“I Thought I Wasn’t Enough… and Then I Met Rachel” (Live Coaching with Charlie)

Summary

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Podcast Summary: “I Thought I Wasn’t Enough… and Then I Met Rachel”

Podcast: How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Host: Connell Barrett
Guest: Charlie “Charlie Hustle” (Former Client)
Date: January 27, 2026

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Main Theme & Purpose

This episode features a live, candid coaching conversation between top men's dating coach Connell Barrett and his former client, Charlie (“Charlie Hustle”). The discussion centers on Charlie’s journey from self-doubt and social anxiety around women to authentic confidence, culminating in him meeting and starting a relationship with his girlfriend, Rachel. Through specific anecdotes, both Connell and Charlie break down the psychological and practical lessons that moved Charlie from feeling "not enough" to acting from his authentic best self, offering actionable advice for men facing similar struggles.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Origin Story: How Charlie Found Connell ([01:51])

• Charlie recounts stumbling on Connell’s book “Dating Sucks but You Don’t” via his roommate. The relatable, humorous approach resonated and led to him reaching out for coaching.
• Quote: “I could take these things that I learned from the book, or I could take this to the next level and just see what’s available.” – Charlie ([02:49])

2. The “Higher Self” Nickname – Charlie Hustle ([03:44])

• Connell encourages clients to select a “higher self” nickname as a new identity to embody. Charlie chose “Charlie Hustle” (a nod to Pete Rose), replacing his prior narrative as “the Underestimated.”
• Quote: “A nickname is not a strong enough word, really. It’s an identity change…” – Connell ([03:54])

3. Core Struggles: Introversion and Self-Doubt ([05:32])

• Charlie describes decades of being “the guy just listening” in groups—introverted, awkward, doubting his social value with women. Though successful in sales, translating social skills to dating felt impossible.
• Quote: “Back then I was telling myself I wasn’t good enough.” – Charlie ([06:41])

4. The Pain of Inaction and “Perfect Opener” Myths ([07:35])

• Charlie often avoided approaching women, rationalizing he’d have “another chance.” Deep down, he feared creeping women out and not knowing what to say.
• Connell busts two big dating myths: that men are “not enough,” and that you must have a “perfect” thing to say.
• Quote: “You just perfectly dialed in on the two biggest myths in all of dating from men beautifully.” – Connell ([09:17])

5. Key Moment: “Wingman Weekend” & First Breakthroughs ([09:54])

• Charlie details a transformative in-person bootcamp in NYC: being “forced” out of his comfort zone, approaching women with Connell’s guidance, and realizing rejections aren’t personal.
• Baseball analogy: even top hitters fail 7/10 times—applies to dating.
• Quote: “When I really learned that, it made the rejections easier because I just move on. You know, that one's not interested. Don’t take it personal.” – Charlie ([11:28])
• Noteworthy segment: Story of “approach, rejection, successful conversation” with two women ([10:38])

6. The Power of Social Proof and Momentum ([13:04])

• Connell and Charlie explain how talking to women confidently in social groups naturally builds momentum and makes future approaches easier.
• Quote: “What you say… as long as it's English, as long as it's normal human communication, that's all you need to do when you walk up.” – Connell ([12:22])

7. Psychological Shifts: “Go for No” and Overcoming Fear ([15:32])

• Embracing “go for no”—actively seeking out rejection as a way to get closer to yes—was game-changing.
• Confidence from dating translated positively into his sales job and general life assertiveness.
• Quote: “If you can train your mind psychologically for that, it's going to be way easier for you… You're also gonna… look more confident around other girls just by your demeanor.” – Charlie ([16:06])

8. The Weekend Experience: Tension, Warm-Up, Becoming Decisive ([21:45])

• Connell imposed immediate challenges: Charlie had to approach whoever Connell chose within 30–60 seconds, breaking the paralysis of overthinking.
• The “warm-up” period, practicing with less pressure, built up confidence quickly; both emphasize that the “lower self” doubts never disappear completely but can be managed.

9. Meeting Rachel: Authentic Flirting & Social Proof in Action ([27:35])

• After moving to Phoenix, Charlie met Rachel through a friend—initially as just an acquaintance.
• Gradually, he used playful flirting during group activities (“messing up” her pool shots, teasing about her technique) to build chemistry.
• He (lightly) used social proof—bringing another female friend to a party—to increase Rachel’s interest (“jealousy”/pre-selection effect).
• Quote: “I decided to enact… the jealousy method… and I could see the demeanor in Rachel change. She became a little bit more interested, a little bit more talkative.” – Charlie ([29:57])
• Connell reframes it as ‘pre-selection’ and ‘social signal’ rather than manipulation.

10. The Relationship Progression & The Confidence Shift ([36:07])

• Charlie and Rachel became official quickly, after just a few successful dates—demonstrating how fast things can move once the “first barrier” is passed.
• The biggest transformation: Charlie feels utterly confident now in his ability to meet and connect with women, even if his current relationship were to end.
• Quote: “I feel like I'm capable of talking to and dating any girl out there… If I did break up… I'd have no problem going back out.” – Charlie ([38:34])

11. Reframing Rejection: From Personal Threat to Growth Opportunity ([39:35])

• Originally, Charlie viewed rejection as humiliating and personal. Now, it’s a neutral outcome—“not personal, just not interested.”
• Quote: “She may just be having a bad day… maybe she's not interested, and that’s okay and you can go on to the next.” – Charlie ([40:46])

12. The 3 “Power Pillars” for an Attractive Life ([43:57], [45:04])

• Connell’s formula for being ready for an amazing girlfriend:
  1. Self-worth/confidence (your “enoughness”)
  2. Fitness – physical and mental
  3. Career trajectory/stability
• If a man lacks the second or third, “please don’t hire a dating coach”—dating success isn’t just about lines or tactics, but holistic growth.

13. Closing Wisdom: What Would You Tell Your Past Self? ([46:02])

• Charlie recommends the program but, more generally, says to “strive to be the best version of yourself” and “just have the courage to get out and interact with girls.”
• Reassures listeners: women want ambitious, self-improving men—don’t underestimate your value.
• Quote: “…just know that, that you're enough… most of these girls you’re never going to ever see again. It's just a one off interaction, but it could lead to something long term.” – Charlie ([47:04])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On self-doubt: “Back then I was telling myself I wasn’t good enough. I’m not outgoing enough to connect with them.” – Charlie ([06:41])
• On approaching: “When I really learned that… it made the rejections easier because I just move on… Don’t take it personal.” – Charlie ([11:28])
• On practice: “Even if you are confident… you need to warm up… it’s the way to take off the rust.” – Charlie ([25:02])
• On authenticity: “…you can just walk up and really commit to the approach and something good can happen.” – Connell ([12:58])
• On rejection: “Now the way I feel is it's just not personal. She's just not interested… and that’s okay and you can go on to the next.” – Charlie ([40:46])
• On growth: “Why wouldn’t these girls want to talk to me? Would these girls rather talk to a guy that still lives in his parents’ basement… or somebody that is driven like myself, focused on growth, being a better person.” – Charlie ([43:44])

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Origin & Intro: [01:20]–[03:44]
• Limiting Beliefs & Early Struggles: [05:32]–[08:43]
• Wingman Weekend Breakthrough: [09:54]–[14:03], [21:45]–[26:39]
• Building Momentum/Warmup Ritual: [24:28]–[26:39]
• Meeting & Attracting Rachel: [27:35]–[36:07]
• Confidence Transformation: [38:34]
• Rejection Reframed: [39:35]–[42:44]
• Power Pillars of Success: [43:57]–[45:17]
• Final Advice to Listeners: [46:02]–[47:58]

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Tone and Style

The entire conversation is friendly, practical, and humorous. Both Connell and Charlie use analogies (especially baseball), self-deprecating humor, and authentic reflections to make the advice relatable and actionable. Connell’s coaching style is direct but empathetic, and Charlie’s anecdotes ground the discussion in real-world experience.

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Conclusion: Actionable Takeaways

• Authenticity beats memorized lines—be “radically yourself.”
• Rejection is inevitable, but never personal—use it as feedback, not a verdict.
• Confidence is transferable: gains in dating lead to growth elsewhere in life.
• Make small, courageous moves; approach, flirt, and date as practice for bigger life confidence.
• Make sure life pillars (self-worth, fitness, career) are handled—then approach dating as celebration, not desperation.

Final Words from Charlie:
“You’re enough to date who you want to date and talk to who you want to talk to. Strive to be the best version of yourself… just try it.” ([47:04])

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Transcript

[A]

I've been dating a long time. I'm not saying I'm old, but I, I, I drove a Model T to my very first date.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome back to the how to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach Connell Barrett. Helping amazing guys get amazing girlfriends and, and doing it by being authentic. And speaking of an amazing guy, I have one on today's episode. I am super excited to be joined today by my client. Technically former client, but my, my former client, we'll call him Charlie. His higher self name is Charlie Hustle, and that's what he's going to go by. Charlie Hustle, Pete Rose nickname from back in the day. And Charlie came to me a while back with some issues, like wanting to approach women but not doing it, some confidence issues. And he just wanted to meet some amazing, credible women and do and not do it as some kind of fake, you know, toxic, fake bad boy. He wanted to be himself. And he's now got an incredible girlfriend. And he's here today to talk about some of his biggest lessons, some of the biggest changes he saw to help you find your girlfriend. Dear listener, so welcome to how to Get a Girlfriend. Charlie, it's great to see you, man.

[B]

Connell, good to see you, too. Glad to hang out with you again. Haven't had a long talk to you much recently, but glad to hear you're doing well.

[A]

I feel like a college professor who's got his graduate students come back to check in on their old professor. I'm a romantic.

[B]

Nothing wrong with that, right?

[A]

A romantics professor, you might say. Well, here we are doing office hours, so tell my listener how the heck you heard about me. I think it's, it's a story that I love.

[B]

Oh, yeah, that's probably one of my favorite stories. So I guess going back to the very beginning, I've been my roommate for the last probably five years or so. He's, he's one of my best friends. And one day, I guess it's almost two years now ago, I came home from work to him sitting on the couch, reading a book and just laughing. And, you know, typically, like, even you don't laugh a lot when you're reading a book. And so I kind of ignored it the first time. But then, like, throughout the night, as it went on, I continued to hear him laugh and he wasn't, like, telling me about it, so I just went up and asked and was like, what are you, what are you reading? And sure enough, it was dating sucks, but you don't. And he started telling me about the book, and he was introduced to it from another friend, but started telling me about, like, different aspects of the book and some of the things that kind of McConnell had talked about. And it was really interesting just to hear that, but also the fact that, like, obviously it was funny because he was laughing about it. And so that led to, you know, me waiting for him to finish the book for a couple weeks. I went ahead and read the book and just loved it. It was very relatable. I could connect to it. And at the end of the book, I sat there and thought about it and was like, well, I could take these things that I learned from the book, or I could take this to the next level and just see what's available. And so I think Connell had contact information somewhere in the book. And so I reached out. I'm a salesman. I talk to people for a living. So I reached out to him and we connected on a call, and next thing you know, I'm a client of his. And so that's kind of how it started. It was really cool. And, you know, it led to a lot of great, great things in my life.

[A]

I love it. And Charlie Hustle, for those of you who are not a thousand years old like me, although you're a young man, you, you know, Pete Rose, a great, should be in the hall of Fame baseball player. That was his nickname, and you chose that. So I have all my clients choose a nickname. It's not. A nickname is not a strong enough word, really. It's an identity change where I like a guy to realize, hey, you know what? You might think that you're not enough. You might think that you quote, unquote, suck, like the title of my book, but dating sucks, but you don't. You're an amazing guy. And I like all my clients to understand there's an incredible superhero inside of him. A regular guy, 10, who Women are going to go crazy for once they meet that higher self. So we went from. I forget your lower self name. Do you remember? Do you remember your lower self name?

[B]

Oh, I don't.

[A]

Hold on. I have notes here. I'm looking at my notes.

[B]

You should have it. We talked about it. Let's see.

[A]

I'm looking at my notes from way back. Let's see here. Obviously, Charlie Hussle is who you became. Oh, the underestimated. Do you remember that?

[B]

I do remember that, yeah.

[A]

Underestimated. And now you are properly estimated, especially by your girlfriend. And you were very properly estimated when you came to New York and Did some approaching. So great story. Thank you for that. Just made me smile ear to ear because even though I'm a dating coach, I'm really just a frustrated comedy writer. So the fact that you were laughing at the jokes in the book, as well as hopefully getting some good value from the advice really made me smile. And so in terms of you and I beginning to work together, what were the main couple things you were looking to. To fix? What were you feeling stuck with in terms of approaching in terms of confidence or anything else?

[B]

Yeah, so I, I'm naturally an introvert. My whole life, I've just kind of got that side of my mom where I'm, I'm a people pleaser, but then also, like, if I'm a circle of people, I'm just the guy there listening. I'm not really the, the first guy like commenting, interacting with jokes and things like that. And so throughout my life, that's kind of affected my connection, at least I feel with girls, because I wasn't always the guy that just kind of went out and talked to girls and went up to them. Even if I, you know, wasn't necessarily like going out to try and connect and date with girls, just new girls that I was introduced to from a friend group's perspective, sometimes it was just like, it was awkward. It felt uncomfortable for me. And so that was really something that I wanted to change because when I was introduced to you, I was actually already in sales and forcing that introvertive side of myself out where like, I was cold calling, interacting with people from a career side and sales side. And I could do that. I was learning to do that. But on the other side of, you know, interacting with girls, that was a lot harder for me to do. And at that time, so really that was probably the biggest piece is just learning first psychologically what I was telling myself, that was not true about myself. Yeah, back then I was telling myself I wasn't good enough. Yeah, I'm not outgoing enough to connect with them or, you know, when I go up and talk to a girl, I just don't know what to say or don't know how to interact with them. It. It feels awkward, things like that. But, you know, on the back end of my, my mind, I always thought there was a chance that like, I had the ability to do that at some point, but I would then immediately get flooded. Like when I would get in those interactions with the mindset of like, nah, I'm just, I'm not meant for girls like that. Like, yeah, I can't I can't get those types of girls.

[A]

So when you would be at the gym or a mall and you would see that kind of girl you would like to go talk to and you didn't do it, what did that feel like in the moment? How do you feel about yourself?

[B]

I mean, it felt, it felt terrible because I, one, I would convince myself, I'll just come back and I'll either one, see her tomorrow, or two, I'll just see another one and I'll do it. I would tell myself that a lot of like another day, no big deal, don't worry about it, you'll get the next one. And that kind of became a continuous thought.

[A]

Amazing, amazing clarity and self awareness. And it really, it's a suffocating feeling to feel like, hey, I'm not good enough or why would she like me? These so many men have this identity feeling like, hey, maybe I'm just not what a really awesome woman would want in her life. So you would see a woman at a bar or the gym or the mall and how, when you wanted to walk up to her but you, you couldn't do it. Gosh, how did that feel in the moment? What got you in your head? Was it about not being creepy?

[B]

Yeah, it was a mixture of a couple things. One, it was the creepy side. I was also just, I would, I would tell myself like I didn't know what to say. I would walk up and shake her hand and say, hey, I'm Charlie. Hey, this is Charlie Hustle. And not know what to, to say after that. I was always concerned about that next steps and, and so that's probably what one of my biggest fears was at the time. Just like not knowing how to communicate with, with girls and.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And take that conversation to something that I would like the outcome to be.

[A]

You just perfectly dialed in on the two biggest myths in all of dating from men beautifully. The perception that maybe I'm not enough. Just bullshit. And also, oh, I've got to think of the perfect thing to say or else I might creep a woman out. So we got the internal story of maybe I'm not enough, which is a lie. You're amazing. Most guys are. And then, oh, I got to say something perfect and incredible instead of, well, something a lot simpler like, let's fast forward, let's jump ahead. It could be an approach. You did during our kind of training program, long distance.

[B]

We did.

[A]

Or maybe there was a moment from the weekend you came to work with me here in New York City. You did the wingman Weekend with me, where we go out and approach a few dozen women. What approach. What moment from that weekend stands out in your mind? Or you're like, oh, wait a minute, I can do this. And some women really like me.

[B]

My favorite part about was definitely the weekend because it was a forced time that I had to do what I was told by you I had to do. I talked to whatever girl you told me to, and I couldn't sit there and twiddle my thumbs and leave. And so thinking back to. Actually, I think I have a video you had sent me.

[A]

I took a video of you talking to.

[B]

There were two girls. I still have that. And I walked up to both of them. Well, you forced me to walk up to them and.

[A]

Excuse me, you.

[B]

I did consent the night before, but we. I walked up and introduced myself. Hey, I'm Charlie Hussle. Nice to meet you guys. And it was just a super easy connection. I. I think I had had a couple other, you know, rejections, moved on earlier in the night. But this one, I walked up and it was really easy, really smooth. Both girls were interested. Yeah, it was a great conversation. We probably talked for a good five minutes. And, you know, throughout the course of the rest of the night, I realized you're not gonna hit a home run on everyone. You're gonna strike out. And as a baseball guy, I know baseball analogies well, and we've talked about this. You know, the best hitters in baseball hit no more than three or 400 batting average, right? Which means what they're hitting three or four out of the 10 at bats. And those aren't even all home runs. Some of those are just base hits. And when I, like, really understood that, and I already knew that, you know, I'm a salesman. I really, truly already knew that. But from a girl's perspective, when I really learned that, it made the rejections easier because I just move on. You know, that one's not interested. Don't take it personal. Go on to the next. And so, you know, I had some rejections that weekend, but I also had some good conversations with. With other girl. Other girls.

[A]

Yeah, I remember that moment. Those were really cute girls wearing these cute tight little skirts. And I couldn't hear your approach opener, but I think it was just something like, hey, what's up? I'm Charlie. I wanted to say hi to you. And they lit up. They lit up because women are going to be drawn to the value of you, not what you say. Huge myth I want to bust right now. What you say as Long as it's English, as long as it's normal human communication, that's all you need to do when you walk up. But so hopefully in that moment, maybe that helped explode the myth of, oh, gotta say the perfect thing. I'm this introvert who's gotta say amazing things. No, you can just walk up and really commit to the approach and something good can happen.

[B]

Right. And just to reiterate that point, it just reminded me of, I think it was the following night we went to another location and we actually had gone out with a couple other guys that, that night together. And one of the, the girls that I ended up walking up to was. She was from somewhere in Europe, I think maybe England or something. And she had very broken English. Like she did not understand it super well. And I feel like that interaction kind of proves your point of, like, what you say doesn't matter because she didn't really understand a whole lot of that conversation that we had. It was very difficult for her to understand. But because I was engaging and we had a good conversation, she enjoyed it. It was a good connection. And so, you know, the, the work, what you say doesn't necessarily matter. It's about them seeing your willingness to go up and talk to them and, and go from there. So just thought of that off the whim. As you were mentioning those comments.

[A]

I'm so glad that you made the baseball analogy or that we're talking about a baseball analogy, because you're right. 3 out of 10 times, if you get a base hit 3 out of 10 times in the major leagues, you're going to be in the All Star Game probably, right? And do that over 10, 15 years. You're probably in the hall of Fame or at least, you know, among the elite players. That means you are allowed to, quote, unquote, fail 7 out of 10 times. But in dating and approaching, so many guys take the approach strikeout as, oh, I guess I'm not good enough for women. Imagine if Derek Jeter struck out a couple times and just retired from baseball. That's what we never would have had that hall of Famer or Pete Rose or whoever your, your hero is. So I like, I love the analogy of baseball Approaching is so much like baseball. You just want to get competent, good enough to get a base hit two or three out of ten times. And also just make sure you're wearing a really good jock strap too. That's important. But no, that makes sense, right? You're a sports guy. Don't you, don't you feel that way?

[B]

Yeah, I agree.

[A]

Not the jock strap part. So tell me when you really started to feel like, hey, you know what? I'm not that guy I thought I used to be. I'm not that underestimated guy. Women are starting to really like me, or at least seeing some really good signs. Any moments that stand out, whether that weekend or other times, other dates, you had other moments.

[B]

I don't remember the exact moment. The weekend definitely put a lot of. A lot of it over the. Over the edge for me, but it was definitely earlier on because it had been a couple months after I had started going through the modules with you that I had started to understand. But throughout the weekend, I guess I'd say the weekend with you really pushed me over the edge because it really reiterated that mindset of go for no. Like, go for go for the no. Because you're that much closer to a yes. And if you can train your mind psychologically for that, you're. It's going to be way easier for you. One, but two, you're also gonna become and look more confident around other girls just by your demeanor. And so I'm trying to think of some interactions off the top of my head. There was one date I went on with a girl that was really, really pretty. But, you know, just the willingness to go up and ask and get the answer no and then go up and ask again and get the answer yes was enough for me just to feel that confidence and, you know, we'll talk a little bit more about my girlfriend here in a few minutes that I could explain some of the things I used. But I didn't have a lot of girls that I ended up, like, getting in a relationship with prior to my girlfriend in between us meeting. But there were girls I had gone on dates with and such. And it was just a mind opener, I guess, for me to get through that weekend and start interacting with girls. And that honestly led to more success in my job as well. Not talk about career, but I got more confident on the phone with sales because I was telling myself, wow, if I can get rejected and not feel anything by women, this client is a breeze. So those things just kind of really helped out as a whole with my confidence and where I'm at now.

[A]

Exactly. This is the reason I talk so much about approaching women. It's not required. You don't have to do that if you're a single guy. Some guys prefer dating apps. Some guys get fixed up or meet women through work. But when you can walk up to a woman and be yourself Be genuine and not use weird fake bad boy pickup lines that aren't you. But also not use pure liquid courage too. When you can just walk up and be you, man, it's like it's a rising tide that lifts all these other boats of life, you know.

[B]

And I'll also add to, you know, I know everyone that is looking to date is looking for different things. You know, some people are looking for short term stuff, some people are looking for long term stuff. Me personally, like, I wasn't really a fan of just like goofing off and playing around. I was looking for somebody to marry because, you know, I was also focused on my career and building my business. And so, you know, there. I wasn't necessarily going around looking for short, short term stuff. And that still, like, doesn't mean this program didn't help me because it really did. It still helped me with my girlfriend that I'm with now. And it helped me with my, helped me with my confidence as a whole and developing and connecting with my girlfriend that I'm with now because I know how to deal with women and communicate with them and then ultimately be confident, which is what they're looking for.

[A]

Beautifully said. I love that. And I love that it's helped you with your girlfriend. And I remember when I first started going out and approaching, gosh, 17, 18 years ago now, I've been dating a long time. I'm not saying I'm old, but I drove a model T to my very first date. Okay, I've been dating for a long time. And when I first started approaching women, I then would go into my journalism job. I worked for Time Inc. Sports Illustrated, Golf magazine. And I remember I'd go in to do a big presentation and I used to, my hands used to shake before talking to a crowded room of co workers. And I remember I'm standing in front of all these people doing a big presentation about the next quarter of media content, of magazine content. And I'm like, like a rock. And I'm like, oh, yeah, it's because I was approaching gorgeous women last night, getting shot down by some, surviving and being stronger and maybe grabbing a phone number or two and staying in touch with that sense of romantic worth I have. And so, yeah, it just kind of thickens your skin in different parts of life. I think you've maybe started to see that a little bit.

[B]

Oh, yes. It's really helped out a lot with all other aspects of my life, even dealing with other business partners and guys if there was a conflict or something in other Situations where previously I would just back down and, yeah, let them have it their way. Now I'm confident enough to voice my opinion and how I feel about something. And that. That confidence comes from things I learned in this program and dealing with girls and not, you know, just dealing or. Or, you know, letting everyone else be happy and not worrying about my own feelings and how I want things to be.

[A]

I think you should approach life the royal you. I know you do it, Charlie, but I think you should approach life the way you approach a woman. Authenticity, courage, playing to win, empathy and kindness. And then the chips are going to fall. That's why I fell in love with this whole world years ago and why I had to teach it.

[B]

Yeah, great.

[A]

Let's go back to the weekend because I want to unpack a couple things. I remember how nervous you said you were at the start. Walk me through the start of the weekend. What were you feeling in your body? For the uninitiated here, it's a. It's a weekend program. I call it the wingman weekend, where we go out for three different sessions. I'm your wingman helping you approach girls. I'm doing demonstrations for you, giving you things to say. Say, go, go talk to her. Go talk to her. I. Yeah, just trying to help guys. As I was telling you about the weekend, like, in that opening little pre brief, before we started talking to beautiful girls here in New York City, how are you feeling in your body?

[B]

Well, I mean, I was definitely scared. It was different than anything I'd ever done in relation to girls before, but I was committed to it because not only did I commit, you know, the time and money towards it, but also I was committed because I wanted to fix this side of me. And I've always been the type of guy that wants to be my best self, physically in the gym or career wise, and then specifically with girls. Like, I've wanted to get the best thing that I can get for myself. I. I never want to be that guy that. That settles. And so, yeah, going into the weekend, I had that mindset of, I'm gonna, you know, do what, do what I do what he tells me to do. I'm gonna listen and follow through. And the worst case scenario is it's an absolute disaster and I leave and never come back. All right.

[A]

Past that very high bar.

[B]

Well, I. So that was the mindset going into the weekend. And then the first evening, we sat down for dinner and, you know, kind of talked about the ground rules and such. And the thing that really got me the most was I. I wasn't prepared for you to tell me that while we're out, while we're out, you're going to point to girls you want me to approach without any warning and I have 30 to 60 seconds to approach or you're going to drag me over there and embarrass me. And that was a little bit nerve wracking, not gonna lie. But it was what I needed. Because if you didn't threaten me, even though it wasn't really a threat, if you didn't say that I, I wouldn't have done it probably several of the times, or I would, I would have hesitated or I would have missed my shot, you know, whatever it may be. So even though I definitely can say I was concerned and nervous and maybe a little bit scared, I was excited for what I was going to learn from the guy who had been training me for the last couple months and excited for, for what I could gain from it.

[A]

I believe I said, you're going to approach every woman I tell you to without question, as decisively as you can. And if you don't do it, I'm going to put you in a headlock.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

And I will, I will literally approach the woman for you, with you under my sweaty armpit and I'll say, hi, this is my client Charlie. He wanted to say hi to you, but he's too big of a pussy. So you chose, you chose wisely. As they say in the Indiana Jones movie, you chose wisely. Well, what moment we talked about those two girls you approached. Do you remember a moment or the night where you just started to feel more comfortable? You started to realize, hey, you know what, there's really nothing really to be afraid of here. Did you have that feeling and when did it happen?

[B]

Yeah, it was, it was definitely the first evening. One of the things we had talked about is like the rhythm and the warm up. You know, you mentioned every night, even if you are confident, which even though I wasn't at the time, but even if you are confident, you need to warm up. You gotta just, you know, go say hi to one girl and just move on to the next. And so during those warm ups, it was obviously very nerve wracking. But after some of the rejections and then some of the good conversations, probably about 30 to 45 minutes into the session, I felt really good. I felt confident about, like I could, I got both answers. I got hard no and I got interest from, from girl. So definitely like, I love that you taught the warmup because even, even for you. I think you mentioned you still warm up, like, even when you go out and, and even knowing all that, you know, you still go out and warm yourself up for a good 20 to 30 minutes because we all need that. Like, it's the way to take off the rust.

[A]

My coach Owen once said this to me and showed it to me. And I don't know if I did it with you, but here's the truth. You go out at night, that first girl, let's say she's a. I don't judge women on a 1 to 10 scale, but just for, for shits and giggles, you see a six, right? And. But she's the first girl you're going to approach. You walk up to her. It's harder to do that first approach of a, you know, cute six or seven girl than it would be to approach a ten at midnight when you've been taking action and get in the zone.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

That momentum, the, the flow state you get into, it's harder to approach a 6, 7 quote unquote, than a, you know, model, attractive woman two hours later. That's what's mind blowing. And that's why we take action when we go out. Because, hey, we're doing it just to get, get in that rhythm to warm up. And then your brain, that doubtful side of your brain turns off that story that says, I'm an introvert, I can't do this. Which is bullshit. But that's our brain talking to us lower self that starts to flip off. And you can be like, hey, I think I'll walk over to these two girls. And then, boom, that's you at your Charlie Hustle self.

[B]

Yeah. I think it's also important to remember that that lower self doesn't ever go away. Like, it's always there. Even when you get that confidence that you have, you still got to fight it. And don't ever think that, you know, I've conquered this. I've. I've dated this many girls, whatever the situation is, that that lower self can't come back and get in the way. And so it's important for you to always remember that and stay focused and engaged.

[A]

I've doubted myself 37 times this week. But, you know, we're all human. We all deal with it to an extent. We just don't want to indulge in that self doubt and go down this rabbit hole of, well, I guess I'll give up on dating because I'm not good enough. Let's talk about your girlfriend. How did you meet and what Moments stand out in the courtship process of you and your lovely partner becoming a couple.

[B]

So I keep this brief. So about a year ago now, I moved from Houston to Phoenix, Arizona and relocated for work. And during the first few weeks of being there, I was introduced to her by a friend that I had actually been to college with. That friend was, was from here. And that first interaction I didn't go into with the, you know, interest of trying to date her. Like, I had just moved here, I was looking to get settled. But I also still reflected on my interactions with, with Connell and how to talk to people. And so I interacted with her in a very, like, smooth way of just, hi, introduced myself, had a brief conversation, and then what about the rest of my day? I would say the, the key part that is that I'd like to talk about that was really helpful with getting together with her was what's, what is.

[A]

Her first name for our listeners? Just so they can put a name to the girlfriend.

[B]

Her name is, her name's Rachel.

[A]

Rachel. Great.

[B]

So I met Rachel that one day, but didn't really engage at all. I had interest in her. She was cute and. And so over the next couple of weeks, she actually ended up being in a friend group of mine. So we were kind of around each other, but we weren't talking a lot one on one. And I just remembered at one point after those couple of weeks, we had talked a couple times, and I was like, you know what? I'm actually going to express interest in this girl.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so I remember there was one time we were playing pool somewhere and I just started to kind of flirt with her, kind of interact with her in a fun way and expressed interest. But I didn't actually ask her out, but it was actually purposefully because I decided I wanted to kind of use some McConnell's tactics and see if they actually worked for real.

[A]

So you're wearing a good jock strap, right?

[B]

I was, yes.

[A]

Great. Get that, get that Charlie Hustle baseball player coming out. Go ahead.

[B]

So I decided to enact or, or use the jealousy method to see how well I could, could make this work. And so anyway, long story short, there was a weekend, actually, I had a friend of mine coming into town and I had no interest in her, but I decided to kind of use her as a prop to be around Rachel and think that, you know, I was interested in her. So we went about a couple activities that, that night, it was on a Saturday night, and I could see the demeanor in Rachel change. She became a little bit more Interested, a little bit more talkative. And I noticed she would follow me around a lot after that night and it was all planned. I just obviously didn't tell her this. And so after that, was the other.

[A]

Woman there or you was. He had just talked about her.

[B]

She was there? No, she was. She had come in for the weekend and I brought her. I brought her with me to the. Okay, the part. The party we were at.

[A]

Okay. So Michael noticed you with this friend. Female friend, correct?

[B]

Correct. Yes. Yes. So then I think a day or two went by and I, I actually had already gotten Rachel's number. I believe I'd already asked for it. But a couple days went by and I decided to. To text her, said, hey, what are you doing this weekend? She said, nothing. I said, hey, would you like to go to this? It was a little theme park because we have in town. And without any hesitation whatsoever, she was like, yes, totally interested.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so that led to us going out for the first time and then that's kind of led us to where we are now dating for about six months. I can fill in the gaps a little bit more, but I had actually talked to her about that that night after the fact. And like everything that she told me was just true. Like she, she was jealous and it made her more interested. And. And so, yeah, it was, it was just really interesting because I kind of used a little bit of a push pull method. I showed interest to her a couple nights before, was a little flirty, and then brought this friend around and then, yeah, it led to where we are today. So it was very cool.

[A]

Using the dark arts, I would say. Yeah, she obviously felt a little bit jealous. I would say you were using something that actually is. It's not so much about. I want to make her feel jealous. There's this concept called social proof, which is that when women see a man who is socially approved of by other people, then she might say that's a very attractive signal.

[B]

Social signal, yes.

[A]

And when a woman sees an attractive woman approving of you, that's called pre selection. Psychologically it means, oh, a woman will say that attractive woman likes Charlie, therefore, or at least approves of him. I therefore I will like him and. Or at least like him more. So I don't think it was so much. She's jealous. It's not like you were kissing this girl or anything.

[B]

No, no, no, I would agree.

[A]

It's a really strong social signal. One of the reasons that approaching can work so well in a nightclub environment or a nighttime venue is you're socializing, you're meeting different people, saying hi to women. Even if nothing happens, other women notice that and they're like, I want to be with the tribal leader. I want to be with that guy who other women and people like. And that's just a really. That's just kind of wired into our psychology. So I think that's partially what was happening as well.

[B]

Yeah, I would agree. I. I would. Now that you say that, I would say that was probably the primary focus. I, I wasn't trying to, like, upset her or anything. And I think the social status was the prime, the primary focus there.

[A]

I remember I was in Vegas years ago taking another coaches program back when I was going through my training. And this woman, I'll call her Alexandra, we were in the flirty stage, but nothing had really happened yet. And then I went over to another section of this nightclub. I wasn't even doing it as a move, but I knew it was a good move and I was hitting it off with another woman. Alexandra comes over and is like, hey, what's going on over here? And clearly was seeing the other woman like me, and that made her more attractive. So, hey, I used it with good intentions. With good intentions. By the way, how. What were your flirting moves or strategies with. With Rachel, like when you were playing pool, when you're. When you were flirting with her. What. What worked? What did you feel good about flirting?

[B]

Wise. Oh, man, it's been a little while. I'm trying to remember specifics. I do know that I do remember one or two things I did. I made fun of her or, like, missed shots or the way she held a pool stick.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I also would, like, try to mess up her shot sometimes. Whether it be like, hold my hand in front of the ball or like, hit her stick as she was trying to shoot. I remember those were two things. I did love it.

[A]

Yeah. When you're doing an activity date like that, like pool or anything that has a competitive piece to it, it's fun to bust, bust balls, tease, joke a little bit. If that's authentically you. Within reason.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm a natural born smart ass. So I loved roasting, you know, gently but playfully roasting women on first dates. And some women really like it. And clearly she must have liked it. I mean, she liked you, but it helps. It's sort of like the cake. Is Charlie who you are? Good guy, big heart, sweet, gentle, kind, intelligent guy, ambitious. That's the cake. Flirting is the frosting. And you gave her some frosting that she liked the Taste of.

[B]

Yep, There you go.

[A]

How did you become boyfriend girlfriend? Did it just happen naturally? Did you two have a talk after a few dates or a couple months, and then you just said, hey, let's be exclusive. How'd that, How'd that happen for you?

[B]

It happened really naturally. I mean, as I said previously, I'm very serious about dating for real. And so we went on a few dates. We went, obviously went on that first one, but then we went on a few dates after that and we just hit it off really well. And, you know, that barrier had been broken after that first date. And that's another key is, you know, we talk about freaking out about those first interactions, but once you break the barrier and you can get one little snippet of interest from the girl, she sees who you are, and if you're a great guy and you have good heart, it can lead to something fast, which it did for, for us. So we ended up, I think, going on three or four more dates and became officially boyfriend girlfriend within a month. It was a very quick change of. Of pace.

[A]

What's your favorite keep. Keep your answer G rated, please. What's your favorite thing to do with your girlfriend? What do you guys love to do together? Okay, PG's fine.

[B]

Honestly, I just, I love being around her. I love hanging out with her. She's very sporty as well and super competitive. And so doesn't really matter what we're doing, whether it be playing sports, playing cards, hanging out with the family, there's always a competition involved. And so we just make it. We make it a fun game, whatever we're doing, and it makes the relationship more fun.

[A]

I remember when I was in your shoes and going out and meeting women and then getting my first girlfriend. Once I really figured this out, I remember feeling, wow, things are different than I thought they were. I thought, I'm a shy, nerdy guy and I couldn't approach women. They didn't want me. They wanted alpha males. But then I realized, you know what? A lot of women love a cool guy, a normal, intelligent nerd like me to come approach them. And I felt like a new man. I want to ask you the same question. If you had to describe, oh, what's. How have you changed? What's the big transformation from how you used to feel to how you came to feel about yourself and your attractiveness to women?

[B]

I mean, I'm obviously in a relationship now, so I'm not going out and interacting with a bunch of the girls, because I take that seriously. But from a Confidence level. I feel like I'm capable of talking to and dating any girl out there. I can, I mean, at this point, like, if, if I did break up with my girlfriend, which I don't plan on doing, we're doing very well. But if I did break up my girlfriend in the coming days and months, I would have no problem going back out and interacting with other girls and finding, you know, what, what, what the right one is for me. If, if she didn't end up being the right one because I now have the confidence and the mental understanding that I can interact with any girl.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And is that going to lead to rejection? And knows, of course it's part of the game, but I know now that that just leads to the next. Yes.

[A]

I love it. One more question for you, then you can say anything else you want to share. How did you used to feel about what rejection meant from an approach or a date versus how you then, at the end of our time together, saw rejection? How did it, what did it used to mean to you and what did it mean to turn into.

[B]

Yeah, it used to. I convinced myself in the past that it, it meant complete and total humility. Or. Yeah, complete and total rejection just meant like, I'm gonna get humiliated in front of this girl. Maybe even a little bit disrespect and that, like, it's going to leave me worse off than the way I am just not talking to this girl, whether it's in the gym or at a restaurant in the mall, whatever it may be. I felt like if this went south or went wrong, I would not be in a good place mentally. But also I felt like she would, she would just, just reject me and make me feel bad about myself. Now the way I feel is it's just not personal. Just she's just not interested. Or maybe she is interested. She's just been asked by five other girls that other guys that night, and she's tired of talking to you guys. So just remembering, hey, this may not be personal to you. She may be having a bad day. She may be going through something and that doesn't mean she doesn't think you're cute or out of interest. She just doesn't want to talk to you and maybe she isn't interested and that's okay and you can go on to the next.

[A]

Perhaps the most powerful shift a guy can make other than going from I'm not enough to hell yeah, I'm enough. The second most powerful shift is changing the way you see quote unquote, rejection and turning it into rejection equals I'm unworthy and nobody wants me. So I guess I better marry this plastic real dollar or become a monk instead. And instead changing the meaning to oh, she just wasn't in the mood to be approached, or I'm not her type, or my approach sucked, but I'm awesome. Sometimes you get blown out because your approach sucks. That doesn't mean you suck. That's why my book is called Dating Sucks, but you don't. It's like, oh, your approach might have sucked, your profile might suck, but you're fucking awesome. So that's the reframing rejection takes away. It's almost like we think we're going out to meet women and we're gonna, we're going into the lion's den. So we got our chair and our whip, but actually you're going into a room full of cats. Kitties. They might mew at you. Some will purr, some might hiss, but most, most of them are just gonna be cats. And you're like, wait, there's no lions here. There's just some kitties. And then you just, you know, some, some want you to pet them and some don't. But then you realize there's nothing to be afraid of. Nothing's going to bite my face off. And it just becomes a lot easier. I became a cat dad recently, so I use a lot of cat analogies.

[B]

Hey, that's good. I like it. It works. I'll also say another thing I, I realized too, and I don't want to go on a long rant about this, but especially in our world today, a lot of guys are just losers. There's a lot of.

[A]

See cats.

[B]

There's a lot. Oh, perfect.

[A]

I'm all about cats. Okay, what were you saying?

[B]

Okay. There's just a lot of guys out there that are not motivated, they're not driven, they aren't working. And that helped me realize that, like I am trying to be all those things physically, mentally, career wise. And why wouldn't these girls want to talk to me? Would these girls rather talk to a guy that still lives in his parents basement at 30 years old and plays video games all day? I'm not saying that's everybody, obviously, but you know, somebody that is driven like myself, focused on growth, being a better person.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

You know, I kept, I also, I learned to tell myself, like, girls want guys like that and they're looking for the best version of, of guys and the best version of yourself.

[A]

Yeah, I was just talking with my personal trainer Zach about this exact Topic, Charlie, we were talking about, because I work out a couple times a week. Look, I'm not a big, muscular guy. I, you know, 172 pounds, my muscle tone, you know, nerds on the beach kick sand in my face, okay? But I work hard to try to be fit. I work on my business slash financial life, career. And there's three big, powerful pillars a guy needs to have handled if he really wants an incredible woman. Number one is he's got to be in touch with his enoughness, his worth, as we've been talking about, he's gotta. He's gotta uncover his Charlie Hustle or his Connell Barrett, my higher self. Name. The second pillar is fitness. Physical and mental. You gotta, you know, gotta be somewhat fit or at least be working on it, being feeling fit and vital. Why would a incredible, gorgeous, quality woman want to be with a guy who's, you know, smokes and is 60 pounds overweight? No disrespect to men who deal with that, but he's not playing at his top game. And the third pillar would be career.

[B]

Just.

[A]

Does he have a stable job? Does he have a plan for a stable job? So, yeah, those three pillars have to be there, because if you want an incredible woman to be part of your life, she's got to see a life that's pretty incredible to be part of.

[B]

Yep, 100%.

[A]

And you have all those handled. And so that's even more reason for a woman to look at you and go, oh, yeah, he's confident in himself now. And, oh, yeah, career ambitious, playing to win in sales and your fitness. And, yeah, you're in a great place. Last parting shot.

[B]

I'll.

[A]

I'll take off my dating coach hat and put it on you for the last word part. Parting advice. Shift words of wisdom from Mr. Charlie Hustle to the guy who's listening to this, the guy who's listening to this thinking, man, I don't know how to talk to girls. I'm introverted, I'm shy. I've never really dated much. What would you say to him? I'm not saying besides work with me. I just mean your advice. How do you give that guy hope and help?

[B]

Yeah, I mean, I'll just say, especially speaking from the program perspective, it was 100 worth it for me. Like every. Everything that I invested into Connell's program was worth it. I mean, even today, being about eight months into my relationship, it helps me even more so now because I know that I want the best girl and be the best version of myself. And that Keeps my relationship with, with Rachel in check because she knows that like I'm looking to date the best. And so that makes her push to want to be the best so that she can stay with me. Because if we're not growing on a same or similar level, then you know, I'm going to run off in front. And so there's, there's parts of Connell's program that obviously help me with the prior self, the lower self.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But there's also parts that continue on to help me. So for anyone that's, that's even considering that I highly encourage at least setting up a call with Conan to talk through, to talk to three talks to talk through those things. But also just a separate parting word. You know, even if you don't decide to invest in Connell's program, just know that, that you're enough, yeah, you are enough to date who you want to date and talk to who you want to talk to. And you should not only one, strive to be the best version of yourself if you're not only, but two, get out and interact with girls. Yeah, and just try it. Most of these girls you're never going to ever see again. It's just a one off interaction, but it could lead to something long term. That's an interaction that even leads to a potential girlfriend with someone you meet in the marketplace just because you had the courage. So I highly recommend just having the courage to do that because it'll not only help with your dating life, but it will help with every other part of your life.

[A]

Amazing. And I'll say one more thing. And look, I don't want this to be an infomercial. In fact, my program is not enough for guys if they don't have their fitness and mental health relatively handled. It's not enough if for a guy who's struggling in his career, you got to have your shit together to have an incredible girlfriend. So how to get a girlfriend? Get your fucking life together as best you can. Those three power pillars are you got to have your fitness, mental and physical relatively handled. You got to have a career, a job, or at least the plan, right? You have to be on that path of career success or just stability. Not a millionaire, just stability. A girl I dated briefly once said, oh, a guy with a solid job, he gives us a lady boner. Like, yeah, great. And then the third pillar would be, oh yeah, you gotta get that self confidence and be able to flirt and chat with women. So those, if you, if those first two, if the, if the other two things aren't handled, then please don't hire any dating coach of any price. They're not going to help you the way that you really need. But if you have those other things handled, then cool. Then let's get to work on your flirting and approaching confidence. And that's. That's where the fun really starts, as you found out. Amazing, man. Let's end with a pop quiz. You're a baseball fan, right?

[B]

I am.

[A]

You're Charlie Hustle is your higher self name, right?

[B]

It is.

[A]

All right, I'm gonna ask you some baseball trivia questions.

[B]

Oh boy.

[A]

How good you are. I just, I'm making these up. I mean, I'm not making them up. I'm improvising them. Okay. Who won the 1990 World Series?

[B]

Who else? Before I was born?

[A]

I'll just hint your name. Play for him. Them.

[B]

The Cincinnati Reds.

[A]

Exactly. All right, that was an easy one. Okay, who is the. Who is the current leader? Who is. Who has hit more home runs in one season of baseball in the American League ever? Who's the all time single season home run leader?

[B]

I believe it's Charlie Hustle. Is that right?

[A]

Okay, I'm deleting this episode. I'm ghosting you.

[B]

No.

[A]

Pete Rose, great, great hitter. He was the all time hits leader. Pete Rose. Aaron Judge is the all time home run champion. Sorry. At least for the American League, he, he eclipsed Roger Maris a couple years ago and I love that. Not to always drag things back to dating, but Aaron Judge for the Yankees led the team in home runs. He also led the team in strikeouts, which is a kind of elegant gotta play to win in dating, in approaching sometimes.

[B]

Babe Ruth.

[A]

Exactly. Exactly. That was my last question. Who won? Who hit 60 home runs in 1927?

[B]

Babe Ruth.

[A]

Hell yeah. I'm reading this amazing book about the 1920s. Babe Ruth. Oh my God. Babe Ruth. The stories are absolute legend. I don't just mean his baseball prowess like, you know. Did you know he slept with Lou Gehrig's wife?

[B]

I did not.

[A]

They had a falling out. Babe was basically hooking up with Lou Gehrig's wife. Yeah, he was, he was this, this incredible force of nature on the field, but also off the field, he was just like drinking, partying, sleeping with players wives. He needed, he needed some inner work, I think. Who's your favorite team, by the way, Mr. Baseball Fan?

[B]

I am a Houston Astros fan.

[A]

Oh, how. How are they looking for this coming year?

[B]

Do you think that is a. Still in question? Okay, we, I think we're approaching a rebuilding year, so maybe not a lot of moves made. Just some farming.

[A]

Okay, who's your last question? Who's your favorite player? Current or path? You have a favorite.

[B]

Oof. My favorite player. I say one of my favorite players is actually on the Astros, Jose Altuve.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

He reminds me just a little bit about myself because he's 5 7.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

One of the shortest guys ever, and he still makes it happen. He makes it work. And I was always one of the smaller, if not smallest guys on my team.

[A]

Yeah, you're like five eight or so.

[B]

Yeah, a little over.

[A]

Okay. Five, eight, five nine. That's another great thing that some guys struggle with. Oh, I'm not six foot, but again, that's one of those limiting beliefs.

[B]

Not a requirement.

[A]

Exactly. Clearly. Anyway, Charlie, thank you so much for joining us on the podcast. And yes, like he said, if you do want to talk about how my dating coaching works, and you do have your life pretty much in order, I only take clients who have their shit together because that's what women want. But if you struggle with things like confidence issues, not sure how to flirt, getting friend zoned, all that, all those things that guys struggle with, just go to datingtransformation.com and we can talk. And if not, just come back for the next episode and there'll be more. More good stuff. Charlie, thanks so much for being here, bro. You're the best. And you're.

[B]

Thanks for having me.

[A]

You're my dream client. Thank you so much for being a great client.

[B]

Have a good day.

[A]

You got.