Podcast Summary: "I Approached a Woman and 2 Strangers Literally Applauded Me"
Podcast: How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Host: Connell Barrett
Guest: Andrew (former and returning client)
Date: December 23, 2025
Episode Overview
In this episode, dating coach Connell Barrett sits down with Andrew, a former client with a transformative dating journey. They dive into advanced dating challenges, specifically around abundance, relationship styles (open vs. exclusive), handling "the talk," and maintaining authenticity. Andrew shares his real-world progress: from sexual frustration and no dating life, to abundant options and a new kind of “higher-quality problem.” The episode is packed with practical insights, vulnerable storytelling, and actionable tips—especially for men seeking to approach women confidently, without resorting to inauthentic “pickup artist” moves.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Andrew’s Journey: From No Dates to Abundance
[01:59–03:28]
- Andrew recounts starting coaching as “sexless for a couple of years,” only failing with online dating and lacking confidence.
- Through Connell’s coaching, Andrew builds confidence and consistently starts meeting women “at events, on the street, parks, malls.”
- His results: “I've been able to date a lot over the past year and a half.”
- Connell underlines: Once you solve one dating challenge, higher-quality problems arise (e.g., how to be authentic while exploring open relationships).
2. Relationship Goals and the Challenge of Defining What You Want
[04:28–06:54]
- Andrew seeks to balance a desire for openness with finding depth: “I want to build a relationship... but not lose myself.”
- He wants honesty with potential partners, especially if he’s “not ready for exclusivity.”
- Connell frames this as healthy: “It's about solving increasingly higher quality problems.”
Notable Exchange
Connell [05:31]: "If I handed you a magical pen… and you could write out the romantic relationship that would fulfill you… what would you write?"
Andrew [06:11]: "A relationship that grows over time… we're committed… but that leaves some openness to casually see other people… for the people that really matter, it makes me care about them more, makes me want to commit even more. But I like having some of that freedom."
3. Navigating Open Relationships & Dating App Realities
[07:05–09:54]
- Connell is candid: Most women want monogamy; those open to polyamory are “probably low double digits.”
- Recommends apps like Field but Andrew prefers in-person, everyday interactions.
- Connell acknowledges that for “niche desires,” targeted online spaces or communities may be more efficient, though in-person is still valuable.
4. Casual Dating: How Long Can It Last?
[10:35–14:38]
- Connell shares from personal experience: casual dating “usually fizzles out after two or three months,” with most women seeking exclusivity after that window.
- Andrew echoes: The three-month mark is when new partners ask about exclusivity, which ends things if he’s not ready.
- Discussion explores how to navigate shifts from play to commitment and the importance of honest self-reflection.
5. When Does Variety Get Old? The Path to Commitment
[15:18–21:41]
- Connell draws on psychology (invoking Tony Robbins): “Rejection leads to obsession”—newfound abundance can create a desire for more.
- He describes his own transition: “I really like this flavor of vanilla... I found my ice cream cone.”
- Predicts Andrew will naturally gravitate toward commitment once a “neon sign” moment with the right woman arrives.
Notable Quote
Connell [19:00]: "There's a reason why people go to Baskin Robbins. A lot of different flavors taste really good... But after a while, I realized, you know what? I really like this flavor... I found my ice cream cone."
6. Chasing Abundance: Addiction or Healthy Phase?
[21:27–26:42]
- Andrew shares vulnerability about worrying he’s “addicted to women” and perpetual variety.
- Connell reassures: “You’re not addicted per se… you’re addicted to the buzz, the fun, the variety. The first kiss, the first sex.”
- Ties in deeper needs: While lower-level needs (significance, variety) are met through abundance, higher needs (contribution, growth) can only be fulfilled in a deeper, exclusive relationship.
Notable Quote
Connell [25:35]: “There’s a ceiling on dating lots of multiple women... once you find that incredible woman... higher-level needs will present themselves and you’ll realize... I want that one incredible woman.”
7. Fear of Losing “Dating Powers” in Relationships
[26:42–30:17]
- Andrew fears commitment means losing “momentum” and the ability to approach.
- Connell reframes: “The worth comes from the value you bring to women... It comes from inside of you, young Skywalker. The Force, the worth comes from the value you bring.”
- Skills can be expressed in other aspects of life and won’t disappear if you take a break from approaching.
8. Dating Apps vs. Approaching: Trade-offs and Mindset
[30:17–33:55]
- Andrew dislikes how apps “interrupt my day,” but uses them out of necessity ("it's winter in New York").
- Connell recommends strict personal “ground rules” (timed app sessions) to minimize negative effects and maximize efficiency.
- Suggests online apps are the “fastest way” to find people open to non-traditional dynamics.
9. Approaching Women: Practical Tips, Mindset, and “Win-Win” Experiences
Keys to Success
[35:18–38:49]
- Consistency is the game-changer: A weekly quota (e.g., 8–10 approaches) cemented Andrew’s progress.
- “Code of conduct”: Self-accountability, reflection, and continual practice.
- Morning mindset routines (“I’m a high value guy because X, Y, Z”) became vital to maintaining confidence.
- Incantations like: “There’s a thousand more girls and I have a lot more to give.”
Standout Story: Getting Applauded for an Approach
[39:00–39:54]
- Andrew describes approaching a woman in Brooklyn (“I love your green shirt”), talking for a few blocks, and then two men behind him “started clapping... in the middle of the street.”
- Connell relates: “A lot of things that keep a guy from approaching is, oh, I’ll get socially judged. What if you impress people? What if you get applause?”
- Morale: Often, social courage is admired.
10. How Social Identity Transforms Through Action
[41:30–42:30]
- Andrew has become “the guy in my friend group” known for his social courage—a powerful recognition.
- His friends respect his authenticity, dispelling initial fears that they would judge him for “pursuing this type of work.”
11. Reframing Approaching as a Win-Win
[42:30–43:53]
- Reframing: An “approach” doesn’t have to be binary (win or lose). It can be win/learn/laugh.
- Andrew: “The anxiety of approaching turned into excitement… an opportunity to express myself.”
12. Approaching Success Story: “You Look Like a Botanical Garden”
[44:06–45:44]
- Andrew recounts flirting at a rooftop bar: Complimented a woman’s floral dress (“you look like a botanical garden”), chatted, brought in a wingman, later danced and kissed her, exchanged numbers, and went on dates.
- Takeaway: Staying “a little bit longer than is comfortable” and maintaining playful persistence pays off.
13. Navigating “The Relationship Talk” Honesty, Timing & Integrity
[47:31–54:11]
- Andrew describes a recent scenario: Six months casually seeing a woman, she wanted exclusivity, but he “wasn’t ready.” He’s candid about regret and sadness but values being honest.
- Connell: “Tell the truth, even if it's painful to… for what you might lose. Truth and love. Those two things go together.”
- Advises: There’s a “gray area” at the start, but after 2–3 months max, it’s ethical to clarify intentions.
- Emphasizes: Integrity matters; even hard conversations are better than misleading someone.
Notable Exchange
Connell [51:48]: “If you told the truth, then… you did the right thing.”
Andrew [51:48]: “It definitely does... I did lose someone I cared about, but I also was not ready to commit.”
14. Future Intentions: Remaining True While Exploring Options
[55:38–58:20]
- Andrew: Wants to be “more intentional” in 2026, possibly using online tools to meet women with similar relationship preferences.
- Connell: Encourages Andrew to try all options, and to “guard against getting sucked in” by apps. Validates that what Andrew is doing is “very healthy and normal.”
- Suggests openness to the idea that, in time, abundance will fade and he’ll recognize “the one.”
- Reminds Andrew: “You're not addicted in any... With a capital A. It's a lowercase A. You're addicted to women like I'm addicted to veggie chips and dark chocolate. It's okay.”
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)
-
“If I handed you a magical pen… and you could write out the romantic relationship that would fulfill you…”
— Connell [05:31] -
“People recognize me in my friend group as somebody that has the social courage to go up and talk to a group of women... and I love it.”
— Andrew [00:00], [41:30] -
“You got the peanut gallery gave you thumbs up.”
— Connell, referencing Andrew being applauded for his approach [39:48] -
“The anxiety of approaching turned into excitement… an opportunity to express myself.”
— Andrew [43:22] -
“Tell the truth, even if it's painful to… for what you might lose. Truth and love.”
— Connell (paraphrasing David Deida) [51:48] -
“The force is strong in you, Padawan.”
— Connell, encouraging Andrew about his intrinsic value [27:48] -
“You're not addicted per se… you're addicted to the buzz, the fun, the variety. The first kiss, the first sex. I got lowercase addicted to that as well.”
— Connell [22:51]
Important Timestamps
- 01:59 – Andrew’s backstory & transformation begins
- 06:11 – Ideal relationship “with some openness” described
- 07:05 – Connell: “That’s not going to be a majority of women...”
- 13:14 – The 3-month “fizzle point” in casual dating
- 19:00 – Baskin Robbins “ice cream”/variety metaphor
- 22:51 – Is abundance an addiction?
- 25:35 – Why deep needs eventually matter
- 27:48 – “The force is strong in you, Padawan.”
- 39:00 – Applauded on the street for approaching
- 41:30 – Shifting social identity in friend groups
- 43:22 – Approaching as an opportunity, not anxiety
- 44:06 – Botanical garden story, persistence, and results
- 47:31 – How to handle “are we exclusive?” talks
- 51:48 – The importance of truth and love
- 54:11 – Integrity and timing in clarifying intentions
Tone & Style Reflections
- Open, vulnerable, and encouraging atmosphere
- Combination of personal storytelling, humor, and tactical advice
- Connell is supportive but honest; Andrew is reflective and candid about his journey and struggles
- Language is conversational, playful, and at times uses pop-culture references (“young Skywalker”)
Actionable Takeaways
- Be honest about your relationship intentions, even if it risks loss.
- Consistency in taking action (such as consistent approaching) creates momentum and lasting change.
- Re-frame rejection: Approaching is an expression of self, and even failures win you stories, courage, and sometimes unexpected applause.
- Mindset matters: Morning routines and self-affirming reminders fuel confidence (“I have a lot more to give”).
- Abundance is a phase: It’s normal to enjoy newfound options; eventually, higher needs (growth, deep connection) will lead most to desire commitment.
- Integrity over comfort: Telling the truth with kindness is both a right and loving act.
- Explore all options: Apps, in-person, and specific communities each have pros and cons—find what aligns with your natural preferences.
- Skills are internal: Social courage persists, even if you step out of the game temporarily.
For anyone on the fence about approaching women, dating authentically, or navigating relationship styles, this episode is reassurance that both the struggles and joys are shared—and that you can level up, stay true to yourself, and still have fun along the way.