← How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
I Got Rejected 567 Times… Which is Why I’m GREAT with Women Now
00:38:45
Fear of rejection can make you freeze. It’s why you don’t say hi to the stylish woman at the café or make a move on the date. In this episode of. “How to Get a Girlfriend,” dating coach Connell Barrett gets raw and real about his own fear of...
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Connell Barrett
I've been turned down more than a holiday in bed. Welcome back to the how to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I am your host, dating coach, Connell Barrett. I help men flirt with confidence, get more dates, and get a great girlfriend, all by being authentic. No toxic, weird, sketchy pickup artist moves needed. I'll bet you fear rejection, don't you? I'll bet you would love to walk up to different women, beautiful women, intriguing, stylish women in your gym, at the bar, in the coffee shop. And you'd love to just walk up, chat, flirt. But something holds you back. And that something is, oh, what if she thinks I'm creepy? What if I get rejected? What if she just doesn't want to talk to me? Oh, man, that would suck. That would feel awful. And today's episode is about how to fix that. How to not only get over your fear of rejection, but to see it as something that is good for you. Reframe rejection as something not to avoid, but to embrace as part of. Of the journey to finding love. And I'm excited for this episode because I was talking to my client. His nickname is Hammer. So all of my clients, I give them, well, they give themselves a lower self name and a higher self name. The lower self name is that side of them who feels doubtful and low in confidence around women. And then they give themselves a higher self name. And it's the higher self that I help men wake up and bring to life. So my client, I won't give you his real name. I'll call him John. John's lower self name was like little boy or little bitch or something like that. And his higher self name is Hammer. So I was talking to Hammer yesterday. We were doing a coaching call, and Hammer said, hey, Connell, you know, you're always talking about successes and wins and how you met that girl and that result. What about the rejections? What about the times it didn't work? Why don't you do an episode like that on your podcast? And I thought, oh, my God, Hammer, you are so right. I love talking about rejection because I think it's really important to face what creates the fear of rejection. Face it, defeat it, and then you can come out the other end so much more confident. And today's episode is about me helping you do that. I want to share with you the causes of the fear of rejection. And by the end of today's episode, you're going to have tools at your disposal to become fearless, to become comfortable and confident in being able to. I'm primarily going to talk about approaching women today. But fear of rejection permeates all parts of dating. Going for that first kiss. What if she rejects it? Asking her out? What if she says no and rejects you? What if she has one or two dates with you and then doesn't want a third because she just didn't feel a connection? Rejection is there. It's not something to live in fear of. It's something to face and overcome. And I want to help you do that today quick Housekeeping thing. Just so you know, in mid July, I'm going to be going on a sabbatical from taking on new clients. I'll still be doing the podcast and all my social media, but I'm about to start writing my second book. My first book, Dating Sucks, but yout don't did very well, I'm proud to say. And my second book is all about flirting. It's all about the art of connection, how to create chemistry with anybody. And I'm going to take a few months off from coaching. So if you are looking for a dating coach, if you've ever thought about, hey, I might want to reach out to Connell and see if he wants to coach me or find out if how his coaching works. Please do it before July 15, because after July 15, I'm not taking on new clients. I'll be busy working on my book. So anyway, if this interests you, go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. And if it doesn't interest you, all good. The podcast is here for me to be your podcast dating coach, whether or not we ever work together. Okay, let's get back to how to overcome rejection. And here's a quick story. I never approached a single woman until my late 30s, 38 years old. And so one night in the late double zeros 2009, I finally, I said, tonight's the night. I'm finally going to do it. I hired a coach, paid him thousands of bucks, went to a rooftop bar, and I was so nervous. I was so afraid of rejection that before I even went out to talk to anybody, I first had to go into the men's room stall and I had a panic attack. Started puking, started vomiting up, stomach acid. I wasn't drinking. It was just nerves. It was a panic attack. Hyperventilating and having a panic attack because I was so afraid of rejection. And I'd never approached a woman before. And I thought I was about to find out. Connell, are you what women want? Are you just not enough? That's what I was afraid of. I Didn't know it at the time. And at the time, I just thought, oh, butterflies, nerves, anxiety. But, man, this was identity level judgment day. I was about to find out if girls liked me, or at least attractive women on a rooftop bar in New York City in July in the shadow of the Empire State Building. Anyway, so after my little hyperventilating panic attack, I finally walk up to the first woman of my life. Never cold approached anybody before. I walk up to her, and here's what happened. I had a really lame opener. Hey, what's up? How are you? How's your night going? She's like, oh, hi. I'm fine. And my voice is like, okay, nice. Sure is a nice night. We talked for about 60 seconds. She was tipsy. I remember she was very pretty. She was blonde and wearing a white cowboy hat. So she had a look and she was a little tipsy. She was barely making eye contact with me. She was. She was tolerating my approach. After about a minute, she said, well, all right, I'm gonna go now. Bye, and walked away. She wasn't outwardly rude, but nor was she terribly friendly and talking to me for very much. She made it clear she didn't want to keep talking, and she walked away. I stood there for a second and I thought, that wasn't so bad. Wait, that's what I've been afraid of for 38 years. That a tipsy, cute woman who won't even remember me tomorrow didn't want to talk to me or date me. And I remember, I think I even touched my shoulders, touched my flesh to say, hey, I'm still here. I haven't exploded into dust. I'm corporeal. I'm still human. And I remember thinking, wow, that's not so bad. I can take that. I didn't all of a sudden crumble to the ground and start weeping. I'm not good enough. I was a bit more confident in myself than I realized, I guess, is what I'm saying. Or at least I realized that one woman's reaction to me, one quote, unquote rejection, is not the end of the world. Quite the opposite. It's just a woman's social reaction to you. And later that night, and by the way, after that, I still had nerves. I definitely still had anxiety. I probably still had a little bit of vomit on my lips. But after that first approach with drunken cowboy hat girl, I felt so much more comfortable. I did two, three, four more approaches. Some went well in terms of the woman's response. Some were neutral. Some women were like, like her, not that into it. And then six or seven approaches in. I approached a beautiful blonde woman named Kelly. And that is the story that opens my book, how I succeeded with Kelly. But the only way I was able to approach Kelly and have this incredible win where I left the bar with her and we hooked up. And it was this incredible life changing moment. The only reason I was able to meet Kelly is because I walked up to Cowboy Hat Girl and got rejected and lived to tell the tale. And then I got rejected by a couple other women that night. I was fine, or at least it didn't bother me very much. I also had some really nice interactions. Some women were very pleasant, sociable, they liked me, at least as a person. And then when I walked up to Kelly, there was really instant chemistry and I was comfortable and confident in the moment when I walked up to Kelly. So that rejection earlier in the night paved the way for a life changing approach and a life changing moment where I didn't realize, I didn't realize a woman as beautiful and stylish and cool as Kelly could ever be attracted to me. I was only able to put myself in that situation because of the rejection. So I wanted to share that story so that you can think of rejection in a new way. Don't think of it as, oh man, rejection sucks. It hurts. It might not suck or hurt nearly as much as you think it will if and when it happens, or I should say when it happens. If you want to approach women cold approach women, you are going to have women, quote, unquote, reject you. It's going to happen. So why do you fear it? Why did I fear it? Well, there's two big sources of fear and, and, and anticipation of pain with approaching. Basically, there's two big forms of approach anxiety. These two forces. One is internal, one is external. The internal force is, oh man, if that woman rejects me, I guess that means I'm just not enough. I'm not in her league. I'm not what women want, at least not beautiful women. Basically it's identity based. I'm not good enough. That's why I was hyperventilating in the bathroom having a panic attack. And this is usually the strongest force of approach anxiety. So if you're afraid to approach women afraid of rejection, you're not actually afraid of rejection. You're afraid of what your interpretation of rejection means. You are going to interpret it potentially as, I'm not good enough, I'm half a man, I'm not tall enough, I'm not handsome enough. I'm not charismatic. I suck. If you feel that fear and you feel like you're about to walk up to a woman and find out that you're not good enough, man, it's almost impossible to approach. It's really difficult. So that's one internal force. And then there's an external force which is more of a social judgment. Tell me if this resonates with you. You see a beautiful woman you love to talk to, but she's got friends around her, or your friends are with you, there's other people nearby, and if she rejects you, you're gonna look socially lower status. You're gonna seem like a creep or a weirdo. Don't be that weirdo at the gym who talks to women or who gets rejected by women. I should say so. That's an external force. I didn't really deal with that one as much, although it was certainly present, but to a lesser extent. So there's internal rejection equals I'm not enough. There's also external rejection. Social rejection, socially, in the eyes of others means, who's that weird creepy guy? Loss of status. I have a client named. I'll call him Raymond. And Raymond and I were talking early on, and I said, what stops you from approaching? I said to him, what do you have to lose? It's a great question to ask yourself, what do I have to lose by walking up to that woman? And he thought about it and said, social status. I'll be seen as that weird guy at the club, bothering women or getting rejected by women. But then I said to him, okay, fair enough. But what do you have to lose? What actually do you have to lose? What bad thing could actually happen? And he sort of said, well, probably nothing. And I said, exactly. I mean, other than doing something really socially aberrant and verbally assaulting a woman. Okay, that'll get you kicked out of a bar, That'll get you removed. But you know, you're not going to get arrested by approaching a woman and she rejects it. You're not going to. You're not going to end up on TikTok. You're not going to become some weird guy. What are you going to end up on the evening news? News flash. Man approached woman and she did not want to date him. No, there's no such. There's really no downside, I should say. There's no. There's no real. No measurable cost or loss. However, if your mind perceives a cost, you're going to feel that fear. So the cost for me was, oh, Rejection equals I'm not enough. You might feel that that might resonate with you. Or maybe it's, oh, rejection means I'm a weird social weirdo or I'm doing something wrong socially. So that's the big lie. The big lie that our brains tell us about what rejection means. And in a few minutes, I'm going to give you some brand new ways to look at rejection so we can stop lying to ourselves and start telling ourselves a much more positive, empowering truth about approaching, end quote, rejection. And it'll help you feel so much more free and confident, and it'll make it so much easier for you to walk up to women and get some great dates and phone numbers and experiences. But first, let me share some of my favorite rejection stories, because I have many. I have many, many, many. I remember walking up to a woman at a rooftop bar, a different bar. This one's called 230 Fifth Avenue Place in New York City. And I remember walking up to her and she said, ew, get away. You're my dad's age. That's a memorable rejection. I remember. I think I told this on a recent episode, switching from approaching to a first date. I had a first date once, and it was not going well. And halfway through, or what I thought was halfway through the date, she basically leaves my date and she goes and joins a guy at a different table. She saw people she knew, including a guy she was more. Way more into than me. And she literally ended the date and walked over to another guy. That was a fun one. I remember I went out to meet women in London once. I took a trip to London to work with a dating coach way, way back, circa 2010, I think it was. And we went to a club in the East End. And I remember. I remember some guy fucking with me. Oh, no, sorry. I remember approaching a big group of girls on the dance floor, and my coach made me approach five, six gorgeous dancing women in the middle of a dance floor, dancing to. In the club or whatever was playing in 2010, and basically a guaranteed rejection. He was actually doing it because he wanted me to. To try to get rejected so I could face it and not fear it. And it worked really well. I walked up to these women and he's like, yeah, talk to them. Tell them about where you're from and what you do. And I was like, dude, they're. They're dancing as a. As a gaggle of six hot girls on a. On a. On a club floor in East End London. They don't want to talk to me, he said, exactly, so go do it. Go get rejected. See that? It's not going to scare you. And I remember I walked up to them and he actually made me approach the middle, beautiful blonde in the middle of these five or six British chicks. And he's like, I want you to dial in on her. And you know what? She did not like me. She didn't date me. Nothing happened. In terms of a result, it was actually a blowout. What I call a blowout, a rejection. But she wasn't mean. She was just like, hi, whatever, I'm dancing. Go away. But not in a mean way. And again, I had that same moment that I shared with the cowboy hat girl, which is. Oh, that wasn't so bad. She, she's just a girl dancing on the dance floor. And the girls all kind of like danced away from me. Like a blob of dancing girls danced away from me. And I started laughing in that moment. I was laughing about it. So what a powerful moment to get, quote, rejected and laugh, have a good time. What if you could approach, get rejected and enjoy it? Wouldn't that be something? Wouldn't that open up so many avenues for you and not make you avoid action? Another rejection story. This one led to a success. But. But it's. It was a harsh rejection. I'm in Vegas one night. This actually opens chapter. This, the. The result. The successful part of this story actually opens chapter four. No, chapter five of my book. But here's a little behind the scenes moment. I'm in Vegas, circa 2010, 2009, 2010. And I'm at a club called XS Giant, huge massive club at the Wynn Hotel and Casino. And I'm at Excess and I am taking a lot of action, approaching a lot of women and getting a lot of blowouts and rejections. And I'm not really minding that much because I'm having a lot of fun on my terms. Cracking jokes and being silly. I had these glow sticks, you know. You know, glow sticks are things in bars and clubs. I had a glow stick and I was walking up to women and I was going on guard. Like my, like my glow stick was a fencing sword. I was having. I was trying to have fun and amuse myself. Anyway, I remember that night, the harshest rejection I got. I walked up to a girl and tried to shoot my shot for three seconds. And she said, fuck off, Ginger. Just kind of kept walking off Ginger. I immediately took that and I turned to my right to a different woman who I didn't even know she was there until I turned and I took the rejection and I transformed it into an approach. I turned to this other woman and I said, did you hear what that girl just said to me? She just said, off, Ginger. Can you believe that? But I was laughing about it. I was smiling. I wasn't, but butt hurt. I was. I was philosophical about it, or I was having fun with it. And the new woman I'm talking to, slender, gorgeous. She was wearing a little half belly shirt. It was a Bart Simpsons T shirt, but it was like cut off, revealing like a really taut, tight tummy and a little. A little stud in her belly button. Beautiful brunette. Her name is Nora. And I didn't know that at the time. She's just a random woman. I turned to this woman, I said, can you believe that? That girl just said, fuck off, Ginger. And Nora said, what? That's not nice. But she was like laughing and smiling about it. It was just like a fun, funny, weird thing that happened in the club. And then Nora and I absolutely hit it off. We bonded over both loving writing. She was a musician in an all girl band. She was like the hot girl in an all girl band. She was the Belinda Carlisle of the rock group she was in. They were like a big hit in Vegas at the time. And I'm hitting it off with this gorgeous woman named Nora. And think about how I approached her, though. I approached her using the actual words of rejection that the previous woman gave me. Now the lesson there is you can take an approach. I'm sorry, you can take a rejection and interpret it however you want instead of, I'm not enough, I guess I suck, girls don't want gingers. Which would have been how I thought about it once upon a time. Instead, I went with, that's funny, that's weird, that's absurd. Isn't that funny what that mean girl said to me? And Nora loved me. Like, we really hit it off. We bonded over Hunter Thompson. We both loved Hunter Thompson. We both love music. And because she's a musician, we went back to my hotel room at the Wynn. I played side two of Abbey Road for her because I wanted her to hear Ringo's drum solo. And I talked her through these really cool moments where John, Paul and George are all taking turns playing solos on the song the End. And Nora was really into it because she's a musician, so I'm sharing her this Beatles knowledge. She's talking to me about her musical love and how she became a singer. And then the night progressed to a very nice place and I never would have had that moment and that relationship and the sex and the. And the connection and the fun with Nora had I been butt hurt about Fuck off, Ginger Girl. I just laughed it off at that point. I'd gotten a very thick skin, to quote, unquote, rejection. Another couple quick rejection moments that stand out from my past. One of the things I do with my guys, my clients, is I will start off a night where I'm going out with them as their wingman. So I do in person, wingman approaching coaching, where we go out for a whole night or a whole weekend, and I'm literally side by side, shoulder to shoulder with my clients, and I'm helping them approach women, being a good wingman, giving them things to say, giving them feedback, helping them approach girls. And I love it. It's my favorite kind of coaching. It's the most powerful kind of coaching in the world, and I love doing it. I do it about once a month. And one of the things I'll do with my clients often is I'll start the night out before I have them approach anybody. I'll say, all right, guys, let's watch Connell get rejected. And I'll walk up and I'll do an intentionally difficult opening approach. Difficult in the sense that it's two or three or four girls having their own private conversation, and I'll come over and make myself vulnerable to rejection. And I'm not trying to get rejected. Don't get me wrong. Sometimes it goes really well. But I also want them to see me get, quote, unquote, rejected, and also not care, not give any fucks, because I want them to see that it's possible to not care. And so I'll do that with clients. I had a. I did that once. My favorite was I walked up to a man and woman who were making out at a bar called the Broken Shaker here in New York in Manhattan, and they're having a rooftop makeout. And I walked up and I tapped. I forget if I tapped her or him, but I tapped one of them on the shoulder and I said, hey, guys, can I cut in? And she laughed. And he looked at me like he wanted to throw me off the roof. So, by the way, do not try this at home. Do not approach a man and woman kissing with that opener. I was doing it to prove a point to my guys that you can do some pretty bold, crazy things and nothing bad will happen. But all that said, don't approach a man and woman kissing. Just know that it's possible. It's Something that I wanted to do in that moment anyway. And then one other story is secondhand, but I remember. So my. One of my old approach coaches, a guy named Owen Cook. Owen taught me more about approaching women than anybody did. And one thing he did that inspired me, I remember we were in Miami one night at the Fontainebleau Hotel lounge. This is back 2010ish. 2011at the latest. And he was just kind of. He was giving me some coaching, helping me approach women. Owen's probably approached more women than any man who's ever lived, I would imagine. By the way, Owen Cook, he was written about in the book the Game. He went by the name Tyler Durden. In that book. His real name is Owen Cook. Great guy. Really changed my life in so many ways. I mention him in my book. Anyway, so one of the cool, inspiring things I remember Owen used to do is he would. I would see him walk up to women and he clearly didn't want to. He was in his head, he was nervous or just not in the zone. And I remember he walked up to two women once. And right before he walked up to them, he. He looked at me and gave me a gesture. He put. He did like finger guns to his head. As in, I would rather blow my brains out than approach these girls. I don't want to, but I'm going to do it anyway. That was so inspiring. And he got blown out. Rejected, as I recall, but not in a mean way. They were just like, man, whatever. And, you know, they didn't really want to talk to him. He was showing me that you, nothing bad will happen, that you can still take action even if you're afraid or not in the zone. And, you know, I wrote this whole book about. Largely about approaching. And my book is filled with tons of success stories. On this podcast, I'm always talking about success stories. But I want to be really candid with you. I have had way more women not into me then into me. That's how I got so many wins, is I made myself vulnerable to rejection. I've been turned down more than a holiday in bed. And the reason you can do this or the reason I was able to do it is because I learned how to see these rejections not as failures, but as learning lessons. Lessons to learning or something to laugh about and not feel so bad. If I wanted to feel bad about this, I could. But we want to start seeing rejection in a new way because I want you to know that there's. There's a new way I want you to Start looking at rejection. I'm going to give you four ways right now to look at rejection. Number one is look at rejection as a win. Rejection is a win, meaning that every approach is a success. Because even if a woman isn't romantically into you, that's okay. You're either going to get a date if she is into you, or you're going to grow as a man. And that's a really powerful way of looking at this. Look at approaching as win, learn, not win, loss. Okay, so rejection is a win. Every approach is either a win or a lesson. Second, new way to look at rejection. And I'm mainly talking about approaching, but you can certainly extrapolate this to other parts of dating. But I'm talking about approaching today. Number two, rejection is part of the process. It's necessary. Statistically, most women you approach won't be into you, but a lot of them will. Hey, Mickey Mantle struck out 1710 times. He also hit 536 home runs. You gotta swing and miss if you want to knock it out of the park. Aaron Judge leads the Yankees every year in home runs. He also leads the Yankees in strikeouts. A third new way to look at rejection is rejection isn't that bad. That cute blonde in the cowboy hat, it wasn't that bad. She wasn't into me, but she was more or less polite. She wasn't mean, she didn't throw a drink in my face. She just walked away. And I was. I realized it wasn't so bad. So it's not going to be as bad as you think. And maybe the fourth or the fourth, and I think maybe the most powerful way to think of this is rejection isn't even really rejection. A woman who just met you can't truly reject you. She does not know you well enough. If your serious girlfriend dumps you for your best friend, leaves you for your brother, okay, that's rejection. But if a random woman at a bar, at the grocery store, at a art gallery, if a random woman isn't interested in dating you or is a little bit dismissive, then the worst case scenario is she's either rejecting your technique or which is easily fixable, or she might just not be available or in the mood. Some women just aren't in the mood to have a man come up and talk to her. And so we want to start seeing rejection as just information. It's not really rejection. Okay? And another final, final little system I want to give you. A lot of guys love this system or philosophy maybe is a way to talk about that talk about it is the rule of one and three. There's a concept. Owen first turned me onto this when he was coaching me a long time ago, concept of the rule of 1 and 3, which is that when you get good at approaching women, especially in a venue where there are a lot of single people out, like a bar, obviously, you know, bar, club, lounge, when you get in a good zone and get pretty good at the core fundamentals, then you can expect to have about a 1 in 3 batting average. What do I mean by that? About 1 out of 3 women are going to be very interested, if not attracted to you. They're going to find you charismatic, interesting, and possibly romantically attracted to you. And two out of three won't be that into you. They might be polite, they'll tolerate you for a minute or two, but you can just tell they're not that into talking to you. And every so often, you might actually also get a woman who just does not want to talk at all. So this is called the rule of one and three. Because what you want to do as an authentic man, what I call radically authentic, is we want to channel the best, most raw, real version of ourselves. And it's okay to be a little bit polarizing because only by being more kind of streamlined, like less filtered, are we going to be able to be really attractive to that one in three women who likes your type. And here's a quick story to exemplify that. Think of it this way. Women are going to fall into one of three categories. When you approach well, this is when you do it well and you have some reps and some practice, they're going to fall into one of three categories. It's going to be hell yes. Like Nora, the cute girl in the Bart. The gorgeous woman in the Bart Simpsons T shirt. She was a hell yes. There's going to be a hey, thanks, but no thanks, which is like polite, she'll talk to you, but not interested, not available, no thanks. And then every so often, you're going to get a hell no. You're going to be like, you're going to get your version of fuck off Ginger. Although that was an extreme response. But that will happen sometimes as well. And so think of it this way. Two thirds of the women, once you get good at this, 2/3 of the women won't be into you. I want you to be liberated by this. This means you can brush off the brush offs. They're part of the path, they're part of the process. Right back to a baseball analogy. Famously Many others have said something similar to this. The greatest baseball players in the world fail to get a base hit seven out of 10 times. The ones who fail seven out of 10 times, they are in the hall of Fame. They're in the All Star Game. The rule of 1 and 3 with approaching means that get really dialed in on this. Get confident. Get good at flirting. Take good action. Do the things that I tell you to do. Here on the podcast, Get. Get really solid at this. One in three. Only one in three are going to be super into you. Be liberated by this. That gives you permission to have two out of three not be into you. So you can say, oh, that girl wasn't into me. She, quote, rejected me. That's cool. She was one of the two out of three. I remember when I first heard this concept, and I'm like, all right, the rule of one and three. One will love me, one will be fine, one will be not into me. All right, that's an interesting concept. One night later, I'm at a bar in New York City called the Brass Monkey. The Brass Monkey is in the Meatpacking District. I'm on the second floor of the Brass Monkey, and I walk up to three women, three really cute women. They look like they're probably all mid-20s. And I approach them, I walk up. I remember exactly what I said. Wasn't anything fancy. I walked up and I said, hey, ladies. You guys look friendly. How are you doing? Are you friendly? Girl on the left was polite but distracted. She was like, oh, yeah, hi, we're friendly. But she, you know, she wasn't really, really making eye contact. She was the friendly but not interested girl on the right. Literally. Here, you can watch me on video if you're watching on Spotify. She crossed her arms and said, I am not friendly. That was the hard no. Okay. And then the girl in the middle looked at me with penetrating, sexy eye contact, and she said, you are cute. Boom. The rule of one and three. We got a hell no, girl. We got a thanks, but no thanks, woman. And then the middle one was, hell, yeah. And it was super on with her. And I was like, whoa. The rule of one and three, it's real hard. No, thanks, but no thanks. And then a hard yes. And that was a really powerful moment. So feel free to remember the rule of one and three. Especially when you go out at night, it's going to be a lower batting average in the daytime, because random women out in the world. Yeah. Who knows? They're not really out to meet people, but at A busy, bustling lounge bar. That rule of one in three is absolutely something that applies once you get dialed in and get reasonably solid at approaching. And until you get to that point, it's not going to be one in three. It'll be a lower percentage. Give yourself forgiveness for that. You're not supposed to attract most women. You're doing cold approaching. It's a little, to an extent, it's a bit of a numbers game. Absolutely. But man, the numbers game. I've met girlfriends approaching, I met incredible flings approaching. And I had plenty of plenty, plenty of rejections on the way to all those wins as well. And that's what I really wanted to say to you today is you know who has a lot of dating success? It's a guy who is willing to get rejected. That's you knock on a lot of doors, you get a lot of doors slammed on your face, but you also get a lot of come right in. So don't be afraid of rejection. See it as part of the process. Think of it like a major league player. It's okay if I strike out as long as I'm swinging and know that occasionally you're going to hit some home runs. Most importantly, I want to tell you what I wish I had said to myself that first night, 2009, when I'm panic attack puking in the bathroom. I'll say to you what I wish somebody had said to me. There's nothing on the line here. Rejection. A woman you approach cannot reject you. You are more than enough. You're a great guy, you have a good heart, you're a true gentleman, you have a lot to offer. You don't realize how awesome you are. So don't let any woman's reaction to you determine how you're going to feel about yourself. Know that by taking good, authentic action, being the good man you are, you are more than enough. So, yeah, go out there, take action and embrace rejection. Embrace the life changing power of getting rejected. Because after you do it enough, your, your skin gets thicker. You realize there's nothing to fear, there's no rejection. It's kind of like a lion tamer. Get quote, rejected enough. You keep stepping into the lion's den with your whip and your, and your stool like, ah, gotta fight those lions. Gotta fight off that fear. And then you realize there's no lions, there's nothing to lose. They're just girls, they're just women. No lions, just kitty cats. Okay, thank you so much for this episode or for listening to this episode again. Don't forget if you are looking for a dating coach, you can go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with my team and me and we can talk about if and how I can help you approach women. Get over your fear of rejection and get an incredible girlfriend. But just do it before July 15th because I'm not taking on new clients after that. Okay? Thank you for listening. Be authentic. Until next episode.