Podcast Summary: How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett

Episode: "I Chose My Girlfriend Over Johnnie Walker: Love Lessons from 1,000 Days Sober (Part 1)"

Host: Connell Barrett
Date: November 25, 2025

Episode Overview

In this powerful and deeply personal solo episode, dating coach Connell Barrett marks his 1,000th consecutive day of sobriety. He shares the journey of breaking free from alcohol dependency—how the decision transformed his life, dating, and relationship with his girlfriend, Jess. Framing these insights through the lens of dating and personal growth, Connell emphasizes the universal nature of dependency, offering actionable steps to help listeners defeat their own "glass of Johnnie Walker"—whether it’s alcohol, porn, procrastination, or self-doubt.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Milestone & Its Emotional Impact

• Connell opens by revealing it’s his 1,000th day sober and that he’s celebrating at a Paul McCartney concert with his girlfriend Jess (03:15).
  • Notable quote:
    "Today you're listening to my 1000th straight day as a sober man. I quit drinking a thousand days ago today." (01:33)
  • He draws inspiration from McCartney’s song "Maybe I'm Amazed," paralleling the lyrics with his emotional journey.
  • The decision to become sober was catalyzed by his love for Jess, though she never asked him to do it.

2. The Universality of Dependency

• Even if listeners aren't struggling with alcohol, Connell argues that everyone is addicted to something—be it porn, procrastination, comfort, or self-doubt—which can sabotage dating and personal success (06:05).
  • "Everybody is addicted to something...you're probably dependent on something that's hurting your dating life." (07:17)

3. The Night It All Changed: Jess’s 30th Birthday

• Connell recounts standing at a bar at Jess’s 30th birthday, 30 days sober and ready to "celebrate" with a drink.
  • He describes the pivotal moment: He orders a glass of Johnnie Walker, holds it, and feels a clear aversion.
    • Quote:
      "I looked at that drink and I said, I have no desire to taste this. I thought, what am I doing? Why am I going to toast my sobriety with a glass of alcohol? And I realized in that moment, I don't want to drink this. To me, I see this as poison." (12:46)

4. Addiction Patterns: Negotiation and Avoidance

• He describes the insidious cycle of self-negotiation: always planning to quit “tomorrow”, never following through.
  • Quote:
    "Every night was December 31st for me. January 1st never came." (19:54)
• Connell draws parallels between addiction patterns and procrastination/avoidance in dating:
  • Delaying approaches, gym routines, or breaking habits, always waiting for a "perfect moment."

5. Wake-Up Calls That Forced Change

• Physical and emotional wake-up calls:
  • Choking on vomit after a night of drinking (24:53)
  • Seeing himself bloated and unhealthy in the mirror, hitting 200 pounds for the first time (28:10)
    • Quote:
      "I looked in the mirror and I saw this belly, this big swelling belly, dull eyes. I looked tired, I looked bad." (28:20)
  • Erectile dysfunction not just after drinking, but even while sober—realizing the toll on his relationship with Jess (32:43).
    • Quote:
      "It wasn't her. It really wasn't. It was me. Or specifically, it was the inflammation, it was the toxins." (33:44)
  • Realizing he could lose Jess if he didn’t change: "She never said that to me at all. This is my interpretation, but I needed that interpretation to create leverage on myself.” (39:29)

6. The Book That Changed Everything

• Connell credits Alan Carr’s book The Easy Way to Control Drinking for reframing his thinking.
  • Main insight: Alcohol doesn’t give you courage—"It numbs your fear." (41:55)
  • The idea that alcohol is "poison" stuck with him powerfully: “Why would you want to have one or two glasses of strychnine?” (43:32)

7. Sobriety Tools: Replacing Alcohol with Healthier Rewards

• He replaced drinking with activities that gave him healthier "state changes":
  • Watching movies, listening to podcasts, playing piano/guitar, improv classes (52:00).
• As a coach, he understood and coached himself through the emotional needs driving his addiction.

8. The Benefits of Sobriety

• Immediate improvements: Weight loss, better sleep, improved self-esteem, restored sexual health.
  • No more bloated face, felt "10 years younger," and became proud of his appearance (57:35).
  • "I have not had a single issue with erectile dysfunction in the last 1,000 days. Not once. Proud to say." (58:20)

9. Universal Application: How to Break Any Addiction

Connell presents a three-step framework, applicable to any dependency:

Step 1: Get Brutally Clear on the Cost

• "What is your addiction costing you? What's the emotional toll and what is the measurable toll?" (1:04:20)
  • Example: For Connell, it was self-esteem, health, and risking his relationship.
  • For listeners: Lost dating opportunities, missed relationships, diminished confidence.

Step 2: Fall in Love with the Reward

• Focus on the benefits waiting for you on the other side: Confidence, great sex, health, happiness (1:10:33).
  • Quote:
    "The reward has to be just as compelling in a positive way as the cost is hurtful and painful to you." (1:12:44)

Step 3: Make the New Behavior a Daily Ritual

• "Every day is January 1st." (1:16:41)
  • Recommends incantations, morning routines, daily reminders, and actions to maintain momentum.

Practical Examples:

• If struggling with dating: Take one authentic, courageous risk every day (1:21:30).
• “Take right, authentic, courageous action every day. Take one authentic courageous risk every day. Do that every day for 30 days. You're going to have momentum.” (1:23:20)

10. Reflection and Challenge to Listeners

• Connell encourages listeners to actively identify their own "addiction" or avoidance behaviors harming their dating life and to begin their own 1,000-day journey—starting with a single day.
  • "What is your glass of Johnnie Walker Scotch? And when are you going to put it down?" (1:32:29)

Memorable Quotes & Timestamps

• “I have no desire to taste this. I thought, what am I doing? Why am I going to toast my sobriety with a glass of alcohol? And I realized in that moment, I don't want to drink this. To me, I see this as poison.” – Connell Barrett (12:46)
• “Every night was December 31st for me. January 1st never came.” – Connell Barrett (19:54)
• “It wasn't her. It really wasn't. It was me. Or specifically, it was the inflammation, it was the toxins." (33:44)
• “Why would you want to have one or two glasses of poison?” – (Paraphrasing Alan Carr) (43:32)
• “The reward has to be just as compelling in a positive way as the cost is hurtful and painful to you." (1:12:44)
• “Every day is January 1st.” (1:16:41)
• “What is your glass of Johnnie Walker Scotch? And when are you going to put it down?” (1:32:29)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:33] — The milestone: 1,000 days sober
• [12:46] — The pivotal birthday party moment
• [19:54] — Addiction as a cycle of perpetual negotiation
• [24:53] — Wake-up call #1: Choking incident
• [28:10] — Wake-up call #2: Confronting his reflection
• [32:43] — Wake-up call #3: Erectile dysfunction
• [41:54] — Insights from Alan Carr’s book
• [52:00] — Healthier ways to change state
• [57:35] — Listing sobriety’s benefits
• [1:04:20] — Step 1: Clear view of the cost
• [1:10:33] — Step 2: Commit to the reward
• [1:16:41] — Step 3: Make it a daily ritual
• [1:21:30] — How to build dating courage daily
• [1:32:29] — The episode’s closing challenge

Closing & Next Episode Tease

Connell previews that this is the first of a three-part series on sober dating. Future episodes will tackle how to approach women and date while sober, including handling situations where partners differ on drinking habits.

The episode closes with a dedication to Jess and a symbolic play-out to "Let Me Roll It" by Paul McCartney and Wings.

Final Thought

This candid episode blends Connell’s personal vulnerability with actionable coaching wisdom. Listeners are challenged to reflect on their own dependencies and commit to authentic, value-driven action—starting their own "January 1st" today.