← How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From Lonely to Lining Up Dates: 6 Simple Moves that Make Women Swipe Right on the Apps (Part 3)
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If you struggle on the apps, it can make you feel like you’re just not what women want. But the problem isn’t you—it’s your profile! Dating coach and bestselling author Connell Barrett can help. In Part 3 of his special series on online dating,...
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Connell Baritz
If you can make a woman laugh out loud while she's reading your profile, you instantly become sexier to her than Liam Hemsworth. I mean that you become hotter to her than a guy with six pack abs. Welcome back to the how to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I am your host, dating coach Connell Baritz. I am the best selling author of Dating Sucks but yout don't and the founder of datingtransformation.com basically, I'm your dating coach. I'm your podcast dating coach, here to help you flirt with confidence, get a lot more dates and get you an incredible girlfriend. Get you that partner, that relationship that you really want. And the reason I became a dating coach and a lot of people say, well, what qualifies you to, to figure out how to help men get dates? How did you become an expert? And basically I had all the big problems that you faced. I struggled to get matches on the dating apps. I didn't know what to say. I really doubted myself. And I just thought, I'm not that guy who girls go for. Cause I was really lonely and largely lonely and largely dateless well into my 30s. And I remember I struggled on the apps just like I bet you do. And I remember, I remember the first time I ever launched an online dating profile. I got a couple nibbles, but just women I wasn't attracted to, just women I wasn't that into. And I took that personally. And I thought, oh man, I guess, I guess women just don't like me. I guess I'm that guy that doesn't get matches, doesn't get options on the apps. And the bottom line is that's not true. That wasn't true of me. The problem wasn't me. It wasn't that I'm not good looking enough. It wasn't that I didn't have a lot to offer. The problem was that my photos and my bio were lacking these core essential things. And if you're struggling on the apps, which I assume you are, if you're still listening, is that you might think, oh, I guess I'm just not what women want. And I'm here to tell you that you are, you are what women want. Just like I learned I was what women want. And here was a big breakthrough moment I had. And I want you to have a moment like this. I remember when I finally got my, my dating profile handled by basically getting these 12 online dating profile essentials checked, all the boxes checked, where almost all of them were checked. I remember I started getting a lot of really good matches I had a couple dozen matches and options at any given time. And there was one night many, many years ago when I had. It was a Thursday, Friday, Saturday, I had three different first dates with three different really cool, attractive, interesting women. And each of these first dates, they all ended basically the same way. Sexy, romantic, make out. And I remember I walked home that Saturday night. I live in New York City where you walk home and I walked home that night. I drank at the time and I had a nice buzz going, had a nice Dos Equis buzz going. And I just thought, man, three cuties, three different nights, made out with all of them. Wow. I guess women like me. I guess I'm enough. On some level, that's what I was feeling. Maybe not in those exact words, but I realized, wow, I guess a lot of women do like me. And that's the moment I want you to have. I'm not saying you have to have three first dates and three different nights with three different women. You don't need to do that if you don't want to. You might just want to have 5, 6, 8, 10 good matches coming in to your profile at any given time and then have one or two dates a week and then eventually choose a great girlfriend from some nice options. And that's what we've been working on for these last three episodes, counting today's episode. I'm in the middle of a four part series right now called the 12 Essentials of an Irresistible Online Dating Profile. In my 20 years now, I've been working in this area for 20 years, 20 years of online dating. I have learned a thing or two. I've got my 10,000 hours over 20 years for sure. And so we're in the middle of these 12 essentials. There are 12 things you have to have if you want to maximize your success on the dating apps. And if you're not getting matches, if you're really struggling, if you swipe and swipe and swipe and you got nothing going for you except carpal tunnel of the thumb or the wrist swiping and swiping, then, then you're missing several of these essentials. That's what we're going to get into today. So here we go, part two of essentially a deep dive. So part one, by the way, two episodes ago I gave you a quick overview of these 12 essentials. Part two. I ran through essentials one through six, mainly about photos and parts seven through 12, which I'm about to go into. It's largely about bio prompt, how to keep women reading and seal the deal from, she's interested, she's looking at your profile to swipe right. And that's when the good things really happen. And anyway, so let's get to it in just a second. I do want to say again, I've been doing this for 20 years and part of what I do is I look at a guy's online dating profile and I go over it with him, my clients, and I say, all right, here are the six or seven things you're crushing, you're doing great. But Here are the 4, 5, 6 things you're not doing. Let's look at it, let's overhaul it, and let's get you a ton of matches. Let's turn your phone, let's turn your smartphone into a date generating machine. Wouldn't it be nice to click that little bumble button, the little Tinder app square, the little H for hinge. Wouldn't it be nice right before you clicked that button to be excited and happy about the matches you were about to get or see or finding out which of those 11 women wrote you back and which ones didn't, knowing that you had two or three or four good options at any given time, that's what I want for you. I want you to not just get the matches and the dates, but I want you to have fun. I want you to feel successful and attractive and confident and worthy. I want you to feel worthy. Anyway, if you are looking for a dating coach, here comes a really short 30 second live commercial. I do free consultations with men who are considering a dating coach and they want to get a lot more online dating success. They're tired of getting ghosted. They're tired of a lack of dates. They're tired of being lonely, which I was desperately tired of that back in the day. And they want to. They want a girlfriend, they want the matches, they want the success. So if you want to talk with me for free about your online dating results and just the possibility of you and I working together, you can go to datingtransformation.com, click the book a call button, book a free call and you and I will talk about your online dating game or any other part of dating. But since we're talking about the apps today, I wanted to use this 60 second little marketing spot to say, hey, book a call with me. So, hey, book a free call with me datingtransformation.com and you can book a free call with me. Okay, end of commercial. Let's get to the good stuff. Let's get to the tips. Let's get to dating essential Online dating essential number seven for a great profile. So here we are picking things up halfway through the list. Online dating essential number seven is write an irresistible hook. Write an irresistible hook for your profile. As I mentioned in the last episode, part one, photos are the most important thing. Those first two portraits are really going to be your biggest match getters. But once you grab a woman's attention, you want to make sure that you hook her interest with what you've written about yourself. So you want a first prompt that grabs her attention and you want to do it with something that's specific and magnetizes her. So here's what an irresistible hook is. The profile hook. It's the first line of your bio on Bumble or Tinder or it's the first prompt she sees on Hinge. Basically, it's the first words she's going to read and it's the first thing she's going to see. This hook. And it has one job, which is to capture her interest instantly. Women swipe left in three seconds or less. They do it instantly. So you have to grab her interest right away. Kind of like great clickbait. Makes you want to keep reading that article, right? Go to buzzfeed. You'll see you get sucked into buzzfeed or get sucked into the clickbait that's on Huffington Post. It's kind of like clickbait for your profile. And that's what works. So we want to do that because basically your online dating profile, sure, it's your profile. As I mentioned in part one, your profile is a story. It's a story that tell or sorry, it's a, it's a multiple chapters of a story that says basically, hey, look what a great boyfriend I'll be. Look what a great catch I am. But put another way, your profile is a piece of marketing, a piece of digital marketing. That's all your profile really is. And to capture a woman's attention, we need to grab her with something that hooks her interest. And this matters because women are bombarded with options on the dating apps. Especially today, there are a lot more men than women on dating apps, pretty much across the board, sometimes two or three to one. And if you don't instantly spark her curiosity or make her smile or get her wanting to flirt with you or make her feel special and giggly, she's gonna swipe left and out of, just out of boredom and move on. And you have three seconds or less to make it happen once she starts reading your bio. So the right hook is going to make her feel something we want. We just want to make her feel something positive. We want her to feel curiosity or we want her to feel laughter or connection with you. Flirty something we want her to keep. Keep reading. So here's the how, how do we do that? How do we write a really good hook? Well, humor to make her laugh or smile. That's one way to do it. Another way to do it is just break her pattern. Break the pattern of what she's used to seeing. So surprise her and I'll give you some examples of all these in a second. And. Or sometimes the simplest way to create a good hook is your hook line. Might be just one specific unusual thing about you that she's never seen before and it makes her go, oh, that's interesting. That's different. So here's a couple of examples. For my profile, I typically lean on humor, which is my basically my dating superpower. On my better days, I'm pretty funny, so I'm almost always going to lead with making her laugh. So I've had really good first lines of my bio that read, I'm a gentleman on the street with a dad bod in the sheets. Makes a girl smile. I've also used an interesting, specific thing about me. The most interesting thing about me, probably at least in one line, would be my job. I'm a dating coach for men, which is very unusual. Women aren't used to seeing that it breaks the pattern. So I've used this as my hook many times. I'm a dating coach for men, just like Hitch. But I promise I would never slap Chris Rock. So I'm combining humor with my very interesting, unusual job. So if you have a unusual, interesting job, if it's a high status job, if you're a doctor or if you are a performer, not that you probably are, but here in New York City, where I live, sometimes people are in the performing world. If you just have a really quirky, unusual job, you could lead with that. Another good way to do the hook is you warn her about something that you bring to the table, so to speak, that will make her fall for you. Here's what I mean by a warning. You go, warning. All capped. W, A, R, N, I N G. All capped. Warning. My homemade lasagna will probably make you fall in love with me and it will definitely make your mouth water. That's a good hook because what this hook is doing is letting her know that there's something you bring to the table, the dating table, that she wants. Pretty much every woman wants a guy who can cook, at least on some level. Who wouldn't, right? And that's probably the easiest way to write a hook for you. Anyway. Doing a generalized version for the podcast here. Obviously I can't personalize it for you, but. But you could just ask yourself, what's something I'm good at that women might like? Are you a good singer? Are you a good cook? Are you handy around the house? You could write warning. I am so handy around the house that you might want to hire me as your full time live in handyman. That's not bad. Actually, I just made that one up. Or heads up. Or warning. And sometimes I'll use a little warrant, the little triangular warning emoji. You know, little yellow orange. Warning, warning. My karaoke voice might make you swoon. Parentheses. Especially when I rock. Living on a Prayer by Bon Jovi. Something like that that conveys something that she'll enjoy about a date with me or you. Here's a good one I got from another dating coach. I really like it. I love cooking with red wine. Sometimes I even add food to it that's actually conveying a combination of humor and the fact that you cook. So if you cook and you cook with red wine, feel free to steal that if you want. Here's a really good one. This might be my best performing hook ever. For me. For me. Here it is. Quote, if you like tall, handsome, successful, charming, kind, witty, handy, masculine, modest men who love dogs, children, and who are financially stable, then you should meet my brother. I've gotten so many matches with that, and I think it's because women think I'm bragging about myself. And then there's the twist at the end, which makes them giggle. But I'm also kind of getting points for all these things too, because women understand that I'm actually calling myself these things, but in a way I'm not. So I'm sort of getting points for confidence and cheekiness, but also I have plausible deniability. I didn't actually call myself these things. I'm telling you, my brother is these things. I've had so many women match with me and say, wow, well, can you introduce me to your brother? And then I could say something like, well, sorry, he's taken. But you know, I know somebody else who has a lot of these things as well. And now we're off into a fun, flirty place. Another good example is feel free to steal this or a version of it, but make it sound like you, but I have a Dating coach, friend named Brian. He had a really good hook. His opening hook was he has. Oh. So I don't, I don't want to ruin it, spoil it. His opening hook is just so you know, I live with my best friend and my girlfriend and they're both cats. So cute little kind of a bait and switch. And he's also got a really cute photo of him with his two cats. So play around with some fun hooks. Think funny, think witty, think silly. Or if you're not those things or if you don't, if none of these have resonated with you, just think, what do I bring to the table? What can I share about myself that might make a woman go, yeah, I like that, and give her a warning, danger warning. If you, if you, you know, when you taste my fill in blank for dessert, if you're, if you love to make delicious desserts, you might just fall in love with me. It's a good way to hook a woman's attention. Okay. Oh, one other way to hook a woman's attention is through curiosity. This goes back to the whole clickbait thing, right? Curiosity meaning making her want, making her want to know more. So I think I mentioned this in part one, but you could write something like a hook. A hook that creates curiosity would be something like, you know, I've been to seven countries and there's only one that I hated and will never go back to. And that has a built in sense of what, which one? Which one do you want to go back to? I'm curious. I want to know more. So that's a way to use your opening hook with some curiosity. Okay, let's move to number eight, the eighth essential of an online dating profile that gets a lot of matches. And number eight is show, don't tell. It's a concept. Show don't tell. It's a writing concept. You want to reveal your best traits through actions, through storytelling, not. Not just listing adjectives or listing sort of vague concepts. So show don't tell is a writing technique that you might have heard back in high school or college if you've ever had a writing instructor saying, don't just tell me something, show me something. And show don't tell, it's also something popular. I listen to a lot of movie podcasts. I'm a big movie fan. And so in movies or TV shows, they show us, they don't just tell us something. Think of watching a movie where, you know, the best part of a movie is when we see the action taking place as opposed to Just hearing characters talking about the action, right? It's so much more compelling in, I don't know, the Godfather, when we see Michael Corleone having everybody whacked at the end of the movie when his nephew is being baptized. If they had just told us what had happened, it would be so lame and boring. But because they show us vividly, man, it becomes this incredible climactic moment of a great movie. So, yeah, show don't tell. It's a writing and communication technique that brings your profile to life by being more vivid, more specific, more compelling, more real. And, yeah, you're basically painting a more compelling picture in her mind with your words. And that makes your words almost as magnetic, maybe more magnetic than even some of your photos. Because if you just tell a woman generic facts about yourself, you'll bore her. She'll lose interest pretty quickly because women are going through dozens of profiles. And if yours feels clinical or flat, then she's going to swipe left without a second thought. So here's how to do it. Why don't I show you instead of tell you? How about that? There's a meta. A meta move. Why don't I show you how to show, not tell? So here's what I mean. Telling versus showing. Telling is saying, I like dad jokes. Showing is cracking a dad joke right then and there. You know, why did the pig go to the casino to play the slop machine, right, Instead of. Or what's another good dad joke? Oh, I only know 25 letters of the Alphabet. I don't know why. Get it. That would be how to show your sense of humor. So in other words, don't say, I'm funny. My friends say I'm funny. Actually make a woman laugh or crack a joke, right? Instead of saying, I love to travel, share a travel story. Saying I love to travel is telling. Showing would be saying something like, I visited 17 countries and I once got lost hiking in the Swiss Alps. Totally worth it. You know, on my profile, I used to write about, I used to tell women on my match.com profile. Remind me to tell you about the time I was mugged, quote, unquote, mugged in Amsterdam by a guy who pretended his bong was a gun. I had so many women writing me saying, wait, what? You were mugged with a guy with a bong? What's that story? So the fact that I was showing her, I didn't say, I have some funny travel stories. That would be telling. Showing is adding the specifics that make it more compelling, right? So instead of saying Family is important to me, which is telling. Show her that. Show her by painting a picture of you being with your family. Right. Instead of family is important to me. Something like, nothing beats roughhousing with my two nephews and playing hide and seek. They light me up. Something like that. Right. Or instead of this, you know, how many times have you read this generic, I'm adventurous. I like adventure. Everybody says that. And that's telling. But showing would be something like, last summer, I learned to scuba dive even though I can barely handle a kiddie pool. Right. That actually combines showing with humor. I have a client who has been skydiving in five different countries. If he had just written I like adventure and jumping out of planes, meh, that's showing. But because he said, hey, I have skydived in five different countries and I'm going to country number six in Australia this December. Boom. All of a sudden, that becomes really compelling to women because he's showing, not just telling. And that leads us to essential number nine, which is related to number eight. Essential number nine is be specific to grab her interest. Specifics. That's really the secret to compelling writing. One of the secrets to compelling writing on a dating profile is specificity. You want to use vivid, specific details to stand out, and that's what's going to help you paint a memorable picture. A picture that shows rather than just tells. And specificity pairs perfectly with the show and tell tip from before. It's those vivid details that make you memorable, that make your story graphic and vivid and real, and that helps you to stand out to her. Because, remember, she has a lot of options. Alcia, she has so many dating options, and she's looking for a reason to swipe left on you. It's nothing personal. It's just that she doesn't have time to date all the guys who would like to date her. So she's trying to find a reason to not swipe on you. In a way. And being specific helps to create a vivid and authentic, I hope an authentic version of you that makes her realize, wow, this guy is colorful. He's relatable, he's interesting. And it's those details, the specificity and details, details, details. That's what's going to make this work. Yeah. And here's why it matters. It matters because cliches, cliches or vagueness just really kill an online dating bio or a prompt. Right. It makes a woman's eyes glaze over when you use tired, overused lines like I love traveling or I am passionate about. Yeah, that just doesn't work. So you want to be really specific. So think. Think specific, not vague. It's kind of like vague is a swipe left. But specificity is sexy. Specificity is sexy. So vague would be, I like watching movies specific and. And frankly, sexy, or at least vivid would be I love who done it movies. And I belong to a weekly movie group and we watch whodunits and try. We try to guess who. Who did it in every movie. I'm not saying that's literally sexy, but it's compelling because it's specific. Right. I could say I enjoy travel and I'm going to be visiting, going on a trip with my dad. Okay, that's nice, but what if I said traveling lights me up more than anything on earth? And this year I'm taking my dad to Dublin, Ireland, for a pub crawl and a tour of the Guinness Factory, and I want him to connect with his Irish roots. All of a sudden that specificity brings me and who I am to life. It brings you to life. And it helps a woman realize, wow, this is a guy. If you're her type, within reason, this is a man. I want to know. Again, remember what I said in the last episode. If you listened to it, I hope you did, which is that your online dating profile is a story. It's a book called why you are boyfriend material, why you are a great catch, why you are so dateable. And specifics are going to bring those words to life. Life. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt. The apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone. I owned real estate there. But I escaped using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, dating Sucks, but yout Don't. And radical authenticity is why Psychology Today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend. So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call. I'll tell you how my one on one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend. And you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book A free call today and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend. Okay, let's go to essential number 10. Number 10 is make her laugh. Make her laugh. Using your authentic sense of humor. Inject humor, quirks, some kind of playful fun energy somewhere, ideally in two or three places in your profile. You want your personality to come through, but at the very least, we want something that makes her laugh out loud. And sense of humor, personality. This is such a powerful secret weapon in online dating. If you can make a woman laugh out loud while she's reading your profile, you instantly become sexier to her than Liam Hemsworth. I mean, that you become hotter to her than a guy with six pack abs. It's just because you're tickling her emotionally, you're making her giggle, you're making her laugh. It's so rare to be able to do that. There's lots of handsome guys on dating profiles. Shirtless, good looking, tall. Yeah, there's a lot of that. It's very rare to be that guy who can make her laugh, make her smile. And why does this matter? Well, this matters because women are scanning profiles and they're trying to avoid boring, awkward dates. Here's a little secret. Here's why so many men, including you, probably struggle to get matches. Here's what women are weeding men out on. It's not what you think. Women aren't weeding you out on looks, on your physical attractiveness. For the most part. What they're doing is they're weeding out guys who are, they're worried are going to be boring. Here's what women hate. Women hate boring, awkward dates. Single women have been on so many boring, awkward dates and they're weeding you out based on your bio and prompts. They're asking a question, is this guy going to be boring? Is the date going to be awkward? Is there going to be a long awkward silence? Is he going to talk about Bitcoin for two hours? Is he going to talk about himself? Is he never going to focus on me and make me smile, make me feel sexy, make me laugh? And if you can make her laugh while she's reading your profile, you're going to remove one of the biggest speed bumps, one of the biggest blocks there are that's keeping you from getting right swipes. Because she's going to think, okay, I'm going to have fun with this guy. He's got good style, good photos, and oh my God, that was funny. All right, I'll swipe right and at the very least, you're going to get more matches and you're also going to get women invested in you, your actual personality. And I would say, actually now that I'm looking at this whole list of 12 sort of top to bottom, again, I would say essentials one and two about photos. That one, two punch of those killer magnetic portraits I mentioned, that's going to be the most important thing that you're going to need to get more matches. I would say this number 10 though, making women laugh, using your humor, getting her giggling, that's going to be third. That's that powerful because it's so rare. Everybody wants to laugh. What woman doesn't want to laugh with her potential boyfriend, with her potential partner? Of course she does. And if you can do be that rare guy who's doing it, then you are, you are standing out. And you don't need six pack abs. You don't have to be some great looking guy. Okay, here's how to do it. The how to is basically use your natural, authentic sense of humor. And you know, you've probably heard me go on and on about authenticity. I do it because that's what works. You can't be somebody you're not. So lean into who you are and that includes your sense of humor. So what is your natural sense of humor? How do you make your best friend laugh? How do you make your sister or brother laugh? How do you make your little nephew and niece laughter? That's the same. You can bring the same techniques to your online dating profile. So, for example, I love dad jokes. I'm cracking dad jokes all the time. Guess what? I have dad jokes on my profile. I'm training for a marathon, a Netflix marathon. Girls like that. At least women who like my sense of humor do sarcasm. I'm sarcastic. I've got dry, dry snark. Some dry, witty snark. My girlfriend Jess, the thing that she was really attracted to after my first two photos, which gave her the, you know, crush on my school teacher kind of vibe that she said she liked, she instantly liked the playful sense of humor. My profile made her laugh a little bit. And then we picked that up by text and then we took it to the next level. But she was drawn to my sense of humor. I made her laugh and I still do, I hope. And so, yeah, think to yourself, all right, how do I make people laugh in my life and gravitate toward what you already do with others in your life? Now that said, we want to avoid anything vulgar. Don't be overly raunchy but yeah, but we still want to. We can be a little bit polarizing. So feel. Think snarky, think dad jokey. If that's you or just your version of playful, light and playful. Here's some examples from my profile and some that I've used with some of my clients. There's the. I'm training for a marathon, a Netflix marathon. That's a good prompt on Hinge. I had really good success with. You know how unhinged they give you that. That caption option for a photo, Low key flex. And then for that one, I just put a screenshot of a really high credit score. So it says low key flex, and it just shows 800 credit rating, actual screenshot of credit rating. And I got so many women matching with me saying, oh, hey, I think that's. One woman said, I think that's a high key flex. And. And so, yeah, you could do some fun visuals like that or funny photos that create some humor with the caption that Hinge creates for you. I told you the previous example of the if you like tall, handsome, successful, charming, kind, witty, handy, masculine, modest men who love dogs and children have. And who are financially stable, then you should meet my brother. I already gave you that one, but I wanted to restate it. Let's see. Oh, here's a good one. I had good success with this prompt or bio line. I definitely have. I definitely have some emotional baggage, but it's small enough to fit in the overhead. That one worked really well for me. In fact, one woman actually took that and said, I'm interested. Is it small enough to fit into my. And then she said a part of her body. Very, very attractive woman wrote me that. And all of a sudden she was leading that flirtatious interaction. You could do things like, I'm a strong believer that nachos are a food group. Here's one I wrote for my client that worked really well. Quote, I'm looking for somebody to be my plus one to awkward family events and to pretend that we met at Whole Foods. Yeah. So those are just some examples of funny prompts or funny lines to put into your bio. Oh, another way you can add humor. I like this one a lot for Hinge. If you use Hinge, you know that hinge has a poll prompt or it gives you a, B, C. And I love using that poll prompt and making the third answer something absurd and silly. You might know of something. You might know of a concept in humor. Basically, the rule of threes. The rule of threes. The idea is that if having a series of three things, if that third thing is a, is a unexpected curveball that's different than the first two things. Basically, the first two things are normal and the third thing is bizarre and crazy. And that's gonna make people laugh because they're not expecting that third thing. So with online dating with Hinge, I had a, I had a lot back when Kanye, a couple years ago, Kanye was going crazy with all kinds of, all kinds of fascist statements and just going nuts and going off the chain. And he was trending in the news a lot. And so I got so many matches with this prompt, with this poll prompt on Hinge together we could, A, oh, no, sorry. It was instead of drinks, let's option one, go to a comedy show. B, get dessert. C, Taser Kanye. I had so many matches, so many women checked the third one and they were like, yeah, where do we meet? You bring the tasers, I'll see you there. And another variation of that could be something like, for our first date, we should, A, grab a glass of wine, B, have sushi, C, meet my parents for a five hour dinner. Parenthesis. What? Too soon? So you get the point, right? You see how that's working? So another way to add humor to your online dating specifically unhinge, is that poll prompt works really well when that third one. So make the third option on your poll prompt something bizarre, something absurd, something hyperbolic. By the way, on the topic of humor, about a month ago, I did an episode about different ways to be funny in dating. The different humor devices you can learn. Sarcasm, irony, hyperbole, humorous misdirection, double entendres. I talked all about different ways to be funny. So go back. If you haven't listened to it, go back and listen to the different ways to be funny using humor, and you can use some of those techniques. Two, make sure that there's something on your profile that makes a woman laugh, makes her giggle, makes her laugh. And last thing I'll mention here is little caveat. Don't just copy and paste funny lines, quote, unquote, funny lines from the Internet, because they won't sound like you. And beware of ChatGPT. Beware. ChatGPT is not you either. And we want your humor to sound like you. So even if a joke, even if, even if you copy and paste something from me or from some other dating guru, and if that gets you the match and it gets you the date, you're setting yourself up to get stuck in the friend zone. If she meets you and you Seem totally different. You're not the same funny person or you didn't make her laugh in the same way as you did on your bio. So please avoid the temptation to just do copy and paste lines, even if you think they're funny or they're really good. Beware of that. We want to make sure that your humor is being filtered through the lens of your authentic self. So, yeah, I would ask yourself, how do I make my friends laugh? What kind of jokes make them laugh? And create a file on your phone or create a file on your computer. Notice when you make people laugh in your life and write down what did it, write down, how you did it. Start thinking about humor a little bit, and you might be surprised at how quickly you'll start coming up with ways to apply the way you're already authentically funny and be able to pour that into your online dating profile. Okay, essential number 11 is showcasing, or I should say signaling, emotional maturity. You want to signal emotional maturity on your profile. You want at least one prompt on bumble or hinge or some line on your platform to show to women that you are relationship ready. You want to reveal some emotional intelligence, some, some growth. This is something that I want to credit. Sabrina Zohar. Sabrina Zohar is a dating expert. She has an amazing podcast. She was on this podcast. She's got a bazillion followers on social media. And Sabrina was on my podcast talking about women. How women want to see that you are a man who's working on himself, or at least women who want a relationship. Women who want a guy to. To be her partner in life, they want to see that. And so you want to have at least one part of your profile that shows that you're grounded, you're self aware, you've worked on yourself. Because women aren't just swiping based on looks. Quite the opposite. Looks are a nice bonus and a good looking guy can certainly catch a woman's eye. But really, they're reading between the lines and they're looking for signs of emotional safety and emotional maturity. And they're looking for that rare guy who's growing, he's evolving, he's learning, he's grateful for the journey he's on. And if you can convey that through at least one prompt, oh, man, again, you really stand out. You're giving women this incredible thing they're looking for in a man, which is a man who's, you know, grown into the best version of himself. So how do we do this? Well, I've got a couple of kind of plug and play templates for you to use. Kind of like Mad Libs. And because again, I don't, I don't want you to, I don't want to give you some copy and paste thing because that won't be authentic to you. I'm not a one size fits all kind of coach, but here are a couple, two or three Mad Libs. We could say one would be a growth mindset prompt. Let's call this a template growth mindset template prompt. So you could write something like, I used to think dating was about blank, but now I realize it's about blank. You know, I used to think dating was about finding somebody who checked every box, but now I realize it's about building something real with the right woman. I'm not saying anything, Nothing there was terribly profound. But you know what? It's not about profundity. It's about showcasing that you're a guy who's growing. That'd be a great thing to put on your profile. Something like that. But again, I want you to mean it. You know, here's one other. Here's another little plug and play. I call this the gratitude template. Basically, it's one lesson I'm grateful that I learned the hard way is blank. And then you fill in that blank about a lesson that you learned. Right? I don't know. One lesson that I'm grateful that I learned the hard way is that communication isn't just important. It's absolutely essential for a successful relationship. That's not even all that. Again, it's not profound. Eight million people, a billion people have said communication is important. But just the fact that you're putting it on here and that you're grateful that you've learned this lesson, it shows. Hey, it shows to woman. Hey, this guy's been working on himself and women are looking for a self aware guy. Here's one more. This is the healthy relationship values template, I call it. It's as simple as these days I'm looking for blank because of blank. Okay? So, for example, these days I'm looking for somebody who feels like home because life's so much better when you can truly be yourself with somebody. I like that one. Just feels nice. It feels cozy. These days I'm looking for somebody who feels like home because life's way better when you can truly be yourself. I think that's a universal thing that we all strive for. We all want to be somebody who feels like we can be home. We are at home with them. And of course, we all Want to be ourselves around our partner, around everybody, but especially our partner. And so I guess for this one, I want you to dig deep. Please don't just copy and paste anything I've said here. Really think about this. Do some reflection. Men rarely do this. Be that rare guy who's reflecting, showing some self awareness, and think about putting this all together, right? You've got a hook that sucks her in, attracts her with some kind of cool, irresistible, surprising little detail. And you've got something that's going to make her smile and giggle and laugh. And you've got something showing that you're a mature guy who's grounded, who's grown. Oh, man. Women are dying for that kind of vulnerability. Yeah, that's why it's one of the 12 essentials. So thank you, Sabrina Zohar, for really turning me onto the power of this concept. And number 12, this one's actually what not to do. The 12th essential for a great online dating profile to get you lots and lots of matches with some wonderful women. No red flags. You want to just eliminate red flags. Eliminate things that are possibly going to hurt you. I had a first date once upon a time with my then future girlfriend, Lorraine. Hi, Lorraine. If you're out there and on our first date, Lorraine said something that blew my mind. She said, a lot of guys think that women that we take points away. You lose points. I'm sorry, I screwed that up. Let me start again. Don't worry about editing this. I'll just say it right here. Lorraine said, oh, guys think that they need to score points with women. You don't have to score points with us. Just don't lose points with us. You start off with lots of points and then we take them away when you screw stuff up. I thought that was really profound because essentially, you see, she was saying, just get rid of the red flags. And that goes for online dating as well as in person dates. So we want to remove those red flags. You want to remove things like, well, here's a. Here's a laundry list. Okay, well, first of all, let me just share why this is so essential. It's just important to show women that you are a regular, relatable, authentic guy. Because women have really strong radar for red flags. Okay. Especially online. And the things that women don't like that they see all the time. It's bitterness, neediness, negativity is a big red flag. And if women sense that, then that can sink your profile really fast. Even if you have every other essential handled. If she sees a red flag she's just going to head for head for the hills. Right? And red flags aren't just obvious things like, you know, a picture of you drunk at a party. If you're trashed, don't put that photo on there. That would be kind of an obvious red flag. Or a picture of you with an animal that you killed because you're a hunter. That's a big red flag for a lot of women. They can be subtle, they can be more subtle little things, things that signal this guy's, this guy does not have his life together or this guy does not get women. That's what a red flag can tell them. This guy doesn't get women or this guy is selfish or this guy is self centered or insecure. And this really matters because women, they have to just weed out men who are bad fits for them. So yeah, your profile, we don't want any anger, no sense of you being jaded. No negative, no negativity, no, like, are there any good women here? Trying this one last time. Yeah, that'll get you a quick swipe left. So yeah, so you want, never complain about dating apps. Don't complain about your quote, crazy ex. Don't complain about women. Don't say, ah, dating culture is so annoying. Avoid. Completely eradicate the phrase no drama. I don't want women with any drama. Look, we're all human. We all have drama at times. Drama isn't a male female thing. We all have drama at times. I can't tell you how much drama I probably made my girlfriend go through, God bless her. But no, no drama, no negativity. Avoid things like be clean, clean. Basically another way of saying don't have any sexually transmitted diseases. That's a fair thing to want in a partner, but just don't put it on your profile. Beware of bragging about yourself. Don't be. Try hard. Avoid the obvious red flags that I've talked about visually. Shirtless mirror selfies, none of that. Yeah, avoid writing things like swipe left if you're not serious. Tired of fake people? Where are all the good women? I'm not here for hookups unless you're hot. Beware of this fake bullshit red pill alpha male thing that shows up with a lot of in the manosphere. Any sort of manosphere tropes you want to avoid. Basically, if. If a right wing, far right, manosphere, red pill type of person would say it, don't put it on your profile. I don't care where you are politically, regardless of your political affiliation. We just want to remove the kind of like, I'm a, I am a man, badass alpha male that reads really poorly to women across the board, regardless of how she votes. So you want to avoid all those red flags. Simple rule, keep things positive, keep things playful, keep things authentic. And basically, if it wouldn't make a woman smile and if it wouldn't make her feel good, get it off your profile. It does not belong on your profile. Those are the 12 essentials of an irresistible online dating profile that will get you matches. But we're not done yet. We have one more. We have part four of four coming in the next episode. In part four, I'm going to help you troubleshoot some of the most common issues that arise because here's what's going to happen. You're hopefully going to take this advice and overhaul your profile and launch it and boom, let's get you tons of great matches. That's what I want for you. But at the same time, this is a piece of marketing. And when we launch a piece of marketing, we have to learn how to optimize it and troubleshoot as we go. So I'm going to help you troubleshoot things like, oh, what to do if you don't get as many matches as you want. In the next episode, I'll talk about if and how often you should boost your profile. I'll talk about different adjustments you can make and how to figure out which of these 12 essentials is, is, and isn't working. And I'm also going to tell you in the next episode, the dating app you must, must, must, must, must be on for you to maximize online dating success. So check that out. That's coming up, part four of four. And I've got some other cool surprises coming up in that episode as well. And until next time, thank you for listening. And remember, your dream girlfriend, she is out there and she's going to love you, but she has to meet the real authentic you. Talk soon.