get You Great Matches (Part 1 of 4)
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Not getting good matches on Hinge, Bumble or the apps? The problem isn’t you. (You’re awesome!) It’s your profile. You’re probably missing a few of the 12 Essentials of an Irresistible Profile. In this episode, dating coach and bestselling author...
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Connell Barrett
Showcase your authentic sense of humor. If you can make her laugh, you are more attractive than a guy with six pack abs. Welcome back to the how to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I am your host, dating coach, Connell Barrett. I'm the best selling author of Dating Sucks, but yout Don't. I'm a dating coach. I am your podcast dating coach, here to help you confidently flirt with women, get more dates, and find your dream girlfriend. And do this all by being authentic. No sketchy pickup artist moves needed. Women like you for you, and my question for you today is, do you struggle to get quality matches and dates on the apps? If you're like most men, you do, and it's really frustrating, right? I know what that's like, which I'll tell you about in a second. And today I want to help you fix that by helping you fix your profile. So today I'm going to go through a 12 point checklist to show you exactly why you're not getting matches right now and to help you start getting matches and dates. Basically dates on demand with wonderful women. Because when you're not getting quality matches on the apps, oh man, it feels like women just aren't into you. It makes you feel unwanted. It can make you feel unlovable, unattractive, even hopeless. And I totally get this feeling. Long before I became a dating coach, I struggled with all the core dating problems that men deal with. And I struggled on the dating apps too. And I, I swiped and I swiped basically until I had carpal tunnel. And I just really struggled at my lowest point with online dating. I remember there was a point where I had literally only one match in the entire New York City area. I live in New York city, where there's 20 million people in the greater New York area. I had one quality match and she didn't even live in New York city. She lived 3,000 miles away. So I had basically had one match in all of America. And I was feeling so lonely and so desperate at that time that I actually flew across the country to surprise her in sf. She and I had been chatting on the app and I said, you know what? I'm going to surprise her. Just like those guys in the Rom com movies, you know, I saw myself as Lloyd Dobler in say Anything, thinking, okay, I'll surprise her. I'll show up with my proverbial boombox and sweep her off her feet. So I fly to sf, I leave roses on her doorstep and a card that says, surprise. Connell's in town, can't wait to meet you. And I waited. And I waited and I waited for her text message to say, oh, my God, you're here. Her name is Vanessa, by the way. And I was waiting for Vanessa to text me and she never did. She ghosted me. So I flew to SF and got ghosted. And I felt completely rejected in that moment because I had literally no options. No dating options and no online dating options. And that's, that's what a weak online dating profile does. It doesn't just limit your matches, but it can make you feel lonely, it can make you feel rejected, it can make you needy and desperate like it did me. So. But here's the good news, though. The good news is if you're struggling with online dating, if you're not getting matches, it's not you, it's your profile. And this is totally fixable. In fact, my book is called Dating sucks. But you don't. Because it came from a conversation I had with a client and he was bummed out about his lack of matches and he just felt like, women don't like me. I guess I just suck. And I said, dude, you don't suck. You're awesome. You're a great guy. You have a cool sense of humor. You have a good job. He was a software engineer. Very pretty, shy guy. Not a. Not a naturally charismatic guy, but a great guy and a great catch. And I remember saying to him, his name is Vikram. I said, vikram, you're an amazing guy. You're a great guy. You don't suck. Your profile sucks. Your photos suck. You're not showing your personality on your profile, but you're amazing. That's actually where my book title came from, Dating sucks, but you don't. It came from this concept of you might think that you're unattractive to women because you're struggling on the apps, or you might think that the apps just don't work, that it's a big scam, but it's not. The apps work and you have worth and value. You can absolutely get matches and get dates and find an awesome girlfriend online. But to do that, you have to make sure these core 12 fundamental things are handled on your profile. Profile. And that's what today's episode's about. I'm going to share with you this 12 point checklist. I call these the 12 profile essentials. For an irresistible profile that gets you matches. These are 12 essentials. And these are things that must be on your profile. Pretty much all of these things must be there to get quality, attractive, wonderful women to be matching with you. And this is how my clients and I have gotten literally thousands of matches. And I've gotten hundreds and hundreds of I've gone on hundreds and hundreds of dates from dating apps because I fixed my dating issues using these 12 essentials. And it's how I met and matched with and met my wonderful girlfriend, Jessamyn, the love of my life. Hi, Jessamyn, if you're listening. And I met her on a dating app. And I can pretty much guarantee you that if you're struggling on Tinder or on Hinge or on Match or Bumble or any profile, it's not the problem isn't you. The problem is you just don't have all 12 of these profile essentials handled. And missing even two or three of them can cost you dearly, cost you matches and dates. And if you're missing a lot of them, 4, 5, 6 of these 12, then you might not get any matches at all. So that's what we're going to talk about today in 60 seconds. So I'm excited to get to it. Just a little quick note here. I don't know if you know me, but I'm a dating coach for men. I help introverts and nice guys, attract women, flirt with confidence, and get a great girlfriend all by being authentic. I'm basically the real life Hitch if Will Smith was a nerdy ginger with glasses. And what I also do is I make myself available to successful professional men who are looking to consider a dating coach. So if you are a guy who is struggling on the dating apps and you're interested in how dating coaching works, and if you might want to talk to me about how to overhaul your profile to get a lot of matches or just how to confidently talk to women, how to flirt, how to approach and get dates, you are more than welcome to go to my website, datingtransformation.com and you can book a free call with me. It would be a consultation, wouldn't be a coaching call. It's for guys who are looking to overhaul their love life and find a great girlfriend. And I do free coaching consultations to see if we might be a good fit to work together. And the kind of guy I'm looking to work with, he is successful or at least has a job. You have a job, you have a good heart, maybe you're shy, maybe you're introverted, maybe you don't have a lot of dating experience. And, and if you're looking to get a great girlfriend, then chances are I can help you do that. So you can go to datingtransformation.com, book the or click on the book a free call button and then you and I can talk soon. Okay, let's get to the checklist. Here are the 12 essentials of an irresistible online dating profile that gets matches. And by the way, this is part one of a four part series. I'm gonna be breaking this down into four episodes in the next episode about how to get matches and dates on the dating apps, how to finally get matches and dates. I'm going to go through all these 12 essentials in detail and show you exactly how to apply each of them and make some real game changing changes on your profile. But for today, what I'm going to do is give you more of a quick overview of the 12 essentials. So think of this sort of like a checklist. Here's the value of this checklist I'm about to share with you. Think of this as troubleshooting. It's a tick list, a checklist to find out which of these 12 things you lack. And if you lack more than one or two, that's good news. That's good news because you're going to be able to make some changes and make some improvements. Okay, so think of today as a checklist and we're going to apply and make these changes in the subsequent episodes. So here we go. Online dating profile essential number one to get matches. Essential number one is you want a first photo. That's what I call a swipe right magnet. We need a magnetic first photo that pulls a woman in. And that first photo should be a portrait. A portrait of you, well dressed, looking at the camera and smiling. A real authentic smile. So we want good style, eye contact and a good quality portrait of you roughly from the waist up and looking at the camera and basically showing off your most confident, authentic, real you and real smile. The most important piece of real estate on your entire dating profile is that very first photo. That image will determine whether a woman gives you a chance or whether she'll swipe left. And so that first photo needs to be what I call a swipe right magnetic, which again, it's a clear, well lit portrait of you smiling authentically. I can't state that enough. Authenticity is what women are looking for. They're looking for real, they're looking for genuine. So you don't want that first photo to be a selfie. You don't want it to be a Zoolander, you know, blue steel mug. You don't want it to be a smirk. You want a real genuine Smile. And you don't want a fake smile. You don't want to be like a say cheese. LinkedIn 6th grade, 6th grade photo, day photo. You're like, hello. You want to have a big, warm, authentic smile. And I would estimate that at least 51% or more of your best matches are going to come from this opening photo. So it has to connect with women. Now, obviously, this is a audio medium podcast, so you can't probably see this image unless you're watching on Spotify where There's video or YouTube. But basically, my first photo is a portrait of me. I'm wearing a jacket and a tie. It's well lit. I'm in a natural environment, a natural setting. I'm indoors, but natural lighting, it's not a studio. And my photographer, who I hired to take this photo, she snapped a photo of me mid smile, mid laugh. It's genuine. In other words, it's real. It's not me trying to contort my face into an attractive smile. And it's not a selfie. Trust me, you don't want a selfie for your opening photo. You don't want 17 chins showing in your profile. That's not going to work for you. You want a great quality portrait. And it was this first photo, this swipe right magnet, this portrait that attracted my now girlfriend, Jess. She even told me, she said there was something about that first photo. She told me on our first date there was something about that first photo. You gave off sexy school teacher vibes. That's my authentic vibe. I guess I have a handsome, sexy school teacher vibe going that she liked. So that first photo is really important. Okay? So make sure that first photo is a quality portrait taken by a professional or at least a good photographer. And you're well dressed with a natural environment. And the smile is actually the smile is the most important thing. Has to be real, has to be authentic. Because success with women is all about authenticity, baby. Okay? So if you don't have that first essential handled, that could ruin your entire profile. That could basically torpedo 90% of your matches. Because remember that opening photo, that first billboard is what women see. If that doesn't instantly make her want to keep reading or keep swiping and see more of your photos. She's going to swipe left in less than three seconds. Under three seconds is how quickly a woman's going to swipe left. So get that first photo. Make sure it's a swipe right magnet. And in the next episode, I'm going to walk you through exactly how to do that. But next, let's move to essential number two that you need to get matches on the dating apps. Essential number two for an irresistible profile is a knockout second portrait. A knockout second portrait. What does that mean? Why do I use the word knockout? Well, I think of the first two photos on your profile. I think of them as like a one, two punch. First photo is what I just talked about. The second photo is going to be a second portrait and it's going to complement the first one, but it's going to be different than the first one. We want a different outfit, we want a different background and just a slightly different vibe. So think of it as a one, two punch. That first photo might be a portrait of you wearing a jacket and tie and a warm, authentic smile. That second photo, maybe it's a T shirt and jeans, but a nice T shirt. Or maybe it's a leather jacket and you sitting on your motorcycle. If you're a biker type dude or if you're like me, if you're a nerd, if you're like a kind of a nerdy dude, which I certainly am. And I lean into my second photo, I have a really good second photo of me wearing my nerdy glasses. I'm an author, I'm a writer, so I'm wearing my author writer glasses. And I'm conveying intelligence, I guess you could say my first photo, I'm conveying heart and warmth. My second photo, it's more like, hey, I'm a nerd. I'm an intelligent writer type dude. So we want that, we want your second photo to also be a clear portrait with a warm, real smile, but with a different vibe than that first one. So I call this the second photo a knockout. Because what we're doing is the first photo is like a jab. We jab and get her attention. The second photo knocks her out in a good way and makes her say, oh, wow, I love that first photo of him wearing the tie in blazer, for example. But boy, that second photo in the leather jacket, the T shirt and the cool jeans, ooh, I really like that second second side of him. And that shows her layers. It shows that you're multi dimensional. So think of these first two portraits, these two essentials, as two magnetic portraits that come together as a one, two punch to show her that you're dateable, attractive and multi dimensional and not a one note guy. And when both of these portraits feel authentic and confident and create interest in her, then she just wants to keep swiping. She wants to Keep learning more. And because she's so drawn into your. Your different. Two different sides. Women like men with layers. Women like to see different sides of you. So line up those first two portraits. The first one and the second one, they should both have some commonalities. Good lighting, good style, authentic genuineness. But we want different outfits, different backdrops and a different vibe. Hope that makes sense so far. Okay, let's go to essential number three. Essential number three is also a photo tip and the third. Oh, by the way, let me back up. So we want literally in order, photo number one and photo number two should be the chronological order of these first two portraits. That's how we magnetize a woman in. It's all about quality portraits. So if you don't have any quality portraits that you have specifically taken and storyboarded for your profile, which most men haven't, then the bad news is you're losing matches, a lot of matches. The good news is you've got so much room to grow and so much room to improve. Most men haven't taken quality portraits. And if you have taken some, you probably haven't taken them in the right way. Which I'll talk about in more detail in the next episode. But let's continue moving on with this Checklist of the 12 essentials. Here's essential number three of 12. Essential number three is you want a man of action photo somewhere on your profile somewhere. We want a photo that shows you with action oriented energy or masculinity. A photo of you doing something, doing something physical, dynamic, adventurous. Basically something that shows you out in the world. In this photo, we do not want it to feel or be staged or at least we don't want it to feel staged. It should be candid. You should not be looking at the photo. First two pictures, probably you're looking at the camera making that eye contact connection with women. With this man of action photo, we want something candid where you're engaged in the world. It's almost like you don't even realize your photo is being taken. So it could be axe throwing or you're rock climbing or rock wall climbing at the gym, or you're crushing a forehand in tennis. I'm a tennis fan and I have a shot of me on my profile hitting a forehand during a tennis match. It's a nice tight close up, but it's an action shot. And I'm obviously not looking at the camera, I'm looking at the tennis ball. I've gotten a lot of matches from women who like to Play tennis. And they're like, hey, I see you play tennis, play tennis sometime. So I've had tennis dates in the past. Or maybe this man of action shot is. You could be a travel photo. That's a good way of showing that you're a man of adventure. You're out in the world, you're standing on the top of Machu Picchu potentially. Or you're in a really cool, exotic location, engaging in that foreign country. That shows that you're a man of action, you're out in the world. The point is, with this man of action photo, we want to convey a certain, certain sense of action, adventure, masculinity. Basically, you're a dynamic, dateable man who knows how to live life. And that's really attractive to women. By the way, notice how with these first three essentials, I have not said anything about being good looking. I have not said anything about you having to be really handsome or really physically attractive. Good looks are a nice bonus if you have them, but they are not required for online dating success. But we do want you. You don't have to be good looking, but you have to be looking good. You have to be well dressed. You have to be smiling, good style, and living a life that's attractive to women. Bottom line is, she's not swiping right on your looks. She's swiping right on wanting to be a part of your life. And that's why this man of action photo is important. It shows her, hey, I'm living a true, real, fun, interesting life. And we don't want to fake it. We want that to be real. As real as possible. Okay, so you want to make sure you have one great photo that shows you're in action mode. You're out there, you're running the marathon, you're shooting hoops, you're laughing and, I don't know, diving into a pond, swimming with friends. You're throwing a Frisbee on the beach with your dog. Something to give a window into your life. Because that's really what a woman is swiping right on. She's not swiping right on how physically attractive you are or even how good the photographer was at taking your photo. She's swiping right on. Yeah, I want in on this good man's life. So show her the good life that you're living. Okay, here is essential number four. Another photo tip. A photo that shows social proof, social connection. Women are drawn to men who are social out connected in the world. So you want to include at Least one photo on your profile that shows you engaged with other people. This means you're talking with friends, you're laughing at dinner. Maybe you're holding court at a cocktail bar, not standing awkwardly next to your buddy at a tailgate, not looking at the camera, holding your, holding your beer like, okay, look at the camera and smile. That's not good enough. We want a shot of you that again, the word is authentic or the two words are authentic but also candid. Ideally, this social proof photo is a shot where you're not looking at the camera, just smiling, you're talking to people, you're engaged in a conversation at a restaurant with friends. Or, or I have a client who had a great photo of him. He's at a wedding, he's well dressed, of course he's at a wedding and he's on the dance floor spinning a woman he's dancing with. It wasn't his girlfriend, it was just a fun quick dance at a party. Think of the social, positive social signals that sends a woman who's looking at your profile. She's thinking, oh wow, I want to go to a wedding with that guy and dance with him. Or I want to be at a fun cocktail bar laughing and joking with, with you, just like you are in that photo. So you want to make sure you have one social proof photo of you doing something social out in the world. And by the way, you don't have to be at the Oscars, you don't have to be at the Emmys, you don't have to be some, you know, you don't have to be at the fanciest, most luxurious resort. You don't have to be on a yacht. I suppose if you have access to a cool boat, sure, that'd be, that'd be a good bonus. Not required. We just want a photo that shows you out being, being likable and socially connecting with others because that's part of what people are attracted to and women are attracted to, but people in general. And by the way, if you don't know the term social proof, it's a term coined by a guy named Robert Cialdini. He wrote a book called influence, about 30, a 30 year old book, an amazing book called Influence by Robert Cialdini and he talks about this concept of social proof and how when other people see that you are socially approved of by your friends, acquaintances, others, then people who observe you are going to find you a more high status, just attractive person. So these are the psychological concepts underpinning social proof for what that's worth. If you want to nerd out about it, you can google or read Robert Cialdini's works about it. So social proof is just something that's attractive, right? To others in general. We typically are intrigued or see a person who has social proof from others. That person has higher status in our perception of them. That's just how our minds work. So that's, that's the psychological underpinning of this quote unquote strategy. So yeah, you just want to be a man with a life. And if you don't have any good social proof photos and you're not currently living a super socially connected life, gotta get on that. You gotta get on that. And I had to do it too. I'm a naturally introverted shy person and I had to make efforts to go out into the world. And I have some really good photos of me hanging with friends singing karaoke. I have a really good karaoke photo of me doing a duet with a good friend that actually serves both as a man of action photo and as a social proof photo. So make sure you have a social proof photo and I'll help you come up with a strategy to create that on our next episode. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt. The apps don't work for you. And sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd. I didn't just live in the friend zone. I owned real estate there. But I escaped using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my best selling book, Dating Sucks, but yout Don't. And Radical Authenticity is why Psychology Today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend. So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me on our call. I'll tell you how my one on one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend. And you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend. Okay, essential number five of this checklist for the 12 essentials to finally get matches on the dating apps is somewhere on your photo. I'm sorry, somewhere on your profile. You want to tug at her heartstrings. Essential number five, tug at her heartstrings. This could be a photo, it could be a prompt, could be something in your bio. Dating isn't only about, quote, unquote, attraction and chemistry. It's about connection. It's about heart. So I recommend you have at least one photo or one prompt somewhere on your profile that tugs at heartstrings. Again, in a genuine way. Always genuine, always real, always authentic. We want it to be real. But the classic that you probably already know about would be a photo of you with your dog or cat. If you have a pet, you know that's a heartstring, tugging photo. Or you with your adorable baby niece. Or you dancing with great grandma at a wedding, at the family wedding, petting a baby goat at the zoo. I've seen that photo crush. So it could be a visual, could be photo driven. It could also be something written. It could be something that you write out. I had a client who volunteered with at an animal shelter and he talked about and his company, his business was also involved in helping to protect animals from cruel experiments. So he, he was very pet forward. So he didn't have a photo of him with a dog, although that's a good potential photo. He talked about how much he loves animals and loves volunteering and helping animals because he's such a, an animal lover. That'll make a woman melt. And that is something that can do great on a dating profile. But of course we want it to be real. I've also, I've got a really, I think I had a really good prompt that I wrote about my dad. I wrote something about how much I love watching sports with my dad. My dad was my coach when I was a little kid in baseball and football. And I talked about how lucky I am on a dating profile prompt to have the most amazing dad, Danny Barrett, who was my coach, who coached me and taught me how to play baseball, but also taught me how to be hopefully a better person. So that sort of, that sort of prompt is me showing heart. And it's important to have one heart moment on your profile because that shows dimension and depth. And it also makes you more than just another guy with a bunch of photos and a bunch of prompts about his likes and dislikes and what he's looking for. Showing some heart. It really connects with women because, hey, the thing that every woman is looking for, every woman, and this is right at the top of almost every woman's dating list, is kindness. Women want a guy who's kind. They want Confidence. Yes. They want to flirt. Yes. They want a guy whose life is together. Yes. But more than anything, I think a woman just wants a kind, good hearted guy. And you want to signal that on your profile. Okay, Essential number six, flirtatious energy. Flirt somewhere. You want some sort of flirtatious piece of your profile prompt. Usually this is a dating app, right? A lot of guys are afraid to flirt. And you know what? You've heard of the friend zone, right? The friend zone is when you meet a woman and she just sees you as a friend friend. She doesn't feel that romantic connection. Well, the same problem can happen on a dating profile. You can get dating profile friend zoned. In fact, if you're struggling to get matches on the apps, which I'm sure you are, if you're still listening to this episode halfway through, then there's a really good chance that you are getting Hinge friend zoned. Bumble friend zoned, Tinder friend zoned. And the way to fix this is to make sure you have at least one prompt or one line in your bio to has some flirtatious energy. One prompt should paint a fun, flirty picture, for example, of what it would be like to have a date with you. That's the simplest way to do it. My, maybe my mo. One of my most successful hinge prompts, it's gotten me way over a hundred matches is a prompt. And I simply write together we could, together we could sneak off to my favorite secret rooftop bar for strong cocktails and fun, flirty conversation. I'm basically saying to her, hey, let's go have drinks. Painting the picture of a romantic, sexy date. And I'm also letting her know that it's going to be flirtatious because, hey, why wouldn't we flirt? It's a dating app and so many women have said, hey, when are we going to that rooftop bar? What is, why is it a secret? And basically, I'm painting a picture of what a first date with me would be like. And that's the simplest way to get something flirtatious on your profile is have a prompt that paints a picture of what a first date with you would be like. And we want it specific. And there's other ways to flirt as well, which I'll go into in the next episode. But you could, you could say something like, I'm a big fan of humor, of jokes and combining flirtatiousness with fun and funny wit. And I had a lot of success with a profile prompt. That said, this is from memory. I'm giving it to you, but it's basically it said, just so you know, I'm a really good kisser. I practice a lot on my pillow when I'm alone. Very silly, very innocent, but flirtatious. I'm talking about kissing and I had a lot of women say, ah, well, maybe I need to find out if you're, if you're a good kisser in real life. Oh, that's an amazing message to get from a woman. And that's what I want for you as well. So make sure we've got some kind of flirtatious signal on your profile, a flirty prompt, or at the very least, painting a picture of what a fun, flirtatious first date with you would be like, that alone can get it done. Okay, we're halfway through. Actually, we're more than halfway through. Let's go to essential number seven for matches on the dating apps. Number seven is a good profile hook. Your profile needs a hook, a first line that grabs her attention and just makes her want to keep reading, keep swiping and learn more about you. So on Bumble or Tinder, that would be the top of your bio. The very first line of your in the bio box. Unhinge. This would be your first prompt, first written prompt. And again, I mentioned earlier how fast women swipe left if they aren't instantly drawn in by you. There was one study, I believe it was Tinder. Study by Tinder showed that if you don't hook a woman's interest right away, she swipes left in 2.8 seconds or less. That's how quickly women swipe left. So the hook is essentially that first line that she reads that makes her want to keep reading more. Right. So you want a first line that does something different than most. What other guys do. What do most other guys do? They say, here's what I'm looking for. Or they write, I'm new here. Or they say, oh, I love the office. What's your favorite office quote? No, everybody loves the office. You need to hook her interest. How? Humor, Flirtation, Maybe a combination of both. One of my best hooks is simply a little bit of self effacing humor that also references a famous hip hop song I wrote. I'm a gentleman on the street with a dad bod in the sheets that gets women laughing. And it's also flirtatious. I'm talking about me in the sheets. And it's also self effacing. So there's funny, there's flirty. And the hook, there is humor. It's just Funny. It makes a girl smile. You can also hook a woman's curiosity. Hook a woman's interest with curiosity, making her want to know more. My client Brian had a great hook. He's traveled a lot and he wrote his hook was, I've been to 19 countries and I only regret two of them. He had so many women saying, hey, what countries did you regret? What's that about? And so the key here to a good hook is just making her lean in and intrigued and want to learn more, either by making her laugh or making her curious or just giving her something interesting that she's not used to getting on a dating app. So make sure you have a really good hook. Hook that interest. Here is online dating profile essential number eight to get more matches. Number eight is a concept of show don't tell. Show don't tell in terms of talking about yourself, sharing about yourself, or sharing what you want. If you want your profile to actually connect, you need to show, not tell. What do I mean by that? Well, think of it like it's like in high school or college when your writing teacher or English teacher said, oh, don't just tell me what you mean here, show me, give me an example. It's really about painting a vivid picture. So I think it's better for me to show you rather than tell you this tip. Here's how show don't tell works. Telling is writing something like my friends say I'm funny, but showing is cracking a joke that actually makes her laugh. Having a knock knock joke or something to make a woman laugh. Telling is I like to travel. That's a vague cliche. Showing is I've got 27 stamps on my passport and a one way ticket to Australia this January. Now that is showing. See the difference between that? Basically telling is bland, it's cliched, it's vague. Showing is vivid. Showing is essentially using vivid specifics to help you stand out. Okay, I'll talk way more about this in the next episode for sure. And that leads us to essential number nine, which is actually connected to number eight. Essential number nine is be specific so you'll stand out to her. Be specific. Specifics on your bio, on your prompt. Specifics are what will make your profile really pop. Vagueness is a swipe left magnet. Saying, I like food, I like travel, I like movies. Makes you sound like everybody else. You want to get specific. So instead of saying I like travel, you want to specifically say, I once flew to Tokyo on a whim. Or instead of saying I love food, say I flew to Tokyo on a whim just for a bowl of ramen. Again, if that's true, I'm just giving you something my clients have used. Instead of saying, I like movies, you say, I've seen Die Hard 37 times, and yes, it's a goddamn Christmas movie. Debate me, right? See how I'm adding some challenge, some fun, some personality in there. Don't just say, I've been to Spain, say I spent a summer bartending in Barcelona. That's way more specific and that makes it much more vivid. So that's the power of specific. Of specifics. Specifics stick. They spark conversation and they really showcase you and make a woman more excited because then she can get a sense for who you are, your authentic best self. So ditch vague cliches. Basically, you want to avoid cliches like the plague. Get it? Okay. Essential number 10, showcase your authentic sense of humor. If you can make her laugh, you are more attractive than a guy with six pack abs. Humor is a huge turn on. So showcase your authentic sense of humor. I don't care if you have six pack abs or not. That's overrated. Hone a six pack sense of humorous. That's how you're going to get more matches. Okay, so you want to be funny and you want to be funny in your way, whether you're a clever type. Like I'm a witty, clever guy on my better days anyway, that's sort of my dating superpower is wit and humor. But also you could be sarcastic. A lot of women love sarcastic guys. You can roast, roast her or I should say convey a sarcastic kind of roasting sense of humor. If that's who you are, put that on your profile. If you've got bde big dad energy, put a dad joke on your profile. I'm a big dad joke guy. I have different sides to my sense of humor. So I'll use my dad joke sense of humor. I'll use my sarcastic sense of humor. One of my best performing prompts is this. I write, I'm currently training for a marathon, a Netflix marathon that's gotten me so many matches because it makes a woman laugh. It also conveys to her, oh, this guy's got kind of dad joke energy. I like that. If she likes that, she's going to be attracted to me and I'll say one more time, and I know I beat this drum a lot, but it's so important. When in doubt, be authentic. Be specific. Be willing to be polarizingly. You don't try to push women away. But I want you to walk up to the edge of being polarizing. That's what radical authenticity is about. It's about, okay, showcasing the real best me. So don't be a watered down wine spritzer in your sense of humor or anything on your profile. Be a shot of Jameson. Be a 12 year aged barrel proofed whiskey. Not every woman's gonna want that whiskey. But the women who do want it, oh, they're gonna get a buzz off of you. Okay, Dating essential or online dating essential. Number 11 for your profile to get more matches is signaling emotional maturity. Signaling emotional maturity. This is a concept I got from the amazing Sabrina Zohar. She's a podcaster, dating expert. She's incredible. And she turned me on to the power of and she knows women. She was on this podcast and Sabrina said, you really want to make sure that you signal emotional maturity. Women are looking for that. At least women who are looking for a steady relationship. Women want to date emotionally mature men. Women want men, not boys. So you're going to want a prompt that signals your self awareness or your growth. Right? You're going to want a prompt or a line in your bio that says something like, therapy should be a badge of honor, not a red flag. Letting women know you go to a therapist, that's a great signal. Or you might say, here's a really good one. Here's a good fill in the blank so that you can personalize it and tailor it for what works with you. I came up with this and it's worked really well. Basically you create a prompt that says, I used to think love, or I used to think relationships were about blank, but now I realize they're about blank. And then ask yourself, what do you genuinely feel about those two blanks? So what I wrote for one of my clients, or I kind of ghost wrote it for him, is I think it read, I used to think love and dating was about chemistry, but now I realize it's about kindness and communication. That is, first of all, that's true. I really believe that. And also, it just conveys, oh my God to women. Oh my God. This guy's worked on himself. He's worked on himself. And that is what every woman wants, or at least every woman with standards. 90 something percent of women want a guy who has short, showed a sense of grounded, self aware emotional availability. So yeah, make sure you have at least one prompt that says something like, hey, I'm done with the casual thing. Now I want something real with somebody wonderful. It could be as simple as that. That's A really great thing to showcase. So thank you, Sabrina Zohar, for opening my mind to adding this to one of the essentials of online dating. She really knows women really well. Okay, and number 12, the 12th essential for online dating success. To finally get matches. No red flags. No red flags. This one's easy to do. You just have to know what they are. This last one's really simple, but it's really huge because sometimes you can have a really good profile, Good photos, good style, cool life, cool job. But if you have a really big flaming red flag, women are going to go swipe left. Women are looking to remove you from their dating queue if they can, just because they can only date so many guys, they can only go out message so many men. So we want to remove all red flags. Here are the most common ones. No shirtless selfies. No shirtless bathroom mirror selfies. No photos of you holding a fish. No photos of you holding a fish allowed. Women want to date an authentic, awesome, normal dude, not the captain from Jaws. Okay? No drunk party photos and no bitterness. Okay? Don't write things like, no drama, no baggage, tired of crazy women. Fuck that. Women aren't crazy. I have a new client who came to me and he said in our first call, he said something about, I'm sick of crazy bitches. I'm like, dude, bitches aren't crazy. People are human. People have baggage. People have vulnerability. We don't want to put any kind of emotional negativity, no bitterness on your profile. And also try to eradicate this from your actual mind. This is not just about what we put on your profile. I want you to literally see women as. They're just like you. They're just people trying to connect, trying to find love. And you don't want to be a guy who goes through life bitter. Big topic we can talk about on a different episode. But basically remove the no drama type of thing from your profile. Also avoid anything that comes off, like a brag or a flex. Right? Don't mention money. Don't mention, you know, your cool yachts, your two houses, if you have that kind. Those kinds of means. There's a way to talk about your financial success at some point, but we don't want to. We don't want flexes. Women are just looking for. They're not looking for perfect. They're looking for relatable, dateable, authentic, normal. Just like 10% better than the average guy. That's all you have to be to get a lot of good matches. Just 10% better than the average. And I think you're a lot more than 10% better, but that's all you really need. And so when we remove all these red flags, what this does is you've really increased the chance of right swipes and attraction because you come off as, think about it, well dressed, your life's together, emotionally available, but funny, flirty, a cool life, no red flags to make her feel unsafe. And oh man, that's when the matches really start coming in. I have a client, he's actually featured on my homepage datingtransformation.com my client, Ben. Once we did these 12 essentials with Ben and removed a couple red flags and had these first two great photos he got. I think the number is 83 matches in 24 hours. And most of them were good matches. Like 60, 70% were good matches. You can check out the screenshot on my homepage datingtransformation.com to see an actual client list of all of his matches on hinge. And all Ben and I did is we went through and made sure he had these 12 essentials handled. Okay, that is the end of today's episode. Again, if you are interested in a dating coach or at least finding out how dating coaching works, feel free to go to datingtransformation.com and you can book a free call with me so that we can talk about your profile and how I can help you very likely get a lot more matches and a lot more dates so you can find an incredible girlfriend. Coming up in part two, I'm going to go through all 12 of these, but I'm going to do it in an even more practical way so that I'll be giving you some very specific prompts to write or at least to inspire you. I'll walk you through in more detail. Here's how to take these portraits for that one, two punch. Here's how to capture an image of you out in the world being man of action. Basically, I'll go through each of these 12 essentials and give you even more practical how to and that'll be in part two of this four part episode about how to finally stop having crickets on your hinge, tinder or bumble profile and start getting a lot of matches so that you can meet an incredible girlfriend from the dating apps, which is how I met my beautiful girlfriend, Jessamyn. So until next time, and don't forget your dream girlfriend, she is out there and bro, she is gonna love you, but she's gonna have to meet the real authentic you. So go out there. Carpe datum. Seize the date, be authentic, and I'll see you next time.