Episode Summary: "I Can’t Believe These Are Real: 15 Dating App Openers Men Actually Sent to Women"

Podcast: How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Host: Connell Barrett
Date: February 2, 2026

Overview

In this lighthearted and insightful episode, dating coach Connell Barrett reviews 15 real-life dating app opening messages that men have actually sent to women. Drawing from his expertise and a playful tone, Connell categorizes each opener as "magnificent," "meh," or "mortifying," offering both entertaining commentary and practical dating advice. Listeners are treated to cringe-worthy moments, clever one-liners, and a breakdown of what makes some openers successful while others flop. The episode’s central message is that authentic, playful openers lead to better connections, and that most men set the bar for online flirting far too high—or far too low.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Episode Setup & Categories

• Connell wants to "make you laugh, make you cringe, and give you some really good online dating openers" (01:05).
• He introduces the categories:
  • Magnificent: Exceptional, playful, or creative openers.
  • Meh: Boring, generic, or overly cautious openers.
  • Mortifying: Cringe-worthy, offensive, or inappropriate openers.

2. The "Mortifying" Openers

• Negging & Body Insults
  • "[If] you lost 5 to 10 pounds, you'd be perfect." (02:20)
  • Connell’s take: "Mortifying. If he gained 5 to 10 IQ points, he never would have sent that opener."
  • The recipient’s response: "Does insulting women on dating apps usually work well for you? Genuinely curious."
• Blunt Sexual Requests
  • "Head?" sent on Christmas morning. (07:20)
  • Connell: "On Christmas effing morning. In the immortal words of Shakespeare, what the fuck, dude?"
• Creepy or Overly Sexual Compliments
  • "You got a nice pair of mommy milkers. Just being honest." (14:00)
  • Connell jokes: "Compliment a woman's traits, not her other parts. Definitely not her mommy milkers, which, by the way, was the name of my ska band in college. Yeah, we opened for the Breasty Boys."
• Disturbing and Bizarre
  • "I want to chop you up into little pieces, roast you, and eat you up. You are yum." (17:30)
  • Connell: "Mortifying. And it gives me an idea for a rom com featuring Hannibal Lecter. I'm calling it When Harry Ate Sally."
• Cringey Edipus Complex
  • "You look exactly like my mom when she was younger. And that really turns me on." (25:30)
  • Connell: "My brain broke."

3. The "Meh" Openers

• Insecure Apologies
  • "I'm terrible at the dating apps, but I wanted to say hi." (09:08)
  • Connell: "Don't start with an apology... What if your surgeon said, I'm terrible at removing gallbladders?"
• Generic or Boring
  • "You have a really great smile :)" (12:06)
  • Connell: "Skip the great smile. Compliment opener—makes you sound like a dental hygienist."
• Job Interview Style/Too Formal
  • "So tell me about yourself." (22:16)
  • Connell: "That's like 50 Shades of Meh right there...It's like if you're going to open with 'So tell me about yourself,' you may as well follow up with 'Here's my 401k plan for you.'"
• Standard 'How Are You?'
  • "Hey, how's your week treating you so far?" (24:22)
  • Connell: "If your opener could be sent to anyone, it'll resonate with no one. Something to keep in mind."

4. The "Magnificent" Openers

• Meta/Roleplay & Self-Awareness
  • "Generic greeting :)" (04:22)
    • The opener parodies a typical conversation, with each response labeled (e.g., "suggestive remark," "defensive rebuttal").
    • Connell: "It’s brilliant because it's a role play which women love, but it also hits at a deeper truth, which is that most openers are generic."
    • "If 'How's your day?' was checkers, this opener is 4D chess."
• Humorous/Playful
  • "You're a woman of very few words. Actually, zero. Should I bring flashcards on our date?" (10:53)
    • Connell: "This is a great opener when a woman just doesn't say anything on her profile… It's cheeky and actually makes it easier for her to reply."
  • "Roses are red, violets are blue, I hope my wife doesn't find out about you. Kidding." (15:33)
    • Connell: "The poem is creative, it's charming, and the joke gets a laugh… If you get that woman laughing, then you're 99% ahead of other guys."
• Personalized/Authentic
  • "Hey Katie. Wow, you read the Three Body Problem. That book rocked my world. What would you say to a glass of wine and geeking out over sci fi together?" (19:45)
    • Connell: "He's being vulnerable, he's putting that authentic nerdy self out there… He’s just a sci fi king looking for his queen."
    • On intentionality: "Women love a guy with intentionality… He gave value first."
• Creative Roleplay Related to Her Profile
  • "The motion is: we should go out on a date. You go for, I'll go against." (27:15)
    • Written to an attorney, sparking a courtroom roleplay.
    • Connell: "He's turning the conversation into a fun courtroom argument… By winning the argument, he's winning a date with her."
    • Practical advice: "That's an advanced online dating opener tip. Anytime you can create a fun role play, putting her in a role… you're creating a little world for the two of you."

5. Practical Advice & Pep Talks

• Lowering the Pressure on Openers
  • "Are you noticing how low the bar is for a good opener? …Let this be liberating. You are good enough to write openers that women are going to respond to. All right. You are enough." (18:31)
• The Importance of Playfulness
  • "If you’re going to take away anything from this episode, I want you to maybe go back and think about some of these magnetic openers… Almost every magnetic opener here was playful." (31:24)
• Flirting Mindset
  • "You might think that flirting is all about cool lines or making the right moves. It's not. Flirting is about play. It's not chess. It's tag." (31:55)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On a mortifying opener:
  • "What did he expect her to say? 'Oh my god, thanks! Negging is my love language. When's our wedding?'" (03:10)
• On opening with insecurity:
  • "What if the pilot came on at the beginning of the flight and said, 'Hey, I'm terrible at flying, guys, wish me luck!' Actually, they probably do say that on Spirit Airlines." (09:35)
• On personalizing openers:
  • "What I like about what he did here is he personalized this to her… He’s not being vulgar and talking about her mommy milkers or making references to oral sex. He’s really being himself." (20:43)
• On openers as play:
  • "Flirting is about play. It's not chess. It's tag. That's the game." (31:55)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:05] — Intro to three categories: Magnificent, Meh, Mortifying
• [02:20] — “If you lost 5 to 10 pounds, you’d be perfect.”
• [04:22] — “Generic greeting :)” (meta roleplay opener)
• [07:20] — “Head?” on Christmas morning
• [09:08] — “I’m terrible at the dating apps, but I wanted to say hi.”
• [10:53] — “You’re a woman of very few words. Should I bring flashcards?”
• [12:06] — “You have a really great smile :)”
• [14:00] — “Mommy milkers” comment
• [15:33] — “Roses are red, violets are blue, I hope my wife doesn’t find out about you. Kidding.”
• [17:30] — “I want to chop you up into little pieces, roast you, and eat you up. You are yum.”
• [19:45] — Personalized “Three Body Problem” sci-fi opener
• [22:16] — “So tell me about yourself.”
• [24:22] — “Hey, how’s your week treating you?”
• [25:30] — “You look exactly like my mom when she was younger…”
• [27:15] — “The motion is: we should go out on a date. You go for, I'll go against.” (attorney roleplay)
• [31:24] — Summary of takeaways: Playful, authentic openers win

Takeaways

• The best dating app openers are playful, personalized, and authentic.
• Avoid generic compliments, job interview-style questions, apologies, and anything sexual or creepy.
• Authentically connect by referencing unique details in her profile.
• Flirting is about play, spontaneity, and having fun, not impressing with lines.
• Lower the pressure: You don’t need the perfect opener—just a genuine, lighthearted one.

To see screenshots of openers and responses, visit Connell’s Instagram: @datingtransformation.