Podcast Summary: "I Got Rejected 567 Times… Which is Why I’m GREAT with Women Now"

Title: I Got Rejected 567 Times… Which is Why I’m GREAT with Women Now
Host: Connell Barrett
Release Date: June 10, 2025

In this compelling episode of the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast, renowned dating coach Connell Barrett delves deep into the transformative power of rejection. Titled "I Got Rejected 567 Times… Which is Why I’m GREAT with Women Now," Connell shares his personal journey, insightful strategies, and empowering philosophies to help men overcome the fear of rejection and foster authentic connections with women.

1. Embracing Rejection as Part of the Journey [00:00 - 08:30]

Connell opens the episode by acknowledging the universal fear of rejection that many men face when approaching women. He empathizes with listeners who dream of confidently initiating conversations but are held back by fears of being perceived as creepy or facing outright rejection.

Connell Barrett [00:45]: "Today's episode is about how to fix that. How to not only get over your fear of rejection but to see it as something that is good for you."

Connell introduces the concept of reframing rejection from a negative outcome to a valuable part of the journey toward finding love.

2. Personal Anecdote: The First Approach and Its Aftermath [08:31 - 15:00]

Connell recounts his own late-night venture into the world of dating in his late 30s. Nervousness overwhelms him, leading to a panic attack before he musters the courage to approach his first woman of the evening.

Connell Barrett [12:15]: "I was about to find out if girls liked me, or at least attractive women on a rooftop bar in New York City in July in the shadow of the Empire State Building."

Despite a less-than-impressive opener, Connell reflects on the experience, realizing that rejection isn't as devastating as he had feared. This pivotal moment marked the beginning of his journey toward overcoming rejection.

3. Understanding the Roots of Fear: Internal vs. External Rejection [15:01 - 22:45]

Connell distinguishes between two primary sources of fear related to rejection:

• Internal Rejection: The belief that a woman's rejection signifies personal inadequacy.

  Connell Barrett [17:30]: "If you're afraid to approach women, afraid of rejection, you're not actually afraid of rejection. You're afraid of what your interpretation of rejection means."

• External Rejection: Concerns about social judgment and status loss.

  Connell Barrett [20:10]: "If she rejects you, you're gonna look socially lower status. You're gonna seem like a creep or a weirdo."

Understanding these fears is crucial for men to dismantle the barriers that prevent them from engaging authentically with women.

4. Rejection Stories: Learning Through Experience [22:46 - 35:30]

Connell shares several personal stories to illustrate how rejection can lead to growth and eventual success:

• The Cowboy Hat Girl: Connell's first approach results in polite dismissal. Instead of feeling defeated, he realizes that one rejection doesn't define his worth.

  Connell Barrett [25:00]: "That wasn't so bad. I can take that. It's just a woman's social reaction to you."

• London Club Experience: Approaching a group of women leads to laughter and self-reflection, emphasizing that rejection doesn't have to be taken personally.

• Vegas Club Encounter: A harsh rejection with the phrase "Fuck off, Ginger" transforms into a successful connection with another woman by flipping the script and maintaining a positive demeanor.

  Connell Barrett [34:20]: "What a powerful moment to get, quote, rejected and laugh, have a good time."

These stories highlight the importance of resilience and maintaining a positive outlook in the face of rejection.

5. Reframing Rejection: Four Empowering Perspectives [35:31 - 45:00]

Connell outlines four transformative ways to perceive rejection:

1. Rejection as a Win: Every approach is a success, whether it leads to a date or personal growth.

   Connell Barrett [36:10]: "Rejection is a win, meaning that every approach is a success."

2. Rejection as Part of the Process: Comparable to a baseball player striking out multiple times but still achieving greatness.

   Connell Barrett [38:55]: "You gotta swing and miss if you want to knock it out of the park."

3. Rejection Isn't That Bad: Most rejections are mild and don’t carry significant emotional weight.

   Connell Barrett [40:20]: "It's not going to be as bad as you think."

4. Rejection Isn't Truly Rejection: A woman's initial dismissal doesn’t amount to a personal rejection, as she doesn’t know you well enough.

   Connell Barrett [42:35]: "A woman who just met you can't truly reject you. She does not know you well enough."

By internalizing these perspectives, men can reduce the fear associated with rejection and approach women with greater confidence.

6. The Rule of One in Three: Setting Realistic Expectations [45:01 - 55:00]

Connell introduces the "Rule of One in Three," a concept inspired by his mentor Owen Cook, which helps men set realistic expectations when approaching women:

• One Out of Three: Approximately one-third of women approached will be highly interested.
• One Out of Three: About one-third will be politely indifferent but not interested.
• One Out of Three: The remaining one-third may firmly decline or react negatively.

Connell Barrett [47:20]: "One out of three women are going to be very interested, if not attracted to you."

This rule encourages men to understand that rejection is a natural part of the process and that persistence will lead to meaningful connections despite the setbacks.

7. Practical Coaching Techniques and Final Encouragement [55:01 - End]

Connell describes his hands-on coaching approach, where he accompanies clients as a wingman, demonstrating that even he, as a seasoned coach, faces rejection:

Connell Barrett [52:10]: "Do not approach a man and woman kissing with that opener. Just know that it's possible."

By showcasing his own experiences with rejection, Connell empowers his clients to embrace vulnerability and approach women without fear.

In his closing remarks, Connell offers profound encouragement:

Connell Barrett [58:30]: "There’s nothing on the line here. Rejection… A woman you approach cannot reject you. You are more than enough."

He urges listeners to take authentic action, embrace rejection as a learning tool, and recognize their inherent worth beyond any single interaction.

Key Takeaways:

• Reframe Rejection: View every rejection as a step toward personal growth and eventual success.
• Understand Fear Sources: Differentiate between internal and external fears to address them effectively.
• Set Realistic Expectations: Adopt the "Rule of One in Three" to maintain motivation and resilience.
• Practice Resilience: Regular exposure to rejection builds thicker skin and reduces fear.
• Embrace Authenticity: Approach women with genuine intent, focusing on being your best self rather than using scripted pickup lines.

Connell Barrett’s candid and relatable storytelling, combined with actionable strategies, provides listeners with the tools and mindset needed to navigate the dating landscape with confidence and authenticity. By transforming their relationship with rejection, men can unlock the door to meaningful and fulfilling relationships.