← How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Ghosted to Getting Great Dates: The 26 New Rules of Online Dating for 2026 (Part 2)
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Online dating is changing faster than you can say “swipe.” And not knowing what works on the apps in 2026 will cost you matches, dates… and even keep you from finding love. In this episode, dating coach and bestselling author Connell Barrett reveals...
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Only photos of you with your dog. If you use somebody else's dog, that's canine catfishing. Welcome back to the how to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach Connell Barrett. I'm the author of Dating Sucks, but you don't. I, I'm a dating coach for men and I want to help you get a lot more matches and a lot more dates. My whole thing is dating by being radically authentic, showing women your most attractive, real, authentic you. And that's what works with women. It's also what feels really good. It's about dating with integrity and authenticity. And let's get to it. Let's talk about how to get you more matches on the dating apps in 2026. This is part two of a two part mini series. First 14 new rules of Online Dating I mentioned in the last episode. Go back and listen if you missed that and I want to give you the rest. 20 the the final 12 of the 26 new rules for Online Dating. And the reason I'm doing these episodes is because online dating, it's, there's, it's filled with so much frustration. I have so many clients who come to me because they're not getting matches, they're not getting dates. The few women who match with them ghost them. And I just want to help guys get more matches because I want you to meet your girlfriend in whatever way works for you. And online dating still works. It's competitive, it's harder than ever, but it still works if you apply the right concepts. I met my girlfriend Jess on a dating app and you can too. I don't mean you can meet my girlfriend. I mean you can meet your girlfriend. Let's, let's finish the list I left off. I did the first 14 in part one. So here's part two. The new rules for online dating in 2026. Here is rule number 15. Use a friend fluencer on your audio prompt. What's a friend fluencer? That's a term that I just coined that because I've seen my clients have really good success having a female friend make a 5 to 105 to 10 second audio cameo on my client's hinge audio prompts. Hinge has an audio prompt option where you can leave a 2030. I think you can do up to 59 seconds of an audio. And one of the things that my guys have succeeded with is having a female friend pop in and chime in and give a 5 to 10 second endorsement of why the, the women out there should date their, their guy. Friend, my client Charlie, he has a good female friend named Rebecca. And Charlie recorded an audio prompt. It was about 30 seconds. And he handed the phone to Rebecca and she said, oh yeah, you should definitely, you should definitely date him. He's a great guy, great cook. And she said something about, oh, his volleyball skills. She just talked him up a little bit. It doesn't matter all that much what you have the woman say. The reason why this works is the power of social proof. There's a term called social proof. And the idea is that when a woman sees, or in this case hears that other women like you just as a friend, as a person that sends social signals to the, to the woman that says, oh, well, if this woman likes him, then she is basically giving a testimonial. And that might help the woman like and trust you more than she would if it was just you saying, hey, here's why you should date me. So the concept is called social proof. Sort of like if you've ever gone out on the town with a female friend, have her approach a woman or talk to women at the bar. A woman can approach a group of women without any problem, like a hot knife through butter. And then she can talk you up and introduce you to the women she just met. It's really great having a wing woman in the real world with approaching. What we're doing here with the friend fluencer is you having a female friend basically be a wing woman on your hinge audio prompt. Now, here's an important caveat. Most platforms have some kind of rule about not misrepresenting yourself. So you don't want to have a woman leave the entire audio message. You should leave the bulk of the message. Hey, what's up? I'm Doug and I really am into. I'm into hiking, Wordle and cooking. Cooking really good omelets, right, Jenny? And then his friend Jenny says, oh my God, you should taste this guy's cooking. He's fantastic. He's a great catch. So she should be like a 5 to 10 second cameo. You don't want to have her do the whole message because that could get your profile flagged by Hinge. But if you simply have a woman make a 5 to 10 second little cameo, you are going to be fine. You just have to be the one to mainly leave the audio message. So it's a friend fluencer. Find a female friend. Or if you have a female friend, have her pop in, make a cameo on your audio prompt. This sends women who are swiping a signal that Says, hey, this woman likes and trusts him. So I can. All right, rule number 16 for 2026, make her laugh to get the match. Women would rather date a guy who makes them laugh than date a guy who's super Hollywood handsome. Humor is such a potent weapon. So your rule is to add one witty or funny line to your profile that gets a laugh and field test it. Field test it with your female friends, See which. Which one they like the most. Here are some examples that my clients and I have used. In no particular order, these are prompts designed to make women laugh. I love cooking with red wine. I even add food to it sometimes. Next, I'm training for a marathon. A Netflix marathon, but still kind of a dad joke. But a lot of women like it. You. Here's a good one. If you're a single dad, here's a good one. Quote. Yep, I'm a total dilf, which stands for dedicated, interesting and loving father. And then parentheses. What did you think I meant? Sheesh, get your mind out of the gutter. And those are just three that I came up with. If you can come up with a prompt that has a fun. Oh, oh, here's one. One more. I should have mentioned this. This is maybe my best one ever. For me, anyway, I stumbled on this. Women love it. The prompt I came up with was, if you like tall, handsome, successful, charming, witty, financially stable, independent men who love kids and dogs and who are emotionally available, then you should meet my brother. That just got me so many laughs from women. And anyway, you can use your variation of that one if you'd like. Bottom line is you, like me, may not be the best looking guy on the planet. That's okay. If you can make a woman laugh, then that's better than having six pack apps on the dating apps. All right, the next rule. I like this one a lot. Here's the next rule. Women are attracted to clear intention. So you want to show a clear intention for what you want. Every, pretty much every woman wants to know, what are you looking for? Women on the apps are very tired of men who don't know what they want. They're. They're tired of vague bios that just say, oh, I'm just seeing what's out there. Just trying this app out for size. So add one crystal clear line to your bio or to your. Or write a prompt that says exactly what you want, because if she sees herself as what you want, then she'll appreciate that you are a man who knows what he wants, and that's attractive to women. So the line could be as simple as this. Here's an example of one that I wrote for a client. Now, don't use this if this is not you, but this is an inspiration. My client, Richard. I wrote this prompt for him. Quote or with him. Quote. I'm looking for a smart, bubbly woman who's up for hate watching reality TV with me while my goofy cat does backflips. Now, in the previous episode, I talked about the power of specificity, how specificity is sexy to women because it creates vivid writing. Notice how specific this intentional line is. Smart, bubbly woman. That's different than looking for a cool woman. I'm looking for a smart, bubbly woman who's up for hate watching reality TV with me while my goofy orange tabby does backflips. That's very different than. I want a quality woman who likes to watch TV and likes pets. So notice how I'm using a tool that I mentioned in the last episode to make this rule work. So, have clear, specific intention on your profile. Basically, say what you want. Nothing wrong with that. It lets a woman know, oh, gosh, if she meets what you're looking for. Then it allows a woman to say, oh, oh, that's me. Pick me, pick me. So clear intention must have clear intentions. Also, it answers the question that pretty much every woman's going to want to ask you at some point, which is, what are you looking for? You can answer this before she even asks you. All right, the next rule. I think we're up to number 18. Rule number 18, play up your passions. A man with passions is irresistible to so many women. So showcase up to three passions. Up to three, one minimum. Ideally three on your profile. One social passion, one physical fitness passion, and one personal passion. It's a good way to think of it. The rule of three. Here are some examples. A social passion might be you dining at a nice restaurant while you're laughing with friends. Like, there's a photo of that. That could be one of your photos. A physical passion or a fitness passion would be you running a marathon or you at a dance class. That shows women. The physicality you bring to the world shows your dynamic. You're out taking action. And the third kind of passion is personal passion, Just something you personally love. Your love of guitar. For me, it's my love of improv. I have a photo on my profile that shows me doing improv. I do musical improv on a stage. So the photo shows me doing improv and allows me to mention it. When women are interested in learning more about that, I have a client who's a big, loves to shoot hoops, loves to play basketball. He's got a cool 5 second video of him draining a 3 pointer or draining a jump shot. That's his physical passion. It's also a personal passion. So if you want to have passion with a woman, the sexual kind of passion, hey, first, show the more G rated kind of passion. Showcase things that you're passionate for. Online dating rule number 19, swipe less to date better. More swiping does not equal more matches. Here's some stats. The Average guy spends 10 hours a week on dating apps. And if you're like the average guy, that's why you feel fried. So cap it at two hours per week, maybe 20, 30 minutes a day. Let's say 30 minutes a day. That's a little over two hours in a week. That's it. Set a timer. 15 minutes in the morning with your coffee. Swipe for another 15 minutes after dinner so you can follow up on messages or see who else you might have matched with or want to swipe on and then just be done with it. Because when you're, when you're not exhausted, when you're not fried from endless swiping, you're going to write better messages, you're going to have more standards, better intentionality, and you're going to be a lot more thoughtful about who you swipe on. Okay, speaking of being fried, here's rule number 20 for 2026. Take one week off of the apps per month. One week. Here's a stat. This comes from the Pew Research Center. 77% of dating app users report feeling burnout. Why does that happen? Well, that's because apps don't reward matches. They, it rewards, it rewards endless engagement. It doesn't reward connection, it rewards engagement. Apps want you to keep swiping and that can lead to burnout. So take one week off per month. No swiping, no dming. Just reconnect with real life. Go out and do some wonderful, exciting, fun things in your life so that when you come back, you'll be refreshed and have some cool, fun things to talk about. So take one week off per month. All right? Rule number 21, ask her out by message number three. Most guys text for weeks and wait way too long to ask a woman out and wonder why that, why she ghosted. So many guys say, Connell, why do I get ghosted? What am I doing wrong? What's wrong with my texting? And I look at some screenshots and I go through my client's texts. His texting is actually pretty good. Often he's light, he's fun, he's playful, he's doing the things I teach, but he's not pulling the trigger. He's not asking her out. So here's your new rule. Three messages, then suggest a date. I would rather you ask a woman out too soon because at least that shows initiative. Then ask her out way too late. While she's already lost interest. The longer you wait to ask her out, the less likely you'll get a date. The iron is always at its hottest right after you match and begin messaging. So we're striking while the iron's hot. So here's how this three cadence message might look. Message number one is basically your opener. Hey, Katie. Oh, my God, your dog is so cute, I might have to steal him. What's his name? She responds, message number two from you. By the way, when I say message three, I mean you are sending three messages. Message number two, after she replies to the cute dog opener, you banter a little bit about dogs, basically. Maybe. Maybe message number two is you just banter little bit more about dogs. You share your dog's name, or you ask a bit more about her cute dog. And then message number three is, oh, hey, by the way, you seem charming. Let's grab a drink or coffee to get to know each other better. Would you like to send me your number or would you like to hop off the app and I can text plans for us? So you're basically, you're asking her out, or you're. If not literally asking her out, you're at least asking to get off of the App by message 3. Worst case scenario, a woman will say, hey, you know what? It's a little fast for me. Can we stay on here and message a little bit? Totally fine. But I'd rather you ask too soon than not than wait too long. So that's all you want to do. Three messages. Warm, direct, low pressure. Ask her out by message number three. Women like that. How many women? How many times have you seen this on a woman's profile? No pen pals. No pen pals. Just tell me where to be, where to go for the date. Women want to get. Get to it. All right, rule number 22, meet her in six days or you will lose her. Hinge's own data shows that 79% of people who match and meet in real life do it in six days or less. So by day six, momentum dies, and you're probably not even going to Meet her beyond that again. The iron is always hottest right after you match with a woman. So seek to meet her in six days or less, or else it probably won't happen. Rule number 23. Use my texting system. Play, play, play, pull the trigger. Play, play, play, pull the trigger. That's how I text women. All I do is I mostly send light, playful text messages, and then I make sure that I remember that playful text messages are leading to, quote, pulling the trigger, meaning ask her out. Now, most guys don't do this. By the way, I used to call my texting system give, give, give, ask. I changed it to Play, play, play, pull the trigger because it's a bit more specific. How do we give to women by text? Light, playful messages. Light, playful, authentic messages. But play is the magic word because play is the essence of flirting. And. But you don't want to just text and play for forever. You want to ask, ask her out pretty darn quickly, as you know. So most guys don't give. Most guys ask. They just ask. Ask. Ask for what they want. Ask boring questions. How's your day? How was your weekend? How are you? What are you up to? When are you free? Will you please. Will you please validate me as a man? If you're only asking rather than giving, then you come off as boring at worst, needy and borderline repulsive at worst. Repulsive is a strong word, but. But needy, which is unattractive. So your new rule is play, play, play, play, pull the trigger. Give her value first with a playful joke, a nice, light, cute compliment. I'm always looking for something on her profile to play with. You know, play around with. She's got a cute dog, I might say. Oh, my God, your dog is so adorable. Can I be honest with you, Sarah? I match with you, but really, I have a secret plan just to steal your dog. I want to be honest with you. Let's be honest with each other. Cool. I'm playing with her. And then we play a little bit back and forth, and then pull the trigger. Ask her out. Ask for the date. Ask for her number. Ask to get off the app with her. Boom. That's what you do. Okay, rule number 24. Speaking of play, rule number 24. Pay to play on the apps. Because it works. Pay to play. A recent research poll from Pew Pew did a poll that found that 52% of people who paid for dating app features met their partners online, compared to only 34% of free users. And the reason is because premium features assure that your profile will be shown to more women. And if you have a good profile, then you will have better results because more quality options will see your quality profile. The other benefit of premium features is you get the little bonuses like you know, you get to see who likes you first. That's great. If you know who likes you, they're. They're the hottest leads on the app because they've already showed interest in you. So pay for premium features. I'm not saying throw money at the problem because if you don't have a good profile, premium features will not help you. But if you do have a good profile, if you've worked hard on curating six or so really good photos that show what your authentic, attractive life is like, then you've got some nice prompts. You got a playful prompt, you have a flirty prompt, you have some of the other tips from, from these episodes. You got your friend fluencer. You've got good images and good prompts. Then paying to play works. Paying to play works. Most of, maybe not most. A huge number of my best matches over the years came from me either boosting my profile, paying to play, doing a 24 hour boost on Hinge. That would rack me up a dozen good matches. And then I can date from those matches for weeks or maybe sending out roses, sending out super likes, depending on what platform we're talking about. So, yeah, think of it this way. You'd spend 30 bucks on a first date with a attractive, interesting woman, right? Well, why not spend 30 bucks a month on a paid version of an app to get potentially dozens of matches and 2, 3, 4, 5 dates a month? That's a hell of a good investment. So pay to play on the apps. It works if you have a good profile. Okay, rule number 25, we're almost done. We're almost home. Rule number 25. Here's a quick one. If you list foodie on your profile, provide proof. You must provide proof. A photo. By proof, I mean a photo of you at an actual nice restaurant. This lets women imagine herself having, you know, fancy Spanish tapas with you or having a glass of wine and you're wearing the nice jacket. You look good. That puts an image in her mind of what a date with you would be like. But don't just write oh, I love foodie or I love food. I'm a foodie. Without the proof of the photos, she'll downgrade you from foodie to guy who thinks chick fil a is fine dining. That's no good. And rule number 26, no photos of you with a dog that isn't yours. Only photos of you with your dog. If you use somebody else's dog, that's canine catfishing. She wants to know that you are lovable, not whether your Aunt Jenny's beagle tolerated you for 14 seconds. So that's rule number 26. I have more rules, but I wanted to cap it there because 26 is enough. By the way, if you would like a free copy of a little book called Dating sucks, but you don't. My first of two books. My second book I'm working on, but my first book, you can get a free copy. I'll send it to you. Just shoot me an email. Email me at connellatingtransformation.com again, C-O-N n e l l@datingtransformation.com and just put free book on the subject and I will zip you a free copy of Dating Sucks, but you don't. All right, thank you so much for listening. And don't forget, your dream girlfriend is out there and she's going to love you, but she's going to have to meet the real, authentic you. Till next time.